Marked
by Whitlock-Masen
Summary: Edward Masen is a self-sufficient, independently wealthy man with a PhD in Social Anthropology. When he meets a man named Jasper, he is shaken by the disappointment he feels when Jasper is apparently an impossibility. ExJ, Slash, OOC
1. You Really Got Me

**A/N:** We have been anxiously awaiting the posting of this chapter for awhile now – thank you so much for being patient! We wanted to have a backlog of chapters before we began so there will, hopefully, be few interruptions in our posting schedule. We're going to try to post every Sunday morning.

Thank you so much to our betas, **AHelm** and** kimberlycullen10**, and to our prereader, **EchoesOfTwilight**, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!

We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do.

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**EPOV**

A tinkling bell sounded as I pushed open the glass door of Black Ink and stepped into the familiar tattoo parlor. The smell of oiled leather and ink battled with astringent and cleaning supplies, all nearly masking the underlying hint of cigar smoke to create that unique fragrance I'd come to appreciate. Taking a quick look around, I noticed that a typical assortment of patrons were spread around the shop in the semi-private booths – college kids getting their first rebellious tattoos, an older man nearly covered in ink having more added to the back of his neck…and there, in the far booth, was exactly the person I had come here to see.

Billy Black was tall with deep russet skin weathered by time and too much smoking in his younger days. Strangely, his teeth were untouched, a brilliant white that he showed often in his easy, friendly smile. His black hair was pulled into a ponytail at the base of his neck held back by a leather thong, and tattoos covered much of his exposed skin. He preferred his own ink to be primarily black, so there was very little color to be found anywhere in his personal designs.

He was standing with his back to me when I walked in, putting the finishing touches on a bandage for one of his customers. I hung back, waiting for him to clean up so I could go talk to him, but when he stepped to the side, I smiled at the familiar face that turned to look up at him as she spoke.

I walked to the low dividing wall and leaned against it on my elbows, grinning crookedly as I greeted them. "Hey Alice, Billy…"

"Edward! It's good to see you!" Alice flashed a smile at me and then turned back to Billy, stretching up as high as she could to hug him. He chuckled, a deep rumbling sound in his chest, and leaned down, hugging her close. She was easily a foot shorter than he was, but her hair was the same shade of black. It was chin-length and brightened by subtle streaks of deep purple that somehow seemed to play up the gray of her eyes. She was wearing a yellow tank top that revealed a scrolling, floral design covering her left shoulder and dipping down into her shirt. The bandage was over the base of her neck, bunching up as she inclined her head over Billy's shoulder. She kissed his cheek before she turned around to pick up her button down shirt from the wall beside me.

"Oh! Stay right here, young lady…I nearly forgot…" Billy wandered off and then glanced over his shoulder, calling out, "Hey, Edward…I'll be right back." Muttering to himself, he headed toward the back. "Sue'd skin me alive…" was the last we heard before Alice turned her playful grin to me.

"What the hell are you doing way over there?" she asked, and I laughed, shaking my head as I walked around the wall and into the booth to give her a hug. I leaned back against the low wall, resting on the ledge as she put on her shirt and began buttoning it up.

"How's Rebecca?" Remembering the two of them brought a smile to my face. It had been a few months since I'd seen Alice, but the warm hug I'd seen her give Billy and the fact that she was having him do another tattoo for her made me feel like it was a pretty safe bet that she was still dating his daughter.

"She's great," Alice answered with a warm smile before she sighed. "She just left to go visit Rachel for a couple of weeks…I'm trying to be a big girl and just be happy she's getting to see her twin, but I already miss her." She wrinkled her nose. "So I decided to go ahead and have some work done while Becca's gone…" She kept talking, telling me about the project at work that had kept her from joining her girlfriend. Everything about her from the way she spoke to the set of her shoulders to the soft smile that graced her lips when she said Rebecca's name spoke of her contentment, and I found myself feeling a little jealous.

The feeling was uncomfortable, making me almost grateful when Alice suddenly said, "So where's that handsome man you were always bringing around here?" The subject was one I'd rather not talk about, but I could tell from the understanding look in her eyes that she already sensed something even though she kept her tone light.

I grimaced, saying simply, "We're not together anymore."

She frowned. "I'm sorry…" Her eyes were alight with curiosity and concern, but she didn't push, which made me all the more willing to talk.

_Wonder if she knows that shit about me…_

I shrugged and said, "It's for the best, I guess. We weren't really a good match."

"But you always looked like you had so much fun together! What happened?" Her eyebrows were pulled down, matching the frown on her lips.

I gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah, that was sort of the problem. All Alistair ever wanted was to have fun, but I wanted…more." _To settle down. To have a family. _ "We just finally got to the point where we couldn't compromise anymore…"

I watched as she nodded sympathetically before her eyes widened. "Oh!"

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow, amused at her change in expression.

"I think I know the perfect guy for you! He's smart and funny, and he's got a smile that just…" She didn't finish, just shaking her head and humming appreciatively. She gave me an appraising look, leaning back slightly and putting her hands on her hips as she pursed her lips. "How do you feel about blonds?"

Laughing, I shook my head in amazement and said, "That's never really mattered much to me, but I know how I feel about blind dates…" I trailed off and watched as her face fell. "Sorry, Alice, I just really hate them…walking into a restaurant, looking for some random guy I don't know…" _And then having to spend all night listening to some guy who bores me to tears talk about the stock market or whatever the hell else he's into. _ I made a face. "Thanks, though. I appreciate you looking out for me."

She opened her mouth to protest, but I quickly interrupted, changing the subject, "So what did you have done today, anyway?"

Her eyes brightened, but she looked at me shrewdly for a moment before she reached over, picking up the design sheet and handing it to me. I chuckled quietly. "Is that a Moogle?"

"I'm impressed!" She winked at me. "Yeah, kind of a long story, but let's just say Becca will understand?"

I nodded, laughing as I handed the design back to her. She let it fall back onto the counter, and I decided to tease her as she was straightening her collar. "You know, you still haven't posed for me."

She wrinkled her nose again as she said, "Yeah, I know…I've just been so busy!" She began explaining all the things she'd been doing on the job as well as the volunteer work she did at the women's shelter. I watched her as she spoke, noting again the piercings in her ears and the tattoos scattered over parts of her body. Unlike most people, Alice never got a tattoo without some deeper meaning behind it, and I knew that there was a story to go along with every bit of ink etched into her skin. She really was a beautiful woman, petite with delicate, animated features and a bright smile, and I could easily understand the attraction Rebecca felt toward her – those qualities transcended gender. My musings were interrupted when I realized that Alice was trying to apologize for not being in touch sooner. "I'll try to call as soon as this one heals…" she promised, but I shook my head with a smile.

"It's completely fine, Alice, really…but you know…" I gave her my crooked grin and saw her smile broaden in response. "Maybe we should do a session with you and Rebecca both. I know she's not nearly as inked as you, but the two of you together would make a great addition, I think."

Her eyes widened along with her smile, and she said, "Oh, we will _definitely_ call…"

She was interrupted by Billy returning, dragging a cooler on wheels behind him. Alice said, "What in the world…?"

Billy just shook his head with a smile and said, "Sue." Alice's smile was beaming when he continued, "She didn't want you going without a home-cooked meal while Becky's gone."

Alice laughed, throwing back her head as her eyes danced. "And she knows I won't be cooking," she finished for him, giggling again. "That is so sweet! I'll have to call and tell her thank you."

She glanced down at her watch and frowned. "Shit, I gotta go…" She stretched up, kissing Billy on the cheek again before she hugged me quickly around the waist. "Thanks, Billy, for everything," she threw over her shoulder with a grin as she picked up the handle of the cooler and began rolling it out of the shop.

"Need any help with that?" Billy and I asked as one.

Alice just laughed and shook her head. "I got this. Thanks, though. See you later!"

The door swung shut behind her, and I glanced over at Billy. I caught him watching her with a fond smile before he finally turned to me. "So what brings you here, Edward? You didn't have an appointment, did you?"

I shook my head with a smile. "Nah, no appointment. Just came to talk to you."

Billy's eyes were mischievous as he grinned. "I didn't think so…the ink can't even be dry on that torch yet."

I laughed. "Yeah, I won't be getting one there again. Who knew I was so goddamn ticklish?" He had recently finished a tattoo of a torch and garland – a nod to Hymenaios and my own personal reminder that my next boyfriend needed to have the same goals I did – on my lower abdomen, and I had actually fucking _giggled_ the entire time. Every time his fingers brushed the skin just inside my hip, I twitched and tried to jerk away. Billy was exasperated and amused, and it had easily taken twice as long as it should have. I chuckled again at the memory, and I saw him smile and shake his head. "I actually came to ask you if you'd mind if I talked to a few more of your customers. I finally got all the other pictures developed, and I've got a good layout going, but I think I need a few more to really fill it out."

He said he didn't mind at all and that he couldn't wait to see my book when it was finished. I'd been working for the last year on a picture book of tattoos and graffiti, for once actually using my background in social anthropology as I studied the way people chose to permanently mark things – overpasses, subway stations…their own bodies. It was fascinating to me and a bit of a personal study as well, as I was definitely one for body art. I had several tattoos and piercings, and it always seemed like I started thinking about my next just as soon as one healed.

Billy was teasing me about that tendency, saying, "You know I don't mind. Jake's costing me a damn fortune right now, and your new obsession is helping put him through school." He flashed me that easy grin.

"How is Jake?" I asked. He sighed and began filling me in on the latest news about his only son, who was attending business school. He hoped to take over the tattoo parlor some day, and Billy had great expectations for him…though right now, he spent a lot of time bitching about him as well.

The whole time he was talking, he was in motion. He cleaned up the instruments from Alice's tattoo and brought out new ones encased in plastic. He straightened things up, muttering to himself about the things he needed in between telling me all about his family.

As we spoke, the tiny bell over the door rang occasionally, and I glanced over my shoulder each time, a reflex reaction to the sound. I watched as a pair of barely legal girls entered and giggled their way over to Austin's station. He was a good-looking guy, extremely well-built, and he'd apparently earned quite a reputation in the sororities because a steady stream of girls poured into Black Ink…all heading straight for him. Oddly, he was a bit of a misanthrope, but I guess his silent, brooding stare added to his facial piercings and the tattoos spread over most of his skin to create a dangerous appearance they found alluring.

Well, so did I, to be perfectly honest. But Austin wasn't a possibility, and his personality wasn't exactly something I was interested in anyway.

I smirked, turning back to Billy, who grinned at me. "He's good for business…" He winked with a chuckle.

We spoke for a few more minutes, with me following behind him as he moved to the counter at the back of the room, just before the private booths. He disappeared from sight as he squatted down, and I heard the rattle of a few sacks. I leaned forward, resting my weight on my elbows as we chatted idly.

He finished whatever he was doing behind the counter and stood again, his eyes widening. Then he said, "What do you think…?" and I looked at him curiously. He looked pointedly over my right shoulder and jutted his chin in that direction, prompting me to glance back.

I saw a beast of a man, ripped like no one I'd ever seen in person, lifting his arms to pull a Boston College t-shirt over his head. He tossed it to the side and ran his fingers through his hair, and when he dropped his arms by his sides, they were too bulky to even lie flush. As he went to sit in the leather chair, I turned back to Billy, rolling my eyes. "The Incredible Hulk's not my type…sorry." _Besides, that fucker looks too much like Emmett_. I gave a mental shudder as I smirked. "But thanks, man…good to know you're looking out for me."

Billy chuckled and shrugged, saying, "I just thought maybe you'd be looking for a date." His eyes were dancing, a mischievous gleam in them as he teased me. He grew more somber, though, as he said, "Seriously. Isn't it time?"

I groaned. "Not you, too. Kate won't fucking leave me alone, and even Alice tried that shit earlier. Besides, I _am_ dating, but hell if I can find anyone halfway interesting." I shifted my shoulders, grimacing. "I'm not good at dating just to date."

Billy nodded along as I spoke, and his eyes drifted to the door, making me realize I'd been following him around for close to an hour as we talked. I drummed on the countertop, still leaning against it, as I told him I should probably get out of his way. He frowned at me and started to protest, but I just thanked him again for letting me talk to some of his customers. I reached out to shake his hand, saying, "I really appreciate it, man."

"Sure, sure," he agreed easily. "Least I can do since you keep coming back for more." He grinned and winked.

I barely heard him, though, as the tiny bell rang again, drawing my eyes to the front of the shop. Through the glass door walked a tall, trim man dressed in a blue button down shirt with a tie over charcoal dress pants. It was a common enough outfit, but I never could resist a handsome man who dressed well, and I found myself studying him thoughtfully. He looked like some sort of businessman, clean-cut and likely boring, but his wavy blond hair was too long to fit that image, some of it falling forward to frame a face made gorgeous by chiseled cheekbones and pouty lips.

_Well, what do you know? I guess I fucking _do_ like blonds…_

My own lips pursed as I took in his light blue eyes, and I let my gaze wander, trying to see if this straight-laced man had a more daring side he kept hidden. Unfortunately, he was largely covered, and I found nothing to reveal why he might be in a tattoo parlor.

_Damn it, Billy. You're so ready to set me up with the Incredible Hulk over there. Why don't you make yourself useful and call _him_ over?_

I frowned at the older man, but before I could even begin to will him to introduce us, his face split into his careless smile and his gruff voice called out, "Jasper!"

The new guy ambled over to us, a swagger in his step. His gaze never left Billy as he walked, and he stopped just before us. "Hey Billy," he drawled, revealing a faint Southern accent. "Hope I'm not interrupting…"

As he trailed off, his eyes finally flashed to me quickly just as Billy said, "Nope, you're not interrupting at all. Edward here just stopped by for a few minutes to keep me company while I was getting ready for you." _A few minutes? _I was smirking when he continued. "Oh, Jasper, Edward…Edward, Jasper." He patted his chest like an old man looking for something in his shirt pocket – despite the fact that he was wearing a black t-shirt – and then frowned. "I must've left that design in the back…" He muttered to himself as he wandered off, just like always.

Jasper and I shook hands, our eyes locking as we studied each other. His grip was firm, his expression confident as his eyes began to roam. They made a slow path down to my feet, and I took his obvious appraisal as an invitation, letting my eyes wander as well. My hope that a closer look would begin to unravel the enigma of him was dashed, though, as I saw nothing that made sense. What I did notice was that he seemed to take care of himself, as he was toned without being overly muscular. His tie caught my eye, a swirl of blues and grays and yellows that it took me a moment to place but that I finally recognized as being taken from Van Gogh's _The Starry Night_.

_At least it's not an Ed Hardy_.

I repressed a snicker as I idly let my eyes roam further down, taking in the black leather belt that matched his shoes before I looked at his face again. Those blue eyes hit me hard, and I let go of his hand finally, smirking as I said, "So what sort of work are you having done, Jasper?"

His lips twitched when I said his name, and I paused for a moment, watching those perfect lips when he answered. "Just having a knot done on my inner biceps…" He shrugged and began unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirt. He turned his back to me, taking the few steps necessary to enter Billy's booth. I stood for a moment as he walked away, watching long enough to determine that he had a nice ass before I shrugged and followed behind him.

I tried to see if I could spot any other tattoos, but his shirt was too dark for me to see through it. I found myself smiling as I thought of what might be lurking beneath all those clothes. I'd always had a thing for guys that seemed conservative but harbored a hidden darker side, and I had to admit that Jasper was definitely appealing even without that possibility. With it? Well…

My head was tilted to the side, my eyes focused somewhere around his waist when I heard him speak. "Hmm?" Caught off-guard, I glanced up and saw him grin.

"Tattoos," he said with a teasing look in his eyes. "Do you have any?"

Apparently I wasn't the only one a little distracted. I smirked as I gestured toward the thick brown tribal swirling down to my elbow. "Yeah, six…is this your first?"

Jasper's cheeks were lightly flushed as he chuckled and began loosening his tie carefully, and I thought about reaching out to help him. I could see my fingers on the knot, drawing our bodies closer together before I slid it down and pulled it off. Instead, I sat back on top of the half-wall, resting my hands beside my hips and enjoying the view as I idly played with my tongue ring.

"No, I have a couple already…on my back and chest." He rolled his tie and slipped it into his pocket before his fingers moved to the top button on his shirt as I asked what his tattoos were. He laughed outright and said, "Wait just a minute, and you can see for yourself," with a playful smirk.

I watched impassively as he unbuttoned his shirt, but when he tossed it to the wall beside me, a delicious fragrance wafted over – slightly sweet, just a little zesty with a hint of citrus, and…something…some undertone I couldn't place but that smelled very familiar. The mystery ingredient was forgotten when I glanced back at Jasper and caught sight of him in a thin white undershirt. The dark shadow of a tattoo spread across his chest on the left side, and the twin outlines of nipple rings made my eyes widen.

_God damn._

As much as I enjoyed the aesthetics of beautiful tattoos, there was something primal about piercings that evoked a visceral reaction from me every time. The feel of metal biting into the soft flesh of my lips, the metallic, tangy flavor…I swallowed against the saliva invading my mouth as I forced my eyes back up to Jasper's face just in time to watch it disappear as he took off the undershirt. That, too, landed on the wall beside me.

He motioned me forward with a simple hand gesture and a "See?"

I stepped toward him, stopping a few inches away as I examined the first one. The black ink of the tattoo was dark, a moonless midnight against the fairer skin of his chest. I looked closer, catching that tantalizing scent again. The design was abstract, a mix of thick curves and angles. The only parts I could be sure of were a wing and what must be a head. "So what is it?"

"A phoenix." His answer was curt, the playfulness in his voice gone.

He was reticent and withdrawn now, and the change piqued my curiosity, but I wasn't about to push this man I'd just met on something as personal as his ink. Like Alice, I knew all of mine had meaning, and there were some I wouldn't want to talk about with anyone, much less a stranger.

I straightened, taking a step back as he turned around to let me see the tattoo on his back. At first, I thought it was a pair of unusual wings spread across his shoulder blades, but then I realized that the design was more abstract - a series of chaotic swirls that somehow blended together into a perfect, ordered image.

"I've never seen anything like this…" I murmured.

His shoulders shook as he chuckled, his light tone returning. "It's a fractal."

"What's that?"

"Look closer…" he invited, and I stepped toward him and lowered my head, my face inches from the smooth, fragrant skin of his back. "The image keeps repeating itself…see? With a real fractal, you can never reach the end…it just keeps going."

I studied the design and saw what he meant, vaguely listening as he talked about math and computer science, about equations generating fractals and how they were found in nature. He found them fascinating…and I was finding my first exposure to a fractal fucking arousing as the sight and smell and sound of him surrounded me.

"Plus, they can look pretty badass," he finished with a smirk in his voice.

I reached out, touching the dark ink lightly as I breathed, "Beautiful." Instantly, I wasn't sure if I meant the design…or Jasper. His skin was soft and smooth under my fingertips, which I let trail along the ink, prolonging the sensation of touching him. He shivered and turned slowly around, our eyes meeting with our faces only inches apart. I slowly stood up straighter, realizing that we were almost exactly the same height as his blue eyes gazed into my green. Reflexively, I licked my lips, almost startled when he did the same.

Billy returned then, breaking our gaze as he apologized. Jasper and I both took a step back, our eyes snapping to the tattoo artist when he spoke. "Sorry about that. Jake moved my shit again…boy should know better than to touch my stuff." He kept up a running stream of complaints about his son as he began to work on Jasper, moving in between us with apparently no awareness that he'd just interrupted…something. I was frustrated – I wanted to know what would've happened.

"You watching this one, Edward?" Billy said abruptly, and I realized I hadn't asked yet. The look he gave me was shrewd, and I wondered if maybe he _did_ know that something – I had no idea what – had been going on when he returned.

I felt an unfamiliar heat on my cheeks as my eyes met Jasper's again. "Do you mind?"

He shrugged with a grin, his eyes guarded now. "Nah, doesn't bother me."

But he suddenly seemed uncomfortable, refusing to meet my gaze as he moved to sit in the chair. I frowned, resuming my place on the wall as I wondered if I should leave. My hands rested beside my hips, my fingers idly tapping on the wood as I thought. With a sigh, I pushed away and started to reach into my pocket for my keys when Jasper's eyes shot to me. He was frowning slightly, those fucking beautiful lips pulled down in a pout that made me smile in response.

I pulled my jeans up by the belt loops and leaned against the wall again, stretching my feet out in front of me and crossing my ankles. Jasper looked ahead, lifting his right hand to run his fingers through his messy blond hair. Billy was still moving around the small booth, a minor distraction that drew both our eyes from time to time. Stopping for a moment, he turned to me, holding out a design sheet with an intricate knot. I felt both my eyebrows lift as my eyes sought Jasper. "Escher?"

Jasper turned to look at me again, this time in surprise. "You recognized that?" I nodded, and his eyes widened. "I'm impressed."

_And that's the second time I've heard that today._

"I love his work – I have one based on his 'Reptiles' drawing."

"Cool. Show me," he demanded, the uncertainty I'd seen on his face fading away as he spoke. I paused. "Come on now. I showed you mine – let me see your lizard."

"Lizards," I corrected, chuckling at his confidence as I tried to ignore the unintentional innuendo. "Ehh…it's not exactly in a place most people see." He arched an eyebrow questioningly, and I said it was on my thigh.

"Thighs have never bothered me."

My voice was cocky as I crossed my arms, an image of Jasper on his knees to inspect my tattoo implanting itself in my mind. I allowed myself a moment to think of his hands gripping my hips as I answered. "Might not bother you, but given the circumstances, it would probably bother Billy here." I nodded to the tattoo artist who was studiously ignoring our conversation while he gathered his supplies. When Jasper looked at me curiously, I smirked and mouthed, "Commando." He looked taken aback for a moment, but then his lips curved into a wicked little half-smile.

"Like I said…" He smirked. "Thighs have never bothered me."

For once, I had no answer. I just watched him with a matching smirk on my lips as Billy finally began his work. The incessant buzzing of the needle became the ambient soundtrack to our conversation as we talked throughout Jasper's new tattoo.

We skipped all the normal getting-to-know-you bullshit. I had no idea what Jasper did for a living – or if he, like me, didn't have to work. I didn't know his last name or how old he was. Hell, I didn't even know his sexual orientation.

Yeah, so that was one question I probably should've asked.

But I really didn't think I needed to.

He asked about my tattoos, and I showed him the ones I could – the tribal on my shoulder, the small bit of text over my heart, the shield in its matching place on my back. I even told him that those two were for my parents – but I didn't get into the whole story of how I'd lost both my parents by the time I was twelve. It wasn't one of those kinds of conversations, but as we continued to talk, I thought we might eventually get to that point.

I pulled my green t-shirt over my head again, and as I was straightening it over my torso, I noticed Jasper's eyes lingering just above the waist of my pants, right where my torch tattoo peeked out. Had we been alone and not in the middle of a tattoo parlor, I would've offered him a closer look – and the expression on his face made me think that he might've asked for one.

But then he blinked, the possible desire fading from his eyes as he asked me about music, changing the subject abruptly. I raised an eyebrow as I told him about my love for classic rock, and he was nodding before I'd even finished.

He grew animated, talking with his left hand while his right was still firmly in Billy's grasp. His face was passionate as he said, "You know, bands like the Kinks always get overlooked by people who are all about the Beatles and Led Zeppelin. Don't get me wrong…"

His voice washed over me as I watched him, my eyes drawn to the metal ring through his left nipple. I drew my tongue ring between my lips as I imagined it was the bite of _his_ metal instead. I wondered what his skin would taste like with that gentle tang of metal mixed in, and I could nearly hear the muted click of the ring in my mouth meeting that on his chest.

I'd once dated a guy, Mark, with a frenum ladder, and I could admit to myself now that I stayed with him longer than I should have because I'd enjoyed it a little too much. Of course, I cringed whenever I thought of piercing myself there, and there was no _way_ I would ever ask someone else to do that, but it was fun to play with while I had the chance.

Abruptly, I realized I was staring at Jasper's chest, not even pretending to listen as my tongue slowly moved along my lips and I remembered the way Mark's metal barbells had felt in my mouth.

_Nice._

I knew I wouldn't be able to begin piecing together what he'd said, so rather than make an ass out of myself repeating a point he'd already made, I changed the subject. "So what kind of movies do you like?"

Jasper gave me a knowing smirk and just happened to reach up, scratching idly beside his piercing as he answered. "I'm kind of a pain in the ass with movies…I pick them apart a lot. But I like a lot of different types. I guess I watch comedies more than anything, especially the random shit like Monty Python or whatever."

I chuckled and nodded, and our conversation continued much the same throughout the rest of the tattoo. Jasper was easy to talk to, funny and playful, although I glimpsed a bit of an attitude from time to time. It – like most everything about him – was pretty fucking hot, and the looks he gave me made me think he liked what he knew about me as well. We laughed a lot while Billy, who was usually chatty as hell during a tattoo, remained silent, his head bent over his work.

At one point, Jasper asked what I was doing in the shop since I obviously hadn't had any work done, so I told him a little about my book. He was curious, asking questions about where I'd taken pictures of graffiti and what kind of tattoos I'd already gathered. He asked about piercings, and I felt the smirk on my lips as I told him about some of the different ones I had. As I looked at him again, running my thumbs lightly along the smooth wood of the half-wall beside my hips, I realized what a perfect opportunity I had to spend some more time with him, so I asked him if he would mind posing for me as well.

One corner of his mouth lifted into a little half-smile as he said he thought he could do that. He asked if I had a studio, and I told him I worked with my friend Kate from time to time, but that I usually did pictures for my book in different places – most often my house because it gave me a variety of familiar settings. He nodded as he listened and asked a few questions before steering the conversation back to his favorite movies.

Before I was ready, the work was complete, and I looked around the shop to find that it had emptied. I'd been vaguely aware of the door opening by the sound of the little bell, but I hadn't bothered to look up – to look away from Jasper – to see who was coming or going.

Billy began cleaning and bandaging Jasper's tattoo as my mind was suddenly racing. I thought back over the night and the way Jasper had smiled at me…looked at me…talked to me. I was relatively sure he was interested, and it took only a second of thought for me to admit that I definitely was, so I decided to ask him out – or at least ask for his number – before we said good night. With luck, maybe he'd even be free to go grab some coffee when we left here.

I stood a few feet away as Jasper paid for his tattoo and said goodnight to Billy, who waved to me and disappeared into the back to finish up for the night. We were the last two left in the shop, and the windows shone with neon signs and headlights from passing cars. We walked to the door together as I was working up my courage, trying to figure out what to say, but his phone rang before I got the chance.

He muttered, "Sorry…" and glanced at the caller ID before answering it with a grin. I tried not to listen, standing a few feet away and looking at some of the artwork in Austin's booth as I waited to give him my information so he could contact me about the pictures – and hopefully get his number in return.

Instead, I listened as Jasper said, "Yeah, man, we're all going out tonight…" There was a pause and then, "No, you have to come! It's the last chance for us all to get together before the baby!" My eyes snapped to him at that, and I saw the proud grin on his face. "Yup, she's due this weekend – can you believe it?"

He continued as my hopes fell, and I realized I must've been mistaken. He was practically glowing as he talked, and he was so fucking beautiful that I ached.

I shrugged and scowled, rolling my eyes at myself. Nothing to get so upset about. He was just a guy I barely knew.

Jasper hung up the phone then and turned to me with a bright smile. I couldn't stop the small smile I gave in return as I handed him my card in silence. He glanced down at it and then up at me, his eyes wide. "Beacon Hill?"

I nodded. "Give me a call when that tattoo heals, and we can arrange a time for you to come over? If you still want to, of course." I meant to leave it at that, but when he caught my eye, I murmured, "I'd really like to hear from you…" and realized what I'd said. I quickly added, "I think that fractal would make a great addition." I wanted to kick myself for sounding like a total tool.

He frowned slightly and was about to speak when his phone rang again, and he checked the caller ID with an exasperated look before a smile formed. I gave a frustrated internal growl as I told him I'd see him later.

He answered, "Yeah…later. Hey, it was nice to meet you, man!" His attention was already far from the tattoo shop as he waved and walked away, his phone at his ear.

I felt an inordinate sense of disappointment as I watched his retreating form. I couldn't stop myself from admiring the way his torso tapered from his broad shoulders to his waist, nor the way his ass looked in the dress pants he was wearing. I rolled my eyes at myself, sighing as I turned to walk to my car.

_This is ridiculous. Obviously Alice and Billy are right – I need to fucking date again._

The sight of my baby parked at the corner put a smile on my face as I walked toward her, helping me force thoughts of Jasper out of my mind. She was a '65 Mustang convertible painted a sublime maroon that had made the trip with me from Tennessee years ago after I rebuilt the engine with my "sister"-in-law, Rosalie. Rose had been a part of our family for a long time, dating my cousin Emmett for years before they finally got married three years ago. Despite the fact that Emmett wasn't really my brother, I still thought of him and his sister Tanya as my siblings – they were the only ones I had.

I settled into the slate gray leather driver's seat and started the engine, turning on the lights and putting on my seatbelt before I pulled away from the curb. Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" was pouring through my speakers, and I turned it up, singing along as I drove. I tried to find the energy that music normally gave me, but everything seemed flat, distorted.

When the song ended and "Kashmir" began, I started to change it to find something that fit my mood but kept my hands firmly on the steering wheel, realizing as I did so that I was being both defiant and petulant. I hadn't recognized the feeling building in my chest as I talked to Jasper throughout the night for what it was – hope. And now that hope was gone, leaving me feeling empty and actually depressed, which was really pathetic, considering I had just met the man.

Rolling my eyes at my own puerile behavior, I reached over, skipping through a few songs before I heard a familiar chord. I shook my head, a small smile on my lips as I sang quietly, "You really got me going; you got me so I don't know what I'm doing…"

I let my mind wander, thinking about the work I needed to do at home, the trip to New York I had coming up in a couple of days, the laundry and packing that waited for me, anything and everything. Jasper kept cropping up into my thoughts, his blue eyes and that smirk on his flawless lips mixing in more and more often as I made my way back home to Beacon Hill. I shifted in my seat, muttering quietly at the arousal I obviously felt when I thought of him.

It had been a really long time since I'd been with anyone – not since Alistair months ago – so I knew part of my reaction to him came from me just being sexually frustrated in general. But that didn't account for all of it. Not for the way the memory of his laughter made me smile and not for the way the sight of his tongue peeking out to wet his lips made me lick my lips in response.

I wanted _him_.

And he was a fucking impossibility that I needed to forget about immediately.

_Maybe I should call Alice up when I get back. Ask her about that guy._

I took a deep breath when I remembered her question about blonds. But so what? Who cared if Alice's guy was a blond, too? There were countless blonds in the city, and shit like that had _never_ mattered to me.

Before too much longer, I made it home and climbed the few steps to my front stoop. I hadn't left the porch light on, intending to be home hours ago, but the gloom suited me at that moment anyway. I felt for the door handle, the keys jingling in the lock as I let myself in and locked the door behind me. I walked through the second set of doors and hung my keys on the little hook in the hallway, kicking off my shoes and leaving them beneath the wooden bench before I padded toward the kitchen in my socks.

There, I flipped on the light above the stove and immediately went to the pantry, taking out a black canister. Humming to myself, I went back to the counter, pulling my coffee grinder to me and filling it with beans from the canister. As the hum of the grinder filled the kitchen, I caught myself singing under my breath, "See, don't ever set me free; I always wanna be by your side."

I pursed my lips and then smirked at myself, getting the coffee going before I wandered back into my den, where I clicked on a couple of lamps. It was mid-July, but it had been a cool day and I'd left the air conditioner running the whole time I was gone, so it was actually a little chilly in my house. I felt a sudden urge to lounge on my couch in front of the fireplace with a good book, so I knelt down, pressing the button to start the gas logs. I sighed as I remembered the old fashioned log fires we'd always had during the winter at my aunt and uncle's house when I'd gone to live with them, and I decided on the spot to go home for a visit sometime soon. My cousin Tanya would be thrilled, and her brother Emmett would never pass up the opportunity to give me shit.

With a small smile at the thought of my family, I made my way across the hall and up the stairs to my bedroom where I let my jeans fall to the floor. I was contemplating calling Kate to see if she wanted to hang out for awhile – even though I wasn't really sure I wanted company - so I reached into my top drawer for a pair of boxers and pulled them on. I opened another to grab the first pair of pajama pants I felt, shaking them out before I put them on as well. I glanced in the mirror over my dresser, frowning when I saw the way my brow was furrowed. The sight of that expression was enough to bring back that feeling of intense disappointment.

I sat on the edge of my bed and then fell back, staring at my ceiling, barely visible in the dim light drifting in from the hallway. My palms were on my chest, fingers idly tapping as I sighed. There was no use pretending. I had it bad for this man I'd just met.

And I didn't even know his last name.

I sat back up quickly, running my fingers through my hair as I suddenly realized that I had no way to contact him if he didn't call me. I mean, yes, I could go talk to Billy, I guess, but that idea was not appealing for a variety of reasons.

And what if he didn't even want to hear from me? If he didn't call, that was answer enough…

Without thinking, I got up, grabbing my jeans and pulling my phone from the pocket. I held down the _2_ button, bringing the phone to my ear as it started ringing.

"_Eduardo! I figured you'd be packing tonight."_

"Hey, Kate." Even I heard the flat tone of my voice, and I knew she'd be able to sense the strange depression I felt for…no real reason. What the hell was going on with me?

"_Uh oh…I'll be right over. You - pot of coffee, pajama pants, and pick out a movie."_

The phone was silent as soon as she finished giving out her orders, and I smiled ruefully, at once embarrassed and really fucking grateful that Kate was my best friend and knew me well enough to realize I was obsessing and depressed, even if she didn't know why yet.

I let the phone fall into my pocket and walked back down the stairs to the den to pick out a movie. I wanted something light-hearted to try to counteract the funk I was in, but I also wanted something Kate and I knew well because I had a feeling we'd be doing more talking than watching. After spending a few minutes looking, I pulled one from the rack and opened the case, popping the DVD into my player. I tossed the case onto the coffee table and grabbed the afghan from the armchair, folding it over Kate's end of the couch.

I glanced at the clock on the mantle and then went to the kitchen to check on the coffee. I pulled down two coffee mugs – a random one for me, but I made sure to get Kate's favorite for her. For some reason, she refused to drink coffee at my house out of anything but this god awful bright yellow mug that had a zigzag stripe meant to look like Charlie Brown's shirt and the words "Good Grief" written on the inside. Whenever I asked her about it, she just shrugged and said it tasted better.

There was a small, fond smile on my face as I poured us both a cup of coffee and arranged everything else we needed on a wooden tray. Kate teased me about being a little old lady when it came to coffee and tea, but damn it, there were certain things that needed to be done right – and I never heard her complain while she was drinking it. I returned the coffee pot to its stand and carried the tray back into the den, leaving it on the coffee table before I went to the door.

Kate had a key, but after years of nights like these, we had it down to a science. I reached the door just as she was parking across the street, and I flipped on the porch light, holding the door open for her. She didn't say a word when she walked up the stairs, just held out a tub of ice cream so I could read the label.

I chuckled. "Chocolate Therapy, huh? Did I sound _that_ bad?"

"You didn't sound good," she answered with a faint grin, but I saw her eyes scan my face carefully as she slipped her arms around my waist for a hug. The ice cream tub brushed against my forearm, giving me a surprising chill as I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I held on for a little too long, proving Kate's point that I was a little worse off than I realized as I seemed to be craving human contact.

We parted, and I locked the door. Kate repeated my actions from earlier, kicking off her flip flops beneath the wooden bench and hanging her keys on the hook beside mine. She unzipped the thin, baby blue jacket she was wearing, and I was reminded of Jasper's eyes as she hung it up.

In silence, we made our way to the den, where she immediately flopped down on her end of the couch. She moved her mug of coffee to a coaster and put the carton of ice cream on the tray in its place before she looked at me, arching an eyebrow. "A fire? It's July 18th, Edward."

I shrugged, opening a packet of Splenda and pouring both it and cream into my own mug. I stirred my coffee and sat back on the couch, sipping it before I finally answered. "I just…felt like it."

"What the hell happened to you?" There was a slight frown on her lips, her eyes concerned as she studied me. Finally, she moved to fix her own coffee, giving me time to think before I responded.

My mind was a blank, though, as I stared ahead, feeling the warmth spread through my chest as I sipped my coffee. I realized that the cold seemed deeper than the chill in the air, compounded by something within, and I frowned at the thought.

The clink of Kate's spoon against the rim of her cup drew my eyes, and I smiled when I saw her drinking from that silly mug. She raised both eyebrows at me pointedly over the rim, making me sigh. I cleared my throat and said, "So I met a guy tonight…"

She waited expectantly for a moment and then answered in a hushed tone appropriate for a funeral home. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

I laughed and reached out, tickling her before I settled back in my corner of the couch. I turned to face her, one leg bent in front of me while my other foot was on the floor. My foot moved with nervous energy, my heel tapping against the floor as I propped my left elbow on the back of the couch, the fingers of that hand tangling in my hair. "It's ridiculous," was all I said in the end.

"Try me," she challenged, pulling both her feet up on the couch as she leaned back against the arm to face me, her mug held in both hands. She blew on it lightly, watching me the whole time.

My fingers were constantly moving, running through my hair, tugging at it, as I spoke. "Alright, so I went to Black Ink to talk to Billy about getting a few more subjects for my book." Kate nodded for me to continue. "Well, as I was leaving, this guy walked in, and…" I trailed off, shaking my head as I tried to put into words what had happened to me during this one, theoretically uneventful, evening. I didn't go into detail. I just told her that I'd found him extremely attractive, thought he was interested…and then had felt supremely disappointed when the evening ended. "It was just so ludicrous, Kate. I was standing there, feeling…I don't know…_crushed_, all because this random guy is having a kid."

Kate's face was sympathetic as she listened, nodding and frowning. She leaned forward, putting her mug on a coaster as she opened the ice cream and picked up both our spoons. She scooted down the couch to sit beside me, leaning against me as I put my arm around her. "That really sucks," she said simply, handing me my spoon and balancing the carton between us.

"Yeah." I could tell by the way our silence hung in the air that there was more to come, but Kate was processing everything I'd told her.

I could also guess, at least in part, what she would eventually say. But our rituals had to be observed, so I wasn't surprised at all when she changed the subject. "So what movie?"

With a rueful smile, I held up the DVD case. She laughed and said, "Gene Kelly? I'm shocked!"

"Oh, shut up!" I popped her on the leg with the case before I tossed it back on the coffee table and picked up the remote to start _Anchors Aweigh_. "I felt like watching something light…"

"You mean you felt like some eye candy," she muttered under her breath as she tried to hide her grin by taking a bite of ice cream.

"That, too." I smirked. We settled in, eating our ice cream as we commented here and there on the movie. Idle talk sprang up in the lulls between musical numbers, with Kate filling me in on her most recent shoot. She was starting to gain some recognition and had been working this week on the promotional photographs for her first national campaign. We talked a little about how she was enjoying her job despite the added stress, and I shared in her excitement with the way things seemed to be going for her.

She asked about my family in Tennessee, and I told her I thought I would go see them sometime soon. She asked if there was any particular reason I was thinking of going now, and I shrugged, telling her I missed them. "Oh, and remember what I told you about Tanya?"

"About her thinking about having a baby?"

I nodded. "Yeah…I think she's going to do it. She said she went back to her doctor to discuss some options about sperm donors and all that…I think I might be an uncle soon." I grinned. "Well, sort of."

Kate beamed at me and said, "That's really awesome. Has she told anyone else yet?"

I shook my head. "No…not after the minor freak out. I don't think they're…_opposed_ to the idea, necessarily. They just think that she's making things harder on herself with dating and getting married or whatever." They didn't seem to get that Tanya didn't really want _that_ part of it. She wanted to be a mom, and I knew she would be an amazing one. We spoke for a few minutes more about families and jobs and random trivial things, and then I sat up straighter, turning my eyes to the screen as I heard the familiar music begin and saw Gene talking to Jerry.

"You're adorable with your little crush. You know that, don't you?" Kate teased me.

"You know you like him, too."

She was already shaking her head. "Not as much as you do. What is it about him, anyway?"

"What is there _not_ to like?" I countered. "He's charming and handsome and has a _great_ body, and he can dance and sing…"

Kate laughed softly. "You know you're describing yourself, right? Narcissist."

"I am not a narcissist." I frowned, playfully pouting a little before I sighed and the pout became real. "Besides, _I_ don't have blond hair and blue eyes." I leaned against the back of the couch, my eyes focused on the TV but not really seeing the scene in front of me.

"Neither does Gene." Kate's voice was confused before she said, "Oh…" She sighed and reached over, taking my spoon from my hand. "I'll be right back." She put the lid on the ice cream and piled everything, including our empty mugs, on the tray before she carried it out of the room.

The dance had ended, and I was staring blankly ahead by the time she returned with a mug for each of us in her hands. She put them both on the coffee table, sat on her end of the couch, and motioned to me, patting her thighs. I gave her a tiny smile before I stretched out with a sigh, resting my head on her lap. She played with my hair, running her fingers through it soothingly as she let me talk.

I told her everything – the idle curiosity and attraction I'd felt when I first saw him. How it had grown stronger as the night wore on. The way I'd been drawn to his body art – although I did at least keep it cleaner than what had really been in my imagination. I talked about how his sense of humor matched mine, and how enticing everything about him – even his passionate temper when he debated – was to me. I don't even know what all I said, but eventually I found myself winding down, ending with, "I don't remember _ever_ feeling a connection that strong before…not with anyone. And especially not after just a few hours of talking."

Her hand stilled in my hair and I glanced up to see her sitting with her lips pursed, not looking at me. I knew what was on her mind, but that didn't stop me from pushing belligerently. "What?"

She glanced down at me with a sigh, and the sight of the concern in her eyes was enough to crumble my defiance. Even though I didn't like what was coming, I knew she was only worried about me. "Edward…" She paused, running her fingers through my hair again before she continued. "Do you think maybe you're getting a little ahead of yourself? You have a habit of just diving in head first…"

I sighed, my eyes drifting closed as my hand found its way into my hair as well. My fingers brushed hers, and she squeezed my hand briefly before pulling away, knowing that – for whatever reason – playing with my hair always helped me relax. I knew what she meant…and she was right. When I knew what I wanted, I just went for it, consequences be damned. But I also knew that this _was_ different. The pull to Jasper was something I hadn't felt before, but she wasn't going to understand that because, unfortunately, I'd said the same thing several times before.

_Instead of the boy who cried wolf, I'm the gay man who cried love…_

My smile was sardonic when I opened my eyes to see Kate watching me. "Doesn't matter anyway," I said, my voice flat. "He's not interested."

"Gah, that really sucks." She leaned down and kissed my forehead, grunting when she had to bend over further than she thought. I managed a small chuckle when she sat back up. "It's been a long time since I've seen you so…intrigued, I guess. I'm sorry, sweetie."

When I just shrugged, she wrinkled her nose and said, "But it must be…not _nice_, but easier, maybe? To know that he's not interested just because he's not gay. I mean, he obviously liked you otherwise. You guys had a great time talking and all that…"

She trailed off, and I rolled my eyes, muttering, "Not interested is not interested…the fact that it's because I'm a man doesn't make it any easier than if he didn't like something else about me."

She sighed. "I know…and it sucks ass. Was just hoping your powers of logic would fail you on that one, and you'd buy my line of utter bullshit."

Chuckling, I sat up, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "Thanks, but you need to work on your bullshitting skills if you expect me to fall for that." She made a face at me, sticking out her tongue, and I was ready to be _done_ with Jasper. I hated obsessing over him and letting him ruin my night, so instead, I decided to torment Kate. "Oh!" I said as if I'd just remembered. "Guess who called me this morning."

She said, "Tanya?"

The movie was scrolling through the end credits, so I got up to change it out, laughing as I said, "No. You're _way_ off."

I snapped the DVD back into its case and returned it to the rack, running my fingers along the titles as she kept guessing. I just chuckled, finally pulling out _Singin' in the Rain _and putting it in the player.

_Might as well make it a theme night._

"Damn it, Edward! Just tell me!"

I nearly expected Kate to stomp her foot, but I was having way too much fun. So instead of answering, I absently rubbed my stomach and said, "I think I want some more ice cream…can I get you anything?"

The sound of her grumbling faded into the distance as I wandered into the kitchen with a grin on my face. I actually did want more ice cream, so I pulled it from the freezer and grabbed a couple of spoons from the drawer. I rummaged through the stash of chocolate in my cabinet, sticking a few of Kate's favorite hazelnut truffles in my pocket as a peace offering.

When I made it back to the den, she was sitting on the end of the couch in a huff with her arms crossed. I laughed softly and saw her lips twitch as she tried not to smile. "I'm sorry," I said, tossing the truffles into her lap.

"Ooh! You're forgiven!" she said, accompanied by the squeaking rustle of the plastic as she unwrapped her candy. "But you damn well better talk now." She popped the chocolate into her mouth and flashed a grin at me.

"Well," I began, dragging it out a bit longer, "I'm not really sure you'll know who I'm talking about. Do you remember a photo shoot you did a few weeks ago? That one I helped you with? There was a guy there…but you probably don't remember him."

She coughed, her eyes wide. "Shut up! He did _not_ call you!" When I just smiled, she said, "Wait. We are talking about Garrett, right?"

I laughed, finally taking pity on her. "Yeah, he called this morning. He said he was sorry he hadn't gotten back to me sooner, but he'd been out of town…" I glanced at her pointedly, raising both eyebrows as I ate a spoonful of ice cream.

The stupid look on her face was priceless as she sat back against the arm of the couch and tried not to grin. She failed utterly and ended up looking almost like she was in pain. I chuckled, eating more ice cream, and she reached over to hit me, muttering, "Oh, shut up. And give me some of that." She stretched out on the couch, putting her head in my lap as she took the tub from me and began eating.

"Kate…" I tried not to whine. "You're going to make a mess."

"No, I won't," she said, another spoonful disappearing in her mouth as she smiled up at me. "So he really called? What did he say?"

I couldn't help but smile at her as I filled her in on my conversation with Garrett. I'd helped her out at a shoot a couple of weeks earlier where he was one of the primary models, and Kate'd had a very hard time concentrating. I'd never seen her so flustered, and I'd ended up doing a lot of the work that was normally hers. She hadn't been able to work up the courage to talk to him directly, though, and she'd nearly beaten the hell out of me when she'd learned I'd passed my number to him with an invitation to pose for my book.

Of course, she didn't look too pissed about that now with that ridiculous grin on her face and the sparkle in her eyes.

"He's going to come over the Saturday after I get back from New York for a session." I shrugged. "We talked about his tattoos a little bit, and he asked if he needed to wear anything special, and that was pretty much it. Now, when he comes over, I _might_ just mention a certain friend of mine…"

She let out a strangled squeal – whether in happiness or protest, I wasn't sure - and started to sit up, slinging her spoon in the air. A huge glob of ice cream went flying, landing right on my crotch.

"Shit!" We both spoke at once, and Kate bolted upright, reaching out to clean it up before she pulled her hands back and laughed. "Umm…I think I'll let you handle that."

I rolled my eyes, smirking. "Told you you were going to make a mess." I stood up carefully, catching the ice cream and carrying it with me as I went to change. "I'll be right back," I called over my shoulder, and I caught sight of her sitting on her knees on the couch, watching me with a sheepish expression.

Upstairs, I walked through my room, kicking the door closed on my way to my bathroom, where I dumped the ice cream in the sink and used the back of my hand to turn on the water to wash my hands. Glancing down, I saw that somehow that little bit of ice cream had spread, and I had chocolate all over the front of my pants. I could feel the fabric clinging to my thighs. I made a face as I stripped out of them, finding that some of it had soaked through to my boxers as well.

_How the hell did she manage that?_

I felt sticky and gross, so I turned on the shower for a quick rinse, pulling my shirt off and wandering back into my bedroom to get fresh clothes while the water heated. Once I was beneath the warm spray, I had to remind myself that Kate was waiting for me – otherwise, my quick rinse would've turned into a nice, hot, relaxing shower.

As it was, I was clean, dry, and in fresh clothes all within a matter of minutes. As always, I felt better after a night of banter with Kate, and I was even humming as I made my way back into the den. I was all set to tease her more about the mess she'd made…

…right up until I walked in and found her curled up in a ball with her head on the arm of the couch, fast asleep. She was covered with the afghan, and her lips were slightly parted as she breathed evenly.

I smiled, shaking my head. She'd always been able to fall asleep anywhere, anytime – so much so that I joked with her about being narcoleptic. With a quiet chuckle, I turned off the TV and carefully pulled the afghan off of her, tossing it to the end of the couch. Leaning down, I picked her up, murmuring, "Come on, Katie-bug; it's bedtime…" She just sighed, barely stirring as I carried her across the hall and up the stairs to her room. She'd chosen it years ago and decorated it herself in browns and blues.

Once she was tucked beneath her covers, I kissed her forehead and went back to the den, closing her door on the way. I spent a few minutes straightening up and turning off the fireplace and the lights before I went back to my room and stripped down to my boxers. I rarely slept in clothes at all, but I always felt strange sleeping nude when Kate was in the house, so I compromised by at least wearing underwear.

I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and I expected to fall asleep right away. Instead, I spent the next few hours alternately staring at my ceiling and tossing and turning, trying to forget the pair of blue eyes that kept haunting me every time I closed mine.

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**A/N:** This story began as a one-shot for the **Tattward and Inkella Contest**, where it placed fifth. From the beginning, though, we had the entire story for these two men in mind, and we are so happy that now we can write and share it.

Please leave us a message and let us know what you think!


	2. You Do Something to Me

_**A/N:**__ The response to chapter one of "Marked" was amazing, and we are so thrilled that there are so many of you enjoying it! For those of you who read the one-shot, yes, we do have a little bit of background to get through before we continue where we left off, but we think it will be well worth it. We have loved all of your reviews and squealed about each one together – thank you so much!_

_Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHelm**__ and__** kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**JPOV**

"Damn it all to hell...figures I can't find a decent place to park."

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for the light to turn green while my eyes scanned the street for a parking space but came up empty.

_Fuck. I'm running late enough already thanks to that idiot. Moron shouldn't be allowed _near_ a computer if he can't figure out how to fucking use one. Seriously, how hard can it be? _

I'd spent the last fifty minutes on the phone with some jerk of a manager who was complaining that the program we'd made for him wasn't working right. Forty of those minutes I spent going over the steps he needed to follow. All the while, he kept getting more and more belligerent.

When he finally got a fucking clue, he spent the next ten minutes apologizing profusely, but by that point, I didn't even want to hear it anymore; I was so pissed. I was supposed to leave early today, so I could go home and change before my appointment with Billy to get my tattoo. But thanks to that fucker, I was now running late, with no chance to go home, and since I was supposed to meet the guys afterward for a drink, it looked like I'd be doing that in my work clothes, too.

_Great. Just fuckin' great._

Right as the light turned green, I spotted a car leaving a parking space about half a block from the tattoo parlor. _Thank God._ I pulled in quickly, grateful that I wouldn't have to walk too far after all. I had to wait to get out, since cars were going by, which didn't help my mood at all. Finally there was a break in traffic, and I got out quickly, locking the door to my Camry after taking off my suit jacket and tossing it on the passenger seat - and making sure I had my phone on me.

_Wouldn't be the first time I left the damned thing in the car._

Glancing at my watch, I sped up and covered the distance to Black Ink quickly, muttering under my breath as I went. When I got there, I looked through the window, my hand on the door handle. I saw Billy talking to someone, and I took a moment to admire the view before me. A tall, slender guy was leaning against the counter, his weight distributed unevenly, which afforded a great view of his ass.

_Well, fuck me..._

I couldn't see much else of him, though, since his back was to me, but I wondered if the rest of him would be as delectable as that ass in those jeans. I caught a shimmer of coppery hair as the guy straightened slightly and reached over to shake Billy's hand. I noticed Billy's eyes had flickered to the door just prior and was sure he had seen me, so I figured I'd better get in - not to mention, I wanted a better view of the man who looked like he was about to leave.

As I stepped through the door, the guy leaning on the counter stood up and turned around, giving me my first look at his face as his eyes roamed over my body. Billy smiled as he called out to me, and I walked over to them, making sure to keep my focus on Billy, only glancing at the man next to him as I asked if I was interrupting anything. Billy assured me I wasn't and introduced me to Edward before leaving us alone as he went to get my design.

I finally allowed myself to get a good look at him as we shook hands, letting my eyes roam his body - taking in his lean but toned torso, covered in a thin, deep green t-shirt. His jeans fit him well, not tight but well-worn and molding to him in ways that revealed his equally toned legs. My gaze traveled all the way down to his black Doc Marten shoes before I slowly brought my eyes back up to his face. I felt a smirk on my lips when I realized he was still drinking me in.

I didn't get a clear look at his eyes, as they were covered by his lashes while he looked down at my tie before his gaze moved lower, and I took the time to study his face unnoticed. He had a strong jaw and high cheekbones that gave his face a classic profile, and I found myself wishing I had the talent of Waterhouse or Millais to capture that face in its perfection. Since I didn't, I instead moved to study his lips, wetting mine in response when I saw the way he was smirking with his lips slightly parted. That unusual copper-colored hair of his was a mess; it looked like my hands had already been in it, pulling him closer the way I suddenly felt compelled to do. I wondered if there was a reason he was walking around with sex hair - or if he just always looked like that. His roaming gaze returned to my face at last, and I had the pleasure of seeing his green eyes widen when they met mine. I didn't know what he saw when he looked at me, but I could already tell those dark emerald eyes and smirking lips of his were going to be stuck in my mind for awhile.  
_  
Well fuck me sideways..._

His grip was warm and firm as we held hands for longer than was strictly necessary, and I had a brief thought on how that hand would feel...elsewhere. He was the first to let go, asking me what I was here to get done, and I couldn't quite repress the smirk that wanted to form as I thought _You, would be preferable, but..._, instead saying, "Just having a knot done on my inner biceps…"

I shrugged, unbuttoning the cuffs of my shirt as I turned and walked into Billy's booth. I grinned as I heard him follow me not long after. I asked him if he had any tattoos and had to repeat myself as he was a little distracted. _This should be interesting._

The grin on my face fell slightly, a blush creeping up in its stead as he pointed out the tribal tattoo that snaked around his arm. _How the fuck did I miss that? _I chuckled softly, giving myself a mental eyeroll at that lapse in attention.

I slowly took my tie off, taking care to undo the knot, rather than just pulling and scrunching the fabric too tightly. It had been a gift from Emily, and she'd have my hide if I treated it with anything other than respect. Not that I didn't take care of my clothes or anything, but the tie was special. I rolled it up neatly, placing it in my pocket so I wouldn't lose it, or - God forbid - forget it. We chatted a bit as I undressed, though the sight of him playing with his tongue ring distracted me as I tried to fight off images of what that thing could do when put to good use.

_And by good use, I mean him sucking me off._

With that thought, an image of Edward teasing the head of my cock with that metal barbell sprang into my mind_. Fuck, I just _met _this guy._

I finished unbuttoning my shirt and tossed it to the wall beside him. I grinned as I saw his eyes widen at the sight of my nipple rings, stifling a chuckle as he bit his lip. I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, trying to ignore the image of me nipping from it to his jaw. _What. The. Fuck? _I rolled my eyes at myself as I slipped my undershirt over my head and tossed it aside while motioning for Edward to take a closer look at my tattoos. "See?"

He stepped closer to examine the phoenix on my chest, and I could feel the heat coming off his body, his warm breath caressing my skin. I was suddenly very aware of my body's reactions to this man and had to work hard to suppress a groan, reminding myself why I'd gotten the phoenix to begin with. Thoughts of Paul quickly stifled any urge I had to act on what I might want to do if I didn't control myself. When he asked me what the tattoo was, I couldn't keep my voice from being much colder than it had been up to that point as I told him it was a phoenix.

When he straightened up, I turned around, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes as I tried to shake thoughts of Paul. It was all fine and well to be reminded to not make the same mistakes twice, but it was another thing altogether to allow myself to wallow and become depressed again when there was no reason for it.

I could still feel Edward's presence close to me as he looked at the tattoo stretched across my shoulder blades. When he said he'd never seen anything like it, I couldn't help but chuckle as I told him it was a fractal. Not many people I knew outside of the math world had ever seen one, so it was a reaction I'd had before. He asked what a fractal was, and I invited him to look closer as I explained that a true fractal never ends, telling him where they could be found in both nature and math. They had always been fascinating to me and were often beautiful.

He had stepped even closer as he examined the fractal, his breath washing over me, and I found myself holding my own in...anticipation? I rolled my eyes, forcing myself to keep my breathing even as I finished off my explanation with, "Plus, they can look pretty badass," grinning as I imagined his reaction.

I expected a chuckle or a "Yeah, that's cool."

What I wasn't prepared for was him lightly running his fingers over my back, tracing the tattoo as he whispered, "Beautiful." The sudden contact and the way he so lightly traced my skin sent shivers down my spine. I instantly craved more, and though the thought shocked me, the desire he'd stirred in me overruled as I slowly turned around and met his eyes, which were only inches away from me.

I thought I saw the same emotions in his eyes as they locked onto mine. He licked his lips, and I did the same in anticipation. The need to act and just kiss him - or more, despite being where we were - was almost overwhelming.

Before either of us could do anything, though, Billy came back, grumbling. Edward and I both snapped our eyes to him, and though I was annoyed at the interruption, I was also grateful.

_What the fuck is going on with me? What's this guy _doing_ to me? _

I wasn't sure at that moment whether I wanted to find out what was so different about Edward or if I wanted to get out while I could. Though, really, leaving wasn't an option I considered. I was here for a reason, and I wasn't about to walk out on Billy, since I'd made the appointment and wanted the tattoo.

When Billy asked Edward if he was going to watch, I found myself waiting for his answer, watching him closely. When I saw him blush, asking if I minded, I shrugged and said I didn't.

_Fucker's cute when he blushes. _

I mentally rolled my eyes at myself and looked away, sure that if I looked into those eyes again, I'd do...something. Instead, I just took my seat in the chair and got ready for Billy to start his thing.

Edward fidgeted, seemingly uncomfortable, and for some reason, the thought of his discomfort bothered me. When I heard him sigh, I looked up and saw him reaching into his pocket and making as if to leave, and that was something I _really_ didn't like. Presented with the possibility of him leaving, I pouted. Fucking _pouted_ like a child not getting his way. _Dude, what the fuck? _

He gave me a small smile as he settled back against the wall and stretched out his legs. I tried not to look at him, instead just looking straight ahead, but my thoughts had his legs wrapped around me instead, and I ran my fingers through my hair trying to stop the image. _Damn it all. _

When I heard Edward say, "Escher?" my eyes flew to his in surprise.

"You recognize that?" My eyes widened as he nodded. "I'm impressed."

He said he had one based on Escher's 'Reptiles' drawing, and I tried not to chuckle at the mental images that provoked. I couldn't help myself though and decided to tease him. "Cool. Show me." When he hesitated, I pushed a bit more. "Come on now. I showed you mine – let me see your lizard."

_I sure as fuck wouldn't mind seeing your 'lizard'._

He chuckled as he corrected me, saying it wasn't in a place most people usually got to see. I raised an eyebrow in question - definitely intrigued now - and when he said it was on his thigh, I found myself wanting to be one of the few who were allowed to see it. I told him thighs never bothered me, and he gave a cocky grin as he said that they might not bother me, but would surely bother Billy.

I looked at him, wondering what he meant until he smirked and mouthed, "Commando." My mind was instantly barraged by images of him slipping out of those pants so I could discover for myself whether what I could see being hinted at through his jeans was as impressive as it promised to be - to see whether his curlies would be the same copper tone as his hair.

_Oh, I _definitely_ wouldn't mind a closer look. _

I grinned at the thought as I looked at him. "Like I said, thighs have never bothered me."

I watched with satisfaction as he just looked back at me with a smirk of his own, apparently unable to think of a good comeback. I tilted my head as I tried to see what other tattoos he might have and asked him if I could see any of the others he'd mentioned. When he took off his shirt, I groaned softly. I could hear Billy stifle a chuckle, but when my eyes flashed to him, he was still studiously working on my knot - for all the world appearing engrossed in what he was doing.

My eyes found their way back to Edward, who was stepping closer to allow me a better view of his tattoos - not that I minded getting a better view of the rest of him, too. When he motioned over his shoulder in the direction of the yellow shield set on his shoulder blade over his heart, his muscles rippled in a way that made me wonder what he'd look like if he were doing something altogether different instead. I blinked, shaking my head slightly to clear the image of him on his hands and knees in front of me while my fingers gripped his hips, my blunt fingernails digging into his flesh.

_Fucking hell..._

I was grateful that his back was turned and that he was talking, giving me the time I needed to get a grip on myself, focusing on the blue lion that reared on the shield. Just below the shield was some text, and I thought it read, _"Dum Spiro Spero_," but I wasn't sure - and had no idea what the hell that meant anyway.

Before I had a chance to ask him, though, he turned, flexing his arm to give me a full view of the tribal tattoo that scrolled from his shoulder to just above his elbow. When he was done with that, he gestured to the inscription over his heart on his chest, and I tilted my head, trying to figure out what it was. He explained that it and the shield were for his parents, but he said nothing further on it. It wasn't something I was going to push him on, as I understood all too well that some things are too personal. I didn't want to share about my phoenix, and he had recognized and respected that. I would do no less for him, though I found myself wishing that maybe one day he'd feel comfortable enough to tell me the meaning behind them.

As he was pulling his shirt back over his head, I noticed another tattoo just visible above his waistband, and it appeared he really _was_ going commando, as I could detect no hint of underwear peeking out from his jeans. I could, however, just make out what appeared to be the top of a lit torch and something leafy. _A garland, maybe?_ My eyes were transfixed on that one tattoo, and the urge to pull Edward by the belt loops to get him closer so I could remove those offending jeans and get a good look at it...it was almost too much. I wanted to lick that tattoo, all the way down and...

_Stop that right the fuck now! _

Blinking, I forced myself to look up at Edward again and decided it was high time for a subject change, pushing the stirrings of desire he was evoking in me to the background.

_I don't know anything about him. Not again._

I asked him what kind of music he liked, determined not to focus on the pull I felt toward him. When he said classic rock was his favorite, I had a hard time containing myself, sitting up straighter until the pull of Billy's hands on my forearm reminded me that I shouldn't move. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but music was one of my passions, and I always got pissed off when I found people who thought "I like classic rock" meant "I'm a Beatles fanboy." Don't get me wrong - the Beatles were fucking amazing and were without a doubt influential, but there were so many other great bands that were lost in the shadow they cast.

I ranted for a few minutes, expounding on the virtues of bands like Jethro Tull and Rush, before I realized that Edward wasn't listening. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, his gaze centered on my chest as that damn black metal ball moved slowly back and forth along his lips. I kept talking as I watched his tongue moisten his lips before his shifted his hips, his thumbs rubbing slowly, sensually along the top of the wooden ledge he was leaning against. I didn't know what he was thinking, exactly, but I knew that fucking look...and a part of me wished we were alone so he could act on whatever he was imagining.

Since that wasn't possible - and I was in serious need of a distraction before I let myself get too involved in trying to figure out what was on his mind - I decided to test him. "*NSync was the best band ever, though. They seriously are under-appreciated, and Justin Timberlake is a god."

I snickered when Edward just nodded and bit his bottom lip, his eyes never leaving my body. Billy shook his head, catching my eye in time for me to see a smile on his face. I glanced back over at Edward, about to say something profound about Lady Gaga, but he blinked and looked up at me, that tempting tongue ring disappearing back behind his lips. I couldn't decide if I was disappointed or relieved to see it go, but when he asked me about the kinds of movies I liked, the faint blush on his cheeks left me no choice - I had to tease him.

_Too goddamn cute_.

I arched my back as if I were stretching, reaching up to idly scratch just beside the piercing in my left nipple. I was rewarded with the sight of Edward's teeth lightly pressing into his bottom lip again as he took a deep breath and his eyes focused on the movement. I managed not to laugh, but I couldn't keep the smirk off my lips as I said, "I'm kind of a pain in the ass with movies…I pick them apart a lot. But I like a lot of different types. I guess I watch comedies more than anything, especially the random shit like Monty Python or whatever."

When Edward told me that he favored musicals - particularly anything with Gene Kelly - I stared at him, sure my eyebrows had disappeared in my hairline. He did _not _seem like someone who loved that sort of thing, considering his appearance anyway.

_Though, Gene Kelly... man's got good taste. _

When he mentioned Gene, I felt the smile on my face and couldn't resist talking about my love for Dean Martin. He seemed a bit surprised until I pointed out that _he_ - a man with tattoos and a tongue ring - had just said he liked Gene Kelly musicals. That earned me another one of those alluring smirks.

We talked a little more about movies and various other things. When I asked him about what brought him to the parlor, since he obviously hadn't gotten any work done, he told me about the book he was working on. I watched as he became more animated, his face lighting up as he explained about the graffiti and tattoos. The way his face brightened made me smile, and I found myself wishing I could see it more often, to not just be witness to it, but the reason for it.

The smirk that adorned his face when I asked him about piercings stirred the need to kiss him again, and I had to stifle a groan. _That smirk should be fucking illegal..._I noticed he was tracing the wood grain of the wall again, and I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to have him running his fingers over my skin like that.

He asked if I would mind posing for him to be included in his book, and I paused, glancing down at Billy working as I thought.

_Is he serious, or is it just an excuse? _

_Either way, I'm fucking in._

The thought of spending more time with him was certainly very enticing, and I gave him a smirk of my own. After finding out he'd be taking the pictures at his house, I was sure that there would be more to it than just him wanting pictures of my tattoos - and that was more than okay with me. I gave him an appraising look again and had to stop myself from sighing.

_Definitely interesting_.

We talked a little more about his work, eventually coming back to our favorite movies. I had long lost track of the time and was surprised when I felt Billy begin to clean the tattoo and bandage it. I felt almost disappointed that my time with Edward was up, though the thought of seeing him again after I was healed was enough to keep the disappointment from showing on my face.

Once Billy was done, I got up and walked over to Edward since he was standing next to where I'd tossed my shirts. My arm brushed against his as I grabbed my undershirt. I pulled it over my head slowly, idly thinking that this really was backwards - around him, clothes should be going off, not on. I smirked at the thought as I put on my button down next, taking my time to work each one. When I looked at Edward through my lashes, though, I saw that faraway look in his eyes again and felt a slight sting of disappointment that he hadn't been watching.

I left my tie in my pocket and kept the top buttons undone, tucking my shirt into my pants quickly as I walked over to the counter to settle my tab with Billy. Edward stood a little to the side, waiting. I was certain that he was waiting to talk to me.

_Maybe he wants to go out. I could definitely live with that. _

Billy left for the back, leaving just Edward and me in the store. As we walked to the door, my cell phone rang. _Why the hell couldn't _this_ have been the time I left the goddamn thing in the car? Fuck! _I glanced the caller ID, muttering, "Sorry..."

I grinned when I saw it was Eric and answered, stopping just by the door. I saw Edward move to check out the artwork at one of the booths as I heard Eric speak up.

_"Hey J, got your message..."_

His voice was quiet, subdued, but I was hoping he was just tired from his trip. He'd been out of town but was due back today, something I'd made sure of before setting up the late dinner. "Yeah, man, we're all going out tonight…"

_"Dude, I appreciate the invite, but you know D and I just broke up right before I had to go to this seminar."_

I sighed and glanced at Edward. He was standing with his back to me, leaning closer to the wall to examine something – I couldn't see what. I lowered my voice, saying, "Yeah, man, I know…I'm sorry."

"_I think I'm just going to go home and fucking veg. Just let me know next time, okay?"_

_Fuck no, he can't bail, not tonight._ I ran my fingers through my hair in exasperation, momentarily forgetting where I was - and who I was with - as my excitement about the reason for our get together tonight grew. _This shit's too important for him to stay home and mope. He needs to get out anyway._ "No, you have to come! It's the last chance for us all to get together before the baby!"  
_  
"Oh shit...is that soon?"_

I grinned as I thought about Angela and Ben. They were the first of us to have kids – shit, the _only_ of us to be married – and we were all excited. Ang, especially, was ready for the baby to come already. "Yup, she's due this weekend – can you believe it?"

_"Fuck..." _He sighed, and there was a pause before he finally said, _"Yeah, I guess I should be there. I'm probably going to bail early, though. We meeting at Aro's?"_

I confirmed that we were and glanced down at my watch. "Damn, everyone else is probably there already, or close to it." _Damn it. How did I not realize how late it was?_ "I'm heading over there now. See you in a few?"

Eric agreed, and despite his reluctance to go, I was happy to hear that he sounded like he was in a little bit better mood. _Knew it would do him good to hang out with us._ I hung up the phone and slipped it into my pocket, turning around to find Edward watching me. My smile began to fade as I saw the expression on his face - he looked...sad, somehow. His lips curved into a small, melancholy smile, and he lifted his hand toward me, holding a small piece of paper between his fingers and thumb.

I took the card from him, and I felt my eyes widen as I glanced down at the address. "Beacon Hill?"

_Fuck, Musical-boy's livin' the good life, it seems._ I looked up at him as he nodded. "Give me a call when that tattoo heals, and we can arrange a time for you to come over? If you still want to, of course."

He paused for a moment as his eyes met mine before lowering his voice and adding, "I'd really like to hear from you…I think that fractal would make a great addition."

I frowned, puzzled by his sudden change in demeanor. _Was I imagining shit?_ I was certain that we'd hit it off, and the way he had said he'd like to hear from me made me believe he'd felt it, too. Opening my mouth to call him on it, I was interrupted by my phone ringing again. _Motherfuck! _I glanced down at the caller ID, really wanting to just toss the damn thing out the window, but when I saw Emily's name on the display, I smiled as I answered, "Hey..."

Edward interrupted, saying he'd see me later. Emily was already chattering away as I replied, "Yeah…later. Hey, it was nice to meet you, man!"

I waved at him as I walked out the door, putting the phone back to my ear and asking Emily to repeat what she said, apologizing for not having listened the first time. She kept up a mostly one-sided conversation as she told me about this guy in one of her classes. My mind was only half on what she was saying, the other half going over the night and Mr. Richie Rich. He hadn't asked for my number, and I felt a stab of disappointment at that, but I had his. And I had a reason to call.

I smiled as I checked traffic to make sure I could safely get in my car as I hit the auto-lock. After a few cars passed, there was finally a break, and I got in quickly, waiting to drive until Emily was finally done with her need to share. I would have put my Bluetooth on, but I knew she hated it when I talked to her on that thing, so I patiently sat and waited, offering commentary when called for.

When I got off the phone with Emily, I dropped it into the cup-holder beside me. I realized I was still holding Edward's card - it was slightly bent now from being in the same hand that had held my keys. I looked at it for a moment, a smile tugging at my lips as I tapped the card against my fingers. _Better put this somewhere safe._ I grabbed my wallet, tucking the card behind my driver's license before putting my wallet back in my pocket.

About twenty minutes later, I finally arrived at our favorite little haunt. It was a small, family-owned Italian restaurant, and we'd been coming here for years. The owners knew each of us by name and also knew our favorite drinks, which usually ended up being delivered to us the moment our asses landed in our usual seats.

I waved at Aro and Gianna as I made my way over to Angela and Ben, planting a big kiss on Angela's cheek, causing her to giggle. "Hey Jazz, glad you could make it."

I grinned at her as I patted Ben's shoulder in greeting. "Angie, you know I wouldn't miss this. I'm just glad you were up to coming."

Taking the only free seat available - which was on Angela's other side - I waved at everyone else. It was good to see us all together again; it had been a while since we'd last managed to _all _get together at the same time. Peter was busy talking to Eric and Alice, and they all waved back with a grin before going back to their conversation.

To my right, Mike and Jessica were chattering away about something which held no interest for me; they both nodded in greeting, though Mike gave me a brief, scrutinizing look. I rolled my eyes at him but was spared any further action by Gianna appearing at my side with my usual Sam Adams. I grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it as I thanked her and gave her a wide grin.

Gianna blushed fiercely - as she always did - and walked away quickly. Angela and Ben sat watching me with amused expressions, and Angela shook her head. "You know... you just don't play fair, Jasper Whitlock. You bat for the other team, but throwing those wicked little grins of yours around without any discretion at all to us poor women folk..."

Her eyes danced mischievously as she tried to repress a grin of her own, so I grabbed her hand, pressing the back of it to my lips before flashing her a grin, too, murmuring, "I don't know what you're talkin' about, darlin'."

I winked at her as she giggled. She looked radiant, albeit a little tired. She carried her pregnancy with dignity, though I'm sure she would kill me if I ever suggested as much. I'd gone with her to the doctor on her checkups the few times Ben had been out of town and unable to make it back in time, and Ang and I had gotten closer than we'd already been.

Ben had been grateful that I'd been there, and I was only too happy to lend a hand. They were, for all intents and purposes, my family here in Boston. I glanced around the table again, smiling to myself. Each and every one of them was like family to me, and I'd do whatever I could to be there for them, and they for me. It had been like that pretty much since the beginning.

I frowned a little as I realized where my thoughts were headed and quickly squashed them down, not wanting to tarnish the night with thoughts of Paul. Tonight was to have fun and hang out with friends one last time before we would have a new addition to our throng - one we'd all been looking forward to. Angela was telling me about her day and how she had been determined to make it to the party tonight, so she had made sure to get in a long nap. I grinned at her as I took a long pull from my beer, which Ang eyed longingly as she sipped her water.

Aro and Gianna soon showed up carrying huge trays, filled with plates of food which they put on tray stands before handing each of us our plates. As was our usual custom, we spent as much time stealing bites off everyone else's plates as we did actually eating our own food. Aro kept a steady flow of drinks and breadsticks coming to our table, though by now I'd switched from beer to water as I was driving. The food was fantastic - as always. Once we were all done eating, we settled into our usual routine, and soon there were several conversations going at once.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and glanced up to see Alice leaning over me with a big grin. "Hey, stranger."

I twisted in my seat slightly, placing one hand on her cheek, planting a kiss on the other. "Hey, yourself! It's good to see you. Where's Becca?"

Alice wrinkled her nose a little and explained that Becca was off to visit her twin. We chatted for a bit, catching up on how the other was doing. It seemed she was very busy with her many endeavors but loving every minute of it. I knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't have things any other way; that girl could put the Energizer bunny to shame. I honestly didn't know where she found the energy to keep up with everything _and _spend as much time with Becca as she did. But, she did it, and she was happy, which is all that really matters, I suppose.

When she reached for my water to steal a sip, I noticed the bandage on her neck, and I tilted my head at her, grinning. "What did you get done this time, Ali-cat?"

She straightened up, her hand going to her neck with a soft chuckle. "Oh! I got a Moogle."

I raised an eyebrow at her, chuckling. "A Moogle...? I'd love to know the story behind that one, darlin'."

She shook her head with a grin. "The long and short of it is that it's something between me and Becca. I'm hoping it'll be healed in time for her return. I got it today, so..."

"Really? I got one earlier, too. Billy set me up with a knot."

Her eyes began to sparkle - always a sure sign of her being up to something, and it usually meant a set up of some sort for me. I sighed softly as she asked, "So Jasper, are you seeing anyone lately?"

I shook my head, deciding to try and charm my way out of her latest attempt at matchmaking by teasing her, "You know I think you're cute and all, Alice, but you're just not my type...besides, Becca would have my balls, and I like them where they are."

She rolled her eyes, laughing as she slapped my shoulder playfully. "Just answer the question, smart ass."

"No, not really. Why?" I frowned at her, my suspicions definitely raised now.

"Well, I was going to see..."

Before she could get the rest of her sentence out, though, Ben walked up behind us, putting a hand on each of our shoulders. "Hey you two, sorry to interrupt, but could Angela and I talk to you for a second?"

We both nodded, and Alice stepped aside so I could get up to follow Ben to a quiet corner of the restaurant. Ang was already sitting at a table, looking exhausted but happy. I took a seat next to her and put my hand on her neck, rubbing it gently, earning me a quiet smile from her. Alice had taken a seat opposite Angela, and Ben sitting down next to Alice, folding his hands in front of him on the table. He looked at us each in turn. "So...we've been meaning to ask you for a while but wanted to have you both together to do it...and I know this is kinda late and all, but things got sort of hectic and..."

I cut him off with a chuckle, "Ben! You're rambling. Come on, man, out with it. What's up?"

Ben took a deep breath, his eyes focusing on Angela, who nodded as they silently communicated. I was still watching Ben, but it was Angela that spoke up, "We wanted to know if the two of you would like to be the godparents of Mini-me here." She rubbed her belly gently and smiled at us.

Alice let out a small squeal, "Are you serious? Of course!! Yes, I'd love to be the baby's godmother! I'm honored that you'd ask me. Thank you so much!"

She turned in her seat so she could hug the stuffing out of poor Ben, who just chuckled and hugged her back, patting her back gently as he looked at Ang and me from the corner of his eye. I sat back in my seat, my hand having stilled on Angela's neck. I felt her turn to look at me, and I grinned at her. "I'd be honored, Angie...Ben. Thank you."

I leaned in to give Ang a careful hug, kissing her cheek lightly as I did so, whispering, "Thank you; you don't know how much that means to me."

We sat and talked for a few more minutes before rejoining the others, and they announced the news. Mike gave me a huge grin as well as two thumbs up, and I couldn't help but chuckle at him. He knew that family was big for me, even if I never did see me having one of my own.

The evening wound down, and we all began to say goodbye not long after. Alice had thankfully been so distracted by the fact she was going to be a godmother that she hadn't brought the topic of dating around again - something I was very grateful for. I loved Alice, but I really hated being set up, even if - according to her - it was with 'Mr. Right-For-Me'. I rolled my eyes at myself at that thought before hugging everyone goodnight, including Aro and Gianna, thanking them for putting up with us yet again - to which Aro just laughed and told me we would always be welcome.

When I finally made it home, I was exhausted. It had been a long day, but I had to admit, an interesting one. Hanging my keys up on their hook, I kicked my shoes off, placing them under the little bench next to the door before walking through the living room to the small hallway leading to my bedroom. I didn't bother turning on any lights, as the streetlights filtering through the curtains provided enough light to see by. When I got to my room, I walked to my closet, pulled down a hanger, and hung my suit jacket up carefully. I removed my tie from my pocket, gently straightening it out before hanging it on the little tie rack.

I started unbuttoning my shirt as I walked over to my bed. Slipping out of the shirt and tossing it into the hamper between the bed and closet, I reached for my wallet to put it on my nightstand next to my phone like I always did. When I wrapped my fingers around it, though, I sat down on the edge of my bed, opening it and staring at the card poking out from behind my driver's license. After sitting like that for a minute or so, I took the card, tossing my wallet onto the nightstand.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, pursing my lips as I thought about the hours I'd spent with Edward at the parlor. My hands were clasped together with the edge of the card under my thumbs, the paper a pale rectangle in the dim light while the black text of his name stared up at me. I sighed as my mind went over all the looks, sounds, and gestures that had passed between us. I had been so certain he would make a move, anticipated it, even.

It took me a moment to realize that I had ended up tapping the card against my lips. Shaking my head, I grabbed my wallet again, tucking the card back in place, making a mental note to leave it at my desk, or I'd be tempted to call him. Just the thought of hearing his voice again was enough to make me groan and roll my eyes at myself.

I quickly undressed, stripping completely before crawling under the covers. The sheets were cool, making my skin feel hypersensitive where they brushed against me. I gave a lazy smile at the memory of meeting Edward as I shifted my hips, turning my head to the side on my pillow with a quiet sigh. I remembered the way he'd looked in that tight-fitting t-shirt and those low-slung jeans, a soft moan passing my lips when I thought of the fact that there had been nothing between me and a very naked Edward but a thin layer of worn denim and green cotton.

_Fucking commando._

I could feel myself beginning to harden, and my smile broadened as my eyes closed and I took my bottom lip between my teeth. Edward was absolutely gorgeous…that face, those eyes, those goddamn lips, and the way that broad chest narrowed toward his waist…he was just sexy as fuck. And he'd spent the whole night watching me with lust clear on his face.

Who could resist that shit?

Not me.

Taking my already semi-hard cock in hand, I stroked it a few times as I thought of the way the muscles in his toned back had moved when he pointed out the ink on his shoulder blade. I wanted to lick that shield, trace its shape with my tongue and bite his shoulder as I slowly thrust my cock into him.

My grip tightened as I imagined the way his tight ass would feel surrounding me, and when I thought of the sound of his seductive voice moaning my name, I grew impressively harder. For a split second, I felt a faint stirring of panic when I thought about the incredibly strong reaction I had to him – it wasn't just him physically, although that was sure as _fuck_ what was doing it for me right then – it was everything…his intelligence, the way he made me laugh, the appreciation he had for body art, the strange assortment of things he liked. All of it. I wanted it all.

And that scared the shit out of me.

I paused, my hand freezing on my dick. _Do I really want to do this?_

_Fuck. Yes._

I opened my eyes, looking for the box of tissues on my nightstand. I pulled it toward me and frowned. _Goddamn empty?_ I tossed it away, letting it land on the floor as I reached down and felt around, finding my discarded boxers. They'd do.

I left them lying on the bed beside me and settled back in, closing my eyes. I started from the beginning this time, imagining the way his lips would feel on mine and the way that little bit of stubble would scratch my lips as I nipped along his jaw. I could see myself grabbing his belt loops, pulling him to me roughly as he ground his hips into mine. I could feel his hands on my ass, squeezing, holding me closer as his hard cock met mine through our jeans.

Shooting my fantasy Edward a warning look, I commanded, "You fucking stay right there." I watched as he smirked, and I pulled his shirt over his head and licked my way down his torso to that torch tattoo I'd seen peeking over the waist of his pants. I was frustrated that I couldn't imagine it clearly, so I just covered it with my lips, licking and nibbling as my fingers ripped open his button-fly jeans. I yanked them down over his hips and licked my lips as I imagined the sight of his cock standing tall and proud right in front of me. I watched it twitch as my breath washed over it and smirked, raising my eyes to see the Edward of my imagination watching me with hooded lids.

In my bed, my right hand was wrapped around my cock, and I was stroking myself slowly, building the sensation as I let my mind take me to where I really wanted to be. I kept my hand near the head, teasing the rim while my thumb swirled pre-cum along my slit.

I felt Edward's cock filling my mouth, pressing down on my tongue as I sucked, creating a vacuum that had his knees shaking in no time. I imagined his hands on my shoulders, his low voice murmuring, "God…fuck…feels so…so good…"

I saw myself pulling away, grinning wickedly at the way his body slumped with the loss of contact, but I was far from finished with him. I grabbed his hips, forcing him to turn around. I was suddenly nude in that weird way fantasies had of working, and my hard cock nestled between his ass cheeks as I pressed myself against him, whispering in his ear, "Bend over."

My hand began to speed, my fingers massaging the underside of my dick as my lips parted, and I began to pant. My left hand reached between my thighs, teasing my balls before they dipped lower and pressed against my perineum, eliciting a loud moan.

The Edward in my mind groaned as I did, reaching back to grip my hips as he bent over the back of my couch. In my fantasy, lube was spread over my cock, and I stroked myself as I moved closer to Edward. The muscles in his back were defined, rippling as he placed his elbows on top of the couch and braced himself for me. I pressed my head into him slowly, hearing him hiss, "Ahh shit…fuck…Jazz…" I paused, but his hands pulled me closer as he begged breathlessly, "Fuck, no…don't…don't stop…more…fuck me…"

And suddenly, I _was_ fucking him, the sight of our imaginary bodies joined together making my hips buck on my bed as I stroked myself furiously. The fingers of my left hand pressed and rubbed beneath my balls, and my feet drew towards my ass, my knees spreading. The only image in my mind was that of Edward's face in ecstasy as my hips pounded into him from behind, his back glistening with sweat while his rough voice grunted and cursed.

I barely had time to get the boxers over the head of my cock before my release was spilling into them, my shoulders and knees both lifting off the bed as I came hard. My hand slowed but didn't stop, squeezing out every moment of pleasure before I collapsed back on the mattress with a breathless grunt.

"Fuck me," I whispered in a voice I barely recognized as my own before I cleaned myself up, bunching up the boxers with the mess on the inside and dropping them to the floor. I lay flat on my back, both arms raised over my head as I fell asleep almost instantly.

The weekend went by uneventfully. I slept in on Saturday after having stayed out as late as I did and spent the rest of the day just relaxing at home, sketching mindlessly, just to have something to do with my hands. Sunday was equally quiet, hanging out in front of the TV, spending a lot of time yelling at the Red Sox as they played the Angels; they lost, despite my best coaching techniques. Usually Mike would come around and watch with me, or we'd go and play baseball with the guys, but Jessica and he had plans to visit her parents this weekend, and with Ben - and truthfully, the rest of us, too - on delivery alert...well, we had just opted to cancel plans this weekend.

Around lunch time on Monday, we got the call that Angela had gone into labor. I'd just unwrapped my roast beef sandwich and nearly choked on it when Ben told me they were heading to the hospital. He'd already taken the next couple of weeks off to be at home with her and the new baby, so we hadn't been expecting him to come in anyway. I immediately panicked, telling him I'd be right there, but Ben put Angela on the phone, and she told me that it would likely be hours and to just keep working.

I don't know why any of us bothered to stay at the office. I know I, for one, didn't get shit done, as I mostly paced back and forth and checked my phone compulsively.

As soon as work ended, I drove over there and...waited. For nearly eight fucking hours, I waited at the hospital, alternating between visiting with Angela and Ben in her delivery room and sitting out on the uncomfortable vinyl chairs in the waiting room with the rest of the guys. They came and went, most of them going home for good by midnight, but when Ben stepped out of the delivery room at 2:13 that morning, Mike, Eric, and I were there to hear that Isabella Marie Cheney had joined our little extended family.

I guess I'd seen too many movies because I was expecting to see a perfect little baby all wrapped up in a blanket with a pink hat just sleeping peacefully. Instead what I saw in Ben's arms was a squirming, screaming infant with a red face and some sort of...white stuff...around her ears and nose. She was cute, I think, but it was kind of hard to tell with her face all red like that and her eyes squinched up. She had a full head of black hair, wet and slicked down against her head, and she was all wrapped up in a blanket except for her tiny fist, which she was waving in the air.

And despite all that, I felt myself smile._ Holy shit...that's my goddaughter._

It wasn't until the next day that I finally got to hold her. I stopped by on my lunch break, and Ang looked tired but happy as she saw me and beckoned me to her side. She'd been holding Isabella, and I had a hard time tearing my eyes away from them. When she asked if I wanted to hold her, I could only nod and hold out my arms as she laid her carefully in my embrace.

I stood, watching in awe as little Isabella - Bella, Ang corrected me - made small noises as she slept. I remembered holding Emily when she was born, but I'd been still been a boy, and though she was my little sister, this was something altogether different. _So precious..._ I looked up as I heard the click of a camera and grinned at Ben, nodding my thanks as I knew I'd end up with a copy of the picture he had just taken. I wanted to remember this moment.

Alice walked in right as I was about to hand Bella back to Angela. I looked at Ang, silently asking her if I could hand her to Alice instead, and she nodded with a smile. I walked up to Alice, who put her purse on the foot of Angela's bed before reaching out and taking Bella from my arms.

"Here, Ali-cat. Look at what you helped make possible..." I murmured softly.

Alice's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she looked up from Bella to me, before smiling at Angela. "Yeah, good thing you decided to come with me to the club, huh? Little Bella wouldn't be here otherwise."

She grinned slightly before gazing back down at her goddaughter. Angela was chuckling as she thanked Alice once again for setting her up on the date that led to her and Ben getting together. I was certain that Alice would never let them forget it, either. She was quite proud of having been successful in her matchmaking.

I watched Alice holding Bella for a few minutes before deciding I'd better head to the office again. Alice was too enthralled with the baby, and I didn't want to give her a chance to snap out of it enough to try and set me up again. After kissing little Bella on the forehead and giving Ang and Alice a quick hug each, I was out the door.

The following week and a half was spent doing the usual mundane shit like working. The only breaks in the monotony were the short visits I took to see my goddaughter. The rest of my time, I was mostly stuck in meetings or on the phone with customers. It was pretty goddamn boring, but it was part of the job, so I dealt with it. I always had a pad on hand - and a pen or pencil - as I had a tendency to doodle. It was a habit I'd once tried to break but over time had just accepted and taken into account accordingly.

Every day, though, I woke up and checked my tattoo. And every day I got more antsy when I saw that it still wasn't healed, especially when I'd get to the office and see his card staring me in the face. I had tucked it into the side of my desk pad, and it seemed to loom larger each day, catching my eye when I was on the phone or filling out paperwork. It also didn't help that Mike kept teasing me about my doodling.

He had come in to my office one day to talk about one of our upcoming trips and found me doodling while I was on hold on the phone. He'd taken the pad from me, looked at it, and given me a pointed glance, though for once, he at least had the good grace to wait until I was done on the phone before starting in on me. Normally my doodling wouldn't have interested him much, but what was - quite literally - staring up at him from the page he was holding clued him in that something - or rather some_one _- was on my mind.

He'd flipped through the pad, finding page upon page filled with Edward's eyes, lips, his face, hands... He had been my sole subject ever since I met him - something that both worried and excited me. Mike knew me well enough to know that this was unusual for me, and he tried time and again to find out who this new interest was, but I wasn't about to tell him I was fixating on some guy I met for only a few hours at a tattoo parlor. I knew that he would worry and remind me to not jump in head first, at least not without knowing how deep the waters were, so to speak.

Since I wasn't giving in on who the mystery man was, he decided to tease me relentlessly about it.

_Fucker_.

He'd been making suggestive comments about how _absorbed_ I was in my work and how I had an _eye_ for design when we were in sales meetings, each time glancing over and smirking at me. I rolled my eyes at him, internally shrugging. He wasn't finding out shit until I knew something more, and besides - if that was the best he could think of, I owed it to him to make him try harder.

The tattoo had been healing, albeit way too slowly for my impatient ass, but when I woke up on Friday morning two weeks after I got it and looked at it in the mirror, my eyes widened. I glanced down, inspecting it more closely. The last of the scabbing had fallen away, and it was completely healed, the black ink standing out on my paler biceps.

_Shit._

I'd been waiting for that moment since I met Edward, but suddenly I felt a mixture of excitement and foreboding. I could call him today. Right now, if I wanted.

_But do I really want to call him?_

I snorted when I asked that question, looking at myself in the mirror. There was only one answer - _fuck yes_. I glanced at my watch before I pulled on my dress shirt, deciding that I didn't want to look like some whipped, eager little boy calling him at dawn. _Lunch_, I decided and smiled at myself as I adjusted my tie.

The day seemed to drag on endlessly, probably because I glanced at the clock every minute or so, just to see if another minute had passed. For once, nothing was distracting me, not even the thought of little Bella. Every time I tried to concentrate, my thoughts were pulled straight back to that little white card under the edge of my desk pad. The card with his number on it.

Of course it had to be a day when literally _nothing_ was happening at work. I was caught up on everything, was in between sales trips, and Eric's department had all the programming under control for once. Finally, around 11:15, I got a call from the manager of one of the businesses we'd recently written software for. Thankfully, he was just calling to say thanks and to ask a few questions about some of the more complex features - I'd gone over them all with him when I helped set up their system, and I'd left the manual, but they never seemed to catch everything the first time.

When I finally hung up the phone, I glanced at the clock again.

_12:08_. _Lunchtime.  
_  
I bit my lip, suddenly feeling nervous. Rolling my eyes at myself, I grabbed the card as I pulled out my cell phone. I'd refused to program the number, knowing I'd be too tempted to call before I should if I had it on my phone. I was almost done dialing the number before I realized I hadn't even needed to _look _at the card. I already had the number memorized. _What the fuck?_

The phone kept ringing, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd misdialed when Edward finally answered, "Hello?"

His voice was husky, and it had me squirming in my seat. _Fuck! He even _sounds _like sex on legs on the phone!_ I cleared my throat before answering. "Edward? Hey, it's Jasper."

I was about to say why I was calling, when Mike popped his head around the door without knocking, "Hey Jasper, I need the file for the Thomason account. Do you have it still?"

I groaned and gritted my teeth, asking Edward to hold one second. I pulled the phone from my ear, resting it with the mouthpiece against my chest as I glared at Mike, my voice a lot harsher than I had intended it to be. "Mike, it's lunchtime. I'm on the phone. Whatever you need can fucking wait until I'm done."

Mike frowned and stupidly continued on, "Dude, I need that file; they're going to be calling..."

"Mike! I am on. The. Fucking. Phone! What part of that are you not getting?"

I glanced around my desk quickly, rifling through the files I had waiting on me, and grabbed the file he asked for, walked around my desk, and pressed it against his chest as I growled out, "Here's your damn file. Now get the fuck out. I'll check in when I'm done with lunch."

Mike looked confused for a moment before he took the file in his hand and turned to leave, shaking his head and muttering under his breath as he closed the door behind him.

_Shit. Going to have to talk to him when I'm done. That was way out of line_.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, cringing as I realized that Edward would have heard everything.

_Fucking great. _

I walked back to my chair and plopped down with a sigh, running my fingers through my hair nervously. "Edward, you still there? Sorry about that..."

_"Yeah, I'm here. What's up?"_

I ran my fingers through my hair again, letting out a slow breath before answering him, "Umm…yeah…was just calling to see if you were still interested...? In taking those pictures, I mean....for your book?"

_Great, could you sound like a bigger tool? _I bit the inside of my cheek in frustration, trying to keep myself in check.

_"Oh...yeah, that'd be great. You're all healed up then?_"

"Umm, yeah..." _Way to sound intelligent there, Whitlock_. "Yeah, it's healed up fine." I sat back in my chair, slowly swinging from side to side as I waited for him to say something. When he stayed quiet, I puffed my cheeks out with a sharp breath. "So..."

As I spoke, he finally replied, saying _"Oh, good. Umm...well, did you want to maybe get together this weekend?"_

I grinned at the thought of seeing him again so soon. Without really thinking about it, my hand found my pencil, and I began doodling, not paying any real attention to what I was drawing as I continued to talk. "Yeah...this weekend's fine. When?"

_"I have this housewarming thing on Saturday for some friends of mine. So maybe Sunday evening? Around five or so?"_

My hand hovered over the paper as I paused to consider the possibility of canceling the plans I had with the guys. _Fuck. I can't cancel. It's Eric's birthday, and he's having a hard enough time right now with just being dumped by D. I can't do that to him._ I sighed, "I can't...I'm going out for dinner." Pausing briefly, I muttered, "Damn it," before speaking normally again. "Earlier in the afternoon, maybe?"

"O_h_._"_ Did he sound disappointed? The possibility made me smile. _"Yeah, okay. Two then? It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours."_

The pencil was moving freely over the paper again as I thought this over briefly. "Yeah, two's fine."

There was a pregnant pause without either of us saying anything for a while until Edward finally spoke up.

_"Okay then. I guess I'll see you Sunday. Oh - did you need directions or anything?"_

I snorted softly at the thought of not being able to find his place. _Fucking Beacon Hill. Yeah, I think I can manage that, Richie Rich. _"No, I think I can find it..." I paused a moment, then added, "If nothing else...I can mapquest you."

There was another pause before I said, "So...yeah..." I cleared my throat lightly, trying to get rid of that awkward feeling that was settling in. "Sunday...two o'clock...I'll be there."

I could hear a faint rustling sound coming through the line as he gave a soft grunt, and I frowned. _Ah fuck no. Sex-on-legs actually _is_ in bed? _I felt a stab of jealousy that took me by surprise as I wondered if he was alone.

_"Alright. I'll see you then. Just umm...call me if you need anything?" _There was a slight pause and then, _"I mean, you know, if you need to reschedule or whatever..."_

"Yeah... sure..." I was about ready to hang up when I realized I had one more question. "Oh! Umm...anything in particular I need to, you know, wear..?" I paused, trying to figure out how to say this, as it was true on more than one level. Not to get all emotional and shit, but it had been a long time since I'd felt anything like the pull I felt toward Edward, and the fact that I was letting myself maybe go after him was...well, fucking scary, to be honest. "Never exactly done...this ...before."

_I can tell you what I _won't_ be wearing. It sure as fuck won't be underwear. _I stifled a groan as I thought back to the night we'd met, and the fact he had said he'd been going commando. That thought had been taunting me for the last two weeks - as well as providing ample source for a fantasy or twelve - and I was determined to do much the same to him if I could.

_"Oh, umm...no, not really. Just whatever you're comfortable in. I want you to look like...you, really."_

I frowned at that as I tried to figure out what it meant, exactly. I ran my fingers - pencil still in hand and all - through my hair. "Oh…okay...sure, no problem..." I chuckled softly and added, "That should be easy enough."

_"Alright, well, I guess I'll see you then...Oh, and hey...thanks."_

_"_You're welcome...see you then..."

I ended the call, tossing the phone and my pencil next to the pad I'd been using. Groaning softly, I ran both my hands vigorously through my hair. _Fucking hell, could that have been any more awkward?!_

Sighing, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my desk, finally glancing down at what I'd been idly drawing while on the phone with Edward. Staring up at me from the page was a pair of eyes. A pair that had become intimately familiar to me over the last two weeks. Edward's eyes. And he was looking up at me through hooded lids. _Sex-on-legs._

_Fuck me…_

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_**A/N:**__ Your reviews make us smile – please leave us a message and let us know what you think!_


	3. Going Out of My Head

_**A/N:**__ We're so glad so many of you enjoyed getting to know Jasper in the last chapter! Several people asked if this will be alternating POVs. Sometimes it will, and sometimes there may be a split chapter or one of the characters might get a couple of chapters in a row – it just depends on which POV is best for the story at that point. Thank you so much for all your reviews and thoughts!_

_Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHelm**__ and__** kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**EPOV**

When I finally woke up on Saturday, I could tell it was late in the day. Even though I had never been a morning person, I usually managed to be up by 9:00 or so, especially when I had company. But last night, I had lain in bed for hours, trying my best to forget Jasper's eyes…that playful smirk that was so often on his lips…that enticing scent that seemed so familiar. I'd stared at the darkness of my ceiling for so long that the glowing green numbers of my alarm clock seemed to grow brighter and brighter, the light making it even harder to sleep as the time taunted me. Eventually, I'd tossed one of my throw pillows over the infernal clock, rolled over onto my stomach, and used my stubborn nature to will myself to sleep.

I pushed myself upright with a groan, yawning as I ran my fingers through my hair and took in the bright light shining around the edges of my thick curtains. I picked up the throw pillow, letting it fall to the floor as I glanced at the clock.

_11:53…still technically morning, right?_

I chuckled and then grimaced at the taste in my mouth, realizing too late that I hadn't brushed my teeth last night.

_Ugh, stale coffee and ice cream._

I ignored the pajamas on my floor and made my way to the bathroom in my boxers, where I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste from the shower and took them back over to the sink. As I brushed my teeth, I studied myself in the mirror, smirking at the nice red crease marking my face from the middle of my forehead all the way down to my right jaw. My hair was hopeless, but I didn't particularly care. It wasn't like I had anyone to impress anyway.

Back in my room, I got dressed in the pajama pants and t-shirt from last night on the off-chance that Kate was still downstairs. I doubted it, but she had been known to stay and play games on one of my computers while she waited for me if she didn't have anywhere to be. When I passed by the open door to her room, I saw that her bed was made, and I gave a small sigh. It would've been nice to hang out with her a little while longer before I left for New York.

I took the stairs two at a time, yawning again as I tried to wake up. My stomach was growling after having nothing but ice cream since about this time the day before, so I walked into the kitchen to figure out what to do about breakfast. On the white board hanging on my refrigerator, a purple note was scrawled in Kate's girly handwriting, complete with a drawing of flowers, a smiling sun, and…something…some sort of animal curled up under one of the flowers.

_Breakfast casserole in the fridge_

_You're out of eggs_

_Have a great trip! Miss you!_

_P.S. That's you, Mr. Sloth._

_Shut up. I know I can't draw, but at least I didn't sleep 'til noon._

I laughed at the smiley face sticking out its tongue next to her last note and opened the refrigerator, pulling out the breakfast casserole. Even though I was the one who taught her how to make it, she'd still put a note on top that gave the instructions for warming it in the oven. I chuckled, shaking my head as I pulled the note off, scooped out a huge serving, dumped it on a plate, and popped it in the microwave instead.

While it warmed, I filled my tea kettle and put it on the stove, deciding a nice cup of Earl Grey was exactly what I needed to go with my newly improved mood thanks to Kate. When I got to the pantry, though, I frowned at the empty space where the canister should have been, and then I remembered having the last of it a few nights earlier. I'd meant to buy more, but I didn't feel like a trip to the grocery store right before going out of town.

Slightly disappointed, I pulled out some of my spiced apple chai instead, deciding it would go well enough with the breakfast Kate had left for me. By the time the microwave beeped and the kettle was singing, my fleeting good mood had faded, leaving me brooding again.

_Fuck this. What the hell is wrong with me?_

I sat down at my bar – I never bothered with the dining room unless I had people over – and picked at the casserole. I was scowling at my food, stabbing it with my fork like it had personally offended me.

I sighed, letting the fork drop onto my plate with a clatter as I tangled the fingers of my right hand in my hair, resting my forehead against my palm while I sipped my tea. I was…morose. Dejected. Depressed. And it was all because of what I'd overheard on the phone last night.

_Utterly ridiculous._

I knew myself well enough to recognize that this wasn't just going to go away. I wasn't going to be able to say, "I'm over it," and have it be true. But I could make sure that I didn't let it ruin my day – and my trip. So I forced Jasper to the back of my mind – he settled in there, already taking up residence like he belonged. _The fucker._

I was gradually becoming angry – mostly with myself, but I was projecting it onto him, as if _he _had somehow wronged me before he even met me. Taking a deep breath, I ran my fingers through my hair to calm myself and resolved to just…let it go. For now, at least.

I picked up my fork again, concentrating on the way the food tasted – it really was delicious – and happier thoughts about how my best friend was amazing to have gotten up to cook my lazy ass breakfast this morning. I thought about the things I needed to do to be ready to leave, including picking a couple of my lenses up from the camera shop where they were being cleaned. I began making a mental list as I ate.

By the time I was heating my second serving of Kate's casserole, I'd grabbed a pen and my grocery list notepad to make a list of the things I had to get done. It was really sad that my memory was so terrible that my list had to include things like, "Pack socks," and "Remember boarding pass," but such was life. I'd learned to cope with having a memory like a sieve.

So why the fuck was Jasper still there? Why could I remember - precisely - the blue shade of his eyes and the way they darkened to indigo toward the center and around the outer rim with that ring of sky blue in between? Why was the sound of his sigh so perfectly rendered in my memory?

_Because you're obsessive by nature, and Kate's right – you're fucking getting ahead of yourself._

_It's. Impossible. ____He's__ impossible. Move on._

Grumbling, I realized that Jasper had again assaulted my mind, and I repelled him once more, tapping the pen against the pad as I ran my tongue ring along my lips and thought about what else I needed to pack. I started a list in the corner of the paper of things I needed to buy while I was out – all those random three-ounce bottles of shampoo sorts of things that fit the airline safety regulations. As I wrote, I ate the rest of my breakfast, getting up in the middle for a glass of orange juice I downed in one long pull.

Finally sated, I leaned back on my stool and stretched before I picked my dishes up and carried them to the sink. Kate had loaded the dishwasher with our dishes from last night and the ones she'd used this morning, so I added my few and started it. The humming of the machine magnified the racing thoughts in my brain, so I left the kitchen, pulling off the sheet of paper with my list on the way.

I was running late after my night of Jasper-induced restlessness, so I went back upstairs to take a shower so I'd make it to the camera shop before they closed at 2:00. I stripped as I made my way through my room, this time dropping my clothes in the hamper just inside my bathroom door. I turned on the shower and closed the glass door, stepping back over to the sink to look at myself in the mirror.

I twisted and turned, pinching at my sides to see if I had gained any weight. I'd been a little lazy the last few weeks, and I really needed to get back to the gym. I'd at least been running, but the heat of the summer was getting to me, and I was letting it keep me indoors too often. Still…

_Not bad____, _I thought as I examined myself.

Of course looking at my body that way just reminded me of those damned blue eyes on me last night. Jasper lurked in the back of my mind, his face a specter that I stubbornly pushed away.

_Impossible._

In the mirror, I saw that steam was gathering near the ceiling, so I walked to the shower, opening the glass door and stepping beneath the spray of the dual showerheads. When I'd added the master bath several years ago, I'd spared no expense, and I knew it was a little bit of overkill – but, damn it, if I was going to do something, I was going to do it right. No half-assing anything for me. Besides, this shower and my oversized garden tub were two of my favorite places to be.

_Preferably with someone._

I grinned at the thought before I sighed and began to wash, lathering up my body and then rinsing it. It had been about half a year since Alistair and I broke up – well, finally broke up for good, anyway - and I wasn't the type for one-night stands, so it had been quite awhile since there was someone else in here with me. I'd gone out with different guys here and there, but nothing that went beyond a few dates, a few kisses, and maybe a grope or two.

_Bleh, whatever. You're fine._

And truly, I was. I was a pretty independent guy. I wanted a family someday – that was really the source of conflict in my relationship with Alistair – but I was also alright alone. I wasn't going to settle for something that was just okay when I knew there was something amazing out there. I wanted what my cousin Emmett had with Rosalie – they were everything. Best friends. Lovers. Playmates. Companions. Husband and wife.

Okay, so the husband and wife thing wasn't for me.

_Now, husband and husband…_

I smirked and laughed at myself, shaking my head as I reached for my shampoo bottle. I massaged my scalp, giving a small, content sigh before I tilted my head back to rinse the shampoo away.

I was a stubborn, picky bastard, and I knew it would likely take me a long time to find him – the one who could be everything for me and would let me be everything for him. But I knew I would find him, and that thought made me smile quietly to myself as I looked in the fog-free mirror on the shower wall to shave.

_You are a hopeless romantic, you know that? Too much Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire for you._

I just shrugged. It was true, but _my _Mr. Perfect would like that about me, too.

_You're fucking making ____me__ sick now._

I really was getting ridiculous, so I laughed and stepped out of the shower, drying off quickly as I remembered the million things I needed to do. I scrubbed the towel through my hair and then wrapped it around my waist, going to the vanity to brush my hair and put on deodorant. I dressed like I almost always did – in jeans and, this time, a brown t-shirt – and grabbed socks on my way out of my bedroom.

Within a few minutes, I was in my car and heading down the street – after going back inside to grab the list I'd forgotten, of course. I stopped at the camera shop first to pick up my lenses and spent a few minutes talking to the owner. The shop was one of those small, familiar places that I loved, and the owner was an ancient little man who kept a display of antique cameras that he would ramble about for hours to anyone who would listen. It was normally a favorite pastime of mine, but I was in a hurry and had to cut him short, promising that I'd be back in a couple of weeks to hear about the Kilburn gun camera he'd recently acquired. He patted my back, telling me I was a good boy, and I was genuinely smiling when I walked out of the shop with my plastic bag in hand.

On my way to the store for my travel-sized everything, I got caught near Fenway Park and spent the next forty-five minutes in stop-and-go traffic. At first, I sang along with the radio, rolling down my windows and listening to the sounds of the crowd drifting down from the stadium, but after about fifteen minutes – when I'd moved all of a quarter of a mile – I was fuming.

I rolled my windows up to block out the exhaust from the cars around me, and I kept gripping the steering wheel tightly before I released it again, checking my rear-view mirror obsessively and looking out my windows as if an opening would suddenly appear. I kept up a mental rant, grumbling to myself when someone didn't move fast enough. Finally, cars began to drift forward…all except the one in front of me, which just sat there.

_Move, goddamn it!_

I frowned, leaning forward as though getting a better look at the driver would do anything. I caught sight of a woman with her cell phone in her hands, her head lowered to look at it.

_Fucking texting? Are you ____kidding__ me?_

I honked the horn, and she jumped, her eyes snapping to mine through her mirror. Her eyes narrowed before she deliberately looked back down at the phone in her hand, her thumbs flying over the keys again.

_I will fucking ram you._

I let my foot off the brake, inching forward toward her rear bumper. I didn't really intend to hit her – at least I don't think I did. I loved my car, and Rosalie would have my ass if I let anything happen to it anyway. But apparently my face told a different story because when she glanced up again just a second later, her eyes widened, and she tossed the phone into the seat beside her, speeding forward.

_That's what I motherfucking thought._

Stupidly, I felt strangely vindicated as I was finally able to pass her, the traffic dissipating like some mystical fog with no source.

I managed to run the rest of my errands with no further annoyances, but I was still just…in a funk when I returned home. I set the sacks on the bench while I took off my shoes and hung up my keys. I left most of them there, picking up the one from the camera shop as I walked through my sitting room into the kitchen.

I was still full from my massive breakfast, so I just sat at the bar and opened the sack, taking out the two lenses to look them over. They were in perfect shape, of course, and I carried them into my office to put them in my camera bag. While I was there, I went ahead and packed up my laptop, making sure to grab the power cord so I wouldn't have to buy_ another _new one. I carried the laptop case and camera bag back out into the sitting room, putting them in front of the sofa that was never used.

With a sigh, I gave in and decided to finally start the laundry I'd been putting off. I went upstairs and stripped my bed, adding the sheets to the already overflowing hamper before I carried it all the way downstairs to the basement.

The old storage cellar had been converted by my parents into a basement with roughed-in rooms, but I had still yet to finish most of them. The laundry room was near the base of the stairs, and my darkroom was in the far corner, but even with my wine racks covering one of the walls, there was plenty of open space for…whatever I decided I needed. The air was always cool and slightly dank, and for some reason, I loved it down there.

Walking into the laundry room, I let the hamper drop to the floor, the top layer spilling onto the tile. I dumped the rest out and sorted them – kind of – before starting a load of towels and heading back up the stairs.

Until the laundry was done, I couldn't really pack, so I was left with some time on my hands – and judging from the amount of clothing on the floor by the washer, it would be quite a bit of time. I felt tense and just slightly off, not quite myself. I frowned, running my fingers through my hair, before my feet carried me through the kitchen and into the sitting room, straight to my piano bench.

I sat slowly and then lifted the cover, running my fingers along the keys. The piano was an antique, and I relished the soft, smooth feel of the ivory beneath my fingertips. The keys had been played by many hands over the years, including my mother's, leaving them with subtle indentions and a glossy finish caused by frequent use.

Automatically, I played a few scales, warming up and checking to see that the piano was still in tune. Before my last scale was fully finished, I moved fluidly into Gershwin's "Someone to Watch Over Me." It took me a moment to realize what I was even playing, and then Ella's voice was singing in my ear, bringing a melancholy smile to my face.

I was singing along with the phantom voice in my mind, and as I heard the words, "Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet…" filling the otherwise empty room, I realized he had done it again. Jasper, the man I'd spent all of three or four hours with at most, was still there – his name, his voice, his face, those unbelievable eyes had been inscribed in my mind with indelible ink.

I let my voice trail off, though I kept playing, and as I played, I thought. I kept forcing him out of my mind, refusing to think of him because he was – quite literally – an impossibility. But maybe by trying so hard _not_ to think of him, I was actually ensuring that he stayed on my mind. I sighed, my fingers speeding up as I moved into the bridge.

As stupid as it sounds, I made an agreement with myself. If Jasper entered my mind, I would think of him. It was that simple. But I wouldn't dwell on him, and I wouldn't get angry or frustrated when he did crop up – as he no doubt would.

That ridiculous – and obvious – compromise allowed something in me to relax, and I began to lose myself in my music. Yes, I did think of Jasper throughout the afternoon, and it was most often in ways that were decidedly unhealthy for me, but I was able to let go. I was interrupted several times by the buzzing of the dryer, and I stopped from time to time to fold clothes and pack what I needed, but I returned often to my piano. It had always been something of a sanctuary to me, and I found I really appreciated the comfort it afforded that afternoon.

By the time the last load of laundry was packed or put away and my bed had been made again, I was starving. I rummaged through the refrigerator, but there wasn't a lot there, as I'd been cleaning it out as much as I could since I would be gone for about a week. I didn't feel like cooking, so I opened the junk drawer and shuffled papers, looking for the menu for my favorite Indian restaurant. I found it buried beneath several others and had to tug hard to pull it free – I guess it had gotten stuck in the back corner.

Pulling my cell phone from my pocket, I sat at the bar, smoothing the menu where my rescue efforts had crumpled it. The number for delivery was actually programmed into my phone, so I scrolled through until I found it, deciding on my meal while the phone rang. I placed my order, was told it would be the usual forty-five minutes or so before the food arrived, and closed my phone again, dropping it into the pocket of my jeans.

I grabbed a beer and opened it, tossing the cap into the trash on my way to the den. There, I flopped down on the couch, putting my feet on the coffee table and slumping against the back as I drank my beer. I turned on the TV and flipped through a hundred or so channels before deciding there was nothing on, so I turned it off again and tossed the remote control back onto the table.

I was bored and tired and hungry.

I didn't feel like watching a movie or doing some work or playing a computer game. I also didn't feel like sitting and staring ahead – that sounded like the perfect invitation for Mr. I'm-Fucking-Impossible-But-I'm-Going-To-Taunt-You-Anyway.

After a minute, I smiled when the solution hit me, and I pulled my phone back out of my pocket, holding down the _3_ to call Emmett. If nothing else, he'd make me laugh about something.

"_What the fuck do you want?"_ Emmett's voice demanded, but I could hear the smile in it.

"Hey, dickhead. I figured it'd been too long since I let you give me shit, so I did you a favor and called." I grinned as I took a long drink of my beer, listening as he launched into an expletive-filled description of what an asshole I was.

_It's good to be missed._

When he finally wound down, I talked to him about the trip I wanted to plan, and we settled on Labor Day weekend for my visit. I would be going back again in Thanksgiving for a longer trip, so I was just going to fly out on Saturday and come back late Monday night.

I could tell Emmett was excited, and I was, too – it had been too long since I'd gone to see them – but I wondered if I should be a little worried when he said, _"Oh yeah! I have a surprise for you!"_

I chuckled. "Is it more tongue rings?"

Last Christmas, Emmett had gotten me an assortment of novelty tongue rings with messages like "Cum Here" and "I Swallow." Rosalie apparently hadn't known he was getting them and had smacked the back of his head, but I thought they were fucking hilarious.

He snickered. _"Why? You already wear those out? Slut."_

I couldn't help but laugh, even though my situation was far from funny. "Shit, man. I wish. There's been no activity on that front since Alistair."

"_Damn, dude. Seriously? That fucking sucks, man…did you at least get to use them?"_

"Nah, things were already…ehh…well, you saw at Christmas. Just not good. And then he left right afterward to go back to London for a couple of months, remember?" I shrugged even though Emmett couldn't see me and then balanced the phone on my shoulder as I took another sip of my beer.

"_Yeah, man, I saw…" _He paused, probably at a loss as to what to say. _"Hey, maybe while you're in New York, you should go to one of those clubs."_

"'Those clubs'? What the fuck are you talking about, man?"

"_You know…"_

When I didn't say anything, he finally continued, _"You know…those clubs. The ones where you can at least find some guy to suck your dick. Shit!"_

I laughed, the phone slipping off my shaking shoulder and falling into my lap. I picked it up again and said, "Fuck, maybe you're right. Not really my style, but maybe I'll think about it."

We talked for a few minutes more before there was a knock at the door. He heard it and said, _"I know you gotta go. Have a good trip, man – we'll see you in a few weeks, right?"_

I said definitely, and we exchanged a few more insults as I walked into the front hallway. I hung up the phone as I was opening the door, a smile on my face. I was still chuckling when I signed the credit card receipt and took the bag of food. I locked the door and dropped the food off in the den before I went into the kitchen to get a fork and another beer.

I didn't bother with a plate, eating my chicken vindaloo and sang paneer straight from their containers. I unwrapped the cheese naan from its foil and gave a small moan of appreciation when I had the first bite.

The sound was odd in the silence of the room, especially coupled with what Emmett had just been suggesting, so I snickered as I reached for the stereo remote, turning it on to give me some background noise. One of my jazz CDs was playing, and I sat back, relaxing as I polished off my beer and the rest of the vegetable samosa. I just rested on the couch for several minutes after I was finished, listening to the music in the dim light of the single lamp I'd turned on.

I considered calling Kate but decided not to when I gave a huge yawn that made my eyes water. _Maybe I'll just go to bed instead_. It had been a long day after a largely sleepless night, and I had to be up early for my flight, so I spent a few minutes cleaning up my mess, washing the fork by hand so no dishes would be waiting for me. I checked my list again, making sure all my bags were packed and stacked together in the sitting room. I double-checked that I had my cell phone charger and batteries for the camera and things like that as well as one of my composition books.

Satisfied, I turned off the last of the lights and trudged up the stairs to get ready for bed. On autopilot, I stripped out of my clothes, brushed my teeth, and settled beneath the covers. I felt much more comfortable without any clothes to twist and bunch up, and I was absolutely positive I would fall asleep in no time.

Not so.

I closed my eyes, only to find _his_ blue eyes gazing up at me through his lashes with that damn smirk on his lips. I shifted, turning my head on the pillow as if that would actually change the view I saw behind my eyelids, but he was there on my other side as well. I felt my teeth bite into my bottom lip as my hips moved, and I realized that – whether it was caused purely by Jasper or not – I was fucking horny as hell.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead before I let my hands drop back to the mattress. After the hours I spent tossing and turning the night before, I wasn't about to do that shit again.

With barely a thought at all, I flung back the covers and got out of bed again, walking downstairs just as I was. I grabbed my laptop bag and returned to my room, unzipping the case and pulling my computer out. I plugged in the power cord – I hated the way the screen darkened when it just ran on the battery – and tossed the case to the floor before I piled pillows around and balanced my laptop on them.

Maybe it was sad how well I knew how to set everything up for the best possible…experience – and how quickly I could get it done - but fuck it. I was a man with needs, and for quite awhile now, I'd been the only one around to meet them. Even when Alistair and I were together, we'd sometimes gone for weeks without seeing each other.

I put in my password to log on to the computer, and while it was booting up, I reached into the drawer of my nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and putting it beside my box of tissues. _If I'm going to do this shit, I might as well do it right._

Within minutes, I'd pulled up my favorite porn site and was scrolling through videos. I could feel myself begin to lengthen, growing thicker as what I saw piqued my interest. The fingers of my left hand were trailing along my cock, squeezing and teasing while I looked for one I really wanted to watch.

The bareback videos always caught my eye. It was something I'd never tried, and I was definitely intrigued by how it must feel. The first few I clicked on had guys I didn't like for various reasons – too chunky, terrible mustache, weird looking dick. Yes, it was shallow. It was fucking porn. What other reason did I have to watch it?

The fourth was promising – both guys were in good shape, and one of them had a fucking hot tattoo centered between his shoulder blades. My hand sped when I saw the way they were manhandling each other, kissing and shoving and pulling - but the inked guy's partner had blond hair nearly to his chin. It was lank and didn't look nearly as good as Jasper's, but it was close enough to remind me of him…and the last thing I needed to do was jack off to someone who looked like him. It was one thing to not get upset if he crossed my mind. It was another thing entirely to fantasize about him and torture myself even more.

After checking a couple more videos, I finally found one that had me sitting up a little straighter, watching as two dark-haired men kissed. One had nipple piercings and had his hand in the other's hair, pulling him closer while he stroked his cock. As I watched, he yanked his partner's head back and pushed him to his knees. My left hand moved to my balls while my right finally wrapped around my stiff cock, giving it a few strokes before I reached over, pouring a bit of lube in my hand.

When I took myself in hand again, my eyes rolled back in my head, and I inhaled sharply, sliding down on the bed until I was lying partially on my side. As I heard moans coming from my laptop speakers, I opened my eyes again, focusing on the men on my screen. One licked the other, his tongue moving all the way from the tip of his lover's head to beneath his balls and back again before taking him as far as he could in his mouth. He wasn't all that impressive, really, but that didn't matter because with another tug of the hair, the pierced guy pulled him up to his feet, and in a matter of seconds, they were on the bed.

The pierced guy lay on his back, his legs sprawled out in front of him. The other straddled his hips, facing away from him, and reached down, holding his partner's dick as he slowly lowered himself onto it. I groaned when he did, my fist tightening around my needy cock as I imagined it buried deep within my lover. I matched my strokes to the movements I was watching, twisting my wrist and running my thumb over my head when I felt the need.

My own movements were rapidly bringing me to the edge, and my eyes kept drifting closed only to snap open again, seeking out the visual stimulation of the two men fucking on my screen. Their moans and sighs were in my ears, mixing with my own noises of desire, and I began to see flashes in my mind when my eyes fluttered closed – blue eyes…pouty lips…messy blond hair. I forced my eyes open again, moaning loudly when the man on top wrapped his hand around his cock. My strokes mirrored his, and I felt the tension beginning in my hips and thighs, spreading and concentrating in my balls as they tightened. I reached for a tissue and brought it to the head of my dick just in time to catch the messy fruits of my labor.

I relaxed back on the bed, working to control my breathing. My arm was bent across my eyes, my other hand still holding my cock. I spent a few moments just lying there, enjoying the bliss that comes with such a release, until the noise still coming from my laptop began to annoy me.

Reaching under my bed, I pulled a baby wipe from the container I kept there and cleaned myself up, wiping away both lube and semen before I threw the wipe and tissue into my small trashcan. I shifted onto my side, closing the website and then shutting down the computer. I clicked off my lamp and rolled back onto my side, closing my laptop but leaving it on the bed – it was a king size, and lord knows I had enough room. There wasn't any thought in my brain.

I just passed the fuck out.

-----------

Wind ruffled my hair as I peered out over the railing, my eyes scanning the Lower New York Harbor skyline. It was Wednesday morning around 10:00 – relatively early for me – and I was on a ferry heading for the Statue of Liberty, surrounded by people from all walks of life.

I reclined on the little blue bench, enjoying one of my favorite activities – people watching. I'd been to New York City many times over the years, but I still picked out one or two touristy things to do every time I visited because those types of places were the best for attracting large groups of diverse people.

My trip so far had gone well. I'd checked into my hotel Sunday afternoon when I arrived and taken a nap, then gone out that evening, walking through Little Italy and picking a restaurant at random. As I'd sat back and enjoyed my seafood linguine, I listened to a family nearby singing "Happy Birthday" in Italian to a little boy dressed in a black suit with his hair slicked back. He looked to be no more than five or six, and he was bursting with excitement, bouncing in his seat until his father finally handed him a present to open. I smiled, watching them openly as I ate my food and sipped my wine. Before I left, I placed an order for cannoli to be sent to their table, paid my bill, and walked out with a smile still on my face.

Every meal since then, I'd chosen a different type of food, working my way through the world map one restaurant at a time. It was a tradition when I was in New York – one that usually made Kate groan and ask if we could just eat a hamburger by about day three.

My days had been spent out in the field, scouring the city for interesting graffiti. There was no shortage, of course, and I'd found some unique, colorful samples in subway stations, under overpasses, and even on the wall of one of the public libraries. I was quite happy with my new additions, and I'd even met a few people who allowed me to snap quick pictures of their body art. There was nothing I felt I _had_ to have for my book – nothing that would have made me set up a full session – but there were absolutely some that would end up on some of my collage pages.

I could really see it starting to come together in my mind, and every afternoon, I couldn't wait to get back to my hotel to work on layouts and color schemes before I went out for dinner. After dinner, I usually ended up back at my computer, playing with fonts and thinking – again – that I really should've enrolled in more graphic design classes, although I was grateful for the ones I had taken.

Little things kept reminding me of Jasper – that man's hair, this woman's eyes, that man's jawline. I even caught a hint of his scent when I was walking past an open air cafe one afternoon. It was frustrating how…familiar…he felt after having spent only a few hours together. It was part of what I hadn't even tried to explain to Kate – that pull to him. That feeling of something more.

Nighttime was the worst. During the day, I kept myself busy. My mind was either absorbed in the work I loved, or I was playing tourist. I'd spent a few hours at MoMA, wandering through the exhibits as I listened to the soft voice through the headphones tell me about Cezanne's _Self Portrait in a Straw Hat_ and Rodin's _The Three Shades_. It was a vastly different experience than the tiny gallery I visited on Monday night. The gallery was one of my favorites – an undiscovered gem that showcased photographs from local artists. I visited it every trip, and the talent never failed to impress me. I always left feeling inspired, ready to take my camera out to record my unique view of the world.

But at night…all of those distractions were gone. I worked well into each night, hoping that sheer exhaustion would drive Jasper's memory away, but he refused to be evicted. I didn't dwell on him, but I didn't try to force him away. When he was there, he just…was.

Much as I hated to admit it, I found myself masturbating more often. At first, I tried to convince myself it wasn't because of Jasper, but that didn't last long – because, really, what else had changed?

Nothing.

My life was exactly the same as it had been for the past five months…except that now I'd met a man I'd talked to for hours without a pause in conversation – except when I lost my train of thought and stared at his tempting body with those fucking amazing tattoos and nipple rings.

Yeah, there was only one reason I was beating my poor dick into submission…and I didn't even know that reason's last name.

_Mr. Impossible._

I grimaced, bringing myself back to the present as I heard the sound of children giggling. I ran my fingers through my hair, looking around. Just ahead of me to my right was a group of about fifteen blue-haired women, all wearing matching red hats and purple shirts. They were talking and cackling, putting me in mind of a flock of squawking seagulls.

I chuckled when I glanced toward the sound of the giggling and saw another group of people in matching shirts – this time children who couldn't be more than five or six. Their shirts were neon green, and they were fucking _everywhere_. They were climbing over the benches and ducking behind them, always just out of reach of the women in matching green shirts that were trying to wrangle them. Watching the women made me smile. They were constantly in motion, eyes scanning the group as their mouths moved in silence, counting. They were vigilant and protective, despite their harried expressions.

_They've got a _long_ fucking day ahead of them._

Grinning, I let my eyes continue to roam, taking in passengers of what seemed to be nearly every ethnic group. Always curious, I took in the different ways of dressing, the various mannerisms, the way some individuals held themselves apart from others.

There were a few men dressed in suits spread around the ferry. I took a few minutes to admire each one, drawn to them as always. You'd think that my attraction toward well-dressed men would prompt me to dress up a bit, too, but I couldn't be bothered most of the time.

One of them in particular was very attractive. He was on his cell phone, giving me an opportunity to watch the way his lips moved and admire his jaw line and the movement of his Adam's apple. I leaned back, spreading my arms along the back of the bench as I played with my tongue ring, the clink as the metal hit my teeth lost in the wind from the ferry. His hair was short and styled a bit more than I usually liked, but as he talked, he turned partially away from me, leaning his elbows against the railing in a way that put his rather nice ass on display. I caught him peeking back at me over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow as he smiled. He kept his eyes on me while he was talking, and I felt the smirk on my lips.

_Not fucking bad at all._

But, really, I wasn't interested. He was nice to look at, but I didn't feel anything when I looked at him, and – fucking idiot that I am sometimes – I didn't want to settle for a pretty face.

The fact that I didn't even give him a chance to show me whether or not he was more didn't escape my notice.

_Oh, well. Not happening._

I didn't want him to be left with the same false hope I'd had with Jasper, so I glanced away from him, making sure my eyes didn't return to the nice ass in the black dress pants. Instead, I turned to face the other way, watching the passengers on that side much as I had the others.

It was during this study that my gaze finally fell upon them. At first, I wasn't even sure they were together. They were just two men, sitting on a bench across the way from me. One was wearing a blue henley with his jeans while the other had on a brown button down and khakis. They were carrying on a heated discussion, the one in the blue shirt gesturing with his hands while the other listened with a frown.

I'm not sure what about them caught my eye, but I watched them as their argument – I guess – continued. Finally, the one wearing brown said something that stopped the first in his tracks. He paused, staring at his companion with his mouth open before he suddenly threw back his head and laughed. He shook his head, chuckling, and I felt a smile tugging at my lips when the wind shifted, carrying his voice to me.

"I'm sorry, baby…I'm being an ass," he said before he wrapped his arms around the man who was obviously his lover.

"I'm used to it," was the teasing answer as the two shared a sweet kiss.

I felt a pang of longing as I watched hands move to cheeks and smiles spread on their lips. I caught sight of rings on their fingers and tilted my head a bit as I studied them. Now that I was paying attention, I saw the way they sat so close together. The one in brown had his right leg sprawled out, resting familiarly over the other's. When they parted, their foreheads pressed together as they murmured something – I imagined "I love you"s – and I finally had to look away when the one in blue began running his thumbs along his lover's cheekbones.

That. That was what I'd wanted with Alistair.

_What kind of person doesn't fucking want _that_?_

And it wasn't that we hadn't had those arguments or those sweet moments – we had. Any outsider looking at us would have thought that we were a couple – and we were. But we were a couple doomed from the beginning. There was a fundamental flaw in our foundation that had our relationship crumbling from the first time we kissed.

For a long time, I was okay with the time we spent apart. It was a necessary part of Alistair's job, and I respected that he wanted to do his job right. It made sense to my perfectionist nature. But the closer we got and the longer we were together, the more I found myself hating those mornings when I woke up alone.

I took a few trips to London, but it seemed to stress Alistair out when I was there for an extended period of time. I never worried that he was cheating – that just wasn't his nature – but it became painfully obvious that he valued our alone time far more than I did.

In the end, we drifted apart. Though it hurt me, I stopped relying on him. I stopped counting the days until his next visit. I still enjoyed talking to him, and he could always make me laugh. When he was in town, we still had fucking amazing nights together, but that was it. It was impossible for me to understand. I _knew_ Alistair loved me. But it was in his peculiar way. He was perfectly happy to go on as we were – seeing each other for a few weeks, then spending a few weeks apart, having the majority of our conversations through instant messengers and webcams.

I wasn't.

As I watched the couple on the bench kiss again before they parted and settled against each other to look out over the harbor as they talked, I remembered that last conversation we'd had as a couple. We were friends even now – we still talked, and he still visited when he was in town, but after that final exchange, we were no longer together. I heard his voice in my memory, that fucking accent of his still ridiculously sexy, even as he said the words that broke my heart.

"_I don't understand, Alistair. Why are you so dead set on living in London? You're here just as often. Why won't you move in and travel from here?" _

_We were sitting up in bed, what should have been our post-coital bliss interrupted by what I had _thought _would be a welcome proposition. To say I'd been dismayed with his answer was an understatement._

_He raked his fingers through his hair, exasperation clear in his lilting voice. "Edward…this is nothing new. You know I'm happy with the way things are. You're right – I _am_ here just as often. So why do you need me to move in?"_

"_I need you to move in because…" I frowned, trailing off as I thought. "Because, damn it, Alistair…I need something more…permanent. Something _real_."_

"_This _is_ real, love." _

_His thumb tracing my bottom lip did nothing to remove my frown as I shook my head. "No. I need to know that…fuck. I don't know. I guess I need to know there's something tying you here. You could fly home tomorrow, and I could never see you again unless you decided to come back. That's fucked up."_

"_It is not 'fucked up'." His anger made his accent more pronounced. He reassured me that he loved me, that he wanted me, that he wanted to _be_ with me…but he wasn't willing to make any sort of step beyond what we already had. This was it for him. And it wasn't nearly enough for me._

_The argument had gone nowhere. We talked in circles for hours before what should have been clear from the beginning became obvious._

_We just didn't fit._

I sighed, blinking as I shook my head and the ferry came back into focus. Ever since that conversation, I'd been thinking about the things I wanted in life – the things on which I wasn't willing to compromise. The list wasn't really very long. It was, in all honesty, pretty fucking basic.

But it was what I needed.

I wanted a man I could count on, someone I knew would always be there for me – and would let me be there for him. I wanted someone I could laugh with and someone who made me think. I wanted someone who turned me on and who was excited by me, too. I wanted someone who would argue with me and keep me in check when my stubborn nature got out of hand. In short, I wanted a man I could share everything with – a home, a family, dreams, sorrow, laughter, whatever life threw at us.

I needed a _partner_, not just a friend or a boyfriend or a lover.

Of course, the question of how to find that man remained. I had no fucking clue. But I figured it had to start somewhere, so I'd been dating, getting to know the men I went out with – and then ending things each time I realized that he wasn't the one for me. Now that I knew what I wanted and that I wasn't willing to settle, there was just no point in continuing beyond that. It sometimes made for a lonely existence, but in a lot of ways, I was more content than I had been in a long time. I felt better just knowing myself.

Thankfully, my self-reflective musings were brought to an abrupt end when the ferry docked at Liberty Island. I stood with the rest of the passengers, falling into line to file out onto land. I spent the rest of the day enjoying the sights and sounds around me. I continued my people watching but was spared more introspection, just letting everything go as I enjoyed the remaining hours of my trip.

By the time I made it back to the hotel, I was tired, worn out from the heat of the July day and climbing the stairs to the statue's crown. I ordered room service, grinning as I remembered how often Kate begged me to do that rather than going out for whatever ethnic food I felt like. On impulse, I called her, and we talked late into the night. She found _Fight Club_ playing on one of the movie channels, and we watched it together, commenting on Brad Pitt and Edward Norton and the beautiful mindfuck that was that movie.

When we hung up, I fell asleep right away, waking up the next morning just in time to throw my things back into my suitcase, take a quick look around, and rush to the airport to make my flight back home.

As soon as I made it home, I unloaded my bags from the car but left them in the front hallway. I hung up my keys and kicked off my shoes and then wandered into the den, stretching out on the couch. The trip had worn me out, and all I wanted to do was take a little nap to recover.

When I woke up, the room was bathed in darkness, and my neck was stiff from lying in the same position for who knows how long. I pulled my phone from my pocket and hit a button, squinting at the brightness of the backlight as I checked the time.

_10:51_

With a groan, I pushed myself up and yawned, blinking as I reached over to turn on a lamp.

_Fucking great._

I'd slept nearly ten hours and was now wide awake and starving. It wouldn't be the first time I'd had my days and nights confused. I really didn't have any responsibilities other than the ones I made for myself, so my schedule was often in flux.

I scratched my head and stood up, stretching with my arms spread wide overhead. I let them fall to my side with a grunt and then headed down the hallway, stumbling over the suitcase still sitting there.

_Motherfucker._

I gave the luggage a wide berth and made it to the kitchen without injury. I knew I didn't have a lot of food to choose from, so I turned on the oven to preheat and checked to make sure I still had a pizza in the freezer. Since I was awake, I decided to go ahead and unpack. I needed to clean up a bit anyway, since Garrett was coming over on Saturday for his session – and it looked like I'd spend part of Friday in bed asleep.

I pulled my suitcase down to the basement and unzipped it, dumping the clothes on the floor. Astonishingly, my laundry situation looked almost exactly the same as it had the day before the trip.

_How the _fuck_ did I manage that?_

Chuckling, I shook my head and began to sort through the mess, putting the first load in the washer. Back upstairs, I put the pizza in the oven and took my camera to the office to start the download before going back into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

I spent the night snacking on pizza, choosing pictures for my book, and working on the monster pile of laundry in the basement. I was completely absorbed in my work, and time passed quickly.

When the sun rose Friday morning, I found my way to my bed and fell back into a deep sleep, realizing as I was drifting off that I was no longer noticing each time I thought of Jasper…because I seemed to be thinking of him nearly constantly. I grimaced and sighed, flipping over onto my stomach and burying my face in my pillow.

My last thought before I passed out was simply…_What the fuck?_

Friday night, I was wide awake again, and by the time Garrett arrived on Saturday afternoon, I was operating largely on caffeine after having been up since the afternoon before. I invited him in and took him to the kitchen, where I offered him a beer while I showed him the portfolio showcasing some of my work. I grabbed a beer for myself, taking small sips here and there to help him relax.

He was wearing a long-sleeved white henley over his faded blue jeans, but he'd brought three other shirts with him as well. I repressed my snicker and told him that was great – he'd definitely come prepared. Once he was clear on how the session would go, we moved out to my back patio to take pictures in the afternoon sunlight. He looked good there – something about the red brick with ivy and roses crawling up the trellis brought out the best in his complexion, and I found myself smirking as I thought of how Kate would react to these pictures.

Just like the last time I'd worked with him, he required a lot of direction, but he always responded immediately and did exactly as I asked. What I hadn't realized, though, was how…cool he was. He was pretty fucking funny, and we joked through most of the session. It had been different when there were other models around and we were actually "at work." Here, we could relax, and I was really happy to see that he seemed to be a good guy - _maybe_ worthy of Kate.

In no time, he was shirtless and showing off my favorite tattoo of his – the text running along his ribs. I tilted my head to study it as he stood leaning forward against the wooden post of the trellis, his left arm flexing to support his weight. The script was old, reminiscent of the text tattoo that circled my calf, and I furrowed my brow as I read the words - _alea iacta est_.

_Latin?_

"So what does it mean?" I asked, the camera in both my hands at my chest.

"My tattoo?"

"No shit."

I smirked, and he laughed, saying, "Smart ass." His fingers trailed up his ribs as if he could actually trace the words there. "It means, 'The die has been cast.'"

I raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue.

"Caesar said it when he defied the Roman Senate and invaded northern Italy in 49 BC." He chuckled at the expression on my face, shrugging his shoulders. "I like history. It's important to remember, too – really just means that you've reached a point of no return, you know?" He continued on, muttering about the government paying attention, but my mind was already elsewhere.

_Point of no return_…_yeah, I know something about that._

Images of Jasper's fingers in his hair flirted with the edge of my memory, and I couldn't even really remember what it had been like when my mind had been wholly my own, back before an impossible blond man invaded my brain. I smirked again, but all I said was, "That's pretty cool…now let's get some pictures of it?"

He laughed and nodded, returning to his previous pose as I took a few more pictures. He put on a dark steel gray button down shirt as we moved back inside, and it was all I could do not to laugh out loud as I led him up the stairs.

"Your shirt will be perfect in here, I think…" I opened the door to Kate's room.

"Awesome, so where do you want me?"

I bit the inside of my cheek to control my smile. "On the bed, I think? Here…" I stepped forward and pulled back the covers, revealing the white sheets beneath.

Brown and bluish gray throw pillows were scattered everywhere, and Garrett nodded as he stepped forward and stretched out on the bed between them. "Like this?"

I lifted the camera, looking through the viewfinder. "Perfect…get comfortable. Maybe just stretch out and rumple the covers a bit so it looks like you've been sleeping there?"

_Kate is going to fucking kill me. Or kiss me._

I watched as Garrett wallowed around on Kate's bed, internally laughing as I imagined her expression when I showed her the pictures and she realized where, exactly, he had been. I took pictures of him with the shirt unbuttoned and then off, and we were soon done.

I led him back downstairs and into the kitchen again, where he'd left a couple of his shirts. I was flipping through the images on the screen with what I'm sure was a ridiculous grin on my face when he cleared his throat. I glanced up to find him putting his shirt back on, slowly buttoning it from the bottom.

"So umm…does that girl not help you anymore?"

_Ooh…now that's interesting._

"Actually, I was helping her," I said, not giving anything away.

He glanced down, his eyes studying his fingers as they continued working the buttons one by one. "Oh. So you work for her?"

I could tell he was digging, trying to figure out how Kate and I knew each other. I grinned, setting the camera on the bar and leaning back against it with my arms crossed over my chest. "Nah, I just help her out when she needs it." There was near silence in my kitchen, the only sound that of fabric rustling as Garrett continued with the world's slowest shirt-buttoning. I couldn't resist. "That was her bed you were playing around in actually."

His head popped up, his eyes widening and then narrowing as he frowned. He cleared his throat again. "Oh. Sorry, man. I didn't realize you two were dating."

I laughed, deciding to finally let him off the hook. "No, we're not dating. Far from it. Kate's my best friend."

His eyes were incredulous – and, really, they should've been. I mean, he'd seen how we got along at the last shoot, and I'd just told him he was in her bed. At my house.

I smirked. "Trust me. Kate's not my type."

He rolled his eyes, looking down as his fingers suddenly remembered how to operate buttons and made short work of the task. He didn't say anything, but his body language was screaming, _Yeah, whatever._

"Believe me…I'd be interested in you way before her."

His eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah, man, I'm gay," I said. "But don't worry…you're not my type either." I gave him a cheeky wink and then laughed when he blushed a bit and looked at a loss.

_Alright, so he _is_ pretty fucking cute when he blushes. Kate has good taste._

Chuckling, I went to the refrigerator and pulled out a couple more beers. I opened them and then held one out to Garrett. "I was hoping I could give you Kate's number, to be honest. I think you might be _her_ type."

His blush deepened as he reached out and took the beer. He took a long pull from it and then told me that sounded like the best fucking idea he'd heard in a long time. We talked awhile longer, and I was relieved to see that he seemed completely at ease with me – the gay best friend was part of the package with Kate, and it always hurt me when I saw _her_ get hurt because some asshole she was interested in couldn't handle my sexuality. It hadn't happened often, but I hated being a source of distress for her.

When he left –with all his extra shirts over his arm – he was grinning as he told me he'd be calling Kate that night. I smiled and waved to him from the doorway, and just as soon as I'd locked it, I had my phone out to call her.

I pressed her speed dial and then held the phone between my shoulder and ear as I picked up my camera and went to my office. I connected the camera and turned it on, noting that I had fifty-seven pictures of Garrett from our session.

_Perfect_.

Kate answered just as the download started, and I sat back in my office chair with a shit-eating grin on my face. "Katie-bug!"

"_Uh oh. What the hell did you do?"_

"I don't know what you're talking about." I rolled my eyes at myself as I heard the nearly sing-song quality to my voice. _Way to play it cool._

"_Edward…" _Her voice was a low threat that made me grin.

"I gave Garrett your number. And might have told him he's your type." I swung back and forth in my office chair, my eyes flickering to my monitor to check the progress of the download.

Kate shrieked. I couldn't tell what sort of shriek it was – the kissing or killing kind – so I waited, the grin still on my face.

There was silence.

"_Well? What the fuck did he say?"_

"I dunno…I guess you can ask him when he calls you tonight."

She squealed again and then launched into a series of questions. They were laced with explicit threats about what she was going to do to me when she saw me again, but I was confident that her obvious excitement would help spare me. Mostly, anyway.

We talked about the session, and I told her I'd call her as soon as the pictures were ready. I did _not_ tell her where I'd taken them – I figured the stunt with the number was enough for one night. Besides…I wanted to see her reaction, not just hear her shrieking like a goddamn banshee through the phone.

When we hung up, my eyes were bleary and watering from lack of sleep, so I rounded up a quick dinner of leftovers from the Chinese food I'd ordered the night before, put my dishes in the dishwasher, and went upstairs to sleep. The sun was just setting, and I hoped that meant that I'd be awake during the day again.

I woke about half an hour before dawn the next morning. I made a pot of coffee and then took my mug upstairs, going out on my bedroom balcony to watch the sunrise in my plaid pants. I stood at the railing, sipping my coffee and moving my toes, feeling the unique texture of painted concrete beneath my bare feet. I ran my fingers through my hair, yawning, as I smiled sleepily at the brilliant oranges and yellows spreading across the indigo sky.

Just like the photo gallery in New York, the image was inspiring, and I decided to spend the day out in the city, exploring and taking pictures. I determined that I wasn't going to work on my project while I was out – unless something _really_ perfect caught my eye, of course – and I was just going to enjoy being behind the lens of my camera.

The day was exhilarating and rejuvenating, and I came home ready to work on my book again. I spent hours in the darkroom, surrounded by the aroma of chemicals as I sang quietly to myself. I emerged from time to time to look at pictures on my computer or play with the layout, and my sleep schedule ended up all fucked again.

The rest of the week was spent in much the same way, out scouring the city and some of the surrounding areas for interesting images before I came home and worked on my book until the wee hours of the morning. I printed all of the pictures of Garrett and took them over to Kate's, where she nearly beat the hell out of me for using her bed. She was blushing, though, her neck turning red as her eyes widened, and I'm pretty sure it was an image she didn't mind having at all. I laughed when she asked if she could have a couple and handed her the envelope of doubles I'd brought with me, making her blush again.

All-in-all, I was pretty happy.

I kept myself busy so that I didn't have as much time to think about Jasper, but still, he was there. He lurked in the back of my mind, and I idly wondered if I'd hear from him again. I didn't know what I wanted the answer to be.

On Thursday night, a bunch of us got together for dinner. I loved being with my friends, and I knew I'd been neglecting them since Alistair and I broke up. I just hadn't felt like seeing how ridiculously happy the couples were. Embry and Seth had just bought their first house together, while Collin and Brady were celebrating their first anniversary. They'd been best friends for the longest time before they finally realized – or admitted, I guess – what the rest of us already knew. They obviously belonged together.

But despite my tendency toward jealousy and depression, I had a fantastic time and realized just how stupid I'd been to shut them out. I'd always been a social creature, and I'd really missed the banter and camaraderie between all of us. By the end of the evening, we'd made plans to go out again the next week, and I left feeling lighter, somehow, than I had in awhile.

When I got home from dinner Thursday night, I was still keyed up, wide awake again. So I sat down in my office, creating some mockups for possible cover designs for my picture book. I got lost in the world of fonts and colors and contrasts, and the next time I looked at my clock, it was after 5:00 in the morning.

_Damn it._

I briefly considered staying up all day to try to straighten out my schedule _again_, but I just didn't have it in me. I stood up, arching my back and twisting from side to side as I tried to work out the kinks.

Climbing the stairs, I was idly thinking about the night I met Jasper, realizing that the next day would be exactly two weeks. _His tattoo should be nearly healed by now._ I didn't really expect to hear from him again. Strangely, it seemed like it had been _years_ since I met him…yet only minutes.

As I walked into my bedroom, I reached over my shoulder, grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling it over my head. I dropped it on the floor, too tired to bother with the hamper. I unbuttoned my jeans, leaving them where I stood as well. I pulled my socks off with my feet, and they made the final articles of clothing in the trail from my doorway before I tumbled into bed.

_Too bad there's nobody to follow that trail of goddamn bread crumbs to my bed._ I smirked as I fell asleep with that final thought.

It seemed like no time had passed before I heard some infernal noise that would not shut the fuck up. I was on my stomach, so I pushed myself up on my elbows, my eyes still closed as I turned my head back and forth, trying to find the source of the sound.

_Fuck._

I realized it was my phone and nearly flopped back down on the bed to pass out again, but the thought that it might be something important finally made me turn over. I leaned over as far as I could, but I couldn't reach the jeans in the middle of my floor. Muttering curses under my breath, I stood up, fucking morning wood bouncing as I walked over to grab my phone from the pocket. I glanced at the caller ID, but it wasn't a number I had programmed, and I didn't recognize it either.

I frowned, furrowing my brow as I tried to decide whether or not to answer. It was too complex a question for my sleep-addled brain, so I finally just shook my head and raised the phone to my ear, hitting the button to answer along the way.

My voice was husky with sleep when I said, "Hello?"

"_Edward? Hey, it's Jasper."_

"Jasper?" I said stupidly, my brain still not quite working.

Thankfully, he didn't hear me, as his exasperated voice spilled right over mine. "Hey, can you hold on a sec?"

I didn't answer, standing there scratching the back of my head while I listened to Jasper's rough voice curse angrily. The sound was muffled, static occasionally coming through the speaker as I caught bits and pieces of what was being said.

"…_lunchtime. I'm on…fucking wait…"_

I smiled at the way Jasper's voice – even distorted as it was – sounded as he cursed. Abruptly, I was aware that I was standing nude in the middle of my room with a stupid grin on my face while my dick waved hello to the world. I crawled back in bed, slipping beneath the covers and propping myself halfway up against the headboard, one hand tucked behind my head. I could vaguely hear another voice, but I couldn't make out what it was saying before Jasper's voice came through again.

"_Mike! I am on. The. Fucking…"_ I heard shifting and more static. "…_not getting?"_

I grinned lazily. _I definitely like that mouth of his_.

I groaned softly as that thought took me immediately to images of his lips and what I wanted that mouth to do. I blinked, shaking my head and reminding myself that he was impossible.

The static ended as I heard Jasper's voice coming through more clearly. _"…the fuck out; I'll check in when I'm done with lunch."_ There was a pause, followed by the sound of a door closing. _"Edward, you still there? Sorry about that..."_

I was waking up, and I was torn between being excited and annoyed that he called. The excitement just annoyed me more, but somehow that idiotic grin was still on my face when I said, "Yeah, I'm here. What's up?"

"_Umm…yeah…was just calling to see if you were still interested...?"_ My eyes widened in surprise as my mouth opened to speak. Before I could say anything, though, Jasper finished his question. _"In taking those pictures, I mean....for your book?"_

My mouth snapped closed as I gave a quiet sigh – one I seriously hoped was inaudible over the phone. "Oh..." I worked to keep the disappointment out of my voice. _This is nothing you didn't know already – this is Mr. Impossible._ "Yeah, that'd be great. You're all healed up then?" I moved on to the professional aspects of this conversation since, really, that's all it ever would be.

_"Umm, yeah..."_ He sounded uncomfortable, a thought that made me frown. _"Yeah, it's healed up fine."_

I barely heard what he said, as I was busy berating myself. _Why the _fuck_ would I say yes to this? An afternoon of torture?_

_"So..."_

A beat too late, I realized that it had been my turn to speak. Jasper's subtle reminder spurred me into action, and I quickly said, "Oh, good. Umm...well, did you want to maybe get together this weekend?" There was definitely hesitation in my voice, and I bit my bottom lip, nearly holding my breath as I waited for his answer. I rolled my eyes.

"_Yeah…this weekend's fine. When?"_

A smile flashed across my face at this small 'yes' from him. But as I thought about when it should be, I remembered my plans for Saturday and grimaced. We were having a surprise housewarming party for Embry and Seth – Kate was planning it, which meant I was way more involved than I wanted to be. Not that I wasn't happy to see them happy, I was just…well, fucking jealous. I could admit it. "I have this housewarming thing on Saturday for some friends of mine. So maybe Sunday evening? Around five or so?"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I frowned.

_Five o'clock? What the fuck?_

I always liked to have a session as early in the day as possible because I usually liked to spend the rest of the evening working on the pictures while the event was still fresh in my mind. With a rueful smile, I ran my fingers through my hair, realizing that I was not-so-subtly checking to see if Jasper had a date that night.

_Fucking pathetic._

I thought I heard him sigh. _"I can't...I'm going out for dinner."_ That pertinacious bit of hope I could never seem to rid myself of when it came to Jasper took yet another beating…and then flared feebly again when he said, _"Earlier in the afternoon, maybe?"_

"Oh. Yeah, okay. Two then? It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours."

"_Yeah, two's fine."_

I waited for him to say something else – what, I don't know – but when he didn't speak, I finally said, "Okay then. I guess I'll see you Sunday. Oh - did you need directions or anything?"

I was confused when he snorted, but all he said was, _"No, I think I can find it..."_ I realized I was nodding and rolled my eyes at myself. _"If nothing else...I can mapquest you."_

I had no idea why, but I smiled at that, an image of Jasper's fingers on a keyboard while he typed in my address springing to mind. Why the hell would that make me happy?

_Because it means he's thinking about you. Oh, and you're a fucking idiot._

Again, I realized we'd been sitting in silence when I should've been saying something. Instead, Jasper said, _"So...yeah..."_ and cleared his throat. _"Sunday...two o'clock...I'll be there."_

I shifted on the bed, turning onto my side and propping my head in my palm. "Alright. I'll see you then. Just umm...call me if you need anything?" I winced, cursing myself for how that sounded. "I mean, you know, if you need to reschedule or whatever..."

_Goddamn tool._

"_Yeah…sure…"_

I knew our conversation was coming to an end, and while that made me a little sad, to be perfectly honest, it was also a damn good thing because, fucking _hell_, there had rarely been a more awkward conversation in my life. I shifted onto my back again, wondering what to say.

"_Oh!"_ I almost sighed when he spoke. _"Umm...anything in particular I need to...you know…wear..."_

_Is nothing an option?_

I was smirking when I heard Jasper continue. _"Never exactly done...this before."_

"Oh…" I sat there for a moment, trying to decide if I'd imagined that pause…and what it might mean if I hadn't. "Umm...no, not really. Just whatever you're comfortable in. I want you to look like...you, really." _And that's the most honest thing you've said all day._

"_Oh...okay...sure, no problem..." _He chuckled._ "That should be easy enough."_

I already sounded like a big enough idiot, so I decided to end the conversation before I kept going until I said something I regretted. "Alright, well, I guess I'll see you then..." I paused for a second as I realized he really didn't have to call me – and I was glad he had. "Oh, and hey...thanks."

"_You're welcome...see you then..."_

I heard the line go dead and sighed. "See you," I said stupidly into the silence before I pulled the phone away from my ear, cradling it in my lap while I stared straight ahead.

_God, that was brutal._

And it really had been…so why did I feel a smile tugging at my lips? _Fucking masochist._

My tongue ring was immediately between my lips as I idly played with the metal ball, lost in thoughts of Jasper. Mechanically, I pressed _2_, not needing to see the phone to dial the number. I lifted it to my ear again, listening as it rang.

"_Hey! What's up?"_

"Kate? He called."

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_**A/N:**__ For those of you who read the one-shot, you'll know a bit of what's coming up in the next chapter. It is the photo shoot, but this time it's in Jasper's POV, and there's a good bit more that goes along with it. _

_As always, your reviews make us smile – please leave us a message and let us know what you think!_


	4. I Want You to Want Me

_**A/N:** We really appreciate all of you reading and being patient as we work to develop these characters and their story. This is the last chapter where you'll know some of what happens from reading the one-shot._

_Thank you so much to our betas, **AHelm** and** kimberlycullen10**, and to our prereader, **EchoesOfTwilight**, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

_----------_

**JPOV**

Turning off my bike, I pulled my helmet off and ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh. _It would figure there'd be an accident when I'm already running late. Hopefully Em hasn't been waiting too long._

I climbed off quickly, tucking the helmet under my arm before pulling my gloves off and slipping them into my pockets. Then I walked a few steps to the front of the bakery-cafe that my little sister had fallen in love with when she moved to Boston. Looking through the window, I easily spotted Emily as she was talking to the waitress. The bell above the door jingled as I stepped through it, catching the attention of the staff as well as Emily.

Grinning, I walked up to her and placed a soft kiss on the crown of her head as I gave her a one-armed hug around her shoulder. "Hey there, Lee, hope I haven't kept you waitin' too long."

She grinned, her eyes twinkling as she spoke, "Well, I was beginning to wonder if you'd stood me up for some cute guy..." She chuckled, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes, putting my helmet on the empty seat between us so I could unzip my leather jacket. I draped it over the back of the empty chair before taking a seat opposite Emily. "As if that'd happen, Lee-Lee."

She smirked and wiggled her eyebrows. "You never know, Spurs. Stranger things _have_ happened. But I'm glad you're here."

I chuckled softly at the use of our childhood nicknames for each other. When Emily was born, I'd been nine and, for whatever reason, was always calling her Lee or Lee-Lee instead of her full name. When she'd started to speak, she had been unable to say my name, always stumbling over it and calling me "Sper," which eventually morphed into "Spurs" and stuck.

The waitress - Shelly, one of our usual servers - cleared her throat in a gentle reminder that she was there, and I looked at her, smiling apologetically. She smiled back, her pen poised over her pad. "So, what can I get you today? Sweet tea for you, as always?"

I grinned at her, nodding. "Please. And I'll have the smoked turkey sandwich as well. Thank you."

Emily ordered the grilled portabella melt, having already gotten her sweet tea. Once Shelly left to place our orders, Emily began to practically bounce in her seat with excitement. Shelly came back with my sweet tea, and I grinned at Em, knowing she was bursting at the seams to tell me something. I took a sip before finally relenting, "Alright, sis, out with it. What's the big news?"

She leaned forward, smiling widely, her eyes dancing as she asked if I remembered the guy she was telling me about over the phone a couple of weeks ago. When I nodded, she told me that he'd finally asked her out and that they'd be going on their first date on Monday night. She again told me all about how James looked - tall, blue eyes, long blond hair he had pulled back in a ponytail - and how he was so funny and smart. Then she grinned and winked as she said, "I just know you're going to love him! But you'd better not try to steal him away from me, big brother."

We both knew she was kidding. Even if the guy _had_ been interested in me, I could never do that to Emily, no matter who it was. From the moment she was born, she and I had been close. I remembered holding her for the first time - Dad hovering over me with his hands near her head, mumbling about watching out for her soft spot while Mama smiled at us from the hospital bed. I had known, right away, that our relationship was special when she wrapped her tiny hand around my little finger.

Emily was nine when I went away to college. There was such a big age difference between us that she didn't remember when I tried to like girls in middle school. She didn't remember me parroting Charles about which girls were cute on TV. So, for her, there was no change when I moved away and finally admitted that I was gay. I came out my first semester at UT, and there had been a lot of tension at home at first. My parents were always supportive - I never doubted they loved me - but for the longest time, they didn't really _get_ me. Emily always did. She had steadfastly stood in my corner, even at the tender age of nine, telling people in no uncertain terms that I was still Jasper.

For awhile, it seemed, our roles had been reversed - she was watching out for me, when I had always been her protector. It was an amazing feeling to have someone stand by me so loyally without question. For all of those reasons and more, I had always been fiercely protective of her, and she'd let me look after her for years without argument. She was getting more and more resistant these days, though, growing up and insisting she could do things on her own.

Emily continued to talk as I thought, telling me about where James planned to take her on their date. Shelly offered me a nice reprieve from Emily's gushing over her latest interest by bringing our sandwiches and refreshing our drinks. After she left again, I smiled at Emily, putting my hand over hers as I looked at her. "Lee, I'm glad for you. From what you've said, he sounds like a nice enough guy. But if you guys end up dating, I want to meet him."

She nodded, patting my hand. "Of course, Jasper. I wouldn't have it any other way; you know that."

I grinned, nodding. We sat and ate in silence for a little bit, and we were almost done when Emily's eyes opened wide as she suddenly straightened in her seat. I looked at her, slightly confused. "What's wrong?"

She waved her hands in front of her dismissively. "Nothing, I just remembered! You were getting a tattoo the night I called you about James! Is it healed yet? Can I see?"

I blushed slightly as I remembered what else had happened that night, and what I would be doing tomorrow. Clearing my throat slightly, I pulled up my shirt sleeve and twisted my arm to show her the knot on my inner bicep. She leaned forward, tracing it lightly with her fingers, her eyes alight with her enthusiasm. She loved tattoos and wanted one of her own but was a bit of a chicken when it came down to it.

She sat back and asked how Billy was doing – she knew I only ever let him ink me, and she'd been with me when I got the fractal on my back. I told her that he seemed alright but hadn't been as chatty as he normally was since there had been someone in the shop with us. Grinning slightly, I decided to tell her about being asked to do a photo shoot for a book about tattoos and graffiti, skimming over the finer details of Edward and the flirting we had done.

Emily listened - unusually quiet - with her arms crossed over her chest, watching me appraisingly. When I was done, she sat for a moment before raising an eyebrow and saying, "There's more to this. Out with it, Spurs."

I groaned internally, cursing the fact that she knew me so well and was so perceptive that it was difficult to hide anything from her. With a sigh - and a slight blush - I told her more about Edward. Not everything, of course – there were some thoughts little sisters didn't need to hear - but I gave her the general idea, hopeful that I was right in thinking he was interested in me as well. The thought of wanting him to the extent I did was scaring me, more than just a little, and my thumbs drummed nervously on the table as I spoke.

She watched me, her head tilted a little to the right as she listened. With a sigh, I finished with, "I don't know though. I thought something would happen - he'd maybe ask me out or something, but...nothing. He just got all...I dunno...reticent, toward the end. I don't quite know what to make of it. What to make of tomorrow."

Emily shook her head slightly as she leaned forward, resting her elbows lightly on the edge of the table. "Well, well...look at you, big brother. I never thought I'd see that look on your face. You _like_ him, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes but nodded. I _did _like him. He was funny, intelligent, artistic…appeared to be a bit of a bad boy - something I definitely liked - and he was fucking hot. I wanted to find out more. I frowned at the thought. Before I could lose myself in my thoughts, though, Emily brought me back to the conversation.

"So go; have fun tomorrow. See what happens. If he likes you as well, great. If not, then at least you'll get to have a cool experience, and you and your tattoos will be immortalized in his book." She winked.

Grinning, I nodded to her. "You're right, Lee-Lee. Now. Enough of this. No more talking about guys. This is supposed to be our 'date', so what do you want to do next?"

Her eyes glimmered with excitement as she spoke. "I signed us up to take a jewelry-making class at Beadworks on Newburry Street. We get to take home what we make!"

I rolled my eyes a little, but we both knew I would do what she wanted. We'd been brought up to express our creativity, and when she first moved to Boston, we'd made it our thing to go and learn a new craft or skill every month or so. Emily took great pleasure in finding out what was available at various arts and crafts stores, often trying to find some small, indie type place to go to instead of the larger chain stores.

So far, she had managed to drag me to a knitting class - not something I'd take up, but she had loved it and ended up being quite good at it; a quilting class to learn different techniques, since we both already knew the basics, thanks to Mama, and both wood burning and wood carving classes. All in all, she chose a variety of things to generally please both our artistic palates.

Shelly came by our table with the check right on cue, and I gave her my usual grin as I handed her my credit card. Emily rolled her eyes as she caught Shelly's blush, muttering something under her breath that I couldn't quite catch but was sure I didn't want to, anyway.

After lunch was paid for, we got up and gathered our things as we headed out the door. We walked up to my bike, and I put my helmet down on the seat so I could pull my jacket on. Emily was just zipping her own jacket up - a slightly shorter version of mine - and pulling her long white-blond hair out from under it. She grinned at me as she put on her custom-painted helmet.

I had painted it myself as a birthday present for her, replicating one of her favorite works of art on it - Van Gogh's _The Café Terrace_. It was one we shared, and it had taken me months to get it right - well, to get it to be recognizable and looking halfway decent, in my opinion. But she loved it, and she claimed to have gotten a ton of compliments on it as well as questions as to where she had gotten it. She said she always proudly told anyone who asked that her big brother had made it just for her.

I smiled at her as I took a good look at my little sister. She was about six inches shorter than my 6'3" with a slim build, and she kept fit. With her gray-green eyes and pouty lips, she was the spitting image of our mother, except for her hair. She'd inherited Dad's white-blond locks - nearly silver in certain light - and it suited her really well. She had turned into a very lovely young lady over the years.

_She's grown up so damn quick. _I sighed, shaking my head slightly before pulling my helmet on. By the time I had put my gloves on and started the bike, Emily was impatiently tapping her foot, her hands on her hips and a look on her face that quite clearly told me to hurry up already. I chuckled, swinging my leg over the bike and settling into my seat. She clambered behind me, and as soon as she was situated and the coast was clear, I took off.

The jewelry class actually ended up being a lot of fun. Whenever we went to make-and-take classes like that, we always made something for each other instead of for ourselves. This time, Emily and I both created braided leather necklaces, and she added a very nice, ornate silver slide to mine that would nestle right over the hollow of my throat when I wore it.

After the class was over, I drove her to her dorm to drop her off before heading home. I picked up some Chinese on my way, knowing I wouldn't be in the mood to do any cooking that night. It had been good to spend some time with Emily, and I'd been able to successfully put Edward out of my mind for a few hours. But now that I was home alone, I couldn't help but think about what tomorrow would bring.

Emily was right, though... I would have to wait and see what happened. But, if I _was_ right, and he _did _like me…then what? I'd gotten so lost in thought that I had gone through the motions of putting my things away, eating my dinner, and cleaning up, without any memory of doing any of those things. Edward's face was predominantly on my mind, overshadowing everything else.

In the end, I went to bed earlier than I normally did, lying there staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Just before I finally drifted off to sleep, my last thought was, _If nothing else, tomorrow will be very…interesting. _

The next morning, I woke up way too early. After a look at my alarm clock - five o'clock - I fell back onto my pillow with a groan.

_Fuck! The birds are still waking up, for Christ's sake_!

I'd set my alarm for nine and only briefly contemplated _actually_ getting up, but the thought of an extra four hours to kill did not sit well with me, so I tried to go back to sleep.

I must have managed it, since the alarm startled me out of a dream, which flitted out of my consciousness almost as soon as I opened my eyes, leaving the lingering feeling that it had been about Edward. And that it had been good.

_Huh..._

Turning onto my back, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and just lay there for a few minutes, trying to remember the dream. It was a futile attempt, though, as it usually was with me, so feeling slightly frustrated, I got up and walked to the bathroom to do my usual morning routine.

An alleviated bladder, brushed teeth, and a quick shower and shave later, I stood in front of my closet, wearing nothing but a towel as I tried to figure out what to wear to the damn shoot. Running my fingers through my hair, I toyed with the idea of dressing up but discarded it almost immediately.

_I want him to fucking notice me._

I wanted for him to be left with the same effect as he'd had on me the night we met and he'd said he was going commando.

I grinned, realizing that some of _his_ reactions to me had been equally obvious, and that made my choice of what to wear much simpler. I grabbed my faded blue jeans and a thin white t-shirt that would show off my tattoo as well as my nipple piercings very nicely.

_Fucker's not going to know what hit him. _

_If he's at all interested, that is. _

After a moment's thought, I grabbed a belt that would be the perfect tease - the buckle said 'Rub for Luck'. Mike had given it to me years ago as a gag gift, but I loved it.

The necklace Emily had made me yesterday was also a definite piece of the ensemble. I would, after all, be taking my shirt off, and it would stand out nicely - not to mention that she'd likely get a kick out of it if it ended up in the book.

Once I was dressed, I realized that I still had hours to kill. _Fucking great..._

Since I would be going to Eric's birthday party after the shoot, I wanted to make sure I had everything ready for that, so I went to my desk and grabbed the tickets I'd gotten for him to see Sarah Silverman at the Boston Comedy Festival later this summer. He was a big fan, and I knew he'd love being able to see her perform live. His favorite skit of hers was one she had done with Matt Damon. According to him, it couldn't be better, since it had two funny - not to mention hot - people in it, and he wouldn't mind getting a piece of either of them.

Matt Damon - sure, I could see that; the man was funny and hot as hell. But Sarah Silverman? That one was beyond me, but hey, to each his own. Tapping the tickets against the tips of my fingers, I pondered how to give them to him. As much as I wanted to do something other than just stuff it in an envelope and hand it to him, I came up blank on another way. The closer the time came for the shoot, the more nervous I became and the more distracted I was. I gave up, ending up going the envelope route after all and shoving it in the inside pocket of my leather jacket.

Glancing at the clock and seeing that it was nearing noon, I decided to treat myself to lunch out instead of staying in and go crazy. A change of scenery would hopefully get my mind cleared a little before having to go to Edward's place. So after pulling on socks and my boots, I grabbed my jacket and helmet. He'd said he wanted me to just be me, and I needed the comfort a ride would afford me.

The drive to Beacon Hill didn't take too long, as there was little traffic for a change. I drove around for a little while, trying to figure out where I wanted to get something to eat and pass some time. When I spotted Emmet's Irish Pub, I thought I'd found just the place. _Should be good for doing some people watching._

I parked the bike in a spot close by and walked in. The place was relatively full as I made my way to the bar and asked for their menu. I was told to go ahead and find a seat, and someone would be with me shortly.

I found a nice, quiet table in the corner that allowed me the perfect view of the rest of the pub and its patrons. I'd barely had a chance to take my jacket off and put my helmet down before someone came to ask what I wanted to drink. I really wanted a beer, hoping it'd relax me, but I decided against it since I was driving and would be leaving for Edward's shortly. So after ordering an unsweetened iced tea, I took my seat and looked through the menu, grumbling a little that they hadn't had sweet tea.

The waiter came by with my tea and a small basket of Sweet 'n Low; I thanked him, smiling as I looked at him - he was tall, though a little shorter than me, with short sandy blond hair and beautiful blue-gray eyes. He smiled widely at me as he noticed me watching him. His eyes appraised me as I ordered a steak salad - I wasn't very hungry, but I knew the first rule of trying to impress a guy did _not _include passing out due to lack of nutrition.

"I'm Riley, by the way," he said with a smile. "Just let me know if there's anything I can do for you." He picked up my menu and told me my food would be ready shortly. I thanked him again, and he winked at me before going to the bar to place my order. _What the fuck?_

I sat and watched as he walked away. He was cute with a nice smile. Those eyes of his were gorgeous, and his expression was somehow playful. He had a nice build, a little lanky thanks to his height, but he obviously worked out some. _Nice ass, too._ But I just sat there, slightly stunned as I realized that this hot guy was trying to flirt with me, and I couldn't even be bothered. _Must be the nerves.._.

I rolled my eyes at myself as I opened a few packets of Sweet 'n Low, pouring it into my tea and stirring it. _Fucking blasphemy to do it like that, but... _

While I waited for my food to arrive, I took the opportunity to just look around the pub, studying the people that were there. It seemed to be a pretty local crowd, and from what I could tell by the interaction between customers and staff, they were regulars.

Riley came back shortly with my steak salad, asking if I needed anything else. I told him no, smiling politely at him and shifting in my seat when he lingered just a little longer than was necessary. After a quick, "Enjoy your meal," he finally left, and I began picking out the onions before tucking into the salad. _No one likes onion breath... _The food was very good, and I made a mental note to take Emily here at some point.

After I was done eating, I sat back and watched the people around me for a little longer, though at this point, I wasn't really paying too much attention anymore. My thoughts were focused instead on Edward and the upcoming shoot. I was starting to feel a little nervous. It's not like I was a model or anything. The alarm on my phone went off, indicating it was time to head to Edward's.

After settling the bill with Riley - and his attempting to give me his number, which I politely refused - I zipped up my jacket and climbed onto my bike, pulling on my helmet with a sigh. I sat like that for a minute or two, trying to center myself a little before driving. I knew where I was going, since I'd double checked Mapquest to be sure and wasn't wholly unfamiliar with the area. That, and I might have driven past his place before finding somewhere to eat.

Before I knew it, I was parked in front of Edward's house. I stared up at it for a moment, still trying to fit the image of the guy I'd met to someone being able to afford living here. It was a beautiful home, made of red bricks and what looked to be a couple of bay windows. The front door was crafted from wood and ornate glass.

I shut off the bike, removing my helmet as I walked through the gate and into the garden. There were flowers and shrubs, all well-kept and in bloom, and I found myself wondering if he took care of it himself or had a gardener. As I got closer to the front door, I heard the sound of someone playing the piano.

I stopped in front of the door and just listened for a while, smiling softly as the notes drifted to me. My eyes were on the door, taking in the vines that were now visible to me, and I traced them with my finger as I kept listening. It truly was beautiful music, and it added even more to the mystery that was Edward.

After about a minute, I shook my head and rang the doorbell. _I can't very well stand here all day._

As soon as the doorbell chimed, there was a jarring sound as fingers hit discordant keys, making me cringe slightly. It took only a few moments before Edward's shadow became visible in the hallway, and I found myself holding my breath in anticipation, tightening the grip I had on my helmet.

The sight that greeted me when the door opened had me fighting not to reach out and just grab him so I could kiss him senseless. I took in his well-worn jeans and deep blue t-shirt, which had a white screen print on it that reminded me of an old English crest. His hair was disheveled, making him look like he'd just stumbled out of bed.

_Fuck me_... and _he's barefoot?_

He gestured for me to come inside, and I stepped past him into the hallway. "Hi."

_Great start there…_ I mentally gave myself an eye roll as he began talking.

"Hi. Did you have any trouble finding..." His voice tapered off as his eyes glazed over a little, taking me in as I removed my jacket. I grinned slightly when I saw his reaction, taking the time to look more closely at him, too.

He was wearing his tragus and lobe piercings in his left ear, and the leather cuff watch caught my eye - for some reason, I really liked that on him. I frowned a little when I saw the silver thumb ring. _Does that mean what I think it means? He's not seeing somebody, is he? _

Before I could get much further in my musings about what the ring might mean, he cleared his throat, frowning a little as he said, "Here, I'll take that."

Our fingers brushed as he took my jacket from me, and I had to bite my cheek to stop from reacting. When he reached behind me to hang up my things, I couldn't quite help myself, shifting enough so my shoulder bumped into his chest, but I couldn't contain the sigh that escaped my lips at the contact. _What are you, ten?_ I mentally rolled my eyes at myself again, an annoying habit I was beginning to form, I realized.

Neither of us spoke for a little while until he broke the silence with a "This way..." He turned and walked away from me, knowing I'd follow. I looked around as I walked behind him, whistling soft enough that I hoped he wouldn't hear me. _Seriously impressive! Seems kind of big for one guy, though. _"This is a really nice place…you live here alone?"

He said he'd inherited the place, and I got the feeling that it was his parents' house. It made sense, given the tattoos he'd shown me, and it made me ache for him that he had known such loss._ It certainly does explain a few things..._

Walking past the piano, I smiled, certain now that it had been him playing and wishing he would do so again so I could listen openly.

He walked into the kitchen and turned around, smiling at me as he told me to grab a seat. His smile had me captivated as he began to grab something from the oven.

_Fucking beautiful..._

I was lost in watching that dazzling smile, and it took me a moment to realize he was pulling food out. I sat and watched as he put a platter of what looked to be quesadillas onto the bar. The plate slipped, though, and he let out a "Damn it!" as he put his thumb to his mouth, sucking lightly on the pad of it.

_God damn, what I wouldn't give to have that mouth sucking on something else... _

Swallowing hard, I shifted slightly in my seat, praying he hadn't noticed. He asked me if I wanted something to drink, and when he offered a Sam Adams, I grinned.

_Nice... always a good sign when __a guy li__kes my favorite beer. _I took a bite of what turned out to be some fan-fucking-tastic chicken quesadilla. _He sure as hell didn't get this shit at Taco Bell!_ "Damn, this is good!"

I looked at him with wide eyes, and he smirked as he walked over to me, "Glad you like it…I don't do anything if I can't do it well."

I narrowed my eyes a little at that, wondering just what else he would be good at and wanting to find out. He motioned to the portfolio that was resting by my elbow. "I thought you'd like to take a look at those."

"These are the ones you've already done?"

He nodded. "Yes, I thought it might give you an idea of what I'm after for the book."

We talked a little about his fascination with both graffiti and tattoos, and I wondered what, exactly, held the appeal for him. The way he spoke about how people marked buildings and other belongings, even their bodies to a certain extent... it sounded as if he liked the possession it represented. _Interesting. I wonder why that is..._

He was in the middle of explaining how some couples would get matching tattoos, as if to mark their territory, when he suddenly stopped, pulled out his phone and asked me to program my number in. "Sorry, man, I totally forgot. I'm going to need your number so I can let you know when the pictures are done. You know, so you can check them out, see which you'd be okay with me using."

I grinned as I put my number in, as usual not even bothering with my last name. _Not like there are a hell of a lot of Jaspers out there. _As he put his phone back in his pocket, I asked him what he did for a living. He asked what I meant at first, and then explained that he was a social anthropologist, whatever the fuck that meant. He grinned as he said that he didn't really do anything with it, nor did he need to. He just liked to study social customs, which was why he'd started working on his book.

I frowned as I took all that in, taking another bite of the chicken quesadilla. "So how do you become a social anthropologist anyway?"

"Well…" He chuckled. "Apparently you start out with a degree in history and a minor in photography…fuck around with philosophy for awhile, and end up with a Ph.D. in anthropology when you pull your head out of your ass and realize what you enjoy. At least that was my route."

He shrugged. I watched him for a moment. "Ph.D., huh?"

He nodded.

Chuckling, I took a sip of my beer, muttering under my breath, "Fucking _Doctor _Masen." _Fucking figures. Richie Rich not only lives the high life and doesn't have to work, but he's a fucking doctor to boot. _

"So you don't work?"

"Not for money." His voice sounded playful, and I quirked an eyebrow as he stepped closer to me and continued with a wink. "I just indulge myself with taking pictures of body art and graffiti – so many of my passions together."

I grinned at him in response. _Well, well, look who's back. This is more like the guy I met at the parlor_.

I started flipping through the portfolio as he explained the different shots to me. There were a few that caught my eye, and some just plain made me cringe as I thought about how painful some of the piercings must have been, like the woman with the dragon tattooed on her back, the wingtips of it pierced with rods.

The M.C. Escher tattoo he had thrown in there was both cool and... a little disturbing, given that it was on the back of a guy's bald head. I thought I knew why he'd added it in there, though, since we both liked Escher and had a tattoo of his work.

_Wonder if I'll get to see his today... _

As memories of our conversation back at the parlor sprang to mind. I swallowed hard, pushing thoughts of his going commando away, quickly flipping through the book to distract myself.

My eyes landed on a guy in a bed, looking very relaxed. The picture had a very intimate feel to it, causing me to clench my jaw and frown. It took me a moment to compose myself so my voice wouldn't betray my reaction. I looked again at the picture, noting the tattoo on his side, but I couldn't understand what it said. "So what does it mean?"

I frowned as I looked up at Edward, seeing him zoned out just like he had been when he stared at my piercings at the parlor. I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of the guy in the picture this time. He blinked, apparently realizing I'd said something. "Hmm?"

I pointed at the picture and asked again, "Do you know what it means?"

He leaned forward to read the script on the man's body, murmuring. _"Alea iacta est…" _ He straightened up again and added a little louder, "The die is cast."

_What the hell does that mean? _

He must've read my mind because he continued, "Caesar said it when he invaded northern Italy – means you've reached a point of no return."

I raised an eyebrow at him, not at all sure what to make of it. When he grinned and shrugged, saying "I asked him," I frowned again.

_Just when did you ask - before or after he climbed into bed?_

I quickly turned the page, not liking how this was going one damn bit. When I got to the end of the portfolio, I closed it, leaning my elbows on the bar as I sipped my beer. My thoughts were a whirl, at once sure that, yes, he was gay but also that he was interested in that guy in the pictures and not me. The stab of jealousy I felt was irrational, I knew that, but damn if I didn't feel it. I wanted him. But it did explain why he hadn't asked me out that night, if he was interested in Little Caesar there.

_But then why the flirting? Fuck_.

To say I was confused would be an understatement. Part of me wanted to know, to ask him who that guy was to him and if he was at all interested in me. I certainly was in him - to the point where it scared me a little, since I'd not felt this sort of attraction in years. Not since Paul. That thought alone was enough to prevent me from asking.

_What if he is another Paul?_

Edward had moved to sit across from me, leaving me to my thoughts, and apparently lost in some of his own. Then he began to play with his tongue ring; the slight clink against his teeth as he started doing so effectively pulled me out of my musing.

He opened the portfolio again, going over certain pictures specifically and, to my dismay, focusing on the damned guy in the bed. He told me he wanted to try a few different poses to best highlight my tattoos and that he wanted me to do what felt natural so that would come across in the pictures.

_Oh, so he just felt "comfortable" rolling around in bed while you took pictures? _

I glanced at the pictures, again wondering if this guy was the one who held his attention or not.

He smiled at me. "So we'll start with some of you fully dressed in the den, just to help you relax a bit and get used to me taking pictures of you. Then we'll take your shirt off so we can see those tattoos and piercings."

I smirked but didn't say anything for a bit. After a short pause where neither of us spoke, I asked, "Which other room are we using?"

"My room."

We stared at each other for a moment.

_Did he invite_ Little Caesar _to his room, too? Is this what he does?_ _Am I really going to go through with this?_

I nodded, as much in response to his statement as to my own inner monologue. I finished the rest of my beer, putting it down in front of me.

"So umm…think that's it. Any other questions?"

I began to spin the bottle between my fingers, balancing it on its edge, my eyes fixed on the picture of the guy sprawled on the bed. I wanted to know. I wanted to find out if this guy was more than just a model for his book. If _I _was more than just a subject to him. But I couldn't bring myself to ask the questions. As much as I wanted to know…if he was interested, he would have to show it. After all, hadn't I learned my lesson about pursuing a guy thanks to Paul?

So instead of asking the questions I would have loved to have had answered, I said, "No…no questions."

He nodded, and we watched each other for a little while before he took one last sip of his beer and grabbed his camera, turning it on. "Alright then…"

He walked off, presumably going to where we'd be doing the first round of pictures, and I got up to follow him. I couldn't resist muttering under my breath one the many questions on my mind. "Will I be the _only _one half-naked in your bedroom?"

If he heard me, he ignored it, and I was kind of glad that he made no remarks about it or asked what I said. If he wanted me, he would show that soon enough…at least, I hoped he would.

He stopped just inside the den and looked thoughtful. While he was trying to figure out...whatever he was trying to figure out, I looked around the room. It was very nicely decorated with leather furniture, a few tall bookshelves with expensive-looking books as well as your run-of-the-mill paperbacks in a few places. This was definitely somewhere he hung out, and it showed.

What drew my eye, though, was the portrait above the fireplace. Wanting a closer look, I walked up to it, my eyes never leaving it as I took in every detail. It showed a young boy with reddish hair smiling from a woman's lap while a man stood behind them, his hand on the woman's shoulder. The boy looked to be no more than four or so, and he shared features of both the adults. _I wonder... _"Hey, is this your family?"

I turned around to look at him and saw him nod, apparently the only response he was going to give me. Turning back to the portrait, I looked more closely at the adults that stood on either side of the young boy. I could see that Edward's unusual hair color came from his mother, while the way it was untamed seemed to be one of his father's traits. The green eyes were definitely from his dad, but he had his mother's lips. _He's so young..._

I glanced around again, trying to see any evidence of any pictures or paintings with his family in them from later on, but I found none of the three of them. _Could he have lost them so soon? So young... _

Again, my heart ached for the man standing behind me, and I had to fight the urge to go up to him and just hold him. I stayed where I was, though, instead turning around and watching him as I wondered if he had any other family, praying that he did. I could not imagine being without mine. _Had he been close to them? _

He muttered under his breath as he fidgeted with something on his camera before clearing his throat and looking at me with a small smile. "Why don't we start with you right there? Just do whatever feels natural to you, alright?"

I nodded, and he took a step back, lifting the camera and disappearing behind it. _Alright, you can do this, Jasper._ I took a deep breath, stepping closer to the fireplace and draping my arm along the mantle. As I turned to look at him, I noticed that he, too, took a deep breath. _God, don't screw this up, whatever you do._

"That's great." He snapped a few pictures before telling me to look the other way. As I did, my hair fell in front of my eyes, and he said, "Don't move…"

I stayed still, allowing only my eyes to move as he walked over to me. He reached up and brushed the strands out of my face, and for a moment it looked like he would lean in and kiss me.

_Do it._

I wanted him to…but he didn't. He took a step back, and I had to swallow down the bitter feeling of disappointment, shifting my eyes quickly away so he wouldn't see.

A few more pictures and then he directed me to one of the chairs, telling me to lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. He had me move in a few different positions, always being very professional, which was reassuring, and I felt my own confidence that I wouldn't mess this up grow because of it.

He seemed very in his element, his confidence showing as he continued to direct me. It was actually arousing to watch him like this, seeing him decisive and assertive, and I was very grateful that the way he had me seated hid that fact. That his telling me what to do and how to do it was a turn on was as enticing to me as it was startling ; I had never been one who liked to be controlled in any way. The one time I had allowed someone else to be in charge had been enough to convince me never to let that happen again. But with Edward, I _liked _that he took control.

_What the fuck?  
_  
After a few different positions, he paused to look at the screen on his camera, smiling as he did so. His next words were soft, but I heard them anyway. "Fucking perfect…" He looked up, giving me that hot-as-hell crooked grin as he continued, "These are looking great – you're a natural."

I smirked in response. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

He laughed quietly at that. "Well, I guess it's time to make you just a little more natural then…"

_More natural, huh.._.

I looked at him in surprise, wondering if he meant that the way I thought he might, as images of the pictures he had shown me flashed through my mind.

_Maybe not just professional after all..._

He winked and said, "Take off your shirt. Let's see those tattoos."

_Oh._ Feeling more than a little disappointed that he was still not making any moves - _maybe he really isn't interested_ - I reached back and pulled my shirt over my head. He watched me for a moment before putting the camera back in place and snapping more pictures. The way he had looked at me before pulling the camera up again had me wondering if I was going out of my ever-loving mind. I could have sworn that I saw..._something_... in his eyes.

I tossed my shirt on the floor and went to sit down in the chair again, hearing the clicking of the camera as Edward took shot after shot. His voice was low as he said, "Good…now lean back in the chair…there you go. Remember, do whatever feels right…"

I leaned back against the chair, lifting both my arms over my head so it would showcase the knot on my inner bicep. All of a sudden, the clicking stopped, and I raised an eyebrow as I looked right at Edward. He had stopped moving. _What the fuck is his deal?_ I grinned slightly as it finally dawned on me that he was having a hard time staying focused. Because of me.

_Fuck yes._

The camera clicked, and I heard him utter a soft, "Looking good, Jasper…" as he continued to click away, a slight blush visible on his cheeks - what little I could see of them.

_He's definitely interested, or at the very least affected by me. Why the fuck isn't he doing something about it?  
_  
I don't know how long we spent taking picture after picture of me in the den, shifting positions to ostensibly show off the phoenix and nipple piercings. Out of the blue, he said in an even voice, "Alright, now take off your pants."

I looked at him, utterly shocked. _What the fuck? Did he just say what I think he said? _

He chuckled softly and said, "Kidding…I just need you to turn around so I can get a few pictures of your back."

_Oh, really? We'll see about that! _

I slowly lowered my hands to my waist, unclasping my belt buckle, and I bit my cheek to stop myself from laughing as I watched his eyes follow my hands. I undid my belt slowly, and when his eyes widened, I smirked.

_Didn't fucking think so... _

Snickering, I turned around and fastened the buckle again, slipping my thumbs through my belt loops as my hands rested on my hips.

The weight of my thumbs pulled my jeans down low enough for it to be obvious that I was going commando, and I grinned to myself. _That's right, buddy. I can go commando, too. _

After a little while, I realized I hadn't heard the camera go off. _I do believe the good doctor is a little distracted._ I shifted slightly, half wanting to turn around and catch him staring, and half worried he would be watching me and _still _not act.

Finally I heard the camera again, and I couldn't resist finding out, so I slowly turned only my head, cutting my eyes to his as I glanced over my shoulder.

_Come on. Do something. Show me._

_I fucking want you, too._

I nearly sighed in exasperation when he just cleared his throat again and told me to turn back around. I bent my knee as I shifted my weight to my other leg, resting one hand on my hip while I placed the other on my thigh, close to my belt buckle. I had to bite back a growl of frustration as I saw his eyes quickly shifting away as if afraid he'd get caught. He took a couple of pictures before asking me to scratch the back of my head to show off the knot again.

Finally, he said he had enough pictures in the den, smiling softly at me as he started to walk off, expecting me to follow. Taking advantage of the fact that he was leading the way as we went up the stairs and through the hallway, I allowed myself to really appreciate the view of his ass in front of me. I clenched my jaw to keep from reaching out and just grabbing it as he walked up the stairs, rolling my eyes at myself._ Fucking juvenile...  
_  
As we passed the first room, I glanced inside, noticing the same bed linen as I'd seen in the pictures with Little Caesar. _Hmm, interesting. So not his room, presumably. This...could be good._ I'd paused in my musing, so I had to walk a little faster to catch up to him as he went all the way down the hall and into the room at the end. _His room_.

He stood for a moment, as if at a loss as to what to do next, running his hand through his hair as he told me to feel free to look around.

Resisting the urge to follow suit and run my own fingers through his hair, I stepped inside and took in the dark chocolate furniture. Everything was crisp and clean, the bed linens a mixture of light and dark to offset the furniture, with pillows in chocolate, green, and white strewn on top.

There were several lamps scattered around, and some of them didn't quite seem to fit in with the rest, leaving me wondering whether he'd brought them in for the shoot. I watched as he moved some of them, making me certain that this was indeed the case. I chanced another look around, noticing the balcony, and walked over to the doors leading to it.

I smiled as I thought how nice it would be to wake up and be able to have breakfast out there. Shaking my head to rid myself of those thoughts - _not likely to happen_ - I turned to look around the room once more. This time, my eyes fell on the beautiful artwork above his bed. It was a sepia photograph of tulips – a close up - but it had been enlarged until it was nearly the width of the headboard. It was beautiful. The whole room seemed to exude Edward.

His voice pulled me out of my musings. "Hey, would it be alright if I gave you one of my shirts to start with in here? I think a dress shirt would be perfect – give us a different look."

I raised my eyebrows at him, feeling my lips twitch into a smile as I nodded. _Again with the clothes going in the wrong direction._

_If you want us to be equal, you could just take yours off, too._

He smiled and walked into his closet. I went over to the bed, running my fingers lightly along the covers, satisfied that this was definitely _not _the same bed Little Caesar had been in. I quickly straightened up and stepped away from the bed as I heard him walking back, not wanting to get caught.

He was grinning slightly, a little shyly, as he came over to me and handed me a white button down. As he went about fidgeting with his camera, I pulled the shirt on, noting the clean, crisp smell it had. _Just like everything else; nice._ I buttoned up the shirt, taking my time doing so. I kept stealing glances at him, wondering if he was watching and if he liked what he was seeing.

I breathed a small sigh when he didn't make any move at all, and I finally tucked the shirt he had given me into my jeans. He shook his head slightly, and I wondered what that was about.

After the den, I thought I'd figured out what it was he was after for his pictures, so I went ahead and sat down on the bench at the foot of his bed, making myself comfortable. _Might as well get this bit over with. _I shifted positions several times, similar to what I had done downstairs, though I focused on him this time. The more comfortable I got, the more provocative my movements became. I wanted him to just snap and make a move already.

But nothing happened. Just click after click, picture upon picture. His voice was husky as he said, "Time to take off your shirt again…"

_Oh, fuck yes_...

His voice sounded so similar to the time I had called and woken him up, and that simple fact went straight to my groin. _I'd_ caused him to sound like that; I was certain of that now. The thought bolstered my confidence, and I stood - keeping my eyes on him as I slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

I didn't care about the damn shoot anymore - I wanted to growl as he lifted the camera back to his face and began clicking away. Pulling the tails of the shirt out of my pants, I turned slightly so my chest was visible through the opening.

"Alright, take it off slowly so I can get a few pictures…" His voice had lowered further, indicating that he was, in fact, reacting to what I was doing.

_Come on. Get over here and help me get rid of the rest of my clothes_.

I kept my eyes on him, never wavering as I let the shirt slowly fall off my shoulders.

Throwing the shirt onto his bed, I allowed my eyes to flicker over him. When I saw the now very obvious bulge, I knew he wanted me.

_Mmm, I do like what I'm seeing... _

_I know you want me. I want you, too._

_Maybe this'll help things along.._. I walked over to the side of his bed and lowered myself on it, laying down against the pillows and slowly pulling up first one and then the other arm. I looked up at the ceiling as I did so before turning to find him again. My eyes looking directly at him - as if the damn camera wasn't even there - I slowly moved one hand down my pecs to my abs and teasingly lower still before I turned onto my side and pulled my arm back up over my head.

Rolling onto my stomach, I let one arm dangle over the side of his bed, allowing him a good view of the fractal. After a few heartbeats, I heard him give a soft moan, so I turned around to look up at him, taking in his shallow breathing and the way his pants were now straining.

_What the fuck? He wants me, I know it; I can see that he's turned on. So why the _fuck _is he _still _not doing anything about it? _

_What the hell is it going to take to get him to make a move?_

I knew that my own desire had to be evident to him by now. I couldn't have willed my hard-on away if I wanted to, and I _didn't _fucking want to! I wondered what more I could do to show him that, yes, I was interested. Keeping my eyes on him, I stood up slowly and walked a few steps away before turning back around to face him.

I rested my hands on my hips, and I wanted to reach over and fling the damn camera out of his hands when I heard him taking even more pictures. _What the hell...? _

I'd had enough. I slowly unbuckled my belt again before unbuttoning my jeans, lowering the zipper slowly, seductively. Invitingly. _Come the fuck on, man._

I smirked at him, raising an eyebrow. He started taking pictures again, but this time it seemed more energetic, as if there was some urgency compelling him to do so. _Come on, any minute now... _

I knew he was getting a good look, and I knew he could see for certain that there was no barrier between us anymore. I wanted him to come over and remove the last of it, when suddenly he stopped and looked down at the camera in disbelief.

He blushed furiously as he said he had enough and thanked me._ About fucking time!_ I felt sure that now that the business part was over, he would make a move... ask me out, kiss me, throw me onto his bed, _something_. I chuckled softly in relief and anticipation as I zipped up my pants again and buckled up.

I watched in confusion as several emotions flitted across his face. Suddenly he turned on his heel and stalked out of his room, anger emanating from him as I watched his retreating form. _Fuck! Did I push too far? Shit...great job there, Jasper._

I followed after him, needing to make sure he wasn't angry with me - or at least that he wouldn't stay that way. My insides churned at the thought of having to leave, knowing I had upset him somehow. My voice was low as I caught up to him and asked, "Did they come out okay?" I wanted him to know I cared. I needed him to know that this afternoon had been important.

He slowed, finally stopping as his shoulders slumped and he turned to look at me. I'm not sure what he saw, but his voice had softened as he answered, "Yeah, they look amazing."

I smiled softly at him in response, relieved that he felt that the images of me at least were amazing.

"Thank you," he said, "I really appreciate you posing for me."

My smile brightened at that, and I blushed, realizing that I'd been taunting him all afternoon, daring him to try and make a move when he'd been trying to do his job.

_Idiot!_

We watched each other in silence again, and I wanted to close the distance between us and kiss him. As much I liked Edward when he was flirty or foul-mouthed, I found myself drawn to this softer side of him, too.

He broke the silence first by asking, "So…want a drink?"

He grinned crookedly, and I briefly considered - again - canceling my plans tonight. _Fuck!_ "I wish I could… I'm actually running late for dinner, though. I'm sorry." I paused briefly, wanting to kick myself for having agreed to do this today since I had to leave now. "Umm, yeah...do you mind if I call them real quick actually?"

"Of course not." As he walked out of the hallway and into the den, I let out a deep breath. It felt like my lungs weren't the only thing deflating at this point. _Was he just being friendly, or...?_

My eyes lingered for a moment on the spot where he'd walked off before I turned around and pulled my phone from my pocket. I dialed the number easily enough and was expecting Mike to answer when I heard Jessica on the other end.

_"Hey stranger, we were beginning to think you'd bailed on us."_

"Jessica? Hey…yeah, I'm running a little late. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes…"

_"Okay, no worries. We went ahead and ordered the cheese fondue as a starter, and your sweet tea's ready and waiting for you." _I could practically hear her grinning as she continued teasingly. _"So how did the, err... _modeling session_ go?_"

"Yeah, that sounds good…I'll tell you about it when I get there." I chuckled softly, hoping that I'd have something more to tell after this call and that he might ask me out after all.

_"Okay...we'll see you soon then. Hey, what do you want to eat? We'll go ahead and place the order so it's ready when you get here."_

"Just order something for me – you know what I like."

_"We've got our usual table, so see you soon, okay?"_

"Yeah, thanks…see you soon."

I hung up with a sigh, my eyes darting back to where Edward had left. Running my fingers through my hair, I took a deep breath, feeling nervous again all of a sudden. I went to follow Edward into the den and saw him put down the camera and run his hands through his hair. He turned around when he heard me approach, and I could not quite figure out the look in his eyes.

Feeling exposed - and more vulnerable than I'd ever care to admit - suddenly, I grabbed my shirt, tugging it on quickly. After everything, he still hadn't made a move. I'd been all but naked _in his bedroom_ and nothing. I couldn't help but wonder if I might have been wrong about Edward wanting to see me again. I was certain of his orientation, and even fairly sure of his attraction to me - his body's reactions had been evidence enough of that. But that didn't necessarily mean he wanted _me_.

I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, again; the hush in the air did nothing to quench those nerves. When Edward spoke up, I was actually relieved to have the silence broken. "Thanks again for posing for me, Jasper. I hope it wasn't too bad."

I grinned slightly as I answered him. "Not at all… I had fun, actually." And I had, all in all. It had, if nothing else, been an interesting experience, and Edward had made the shoot, in and of itself, a painless endeavor.

_I can't say much for the case of blue balls I'm having right now, but that's another matter entirely._

I shot him an apologetic smile. I had to go, but I was reluctant to leave. "I'm sorry; I really have to get going..."

"Of course. No problem." His voice sounded... off, but he smiled and turned to lead me to the front door.

Once there, we both stood awkwardly, watching each other. _Fucking hell.._. Both of us kept glancing at the other, then looking away, for what felt like ages. _Ask him... you want to see him again, ask him._

I shuffled my feet nervously, even opening my mouth several times to just ask him myself, but I couldn't do it. I'd given so many clues that I was into him that he _had _to know by now. I'd done more to show him than I had done for anyone other than Paul. And I just could _not _bring myself to take that one last step. It was his turn now.

I frowned, stuffing my hands into my pockets. _Just ask me! Please!_ The silence stretched on though, as the minutes ticked away. He finally broke it, looking as though he just remembered something as he said, "Oh, by the way… I wanted to tell you congratulations."

_What the fuck is he talking about?_ I looked at him in confusion as I asked, "On what?"

"On the baby! I couldn't help but overhear your phone call at Black Ink…"

His voice trailed off as I started to chuckle. "Thanks! But it's definitely not mine – it's my friend Ben's. I'm the godfather."

My thoughts instantly went to little Bella, and I felt myself smile. I was proud to be her godfather, to be a part of her life.

"Oh…sorry. It just sounded like…" He shrugged as he paused a moment before asking, "Do you have any kids?"

I laughed as the image of me with a wife and kids flitted through my mind. _Not fucking likely._ "No, no kids for me."

The image of the impossible family was replaced with one of him by my side, and I found myself muttering under my breath, "The day I have kids is the day you can bear children." I turned my head slightly, my eyes shifting away as both the thought and what I had said took me by surprise. Never in my life had I ever entertained the thought of a family of my own.

_Where the fuck did that come from?_

He had reached for my jacket and helmet, handing me my jacket first. I pulled it on, but the front of it folded under, and before I could do anything about it, Edward's hand had reached out to straighten it. The back of his hand ran over my chest before he trailed the back of his fingers up my neck to my ear. I shivered at his touch, my grip on my jacket tightening to keep from pulling him to me as I clenched my jaw.

My eyes met his as his fingers lingered there a moment longer. _God damn it, why won't you fucking kiss me? Just lean in a bit, and I swear to god, I'll take it from there. Do it! _When he made no other move and the silence became too much for me to bear, I zipped my coat up.

Edward handed me my helmet; his voice had softened considerably as he said, "I'll call you when the pictures are ready?" It came out more as a question, almost as if he were asking permission. _What does that mean? _

I nodded, my own tone of voice mimicking his without my meaning to. "Good night."

He wished me good night as well, and I walked out without another word or a glance back. I had to get out of there; I had never been so confused or frustrated by a guy in my life.

I got to Aro's a little later than I had told Jessica I'd be there, and our food was already on the table when I sat down next to Eric. I apologized for being late, and Gianna came with a fresh glass of sweet tea for me, for which I thanked her. We ate, everyone chattering away merrily while I remained fairly quiet, my mind going back to the afternoon. When Jess began teasing me about being out of it, I shook off any further thoughts of Edward and focused on the people around me.

Eric - who seemed to be doing a lot better after his break up - was thrilled with the tickets I'd gotten him. I told him to be sure to use the second ticket only on someone who'd be able to appreciate Sarah Silverman, too - which excluded me. He chuckled, saying that he'd be sure to put them to good use, and winked at me.

Jessica and Mike asked about the photo shoot, and I related most of what had happened. Jessica accepted the abbreviated version, but I knew by Mike's shrewd look that he would want to know more. He would wait until we were alone, though. He knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't give out more than I had right then.

Aro had provided a platter of cannoli to celebrate Eric's birthday. It was something he always did whenever one of us celebrated a birthday here. He would never let us pay for it, always insisting it was on the house, and that we were 'famiglia'.

Not long after the cannoli was polished off, I made my excuses and went home. I had had enough of the day and was ready to just go to bed. When I got home, I tried to do just that but ended up lying awake for what felt like hours, visions of Edward floating around my mind. I was still aching, but part of me didn't want to acknowledge it. He hadn't wanted me. I was sure that if he had, he would have made a move, and I just didn't want to give in and take care of things myself.

Again.

Because if I did, I knew that it would be to him - his voice, his face, his _touch_. I shivered again as I remembered the feel of his hand running up my chest and neck. With a growl of frustration, I caved. As I had done quite a few times since meeting him, I took care of the aching need I had for him, only this time I was replaying the events of this afternoon, fantasizing about what might have happened if he had acted.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, and suddenly it wasn't _my_ hand palming my hard-on. It was his. And I wasn't lying in my own bed. I was standing in his bedroom, my pants unzipped as he made that move I'd been waiting for, stepping over to me and slipping his hand down the front of my jeans, wrapping those long, piano-playing fingers around my throbbing cock. I gave myself over to the sensations, creating a blend of fantasy and memory that soon had me panting with my release before I was finally, finally able to fall into a fitful sleep.

The next few days I kept mostly to myself, which was an unusual thing for me to do. The photo shoot - Edward's inaction combined with his reaction to me as well as my own to him - had thrown me. Mike kept trying to talk to me at the office but I brushed him off. I wasn't ready to discuss what had happened or how I felt yet. Hell, I wasn't even sure myself how I felt.

Thankfully, Monday was busy enough with calls and problem shooting that he didn't have many opportunities to talk to me. Every free moment I had, my mind went back to Edward, trying to figure him out. When it was time to go home, I escaped the office quickly, not wanting to give Mike an opening to start in on me. It was only after I'd gotten home that I realized that - throughout the day - I had been hoping to hear from Edward.

Tuesday was quieter at work, and Mike spent a lot of time in my office. He didn't try to talk to me about what had me so distracted, just keeping the conversation to either business or other topics that were safe, and I appreciated that. He was letting me know he was here if I needed him, just like he always was. He watched me quietly as I doodled while we talked about this, that, or the other. He broached the subject only once, after having observed me sketch yet another set of eyes. Always the same eyes.

"They're his; aren't they? The guy from the shoot?" _The one who was on the phone that day you blew your top?_

I could hear his unspoken question as well as the ones he'd asked aloud, and all I could do was nod, my eyes glancing surreptitiously at my phone as it lay silently on my desk. I wondered how long it'd be before I would hear from him. _If _I ever did.

_How long does it take to print off some goddamn pictures anyway?_

I had apologized to Mike for my outburst as soon as I'd gotten off the phone with Edward that day and given a vague explanation about the photo shoot. Mike had accepted the apology, but had given me an odd look. When I asked him what was going through his head, he had just shrugged it off and changed subjects.

When I didn't really answer him about the eyes – Edward's eyes – he gave me that same look and asked me if I thought the Red Sox would beat the Angels at all this series. We talked awhile longer until five o'clock finally rolled around, and he left my office, telling me to call him if I wanted to hang out.

With the workday over once again, I went home - again spending my time alone. I wasn't in the mood for company. Well, I would have made one exception to that, but my day ended without any word from him. Again.

I woke on Wednesday feeling antsy and annoyed. Murphy seemed to have it out for me that day, as just about everything that could go wrong did. On my way to work, I stopped by the coffee shop around the corner from our office to pick up our standard mid-week order - as I always did. Only this time, one of the carriers buckled, and I spilled four drinks all over my shirt, tie, _and _pants. Thankfully I'd not worn one of Emily's ties, as that really would have pissed me off.

As it was, it was bad enough. I called Mike to let him know I'd be coming in late and asked him to call in another order and have it delivered this time. When I finally made it into the office - wearing a plain, boring tie, just in case - I found a panicked Felix who was trying very hard to convince whoever was on the other end of the line that I was running late but would be with them shortly.

The call ended up being the same fucking moron who had wasted my time the day I had gone to get my tattoo. He was having 'trouble' with the program again. Nearly an hour-and-a-half and a raging headache later, he was finally sorted. Once again, he had proven that he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a computer. For some reason, he'd gotten it into his head that our invoicing software was supposed to keep up with his employees' time, when the two were not at all related. He said he was ready to begin using that 'feature,' and he kept asking me which tab had the 'clock in' button.

I spent the majority of the time I was on the phone with him trying to explain that he hadn't asked us to design software that did anything of the sort for him. In the end, he'd gone off searching for his original contract, discovered I was right, and again ended by apologizing profusely when all I wanted him to do was shut the fuck up and go away.

The entire day ended up being one disaster after another, and at the end of the day, I was sick of putting out fires left and right. I wanted - no, _needed _- a night out, just to get drunk and let loose, no matter if I had to work the next day or not - especially since I _still _hadn't heard from Edward. Honestly, I was seriously beginning to doubt I ever would. One way or another, I was almost ready to just be done with the whole situation. I either wanted him in my life or out of it without all this 'Will he call me?' bullshit.

I walked over to Mike's office, waiting in his doorway when I saw he was on the phone. He looked up and waved me in to take a seat. It took him nearly ten minutes before he was finally done, and the longer I sat waiting, the antsier I became. He noticed my knee bouncing in agitation and grinned at me, then pointed at the phone and rolled his eyes as he made a 'yapping' motion with his hand.

_Great...Jessica. That could take another hour._

I mouthed 'Jessica?' and he nodded, holding up his finger to indicate he was almost done and for me to wait. I paid no attention at all to what he said to her, tuning him out as best I could. It wasn't because I didn't care, but because this was a private conversation of sorts, and it was none of my business.

I couldn't quite keep from hearing everything, though, and his "I love you. I'll see you when you get back tomorrow," made my heart clench in an almost unfamiliar way, causing me to frown. I quickly pushed any thoughts on the matter aside as he hung up and looked up at me.

He grinned as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry about that. You know how Jess can get. She's just landed in Vegas, but her return flight got canceled."

"Ah, sucks to be her, stuck in the city that never sleeps." I grinned and winked at him. "You know what they say about Vegas, Mike."

He laughed. "Nah, I'm not worried; she's a good girl."

I nodded. Keeping my face as straight as I could, I deadpanned, "Yeah, man, I know. You got lucky. Don't know why she'd ever put up with the likes of you."

He narrowed his eyes before grinning. "Same reason you do, J - you just can't resist my charms."

He winked, and we both ended up laughing. _God, that feels good after a day like today._ "Hey, Mike, how about you and I go out for a drink? Today's royally sucked, and I could use a beer or two. What do you say?"

He got up, grabbing his suit jacket off the back of his chair and pulling it on. "Sure thing, bro. But I'm going home first to change out of this monkey suit and feed the cat, or else Jess'll lynch me when she gets back." He rolled his eyes.

I chuckled softly, nodding. "Yeah, I guess I'll go home and change, too. See you at the Cask 'n Flagon in thirty?"

We both left at the same time, bidding everyone who was straggling in the office a good night. I made it home fairly quickly, lucking out on traffic being light on the way. Figuring it was going to be just Mike and me, I opted to wear my faded blue jeans and a Red Sox shirt. I knew they'd be playing tonight and thought I might as well have a little fun flying my colors, so to speak.

I chuckled as I pulled the dark blue t-shirt over my head. It had been a birthday present from Mike, who thought that the phrasing on it - 'Yank These' with two baseballs under it - was apt in more ways than one. And I happened to agree with him.

I'd called a cab as soon as I had gotten home, fully planning to indulge in quite a bit of alcohol at the bar. A quick glance out my window told me it was already waiting on me, so I hurriedly pulled on my Doc boots, grabbed my wallet and keys, locked the door behind me, and was on my way.

The driver was insane. I had never before feared for my life when taking a cab, but I sure as hell did with the way he was weaving in and out of traffic, cutting corners, and just plain driving like a maniac. I was all too happy when we made it safely to the Cask, so I paid the driver and made my way quickly inside, heading straight for the bar.

_Fucking hell...I need a drink. Now. _

Taking a seat at the bar, I ordered a Sam Adams. The first thing I did was take a long pull of my beer. The second thing was send Mike a text saying I was at the bar already. I got a message back almost immediately - _'be there soon as poss. stuck behind accident.'_

I cursed lightly under my breath. _Fucked up day. Hope he gets here soon_. I shot him a text back telling him to be safe before putting my phone in my pocket. Taking a sip from my beer, I turned around, getting my first good look at the crowd for the night. It seemed I wasn't the only one to be sporting Sox gear, and I could see that ESPN was doing their usual pre-game coverage on the television.

I didn't pay it any attention as I let my gaze wander the room. At first glance, nothing - or rather, no one - caught my eye, so I turned my back on the crowd to watch the screen above the bar. After a few minutes, the bartender came over with a pint of draft beer, saying that it was courtesy of the gentleman at the other end of the bar.

Raising an eyebrow, I turned to look at the man he indicated and saw a handsome guy smiling at me, lifting his beer in greeting. I took my glass, lifting it in thanks and flashing him a smile of my own.

_Now _there's_ how you fucking make a move... _

He walked over to me, and I took the opportunity to really look at him. He was slightly shorter than me, standing about six feet tall, fairly muscular, and he had wide shoulders. He had very dark, almost black, curly hair. He had a very gentle look to him; his eyes were a light brown, and he was clean shaven.

He wasn't my usual type, but as frustrated as I was with things at the moment - and appreciating that he initiated contact with me despite the fact that he had no clue as to my orientation - I decided to give him a shot. Mike wasn't here yet, anyway.

I lifted my glass again, feeling my lips curl into a half-smile as my eyes met his. "Thank you."

We talked for a little bit, both of us finishing our beers probably a little faster than was wise, especially for me as I hadn't eaten yet. He ordered us another round of beers, and the more we talked, the flirtier he got, and I had a hard time not responding to it. Fuck, I didn't even really want to try to restrain myself. It felt nice to know he was interested, and he seemed to be an okay guy, so I flirted right back.

Judging by his body's response, it was pretty fucking obvious that he was into me and he didn't try to hide it. _See, it's not that fucking difficult..._ I quickly stifled that thought; the last thing I wanted tonight was to think of _him_.

John - as he introduced himself - had progressively gotten closer to me the more we talked, to the point where he was standing right next to me, his thigh brushing against mine. I had a fleeting thought about Mike and wondered where the hell he was, but between the guy standing next to me and the beer going to my head, I was getting to the point of not really giving a damn anymore.

Another round of beers later found him brushing his fingers up my arm, his eyes intent on mine. Neither of us cared exactly where we were and that there was a bar full of people around us, or that the game had finally started. I shifted slightly in my seat so that my legs were on either side of him and placed a hand on his hip. He took the silent invitation and leaned in, brushing his lips against mine, softly at first.

After a few chaste kisses, I tilted my head and deepened the kiss. Despite the alcohol consumption, I found I couldn't really get into it. Kissing John was doing nothing for me, and truth be told, it felt a little like kissing a dead fish - not that I'd know what kissing a living one felt like. He just...sucked at it, and not in a good way, either.

I opened my eyes and pulled away from him, about to tell him thanks, but no thanks, when I saw Mike finally walking into the bar. John, who was standing with his back to the door, had no idea and was partially blocking me from sight already, so I decided to have a little fun with Mike.

_Fucker deserves it for making me wait so long, anyway. Plus it'll get rid of John-boy. _

I ducked out of sight, pulling John fully in front of me with a muttered, "Shit!"

John looked at me with confusion. "What's wrong?"

He turned his head to see what might have upset me and spotted Mike as he was looking around, obviously looking for someone. He turned to look at me with a frown, and I shook my head. "Nothing...nothing..."

John took a step back to create some space between us - _Thank you, God_ - turning to look at Mike again, who was still searching the crowd. He had pulled his phone out and texted someone. A few seconds later, my phone indicated I had a new text message. _Perfect timing._ John's brow furrowed as he shuffled to the side a little, and I tried to duck out of sight. "What the fuck's going on, Jasper? Who is that guy?"

I bit my lip, feigning embarrassment as I said, "That would be my boyfriend."

John's eyes widened slightly before flashing in anger. I slipped off of the stool and walked over to Mike, leaving John standing at the bar, seething. I wrapped my arms around Mike, who automatically hugged me back, muttering, "Who the fuck are you trying to ditch now?"

I snickered as I whispered in his ear, "Guy at the bar that looks like he's about to spit bullets."

He grumbled, though he kept a smile on his face as he did so. "You know, someday you're going to have to grow the fuck up and tell a guy you're not interested."

We pulled away, slipping an arm around each other's waist as we made it to a table at the other end of the bar away from John. Chuckling, I kissed Mike on the cheek, just to really ruffle his feathers a little. "Nah, this is much more fun, darlin'."

We sat down, and Mike huffed, rolling his eyes. "For you, maybe. You know that your antics scare the ladies away, don't you? How's a guy ever supposed to get lucky with the girls if his best friend keeps feeling him up, hmm?"

I grinned, jerking my thumb toward the bar where a couple of girls were blatantly ogling both of us. "Doesn't scare away _all _the women."

Mike followed my eyes and shuddered as he took in the girls. Both were dressed in rather skanky clothes and had colorful - and not very flattering at that - tattoos covering their arms. He turned back to me in disbelief. "Not a fucking chance, man."

I chuckled again. "You have Jess anyway, man. So think of it as my doing you a favor by keeping her competition at bay."

I winked at him, and he rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dude. Drinks are on you tonight. You fucking owe me, and you know it."

A server showed up right at that moment, so we ordered a couple of Sam Adams and some nachos. I needed food, and I needed it pronto or I'd really be well on my way to being plastered, and I had no intention of becoming _that _drunk when I had to work the next day.

As we waited on the food to arrive, we chatted a bit about how things were going with Mike and Jessica. Jess had been putting in more hours lately and had been gone a lot. She was trying to get enough hours to qualify for international flights. She said she loved being a flight attendant but that it could get a little boring doing the same continental flights again and again.

She was supposed to be home today, but as Mike had already told me, her flight home had gotten canceled. It happened from time to time, for various reasons, and as much as it sucked, they dealt with it. I envied them at times. They loved each other very much, and they were good for each other. They somehow made it work, despite leading vastly different lives.

Mike took a long drink from his beer before putting it down and folding his arms, leaning forward onto the table as he looked at me. I knew the subject was about to get changed, and I was equally sure I wouldn't particularly like the change in topic.

He tilted his head to the bar to where I had left John. "Those didn't look like his eyes."

I frowned as I stared into my beer, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden, though I wasn't entirely sure why. "They weren't," I said simply.

Neither of us said anything for a while. Our server brought the nachos, giving me a short reprieve from talking as we ate. I could feel Mike's eyes on me the entire time, and I knew it wouldn't be long before the questions began.

I was surprised when he didn't start as soon as we were done, instead ordering another round of beer. _Last one for me tonight, or I _will _regret it in the morning_. He ordered us a pizza, asking them to please hold the olives. With that done, he turned his attention back to me.

_Here we go._

"J, talk to me, man. What's been going on with you? You've been acting out of sorts for a couple of weeks now."

I shrugged, part of me hoping he'd drop it, while another part was hoping he would be able to tell me what the fuck was going on with Edward. _I _sure as hell had no clue anymore. _So much for not thinking of him tonight... _I sighed.

He gave me a scrutinizing look. "It's him, isn't it? The guy from the shoot? The one that's had you acting like you can't tell your ass from a hole in the ground?"

I didn't really know what to say, so I gave him a half-shrug and a nod in answer.

"Jasper..." He sighed, sitting back in his seat as he laid one hand on the table, the other running through his hair in frustration. "Come on, man. Give me something here. I know something's up with you; I've known you too fucking long not to know it's about a guy, but hell...ya gotta give me something more to go on. Maybe start with his fucking name?" He gave me a small grin.

With a groan, I folded my hands and placed them on the table in front of me as I leaned on it with my elbows. "Edward."

Just speaking his name, it was as if the floodgates opened, and it all poured out. I told him everything, in detail this time, from the moment I got to the tattoo parlor to the moment I left Edward's house after the shoot.

As I talked, the server brought our pizza, and I asked for a glass of water while he was there. Mike didn't say a word until after I was done, letting me air it all out. I was so preoccupied with telling him everything that I never even really tasted what I was eating.

When I was done, I ran my hands through my hair and sat back, feeling frustrated all over again. I scowled when I saw Mike watching me with a stupid grin on his face. "What?" I grumbled.

He just shook his head and chuckled. "Dude, you're in trouble."

I growled. "No need to tell me _that_, Captain Obvious. I don't even know why I'm obsessing over some guy who doesn't seem to be interested... or at the very least one who can't make up his fucking mind about it."

Mike raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing. I frowned at him. "What?!"

He leaned forward again, resting his elbows on the table, and looked me in the eye. "J, from what you just told me, you pretty much taunted the poor guy during that shoot. What with you doing a near strip tease and then chuckling after he thanked you, he probably thought you were making fun of him or something. Not to mention the whole baby confusion. Could it be possible that maybe _he_'s unsure of where exactly _you _stand in all of this?"

I felt the air leave my lungs with a whoosh as I sat back against my chair at his words. I'd had similar thoughts myself but to hear Mike say it really made it hit home. Especially adding in the whole confusion about little Bella. _What a fucked up mess this is..._

I muttered, more to myself than to Mike, as I wasn't expecting an answer, "So now what the fuck do I do?"

Mike shrugged. "Now you get the joy of dealing with what most common folk deal with. The age-old question of 'does he or doesn't he like me'. You're going to have to wait and see. He's supposed to call you when the photos are done, right?" I nodded. "See what happens when he calls."

I frowned, looking up at him. "What if he doesn't? Call, I mean."

He grinned. "Jasper, from what you've told me, I have a feeling he'll call you. Just give him some time. When he does, though, you're going to have to clear things up, or you'll regret it in the end."

I nodded again, unable to say anything in response. What he had said made sense, and I was glad to have gotten his view on things. But that still left me in the same position as before - I still didn't know.

He pursed his lips, looking at me through narrowed eyes. "Or, you know, you could always call him. Tonight. Explain shit to him."

I was already shaking my head. "No fucking way. It's not happening."

He sighed and nodded. "Yes, I know. Was worth a shot, though."

We wrapped the evening up shortly after that. I paid for everything, since - as Mike reminded me - I owed him for earlier that night. He had also taken a cab to get here, so we shared one going home, dropping him off first before I finally got home and crawled into bed. I made sure to put my alarm on, setting the one on my phone as well, just in case.

The next morning I woke up tired but otherwise feeling relatively good. _No hangover; nice surprise. _As a complete turnaround from the day before, this day went by at a snail's pace. There were no new projects, no upcoming trips to plan, no problems to work out. It was boring as hell, and when five o'clock rolled around, I was all too happy to just go home.

I'd had far too much time to think, and most of my thoughts had, of course, been centered on Edward. The pad on my desk was evidence enough of that, as all that had poured out from my hands had been images of him.

Grabbing some take out on the way home, I went through the motions of my after work ritual, changing into lounge pants and eating dinner. After taking care of the few dishes that had come from that, I went to the desk, grabbed my pencils and pad, and sat down, determined to work on something - _anything _- that wasn't Edward.

Normally, sketching was a relaxing exercise for me. Not so tonight. No matter what I tried to do, Edward kept cropping up in some form or another. I'd placed my phone on the desk out of habit, and when it rang, it startled me. I didn't bother checking to see who it was as I continued working on my sketch, figuring that at this hour, it'd be Emily or Mike. "Hello?"

_"Hey... Jasper?" _

Frowning, I stopped sketching as I sat up. "Yeah?" It took a moment before my brain kicked into gear, recognizing Edward's voice. I bit my lip, trying to keep the conversation I'd had with Mike in mind. "Edward?"

"_Yeah, it's me." _There was a brief pause, and then, _"Oh, sorry. I hope I didn't…wake you…or anything."_

Chuckling softly, I tossed my pencil onto the pad before running my fingers through my hair. "Nah. 'S alright. I was just…" _Thinking about you. Trying not to fucking obsess like an idiot_... I glanced down at the pad and sighed, trying to ignore what was glaring me in the face. "Sketching."

Edward's voice went up a little as he spoke, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning. _"Really? You sketch?"_

"A little...not very well, but it relaxes me..." I mumbled, "Most of the time, anyway..."

"_Hey, man, if I'm bothering you, I can umm...call back another time or something. I didn't realize how late it was. I just got in from dinner and, ahh..." _He paused for a moment, and I thought I could hear him take a sip of something before he continued. _"…remembered to call you."_

I felt a moment of panic at the thought of him wanting to hang up. I didn't want to stop talking to him. "No! No, it's okay, really..." I ran my fingers nervously through my hair again as I paused to collect my thoughts. "So...did the pictures come out okay?"

_"Yeah, they did. They look great. They're actually, ahh...ready." _Another short pause, and then, _"So I was wondering if...you might want to get together to look at them soon? Maybe tomorrow?"_

"Tomorrow?" I bit my lip as I took a mental tally of my schedule for Friday. "When were you thinking?" _If I rearrange a few things, maybe go in early... _

"_Well, I was sort of thinking maybe we could meet for lunch? And then umm...you could come back over here to look at them?"_

Neither of us spoke for a moment. I knew he was waiting for an answer, but I was still trying to mentally shuffle my schedule around. I _wanted_ to make this work, wanted to meet with him again. After a few seconds of silence, Edward began to speak quickly, filling the now pregnant pause with his babbling.

"_There are a lot of them, or I'd just bring them to lunch. I mean, I still can, if you want." _

I grinned as I listened to his babbling. _Too cute._ "No...I can come over..." I paused, letting out a slow breath - my cheeks puffing out a little as I did - as I went over my schedule one more time before giving him my answer. I would definitely need to head in early if I was going to be able to leave at a time even remotely close to lunch time. "Lunch is good, but...can we make it a late one? I'll need to re-arrange my schedule a bit…work and all."

_"Oh, right. Work." _Another pause. _"Maybe two again?"_

I nodded - like an idiot. "Yeah, two'll work." I smiled lazily as I picked up my pencil again and resumed sketching.

There was another slight pause before Edward came back with the next question. _"So what kind of food do you like? There are a lot of places not far from here."_

Chuckling I said, "Whatever you want is good. I'll try just about anything." I grinned at the double entendre . _Let's see what he makes of that._

"_There's a little Greek diner a couple of blocks from here. It's called the Grapevine...do you know it? They have fantastic souvlaki."_

I gave another soft chuckle, wishing I could know what he was thinking. "Can't say I do...never tried Greek before...but sure, if you're up for it, we can do that."

He gave me directions to the restaurant before we both fell silent again.

"_So umm…well…"_

My hand paused over the pad. _Sounds like he's just as reluctant to end the conversation as I am. _I cleared my throat, not sure what to say next.

"_I guess I'll see you then?"_

I sighed wistfully. "Yeah...see you tomorrow..."

"_Alright. Well, umm...good night, Jasper."_

I smiled softly at that, loving the tenderness of his voice as he said good night. My own voice lowered as well. "Good night, Edward."

As soon as he had hung up, I closed my phone and stared as it lay cradled in my hand. _Will I_ ever _be able to have a phone conversation with this guy that_ isn't _fucking awkward all the time?_ I shook my head, rolling my eyes at myself.

I looked down at the pad again, running my fingers through my hair as I stared at the grand piano that I had drawn from memory. The guy sitting behind it could not be mistaken. It was Edward, playing. I could almost hear the soft notes floating in the air, remembering what he had played before I interrupted him by ringing the bell. I gently traced the figure of Edward I had drawn, my thoughts split between everything that already had happened and what I might expect to have happen tomorrow.

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_**A/N:**__ So for those of you who were dying for Jasper's POV of the photo shoot – there you go! Everything our Mr. Possible was thinking. Next chapter is a split POV chapter, and it's the first where we've completely passed anything that happened in the one-shot. Let's just say that Edward's feeling a bit more confident…_

_Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and for realizing the importance of getting a bit of background on these characters. Your support has been amazing, and we've loved hearing your thoughts! Let us know what you think again, please ;)_


	5. One Way or Another

_**A/N:**__This chapter marks the beginning of entirely new material. Thank you so much for all your support and reviews as we've worked through some background on these characters. We hope you'll enjoy the rest of their journey just as much!_

_Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHelm**__ and__** kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**EPOV **

I yanked harder on the drawer, muttering to myself as I leaned down and peered in, trying to figure out what the hell was keeping it from opening all the way. Seeing the corner of the box that was catching, I reached in and pressed it down, finally managing to get the damn drawer open. It just so happened that the offending little box was the very one I was searching for, so I pulled it out with a shit-eating grin.

It was a non-descript cardboard box, and I opened the top, pulling out a metal tin from inside. This one was far larger than it needed to be, as popping the top open revealed only a small collection of novelty tongue rings arranged on a backer board like earrings. I snickered as I muttered the messages aloud to myself.

"Sex Tool." _Well, it certainly fucking is, but that's a little too…generic. _

"Suck My Dick." _Nice as that damn thought is, I was kinda going for the other way around._

"Cum Here."_ Mmm…now, that's closer._

"Let's Fuck." _I'm not trying to be _that_ obvious…_

"Cream Filled." _Ugh. _That one made even me grimace.

"I Swallow." _True, but still not quite it…_

And there…the very last one in the box – naturally – was the absolutely perfect message.

"Cock Tease."

I laughed as I pulled it from the box and unscrewed the ball cap. Leaning toward the mirror, I took out the black barbell I almost always wore, putting it away in the box before replacing it with the more…suggestive one. I smirked at myself in the mirror, opening my mouth and sticking out my tongue. _Jesus, you really can't fucking miss that, can you? _

I was getting ready to meet Jasper for lunch, and if he was looking at my mouth at _all_, he'd have a nice fucking message waiting for him.

_Thank you, Emmett._ It seemed his Christmas gift was finally being put to use – if not in the way he expected.

Well, maybe not. Or maybe I'd get fucking lucky and it would be _exactly_ the way Emmett expected.

After Jasper had left from our photo shoot and I'd sat down to work on his pictures, I'd finally admitted – just to myself, of course - exactly what sort of effect he had on me, and I'd had to…relieve some tension. I came with a fucking _vengeance_ and as I recovered, I started to really think about the few times I'd been with him – the looks we'd shared, the way his eyes seemed to follow me, the way his breathing sometimes sped – and I'd realized that maybe Mr. Impossible was actually more like…Mr. Really Fucking Likely.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't getting ahead of myself, and I definitely still had some reservations. But the more I thought about all of it – including Jasper's utter shock when I congratulated him on the baby – the more I realized that maybe, just maybe, I'd fucked up when I assumed he was straight. Looking at it objectively, I had so many reasons to think he might be interested – including the way he goddamn unzipped his pants and the way his eyes had darkened when I ran the back of my fingers up his neck – and only a couple of flimsy assumptions to suggest he wasn't.

One of those assumptions had already turned out to be completely unfounded…so maybe the others were as well.

I didn't quite understand why, if Jasper _was_ gay and _was_ interested, he hadn't made any sort of move…but then again, wasn't I gay? And very much interested? And had I made a move? Fuck no.

So what it came down to was that I didn't know. I didn't know his sexual orientation, and I didn't know if he was attracted to _me_ or not, but that was all going to change today. One way or another, I was ready to stop obsessing over him as a maybe-possible-impossibility.

I'd eventually decided that maybe he wasn't sure where I stood, just as I'd been unsure of his…preference. I was planning to take away any doubt he might have, and I guess I was going to do it in a bit of a cruel way, if he _was_ interested. If he wasn't, well…he'd at least get a good chuckle.

_Besides, fucking serves him right. Rub for luck… _

At the photo shoot, Jasper had been wearing a rather suggestive belt buckle himself. It had three horseshoes with the words "Rub for Luck" written on the top one. I'd noticed the buckle during the shoot but hadn't wanted to get caught staring at his crotch – for obvious reasons – so it wasn't until he left and I was looking at the pictures that I'd discovered the hidden message.

Unfortunately, I'd ended up rubbing myself rather than him…and that buckle had been part of the reason. The rest had to do with that smoldering stare of his…those pouty lips…that playful smirk…but the trigger had been his irresistible scent. There was something so familiar, so tantalizing about his scent that sometimes my mouth quite literally watered when I was around him. The fact that I couldn't place what it was had been slowly driving me mad for the past several weeks. It was only last night that it had suddenly hit me.

_I was driving home from dinner with my friends on Thursday night. It was the third time I'd seen them all in a week and probably more than I'd seen any of them in months, aside from Kate, of course. I really had been a goddamn recluse. We'd laughed together for a few hours, and as I was making my way home, I was smiling, singing along under my breath as the radio played. "I'm not content to be with you in the daytime…"_

_Ever since the photo shoot with Jasper last Sunday, I'd been counting the days until I could call him again. I'd resolved to wait one week – that was my typical turnaround time when I even bothered to have a second meeting with the model to show them the pictures. I often didn't, just choosing the pictures to use myself. Jasper, of course, was a special case. _

_I was tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, lifting my chin as I peered down the street to make sure it was safe to pull out. I was a much happier person in general now that I'd allowed myself to accept that Jasper might be interested in me. I tried to pretend that wasn't the reason, but the Kinks playlist currently pouring through my speakers told me otherwise._

_I once again found myself cataloging my list of…evidence, I guess, that Jasper was attracted to me. I was repeating it like a mantra, a reassurance that I wasn't crazy, and I wasn't obsessive, and this wasn't one-sided._

_There was the way he smiled sometimes when he watched me. There was the way he just watched me in general, his eyes following me and drifting down my body in a way that was intimate and familiar. That wicked little smile he gave me when I said I was going commando. The way he'd stared at me at the tattoo parlor, his eyes lingering on the torch tattoo below my waist. _

_Then there were the touches between us. The way his eyes darkened and his lips parted when I caressed his neck. The way he'd shivered and then turned around when I traced his tattoo, licking his lips in response to mine. And the way he brushed against me made me wonder sometimes if it was on purpose._

_Beyond that, there were other, more ambiguous signs that – if I was interpreting them correctly – would leave little doubt__ as__ to what Jasper wanted. That damn belt buckle – but did he wear it every day, or had it been an invitation? The way he'd unzipped his pants, staring at me with an eyebrow raised in challenge – had he meant it? What would've happened if I'd walked over, replacing his hand on the zipper with mine as I kissed him? And then that half-heard comment when I'd asked him about children. Had he _really_ said the day he had children was the day I could bear them? _

_I was still chanting my mantra when I pulled up at my house. I walked in, kicking off my shoes and hanging up my keys like always, in a good mood from my night out. It was pretty early, so I decided to relax a bit before I got to work on my project again. It was going well - I'd need to meet with my editor Zafrina again soon – but there always seemed to be more that could be done._

_I'd finally made it to the grocery store earlier that day – it was amazing how long I could go without when I was being lazy – so I walked straight into the kitchen and put the kettle on for some tea. While it was heating, I went upstairs to change into some comfy pants, humming as I hung up the deep maroon button down I'd worn to dinner. Kate had told me I looked "delicious" – I'd just rolled my eyes as I hugged her and greeted everyone else. It made me smile to see how happy most of my friends were. _

_All of them were there with their significant others, with the exception of me, Kate, and Tyler. We all sat at one end of the table, and while we joined in the conversations with the rest of them, we also made a g__ame of pointing out…prospects for each other. I was much better at picking out attractive women for Tyler than he was at finding men for me – or maybe he was just less picky than I was. Tyler seemed to be of the same mind as Billy – the bigger the guy, the better . Kate had a knack for finding both, but to be fair, she knew my type, and she was a photographer – she had an eye for beauty. I can __honestly say, though, that despite the good looking men at the restaurant, there were none that compared to Jasper for me. _

_I _really_ hoped he was interested. Otherwise, I was fucked – and not in the way I wanted to be. _

_I'd apparently been standing in my closet reminiscing for some time because I heard the kettle begin to whistle. I quickly stripped out of my jeans and put on my pajama pants, not bothering with underwear this time as I wasn't planning on any company. I took the stairs two at a time and pulled the kettle off the stove before going to my pantry._

_As soon as I opened the canister of Earl Grey tea, my mouth began watering and Jasper's eyes were all I could see._

Fuck_._

_Well, I'd found the mystery ingredient. _Why the _hell_ does he smell like Earl Grey tea?

_That scent – _his_ scent - had been the catalyst for my finally giving in and taking care of myself to fantasies of him just after he left from the photo shoot. I'd caught a whiff of it on my white shirt he'd worn, and I just couldn't resist anymore. I'd thought that would be the end of it, but when I went to bed after obsessing over printing the pictures, the fragrance surrounded me._

_He'd been lying on my bed, and he seemed to linger all around me – on my pillow, my sheets, my comforter. I couldn't escape him. Despite the fact that the sun had already risen on a gloomy Monday morning and I hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours, I__'d__ lai__n__ there for a__while longer, just staring at my ceiling and trying to get him out of my head. Eventually, I'd given into yet another fantasy about him and then finally fallen asleep as the morning wore on. _

_I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek as I made my tea. I carried my cup to the den, deep in thought, and sat down on the couch with my feet propped on the coffee table. The book I'd intended to read lay beside me, forgotten. I took my first sip, and suddenly my phone was in my hand. _

_Scrolling through the numbers, I came to the one I'd looked at several times a day since Sunday. The contact information said simply, "Jasper" – even with his number, I still didn't know his last name, and asking had slipped my mind when he was here for his photo shoot with the way he was tormenting and tempting me._

_I pressed the call button – fucking _finally_ – and put the phone to my ear as I waited. On the third ring, he answered._

"Hello?"

_He sounded distracted. I asked stupidly, "Hey…Jasper?" _

"Yeah?"

_Well, that wasn't at all the reaction I'd hoped for. Fuck. He didn't even know who I was._

"Edward?" _His voice came over the line again, prompting me to smile. _

"_Yeah, it's me." I glanced at the clock on my mantle, realizing finally that it was after 9:00 – not at all late for me, but I didn't know what sort of hours he kept. "Oh, sorry. I hope I didn't…wake you…or anything." _Though I wouldn't be opposed to catching you in bed…alone, of course. _I smirked at the thought._

_I heard him chuckle quietly before he shifted with the sound of rustling paper. _"Nah. 'S alright. I was just…" _He trailed off, sighing. _"Sketching."

"_Really?" My voice was a little higher than usual, betraying my interest. I'd had no idea he was artistic. "You sketch?"_

"A little…not very well, but it relaxes me…" _he answered. He sounded…off somehow. Bored, maybe? His voice dropped, and I barely caught when he added, _"Most of the time, anyway."

_I frowned, wondering if maybe my phone call wasn't welcome. I cleared my throat. "Hey, man, if I'm bothering you, I can umm...call back another time or something. I didn't realize how late it was. I just got in from dinner and ahh..." I took a sip of my tea and smirked. "…remembered to call you."_

_I smiled when I heard the bit of panic in his voice. _"No! No, it's okay, really..." _He paused. _"So....did the pictures come out okay?"

_I shifted, turning sideways on the couch and stretching my legs out on the cushions in front of me. "Yeah, they did. They look great. The__y're actually, ahh..__.ready." Thanks to my obsessing, they'd been ready since Monday. I hadn't slept until they were all just how I wanted them. "So I was wondering if...you might want to get together to look at them soon? Maybe tomorrow?"_

_I didn't like the way I was nearly holding my breath until Jasper spoke again._

"Tomorrow?"_ Another pause, with no way for me to know its meaning._ "When were you thinking?"

_Something in me relaxed, and I smiled as I realized that he wasn't going to just flat out say "no." "Well, I was sort of thinking maybe we could meet for lunch? And then umm...you could come back over here to look at them?" _And with any luck, do something more. _He didn't answer, and as the silence stretched on, I heard my voice babbling to fill it. "There are a lot of them, or I'd just bring them to lunch. I mean, I still can, if you want." I bit my lip to stop the words pouring out, rolling my eyes at myself._

_He finally saved me from myself, talking just as I trailed off. _"No...I can come over..." _He let out a breath slowly, and I imagined his cheeks puffing out as his brow furrowed. I wondered what it meant. _"Lunch is good, but...can we make it a late one? I'll need to re-arrange my schedule a bit…work and all."

_Oh, right. Work._

"_Oh, right. Work." I repeated my ridiculous thought, making a face at myself for forgetting that Friday was a workday for most people. Clearing my throat, I said, "Maybe two again?"_

"Yeah, two'll work."

_What the fuck does that mean? My toes were tapping on the cushion with excess energy as I felt my brow furrow. I had no answer, so half a beat too late, I instead asked, "So what kind of food do you like? There are a lot of places not far from here."_

_Jasper chuckled, and I heard a smirk in his voice when he answered. _"Whatever you want is good. I'll try just about anything."

He can't possibly mean that how I think he does…can he?_ That little comment was quickly added to the Jasper-is-interested list of evidence. I smirked as I said, "There's a little Greek diner a couple of blocks from here. It's called the Grapevine...do you know it? They have fantastic souvlaki."  
_  
"Can't say I do...never tried Greek before...but sure, if you're up for it, we can do that."

_I liked the sound of Jasper being up for whatever _I _was up for. And there was definitely something that was beginning to come up the longer I listened to his voice and entertained the thought of seeing him again. I tried my best to keep those thoughts at bay as I was giving him directions, but I could tell that this was going to be yet another night of self-love. He remained silent the whole time I was speaking, so when I finished, I was at a loss. "So umm…well…" _Genius.

_I heard him clear his throat, so I knew he was still there, but he didn't say anything. With a sigh, I finally spoke once more. "I guess I'll see you then?" I glanced at the clock again, noticing I had seventeen hours to fill before I went to meet him._

_His voice sounded a little wistful when he finally responded. _"Yeah...see you tomorrow..."

_I frowned slightly, really hoping this unusual mood of his meant what I thought it did. I hoped that he wanted to see me – and talk to me – just as much as I did him. "Alright. Well, umm...good night, Jasper." Just saying his name, I smiled._

_That smile widened when I heard his quiet, "Good night, Edward."_

_I pressed the button to hang up my phone and let it drop onto the couch beside me. Biting my bottom lip, I looked yet again at the clock, realizing it was really fucking early to go to bed. I drained my cup of tea and headed that way anyway, dropping off my cup in the sink on my way to pick up my laptop. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night…and it was. _

I ran my fingers through my hair one more time, looking in the mirror as I smirked at myself. All told, I'd taken care of myself three times over several hours last night before I'd finally passed the fuck out, falling into a dreamless sleep only to be woken by my alarm clock at noon.

My hair was a mess – standing up every which way – but I knew it worked for me. I shrugged and grinned, smoothing my black t-shirt over my abdomen as I turned sideways to make sure it looked good. It did, hitting just at the top of my low-slung jeans. I wasn't dressing up, but I sure as fuck meant to make sure Jasper was left salivating the way I always was around him.

If he was into me, of course.

I scanned my appearance again, taking in the cuff watch on my left wrist, the tragus and lobe piercings in my left ear, shifting to the side to look at my only visible tattoo – the tribal piece nearly reaching to my right elbow. The sleeves of my shirt were just tight enough, emphasizing my biceps.

_Fucking perfect._

It was hard for me to look better than this. "Hope that fucker likes what he sees," I muttered to myself as I flipped off the bathroom light and went back into my bedroom to grab socks.

Downstairs, I wandered through the rooms, making sure there was plenty of beer and a bottle of wine chilling in the refrigerator. I peeked into the den, double checking that the pictures were spread out like I wanted them. I intended to leave it at that, but I couldn't. Instead, I walked into the room and over to the sound system, looking at my docked iPod to find that it was still on the jazz playlist I'd set up.

I shook my head at myself as I walked back out into the hallway and sat down on the bench to put on my socks and boots. I was certainly going all out for a guy I wasn't even sure wanted me.

_But if he did… _

My eyes fluttered closed, and I slumped back against the wall, imagining Jasper's lips on mine, his hand wrapped around my dick. I let out a low moan. "Fuck."

I opened my eyes again, mentally shaking myself as I forced the images away.

_Soon, Mr. Possible. _

The drive to the diner was short, and I found a parking spot just across the street. I got out, locking the door as I twirled my keys once around my finger before pocketing them. _Maybe this is my lucky day. _

The entire front of the building was covered with glass windows, and as I was crossing the street, I caught sight of Jasper standing inside. My lips curved into a smile as I realized he'd beaten me there – and I was early.

I stood still for a moment, right in the middle of the street, as I licked my bottom lip. I was aware of a car approaching as I forced my legs into motion again, but my eyes never wavered as I took in Jasper. I could just see the top of what looked to be dark blue jeans, an image of his ass in the jeans from the shoot flitting through my mind. His charcoal gray shirt was tucked in, and I smirked when I saw that he was once again wearing his tame black leather belt. _Not looking for any rubbing today, Mr. __P__ossible?_

_Too fucking bad. _

His sleeves were rolled up, exposing those toned forearms I'd spent several hours appreciating less than a week ago, and – yet again – he was wearing a tie that made me just want to grab it and pull him close. I was trying not to smile, but one kept tugging at my lips, and I gave in, fixing that devilishly crooked smile in place that always seemed to help me get my way. I ran my fingers through my messy hair once more and opened the door.

The sound of the tinkling little bell drew his gaze, and our eyes met over the head of the tiny hostess he'd just finished speaking to. She disappeared as I walked to him, holding out my hand. We shook hands as we exchanged hellos, but before we got any further, she returned, holding two menus and two sets of silverware.

"This way," she said simply, turning and expecting us to follow her. I dropped Jasper's hand and arched an eyebrow at him in question.

He shrugged, smirking as he said, "I knew you'd be coming soon."

Both my eyebrows rose at that as I smirked in return. _Confident, isn't he?_ I liked it. I motioned for him to go first, and he turned to follow the little hostess who was rapidly escaping. Luckily, the diner was small, and it wasn't like she could really lose us. I hung back as he took the first few steps, leaving me plenty of space to see if these jeans showed off his assets as well as the others had.

_Oh, hell yes._

No doubt about it. Jasper had a nice ass – it wasn't just the pants, as this was the third pair I'd seen him in. _And now I want to see him in none. _

I smiled slowly, my tongue wetting my lips as I took a seat across from him and finally glanced around at where we'd been seated. We were at a small booth in the corner with the rest of the restaurant largely blocked from view thanks to the stands of lattice covered with plastic grapevines that served as decoration.

_Fucking perfect_.

We both opened our menus, though I really only did out of habit. I knew what I wanted. After a moment, I glanced over the top at Jasper, finding him looking at me as well. He cleared his throat and looked back down at his, a faint blush on his cheeks.

I closed my menu, dropping it beside my plate as I innocently said, "So how was work?"

He grimaced and shrugged, saying there wasn't a lot going on and that he was really looking forward to having a new project just for something to do. He didn't seem so interested in talking about it, and at the moment, I wasn't really so interested in listening. I began to not-so-innocently play with my tongue ring as he spoke, bringing it between my lips. I had the pleasure of seeing his eyes focus on it for a moment before they widened. His sky blue eyes flashed to mine and then back down to the lovely little message I'd left for him. He swallowed hard, returning his eyes to the menu as he completely stopped speaking.

_Well, what do you know…?_

I grinned, slipping my tongue back into my mouth just as the waitress appeared. She placed a basket of breadsticks in the center of our table and began speaking far too quickly in an accented voice that was a little difficult to understand. She gave us each a glass of water before asking if we wanted anything else to drink. I was about to shake my head when Jasper's gentle voice said, "Do you happen to have sweet tea?"

The smile that lit up his face when she said they did was beautiful – just a look of simple, innocent pleasure that made me smile in response. I told her water was fine for me, my eyes never leaving his face as I tried to memorize that expression.

As soon as she walked away, I said, "So what's the deal with sweet tea?"

He shrugged but his smile remained as he spoke. "It's my favorite, but it's hard to find up here. Usually the closest I can get is unsweet with some sort of artificial sweetener…" He made a face before he continued, talking about how his mother – I loved the way he called her "Mama" – got him and his brother and sister hooked on her sweet tea when they were young. I made a mental note to figure out how to make sweet tea if we worked out by some chance.

I wanted to ask him more about his home, just to find out a little more about him, but the waitress returned then with the tea, her pad in hand as she asked if we'd decided what we wanted.

_Yes, but he isn't on the menu_.

I shifted on my side of the booth, asking Jasper if he knew what he wanted. He smirked as he admitted that he hadn't even looked.

"Can we have another minute?" I asked as I flashed her my crooked grin.

She gave a small giggle and blushed, and I half-expected her to fan herself with her order pad as she said, "Take all the time you need…I'll be back soon."

I felt her eyes lingering on me before she finally turned to walk away, but I looked back at Jasper, who sat watching me with an inscrutable look on his face.

_Yeah, that guessing shit's not so fun, is it? _

The thing is, I really _did_ know it was no fun, and I planned to clear up any uncertainty very soon. For the moment, though, I decided to help him with the menu, so I began pointing out some of my favorites, especially the souvlaki and the spanakopita.

"Do you like spinach?" I was asking when I noticed someone approaching from the corner of my eye.

I figured it was the waitress, so I was about to continue my explanation when a deep, excruciatingly familiar voice said, "Edward?"

_Fuck…_

The sound of that voice had once gotten me hard in an instant – not so much because of the voice itself but because of what the voice was attached to. Slowly, I turned just my eyes to confirm my suspicions. Yup.

_Mr. Frenum Ladder himself. _

"Oh. Hey, Mark," I said lamely. I swallowed and reached out to shake his hand before introducing him to Jasper. They shook hands as well, and his eyes studied Jasper appraisingly before he glanced back and forth between the two of us. He seemed satisfied by the distance between us because he turned his attention to me, standing with his back turned ever-so-slightly to Jasper.

He looked fucking great as always. He'd cut his hair since the last time I saw him, and it suited him well, dark and just a couple of inches long. The brown t-shirt he was wearing showed off several of his tattoos including the one that had been my favorite – the kukri that began with the hilt just below his ear and curved forward toward the hollow of his throat. He'd gotten another new piercing – not that I was surprised – and a hoop now rested at the left corner of his bottom lip. He was in shape. He was sexy as hell.

And I was only…annoyed. He was being a rude prick to Jasper, and it pissed me the fuck off. He'd been telling me about a party they'd had the weekend before – we ran in the same crowd for a while, so we shared several friends – and he was mentioning that I should come out sometime. It had been too long since they'd all seen me.

When he got no response, he switched tactics, clearly digging when he said, "So where's Alistair?" His eyes flickered so quickly to Jasper that I almost missed it.

I answered wryly, "England." It was none of his fucking business.

"On business?" He asked, but he didn't even give me time to correct his assumption that we were still together – though I didn't think he believed that. He just continued on, reminding me of the many reasons we'd broken up in the end. He annoyed the shit out of me. "The last time I saw you guys, you were getting ready for that trip to Italy. Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, we did. Hey, sorry, Mark, but we were sort of in the middle of something. Can you excuse us?"

He apologized, but I saw the annoyance in his eyes as he said his goodbyes and told Jasper it was nice to meet him. I rolled my eyes as he finally walked away. "Sorry about that," I muttered.

"It's alright." Jasper shrugged.

I frowned. "He doesn't really pick up on social cues. One of the more annoying things about him." I muttered, adding under my breath, "One of _many_."

Jasper nodded, but when he spoke again, it wasn't about Mark. "So who's Alistair? Friend of yours?"

_Oh…look who's digging now. _

I'm such an ass. I couldn't resist teasing him a bit more, my playful mood returning as soon as I felt that swelling of hope. "No, my boyfriend."

Instantly, I regretted my decision to tease him when his face fell. Casually I added, "Ex, actually…" I was watching him closely, so I saw the smile that flashed across his face before he tried to hide it behind a sip of his tea.

The waitress really did return then, refilling the tea and asking if we were all set. I could tell from the way Jasper's eyes widened that he still hadn't look at the menu, so I ordered first. "Pork souvlaki for me, please." I glanced up at her, giving her a small smile. "Thanks."

She took the menu from me and turned back to Jasper, who smirked as he said, "I'll take the same."

He didn't speak as she took his menu and walked away, so I raised both eyebrows at him and waited expectantly. He blushed lightly, and I smirked. "Well?"

Still nothing.

"Yes, I'm gay. Is that a problem?"

He was shaking his head before I even finished my question. "No, not at all. I just didn't…"

I waited again, this time leaning back against the back of my booth as I brought my tongue ring between my lips and played with it idly. His eyes followed the motion, the blue darkening as his lips parted slightly. When I closed my mouth, the metal disappearing inside, his eyes found mine.

"I am, too," he said simply, his voice quiet but confident.

I smiled broadly, relief flooding through me as what I'd come to strongly suspect was confirmed, and we sat watching each other. A matching smile spread on his lips, and we seemed to come to some sort of silent understanding before he finally cleared his throat and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "So…Italy? You like to travel?"

Travel was a definite passion of mine, and I mimicked his position, my elbows finding the edge of the table as I began to speak animatedly. I skimmed over most of the bits of that trip involving Alistair as I focused instead on the things I'd seen and the places I'd visited. When I got to the short weekend trip we'd taken into Paris to visit the Louvre, I mentioned the collection of Anselm Kiefer drawings that had captured my attention.

Jasper's face lit up at that, and I smiled as I asked him about it, remembering his mention of sketching the night before. I sat back, listening to him talk about his love for art – drawing in particular – and how he kept meaning to get out to more of the museums around Boston, but he was always so busy with work and his friends and family. I didn't like the thought of him being _too_ busy, but I held onto his love of art as our food arrived.

He took his first bite and moaned quietly, glancing at me as he nodded his head.

"Fucking great, isn't it?" I tried to ignore the seductive sounds he sometimes made as he ate, but I have to admit that I might've given a little back myself.

Despite our taunting of one another, we talked throughout our lunch, never an awkward pause between us, and it was astonishing how huge a change it was from our previous two meetings – and that excruciating phone call the night before. As we were finishing up and the waitress brought our check, I realized I hadn't mentioned the session or the photographs – my entire cover for this outing with Jasper – once.

Jasper's hand reached out, snatching up the check before I had a chance to grab it. I frowned at him, and he gave me his irresistible grin, shrugging as he handed it immediately back to the waitress along with his credit card.

_How the fuck did I miss him getting that out?_

"You fed me last time," he said, and I had to fight the slew of ridiculous middle school comments that threatened to emerge at the thought of feeding and Jasper.

Seeing my opportunity, I let his paying for lunch go, instead saying, "Hey, you feel like going to a museum and grabbing some dinner with me tomorrow? My treat, though."

He gave me a cocky smirk, his eyes glinting as he leaned forward, resting both his elbows on the table. "Why, Dr. Masen…are you asking me out on a _date_?"

_Fuck me. I like the sound of that._

"Why, I do believe I am." I gave him a smirk of my own. _Where the fuck did that god awful pseudo Southern accent come from? _

Jasper laughed, throwing his head back. When he looked at me again, his eyes were twinkling. "Umm…yeah, that's umm…that's some accent you've got there." He snickered.

I just smiled at him and shrugged. "Yours is pretty fucking sexy, so I figured I'd try it on."

He blushed, but his eyes never left mine. "I'd stick with your own accent. It's pretty fucking sexy, too." I felt my smile broaden.

I leaned back against the booth, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Don't think you're going to get away with not answering." I raised one eyebrow, but my voice was softer, huskier when I spoke again, and my chest felt tight as I worried that maybe he was stalling because he was trying to figure out how to turn me down. I didn't _think _so, but…I took a deep breath. "Will you go out with me tomorrow?"

His smirk faded away into a true smile that was almost shy as he said, "Sounds great to me."

_Definitely my goddamn lucky day._

I was still riding the high from finding out Jasper did, indeed, share my preference for men, so the fact that he wanted to go on a date with me had me soaring. We sat there in the booth, smiling at each other like idiots until the waitress returned. Jasper blinked, finally looking away from me as he glanced down to sign his receipt. He dropped the pen back onto the paper and looked up again, saying, "So…"

"Oh," I said brilliantly. "So do you want to just follow me back to my place?"

Jasper's face brightened, and I realized he'd been so absorbed in our conversation that he, too, had forgotten the reason for our meeting. "Perfect," was all he said.

----------

**JPOV**

_Well that went better than expected.._. My fingers were drumming on the steering wheel as we were waiting for the light to turn green. My eyes were fixed on the mop of unruly copper-colored hair in the car in front of me. I shifted slightly in my seat, frowning at the mixture of agitation and excitement that was running rampant in my body.

Lunch had brought many answers to the questions that had been running through my head these past few weeks. The two main ones - 'Is he gay?' and 'If he is, is he into me?' - were finally answered, I thought. The sense of relief and excitement this had brought about had been more than I had expected to feel.

It also appeared that he was single. One thing I did not do - in spite of what people might think, given how at times I would have Mike play the boyfriend card - was get involved with anyone who was already taken. Or cheat, if I was in a steady relationship.

The stab of jealousy I had felt when that Mark guy talked to Edward had annoyed me. It seemed obvious to me that the two of them had some sort of history from the way Edward froze when he first heard his voice and then the way Mark turned his back toward me, effectively dismissing me. I found that I didn't care for it one bit. When Mark brought up the mention of someone named Alistair, and I heard Edward's reaction to it...

I'd had to struggle to maintain my composure. I couldn't quite figure out why it was as upsetting to me as it was, so I did my best to squelch those thoughts as Mark and Edward talked.

I couldn't stop myself from asking about Alistair though, and his initial comment about it being his boyfriend had me feeling as though I'd been punched in the gut. When he said that it was in fact his ex-boyfriend, I had to fight hard not to let out a 'whoop', and ended up trying to hide my smile by drinking some tea.

Just thinking about it as I was following behind Edward to his house had me grinning. I couldn't help but wonder if he was serious about having us go over those pictures or not. Though given how focused he had been - all things considered, anyway - during the shoot, I had a feeling the answer to that question was a definite 'yes'. If that was what it took to get me back into his house, I was all for it - but I hoped we could get that shit over with quickly and maybe move on to other things .

Edward pulled up to the curb, cutting the engine of his car. When I had first seen him go to the Mustang, I very nearly drooled. I recognized that it was an old model - probably mid-sixties - and it looked to either be in mint condition, or it had been excellently restored. Either way, the car was fucking hot, and it suited Edward to a T, as far as I could tell.

I pulled up right behind him, grinning when I saw he had gotten out of his car and was leaning against the trunk, waiting for me. He pushed off as I got out of my own vehicle. I made sure to grab everything I needed, although I was sorely tempted to leave the fucking phone in the car this time, remembering how it had interrupted the night we'd met. I couldn't, in good conscience, do so though.

After locking the car, I walked up to him with a grin. He nodded and started walking across the street to his house. We were walking side by side, falling easily into step with each other. I kept glancing at him, and he did the same, grinning as we got caught.

Once we got inside, he hung his key on the hook and sat down on the bench by the door, pulling his shoes off and putting them under it. As he got up, he ran his fingers through his hair, appearing nervous all of a sudden. "So... can I get you anything? A beer?"

I nodded. "Sure, sounds good to me."

Sitting down on the bench he had just vacated, I pulled my own shoes off, setting them to the side. I blushed a little as I realized that I had kept my boots on the last time I was here, and was mentally kicking myself for being so rude when it was fairly obvious a practice of his to leave the shoes in the hallway.

Edward, who had gone to the kitchen, came walking back with a bottle of beer in each hand. When he saw me sitting on the bench in my sock-feet, he gave me a crooked smile, gesturing towards the den. "In here."

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and rubbed my thighs nervously before getting up and following him into the den. A jazz tune I didn't recognize was playing in the background, and I started to make some smart ass comment about setting the mood, but the words faded on my lips as I walked up to the couch where Edward had taken a seat and saw the spread of pictures laid out before him.

_Oh. My. Fucking. God. You've _got _to be kidding me!_

I gaped at Edward as I took a seat next to him, turning slightly to face him. "Just how many pictures did you end up taking on Sunday?"

He grinned sheepishly at me as he said, "Two hundred and seventy-three." He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck, and I grinned as I noticed he was blushing.

I shook my head, chuckling softly as I watched him carefully. "Do you _always _take that many pictures of your subjects?"

His blush deepened a little as his brow furrowed. "Ahh...no. Not usually."

Shifting slightly, I leaned forward to pick up three of them. The ones I'd picked up happened to be taken here in the den. It was kind of strange to look at myself like this. I was sitting in the leather wingback chair, with my arms raised over my head and my head tilted slightly to the side as I looked at the camera.

I looked at each one in turn and frowned. They all looked the same to me at first glance. When I turned to look at Edward, he was watching me intently. "Seriously, two hundred and seventy-three?" I asked with a raised brow.

He nodded but didn't say anything. Glancing at the pictures again, I couldn't quite understand why he would have taken so many, when there were so many that were alike. "I don't see it. These are all of me in the same position in that chair." I tilted my head to the chair in question as I turned my eyes to his.

He took a pull from his bottle before giving me a crooked grin. Putting the bottle down on the side table, he scooted a little closer to me, leaning in and using his pinky finger to indicate the minor differences between them. Now that he pointed them out, I could see that in one, my eyes were open wider, whereas in another I had shifted a little further to the left of the chair, and in the third, my right arm was bent a little more.

_So much for getting this shit over with quickly. Fucking hell_. I grabbed my own bottle and took a long pull from it after handing him the pictures. He carefully put them back from where I'd taken them, as we had made no choice on those yet. He was leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he scanned the pictures for something. The soft, sultry sounds of a saxophone drifted from the speakers as I felt myself losing focus.

I didn't pay attention to where he was looking, content to just watch him for a while, now that I could finally do so openly. It was sort of unnerving to have so many images of myself staring up at me anyway, so the distraction was more than welcome. He smiled suddenly as he picked up another of me taken here in the den - the one of me with my back to him and my head turned so I was looking over my shoulder at him.

He paused a moment, then grabbed the two of me lying on my stomach on his bed, again showing off the fractal on my back. He sat back and held them out for me to see. I leaned forward a little, glancing at the pictures before turning to him with a questioning look.

He cleared his throat lightly, his brow furrowing a bit as he said quietly, "Both of those show your fractal off really well, but I wasn't sure which one you'd want me to use - or if you didn't want me to use either. They're both more...intimate...than most others I've taken. Not so much because of the skin shown, or even the fact you're lying in bed," he pointed to my face and body language in each as he spoke, "but they're just..."

His voice trailed off as if he couldn't quite bring himself to say the words. I studied both pictures carefully. My body language in the den was more teasing, sultry even. The one of me on the bed…I looked as if I belonged there, comfortable and, in a way, inviting. The thought of belonging in his bed sent a shock through me, and I shot a quick glance at him to see his eyes intent on my face. I took a swig of my beer and quickly turned my attention back to the pictures as I felt a slight blush warm my cheeks.

I thought back to the picture he had shown me of the other guy, Little Caesar, and I realized that for all that he had been lying in a bed, too, he had not looked at home. He had looked like a model - albeit a _good _model, as his pictures conveyed a certain intimacy, too, but it seemed affected somehow. Not genuine. Looking down at my picture, I could almost _feel _there was more there. I swallowed, considering for a moment what that might mean.

Frowning, I had to work to be able to speak at all, my throat feeling very dry in that moment. Finding that I couldn't, I took my beer and polished it off. _Fucking hell... _

It wasn't so much that I minded the pictures in and of themselves. I'd agreed to let him take them and use them for his book, so I was fine with that. But there was something more there, just being hinted at beneath the surface of it all, and it made me both nervous and excited.

I jutted out my jaw as I exhaled, blowing my bangs away from my forehead. Turning to face him again, I raised my eyes to his. "Which one would you use?"

He clenched his jaw a few times, his eyes narrowing the tiniest bit as he scanned my face. I had no idea what was going through his mind, but he seemed to struggle with something. Finally, he cleared his throat and answered, his voice low and a little strained. "If I had to, both."

_'If I had to?' What the fuck does _that _mean?_ I quirked a brow at him, silently asking him to explain. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh before continuing. "If you're okay with my using them, _for all the world to see_," - he seemed to stress that part - "then both. If you're not okay with them, I will not use them. We can always take more, if you'd prefer." He looked almost hopeful as he said that.

I snorted softly at the thought of more pictures. _Two hundred and seventy__-__three pictures taken, and he wants more?_ When he didn't say anything else, I searched his eyes. "You're serious?"

He nodded. "I won't use any of these unless you're happy with them, Jasper. I know this is my work, but it's _your _body." He flexed his jaw again as if wanting to say more, but he stayed silent.  
I didn't know what to say to that; all I managed to get out was a soft, "Thank you."

He nodded again and grabbed his beer, finishing it. After asking me if I wanted another, he got up, took my empty bottle, and disappeared to the kitchen. While he was gone, I sat listening to the music and staring at the pictures in front of me - not just the ones he had just shown me, but all of them. Some of them were intense, jumping out at you, others were seductive - _God, I really did give him a hard time that day, didn't I?_ - and others still just had a relaxed feel to them.

In all of them, though, the feeling that came across to me was that I looked to be at home, comfortable. I tried to brush that off as being because Edward was a professional and a good host - and in truth, he very much had been both - but a small part of me wondered if it was something else. Something I couldn't even admit to myself, because it was too soon, too... strong, if it was because of Edward himself.

I felt something bump into my upper arm and looked up to see Edward standing next to me, tapping a bottle of beer against me to get my attention. His eyes were on me; apparently he'd been standing there watching me, and I hadn't even noticed. Once I accepted the beer from him and had taken a long drink, he smiled and went to stand behind the sofa, leaning over my shoulder to see what I was looking at.

Normally, this would have annoyed me had it been anyone else, but with Edward it was somehow familiar, even intimate. I could feel his breath wash over my neck, and it sent shivers down my spine. All I'd have to do was to turn my head, and I'd be able to kiss him. Part of me - hell, _all _of me - wanted to, and I likely would have, but I wanted this shit out of the way first.

"Find any you particularly like?" His voice had a slightly husky quality to it as he spoke, and I clenched my jaw, closing my eyes to keep from turning around.

I took a deep breath to center myself and opened my eyes again, taking in the many images in front of me. I pointed to the ones where he'd had me lift my arm to scratch my neck, emphasizing my Escher knot, as well as the one where I had my arms above my head, both here in the den and in his bed. I didn't say anything; I couldn't trust my voice not to betray me and give away my desire.

I could see Edward nod from the corner of my eye before he straightened up and walked around the couch, taking his seat on my left again. I noticed that he sat a little closer, our thighs touching as he leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. The constant contact between us managed to somehow soothe my nerves, and we spent the next however long pouring over the pictures, slowly putting a small pile aside to go over again and narrow our choices down even further.

Though the warmth that was coming from him soothed my nerves, it did entirely different things to the building need I felt for him. After a while, it was becoming harder and harder to concentrate. Probably because _I_ was hard, and I was becoming more frustrated by the minute that he was - once again - not doing anything. __

_But neither are you. ___

_Fuck, how did we end up here again? ___

_Oh, that's right. Because apparently you're both idiots. __  
_  
Edward was talking about the pictures - at least I assume that's what he was talking about. I wasn't listening anymore though, as he had leaned forward, placing his left hand on my knee. He was pointing at something with his right one, gesturing to the far right of the table that was hidden underneath all the pictures. All thoughts on anything to do with pictures or books or anything else pertaining to the whole reason I had come to his house to begin with went out the window at his touch. His hand felt so warm; all I could think about was how I wanted it to travel higher.

I sat, quietly staring at him, unable to move for fear of losing that contact with him. When he didn't receive an answer to whatever he appeared to have asked, he sat up a little and turned to look at me, as if in slow motion. His eyes scanned my face briefly before flashing with some emotion I wasn't able to catch because all my mind could register was that he was ever-so-slowly leaning in to me, his lips parting slightly as he licked them, and that he was taking short, shallow breaths.

My eyes were locked on his as I licked my lips in response to him. _Fucking finally_ was the first recognizable thought to penetrate my brain as I felt his lips brush against mine once...twice. His dark emerald eyes were carefully gauging my response as on the third brush, he lingered. His lips were so warm, so soft, and I found my hand slowly sliding up the arm that was still connected to me, only becoming aware of the action as my thumb got caught on the hem of his sleeve.

Both of us paused, looking down at my hand before we found each others' eyes again. Grinning crookedly at him, I placed my left hand on his jaw, cradling his face before letting my right finish its journey and find its place on the other side of his face.

"I've been wanting to do this for three fucking weeks," I murmured as I leaned in again, tilting my head slightly as I pulled him to me to close the distance.

My eyes stayed open just long enough to see his flutter closed as I deepened the kiss. It started off as a slow, sensual kiss, each of us relishing the feel of our mouths doing this age-old dance of would-be lovers. I was certain he was enjoying this as much as I was, as his hands were constantly moving, touching, caressing.

I was growing impatient, wanting more, wanting to taste him, so I ran the tip of my tongue over his lips. He immediately responded by parting his lips, allowing me to explore the recesses of his mouth. He moaned softly into the kiss and that sound - along with the subtle bite of his tongue ring - went straight through me, making me even harder than I was before.

After allowing me to roam his mouth with my tongue, he began to push back, demanding I let him do the same, and I happily obliged. The flavor of our beer masked the taste that was purely Edward, but I was learning it, enjoying the feel of his tongue brushing mine, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones as his hands made their way back to tangle in my hair. He shifted closer to me, his thigh pressing more urgently against mine as he sighed softly. The entire time, I had kept my hands on either side of his face, but it wasn't enough anymore. Without breaking our kiss, I moved my hands to his shoulders and pushed him back against the couch so he was half-lying on it. I got up enough to give him room to move his legs onto the couch before I crawled on top of him.

Aligning my body to his, I lowered myself slowly on top of him, both of us moaning as soon as our groins connected. He arched his back slightly, and the friction the move created felt wonderful and instantly had me craving more. It appeared as if he was of a similar mind as we each began to move our hips, the thick denim heating as we did. The feel of the rough fabric - even with the barrier of my underwear - the friction, the heat, his lips on mine, his hands roaming fucking everywhere he could reach; all of it caused me to shiver in delight. It felt so fucking good, and all coherent thought had left me.

We were both breathing hard through our noses when Edward suddenly pulled away, tilting his head slightly as he looked at me with a small frown. I searched his eyes as we both tried to catch our breath, wondering what was wrong, if I'd maybe gone too far.

His eyes were on mine as he gave me a curious little half-grin, his brow raised as he said, "Hey, I don't even know your last name..."

My eyes widened in disbelief.

_Wait, what?_

_We're _finally _done pussyfooting around, and he stops because he doesn't know my _name_?_

You never gave it to him, you dolt. Now stop thinking, give the man your last name_,__ and get back to it. _

"Oh. It's Whitlock," was my brilliant, breathless reply.

Edward's grin widened as he slipped his fingers around my tie and pulled me back to him, murmuring against my lips, "Pleased to meet you. Now come here, Mr. Whitlock..."

I started to chuckle, but it was quickly swallowed by the searing kiss that followed. _This is more like it!_ Edward still had his fingers curled around my tie, and I thought he was just holding on to it until I felt a different kind of tugging. It took me a few seconds to recognize that he was untying the knot and pulling the tie from my shirt. It took a few more seconds for it to sink in that he was doing so with great care, in complete contrast to what other parts of our bodies were doing.

I fleetingly wondered why he would be so careful, but I was quickly distracted as he started to unbutton my shirt slowly, never once breaking our kiss as we both ground our hips into the other. He started tugging at my shirt, teasing it out of my jeans, and I pulled away long enough to remove the blasted thing altogether, causing him to chuckle.

His eyes roamed over my chest, a look of disappointment on his face as he saw my undershirt. This time, I chuckled as I quickly pulled it off, too. His eyes blazed as his fingers traced my skin, slowly working his way up from my waist to my chest. When he reached my nipples and began to tease them, flicking the piercings as he did, I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my lips.

Faster than I could comprehend, Edward latched onto one of my nipples with his mouth, alternately sucking on it and flicking it with his tongue. I froze, overwhelmed by the sensation and the fire he was rapidly building inside of me. A soft "Fuck..." was all I managed as he lavished attention on the other nipple.

My hands found the hem of his shirt, and I slid them underneath, bunching the fabric up as I went. When I couldn't go any further, Edward finally let go, curling up enough to allow me to pull his shirt off as well. As he settled back, all I could do was stare at him as my fingers ghosted over his chest. I'd seen him before of course - at the tattoo parlor - but to be able to look and touch...

_Fucking gorgeous..._

When my eyes moved up, it was to see his cocky grin before I met his scorching gaze. Grinning in response, I slowly lowered myself to him again, dipping my head so that instead of his mouth, my lips found his jaw as I nipped along his slight scruff up to his ear. I could hear his breathing hitch as he tilted his head to give me better access, moaning as my teeth grazed his lobe before running my tongue lightly over it and blowing softly.

I felt him shiver in response, his hands running up and down my back, his blunt nails scraping lightly with every pass. I nuzzled just below his ear, a near purr escaping me at the feel of his bare chest against mine. I could both feel and hear the soft chuckle from him. I narrowed my eyes and growled softly, my teeth playfully clamping down where his neck and shoulder met.

I chuckled as he muttered a soft "Fuck!", his hips bucking under me in response. I licked over the area I'd bitten, soothing the sting and placing soft kisses on it, causing him to moan beseechingly. Edward's fingers knotted in my hair as he pulled just hard enough to coerce me to lift my head and turn to face him. As soon as I had, he crashed his lips to mine hungrily.

I moaned as he continued to devour me, and I let my hand glide down his side until it hit the waist of his jeans. I slid my fingers under the waistband, brushing teasingly back and forth for a little while. Edward gave a slight jerk with his hips in response. When I popped the top button of his jeans and started toward the second, he pulled away from the kiss and placed a hand over mine to stop my movements.

"Wait, Jasper...we need to talk first..."

His voice was breathless, and he was looking intently at me as he spoke. I frowned, my eyes searching his as I wondered what he wanted to talk about _now_, of all times, but I placed my hand on his hip as I waited for him to continue.

He took a deep breath, the expression on his face turning serious as he spoke again, "I just...well, I just thought you should know that I was tested four months ago, and I'm clean. But umm...there's been no...activity," he smirked briefly before going on, "for about five months anyway."

I mentally replayed what he'd said a few times before finally cottoning on, my eyes widening slightly as I understood. "Oh."

I blinked and shook my head as if to clear it. "Oh!" I paused, silently cursing my lack of eloquence, though really, who could blame me considering the circumstances? "Well, umm...I guess I've had some more recent activity." His eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly, and I quirked a brow and gave him a crooked grin of my own before continuing, "but not for a couple of months...and I got a clean bill of health just a few weeks ago."

Things cooled down after that - seriously, _that _kind of talk sort of equates a bucket of ice being thrown over your head. We kissed occasionally as we told each other a little more about our history. Edward seemed to want to be sure we were starting out openly and honestly, which made me feel a little jittery. It wasn't that I was opposed to the idea per se, but it sent my mind reeling.

_Too fast, too soon_.

So much of what we were talking about was the stuff for relationships, and the thought of that had me torn between fascination and freak out.

Edward had gotten us a couple more beers as we talked, and the alcohol helped dull the nerves I felt, so soon enough, we found ourselves lying back on the couch again. This time he took charge, and as he did, most of my fears took a backseat to the need to touch, kiss, and feel him. Things didn't get as heated as they did earlier, though, as we'd pause every now and then to talk about various things, including our date the next day.

He tried to pick things up where we'd left off, but the nagging thoughts of 'too fast, too soon' that kept running around my head made me wary, so I tried to play it off by being a little coy. "Not _before _the first date."

He'd growled at that and continued to tempt me, though he never really pushed. I had to give him credit for that, all things considered, and the way he respected me - among many other things I was discovering about him - was filed away for later contemplation.

I had no idea how much time had passed since we'd come to his place after lunch, but it had gotten dark outside, and as I tried to remember just how much I'd had to drink, I realized that I was in no shape to drive home. Edward had gone to the bathroom, so I took the opportunity to call a cab. I needed to get home soon, or I would never leave.

Part of me - more precisely the throbbing hard-on I still had - wouldn't have minded staying. Despite all our teasing, neither of us had come close to finding any sort of release, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn't ready for that - especially not when I was this intoxicated. Rubbing my hands over my face, I tried to rally my thoughts, but it felt as if my mind were on some merry-go-round or something.

_This is Edward. You've been obsessing over him for weeks. Why are you even thinking of leaving?_

Because this is Edward, and you've been obsessing over him for_ weeks. _You _do n__ot obsess over any guy. Ever!_

He walked back, a curious look on his face as I glanced up at him. I could feel the slight frown on my lips and the way my eyes were tight, so I gave him an apologetic smile as I got up off the couch and closed the distance between us. "I called a cab. I need to get home."

The look of disappointment in his eyes was clear, though it quickly passed as he nodded in resignation. I bent down to grab my undershirt from where it had fallen, having a strange sense of déjà vu as I pulled it over my head. He handed me my button down, and as I took it from him, our fingers brushed. I smiled at him as I hooked the collar on my finger and swung the shirt over my shoulder, not even bothering to put it on.

We walked to the door in silence, which continued as I sat on the bench to put on my shoes. As soon as I was back on my feet, Edward grabbed me by the waist and pulled me slightly to the side so the bench was no longer behind me. He pushed me against the door as he pressed against me, his lips attacking my neck, my ear, my jaw, anywhere he could reach. __

Oh, fuck!

I whimpered as he slowly rocked his hips into me, quickly losing what resolve I had to leave; it felt so fucking good. I managed to gasp out as he continued his attack on my body, "Edward...cab...be here any minute."

He growled into my ear before biting softly on my lobe, "Send it away. I'll take you home."

I whimpered again as he continued to nip, lick, and tease me, making it nearly impossible for me to stay coherent. "Can't...you've had too much to drink, too."

I shivered as he ran his nose along my neck and up to my ear, before whispering, "Stay with me tonight, then…"

_Fucking hell!_ My mind was overcome with images of the two of us together, and I thought about what it would feel like to hold him in my arms...to fall asleep with him...to wake up with him.

And that scared the ever-loving _shit _out of me.

Not since Paul had I ever even considered staying with a guy I'd just gotten to know. Hell, we'd only confirmed _today _that we were both gay and interested in each other. And now he was asking me to spend the night?

Don't get me wrong - the thought of staying and finding some release was _very _appealing, but there was more than that for me. There had to be. It seldom was about just fucking a guy.

All the while, Edward kept up the touching, kissing...doing everything he could to try and tempt me into staying, into giving in. My body was most definitely responding to his efforts. My thoughts were going a mile a minute when we heard the cabby honk the horn. _Saved by the bell!_

I couldn't just..._leave_, though, so I put both my hands on either side of his face, pulling him to me and planting a searing kiss on his lips. He responded immediately, and after a minute - and another honk on the horn from the cabby - I pulled away, breathing deeply. His eyes were storming with desire, and I almost gave in. _Almost_. I gave him a peck on the lips before whispering against them, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I swung my shirt back over my shoulder and quickly made my escape. If I stayed there one second longer, I knew I would give in and stay the night. _And possibly more._ I shook my head briefly, trying to stop any such thoughts. I glanced up at the door as I got in the cab, seeing Edward leaning against the doorpost with his arms crossed over his chest. He had not put his shirt back on, and he looked...vulnerable, somehow, his shoulders slumping slightly as he stood with an indecipherable expression on his face. I raised my hand in parting, and once I saw him do the same, I closed the door, and the driver took off.

Leaning my head back against the seat, one bewildered thought was prevalent in my mind.

_I have a date__ with Edward__ tomorrow._

_----------_

_**A/N:**__ Hope you all enjoyed that as much as we – and the boys – did! Amazing how things can move forward once a few misconceptions are cleared up. _

_On a more somber note, we would like to ask for your positive thoughts and prayers for __**stolenxsanity**__, a friend and fellow fanfic author who was hospitalized recently. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts._

_We'd also like to mention the __**Fandom Gives Back**__ auction that took place this week. We are incredibly proud to be part of such a loving, giving community, and we cannot express our gratitude for all those who donated their time, money, and creativity to make this event for __**Alex's Lemonade Stand**__ an amazing success. The fandom raised over seventy thousand dollars for the childhood cancer foundation this week!_


	6. I Feel Good

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHelm**__ and__** kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**EPOV**

As soon as the elevator doors slid open, I ran my fingers through my hair and stepped off, glancing up and down the hallway.

_204…204…204…_

Spotting the lower numbers to my left, I turned that way, adjusting one of my burgundy suspenders as I walked. I looked damn good, I had to admit. When I'd woken up that morning, I'd pulled my favorite suit – a lightweight, pale gray one that had been tailored to showcase my best features – from my closet. I'd actually gotten it right after Alistair and I broke up, wanting to treat myself to a few expensive things that didn't remind me of him. I'd studied all my shirts hanging neatly, but after thinking for just a moment, I'd paired it with the same white shirt that Jasper had worn at our shoot, grinning to myself the whole time.

I seriously doubted he'd recognize it, but after the torment he'd put me through that afternoon – exquisite though some of the resulting images were – I was going to try to tempt him just as much during our date today. The difference, of course, was that I planned to end the night with way more than just teasing.

I fully intended for him to take the "Cum Here" tongue ring I was now sporting literally.

"Mmm…" My soft noise broke the silence of the hallway, and I was suddenly intensely glad Jasper wasn't standing at his door waiting for me.

_Pull it together, Masen_.

I had a long day to get through before I could begin to entertain thoughts like those. But god _damn,_ at least it was a long day with no more uncertainty. I was looking forward to visiting the museums with Jasper…watching him look at paintings, listening to him talk about what he saw, and knowing without a doubt that it was okay that I was touching him too much and watching him too closely and smiling at him too often.

It was a fucking amazing feeling to know he really did want me, too. Our night together, though too brief for my liking, had been incredible, and I couldn't wait to tangle my fingers in his hair and feel his hard cock grinding against mine while I tasted him on my tongue again.

Rolling my eyes, I reached down, adjusting myself automatically as I reached Jasper's door. I paused for a moment, a smile on my face as I imagined what he might be wearing. When I'd told him where I wanted to take him to dinner tonight, he'd been surprised.

"_Oleana?" he asked, his eyes widening as his eyebrows climbed toward his hairline. I was lying on top of him, my hips between his thighs, and we'd stopped briefly, our lips parting during one of the rare breaks we'd taken last night._

_I chuckled, nodding. "Assuming you like Middle Eastern food, of course." I'd called two restaurants - Oleana and Hungry Mother - to make reservations on the way home from the diner. Once Jasper had agreed to go out with me, I wasn't taking any chances._

"_Fucking love it," he said, making me smile. "But that's insanely expensive. You don't have to do that." He lifted his head, kissing me softly._

_I smiled at him, my thumb tracing along his jaw. My voice was quiet and low. "It's been awhile since I went on a date, Jasper…hell, it's been awhile since I met anyone I _wanted_ to date. Let me do this…please?" He looked unsure, frowning slightly, so I shifted, my hard-on rubbing against his through the thick fabric of our jeans as I leaned down and bit his earlobe. "Besides…I want to treat you right before I bring you back here and have my way with you."_

_He growled, bucking his hips against me, and there was no more talk for a considerable amount of time._

The rest of the night was beyond fuzzy for me as I'd obviously had a little too much to drink. I hadn't forgotten anything, but some of the memories I did have made me wonder if I should be embarrassed.

_Fuck no._

I wanted Jasper. Badly. Something had changed, and I wasn't afraid to admit it anymore, so I wasn't bothered by the way I'd all but begged him to stay with me as he was waiting for his cab. And if he _had_ stayed, there wasn't much I wouldn't have done to him – and let him do to me.

Before I could begin fantasizing about what might have been, I reminded myself to get started on whatever the hell _would_ be. I took a deep breath and shook out my hands by my sides, then raised my right fist and knocked on the door.

"Coming!" I heard Jasper's gently accented voice call from inside.

_You're not yet…but I fucking guarantee you will be._

I chuckled at my own stupid adolescent joke, and a smirk was on my face when the door swung open to reveal Jasper.

He was standing there looking like a goddamn Calvin Klein ad, wearing clothes that accented his hard body. His shirt was a light blue, and he had on another of those art ties he seemed to favor. I barely bothered to register that, though, because those sky blue eyes were already smoldering, drinking me in thirstily as he let his gaze roam. Unabashedly, I studied him just as closely, noticing the way his tan linen pants fell against those muscular thighs I'd finally felt and the bulge at his crotch that promised to be quite impressive when I managed to get those pants off tonight.

Oh, and I would.

My eyes continued upward, my tongue ring suddenly between my lips as I appreciated the sight of his toned chest and broad shoulders. I continued my appraisal all the way to his hair, which I noticed was more tamed than usual.

_He must've just brushed it._

_I can fix that._

When I met his gaze again, my tongue ring disappeared back into my mouth, and I gave him a crooked grin. His eyes widened, and I saw his lips part just before I heard a low, "Fuck me…"

"Maybe…" My grin widened. "If you play your cards right."

He chuckled then and stepped toward me, reaching out to put a hand on my elbow as he pulled me closer and kissed me softly. My eyes closed as I inhaled his delicious fragrance, returning his kiss. "You look unbelievable," he said quietly against my lips before he stepped back and shook his head.

"Now that's a damn good start," I teased, holding my arms out. "So? Told you I knew how to wear a suit."

His eyes danced as he muttered, "You sure as _fuck_ know how to wear that suit," under his breath.

I'd given him a hard time last night because he'd acted surprised that I even owned a suit. When I'd told him I had several, he'd said, _"That's something I'd sure as hell like to see…although I do like your 'don't give a damn' look, too."_ He'd grinned at me, and I'd laughed, deciding then and there that I'd give him something to look at today.

I couldn't resist him, so I stepped closer, putting my hands on his hips and pulling him to me as I kissed him deeply. He sighed softly when my lips parted his, and the sound of his moan when the tip of his tongue met the metal in mine made me shiver in anticipation. We kissed for several long moments, but when I felt Jasper's erection pressing against my own, I knew we had two options: either step apart right then and go on our date or start taking off clothes and never leave this apartment.

I was fucking good either way.

Jasper was the one to finally break our kiss, biting my lip hard enough to make me hiss before he murmured, "Don't think I didn't notice that tongue ring. Tease."

I nibbled his lip in response as I said softly, "I'm not fucking teasing."

"God damn it, Edward…" His breathless voice made me smile.

At last, he took a step back, and I let my hands fall to my side. "So are you ready to go?"

"Just about." His voice was still lower-pitched, husky, and going straight to my cock. I could see him battling the lust raging in his eyes, and I knew _exactly_ how he felt. He turned away, walking through an archway into his dining room, where he grabbed his suit jacket from one of the chairs. For the first time, I took in a bit of my surroundings, realizing I'd been standing in Jasper's apartment for a while now and hadn't seen…anything.

I barely noticed that his living room furniture was lighter than mine, upholstery rather than leather, before my eyes were drawn back to Jasper. I couldn't seem to stop watching him as he pulled his coat on and tugged at the sleeves, shifting his shoulders. I'd seen him in a tie a couple of times before but seeing him in a suit was astounding – especially because, this time, he'd gotten dressed up just for _me_.

I stood near the doorway where he'd left me, watching as he wandered around the apartment, muttering to himself as he patted his pockets and picked up his phone. He checked something on the screen and then dropped it into the inner pocket of his jacket. Finally, he looked up, apparently satisfied that he had everything, and as soon as his eyes met mine, he smiled.

I winked at him and said, "Let's go look at some fine art."

He nodded, the smile never leaving his lips as he walked over to me. I turned, about to head out the door, but when he caught up to me, I felt his hand squeeze my ass. I glanced over my shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow, and he said, "Been waiting a few weeks to do that."

"That so?" I asked innocently.

He nodded.

"Then you shouldn't mind this too much…" I took a half-step back, stopping when my body was pressed lightly against his. I reached down, palming his dick through his pants and rubbing gently. My voice was lower when I murmured, "I've been waiting fucking weeks to do that, too."

He inhaled sharply, his eyes drifting closed before they snapped open and found mine. I saw the question he didn't ask shimmering in those blue eyes. _Do you want to just stay in?_

"Don't tempt me," I whispered. "I still need to take you out and treat you right before I can have my way with you."

His right arm slipped around my waist, pulling me more firmly to him so I could feel his hard-on pressed against my ass. His hand moved downward, rubbing me deliberately as his teeth bit into my earlobe. "We could always go out later," he murmured.

"Fuck, you don't play fair…" My voice was barely above a whisper before I cleared my throat and took a small step forward. "But we have reservations, so you'll just have to wait a few hours before I show you what _else_ I've been waiting weeks to do."

His eyes were bright with curiosity and desire, and I had to carefully turn my gaze away, opening the door and stepping through it before I really did risk not leaving the apartment that day. Despite the fact that I wanted Jasper like I couldn't remember wanting anyone before, I also really _liked_ him. If this relationship had a chance, then I actually did want to do it right.

Well, mostly.

I wasn't about to follow all those dumb ass rules about not kissing on a first date. I fully planned to kiss him all over.

I paused in the hallway as Jasper walked out behind me and turned to lock the door. As we made our way toward the elevator, he cleared his throat, his tone distinctly lighter as he asked me how I slept.

Laughing, I gave a small shake of my head and said, "Like the dead, I guess." After Jasper had left, the rest of the night – what little there was of it – had been a bit of a blur. I remembered somehow making my way upstairs, stripping, and falling into bed fucking rock hard and _aching_. "Oh." I snickered as I remembered what happened next. "Yeah, I slept _really_ well."

He arched an eyebrow as he automatically reached out, pressing the button to call the elevator. When I didn't say anything, he said, "Care to explain?"

I shrugged, and my voice was smug. "_Someone_ had to take care of me after you abandoned me."

Just then, the elevator dinged. The doors slid open as I winked at him and then stepped inside. I walked to the back and leaned against the bar, crossing my arms over my chest. Jasper stood frozen for just a moment before his eyes narrowed, and he stalked across the elevator to me. As the doors were slowly shutting again, he slipped his fingers through my empty belt loops and tugged. I straightened, smirking as I lowered my arms to my sides.

"Now listen up, _Doctor_ Masen," he growled. "You need to make up your mind by the time we get to your car. Either take me to your place and 'have your way with me' like you keep _promising_…" He leaned close, his nose trailing from the tip of my chin across my lips before he kissed me hard. "Or behave yourself just a little bit, and we'll go on this date so you can 'treat me right' first. Your call."

Of course, he couldn't make it easy. As he was speaking, his hands moved from my belt loops to slide around my waist, easing down to cup my ass as he pulled me closer. As he finished speaking, he began kissing my neck, slowly, teasingly, and before I could say a word, the elevator doors slid open again, and he chuckled as he turned and ambled away.

_Fucking tease._

_I can play that game, too._

"Hey, Jasper?"

He paused at the sincerity in my voice and halfway turned to face me. "What's up?"

I didn't answer at first, taking the opportunity to catch up. When I reached him, I put my hand on the small of his back, looked into his eyes and said quietly, "Just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'll be on my best behavior from now on…" I did mean it. Sort of. Well, I meant it in that I did intend to treat him right. I just also meant to torment the hell out of him at the same time.

His eyes narrowed as if he knew exactly what I meant, but then a soft, brilliant smile spread on his lips. He reached up, cupping my cheek before his hand slid back so that his thumb was just in front of my ear while his fingers curled around the back of my neck. He placed a kiss on my lips so light I could barely feel it, and then he whispered, "I'm not sure I buy that 'best behavior' shit, but thank you."

He started to pull away, but I grabbed him by the belt and held him in place. My voice was a low rumble as I murmured, "You know, you could apologize, too."

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "For what?"

"For being so fucking tempting that I just can't help myself…" I pecked him quickly on the lips and then stepped away before he could protest. I raised my voice as I started to walk toward my car, calling over my shoulder, "And for being a goddamn tease, too."

He laughed, throwing his head back as he followed me. Once we were settled into my car with our jackets spread across the backseat, he began pestering me about where we were going, but I wouldn't give anything away. "I told you. I'm taking you to look at some fine art."

"Then why are we driving _away_ from Boston?" he asked, glancing out the window.

I shrugged. "Bad sense of direction?"

He snorted, muttering under his breath, "Funny…your hands don't seem to have that problem."

I grinned, and the rest of our trip was spent talking and teasing each other. Initially, our hands roamed occasionally, "accidentally" brushing here and there, but as the half-hour car ride wore on, we became lost in actual conversation.

Generally, our conversation revolved around art – paintings we'd seen, sculptures we'd still like to see. It turned out that Jasper had never left the country except for short trips into Mexico, and that was just such a foreign concept to me. My mind idly wandered, imagining places I could take him and things I could show him if we were to work out. All the while, Jasper spoke easily, his smooth voice rising above the Kinks playing softly in the background, and every once in awhile, I'd catch a hint of that mouth-watering scent of Earl Grey tea.

When we reached Dedham, I turned onto High Street and found a place to park by the curb a block or two away from the theater. We got out of the car, and I opened the back door, pulling out both our jackets while Jasper looked around, his brow furrowed in confusion.

I walked around the back of my car to meet him on his side, my own jacket folded over my arm as I held his out in both hands. The faint blush on his cheeks was too cute as he let me help him put his jacket on, and I squeezed his hand gently before I let go and put my coat on while he was still straightening his.

He frowned at me, shaking his head and muttering when I said, "What?"

Finally, he looked at me with a playfully disgruntled expression and said, "I'm not the only one who needs to be treated right, you know."

A genuine smile of happiness played on my lips as I murmured, "Point taken…sorry."

He smiled in response and surprised the hell out of me when he held out his hand for me to take. I couldn't really remember the last time I'd held hands walking down the street like this - Alistair had never been all that physically affectionate except when we were actually _in_ bed - and I was pleasantly surprised to realize how much I liked it. Jasper gave my hand a quick squeeze and then readjusted, lacing his fingers through mine as he talked.

"So…it's got to be close by. Care to tell me where we're going now?"

"You really don't know?" My delight was evident in my voice. I'd been sure he'd recognize it as soon as we turned onto the street.

He shook his head, peering around at the buildings once more. I led us beneath the overhang of one and through the glass doors, while he glanced at me curiously. I pretended not to notice as we walked down the stairs. As we passed the men's room, Jasper said, "Did we stop so you could go to the bathroom?"

I heard the amusement in his voice, and it made me smile. I shook my head, though, laughing as I steered him toward the museum. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the first painting. He glanced back the way we'd come, chuckling when he made the connection. "The Museum of Bad Art?" I nodded with a grin. "Interesting choice…I've heard of it and kept meaning to check it out, but I never got around to it."

I teased him, saying, "And you've been in Boston _how_ long?"

"About seven years," he answered automatically.

"So did you always live in Texas?" I asked him as we moved to take a closer look at the painting that had caught his eye. The canvas was covered in flames with a disembodied blue face screaming up from the bottom. Reclining against a rock on the shore of the lake of flames was a naked, red-skinned demon with a fully erect penis.

"Yeah, my family owns a ranch there, so there wasn't any moving around or anything like that…" We continued to talk about Jasper's family as we made our way through the museum, looking at pictures of angry cats and evil clowns. Comments were thrown in here and there about the paintings, and I found that Jasper had a fantastic sense of humor, keeping me laughing without even trying.

We moved to a painting of an elderly woman in blue in a field of flowers. Jasper trailed off, losing the thread of what he was saying as he stopped to study her. "What in the…? Is that a…a chair?" He leaned closer, peering curiously just behind the woman's head.

I laughed quietly and nodded, stepping close to him as I put my arm around his waist. "Meet Lucy…she's sort of the inspiration for all of this." I told him the story of how the painting had been rescued from the trash, prompting the owners to collect others like it. "Eventually, the collection was so big they had to move out of their own basement into this lovely space…" I gestured around us as if I was a tour guide, and Jasper chuckled.

He turned back to the painting. "Why the hell does she have a chair glued to her ass in the middle of a field?"

I shrugged. "Part of the beauty of it. Who the hell knows?" With a grin, I squeezed his waist and lowered my voice, saying, "I'll be right back."

He nodded absently, his brow furrowing as he studied Lucy. I visited the restroom, smiling at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands when I finished. So far, I'd have to say the date was going extremely well. I was finding that I felt very relaxed with Jasper – you know, when I wasn't fighting back my raging desire for him. I didn't have to think about what I was going to say or worry about filling in any uncomfortable pauses. I'd been concerned about that after our awkward phone conversations, but it just hadn't happened yet. Not once.

After drying my hands, I headed back out to the museum, glancing around when Jasper wasn't where I'd left him. I found him a few feet away, standing with his back to me. His head was tilted to the right, hands on his hips as he leaned back slightly to get a better look.

As I got closer, I was torn between amusement and curiosity. He was staring at a picture of a nude woman from behind, painted in golds and blacks. Her waist was narrow, flaring at the hips, but they seemed in proportion. Her shoulders and left arm, however, were incredibly large in comparison, but even they were dwarfed by her left breast, which took up a quarter of the canvas.

I moved to stand behind him, slipping my arms around his waist as I rested my chin on his shoulder. "Something you neglected to tell me, Mr. Whitlock?"

He moved his hand on top of mine and shook his head. "I'm not sure this belongs here," was all he said.

Keeping my eyes on the painting, I tilted my head to kiss his neck and felt his fingers tighten on my hand in response. _Well, he's still affected by me despite staring at the monster boob there._ "A naked woman is all it takes to make good art?" I teased.

He moved his head back to look at me so I could see him roll his eyes. "Hardly." He placed a quick kiss on my lips and then turned to look at the painting once more, but this time he leaned into me a bit.

_Heaven._

"No, I mean…the proportion is definitely off, but overall, it's an interesting painting to look at. I think that was done on purpose…maybe a statement about the way women are objectified? Look, the only areas of the painting with any sort of detail are here…" He pointed to her ass. "And here…" The giant breast. "And that's without even mentioning how large her breast is, of course…"

_Well, well…_

Listening to him talk that way, so confident and intelligent, was yet another turn on. I argued with him, just to hear him defend himself, saying, "Or maybe the artist _was_ objectifying his model instead?"

I watched his profile as his eyes narrowed while he pondered this. Finally, he shook his head. "I don't think so." He began pointing again, mentioning shading and perspective, and I tried to pay attention, but I became absorbed in watching the expression on his face and listening to the passion in his voice. I could feel myself growing harder, so I started to step back, but he kept his hand on top of mine, stopping me.

"Don't think I don't feel that," he murmured, rubbing my hand with his fingertips.

"Sorry," I whispered in return. "I just can't help myself…"

A smile flitted across his lips, and he laced his fingers through mine, leaning back against me. He turned his face, and I could feel his hot breath on my ear as he whispered, "Don't ever apologize for wanting me. I sure as fuck am not going to apologize for wanting you."

Aware of the other patrons around us – few though there were – I somehow managed to not thrust my hips against him…or shove him against the wall and unzip his pants like I really wanted to do. Instead, I bit his earlobe lightly. "Fair enough…I won't apologize, but you really need to let me go before I lose what little control I have and make a scene."

He bit his bottom lip and dropped his hand, turning to look at me with desire in his eyes. Both of us closed our jackets, buttoning the middle buttons at the same time, and we laughed. The tension between us was broken instantly, and Jasper cleared his throat, moving to look at the next painting.

We fell again into our easy banter, and soon we were finished looking through the small exhibit. Afterward, we walked back to my car – this time not holding hands, as Jasper was gesturing animatedly – and he was still talking as he took my jacket from me and ducked his head inside to lay them both over the backseat.

I was struck by the ease of it all – the way we just seemed to fall in step so seamlessly. After the last several weeks of agonizing over every little contact – or lack thereof – with him, this new familiarity seemed almost surreal.

Jasper waited until he was buckling his seatbelt to speak again, his tone playful. "So where are you taking me now, Dr. Masen?"

I pondered for just a moment, wondering what he'd say if I told him I was taking him back to my house. Now.

Instead, I cleared my throat and said, "I figured we'd go to the Museum of Fine Art…there's an exhibit there right now I think you'll love. Two, actually. You've been before, right?"

Jasper nodded, and we talked about some of our favorites from the standing collection. The ride back to Boston passed quickly, and we were soon pulling into a parking place at the museum. This time when I got out and opened the back door to pull out my jacket, Jasper yanked it away. I straightened, and he gave me a pointed look over the top of the car.

I felt the flush on my cheeks as I walked around to him, but he smiled at me softly as he held the coat out for me. I took his from him as soon as mine was on my arms, helping him into it, and then we both stood there adjusting them together. I reached out, straightening his lapel, and I was reminded immediately of the night of our photo shoot. I'm sure my eyes were mischievous as I again trailed my fingers up his chest, running them up his neck to his ear.

Jasper's eyes darkened as he watched me, and then he put his hands on my hips, pushing me back against my car as he pressed himself close to me. He kissed me there in the parking lot, his tongue slipping between my lips as his right hand slid up my body to tangle in my hair.

When he pulled away, I was panting faintly as I looked at him.

He shrugged, giving me a small, wicked grin as he said, "That's what I wanted to do the first damn time."

"That so?"

He nodded, and I had to laugh.

"What?" he asked as I took his hand and started to lead him toward the museum.

I shook my head at the irony. "I really thought I'd gone too far…that you weren't interested. I was worried that maybe I'd pissed you off."

He stopped, standing frozen in place so that I was tugged back by my hand. "Are you serious?"

With a small sigh, I turned and stood in front of him, taking his other hand in mine and looking him in the eye. "Yes." I squeezed both his hands and bit the inside of my cheek before deciding to just be honest. "Because of a few misunderstandings, I spent a few weeks convinced you liked women. Remember me congratulating you on the baby?"

He nodded and gave me a small smile. "I was sort of worried that was the case." Pulling on both my hands, he urged me closer. When our chests met, he kissed me softly. "Convinced I like _you_ now?"

I kissed him again, parting his lips with mine. Before I could get too lost in the feeling of being connected with him – his chest against mine, his hips pressing into me, his fingers squeezing my hands – I backed away and smiled at him. "Yeah…I think I got the message this time." I started to turn away and found I…couldn't. I leaned in closer to him instead, tracing his jaw with my nose until I got to his ear. I kissed that soft place just beneath his ear before whispering, "In case there was any doubt, I like you, too."

"Excellent," he said as we stepped apart, chuckling. Jasper put his hands in his pockets as we walked toward the museum, pushing his coat back behind his arms. He admitted that he hadn't been here in a while, which was actually good news to me – I was hoping he hadn't seen either of the exhibits I'd picked out for us.

I led him to the Zhang Daqian exhibit first, figuring it was both more likely that he had already seen it than the other I was planning to show him and that it would be the less impressive of the two. We studied the works of the master forger together - I'd been to this exhibit several times over the past year, so I found myself watching him more than I looked at the paintings. Still, the way he spoke with such enthusiasm, pointing out various brush strokes and marveling at all the different styles Zhang had mastered, had me looking a little more closely, being just a little more observant.

I loved the way his light blue eyes brightened when he saw something that interested him. I tilted my head, watching his eyes dart as he drank in one of the landscapes. I couldn't decide the precise shade of those eyes – were they sky blue? The darker blue flecks – indigo? royal blue, maybe? – were concentrated around his pupil and at the edge of the iris. I saw hints of green as well, though those seemed to dance away so quickly that I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined them. As I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest, smiling at Jasper while I watched his eyes, I was reminded of the huge box of crayons I'd loved as a kid – full of hues so similar but just a shade off, each with its own unique name.

I wondered if there was a name for Jasper's eyes there.

Shaking myself, I lowered my arms and internally rolled my eyes, pushing away ludicrous thoughts of crayons and color names as I listened to him instead. As he spoke, his voice would rise in pitch, and he would look at me earnestly, imploring me to agree with whatever assessment he'd made. My deeper rumble was a pleasant counterpart to his voice, making me appreciate the musical quality we produced together.

It was then, as I was pondering the precise shade of Jasper's eyes and enjoying the music we made together that I fully realized what I'd suspected from the start – I was falling for him. Not just falling in lust – that part, I knew already. No, this was more.

Much more.

The thought brought a smile to my lips that just broadened when he said, "Man, that took some serious balls."

I laughed. "What did?"

"This." His eyes widened incredulously as he gestured, palm up, toward the paintings around us. "Forging centuries-old works of art and selling them to _museums_." He muttered under his breath, "Fucking massive _cojones_."

I blinked at the unexpected accent as Jasper uttered that one word. I arched an eyebrow. "You speak Spanish?"

He shrugged. "Not a lot…took it in high school, of course. There wasn't a lot of choice. Most of what I know is gutter Spanish I picked up from some of the migrant workers – not exactly stuff I could use around Mama, if you know what I mean…"

I did, and the wicked grin on my face let him know I wouldn't mind hearing more of it. One corner of his lips lifted as he smirked and then chuckled at me.

Instead of saying anything about it, he just winked and nodded toward the next painting. Soon, we'd finished looking at Zhang's work, and I led him to the European Masters exhibit. Kate and I had attended the opening on my birthday about a month and a half ago, but I hadn't been back since – I'd been too busy with my book and, lately, visiting friends.

It was vastly different with Jasper at my side. Kate had a great appreciation for art – she was an artist herself. But Jasper saw things in a different light. He seemed to find value in _every_ work of art, no matter the "quality."

We talked easily about the different works we saw, and I actually found a new appreciation for Matisse that I'd never felt before as Jasper talked about his use of vibrant color. He still didn't appeal to my personal tastes, but I could at least see a bit more what people raved about.

Soon we were standing in front of _La Berceuse_, and I smiled as I heard Jasper's sigh. His voice was filled with longing when he spoke. "God, I fucking love Van Gogh."

"I know," I said quietly, moving to stand beside him.

He stared at the painting for a moment before he turned to me, his forehead wrinkling as his eyes gazed at me curiously. "You know?"

I nodded. "Your tie." When the confusion remained on his face, I reached out, straightening the tie he was currently wearing. "That first night, at the tattoo parlor? You were wearing a Van Gogh tie."

He arched an eyebrow, amusement in his tone. "You noticed my tie?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, and I saw the way you took care of it, too." I shrugged.

There was a faint blush on his cheeks as he turned to look at the painting, clearing his throat. Finally, he spoke again. "My sister gave me that tie."

"Emily?"

He nodded. "She'd kill me if I let anything happen to it." He gave a small laugh, his fingers running lightly along his tie. "She gave me most of them, actually. All the art ones. It's kind of a tradition now – I know at least one of the gifts I'm getting from Lee-Lee every birthday and Christmas."

There was tenderness in his voice as he spoke about her, his eyes staring vacantly at the greens and blues of the painting in front of him. There also seemed to be a hint of melancholy that I really didn't understand at all. I didn't like it, but I didn't know that the middle of the Museum of Fine Arts was the best place to get into it, so I reached out and tugged lightly on his tie.

When he glanced at me, I gave him a soft smile and said, "So who's your favorite painter?"

I half-expected Van Gogh, but he answered immediately, "Millais."

I frowned slightly, trying to place him. "Pre-Raphaelite?"

He nodded, a smile ghosting across his lips, presumably as I recognized the name.

My own smile was apologetic. "I know the name, but I can't really think of who he is…what might I know by him?"

Jasper bit his bottom lip, glancing up and to the right as he thought. "_Ophelia_ is probably his most famous…_Christ in the House of His Parents_ was really controversial…"

"Wait; is that the one that shows his family as carpenters?"

Jasper nodded, smiling at me.

"I think I've seen that one. He's a boy, but he has the stigmata on his hand, doesn't he?"

We kept talking as we moved away from the Van Gogh, and even throughout the rest of the exhibit, our conversation returned periodically to the Pre-Raphaelites. I learned that Jasper's favorite Millais painting was called _Mariana_, but when he described it as a woman in a blue dress stretching and arching her back by a window, I couldn't say that I'd ever seen it. He was fascinated by the sensual nature of the Pre-Raphaelites, by the subtle use of lines and shading to suggest the human form hidden beneath clothing.

When he mentioned Rossetti, I brightened as I mentioned that I'd read – and loved – Christina Rossetti's poetry as an undergrad. "Goblin Market" had been especially intriguing to me, and I'd enjoyed the conversations about proto-feminism that had sprung up in that particular English class, which – like most of them – had been mostly filled with women.

I was stunned when I found myself admitting to Jasper that I dabbled with poetry myself, but I was always in awe of those who could turn the written word into something so beautiful, so musical. He just listened, smiling at me…fondly. He seemed to like that I enjoyed that sort of creative expression, so I just cleared my throat and tried to keep the blush off my cheeks. Before Jasper, only Kate, Tanya, and Alistair had ever known I wrote – and I never shared any of it with _anyone_.

It was all too personal. And it sucked – one of the very few things I ever kept trying even though I wasn't good at it - but it was a way for me to empty my head of some of the more persistent thoughts that just wouldn't leave me alone.

Jasper seemed to sense my discomfort and moved the conversation back to the art around us. After checking out paintings by Degas and Moroni and the amazing sculptures of Canova, we were soon heading back out of the museum to find the sun lowering toward the horizon in the west.

When we got to my Mustang, we took off our jackets for the third time that evening and climbed into the front seat. I put the key in the ignition but before I could even start the car, Jasper…attacked. He slid toward me, leaning across the center console as his hot hand pressed into my thigh. I looked toward him, my lips parting to ask what the hell he was doing, but his lips crashed to mine, his tongue insistent and oh-so-fucking-delicious as he kissed me thoroughly.

_Fuck. Yes._

I didn't know what the fuck was happening, but I was sure as hell okay with it. My left hand found Jasper's tie, pulling his chest toward me roughly as my right tangled in the hair on the back of his head. I needed more…needed to kiss more of him, so I broke away from his lips, tasting the saltiness from the light sheen of sweat on his skin as I kissed down his neck. When I got to the collar of his shirt, I nudged it out of the way as I kept going, finding that junction where his shoulder met his throat.

I heard his lips part as he moaned softly, his head lolling back before it snapped up again. His fingers were at my throat, working on the top button of my shirt as I heard him murmur hoarsely, "Edward, _please_ take me to your place. Now."

I heard his voice, the tone exciting me even more before his words sank in, and I realized that I'd been ready to undress him in my car in the middle of a parking lot outside a museum. I shook my head, chuckling ruefully into his neck before I placed one more soft kiss there and then lifted my head. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked into his eyes, muttering, "Sorry about that…"

"Don't be sorry for it," he grunted, his fingers finally popping open that button on my shirt as he moved to kiss my neck now. "Let's just go."

I put my hand over his on my chest, stilling it. He raised his head, looking up at me. His left hand was still rubbing idly along my thigh, and he purposefully grazed me, making me jump at the unexpected contact. "Let's go," he repeated.

I licked my lips, trying to calm my own racing heartbeat and the surge of desire I felt. "Not yet…" I whispered, my voice low and throaty. "We have reservations, Jazz."

His eyes widened, and it took me a moment to realize what I'd just called him. As I watched, several emotions flickered across his face – I saw his eyes darken with lust before they brightened with amusement, and then they finally softened. His right hand dropped from my chest, coming to rest on my knee as he smiled at me at last. He leaned toward me, pressing his lips tenderly against mine, the expression on his face a complete change from only seconds before.

"You don't mind, do you?" I ran my fingers through my hair again, tugging lightly as I waited for his answer. I had no idea where the fuck the name had come from – I'd never even thought it.

Shaking his head, he said, "No, I don't mind. I kind of like it, actually." He wore a knowing smirk that I didn't understand.

He straightened up, moving back to his seat as my hand lifted to button my shirt again.

"Leave it," he said, and I glanced over at him with an eyebrow raised. He shrugged. "Fucking sexy, if you ask me."

I laughed and unbuttoned the second one before I reached down and turned the key, hearing that deep rumbling growl as my ignition caught.

"God damn tease," he muttered under his breath, making me smirk.

When he cleared his throat, I glanced over to catch the faint flush on his cheeks, but I couldn't tell if it was from arousal or embarrassment. To distract myself as much as to rescue him, I asked him what had been his favorite piece we'd seen today.

He didn't answer, and as I pulled to a stop at a light, I looked over to find him smirking at me. I laughed, shaking my head. "You haven't seen that," I teased.

"Yet."

_Fuck me._

"You know, you really aren't making it easy for me to drive to the restaurant."

He shrugged and turned to look out the window, but I saw the way his lips turned up at the corner. He was such a fucking tease, and I loved it.

Within another block or two, he finally relented, and we began talking comfortably, discussing all the things we'd seen that day. Jasper continually mentioned the paintings I knew had caught his eye – the Van Gogh, the nude woman, and one of the Zhang landscapes that he seemed frustrated he couldn't accurately describe. The pieces by Canova were my personal favorites, and we ended up in a lively debate about whether or not the two different media could be compared.

My eyes widening in awe, I said, "I just can't imagine taking a block of stone with a hammer and chisel and making something like _that_," referring to _The Three Graces_. "I'm sure I could pick up a brush and manage to paint something that you could at least recognize as a face, but no way in hell could I make a body out of stone that way."

He seemed mildly offended, frowning as he answered. "It's not really easy to paint a face, you know. Have you ever tried it?" His voice was gruff, his tone petulant, and it made me smile.

"No, I haven't. And mind, I said you could recognize it as a face – but you probably couldn't distinguish it from a kindergartner's finger painting." I pulled into a parking place and cut the engine, looking over to give him a smile. "I have no artistic talent at all."

"I find that hard to believe," he muttered under his breath.

I frowned slightly, my eyebrows pulling together. "What the hell does that mean?"

He turned toward me, shifting in his seat so that his leg was resting partially against the console between us. He held up his fist and began ticking off points, lifting a finger for each one, starting with his thumb. "You appreciate art. You have an eye for balance and color. You're a photographer. You can play the piano like-"

I cut him off. "How do you know I play the piano?"

"I heard you playing when I came over for the shoot," he answered matter-of-factly as he tried to continue while I thought back to that day. "The fact that you can play means-"

"Yeah, but you didn't really _hear_ me. I mean, I stopped as soon as the doorbell rang."

He trailed off, lowering his hand as he gave me a small, sheepish smile. "I listened a little bit before I rang the doorbell."

"You did?"

He nodded as we both moved to unbuckle our seatbelts, and we continued talking as we put on our coats. I reached out, straightening Jasper's tie, as he murmured, "Anyway, you can't have that kind of eye and that much coordination and have no artistic talent. You just haven't tried hard enough."

I smirked. "You're right. I haven't really tried – at least not since they made me in school. Remember what I said about not doing something if I couldn't do it well?"

He licked his bottom lip before biting it gently, and then he leaned in, kissing just beneath my ear. "Oh, I remember. And I'm fucking counting on it."

The teasing and taunting and palpable sexual tension was just too much finally, and I gripped both of his elbows, holding him in place. "God damn it, Jazz…" My voice was husky and low, barely audible over the noise of the traffic passing by. "I can't take much more."

A smile flirted on his lips before he reached up slowly, brushing hair off of my forehead. "Okay. I'll behave for now. Promise." He gave me a small kiss, murmuring an apology against my lips before he stepped back and held out his hand. "Perfect gentleman," he reassured me, winking as I laced my fingers through his.

He really did take pity on me. I don't know if it was the anguished look on my face or the bulge I'm sure he couldn't miss barely hiding behind my jacket, but whatever it was, he behaved himself during dinner. Of course, from the way I saw him looking at me as we ate, I had a feeling he needed that little moment of respite as much as I did.

For the first time ever, I paid no attention whatsoever to what I was eating. Oleana was one of my favorite restaurants, though I didn't come very often, preferring to save it for special occasions so that it didn't lose its appeal. I'd intended for us to savor our dinner, spending time sipping our wine and chatting about our day.

In reality, I noticed that both of us ate quickly, darting glances at each other. We talked, of course, and both the conversation and the food were great…I think. When the waiter returned to ask if we were ready for dessert, I met Jasper's gaze. His eyes were smoldering, and he needed no words to communicate his thoughts.

"We'll just take the check, please." I didn't bother to look up, and I didn't hear what the waiter said, but I did see him disappear from the corner of my eye.

I'd planned to invite Jasper back over to finish looking at the pictures again – since we still hadn't gotten through all of them – but I suddenly found I didn't want the excuse. No pretenses.

"Do you want to go back to my place?" I murmured.

"Fuck. Yes." They were two distinct words, a curse and a promise, spoken in his soft voice deepened with desire.

It seemed to take forever for the waiter to return with the check. I glanced at the bill, pulled enough cash from my wallet to cover it and a generous tip, and then stood up as I slipped the money into the little folder with the check. Without a word, Jasper stood as well, and we walked in silence to my car. Our movements were slow, deliberate, and not a word was spoken as we drove back to my house.

I was very aware of Jasper the whole way home. I noticed the way his breathing rate was just slightly elevated, and I heard every little noise he made – clearing his throat, giving a quiet sigh, grunting as he shifted in his seat to adjust himself. His hands were resting on his thighs, his thumbs tapping with the same rhythm as my impatient fingers on the steering wheel.

We still hadn't spoken by the time I pulled to a stop along the curb across the street from my house. I turned off the engine and glanced at him to find him watching me as well. Our faces were illuminated by the glow of the streetlights, and the angle cast the bottom half of Jasper's face in shadow. I could see his eyes clearly, though, and I watched him for a moment, asking a silent question. _Are you sure you want to come in?_

He laughed, shaking his head, and his rough voice was filled with want. "You better get your ass inside, Dr. Masen."

My lips twitched into a grin as I yanked open the door. When I reached for my coat, my fingers closed on thin air as Jasper pulled it away. By the time I straightened, he had folded both jackets over his forearm and was standing looking at me with one eyebrow raised.

_No fucking doubt he wants me now._

The thought put a smile on my face as I led Jasper across the street. I took the few stairs up to my stoop quickly, slipping the key smoothly into the lock. Opening the door, I reached inside and flipped on the hall light before I stepped back to let him enter first. He walked in and calmly hung up our coats before turning to sit on the bench.

He took his shoes off carefully, but I saw the way his eyes watched me. His shoulders moved as he breathed a little more deeply than usual, and when he stood, he ran his fingers leisurely through his hair.

His attempt at control made me smile, so I took the spot he vacated on the bench and began to take off my shoes as well. I felt Jasper's fingers in my hair just before he stepped closer. My head was bent forward, placing my forehead just at his waist, and it took every shred of control I had not to reach up and begin unbuckling his belt. I froze for a moment, swallowing hard before I took a deep breath and looked up.

His eyes were half-closed as he gazed down at me, his lips slightly parted as he ran his fingers through my hair. The gesture was tender, loving, and completely at odds with the storm I saw raging in his sky blue eyes.

I don't know what it was about that look, but there was something vulnerable in Jasper's expression – something wholly unexpected. It made me pause for a moment, subtly shifting the desire I felt so that it was no longer simply about claiming Jasper's body – though I sure as _fuck_ wanted that, too.

I raised my hands to his hips, my thumbs rubbing gently as I leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his abdomen. Then I stood slowly, smiling at him. "Can I get you something to drink?"

He nodded with a smile on his face though he didn't speak.

I squeezed his hand and tilted my head to press my lips against his. I murmured, "Meet you in the den," and then turned away, walking toward the kitchen. I reached in the refrigerator, pulling out the bottle of wine I'd left chilling before I went to pick Jasper up. As I grabbed the corkscrew and began opening the bottle, my mind was focused completely on the man just down the hall – the man I'd been obsessing over for _weeks_.

I'd never had trouble getting the man I wanted, but after all the questions with Jasper, I felt a sense of awe that he really was sitting there, waiting for me. _Wanting_ me.

'_Bout fucking time._

I grinned to myself as I poured us each a glass of wine. Pulling the suspenders from my shoulders, I let them hang down beside my hips as I arched my back and rolled my neck before picking up both glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other. I flipped off the hall light on my way, needing no more illumination than the soft glow coming from the den.

When I walked through the doorway, I saw the back of Jasper's head as he sat on Kate's end of the couch. I moved to stand behind him, leaning down and offering him his glass of wine. He turned his head, looking up at me, and any sign of vulnerability or uncertainty was gone.

He took the glass from me, taking a long drink before he lowered the glass and licked the last burgundy drop from his lips. That was all it took to make me lean closer, tasting the robust flavor of the wine as we kissed. A quiet noise escaped me – part sigh, part moan, all hunger – when our tongues met and our kiss intensified.

Needing more, I broke away and straightened, moving around the couch to put my glass and the bottle of wine on the coffee table. Jasper leaned forward, his hand brushing my thigh just above my knee as his glass joined mine. He had loosened his tie a bit and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, though I noticed he'd left the tie on – he must've realized I liked that shit. He looked at me, a devilish smirk on his lips as he grabbed my suspenders in each hand.

He tugged lightly, and I acquiesced, moving to kneel on the couch just in front of him while he turned toward me. Our lips met again, our kiss beginning soft and light as our hands moved to innocently touch the other's face. Jasper's tongue brushed against the steel rod in mine, and he moaned loudly. His hand moved to my chest, pinching my nipple through my shirt, and I inhaled sharply, my hands shooting to his hips as I grabbed him and pulled him closer.

He broke our kiss, his voice breathless and hoarse as he muttered, "Fuck, Edward…"

Any self-control I had fled then as he started to unbutton my shirt. I growled, my hands moving roughly down his thighs to cup behind his knees as I pulled him all the way to me. I leaned forward, and we were half-reclined on the couch, his shoulders pressed against the armrest as I settled between his thighs. I could feel him, so goddamn hard, but there was too much fucking cloth between us, so I set about trying to remedy that as my hips began to grind steadily into his.

Curses tumbled from our lips as we rocked together, his hands trailing down my back to cup my ass as I wrapped one arm around his waist. I could taste the salt of his sweat and skin, his raw masculinity unleashing something primal in me as I bit his jaw just beneath his ear. His hips bucked into me as his fingers dug into my flesh through my pants.

My hand had been caressing his side, coming to rest on his hip, and I couldn't resist while it was so close, so I lifted my hips, wrapping my fingers around Jasper's erection as much as I could through his clothes. It was as if time just stopped while we both moaned.

"God _damn_, I need that…" My words were spoken hastily before my mouth was on his skin again, kissing his neck, nibbling at his ear, while he thrust into my hand, showing me wordlessly what brought him pleasure. I lifted my head, watching as his eyes drifted closed, his lips falling open.

I knew then that I _had_ to bring him whatever pleasure I could that night. I needed to see that look of absolute bliss on his face as his body was wracked with orgasmic gratification.

I sat back to unbutton my shirt, just needing the damn thing out of the way, but Jasper reached out, grabbing my wrists and pinning them behind my back. "Oh no, you fucking don't." His voice was a throaty whisper as he shifted both my wrists to one of his hands, his long fingers wrapping them around as his other hand moved to unbutton my shirt. I could've broken free, of course, but why would I try?

He paused occasionally as he worked to undress me, his hand drifting down, rubbing, cupping my balls before it would move back up to work on the next button. My hips shifted, meeting his hand as he left me whimpering for more. I watched him from above, seeing the way his eyes flickered up to my face before they glanced back down to watch our bodies.

When he popped the last button, he moved immediately to my pants, managing to unbutton them before I grabbed his hands, stretching them above his head as I pressed him into the couch. "Hell no…it's _my _turn."

The grin on his face was both playful and smoldering as he licked my lips, taunting me into kissing him. I heard the muted clink as my tongue ring brushed his teeth, and I dug my toes into the couch, shoving myself even closer to him. The angle sent delicious shivers through my body as I thrust my hips into his, our cocks rubbing together, and I broke away from kissing him, my head hanging down as I panted and cursed.

He took my face in his hands, bringing my lips to his again as his right hand moved to tangle in my hair. He tugged hard, and I bit his bottom lip before I lifted off him once more. I sat back on my heels, hovering over him as I carefully untied his tie. When I pulled it out from under his collar, I folded it twice and then put one foot on the ground as I stretched out over the coffee table to place the tie in the armchair. I felt his hands on my hips, and when I looked back down at him, he was smiling at me softly.

"What?" I asked gruffly. "I know you take care of them…"

"Thank you." His quietly murmured words were at odds with the way his hands slid from my hips up my sides and pressed against my shoulder blades insistently as he pulled me close and placed a searing kiss on my lips.

Our game of back-and-forth continued as we explored each other, each of us taking a few moments to discover something new before the other took over. I had never done anything quite like that before, and it was just…mind-blowing. There was no accurate way to describe the way that sort of give-and-take, that being forced to wait patiently for a few moments, completely at Jasper's mercy, increased my anticipation until I was quivering under his touch.

Soon, our dress shirts and pants had been tossed aside, landing somewhere on the floor as we became a tangle of limbs on the couch. My white t-shirt had ridden up, letting me feel the cool, smooth leather of the couch against the skin of my back above my gray boxer-briefs. Jasper hovered above me in a white tank top, the edges of his phoenix tattoo peeking out as his nipple rings teased me from inside the thin fabric. His boxers were blue plaid and thin enough that I could feel the definition of his head as his dick brushed roughly against mine.

In contrast to the way our hips were moving, our kisses became slower, more sensual, as we began to memorize each other. My hand drifted from Jasper's waist, moving beneath his shirt as my fingertips traced the deep indentation along his spine. The fabric bunched up as my hand moved higher, and when I reached his shoulder, he automatically lifted, reaching back to help me rip the shirt off.

He dropped it over the back of the couch and started to lower his face to mine again, but I stopped him, lifting my head to feel that delicious bite of metal on my lips as they closed over one of his nipple rings. My tongue traced the circle of his nipple, teeth teasing the sensitive flesh as he thrust his hips harder against me. I curled my tongue through the metallic ring, tugging hard enough to make Jasper hiss as his hand jerked roughly in my hair. I smiled against his chest, opening my mouth wider to bite him playfully.

"God damn…fucking kiss me…_now_." His rough order was punctuated with grunts and moans as he shifted down my body, our lips meeting as I reached up to tug at the metal shooting through his other nipple.

Our kisses became more frantic before he pulled away, panting as he sat up. I frowned at the feeling of loss as the weight of his body left mine. My hands reached for him, palms tracing the defined planes of his abs as I tried to absorb that this was _real_; this was happening. Before it had time to really sink in, though, his blunt fingernails scratched at my hips as he yanked my underwear away in one smooth motion. They joined the rest of our clothes on the floor, leaving me in only my t-shirt and socks.

Lying there, I was completely exposed to his thirsty eyes, which focused on my cock standing proudly, the tip glistening with the evidence of my desire. He licked his lips as he watched for a moment before his body was back on mine, wedged between me and the back of the couch. My left thigh was between both of his, his own erection digging into my hip as his hand wrapped around my length. His breathy voice filled my ears, whispers of desire and promises of pleasure to come tumbling from his lips as I inhaled sharply, my entire body tingling.

My desperate hands found the waist of his boxers, but before I could push them down more than an inch or two, he bit my lip hard and muttered, "Don't fucking think so." He continued mumbling, his hips grinding into me as his hand stroked me, but between his low voice and my panting breath, all I caught were bits and pieces.

"…my goddamn turn…"

"…just wait…"

"…going to…"

His hand was soft and smooth with just a hint of callous along the top where his fingers met his palm. He squeezed and twisted with the perfect amount of pressure, his thumb spreading the pre-cum along my slit. My hands hovered uselessly at his waist, the rest of my body in stasis as I tried to resolve the desire to just enjoy what he was doing with the conflicting impulse to bring him the same pleasure.

He let go of me, but it was only to bring his hand to his mouth, where he licked his palm several times, the flat of his tongue running from the heel of his hand to the tips of his fingers. I saw saliva drip from his lips into his hand before he lowered it, wrapping it back around me, and there was no more fucking indecision as I moaned loudly. My neck arched, my head pressing back into the arm of the couch as my hips began thrusting into the tight, wet warmth of Jasper's hand.

My left hand was a fist on the small of his back while the right dug into the leather of the couch. I couldn't control my body – not the movement of my hips as I fucked Jasper's hand or the rapid rate of my heart or the plaintive whimpers that tumbled from my lips. In that moment, I was utterly at his mercy.

His hand was everywhere, fingers dipping down to press against my perineum before rolling my balls, tugging and kneading before they again wrapped around my dick. It was a hedonistic heaven, and Jasper's seductive voice murmuring encouragement kept my lips from seeking out his. I didn't want to stop that provocative sound reaching my ears.

It had been so long since anyone had touched me – _really _touched me – and much too quickly, I felt the tension building in my thighs. I was too far gone to try to hold back, and I heard my gravelly voice grunt, "Fuck…so…_fuck_…good…yes…"

His hand sped, teasing the rim around my head each time he stroked me. He pushed himself upward, and I felt his hot breath on my ear as his voice came to me clearly for the first time. "That's right…just like that…feels fucking amazing, doesn't it? You like my hands on you. Cum for me, damn it…let me see how good it feels…"

His whispered encouragement was too much, and I cried out as my body tensed, my knees and shoulders lifting from the couch. I shuddered, my breathing uneven as his voice became softer, his hand stroking me gently through my orgasm, prolonging it as long as possible.

My right forearm was thrown over my eyes, and I was seeing spots when I finally became aware of my surroundings again. "Fucking hell," I groaned, lowering my arm. My eyes and lips sought out Jasper at the same time. I caught him smirking at me, a mixture of pride and happiness on his face just before I kissed him soundly. His hand moved downward, lightly stroking my balls before it came to rest on my thigh while his lips moved tenderly with mine.

I took a few minutes to recover, just kissing and tasting Jasper as I relished the feeling of his weight against me. Soon, I realized that he was lying still, the movement of his hips gone though I still felt him pressing hard against my thigh. I raised my arm, placing my hand on the back of his thigh just above his knee and then rubbing and squeezing my way upward. When I felt the edge of his boxers, I slipped my fingers underneath, fingertips brushing everywhere I could reach as I lifted my head and deepened our kiss.

Surely he didn't think I was going to leave him hanging after the intense experience he'd just given me.

He responded quickly, his cock grinding into my hip as he moved further up my body. My fingers drifted across his inner thigh, and he jerked suddenly, a giggle slipping from his lips. I pulled my head back, needing to see his face as I tried to figure out if I'd heard what I thought I'd heard.

He had the cutest look on his face, his cheeks a light pink as he bit his bottom lip to hide his wide grin.

_He _did _fucking giggle!_

Experimentally, I brushed his inner thigh again, and he laughed outright, burying his face in my neck.

_That's too damn funny…_

I stored my new knowledge away – I'd have to play with that shit later. At that moment, though, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving Jasper hard and aching the way I had been in the weeks since I met him, so I brought his lips back to mine and kissed him thoroughly as I moved my hand to his ass, rubbing him harder before my fingers slid between his cheeks teasingly. His hips were in motion then, bucking against me as he groaned.

As the tip of Jasper's tongue teased my tongue ring, I knew what I wanted to do. I patted his ass, murmuring, "Sit up, baby."

He pulled away at once, his eyes wide as he turned to sit on the couch. There was a look of confusion on his face, but I planned to remedy that soon enough. When I moved to sit up, I felt my t-shirt sticking to me just above my waist and glanced down to see the spreading mess. I quickly pulled the shirt over my head, grimacing as I felt something cold and wet on my cheek. I never could understand how that shit could get that cold that fast. I yanked the t-shirt off, scrubbing it hastily across my cheek before I balled it up and threw it to the side.

Moving to the floor, I shoved the coffee table a couple of feet away, taking care not to spill the wine. I turned back to face Jasper, running my fingers through my hair as I walked to him slowly on my knees. He was reclined against the back of the couch, his right hand between his thighs, cupping his balls as he watched me. The surprised expression was gone, replaced with longing as he began to rub himself through the material of his boxers.

I licked my lips and then brought my tongue ring between them, playing with it idly as I fantasized about what I would be doing with it in a matter of moments. When I reached Jasper, I put my hands on his knees, rubbing gently before I ran them up his thighs to his waist. He lifted his hips as I pulled his underwear down, throwing his boxers somewhere behind me, and I smiled when I saw the way his breathing increased as his eyes darkened when he realized what I planned to do.

"You don't have to," he said softly, his fingers tangling in my hair as I looked up at him.

"Just fucking try to stop me," I challenged, arching an eyebrow. I saw a ghost of a smile play across his lips before I glanced down, unable to wait any longer to look at him. I heard my soft grunt and felt the rumble in my chest as my eyes widened. Jasper's body was absolutely beautiful, and his cock was no exception – it stood there, just as it had in my fantasies, long and thick and just fucking _pleading_ for my tongue. Moisture shimmered around the tip, and I couldn't help myself as I bent forward, licking the head to get my first taste of him. A hiss filled my ears as he inhaled sharply, a counterpoint to my own moan.

_Fuck if he doesn't taste amazing, too!_

That scent of Earl Grey tea that always surrounded him was concentrated here, teasing my tongue, and it was almost goddamn unfair for one man to be so desirable in every way. I licked him hungrily, the tip of my tongue tracing the ridge around his head before I moved down to his base. I put my hands on his thighs, urging them apart as my head dipped further down.

My tongue ran along Jasper's balls, caressing each in turn before I took it into my mouth and sucked lightly. Moans and curses were drifting down from above, music from the heaven that was his body as I teased his sac with the little metal ball through my tongue.

Both his hands were gripping my hair just above my ears - the faint sting made me smile as I flattened my tongue and licked his shaft fully from base to head. I felt my tongue ring jump and stutter as it met the resistance of Jasper's skin, and I hummed at the sensation.

I lifted my gaze and saw him looking down at me, his head tilted to the right as his left hand moved down, his fingers curling beneath my chin, caressing my neck lightly. His lips were parted, the tip of his tongue running slowly back and forth along his lower lip as his hips shifted beneath me. I smiled up at him before I wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft and teased his slit with the metal ball in my mouth.

"Fuck! Edward!" His voice was a grunting plea as he thrust his hips upward.

I finally gave us both exactly what we wanted, wrapping my lips around his head. I took it slowly, moaning as I felt the unique, luxurious texture of his skin on my tongue. I sucked lightly as I took him further, reveling in the thick veins running along his length, standing out in contrast to his otherwise smooth shaft.

When I felt him nearing the back of my mouth, I pulled away a bit, running my tongue around his head. I flicked my tongue ring back and forth along the rim of his head, smiling around his cock when I heard him murmuring breathlessly.

"God damn it…you're so fucking beautiful. Did you know that? I could watch you suck my cock all fucking day…"

His muted whispers were a stimulating background to the sound of our moans and whimpers, but he was still too fucking coherent, so I took him as deeply as I could, sucking him in suddenly until I felt his head at the back of my throat. I swallowed against the gag reflex that threatened, breathing through my nose as I adjusted to feeling him there.

He was completely still, his hands hovering near my ears as I heard him gasp. His knees pressed against my shoulders, letting me feel the heat from his calves along my sides. I teased him when I began moving again, my teeth barely scraping along his skin as I set a rhythm, sucking up and down his shaft oh-so-slowly.

I took the base of his cock in hand again, squeezing and stroking him gently. When my lips met my hand, Jasper began to move, his hips rocking slowly as the fingers of his right hand tangled in my hair at the back of my head. I saw his left hand resting palm up on the couch beside his thigh, his fingers curled inward as though he were utterly relaxed.

His voice was becoming lighter and harder to understand as his fingertips dug into my scalp, his hand pushing and pulling as he helped guide me. Lifting my eyes, I saw that he was still watching me, and one corner of my lips turned up in a lopsided smirk as I raised my left hand to cup his balls. I rubbed beneath them, pressing against his prostate from the outside as my mouth and hand worked him over. My tongue licked every inch of him in my frenzy; saliva dripped from my lips, helping provide a little lubrication for my hand as I stroked him, twisting my wrist and fucking _loving_ the way his hips began to rise from the couch.

He thrust upward rhythmically, his voice fading away as he began to pant. My eyes focusing on him, I moaned when I saw his head thrown back, mouth open and eyes closed as he fucked my mouth. His fingers tightened in my hair, and my head grew still, letting him control the pace as I licked and sucked whenever I could.

His movements grew erratic, the tendons in his neck standing out as he began grunting. I could feel his thighs trembling around my shoulders, his dick twitching in my mouth, and I knew he was right there on the edge. His hips dropped back to the couch as I took over again, my mouth and hand a blur along his shaft.

His gruff voice panted out a refrain, "Fuck…fuck…fuck…fuck…" in a rhythm matching my own. Suddenly, he stiffened, his ass and thighs clenching as his hand froze in my hair. "Shit…Edward…I…fuck…now…" His words were strained, his voice strangled through his clamped jaw, but his meaning was clear.

I appreciated the warning, but I had no intention of going anywhere. Instead, I flattened my tongue against his head, the slightly rough texture pushing him over the edge as I sucked him harder. My eyes were on his face, watching his tense expression, his eyebrows drawn together as his mouth formed a seductive little 'o' before his lips parted and his knees jerked toward my shoulders. I felt his hot release against the back of my throat, filling my mouth and bringing with it that salty bitterness that was at once familiar and completely new. I moaned loudly, and his whole body twitched at the sensation as my hand continued stroking him, coaxing out every second of pleasure as I guided him through his orgasm.

I couldn't tear my gaze from his face, from watching the way all the tension just melted away, leaving a content smile – just a slight curve of his lips – in its place. As I pulled my mouth away, I stroked him a few more times beginning at the base and moving all the way up. I licked the last drop of pearly liquid that leaked from his tip and then finally slid my hand away, my palm resting on the side of his waist as I kissed his chest gently.

His eyes were still closed, but his hand reached up and pressed against my temple, guiding my head to his chest. I was lying halfway on the couch, my knees on the floor, but as Jasper – largely incoherent and still riding his high - wrapped me in his arms and held me close, I couldn't remember a time I'd felt more content and comfortable.

I don't know how long we sat together that way, utterly spent and completely satisfied for the moment, but eventually I felt Jasper stir. The muscles in his abdomen tensed as he lifted his shoulders, pressing a soft kiss against the top of my head. I smiled against his chest, my fingers moving lightly along his ribs.

He was the one to break the silence, his voice quiet but rough, as if he'd been exercising hard or screaming all day. "So what other messages do your tongue rings have? Because, god _damn,_ I wouldn't mind trying them all."

I snickered, and then my head on Jasper's chest was jostled as we laughed together. His hand moved, one finger beneath my chin to lift it. When I met his gaze, he leaned closer, muttering, "Fucking _amazing…_" just before he kissed me. This kiss was wholly different from the desperate ones of the earlier part of the evening. This was somehow softer and caring, conveying a million tiny sentiments in a few simple brushes of our lips – everything from _You sure as _fuck_ know how to get me off_ to _Thank you for helping me with my jacket._

After a few moments, my knees began to ache. I kissed him once more and then pushed away, smiling at his frown. We were both completely nude, and - while I was fine with it - I didn't know how comfortable he was with that, so I glanced around, looking for his clothes. I had no idea how we threw them as far as we did, but they were scattered everywhere – Jasper's underwear seemed to have gone the farthest, as I found them caught on the glass screen of the fireplace.

Once I'd found our underwear and shirts, I took Jasper his and grinned crookedly when I realized he'd been watching me the whole time. I winked at him, and he chuckled, raising both eyebrows suggestively.

"Nice lizard," he said with a wink.

I smirked in response and rolled my eyes, flopping down beside him on the couch. "Guess thighs really don't bother you after all." I grinned as I lifted my hips and pulled on my boxer-briefs. Throwing my arm around his shoulders, I pulled him closer and kissed him once more. "I'll be right back…" I murmured against his lips, waiting for his nod before I stood and grabbed my messy undershirt.

I was humming to myself as I took the stairs two at a time to get to my bedroom. There, I tossed the dirty shirt into the hamper and grabbed a clean one from the drawer, pulling it over my head. I thought for a moment and then opened another drawer, taking out two pairs of pajama pants. I tossed one pair over my shoulder while I pulled on the others, deciding on the spot that I hoped Jasper would stay for awhile, and I didn't think either of us would be in the mood to get dressed in our suits again.

I wandered across my room to use the bathroom, but as I was washing my hands, I felt a stab of…not panic, exactly, but worry…about what I would see when I went back downstairs. Sometimes I felt this inexplicable draw to Jasper, this comfort, like I knew him completely, inside and out, but then there was the majority of the time, where I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I had _assumed_ that he would want to hang out for awhile, just like I did, but…what if he didn't? What if he was dressed and ready to leave when I got downstairs?

Drying my hands, I watched myself in the mirror, forcing my frown away. Whatever Jasper decided to do was his choice – I had no claim on him – but if he wanted to stay with me for a bit, he was definitely fucking welcome. I fixed a smile on my face, but it looked strained as I bit the inside of my cheek.

My trip down the stairs was less exuberant. I crossed the narrow hallway and walked into the den, my smile beaming when I caught sight of Jasper in his boxers and shirt, one ankle crossing the other knee as he ran his fingers through his hair. He grinned up at me lazily, making me chuckle with relief as I tossed the pants to him.

"Oh, thanks…" His voice was back to normal as he stood and pulled the pants on, then placed his hands on my hips and stepped closer to kiss me. As we parted, his thumbs rubbed circles on my hipbones, and he cleared his throat. He glanced down, and I would have sworn that he was nervous – pretty ironic, considering what we'd just done. Finally, he looked back up at me and said, "So I was wondering if it would be okay if I hung out…? Just for a little bit?"

_God, he's fucking cute._

_And ridiculous._

"Of course it's okay – fucking perfect, actually." I gave him my crooked grin as I teased him. "What? Did you think I was just going to suck you off and then let you make your escape? Not happening, Mr. Whitlock." My voice was much more confident than I felt as I was internally giving my own sigh of relief.

It worked, though. Jasper laughed and slid his hands from my hips, wrapping his arms around my waist instead as he murmured softly, "I seem to recall getting you off as well."

"Did you?" I glanced upward as if I couldn't quite remember, and he punched me lightly in the side before I smiled and kissed him again, whispering, "Your hand is goddamn _unbelievable_…"

He teased me in return, telling me again to just wait until it was his lips…or something else. I arched an eyebrow at him, and our banter continued in much the same way. We sat back on the couch, finally drinking our wine, and eventually I did pull out the pictures for us to make some final decisions. We spent the rest of the night looking at them with soft music playing in the background. It took a lot longer than it probably should have because we were continually distracted when one of us felt the urge to kiss the other or fingers just happened to brush along thighs – or when we became so involved in our conversation that we forgot what we were supposed to be doing for a time.

When we finished and Jasper left sometime after two in the morning, there was nothing I could have done to erase the smile on my face. I crawled into bed that night with disjointed images of my date with him playing in my mind, and it was with memories of him – his kiss, his touch, the seductive sound of his voice – keeping me company that I finally fell asleep.

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_**A/N:**__ And so the boys finally had their first date! Let us know what you think ;)_


	7. If My Heart Could Only Talk

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our beta__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**JPOV**

Closing the door behind me, I leaned heavily against it as I closed my eyes with a deep sigh. _Thank fuck this day is over..._I stood like that for a minute, just happy to be in the quiet of my own home and away from the craziness that had ruled the office today. I still wasn't quite sure what all had gone on. _Mercury must be in retrograde or some shit._ I rolled my eyes and pushed off from the door, taking my shoes off and putting them away.

After putting everything in their rightful places - keys, jacket, wallet, phone - I made a beeline for the kitchen and grabbed a beer, popped the top, and took a long pull before I'd even finished closing the fridge door. I wasn't quite in the mood to cook just yet, or even eat for that matter, so I took my beer and went to sit on the couch to just relax for a few minutes.

I closed my eyes as I rested my head against the back of the couch, holding my beer in both hands on my lap. Thoughts of the office kept creeping up, and I had to push them aside with effort. I didn't want to think about everything right now. Didn't want to think about the coding issues Eric had discovered in the new program we were putting together for one of our oldest clients - with only a week left before it was due. Or about the same goddamn idiot of a manager that called the office _again _over some bullshit thing. _God help me, the next time he calls...  
_  
"Enough!" Running my fingers through my hair I grumbled, "It's rid-goddamn-diculous to let work bother me this way."

I took another long pull of my beer before placing it on the coffee table and taking my tie off. A small smirk tugged at the corner of my lips as the action reminded me that I had intended to call Edward today during my lunch. I'd managed to leave my ties at his place both Friday and Saturday and had wanted to see if I could stop by after work to pick them up. Once my tie was off and the top buttons of my shirt were undone, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.

It kicked straight to voicemail, and the voice was definitely not Edward's.

_"Hello, you've reached Edward."_

I recognized the voice but couldn't place it immediately. _What the fuck?_

_"This is Dr. Rodney McKay from Stargate Atlantis, and we're kind of busy trying to avert the next intergalactic crisis right now, so leave a message; we'll get back to you."_

I snorted as I pulled the phone slightly away from me, staring at it incredulously for a second before putting it back to my ear, a Cheshire cat grin on my face as I waited for the beep. 

_Fucking Stargate Atlantis... who'da thunk..._

I sat forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and rolled my eyes at myself.

"Hey Edward, gimme a call once you 'n McKay are done savin' the galaxy? If you can spare a moment in between crises, anyway."

I snickered as I hit the 'end call' button and tossed my phone next to me on the couch. I glanced at the clock, noting I had just enough time to make myself something quick to eat before the game was scheduled to start around seven. I turned on the TV for background noise, not paying too much attention to the prattling about the Olympics that was going on, though I vaguely noted that Phelps had won his first gold medal of the Games the day before. _Well, good for him._

Grabbing my beer, I walked to the kitchen to try and figure out what to have for dinner. Opening both the fridge and freezer, I leaned against the counter and looked at the options as I sipped my beer. _Damn, need to go shopping soon._.. I sighed. It looked like it was either pasta, pizza, or calling take out. _Pizza it is, then_. After checking the temperature, I put the oven on to pre-heat before going to change into something more comfortable.

I exchanged my suit for a pair of black lounge pants and a chocolate brown t-shirt with a tooled star on the chest and the word _Texas _underneath it. I grabbed another beer on my way back to the living room and sat down to watch TV. They were broadcasting from Beijing and were talking about the men's Gymnastics team taking the bronze when the oven beeped. It was only day three of the Olympic Games, and I could already tell I'd be tired of it all well before it was over. After putting the pizza in the oven, I switched channels to catch the beginning of the Boston game against Chicago.

I frowned slightly, wondering if Edward was going to call back, but was quickly distracted as the Red Sox got off to a dismal start. They had yet to get a hit by the time the oven beeped again, and I was muttering to myself as I went to pull the pizza out. The pan slid a bit as I moved to put it down, and I cursed, letting it clatter to the counter as I stuck the pad of my thumb into my mouth. As I was sucking on it to soothe the burn, I gave a soft moan, remembering the sight of Edward's lips as he'd done exactly the same thing - and then what those lips had later done to me.

_God damn._

_Why haven't you called, fucker? _

Grabbing my pizza cutter from the drawer nearest the stove, I sliced the pizza and then slid half of it onto a plate before I tossed the cutter into the sink. I got a fresh beer from the fridge and then took my dinner back to the living room, cursing when I realized the Red Sox still hadn't done anything. I put my feet up on the coffee table, sighing as I waited for my food to cool enough that I wouldn't burn myself. I rested my bottle on the arm of the couch, my other elbow on the back of the couch as I played idly with my hair.

By the time the sixth inning was beginning with Chicago still carrying a perfect game, I was in a foul mood that couldn't entirely be blamed on the Sox - although they sure as hell weren't helping matters. My phone was still sitting silently on the coffee table, and I was beginning to panic a little. When had I let Edward become so goddamn important? Why did it matter if he called or not? We'd had _one_ date.

Okay, so it was a really fucking fantastic date. But still...

With that thought, my mind began to drift, remembering parts of our date despite my best efforts to stay focused on the game. I stretched out on the couch, putting my hands behind my head as I looked up at the ceiling with the sounds from the TV ringing in my ears. I wasn't really hearing them, though. I was thinking about the way Edward had looked in that light gray suit with those goddamn red suspenders just drawing my attention to his chest. He'd made it incredibly hard to even leave the apartment in the first place, and then the way he'd teased and taunted me all night...

Alright, so I hadn't been entirely innocent, either. I knew I'd given him just as much hell as he'd given me - and the knowledge that he was just as affected as I was had only increased my desire. It was a vicious cycle that had made it continually harder to just relax and enjoy our date without ripping his clothes off, no matter where we were or who was around.

The unbelievable attraction I felt for him physically had been tempered by how he treated me, though. I'd never had someone...take care of me the way Edward had. When he'd held out my coat for me, I honestly hadn't known quite how to react, so I'd meekly put it on - and then gotten pissed the fuck off when he put his on without letting me help him. What did he think I was? Some heathen that couldn't return good manners? True, that sort of thing wasn't usually my style with the guys I dated, but that was because we just didn't have that sort of relationship.

Ruefully, I admitted that it was because I didn't _let_ my relationships progress that far. But still, Mama had raised me to be a courteous Southern gentleman. I knew how to behave.

I frowned, studying the strange swirling patterns in the plaster of my ceiling as I tried to figure out why, exactly, Edward was so different. Somehow he had wormed his way into my life, already becoming more important in so many ways than any of the men I'd dated in the last seven years - ever since Paul. It was at once exhilarating and terrifying, and I just couldn't bring myself to let him all the way in.

Not yet.

I knew he was hurt by that, but I couldn't change it. I wanted to tell him so many things - the way I felt about him already, the way it seemed to be changing...growing. But I was afraid. Hesitant. Freaked the fuck out by the idea of giving another man that much power again.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands as I remembered our last moments together that night. I could tell he didn't want me to leave, and that was the first time all day I'd felt really antsy, like I needed to get out of there. I hated the look of disappointment on his face, but he hadn't argued. He'd just said he wished our night didn't have to end...and I agreed. The whole day had been fucking amazing, and there was a big part of me that just wanted to stay there forever.

And then there was the rest of me, the part that was all for self-preservation, that told me to run like hell.

I sighed, remembering the way I ran. Edward had been really cool about it, not making a big deal, letting me know I was welcome any time and that he'd really loved having me around. To be honest, it kind of made me feel like an ass for leaving, but I appreciated it at the same time.

Running my fingers through my hair, I tugged at it and then rolled onto my side, watching the game again. I pushed aside all the thoughts of Edward and how goddamn unbelievable he was and remembered that _that_ - that pining over some guy, letting him control my happiness - was what had fucked me up in the first place.

_Doesn't matter if he calls or not._

My traitor smile betrayed me when it appeared as the phone picked that moment to ring. I sat up, putting my feet on the floor and moving my bottle to the coffee table as I leaned forward to pick up the phone. I made him wait a second, staring at the _Edward Masen_ flashing on the screen until I hit the answer button just before I knew my voice mail would pick up.

"Hello?" I asked as if I didn't know exactly who was calling.

_"Hey...Jazz?"_ I heard him grunt as something rustled - something that sounded suspiciously like a shirt being pulled over his head.

_Fuck me. _"Yeah. Edward?" I rolled my eyes at the silly game but played it anyway.

_"Hey..."_ His voice was softer now, and I felt myself smile in response. _"I'm glad you called. I was actually going to give you a call tonight, but the shoot I was helping Kate with lasted for fucking ever. I just got home."_

"Oh..." I couldn't stop my smile and then realized I'd just been sitting there silently for a moment, so I cleared my throat. "Oh, hey -"

_"Can you hold that thought for a sec?"_ He asked and waited until I agreed. Then I heard the phone drop before other noises came through the phone - ones that sounded very much like a belt unbuckling and a zipper lowering. I distinctly heard a drawer open and close and then a few more grunts before he picked the phone up again. _"Sorry about that."_

"Slipping into something more comfortable?" I teased.

He laughed. _"I was, in fact. Want to come over?"_

My eyes flashed to the clock before I even had time to really process what he'd said. _Fuck_. "I wish." And I did. "But I have to work early in the morning...I'd end up having to turn around as soon as I got there."

He muttered something that I didn't quite catch, but I was reasonably sure he was pouting that I should call in in the morning. The thought made me grin. "Actually, I was calling to see if I could come over tonight, but..."

_"God damn it."_ This time his curse was clear, though it was obviously not meant for me as it was said under his breath. _"You were, huh?"_

"Yeah..." I explained that I'd left a couple of ties at his place, and I was touched - but unsurprised, really - when he told me he'd found them and hung them up for me. I was learning quickly that he was a man of unexpected depths and that he really did pay attention to what made people tick. It was...incredibly different from most of the men I'd known.

_"Well...I'd invite you over tomorrow, but I'm helping Kate again, and after that clusterfuck tonight, I have no idea when I'll be home. Working with paid models...I swear."_ He broke off into a stream of profanities that made me grin. When he lost steam at last, he said, _"How about Wednesday? Could you come over for dinner? My treat, though."_

"You paid last time," I protested, though I was smiling broadly at the thought of seeing him again. I rolled my eyes at myself.

_"Don't worry. I won't be buying."_

"You're cooking?" My eyes widened as my eyebrows climbed toward my hairline.

_"Of course. Don't you remember what I said about treating you right?" _

I did, and the smile on my face was proof, but I felt vaguely uneasy for some reason. Something about the level of comfort and familiarity was throwing me off, so I cleared my throat and teased him again. "I thought that was just so you could have your way with me."

_"Maybe so..."_ He laughed, and then his voice was lower when it came through the phone again. _"And maybe I'm not finished with you yet." _

I inhaled lightly through my nose, sitting back on the couch. _Fuck._ That had not gone as planned. I scanned the room, looking for something - _anything_ - to change the subject. My eyes fell on the TV just as J.D. Drew swung, knocking the ball into the gap in left-center field. "Go, baby, go!" I hopped up off the couch, intent on the screen before I heard Edward laughing.

_"What are you watching?"_

"The Sox game."

_"Shit! I totally forgot they were on..."_ I heard him barreling down the stairs, and then the sound of his TV came through the phone. He flipped through channels until I heard the same commentary, and then he flopped down on the couch, asking me what he'd missed. I filled him in, and we ended up watching the rest of the game together, chatting idly and yelling at the TV. I heard the rattle of bottles as Edward got a beer from his refrigerator, and I decided it sounded damn good, so I pulled another out for myself. By the time the game ended with the Red Sox pulling out an impressive 5-1 victory over the White Sox, I realized with a start that I really didn't want to get off the phone. I didn't want to let him go.

_What the fuck, man?_

That was probably a sure sign that I needed to hang up the phone right the fuck then, but I didn't. I changed the channel, turning it back to the Olympics. "Oh, hey...the men are about to swim." I heard Edward snicker. "What?"

_"Nothing..."_ I could hear the grin in his voice as he changed the channel. _"Was just talking to Kate about Michael Phelps earlier."_ He went on, explaining Kate's infatuation with him, and when I asked if he didn't find him attractive, he said, _"Don't get me wrong...the man's got killer abs, but...nah, not my type."_

I refrained from asking what his type was because I could just see where that conversation would go, but it made me smile all the same. We cheered on the Americans together, screaming as Lezak snatched the win out from under that French bastard Bernard. As we watched the four swimmers celebrating, I finally couldn't resist. "So which one them is more your type?"

_"Them, who? The swimmers?"_

"Yeah." I chuckled, taking a sip of my nearly-empty beer...my fourth of the night.

_"Hmm..."_ He paused for a moment, and I could just imagine him tilting his head, maybe running his fingers through that messy hair._ "I guess...Cullen Jones? He's the closest anyway."_

I frowned, sitting up with my elbows on my knees as I leaned in to get a closer look. The guy he mentioned was thinner than the others but still built, and I could definitely see the appeal in the way his chest narrowed to his waist while his swimsuit hinted at the deep V leading from his hips. "Ehh...no offense, but you did notice I'm...you know...blond and have blue eyes, right?"

He laughed softly. _"I meant his build, Jazz...I thought that's what you were asking."_

I smiled again at hearing him call me "Jazz." It was stupid, I suppose, but Ang was the only one who'd ever really called me that - most of the guys called me "J" - and I just liked the way it sounded coming from him. It made me feel special or some shit. Of course, _that_ thought made me roll my eyes.

_"What about you?"_

"What about me?"

I could practically hear him roll his eyes. _"Your type? You're not getting away with not answering now."_

"Damn it." I tilted my head, studying the men on the screen. They were still hugging and cheering, and I found myself looking for the one who always drew my eye. "Damn it," I cursed again.

_"What is it?" _He was smiling, I could tell.

"Does it have to be one of those four?"

He laughed quietly. _"Not at all. I want to know who you're attracted to, so if you have someone else in mind..."_

_You._

The answer was immediate, on the tip of my tongue, and I swallowed it, taking a deep breath before I spoke again. It wasn't like he didn't know I found him attractive - hell, he could've been deaf, dumb, _and _blind on our date and still sensed my arousal - but I didn't want to say it. _Too much power_. Instead, I answered his question. "Ryan Lochte."

_"Lochte...Lochte..."_ He muttered to himself, and I laughed when I heard him typing. _"Shit, that guy? Fuck."_

"What is it?" I chuckled.

_"You like some definition, huh?"_ He laughed quietly, groaning as I imagined him stretching. _"Guess I need to get back to the fucking gym."_

"I think you're looking pretty damn good, actually." I felt the heat on my cheeks and blamed it on the alcohol as I took another pull from my beer.

_"You're not so bad yourself."_ Edward's words were flippant enough, but his voice was lower, husky, and I could tell there was more he wanted to say. I was torn, wanting to know what was on his mind and at the same time wanting to run the other way. Instead, I just looked at the clock and saw it was nearly eleven. I sighed.

_"You gotta go?"_

"Yeah...work comes early." I bit the inside of my cheek, suppressing a yawn as Edward said he understood and told me to get some sleep.

The last thing I heard was, _"See you on Wednesday..."_ and I hung up with a smile.

The next day was quieter, thank God. Whatever had upset the scales had been set to rights again, and I was grateful for the reprieve. I'd gone to bed right after I hung up with Edward, though I'd had trouble falling asleep, my mind going a mile a minute. When I'd finally passed out, it seemed as if my alarm woke me up only minutes after, and I was dead on my feet.

Mike noticed and, with a quirked brow, silently asked if I was okay. After reassuring him that I was just tired, he made sure to get me coffee, and he ran interference for me the rest of the day. As always, he had my back.

On my way home, I stopped to grab something to eat. I didn't even bother doing take out, choosing instead to just hit up my favorite diner for a burger and fries. Not the healthiest, but I wasn't in the mood for anything else, and it was quick and easy. Once home, I called Emily to check in with her. We didn't talk for very long as she was busy studying and, quite frankly, I was too tired.

Wednesday was an odd mixture of quiet and busy. Everything seemed to happen in waves, without much rhyme or reason to it. There were several calls from clients with problems or just checking in on the status of programs we were developing, and then there were periods where the phones were quiet and everything was caught up. It made the day pass quickly though, and before I knew it, I was heading out the door.

Edward had called me around lunch time to confirm our dinner date, asking if I was coming straight from work or going home first. Normally, I would have gone home to change first, but I couldn't resist the chance to see him sooner rather than later, so I said I'd come straight over. I tried to get him to tell me what he was cooking, but he refused to let me know, saying he wanted it to be a surprise.

When I got to his place, I had to take a moment to gather myself, feeling filled with nervous energy, and I wasn't entirely sure why. I knocked on the door after taking several deep breaths. As soon as Edward opened the door, I felt all my nerves melt away as I took in the genuine smile that spread in his face when he saw me.

By way of greeting, he stepped forward and grabbed my tie, pulling me to him. His kiss was short, but no less intense for it. He hummed against my lips, and I chuckled as he murmured softly, "Mmm, been waiting all day to be able to do that."

With that, he gave me his crooked grin as he straightened my tie back up, and all I could manage was to chuckle and shake my head. I couldn't shake the feeling of longing and rightness that his words evoked in me, and it left me more than a little unsettled again.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside after him, leading me back to the kitchen. As we neared it, I took a deep breath, and my mouth instantly watered at the smell of chili and cornbread - and another smell, though I couldn't quite place it - that invaded my senses. The images that came to my mind with the smells were those of home, stopping me dead in my tracks as soon as Edward had released my hand to pull something out of the oven.

I watched him, unable to find my voice as I tried to figure out whether he had done this on purpose, or if it was a coincidence. Words he had spoken to me on another occasion came to my mind: _I don't do anything if I can't do it well._

Edward turned around after having placed something on a cooling rack on the counter, and all I could see was that it was a cobbler. After taking in another deep breath, I realized that it was peach. He'd made peach cobbler.

_How the hell did he know that that's my favorite? _

He looked at me, and I thought for a moment that I saw a flash of uncertainty in his eyes before he stepped up to me.

_Chili, cornbread, and peach cobbler. Haven't had those since I was home... No one ever seems to make it quite like Mama does...This should be interesting._

Edward cleared his throat lightly as he placed his palm to my cheek. "You alright?"

I smirked lightly as I nodded. "I'm...peachy."

He rolled his eyes at the horrible pun, kissing me lightly on the lips.

"Go on outside; I'll be right there. Table's all set."

I nodded. "Need me to take anything out?"

He grinned as he shook his head. "Nope, you just go and relax. I got it."

Shrugging, I kissed him lightly before I turned toward the patio. I didn't even really see the pantry door as I passed by it. My mind was elsewhere, remembering other dinners, so similar and yet so vastly different from this one. It wasn't my family I was thinking of, though – it was Paul.

"_Hey, babe?" The sound of his voice from the dining room made me smile. I loved it when he called me that._

"_Yeah?" I answered, brushing my hair back from my forehead as I stirred the sauce for the spaghetti. I'd never been much of a cook, but I'd learned a little when I went away to college – and a lot more in the last couple of months I'd spent living with Paul._

"_Can you bring me a beer?"_

_I tapped the spoon on the side of the pot and put it on the spoon rest, careful not to make a mess. I'd been used to dorm life, whereas Paul was older, established, and infinitely neater than what I'd known for the last two years at school. He didn't have a place where he crashed at night – he had a _home_. And he'd moved me across the country to live in it with him._

_My heart was swelling as I pulled a beer from the refrigerator and opened it, tossing the cap into the trash on the way to the dining room. I smiled at the sight before me – his suit jacket was folded over the back of one of the chairs while he sat at the end of the table, reading the paper. He didn't glance up as I walked toward him, and I heard him muttering to himself as he frowned at something he was reading._

"_Here you go, baby." I put the bottle on his placemat, remembering not to put it on the wood this time, and leaned down, kissing his cheek. He finally looked up then, his eyes flickering to me as he smiled briefly._

"_Thanks." He took a long pull from his bottle, his gaze returning to his paper. I forced away the ridiculous feeling of disappointment I felt when I didn't receive any other greeting. He was a busy man, important, and I tried to remember how stressed he was with work when all I had to do was go to class and study. _Don't be stupid,_ I thought. Still, I couldn't shake the sting of rejection as I walked back to the kitchen to serve our food._

I shook my head as I stepped through the door, shoving the memory away as my eyes fell on the table. He had set it, as he said. What drew my attention was the pitcher of what looked to be tea in the middle of the table. It was nestled in some sort of ice bowl to keep it cool, but the sight of it – and the obvious differences between Edward and Paul it seemed to symbolize - warmed me from within.

_No fucking way!_

I walked up to the table and grabbed the pitcher, pouring myself a little of the beverage. Lifting the glass to my lips, I took a tentative sip and blinked.

_Sweet tea! And _good _sweet tea at that. _

Edward walked up with a serving dish, and the smell of chili wafted by me as he placed it on the table. He grinned at me as he saw me holding the tea. His eyes searched mine. "So...is it up to your Texan standard?"

He tilted his head to the pitcher I had just put down. Hooking my fingers through his belt loops, I pulled him closer and kissed him hard before grinning at him.

"How'd you manage all this?"

His eyes twinkled even as he gave me a slightly sheepish grin.

"I may have googled a bit to find out a few things here and there. I figured you might like a taste of home; you sounded like you missed it the other day."

Pecking his lips, I murmured, "Thank you. And yes, the tea is up to snuff."

He grinned, a look of satisfaction on his face as he spoke. "Have a seat, I'll be right back."

As he walked back to the kitchen, I poured us both some tea before taking my seat. I loosened my tie, opening the top button of my shirt. I watched Edward as he came back with a basket of cornbread cut up in squares in one hand and a small butterbell in the other. He set both items down next to a serving dish with beans that he had brought out presumably before I had arrived and surveyed the table, likely making sure he had everything before he took a seat opposite me.

He grinned and gestured to the food. "After you, Jazz."

I took a moment to look at the spread he had laid out for us before smiling at him. It all looked amazing, and I could not quite wrap my head around the fact that he had gone through all this trouble, just for me.

I grabbed the serving dish with the chili and ladled a good portion into my bowl before passing it to Edward. After taking a piece of cornbread, I held out the basket to him. I took a sip of my tea while I waited for him to be done, watching him as he buttered his cornbread lightly.

He looked up at me and smiled, waving the piece of bread to me. "You going to eat, or just sit there and watch me? Not that I mind your eyes on me, but..."

Grinning, I rolled my eyes at him. He watched me as I took my first bite. I let out a soft moan, closing my eyes as the flavors hit my tongue. I couldn't quite figure out what meat he had used, but the flavor was richer than any beef I had ever had, and the spices must have been fresh as they were too savory to be otherwise.

After a couple of mouthfuls, I blinked, my eyes suddenly watering as the heat began to build more and more, and I actually had to take a gulp of my tea to dampen it some. It had been a very long time since I'd had a chili this spicy - not since I'd lived back in Texas, at least. Never had I come across a place up here that made it properly, anyway.

"Holy hell! I didn't think you Yanks liked your food quite this spicy!"

Edward - who had watched me while I enjoyed his food - grinned, wiping his mouth with his napkin before speaking.

"What, too hot for you, Mr. Whitlock?"

I grinned and shook my head. "Hell no, just wasn't expecting it. It took awhile for the heat to build. Sign of a good chili."

I winked and was rewarded with a look of pride from him. He seemed pleased to have gotten my approval, something I was more than happy to give him. "Best damn chili this side of Texas. What meat did you use?"

He took a sip of his tea before answering me, "Buffalo, actually. More flavor than regular beef; thought you'd appreciate it, being a good ol' Texas boy."

He smirked as he said it, and I started laughing.

"It's really good. I'm impressed. Again."

We talked about the shoot he had been helping Kate with as well as how things were going at work for me. When we were done, I helped him clean up in spite of his protests. I just grinned at him as I said, "Deal with it. It's the least I can do since you cooked for me. Besides, this way we can move on to dessert quicker."

He chuckled, holding up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright."

It surprised me a little at how easily we ended up working together. It had never been that way with any of the other men I'd been with, and it actually felt...nice. After the last dishes were done and put away, Edward turned to me with a sly grin on his face. He leaned against the counter and pulled me close to him, skimming my jaw with open-mouthed kisses.

I closed my eyes, tilting my head slightly, and hummed. He placed a soft kiss below my ear. His voice was husky as he whispered, "Ready for that dessert, baby?"

I groaned when I felt his hands slide down my back to my ass, squeezing it lightly. _Fuck, he doesn't play fair..._

He continued running his hands along my ass, kneading it lightly as he pulled back to look at me with a crooked grin. I cleared my throat, silently wondering whether I could have him for dessert instead.

"Depends."

I pressed closer against him, placing both hands on the counter on either side of him, effectively trapping him. He raised an eyebrow in question. "On?"

Dipping my head, I ran my nose along the shell of his ear, grinning as I noticed his shiver.

"On what's for dessert."

I nipped at his earlobe before sucking on it, eliciting a moan from Edward with a soft, "Fuck," as he pulled me closer still.

Chuckling softly, I whispered huskily in his ear, "You're not the only one that's cornered the market on teasing, Edward."

I heard him mutter a "Goddamn..." as I pulled away, only to have him grab hold of my face. His eyes were intent on mine for mere seconds before he crashed his lips to mine, kissing me fiercely. We stood there for long minutes, the kiss gradually becoming less frantic and more sensual.

Humming softly, Edward pulled away and, with a soft sigh, he put his hands on my hips. He smiled at me as he said, "As much as I'd like to do more, there is a perfectly good peach cobbler that I'd hate to see go to waste."

I chuckled. "Perfectly good, huh? We'll see about that."

I gave him a mischievous grin as he scowled slightly. I knew he had put a lot of effort into tonight, but I just could not help teasing him a little. It helped offset the nerves that threatened to bubble up every time I let myself think on how comfortable things were with him, how...familiar.

It was the familiarity that was the most unsettling to me. I wasn't sure why everything was so natural, and my thoughts always went back to Paul and how things had gone with him. That was _not_ somewhere I wanted to be again. Ever. But at the same time, I could not resist the pull to Edward. There was just...something.

He huffed a little, feigning offense, but the smile tugging at his lips negated any worry I might have had of actually offending him. I stepped aside and leaned against the counter.

"Need any help?"

His eyes twinkled as he said, "Not with dessert, no."

_Yeah, I can guess what you'd want to have help with instead. _

I chuckled as I let my eyes roam over him and shook my head. I watched as he plated some cobbler for each of us. He walked over to the freezer and turned to me, his hand on the door. "Oh...do you want some vanilla ice cream with it?"

"Mmm, sounds good."

He nodded, pulled out the tub of ice cream, and gave us each a scoop before putting it back in the freezer. Grabbing a couple of forks, he handed one to me and then gave me my plate. "Come on, let's go sit outside again. It's too nice to stay in here."

When we got back outside, we took our seats again. I took a bite of the cobbler and moaned in delight. I didn't know how he'd managed it, but his peach cobbler rivaled Mama's. And that was saying something.

I looked up at him and saw that he had been watching me intently, so I grinned at him as I said, "If you ever repeat this, I will deny it with my last breath, but this might just be better than Mama's."

His eyes lit up at my words, and he chuckled, crossing his heart with two fingers before holding them up in the air. "Your secret's safe with me, baby."

We finished eating and did the last of the dishes before Edward turned to me again, sighing softly as he looked at me. "Can you stay a while longer? Or do you have to leave?"

I glanced at the clock on the oven before looking at him with a grin. "I can hang out for a while, but I'm going to have to leave no later than ten if I'm going to get enough sleep."

The look on his face was one of relief and genuine happiness as he stepped up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I slipped mine around his waist as well, smiling softly at him.

"So, what do you want to do?" He lifted a brow suggestively as he spoke.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Nothin' doing. I can hang out, but no messing around, or I'll never leave on time. I want to take my time with you, Dr. Masen."

He groaned softly, brushing his lips against mine, and I could've sworn I heard him mutter, "Fucking tease," but I wasn't sure.

Remembering his voice mail from the other day, I chuckled and jostled him a little. "By the way... _Stargate Atlantis_?"

He looked at me with a puzzled expression, so I explained, "Your voice mail?"

He laughed, "Oh! Yeah, fucking love _Stargate_. All of them. _SG-1_, _Atlantis_, the movies. When Kate came across that voice mail file online, I just had to have it." He tilted his head a little as he continued, "What about you? Do you like _Stargate_?"

I nodded, grinning. "Yeah, though I've only seen the original movie and the _SG-1_ series. Never had the chance to sit down and watch _Atlantis_."

His eyes widened, and he gave me his crooked smile that made me want to do many, many naughty things to this man. None of which we had time for tonight.

"Wanna watch it with me?"

I frowned slightly. "Watch what with you? _Stargate Atlantis_? You own it?"

"Yep! I've got up to season four on DVD. Actually, just got four last week, so I haven't even had a chance to see it yet. Well, not on DVD anyway."

I thought about it for a moment. I enjoyed the original series a lot, so I figured I'd like this one, too. And it had the added benefit of being with Edward a little longer. I was reasonably certain that we'd be able to behave ourselves as long as we were paying attention to the screen.

"Sure. Sounds like fun."

He grinned, stepping back and smacking my ass lightly. "You go put in the disc; I'll get us drinks."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from moaning. I nodded and walked to the den where I remembered having seen the TV. I walked over to it, taking a moment to look around as I tried to figure out where he kept his movies.

I heard Edward call out from the kitchen, "The DVD's are behind the door of the entertainment center."

"Thanks!"

After some digging, I found the first season and had just put in the first disc when Edward walked in with a glass of sweet tea for both of us. I grabbed the remote and walked to the couch, settling in the corner of it. Edward sat down right next to me after putting our drinks on coasters. He pulled his legs up next to him, and I put my arm on the back of the couch so he could snuggle closer to me.

I handed him the remote, and he started the first episode. I found my attention somewhat divided between the episode and Edward. I loved the feeling of him next to me like this, and there were several times where I just couldn't resist placing a kiss in his hair or on his temple. Every time I did, he'd look at me with a warm smile, pecking my lips before turning his attention back to the screen.

After a couple of episodes, I started to yawn. Edward paused the DVD and turned to look at me. He cupped my cheek as he sighed softly. "Guess we'd better call it a night, Mr. Whitlock. Unless you want to reconsider calling in tomorrow?"

The look in his eyes was teasing, though also a little hopeful. I shook my head, placing my hand over his as I smiled. "Nice as that sounds, Dr. Masen, I'd better not."

He nodded, kissing me softly, and I let myself just enjoy the moment as I returned it. I tried to stifle another yawn but had to pull away and turn my head quickly, unable to do so. I muttered under my breath, "Damnit."

Edward chuckled as he placed his hand on my knee, setting his feet on the ground again and pushing himself upright. He held out his hand to me with a soft smile. "C'mon, it's time for bed. And if you don't leave right now, the bed you'll end up in will be mine, and you _won't_ be sleeping."

He gave a cocky grin at my soft moan. I grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull me up to my feet, immediately wrapping my arms around his waist as I gave a low growl. "You are evil; you know that?"

His eyes flashed as he pressed his lips to mine, whispering against them, "So I've been told."

I grumbled as I kissed him, "I gotta go..."

He sighed, nodding. Taking my hand in his, he lead me to the hallway. I sat on the bench, putting my shoes on. I didn't want to leave, but I also wasn't ready to stay, however tempting the idea was.

Just as I stood up, Edward's eyes widened. "Oh! I almost forgot to ask! Do you have any plans this Saturday? I'm having a small barbecue; Kate'll be there. I..." He paused, biting his lip briefly. "I was hoping maybe I could introduce you?"

He blushed, his eyes flickering between mine. He seemed insecure, and the vulnerability in his eyes pushed me to answer, "Sure, what time?"

I wasn't at all sure whether I was comfortable doing the whole let-me-introduce-you-to-my-friends thing yet, but I could not resist him. I didn't want to.

He smiled, relief obvious as he answered, "Oh, umm... four? We're probably going to end up watching a movie or playing a game or something. We usually do, anyway."

"Sounds like fun."

After a few more minutes of chit chat about the upcoming barbecue, I finally left. I had just gotten into my car when I remembered that I still hadn't gotten my ties - the very thing I had come over to get. I shook my head and chuckled as I got back out of the car and walked up to Edward's door.

I knocked, and not seconds later, Edward answered the door again with raised eyebrows and a crooked smile. "What, change your mind after all?"

I blushed slightly as I cleared my throat. "Err, no...my ties?"

"Oh!"

He laughed as he waved me back in. "Wait here, because I won't be held accountable if you follow me."

He gave me a wink before he turned and hurried up the stairs. He was back in a moment, holding my ties out to me. The smirk on his face made my heart flutter.

He chuckled softly. "You know what they say about leaving things behind; don't you, Mr. Whitlock?"

He closed the distance between us, and I saw the wicked gleam in his eyes as he placed his hands on my hips.

Looking into his eyes, I shook my head. "What's that?"

He leaned in, skimming my jaw with his nose until he reached my ear and whispered, "That it's your subconscious telling you that you want to come back to the place you left it, or rather, the person you left it with."

He placed a soft kiss right under my ear, and I moaned softly. "They do, huh..."

"Mhmm."

I cleared my throat and pulled away. "Well, coming back would mean leaving in the first place, so..."

His face fell slightly. I had the feeling he didn't want the night to end anymore than I did.

"See you Saturday?"

With one last kiss and a confirmation that yes, I would be coming to the barbecue, I left.

The next two days went by without much distinction. Work was just busy enough to keep me from going stir crazy, especially since Mike was trying to set up a meeting with a new company he hoped to get a contract from. If he was successful in setting up the meeting, it would mean that we would be traveling to Portland in early September.

On Thursday after work, I watched the Sox game. I was half-tempted to call Edward so we could watch it together like we had last time but decided against it.

On Friday, I worked on some drawings, finally able to put something on paper that _wasn't_ just Edward. It almost felt as if he had somehow released something in me now that we had finally gotten past the whole 'is he, isn't he' phase.

Saturday morning I woke to the phone ringing. Judging from the ringtone, I knew it was my mom. I sat up in bed, running my fingers through my hair as I answered groggily, "Mornin' Mama. How are you?"

I smiled, leaning my head back against the headboard as she gave a quiet laugh.

_"I'm sorry, Son. I woke you up; didn't I?"_

"'s Okay, Mama, don't worry about it."

_"I'm alright, just wanted to check in with you and see how you were doing. Been too long since we talked. I miss my boy." _

I sighed softly, scrubbing my face lightly in an effort to fully wake up.

"I know; I'm sorry. I miss you, too, Mama. Daddy, too."

We sat and talked for about an hour, just catching up on life on the ranch and here with Emily. I told Mama about Emily's new love interest, assuring her that I would meet the guy soon. As much as Mama was protective of me, she was like a lioness when it came to her only daughter. The only reason she had allowed Emily to move as far away as she did was because I would be in the same city.

I hung up after promising I'd call home soon, and that I would get Emily to do the same. I knew Mama wanted us to come and visit more often, and I vowed to myself to try and get there before the holidays. Maybe, if I was lucky, I could schedule a business trip in the area as well.

Settling back down, I put my hands behind my head and just let my mind wander. I was both looking forward to and dreading going to the barbecue later. I was kicking myself for agreeing to go because, if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that I had wanted to please Edward.

I scrubbed my face, muttering to myself, "Fuck...don't fucking fall into that pattern again, Whitlock."

I thought back to the last time I'd set aside my own needs, and how it had backfired on me when nothing I did ended up being good enough. I started to get a sinking feeling in my stomach, and I had a hard time shaking it.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I closed my eyes, reminding myself that Edward was not Paul, and I had no evidence that he was anything like him. 

_Yet,_ my mind quietly, traitorously, added.

Glancing at the clock, I decided to just get up and get ready. I had time enough to go for a run, so I put on my gear, grabbed my keys, wallet, iPod, and phone, and headed out the door.

An hour later, I was tired, sweaty, and the feeling of dread had all but disappeared. After a nice, long shower I felt even better. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I looked in the mirror, contemplating whether or not I needed to shave. Part of me said, "To hell with it," while another part wanted to make a good impression on Edward's friend.

The latter part won out, and after I got done shaving, I was faced with the dilemma of what to wear. _Fucking hell, this is worse than dressing for our date!_ I stood facing my wardrobe, my fingers knotted in my hair as I tried to figure out what to wear. It was a barbecue, so things were probably going to get messy, which meant ties were out.

With a huff, I grabbed my faded blue jeans, my horseshoe belt, and after some debate, I opted for my blue _"_Yank These_"_ shirt, figuring Edward would get a kick out of it at least. I automatically went to my dresser to grab a pair of underwear but decided against it. I smirked as I realized that maybe he would take my belt as the invitation it meant, and I suddenly didn't want to have the extra barrier.

After making myself a sandwich for lunch, I sat down to do some more sketching, hoping that it would relax me enough before heading out. As I continued working on the sketch I had started earlier in the week - a landscape of one of my favorite spots back on the ranch - I found myself wondering what Edward would make of the fact that I had so obsessively drawn him over the last several weeks.

Since I never threw away my sketchbooks, there was evidence enough of just how much he had been on my mind. I was torn between some day showing him and hiding them from him. For now, I pushed the thought aside as my alarm went off, signaling it was time to leave.

I decided that, since I didn't have to bring anything, I'd go on my motorcycle and enjoy the ride. It always relaxed me, and I had the feeling I would need all the help I could get today. When I got to Edward's house, I sat on my bike for a minute before heading up the sidewalk.

When I finally got up the nerve to walk up and knock on the door, I was greeted not by Edward, but by a young woman. She was perhaps a little shorter than Emily, and her long gold-blond hair was tied back in a loose ponytail. Her blue eyes twinkled as she smiled warmly up at me, holding out her hand.

"Hi! You must be Jasper. I'm Kate; it's nice to meet you."

I gave her a crooked grin as I took her hand in mine, lifting it to my lips and kissing it lightly. "Pleasure's mine, Kate."

Her eyes danced as she stifled a giggle. "Come on in; Edward's out back already tending the grill. Why don't you just go straight through? I need to go grab something from the kitchen."

I raised an eyebrow. "Need any help?"

She waved me off and started walking to the kitchen. "Thanks, but I got it."

I took off my boots, putting them by the bench as I had done last time before hanging up my jacket and my helmet. _Well, that seemed to go okay..._

With a sigh, I headed out back as Kate had told me to. I ran my fingers through my hair nervously, trying to shake the feeling of unease that kept wanting to settle in today.

As I got to the patio door, I stopped dead in my tracks. Edward was standing with his back to the door, tending the grill, and next to him was none other than Little Caesar. He was leaning into Edward, whispering something in his ear that made Edward laugh. They looked very cozy, intimate almost.

I felt like my heart had just plunged into my stomach, especially when Little Caesar placed his hand on Edward's shoulder, whispering some more._ Fuck..._

This time, Edward tilted his head slightly so he could whisper something in Little Caesar's ear. Neither man had seen me yet, and right as I was ready to bolt, Kate's teasing voice rang from behind me.

"Are you going to just stand there, Jasper, or are you going to let me through and join the party?"

Edward and Little Caesar both turned around at the sound of Kate's voice, Little Caesar with a look of interest. Edward's face fell when he saw me, though, and that was enough for me. I turned on my heel and stalked past Kate - who had a bewildered look on her face - to the front door. Edward called after me, but I ignored him.

I had just shoved my feet into my boots and snatched down my jacket and helmet when Edward caught up with me. He grabbed my shoulder when I continued to move to the door, swinging me around to face him.

"God damn it, Jasper, will you wait! What the hell was all that?"

I scowled at him, my jaw clenching as I tried to talk. When I couldn't put voice to the turmoil inside at having seen him cozy up with another guy, I looked away.

When I tried to turn around so I could just leave, he pushed me against the wall, putting a hand on either side of my shoulders, caging me in. I glared at him. I didn't want to hang around. I just wanted to go home.

"Damn it, Jasper, would you _please _tell me what's wrong?"

I growled in frustration, "Why don't you go back to Little Caesar out there? You two looked awfully cozy. I _don't_ play second fiddle."

Edward's eyes widened, his mouth ajar as he processed my words. He shook his head briefly, his eyes tightening and his voice lowering to a near growl of his own.

"What? Did you really think I'd invite you and another guy here? For what? To see which one I liked more? In case you didn't get it, _my _lips around _your _dick was my way of saying I fucking like _you_."

My own eyes tightened at his words. I wanted to believe him, but my heart and my head were far from agreeing at that point. Part of me still wanted to run. Something of that must have shown on my face, though, because Edward sighed as he lowered his head against my shoulder.

"Damn it, Jasper, please. Will you just listen to me? Please?"

He raised his head, his eyes beseeching me to comply. He pushed away from the wall, holding out his hand but giving me enough space to leave if I wanted to. With a sigh, I pushed past him and headed to the den where I took a seat on the wingback chair. The couch felt too intimate, especially after what had happened there.

I put my helmet on my lap and gave Edward a pointed look. He sighed as he pulled an ottoman in front of me. He sat down on it, looking at me. His voice was pained as he asked, "What on earth made you think that I was interested in Garrett?"

I frowned as I closed my eyes; it was easier saying this without looking at him. "When I was here for the shoot, you kept going back to his pictures. They all looked so intimate, and the way you kept phasing out whenever his picture was out..."

He finished my sentence, his voice so low it was almost a whisper, "You thought that he and I were together?"

I nodded, my eyes still closed. I didn't want to see a confirmation of that thought, despite his earlier denial.

I heard him sigh as he moved. I felt the helmet being taken from my lap and heard the soft thud as it was placed on the coffee table. I kept my eyes closed, my frown deepening as I felt him take both my hands in his. He gently rubbed circles on the backs of my hands with his thumbs, and his voice was soft and gentle when he spoke.

"Jasper, Garrett is straight. Even if I were interested in him - which I most decidedly am _not_," he gave my hands a soft squeeze when he said that, "he wouldn't be possible for me. I invited him because Kate's got a thing for him, and I think he has a crush on her, too. I'm just trying to help my friend, Jazz. That's all."

I opened my eyes, giving him a skeptical look as I wondered what his actions at the shoot had been about. As if hearing my un-spoken question, he continued, his signature crooked grin playing on his lips as he spoke.

"I can honestly say that the _only _person on my mind during your shoot was _you_, Jazz. I kept fantasizing about _you_."

The sincere look in his eyes and the tone of his voice as well as the gentle touch of his hands finally allowed me to push aside my fears. At least for the time being. I felt the grin form on my lips as I quirked a brow and asked, "You were fantasizing about me?"

Edward blushed and nodded. He let go of one of my hands so he could run it through his hair. His eyes flickered around the room before coming back to rest on mine.

"Yeah, I was. You made life very hard for me..." He muttered under his breath, "Life wasn't the only thing that got hard..."

I chuckled as I tugged his hand, urging him to come closer. He grinned slightly as he stood up and put his legs on either side of my legs, kneeling down so he was semi-seated on my lap.

I put one hand on his hip, while I pulled his face closer to mine with the other by placing it in the back of his neck. I murmured against his lips, "What kind of fantasies?"

He groaned softly as he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "I really don't think that this is the time or place to be discussing that...Besides, I've already shown you one of them."

His eyes flickered to the couch briefly before he looked back at me with a sly grin. I moaned as I remembered the night of our date and muttered, "Goddamn..."

He placed his hand on my cheek as he gazed into my eyes, his voice soft and sounding somewhat insecure as he spoke, "Are we okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, we're fine. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions like that."

He smiled softly, caressing my cheek affectionately. "It's okay. Just please, talk to me next time? Don't just run off if you're worried about something? I don't know what ghosts you have, baby, but I can assure you that I would never do something like that. Okay?"

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I nodded. He leaned in, kissing me tenderly as I wrapped my arms around his waist, returning his kiss leisurely. After a minute, I could hear footsteps approaching and someone clearing their throat lightly.

"Err, Edward? Sorry to interrupt, but the meat's ready...and your phone was ringing, so I answered it. Esme wants to talk to you."

Edward pulled away with a soft sigh, the backs of his fingers lingering against my cheek before he got up and walked to Kate who was holding out his phone to him with an apologetic smile.

I heard him mutter, "Thanks, Kate."

She nodded as she put her hand on his arm, whispering too quietly for me to hear. He nodded in answer before turning to me. "You're staying?"

I tilted my head, looking from one to the other before nodding. "If I'm still welcome, then yes, I'd like to stay."

I saw Kate's eyes flicker to Edward's. Something passed between them, though I wasn't sure what. Kate turned to me and smiled - though not quite as warmly as she had when she had first opened the door. She was guarded now and worried for her friend, and that was something I could respect, but it saddened me a little to know that her opinion of me would be tarnished.

Her voice betrayed no ill feelings, though, as she said, "Of course you're still welcome. Come on; let's head out back. I believe there's some sweet tea with your name on it."

I got up and grabbed my helmet, following Kate out into the hallway. When I passed Edward, he smiled and mouthed, "Thank you." I nodded, smiling as I went to put my things away again.

Kate waited for me by the patio door, and I smiled tentatively at her as I passed her. I could only hope that my actions hadn't ruined the night for everyone. She grinned as she headed to the table and poured a glass of sweet tea, handing it to me.

I accepted the drink with a soft, "Thank you," and Kate gave a sharp nod, silently letting me know everything was okay. For now, at least.

I took a seat as Kate walked over to Garrett and chatted softly with him. I watched them for a while as I went over what Edward had told me. Looking at them, I could see that he was right in his assumption that they were attracted to each other. Now that my own demons weren't clouding my judgment, it was plain as day that Garrett had eyes for one person and one person only: Kate.

Edward came out a few minutes later, muttering an apology for the interruption of the phone call. He walked up to me and grabbed my glass out of my hands, taking a quick sip as he winked at me.

I scowled at him as I grumbled, "Hey, get your own glass!"

He chuckled as he went to top off my tea and handed the glass back to me. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, his lips brushing lightly against it, "Baby, I would think that you'd have no problem with my drinking from the same glass as you, when you've kissed me after I swallowed."

The memory of that night and the feeling of Edward's lips wrapped around me came rushing back, and I shuddered, both at his words and the feel of his breath fanning across my skin. I muttered a soft, "Fuck," causing him to chuckle. He pressed his lips against the pulse point on my neck before straightening up and walking to the grill.

Edward grabbed a couple of dishes, giving one to Kate who held it out to Garrett so he could put something in it. From where I was sitting, I couldn't tell what it was, but as soon as he was done, Kate walked to the table and put it down, showing me a dish full of potatoes and mushrooms.

Shortly after, Edward placed another dish with grilled asparagus and a platter of burgers on the table. Kate had disappeared again, returning with a huge bowl of salad. It all looked and smelled amazing, and I found my mouth watering at the spread before me.

Garrett, Kate, and Edward all took their seats at the table. Edward sat opposite me and smiled at me. He looked truly happy that I had decided to stay, and in truth, so was I.

We chatted for a bit as we ate, conversation mostly covering the work Kate and Edward had done. When the topic got to Edward's book he flashed his eyes to mine, blushing slightly, undoubtedly remembering everything that had happened both that day and afterward.

Garrett turned to look at me with a smile as he said, "Yeah man, Edward showed me some of the pictures from your shoot. They're pretty great. You've got a knack for modeling. If you ever get tired of your day job, you might want to consider it."

I choked slightly as I started laughing. Unfortunately, I had just taken a bite of potato when I did, so after a few minutes of trying to regain my composure and _breathe_, I looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Err, thanks. I'll keep it in mind."

I glanced over at Edward, and the look in his eyes was one of both amusement and worry. I just rolled my eyes at him, and he winked, grinning.

Trying to change the subject, I raised an eyebrow as I asked Edward, "What kind of burgers are these? They're good. All of the food is, actually."

His grin widened as he answered, "Buffalo again. And thank you, I'm glad you like it."

Kate glanced from Edward to me with a sly grin. "Yeah, our Edward knows how to keep a person well...fed..."

My eyes flickered from her to Edward, who was blushing a bright crimson as he hissed, "Kate, please!"

I chuckled, resting my elbows on the edge of the table as I leaned forward. "Yeah, he sure does."

He looked at me with widened eyes, his mouth opening and closing as if he was trying to think of something to say before snapping it shut with a muttered, "Goddamn..."

Kate started laughing, patting him lightly on the arm, and I joined in with her laughter. Garrett just watched everything with quiet amusement written on his face.

Once we were done with the main course, I helped Edward take everything inside. He set about making some whipped cream, and I had to stifle a groan at the thought of all the fun we could have with that if we were alone. Edward glanced over at me with a sly grin on his face. His voice was barely audible over the noise of the mixer.

"Don't even fucking start. I can tell what you're thinking from here."

I stepped up behind him, careful not to startle him as I slipped my arms around his waist, nuzzling his neck as I murmured, "I'll behave. For now."

I pressed into him as I nipped at his skin, causing him to groan, "Fucking hell, Jazz..."

He stopped the mixer, putting it aside before scraping off the whipped cream that was left on the beater. He lifted his finger to his mouth, but I grabbed his wrist, diverting it to my own, wrapping my lips around it as I sucked gently. I kept my eyes on his and watched with satisfaction as his eyes darkened.

I slowly released his finger from my mouth, humming in appreciation. "Mmm, tastes good."

He stepped away from me and swallowed hard a few times before he managed to croak out, "Jesus..."

I quirked a brow, grinning at him. "So what's for dessert?"

He blinked. "Oh...err..right...dessert, yeah."

He opened the fridge and took out a bowl of diced fruit. There were strawberries, melons, grapes, bananas, and blackberries, and it looked delicious. He handed the bowl to me and told me to go on out to the table with it. When I got to the patio, Kate shot me a questioning look, but I just shrugged and took my seat after putting the bowl on the table.

He followed not long after, carrying the whipped cream and utensils. I decided to play nice after my little stunt in the kitchen, and aside from the occasional glance from Edward, the rest of the time went smoothly. We sat and chatted for a while after we were done eating before finally deciding it was time to put things away and clean up.

After the leftovers had been wrapped and the last of the dishes had made it into the dishwasher, Edward turned to Kate with a grin. "So, Ms. Denali, what did you have planned for us this evening?"

"Your choice - we can play a game or watch a movie." Kate's eyes were bright, and I saw the way she was standing only inches away from Garrett. She shot Edward a pointed glance, but his green eyes were mischievous as he tried to look at me innocently.

"Jazz? That game sounds kinda fun. What do you think?"

I rolled my eyes. _He's such a fucking ass._

_And I kinda love it._

But I wasn't going to do that to Kate, who quite obviously wanted an excuse to sit close to Garrett. Besides, she was Edward's best friend - couldn't hurt to get on her good side. "I think I feel more like a movie actually. Do you mind?"

Edward gave me a genuine smile as he winked. "If that's what you want..." He tried to sound put out, and I just shook my head, chuckling.

We all headed for the den, where Edward pulled me down on the couch. Kate glared at him as she went to go sit on the loveseat, but her expression softened and she smiled when Garrett went to sit beside her. I caught the smirk Edward tried to hide when he said, "So what movie, Katie-bug?"

She grinned and hopped up off the loveseat, going out into the hallway. There was a rattling sound and then a thud as she dropped something, muttering, "Motherfucker!" under her breath.

_Well, I can see why the two of them are friends..._

When she came back into the room, she went straight to the TV and knelt down, opening up a DVD case and putting the disc into the player.

"What is it?" Edward asked, frowning as he sat up straighter.

"_Definitely, Maybe,"_ Kate answered matter-of-factly.

"God damn it," he swore under his breath. "Hey, I changed my mind. Let's play the game instead?"

"Not a chance." Kate's voice was smug. "You said you'd see it with me in the theater and never did. Time to pay up."

Edward sighed and muttered as he sat back against the back of the couch, putting his arm around my shoulders. I shifted into him, a grin on my face as I murmured, "What the hell is going on?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and leaned toward me, his lips brushing my ear as he whispered, "Nothing, really. Kate tried to drag me to see it half a dozen times, but something was always going on. She thinks I'm adamant about not watching it, and she's determined to make me." I could heard the amusement in his voice.

I turned to him, keeping my voice barely audible as I whispered in his ear, "So you don't really care?"

"Nope." He kissed just beneath my ear and then ran his tongue along my earlobe. "If nothing else, it's watching Ryan Reynolds for a couple of hours."

When he pulled away, he was wearing a shit-eating grin that made my eyes narrow. He laughed at me, pulling me close and kissing me until my frown faded into a lopsided grin. The music for the menu was playing, and I ran my fingers through my hair, glancing over to find Kate with the remote in her hand. She started the movie, and we all settled back to watch.

We'd spent most of the day outside, where the temperature had been in the 80s, so throughout the day, Edward had lowered the air conditioning so we'd be comfortable as we came in and out. Once we'd settled in to watch the movie, though, the sun set and the temperature began to drop. Not long after Ryan Reynolds began telling his daughter his story, Edward reached over, grabbing an afghan off the armchair and spreading it over his lap. He held a corner up and looked at me questioningly, making me smile as I nodded and settled beneath the blanket with him.

His thigh was warm pressed against mine, as was his hand resting on my knee. I tried to focus on the movie - and glance surreptitiously at Edward to see his reaction to Ryan - but his hand began sliding up my thigh, distracting me. At first, I thought it was accidental. Just him getting more comfortable as he settled in.

Right up until his little finger dipped down between my thighs, brushing my crotch. I inhaled sharply and sat up a little straighter, catching his crooked grin out of the corner of my eye. He seemed to be completely absorbed in the movie, but he began lightly stroking along my balls, tracing idle patterns as he struggled to keep a neutral expression.

I could feel myself responding, growing harder, and I reached down to pull his hand away, lacing my fingers through his. The pout on his face made me frown in response, but the movie hadn't been on long...and his best friend was sitting just a few feet away...not to mention Little Caesar...

...and I wasn't sure if I could trust myself not to attack him right there in spite of all those things.

I squeezed his hand, trying to let him know I was completely okay with it - _more_ than okay with it, really - but that I wasn't sure this was the right time or place. When he didn't respond, I tilted my head toward him, nibbling his earlobe as I breathed, "Later...promise." His eyes darkened as he nodded, still focused on the screen. I frowned slightly, worried that he was actually upset, but he smiled and squeezed my hand, nodding again. He relaxed against me, his thumb occasionally rubbing the hand he was holding, and he really did seem to be enjoying the movie.

I was glad one of us was...because after he put the thought in my head, I sure as _fuck_ was having a hard time paying attention to anything other than fantasies of his mouth enveloping my cock, his long fingers wrapped around my shaft, my hands tangled in his soft hair.

I rolled my eyes as I realized that - without him even touching me this time - I was hardening and couldn't stop it. I shifted, using my free hand to pull at my jeans and try to get more room, but I was having no luck. I started noticing all the little seductive gestures he was innocently making. His tongue licked slowly along his lips, and I wanted that tongue on _my_ lips. His lips pursed as he looked at the screen thoughtfully, making me want to pull him close and kiss him until he couldn't take it anymore. The sound of his laughter and his husky voice when he spoke to Kate were intoxicating.

_God damn it._

Without even trying, he'd made it so I couldn't wait until this damn movie was over and the others went home so I could do...whatever he'd let me do. I found myself biting the inside of my cheek and alternately clenching and relaxing my fist to keep from acting on my impulses.

About an hour into the movie, Kate paused it and stood up, stretching. "I'm going to grab something to drink. Anyone want anything?"

"I'll help you, Katie-bug." Edward tossed aside the afghan, but I held onto it, so it ended up all piled into my lap. I told Edward just to get me whatever he was having, and I was fighting to keep the blush off my cheeks as I realized just exactly how hard I was. It was becoming painful, and there was no way in _hell_ I was going to stand up right then. He smiled at me, running his fingers through my hair before he and Kate left the room.

Thankfully, Garrett decided to use the restroom, so I was left alone with my not-so-little problem. As soon as the room was empty, I stood up, adjusting the waist of my jeans and pulling at the material along my thighs, trying to get a little more comfortable. I considered unfastening my pants, but I wasn't sure if Edward would take that as an invitation - and I wasn't sure I'd stop him if he did.

Hearing footsteps in the hall, I sat back down on the couch and pulled the afghan into my lap again, rolling my eyes as I tried to form a natural-looking ripple that would disguise my situation. They all three came in at the same time, and I took a sip of the beer Edward handed me as he sat down beside me. He settled beneath the blanket with me, but I was a little disappointed when he kept his hands to himself. I was reaching the point where I _needed_ his hands on me.

I leaned forward, putting my bottle on the coffee table, and when I moved back beside Edward, I didn't even pretend. My hand immediately palmed his crotch, and I was both surprised and incredibly fucking excited to find he was already semi-hard. I couldn't resist, so I leaned over, my voice as low as possible when I murmured, "That for me or Ryan there?"

He jerked forward slightly, covering by reaching for his beer as his eyes widened. He took a long pull from his bottle while I began rubbing him slowly but deliberately. I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed, and then he put his bottle down. He ran his fingers through his hair, and I saw him glance over at Kate and Garrett, who were completely absorbed in the movie, before he kissed my jaw and whispered, "Always for you. You have no idea how much I fucking want you."

As he spoke, his hand slid back up my thigh, and he began rubbing me, gently at first before he increased his pressure so much that I had to control my hips so they wouldn't rise to join him. As it was, my head fell back against the couch, and it was becoming a struggle to pretend to watch the movie. Edward let up finally, and I took a shaky breath as we found a slower, more playful rhythm together.

Throughout the rest of the movie, we teased and taunted, rubbing gently and slowly before we'd speed up. I had no fucking clue what was happening in the movie anymore - it was a confusing mix of women and a story that was making less and less sense, but I kept my eyes forward, doing everything I could to keep up appearances. Edward's cock was rock hard beneath my hand, and every few seconds, I had to swallow the saliva pooling in my mouth at the thought of tasting him.

The ending credits took me by complete surprise, and I blinked vacantly when Kate turned on a lamp and yawned, stretching and arching her back. I caught the way Garrett watched her - clearly, it wouldn't be long before those two were together. I was just getting to know them both, but they just seemed to fit. I hoped things turned out well for them.

I realized a split second before it happened that Edward was about to pull the blanket off again, so I reached down, tucking the head of my cock behind my waistband. It would be painfully obvious to anyone who even glanced there, but I was relatively sure that Edward would be the only one interested enough to look.

_He better be fucking interested. I _need_ him right now._

I could feel my head throbbing where it was trapped between my belt and my belly, and it was a relief to stand up. I couldn't stop myself from glancing down at Edward, and I stifled a groan behind a horribly theatrical yawn when I saw the prominent bulge waiting there for me. Edward smirked as he ran his fingers through his hair and turned to lead the way to the front door, being good-natured about Kate's teasing when he said he enjoyed the movie. I felt the heat on my cheeks - I knew exactly why Edward had enjoyed the movie so much, and hearing him gush about it was making me want to both burst out laughing and tackle him right there in the hallway.

It seemed to take forever for them to get ready to go. Kate stopped and put on her shoes, and then Garrett went back into the kitchen to grab the leftovers Kate was taking home. The whole time, she was taunting Edward, asking him about different parts of the movie, and I was amazed that he could answer her questions so coherently.

"So when did you know which one he was going to end up with?" She glanced up as she reached down to tie her shoe. Her hair fell into her eyes, and Edward brushed it back with a grin as he answered.

"The first time they kissed is when I was sure." He shrugged nonchalantly, and Kate narrowed her eyes in response.

She opened her mouth to say something, but it was drowned out as Garrett called from the kitchen, "Katie? Which one of these did you want?"

Her cheeks reddened, and she gave something close to a giggle when Edward murmured, "Katie, huh?" and winked at her.

"Shut up!" she muttered, hitting him on the stomach with the back of her hand as she brushed her hair back and walked toward the kitchen.

As soon as we were alone, I arched an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest, looking at Edward pointedly.

"What?" His confusion was evident in his voice as he reached out, hooking his fingers in my belt loops.

I let him pull me to him before I lowered my voice to answer. "Just a little insulted that you were able to pay attention..." I trailed off, debating, but finally just said it. "Because I sure as hell have no idea what happened in that damn movie."

His eyes danced as he laughed softly and kissed me deeply. When he pulled back, he whispered, "Are you kidding? I was barely aware the fucking movie was _playing_. You're a very naughty man, Mr. Whitlock..."

"Then how...?"

He snickered and winked at me. "I watched it a few weeks ago, but I didn't tell Kate because it's too much fun to give her shit. I couldn't remember that redhead's name to save my life, though, so I'm glad she didn't ask that."

We were still laughing together when Kate and Garrett walked back into the hall. They were holding hands, and Edward and I glanced at each other wide-eyed before he shrugged and opened the door with a grin. I tried not to be rude as we all said our goodbyes, but I really just wanted them to get the fuck out so we could finish what we'd started.

When Edward leaned down to hug Kate, she held him close for a minute, and I saw the way his cheeks turned pink while he stared ahead as she obviously whispered something to him. He cut his eyes around at me, and his blush deepened, making me frown. He straightened with a shrug and a laugh, and she pinched him hard, rolling her eyes. He came to stand beside me, and I looked at him curiously.

He leaned closer and muttered, "She caught us," with a shrug and his crooked grin.

"Oh." I felt my own blush, but I couldn't help but laugh, shrugging with him as we all walked out together. We stopped just outside the door while they walked down the steps, turning back to wave at us as they called out their final goodbyes.

We waved to them from the stoop, but as soon as they turned their attention to each other while Garrett helped Kate into her car, Edward pulled me back inside.

_Alone, thank God._

_Fucking _finally_._

He kissed all along my neck as he reached out, fumbling with the lock blindly while my hands gripped his hips. His lips met mine just as the lock finally clicked, and then I was pushing him, kissing him feverishly as we stumbled toward the den.

Just inside the doorway, hopefully away from prying eyes - though I wasn't all that concerned, to be honest - I pressed Edward against the wall, our bodies hard and wanting as we ground against each other, beyond aroused by all our teasing under the blanket. We were both breathing hard, nearly panting, and his warm breath washing over my face spurred me on. His hands were all over, roaming eagerly from my shoulders to my ass, and when he finally palmed my hard-on, my head fell back, my lips parting as I rocked my hips into his hand.

"God damn..." I heard him murmur, and I lifted my head, opening my eyes to find him watching me. "You're fucking beauti-"

I didn't even let him finish, crashing my lips to his as my hands began unbuttoning his jeans. He inhaled sharply, and suddenly his hands were at my waist as well. We were a blur of rubbing palms and somehow nimble fingers that soon left us standing with our pants unfastened. I pushed his over his hips and smiled when I realized that, once again, he wasn't wearing underwear.

I couldn't wait to touch him, so I wrapped my fingers around his hard shaft and groaned when I felt him twitch in my palm. He was kissing me hungrily, and his nails scraped my hips as he pushed my pants down. I felt him smirk against my lips, and I grinned in response.

He pulled away just far enough to murmur, "No boxers?"

"Learned it from you," I answered breathlessly and then shivered as his hot hand wrapped around my aching cock. Stroking him slowly, I used my other hand to pull his face to mine again, needing to taste him and feel his lips and his tongue tangling with mine. His thumb slipped across my head, spreading the pre-cum there, and I moaned softly at the slick sensation.

I wanted him to feel that, too, so I broke away from our kiss for just a moment, long enough to hear his plaintive whimper when my hand left him. I spat into my hand, letting saliva drip into my palm before I wrapped it back around Edward's cock.

"Fuck!" He hissed, and I smiled, kissing his neck and biting at the join of his shoulder as I stroked him.

His hand slipped away, and then it was back, a heaven of warm wetness that tightened with just the right amount of pressure. It was my turn to curse as my hips pumped automatically, seeking that exquisite friction he was creating. We were frenzied - kissing and thrusting and squeezing as we built quickly toward our releases. I loved the feeling of Edward's knuckles brushing against my abdomen as he moved, and something was building in me...something primal that made me want to bite. Mark. Claim.

My hand slowed slightly at the unexpected urge, but my dormant feral nature surged again when Edward growled, "Don't...don't fucking stop. _Please_."

The longing and desperation in his voice found its way to my hand, which sped along his shaft, and to my dick, which thrust insistently into his hand, propelled by my quivering hips. "Fuck..." I broke off with a groan. "Yes...yes..."

My words were incoherent and unintelligible, nothing but sounds of desire that mingled with his. I felt my entire body tighten, tension running down my spine and through my hips as Edward's cock began to throb in my hand. I quickly moved my other hand over his head as I curved forward, my body wracked with waves of ecstasy as I felt my release spill into his waiting hand.

I don't know how I kept moving...or standing, for that matter...and I lost long moments in blissful unawareness. I first became conscious of a tingling in my toes and fingers that slowly spread up my body. Gradually, feeling returned to my torso and then thoughts to my mind, and the first sight that greeted me was Edward's hand wrapped around my dick as his other hand was turned palm-up, filled with pearly liquid. My jeans were bunched around my knees, and my legs were shaking, and I just couldn't help it.

I laughed. It was just a snicker at first, but as Edward's laughter joined mine, I leaned toward him, resting my forehead on his shoulder. I felt the comfortable weight of his head on my shoulder, and we stood there, our heads jostled as our shoulders shook while we laughed together.

Finally, Edward lifted his head and kissed my cheek softly. I raised my head to look at him. He was grinning back at me impishly, a look of pure happiness - and a little bit of mischief - in his eyes. I shook my head, kissing him fully. His hand released me, and he started to lift it before he snickered against my lips.

"Yeah, probably better to clean up first, hmm?" I teased.

He pulled back and nodded before he reached down and held onto the top of his jeans, careful not to make a bigger mess. The sight of him waddling around me and peering out of the den toward the front door was classic, and I couldn't stop laughing. He glanced over his shoulder and grinned, shaking his head. "Come on."

I followed him down the hallway, my legs spread wide as I tried to keep my own jeans from falling to the floor. I was chuckling at the way his t-shirt stopped halfway down his ass. A wide expanse of thigh was visible, bounded by the top of his jeans just above his knees, and I gave up even trying to stop laughing when he kept looking back at me, nearly giggling. I'd never seen him quite so giddy, and something about the whole experience felt very innocent - despite the fact that we'd just jacked each other off against a wall.

He led me to the bathroom and turned the water on with the back of his hand. He ran his fingers under the flow a few times, and then gave me a soft smile as he said, "Go ahead, Jazz."

I washed my hands and was drying them when I felt something cold drip onto my thigh. "Shit!" I muttered, but before I could even begin to clean it up, Edward was handing me a wet wash cloth. "Thanks..." I gave him a small smile, biting the inside of my cheek as I cleaned myself.

When I finished, I rinsed the cloth beneath the faucet and wrung it out, handing it to Edward before I dried my hands again and zipped myself up. I moved to the side and leaned against the counter, watching his face as he wiped up his own mess and washed his hands. As he looked down, his brow furrowed and he pursed his lips a bit, concentrating as he cleaned himself meticulously. There was something fascinating about the intent look on his face, and I was watching him with a fond smile when he finally rinsed the cloth again and hung it over the faucet.

He buttoned his jeans and looked up, running his fingers through his hair. His lips quirked into that crooked grin as he said, "What?"

I shook my head, shrugging, and pulled him closer by his belt loops. His smile softened as he accepted the silent invitation, kissing me gently as he wrapped his arms around my waist. We stood there for quite some time with me resting against the counter while he stood between my parted legs, our lips moving slowly together. Finally he pulled away, clearing his throat.

"So..." He winked and chuckled. "More _Stargate_?"

I thought for a moment, wondering if I should just go home and get some sleep, but I didn't want to. At all. So I nodded, smiling as I took his offered hand. He flipped off the light as we left the bathroom, but instead of leading me to the den, we walked into the kitchen.

"Need ice cream," he answered my unasked question as he looked inside the freezer. He was mumbling to himself, saying something I couldn't quite catch before he raised his voice and looked over at me. "Dublin Mudslide or Coffee Heath Bar Crunch?"

"Heath," I said immediately. "Fucking love toffee."

From his grin, I could tell that, this time, I'd answered one of his silent questions. He pulled a container from the freezer and nodded. "Coffee Heath Bar Crunch it is..."

Opening the drawer closest to his dishwasher, he took out two spoons and handed them both to me before taking my hand again.

It felt natural walking down the hallway with him, holding his hand as we went to veg on the couch and eat ice cream and watch reruns together. I couldn't decide how I felt about that, so I decided to just...let it go. Just enjoy it for the moment and worry about figuring it all out later.

I sat down on one end of the couch, and he handed me the ice cream before going to his DVD racks. He pulled out the _Stargate Atlantis_ disc and slipped it into the player, grabbing the remote control on his way to the couch. He sat right beside me, leaning against my side as I put my arm around his shoulders. He took the carton from me and balanced it between our legs before taking his first spoonful. I watched him from the corner of my eye, smiling at the way he turned his spoon upside down and licked it clean.

_Too fucking cute._

His eyes were trained on the screen, already absorbed in the episode where we'd left off, and I did my best to quash that little voice that kept whispering Paul's name in a panic.

_He's. Not. Goddamn. Paul._

As if to prove it to myself, I took a bite of ice cream, my lips curving into a smile as I thought about the fact that Edward had let _me_ choose. I'd had a say in everything we'd done so far. The fingers of my right hand trailed along his biceps, and he glanced over at me, smiling before kissing me once. He focused back on the screen immediately, but I didn't feel dismissed or ignored. It wasn't some grandiose realization, some absolute truth that I could place all my faith in, but it was comforting.

And that was enough for now.

In truth, it was all I was ready for.

Midway through the episode, we were finishing the ice cream when Edward shivered. I rubbed his arm and glanced over at him, grinning as I arched an eyebrow. "Need a blanket?"

He laughed and said, "Maybe," winking as he reached over his shoulder, pulling down the afghan we'd used earlier. I felt my cheeks heat as I thought about being under it with him again, and I was almost relieved when he stretched out on the couch and rested his head on my thigh. He spread the blanket out over him and glanced up, whispering, "Do you mind?"

Smiling, I shook my head, my fingers automatically playing with his hair. He gave a lazy smile and put his hand on my knee, turning his face to the TV again. We spent the rest of the night just hanging out. We watched a few episodes of _Stargate Atlantis_ before we turned it off, and Edward put on quiet music, pouring each of us a glass of wine as we sat on the couch and just...talked. About anything and everything. We shared more stories of our families, and he told me about meeting Kate in a photography class in college. I told him about the company I'd formed with Ben, Mike, and Eric, and he seemed incredibly impressed. I had to admit that our software firm was my pride and joy, and it felt good to have him asking questions and listening so carefully to my answers.

The night seemed to pass too quickly, and before I knew it, Edward was walking me out. At the door, he helped me with my jacket, grinning wickedly as he zipped it up this time. Those damnable fingers trailed up to my ear again, but now, his lips followed. He kissed just beneath my ear, his tongue teasing the sensitive skin there before he nibbled my earlobe and pulled me to him a little roughly.

My eyes were closed, my bottom lip between my teeth as I sighed softly. "You never get enough, do you?" I murmured teasingly.

He chuckled and shook his head before burying his face in the crook of my shoulder and inhaling deeply. "I'm fucking insatiable with you..."

I shivered, my arms tightening around him. "God damn, Edward..."

I felt his cheeks lift as he smiled against my skin before placing one last kiss on my neck. He stood up straight then, laughing softly when my arms didn't give way. Reaching up, he brushed his fingers along my jaw and said, "You better get going, Mr. Whitlock, or I might not let you leave..."

Dropping my arms with a grumble, I reached behind him to grab my helmet. I felt on edge, just a little off, and I hoped the ride home would help clear my head - help me make sense of the confusing emotions I felt around Edward. The pull I felt to him was so strong, it sometimes seemed as though I couldn't think straight.

Those tempting lips were just in front of me, so despite the vague desire I felt to escape, I found myself pulling him close once more, my helmet pressing into the small of his back as he returned my kiss eagerly. He kept it light, but I sensed his restraint, and once again, my heart was lighter with knowing that he seemed to be watching out for me.

_This man is going to drive me fucking insane._

_But in all the right ways..._

With a sigh, I pulled away, brushing his cheek with the back of my fingers. He flashed me a small smile and then opened the door for me, but when he started to walk all the way out with me, I stopped him. There was no sense in him crossing the street barefoot. I gave him one final, chaste kiss and then walked down the steps with our whispered goodbyes echoing in my ears.

The rumble of my bike seemed nearly deafening after our last, hushed moments together, and I felt a strange emptiness as I lifted one hand and waved at Edward standing on the stoop. I just caught his return wave before he was out of sight, and I was turning onto the next street. The roar and vibrations from the motorcycle were comforting and familiar, helping to chase away the lingering unease I felt.

When I arrived home, I had just hung up my helmet and jacket and was sitting to take off my boots when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Pulling it out, I flipped it open to read a text from Edward:

_Let me know you got home okay?_

I smiled, shaking my head as I muttered about having it bad - I didn't know if I meant him...or me. After thinking for a moment, I finally shot him a text back.

_Home safe - thanks for today. Good night._

His answering good night brought a smile to my lips as I dropped the phone back into my pocket and made my way down the hall to my room.

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_**A/N:**__ A couple of things we'd like to mention –_

_First of all, thank you SO much to everyone who reads and reviews. We read - and love - each and every review we receive, but we've been complete review reply fail. It was a tough decision because we both love talking to readers, but we figure you would rather we write than spend the time answering them. That said, each review really brightens our days, and we are blown away that we are about to hit 500! _

_Second, if you get a chance, please check out the __**Les Femmes Noires**__ contest! We're both judges, and voting is running from now until December 10th. There were some unbelievable stories entered – check them out and vote for your favorites! A link to the contest is on our profile._

_Next chapter will bring us EPOV again…don't you want to know what that naughty boy is thinking? __As always, your reviews make us smile – please leave us a message and let us know what you think!_


	8. A Moment With Me

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our beta, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

**----------**

**EPOV**

Friday afternoon, I sat playing my piano with a smile on my face. I'd just gotten home from Black Ink, where I'd talked to Billy for an hour or so. He was trying to talk me into another tattoo, but I told him I just didn't know what I wanted yet. There was no doubt there would be another eventually, but I wasn't going to pick something at random.

We'd talked about how the pictures were coming along for my book, and when I'd mentioned the session with Jasper, his face had turned shrewd.

"_That Jasper…he's a nice guy, huh?" Billy's voice was gruff, but I could hear the amusement hidden within as his eyes twinkled._

_I couldn't stop my smile. "Yeah, he's nice alright."_

_Billy's dark eyes narrowed as he straightened, resting his hands on the counter as he dropped all pretense of working. There were no customers yet, but I could hear Heidi shuffling around in her private booth as she got ready for her first piercing of the day. Austin was just visible in my peripheral vision as he moved around in his own booth._

_I arched an eyebrow at Billy and waited._

"_How nice?" was all he finally said._

_I laughed. "You're really fucking obvious. You know that, right?" He shrugged and looked at me pointedly. "Yes, old man. We're dating. At least, we've gone on _a_ date, and we've gotten together a few times." I shrugged, playing with my tongue ring as I decided how much more to say. "He's, ahh…he's cooking me dinner tonight, actually."_

_His eyes widened as he just looked at me for a moment. Right as he was about to speak, there was a crash from the back room, and Jake's low voice muttered, "Fuck!"_

_Billy sighed and grumbled under his breath. He held out his hand, shaking mine as he raised his voice, "I'm happy for you. Jasper really is a good guy. Great guy. You be nice. He's…he's gone through some shit before, and that's all I'm gonna say about it. You'll be good for him." He glanced over his shoulder at another muffled curse from his son. "I better get back there before he tears the whole place down. Tell Jasper I said hi."_

My fingers flew over the piano keys as I thought about his cryptic warning. To be honest, it wasn't unexpected. Jasper was often hesitant at strange times, and I noticed the way he pulled back, like that first night when he'd called a cab. I could tell he wanted to stay – or at the very least, he definitely wanted to get off – but something spooked him. I wasn't sure what it was, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that he was wary.

I sighed softly, my hands slowing as I thought – again – about my options. I wasn't sure I wanted to get involved with someone else who was afraid of commitment. Hadn't I learned my lesson with Alistair? In fact, I knew without a doubt that I didn't want to go through _that_ again.

Problem was…it was all well and good to know that in the abstract, but when I thought about _Jasper_…there was no option. Somehow, he'd wormed his way in already, and I was at his mercy.

It wasn't like I could just ask him if he planned to be with me forever. It was too early for that shit – for either of us. I was having a hard time, though, getting ahead of myself like always. I kept finding myself thinking in terms of "us" when, really, I didn't know if there _was_ an "us" yet…or if there ever would be one.

I knew, too, that that sort of talk had to be a surefire way to scare the hell out of Jasper, so I was trying my best to calm down. Take things slow. Not worry too much about what would happen if Jasper decided he didn't want to be with me and not get too excited about what it would mean if he _did_ want to be mine.

So I exhaled and began playing again, this time picking up Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" with a quiet smile.

_One day at a time._

Something had changed between us the night of the barbecue at my house. We'd…grown, somehow. I didn't want to put a label on it – okay, that's not true. I _did_ want to put a label on it, but I knew it was too early. But not a day had passed since the barbecue that we didn't talk.

After he'd left that night, I'd been inexplicably on edge, just a little worried. I kept wondering if he was alright, if he'd made it home okay, so I'd texted him, and his answer had made me smile. I guess he'd liked that extra little contact, too, because he'd called the next day just to see how I was doing.

Monday evening, I'd called him, and we'd ended up watching the Red Sox beat the Orioles together. And so it had gone all week…sometimes we'd talk for a few minutes, really just checking in, and others, we'd spend hours on the phone, which wasn't like me at all – at least, not with anyone but Kate.

It was during one of the shorter calls that Jasper had asked if I was busy Friday night. An excited thrill shot through me, and I nearly laughed at my reaction to the possibility of his asking me out. When I told him I was free, he'd asked if he could come over and cook me dinner. I'd protested, and we'd had a playful argument, but in the end, he'd convinced me. When I asked why he wanted to cook at my place, he said his kitchen was sorely lacking, so I told him he was more than welcome, of course.

He refused to tell me what he was making, though, and he wouldn't even let me buy the groceries, so I had no idea what he'd be carrying when he arrived. I glanced at my watch, smiling when I realized it was nearly seven.

_Not long now._

I closed the cover on my piano and hopped up from the bench, heading for the downstairs bathroom to take another look in the mirror. I was torn between embarrassment at how vain I'd become and really not giving a shit, as long as Jasper kept looking at me like he wanted to devour me.

Just as I was turning the light off again, the doorbell rang, and I grinned at myself in the darkened mirror before I went to answer it. Pulling the front door open, I realized that in the time I'd been at home, it had started raining. Jasper was standing in the downpour, smiling at me wryly as he juggled shopping bags and some sort of round plastic container.

"Here, let me get that…" I reached out, taking one of the bags and the container as he thanked me and stepped inside.

"No peeking," he warned, and I chuckled. He sat down on the bench, putting the groceries on the floor, and I shifted my eyes, glancing into one of the sacks as he was taking his shoes off. "I said no peeking!" His hand shot out, hitting my thigh.

"Sorry," I murmured. "You've got me curious."

"Good things come to those who wait," he quoted with a wink before he slid his shoes beneath the bench and stood up, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Like this…"

He kissed me then, his lips moving slowly with mine as I felt the cool raindrops on his cheeks and nose. His lips parted, and I moaned softly as I tasted him for the first time in what seemed like far too long. I could've happily stayed that way most of the night, so I growled playfully when he pulled away. He laughed and shook his head, muttering about me wanting what I want when I want it.

"Damn right," I answered with a grin.

He picked up the other bags then, and we moved toward the kitchen as I glanced over my shoulder and asked, "How'd you get so wet, anyway?"

"Fucking bag spilled when I opened the door. Shit went everywhere." He shrugged as we set the sacks on the counter.

"You're soaked," I observed.

"No shit?" He grinned as he shook his head, sending water flying.

"Cute." I smirked as I wiped the droplets off my cheek with a chuckle. Pulling open a drawer by the sink, I grabbed a kitchen towel and handed it to him. He dried his face and scrubbed it through his hair. His pants looked okay, but his shirt really was soaked, the thin blue fabric dark where it clung to him. I didn't mind at all the way it revealed his nipple rings, but I didn't want him to be uncomfortable. "Can I get you a dry shirt?"

His impish grin softened as he cupped my cheek and kissed me. "That'd be great," he said quietly.

"Need help finding anything?" He shook his head, and I smiled, kissing him once more before I said, "Make yourself at home then…I'll be right back."

I took the wet towel with me as I made my way upstairs. There was a huge smile on my face just from the knowledge that Jasper was here, in my house, and cooking me dinner, no less. In my room, I tossed the towel into the hamper and went to my dresser, rifling through my t-shirts before I found one of my favorites – it was old and faded, a blue long-sleeved t-shirt with a gray stripe down the sleeves. I threw it over my shoulder and closed the drawer, heading back downstairs to the kitchen.

As I walked through the doorway, I caught sight of Jasper standing by the counter with a knife in hand, slicing mushrooms. He was shirtless, and my eyes were drawn to the way the silver hoop through his nipple swung as he moved.

"Jesus Christ," I murmured without really meaning to, and he turned to look at me over his shoulder with a lopsided grin.

"That for me?"

It took me a minute to figure out what the hell he was asking, and when I did, I slid the shirt off my shoulder and put it behind my back like a child. "Nope. I was all out of clean shirts."

He laughed and laid the knife on the cutting board before turning toward me. "That so? Then what's that behind your back?"

"Dunno…why don't you come find out?"

He stalked across the kitchen with a low growl, and I arched an eyebrow at him, standing my ground. When he got closer, he stood up with a chuckle and said, "Isn't the gazelle supposed to run away from the lion?"

I shrugged. "If it doesn't want to get caught, I guess."

I put my hands on his hips, pulling him to me as I lowered my face and took his nipple between my lips. He groaned, his fingers tangling in my hair as I slipped my tongue into the metal ring and tugged lightly.

"Fuck, that feels good…" His voice was soft before he cleared his throat, pulling me gently upward by the hair. "But I think you better let me get dressed, or I don't know if we'll ever have dinner."

I pouted, but it didn't work as his grin just grew more amused. "Fine," I answered petulantly before tossing the shirt to him. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing right now…" He pulled it over his head, and I appreciated the way it fit him, revealing that toned torso as he moved back to the cutting board while I took a seat on one of the barstools. I leaned back, resting my elbows on the counter as I watched him work.

_I could definitely get used to this…_

I tried to keep those thoughts away as we talked about our days. I kept slipping in questions about what he was making, but he steadfastly refused to tell me anything at all, finally saying, "Give it up, Masen. Know when to admit defeat."

We laughed together, and I conceded, letting him win this time. Instead of pushing more, I told him about my visit to Black Ink, and he smiled fondly when I told him Billy said hello. He'd apparently finished chopping all the things he needed because he paused, looking through my cabinets before he pulled out a wok. I arched an eyebrow but kept my mouth shut, knowing I wouldn't get anything out of him anyway.

"I need to get by there and see him," he said as he poured oil into the pan. "He'll have my hide if I don't show him how this knot turned out."

I watched with interest as he began adding things to the wok – ginger, garlic, shallots, chili – and I inhaled, letting my eyes drift closed as the fragrance reached me. "Already smells heavenly," I murmured.

When he chuckled, I opened my eyes to find him stirring, his sky blue eyes focused on the pan. He tossed in the cabbage and mushrooms he'd sliced along with baby shrimp, but then he searched through the bags he'd brought, muttering to himself until he pulled out an unlabeled jar with a smile.

"What's that?"

He glanced over at me, raising his eyebrows. "Don't you worry about it. You don't get to know all my secrets today."

I couldn't help myself. I slid off my stool and padded across the kitchen, slipping my arms around his waist and resting my chin on his shoulder as I watched him pour the sauce into the pan. "How about some of them?" I whispered, kissing along his neck.

His hand covered mine as he pressed back against me, still stirring though I could tell from the way he slowed that he was enjoying this moment with me. He swallowed, and I sensed him debating before he finally nodded. "You deserve a few." He turned his face, flashing me a small smile before he kissed my lips lightly.

He stepped away before he continued. "Now, you better go sit down, mister, or we'll be christening that bar over there while dinner burns."

_God damn._

His eyes were smoldering, but the stubborn set of his jaw brooked no argument, so I did as he ordered, finding I kind of liked this side of Jasper. As I was walking away, he smacked my ass, and I turned to see he'd already returned his attention to the food, a playful grin on his lips.

"Bossy," I muttered under my breath, and his smile widened.

We talked and teased while he cooked, and soon he transferred the contents of the wok into a bowl and brought it over to me. I glanced inside, thinking that if this was dinner, it was a strange one, and he laughed at the expression on my face. Without a word, he went to the refrigerator and pulled something out, bringing it over to me with a, "Here, make yourself useful." He winked and opened the package of spring roll wrappers.

"How the hell did you know I loved spring rolls? And where did you learn to make them?" I frowned in confusion.

"I have my ways," was his only answer as he began showing me how to roll one of them. I watched as he spooned the filling inside, sprinkled it with coriander and basil, and then rolled it up neatly. Watching his fingers move so gracefully had me squirming as I tried to adjust myself without him noticing, and I bit the inside of my cheek, amused that I was getting turned on watching the man cook.

"You're not the only one who can use google." He put his hand on my thigh and leaned over to kiss my temple as I worked. I heard him breathe, "And I saw that…" as his hand just happened to graze my crotch.

"Your fault," I muttered, loving the bright smile I caught out of the corner of my eye as I concentrated on trying to get the spring roll right. By about the third one, I was an expert, and I was so absorbed in my work that I didn't even notice what Jasper was doing until I heard the splash as he added potatoes to a large pot of boiling water.

I finished rolling the last and said, "These are done."

He seemed to nearly dance as he came over to take them from me, murmuring, "Perfect," as he kissed my lips and then moved away. Given the way he'd talked – and how surprised he'd been that I was cooking for him – I hadn't expected him to be so at home in the kitchen.

It, like nearly everything else about him, was fucking sexy.

Dinner was carefully orchestrated, things simmering in pans and boiling in pots as Jasper moved between them. It wasn't perfect by any means – he cursed when he burned himself and when oil popped and singed his forearm – but I appreciated how in control he was. Nothing cooked too long, and before I knew it, he was dishing up fragrant jasmine rice and pouring the contents of the wok into a serving bowl. He kept himself between me and the bowl, putting the lid on before I could see what he'd made.

He handed me the platter of spring rolls with a small bowl of dipping sauce and said, "Take those wherever you want to eat?"

I put them on the counter and wrapped my arms around his waist, refusing to be denied as I pulled him close and kissed him hungrily. He returned my kiss fervently, his fingers trailing up and down my back as he sighed softly against my lips. Finally, he pulled away, his forehead against mine as he murmured, "The food's going to get cold…"

I heard his implied, _But I don't care if you don't._

I was torn. If I'd been the one to cook, I would've said "fuck it" and led him to my bedroom, but I wanted him to know how much I appreciated all the work he'd put into making me dinner.

"Fuck," I muttered without meaning for him to hear. He chuckled softly and opened his eyes. I nibbled his lower lip lightly before I let him go and said, "I'm not about to waste what smells like an amazing meal…guess I'll just have to save you for dessert."

I winked, and he laughed, telling me he had dessert for us as well.

"You're kidding?"

He shook his head as we picked up the dishes, and I led the way to the dining room, where I'd set the table earlier. I'd put us at the end closest to the door, sitting beside each other rather than across the table. I pulled out the chair at the head of the table, frowning when Jasper started to pull out the other.

I reached out, putting my hand on his. "I'm treating you right, remember?"

His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't say anything. His face softened into a sweet smile as he let me help him into his chair, and then as I took the seat at the side of the table, he whispered, "Thanks."

"Any time, baby." I reached for the covered bowl, beyond curious to see what he'd made, but he swatted my hand away as he told me it was his turn.

My mouth had been watering at the smell of curry, and I was dying to know if I was right, but I waited patiently – well, as patiently as I'm ever capable of – while Jasper spooned rice onto my plate and then his. My fingers drummed on the table, making him grin and slow down even more. Just as I was about to ask him if he was going to count out the rice one grain at a time, he took pity on me and opened the white serving bowl.

As soon as the concentrated fragrance wafted over to me, my eyes widened. "No fucking way." I leaned over, looking into the bowl to see that he had, in fact, made chicken coconut curry. "Okay, seriously. How the hell did you know that was my favorite?"

This wasn't some random guess, and if he just happened to decide to make it, that was one unbelievable coincidence. His cheeks reddened as he began ladling the curry onto my plate.

"I might have called Kate." I waited for more, but he left it there.

"You might have called Kate? What do you mean?"

He sighed, carefully putting the ladle back in the bowl before covering it again without serving himself. He put his hand over mine and looked at me before he spoke again. "I…" He paused, puffing his cheeks out as he exhaled, and I smiled quietly as I turned my hand up, curving my fingers around his. "I wanted to apologize to her. For the scene I made on Saturday." He ran his fingers through his hair as we both frowned. I let him talk, though, since he seemed to have something on his mind. "It was stupid of me, and I didn't want her to think…hell, I don't even know what I didn't want her to think. I just know I didn't want her to think it." He gave me a small grin.

"How did you find her?" I asked the most innocuous question I could. I could sense that there was a lot here he wasn't telling, but he didn't seem to be ready. As curious as I was, I'd seen how easily Jasper could be scared off, so I wanted him to do this his way.

"Google." His grin was wry now, his embarrassment fading. "She was surprised to hear from me, of course, but she was incredibly sweet – I can see why you two are friends. She might've filled me in on your favorite foods…" His blue eyes were mischievous as he looked over at me.

There was so much I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him that whatever he was running from, he didn't have to anymore. I wasn't this guy – whoever he might be – and I wouldn't hurt him the way he'd obviously been hurt before. But I resisted the urge, keeping things light as I said, "She did, did she? Well, I may have to have a talk with little Ms. Denali…giving away my secrets like that…"

I pretended to huff as Jasper flashed me a smile and finished serving the food. He put a couple of spring rolls on each of our plates and said, "Dig in," and then, "Oh, wait. Shit."

I laughed as I asked what was wrong, and he said he'd forgotten to get anything for us to drink. "I've got this," I answered as I slipped back out of my seat, his protests ringing in my ears.

I returned with two pairs of chopsticks and two glasses of sweet tea, and he arched an eyebrow at me. "I'm supposed to be fixing you dinner tonight."

"You did. I fixed you a drink." I shrugged, and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Since when do you drink sweet tea, anyway?" he asked, his scowl turning into a grin.

"Since some tall, handsome Texan turned me on to it," I answered, taking a sip of mine as I handed him his, and added under my breath, "And turned me on in general."

He sputtered, choking on the tea he'd just taken a drink of as he covered his mouth with his napkin. He coughed, clearing his throat as his cheeks turned pink, and I smiled innocently. "You okay there?"

"God damn tease," was the only answer I got.

He watched as I picked up my chopsticks, gathering some of the chicken and rice. As soon as I took the first bite, the flavor of curry and coconut filled my mouth, and I gave a soft grunt of approval. His eyes were anxious, apparently awaiting further response, so I smiled, saying, "Fucking fantastic, Jazz…where'd you learn how to make this?"

He shrugged, and the blush on his cheeks was too cute. "First time I made it."

My eyes widened as I realized that he'd looked it up for me. "Well, you better not forget it…best damn curry I've had in a long time." I took another bite, licking the sauce from my lips as I appreciated the more subtle taste of the cilantro and potatoes. He finally picked up his chopsticks then, a smile tugging at his lips as he began eating.

"Damn…you have good taste…" he murmured after taking his first bite.

I laughed, telling him I knew I did. "I'm a picky bastard, though…so you know it's damn good if I love it."

I could tell his chest was swelling with pride – and it was well-deserved. As we ate, our conversation was light, finally getting to some of those initial meeting questions we'd never gotten around to like birthdays and hobbies. He told me his middle named was William, and when he asked mine, I wrinkled my nose. "Anthony."

"You don't like it?" he asked, taking another bite of rice.

I shrugged. "It's alright, I guess. I was named after my dad." I frowned slightly, sipping my tea.

Wiping his fingers on his napkin, Jasper watched me for a moment before he turned his eyes to his plate. "How old were you…?" he asked. When I didn't answer right away, he looked up, adding, "I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it."

I swallowed, shaking my head slightly to let him know it was okay. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to figure out how much to say. My voice was gruff when I finally answered, "Five for Mom…twelve when my dad passed away…"

I heard the clink as he put his chopsticks on the side of his plate, and then his warm hand was on mine as he squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry," he murmured softly, simply.

I looked up at him, trying to smile though I felt it fall. I turned my hand up, squeezing his in return as I whispered my thanks. I cleared my throat and raised my voice, explaining that I'd gone to live with my mom's family in Tennessee afterward. "Dad was an only child, but Mom had a brother, my Uncle Everett. I moved in with him and Aunt Livy…and my cousins Tanya and Emmett." My smile became fond as I shook my head, my eyes widening. "Bit of a culture shock, in more ways than one, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. You'd like them…Tanya, especially. Emmett takes a little getting used to, but…" I trailed off, unable to find words to describe my exuberant cousin, and then I laughed. "Emmett's the one who gave me the tongue rings."

I watched as Jasper's brow furrowed before his eyes widened. "Oh, yeah?" When I nodded, he smirked in amusement and said, "Guess I'll have to thank him then…" as he leaned over to kiss me lightly.

I put my hand on the back of his neck, lacing my fingers through his hair as I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. The strange ache I felt as I talked about my family seemed to ease when our lips met, and I didn't want the feeling to end. He tilted his head, kissing me sweetly as his tongue brushed mine, and I sighed when he took my face in his hands. When he finally pulled away, he kept me close for a moment, looking into my eyes as he said, "Before Emily was born, I sometimes wished I was an only child."

There was a playful tone in his voice, but I saw the effort it took for him to keep it there, and I realized with a start that I loved him a little bit for that – for trying to lighten the mood and letting me know in a round-about way that he felt for me.

As we straightened and began eating again, I gave him a smile. "Oh, really? Why's that?"

He made a face and rolled his eyes. "Charles. The golden child." He chuckled. "Nah, my parents never showed any preference, but he was older and always did as he was told, and I…didn't." His eyes twinkled, and I could just imagine the mischievous little boy he must've been. "He was just too damn fun to mess with!"

He told me more about his older brother and how he'd always been more studious, better behaved, and I found myself picturing a skinnier Jasper, maybe a little nerdy. Right about the time I'd given him glasses and decided he had a cowlick, Jasper said, "Best thing he ever did was marry Mack and give me the best damn nephews I could ask for."

"Mack?" I asked in confusion. "Did they adopt?"

The look of utter confusion on Jasper's face was priceless, and he sat there with his forehead and nose wrinkled, tilting his head as he looked at me before he finally burst out laughing. "Oh!" He shook his head, snickering, and I heard him mutter under his breath, "God, Chuck would die…"

"What?"

"Sorry," he chuckled again. "No, Charles isn't gay…Mack is his wife, Makenna. She's from Ireland – they met when she was an exchange student here, and she's awesome, though why in the hell she decided to date his ugly ass…and then _marry_ him…" He shook his head, and his eyes widened as he just left it at that.

"Oh…" I laughed softly at the misunderstanding, and we talked awhile longer as Jasper told me about his nephews. Apparently Finn, who was five, was exactly like Jasper, and it amused him to no end to hear his brother's exasperation when he didn't understand why Finn couldn't just do as he was told. It was hard for them to tell how Conall was going to act since he was only two, but Jasper was holding out high hopes that the two would be a force to be reckoned with.

I watched as he talked about them, his eyes dancing fondly as he grew animated. After telling me about celebrating the Fourth of July with them, he sat back, finally putting down his chopsticks for good as he rubbed his belly and sighed. "I miss those two. I'm hoping I can get back home before the holidays…"

He took a sip of his tea, finishing off the glass before he set it back down, licking his lips. "What about you? You go to Tennessee for the holidays?"

I nodded and said, "Yeah, usually. Sometimes I stay here and hang out with Carlisle and Esme, but I always fly down there for the major holidays."

He arched an eyebrow. "Esme…? The one who called last weekend?"

With a smile, I nodded again and then told him a little about the Cullens. "Esme is sort of another mother to me…her husband, Carlisle, was one of my dad's business partners. He was the executor of their wills…" I trailed off briefly, wiping my hands on my napkin before I put it on the table. "Anyway, they've been around my whole life, and they're just great people. Really caring, both of them. Like charity work and that sort of thing…Carlisle took care of the house when I was in Tennessee." I frowned as I realized that there were really no words to describe the two of them and what they meant to me. "You'll have to meet them sometime," I said instead, and watched as several emotions flickered across Jasper's face.

Finally, he gave a single nod and a tentative smile as he said, "I'd like that."

He seemed a little uncomfortable, so I pushed away from the table, standing as I reached out to take his plate. I stacked it with mine, piling the chopsticks on top, and he stood as well, picking up our glasses. I was thinking quickly, trying to find a change of subject, and my mind went back to the weekend before when I remembered something.

"Oh, hey…" I started, glancing over my shoulder at him as we moved into the kitchen. "Can I ask you something?"

"'Course," he answered simply, reaching past me to start the water in the sink as I put the dishes in the basin.

While we waited for the water to heat, I leaned back against the counter, spreading my feet and pulling Jasper over to stand between my legs. He looked at me curiously, making me grin. "Where the _hell_ did 'Little Caesar' come from?"

His eyes widened, and he blushed furiously. "Shit. Did I actually say that out loud?"

I nodded, arching an eyebrow as I waited. He started to back away, but I put my arms around his waist, keeping him in place.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Umm…well…God, this is…" he trailed off and then took a breath, glancing somewhere to his right before he spoke again. "You know how I thought you were with Garrett or wanted to be or whatever?" I nodded, encouraging him to continue. "I didn't know who he was, and you told me what that tattoo meant, and he was lying on that bed like he was the goddamn emperor or some shit, so…yeah, Little Caesar."

I snickered and then really thought about it and threw back my head, laughing. I felt Jasper shaking lightly as he laughed with me, and then his lips were at my neck, teasing the skin there before his breath was hot on my ear. "Have I told you how glad I am that you're _not_ into ancient Roman emperors…?"

Pulling his hips to me roughly, I let my hands slide down over his ass as my lips moved to his neck. He bit the join of my shoulder and neck, and I thrust my hips against his reflexively.

_Fucking love when he does that shit._

I put one finger under his chin, lifting his face so I could kiss him fully. He returned the kiss eagerly, and I could taste the curry and coconut mixed with the taste that was wholly him. I moaned quietly, tilting my head to get a little more of it, and I pouted when he pulled away, letting me feel the smile on his lips.

"Oh no, you don't…" he murmured. "I've got dessert for you."

"I've got all the dessert I want right here," I answered, running my fingers just inside the waistband of his jeans. He caught my both my hands and spread them out to the counter on either side of me, covering them with his own.

"Not a chance…" His accent sent a thrill through me as he said, "I'd be remiss if I let you get away without having a piece of peanut butter pie."

"Peanut butter?" My voice instantly lost its husky quality, betraying my interest as I stood up a little straighter.

Jasper laughed, muttering, "I see how it is…"

He placed a quick kiss on my lips and then moved away, going to the refrigerator, while I ran water over the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. He pulled out the round container I'd carried earlier and put it on the counter, waiting until I'd finished and dried my hands. Then, he removed the top, revealing a delicious-looking pie with a chocolate cookie crust topped with chocolate shavings.

"Damn…" I whistled appreciatively. "Where'd you get that?"

He frowned slightly. "I made it."

I glanced back down, resisting the urge to dip my finger in it to taste it. "You _made_ that?" He nodded. "For me?" He nodded again, and I smiled slowly, reaching out to cup his cheek. I kissed him chastely, whispering, "Thank you…" before I told him it looked fantastic. I went to the cabinet, grabbing a couple of dessert plates, and Jasper served us slices before he poured two glasses of milk.

"Trust me," he said when I looked at him questioningly. I shrugged and then nodded, suggesting we take our dessert to the den.

We settled onto the couch – which, I have to admit, I'd chosen on purpose – and I put my feet up on the coffee table as I took my first bite. "Jesus Christ," I moaned, my eyes drifting closed. The pie was smooth and creamy, and Jasper had been right about the milk – I needed it to cut the rich flavors of the peanut butter and chocolate. When I opened my eyes, I glanced over to find Jasper watching me, and I smiled at the light of pride in his eyes. "You're too good to me," I murmured.

He shook his head but didn't say anything, taking a bite of his pie as well. He washed it down with milk and then said, almost shyly, "It's Mama's recipe."

I didn't know what to say, not wanting to get all sappy over a piece of pie, but it meant a lot to me that he'd made something for me – something that his mother had made him. I smiled at him, swallowing the lump in my throat with another bite of the pie, and after a sip of milk, I leaned over, my voice husky as I whispered my thanks again.

"You're welcome," he murmured against my lips, letting me taste the sweetness on his tongue as we kissed briefly.

As much as I wanted to push him back on the couch and have my way with him – again – I wasn't about to let him think I didn't appreciate everything he'd done for me, so I sat back on the couch and fully enjoyed the rest of my dessert. I moaned quietly when the flavors really hit me, and his smile broadened in response. He turned to face me, pulling one of his legs up in between us so he was sitting half Indian style.

"What's up?" I asked, licking my fork.

"Your moaning reminded me…" I furrowed my brow at his words, and he smirked. "Fantasies. You said the barbecue wasn't the time or place, but I don't see anyone else around now…"

"Ahh…" I chuckled, polishing off my pie and draining the rest of my milk before I wiped the corners of my mouth with my thumb and settled back against the arm of the couch, facing him. "Umm…what is it you want to know?"

He rolled his eyes but then thought for a moment. "What did you imagine the first time you jerked off thinking about me?"

My eyes widened before I blinked.

"What?" he said. "You can't tell me you haven't…or, well, _if_ you haven't, then I guess it's about time for me to go…" He started to stand up, his voice cocky, and we both chuckled as I reached out to stop him. He settled back on the couch and looked at me pointedly, waiting.

Clearing my throat, I rubbed my hands on my thighs nervously, feeling the texture of my jeans. He was right – it wasn't like I could deny it, and I fucking _loved_ the realization that that meant he'd masturbated to thoughts of me as well, but…yeah, still embarrassing. "Well, I showed you part of that, too." I smirked at him before I took a deep breath, just letting it all spill out. "I was looking at your pictures, and your scent was still on my shirt, and it was just too much. I imagined a couple of things actually…you going down on me, and me sucking you off. And then I finished when I thought about…" My words grew softer as I trailed off for a second before forcing myself to say it. "When I thought about cumming…umm…on your chest."

He thought for a moment and then smirked at me, and I said wryly, "Funny enough, you smirked at me just like that."

He laughed and leaned over, kissing me before sitting back again and looking at me shrewdly. "Not bad…" he said, "but that's pretty tame."

"Oh, really? And just what did you imagine?"

"The night I met you, I fantasized about bending you over the back of my couch and fucking you hard," he said matter-of-factly.

"God damn," I breathed, shivering lightly as the image filled my mind. I suddenly wanted it…_craved_ it…and I had to bite my lip from telling him to go for it.

"And I imagined licking that tattoo…the one hidden just beneath your waist." He chuckled. "And then when I had you here with your pants off, I didn't even think to look…" He arched an eyebrow at me.

"Well, come a little closer if you want to fix that…"

He put his fists on the couch between us as he started crawling toward me and then stopped. "Wait." He frowned. "You said you were looking at my pictures? That was the first time?"

He looked disappointed, almost hurt, and I frowned as I reached out, putting my palm on his cheek. "Yeah, that was the first time…but that was because I'd been trying like _hell_ not to think about you for weeks. It wasn't without effort, believe me…" I ran my thumb along his cheekbone, trying to make him understand. "I thought you weren't a possibility, Jazz, and it killed me to think of fantasizing about you when I couldn't have you."

He considered my words, and his expression softened as I could tell he was mollified. His eyes flickered between mine before he nodded and crawled the rest of the way over to me. I lay back, stretching my legs out on the couch, and he lowered himself between them, letting me feel the way he was hardening as he murmured, "Ready for your second dessert, Dr. Masen?"

Instead of answering, I kissed him hard, my hands making their way under his shirt as I rubbed the smooth skin of his back. My fingers brushed beneath the waist of his pants, and I frowned teasingly as I was met with the fabric of his boxers. He smiled against my lips, shifting his hips so they ground against me, and I muttered, "Mmm…fuck…" as my legs wrapped partially around his, my feet resting just beneath his knees.

We took our time, learning each other as we kissed with a slowly building passion. His tongue tugged at the stud through mine, and when I moaned, he did as well. I could hear him breathing, hear his soft moans and sighs as his hips found a rhythm that soon had me aching, needing more.

He was pressed too closely against me, and I couldn't move my hands between us, so I broke our kiss, whispering breathlessly, "I need to touch you, baby…please…"

"Fuck," he murmured, "God yes…" as he lifted his hips, shifting back. Before I could even begin to unfasten his pants, his fingers had undone the first two buttons of mine, and I groaned when he slipped his hand inside. My cock was wrapped in his warm hand, and he was pumping me teasingly before I finally managed to unzip his pants and push them over his hips.

I took him in hand, but he pulled away, making me frown as I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He grinned down at me lazily, his hands hooking into the waist of my pants as he tugged. I lifted my hips, and he pulled them down my thighs, moving to the end of the couch so he could remove them completely.

"Oh, hell yes." I gave him a crooked grin as I ripped my shirt off over my head, running my fingers through my hair as I lay back to watch Jasper get rid of the rest of his clothes. My eyes roamed his form, my hand automatically going to my cock as I stroked myself, appreciating the sight of his toned body. I was especially drawn to the tattoo on his chest again and the way the metal stood out against his darkened nipples, but I lowered my gaze, biting my bottom lip as I reached out with my other hand to trace the V leading down to his dick, standing tall and thick.

I swallowed as he took himself in hand, stroking slowly, and I was mesmerized by the seductive sight, the way he squeezed, his hand coming all the way up over the head before moving back down to the base. I finally tore my eyes away, looking up to meet his gaze, and he watched me as he lowered himself onto me again.

I moaned at the feeling of his bare skin on mine, our dicks brushing as we moved together, and again I had to bite back the words before I told him to _please_ act on his fantasy. I wasn't sure what, exactly, was holding me back, but we just didn't seem to be there quite yet.

_Motherfucker_.

His lips were all over me, his tongue tracing lines along my neck before his head ducked down, and he sucked gently on my nipple, teasing it with his teeth and tongue. My hands cupped his ass, kneading roughly as I rocked my hips against him.

At once, I felt cold air wash over my naked body, leaving me frowning up at Jasper, who was standing beside the couch with his hand extended. He chuckled quietly at my expression and said, "Come here…" I reached out to take his hand, but when I didn't move to get up, he said, "_Please_," brushing the back of my hand along his dick.

That was all it took for me to stand, still a little lost as he led me to the end of the couch and sat me on the arm, my feet spread on the floor. His hands were on my thighs as he knelt, and my eyes widened, his words springing to my lips. "You don't have to."

He gave me a cocky smirk, licking his lips slowly as his hands drifted up my thighs, his thumbs grazing my balls. "You gonna stop me?"

I smiled slowly, shaking my head as I brushed the hair back from his forehead, and then his lips were wrapped around my head, and he was licking and teasing, and I was thanking every god I could think of that he hadn't wanted to stop.

"Fuck." My hips shifted as I reached back with my left arm, bracing myself on the back of the couch while my right hand tangled in his hair. My eyes were focused completely on the sight of my cock disappearing into Jasper's hot mouth, his lips reddened and swollen. His blue eyes gazed back up at me, watching me, and I found myself murmuring words of encouragement, telling him how good it felt, how unbelievably exquisite his mouth was on my dick.

His left hand wrapped around my base, moving in rhythm with his lips, and it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. Then I saw him take himself in his right hand, stroking in time, and I tightened my grip on his hair with a hiss.

"Oh, fuck…don't stop, Jazz…let me watch you, baby. I love seeing you touch yourself just like that. God _damn_…that's right…like that…"

I didn't even know what I was saying. I just knew that the sight of Jasper on his knees, rubbing his hard cock while his warm mouth sucked my dick, his tongue licking and wrapping along my shaft, and his darkened blue eyes watching me…it was too much. I felt my balls tightening, knowing my release wouldn't be long in coming, even though I never wanted that moment to end.

"I…I…" I stuttered, my eyes finally closing as my thighs clenched, and I tried in vain to hold out.

Chilled air met my wet skin, and I opened my eyes in confusion, finding Jasper watching me with that devilish smirk. His hand moved furiously along my shaft as his swollen lips parted, and he whispered, "Let me see you…cum for me; you know you want to…feels so fucking good…"

His hips were jerking, and I glanced downward, finding his other hand speeding along his length. When I looked back up at his face, I saw that he was struggling to keep his eyes open, and he was looking at me pleadingly. That was all it took, and I let myself go, forcing my eyes wide as I watched the pearly liquid spill across his chest, marking the black ink in his skin. My head fell forward, chin on my chest, even as I pulled at Jasper's elbow, encouraging him to stand.

He shifted clumsily to his feet, and my voice caught as I murmured breathlessly, "Gotta see you, too…come on, baby…show me how good it feels…"

His eyes finally closed as he came hard, and I felt his hot release all over my stomach. The sight of him in ecstasy, his lips parted as his head fell back and his hand stroked him through his orgasm was fucking beautiful, and I put both my hands on his face, pulling him close as I kissed him hard. He nearly lost his balance, bracing himself with his hands on my thighs as he laughed softly before returning my kiss eagerly.

When we finally parted, he hummed appreciatively, licking his lips before he opened his eyes. He smiled at me gently and then looked down, snickering. I followed his gaze and realized we were a complete mess, the evidence of our activities covering our torsos, his hands, my thighs…I stood before it dripped onto the couch, chuckling as I shook my head.

"Hey…" I started. He wiped the back of his hand on his thigh and then looked up at me with a smirk. "How about a shower?"

"Sounds perfect," he answered, leaning down like he was going to pick up his clothes before he made a face. "Fuck it," he muttered and then cocked an eyebrow at me. "You know, I seem to end up messy around you a lot…"

I laughed, mimicking his expression as I said, "I sure as hell don't hear you complaining."

He grinned, ducking his head as he said, "You won't, either…now, where's this shower before we make a bigger mess on your floor?"

I was smiling like a fool as I led the way upstairs. Jasper smacked my ass on the way, and when I looked back over my shoulder at him, he tried to smile innocently, but it just ended up looking mischievous. He told me he'd wanted to grab my ass when I took him upstairs during the shoot, and as I reached the top of the stairs, I turned to him, kissing him once. "Kinda wish you had…would've answered a lot of questions."

He pursed his lips, and I winked at him, chuckling as we walked to my room. I heard him muttering something about hindsight under his breath, but I didn't ask – I knew it was the same thing I'd realized. It was much easier to admit all these things now, when we were sure how the other felt, than it was when there were so many unanswered questions.

Jasper hadn't been into my bathroom, so when I flipped on the light, he let out a low whistle. "God damn. You weren't kidding 'bout doing things right, were you?"

"Nope." I shrugged, going to turn on the shower while he took a look around. I stuck my hand under the spray out of habit, even though I knew the water would be too cold, and then turned to find him studying my tub.

Grinning, I cleared my throat. "You know, if you like it, you're more than welcome to stay and try it out. We should probably clean up a little first, though."

He glanced down, chuckling as held his arms out to the side, palms facing me. "Yeah, probably a good idea."

I opened the door to the shower, motioning him in, and I followed quickly behind, sighing appreciatively at the hot water streaming over my body. Jasper cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot, suddenly seeming a little awkward as he glanced away from me.

"Hey…" I murmured, reaching out to turn his face to mine. I kissed him gently and gave him a small smile. "It's just me."

He nodded, smiling at me tentatively. His shoulders dropped, tension I hadn't even been aware of fading from his face before he turned around, his back to me as he rinsed beneath one of the showerheads. I stood motionless for a moment, unsure how to take his mood before he glanced over his shoulder, grinning at me.

I smiled in response and reached for my soap, lathering up my hands before I slipped my arms around Jasper's waist and began washing his chest and abs. When my hands drifted lower, his head fell back on my shoulder, and I heard the chuckle in his voice as he said, "Better watch those hands, Dr. Masen, or I won't be responsible for what comes up."

I laughed as I pulled him closer, placing kisses along his shoulder blade before I rested my chin on his shoulder and peered down to watch my hands. I was reminded of the way my mind wandered at Jasper's photo shoot when I'd imagined us exactly like this as I unzipped his pants.

I couldn't help myself. The idea that he was here, _real_, and in my arms was a little too much, and I pulled him close, holding him tightly to me as I rested my forehead between his shoulders. I felt his hand cover my forearm as he leaned back against me, and he whispered huskily, "You alright?"

I nodded, finally lifting my head and kissing the nape of his neck. "Fine…hey…" I trailed off, my lips brushing along his ear as I murmured, "Thanks…for giving me one of my fantasies, I mean."

He patted my arm, and I watched his profile as he smiled. "You're welcome…it was my pleasure."

His voice was cocky, but the happy expression on his face was genuine. I didn't know quite how to bring up any of the things I was beginning to feel for him, so I relaxed my arms slightly and kept my voice low as I instead said, "So I guess yours is next…huh?"

He bit his bottom lip, his brow furrowing. "I guess…"

It was quiet for a moment, the only sounds those of the water spraying from the dual showerheads. At last, he patted my hand, and I dropped my arms so he could turn around to face me. His eyes darted between mine, studying me before he said, "Are you ready for that?"

_Fucking idiot. Why the _hell_ would you bring that up right now?_

I sighed, biting the inside of my cheek as I put my hands on his hips. I watched him, trying to decide what to say, but in the end, I just went with the truth. "Not quite…not yet…"

I saw something flash in his eyes – rejection, disappointment, whatever name you wanted to give it – and I brought my hands up, cupping his face before I kissed him gently. "Jazz, believe me…it's not because I don't want you. If you'd asked me that question three weeks ago, I would've said 'fuck yes' and thrown you down on the bed over there…" I paused, pushing his wet hair from his forehead and brushing away a droplet of water with my thumb just before it fell into his eye. "But there's…" I swallowed, inhaling lightly. "There's more here. I mean…I want you so badly I can't even fucking think straight half the time…" Images of me with my back to the wall while we jacked each other off sped through my mind, making me smile wryly. I finally gave up trying to explain what I meant and shrugged. "I like you. A lot."

I watched his eyes, on edge as I waited for his reaction. He seemed lost at first, an array of emotions passing across his face before he settled on something between amusement and happiness. A smile played on his lips, the corners curving up before he tried to force them back down. At last, a beaming smile spread on his face, and he chuckled softly. "I like you, too."

It was a little stupid how my pulse seemed to speed with those words – words we'd said several times now. They were fillers, placeholders for the words I couldn't _actually_ bring myself to say.

_I'm falling for you, Jasper. Hard._

_And I'm afraid._

It seemed that each time we said those words, they meant something a little different, and I bit my tongue to keep from asking Jasper just what, exactly, he meant by them. It wasn't fair to ask him a question I wasn't willing to answer myself.

Instead, I swung out my elbow, hitting him lightly on the arm as I reached for the soap again. He grinned at me, and we took turns washing each other, for once keeping it clean – well, as clean as we were able, apparently, which meant that there was some groping involved.

When we stepped out of the shower, I handed him a towel and tried to repress my smile at how much I liked having him here with me like this.

_Getting ahead of yourself again, Masen._

If Jasper felt anything of the sort, he kept it well-hidden, but he did seem completely comfortable at least. He wrapped the towel around his waist and then said, "Got any Q-tips?" and something about it just struck me as funny. I laughed as I pulled open the right drawer, and he pulled out two, raising his eyebrows as he cleaned both his ears at once. I snickered at the sight – Jasper standing there in a towel, his elbows out to the side of his head as he swirled the cotton swabs around his earlobes.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" His voice was haughty and playful as he tossed them both into the trash.

"You…" When he raised an eyebrow at me pointedly, I shrugged and grinned. "You're too damn cute."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he reached out and snatched my towel away, leaving me standing there nude. "Hey!"

"'s what you get…" he muttered, smirking at me before he tossed it in the hamper and walked out of the bathroom.

I followed him into the bedroom, not bothering to cover up, but when I tried to grab his towel, he was holding onto it. He looked back over his shoulder and smirked at me.

"You're gonna have to do better than that," he drawled lazily.

I narrowed my eyes and pounced, wrapping my arms around his waist and tackling him to the bed. "What was that about doing better?" I tickled his ribs, and he laughed, flipping over onto his back and smiling up at me.

"Not too bad, Masen…" Suddenly he sat up, his eyes roaming down my body as he chuckled.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" I raised an eyebrow at him but didn't try to cover myself. "I don't recall you finding anything down there funny before."

He glanced up at my indignant tone, and a smile flirted on his lips as he murmured an apology. "I'm not laughing at you…I'm laughing at me. I had you undressed – again – and I was right _there_, but I didn't look at your tattoo…again." He quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Apparently you make it hard for me to think straight, too."

I smiled broadly, my ego restored as Jasper asked if he could take a look. I said of course and then moved to stretch out on my back, my head on my pillow. When Jasper pushed himself to his hands and knees, I reached out, stealing his towel and tossing it across the room. His eyes widened in surprise, and he laughed when I said, "Now…we're even."

He rolled his eyes at me but didn't respond as he leaned down to look at the tattoo on my chest. He chased the lettering with his finger before he looked up at me questioningly. "Hebrew for 'Elizabeth'…my mother's name." He nodded and then leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the ink. My breathing stuttered, and I ran my fingers through his hair at the subtle caring gesture, but I didn't comment as he continued lower.

He settled just beside my knee, and I took the time to appreciate his body as he studied the tattoo just inside my hipbone. I enjoyed his lean, almost lanky frame. It wasn't often that I dated men taller than I was, and I found I liked it. I also liked his toned legs and the way he was sitting in my bed nude, completely unabashed as our eyes traveled over each others' bodies.

I reached out, idly rubbing his thigh as he knelt beside me while I looked at the phoenix tattoo on his chest. I hoped that someday – maybe not too far in the future – I'd get to hear the story of it. It clearly meant something to him, something important, but I didn't think he was ready to talk about it quite yet.

"So, what is it?" His words broke through my quiet contentment.

"Hmm?"

I'd been vaguely staring at my hand as it rubbed his thigh, watching the way his short blond hair fell back against his skin when I moved my fingers. I turned my eyes to his instead, and he shook his head with what looked like a fond smile.

"It's obviously a torch and garland…but why? What is it?"

"Oh." I frowned slightly, biting the inside of my cheek as I thought. This conversation could go several different ways, and I wasn't sure the most serious one – the I-got-it-to-remind-myself-not-to-get-involved-with-someone-who-didn't-want-to-be-with-me-forever one – was my best option. I cleared my throat, sitting up partially and supporting my weight on my elbows as I looked down at the tattoo. "Well…I've always liked mythology – you know, social anthropologist and all…" I smiled at him. "It's a nod to that…and, in particular, to Hymenaios."

I don't know what insanity possessed me that I would think he'd leave it at that, but of course, he didn't.

"Hymenaios?"

I nodded and sighed, dropping back onto my pillow and putting my hands behind my head as I looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah…he wore a garland and carried a torch. He…ahh…he presided over wedding ceremonies. He was supposed to be at every wedding ceremony, or the marriage would be a disaster…" I finally glanced over at Jasper and found him watching me, his eyebrows drawn together with an inscrutable expression on his face. "I figured I'm doing a favor for all those people who have Kate and me take pictures at their weddings."

It was the truth, but it was also a huge lie of omission.

Jasper nodded slowly, opening his mouth once before he closed it with a shake of his head. He looked back down at the tattoo and then up at me with a wicked gleam in his eyes. Before I knew what he was doing, he breathed, "You know I fantasized about licking this the night we met? Damn well going to do it now." He ducked his head down, and I felt the tip of his tongue trace along the edge of the tattoo…

And then my knees flew into the air as I rolled to my side, curling up into a ball defensively as I actually fucking giggled.

"What the hell?" Jasper's voice was amused, and it just made me giggle again. "You're ticklish there, aren't you?"

When I didn't answer, he reached out, his fingers brushing over the spot that made me twitch and try to slap his hand away. He was laughing, his head lowering as he kissed and licked at my skin, his strong hands holding me in place as he rendered me completely useless. I was trying to beg him to stop, but I couldn't catch my breath long enough to get the words out, so I turned toward him, my fingers shaking as I reached around to brush them against the back of his thigh.

He jerked, lifting his knee as he laughed. "Hey! Stop that!"

My shoulders shook as I laughed, and I trailed my fingers lightly up and down his inner thigh. He couldn't stop his laughter as he retaliated, and we acted like absolute twelve-year-olds before he finally straddled my hips, grabbing both my hands and pinning them above my head. He leaned down and mumbled, "Truce?" against my lips.

A stupid smile was on my face as I nodded wordlessly. When he let go of my hands, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he kissed me soundly, his lips hungry against mine. I groaned, feeling my body respond, and I was suddenly very aware of his cock hardening against my stomach.

"God damn…you aren't the only one who's insatiable…" he murmured, rolling off of me and stretching out beside me. He rested his hand on my hip as he gave me a lopsided grin.

I cupped his cheek, kissing him softly, and when I pulled away, he sighed. "Guess I better get going…"

I nodded, afraid to open my mouth because I knew I'd ask him to stay again, and I didn't want to hear him say no.

He led the way this time, and the sight of his bare ass as he walked down the stairs brought back my playful good mood. I couldn't resist smacking it, and he looked over his shoulder with wide-eyed disbelief, making me laugh.

We were chuckling as we got dressed in the den, finding our clothes scattered all over. I put his wet t-shirt in a plastic bag and brought it back out. He said, "I'll ahh…get yours back to you soon."

"No rush." I smiled, kind of liking the idea of him carrying something of mine with him, as silly as that was.

All too soon, I was telling him good night in the doorway again, and I realized it was getting harder to let him go every night.

"Thank you…" I murmured, kissing him gently. "For dinner, for…everything." I smirked without meaning to as I thought about everything else he'd given me.

He smiled as he answered quietly, "You're welcome…thank you."

My brow furrowed as I tried to figure out what he meant, but the look in his eyes warned me not to ask. I whispered, "You're welcome," and kissed him, holding him close for as long as I could before I let him go. I watched as he got into his car and drove away, feeling something in my chest ache in an unfamiliar way.

I was washing the last of the dishes from dessert when my phone beeped, and I pulled it from my pocket.

_Just letting you know I got home okay. Thanks…I had fun. And I like you._

I bit my bottom lip, but nothing could contain my smile as I thought before typing out my response.

_Thanks…everything was amazing. I like you, too._

I was humming as I finished up in the kitchen and went to bed, falling asleep with thoughts of Jasper in my head and his scent on my pillow.

By the time I woke up Saturday morning, that fragrance had faded, so I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and made my way downstairs, putting on the water for a cup of Earl Grey tea. I spent the day being lazy, just watching the Red Sox and not doing much else.

Jasper called in the middle of the game, and we watched the rest of it on the phone together. When it ended, I invited him over for leftovers since he'd apparently cooked for eight rather than just the two of us. When he arrived, we ate together comfortably and watched a few more episodes of _Stargate Atlantis_ before I found myself telling him goodbye again.

The next week passed in much the same way. I helped Kate with developing some of the pictures we'd taken, and she came over Monday night to help me with the layout for my book. We worked in my office, where we both had computers set up, and we made a lot of progress as we talked about the trip to Nantucket we'd planned with our friends for the weekend after Labor Day. Kate was working on her portfolio and wanted to get some pictures of us on location out there as well as add a few black-and-whites of the landscape.

On Wednesday, I had a meeting with Zafrina, and we decided that some rural pictures would be great to help round out the graffiti I'd already gathered, so I spent some time researching possible places to travel for them. There were a few places that looked promising as day trips, and I began tentatively scheduling some time to head out.

Jasper was busy with work a lot, but I saw him for lunch here and there, and we spoke for at least a few minutes every day. He knew I was leaving on Saturday to visit my family in Tennessee, so when we went to lunch on Thursday, he asked if we could go out Friday night. I was seriously tempted to say yes – especially when he told me he wanted to take me out dancing – but I told him I was going to the Red Sox game with Carlisle and Esme.

When Esme had called during the barbecue, she'd pressed me for information about my "young man." I told her he was there at the moment, and she'd said she understood – she wasn't going to make me tell her how I felt just then. But she'd made me promise to go out with the two of them soon, and Friday's game had been best for all of us.

I pouted a bit as I told him I couldn't make it, and my smile beamed when he leaned across the table, kissing my pout away. "You're too cute," he said, and I felt my cheeks heat.

Unfortunately, when we parted ways at the bar where we'd eaten – a place called Emmet's that I couldn't wait to tell my cousin Emmett about – I realized I wouldn't see him until after I got back. He had a business lunch the next day, and the game started right around the time he normally got home. I frowned as I told him goodbye, and he gave me a small smile.

"See you soon," he murmured, kissing me once more before he hugged me.

My arms were around his waist, and I moved my hands upward, pressing between his shoulder blades as I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in. I kissed his neck and then pulled away, nodding as I smiled the best I could. He brushed the back of his fingers along my cheek and then winked, finally turning and walking away.

I couldn't help but admire the way he looked in his dark gray suit as he got in his car to head back to work, and I was still standing on the sidewalk staring when he pulled away.

When I got home, I was inexplicably upset, just a little depressed, but I forced myself to go through the motions of doing my housework. I did a few loads of laundry and swept the patio before working in my darkroom for a while. Eventually, I realized that I was dragging my feet about packing, and I turned my thoughts to the happy parts of this trip – like the fact that I was spending a few days with Tanya, Rosalie, and Emmett, not to mention my aunt and uncle. I packed quickly, barely looking at what I was taking, and double-checked to make sure all the tiny shampoos and things I'd bought for my New York trip were still in my travel case.

It was right around six o'clock, and I'd just gone back downstairs when my phone rang. I smiled and didn't even check the caller ID.

"Hey, Jazz."

"_Hey yourself…"_ he answered, and I smiled at his accent. We talked as we ate dinner, but I felt my strange funk settling in again as soon as we'd hung up the phone. I didn't feel like doing anything – not even calling Kate – so I turned off the lights and went upstairs, stripping before crawling into bed.

I moved to my side, staring at the clock that was taunting me, telling me it was just after eight. With a sigh, I rolled onto my back, exhaling as I puffed out my cheeks and tried to think.

I was in this deep. Somehow without my even fully realizing it, I'd fallen for Jasper. I couldn't fool myself with thinking I _was_ falling for him anymore. It was done. I was his. I just hoped he didn't fuck me over.

Even with that worry in the back of my mind, I couldn't stop the smile on my lips, the giddy feeling that came with falling in love. I knew there was a lot I didn't know about Jasper yet. We still had a long way to go…I couldn't even tell _him_ how I felt yet because it was so early, and I knew there were ghosts in his past that kept him afraid. But after so many almost-relationships where I hadn't really cared about the guy, it felt fantastic to be with a man who made me feel alive.

I lay there thinking about him for the longest time, remembering his smile and the way his eyes danced when he was up to no good. I thought about the little ways he let me know he cared, even if he couldn't quite say it yet – the texts to tell me he was okay, the phone calls I knew were just to hear my voice, the dinner he'd cooked, and the way he'd searched out Kate to apologize and find out my favorite foods.

The longer I lay there, the more I started thinking about him in minute detail, remembering the husky sound of his voice when he cursed, the exquisite look of pleasure that bordered on pain as he climaxed…imagining the way it would feel when we did fulfill Jasper's fantasy.

I moaned softly, shifting my hips beneath the sheets as I remembered Jasper making my fantasy come true the week before. I could still see him there, kneeling on the floor with his lips wrapped around my cock, those sky blue eyes gazing up at me.

"Fuck." My curse was soft, a noise of longing rather than annoyance, and my fingers were trailing lightly along my length.

I opened my eyes to the darkness of my room and reached over, pulling my bottle of lube from the drawer in my nightstand. I grabbed a couple of tissues, glancing at the clock to see that I'd been thinking of Jasper for well over an hour, and then I settled back in bed, closing my eyes once more.

I gave myself over to my memories, my slick hand wrapping around my hard shaft and pumping with no visual stimulation other than the images behind my eyelids. For once, it was memories of being with Jasper rather than fantasies that fueled my desire, and the distinction made me smile as my hips lifted from the mattress. I came with images of him doing the same, and once I'd cleaned up a little, I was able to fall into a restful sleep.

On Friday, I alternated between antsy and listless, and I was frustrated with my inability to focus. I tried to get a little work done in my darkroom, but it just couldn't hold my attention, and after a quick chicken salad sandwich for lunch, I found myself in my walk-in closet, pulling out my guitar case.

It had been a disturbingly long time since I'd played, and as I sat out on my bedroom balcony tuning the guitar, the memory of why, exactly, it had been so long came rushing back to me.

"_Mmm…play that again, love…" Alistair's soft voice made me smile, his accent thicker the way it always was when he was tired._

_I glanced over at him, warmth spreading in my chest at the sight of him in my bed. He was lying nude, the sheet twisted haphazardly across his waist, and his arm was thrown over his eyes, a lazy smile on his lips. As I watched, he lowered his arm and opened his eyes, turning his face to find me where I sat at the foot of the bed._

_I carefully put the guitar on the floor and crawled over to him, murmuring against his lips. "I thought you were supposed to be going to sleep…"_

_He smiled softly, his arms snaking around my waist as he pulled me close to kiss me. "I am…just one more song, my heart. Please? I can't get enough of your voice when you sing…"_

_I laughed softly, shaking my head before I kissed him again and then pulled away. I ran my fingers through my hair as I picked up the guitar and sat on the edge of the bed, a little closer to him this time. As I began strumming the opening notes, he whispered, "You spoil me," and settled back with his left arm over his eyes._

"_Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup…" I watched his lips curve into a smile as I sang, the fingers of his right hand idly tracing patterns on my thigh._

Clenching my jaw, I forced the memory away, concentrating instead on the adjustments needed to get the instrument in tune again. It wasn't that there were bad memories associated with it – on the contrary, they had been some of the happiest times with Alistair. But after him, I'd stopped playing for a while, only bringing the guitar out here and there and never playing for more than a song or two.

That afternoon, I played for several hours, and by the time I'd stopped, my fingers were aching, calluses beginning to develop again. It felt damn good.

I stopped only when it was time to get ready for the game. I took a quick shower and then headed out early, stopping by Grapevine to eat before I met Carlisle and Esme. When I got to the stadium, I made my way inside, heading for the section where they would be seated. Like my dad and me, Carlisle had been an unwavering Red Sox fan all his life, and he'd held four season tickets for years.

As soon as I started down the stairs, I saw Esme's caramel-colored ponytail swaying as she reached out, pointing toward the field while she said something to Carlisle. He was nodding, shielding his eyes from the lowering sun as he followed her gaze. When he saw whatever it was, he turned to her, smiling. He caught sight of me and raised a hand in greeting, and I swallowed the lump in my throat as I was struck again by how young they still seemed.

_My parents' age._

They'd been my parents' closest friends. Carlisle was dad's business partner, his best friend from college, and he'd been the one who introduced my parents after he met Elizabeth McCarty at a charity function. She was a nurse but was there as a volunteer, helping raise money and awareness for child abuse, and Carlisle had been struck by her intelligence and sense of humor. The way she'd teased him had put him in mind of my dad, and he'd arranged for them to meet as soon as they both could. According to Carlisle, my mom and dad had connected immediately, and they'd been inseparable from the start. They dated for a couple of years before they married and had me soon after.

As I made my way down the narrow aisle toward them, I studied them, noting the way they were starting to show some signs of aging. Carlisle had a touch of gray at his temples, and Esme's laugh lines and the crinkles at the corners of her eyes showed how genuinely happy she usually was. Still, they were not yet sixty, and I felt that old sense of melancholy I often had around them – any time I realized how incredibly early my parents had been taken from me.

That feeling faded as soon as Esme wrapped me in a warm hug, kissing my cheek and telling me how good it was to see me. She let me go so I could hug Carlisle and then said, "You're not eating enough. When was the last time you had a home-cooked meal?"

I glanced over to find her standing with her hands on her hips, her head tilted as she studied me. I really hadn't been cooking lately, and I felt the blush on my cheeks as I thought about the last homemade meal I'd had. "Umm…actually, Jasper cooked for me last weekend."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, he did, did he?"

When I nodded, she smiled and sat down, pulling me down beside her while I shot a look at Carlisle over her head. He smiled at me and gave a small shrug, reaching out to hold Esme's hand while she launched into a series of questions about Jasper. I began answering, and as we talked, the game started. Throughout the early innings, our conversation started and stopped, interrupted when we jumped to our feet, cheering. Carlisle joined in as we caught up on what had been happening for all of us since the last time we were together, but the topic always came back to Jasper eventually.

Esme seemed pleased with what she heard, and it was during the seventh inning stretch that she took my hand with a serious expression. "I'm happy for you, dear. He sounds like a very nice young man, and I expect that we'll meet him soon." She arched an eyebrow pointedly, waiting for my nod before she continued. "Now, tell me…is he treating you right?"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Esme…"

She glanced over at him and gave him a small smile. "I'm just worried."

"I know, love…" He kissed her temple, putting his arm around her shoulders. "But Edward's a grown man. He can take care of himself."

She frowned, pursing her lips as she considered his words. She looked around us, taking in the crowd before she leaned a little closer, lowering her voice for me alone. "Edward, dear, I know you're grown and you don't need an old woman interfering…" She batted away my protest with a wave of her hand. "I just…I think of you as my own, the son I never had. I just want to see you happy."

Her eyes were shimmering, and the thought flitted through my mind that only Esme could get me choked up at a Red Sox game surrounded by screaming fans. I didn't trust my voice, nodding at her before I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer so I could kiss her forehead. Carlisle's arm fell down her back as she hugged me and whispered, "That's all I'll say for now. I promise. But I do want to meet Jasper."

I chuckled softly, kissing her hair once more before I let her go. Carlisle's arm settled back around her shoulders, and we spent the rest of our time focused on the game. The Red Sox absolutely stomped the White Sox, winning eight to nothing, and our voices were hoarse from cheering by the time we parted ways in the parking lot.

As I drove away, I was keenly aware of how close I was to Jasper's place. Esme's questions and seeing her with Carlisle had brought my feelings for him even more into focus, and I felt a strong pull to see him again. Tonight. Before I flew away and was guaranteed to spend a few days away from him.

Without even looking at the time or thinking about what I was doing, I pulled my phone from my pocket and called him.

He answered on the second ring, sounding breathless. _"Edward. Hey…"_

I smiled at the sound of his voice, the fingers of my left hand tightening on the steering wheel. "Hey, Jazz…hope I didn't wake you."

He laughed, saying that he was nowhere near tired enough to sleep yet. We chatted briefly, and then he said, _"Is everything okay?"_

I frowned slightly, pulling into a parallel parking space on the side of the road so I didn't get too far away from his place. "Yeah, everything's alright. I just…" _I just really fucking miss you and need to hold you._ "I was just wondering if it would be okay if I stopped by for a little while?" My voice rose at the end, turning my statement into an uncertain question.

"_Oh."_ He paused, and I sighed, wondering if I should tell him never mind. I traced the pattern on the steering wheel, my eyes following the motion of my fingers as I realized that part of my mind had been planning to make Jasper's fantasy come true. Tonight…if he let me come over. _"I was just heading out for a ride, actually."_

Frowning again, I nodded, but before I could tell him I understood, he said, _"I'd like to see you, though. Would it be okay if I came over to your place instead?"_

Furrowing my brow, I thought about his words, trying to figure out if he was being honest or not. In the end, I decided it didn't particularly matter – I wanted to see him. _Needed_ to see him before I left.

I told him that sounded good, and as we hung up, I pulled back out into the street, turning to head toward my house. I was conflicted, feeling happy that I would see Jasper soon but upset that he seemed to be keeping me at a distance. I knew he hadn't planned to see me tonight – I'd told him I'd be busy, so it was really luck that he was even at home – but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was keeping me at arms' length for some reason.

As I parked across the street from my house, I tried to force my worries away, realizing I was probably projecting some of the residual fears from Alistair onto Jasper. He didn't deserve that – he was a different man and had done nothing to earn my distrust.

As soon as I'd let myself inside, I unbuttoned the Red Sox jersey I was wearing, letting it hang open over my red t-shirt. It had been a gift from Carlisle and Esme for my twenty-fifth birthday a few years ago and had my last name along with the number 9 – Ted Williams' number – on the back. I kicked off my shoes, shoving them haphazardly beneath the bench as I hung up my keys and went straight to the kitchen. There, I opened a bottle of wine and put on a pot of coffee, unsure which Jasper would prefer.

Despite my vague misgivings, the sound of my doorbell put a wide smile on my face, and I hurried down the hall to let him in. He had his helmet in hand, his jacket already unzipped, and as soon as he stepped inside, he pressed me against the wall, kissing me thoroughly before he pulled away with a hum and drawled, "This is a nice surprise…"

His content smile chased away my worries, and I pressed another kiss against his lips before I reached over to lock the door. I took his helmet and jacket, hanging them as he took off his shoes, and we soon found ourselves seated on my couch with glasses of wine in hand and soft music playing in the background.

We talked comfortably, but the playful mood that was so often around us was gone, and I kept feeling myself slide back into that strange depression. Jasper frowned more often than normal, growing quiet as he glanced away. I asked if he was okay, and he nodded, smiling at me before he blushed deeply and cleared his throat. I asked what was wrong, and he was carefully studying the glass of wine in his hands when he whispered huskily, "It's stupid."

I frowned, taking the glass from him and putting it on the coffee table before I took both his hands in mine. "I doubt that. What is it?"

He bit the inside of his cheek, shrugging before he sighed and finally looked up at me. "I think I'm gonna miss you."

My smile was wide, nearly making my cheeks ache as I tried to control my reaction to those simple words. "That's not stupid, Jazz…" He smiled in response to both my words and my expression. "I'm definitely going to miss you."

"Really?" His voice was higher pitched, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Of course. How many men do you think I call up late at night to ask if I can see them?"

The blush on his cheeks was endearing as he shrugged, and then he leaned forward, resting his head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him. It felt…good. Right.

And then he sighed, and I frowned, feeling my mood dip again. "This sucks," I finally said.

"What does?" He didn't raise his head, putting his arms around my waist. I rested my cheek against the top of his head, thinking for a moment about how much I should say before I answered.

"I'm just getting to know you. I know it's only a few days, but I don't want to leave." _And it sucks that I was afraid to tell you that, too._

I felt rather than saw his smile, and he nodded against my shoulder. I was frustrated with the way I was tiptoeing around Jasper – and even more with my instinctive realization that it was necessary.

"Now this _is_ stupid," I said, lifting my head. He looked up at me, confusion and even a tinge of hurt on his face. I grinned at him, forcing a lighter mood.

"Why the fuck are we wasting time sitting around being emo bitches?"

He snickered and shook his head, reaching out for his wine. He drained the glass and then wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb before he said, "What did you have in mind?"

I tilted my head, thinking for a moment. "Hmm…we never got around to that bath the other night. You game?"

"You want to take a bath with me?"

I shrugged. "Yeah…baths can be relaxing. Maybe it'll make us feel better."

He smiled a little shyly and nodded. "Let's do it."

My eyes widened slightly at his choice of words, particularly when I'd been thinking about doing just that earlier. I felt a little off somehow, not quite in the mood for something like that, and I wondered if it might actually be a good idea to spend a few days away after all – get a little distance and some time to think. I tried to ignore the little voice that told me I'd have the entire next weekend away from Jasper, too. I realized I hadn't told him about that trip yet, but I decided on the spot to wait until after I'd gotten back. We were both feeling glum enough without adding to it.

Perhaps perversely, the realization that Jasper was upset that I was leaving helped lift my mood. I finished off my wine and led him to my bathroom, where I started the water in the tub. Jasper leaned against the bathroom counter, crossing his arms over his chest. As we waited for the water to warm, I went to my closet, taking down the two robes hanging on the back of the door.

When I brought them back to the bathroom and hung them on the hooks by the tub, I noticed Jasper eyeing them thoughtfully. I was amused by how in sync our minds were at times – I knew I'd be wondering about that shit, too, if we were at his house – so I said, "They're both mine…" I'd gotten rid of anything of Alistair's long ago. He'd taken the final small box of his belongings when he'd last visited in May.

Jasper nodded, a grin tugging at his lips. I stopped up the tub and then let my jersey fall off my arms, putting it in the hamper before I pulled off my t-shirt and balled it up, tossing it in as well. By the time I started unbuttoning my pants, Jasper was standing beside me, his hands brushing mine away as he took over. He kissed along my neck slowly, sweetly, and then he pulled back with a chuckle when he pushed my pants down my thighs.

"My, my…you _do_ own underwear…"

I rolled my eyes as I stepped out of my jeans, standing in my boxer briefs and socks as I began to undress Jasper. He was wearing a white long-sleeved t-shirt that I quickly cast aside. I peppered his shoulders and chest with kisses as I teased him, reminding him that I'd worn underwear on our date as well.

He _hmm_'d and said, "That's just 'cause you knew you couldn't control yourself around me…"

I shrugged as I unzipped his pants, kissing beneath his ear. "What can I say? You're right. Less chance of me completely embarrassing myself that way."

He laughed, wrapping his arms around me as we kissed. Our lips moved slowly, sensually, and I smiled at the feel of his smooth skin beneath my fingertips as I trailed them along his back. We finished undressing, and I put Jasper's clothes on the counter before I turned off the water.

He finally glanced over at the bath, raising an eyebrow. "Bubbles?"

I grinned at him. "I do shit right. You know that."

He smiled in response, and I said, "Oh, speaking of…candles or no? Up to you."

He was so fucking adorable, standing nude in my bathroom as he ran his fingers through his messy blond hair. He looked at a loss, so I chuckled softly, opening the cabinet and motioning to the jarred candles I kept there.

He bit his bottom lip, and then said, "Candles?" as if he were asking my permission.

"Make yourself useful, Mr. Whitlock." I grinned at the expression on his face as I opened a drawer, pulling out a lighter and handing it to him. He narrowed his eyes at me before one corner of his lips turned up into a smirk, and he pulled the candles out, lighting them as he set them around the ledge. As he was finishing up, I flipped off the light, taking a moment to let my eyes adjust.

"What are you waiting for?" I teased, climbing into the tub and turning to look at him. He followed just behind, sitting at the opposite end so he was facing me. My feet were to either side of his hips, but he sat with his legs drawn up, his ankles crossed in a position that looked incredibly uncomfortable. I smiled at him, reaching between us to grab his feet. I pulled them gently, settling his legs on top of mine. He was tense, his shoulders taut as he put his heels against the floor of the tub and kept the weight of his legs off of mine.

"Relax," I murmured, taking one of his feet in my hands and rubbing it gently.

As I massaged his arch with my thumb, he slipped down a little deeper in the water, leaning back against the side of the tub and letting his head fall onto the edge as he sighed softly. "Damn…"

I smiled, encouraged by his posture and his words, and I massaged each of his feet in turn. He moaned quietly, sighing appreciatively as I worked and tried to ignore my body's natural response to the sounds he was making.

When I finished, I trailed my hands lazily up and down his calves, letting my head drop back onto the edge of the tub as well. I closed my eyes, the flickering light of the candles dancing across my eyelids as I inhaled deeply, relaxing in the warmth of the tub. The fragrances around me were soothing, and I relished the comfortable weight of Jasper's legs across my thighs. Reclining there was utterly comforting, putting me in mind of winter nights spent wrapped in one of Aunt Livy's quilts as I sat in front of the fire listening to the sounds of my family around me, and I just let all my worries go.

I must've dozed a bit in the stillness because I was next aware of the water being displaced, washing up on my chest. I opened my eyes to find Jasper's face hovering over me, and then his body was on mine, the warmth of his skin and the water making me smile before he settled fully on me, and I moaned loudly.

He was hard, his arousal pressing against my abdomen, and his lips were kissing me eagerly, blazing trails across my cheeks and down my neck, circling my nipple before he sucked on it gently, teasing it with his tongue. I was a little disoriented, my hands finding their way to his hair as I worked to catch up. He bit my nipple lightly, and I murmured, "Fuck…" as my hips shifted, brushing against his.

At the sound of my voice, he lifted his head, his lips finding mine as he kissed me fully. Our lips parted, our tongues brushing, and I was suddenly wide awake, my hands roaming Jasper's back, tracing the deep indentation along his spine, squeezing his ass. He tasted heavenly, and I moaned as my legs wrapped around him, pulling him even closer.

He broke our kiss, his face moving to my ear, where he whispered, "Please…"

My hands clasped his face as I tilted his head up, nipping at his chin. "Please what, baby? Tell me what you want, Jazz…"

His hips rocked against me, one arm wrapping around my waist as he held himself up with the other. "You," was his quiet reply.

He was kissing my neck, so I gently pulled his head up again, looking into his eyes as I tried to read his mood. Desire was blazing in his light blue eyes, enhanced by the fitful flames of the candles, but there was something else lurking there in the depths, something stronger.

I ran my thumb along his jaw before kissing him chastely. Then I smiled and said, "Water's getting cold…let's get out?"

He reached out, bracing his hands on either side of the tub as he pushed himself up. I appreciated the sight of the water cascading down his body, and I swallowed hard at the sight of his obvious arousal in the weak light. He reached out, pulling down two towels from the shelf, and he held one out to me before he began to dry off. I noticed that he didn't take his eyes off of me, his gaze traveling over my nude form in a way that made me feel wanted. I followed his lead, drinking him in as the candles cast shadows, bathing his body in a warm, golden glow that showed off his lean muscles. I felt myself growing harder, my body yearning for his touch, and I couldn't dry myself fast enough.

He reached out silently for my towel, and when I handed it to him, he gave me one of the robes before tossing both our towels into the hamper. I was a little confused about why, exactly, we were getting dressed, but when he pulled on the other robe, tying it closed, I did the same. Then he stepped right next to me, cupping my cheek as he kissed me gently. I could feel him holding back, reining in the reckless desire he'd felt in the tub, but I couldn't decide if I wanted him to restrain himself or not.

I made up my mind, kissing him harder and parting his lips as I began walking him backwards toward my bedroom. My hands were at his waist, wrapped around the belt of his robe, while his were around my shoulders. When the backs of his legs hit my mattress, he sat and then shifted, pulling me with him as he stretched out on my bed.

I was lying partially on top of him, but he rolled us, pressing me into the mattress as his weight spread over me. He never broke our kiss as his hands began caressing my face, his fingers tracing the join of my neck and shoulder before they trailed further down. He lifted himself as he opened my robe over my chest, and his fingers found my nipple, pinching and rubbing lightly as he teased me.

"I want you," he whispered against my lips, his hips rolling against mine. His words warmed me, and it felt like he was saying something more, something significant – as if this were a confession of longing for something greater than my body. I didn't know what to say, how to respond without frightening him, so I ran my fingers tenderly through his hair, watching as he reached between us, his fingers playing with the belt of my robe before I felt it give way.

I pushed his shoulders, rolling him onto his back while I straddled his thighs. It was my turn to lavish his chest with kisses, tugging on his nipple rings as I worked at the belt at his waist. I pushed the terrycloth aside, my hands exploring the planes of his stomach before venturing lower to cup his erection. I inhaled sharply at the slick feeling of the pre-cum dripping from his slit, and I wrapped my hand around his shaft, pumping him slowly as I moved to kiss his lips again.

Jasper tugged at my robe, and I lifted up for a moment, shrugging out of it so he could toss it to the floor. I could feel his hard length twitching beneath me, aching for relief, and all I could think was that I wanted to taste him. I trailed kisses over his chin and along his neck, kissing every inch of his chest before I made my way slowly down to his abdomen. I traced his deep V with my tongue, smiling against his skin when he jumped, the light contact tickling him. His fingers were gripping my hair, and I was confused when I felt him tug lightly.

I glanced up, finding him watching me. "Wait…" he whispered, pulling me back up and guiding me to the middle of the bed. As soon as I was lying down once more, he moved, throwing his robe to the floor before he stretched out beside me the opposite way. His warm breath washed over my erection as a quiet noise of longing escaped my lips. His hips were just in front of my face, and I pulled them closer, licking from the tip of his hard cock all the way down, taking one of his balls between my lips. I felt Jasper doing the same, mimicking my actions, and I couldn't stop my hips from thrusting toward him.

His hands gripped my thighs as his warm mouth enveloped my cock, and I uttered a curse before I hurried to do the same. I licked along his slit, tasting the salty liquid before I took him as far as I could, feeling his head brush against the back of my mouth. I could feel him all around me – his tongue licking my length, his lips kissing my thighs, his fingers caressing my skin.

There were no words to describe how it felt – the difference that came with us expressing our mutual adoration as we brought each other pleasure as one. I couldn't tell the difference between his moans and mine, the sounds blending together in one symphony of desire and satisfaction.

His arm wrapped around my hip, his fingers pressing that sensitive juncture between my legs as my mouth began to suck him in earnest. My tongue swirled around his head, and he broke away, uttering a plaintive, "Oh god…Edward…" before he moaned, and my cock was in his mouth once more.

Our bodies writhed together, hips pumping slowly as our heads moved back and forth, hands traveling as far as they could reach before journeying back to wrap around shafts. There was heat and moisture and hard bodies, and it was all an indescribable paradise that had me panting all too soon, my hand stroking Jasper as I licked at his head, unable to keep up. I could feel his hand speeding along my length, and I heard him murmuring, "You make me feel so damn good…please, Edward, please…"

I couldn't comprehend most of what he was saying, but the sound of my name tumbling from his lips mixed with the seductive sounds of his own pleasure amplified each sensation, driving me toward the brink.

Jasper hardened even more in my hand, his thighs clenching as a final quiet "Fuck" reached my ears. I wrapped my lips around his head, his hot release filling my mouth as I stroked him. His hand stilled, but I couldn't let him stop. I was so close…my hips took over, thrusting into his waiting hand, which tightened around me once more. I felt the warmth of Jasper's lips around my head, and then I was moaning as ecstasy wracked my body. I turned my face away, whispering his name as I wrapped my arm around his hip, my forehead against his thighs.

We lay there for a while, coming down slowly from our orgasmic high, and then I felt soft kisses on my thighs before Jasper rolled over onto his back. I propped myself up on my elbow, and he raised his head to smile at me. I reached for him, and he shifted around to lie beside me. He rested on his back, his arm spread just below the pillow beside him, and I settled in with my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, his hand resting on my hip, and we just relaxed, holding each other while my hand rubbed his chest lightly and his fingers trailed along my hipbone.

Even though the acts we'd just committed were nothing we hadn't done before, there was a vastly different feeling in the air. I wasn't sure if it was because we were in my bed or because we'd acted in unison rather than taking turns…or because our feelings for each other were changing, growing, and we both noticed, even if we weren't acknowledging them out loud. It was probably some combination of all of those things, but whatever it was, it felt more like we were expressing love rather than just getting off…and for the first time, I allowed myself to really embrace the idea of a future with Jasper.

As my head rose and fell with the regular motion of his breathing, I imagined taking him to Tennessee to meet my family there. I could hear Emmett's coarse language and suggestive jokes, especially when he realized Jasper's nipples were pierced, which he undoubtedly would. Emmett and Alistair had never quite understood each other, but I had a feeling he and Jazz would hit it off well. Probably a little too well for my own good. I smiled, my fingers growing still on his chest as I thought of how the rest of them would react – Tanya welcoming, Rosalie gruff until she was sure he was worthy, Aunt Livy mothering as always…and Uncle Everett would treat him like any other man. He still didn't know exactly how to take my sexual orientation, though it didn't affect the way he regarded me.

A soft rumbling broke through my musings, and I stifled a chuckle when I realized Jasper had drifted off to sleep. I lifted my head and spent a few seconds watching him lying there with his lips parted as he snored lightly. He looked so comfortable, so peaceful. I seriously considered just turning off the lamp and covering us up, but when I thought about the way Jasper had reacted to the idea of staying with me…something in my gut warned me that wouldn't be a good idea.

I reached out, lightly tracing his lower lip with my thumb. He didn't stir, so I settled back on his chest and rested there for a moment. Then I shifted, "accidentally" bumping into his side as I yawned loudly. He gave one great snore and then jerked with a "Huh?" I bit my lip to keep from laughing as I sat up, running my fingers through my hair.

He sat up beside me, his eyes a little weak as he blinked at the light and scratched the back of his head. "Hey…" he murmured softly.

I couldn't help but chuckle then as I leaned in, kissing him gently. "Hey there…"

He yawned, flopping back on the bed and rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. When he lowered his arms again, he said, "Come here," his voice thick and rough with sleep.

I lay down beside him again, and he kissed me deeply, his lips soft against mine as our tongues moved languidly together. He broke away with a hum and flashed me a small smile before he sighed. "Guess I better get going before I pass out..." He glanced at the clock, seeing it was just before two. "Shit! And you need to get some sleep. Can't have you missing your flight."

I frowned at the reminder but nodded. Before I could stop myself, the words were out of my mouth. "If you're tired, why don't you just stay here?"

_Fucking. Idiot._

I shoved away the berating voice, repressing my sigh when Jasper's eyes widened. I felt my jaw clench before I forced it to relax, moderating my tone. "If…" I paused, clearing my throat. "If you don't want to sleep with me, there are plenty of other beds for you to crash in."

I didn't really understand the hurt that flashed in his eyes. Wasn't _I_ the one that should be upset with the way he always seemed to want to run off?

I decided I'd said enough and just let the silence fill the room as we watched each other. His brow furrowed, and I could practically see the effort as he thought. Finally, he sighed, reaching out to take my hand.

"Aww, hell, Edward. Look, it's not you…or maybe it is. I don't know. I'm just…" He frowned, and I'd never seen him at a loss quite like he was just then. "I…_fuck_!" He looked away, pulling one knee up and resting his elbow against it while he propped his forehead in his palm. I let him have a moment and then squeezed his hand.

When he looked up, I said, "It's okay, Jazz. You're not ready. I get it."

There was a pleading look in his eyes when he spoke next. "I think…for you…I could be. Just not…now."

A smile played on my lips as I considered his words. This man I was falling in love with obviously had some baggage, some issues we would need to work through…but I felt hope at his words, at the acknowledgement that there was something more between us. I thought about how to respond, but no words seemed to fit. In the end, I just leaned over and kissed him. He returned the kiss fervently, and as we were parting, he whispered, "I like you."

"I like you, too," I answered, watching him for a moment with a small smile before I lightened the mood, tickling his inner thigh. He retaliated, but we ended things before they led us straight back into bed – though I, for one, would've had no problems with that whatsoever.

Jasper got dressed again while I threw on one of the discarded robes. I walked him downstairs in silence; not a word was spoken as he put on his boots and jacket. When he stood again, he hooked a hand through the belt of my robe and pulled me close, kissing me deeply. We said our goodbyes quietly, and as he was walking out the door, he turned to me and murmured, "You be careful now, okay?" He gave me a lopsided grin. "I want you to come back in one piece."

I nodded, smiling in response, and I stood in the doorway until he disappeared at the end of the street. When all was quiet again, I walked back inside and up to my bedroom, where I picked up my phone and went out onto the balcony. I sat there looking at the stars over the Boston skyline until my phone beeped with my nightly text from him.

_I'm home. Let me know you got there okay tomorrow? Miss you._

----------

_**A/N:**__ A couple of things we'd like to mention –_

_Last week saw AHelm's birthday and a bunch of us wrote her a little somethin' somethin' to celebrate her. SorceressCirce wrote a crossover AU of Inksper and Markedward (and boy was it hot!), naelany wrote a bit of Geekward. Here's where you can find all the stories together: http://ang-bday2009(dot)blogspot(dot)com/?zx=6d7602d1bbd2a46b _

_Now comes an important bit of information. This was the last weekly update for Marked. We will - as of chapter 9 - update bi-weekly instead. In part because it's the holidays and we would like to have the chance to enjoy them with our families, but also because we're working on getting ahead. With Marked, and...another story. Yes, you read it right. Beginning January 3, 2010 we will be launching a new story called __**Be Careful What You Wish For**__. It started out as a one-shot by naelany but quickly became much more. It was inspired by MorganaL, who wanted the chance to 'buy' naelany at the Fandom Gives Back. We worked something out, and this is the result of it. It will not be Edward/Jasper, but we hope that you will give the Wishboys a chance, too. Yes, it's slash._

_So our posting schedule will be every other week for both stories. So you'll still get an update from us every week (life permitting), just from alternating stories, so no one panic ^_~._

_See you on the 27th! Merry Christmas, everyone!_

P.S. Speaking of Christmas, have y'all read the one-shot naelany wrote for the Who's Under Your Tree? contest? You can find it here (or go to her profile): http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5561728/1/All_I_Want_For_Christmas


	9. Foolin' Myself

A/N: Thank you so much to our betas, **AHelm **and **kimberlycullen10**, and to our prereader, **EchoesOfTwilight**, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!

We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do.

* * *

**JPOV**

I grumbled at the incessant noise that invaded my sleep, just wanting it to stop. I'd gone to bed way too late, having stayed at Edward's until around two in the morning. He was supposed to leave for Tennessee early today, and he had asked to spend time with me. Though he'd asked to come by my place, I'd talked him into meeting at his instead. I wasn't quite ready to invite him over yet - and I was glad I hadn't had to explain why.

Especially since I wasn't entirely sure myself.

Fumbling, I hit the snooze button, finally shutting off the infernal racket. I fell back onto my pillows with a soft groan, flinging my arm over my eyes. _Late night, but fuck was it worth it...I just hope Edward managed to get some sleep before he had to leave for his flight. _

I was drifting off again, my mind still in that daze between wakefulness and sleep as my thoughts went back to the night before. I bit my lip as I remembered taking a bath with Edward, feeling his body beneath mine in the warmth of the tub. I focused on the way he'd looked in the candlelight, wet and hard, his eyes hungry. I saw him pushing me into his bedroom, his lips worshiping my body as we settled onto his bed. I shifted a little and moaned as I remembered how it felt to have his lips wrapped around my cock and, not long after, how it had felt to have mine around his at the same time. My hand began drifting downward as I idly thought that I might as well take advantage of the images playing behind my eyelids.

Before I could get too involved in my memories of the night before, my phone rang, and I cursed out loud, "Goddamnit!"

As the ringtone penetrated my brain, I hurried to grab my phone. "Mornin' Lee-Lee. What's up?"

_"Well,_ I_ am, but the question is, are _you_, brother dearest? Did you forget that you're supposed to come pick me up so we can go have breakfast and go to the zoo?"_

I glanced at the clock and groaned, "Fuck, I'm sorry, Emily; I overslept. Let me grab a quick shower, and I'll be right over, okay?"

I heard her chuckle softly. _"Late night, Spurs?" _

I grinned, running my fingers through my hair. "Yeah, you could say that."

_"Well, you can tell me all about it after you buy me breakfast. You're paying today. Your penance for being late."_

"Alright, alright! Now, let me get off the phone so I can get ready."

She giggled. _"Alright. Get to steppin'. Love you!" _

I rolled my eyes. "Love you, too. See you in a few."

As soon as I hung up the phone, I rushed through a shower, forgoing a shave in order to save time. I threw on my black jeans and a dark brown t-shirt with a black tribal tattoo print covering the side, and then slipped on my boots. I grabbed my things, making sure I had everything before putting on my jacket, resting my helmet on my arm as I locked the door behind me.

I made it to Emily's dorm within twenty minutes of her phone call, and she stood outside waiting for me. One of the girls from her building was talking with her, but as soon as I drove up, Emily's face lit up and she waved at the girl, putting her helmet on as she walked up to me.

I didn't even bother turning the engine off, opting instead to just sit and wait for her to get on. As soon as she was settled behind me, we took off. Since I would be buying us breakfast anyway, I decided to take her to her favorite bakery.

Shelly was on shift again, and as soon as she saw us come through the door, she walked over to an empty table with two glasses of sweet tea in hand.

"Thanks, darlin'!"

She smiled. "You're welcome. What'll it be today?"

I ordered a chocolate croissant for myself, and Emily ordered a chocolate-hazelnut scone. Shelly went off to place the order, and as soon as she was out of earshot, Emily pounced.

"Alright, let's hear it. You never oversleep, so something's up."

She arched a brow and gave me a knowing look. I sighed, taking a long drink of my tea to buy myself some time. Somehow I didn't think that telling her exactly what I had been up would go over too well. I shuddered.

_Eww, she's my little _sister_, for crying out loud. I'm not going to tell her anything like _that_!_

I cleared my throat, and I could feel my cheeks warm as I blushed. Thankfully, Shelly walked up with our order, but Emily just gave me a pointed look that made it quite clear that I wasn't going to get out of answering her question.

After Shelly left, I took a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair as I tried to think.

"I was...hanging out with a friend, and it got kinda late. Later than I had intended it to be."

I looked at her, praying she would just leave it alone, but I might as well have spared the effort. She grinned crookedly at me, arching her brow again as she said, "A friend, huh?"

I let out a slow breath, puffing my cheeks as I did before relenting. It was no use trying to hide anything from her anyway, so I told her in general terms what had happened since the last time we had gotten together. Surprisingly, she stayed quiet as I told her about Edward, though the look of amusement on her face was beginning to annoy me a little.

I scowled a little and huffed, "What?"

"Nothing at all. It's just nice to see you like this, Spurs. I don't think I ever have before. It's cute."

I tilted my head in confusion, frowning at her. "What's cute?"

She chuckled. "You are. You really do like this guy, don't you?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Yeah, I did like Edward. A lot. And even though we had gotten to know each other better, it still scared me just how much I liked him. Part of me was glad that he would be in Tennessee over the weekend, even as another part of me wanted nothing more than to have more time with him.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged, not answering her. She shook her head, chuckling softly as she finally tucked into her scone. I took my croissant and broke a piece off, but before putting it in my mouth, I grinned at her.

"So how are things going with James?"

I popped the pastry in my mouth, pleased to see that the mention of James was enough to distract her completely. She told me about their first date again, going on about how he had been the perfect gentleman all night - from holding out her chair for her to opening the door for her, and only giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek when he dropped her off.

She was practically swooning in her seat as she recounted how he had shown up one day after class, surprising her with a bouquet of red, variegated tulips. She said she googled their meaning and was nearly bouncing as she told me they stood for _"a declaration of love," "perfect lover"_ - that had me bristling - and_ "believe me_." The last one made me frown. For some reason, something just resonated with me, and I couldn't put my finger on it.

If she noticed my reaction, she ignored it, so I did my best to push the feelings of unease aside and just be happy for my little sister. I warned her that she would have to introduce me to him soon, and she agreed to talk to James and see if we could all get together in the next week or so.

After we were done eating and had settled our bill, we headed out to the bike. Just as I was about to put my helmet on, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Normally I never answered my phone when we were on our dates, letting the calls go to voicemail before checking them in case of an emergency. This time, though, when I saw Edward's name flash on the screen, I answered straight away, earning me a questioning look from Emily.

I checked my watch as I said, "Edward! Is everything okay? Shouldn't you be on board a plane right about now?"

Emily put her helmet on the bike, resting her hand on it as she shifted her weight, putting her other hand on her hip. She cocked her head to the side, a sly grin on her face as she watched me.

_"Yeah, you'd think so. They canceled my flight at the last minute, and since the next available flight out isn't until tomorrow night, I decided to just stay home. Was actually wondering if you had any plans today."_

I muttered under my breath, "Fuck." My eyes cut to Emily, who appeared to be trying hard not to seem too pleased. I rolled my eyes at her as I huffed.

"Sorry to hear your trip fell through... Umm... actually..." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm on a date..."

Before I could finish my sentence I heard him take a sharp breath and Emily hissed "Idiot!" as she smacked my arm, so I hastened to explain that it was with Emily and that we had planned to go to the zoo. Before I even fully realized I was doing it, I blurted out, "Do you want to join us?"

I bit my lip, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see the ecstatic look on Emily's face. I had never, _ever_, invited anyone along on our dates. Neither had she. It had always been something just between us, and I had no idea what had possessed me to invite Edward now. All I knew was that I had, and I didn't want to take it back.

And I really hoped he would say yes.

I heard him take a deep breath, the long pause making me nervous as I wondered if I'd crossed a line by asking him. I clenched my jaw as I heard Emily tap her foot impatiently, and I wanted to tell her to just knock it off, but I was afraid to open my mouth.

_"You sure? I wouldn't want to impose..." _

I sighed softly, running my fingers through my hair as I chanced a glance at my sister, who was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her hands clasped in front of her as she tried to contain her excitement and her impatience.

I smiled at her as I answered him, "Yeah, I'm sure. Please?"

_"Is your sister going to be okay with my tagging along?"_

I chuckled softly as Emily began nodding fervently, apparently having overheard his question.

"I think it's safe to say she won't mind, darlin'."

His voice sounded lighter as he asked which zoo we were going to, and when I told him we were going to the Franklin Park Zoo, he said he would meet us there and that he was heading out the door straight away.

When I hung up, Emily squealed in delight and grasped my arms tightly as she looked at me.

"So I'm guessing I get to meet your 'friend' that caused you to oversleep today, huh, Spurs?"

I rolled my eyes at her, biting the inside of my cheek as I blushed - which was more than enough of an answer for her. With a sigh, I pulled away from her and put my helmet on, telling her to hurry up already. She just grinned as she followed suit and hopped on the bike as soon as I had settled in my seat.

The drive to the zoo seemed to take forever. I wasn't sure whether it was because I was anxious to see Edward or because traffic really was that slow, but either way, I was getting antsy. I parked as close to the entrance as I could, and we waited by the bike for Edward to show up. It was relatively early yet and there weren't many people around, so there was plenty of parking space.

After a few minutes, I saw Edward's Mustang pull into the parking lot, and I could not stop myself from grinning as I stood a little straighter and waved him over. He must have spotted me, because he came straight to us, parking not three spaces away.

I chuckled at Emily's whistle as she realized who the car belonged to. When Edward got out of the car, I glanced at her when she whispered, "Oh my fucking God..."

She looked at me wide eyed and leaned in, whispering, "Damn! You sure he's gay?"

I grinned and nodded. "Yup. Sorry, sis, but you're outta luck."

She muttered something under her breath, but I didn't catch it, my attention going back to Edward, who was walking over to us. He was carrying a small bag on his shoulder, and I wondered what he had brought.

When he reached us, he gave me a quick kiss and tried to pull away, but I put my hand to the back of his head, anchoring him to me as I deepened the kiss - albeit briefly, since Emily was there.

I grinned at him as I let him go. "Hey, glad you came."

He smiled brightly. "Thanks for asking me."

He turned to Emily then, holding out his hand. "Hi, sorry... I'm Edward, and you must be Emily of the artsy ties."

She chuckled softly as she grabbed his hand, shaking it firmly. "Yeah, that would be me. Pleasure to meet you, Edward."

I watched them as they chatted for a bit. It felt...good...to see them hitting it off, and it made me smile. Edward glanced at me and smiled back, winking at me. For some reason, it made me blush, so I ducked my head like an idiot. I only looked up when I felt Edward's hand touch my elbow lightly, though he was still talking to Emily.

I shook my head slightly, trying to pay attention to the conversation, chuckling when I realized they were talking about the helmet I'd painted for her. Emily handed it to him, and he took it, tilting it this way and that to get a good look.

He looked up at me with wide eyes. "Jesus Christ, Jasper. When you said you could draw 'a little' and you weren't very good, I wasn't expecting you to have made something like this... This is fucking awesome!"

I blushed at his words, feeling it deepen when Emily said, "I know, right! I keep telling him that he's got some serious skills, but will he listen to me? No! Brothers, I swear!"

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to think of any way to deflect the attention away from me and my so-called skills. When my eyes fell on his bag, I asked him, "So what's in the bag?"

Edward grinned, handing Emily her helmet again before opening his bag and pulling out his camera. It wasn't the digital I'd seen before, but it looked looked just as complicated - and expensive.

He winked at me. "Couldn't let an opportunity like this pass me by. Zoos are great for people watching, too."

He shot a quick picture of me and chuckled. I grumbled, feigning annoyance at having my picture taken, though my thoughts went straight to the shoot, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from groaning.

Emily stepped up to him, eyeing the camera with great interest. Edward smiled at her as she asked if she could take a closer look. My heart swelled as I observed him taking the time to show Emily how the camera and lens worked, teaching her how best to use the lighting, the best way to focus in on her subject...

Emily was completely absorbed in what he was saying, soaking in every word and learning quickly, judging by the comments Edward made. They were so involved in what they were doing - and I in observing them - that it took me a while to realize that we had been standing there for almost forty minutes, and we hadn't even gotten into the zoo yet.

I cleared my throat to get their attention, amused when they both looked up at me with raised eyebrows.

"Not that I'm not enjoying standing around or anything, but since we came all this way, maybe we should actually go into the zoo?"

Edward laughed. "Yeah, that might be a good idea. C'mon, let's go."

Emily giggled, blushing slightly as she glanced at Edward. I held out my arm to Emily, and she hooked hers through it as we began to walk to the ticket booth. Edward fell into step next to me, a soft smile playing on his lips. When we got to the booth, Edward stepped resolutely in front of me, ordering three passes.

Both Emily and I protested loudly, but he would have none of it and paid for all three of us. He turned to us as he gave us our passes and said, "It's the least I can do for you letting me crash your date."

I grumbled under my breath while Emily detached herself from me and stepped up to Edward, stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, whispering something to him. I couldn't hear what she said, but my curiosity was piqued when I saw his eyes widen slightly as they flickered to mine.

He grinned slightly as he whispered something to her in return, again too low for me to hear. Whatever it was, though, seemed to mollify Emily as she nodded curtly and kissed his cheek again, gently patting his chest as she did.

I frowned at Emily as she hooked her arm through mine again. "What the hell was that all about?"

She grinned, winking at Edward before turning to look at me. "That, Spurs, is between Edward and me."

Edward's eyebrows practically raised to his hairline as he snickered. "Spurs?"

I groaned while Emily chuckled, explaining the nickname. Edward stepped up to me and leaned in, whispering in my ear, "I think it's kinda cute...Spurs."

He kissed my cheek, running his fingers through my hair as he smiled fondly at me. Rolling my eyes, I turned and kissed him lightly on the lips, murmuring, "Thank you... for the passes. Now let's go."

I arched a brow, giving him a pointed look that dared him to make any further commentary on the nickname. Thankfully, he let it drop as he grinned and waved his arm forward, saying, "After you."

Our first stop was the Serengeti Crossing, and Emily slipped away as she got a closer look. Edward stayed by my side, taking pictures of the animals as well as Emily, who was oblivious to the fact.

Edward murmured softly, "Your sister is a beautiful young lady. You better watch out for her, though; I have a feeling she can be trouble."

He looked up at me with a sly grin and winked. I chuckled and nodded.

"When you're right, you're right."

We spent some time chatting about the different animals that were in the walking around the exhibit. Emily loved the zebras, pointing out one that was close enough to us that we could see its markings clearly. Edward stepped up to her and showed her how to take its picture so that you would be able to see the markings on its head.

I loved the fact that he was paying her such attention. Whenever he did, I would catch him glancing at me, and I'd just smile. I couldn't help myself.

We moved on to the tiger exhibit. I watched with amusement as Edward became entranced with the white tiger. He took several pictures of it before finally lowering his camera with an awed, "Fucking beautiful..."

I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind and kissing below his ear. He turned his head and looked at me. "What's so funny?"

I grinned, pecking his lips. "You are. You're too cute."

"Edward?"

We both looked at Emily, who had walked up to us without either of us being aware of it. I saw Edward smile as he tried to move away from me, but I just tightened my hold on him. His eyes flickered briefly to mine before giving Emily his attention again.

"What's up, Emily?"

I frowned as she bit her lip nervously, wondering what she was up to. She smiled then, giving Edward a hopeful look as she asked if she could use his camera. There were a few animals she'd love to take pictures of, and she'd fallen in love with his camera.

Edward's brow furrowed slightly as he looked at me questioningly. I murmured in his ear, "She'll be careful, darlin'. It's your own fault, though, for showing her your toy."

I snickered as I placed a soft kiss on his neck again. Edward grinned and nodded as he turned to Emily again.

"Think you can handle it?"

She arched her brow and gave him a sly grin. In that moment, she looked so much like me, it was kind of scary. Edward must have had a similar thought, because I heard him mutter under his breath, "Goddamn; _both _of them?"

Emily squealed in delight, bouncing in place a few times until Edward handed her his camera, giving her a stern look. Well, as stern as he could manage; I could tell he was amused and was trying hard not to show it.

I grinned at Emily. "You be careful with that thing, Lee-Lee. You're the one who's going to have to replace it, and I'd love to see you try and explain that expense to Mama and Daddy."

Her eyes widened as she held the camera tighter. "Damnit, Spurs, you know I'll be careful. Now shut up before you make Edward change his mind."

She raised the camera to her face and snapped a picture of me, right as I stuck out my tongue at her. Edward laughed and said he couldn't wait to develop that one. I tickled him lightly as I grumbled, "Hush, you."

We spent some time watching the lion next. Edward was glancing at Emily a lot, probably anxious about his camera, so I pulled him to me and whispered, "Relax, she'll be fine."

He sighed, nodding. I brushed my lips against his, and he hummed softly. After that, he did seem to relax more, and we just enjoyed the exhibits together. Emily had taken to her new role of photographer and was going back and forth, trying to find the best pictures. It was actually driving me a little crazy trying to keep up with her, so after a while, I began to ignore the incessant clicking and just enjoyed being with Edward.

At one point, Emily had to ask Edward for a new roll of film. He chuckled, and with quick movements, he had the film replaced in no time, and Emily was off clicking away again.

I had taken Edward's hand in mine as we walked along, and whenever I looked at him, he had a silly grin on his face. When I leaned in to ask him what he was grinning about, he said, "Nothing. This is just...nice. Thank you for asking me to join you, baby."

He kissed me tenderly, his free hand cupping my cheek. I smiled against his lips, murmuring, "You're welcome. I'm glad you came."

We heard Emily squeal, and we both turned to look at her. She had wandered off a ways and was pointing at something as she told us to come and look. When we walked up to her and saw what she was so excited about, I laughed. There was a pygmy hippopotamus playing in the enclosure. It was actually kind of cute, but Emily's reaction to it was by far cuter.

Edward asked her if she'd never seen one before, and when she shook her head, he laughed, saying that they were definitely cuter than the regular hippos. Emily took several pictures of the animal as it frolicked about, and Edward just shook his head, chuckling.

I grinned as I pulled him close to me, wrapping my arms around his waist. "You know, you're going to have a lot of pictures to develop after she's done."

He smiled, his eyes flickering between Emily and me. "It's worth it. She seems to be having fun."

I nodded. "That she is."

We continued to walk, taking some time to watch the gorillas in their enclosure. Edward had wrapped his arm around my waist as we stood looking at them, his thumb brushing against my side. I felt more content than I could ever remember feeling before.

By the time we had gotten to the bird exhibit, I was starving even though it was early. I asked them what they wanted to do for lunch - stay here at the zoo and eat whatever they had at the concession stand, or go out and grab something, possibly coming back later. Edward pointed out that we'd have to pay admission again if we left now, so we opted for grabbing something from the stand to tide us over and then going out after we were done.

After we'd had something to eat, Emily insisted we go back to visit the Outback exhibit. It was actually kind of fun to watch the kangaroos. Some of them were playing around, fighting with each other, and we all laughed at their antics before we moved a little further on to watch the emus strutting back and forth.

Edward said that Australia was one place he had yet to visit but wanted to someday. He asked me if it was something I was interested in, and I shrugged, saying I had never really thought about it. He already knew that - aside from a few trips into Mexico - I had never been outside the US. I traveled a lot for work already, and though it would be nice to possibly go abroad, it never was something I gave much thought to.

The only exception to that was Europe. I definitely wanted to go there so I could visit some of the places that my favorite artists had been, not to mention the vast array of museums that held things of interest to me. When I told him that, he smiled softly, getting a slightly wistful look on his face, but before I could comment on it, he shook his head and pointed out a tree kangaroo that had come closer to us.

Emily pulled us into the zoo shop, saying she wanted to have something to commemorate the day with. We usually got something anyway, but her choice of words made me roll my eyes at her, which just made her grin. Edward followed along, amused by our interaction.

She spent far too long perusing the items in the shop, and I was getting to the point where I just wanted to leave already. I was hungry again, and I'd had enough of the zoo for today. Edward was browsing as well, casting glances at me as I stood by the counter, refusing to get dragged into the whole shopping thing. I was tired and just wanted to sit down. Actually, if I was being honest, I wanted to be with Edward cuddled up on the couch.

He grinned at me, shaking his head slightly, which made me wonder if he could read my mind. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous thought. He came up to the counter, holding what looked to be a toy lamb. It wasn't a stuffed animal, but more like a high quality statue that happened to be made of wool. It looked incredibly lifelike.

When I arched an eyebrow in question, he chuckled softly. "For Tanya. She loves lambs and collects them. I figured she'd like this one."

He had grabbed something else as well, but he told me to turn around, refusing to let me see what it was. I grumbled softly about him being a pain in the ass, which just made him laugh. I walked over to the door, standing just outside as I waited for him to be done.

I was leaning against the frame, my arms crossed and my eyes closed when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I opened my eyes and smiled in spite of myself when I saw Edward's dancing eyes watching me.

I grinned at him. "What's got you so amused?"

His smirk became more pronounced as his eyes darted to my shoulder and back. I followed his gaze and nearly jumped out of my skin as I saw the lizard on my shoulder. It took all of two seconds to figure out it was a fake, but damn.

I grabbed it, looking closely at it before narrowing my eyes at him as I felt heat rising on my cheeks. I pulled him to me by his belt loops as he laughed at my reaction.

"You think that was funny, do you?"

He continued to chuckle as he nodded. "Yeah...you seemed to like mine, so I thought you might like this one, too."

His eyes were full of mischief as I kissed him hard before whispering, "Oh, I like yours alright, but you better believe you are going to get payback for this."

His voice was low and husky when he said, "I'm counting on it."

He slipped his hand to the back of my neck and closed the distance between us, and for a moment, I forgot everything; I forgot we were at the zoo, that Emily was here with us...and I forgot I had been somewhat embarrassed by his joke. All I knew at that moment was that his lips were on mine, and his body was pressed against me, his other hand with fingers splayed on my back.

It wasn't until I heard someone repeatedly clear their throat that other things came back into focus again. We both pulled away at the same time, blushing as we turned to find Emily, who looked like the cat that ate the canary. Edward stepped back, scratching the back of his neck as he muttered, "Sorry about that, Em."

She giggled, her eyes dancing as she looked at each of us in turn. "Oh, that's quite alright. I don't mind watching cute guys kiss - even though I'd rather neither one was my big brother."

I rolled my eyes at her as she winked at us. I knew I was blushing like crazy, and I was trying hard to recover. Spotting the bag in her hands, I asked her what she'd bought, hoping to deflect the attention away from Edward and me.

She gave me a knowing look, but obligingly told me she'd gotten a raglan t-shirt for herself with a picture of a kangaroo on it, a new journal, and something for me, which she said I would get for my birthday - I rolled my eyes again at that one, silently wondering if they sold ties here.

She grabbed something out of her bag and stepped up to Edward with a shy smile. She held out her hand, which was closed around whatever she had taken out of the bag, and said, "And this is for you."

Edward's eyes widened slightly, and he smiled softly at her as he held out his hand, palm up under hers. When she opened her fist, a small keychain with a gold-plated tiger hanging from it dropped into his waiting hand. Edward held it up, looking at it from different angles before glancing at me. I wasn't all that surprised that she had gotten him something - that was just Emily - and after all, it was something we did when we went out like this. Still, the look of awe on Edward's face made me smile.

I saw him swallow a few times, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out. Finally, he just hugged her tight and she returned it, patting his back gently. She whispered something and smiled, but I couldn't hear what was said.

Watching them like that, I felt something stir inside of me, shifting. I wasn't able to put my finger on it, but it felt at once both good and terrifying. I frowned as I tried to place what I was feeling but shook it off when they broke apart - this wasn't the time or place to think on these things. It would have to wait until I was alone.

Emily handed the camera back to Edward, who asked if he could take a picture of the two of us together. Emily was thrilled, so of course I went along with it. He promised he'd give us a copy of the picture once he had developed the film, which had Emily bouncing again._ I swear, that girl is as bad as Alice at times. Where does she get that kind of energy?_

Edward ended up taking a few shots, saying he wanted to make sure to get a good one. He directed us, much like he had done with me during the shoot, and the reminder of it had me grinning. He raised an eyebrow in question, a small smirk playing on his lips, but I just shook my head.

My stomach rumbled loudly enough for them to hear, and I chuckled, blushing a little. "Umm, yeah... where did you two want to go to dinner?"

Edward bit his lip as his eyes flickered between Emily and me, obviously thinking hard about something. Finally, he said with a saddened look in his eyes, "I think I'd better get home. I've imposed on your day long enough."

I was about to protest and had opened my mouth to do so when Emily beat me to it. She grabbed his hand firmly in hers and said, "Don't be ridiculous, Edward. You're joining us for dinner, and that's that."

She gave both of us a stern look, daring us to contradict her. I had no intention of doing so, but it seemed as if Edward was about to try when she narrowed her eyes at him. I saw him wince slightly, and I noticed Emily was squeezing his hand. I chuckled.

"Darlin', you may as well give up. Lee-Lee's determined you come along, and it's less painful to do as she says."

She grinned at him as she let him go, and I laughed when he rubbed his hand, muttering, "Yeah, I get that...damn, girl, you're stronger than I thought."

I took his hand and lifted it to my lips, kissing it tenderly before rubbing my thumb gently over his knuckles. His eyes were on mine, something indecipherable in them as he smiled at me.

We drove separately to the restaurant. Emily had picked out a place days earlier after we had decided to go to the zoo, so after checking with Edward that he would be okay with her choice of menu, we ended up in a small Caribbean/Indian style place, and the smell alone had our mouths watering as we walked in.

We each decided to get a roti, Edward and I both opting for curry goat, and Emily the curry shrimp. When I asked Emily how on earth she'd found this place, she told me that some of her dormmates had been raving about it for a while now, and she'd wanted to try it.

It was messy eating, but damn good food. I ended up having to keep my eyes on my food, because watching Edward eat and then lick his fingers had me squirming in my seat. I was trying hard to behave myself, since Emily was with us, but thoughts of what those lips and that tongue could do to me were almost too much. I didn't speak much the rest of the meal.

I couldn't quite block out the sounds that were made, though, and while Emily also let her appreciation be known, that wasn't what I was picking up on. At one point - when I couldn't resist taking a peek - I glanced up and saw Edward watching me. His eyes were smoldering with something - desire, for sure, but something else, too.

_Goddamn..._

Finishing off the last of my food, I wiped my mouth and fingers with my napkin before looking up at Emily.

"Did you have anything else planned for today, sis?"

She shook her head as she finished eating. She took a sip of water and wiped her mouth before answering me. "No, nothing planned. I wasn't sure how long we'd be at the zoo, so I figured we could just wing it."

I glanced at Edward, who was watching us. He seemed to look...content, if somewhat amused - and perhaps a little melancholy. I wondered briefly what this was like for him, seeing Emily and me and how we were together, knowing that he had no family - at least, no immediate family. I smiled softly at him, reaching my hand under the table to give his thigh a squeeze. He put his hand on mine, giving me a squeeze of his own as he smiled at me.

In the end, Emily confessed she wanted to see _Disaster Movie_, saying that all her friends were talking about it, and she wanted to see what the fuss was about for herself. Since I hadn't seen it yet, I agreed to go, but Edward claimed he'd seen it already and said he would go home.

After I paid for dinner - Emily having given Edward a sharp look as he started reaching for the bill - we walked out to where we had parked. Emily gave Edward a hug, which he returned with a smile and a whispered, "Thanks, I had a great time today. I'm glad I had the chance to get to know you."

Her eyes cut to mine, a mischievous gleam in them before she hugged Edward again, whispering in his ear. He blushed slightly, as she pulled away, and I almost missed the nod he gave her. Emily stepped aside, pretending to be busy with adjusting the strap of her helmet or something, giving Edward and me a chance to say goodbye.

He was standing in front of his car, so I stepped up to him and pushed him against it. My hands were on his hips as I leaned in and kissed him. I didn't want him to go, and I told him so. He whispered, "I just wanted to give you guys some time alone. I know that your dates with Emily are special to you, baby."

I sighed, resting my forehead against his. "Can I call you later?"

I felt silly asking it, but for some reason, I felt compelled to. He grinned, nudging my side gently as he said, "You'd better. I want to know if that movie's any good."

He winked at me as I looked at him with widened eyes. "You little liar."

He shrugged, unashamed of the white lie. He put his hand on the nape of my neck, pulling me closer again, and kissed me. The kiss was sweet, tender, and would have lasted longer, had Emily not cleared her throat. It seemed that our time was up, and she was ready to go. I sighed heavily, earning another peck on the lips from Edward.

After I promised to call him when I got home, he left. I stood watching him as he drove off, a strange feeling coming over me, one I could not identify. I blinked when I felt Emily tugging at my jacket to get my attention. I mumbled an apology that she just shrugged off, and we were off to the theater.

To be honest, I didn't pay too much attention to the movie. There were a couple of guys in it that caught Emily's attention, and upon closer look, I could see why - the two that she kept giggling over whenever they came on the screen were definitely good-looking. Afterward, I teased her about just wanting to go for the eye candy, pointing out the guy that had played Will and the one that had played several characters, including Prince Caspian and Batman.

We went to get dessert on our way back to her dorm. I'd gotten a sundae with Heath bar crunch topping on it, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning with every bite. Emily chatted about the animals we'd seen, but from the way she kept looking at me, I knew she was stalling. It wouldn't be long before she would change the subject to Edward. Sure enough...

"So..."

I looked up at her as I took a bite. "So?"

"It was good to meet Edward. I like him; he seems to be a very nice guy, Jasper."

I nodded.

"C'mon, Spurs. That's all you got? A nod?"

I finished my sundae, pushing the empty glass aside as I leaned my elbows on the edge of the table. With a sigh, I asked her what she wanted to know. We ended up talking about Edward for a good half hour before I reluctantly admitted that I liked him a lot. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat; I knew I liked him, but at the same time, the intensity I felt with him frightened me a little - it reminded me too much of how I had felt with Paul.

I had never told Emily about what had happened with Paul, and I doubted I ever would. She didn't need to know how foolish her brother had been all those years ago. At the same time though...

I finally dropped her off at her dorm around seven. Our dinner had been early but filling, and on top of popcorn and ice cream, we were both too stuffed to eat again. She told me she was going to call James tonight to see about getting together with him in the next few days and that she would call me as soon as she knew anything.

When I got home, it was all I could do not to call Edward before I'd even taken my jacket off. I wondered what was up with that, since I had just seen him hours before, but I shook it off. After I'd put everything in its proper place and grabbed myself a beer, I finally sat down and called him.

He answered on the first ring, which made me smile. Had he been waiting by the phone?

His voice was soft, and it had me longing to be there instead. _"Hey Jazz."_

"Hey, yourself."

_"How was the rest of your date?"_

I sighed softly as I ran my fingers through my hair. _Not the same without you there._

"It was fun. I think Emily chose the movie for the eye candy, though."

I chuckled, and I could practically hear the grin in his voice as he spoke.

_"Eye candy, huh? Should I be worried?"_

I grinned. "Well, there _were _a couple of really cute guys, but nah...they don't compare."

He chuckled softly before he turned more serious. _"Hey, I wanted to thank you again for letting me crash your date with your sister. It was nice to see you with her today, and I'm glad I got to meet her. She seems like a sweet girl."_

My grin widened into a full smile at his thoughts on Emily.

"She is. She was glad to meet you, too."

I heard him take a sip of something before he replied in a soft voice, _"It means a lot to me that you introduced me to her, baby...that you would include me in your life."_

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and took a long pull of my beer. I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I just said, "You're welcome."

We talked about the movie for a little bit after that, and he said it sounded like it might be fun to watch it. I was about to ask if he meant watch it with me or in general when he said, _"Oh! Before I forget, again. Wanted to let you know that I'll be out of town next weekend. I'm helping Kate with another shoot that she's doing to build her portfolio."_

I couldn't help the pang of disappointment I felt when he said he'd be gone. He explained that the trip had been planned for a long time, and that he just couldn't do it to Katie to pull out now. I told him I understood and asked if we could maybe meet for lunch or dinner before he left on Friday.

He agreed, saying we'd figure it out later in the week, and then he asked what my plans for Labor Day were. When I said that I was going to go to Angela and Ben's annual party, he got quiet for a moment. The pause felt a bit uncomfortable, and I wondered if it was just me. When he finally spoke again, his voice sounded just slightly off, as if he were holding back.

_"I think I'll be going to Collin's - well, Collin's and Brady's now, I guess - party after all."_

He explained that Collin had a house on the beach near Kettle Cove Village that used to belong to his grandparents. He'd moved in there years ago to work on the upkeep of it, and when they had passed away, he had inherited the place. Brady had been his best friend and roommate for years before they finally admitted to each other how they felt.

It had been a tradition for all of them to go to their place and hang out for the day, since it would be the last chance of the year to enjoy the beach. Edward said that he usually ended up crashing there, since the drive home was long and he inevitably would have had too much to drink.

I wasn't sure how it made me feel, hearing him tell me all of this. I hadn't invited him to go with me to Angela and Ben's party. I wanted to, but at the same time...I didn't. I wasn't quite ready to deal with my friends yet when it came to Edward. I kind of wanted to keep this to myself for now. At least until I could figure out what _this _was.

"I guess I'll see you next week then? What are you doing tomorrow?"

There was a brief pause again, and I was certain he was thinking on how to answer.

_"I'm going to be in the dark room working. I got a few rolls of film that need developing."_

His voice had a slightly teasing tone to it, but I still felt there was something else there, something lurking under the surface. Unfortunately, I was afraid to call him on it. I wasn't sure I was going to like the answer, so I just left it alone. Instead, I said, "Yeah, sorry about that. I think Emily got a little too carried away."

He chuckled. _"Oh, don't worry. It's not just from today. There's a few that I haven't developed yet that are for my book, so I'll be working on that tomorrow. May as well, since I have the time."_

I sighed and took a sip of my beer. "Good luck with that, then."

_"Thanks. For today again, too. Tell Emily thank you for me, when you talk to her?"_

"Will do. Good night, Edward."

_"Good night, Jazz."_

I had barely hung up the phone with Edward when it started ringing again. I glanced at the caller ID, frowning when I saw it was Emily.

"Hey sis, what's up? Did you forget something?"

_"Hey Jasper. No, I didn't forget anything. I just wanted to check with you, see if you had plans tomorrow?"_

My frown deepened. "No, no plans; why?"

_"I just got off the phone with James, and I was wondering if you would be okay with meeting him over lunch tomorrow?"_

My eyes widened a little. _Well, that was quick. _

"Yeah, I'm cool with that, Lee. What time?"

She told me to be at Aro's by noon, and after passing along Edward's thanks, we hung up. I went to bed straight away, exhausted suddenly. I undressed quickly, leaving everything on the floor for now, and just crawled under the covers. Sleep claimed me almost immediately.

I woke the next day to the phone ringing. With a glance at the clock, I was surprised to see that it was just after nine in the morning. I answered the phone with a yawn. "Mornin'."

I knew it was Emily, so I let myself fall back onto my pillows.

_"Hey bro."_ She sighed softly. _"Don't worry about meeting for lunch today, Jasper. James just called to say he got called in to work."_

"That sucks... Guess we'll have to do this another time, then."

_"Yeah. Sorry, Jasper. I'll try to get another time soon, okay?"_

"Alright. So, what are you going to do instead?"

_"Some of the girls asked if I wanted to hang out with them today, go to the mall. I said I would...unless you wanted some company today?"_

"Don't be silly. You go and have fun. Love you, Lee-Lee."

_"Love you too, Spurs. Now get your ass out of bed and stop wasting the day away being lazy."_

I chuckled. "Yes, ma'am!"

After we hung up, I stared at the ceiling, thinking. I knew from what Emily had told me about James that he was a waiter. It wasn't unlikely for him to get called in like that at the last minute, but something just felt...off. I had no idea why I felt this way. I hadn't met him yet, and everything Emily had told me about him seemed to be good enough. There was just this nagging little feeling that kept creeping up whenever he was mentioned, and I couldn't shake it.

I sighed, looking at the phone that was still in my hand as I contemplated calling Edward. In the end, I decided against it, since he had said he would be working on his book and I didn't want to interfere with his work.

Deciding I wasn't going to go anywhere today, I opted for just wearing some boxer shorts after my shower. I felt lazy, not really in the mood to do anything. I grabbed a banana, cutting it into slices and putting it in a bowl of cornflakes. I wasn't up to cooking.

I was feeling a little unsettled. Not just because of James, but in general. My mind kept going back to my conversation with Edward the night before. He had sounded...hurt?...that I hadn't invited him to the Labor Day party tomorrow. As I thought about it, my realization that I really wasn't ready to share him with them yet solidified. There was too much I needed to figure out before he became more involved in my life.

Predictably, my thoughts led straight to Paul again. I hadn't known anyone in Boston when we got together, and being in a new city, a new school, and living with someone, I had found it difficult to form friendships at first.

It wasn't until after we had broken up - I scoffed at myself for even thinking about what happened in those terms - that I was able to see that it hadn't just been due to my being new in town. Paul had, quite effectively, managed to seclude me from everything and everyone, without my being aware of it.

We never went out, unless it was something _he _wanted to do. We saw no one socially, unless they were _his _friends. Whenever I tried to do something social without him, he would always interfere in some way or another - usually in such a way that I was left feeling guilty about wanting to make friends for myself.

After that, after _him_, I had worked long and hard to develop friendships of my own, to not let anyone dictate that part of my life in any way again. To not let anyone dictate my life, period. My independence had been hard won, and it scared the living daylights out of me to even consider giving it up again. In any way.

I had - over the years - developed the instinctual need to keep my relationships separate from everything else. With Edward, though, I felt a longing I hadn't felt before. I wanted to be with him, spend time with him, and get to know him. I wanted others to get to know him...at least, at some point. And that was something that threw me completely off.

Another part of me was worried about what Mike and the others would make of Edward. They had seen me through everything with Paul, been there to pick up the pieces after everything fell apart. I had relied on them, on Mike - who had been nothing more than my lab partner at the time - for a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on. To rebuild my life again. Ever since then, I had never been as involved with a guy as I was finding myself being now, with Edward.

As I found myself wanting to be more.

The thought of how the guys would react was enough to keep me from wanting to go any further in that direction. At least, for now.

I had finished my breakfast during my musing and taken out my drawing pad and pencils. By the time my head started to hurt from thinking about things, I looked down to really see what I had been doing; Edward was once again staring me in the face.

I stared at the paper in front of me as I ran my fingers through my hair. With a huff, I pushed the picture of Edward aside and sat back in my chair, scrubbing my face as I tried to steer my thoughts toward Christmas. It was early still, but as I had planned to do a few drawings and paintings, I knew I needed to start sooner rather than later - especially given my schedule.

Grabbing a pen and notepad, I began jotting down names and what I intended to give them.

_Emily - pencil sketches of the farm and area, framed _

_Mama - painting of the house, framed _

_Dad - _

_Chuck & Mack - charcoal sketches of the boys, framed _

_Finn - _

_Connall - _

I smiled as I thought of the pictures I was going to use of my two nephews. Mama had sent me a couple of pictures she had taken of the boys as they were out playing around the farm. There was one of them on horseback, one behind the other as they looked proudly at the camera - both of them dressed in full cowboy get up. Another had them playing in a loose bale of hay and yet another picture was of the two of them fishing.

I wanted to do some for the boys themselves, too, but wasn't sure yet what they'd be getting exactly. It always took me a while to figure it out for them, as I wanted it to be something memorable for them.

_Mike - _

_Eric - _

_Ben & Angela - charcoal sketches of Bella, framed _

_Bella - baby quilt _

_Edward - _

My pen hovered over the pad as I read back what I'd just written. _Edward? What the fuck?_ I sat back in my chair, staring down at my list - half freaked out, and half wondering what Edward _would _like for Christmas. Was I seriously thinking of him in terms of Christmas? _That's still months away!  
_  
I shook my head at myself, my pen poised to scratch his name off the list, but I couldn't make myself do it. After staring at his name for another minute, I decided to just leave it. It took me another ten minutes to finish the list, mostly because I kept coming back to Edward's name and the blank space after it.

Once I was done with the list, I tore it off, putting it in my calendar before starting a new one. On this list, I jotted down the supplies I knew I would need in order to make everything. I'd have to stop by the store where we'd had quilting lessons to grab what I would need to make the gift for Bella. I also would need to buy more charcoal, if I intended to do all the drawings I had in mind.

With that done, I tucked the shopping list into my wallet, so I wouldn't forget it the next time I had a chance to stop at each store. _Maybe Tuesday after work...should be able to sneak away early enough to make it before the fabric store closes. _

I took my breakfast things to the kitchen, washing them up and putting them away quickly. I snorted lightly as I noticed the time on my microwave._ 11:36? Damn, that took longer than I thought it did; it's just about lunch time already._

Since I wasn't hungry yet, I opted for a bottle of water and took it back to the table, putting it down as I went to find the pictures of the boys so I could get started. I knew I had enough charcoal left to finish at least a couple of drawings before I ran out.

I grinned as I looked at the photos of Finn and Connall. They were growing up so fast; I missed them. On a whim, I pulled out my phone and scrolled down until I saw Chuck's home number and hit dial. After a few rings, a very winded Mack answered the phone.

_"...off the blasted couch, Finn! It's not a trampoline!" _She huffed, and I tried to suppress a chuckle as she continued_, "Whitlock residence."_

I grinned as I pictured what was happening on the other end of the phone. "Afternoon, darlin'. Sounds like my nephews are keepin' you on your toes."

_"Jasper! It's good to hear from ya! Aye, they're being right terrors today. How've you been, __sugar__?"_

My grin widened as I listened to Mack's voice. Over the years, she had taken on some of the Texas lingo and drawl, and it made for an odd mixture when she spoke as she still had her own Irish brogue.

"I'm fine, Mack. Was just looking at some pictures Mama sent me of the boys and thought I'd give you a call."

She laughed at that, telling me I needed to come home soon because the boys missed their Uncle J. We chatted for a while before Finn interrupted, saying he wanted to tell me something. I listened patiently to him with a grin on my face as he regaled me with stories about kindergarten and the friends he had made there. After about five minutes of his prattling, Mack had had enough and took the phone back from him, telling him to be a good boy and run out and play now.

She sighed._ "I s'pose I'd best be getting off the phone and make sure Finn's keeping himself out of trouble. Sounds like Connall's waking up from his nap, too, so..."_

I smiled, tracing the faces of my nephews in the picture in front of me. "Alright, darlin', I guess I'll let you go. You be sure to give those boys a big ol' hug from their Uncle J. And tell that brother of mine I said hi."

She chuckled._ "Will do, Jas. Give my love to Em, would you?"_

I nodded. "I will. Love you."

_"Love you, too. Bye!"_

After disconnecting the call, I spent some time working on the sketch of the boys on horseback. Once I was satisfied with the results, I carefully put it aside so I could start on the next one. I'd just begun to draw Connall's face when my phone rang. I was so absorbed in what I was doing that I didn't check the caller ID as I normally would.

"Hello?"

_"Hey, Jazz..."_

I paused in what I was doing, my hand hovering over the paper as I looked up in surprise. "Edward? I thought you'd be holed up in your darkroom all day?"

I felt my smile widen as he explained that Kate had shown up needing his help, and he'd been working on her stuff before passing out for a couple of hours. I knew that he helped her on occasion, but the thought of him putting everything on hold in order to help Kate out of a tight spot spoke volumes about him.

I filed it away, not wanting to get caught off guard while on the phone with him, so I teased him about offering to help him - though I knew nothing about developing pictures - but not wanting to distract him from his work. In truth, I would have loved nothing better, but I wasn't about to step in the way of something that was seemingly very important to him.

We bantered back and forth for a while before he reluctantly admitted that he had to get back to work.

The rest of the day I spent working on images of Finn and Connall. I managed to finish three before running out of charcoal. I took them to the bathroom, gingerly putting them down on the counter and turning the fan on. I rummaged through the cabinet to find my hairspray. I never used the stuff on myself, but instead, I used it to protect the drawings from smudging too much. It was a trick I'd learned a long time ago. I hated the smell of the stuff, though, so I always made sure to do it in the bathroom with the fan running so the scent wouldn't linger.

Once that was done and the drawings were carefully rolled and put away for safekeeping, I went in search of something to eat. I'd basically skipped lunch, and it was late, so I was hungry - but I also wasn't in the mood to cook, so I made myself a sandwich. Quick, easy, and it did the trick, especially when it went down with a cold beer.

After the makeshift dinner, I watched TV for a little while before calling it a night.

I woke up before my alarm went off. Deciding I might as well just get up and get moving, I put my running gear on and headed out the door. The weather was gorgeous, and it promised to be a beautiful day. I was looking forward to spending time with my friends, but Edward seemed to be pressing on my mind.

I tried to push thoughts of him away as I took a shower and got ready. I was supposed to pick up Emily on my way to Angela and Ben's, which meant I had to hurry as my run had taken me longer than I had planned.

When I pulled up to Emily's dorm, I couldn't help but grin as I saw her walk up to the car with her helmet in hand. As nice as the day was, I'd opted to drive the car over the bike, as I knew it was likely I'd be drinking and Mike - being the designated driver along with Jessica - didn't have his license for the bike. Emily knew we wouldn't be riding today, but apparently she had hoped I would change my mind, given the nice weather. Still, she grinned as she plopped into the passenger seat, tossing her helmet into the backseat as she greeted me.

We made it to the party in short order, both of us being quiet on the ride over, as Emily was a little tired - apparently she and her friends had hung out all night, and she hadn't gotten much sleep.

Ben came to the door and hugged us both in turn before ushering us through the house and to the backyard. Angela was sitting in a lounge chair with its back straight up, discreetly nursing Bella. I walked up to her and gave her an awkward hug as I kissed her temple.

"Hey, Angie, how are you doing, darlin'?"

She smiled up at me. "Hey Jazz, I'm alright. This little one's been keeping me busy."

Though Angela had always called me Jazz, hearing it now - after Edward had started using the nickname - made me blush slightly. Ducking my head quickly, I glanced around to see Mike and Jessica over by the barbecue. Mike looked up and caught my eye, tilting his beer bottle to me in greeting. I just grinned at him and waved.

I glanced back down at Angela, who was looking at me shrewdly. Bella whimpered, diverting her attention away from me, and I silently thanked her. Kissing Angela on the top of her head, I muttered something about going to find my sister, since she had disappeared almost as soon as we had gotten outside.

If I knew Angela, she would let me be for now, but she would eventually come to me to see what was going on. She wouldn't push the issue. She would let me know she was there if I wanted to talk, as she always did, and I loved her for it. Mike was my best friend and knew me inside out, but Angela came a close second.

She was one of the few people that knew everything about the situation with Paul. I hadn't known her as long as I had the guys, obviously, but she and I had quickly connected, and I had found her to be a great confidante. She was calm, caring, and trustworthy. She was one of those people that knew the art of listening, and it set her apart from most everyone else. She was also quite observant, which was what had eventually led to my divulging everything about what had happened.

_I had had another run in with Paul - I had just come out of a meeting with a prospective client when he walked into the same office - he barely acknowledged me, verbally anyway. The look on his face, however, betrayed the torrent of emotion he was trying to hide. It had been the first time in God only knew how long that our paths had crossed, and just like every other time, it had sent me into a tailspin. Mike had been out of town to meet with another client, so I had gone to the office and told Felix to not disturb me under any circumstances. I couldn't go home, but I couldn't work, either. _

_Angela - who had stopped by to see Ben - had seen me walk into my office after I gave Felix my instructions and had sensed something was up. She walked straight into my office, Felix's objections following as she closed the door behind her. I ignored her, hoping she would take the hint and leave; I wasn't up for talking. She just stood in front of the door, watching me for several long minutes before she walked across the room and knelt down next to my chair. She took my hand in both of hers as she looked up at me, asking me in a quiet voice if everything was okay and if she could help - even if it was just by being there and holding me, if I didn't want to talk. _

_Her quiet demeanor and whispered assurances that whatever was wrong, it would all be okay allowed me to calm down a little. All the while, she was holding my hand in hers, as she ran her fingers through my hair in a soothing manner. I needed to talk to someone, and Mike wasn't there...I ended up telling her everything. From the time I'd come out up to how I'd gotten to know the guys - every sordid detail came spilling from my lips, and Angela heard it all. When I was finally done, she wrapped me in a tight hug and just held me for a while. _

_She didn't judge me for any of it - though I couldn't do the same for myself. She had quietly told me that she was proud of me, of how far I had come, and that it was important for me to not shut anyone out when something like today happened. She had said that if ever I needed to talk, she would be there - and she had kept her word._

I gave Angela's shoulder a quick squeeze before walking over to Emily, who had joined Alice and Becca. They were talking animatedly about something as I reached them, and I had to fight to keep the frown off my face as I realized Lee-Lee was regaling the girls with stories about James.

I put an arm around Becca's shoulders, earning me a warm smile from her as she patted my hand. We waited for Emily to be done before starting on our usual catching up. Becca was all smiles as she told me about her visit with her twin, Rachel, while Alice kept watching me carefully. After a while, Becca caught on, and with a roll of her eyes and a wink to me, she pulled Alice's attention away from me by asking her about her latest projects.

Becca was the only person who was capable of running interference with Alice once she had gone into matchmaker-mode; it was a skill she had plenty of chances to perfect over the years, and I was glad she had.

I walked off after giving Becca a grateful smile. I needed a beer, stat. The last thing I wanted was for Alice to start in on me again. I wasn't interested in being set up, but I wasn't interested in explaining why that was, either.

When I got to the kitchen, I found Eric cozying up to what looked to be an Amazon. She was taller than him, all long limbs, very slender, with an air of grace around her. Her dark skin seemed to almost glow in the light that washed in through the windows, and her long black hair shimmered as it caught the sunlight. Even I could admit that she was stunning.

I cleared my throat to let them know I was there, as they seemed to be too preoccupied to have heard me enter the room. Eric turned to look at me with a grin.

"Hey, J. You remember Senna?"

I tilted my head, trying to place her, muttering, "Senna...Senna...oh! Yes, I remember now. From the B & G account, right?"

I stepped up to shake Senna's hand, shooting Eric a look before smiling at Senna again. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown that seemed to dance with mirth. Her accent caused her voice to lilt slightly as she spoke.

"Jasper, it is good to see you again." She turned to Eric and said, "Querido, I'm going to go outside and talk to Angela."

Eric and I watched her as she walked out of the kitchen. As soon as I was certain she was out of earshot, I turned to Eric with a raised brow, folding my arms across my chest. She worked for one of our clients, and that was a definite 'no-no' when it came to our company. Eric gave me a quirked brow of his own before he grinned and said, "She's no longer with the company, J. You know I've always had a thing for her, so when she called me and told me about having changed jobs and no longer being our contact..."

He shrugged, his grin widening. I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh, leaning back against the counter as I watched Eric. My voice was low as I said, "You seem to have gotten over things pretty quick, E."

With a sigh, Eric leaned against the opposite counter, his eyes steady on mine. "I'm not 'over' anything. D made his choice, and I just have to learn to live with it. I have to move on with my life, J."

I frowned at him. "How can you just do that? You're on the rebound, man. Why put yourself out there already? It's only been a few weeks, E."

He quirked a brow, his tone flat. "Two months, J; it's been two months. And rebound or not, I have to try. I can't just lock myself away, man. That's not living."

I looked at him incredulously. "No offense, but the way you were cozied up to Senna there says you're doing a little bit better than trying."

His eyes flashed with anger, surprising me. Eric was normally mellow and understated. To see him getting pissed off about something like that was definitely unusual. "Demetri and I were together for two years, J. Don't _ever_ think that I don't care about him just because I'm trying not to wallow in misery every night. I like Senna. She's a really nice girl, she's attractive, and she and I work well together so far. Does that mean I don't think about D or wonder how he's doing? Fuck no. I have no idea what I would do if he were to call me up tonight and say he wanted me back. But you know what? I can't live every day of my life wondering if that will happen. He made his choice, and he left me none."

I was silent as I took in his words, letting them turn over in my mind as I pondered their meaning. Almost as if he could see where my train of thought was heading, he sighed, lowering his voice. "Jasper, look...this shit's scary. I know that. I cringe when I think of the possibility of dating Senna for a couple of years, just to have her decide she's done. But that's just life. Sometimes you have to take a chance and see how things go. Sometimes it fucks you over...and sometimes it pays off big." He shrugged, giving me a smile.

We stood there for a few minutes, a hush hanging over the room before he cleared his throat and shifted, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He'd given me more to think about than I'd planned on at a Labor Day party, but I just filed it away. I couldn't dwell on all of that right then. "So where's that guy you're seeing? Edward, right? I figured you'd bring him today."

I frowned, pushing away from the counter as I stood up straight. "How the hell...?"

He laughed, reaching out to punch me lightly on the shoulder. "Dude, Mike has no self control. He sort of let it slip a couple of weeks ago that you were at Edward's. He wouldn't tell us anything else, but..."

My mouth opened and closed again as I tried to figure out what to say.

"So why didn't you bring him?"

"I don't know..." I trailed off. "I mean, this party is always for our friends and..."

Eric smirked. "And their dates. So what stopped you, man?"

I shrugged, biting the inside of my cheek. "Well, we've been out a few times, but we're not...ehh..._officially_ together?" It sounded far more like a question than I'd intended, and I felt a near-growl bubble up in my chest at the thought of Edward with someone else. It was irrational, especially since I wasn't ready to say I was _his_, but I didn't want any other man touching him.

"Bullshit, J. But that's alright. For now. Just remember that if you really like him, you're going to have to introduce us sometime." He was making light, joking, letting me off the hook for the moment. But I heard the undercurrent of seriousness, and I thought for a moment before nodding, letting him know his message had gotten across.

He clapped me on the shoulder with a wink, pulling a couple of beers out of the fridge and handing one to me. He changed the subject to the Red Sox as we walked out the back door. It didn't take long, though, before he went off to find Senna.

After that, I was a lot quieter that normal, just observing everyone around me. More to the point, I was watching the other couples that were there. I felt a twinge of regret with every show of affection I witnessed - I was starting to feel morose, something that must have shown, because Angela came over after a while and handed me Bella.

Angela didn't say a word, just squeezing my shoulder lightly as she smiled softly at me. Ben called her over to help with something, so I was left alone with Bella - something that suited me fine. I sat and stared at her for the longest time, memorizing her beautiful little face as she slept - her lips were pouty and her nose twitched every now and then. She looked absolutely peaceful.

I ducked my head a little, brushing my lips against her temple, and whispered softly, "I hope you grow up happy, little one, and that you find someone who loves you completely. And when you do, I hope that they treat you as the angel you are."

As I held Bella in my arms, I felt some of her peacefulness seep into me. I was quite content to let the others enjoy the holiday and just stay on the sidelines while I held her. I was vaguely aware of people taking pictures, and I knew there would be some of me and little Bella. The click of the camera reminded me of Edward, and every now and again I would check my phone to see if I'd missed any calls or messages from him - but there never were any.

After a while, Mike and Jessica came over and sat on either side of me. Jessica leaned in to gently caress Bella's cheek with the backs of her fingers, a look of longing in her eyes. I shot Mike a grin, but he just rolled his eyes at me with a shrug. He took a pull from his beer and said, "So, you all packed for tomorrow?"

I frowned at him. "What the fuck are you talkin' about, Mike? Packed for what?"

"Dude, our trip to Portland?"

Both my eyebrows shot up. "You never confirmed the trip with me, Mike, let alone told me _when _we were supposed to go!"

I struggled to keep my voice low, not wanting to wake Bella up. Mike frowned as he said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did, J. We're leaving tomorrow at eight; won't be home until Thursday in the evening."

"What the fuck? Please tell me you're pulling my leg, man?"

He shook his head. "Nope, sorry, J. We're going. We have everything ready; it's just a matter of presenting everything for them and for you to be your usual charming self."

I muttered, "God damn it..." as I ran my fingers through my hair. I had hoped to spend some time with Edward during the week, since he would be gone next weekend. _So much for that._

I need something to drink. Now.

I turned to Jessica, who was still paying attention to Bella with a wistful look on her face.

"Hey, Jess, do you want to hold her for a little while?"

Her eyes lit up as she nodded. I leaned over and carefully handed Bella to her. Jessica started murmuring under her breath at Bella, who never even stirred, and it was obvious that she was entranced by the little being in her arms. I shot Mike a pointed look. _Looks like you're going to be in trouble soon, fucker. She wants one of her own.  
_  
Mike, however, was watching Jessica with a bemused little smile on his face, ignoring me completely. I rolled my eyes as I got up and walked into the kitchen as I went in search of something to drink. I grabbed another beer and leaned against the counter, resting my elbows on it as I took a few pulls.

My mind kept wandering back to Edward, wondering what he was doing now, who he was with, when I would be able to see him again. Eric's words kept echoing in my mind as well, and it was all just too much. I downed the rest of my beer, immediately grabbing another, and headed back outside, determined to put everything out of my head for tonight - and knowing that it would take a fair amount of alcohol to achieve that.

At the end of the night, Mike and Jessica drove everyone home. Mike used my car - Jessica followed in theirs - and dropped me off last. Jess waited downstairs for Mike while he hauled my drunk ass up to my apartment and helped me to bed. And by helped, I mean he dropped me face-first onto the bed, clothes and all, though he did remove my shoes. I was far from coherent at that point, and ever further from caring about it.

I heard Mike shuffle around the place for a few minutes before he left - I heard him lock the door. I was already half-out when I thought that I probably should call and let Edward know I was leaving town the next day. I awkwardly groped around for my phone but couldn't find it anywhere - not on my body or my nightstand - so I gave up, passing the fuck out within seconds.

Some time later, I groaned, clutching my head as I fumbled around blindly, finally succeeding in silencing my alarm clock and falling right back asleep again. Not long after, my phone started ringing - at least, I thought it was my phone. I didn't recognize the very loud, very annoying ringtone that came blaring from across the room. I stumbled out of bed holding my head, which was throbbing madly, as my stomach churned.

_Fucking hell, just how much _did _I end up drinking last night?_

My voice was raspy as I answered the phone, my eyes shut tight to ward off the glaring light of the display. "'Lo?"

At the sound of Mike's voice, I instantly pulled the phone from my ear as I cringed. "Jasper, get the fuck up and get moving. I'm picking your sorry ass up in exactly thirty minutes. Be dressed and packed and ready to go; we have a flight to catch."

And with that, he hung up. I stood, watching my phone with a dumbfounded expression on my face. It took a few minutes for the wheels to start turning, and once I remembered what was going on, I let out a loud, "Fuck!", instantly cringing at the sound of my own voice.

I glanced at my alarm clock, frowning when I saw the note taped over it. I walked up to the bed, pulling the note off the alarm and trying to focus on the writing. It took a few tries before the words _"Get the fuck up, get dressed, pack. We have an 8am flight!!!!!"_ penetrated my hung over brain.

Crumpling the note, I shuffled over to the shower, turning it on as hot as I could stand it, and stepped under the spray before the water heated, shocking myself awake. The water warmed quickly, allowing my muscles to relax.

I knew I had to hurry, though, so as much as I would have loved to stay under the spray, washing away the remainder of my hangover, I got out as soon as I was cleaned up to finish getting ready. I shaved quickly, by some miracle managing to avoid cutting myself in the process. The rest was pretty much done on auto-pilot, and before long I was clean, dressed to the nines, packed, and ready to go - all with three minutes to spare.

I was still hung over as all hell, though, my poor head pounding like crazy. I had taken some Tylenol, washing it down with some orange juice, but until it kicked in - if it even did - I was in for a miserable time.

That point was driven home by the pounding on my door. When I opened it, Mike stood there with a wicked grin on his face. Fucker knew I would be hung over and was enjoying my misery just a little too much, in my opinion. His overly loud - especially for just after five fucking o'clock in the morning - greeting of "Gooooooooood morning, Jasper! How are we feeling today?" grated on my nerves.

I groaned, wincing at the noise."Shut the fuck up, Mike, and let's go."

I grabbed my things and shoved Mike out the door without pardon, locking it behind me before stalking to the elevator. I was in a pissy mood, and Mike would just have to deal with it.

The entire ride to the airport - and I do mean the _entire _ride - Mike kept chattering away in a too-loud voice about the Labor Day party. I didn't even pretend to listen, just focusing on trying to tune his loud ass out as best I could. I only partially succeeded, though, and his mention of Edward - as he wondered why he hadn't been there - had me curling up and away from him as I closed my eyes.

I loved Mike dearly, but at that moment, he was being an ass for the sake of it. I rarely got hungover, and for some reason, this time he seemed intent on torturing me about it. I ended up begging him to just _please _shut up, and he relented for a while.

This lasted right up until we were in the air, and I was once again stuck in the small confines of a vehicle with Mike. And, again, he took advantage of that fact. This time the subject was the account we were trying to get. I was already familiar with the details, since we always made it a point to keep tabs on every account - both those we already had and those we were hoping to get, especially if we knew a meeting was forthcoming.

I took out my laptop, hoping he would get the hint and just shut the hell up as I pulled the presentation file up and began to read it. After too many minutes, Mike finally shut up, pulled his own laptop out, and began to do some work as well.

Despite the fact that he was now mostly silent, I had a hard time concentrating. My head was still killing me and thoughts of Edward kept cropping up. I did my best to push them away, though. I couldn't afford the luxury of dwelling on him when I needed to ensure we landed this account - especially given how poorly I was feeling.

We had to go straight to the meeting from the airport, and we ended up in one of the longest meetings of my life. Though, in truth, that was in partly due to the throbbing headache that would not go away. Everything seemed to go well, though, and at the end of the day, we were complimented for our style and thoroughness, and left with the promise of hammering out the details of the now impending contract. All in all, it had been a successful day, and Mike was very pleased.

I just wanted to call it a day.

The following day, we would be spending several hours going into further detail on the program we had in mind for them, as well as getting more feedback on what they would need. Usually, as these meetings went on and we got to know the users better, things would come up that the clients initially hadn't thought to consider. It always amounted to more coding, which was good for business, but working out the details and getting into the specifics was not my favorite part of my job.

We decided we'd check into our hotel to freshen up before meeting for dinner in the hotel restaurant. When I got to my room, I sat down heavily on the bed, taking off my tie and seriously contemplating calling Mike and just skipping out on dinner altogether when my phone rang. I reached over to the nightstand, where my phone sat, and smiled as I saw Edward's name on the display. I unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt as I answered the phone.

"Edward, hey!"

_"Hey, Jazz. Wanted to see if maybe you wanted to get together tonight?" _His voice lowered a little as he continued_, "I missed you."_

The smile fell from my face, my hand covering my eyes as I breathed out a soft, "Fuck!" It felt like my stomach was churning again, though this time it had little to do with being hungover, and everything to do with the fact that I had left town without letting Edward know - and I knew I probably should have.

I cringed as I told him I was actually in Portland and wouldn't be home for a few days. "I'm sorry, Edward. Mike didn't tell me until last night, and the fucker put my phone out of reach so I couldn't find it when I wanted to call and let you know."

There was a short pause at the other end of the line - one I had no idea what to make of - and when Edward responded, I could hear the hurt in his voice even as he said he understood. There was something else underlying in his tone, though; I wasn't sure what it was, but for a moment I wondered if he even believed me.

_"Yeah, it sucks that Mike didn't tell you ahead of time."_ He cleared his throat lightly.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "You have no idea just how much it does. Trust me, I'd much rather be hanging out with you than stuck in a hotel with Mike. Don't get me wrong, the fucker's my best friend and all, but..."

I let my voice trail off, not sure I wanted to finish the thought. Luckily, Edward gave a soft chuckle, though it sounded just a little off. I wondered what was going through his mind, but I was afraid to ask him.

I cleared my throat when he didn't respond. "So, anyway, we should be back Thursday night. And Mike's agreed to give me Friday off since he fucked up, so maybe we could get together then?"

Edward's voice sounded sad as he said, _"I won't be here, remember? I leave early Friday morning to go to Nantucket and help Kate with her shoot."  
_  
"Shit!" I sighed, rubbing my face with my free hand. _Damn it, damn it, damn it! Mike, you fucking _owe _me, you douche!_

We spent another couple of minutes on the phone before I reluctantly told him I had to go meet Mike for dinner. I promised him I'd call him the next day as soon as my meetings were done, but even with that, I felt off. Again. With a sigh, I went to change and freshen up.

* * *

**A/N:** We hope you all had a great Christmas, and that you'll have a very Happy New Year.

Just a reminder, we will be posting Marked on alternate Sundays from here on out. Next week sees the start of our new story called Be Careful What You Wish For, so make sure you have us on Author Alert.

Also, Naelany has an entry in the Who's Under Your Tree contest, and voting is now open. You can find it here:

http://www (.) fanfiction (.) net/u/2164441/

Thank you for all the love you leave us. We read each and every review and they brighten our day. Hope these boys have done the same for you.


	10. Take a Chance on Me

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHelm **__and __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

**---------- **

**EPOV**

I was staggering down the stairs Sunday morning when I heard keys jingling in the lock of my front door. I chuckled, running my fingers through my messy hair as I yawned. Kate had called me on her way over, frantic as she asked if I could develop a few rolls of film for her. She'd had a major reshoot and was in a panic, trying to figure out how to get everything done.

I met her in the hallway, amused by her wild eyes as she shoved a bag into my arms. Her long blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she was wearing a Red Sox cap. She was babbling at a rate that my mind, still half-asleep, had trouble following.

"Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much this means to me. I owe you big. Like make-you-dinner-and-do-your-laundry-for-a-month kind of big. Well, maybe not _your_ laundry, but you know what I mean. I cannot believe I had to reshoot that whole damn thing, and now I have this shoot today, and there's no way in hell I'd be able to get done-"

I arched an eyebrow at the number a "few" apparently meant to her, but I dropped the bag on the bench, pulling Kate close as I tried to calm her down a little.

"Don't be silly," I said, wrapping my arms around her. I smiled when she buried her face in my chest and tightened her arms around my waist, her shoulders dropping as she sighed. "You don't owe me a thing…just calm down before you give yourself a coronary. I've got this."

I rubbed her back gently, feeling her relax against me as she took a few minutes to just breathe. After a while, she lifted her head and peered up at me. "You're a lifesaver," she said simply.

"What flavor?" I gave her a cheeky grin, and she rolled her eyes.

"You're such a dork," she muttered and then giggled.

"Only when I need to make you smile." I shrugged and squeezed her once more before letting her go and picking up the bag.

She thanked me, pulling me down by the elbow so she could kiss my cheek, and then she was out the door again, mumbling a list of things she needed to do. She had the shoot that afternoon, the Labor Day get-together on Monday, and the rolls of film I was developing were being presented to a client on Tuesday.

From the stoop, I watched as she got into her car and drove away before I went back inside, heading to my kitchen. I left the film on the bar while I set about finding breakfast. I was in a remarkably good mood and treated myself to an omelet with cheese. After polishing it off with a glass of orange juice, I went down to the basement to begin work on Kate's pictures.

I had several rolls of film I needed to develop myself – including the ones Emily and I had taken at the zoo – but I was going to get all of Kate's finished first in case I decided I'd had enough for the day. I found myself humming as I made my way down the stairs and got everything set up. I couldn't help but chuckle, shaking my head as I realized that a certain pair of sky blue eyes seemed to be hovering just at the edge of my mind.

In the blackness of my darkroom, my fingers felt nimbly along the reel, starting to load the first roll of film before I placed it into the tank. My hands worked automatically, not needing the help of light or even the guidance of my conscious thoughts as I performed the actions that had become second nature to me over the last decade. Without sights to distract me, my mind drifted, returning, as they had so often lately, to Jasper.

I hadn't known he was going out with Emily when I called him yesterday, or I wouldn't have bothered him. When he'd said he was on a date, I felt as though he'd kicked me in the balls. Hard. The force of it surprised me, and I was suddenly keenly aware that we weren't…official yet. We hadn't made any sort of declarations or promises, and I really had no idea if he was seeing someone else. I didn't _think_ so, and I knew I wasn't and didn't plan to.

Jasper had my undivided attention.

But I didn't know how the fuck to bring that up to him. He was already skittish about certain things, and I knew that this was likely to be one of them. He seemed to spend most of his free time either with me or talking to me, though, and I seriously doubted he called anyone else as often as he did me…so I decided, for the time being, to just leave it. Let it go and take comfort in the way he obviously enjoyed being with me.

For now.

The film reached its end, and I placed the reel into my developing tank, screwing on the lid. I flipped on the light and went to the deep double-sinks along the wall, checking the temperature on the chemicals I kept there. As I worked, I thought, and as I thought, memories of my day with Jasper and Emily slipped in.

I'd been more than a little shocked when he invited me to go with them, especially when he'd said "please," but as soon as it was clear that they were both okay with me being there, I'd been on my way to my car. Watching him with his little sister was so…special, somehow. She was a very sweet girl and looked a hell of a lot like him, only with more delicate features. I liked her instantly and had even trusted her with my camera, which was something I _never_ did.

Okay, so that was partially because I thought Jasper would appreciate the gesture…and he had. It was kind of refreshing – it had been the first time ever that I'd been around him for hours without feeling a constant need to pounce.

It wasn't that I hadn't been aroused by him – I'd had to adjust myself a few times when he looked particularly fuckable. He had obviously decided not to shave that morning, and the dusting of stubble along his chin made me pull him close to kiss him more often than I probably should have with his sister there. It gave him a rugged look that put me in mind of cowboys and open fields and sweating and...it had been a challenge to keep my mind clean. But even though I'd wanted him as much - or more - as always, getting to see how he was with Emily was just…nice. I liked knowing him better, and I liked even more that it hinted, yet again, that we were more than just physical.

I'd felt a strange warmth when I watched him interact with Emily. They just fell into step so seamlessly. It was effortless, like breathing, and it helped me see that I truly did know the real Jasper. People often behave differently depending on who they are around, but he was the same with her – teasing, playful, even loving – as he had been with me.

Emily was welcoming and understanding, whispering to me and buying me a little gift to help me remember the day – a souvenir that was now hanging from my keychain in the hall. She looked at Jasper with more than a little hero worship, and I was glad to see that he really earned it. He was attentive, listening to her and humoring her, no matter what silly request she made. He'd been too fucking cute when she'd let her nickname for him slip.

_Spurs…_

I chuckled, shaking my head as I finished agitating the film and began pouring the developer into the sink. Every single time I heard that nickname, an unbidden image came to my mind – Jasper standing in nothing but boots and spurs, tipping his cowboy hat at me. I'd been torn between amusement and arousal, unable to decide if the sight would make me laugh or make me tackle him. I decided it would probably do both.

I also decided I _had_ to see that shit.

But thinking about Jasper nude while I was all alone in my darkroom – and likely to be there all day – probably wasn't the best idea, so as I was pouring the stopbath into the tank, I forced myself to think about more innocent moments from the day before.

_The tropical birds squawked and flapped their wings as I changed the roll of film again. I finished winding the camera and lifted it, snapping pictures as the birds took flight in a burst of color. __ Emily and Jasper were standing a few feet away, and I surreptitiously turned my camera toward them, catching a few shots of Jasper teasing his sister, messing up her hair. She frowned and ruffled his hair in response, punching his side with her other hand. _

_Jasper tickled her, and she doubled over, stepping quickly away. The smile that had been on my face all day grew as Emily stuck her thumbs under her arms and flapped her elbows like wings. I lifted my camera to take a picture, but I was shaking too badly from laughter when Jasper did the same and then started strutting around bobbing his head. I managed to get a good shot as he was clucking while Emily giggled at him, and then she rolled her eyes. _

"_What the hell are you doing? They're not chickens, Spurs," she teased, and he threw back his head, laughing as I captured that purely happy expression on his face. _

_He heard the click of the camera and turned to me with a shrewd expression on his face. I shrugged and tried to look innocent, but he didn't buy it. He sauntered over to me, putting his hands on my hips as I lowered the camera. _

"_Enjoying watching me act like an idiot?" he asked with a grin._

"_Matter of fact, I am…" I tilted my head, unable to resist kissing him when he was so close. He hummed lightly against my lips and then slipped his hands all the way around my waist, pulling my body to his. He deepened our kiss, his tongue brushing against mine, and I forgot everything – where we were, who we were with – until I felt a tugging at my camera. _

_I opened my eyes, my face turning toward the disturbance as Jasper's lips moved to my cheek, kissing along my jaw to my ear. Emily stood smirking at me as she pulled the camera from my hands._

"_Shh…" she whispered airily, her index finger across her lips, and I let go. She smiled at me, winking as she took the camera in both hands and wandered a few feet away, snapping pictures of the tawny frogmouths while Jasper nibbled on my earlobe. _

_I bit my bottom lip, enjoying the sensation for a moment before I turned my face back to his. He smiled at me, his forehead pressed against mine as he looked into my eyes before tilting his head, his lips meeting mine again. _

_We spent a few long minutes kissing, becoming lost in the feeling of our lips moving together until I finally pulled away. I rested my forehead against his once more, smiling when he pouted at me. _

"_Emily," I murmured, and his eyes widened._

"_Shit," he whispered. _

"_Don't worry…" I said quietly, tilting my head in the direction I'd last seen her. "I think she's having a good time."_

_We turned to look as one, and I could have sworn that I saw her hair sway as she turned her head quickly, like she didn't want to get caught looking our way. Jasper didn't seem to notice, though, and when we came up behind her, I heard the click of the camera as she took pictures of the birds._

_As soon as he had her attention, he whined that he was starving and asked what we wanted to do for lunch, but I was distracted by Emily's mischievous smile when she handed the camera back to me. _

I couldn't wait to develop the pictures we'd taken. I wanted to see, first, how Emily had done. She seemed to have a pretty good eye – I'd noticed her taking shots from unusual perspectives, and she understood a good bit about color and balance. More than that, though, I wanted to see how the pictures I'd taken of Jasper and Emily had turned out. I hoped I'd managed to capture their playful way with each other, and I really wanted to be able to give some to both of them as a little thank you for including me in their day.

As I thought, I worked, and before I knew it, I'd spent hours in the darkroom. My aching back was the only indication of the passage of time, but as I clipped the last of the negatives up to dry, my stomach rumbled loudly. I cleaned up quickly and then went back upstairs to relax for a little while and figure out what to do about lunch.

As always, I considered calling Jasper but dismissed it. It was bad enough that I really _was_ completely enamored without making it obvious. He clearly needed some space, too, and that thought made me frown as I rifled through my pantry, thinking about our phone call the night before. It wasn't that it had been bad by any means, but I'd definitely been a little disappointed when he hadn't invited me to the Labor Day party he was going to.

Pulling out a box of ziti, I decided to go for a slightly more involved meal, figuring I could have leftovers for dinner. I preheated the oven and put water on to boil, gathering the Italian sausage, spaghetti sauce, and everything else I needed for a simple baked ziti. While I waited for everything to warm up, I sat on a barstool, leaning back against the wall as I propped my feet on another stool.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I took a few minutes to just…breathe. I'd been working hard all morning, and the weekend had been a confusing mix of elation and disappointment. I'd been completely dejected when I got the airport to find that my flight had been first delayed and then canceled altogether. I never got a straight answer about what, exactly, happened, but when they reassigned me to the next available flight to Memphis and told me it would be leaving Sunday evening, I told them thanks but no thanks.

I'd been extremely upset at first, and when I'd called Emmett to let him know, he'd had a string of curses for the airline, but he had been the one to suggest I just cancel for now and plan to stay longer at Thanksgiving. I was bummed, wanting to be with the people I loved…

And it was with that thought in mind that I'd called Jasper. The fact that I was connecting him – however loosely – with my family wasn't lost on me. I'd felt a strange fluttering as I waited for him to pick up the phone. Of course, the excitement in his voice had immediately chased away any of my feelings of melancholy, and the day had turned out better than I'd expected. Much better.

The sound of boiling water interrupted my thoughts, and I went over to the stove, dumping the ziti in before getting a pan to brown the sausage. Things had, I guess, worked out for the best, as I'd not only spent the day with Jasper, but he'd let me into his life a little more as well. Kate was very lucky that I'd been home this weekend – I'm not sure how she would've gotten everything finished if I'd been out of town like I was supposed to be.

It was with random thoughts of Kate and Jasper and Emily that I prepared my ziti for the oven. Once I'd put it in to bake, I set the timer and then went upstairs, grabbing my journal from the nightstand drawer. This one had been new five months ago, but it was over half-full, and I'd been feeling the urge to write more lately. I never got rid of the old ones, though, and there was a box full of old notebooks and journals – the oldest dating back to high school – in the top of my closet.

I carried the timer and my journal into the den, where I sat down on the couch and flipped to a blank page. I rarely reread something I'd already written, just needing to get those thoughts down, out of my head where they seemed to grow and fester and turn into something altogether different.

I sat with my feet on the coffee table, the notebook balanced on my knees as I tapped my pen against it and thought. Finally, I put pen to paper and began to write, letting everything pour out through my fingers – my feelings for Jasper, including the sting I'd felt when he'd subtly let me know that he'd be spending Labor Day without me, my disappointment at not going home to see my family, especially Tanya, as I was pretty sure she needed me, random thoughts about my book and what I'd learned as I scoured the city for tattoos and graffiti.

By the time the little digital timer beeped, my scrawl filled several pages, and I closed the journal with my pen marking my place. I gave a yawn as I stood up, shutting off the incessant beeping and going to the kitchen to pull my lunch from the oven. I knew the cheese and sauce in the baked ziti would be roughly as hot as the sun, but I still dished up a more-than-healthy serving and poured myself a glass of sweet tea.

I carried it upstairs with me, deciding my balcony would be the perfect place to unwind. Leaving my food on the bistro table there, I went back into my room and pulled out my guitar. I sat outside, playing for a while as the wind rustled my hair and my food slowly cooled. When I thought enough time had passed, I ducked back inside and leaned the guitar against my dresser.

Taking my seat on the balcony, I propped my feet on the railing and put my plate in my lap, balancing it between my thighs and abdomen. I could still feel heat radiating from it, but it seemed to be warm rather than searing. My mind turned to the work I still needed to do in my darkroom as I began to eat, humming contentedly at the mingled flavors of sauce and melted cheese.

Before long, I finished and put the plate back on the table, yawning as my eyelids were suddenly heavy. I hadn't slept that many hours last night before Kate was calling this morning, and it had finally caught up with me.

After draining my tea, I stood up and left my dishes on the table – I'd get to them later. I went back inside and closed the door, taking off my shirt and letting my flannel pants fall to the floor as I walked to my bed. I slipped beneath the sheets, enjoying the soft, cool cotton on my bare skin. I fell asleep easily, out nearly as soon as my head hit the pillow.

When I first awoke, I was confused with the last vestiges of my very vivid dreams still hanging on. I could nearly feel Jasper behind me, his arm wrapped tightly around my hips as he writhed against me. The ghost of his lips trailed along my shoulders, and I could hear his panting voice whisper my name.

It all seemed so real, so overwhelming, that I rolled over onto my other side, half-expecting to find him there curled up asleep. When I saw I was alone, the emptiness hit me hard, leaving me feeling lost and confused. I scrubbed my eyes with my fists like a little child and then opened them again, looking at the empty pillow beside me. Despite the erotic images my mind had conjured up, I felt anything but aroused.

I was lonely.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I'd rolled over in bed again, my eyes scanning the floor. I found my pajama pants – within reach, for once – and pulled them closer, grabbing my cell phone from the pocket. Scrolling through to find Jasper's number, I hit the call button and then fell back onto my pillow, resting my forearm across my eyes as I listened to it ringing.

As soon as he answered, something in me relaxed, and I smiled, exhaling lightly. He was a little surprised to hear from me, saying that he thought I'd be in the darkroom all day.

"Err…yeah, I really should be down there, I guess. Kate showed up early this morning with a shit-ton of film she needed me to develop for her, so I didn't get a lot of sleep…just passed out a couple of hours ago."

I could feel my cheeks heat as I remembered my dream, and I almost asked him to come over and make it happen. I had a feeling he would be on his way in a heartbeat, no questions asked, but the thought of the sheer volume of work I still had ahead of me stopped me from saying the words.

Plus, I wasn't quite sure if I was ready for sex with Jasper yet. I wanted it. Badly. That much, I knew. The rest was…questionable.

"_I'd offer to help, but I wouldn't know what the fuck I was doing…"_ I listened as he chuckled and then lowered his voice. _"I'd just end up distracting you, and we can't have that now, can we?" _

I bit my bottom lip, a half-smile on my face as we talked and flirted for a while. It was light-hearted, teasing…and exactly what I needed just then.

By the time we hung up, I felt much better, and I decided to take a shower before I went back downstairs to work some more. I hummed and sang softly to myself throughout the afternoon and on into the evening, eventually finishing all of Kate's work although I didn't get started on my own. I was heading out to Collin's early – for me, anyway – in the morning, so I didn't do much else except heat up leftover ziti for dinner, do the dishes, and go to bed.

On Monday morning, I woke up early and went for a jog before breakfast. I grinned as I thought of the way Jasper seemed to appreciate my body – if he was going to look at me like that, I was going to do all I could to encourage it. The pounding of my feet on the pavement seemed to match the rhythm of my pulse in my ears, and I concentrated on the sounds, blocking out all other thought.

Before I knew it, I was back home, and a glance at the clock showed me it was getting close to time for me to leave. I took the stairs two at a time and started my shower before stripping and going to examine myself in the mirror. I grimaced when I saw the way I was losing a bit of definition in my abs – I was going to have to work on that some, too.

Sighing, I tossed my dirty clothes into the hamper and stepped into the shower, cleaning myself quickly. It was supposed to be a hot day, so when I came back out, I dressed in my jeans and a solid deep green t-shirt. We would be hanging out on the beach part of the day, so I threw a pair of board shorts and a clean t-shirt into my duffel bag and took it downstairs with me. I dropped it off at the bench in the hall and went to grab my camera, noticing that the last roll of film from the zoo was still only about a third full. I packed the camera bag with a couple of extra rolls and decided to take it instead of my digital.

Finally ready, I picked up both bags and headed out the door to my car. It was such a beautiful day that I put the top down, feeling the wind in my hair as I sang along with the radio on my way to Collin's. I hadn't called, so I didn't know if they were expecting me or not, but chances were that Kate had filled them in. If she hadn't, it wouldn't matter. We were all just that way – any one of us could show up at anyone's place anytime. I loved that about my friends.

The drive to Kettle Cove Village took about an hour, so I pulled up to Collin's place right around noon. Judging from the cars, nearly everyone was already there. I parked on the street and shut off the engine before I got out, twirling my keys around my finger. I went to my trunk and pulled out the two bags. Just as I closed the trunk and pocketed my keys, I heard a voice call out, "No fucking way! I figured we'd have to wait at least a couple of months before we'd see you again, Masen."

I looked up to see Seth hanging over the railing on the upstairs deck. His black hair was plastered back against his head, and judging from the state of his boardshorts, he'd already been playing in the water. He left his beer sitting on the wide rail and came down the stairs, meeting me in the driveway. He hugged me, bringing with him the briny smell of the ocean as he clapped my back and said quietly, "Damn good to see you, man."

I smiled at him, returning the greeting, and he took my duffel from me as we walked to the door. We talked as we made our way inside, but our conversation was cut short when Kate hugged me tightly and said, "Good lord, Seth, you couldn't even let him get inside without getting him soaked?"

Seth and I both chuckled, and he shrugged, saying, "You know he's going to be out there in about five minutes anyway."

It was true. Our Labor Day celebration was our last chance every year to enjoy the beach, since they were officially closed afterward. As I walked into the living room and was greeted by the rest of my friends, I was suddenly extremely glad that my flight had been canceled – I would've hated to miss this.

A small voice in the back of my mind whispered that I would've missed it for Jasper's party, but I brushed it away, laughing as Embry joked about Seth picking up other men. Seth rolled his eyes and punched his shoulder, but Embry caught his fist and pulled him close, kissing him gently.

I glanced away, and Kate caught my eye. She had a shrewd look on her face, but I made a face at her, and she laughed, sticking her tongue out. As I started making my rounds, talking to everyone in turn, I noticed her slinking away. I turned my head to see where she was going and spotted Garrett sitting in the corner. My eyes widened, and I waved to him, seeing him wave in return before I looked back at Seth, who was chattering away about how perfect the water was. Without even taking a breath, he asked if I'd brought my football, and I exchanged a glance with Embry, who just smiled fondly and shrugged.

Seth was the only one of my childhood friends I was still in contact with. We'd been close as children, but we'd lost touch when I'd moved to Tennessee. I had been shocked when we'd reconnected in a class at Harvard.

_I was homesick, wondering why in the world I'd decided to come back to Boston for college. I missed my family, especially Emmett just then – he would've cracked some joke that made me laugh and let me forget that I was in a city where I quite literally knew no one my age. I sighed, resting my elbow on the desk and my forehead in my palm as I tried to concentrate on what the professor was saying._

_It was no use._

_That prickling feeling of unseen eyes watching me raised the hair on the back of my neck, and I turned my head slowly, finding a guy staring at me from a few seats away. I frowned, and he grinned in response._

_I felt my own lips turn up into a half-smile as I studied him. He was pretty cute, actually, and that thought reminded me at once why I had decided to come back to Massachusetts. I was gay, and while my family knew and accepted me, I had never felt comfortable telling anyone else. I hoped that with a fresh start, I could just be myself – no fear, no hiding. _

_That was easier said than done, of course, and as the cute guy finally turned back to face the professor, I realized I had no idea how to do any of this – how to approach someone, how to talk to him, what to do if he liked me in return. I'd been completely celibate as a teenager, but I didn't want that anymore._

_I watched the cute guy's profile, seeing how his smile broadened when he felt my eyes on him. He licked his lips, and that natural action made up my mind._

_I was going to talk to him._

_I straightened in my seat, resolving to approach him after class…somehow. I didn't dwell on the fact that I still didn't know what to do. I'd say hello, and we'd go from there. Hell, Emmett picked up girls all the time. It couldn't be _that_ hard, right? _

_My eyes kept drifting back to him all through class, and I caught him looking at me a few times, too. There was an emotion in his eyes I couldn't place, but it looked like…excitement? As soon as class ended, people started clearing out, but I took my time, closing my notebook slowly and putting it carefully into my bag. I unzipped the outer pocket and dropped my pen in, zipping it again before I stood and put my arms through the straps of my backpack._

_I was startled when I realized that the room was nearly empty, and my eyes darted to the seat where the cute guy had sat. My face fell when I saw that he was no longer there, and I sighed, a little ashamed of the relief I felt through my disappointment. I turned around and nearly ran smack into him. He was standing right in front of me with a grin on his face._

"_Edward? Edward Masen, right?"_

_I blinked, taken aback. I nodded, and suddenly, his arms were around me. Instead of the arousal I thought I would feel at the sensation, I felt nothing but shock. I patted his back awkwardly, and he let me go, holding me at arms' length._

"_I _knew_ that was you! God damn, man, it's good to see you! What's it been? Six years? You're looking good!" He was speaking quickly, a wide grin on his face, but he must've seen the confusion on mine. "You don't recognize me, do you? It's Seth."_

"_Seth Clearwater?"_

_The relief that flooded through me at his nod was palpable, and this time, I was the one who hugged him close, clapping his back._

The minor disappointment I'd felt at realizing that the first guy I thought was interested in me wasn't was far outweighed by the fact that I'd reconnected with one of my best friends from my childhood – someone who knew me. Someone my age.

Even better, I'd learned Seth was gay and had come out in high school. He'd been fucking adorable when he'd admitted that he'd had a crush on me in junior high, but neither of us had ever been tempted as adults. We just fit so perfectly as friends. He'd helped me connect with the local gay and lesbian groups, and he'd been instrumental in my adjusting so well to life in Boston.

Seth had never lost his youthful energy, and he always seemed to be running at full-speed. There was something innocent and earnest about him that I loved, and he'd found a perfect partner in Embry, who was more reserved, more level-headed – and absolutely in love with him.

We both listened until Seth finally began to wind down, and I took the opportunity to ask, "Hey, did Leah come this year?"

Seth nodded. Before I could even ask where she was, he said, "She's out for a walk on the beach. With Tyler." He wrinkled his nose as I chuckled.

"You know those two are going to end up together some day," Embry teased.

"Ugh…no, thanks. Tyler's nice and all, but…" he trailed off.

Embry wrapped his arms around Seth's waist and rested his forehead against his lover's. "You're saying you object to Tyler as family?" He pressed his lips against Seth's, and as I looked away, I caught his whispered, "I kind of hope to have him as _my_ brother-in-law someday."

Something in me ached at the words and the intimate gestures, and I had to distract myself. A glance into the corner showed me that Kate was sitting on the couch beside Garrett. They were holding hands and were deep in conversation, so I made my way to the kitchen. There, I found Collin putting the finishing touches on a salad as Brady made hamburger patties.

They didn't notice me enter, so I said, "Need some help with that?"

"Edward! Hey, man, we didn't know you were coming!" Collin hopped off his barstool and walked over, clapping me on the back while Brady nodded with a grin.

"Great to see you, E," Brady said, by way of greeting.

"Want a beer?" Collin's words flowed smoothly just after Brady's as he reached into the refrigerator and pulled out three bottles. He opened them all and handed me mine before taking one over to his partner.

"Thanks, babe." Brady kissed Collin briefly just before he finished making the hamburgers.

"Where's Benjamin?" I asked.

"Watching the grill." Brady flashed a smile. "Tia's with him. They have news."

"Oh, yeah?"

Brady nodded as he walked to the sink, where Collin met him and turned on the water for him. He glanced over, grinning at me. "Yeah, I have a couple of ideas, but they're not saying until later."

He finished washing his hands, and I helped him carry out food for the grill. We met Tia and Benjamin there, and they both seemed to be absolutely glowing with whatever their news was. Like Brady, I had a couple of guesses, but I knew from their expressions that – no matter what the news actually was - it was something that was making them more permanent.

I was happy for Benjamin. He'd been the odd-man-out longer than any of us. Tyler was more often alone, but he dated around more as well. As we stood there and talked while Brady grilled, I sipped my beer and slowly realized that I was the only one alone at this particular barbecue. I knew that, technically, Leah and Tyler weren't together, but they might as well be. They'd spend the entire day wrapped up in each other despite Leah's snarky attitude and Tyler's attempts to behave himself for Seth's sake.

I hadn't realized Kate had invited Garrett, and it had come as a bit of a shock. She didn't usually bring guys she dated around. She was sort of the little sister of our group, and some of the guys were too protective of her. She must _really_ like Garrett if she was subjecting him to all of us already. More than that, she must already plan for him to be around for a long time.

I gave a melancholy smile as I sipped my beer, and I tried to push those thoughts away, instead just enjoying the afternoon with everyone. I hid behind my camera, taking pictures as we hung out and goofed off. We ate lunch on the deck, and usual, Brady had cooked for an army. Even after everyone was stuffed, there was too much food left.

Just like always, Collin said, "Well, I guess you guys will just have to stay for dinner because there's no way we can eat this ourselves."

And just like always, we all playfully protested before "giving in." After lunch, those of us dressed in regular clothes changed into our swimsuits. I took my duffel bag into Collin and Brady's room, quickly putting on my boardshorts and grabbing the old blue t-shirt I'd brought. I threw the shirt over my shoulder and pulled out my bottle of sunscreen, going in search of Kate.

I found her dressed in a skimpy bikini out on the deck, laughing at something Garrett had said. It was the first time I'd been mostly alone with them all day, so Garrett and I shook hands as we exchanged greetings. We talked a bit about the modeling gig he'd just landed, and I laughed when I felt Kate snatch the bottle out of my hands.

"Guess this is a hint?" she teased.

I pouted at her, and she laughed, smacking my arm lightly. "Sit down," she commanded.

I sat with my feet hanging over the edge of a lounge chair while Kate spread the lotion on my skin. My eyes closed and I smiled when she massaged me a little the way she always did, and I was surprised when the image my mind conjured wasn't the innocent one of Kate. It was of Jasper, and it was decidedly…naughty.

As much as I wanted to follow the imagined sight of Jasper's hands drifting lower down my back, cupping my ass before he teased my entrance, I wanted even more to _not_ have a raging hard-on when I stood up for us to go to the beach. I forced the thoughts away, melancholy settling in as I wished intensely – for about the millionth time that day – that Jasper was with me.

"Oh, damn." Kate's voice broke through my musings as I heard the bottle snap shut. I opened my eyes, peering up at her. "Garrett…I left my sunglasses upstairs with my purse. Would you mind getting them for me?" There was something a little too sweet in her voice, and I narrowed my eyes, wondering what she was up to. "Oh, and I think we're finished with this. Do you mind putting it in Edward's bag? I think it's in Collin's room."

"No problem, Katie." I smirked as I watched him kiss her cheek as he took the bottle from her. As soon as he disappeared inside, Kate sat down beside me, resting her head on my shoulder as she leaned against me.

"What's the matter, Katie-bug?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"Nothing's the matter with _me_," she said, sighing. "What's the matter with you?"

I glanced over, smiling ruefully at her. "Am I that transparent?"

"Just to me." She grinned as she reassured me, and then her brow furrowed. "Seriously. Garrett will be back soon…what's on your mind?" When I shrugged, she continued, "Okay, maybe I should say…what, exactly, is it about Jasper that's bothering you?"

I sighed, trying to put words to the strange feeling of dejection. In the end, I went for simple. "I was sort of hoping he'd be here today. Or I'd be there."

She rested her head on my shoulder and her hand on my thigh. "I thought so." After a moment of silence, she said, "So why didn't that happen?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. "He's…holding back. I don't really know why, and it's frustrating the hell out of me." She lifted her head, looking up at me through her lashes, and everything came spilling out. "God, Katie, when we're together, it's fucking perfect. He's funny and sexy as fuck, and he's maybe even smarter than I am, and you know what a goddamn turn on that is for me." A ghost of a smile played on her lips as she nodded, but she didn't speak, letting me get everything off my chest. "We don't even have to try. It's effortless. But then…" I sighed shaking my head. "We're hiding shit, Kate. He won't let me in. It's like he wants to keep me separate from the rest of his life. I've only been to his apartment once, and we were there for about five minutes when I picked him up for our date. Otherwise, he finds some excuse for us to hang out at my place. But then I think…well, I think maybe I'm overreacting. He invited me to spend the day with him and his sister, and that was just…amazing. So maybe I'm projecting all the shit with Alistair onto him, but I just…I can't…"

Kate noticed my struggle and said, "Shh…" as she patted my leg. "It's alright, Edward. I mean…I get how some of that sucks, definitely…but you know what?" She waited until I looked over, and then she grinned at me. "I haven't seen you this legitimately interested in a guy since Alistair. It's scary as hell. Believe me, I know…but you gotta take a chance sometime, right?" I frowned, staring at the pattern of the wood on the floor of the deck before I finally nodded.

"Tell me something."

I looked up, tilting my head slightly to the side while I waited for her to continue.

"Is he worth it?"

"Worth…what?"

She flashed a small smile. "All of it. The questions, the uncertainty…the possible heartbreak. Is he worth it? Or do you get the hell out now without taking the chance?"

My mind balked at the suggestion of getting out, leaving Jasper. I knew the immediate answer was that he absolutely was, but Kate expected me to take her question seriously – and so I would.

I took a moment, sitting in silence as I made myself really consider it – never again feeling the way his thumb dug into the small of my back when he wrapped his arms around me, never hearing that little desperate moan when his tongue brushed my tongue ring…never knowing what it was like to make love to Jasper, to be buried inside him or feel him deep inside me. Beyond that, I tried to imagine never seeing the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled at me or watching his head tilt just to the right when he was deep in thought. I felt an inexplicable sadness when I thought of never learning his morning routine, and I realized at once that I _needed_ to know these things, to see these things.

"He's worth it," I whispered, adding to myself, _Please let him think I am. _

Kate slipped her arm around my waist and squeezed me gently. "Good," she said softly. "I'm glad you know he is…now you just have to make sure you remember it."

I glanced down at her. "What do you mean?"

She gazed back up at me, her eyes wide as she bit her lip. Her brow furrowed and she gave a small frown before she sighed. "He's…look, I like Jasper. What I know of him. He seems pretty cool, and you two really do seem like you're good together from what little I've seen. But he's obviously got some…" I watched as she bit the inside of her cheek. "Problems. I think…well, to be blunt, I think he might fuck up. Maybe a few times. You just have to remember that he's worth it." She bumped my shoulder with hers and gave a small grin just as Garrett came back out on the deck again. "And if he's not, he's got me to deal with," she muttered under her breath.

She hopped up, smiling brightly at Garrett, and I was a few seconds behind, standing slowly as I tried to process all she'd said. I realized that there was just too much there, too much I'd have to consider later, so I tried to put it out of my mind as we gathered our towels, and I grabbed my camera case and slung it over my shoulder as we made our way to the beach.

We spent most of the afternoon soaking up the last rays of the summer sun and working off some of the massive lunch we'd eaten while Kate and I took turns with my camera. We went for a swim in the ocean, enjoying the cool water as we dove into the small waves while Tyler and Leah sat on the beach. When we came back out of the water, I played what was supposed to be a game of touch football with the guys, but I was sporting a bruise the size of Embry's shoulder along my ribs by the time we finally won the game.

As the day cooled off and the sun began to lower on the horizon, we packed our bags again, shaking sand from our towels as everyone talked at once. We made our way back to Collin and Brady's, where they set to work heating up all the leftover food. I offered to help, but they wouldn't hear of it, instead asking me to get drinks for everyone.

Soon, we were all settled around the tables spread out on the lower deck and the backyard. We began dishing up food and fixing our burgers, and just as I was about to take my first bite, Benjamin stood up. He cleared his throat and reached down, holding out his hand for Tia, who stood up beside him. She was positively beaming. I glanced from her to the proud smile on Benjamin's face, and I felt a small smile reflexively form on my own.

Those looks were all I needed to strengthen my suspicions, but Benjamin wasted no time in confirming them. "Hey, guys?" he began unceremoniously.

Everyone paused in their conversations, turning to look toward them. My eyes flitted to Tia's left hand, which was resting lightly on her belly, and I saw the sparkling ring she was now sporting. My grin widened as Benjamin announced in his easygoing way, "I just wanted to tell you that I've asked Tia to marry me, and – now, don't anyone die of shock – she said yes!"

A chorus of well-wishes went up around the table, punctuated by Kate's squeal as she hopped up and went to hug Tia. The two of them whispered quietly for a moment before Katie's eyes widened, and she squealed again. Benjamin had turned to talk to Embry, who was sitting just to his right, but he turned back to Tia when she tugged at his hand.

He beamed at her and then cleared his throat, saying, "And Tia has something else to tell you…"

Tia's smile brightened as a faint blush graced her cheeks, and the glowing expression on her face made me wish I hadn't left my camera inside after we'd returned from the beach.

_Now _there's_ a sight to remember… _

Kate slipped quietly away, returning to her seat between me and Garrett. She grabbed my hand, squeezing it as she turned her excited eyes back to the happy couple just as Tia said, "We're expecting a baby in March!"

She bit her bottom lip, but apparently Benjamin couldn't resist his soon-to-be-wife because he pulled her close, kissing her before whispering soft words to her. I couldn't hear above the roaring in my ears. I felt completely off-kilter, just…wrong somehow.

I saw the others getting up, smiles on their faces as they hugged Tia and Benjamin, but when I finally made myself move, I felt wooden, and my congratulations seemed stilted. I didn't understand why it was hitting me so hard.

Just moments before, I'd been nothing but happy for them, and I knew I still was…but that was deep down. At the time, all I could focus on was the way I just…_hurt_.

For some reason, hearing the words and seeing the way the two of them were wrapped up in each other just brought it all home. Even as they were turned away from each other, hugging people and carrying on completely separate conversations, their hands were joined. I stayed there, taking part in the celebration, until I finally saw Tyler slip away. He was heading for the kitchen, and I followed him on the pretense of getting something else to drink.

When I walked in, he grinned at me, pulling a bottle of tequila from the cabinet. "Fucking unbelievable, isn't it?" He babbled on, talking about how we needed to celebrate as he began pouring shots. "You in?" he asked, and pulled down another shot glass when I nodded.

Leah came in through the door from the hallway then – I hadn't seen her sneak away. Her face was like mine: a smile plastered like a mask on her lips, and she seemed in the mood for anything but celebrating.

_Wonder what that's about… _

I didn't wonder for long as the three of us downed our first shots straight before Tyler began slicing limes. I licked my lips, my fingers turning the tiny glass in circles on the table as I felt the heat from the alcohol spread through my chest.

While I waited for him to pour the next shot, I pulled my phone from my pocket on the pretense of checking the time – _7:38_ – but my face fell when, yet again, there was no message from Jasper. I'd checked here and there throughout the day, but I hadn't expected to hear from him earlier when I knew he was at his own barbecue. As the night wore on, though, I was sure he'd call. I pocketed the phone again with a sigh. It was still early.

_God, I fucking miss him. _

Before I could let myself wonder if he was thinking of me, I strengthened my resolve not to call him. He'd wanted to spend the day with his friends, and I wasn't going to force myself on him. If he needed a little space, a little time without me, then I could give it. I couldn't smother him just because _I_ wanted to spend every waking moment with him.

The thought gave me pause…just a big enough pause for Tyler to put a slice of lime in my hand. I licked the join of my thumb and forefinger, and Leah sprinkled it with salt before we threw back our second shots.

Just as I slammed my glass down on the counter again, Kate walked in behind Garrett. She was laughing, but the smile on her face faded as she took in the sight of me. She whispered something to him and then walked over to me, clearing her throat as she said, "Hey Edward…I meant to ask you. Did you think to bring those pictures you developed for me with you?"

I nodded mutely. She knew I wouldn't have forgotten them, and I knew she didn't give a damn about them just then.

This was about me.

I left my glass where it was, leading the way to Collin and Brady's bedroom. There, I knelt on the floor beside my duffel bag and pulled out the portfolio I'd put together for her. I'd taken a chance, enlarging some I knew she'd like, and I'd put them together the best I could. The rest of the pictures were all carefully wrapped, ready for her to look through them and make her own choices. I stood up again, handing both packages to her, and she turned, dropping them onto the bed.

I frowned at her. She arched an eyebrow in response. When I didn't say anything, she sighed and took the two steps needed to reach me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest, murmuring, "I know what you're thinking…are you alright?"

I couldn't bring myself to hug her. My voice was coarse, rough with repressed emotion when I said, "I'm fine."

She looked up at me shrewdly before shaking her head. "No, you're not. Have…" she trailed off, biting her bottom lip before lowering her voice and continuing, "Have you thought about Rose's offer?"

My eyes tightened as I shook my head, swallowing. It wasn't entirely true. I _had_ thought about Rosalie's offer to be a surrogate for me if I ever decided to have children of my own. But unlike Tanya, I _did_ want a husband, a partner to share my life with, and until I had that – had _him_ – children weren't in my future.

Kate opened her mouth to question me further, but I cut her off. "Kate, _please_. Not tonight."

She squeezed me tight, nodding once against my chest before she looked up again. "You _will_ talk to me soon." There was a long pause. The only noise in the room was the sound of Seth's laughter from the kitchen. "Please?" she whispered, and I sighed, nodding begrudgingly.

Pinching my side, she said, "I love you, you know."

I smiled, my expression softening as I hugged her at last. "I know…don't know why, though. I love you, too."

She rolled her eyes as we parted, changing the subject as she picked up the portfolio and extra pictures. "You really are a lifesaver." At my smirk, she grinned in return. "Cherry…but you're kinda limey right now."

I groaned, rolling my eyes as I ruffled her hair…because that's how I knew I _should_ react. That was the typical Edward response whenever Kate was being silly.

But I didn't feel typical. I felt more like I was watching myself go through the motions, a dispassionate outside observer that watched my body walk back into the kitchen and take up shot glass after shot glass with Tyler and Leah. I lost count somewhere around six, and I absently noticed a new bottle of tequila coming out. After another round, we were joined by some of the others, and Leah soon stumbled away, leaning against Kate, who was helping her upstairs. The two of them had their heads bent close together, giggling, though some corner of my mind recognized that Kate seemed to be playing along – she was stone cold sober.

My eyes narrowed as I tried for a split second to decide if she wasn't drinking because she was trying to keep an eye on me…or if she didn't want to get shitfaced in front of…

_Shit, what's that fucker's name?  
_

I swayed where I stood as his face came into focus in front of me, bringing with it his name. "Garrett!" I declared, clapping him on the back as he handed me my latest shot.

He grinned and said, "Yeah, that's me." He held up his shot glass, and I tilted mine toward him, spilling a few drops on the counter before I tossed back my head, taking the shot. I stayed that way, staring up at the plaster peaks in the ceiling as I lowered my hand and put the glass back on the counter.

The angle did crazy things to my vision and equilibrium, and the room was spinning when I finally looked ahead again. Garrett chuckled, and I swung my head slowly to find him grinning at me as he put his arm around my shoulders. "I think you've had enough…" he said quietly, steering me out of the kitchen.

I started to protest, but in truth, I couldn't even remember what he was talking about, so I staggered at his side, my arm around his waist as I tried to keep my face from meeting the floor that kept looming large in my vision.

"Holy fuck," I whispered as I lifted my head and found myself staring at the staircase rising endlessly above me.

My body was jostled as Garrett laughed, and then he switched our arms, wrapping his around my waist and draping mine over his shoulders. He pulled me close against him, and I had just a moment to idly realize he smelled really fucking good before he muttered, "Staring at it's not going to make it any shorter."

"What the hell-" I started to ask, but then he was dragging me up the stairs, and I had to concentrate to put one foot in front of the other and use my free hand to try to pull myself up as much as possible. A tiny part of my brain was alarmed to realize that I was well beyond fucked up; I wasn't sure if I'd ever had so much to drink in so short a time.

That thought, like all others, was fleeting, and the next thing I was aware of was that I was lying flat on my back on something soft, my feet on the floor, and I was staring at another ceiling. I felt hands at my waist unbuttoning my jeans, and I brushed them away in alarm. "Hey now!" I sat up, my vision swimming as I tried to find Garrett to tell him that as nice as he was – and as fucking _amazing_ as he smelled – and as damn attractive as he was…

_Wait…what was I gonna say again?_

_Oh, right._

I couldn't do that to Jasper.

Or Katie.

_Katie?_ I blinked in confusion when it was her face I found grinning back at me. She arched an eyebrow and returned her hands to the buttons of my jeans.

I flopped back on the bed, grunting and closing my eyes when the motion didn't agree with me. "Sorry," I slurred. "Thought you were Caesar."

"You thought I was…what?" She laughed, and then she paused. "Tell me you're wearing underwear tonight."

I smirked, opening my eyes as I tried to nod. When she didn't move, I realized she couldn't see me, but I couldn't be bothered with lifting my head – or speaking, apparently – so I gave her a thumbs up.

She made short work of my jeans, tossing them to the floor. I saw her come into view again as she put my phone on the nightstand, but the blank screen stared at me, taunting me, so I turned my head away.

"Shirt on or off?" she asked, and I shrugged, rolling onto my side.

She laughed again and tugged at the blanket beneath me until I sighed in exasperation and rolled further toward the edge. She managed to get it out somehow and covered me up with it, tucking it beneath my chin. I felt her fingers in my hair and her cool lips on my forehead, and the last thing I was aware of was two silhouettes in the doorway before the door swung shut, covering me in darkness.

If I had any hope that being unable to see would stop the room from swaying before my eyes, I was sadly mistaken. No sooner had the sound of retreating footsteps faded than I was rolling off the bed, crawling on my hands and knees toward the bathroom.

I wasn't entirely sure if I made it in time or not. All I knew was that I spent the rest of the night alternately puking up everything I'd ever ingested and curling up on the fuzzy bathmat with my cheek pressed against the cool tile floor.

The bathroom was dark, a sliver of light from the hallway that spilled in from beneath the bedroom door providing the only illumination, so my other senses seemed strangely heightened. I was vaguely aware that it was still very early in terms of the party – it couldn't even be nine yet – and soon I heard music filtering up the stairs, the steady thump of the bass matching the pounding in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the sound away, but that just made me more aware of my ragged breathing and the disgusting smells of my own sickness. I lay there, wishing I would just die and end my misery, sure that I would never fall asleep.

I must have been so pathetic in my drunken state that even the universe took pity on me because when I next opened my eyes, weak light shone through the long, narrow window above the shower. I grunted, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I sat up. The room was stable, at least, but the drumming in my head had reached epic proportions, and I felt shaky and dizzy.

_What the fuck were you thinking, Masen? _

I hadn't had that much to drink in a very long time, and my body was definitely feeling the effects. I forced myself to stand and survey the damage, finding that I had – thankfully – not made too big a mess in the bathroom. I felt disgusting, the salt from the ocean and my apparent sweating during the night caked to my skin, so I turned on the shower while I cleaned the room. Every movement left me feeling a little light-headed, making me take extra care as I worked.

Putting the towel I'd used in the hamper, I peeled off my t-shirt and boxers, toeing out of my socks before I stepped under the warm spray. I swallowed against the acid burning my throat, but I couldn't seem to get any relief from it as I washed myself mechanically. The fragrance of ginger from the body wash I found on the shelf in the shower helped clear my mind a little, and I tried to form some sort of plan for the rest of the day.

By the time I shut off the water, I was a little more coherent, though my head was aching dully, and I felt weak and ill. I dried off, wrapping the towel around my waist, and went into the guest room, where I found my duffel bag waiting for me. A small smile played on my lips as I thought about Kate taking care of me – again – and I knelt down, rifling through it to find my travel kit.

When I stood, I glanced at the nightstand. The morning light streaming through the windows was dim, but I could make out the outline of my phone, and I bit my lip in indecision for a moment before walking over and picking it up. When the screen lit up, the absence of any messages taunted me, and I dropped the phone onto the bed, muttering to myself as I stalked back to the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth roughly, muttering to myself here and there as my brain kept up an endless rant about my stupidity. I vacillated between feeling like a complete fool for letting Jasper infiltrate my life – and my heart – the way he had and worrying whether or not he was okay. I rinsed my mouth out, gargling to try to get rid of the sickly acidic feeling, and then ran the toothbrush beneath the water before shoving it back into my little black bag.

It was just after seven in the morning, and the house was completely silent. Suddenly, I just wanted to be alone. Not alone-in-a-house-full-of-sleeping-happy-couples but _alone_.

After throwing my towel in the hamper, I snatched up my travel kit and went back into the bedroom for the last time. I picked up my jeans from the floor and searched through my duffel, grabbing the first t-shirt I felt. I dressed a hurry, annoyed when I stumbled. I was definitely hungover, but it was not the worst I'd ever been by far – surprising, considering the amount I'd had to drink.

_Of course, most of that shit ended up in the goddamn toilet._

I grimaced, wrinkling my nose before inhaling and running my fingers through my hair. It was too early to do much of anything – in truth, I should probably have found some aspirin, drunk about a gallon of water, and crawled back into bed.

So, of course, I didn't.

"Fuck this." I picked up my duffel, slinging the strap over my shoulder as I ignored the throbbing in my head. I padded down the stairs quietly, finding no one in sight as I made my way to the front door. There, I searched through the pile of shoes, frustrated when I couldn't find mine. Then I caught sight of them sitting off to the side near my camera bag with a folded piece of paper stuck in one of them.

_Kate. _

I leaned over, yanking the note out before shoving my feet into my shoes. I started to just throw the paper on the ground, but despite the many causes for my foul mood, Kate wasn't one of them, so I impatiently opened it, finding a message in her girly scrawl.

_E-_

_Just wanted to say good morning. Be careful, please. You're worth it, too, you know.  
Love you, _

_Kate _

I sighed, reading the note again before I stuffed it into my pocket and opened the door. My mind wandered aimlessly as I drove back to Boston, and by the time I turned the key in the lock of my front door, my headache had faded.

I was tired.

I didn't want to sleep, though, as my body ached from sleeping for ten or so hours on the hard tile floor of Collin's bathroom. Instead, I dropped my bags off at the base of the stairs and went straight to the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee.

While I waited, I got the two rolls of film from my camera bag and took them down to the darkroom, putting them with the rest of the film I needed to develop. I knew I was probably being masochistic, but I wanted to see Jasper's face…and I'd taken far too many pictures of him at the zoo. After checking to make sure I had everything I needed, I went back upstairs, pouring myself a cup of coffee. I drank it black, burning my tongue in the process, but the clarity it helped bring was more than welcome, so I poured a second cup and went back down the stairs.

I spent most of the day in the darkroom, developing roll after roll of film. The chemicals didn't do much to help my lingering headache, but with my hands occupied, the time passed quickly. I paused here and there to eat, and Emmett called midway through the afternoon, providing the only interruption to my surprisingly productive day.

By the time I saw the first images, my frustration with Jasper had faded, leaving behind only a sense of longing as I looked at a picture of him laughing with Emily. The sun glinted off their blond hair, and their mouths were open, their eyes actually fucking sparkling with happiness. I smiled, shaking my head as I went back to work. More images appeared before my eyes, pictures of the animals we'd seen, and even some of me that Emily had taken. I flipped past those, feeling that typical sense of weirdness whenever I looked at photographs of myself.

A true grin was on my face as I studied the pictures of Jasper being silly with his sister. The one of him clucking like a chicken came out perfectly, and I laughed out loud when I saw him sticking his tongue out at the camera. Emily had been just quick enough to catch the childish gleam in his eyes. The pictures I'd taken of the two of them posing together were fantastic – the backdrop the zoo provided was beautiful, and they were both ridiculously photogenic. I was pretty satisfied with them, and I started setting a few aside to look at later when I could make a decision about which to give them as gifts.

And then I stopped short, staring at the picture I held gingerly between my thumb and forefinger.

Jasper and I stood there, smiling at the camera. His arm was around my shoulders, while mine was around his waist. We looked damn good together, but that wasn't what caught my attention. No, what drew my eye was the look on his face. He looked…happy. Relaxed. His eyes were sparkling just like they had been in the pictures with Emily, and I was taken aback when I realized that his expression matched my own.

Slowly, I put the picture to the side, shuffling through a few shots of birds in their exhibit before I came to another picture that made my eyes widen. Jasper and I were standing close, our foreheads pressed together as we smiled at each other softly. He was gazing intently into my eyes, and his lips were pursed just slightly. The image was so vivid that I could remember the moment keenly – it was just after Emily had taken my camera from my hand. Just before…

I flipped to the next picture, a crooked grin forming on my face when I saw Jasper kissing me. Exhaling lightly, I turned around, leaning back against the counter as I flipped on the overhead light. I studied the image carefully, taking note of the way his body was pressed close to mine. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist, his fingers spread along my side. His other hand disappeared into my hair, and my soft sigh broke the silence of the darkroom as I remembered the way he had pulled insistently, tilting my head to deepen our kiss.

Finally pulling my eyes from Jasper, I looked at myself, taking in the way my forearms ran up his back, my hands on his shoulder blades pulling him closer to me. I chuckled, shaking my head when I realized my hips were pressed firmly against his, and my knee had slipped between his. I felt my cheeks heat when I thought of Emily seeing us that way – taking the picture, no less – but the sight and the memories shoved away the last bit of resentment I'd felt at not being invited to go to the party with him and then not hearing from him all day.

I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to see him, to feel him again the way I had when that picture was taken.

I smiled, turning off the light and heading out of the darkroom. My eyes were still on the photograph as I went upstairs, where I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and walked to the den.

As soon as I sat down on the couch, I pulled my phone out and called him, surprised when I realized it was nearly nine o'clock. I knew he had to work the next day, but as I ran my fingers through my hair, I really hoped he'd feel like spending a couple of hours with me. It had been too long.

"_Edward, hey!"_

His enthusiastic greeting put a smile on my face, and without even thinking twice about it, I asked him if he wanted to get together. My voice was a little lower when I admitted that I missed him, but hell…if it meant he'd be in my arms in a few minutes, I was willing to take a chance.

The smile slid from my face when I heard him curse under his breath. I felt hollow when he finally raised his voice and spoke again.

"_Shit…man, I'm really sorry. I'm not in Boston right now. I'm in Portland until Thursday." _

_Portland? Fucking Oregon?_ I let his voice wash over me, barely hearing him as he babbled and explained that he hadn't known about the trip until Monday night and that Mike had apparently kept his phone from him. I couldn't help but think he was explaining just a little _too_ much, and I felt my jaw clench as I ground my teeth.

I took a moment, reminding myself that Jasper was not Alistair, but the whole situation had an eerie feeling of déjà vu. Leaving town without notice, not speaking until I called…Alistair had never cheated, but I wondered often if he was…and the uncertainty I felt as I listened to Jasper created an uneasy parallel that made me frown.

I finally interrupted, unable to take the flow of words through the phone any longer. I keyed in on the earnest tone in Jasper's voice, holding to that as I spoke at last. "It's alright, Jasper. I understand."

He broke in, apologizing again and telling me he would've let me know if he'd had the chance. I tried to reassure him that I really did get it, but I was disappointed and couldn't shake the feeling that something was just…off. Wrong, somehow.

_How much trouble is it to pick up a fucking phone? Or hell…even a text would've been better than nothing. _

We went back and forth for a few minutes, and when he said he was going to be off on Friday, the loneliness I felt pressed in on me when I realized that there was no chance I'd see him this week.

"I won't be here, remember?" I reminded him about the Nantucket shoot, ridiculously a little hurt that he'd forgotten.

_Stop being such a goddamn sap._

He cursed again, and we spoke for a few more minutes as he asked about my trip. He interrupted often with apologies and regrets, but when he finally said he had to go meet Mike for dinner, I couldn't help but wonder if they were just empty words.

After I hung up the phone, I put it in my pocket and looked once more at the pictures of us together. There were several spread across the coffee table, and I felt a strong sense of longing as I studied them. The happy expression on Jasper's face made me give a half-smile in response, and I reminded myself several times that he had invited me on the date with his sister.

_That has to mean something, right? _

My head ached from the mixed signals I seemed to get from him, so I tried to find something solid to cling to. As I flipped through the pictures, seeing image after image of us smiling, touching, kissing…I shook my head with a small, fond smile on my lips. I thought back to my conversation with Kate, hearing her words again as she told me that Jasper was likely to fuck up – possibly many times.

I sighed, running my thumb along his image before I tossed the picture back onto the coffee table and flicked off the lamp. "You better be fucking worth it…" I muttered.

_Please_, I added silently as I left the room with my beer in hand.

I spent the rest of the night working. I moved from the darkroom to my computer and back again, pausing at times to eat and even play the piano at one point. Sometime around four in the morning, I realized that I was avoiding things – keeping myself busy so I could avoid thinking about Jasper, staying away from the rolls of film where I knew I'd see him. I was even avoiding my own bed, which had somehow become draped in memories of him despite the fact that we'd been in it together only a couple of times.

"Fucking ridiculous," I mumbled as I began shutting down my computer. I took my empty beer bottle into the kitchen and then made my way upstairs, where I stripped and fell into bed.

My room was still dark when my sleep was interrupted by the irritating sound of my phone. I cracked one eye open, peering at the clock, and was surprised to find that it was already after ten. Yawning loudly, I sat up, blinking at the weak gray light edging my curtains.

_Wonder if it's raining,_ I thought stupidly before I realized that my phone was quiet.

I scrubbed my face with my hands and flopped back onto my pillow, but no sooner had I closed my eyes than the persistent ringing started again.

"What the fuck?" I grumbled, rolling out of bed and searching for my phone in the dim light. I found it in the pocket of my pants and staggered back to bed as I answered. "Hello?"

"_Hope I didn't wake you…"_ Jasper's voice was quiet, reserved, and the sound of it made my eyes widen. Before I could answer, he continued, _"I just…I feel like a total asshole. I thought about you all night, and I just needed you to know that I really am sorry." _

"Jazz…" I sighed, but it wasn't out of annoyance or hurt or anger or…anything like that. I felt more whole, somehow. Even though we hadn't actually fought, I felt a sense of relief, as though we were making up. "Baby, it's okay. Seriously. I'll admit that I was upset, but it's alright. I'm glad you called."

The line was silent for a moment and then Jasper's voice was playful. _"You were still asleep, weren't you?"_

I felt the crooked grin on my lips as I admitted that I was. He asked if I was still in bed, and I said, "Mmhmm…awfully big bed for one guy, too."

He growled, and everything felt right for the first time since I'd been with him at the zoo. We talked for several more minutes as he got ready, and when he finally said he really had to go, I sighed. He laughed softly and then gave a sigh of his own. _"I know. I miss you, too." _

I grinned at the presumption, but I didn't correct him – it was too fucking true. We said goodbye, and I finally got out of bed in a much better mood than I'd been in when I crawled into it. I worked hard all day, and I didn't even hesitate to call him later that evening.

Thursday passed in much the same way. My day started early with a phone call from Jasper, and he reminded me that he'd be home that night. He asked when I would be leaving, and I frowned as I told him that we were heading out around 8:00 the next morning. I held onto a shred of hope as I asked him what time his flight was supposed to arrive, but that hope was dashed when he said, _"We're working until lunch today, so we won't get back to Boston until ten…"_

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say.

Finally, Jasper cleared his throat, saying that he needed to get to work. _"I'll call you when I land, if that's alright?"_

"You better," I answered, my voice more teasing than I really felt.

After we hung up the phone, I was morose yet again. This time, I embraced it, spending the day in my pajama pants, pouting that I was going to go days more without seeing Jasper. Seth called around noon to decide who was bringing what, and that started a string of phone calls between me and my friends as we worked out the last-minute details while I lounged on the couch watching the Red Sox game.

Around six, I made a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and then finally got off my ass, packing for the trip. Between my two cameras, the film, my laptop, clothes, and all the other things I was supposed to bring, I had a massive pile of luggage in the sitting room by the time I finally took a break and went to plant myself in front of the TV for a while.

It was nearly ten, but I knew it could be any time between then and midnight before Jasper called, depending on whether or not his flight was delayed and if he was able to get through security easily. To distract myself from checking my phone obsessively, I popped in my _Casino Royale_ DVD and stretched out on the couch. I'd loved James Bond movies since I was a kid, and it didn't take long before I was lost in the story, idly scratching my head as I yawned.

My plan didn't work entirely, as I kept glancing at the clock, but luckily, I didn't have long to wait. It was just after eleven when my phone rang, and Jasper's name flashing on the screen brought a smile to my face.

"Hey, Jazz! Make it back okay?"

"_Hey yourself…yeah, we actually got in a little earlier than expected, and I'm already in my car."_

"Oh, good. I take it the flight was okay then?" As I spoke, I sat up and put my feet on the coffee table, hitting pause on the remote.

"_Yup, everything was smooth. So listen…I know it's late and you're leaving early in the morning, but I was wondering…"_ He trailed off strangely and cleared his throat, leaving me furrowing my brow as I waited. _"Can I see you tonight? I won't stay long. I just…I need…"_ He didn't finish his sentence, and I grinned.

"Yeah…me, too." I paused for half a second, and my voice was softer when I said, "Please come over, Jazz. I need to see you, too."

"_You're sure? I don't want to get in the way."_

"Don't be ridiculous." I rolled my eyes. "I wouldn't invite you if I didn't mean it. Now get your ass over here before I have to come find you."

He laughed, and we talked for just a couple of minutes more. As soon as we'd hung up the phone, I tossed it onto the coffee table and stood up. I hadn't showered, and I was sure I smelled like it, so cleaning up was the first order of business. The pictures from the zoo were scattered all over the table, and I stacked them up, debating before I put the ones of Jasper and me on the bottom of the stack. I moved them to the end table before leaving the den, taking the stairs two at a time on my way to my room.

I pulled off my pants on the way, tossing them into the hamper as I flipped on the bathroom light. I turned on the shower and stepped in, not even waiting for the water to warm.

"Son of a bitch!" I cursed as I felt the icy stream hit my back, but the smile on my face was wide as I cleaned myself as quickly as possible. The water was just warming up when I jumped back out.

I scrubbed my towel through my hair and walked to the mirror as I dried myself. My eyes were dancing with excitement, and I snorted at my reflection, trying to calm down.

_You'd think I hadn't seen him in a month_.

I rolled my eyes at myself, slowing down just slightly, but I was still dressed within minutes. I was wearing the same fraying jeans I'd worn when I met Jasper with a forest green long sleeve t-shirt that Kate always told me made my eyes look "enchanting." Shaking my head with a chuckle, I started downstairs just in time to hear the doorbell ring.

I bit the inside of my cheek to suppress my grin as my bare feet carried me straight to the door. I yanked it open a little harder than necessary, and there he was. We stared at each other for a moment, and I just had time to take in that he was still wearing his dress pants and button down shirt. He'd taken his tie off and the top two buttons were undone, but that didn't lessen the effect. His lips turned up into a crooked grin, and then his hands were on my hips as he pushed me inside. He pressed me against the wall, kissing me thoroughly before he finally pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

"Mmm…" he murmured. "You smell fucking…what is that?" He pushed away finally, smiling at me as he went to sit down on the bench.

"Just my soap." I shrugged and grinned, stepping in front of him while he leaned down to untie his shoes. I couldn't resist touching him now that I had him so close. I ran my fingers through his hair as he slipped his dress shoes under the bench, but instead of standing up, his hands went to my waist, and he lifted my shirt.

His mouth found the skin of my abdomen, and I moaned softly as his tongue traced a lazy circle around my navel. His thumbs rubbed my hipbones, dipping down beneath the waist of my jeans, and then he turned his blue eyes to me, his lips kissing along the V leading into my pants.

"Take me to your room…" he breathed. "Please?"

My breath caught, and my fingers slipped from his hair, my hand cupping his chin as I guided him up. When he stood, he pressed close to me, and I could feel his arousal hard against my hip. "Fuck, Jasper…" I broke off, kissing him hungrily as my body began to respond in kind. My hands trailed up his back, clutching at his shirt as he returned my kisses eagerly.

Finally, he pulled away, his eyes smoldering as he said, "Your room?" He placed a soft kiss on my lips, whispering against them, "Please, Edward…I missed you…" His lips moved over my face and neck as he kept up a steady stream of soft words. I'm sure he thought I was reluctant, as he was trying to convince me, but his pleading and words of desire were soothing, healing the hurt I'd felt when he'd left town.

When he bit at the join of my neck and shoulder, I moaned, thrusting my hips against his, and the feeling of my hard-on pressing against the buttons of my jeans pushed me into motion. I hooked my fingers around Jasper's belt and began pulling him backward as my lips found his again. When we stepped through the doorway leading to the stairs, I turned around and led the way up, my hand still at his waist.

As I reached the top of the stairs, he took my hand, pressing my palm against his erection, and I inhaled sharply when I felt the obvious evidence of his desire. I shoved him against the wall, unable to wait to kiss him again, and his hands went to my hair as he tilted my head, his tongue parting my lips.

When I pulled back at last, he gripped my hips as if steeling himself. He looked into my eyes for a long moment and then murmured, "Sorry…" before brushing his lips against mine. I raised an eyebrow in question, and he grinned impishly. "I don't mean to be so pushy. I just-"

I laughed, shaking my head as I cut him off with my lips against his. "Get the fuck in here, Mr. Whitlock…" I whispered, leading him into my room at last. My left arm trailed behind me, my hand around his belt as I took him straight to my bed. When I turned to face him again, he was smiling at me, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me deeply.

I felt his hand slip around, his fingers teasing the skin just above my jeans, which were resting low on my hips. They glided lightly, tickling me, but then his hand moved purposefully upward, lifting my t-shirt as he went. When he pinched my nipple, I bit his bottom lip and stepped back, raising my arms so he could get rid of the thin material.

He muttered, "Fuck yes…" and lowered his head, taking my nipple between his lips as my hands tangled in his hair. I tugged lightly, and he lifted his head, returning his lips to mine while I worked on the buttons of his shirt. I felt the pull of denim as he began unbuttoning my jeans at the same time, and I kept trying to will myself to slow down.

I just couldn't seem to do it.

The only thoughts in my mind were all of a nude Jasper in my bed, and I was doing everything I could to make that happen. Our lips explored the flesh we exposed, Jasper's tongue leaving trails of cool skin in its wake. No words were uttered as we communicated entirely in grunts and moans punctuated with sighs and occasional whimpers.

A distant corner of my mind was in awe of the way we moved so fluidly together. There was no awkwardness, no pause, no wondering if we were going too far. We seemed perfectly in tune, and by the time Jasper sat on the edge of the bed, licking his bottom lip as he looked up at me, I sensed that we were changing somehow…growing.

"Come here, Dr. Masen." He growled playfully, his eyes soft as he watched me. When I started moving, he did as well, and soon we were settled on the bed. He pushed me onto my back, his legs between mine as he lowered himself onto me. Looking into my eyes, he began thrusting his hips slowly, rhythmically against mine. I moaned, biting my bottom lip as I shuddered and arched my back. His hand moved to the back of my neck as he urged my face toward his, and we kissed gently as our bodies moved together.

Before long, we were panting, the feeling of our cocks brushing together while we kissed with abandon taking over our whole bodies. I wanted more, wanted to see the beautiful expression on his face as he fell apart in my arms, but I wasn't willing to give up the feeling of his body on mine, his weight pressing me into the mattress.

I reached over to my right, blindly feeling for my nightstand. I managed to open the drawer, finally having to break out kiss as I lifted my head to see what I was doing. Jasper rose slightly off of me, watching me with an amused grin.

His amusement faded, his eyes widening when he saw the bottle of lube in my hand. "Edward, what…?"

I didn't answer, flipping open the top and squeezing some of the slick liquid into my palm as the fragrance of strawberry filled the air. "Oh, fuck…" he murmured when I wrapped my hand around both our cocks. His curse was balanced by my own as our hips began to thrust more insistently together. It was too much and not enough, all at once.

_More._

Before I could begin to act on my thought, Jasper pulled my hand away and lifted it over my head. He took my other wrist in hand and moved it as well, wrapping the fingers of my left hand around my right wrist. "Don't move," he ordered softly before placing kisses all along my jaw. His lips blazed a trail down my body, my torso already glistening with sweat, until he reached my waist.

He gazed up at me, his blue eyes darkened as he kissed his way to my hip. I pouted, shifting my hips toward him, but he just smirked at me. He licked the edge of my tattoo purposefully, his grin widening when my hips bucked as I tried not to laugh.

"What's so funny, Dr. Masen?" He teased my skin with his tongue again, and my knee jerked as I tried to keep myself still on the bed. "Well, now, if you're just going to laugh at me…" His accent was exaggerated as he pulled away with a mock pout.

"Don't fuck around, Jazz…" I begged, squeezing his side with my knees. "_Please_…just…"

I gasped, my words cut off as he took me deep in his mouth with a loud moan. His hands were on my thighs, holding me as still as he could though my back arched and my hips writhed. My eyes were wide as I lifted my head to watch my cock disappearing between his lips. I felt my head brush the back of his throat and muttered, "Oh my…_fuck_…"

He hummed, and I felt the vibrations as he flattened his tongue, creating suction as he moved up and down my length. His fingers kneaded my thighs before he reached for the tube of lube at my side. He paused for a moment as he squeezed a little into his hands, and I admired the way his lips were swollen and reddened from the attention he'd paid to me.

His right hand cupped my balls before dipping lower, and I felt his middle finger gliding gently toward my entrance. His eyes watched me closely, gauging my reaction, and he smiled when I inhaled as my eyes fluttered closed. "You like that?" he asked quietly.

I couldn't form words, nodding mutely as I turned my head on the pillow, feeling the cool cotton against my cheek. I felt his left hand wrap around my shaft as he took me between his lips once more, and his fingertip pressed slowly into me. I lifted my knees, spreading my legs wider for him – an invitation he accepted as his finger stretched me.

I looked back at him only to find him watching me. He wore a look of determination, his eyes revealing a blend of desire and caring and…apology, I thought. He seemed hell bent on bringing me pleasure, so for once, I let my eyes drift closed. I focused every shred of my attention on him – on the warmth of his mouth and the abrasion of his teeth, the slick tightness of his palm and the steady brushing of his finger against my prostate.

Even in the self-imposed darkness behind my eyelids, I saw him vividly, my imagination conjuring a perfect memory of his sky blue eyes and full lips. With my senses completely overwhelmed by him, it wasn't long before my hips were rocking on the bed. Jasper's mouth grew still as he let me lead, but his hand pumped along my shaft, picking up speed as he licked at my head. His fingers matched our rhythm, and the jolt of pleasure with each passage had me crying out, begging him not to stop.

He sucked at my head with a groan, nodding his encouragement, and I finally moved my hands from where he'd placed them. My fingers went straight to his hair, where they tangled and pulled as I thrust forcefully into his mouth. He swallowed as I came, the movement of his tongue and throat making me shiver as the sensations overwhelmed me and pulled me under, drowning me in a sea of ecstasy.

When he tried to pull away, my hands tightened on his head, holding him in place. I was too fucking sensitive to even let him move away for a moment, but I finally forced my hands away, my fingers gripping the sheets instead as my cock slipped from Jasper's mouth.

I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I worked to catch my breath. He settled beside me, his hand on my abdomen as he moved his head to my shoulder. He kissed my cheek and whispered, "I'm sorry."

I blinked, turning my face to his. I started to brush it off with some smartass comment, but his expression gave me pause. My brow furrowed as I rolled onto my side, brushing his cheek with the backs of my fingers. "Don't be…" I murmured instead, pressing my lips against his softly.

A smile flickered across his lips as he watched me for a moment before he kissed me again, shifting so that his knee slipped between mine and our bodies were flush. We kissed for several long moments before he sighed with a "Mmm…" and rested his head on the pillow beside mine. His eyes drifted closed, and he seemed completely satisfied.

I might have believed it, had it not been for the way his dick twitched against me. He was hard, so hard that it nearly made _me_ ache in sympathy, and I could feel his wetness against my skin. I watched him for a little while, smiling at the gentle expression that curved his lips and relaxed his features. He seemed…content.

I realized that was an expression I wanted to see for a very long time. I could imagine waking up to find him in gentle repose, that look on his face and his sinewy arms wrapped around me. I thought about the way he smiled at me and the gleam in his eyes that had been captured by the camera during our trip to the zoo. At once, I understood what Kate was saying.

Yes, he could hurt me. More than even Alistair, Jasper had the power to smash my heart into a million tiny pieces and then grind those into dust if he wanted. He could leave me broken and bleeding…or he could make me feel more alive than I'd ever felt. He could make me feel like I did right then, with my heart thumping in my chest and a sense of awe as I watched him lie there.

Even with just a tiny taste of how…vibrant he could make my life, I knew without a doubt that what I'd told Kate was the absolute truth.

He was worth the risk.

_I love you. _

I swallowed, holding back the words that would likely have him bolting from my bed before they'd even fully settled in the room. It didn't matter if he didn't hear them yet, though…I had thought them, and I knew they were true.

I gave a fleeting smile as I stretched my toes, pushing myself closer so I could kiss him. His hand rested lightly on my hip as he smiled, returning the kiss tenderly. I was surprised when he didn't try to deepen it, didn't push for any sort of relief from the tension I knew he felt.

_Silly man._

I kissed along his neck, moving to nibble on his collarbone, and his fingers tightened on my hip.

_That's right…I know what you want._

Still, he lay there with his eyes closed, that beatific smile on his face as if all was right in his world. I moved to hover over him, rolling him onto his back, and his eyes finally fluttered open. "What are you doing?" he murmured.

"Do you really have to ask?" My voice was soft as I gave him a playful grin and began kissing my way down his body.

A low moan escaped his lips as he whispered, "You don't have to. I wanted to…" He jerked as my tongue swirled around his head. "Fuck…I wanted to make you feel good…"

"You did…" I placed a long, slow lick up his shaft, the taste of strawberries a little too sweet on my tongue. "And now it's my turn…"

He protested, but his weak words were undermined by the way his fingers went to my hair, kneading my scalp as he helped guide me. I licked at the liquid dripping from his slit, and he hissed, his opposition quickly crumbling. "Oh fuck, Edward…god, please don't stop…"

I smiled before taking him into my mouth, my eyes widening as the level of his arousal became evident. I'd never felt him so hard before, and knowing that it was because of what he'd done to me made me groan, a sound of longing and amazement.

All of my attention was focused on him, letting me hear every little moan, every catch of his breath. Since I couldn't tell him how I felt with words, I tried to show him, pushing away everything except making him feel wanted…needed…loved. When he whimpered, I smiled internally, tracing my tongue along his ridge the way I just had. I memorized the one little sensitive place just beneath his head that invariably made his hips buck from the mattress, and when his hands fell to the bed, I admired the way they looked as his fingers clutched the sheets.

His lips were parted, his breathing shallow when I reached for the lube. At the snap of the lid, his eyes opened, and he looked down at me.

"Do you like it, too?" My face hovered over his cock, my left hand kneading his thigh.

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes widening as they drifted from my eyes to my mouth to his body before snapping back to me. Just when I thought he wasn't going to answer, he reached out, his fingertips brushing my cheek as he said, "Fucking hell…you're gorgeous…"

I gave a half-smile, amused and touched at his words, and raised both eyebrows as I nodded to the tube of lube.

"God, yes…" he murmured, reaching for another pillow to prop himself up. One hand stayed behind his head, and I felt the heat of his eyes on me as I took him between my lips again. He inhaled sharply when my slick finger slipped inside him, but his legs spread wider as he encouraged me.

Between his excitement and the attention I was giving him, it was not long at all before I felt him harden even further, his breath coming in pants and gasps as he took over. His hips pumped rhythmically, his dick gliding between my lips, and I hummed contentedly when his salty release spilled down my throat.

After waiting for him to come down from his high, I moved to lie beside him. He immediately held his arms out to me, and I snuggled up close to him. I rested my head on his chest, and he pulled me closer, his arms wrapped around my waist as he kissed my forehead. We lay there quietly until his hoarse voice said softly, "You didn't have to do that…"

I smiled. "I know…" I murmured, kissing his chest once before settling against him again. "I wanted to."

Silence descended again, and Jasper's breathing found a slow rhythm, but his thumb rubbing my arm let me know he was still awake. My fingertips traced lazy patterns on his chest, and I sighed in contentment.

Just as I was thinking I could really get used to this, Jasper stirred, and I tensed. My heart sank as I waited to hear him say that he should go, and I took a shallow breath, steeling myself.

_Whatever he needs. _

He tightened his arms around me and whispered, "Hey…" I fixed a smile on my face before I lifted it to look at him. "Feel like a shower?" My eyes widened in surprise before a grin spread on my lips. I didn't say anything, and his smile faltered as he glanced at my clock. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's late. Should I…?"

I loved him a little bit more when he didn't say the words. I kissed him hard and then rolled off the bed, holding my hand out to him. "Don't be ridiculous…come on, baby."

He smiled at me brightly as he took my hand, and as I was leading him to the bathroom, he snickered, ruffling my hair. "That's a good look for you…"

I turned on the water before turning to look in the mirror. My hair had been wet when he came over, but it was dry now, sticking up in all sorts of directions thanks to his fingers and the strawberry-flavored lube. I couldn't help but laugh as I ran my fingers through it, trying to tame it.

He caught my wrist and pulled me close, his hands splayed across my back as he murmured, "Don't…sex hair suits you." His eyes were goddamn twinkling as he kissed me.

"Well, you can give it to me any time you want." I winked at him as he raised his eyebrows suggestively, and we stepped beneath the spray, teasing as we washed the other's body.

It really hadn't been that long since we were together, but I felt my playful mood slipping away into something more reverent as we let the shower wash away the remnants of our fun in the bed. Jasper grew quiet as well, but instead of pulling away as he so often did, I found he was standing closer, keeping one arm around my waist as he stood behind me, kissing my neck. He washed my hair carefully, turning me around to tilt my head beneath the spray. When I raised my head and ran my hand over my hair, sending water rushing down my back, I saw him watching me.

One corner of his lips quirked into a half-smile, and he gave me a single nod before he turned around, reaching for the shampoo for himself. I took it from him, and we finished bathing in silence, stealing kisses here and there as we caressed.

When we stepped out of the shower again, I handed him a towel and then reached for a clean one myself. "Did you just take a shower before I came over?" I turned at the sound of his voice.

"Yup." I grinned and shrugged.

"Sorry." His expression was sheepish, and my eyes widened incredulously.

"For what?" I asked, perplexed.

"For making you take another shower."

I snorted. "You're seriously apologizing for surprising me…giving me a blow job…and then taking a shower with me?" He shrugged before bending over to dry his legs, and I smacked his ass playfully. He stood up with a "Hey!" as he twisted away, and I grinned at him, leaning in to kiss him. "Honestly, Jazz…you're welcome any time at all, and you made my fucking week showing up here tonight."

He smiled at me, biting the inside of his cheek before he spoke again. "It made my week, too." The blush on his cheeks was cute when he admitted, "I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing you before you left. Thanks for letting me come over."

"You're fucking adorable…do you know that?" I took his towel, throwing both of them to the floor as I wrapped both my arms around his waist and brought his body to mine. "Stay awhile?" I whispered. Instead of answering, he angled his head to kiss me, and when we finally parted, his mood had lifted again.

He picked up both our towels and put them in my hamper before he turned and walked into my room, haughtily calling over his shoulder, "I'm going to get dressed. You can hang out in the nude if you want. Looks good on you."

I laughed, following behind him. We both dressed again, though he wore only his dress pants and undershirt, carrying his button down and belt.

Downstairs, we wandered into the kitchen, where I asked what he wanted to drink. He said anything was fine with him and then watched with amusement when I opened a bottle of wine. I poured a glass for each of us, and he smiled, winking as he lifted his glass. "To us."

I hid my surprise by murmuring my response, the clink of our glasses sounding loud in my ears as I took a sip of my wine. I tasted the wine on his lips as we kissed, and then he led the way back down the hall to the den, where he sat on his end of the couch and said, "So what were you up to before I called?"

I shook my head, thrown a little off-balance by how comfortable he seemed. A half-beat too late, I said, "Oh…just watching some Bond," and walked around to sit on the other end of the couch. I put my wine glass on a coaster and picked up the remote, turning on the TV to see that the movie was still paused.

He glanced at the screen. "Which one is this?"

"_Casino Royale…_you've seen it, right?"

"Nope," he said, settling back in his corner with his legs sprawled in front of him. "Mind if we start it over?"

"Not at all." My voice was slightly higher than normal as I flipped through the DVD menu to restart the movie.

As soon as I put down the remote control, he said, "Why are you way over there?" and spread his arms, motioning me toward him. I gave a small chuckle and slid down the couch, trying to figure out where the hell this was all coming from as he pulled me into his arms.

I settled against him as we watched the movie. He quickly became absorbed as I stole glances at his profile, but he just seemed completely comfortable…content. It made me smile as I finally turned my attention to the screen. He asked questions here and there, and his fingers idly rubbed my arm. Occasionally, he pressed his lips against my temple or my cheek as if he just _had_ to kiss me.

We sipped our wine, shifting from time to time to get more comfortable. Midway through the movie, I lifted my glass to my lips only to find it empty. I frowned at it, putting it back down, but a few minutes later, I realized I was really thirsty and needed some water.

I kissed Jasper's cheek and said, "Be right back," but when I went to stand, his arms were an iron vise around my waist. The unexpected resistance made me fall against him with an _oof_, and when I glanced over at him, his eyes were on the TV. I saw the faint blush on his cheeks, but he didn't relax his grip on me.

I tried to stand again with the same result, making me chuckle. He looked at me then, saying, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm just going to get a drink…" I grinned, kissing his nose, and he dropped his arms in surprise. "I'll come right back, Cuddles," I teased.

He tried to keep a cocky air as he said, "Make sure you do, Princess," but the effect was ruined when he blushed further and stuck out his tongue.

I laughed, bemused as my eyes widened. "Princess?"

"Yes, Princess…" When I just looked at him, he grinned, haughty again as he held up his fist. He started naming points, lifting a finger for each one, starting with his thumb. "You live on fucking Beacon Hill. You don't have to work. You can do whatever or go wherever _whenever_ you want. Despite all your tattoos and that goddamn tongue ring, you like the finer things in life." He raised an eyebrow and nodded pointedly toward our empty wine glasses. "And you are clearly used to getting your way."

I thought about what he said for a moment before I threw my head back, laughing.

_Too fucking true._

_Never would've called myself a damn princess, though. _

"You know, you're fucking right…it's damn good to be a princess." I stopped snickering. Instead of trying to get up, I leaned into him, pressing him against the arm of the couch as I kissed him passionately. He resisted for just a moment before he moaned, returning my kiss hungrily. His hands slipped down my back, coming to rest on my ass, but before we could get too involved, I pulled away, placing one more kiss on his lips. "The princess always gets the prince, you know…"

Mirth and happiness were dancing in his eyes, and he seemed to be struggling to decide if he was amused or touched. He lifted his hand, cupping my cheek as his thumb ran along my cheekbone. We kissed again, soft and sweet this time, and then I grinned as I pulled away at last.

I stood up, saying, "The princess always gets a drink, too. Want anything?"

He shook his head with a silly, embarrassed grin on his face. I took both our wine glasses to the kitchen and refilled them, grabbing two bottles of water as well. When I came back, I found he'd paused the movie, and he seemed fairly relaxed again as I handed him his glass. He took a long sip of wine and licked his lips as he looked up at me before stretching one arm along the back of the couch. "You can tease me all you want…" he began with his slight drawl, "but you're going to be gone for the next three days, so you better get your ass back over here."

The smile beaming on my face when I heard those few words was ludicrous. I curled up beside him on the couch again, and I felt his lips press against the top of my head as he started the movie again. We spent the next hour or so cuddled up together as we watched guns and explosions going off all around Daniel Craig. We talked and occasionally kissed, just appreciating our time together.

When we finally parted, I felt a little thrill when Jasper seemed to be just as reluctant as I was. It was nearly two when I walked him to the door, and he smiled at me as he said, "Get some rest, darlin'…you look tired. Take care of yourself, alright?"

I nodded, hugging him close as I rested my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck. "I will."

He rubbed my back before taking a small step away. When I lifted my head, he kissed me and murmured against my lips, "Have a good time this weekend…"

"You, too," I answered before realizing that I really had no idea what he was doing. I frowned slightly, and he gave me a crooked grin, answering my unspoken question.

"Just staying in and resting." He shrugged. He opened his mouth and then closed it, furrowing his brow as he seemed to change his mind. When he spoke again, I couldn't shake the feeling that he had intended to say something else. "Call me when you get home?"

"I will…promise." I hugged him one last time, kissing beneath his ear as I murmured, "Miss you."

"Miss you, too…" he breathed before pulling away. He reached for the door but paused, glancing over his shoulder with a mischievous grin. "Princess."

With that, he winked and quickly made his way outside to his car. I watched him drive away and waited for my nightly text letting me know he'd made it home before I climbed the stairs to my room and drifted off to sleep with dreams of Jasper keeping me company.

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_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! As usual, there are a few things we'd like to mention._

_First, thank you to all of you who gave our Charlie a shot in our new story, __**"Be Careful What You Wish For"**__! Many of the reviews let us know that Charlie slash was typically outside your comfort zone, and it meant so much to us that you not only gave him - and us - a chance but that you also really enjoyed it! Remember that we'll be alternating stories, so next Sunday is Wishday._

_Speaking of next weekend...we are participating in the __**Support Stacie Author Auction**__ for January. This is a fantastic cause to help out a fellow fanfiction author, and we really hope you will drop by to check out the offers and bid on your favorite authors. __**Naelany**__ is up separately, and we also have an auction together. The link will be up on our profile, and we are open to a lot of possibilities if you win us. Bidding runs from January 15th until the 17th._

_Finally, we want to let you know about a contest we are both involved in - the __**FML Contest**__. __**SorceressCirce**__ is a host and __**Naelany**__ is a judge for this unique writing challenge. If you're interested, check out __**www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~fmlcontest(dot)com**__ and PM for a prompt by January 31st. All entries are due by February 15th. The other hosts for the contest are __**Yogagal**__, __**Zigster**__, and __**Chicklette**__, and the rest of the esteemed judges are __**HunterHunting**__, __, __**PolkaDotMama**__, __**QueenofGrey**__, and __**wolvesnvamps**__._

_P.S. Remember that Christmas contest mentioned in the last A/N? __**Naelany's**__ one-shot __**"All I Want for Christmas"**__ won first place! Thanks so much to those of you who read and voted!  
_


	11. I'm No Angel

_**A/N:**__Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHizelm **__and __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**JPOV**

"Ouch! Goddamnit!"

I quickly sucked on my thumb, trying to soothe the sting from having pricked the pad with a pin. After checking the strips of fabric I had been trying to pin together to make sure I hadn't bled on them, I pushed away from the table. _I think that's my cue to take a break.  
_  
Since I had gotten the day off on Friday thanks to Mike's screw up, I had gone shopping to get the supplies I would need for all the Christmas presents I intended to make this year. With the help of the girl at the fabric store, I found a pattern for a quilt that seemed easy enough. It had taken me longer to decide on what prints to use for the blocks, and in the end, I opted for prints from Beatrix Potter's _Peter Rabbit_.

I spent the better part of the weekend either working on the sketches of my nephews or cutting the pieces for Bella's quilt - in part because it really needed to be done and I wanted to utilize the time I had available, and in part because it served to keep my mind off Edward and how much I missed him. It had already been a long week, what with my sudden trip to Portland, and though we'd managed to get together for a bit before he had to leave - time we had definitely put to good use - the fact remained that he was gone the entire weekend.

"At least Mack and Chuck's gifts got finished," I muttered softly. I still had to buy frames for them, but I was going to wait until all the pictures were done so I could just make one run to the store instead of several.

I glanced at the clock on my microwave as I pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and took a long pull from it. _Hmm...game'll be on in about an hour._ With a sigh, I finished my water and went back to the table to clear everything up. There was little point in doing more, since my thumb hurt and the game was going to start soon enough, anyway. As I was putting all the pieces into the small bin I had bought to keep everything together, my thoughts wandered to Edward.

_Wonder when he'll be home._ I smiled, remembering being cuddled up on the couch with him. I wished he were here to do that, now. Not that I'd admit that to him. It was bad enough he had dubbed me "Cuddles" the other night, because I hadn't wanted to let him go. _Fucking Princess_. I chuckled softly, a fond smile on my lips as I shook my head at the silliness of it.

As if on cue, my phone rang, and I saw Edward's name flash across my screen. I grinned widely as I put the lid on the bin and answered the phone.

"Well, hello there, Princess. I was just thinking about you."

I heard a soft groan on the other end, and I could almost see him roll his eyes at the nickname. _"Hey, Jazz. You were, huh?"  
_  
Wedging my phone between my ear and my shoulder, I grabbed the bin and took it to my room, putting it in my closet for later. "Yup. How was your trip?" I stood straight, running my fingers through my hair with a soft sigh. "I missed you."

_"It went pretty well. Katie got all the shots she wanted and for once the models weren't too big of a pain in the ass." _He chuckled softly before lowering his voice a little._ "I missed you, too. That's why I'm calling, actually. I'm almost home. You doing anything this afternoon?"_

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at myself. "Nah, was just going to hang out here and watch the game in a bit."

_"It's on at three, right? You want to come over? Maybe we could watch it together?"_

I bit my lip to stop myself from just jumping in and saying 'yes' before he was even finished talking. _What the fuck, Whitlock? Are you that goddamn desperate? _I cleared my throat before saying, "Sure, sounds like fun. Need me to bring anything?"

I could practically hear his smirk as he answered, _"Depends on what you planned on doing, Cuddles."_

He heard the playful growl that erupted from my chest, and he laughed as he said, _"No, you don't need to bring anything, baby - just yourself. I still have a few beers in the fridge, I think, and I was planning on ordering take out later, so..."_

We bantered back and forth for a few more minutes before hanging up. I had time before I had to leave, since he wasn't home yet, so I cleaned up the rest of the things I had been working on before heading out.

When I got to his place a little later, I was met at the door by Edward before I'd even had a chance to knock. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a dark blue, short-sleeved shirt that had _"I Do It With My Sox On" _plastered across his chest. I blinked twice before looking up at him with a grin, raising an eyebrow in question. "Planning on doing something, Dr. Masen?"

He tilted his head slightly, grinning as he curled his fingers into my belt loops and pulled me closer. His lips were a hair's breadth from mine as he whispered, "No plans, other than this..." and kissed me. My arms found their way around his waist as I tilted my head, deepening the kiss, my eyes closing as I just enjoyed this moment with him.

All too soon, though, Edward pulled away with a smile and tugged lightly on my belt loop. "Come on; game's about to start."

I couldn't stop from pouting, which made him chuckle and roll his eyes. He left me to take my shoes off, coming back with a beer in each hand right as I put my shoes under the bench. He gestured for me to follow him into the den, where the TV was already on the channel for the game, though the sound was muted. Edward sat down on the couch after putting our beers on the coffee table.

Rather than taking a seat next to him, I straddled his lap with a grin. His eyebrows shot up, but before he could say anything, I leaned in - my hands cupping his face as I did - and kissed him hard. It took him only the briefest of seconds to return the kiss with equal fervor, wrapping his arms around my waist. I loved the feel of his arms around me, and when I pulled my lips from his, I did so with a smile.

Edward looked at me, slightly breathless as he asked, "What was that for?"

I shrugged. "I wasn't done kissing you earlier. Don't tell me you minded," I challenged with a grin.

He rolled his eyes, pulling me closer to let me feel the effect I had on him, and I moaned softly. He whispered against my lips, "Does _that _feel like I minded?"

He pressed his lips against mine briefly and looked at me with a grin. "So did you want to watch the game, or...?"

I bit my lip, sorely tempted to just say "Fuck it," but as much as I wanted him, I also wanted to just spend time with him. I had missed him more than I really cared to admit - even to myself - and the fact that I wanted to just _be _with him didn't go unnoticed, at least not by me. Edward seemed to enjoy just being together too, though, so I was fairly sure that for him this went beyond anything just physical.

Before I let myself get too involved in my thoughts, I pulled up off of his lap, settling myself next to him on the couch, and I chuckled when it was Edward who pouted this time.

He glanced at me and gave a half-smile before turning the TV sound back on and taking my hand in his. It was such a small, casual gesture that was somehow intimate as well, and we sat comfortably together, our eyes on the TV as we talked about Boston's chances and Edward occasionally ran his thumb along my hand.

That lasted right up until the first inning, when he jerked his hand away to gesture animatedly at the TV as he huffed and cursed. I yelled right along with him, our words tumbling over each other, and he turned to me, agreeing before looking back to fuss at the announcers some more.

I watched him with a grin, the wind taken out of my sails as I found myself enjoying the sight of him all red-faced and excited - even if it wasn't in the bedroom this time. He caught on that I wasn't really paying attention to the game and rolled his eyes at me, laughing as he murmured, "Goddamn one-track mind..."

But when we kissed, he was the one pressing me into the couch back, his hand kneading my upper thigh as his tongue tangled with mine. He moaned, and I felt his fingertips graze my crotch, making me inhale sharply, but just then my ears caught the crack of the bat, and my eyes instinctively popped open.

"Go, baby, go!" I cheered, tilting my head to see the screen.

Edward's head jerked around, and then he jumped up, pumping his fist in the air as the first Red Sox run crossed the plate. He stood there watching the game for a little while until I chuckled and hooked my fingers into the back of his jeans, pulling him down beside me. "Join me, won't ya, gorgeous?"

His eyes were dancing as he smiled at me, and I could tell he wanted to say something about the name, but my eyes reminded him that "Princess" was always on the tip of my tongue. Besides, he _was_ fucking gorgeous, especially when he was passionate. In the end, he leaned in to kiss me, but he stopped just before his lips met mine, murmuring, "You're gorgeous."

We kissed then, and I couldn't stop the little sound that escaped me at the taste of him. The longer we kissed, the more I was torn about what I wanted to do, and I was just about to start ripping his clothes off when the Red Sox scored their second run. I pulled away quickly, my attention completely on the game before I felt Edward lean into me with a groan, his head falling onto my shoulder.

I lifted my hand, running my fingers through his hair as I absently asked what was wrong.

"We have to stop," he said, drawing my attention at last.

I frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

He gave me a crooked grin and took my hand, pressing my palm against his erection. "Fucking blue balls hurt like a bitch, and I know we both planned on watching the Sox today." I resisted the urge to squeeze him, but my eyes widened with longing at the feeling of him so hard and ready for me. His eyes moved back and forth between mine as he studied my expression. He whispered, "Game?"

I took a breath to steady myself and then nodded, moving my hand away. "Game."

He nodded in response and moved to sit beside me, keeping his hands to himself as he settled in a couple of feet away. His thumbs tapped on his thighs the way they always seemed to do when he was anxious, but eventually he got into the game again. We watched the rest of it together, but by the end of the seventh inning when the Red Sox were up by seven, we took a little break to kiss some more.

Edward kept it largely innocent, and part of me wanted to pout. But then the Rangers scored in the eighth, and we were both yelling again. It pissed me off that the Sox had given up a shut out, and then Texas scored again in the ninth. I was worried for a while that they were going to come back, but by the time the dust settled on the ninth inning, Boston had won seven to two.

Edward leaned forward to grab the remote and turned the TV off. As he settled back onto the couch, I scooted over to him again since we were no longer in danger of injury from one of us suddenly jumping up to yell at the screen. He put his arm around my shoulders and pressed his lips to my hair, humming contentedly.

I rested my head in the crook of his neck as I relaxed against him. He was humming a wordless tune I didn't recognize, and the sound sent my thoughts back to the first day I arrived at his house to find him playing the piano. I hadn't heard him at the piano since, and I was dying for him to play for me, but when it had come up during our date, I had gotten the feeling it wasn't something he did in front of people much.

I bit my lip, trying to figure out how I could ask him - or if I even should. When Edward started rubbing my arm as if trying to soothe me, I sighed softly.

"Hey..." I felt his lips press into my hair again, and I closed my eyes, a faint smile on my lips as he continued, "are you alright? What's got you so lost in thought all of a sudden?"

I shifted so that I was better able to put my hand on his knee, my thumb brushing over the fabric of his jeans lightly as I gave another sigh.

"I'm fine, darlin'. Was just wondering..." I tilted my head so I could look at him. "Would you play for me, Edward?"

He sucked in a breath as he frowned at me, his eyes searching mine for something, though I wasn't sure what. He looked as if he were warring with himself over how to answer.

My voice was low, pleading. "Please? I've been wanting to hear you play - to watch you - ever since that first day when I overheard you before the shoot."

His eyes kept flickering between mine, his hand still rubbing soothingly over my arm, almost as if he wasn't even aware of doing it.

"Jazz, baby, I don't know..."

He ran his fingers through his hair, but I couldn't tell if it was from nerves or agitation. He looked to the sitting room where the piano was, before his eyes darted over to the portrait of his family above the mantle. I wondered what was going through his mind, since he hadn't said anything else as the clock on the mantlepiece ticked the seconds away.

His eyes returned to mine as he sighed.

"Playing music... it's something deeply personal for me, Jasper. It's not just something I do for fun - though I certainly do enjoy it - it's what I do to process things, to let out my emotions...I don't play for many people..."

I nodded, lowering my eyes to try and hide the disappointment I felt, sure that he wouldn't play for me. I wondered what it would take before he would...or if he ever would at all.

We sat in silence for a while before he sighed, squeezing my shoulders to him as he pressed his lips to my temple. When I looked up at him, it was to find him smiling gently at me. There was something in his eyes, though - something I couldn't put my finger on, something I wasn't sure I was ready to learn.

His voice was soft when he spoke. "What would you like to hear?"

My eyes widened, and I could feel the smile spreading broadly on my lips as I sat up.

"Really? You'll play?"

He nodded, asking again what I would like to hear. When I told him I didn't care, just whatever he felt like as long as I could watch and listen, he nodded again. He got up after kissing me briefly, tenderly, and held his hand out to me. I grabbed it and got up to follow him to the sitting room.

He sat down behind the piano and glanced over at something. I followed his gaze and saw that he was looking at a picture of his family. I studied it, deciding that he seemed to be about the same age in it as in the portrait in the den, and then my eyes turned back to him. He closed his eyes with a soft smile on his lips as he put his fingers on the keys and began to play a melody I didn't know. It was soft and gentle, and it made me think of springtime and new beginnings, though I had no idea why.

I took a seat in a wingback chair that was close to the piano, angling myself so I could watch him closely. The more he played, the more absorbed in the music he became. It was as if everything in the world just fell away for him in that moment - it was mesmerizing to witness.

With a few final, lingering notes hanging in the air, he sat - his finger poised above the keys and a content smile on his lips, his eyes still closed. He opened them slowly, blinking a few times before turning to face me.

His smile widened as he took in my expression, and his voice was soft when he asked if I liked it.

I nodded, and I was equally soft-spoken in my reply. "It was beautiful. What was it?"

Running his fingers through his hair, I noticed his eyes flicker briefly to the picture of his parents again before fixing back on mine.

"It doesn't have a name. My mom..." He took a slow, deep breath, and I watched his brow furrow as he continued, his voice difficult to hear as he spoke barely above a whisper now. "My mom wrote it. I don't know why I played that, of all things..."

He turned and lowered his eyes to the piano then, his fingers caressing the keys reverently.

"She's the one that taught me to play when I was little."

We sat quietly for a while, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I wasn't sure what to say. When I asked him to play for me, I thought he would play something - anything - that was well known. Classical or jazz or...something. I hadn't been expecting him to play me something so deeply personal as a piece of music his mother had written. For him to share this with me... I wasn't sure what it meant, or even how it made me feel - other than in awe.

I got up and walked over to the piano where Edward still sat quietly, a faraway look in his eyes as if he was remembering something from his past. I almost felt like I was intruding as I sat down on the bench next to him. I hesitated for a moment before wrapping my arm around his waist and putting my head on his shoulder, shifting slightly so I could press my lips against his neck as I whispered, "Thank you...for sharing that."

He turned to face me with a sad smile. Kissing me tenderly, I felt something shift in his mood, and when I pulled away to look at him, I saw the determination in his eyes as he forced his melancholy mood aside.

"Any requests? I said I would play, so..."

I shook my head, giving him a half-smile as I brushed his hair from his forehead.

"No, no requests. I just love watching you play, darlin'."

He smiled genuinely then, nodding once.

"Do you need me to move?"

I didn't want to leave his side, but I would if it meant I was in the way. He shook his head, though.

"No, you're fine...though it might be a little easier if you sat up, instead." He grinned and kissed me briefly, then whispered, "Sorry."

Chuckling, I hugged him to me before letting go and scooting a few inches to the side to give him room. He just rolled his eyes at me with a slight grin.

Within seconds, the house was filled with music again. Edward played song after song, even singing along to a few of them. He played everything ranging from classical to jazz to the Beatles...and a few more pieces I didn't recognize at all.

_And he said he didn't have any artistic talent._

Watching him as he swayed a little with the music, at times so absorbed in playing that he had his eyes closed, his emotions clearly visible on his face as his fingers caressed the keys of the piano - it was awe-inspiring.

I wasn't sure how long we sat there with him playing and me just watching him - but the mood was broken by the sound of my phone ringing. I muttered under my breath, "Shit," as I grabbed it from my pocket to check the ID.

_Emily?_

I glanced up at Edward apologetically. "Sorry, it's Lee-Lee."

He nodded and said, "Tell her I said hi."

I nodded as I hit the answer button. Standing up, I put my hand on his shoulder and mouthed that I was going into the den. He nodded again right as I said, "Hey sis, what's up?"

_"Nothing much. Just talked to James and wanted to see if you had plans for lunch on Tuesday?"_

Stifling a groan, I ran my fingers through my hair. James was the last person I wanted to be thinking about right now - or, more to the point, I could do without the nagging feeling that went along with any mention of his name.

"No plans, though I'm guessing I have some now. What time?"

She chuckled softly._ "James says he isn't supposed to start his shift until two, and I have class until noon, so can we make it twelve-thirty?"  
_  
"Sure, shouldn't be a problem. Where did you want to meet up?"

She asked me to meet them at a small bistro that was close to the campus. It was a favorite of hers and, because it was close, neither James nor I would have to worry about picking her up or dropping her off after lunch.

_"I thought that would give us a little more time together...you know, since you'll both be heading to work."_

I told her that sounded good to me, and then she turned conversational, asking what I was doing.

She squealed - actually fucking squealed - into the phone when I told her I was with Edward and that he said hi. Pulling the phone from my ear briefly, I stupidly rolled my eyes at it as if she could see me.

"Jesus, Lee-Lee, what the hell?"

_"Oh don't give me that, Spurs. Can't a girl be happy for her big brother?"_

I frowned. "Happy about what, Lee?"

She sighed heavily into the phone._ "Nothing, nothing. Just tell Edward I said hi back."_

"I will; don't worry. So I'll see you Tuesday, right?"

After confirming our lunch date and exchanging _I love you_'s, we hung up. I stood with the phone in my hands for another minute, trying to push back the unease that was threatening to settle over me again. When I heard the strains of music coming from the other room, I couldn't help but smile, though, and I was finally able to set my feelings aside to focus once again on Edward.

I walked back into the sitting room to find him playing still. He must have gotten up while I was talking to Emily, because his phone was now sitting on top of the piano. He smiled up at me once I stood by the side of the piano, leaning against it as I listened.

"Hey, I hope you don't mind, but I ordered food for us."

I shook my head, grinning crookedly at him. "No, I don't mind. I told you before, I'll try anything once."

He gave a low growl as he narrowed his eyes playfully. Raising my eyebrows, I feigned innocence as I told him Emily said hi back. He shook his head with a grin of his own.

"Oh!" His eyes widened, and he bit his lip as if he had just remembered something.

I frowned at him. "What?"

"Oh...nothing, I just remembered..."

Tilting my head, I felt my frown deepen as I watched him run his fingers through his hair. It was almost as if he was trying to make his mind up about something.

"Remembered...what?"

He glanced up at me, biting his lip again. I had no idea what was going through his mind, so when he didn't say anything for a few seconds, I pushed away from the piano.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

He grinned then and said, "Nothing."

Standing up, he grabbed my hand and began to lead me back to the den, pulling me down on the couch with him as he sat on one end. I must have looked as confused as I felt, because he chuckled softly as he took in my expression. He turned to grab something from the end table next to the couch, rummaging for a moment before shifting to face me.

I raised an eyebrow at him in question as he held out something to me.

"It's some of the pictures from our trip to the zoo. Thought you might like to see them."

My eyes widened as I glanced down at the stack of pictures in his hand; the grin that had started to spread on my lips quickly changed to an "O" of astonishment as I took in the size of the stack.

I looked back at him. "Are you kidding me? _Some _of the pictures?"

He chuckled and nodded.

Shaking my head, I grinned at him. "What is it with you and the gazillion pictures you seem to keep taking around me, hmm?"

He shrugged. "Hey, at least it's not all me this time. Quite a few of those..." - he pointed at the stack in my hands - "were taken by your sister."

I bit my lip, my eyes flickering to the pictures briefly. My voice was low when I spoke again. "True...sorry about that."

He waved me off with a small huff and encouraged me to go through them. He didn't say anything as I flipped through the images, just sat and watched my reactions to them. I felt a smile tug on my lips more often than not as I saw picture upon picture of Emily and me, and of the different animals we had seen.

It was nice to see me and Lee-Lee together. I tried to remember when we had the opportunity for something like this, and it hit me suddenly that the last time had been way back when we both still lived in Texas.

Edward's quiet voice startled me from my thoughts as he placed his hand on the back of my neck.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I looked up at him, only then feeling the frown that had marred my forehead. Shaking my head a little, I gave him a soft smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking how long it has been since Emily and I had pictures like this taken. It's been years...not since we both still lived at home."

He rubbed my neck gently, a small smile on his lips as he watched me go through more of the pictures. When I got to the one Emily had taken of me sticking my tongue out, I laughed, shaking my head.

"Oh God, I can't believe she actually managed to get that."

Edward chuckled as he leaned closer, looking at the picture in my hands.

"She got lucky; that's a really good shot."

I turned my head to face him, my eyes narrowing slightly as he grinned at me.

"What? It _is _a really good shot."

Wrinkling my nose, I stuck my tongue out at him, which just made him laugh. He leaned in a little further, his lips brushing against my ear as he said, "You better be prepared to use that if you keep sticking it out like that..."

_Fuck me..._

I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks, for once not entirely sure how to react. Thankfully, the doorbell rang, saving me from having to respond, and Edward got up with a chuckle to answer it. I watched as he passed down the hallway, and he came back a few minutes later with a tray of food and two glasses of sweet tea.

Not wanting to mess up the photos, I put them aside while we were eating. He had ordered egg rolls, fried crab rangoon, hot and sour soup, cashew nut shrimp, and curry chicken. It all smelled delicious, and I didn't realize just how hungry I was until he put the tray down on the coffee table.

He left everything in the boxes so we could each pick out what we wanted. When I saw him plate the curry chicken, I quirked a brow at him. He shrugged, chuckling softly as he said, "It's not nearly as good as what you made me, baby, but it'll do."

I grinned and snatched a piece of his curry chicken off his plate with the chopsticks I had picked up while he was talking.

His eyes widened as he let out an indignant, "Hey!"

My shoulders were shaking with laughter as I chewed on the chicken, and after swallowing I was finally able to respond.

"Yeah, you're right. Not as good as mine, but it'll do."

I made another attempt at grabbing a piece from his plate, but this time he curled his body around his food protectively as he narrowed his eyes at me.

Once we were done eating - which took longer than necessary because we both kept trying to steal food from each other's plate - I helped Edward clean up. We loaded the dishes in the dishwasher, and I made sure to wash my hands so I wouldn't smudge the pictures when I looked through the rest of them.

I settled back on the end of the couch and tucked my legs under me after grabbing the stack of photos again. Edward opted to stand behind me, resting his elbows on the couch as he leaned down to look over my shoulder. I was keenly aware of his cheek hovering close to mine, but I resisted the urge to lean my head against his.

Instead, I turned my head, giving him a quick kiss before going through the pictures again.

I still couldn't believe how many they had taken that day, or that these weren't even all of them. I smiled when I came across the picture of the white tiger that had enchanted Edward so much - it truly was a magnificent creature. I remembered the awe on Edward's face that day, and I found my hand reaching up behind me, my fingers running through his hair as I turned to smile at him.

He kissed me lightly on the cheek before urging me to keep looking. I had a feeling he was waiting for something, but wasn't sure what.

I flipped through several more pictures before coming across one of Edward and me together - my arm around his shoulders and his around my waist as we both smiled at Emily. I stared at it for a long time, a smile tugging at my lips.

"You like that one?" His quiet voice finally interrupted, and I nodded, my eyes still focused on the picture as I took in the look of pure happiness on his face...and mine. I was amazed at how relaxed I seemed, how content, but when I thought about it, those feelings were all I could remember experiencing that day. For some reason, I had been able to let everything go and just enjoy the day with Edward and Emily.

I brushed my thumb along the image of Edward as if I could feel him that way, and then I realized that he had been silent this whole time. I glanced up only to find him looking at me pensively, the creases along his forehead making him appear nervous. I lowered the picture to the top of the stack and frowned at him. "What's wrong?"

He flashed me a brief smile. "Nothing, really. It's just...there are a couple more."

I lifted the stack and looked at him questioningly.

He shook his head, but his chuckle sounded anxious. "A couple more of us, I mean."

_Why the fuck is he acting so weird?_ My stomach tightened with apprehension, but I tried to ignore it, shoving the feeling away. "Okay. So let's see 'em then."

His head tilted just a little to the right as he studied me, and then he walked around the couch, sitting on his end as he reached over to the end table. He picked up a magazine and pulled out a much smaller stack of pictures. My eyebrows raised, feeling like they were trying to climb off my damn forehead as I wondered why in the world he would hide them.

I kept my eyes on his as I took the pictures from him. His face gave away nothing, and I finally glanced down, blinking as I found myself looking at an image of us with our foreheads pressed together. We were smiling, holding each other close, and I swallowed as a feeling of longing spread throughout my chest. My eyes were drawn to Edward, as they always seemed to be, and I smiled reflexively at all the little things I recognized - the tiny dimple in his left cheek, his unruly auburn hair, that tragus piercing that drove me crazy. The man was beautiful, sexy as fuck, and...sitting right beside me.

I reached out, my hand settling on his thigh as I finally tore my eyes away from him in the picture. I barely glanced at myself, but I felt my cheeks heat as I saw other people passing by us. Most were ignoring us, watching the animals instead, but a few had definitely taken notice. A young woman was smiling at us, and there was a little boy - probably around Finn's age - pointing at us while his mom held his hand.

I wasn't embarrassed that people knew I was gay - that shit hadn't bothered me for a very long time. It was that we were so wrapped up in each other...our pose, if you could call it that, was so intimate, so natural, and I was stunned that _I_ had been that relaxed - and that absorbed with Edward.

I squeezed his thigh before lifting my hand to look at the other picture he'd given me. I froze when I saw the two of us kissing, and the flame on my cheeks blazed when I realized that _Emily_ had seen me like this, had taken this picture.

_Fuuuck..._

I cleared my throat, but I couldn't stop the smile on my face when Edward reached out, resting his hand on the back of my neck. He didn't say anything, letting me look while he gently ran his fingers through my hair.

In the picture, I had my arms wrapped tightly around him, and his knee was between my thighs. I shifted slightly at the memory of how his body felt pressed so closely against mine, and I was surprised at the visceral response I had to just that thought. Our heads were tilted, our lips parted, and I slowly licked my lips, wanting to taste him again. I knew he was sitting beside me, and I could do just that if I wanted, but I felt out of sorts. It wasn't like me to be that way in front of Emily. She knew I was gay. She knew I dated. She'd even met some of my...I had never really been able to call them "boyfriends" exactly, but she'd met some of the ones who'd stuck around longer than the others.

But this...this was different.

I tried to think of something to say, but everything seemed wrong. I frowned down at the image and still no words came to me. I wanted to tell Edward that he was special to me, but my heart sped at the thought, and I shook my head at myself.

Edward squeezed my neck and stood, murmuring, "I'll be right back."

I was still sitting there when he walked back in with two bottles of beer. He sat beside me, and I moved at last, flipping through the pictures of us until the one of the two of us smiling at Emily was on top. I wanted to ask him for it, but...

I wasn't even sure what stopped me. I knew he'd developed them himself, and he would likely have no problem with me taking it. The hesitation was all me, all the idea of admitting even to myself that I cared - a lot - about Edward, and I knew it, and...I hated it. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I wished yet again that I'd never met Paul. This time, though, it wasn't because I wished I'd avoided the pain he put me through - it was because I wished I could avoid the pain I caused Edward.

_I _know_ he's not Paul...so what the fuck is wrong with me?_

I growled, trying to cover it by clearing my throat as I leaned forward to put the stack of pictures on the coffee table. I felt like a total asshole, knowing that he wanted more than I could give, yet I wouldn't give him up. I was too selfish for that. He tapped my knee with one of the bottles, and I turned to look at him at last, expecting to see disappointment, anger, resentment...something that told me that I wasn't good enough.

But I didn't.

Instead, I saw his crooked grin, his eyes somehow understanding as he said, "So what did you do with yourself this weekend anyway?"

I was grateful for the subject change, and I jumped on it. "Oh...actually, I just stayed in and worked on some Christmas gifts."

His eyes flew wide. "_Christmas_ gifts?" I nodded. "It's September, Jazz..."

I laughed at his expression and took a sip of my beer before nudging his knee. "I know. But I have a lot of shit to do to get ready."

"What the fuck could take you four months?"

I smiled, relaxing a bit more as I turned to face him, resting my elbow on the back of the couch as I moved my knee in between us. "Drawings...a quilt." I shrugged.

"A quilt?" His voice was incredulous. "You sew?"

I nodded again, and I just caught his muttered, "Jesus...is there anything you _don't_ do?"

I grinned, deciding to tease him a bit. "Not really. I keep telling you I'll try anything, and if there's something I want to do, I do it."

His eyes narrowed, and he leaned over, putting his hand on my calf between us as he brushed his lips against mine. "You know...one day, I'm going to put that to the test..." he threatened.

"I'm looking forward to it." I licked his bottom lip, and he growled this time, kissing me hard before he pulled away, sitting back to study me curiously.

"So you're really making your Christmas gifts?"

"Of course. Well, some of them, anyway...it's too hard to make everyone's every year, so I sort of rotate..." I stopped my babbling, looking at him pointedly. "You don't ever make anything?"

He snickered, running his fingers through his hair before taking a long pull from his beer. "Umm...no. I'm more a buy-it-the-week-before kind of guy, I guess." I frowned at him, and he frowned back. "Hey...don't look at me like that. It's not like I really _do_ anything I can give away anyway."

I rolled my eyes. "That's a fucking cop out, you know..."

"What do you mean?" His voice was pouty, and I grinned a little to know that he didn't like me disapproving of something he did.

I hid my smile and said, "You take amazing pictures, you cook like nobody's business, you play music...you have a hell of a lot of options for some homemade gifts. You just gotta think about how to use your talents."

When I saw his lips twitch and that wicked gleam appear in his eyes, I knew I was in trouble, but fuck me if it wasn't the best kind of trouble to be in.

"My talents, huh?" His voice was lower, husky, and I felt my cock stir as he put his fists on the couch between us, leaning closer so that his face hovered just in front of mine. He didn't kiss me, and I realized I was lifting my chin, bringing my lips closer to his in the hopes that he would. Instead, he traced my jaw with his nose, making his way to my ear, where he paused to whisper, "I didn't think you'd want to share those..."

His hand moved to my thigh, and he kneaded it as he kissed me at last. I inhaled sharply through my nose, my fingers gripping his biceps as I pulled him toward me. He settled on top of me, his weight delicious and fucking perfect as his hips slipped between my thighs. Our lips parted, and I eagerly welcomed his tongue brushing mine, even as I wondered how the hell he could always have me hard and aching with only a few words.

Just as I was really getting into it, he pulled away with a playful grin as he sat back on his heels and helped me sit up.

_What the fuck?_ I know the question was in my eyes because he chuckled. "Sorry, baby..." he said quietly, kissing me softly. "I got a little carried away. I know you have to work early..." We both glanced at the clock, and I frowned when I realized that it really was getting late. "Besides, I need to ask you something."

"You do?"

He nodded, furrowing his brow with a serious expression on his face. "What do you want for Christmas?"

I caught the way the corner of his lips twitched, and I rolled my eyes, punching his shoulder. He laughed and took my hand. "Sorry...couldn't resist. I really do want to know, though."

"I..." I trailed off, frowning. "I really have no fucking idea, actually...I guess I haven't thought about it."

He grinned at me. "I'm sure I'll think of something."

My lips curved into a tentative grin as I looked into his eyes. Much like I had been when I'd added him to my Christmas list, I was surprised to realize that I wanted him to be around for the holidays, to still be in my life. I hadn't had a relationship last longer than a few months...ever, really. At the very least, not since Paul, and he'd managed to fuck me over in just a few months' time, too.

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to avoid thinking about him as I was faced with Edward smiling at me. I wanted him around, and he wanted me around, and that was good enough for now. It had to be.

I really couldn't think of anything to say, so I kissed him. He was slow to respond at first, his lips moving tenderly but lightly. I couldn't tell if he was upset that I hadn't said anything or if he was trying to behave himself because I had to work, but it didn't matter either way. I needed to kiss him, needed to feel him.

My tongue teased his lips, and he slowly parted them. I flicked at his tongue ring, knowing it drove him crazy, and he moaned loudly, one of his hands going to my ass as the other tangled in my hair. I smiled, deepening our kiss as I guided him back to lie on the couch. Once I was lying on top of him, I took things slowly, flirting with the line between keeping things light and tearing off his clothes. A few times, I felt his hands fist the fabric at my hips as he paused, and I was sure he was struggling with himself. I didn't know what the debate was, but each time, he regained control of himself and let me lead, never pushing for more.

I had to admit that it felt damn good to be in control that way, and I probably teased him more than I should have. But in truth, all it would have taken was one word from him, and I would've given him anything he wanted. I felt both powerful and vulnerable, and the combination was strangely intoxicating.

I didn't know how much time had passed with us doing nothing but lying on his couch kissing, but I finally pulled away, pressing one more kiss on his lips. His eyes opened, and he looked up at me questioningly.

"I have to go..." I whispered.

I fucking hated the way his eyes tightened, and I saw the glimmer of something - rejection, I thought - that passed through them before he schooled his expression and nodded. "Work..." I reminded him.

I wanted to tell him that I wished I could stay, but I didn't really know if that was the truth, so I just left it at that. I ran my fingers through that crazy bronze hair one more time and kissed him gently before sitting up. I helped him up as well, and I was relieved to see that the sadness had disappeared as quickly as it came. I was glad he wasn't upset and more than a little relieved that I _did_ have the excuse of work. I hated hurting him, but I wasn't quite ready to spend the night with him.

In fact, the idea sort of terrified me. It was irrational and probably ridiculous, but I was still worried about how strongly I felt for him, how I reacted to him on every level.

I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. Before I'd even lowered them, I felt his warm hand on my back. He walked me to the door, and we talked a little about the Red Sox as I sat on the bench and put on my shoes. We kissed in the entryway, and when I pulled back, he whispered, "Be careful, Jazz...sleep well."

I smiled at him and murmured, "You too, sweetheart." His eyes widened just slightly, the only betrayal of his surprise.

He was beaming as I walked away, and I actually whistled as I made my way to my car. I felt...good. Free, somehow, as I slid behind the wheel and pulled away from the curve.

I glanced in my rearview mirror as I drove down the street, loving that I knew he'd be standing on the stoop - and he was.

As I drove home, I thought about Edward and how different he was from anyone I'd ever known. He was smart and handsome and funny and sexy, but more than that, he was generous and kind, and I felt lucky just to know him. And beyond lucky that he seemed to want me just as much as I wanted him.

I felt that familiar panic rearing its ugly head when I thought of the way he was becoming part of my life, and I sighed. I wanted so badly to truly believe that Edward was different, that he wouldn't hurt me, but that little nagging, doubtful voice kept whispering, _"What if...?"_ and I couldn't seem to shut the fucker up.

"He's _not_ Paul, damn it!" I smacked the steering wheel with my palm, startled by the sound of my own voice. I pulled into my complex then, parking the car before slumping against the steering well, suddenly weary.

I lifted my head finally, killing the engine and pulling the keys from the ignition. I climbed out of the car and walked into the building. As I rode the elevator to the second floor, my mind was still on Edward, and I thought about the mixed signals I had to be sending him sometimes. I was so fucking confused that I couldn't even make sense of my own feelings half the time - how the hell did he have any chance of understanding?

I let myself into my apartment and didn't bother turning on any lights as I locked my door and went straight to my bedroom. I stripped, folding my jeans and putting them away before tossing the rest of my clothes into my hamper. After crawling between the sheets, I grabbed my phone to text Edward, but I stared at the screen blankly, trying to figure out what to say.

I honestly couldn't think of anything, and before I knew I'd done it, I hit the button to call him instead.

_"Jazz? Is everything okay?"_

I frowned at the anxious tone in his voice. "Yeah, Edward, everything's fine. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you..."

_"Oh. Oh, good. Sorry, I didn't mean to overreact. I just...well, you usually text, you know?"_

"Yeah, I know. Guess I was too lazy tonight," I teased, grinning a bit as I shifted to lie on my back.

_"Are you in bed?"_

"Yup."

_"Fuck."_ The curse was soft, under his breath, and my grin broadened. _"What are you wearing?"_

I laughed at the mock-seductive tone he put on, but I decided to play along. "Not a thing."

His voice was normal when it came through the line again. _"Don't fuck around, Jazz."_

"I'm not. I'm naked as the day I was born."

He growled and threatened to come over and teach me a lesson about teasing, but it didn't stop me. Soon, he changed tactics, taunting me in return, and I realized my mistake as I felt myself hardening.

Glancing at the clock, I sighed, but before I could even say anything, he broke in, _"Hey, thanks for calling...and for coming over today. That was...really nice."_

"You're welcome." I smiled. "Thanks for letting me come over. It was good to see you."

We talked for a minute or two more before Edward said he should let me go so I could get some sleep. I paused, trying to decide what to say, how to let him know a little bit of how much he meant to me. In the end, I said, "I really do like you, you know..."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he answered, _"I really do like you, too, baby. Now get some rest so you don't fall asleep at your desk tomorrow..."_

I groaned at the thought of work in only a few hours, and we finally hung up. I dropped my phone on the nightstand and barely remembered to turn on my alarm before I passed out.

Work seemed to drag by, or at least it felt like it to me. Monday was spent doing busy-work - nothing of major importance, but stuff that needed to be taken care of nonetheless. I tried to keep my mind on work, but my thoughts were torn between the time I'd spent with Edward the day before and the lunch that was looming with Emily and James the following day. When I finally got home, all I wanted to do was veg and relax.

Tuesday was a little busier, with meetings and phone calls packed in all morning. Near lunch time, I began to worry that I would be late to meet Emily, but there was little I could do as the minutes crept on and I listened to a potential client describe what his business needed. I had just hung up with him when Felix beeped in to let me know Emily was waiting on the other line for me. Thanking him, I switched over and sat back in my chair, my fingers running through my hair with a soft sigh. I had a bad feeling as to why she was calling this late in the day.

"What's up, little sis?"

_"Hey, Jasper. Nothing much. Just got a call from James that he got called in to work again. Apparently there's a bug doing the rounds or something, because someone called in sick." _

I frowned, both at the news and at the faint hint of forced enthusiasm as she talked.

"Lee...are you okay?"

She sighed. _"Yeah, I'm fine, Spurs. Just disappointed, that's all. I really wanted you to meet him."  
_  
"Does he do this a lot, sis?"

_"What? Get called in? Yeah, lately anyway. Like I said, there's a bug doing the rounds, I guess. He says he's taking as many hours as he can so he can save up and get out of debt quicker."_

At my "Hmm," she huffed a little and said in a defensive tone, _"He's being responsible, Jasper. This is a _good _thing." _

I sighed. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. I'm sorry, sis. Hey, why can't we go have lunch where he works? That way we could still meet, and..."

_"We can't, Spurs. James doesn't want me to come to his work. Or anyone, really. He says it's too distracting, and he doesn't want to get in trouble with his boss. He said a few of the other servers have had issues in the past with having their friends hanging out and taking up tables without really bringing in business." _

I frowned. Part of me felt it was ridiculous, while at the same time I knew this to be a valid issue...to an extent, at least. I knew some of my friends back in high school had been in similar situations at their jobs. But that was high school; this was slightly different, in my opinion. We would be there as customers, after all, and it wasn't as if we would demand he hang out at the table the entire time. A quick "Hello, I'm Jasper, nice to meet you," would be sufficient. Well, that, and the whole protective brother spiel, of course.

"Alright, fair enough...did you want to meet up for lunch anyway?"

There was a brief pause before she answered. _"No, that's okay. I've got to get to the library anyway and do some research for a paper that's due soon. Might as well make use of the time, right?"  
_  
After a few more minutes of chitchat, Felix beeped in to let me know there was another client that needed to talk to me. I said goodbye to Emily after she promised she'd try to set up another time for me to meet with James.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and I spent most of it on the phone with clients. When I finally got home, I decided to work on the quilt for Bella again after I'd had something to eat.  
Wednesday was pretty much a repeat of the day before, minus the call from Emily. I was working on the quilt again when Angela called.

_"Hey, Jazz."_

I smiled as I sat back in my chair, not wanting her to hear the sewing machine in the background.

"Hey, Ang. How's it going?"

I could hear the smile in her voice as she said, _"Pretty good. Was just checking to see if you were sure about Saturday?"_

I rolled my eyes even though she obviously couldn't see me. "Yes, Angela, I'm sure. I promised you that I'd look after Bella so you and Ben could go out and enjoy your anniversary. I'm not backing out of that; it's my anniversary gift to you."

She sighed softly, and I could tell she was a little anxious. _"Are you sure you can handle it? She's not even eight weeks yet, Jazz..."_

Stifling a chuckle, I said, "Are you sure you're not asking if _you_ can handle it, Angie?"

I heard her mutter,_ "Oh, shut it..."_ before she cleared her throat lightly and said, "_Yeah, okay...I know you'll be fine, really; it's just..."_

I smiled. "It's just that she's your baby, and it's your first night away from her. I get it, Ang. Don't worry; everything'll be fine. I have dealt with babies before, remember?" I lowered my voice a little and added teasingly, "Granted, it's been a few years, but still..."

Angela all but growled over the phone. _"Jazz!"_

This time I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry. No teasing the new mother. You and Ben still planning on dropping her off around five-thirty?"

_"Yeah, Ben says he has reservations for us at six, but he won't tell me where."_

I chuckled. I knew Ben had been planning their anniversary for the last couple of months. He wanted it to be memorable, especially since Bella was in the picture. He had reserved a table for them at Jacob Wirth's and was taking Angela to see_ A Chorus Line_ at the Boston Opera House. Ben had confided that he had even managed to book a hotel room at The Four Seasons. He was truly going all out.

I had joked with him that if he was doing this for his fourth anniversary, he would have a hell of a lot to live up to for the milestone celebrations. He had laughed and said that might be the case, but this was a milestone all its own and she deserved to be treated special.

I grinned as I thought about the night he had planned out, and I actually had to bite my tongue to not let anything slip to Angela as we continued talking for a little longer. After she asked me once again if I was sure about watching Bella, I told her she had better bring her over because I wanted time with my goddaughter.

When I walked into the office on Thursday, something just felt off. It didn't take long to figure out why. It seemed Bree had encountered a problem with some of the coding in one of the programs we were working on, and one of our clients had called asking for someone to come to their office - in Denver.

Mike came into my office looking frazzled. "Hey J, we need to..."

I held up a hand in a stopping motion, interrupting him. "Mike, I am not going."

He raised both eyebrows and opened his mouth to speak. I quirked a brow in challenge as I continued.

"I've got plans this weekend. You know this. It's Ben and Ang's anniversary, and I'm watching Bella. You and I both know that whoever goes to Denver will be there well into next week, if not longer. Jessica's going to be out of town, right?"

He nodded, and I could see he knew what was coming next.

"So you go. You know it's either you or me, and I'm telling you right now, it won't be me. There's no need for both of us to head over there; you can do it on your own. Conference call if you need my help, but I'm not leaving."

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Fine. I'll have Felix arrange for my flight and stuff. In the mean time, you and I need to discuss what you need to cover for me while I'm gone."

I nodded, and he went back to his office to grab his laptop. It wasn't often that we got called out on short notice like this, but it did happen from time to time. Mike and I spent the next couple of hours holed up in my office, getting everything ready so he could leave. The only interruption was Felix giving Mike his itinerary.

Mike was gone by lunchtime, leaving the rest of us to deal with the coding error and whatever else might come our way. Bree, Eric, and I ended up working late, ordering in some take out. By the time I finally got home, all I wanted to do was just get out of my clothes and into bed.

Friday didn't fare much better, and once again, the three of us ended up working late and ordering take out again. Eric had to call Senna to cancel their dinner plans. I felt horrible about it, but he assured me it was fine. In fact, he seemed almost relieved to be working right then, and I couldn't help but wonder what that was all about, but this wasn't the time for a heart to heart.

I had just walked through my front door when my phone rang. I was half-tempted to just let it go to voicemail because I was exhausted, but once I saw Edward's name on the caller ID, I smiled as I answered. My voice sounded as weary as I felt.

"Hey, Edward..."

I could almost hear him frown over the phone. _"Hey Jazz, everything okay?"_

"Hang on a sec, would you?"

Waiting until he said he would, I put my phone down so I could get out of my jacket and shoes. That done, I picked up the phone again and made my way to my bedroom, untying my tie as I walked.

"Sorry about that, I literally only just stepped through the door when you called."

_"That's okay. Wait, you just got home from _work_?"_

Sighing deeply, I ran my fingers through my hair after pulling my tie off. "Mhmm...things are kinda crazy at the moment..."

_"Damn, I'm sorry, baby...I guess that means you're not up for hanging out tonight then, huh? You sound exhausted..."_

"Sorry darlin'. I'd love to, but you're right...I am."

He sighed softly. _"It's alright. Do you have plans for tomorrow? Maybe we could do something then?"_

He sounded so hopeful, I hated the idea of telling him no again. Especially since I didn't want to say no. I wanted to spend time with him, too. I sat on the edge of my bed as I unbuttoned my shirt, the phone propped between my ear and shoulder. I worried my lip as I thought about what we could do with the time we'd have before I had to be back here to babysit. There wasn't a lot.

"I do, actually. I'm babysitting Bella tomorrow...my goddaughter? It's Ben and Ang's anniversary, so..." I paused, puffing my cheeks out as I pondered. "You're welcome to come here and hang out, though, if you'd like..."

_"What time?"_

I continued on, not sure I'd heard him right, "I know it's nothing exciting or anything, but..."

_"Jasper! What time should I be there?"_

I sat up straight, my shirt falling open as I took the phone in my hand. My voice sounded incredulous even to my ears. "Really?"

He gave a short laugh as he said, _"Yes, really. Now please, what time am I supposed to be there?"_

"Err, around six?" I ran my fingers through my hair again, frowning a little. There wasn't going to be a lot to do, not with Bella in the apartment. No way. Angela would kill me if she thought...I shook my head, not even wanting to go there.

He asked if he could bring anything, and we decided that he would bring something for us to watch and we would order pizza when he got here. I had considered asking if he wanted to come early, but I knew I had to do some shopping before they dropped Bella off, so I dismissed the idea. We talked for a few more minutes before I couldn't stop yawning and Edward told me he'd see me the following day and to get some sleep.

The next day, I woke up later than I had intended and ended up having to rush through the chores and errands I needed to get done. By the time five o'clock rolled around, I had cleaned the place from stem to stern and had bought groceries and put them away.

I had just sat down when the doorbell rang. I frowned as I checked the clock and saw that it was only a few minutes after five. When I opened the door, it was to an apologetic-looking Ben and an excited but anxious-looking Angela. Bella was asleep in her carrier and oblivious to it all.

"Wow, look at you two all fancied up." I grinned at Ben and winked before turning to Angela and kissing her cheek. "Has he given away his secrets yet?"

Angela giggled nervously, shaking her head. "No, he still refuses to part with them. Says I'll have to be patient."

"That's right," Ben chimed in with a grin. "No more trying to get my secrets from me."

I chuckled as Ben put the carrier on the table and Angela placed the diaper bag next to it before fussing over Bella. Ben rolled his eyes at me and spoke quietly, "Sorry we're a little early, J. Ang has been nervous all day, and she wanted to make sure Bells got settled in okay before leaving for dinner."

I patted him on the shoulder and grinned. "No problem, Ben. I get that it's hard for her. You guys need to go out, though."

Ben nodded before ducking back outside, and my eyes widened when he walked back in with two more bags and some sort of rectangular contraption. He put them on the floor beside the table as I said, "Something y'all aren't telling me? Just how long am I keeping her again?"

Angela laughed. "They take a lot, don't they? We wanted to make sure you had everything you needed."

The look Ben shot me said they hadn't left out _anything_, but my grin faded as I turned my attention to Ang, listening as she rattled off a long list of instructions. Just when I was beginning to worry that maybe I really would forget something, she smiled sheepishly and said, "I _know_ you're going to be fine. I know that. But here...I typed it all up, just in case." I laughed as she reached into her purse and pulled out a few pieces of paper folded together. She unfolded them and smoothed them out, handing them to me as she pointed out the parts about feeding Bella and her bedtime routine.

"Where do you want me to put this, J?" Ben motioned to the rectangular object, which turned out to be Bella's Pack 'n Play.

"The guest room?" I hadn't intended it to be a question, but my eyes shot to Ang's face as I checked to see if this was alright.

She nodded and told Ben, "Just don't forget to set up the monitor."

I had an amused grin on my face as Ben picked up one of the bags and the Pack 'n Play. I led him to the guestroom, and as soon as we walked in, he glanced at me and whispered, "Sorry, man...thanks for doing this."

I grinned and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the dresser as I whispered back, "You're welcome...she always like this now?"

He chuckled quietly and shook his head. "Nah, man, she's usually pretty cool...she's just nervous because we haven't left her for more than an hour or two, and that was with Ang's mom. She'll be fine..."

I nodded. "I know..." He finished putting together the Pack 'n Play, attaching a bassinet and some sort of little platform at the top.

When I raised an eyebrow at him, he shrugged. "You can change her diaper there." His eyes flitted to the doorway as he lowered his voice. "Or on the floor or wherever else you happen to be, like I do."

I laughed as he set up the monitor, handing one part of it to me with instructions to plug it in wherever I was going to be and to make sure it was on channel 2. "This thing has channels?"

"Yup." He grinned. "Amazing how much crap they take, isn't it?" He shook his head as we left the room.

We walked back into the dining room and found Angela standing at the table, watching Bella with a quiet smile on her face. I clapped him on the shoulder and whispered, "You're a lucky man. You know that, right?"

Ben nodded with a soft sigh. The love he had for his wife was obvious in the look he gave her as she checked that everything was in the bag and that Bella was alright. With a deep sigh, she finally straightened up and turned to me, blushing slightly.

"Sorry, Jazz. I know everything'll be fine..."

I stepped up to her and wrapped my arms around her in a gentle hug, shushing her softly.

"Don't even worry about it, darlin'. I promise I'll take care of your little girl. If anything happens, you'll be the first to know. Now you and Ben need to go and celebrate your anniversary and just enjoy each other. Okay?"

Angela buried her face in my chest with a nod, tightening her arms around me as she did. I kissed the crown of her head and smiled.

"Now come on, silly woman. Your husband is anxious to woo you tonight, so get to steppin'."

She chuckled, and I saw Ben roll his eyes, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.

"Oh! I almost forgot...hang on."

I walked quickly to the kitchen to get the small bouquet of white calla lilies - their wedding flowers - I had gotten for Angela. When I walked back into the living room, her eyes lit up, and she beamed a smile at me as I handed them to her.

"Happy anniversary, darlin'."

"Oh Jazz, they're beautiful. Thank you!"

Ben grinned at me, winking. "Thanks, J. Trying to one-up me?"

"With what I know of your plans tonight...not possible."

Angela narrowed her eyes at us. "Alright, you two. That's quite enough. Either tell me what is going on, or we need to get going now."

Both Ben and I laughed, shaking our heads.

"Sorry, Angie. You had better get going, though."

With one last check on Bella, Ben finally managed to shepherd Angela out the door. She called over her shoulder with one last reminder - this time to put the milk in the refrigerator - before I closed the door. I shook my head as I walked back to Bella, watching her as she continued to sleep. Leaning over her carrier, I gently brushed my lips against her forehead. That baby smell pervaded my senses as I whispered softly, "Looks like it's just you and me for now, little one."

While she was sleeping, I searched through the bags, finding the milk. I took all the bottles to the kitchen, putting them in the refrigerator before getting everything ready for the night.

When Edward knocked on the door, Bella had just woken up, and I had taken her out of her carrier to check if she needed a change, so I had her in my arms as I opened the door. I looked up from Bella to see Edward watching us intently. I could see several emotions fleeting through his eyes.

The tenderness that settled on his face stirred something in me that I couldn't readily identify. He smiled softly at her as she watched him with her big brown eyes, following his every move. He caressed her cheek once before looking up at me as he said in a quiet voice, "She's beautiful, Jazz."

He leaned in and kissed me on the lips - it was short, and sweet, and somehow just right.

"Mhmm, she is. Come on in."

I stepped aside so Edward could come inside before I closed the door behind him. He stood for a moment, just looking around.

"Make yourself at home, Edward. I'll be right back."

He nodded, and I saw him walk to the couch as I headed to the guestroom. After changing Bella, I walked back out to see Edward placing his camera on the coffee table. He glanced up and gave me a crooked smile and a shrug when he saw my brow lift in question.

"You should realize by now that if there's a good opportunity to take pictures, I'll do so."

He raised his camera to his face and, after fiddling with it for a few seconds, took a picture of me holding Bella. I rolled my eyes at him and chuckled.

"Yes, you'd think it would not be a surprise to me anymore."

Bella had turned her head when she heard Edward speak and was watching him intently again. I sat down next to him on the couch, my eyes flickering between them.

"I think she likes you."

Edward leaned in, brushing the backs of his fingers against her cheek again as he smiled at her. I felt him put his other arm around my shoulders, and we just sat like that for a while. He was talking quietly to Bella, who was cooing and smiling back at him. It felt good to just be like this - calming, somehow.

After about fifteen minutes, I looked at Edward. "Did you want to order pizza? There's a menu for my favorite place in the drawer next to the fridge. I'm good with whatever, just no olives or anchovies, please."

"Sure."

He kissed me briefly before getting up and walking into the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later, holding up a couple of bottles of water.

"Hope you don't mind."

Shaking my head, I took the offered bottle as he sat down next to me again.

"Hey, you said the other day that you were working on some drawings and stuff. Can I see?"

He watched me for a moment with a hopeful expression. I bit my lip as I thought about it. When he added a, "Please?" I grinned, nodding.

"Alright. Here, you'll have to hold her, though."

He chuckled as he held out his arms to take her. "I think I can handle that."

I gently put Bella in his arms and was going to just get up and grab the drawings, but I couldn't make myself move. Edward was smiling down at her, humming softly under his breath as he swayed gently back and forth. Bella was watching him with wide eyes, and her lips were parted in a soft "O".

After about a minute of being mesmerized by them, I saw Edward's eyes flicker to mine as he quirked a brow. I shook my head to regain my senses. Edward holding a baby in his arms just seemed to fit.

"I'll be right back."

He nodded, bringing his attention back to Bella. I got up and decided to not only grab the drawings I had finished already, but also my pad and charcoal. When I got back, I took a moment to watch them. I had never really been in this situation before, but I found I kind of liked it.

I sat back down next to Edward and Bella, placing the pad and charcoal to the side for the time being. I carefully unrolled the drawings of my nephews, showing them one at a time before rolling them back up again. Edward sat and watched quietly as I showed him each drawing. Once the last one was rolled back up, he turned to look at me, shaking his head slightly. I couldn't quite figure out what emotions were playing in his eyes.

His tone was soft when he spoke, a note of awe in it as he said, "Those are absolutely amazing, Jasper. Your brother and sister-in-law are going to love them. Did you say you drew them from pictures your mom had sent?"

I nodded, pulling out the pictures I'd brought, having anticipated he would want to see them. He asked me to show him the drawing of Finn and Conall on horseback again. I carefully unrolled it, and he scooted forward while he held on to Bella. He took the picture of the boys and placed it next to the drawing, his eyes flitting between them.

After a couple of minutes, he shook his head.

"Unbelievable. It's so detailed, in spite of the medium..." He looked up at me. "Do you only draw from pictures?"

I shook my head. "No, sometimes I draw what I see, other times just from memory..."

I couldn't keep the blush from creeping up my cheeks, and I prayed he wouldn't ask about it. I wasn't quite ready for him to find out that my main subject had been him for the last several weeks. Luckily, Bella cooed and pulled his attention away from me.

I got up and moved over to the chair opposite them, grabbing the pad and charcoal as I sat down. Bella was fussing a little, so Edward scooted back in his seat and started swaying back and forth as he hummed to her again. While he was otherwise occupied, I began to sketch them. I really wanted to keep this moment with me, and though I could have taken a picture, this just felt right. This was _my _medium. The camera was his.

We sat like that until the pizza arrived, and by the time it did, I had finished a rough sketch. I put it down on the coffee table so I could answer the door and pay for the pizza. When I got back, Edward had turned the pad around to face him. He was looking at the sketch intently, but I couldn't see his face well enough to discern his thoughts.

I put the pizza down on the other end of the table and went to grab some more water. I wasn't going to have any alcohol while watching Bella - Angela would kill me - and I figured Edward would be okay not having any either. He was still looking at the sketch when I walked in.

I nudged his side gently. "Hey, you okay?"

He nodded, his eyes lingering for a moment longer on the drawing before he turned to look at me. His voice was soft, almost vulnerable when he spoke.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He frowned a little as he tilted his head. "Is that really what I look like?"

I blinked, looking from him to the drawing and back. I wasn't sure what he meant. It was only a rough sketch, but I didn't think it looked that off. I had started to fill in the details of Edward's face - mainly his eyes - but still...

He must have seen the confusion on my face, because he gave me a soft smile.

"I mean..." He frowned, running his fingers through his hair with an air of frustration, as if he couldn't quite put his thoughts into words. "Am I really that...intense, I guess...?"

I still wasn't entirely sure what he was getting at, and he looked like he wasn't pleased with his explanation. He shook his head, muttering under his breath too low for me to hear.

With another shake of his head, he sighed and said, "Never mind, I'm not even sure what I'm trying to ask..."

I frowned, looking down at the drawing with a sudden feeling of unease - did he not like it? I wasn't sure what to think at this point, or how to feel about Edward's odd query.

This time, it was Edward that nudged me. "Hey...I'm sorry. Please don't think that I don't like the drawing, Jazz." He ran his fingers through my hair and smiled at me as I turned to look at him. He added quietly, "I like it. A lot, actually. I can't wait to see it finished."

Closing my eyes briefly to enjoy the feeling of his fingers massaging my scalp lightly, I sighed. When I opened my eyes again, they searched out his, and my voice was low - my insecurity apparent even to me - as I spoke. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yes, really. I hope you finish it tonight. I'd like to see it before I leave."

"I'll try to... For now, though, how about some pizza before it gets cold?"

He chuckled softly and got up to put Bella in her carrier - he brought the carrier back to the couch, placing it at his feet so she could watch us. As we ate, I told Edward about all the stuff Angela and Ben had brought along for tonight, and I showed him the list Ang had made. He skimmed it, chuckling softly at everything on it.

"Shit, this is just for tonight?" He looked at me with widened eyes.

Since I had just taken a bite of pizza, I simply nodded and said, "Mhmm."

He shook his head, then turned to look at Bella. "Don't worry, Cara Bella. Jazz and I will look after you."

I looked at him with raised eyebrows. _Cara Bella? _He grinned at me and answered my unspoken question as I finished chewing.

"'Beautiful beloved'."

Swallowing, I nodded. "Sounds about right."

We finished eating, playing with Bella and talking about what we would do the rest of the night. Edward had brought the second season of _Stargate Atlantis_ for us to watch, and he asked about the other things I was working on.

Once we were done eating, I showed him the quilt for Bella - the front was almost all sewn together already, and the backing was finished, so there really wasn't a lot left to do. Part of the beauty with baby-quilts, I told him, was that they were quick to finish. He chuckled at that. He said he would very much like to see it once it was all finished, so I promised him I would show it to him.

He asked me when I had learned to sew, so I told him about Mama teaching all of us when we were little. I told him that Chuck had hated it, but Mama made him do it anyway, saying it was important for any person - man or woman - to at least have basic skills.

I showed him the patchwork quilt Mama had made for me when I moved into this apartment. She had made it out of remnants and scraps from clothing she'd gathered while I was a kid. Every piece was a little bit of my history, and I loved the detail she had put in it. Edward touched the quilt with something akin to reverence, and I couldn't help but smile as I watched him.

"She made one of these for all us kids. Emily'll get hers when she gets her own place, too. I know she's already collecting stuff for one for Finn and Conall, as well."

His voice was just a whisper as he said, "That's a wonderful tradition, Jazz."

I watched him for a moment, my heart aching for him when I thought about all the things he never got to experience with his mom. I wondered whether she would have made him a quilt like this if she had lived, or if she would have had different traditions to pass on to him.

He looked up at me with a soft smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes as they held a hint of sadness in them. I wrapped my arms around him, just hugging him to me and wishing I could take that pain away for him. He rested his head on my shoulder and we stood like that for a while, neither one of us saying anything.

Bella started crying, forcing us apart finally. When I looked in his eyes, I frowned as I saw them shimmering with unshed tears. I cupped his cheek with my hand, my brow furrowing slightly as I whispered, "Are you alright, darlin'?"

He placed his hand over mine, kissing my palm as he turned his head a little.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just thinking about my mom... She's been on my mind a lot this week, it seems."

I kissed him briefly before checking on Bella. Edward looked over the list again and said he would fix her bottle since it was about that time. As he walked to the kitchen, I picked Bella up and settled back onto the couch. After a couple of minutes, Edward came back and handed me her bottle.

"Thanks, darlin'."

I had to shift her a little so I could check the temperature of the milk. Once it was cool enough, I put the bottle to her lips, and she eagerly started to drink. I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I felt a smile tug at my lips.

I didn't look up until I heard the sound of the camera going off. I smirked at Edward who was watching us with a tenderness - and longing - that took my breath away. He sat in the chair opposite us, his knees spread apart as he rested his elbows on them.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to decide what that look - and his mood - might mean.

"Nothing." He shook his head and then hesitated, studying me. "You just look...you look really good holding her."

I swallowed, not saying anything. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know what _to_ say. What did he mean?

His eyes widened, and when he spoke again, his voice was quicker, a little higher pitched. "I just mean you look...comfortable." He trailed off, and a smile ghosted across his lips. "You look happy, Jazz."

I looked down at Bella again, a small smile playing on my lips as I said softly, "I think I am..."

I wasn't sure if he heard me or not, or even if I had meant for him to hear me, but when I looked up at him again he was smiling - camera at the ready.

Once she was done with her bottle, I made sure to burp her. Edward asked if he could hold her again, so I handed Bella back to him and took my previous seat across from them with the intent of finishing the drawing.

I was so focused on what I was doing, it didn't register with me that she had fallen asleep. It wasn't until I put the finishing touches on the drawing and got up to show Edward that I realized she was out.

I whispered, "Why didn't you say something?"

He looked a little sheepish as he said, "I didn't want to interrupt you...and I don't mind."

I rolled my eyes at him, chuckling softly. "Come on, we'd better put her in her Pack 'n Play."

He nodded and held her out to me so she wouldn't get jostled too much while he got up. As soon as she was in my arms, she started whimpering a little in her sleep.

Edward walked behind me to the guestroom and watched as I carefully put Bella down. We stood and looked at her for a few minutes, Edward slipping his arms around my waist as he leaned his chin on my shoulder. He kissed my neck briefly before asking me where the monitor was. I had to look around for a moment, trying to remember where I had put it after Ben had given it to me.

I saw it on the dresser by the door so I slipped out of his arms and went to grab it. When I turned to look at Edward, he was watching Bella again. Clearing my throat, I tilted my head to the living room. He blushed slightly as he walked past me, muttering, "Sorry..." under his breath. I just shook my head and gave him a light slap on the ass, which earned me a raised eyebrow as he looked at me over his shoulder.

When we got back to the couch, Edward gingerly took up the drawing of him and Bella. I watched his face, anxious to find out what he thought now that it was finished. He didn't say anything for the longest time and just stared at it. I couldn't read his expression at all, which made me antsy. After a couple of minutes, I couldn't take it anymore and began to fidget in my seat, which caught his attention and he finally looked at me.

"Jazz, this...I don't even think I have words to describe..."

I lowered my eyes, the sudden shyness I felt confusing me as I spoke in a hushed voice. "You like it?"

From the corner of my eye I saw him put the drawing down on the coffee table before shifting around to face me. Cupping my face in his hands, he lifted it carefully and I raised my eyes to meet his.

"Are you kidding? Jasper, it's beautiful."

My eyes flickered between his as I tried to make up my mind. Part of me wanted to keep the drawing, and another part wanted to give it to him - for him to have this part of me with him. I frowned, worrying my bottom lip. Edward gently ran his thumbs over my cheekbones, a small frown forming on his forehead as he watched me.

I took a deep breath as I came to a decision and said softly, "I want you to have it..."

He blinked, tilting his head as his eyes searched mine. "Baby..."

I put my finger over his lips. "It's yours, Edward."

Taking his hands in mine, I gave them a gentle squeeze before leaning over and grabbing the charcoal again. I pulled the drawing to me before writing in a corner _Edward and Bella, 9-13-2008_ and putting my customary scribble of my initials under it. I picked the paper up as I got up and started to walk to the bathroom.

I heard Edward's confused, "What are you doing?" as I entered the hallway, and he got up and followed me. I turned the light on in the bathroom and put the drawing on the counter as I looked for a new can of hairspray, having emptied the other one earlier in the week.

Edward stood, leaning against the doorframe as I shook the can.

"Turn the fan on for me? This stuff smells to high heaven, which is why I only do this in here."

He frowned but flipped the switch as he asked, "Do _what_, exactly?"

Popping the cap off the can, I grinned as I picked up the drawing and held it as far away from me as I could and started to lightly coat it with the hairspray. I chuckled at Edward's soft gasp and "Jazz!"

When I was finished, I carefully put the drawing back on the counter again and capped the can before putting it back under the sink. I turned to look at Edward who was wrinkling his nose; his eyes still held a little shock.

"You're right, that stuff _does _smell...but why...?"

Picking up the drawing, I stepped up to him and said, "The hairspray keeps the charcoal from smudging; it's to protect the drawing."

"Ohhh...huh, learn something new every day." He smiled and kissed me briefly before wrinkling his nose again and asking if we could please go back to the living room. I told him to go ahead, needing to wash my hands before joining him.

After I carefully rolled the drawing up for him and placed it by the door, I sat down next to him on the couch. He had put the first disc of _Stargate Atlantis_ in and was looking for the remote. I grinned as I reached under the coffee table and pulled it from the small cubby that was hidden beneath it.

He grinned at me as he said, "Clever. I would've been looking for that thing forever."

I snuggled up to him as I turned the TV on and hit play before handing the remote to him so he could navigate through the disc. Edward put one arm around me, and with his other hand he lifted my chin, placing a tender kiss on my lips.

He murmured, "Thank you for that drawing, Jasper. It means a lot to me that you would give me something like that."

I blushed. "You're welcome, Edward."

He pecked me on the lips again before turning his attention to the screen as they re-capped the end of last season. I burrowed myself a little closer to him, causing him to tighten his arm around me and chuckle as he muttered under his breath. I was almost positive I heard him say, "Cuddles."

I ignored it. It felt too good to have him here, and the evening had been too enjoyable to let him goad me into responding. I put my arm around his waist, slipping my hand under his shirt so I could feel his skin against mine.

Every now and again, I would let my fingers trail up to his chest, lightly grazing over his nipple, causing him to moan softly. After a few times, Edward covered my hand with his, holding it in place as he looked at me. I tilted my head up, my fingers twitching under his hand and brushing against his nipple again.

He gave a low growl as he lowered his lips to mine, stopping just shy of touching them as he murmured, "You are a goddamn tease. What if Bella wakes up?"

I brushed my lips against his. "That's what the baby monitor is for..."

He gave a quiet moan as he captured my lips with his, the TV all but forgotten as we spent the next however long kissing languidly. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was aware of Bella sleeping down the hall, and I knew on some level that we should probably stop, but he tasted so damn good, and I was aching, needing for him to touch me. Before I even thought about it, I shifted on the couch, straddling his lap, and he wrapped his strong arms around my waist, pulling me closer so that our hard cocks brushed against each other through the denim of our jeans.

"God damn..." he whispered breathlessly, his lips moving away from mine. I felt the tip of his tongue trace my jaw...

And then I heard a cry through the monitor.

"Fuck!" My mind was instantly clear, free from the Edward-induced fog of lust that seemed to cover me so often. I climbed off his lap, shooting him an apologetic look, but he waved it away with a smile as he started to follow.

"I got it," I said, and he nodded, settling back on the couch. He picked up the remote as I turned around and headed down the hall.

I walked into the bedroom to find Bella red-faced and waving her little fists. I scooped her up, resting her head against my shoulder as I murmured, "Shh...it's alright...shh, little one..." She didn't quiet at all. If anything, the volume of her screeching rose, so I laid her down gently on the little changing platform and kept a hand on her as I reached for a diaper and her wipes.

As soon as I unsnapped her sleeper, I could tell she definitely had a dirty diaper, so I changed it as quickly as I could. I held her feet to keep her from kicking, and pretty soon, I had her all cleaned and buttoned up again.

She was still crying.

I glanced at the clock, confirming that it was still a couple of hours before she was supposed to eat again, and I returned her to my shoulder. I bounced her lightly, whispering to her as I walked around the room. My head began to ring dully from the sound of her crying right in my ear, but I wasn't worried about that - I could take some aspirin. I was more concerned with the fact that she was so upset.

"May I?" I swung around at the sound of Edward's voice just behind me. I hadn't heard him coming down the hall.

He was holding his hands out toward Bella, and I stood there patting her back for a moment before gently placing her in his arms. He gave me a tentative smile and cradled her, bouncing and swaying as he shushed her. He began to walk slowly around the room, and at first I didn't hear him singing.

Gradually, though, Bella's cries began to lessen, and I heard Edward's voice breaking through here and there.

"And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow; let it be..."

I leaned against the dresser as I watched them, a soft smile on my face as I hooked my thumbs into the pockets of my jeans. Edward's attention was focused entirely on the baby in his arms, and I felt warmth spreading through me as he sang to her. Her big brown eyes watched him as she gave a small smile, and he smiled in return, a soft expression on his face. It seemed so natural for him. Like everything else, he was just good at this, and I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I thought of him perhaps having a child of his own someday.

I wondered if he ever would...and if I would know him then.

I didn't let myself wonder if the baby would be _ours_.

Mercifully, Edward's song ended, and when he switched smoothly to another, I bit back a laugh.

"I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus's garden in the shade..."

He heard me and glanced over, grinning as he shrugged. He never paused in his song, and Bella's eyes drifted shut. As he neared the end of the melody, he made his way to the bassinet and carefully lowered her into it. He sang through the chorus once more, his voice nearly a whisper, and then he gently caressed her hand before turning to look at me.

We watched each other across the room in the light from the hallway before I inclined my head toward the door. He nodded, and we turned to walk out together. I stepped to the side so he could go to the living room while I closed the door silently.

I didn't speak until I was settled beside him on the couch again. I turned to him, kissing him briefly before I raised an eyebrow and said, "How'd you know to do that?"

Edward grinned sheepishly and reached for something on my coffee table. He held it up so that I could see it was Angela's instructions and then shrugged. "I just wanted to help...Angela said she liked the Beatles."

I couldn't help it. I snorted. "She actually included Bella's musical preferences in there?"

"Yup." He chuckled and let the paper fall back to the table. He leaned back on the couch, stretching his legs out in front of him as he picked up the remote. "Where were we?"

I looked at him pointedly.

"I meant in the episode." He rolled his eyes, grinning. "I think we should probably behave ourselves..." His voice trailed off, but I still caught the, "Unfortunately," he added.

I snickered and stretched my legs out in front of me as well, trying to help him figure it out. In the end, we started the episode over again, since we'd been so distracted the first time through. At first, we watched closely as I asked a few questions for clarification, but then Edward put his hand on my knee...and then I leaned over to kiss his neck...

And soon we were kissing again, though we did keep it a lot more innocent than before. When Edward got up to use the restroom, I stretched out on my side, just needing to change positions. I paused the DVD, even though I knew he'd seen it, and stared ahead blankly as I waited for him to come back.

When he walked into the room again, he gave a half-smile at the way I was lying and started to walk to my arm chair. I stopped him, asking where he thought he was going, and after just a little bit of convincing, he came to lie in front of me. I rested my forearm on his hip, my hand hanging down, and I traced lazy patterns on his abdomen as we watched more _Stargate Atlantis_ together.

My head was resting on the arm of the couch while he was a little further down so that I could see, and he had his arm tucked under his head so he was more comfortable. I felt utterly relaxed and comfortable.

I must've drifted off that way because the next thing I knew, Bella's cry was coming through the monitor again, and I felt a rush of cold air. I opened my eyes, sitting up with a confused, "Huh?"

"I'll get her...go back to sleep, baby." Edward's quiet voice accompanied his fingers brushing against my cheek, and I blinked, trying to clear my vision and my mind.

I heard him shuffle down the hallway and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. When I opened my eyes again, I saw that the TV was on the DVD menu screen and frowned. I stood up so I could pull my phone from my pocket to check the time. I was surprised to see that it was time for another bottle for Bella, and I wondered if Edward had fallen asleep as well, or if he'd just lain there while he let me rest.

I felt a rush of emotions - nerves and happiness and who knows what else - at either possibility, but I tried to hold it all back as I yawned. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of milk from the refrigerator, running it under hot water the way Ang had told me to until I thought it was warm enough.

When I stepped into the hallway, Edward was just coming out of the room with Bella in his arms. "Oh," he said softly. "Thanks...I was just going to do that."

I tried to smirk, but I think it came out as a gentle smile. "You're thanking me? You know I'm the one who agreed to babysit, right?"

He shrugged and whispered, "I don't mind..." Just as he passed by me, I heard him murmur, "Especially since I get to spend the night with you."

I followed behind him as he took Bella into the living room and sat in my arm chair. I walked over, handing him the bottle, and he gave it to her once he had her settled in his lap comfortably. He let his head fall back onto the chair, yawning with his eyes closed, and I ran my fingers through his hair as I watched my goddaughter.

Her eyes were drifting shut as she drank, so I knew it wouldn't be long before she was asleep again. Edward's eyes opened as he smiled at me and then he lifted his head, looking down at her. "Oh no, you don't..." he whispered, tickling her feet so that she squirmed and started drinking again.

When she finally finished, I took the bottle from him as he stood, and he paused, cupping my cheek before he placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I've got her, baby...go rest."

He turned to go back to the guest room, so he missed me shaking my head before I padded silently behind him. I stood in the doorway as he walked in and put her back in the bassinet. She didn't even stir as Edward smoothed the little bit of hair she had and smiled down at her. I walked up behind him, slipping my arms around his waist, and he pressed back against me, his hands covering mine as we both watched her.

Her tiny chin was working, moving up and down as she seemed to think she still had the bottle in her mouth. Otherwise, she was completely still, and watching her sleep was so peaceful, so relaxing, that I rested my chin on Edward's shoulder, feeling a strong urge to sleep as well.

Edward patted my hands and whispered, "Come on..."

I just wanted to get back to the couch with him, so I frowned in confusion when he went to the door and reached for his shoes. "What the hell are you doing?"

He turned to me, surprise clear on his face. "It's late, Jazz...I should get going so you can sleep. Who knows when she'll wake up again?"

I frowned at him, and he straightened, smiling at me. "You need some rest. You look exhausted."

I ignored his words. "Stay a little longer?"

He stared at me for a moment before dropping his shoes with a nod. "Alright," was all he said.

I led him back to the couch and stretched out again, opening my arms to him. He hesitated for a half-second and then reached for the remote, starting the next episode. When he laid down, though, he didn't even bother pretending that he was watching. Instead, he faced me, slipping his knee between mine as he put his arm around my waist and nestled his face in my neck with a soft kiss. I hummed quietly, my fingers slipping beneath his shirt as I rubbed the small of his back. I let my eyes close and then felt Edward's lips on mine again.

We kissed tenderly, slowly, and though my body responded to the feeling of him pressed so closely against me, I was enjoying the moment too much to push for more. He must've felt the same because even though he never tried anything else either, I heard his little whimpers and moans that let me know he was as content as I was.

Eventually, he pulled away, and I felt his eyes on me as he stroked the hair at my temple. I didn't open my eyes, though, and I gave a quiet yawn. "Sorry..." I murmured, my fingers still tracing idle patterns on his back.

He started to roll away, but I wasn't thrilled with the idea of him going anywhere, so I tightened my arms around him. "I should go," he whispered. "There's no sense in you staying up."

"Uh uh," I mumbled, burying my face in his hair. It smelled good, clean and sage and cedar and Edward all mixed together.

He relaxed against me, and I vaguely felt his shoulders shake before he breathed, "Good night, Cuddles." I felt his warm lips on mine, and then the weight of his head settled on my shoulder again, and I knew nothing else that night.

----------

_**A/N:**__ And so some of Jasper's walls begin to crumble bit-by-bit…_

_Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Your words mean the world to us and help keep us motivated!_

_If you haven't heard, __**MsKathy**__ has been organizing __**Twifans for Haiti**__, a relief effort that has so far raised right at fifty thousand dollars to help the people of Haiti following their devastating earthquakes. If you would like to help out, simply donate at least five dollars to a reputable charity and then send the receipt to __**MsKathy**__ to receive a compilation from over 180 authors, including __**naelany **__and __**SorceressCirce**__. Stories will be sent out on __**January 25**__**th**__, but MsKathy has said she may extend the donation deadline for a week or so to give more people time to contribute and receive the compilation if they'd like. Please consider helping out! You can find more details at __http://mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/_

_We both recently participated in the __**Support Stacie Vampire Author Auction**__, and we want to say thank you so much to those who bid and won us! A special deal has been worked out in both our auctions, so look for several auction-related stories coming from us in the next few months._

_On a less serious note, there are two contests we'd like to mention as well. First up is the __**TwiSlash Unveiled Contest**__ going on right now. This round is slash (which, let's be honest, is __**Whitlock-Masen's **__favorite brand ;)), so if you have a boy-boy story you're dying to write, stop by http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1945699/TwiSlash_Unveiled to read the rules and enter before __**February 28th**__!_

_Finally, we are both proud to be helping out with the __**FML Contest**__ going on now through __**February 15th**__. __**SorceressCirce**__ is one of the hosts for the contest, while __**naelany**__ is a judge. This is a unique sort of contest based on FML prompts given out by the hosts at random. Please have a look at the contest page at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2187120/FML_Contest and send in your request for a prompt by __**January 31st**__ if you want to take part. So far, we've fucked over 120 people...will you be next?_


	12. To Make You Feel My Love

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our beta, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

_----------  
_**EPOV**

_Earl Grey tea..._ I burrowed my nose down further into that scent, frowning in confusion when I felt something tighten around me and my bed vibrate lightly. 

_Wait...bed?_

_And what's that noise..?_

I raised my head a little, my eyes still closed as I tried to figure out why I was hearing a baby crying.

_Baby?_

I muttered softly, "Oh shit, Bella!" As soon as I realized that the noise I was hearing was coming from the baby monitor, I remembered where I was. Opening my eyes, I saw Jasper - still asleep, but beginning to stir - lying half-under, half-next to me against the back of the couch. My throat tightened a little when I recalled that he hadn't wanted to let me go the night before. 

_He wanted me to stay. _

As much as I wanted to just lay there in his arms and watch him, I couldn't ignore Bella's cries, so I tried to ease out of his hold in an attempt to let him sleep a little longer. He tightened his arms around me, though, so I reluctantly nudged him, whispering, "Jazz, baby? Let me get up so I can check on Bella?"

"Hmm?"

He stirred, blinking his eyes a few times before focusing on me with a content smile. "Mornin'."

I chuckled, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Good morning, Cuddles. You need to let me go, baby. Bella's crying."

The response was instant. Jasper's eyes flew open as he finally registered both my words and her cries, and he bolted upright, knocking me off the couch in the process.

"Ow, hey!"

"Shit! Sorry! Are you alright?"

I looked up at him from the floor, leaning on my elbows, and I chuckled, shaking my head at him. "Yeah, my pride's hurt more than anything else..."

He reached a hand down to help me, and I grabbed it, letting him pull me up to my feet before kissing him briefly. Bella was still crying, so I walked to the guestroom with Jazz muttering apologies as he began to follow me. Before he caught up to me, though, there was someone at the door, knocking insistently. I heard him say, "I'll be right there. Hold your horses!" followed by muffled voices.

I chuckled softly at Bella as I murmured, "Good morning, Cara Bella. Did you know that your godfather's kinda cute when he first wakes up?"

As I went through the motions of changing her and putting her in a clean outfit, I took the time to enjoy just being with her. She had stopped crying almost as soon as I picked her up. I started singing softly to her, and she rewarded me with a huge smile as she cooed and made those silly baby noises. Her eyes were on me the entire time, and I was sure I didn't stop smiling once.

I picked Bella up with the intent to get her a bottle, but as I was walking to the kitchen, it dawned on me that her parents must be here. I glanced at my watch and felt my eyebrows rise a little when I saw that it wasn't even seven in the morning yet. I grinned down at Bella, whispering, "I think your mommy might be a little anxious to see you, sweetheart. What do you say we hold off on your bottle for a little bit and go say hi?"

She just smiled, so I headed to the living room where I saw Jasper talking to a young couple. As soon as I stepped into the woman's line of view, her eyes widened, and she walked quickly up to me. She took Bella from me with a sigh of relief, and I could see the anxiety leave her face as soon as she held her baby. She was whispering softly into Bella's hair, not paying anyone else any attention.

I heard someone clear their throat, and I looked up to find a guy with short black hair and the same eyes as Bella. He had a friendly face, and he gave me an apologetic smile as he held out his hand to me.

"Hi, I'm Ben, and you're Edward, I'm guessing?"

"I am; pleased to meet you." I felt a surge of pride that Jasper had talked about me enough for him to make that assumption.

He grinned. "And you." He lowered his voice a little and added, "Sorry about that, and for being so early. I tried to convince Ang to wait and just enjoy having time together, but she was going crazy. It was all I could do to keep her from calling at midnight." He shrugged, then said with a mischievous gleam in his eyes, "At least she was distracted enough most of the night."

Jasper tilted his head back and laughed. "Good God, Ben, spare me the specifics, _please_," he said as he shook his head at his friend.

I just stood by and chuckled softly, watching Jasper and Ben as they chatted back and forth for a bit. It felt good to see this side of Jasper, too, not to mention having the chance to meet some of his friends. As if she finally realized that we were in the room with her, Angela came and stood next to her husband. Jasper smiled at her, then turned to me and said, "Edward, this is Angela." He looked at her with a grin and said, "Ang, Edward."

Her eyes flickered from me to Jasper, and it seemed they were having a quiet conversation. I wondered what that was about, but when I glanced at Ben, he just shrugged. Finally, Angela turned her attention back to me again, holding out her hand awkwardly, as she still had Bella in her arms.

"Edward, nice to finally meet you." She stepped a little closer, lowering her voice as she gave me a stern look. "Only going to say this once. Treat. Him. Right... Or else."

_What the fuck? What the _hell_ happened to Jasper for her to say something like that?_

There was no doubt in my mind that she meant it. I didn't feel particularly threatened by the woman, but the sentiment was still clear. I watched her with wide eyes, and I just nodded. "Of course."

I glanced over at the other two men, both of whom had matching stunned looks on their faces. When I looked back at Angela, it was to find her watching me with a crooked grin on her face, her eyes twinkling with mirth - though there was something hidden behind that, as well.

She tilted her head, her eyes going between Jasper and me as she said, "You two had better have behaved yourself last night..."

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes cutting to mine as he blushed a little. "Yes, Angie, don't you worry none." He rolled his eyes, but she narrowed her eyes at him before doing the same with a giggle.

Bella had been fussing a little in Angela's arms, and she cried out suddenly, her fists waving angrily. Angela bent her head over her baby, murmuring to her softly before she glanced up at Ben.

"She's hungry," she said quietly, rocking Bella as she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"I'll get a bottle," Ben said, heading for the kitchen, but he stopped when his wife shook her head.

"Jazz, do you mind if I use your room?" She raised a hand to brush her hair back from her face as she looked at Jasper pleadingly.

Jasper looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on his face. "Oh...oh, 'course not, Ang."

She flashed him a smile, and he led the way down the hall, opening the door to what must be his bedroom. He ushered her inside, and she paused in the doorway, looking up at him. He leaned down, and it seemed as if her eyes flickered toward the living room where Ben and I stood watching them before she whispered something in his ear. He listened for a long moment and then nodded, whispering something in return. She said something else, and he smiled softly, hugging her as best he could before I heard him murmur, "Thanks, Angie."

She nodded at him and then went inside. After closing the door behind her, Jasper came back down the hallway into the living room. He ran his fingers through that messy blond hair as he walked, and even with Ben standing right beside me, I couldn't take my eyes off him - the way his shirt was molded to his chest, letting me see the outline of his nipple rings, and the way his jeans hung so low on his hips that I knew if I lifted the hem of that shirt, I'd find that little blond trail leading down to my personal heaven.

I realized at once that my tongue ring was between my lips and my thumbs were rubbing against my fingertips, seeking that soft, unique feeling of flesh even if it was my own. I rolled my eyes at myself and cleared my throat, chancing a glance at Ben. Thankfully, he wasn't paying any attention to me. He'd picked up Bella's bag and was unplugging the monitor, muttering to himself as he began packing things up.

Jasper and I took the opportunity to watch each other for a moment, and he gave me an almost-shy smile before his eyes left mine to travel over my body. I saw him drinking me in with a hunger that equaled my own, and I was suddenly ready for the happy family to leave. As thrilled as I was to meet some of Jasper's friends, at the moment I just wanted the man himself.

As if he could read my thoughts, he gave me a cocky smirk and raised an eyebrow in challenge. He leaned against the wall, his shoulder against the corner as he crossed his arms over his chest, and my jaw clenched as I fought to keep myself from taking the few steps needed to press the rest of him against that wall.

"Hey, Jazz, do you know where Bella's other paci is?"

Jasper jumped and blinked, tearing his eyes away from me, and I saw the faint blush creep up his cheeks.

_He fucking forgot they were here... _

I chuckled, and he shot me a look that promised retribution later. I just shrugged and grinned, crossing my arms over my chest much as he had.

_Bring it, Mr. Whitlock. _

He narrowed his eyes at me before pushing away from the wall. "I think I left it in the kitchen...hang on."

"Oh hey," Ben called as Jasper escaped into the other room. "Can you bring the rest of Bella's bottles, too?"

"Yup." Jasper's voice was a little curt, making my grin widen.

"Need some help with the stuff in the guestroom?" I asked Ben, and he paused briefly, scratching the back of his neck as he glanced around the room.

"Yeah, if you don't mind." Relief was evident in his voice, and I smiled at him as I told him "sure" and we walked down the hall together. I could heard Jasper banging around in the kitchen, likely making sure he had everything, and I felt my body respond with an urge to go in there and kiss him until he begged me to stop.

Somehow, I didn't think he would, and that thought made me grin.

Bella's stuff had somehow ended up strewn all around the room. There was a burp cloth on the guest bed, tiny socks on the floor…just random shit everywhere. I gathered up all the little odds and ends as Ben started to take down the Pack 'n Play. When I stood up again, my arms full of baby supplies, I found him staring at it in confusion. It was partially folded, but one side was still standing straight.

He frowned and tilted his head, muttering under his breath, "I'm a goddamn engineer…how hard can it be?"

"What's wrong?" I asked, dropping Bella's stuff on the floor beside her bag.

"Damn thing won't budge."

I stepped over, kneeling down to take a look at it. I pressed the button and tried to get it to fold, but it was stuck. I pressed harder. Nothing.

"Here, maybe if we…" Ben began, lifting the two bars that made up the side while he nodded for me to mash the button again. Still nothing.

"Motherfucker," Ben muttered, and then his eyes widened as they shot to the doorway, which was empty. I chuckled at the look of relief on his face, and he grinned at me, shrugging. "She's been after me to clean up my language."

Nodding in understanding, I asked him if it always stuck like this, and he said he didn't know – they'd never used it before. We were still wrestling with it when I heard Jasper's drawl from the doorway.

"Did you read the instructions?"

By that point, I was on my knees, hoping that the change in angle would help, and I glanced over my shoulder to find him leaning lazily against the doorframe. He lifted a hand, running his fingers through his hair, and his eyes danced with mischief. I smirked when I saw those blue eyes linger on my ass.

He took his time bringing them back to my face, and I felt a warmth in my gut – and just a bit lower – at the sheer want I saw on his face.

_Can't _wait_ to get him alone… _

For the time being, though, we had to help Ben figure out the surprisingly tricky Pack 'n Play, so Jasper joined us on the floor. It took a few more tries, but between the three of us, we managed to get the damn thing folded and packed away along with the rest of Bella's things.

By the time Angela emerged from Jasper's room, the three of us were drinking coffee in the living room, talking about the Patriots game later that day. Ben was apparently a much bigger football fan than baseball, and he seemed incredulous that I was the opposite. I explained that I loved football, too – especially playing it – but that baseball was my first love.

Jasper shot me a look at that, and I smiled when he put his hand on my knee. He'd been keeping his distance a bit all morning, and I had a nagging worry that maybe he regretted letting me stay the night. The soothing circles his thumb was rubbing on my knee told me otherwise, though, so I relaxed as much as I could.

Angela walked into the room then, and she smiled quietly at Jasper and me where we sat close to each other on the couch. Ben was in the armchair, and he drained the last of his coffee as he stood up. He asked her if she wanted anything, but she shook her head, saying she was ready to get Bella home for her nap.

Jasper and I both got up then to walk them to the door. I stood back, watching with a quiet smile as Jasper said goodbye to his friends. He hugged each of them in turn, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on Bella's forehead, and my heart ached at the sight, much as it had the whole night.

_He would be an amazing father. _

It wasn't the first time I'd had the thought – or the second, or even the third. Jasper was fantastic with Bella, and I found myself wishing fiercely that I might get to see him become a dad someday…that I might be a dad _with_ him someday.

Before I could let myself get too wrapped up in a future so distant and uncertain, I banished the thoughts and focused instead on what I had right at that moment: an almost-boyfriend in an apartment that would be empty in mere moments.

I felt myself harden just a bit at the thought and shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to surreptitiously adjust while their attention was diverted. Angela put Bella into her carrier and buckled the straps, and Ben turned to me, holding out his hand.

"Hey, Edward, it was really nice to meet you." His eyes flitted to Jasper's face before he glanced back at me with a smile. "Hope to see you around some more…"

"It was really nice to meet you, too," I said as I shook his hand. I debated saying more, but Jasper seemed uncomfortable enough as it was, staring at his feet as he hooked his thumbs into his back pockets.

Ben turned away, picking up Bella's bags and the Pack 'n Play. He looked like a damn pack mule, and an amused smile was on my face when Angela surprised me by appearing right in front of me. She hugged me tightly and said, "It really was nice to meet you, Edward. Thank you for keeping Jazz company and helping take care of Bella." I just had time to hug her in return, patting her back, before she took a step back and looked up at me. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Much like Ben's had, her eyes went to Jasper as she spoke, but the look she gave him was more serious. Silent communication passed between them, and Angela nodded with a soft smile before hugging me again. She didn't say anything else to me as we all took the final few steps to the door, and I felt a thrill of excitement in the pit of my stomach as the door swung closed.

Jasper locked the deadbolt slowly and then turned around, leaning against the door with his hands behind his back. He smiled at me and said, "So…what do you want for breakfast, Princess?"

I gave a low, playful growl and closed the distance between us, my hands going to his hips as I pulled him to me. He moaned when he felt my hardening cock against his. I kissed along his neck, making my way to his ear where I murmured, "Depends…can I have you?"

"Fuck, Edward," was his only answer as he put his hands on my cheeks, pulling my lips to his. He kissed me eagerly, his fingertips digging into my flesh before he slipped his hands into my hair.

Much too soon, he pulled away, his forehead against mine, our noses meeting as he whispered, "Let me treat you right, sweetheart…"

"You are," I answered, kissing him again.

The little resistance he'd tried to put up dissolved, and he turned us around, pressing me against the door with his hips flush against mine. His hand slipped beneath my shirt, his fingertips finding my nipple as he twisted it gently. He nibbled on my bottom lip and kissed his way down my chin, licking at the hollow of my throat.

"Jesus, Jasper…" I reached for the hem of his shirt, and he lifted his arms automatically, taking a step back so I could pull it over his head. He paused, running his fingers through his hair as his eyes raked over my body, and I sensed that he was trying to rein himself in for some reason.

I didn't want him to.

My eyes were drawn to his chest, to that delicious metal shooting through his darkened nipples, which were pebbled from the chill current of the air conditioning and – I hoped – arousal. I took in the lightly muscled planes of his abdomen, letting my eyes drift down to see that, yes, his jeans really were as low as I thought they were, and then my eyes snapped back up to his.

The light blue was darkened, and I stepped toward him just as he reached for me. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and slid down my back to squeeze my ass as I leaned down, taking his nipple between my lips. I teased the metal barbell – flicking it with my tongue, pulling it with my teeth – and I heard him begin to mutter fragments of desire under his breath.

"Fucking right...don't…don't stop…like that…need to…goddamn…"

I smiled against his skin, enjoying the way he was already losing control, and I switched to the other nipple as my hands went to the waist of his jeans. I pulled the button free from the heavy denim slowly and then lowered the zipper, slipping my hand inside to rub his cock through his thin boxers. His hard length twitched in my palm, and I could feel the moisture at his tip. I couldn't take the barrier between us, so I pushed his boxers down over his hips.

I wrapped my fingers around him, but he surprised me by grabbing both my elbows and murmuring, "Wait, Edward…"

I raised my head, looking at him in confusion. He gave me a little half-smile and whispered, "Goddamn gorgeous," before kissing me once more. His hands at my hips tugged on the bottom of my shirt, and I reached back, ripping it off and tossing it to the floor. I took his cock in hand once more and began stroking him slowly as he nibbled my earlobe and kissed his way down my neck…over my collar bone…his tongue swirling around my nipple.

I felt the pull of denim as he began to unbutton my pants slowly, freeing each metal stud from its slit in the thick fabric. His mouth returned to my ear, his breath cooling my moist skin as he whispered, "Don't think I didn't notice that you're going commando again…do you have any idea how fucking hard it's been to control myself? But there's no one here now…nothing to stop me from doing this…"

With that, he shoved my jeans down over my hips, and they came to rest at my knees just as he dropped to his in front of me. He wasted no time, licking me all the way from base to swollen head before the warmth of his mouth enveloped my cock, and I felt the muscles of his throat tighten around my head.

My knees buckled, and I leaned back against the door to brace myself. "Holy fuck…"

I couldn't take my eyes off him - _so fucking beautiful_ - and just like always, he was staring back up at me, his eyes intent on my face as he watched me enjoy the pleasure he brought me . He actually managed to smirk up at me as his head began to move back and forth, and the last sight I took in before my eyes rolled back in my head was my cock glistening with the wetness from his tongue as it was revealed and then disappeared again into his mouth. Both my hands were in his hair, and I couldn't seem to relax my grip as I pulled and my hips rocked, thrusting deeper down his throat.

"J-…Ja-…" I swallowed, my voice panting and breathless as I tried again, "Jazz, baby…gotta…gotta stop…"

I felt him shake his head just slightly, and I opened my eyes, looking down to find him gazing up at me with determination. My fingers tightened around his golden curls, and I pulled his head back. I nearly lost my resolve at the seductive sight of my cock slipping from his reddened lips, but there was something else I wanted to do.

Something I finally felt ready for.

I ignored his confusion as I pulled him to his feet, and I relished the feeling of his firm body against mine as my arms encircled his waist. I kissed him hard, pouring every ounce of passion I felt into him through our parted lips. His response was immediate, his hunger equal, and we moaned as one when his hips ground into mine.

His hand moved to the back of my head, and he yanked my hair, pulling my chin up so he could suck at my Adam's apple, murmuring, "Why did you stop me?" A rough bite at my jaw. "I wanted to feel you." Teeth tugging at my tragus piercing. "I wanted to taste you." Hands cupping my ass, fingertips digging into my flesh. "I wanted to hear you scream my name when you came."

I gasped, his words and attention pushing me toward the edge, and I found I couldn't even answer the question. Instead, I asked one of my own. "Hey, baby…remember that fantasy you told me about?"

He growled, thrusting his hips hard against mine as he bit my shoulder. His right hand shifted, his fingers moving toward my entrance. "Fucking right I do."

"Make it happen."

My words were quiet but definite, and they hung in the sudden stillness of the apartment like a blanket, a palpable presence that enclosed the room in a hush that was broken only by the ticking of the clock on the mantle.

Gradually, Jasper lifted his head. He voiced no words, but his eyes spoke volumes as they searched mine. He found no hesitance, no wavering on my part, and I saw his smoldering desire flare just before he pressed his lips to mine.

His face hovered inches from mine as he whispered, "Not here."

I felt a stab of exasperation. Although he'd never said as much, I'd wondered if he was purposefully keeping me out of his apartment, but this was too much.

_Does he seriously want to go to my-?_

My thoughts were interrupted when Jasper gave me a crooked smile and took both my hands. He whispered, "Don't worry, Princess…you want me to bend you over the couch, and I will. But not this time…" His lips brushed mine once more and then he turned around, starting to lead me down the hallway.

A smile flirted on my lips when I realized he was taking me to his bedroom, but I was quickly distracted when he paused, leaning over a bit to pull his pants up so he could walk better. I reached out, caressing his ass as I slipped my fingertips between his thighs, brushing just behind his balls. I caught his whispered, "Fuck," before he picked up the pace.

I had to pull my pants up to catch up to him, but he still disappeared through his doorway before I got to the end of the hall. As soon as I walked in, I glanced around, my eyes widening at the bookshelves lining his walls. I hadn't expected those, hadn't realized he was such a reader, and it made me realize that there was a lot I still didn't know about this man I'd fallen for.

"Now you didn't come in here just to read, did you?" His gentle drawl made me shiver as he whispered in my ear, stepping closer. "Promise I'll let you look all you want later, but for now…"

He took my hands again and started backing toward his bed. It didn't take a hell of a lot to convince me.

The books were completely forgotten as we finished undressing, our jeans falling hastily to the floor. Jasper's boxers followed, and I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him down so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I dropped to my knees in front of him, using my hands to spread his thighs so I could lick and suck at his balls. He uttered quiet words of encouragement accented with hisses and moans, and before long, he was the one pulling at my hair, begging, "Come here, please…please, Edward…"

I was only too happy to comply, pushing him back on the bed as I crawled over him. My cock brushed against his as I moved, and I couldn't stop myself from biting his bottom lip hard.

"Fuck!" he muttered, and then he was on top of me as I was suddenly on my back. He kissed and licked all over my chest, his hips writhing against mine. He worked his way up my neck and whispered in my ear, "Are you fucking sure? Because one more second of feeling you against me, and I'm not going to be able to stop."

I moaned softly, my arms snaking up his shoulder blades to pull him closer so I could feel his chest against mine. "God, yes…fuck me, Jasper. Let me feel you, baby…" My voice was breathless and light, and I kept up a steady stream of babbling encouragement as he thrust his hips against mine.

He sat up, his ass resting on his heels as he looked down at me. My legs were already parted as he knelt between them, and he put his hands on my thighs, kneading them as he smiled. I followed him, sitting up as I crashed my lips to his again. I couldn't get enough of kissing him, needing to taste him on my tongue, feel his soft lips against mine, feel the tremors of his moans reverberate through me.

Breaking away, I murmured, "Where?"

"Nightstand," he answered quietly, his lips finding purchase at the join of my neck and shoulder. We needed no more explanation, but I couldn't move for a moment as my head lolled back while Jasper lavished attention on my flesh. He bit harder, and I cursed softly as I rolled away, flipping onto my stomach as I reached for his nightstand.

Jasper's hands never left me, sliding from my shoulders down my back. I felt him grip my hips before they slipped even further, cupping my ass. His thumbs pressed just behind my balls, making me groan as I tried to focus enough to open the drawer and search for what I needed.

I yanked the drawer open and reached inside, but I couldn't see what I was doing. Pushing up onto my hands and knees, I grinned to myself when I heard Jasper's moan behind me. I took a moment to glance over my shoulder and inhaled sharply at the sight before me. Jasper was sitting back on his heels, his stiff cock in hand as he stroked himself near the head. His eyes were trained on me, his brow furrowed and his lips parted as he watched my ass. The thumb of his other hand slipped between my cheeks, grazing my skin, and my hips bucked involuntarily.

I barely saw the smile that flitted across his face before I turned back to the drawer, muttering, "Where the fuck…? Ahh…"

The box of condoms was open and half-empty, and my jaw clenched at the thought of him with anyone else. I felt a surge of possessiveness that I tried to let go as I snatched a condom from the box and picked up the bottle of lube. Jasper was caressing my ass, his hand rubbing gently, but before I could turn around, I felt the warm wetness of his lips kissing the tops of my thighs. His tongue teased my balls before licking upward, and I dropped to my elbows, my head hanging down, when I felt that delicious warmth circling the sensitive flesh of my entrance.

I stayed there, paralyzed with pleasure while he worked his magic for a few moments before I rallied my resolve and pushed myself back up on my hands and knees. Jasper didn't stop, simply adjusting with me, and I took a sharp, short breath. Reaching back, I dropped the condom and lube by my knee, and he paused finally.

I wanted to pout when his lips left my skin, but the snap of the tube of lube stopped me. His hands left me for only a moment before they were back, a slick finger pressing into my entrance as he hovered over me. His arm wrapped around me, and my cock was enveloped in the slippery tightness of his hand as he began stroking me slowly. He leaned down, his lips tracing abstract patterns on my back as he prepared me for him.

As I gave myself over to the pleasure he was providing, I marveled that this was happening. I'd wanted Jasper since the moment I first saw him, but I hadn't wanted just a quick fuck and to never see him again – though, to be completely honest, I would've taken it if that had been my only option. We'd come so far since that night, and my body quivered with anticipation at the step we were about to take together.

A second finger joined the first, and then a third, and soon I was panting, my breathing shallow and labored as my hips rocked in time with his hand stroking my cock. At once, both hands slipped away, moving to my hips, and I felt his bare length pressing against my ass, his balls against mine before he leaned down, kissing between my shoulder blades tenderly. The heat of his body left mine, and I pressed my forehead against my forearm as I worked to catch my breath.

The sound of the condom wrapper ripping reached my ears over the pounding of my heart, and I lifted myself again, turning to look over my shoulder at the beautiful man behind me. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he pinched the tip of the condom and rolled it down his glistening length. With a practiced motion, he flipped open the lube and squeezed a little into his palm, snapping it closed even as he began stroking himself. He looked up at last and caught me watching him. He flashed me a smile as his free hand moved to my back, his palm searing against my skin that was already cooled with sweat.

"Are you ready, Princess?" Despite the nickname, his voice wasn't taunting. It was rough and raw and needy and…caring.

I didn't trust my own voice, so I merely nodded, turning my face back to his headboard as I felt him lift onto his knees. His left hand gripped my hip while his right was between us, and I whimpered when I felt his head pressing slowly into me. He never paused, stretching me steadily with an exquisite burn that made me feel alive. His left hand moved to the small of my back, where he rubbed slow circles as he murmured words I couldn't understand. His grunts and moans were easier to interpret, and once he was about halfway in, he stopped at last, both his hands going to my hips as he cursed.

His fingers flexed, his fingertips digging into my flesh, and I could've sworn I heard him whisper, "I like you," as he suddenly thrust the rest of the way into me. If those words were spoken, though, they were lost in the sound of my voice crying out.

"Oh, fuck!"

I didn't know which of us said it. It's possible we both did. Jasper stayed still for an eternity that passed in the blink of an eye, and then we both moaned when he began moving at last. He pulled nearly all the way out, and I breathed in and out slowly twice before he slammed back into me. The slap of our flesh was loud to my ears, the sting invigorating, and suddenly we were moving together. My hips rocked back against him as he thrust forward, one hand on my shoulder while the other was wrapped around my waist, holding me firmly against him.

I'd known he was strong, but he was so sure, so steady, and he took me with an almost feral confidence that made me feel more desired than I ever had before. Our bodies moved with a grace that belied our crude noises, and we seemed to be one person in truth as we chased after the highest pleasure together.

Curses uttered in broken voices added urgency to our union, and my heartbeat was reaching a frenzied pace when Jasper slowed. He leaned forward, his fists on either side of me pressing into the mattress as he kissed along my shoulders. The motion of his hips continued; I could just picture the way his ass would clench as his hips rolled. The image had me biting my lip, my eyes closing as my hands wrapped around the slats of his headboard, just needing something to hold onto.

His right arm wrapped around me, his hand pressing against my sternum as he panted, "Come here, baby."

We sat up as one, my back against Jasper's chest as he reclined on his heels. I took over, lifting my hips and dropping back down as he bucked against me. His forearm crossed my torso as he pinched my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. As he twisted and teased it, he took my cock in his left hand and began pumping me from base to head.

My jaw was clenched, my head thrown back with my eyes closed, and I could hear Jasper's husky voice murmuring disjointed phrases. He was talking to me, encouraging me to let go, and my ass tightened around him as I fought the urge to listen to him.

"Fuck, Edward…" He took a shuddering breath. "God_ damn_ please…just…oh god…can't…" His teeth pinched my biceps, and I drove down on him hard, quivering as the last of my restraint was put to the test. "Fucking cum for me, baby…_please_…"

At the sound of his pleading, I couldn't control myself anymore, and my body seemed to disintegrate, my nerves tingling as the world around me flickered and faded, leaving me with nothing but Jasper – his arms holding me, his dick filling me, his sweat-slickened skin slipping against mine. I felt my hot release surging across my chest as he stroked me, paying special attention to the ridge around my head as he coaxed out every shred of pleasure.

His hand fell away, moving to my hip as his other hand pressed down at the base of my neck. As soon as I was on my hands and knees once more, he was thrusting into me hard and fast, grunting with exertion as my raw voice encouraged him now.

"Oh fuck, yes…that's it…so…so goddamn good…fill me up, baby…fucking _hell_, Jazz…"

The last was lost in the sound of his harsh cry as he pounded into me one last time. His fingers were iron claws grasping my hips, curving around my hipbones to dig into the softer flesh. I felt him shudder and then he gave three more quick thrusts in succession before he collapsed against me, his dead weight on my back nearly making me fall.

"Oof," I exhaled, and I felt his cheek lift in the middle of my back as we both chuckled.

He took a deep breath before saying, "God damn, Edward…" in a rough, breathless voice. His weight lifted from my back, and my arms and legs both quivered with weakness as he kissed the indention of my spine. "Turn around, sweetheart."

It was easier said than done as it took me a moment to be able to straighten up without my head spinning. His strong hands never left me, and I loved their steadying presence on my waist. At last, I was facing him, both of us on our knees with our arms wrapped loosely around each other's waist. His blue eyes were dancing, swimming with too many emotions to begin to name, and the smile on his lips warmed my heart.

This time I heard him clearly.

"Thank you…" He leaned in, brushing his lips against mine as he whispered, "I like you."

A smile flitted across my lips before I whispered the words in return, meaning so much more than I could say. I tried to tell him with my kiss, though, and he gave a contented sigh as we finally parted.

He let me go, flopping down on the bed beside me with a "Fucking hell!" He pulled the condom off and rolled onto his side, dropping it into a trashcan before resting on his back again. His arm was across his eyes, a happy smile on his lips, and his other hand sought mine, our fingers intertwining as I stretched out beside him.

We lay that way for some time, catching our breath and occasionally laughing softly with relief and sheer satisfaction. Eventually, Jasper lowered his arm and turned onto his side. I rolled to face him, my hand on his hip as I leaned in to kiss him. He hummed contentedly, his eyes drifting closed lazily as he returned my kiss.

When he opened his eyes again, they were bright and happy, making me smile in response. He moved his hand to my shoulder, his fingers idly playing with the hair on the nape of my neck as he murmured, "Can I ask you something?"

"'Course you can…" I answered, my thumb rubbing along his hipbone.

His eyes moved back and forth between mine as if he were reading me as he decided how to phrase something. He licked his lips slowly and then said, "What changed…?"

I knew right away what he meant, but he apparently thought I didn't. As I lay there, trying to decide how best to respond without scaring him away, he frowned and clarified, "I mean…when we were in the shower, you said you weren't ready. Why were you this morning?"

The answer, to me, was obvious. But Jasper clearly didn't look at last night's events the same way, which made me wonder once again if I'd been reading too much into the lack of invitations to his apartment – or if it was just so ingrained that he didn't even realize he kept people at a distance. That thought gave me pause and made my chest constrict with pain and sympathy for him.

My hand trailed up his side to cup his cheek, and I ran my thumb along his lips before I answered, "I just felt closer to you. You…" I bit the inside of my cheek and thought for a moment. "You let me in, invited me over. I liked seeing you with Bella…" With a smile, I kissed him again and murmured against his lips, "And you were just so cuddly last night…"

"Shut up, you," he muttered, playfully punching me in the ribs, but he was smiling against my lips, and he kissed me thoroughly before he pulled away to look me in the eyes. He seemed undecided about something for a moment. I wasn't surprised when the next words out of his mouth had nothing to do with what I'd told him, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. His smile was somehow apologetic as he cleared his throat. "So what do you say to a shower and some breakfast?"

For a split second, I considered making a big deal about this – getting upset, demanding more from him. But I was too blissed out, and he was too fucking beautiful and vulnerable there smiling at me.

_Whatever he needs_, I reminded myself.

I might be ready -

_Might?_ I scoffed at myself.

I _was_ ready for more, ready for it all, but he wasn't. And he'd just given a hell of a lot of himself to me, and I had to remind myself that we were growing together. He just needed a little time.

Besides, the man was too goddamn seductive for my own good. As he waited, his fingers danced along my ribs, and he tweaked my nipped with a grin. My light-hearted mood returned, and I mentally took a step back, looking at the situation objectively. It wasn't like he'd fucked me and was shooing me out the door. Just like last night, he was asking me to stay, letting me be a part of his life in a way I hadn't been before, and Katie would call me a damn fool if I didn't jump at that chance.

And she'd be right.

"A shower sounds perfect." I rolled onto my back and sat up, glancing at him over my shoulder. "Cuddles."

With that, I hopped up off the bed and walked toward the open door to his bathroom with a cocky swagger.

He yelled, "Hey!" and I felt the rush of air as he swatted at my ass and missed. I laughed and heard the creak of his bed as he got up to follow me. He caught up with me before I was halfway across the room, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back against him. "Just where do you think you're going, Princess?"

Strangely, I felt a little thrill in the pit of my stomach at the sound of his silly nickname for me in that Texas drawl, and I pressed my hips back against him. His fingers tightened on my belly as I grinned to myself.

_I'll have you again soon, Mr. Whitlock. You don't stand a chance. _

Of course, neither did I.

"I believe you were the one who said something about a shower?"

"Mmhmm…" His nose traced a line up my neck, nuzzling at my ear. "That I did…but don't think you're going in there without me." The tenderness in his voice surprised me. I smiled as I reached back, my hands grabbing onto the small of his back as I held him closer. He kissed my neck and then urged me forward.

Because of the angle, I hadn't been able to see inside while we were in his bedroom, and I let out a low whistle as I stepped through the door. He let me go, chuckling as he stepped around me and went to turn on the water in the glass-enclosed shower. There was no curtain, providing an unobstructed view of whoever was inside. The whole bathroom was crafted from blond wood, the walls polished tongue and groove slats that provided a serene backdrop for the green plants scattered around in pots.

There was a garden tub in the corner – not quite as large as mine, but definitely big enough for two – with fluffy sage green towels folded on the shelf above it. His sink was a clear glass basin on a matching glass counter, and I was struck by the modern minimalist design. When I looked questioningly at Jasper, he just shrugged and said, "One of the reasons I decided to rent this place," as he reached a hand inside to check the temperature of the water.

I shook my head, my eyes widening as I stepped closer and slipped my arms around his waist. "Guess I'm not the only one who likes the finer things…"

"Guess not…" He kissed me, his hands sliding down my ass to tease me before he opened the shower door and motioned me inside.

Standing beneath the warm flow, we relaxed for a moment, letting the water wash away the stickiness of our activities. Then Jasper put his hands on my elbows and adjusted us, putting me squarely beneath the shower head as he tilted my head back. I closed my eyes, humming to myself as he washed my hair. His fingernails scratched at my scalp as he massaged it, and I could feel my arousal stirring once more as he paid such close attention to me.

When he finished, I returned the favor, running my fingers through his wet blond curls as I squeezed out the water. The fragrance of Earl Grey tea was strong when he wet his soap and lathered up a wash cloth. I snatched it from him and managed to wash his chest before he jerked it out of my hand to clean mine. I pinned his arm behind his back as I took it away from him again, and as I reached around him to bathe his abdomen, he gave a low moan.

The needy sound spread warmth through my body like wildfire, and I let the cloth trail lower, taking his cock in hand through the terry cloth as I rubbed and cleaned. I could feel him hardening in my hand as I kissed his neck gently and began to bathe the rest of him. His head dropped back onto my shoulder, his breathing becoming more labored; I smiled into the crook of his neck as I looked over his shoulder to watch my hands do their work.

I bit my lip to stop my moan as I realized that might not be the best idea because the sight of Jasper nude, his cock semi-hard and glistening with the iridescent soapy water, was making my body respond quite enthusiastically despite having been fully sated only moments earlier.

_How the fuck does he do that to me? _

I didn't know, and I didn't care.

The fact was…he created visceral, uncontrollable reactions in me that I had never felt before – not to that extreme. I took a half-step back, trying to at least delay the inevitable hard-on I seemed to have so often around him. It didn't help much, though, as I could still see his muscles flexing and relaxing, still smell the heady scent made up of his soap and just…him.

It did, at least, hide the reaction from him, though, and I was able to drop to my knees to wash his legs without him noticing. I lifted each of them in turn to wash his feet, snickering when he squirmed and nearly lost his balance.

_So fucking ticklish…_

Before I stood, I leaned forward, playfully biting his ass, and he jumped, startled. He laughed as he turned around, but the smile on his face turned impish as his eyes traveled down my body while I straightened.

I saw the slight widening of his eyes, and I licked my lips, shifting my weight though I didn't try to cover myself up. He met my gaze at last, a cocky smirk on his lips as he stepped toward me. He pressed his body lightly against mine and murmured, "Well, well, Dr. Masen…did you not get enough?"

My hands went to his hips, pulling him against me as I answered huskily, "Of you? Never." It was the simple truth.

He grunted, lifting his chin to kiss me hard as his hands kneaded my ass. Before I knew what was happening, he'd turned off the water and opened the door. He didn't break our kiss as he guided me out of the shower, reaching to my right to grab a towel.

His lips left mine at last as he began drying me off quickly. I pulled a towel from the shelf and did the same for him, but our hair was still dripping when we started toward Jasper's bed, stumbling along the way because we wouldn't take our hands off each other.

As we moved, Jasper took over completely, and I gave in. I enjoyed the way it felt to have him so insistent, so determined; I moaned as he pushed me down on the bed and crawled over me, straddling my abdomen. He leaned down to kiss me, his tongue tracing my lips before delving into my mouth and brushing against my tongue ring.

He pulled away, panting. "Fuck, I need that," he muttered under his breath. His fingers were laced through the hair on top of my head as he walked on his knees, working his way up my chest. He stopped when his dick was resting across my lips. Before the word "Please" had even fully left his lips, his cock was between mine.

His skin was still wet, the scent of him overpowering, and I licked eagerly, loving how his fingers tightened in my hair. I knew what he wanted, so I flattened my tongue, letting the metal barbell tease the ridge of his head as his hips rocked toward me. The angle made things a little more difficult, but I took him as deeply as I could, letting my teeth scrape lightly along his length as I pulled back.

I hollowed my cheeks, sucking as I moved, and soon he was gliding back and forth between my lips, my tongue ring stuttering along his flesh in a way that made him hiss and curse. His thighs quivered beside my shoulders, and his ass settled on my chest, his weight and heat increasing my excitement. He was moaning and muttering, whispering my name and those dirty words of encouragement that he knew would have me begging in just a few minutes more.

He leaned back, his weight heavier on my ribs as he reached behind him. His hair dripped cold water onto my abdomen as he wrapped his hand around my cock and stroked me, his rhythm irregular. His hips were writhing against me, his cock forcing its way into my mouth, and I finally pulled away, licking and kissing at his head and along his shaft as I couldn't keep up with him anymore. I bit my bottom lip, looking up at him, but he was looking over his shoulder, focused on the sight of his hand around my dick. I took a moment to enjoy the sight of his taut abs, stretched and on display as a tiny rivulet of water made its way down the deep V of his hips.

He reached further, his palm sliding down my shaft to my balls, which he rolled gently between his fingers before finally turning his face back to mine. When he saw me watching him, he smiled and shifted back, leaning down to kiss me soundly as he spread his body out on top of mine. Our cocks were sandwiched between us, our bodies still moist from the shower and from the sweat that was building once again. He rolled his hips in a circle, anything to generate friction as his kisses became more urgent.

I grinned when he suddenly lifted his head and pushed himself up, reaching toward his nightstand. Feeling mischievous, I raised my shoulders from the bed, wrapping my arms around him as I bit at his nipple, catching the curved barbell between my teeth and shaking my head.

He laughed, and I felt the rumble through my body as he whispered, "You are eager as fuck, aren't you?"

In answer, I thrust my hips against his, and he moaned, his eyes rolling back in his head before he began speaking quickly, breathlessly, "Don't you fucking worry…you're gonna get it…" He was kissing me then, his lips moving along my neck and shoulders as bits and pieces of broken words bathed my skin.

He moved steadily down the bed, a condom and the bottle of lube in one hand as he settled between my knees. He leaned down, licking me once from balls to tip, and I thought he was preparing me for him. Instead, he ripped open the condom wrapper, pinching the tip as he placed it over my head.

I propped myself up on my elbows, watching him curiously.

As he began rolling the condom down my length, he glanced up at me with a wicked grin that faded when he caught the expression on my face. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked, confusion clear in his voice. "I mean, I wouldn't have figured you as a strict bottom or any-"

I laughed, shaking my head as he broke off. "Fucking right I don't mind…" My voice was lower than I expected, and I actually saw my dick twitch at the thought of fucking Jasper. He caught it, too, and smirked at me as he licked his lips.

He kept his eyes on mine as he slowly opened the bottle of lube. In my peripheral vision, I saw him pour some into his palm, and I felt him stroking me, but I couldn't tear my eyes from his. The blue was deeper, smoldering, and he seemed to be trying to communicate something that I couldn't quite understand.

With a soft moan, he began crawling back over my body, reaching between his legs as he made sure he was ready. As he pulled his hand away again, it went straight to his cock, rubbing and twisting seductively as he settled his knees on either side of my waist.

He was moving deliberately, his body exuding a feline grace as his muscles stretched and flexed. Both his hands pressed into the mattress on the side of my head, his eyes boring into mine as he leaned closer. His nose trailed from my chin upward over my lips, where he brushed a soft kiss before murmuring, "You want to fuck me, don't you?"

I didn't bother answering the idiotic – and obviously rhetorical – question. He shifted his hips down my torso, his ass brushing my dick. I growled in frustration, secretly loving his teasing, and his eyes brightened as a smile flirted on his lips before he schooled his expression.

My hands were gripping his thighs as I worked to control myself, and he put a hand around each of my wrists, prying them away. He stretched my arms above my head and wrapped my fingers around the slats in his headboard. His chest was flush with mine when he brought his lips to my ear and breathed, "Don't move."

The words were soft, barely audible, but the tone brooked no argument. My hips betrayed me right away, shifting upward, and he raised an eyebrow at me pointedly. I managed to still them, but my toes curved inward with the effort.

He had frozen, watching to make sure I was listening, and when I went for a few seconds without moving, he smiled. "Perfect." He lowered himself again. His warm lips on mine were torturous, and it took nearly all my self-control not to respond. That ephemeral smile appeared again as he whispered, "Kiss me."

Immediately, my head left the pillow, my lips crashing against his with a force that surprised me. His lips parted, our tongues brushing as I moaned at the taste of him. He bit my bottom lip, a satisfied smile on his face as he pulled away much too soon for my liking. I quickly recovered from my disappointment, though, when he lifted higher on his knees so he could reach between us.

My abdomen tightened with anticipation as he took me in hand, adjusting us both as he began to slowly lower himself onto me. "Oh, fuck…" My curse was quiet and my knees jerked upward when I felt him tighten around me just past my head.

The feeling drew my eyes, and I found myself unable to blink as I watched Jasper ever-so-gradually take all of me. When I felt his pelvic bone digging into me, I let my eyes drift closed, inhaling and exhaling shallowly as I focused on how it all felt – how tight, how hot…how goddamn unbelievable it was to be buried so deep in Jasper when I'd fantasized about him for so long.

As soon as I thought of him, I had to see him. When I opened my eyes, I found him watching me. His smile had faded from the cocky domineering one into something a little more like the Jasper I usually saw, and he ducked his head to kiss me as he started moving at last.

As fantastic as he had been earlier, he was even better now. He was a fucking _god_ as he rolled his hips, undulating and squeezing, his hands on my chest as his blunt fingernails dug into my flesh. He was sitting up, his head thrown back, and I watched, mesmerized as his parted lips murmured words I couldn't hear, his tongue wetting them as he groaned loudly. He didn't try to control himself – not the sounds he made and not the way his body responded. He gave himself over to it – to _me _– entirely, and I was fascinated. Touched.

And incomparably excited.

With only a few passes of his hips, I felt my balls tightening, and I clamped my eyes shut, trying to deprive myself of the only source of stimulation I could control. I couldn't stop my ears or dull my nerves, and Jasper's heated body moving over mine was rapidly driving me toward the brink.

In desperation, I turned my head, opening my eyes as I searched for the bottle of lube. I found it beside his knee and snatched it up, popping the top. A little spilled onto my chest in my haste to pour it into my palm, and I inhaled audibly at the cool sensation. Jasper's quick hands made good use of it, gliding along my chest before he took my nipples between his slick fingertips.

As my hand tightened around Jasper's throbbing cock, he hissed and twisted my nipples, his mouth returning to mine as we kissed furiously. I pumped him faster and faster, my hips rocking on the bed as I began to take over. Jasper's palms flattened on my chest as he braced himself, pressing back against me as he grunted with every move I made.

It took me a moment to realize every grunt carried the word, "Harder."

"Fuck me," I nearly whimpered as both my hands flew to his hips, grasping and struggling to hold on. My slippery skin finally found purchase, and I curved inward, raising my head so I could watch our union as the sound of skin meeting skin reached my ears again and again.

"Shit." Jasper's oath was breathless, and his hand replaced mine on his glistening length, swollen and nearly purple. I watched the ridge of his head disappear and reappear until I couldn't take it anymore, and my back arched, pressing my head back into the pillow as I braced my heels on the bed and thrust as hard as I could.

Again.

And again.

And then I cried out, my voice choked and hoarse as my orgasm racked my body, leaving me weak-limbed and panting. I kept moving as best I could, vaguely aware that Jasper was aching and not yet finished.

I was too sensitive, biting my bottom lip to keep from pulling away, and when I felt the warmth of Jasper's release spilling across my chest, I laughed in relief.

I heard his deep laugh mingle with mine as his hands went to the mattress on either side of my shoulders once more. His head hung down low, his curls tickling my forehead, and his breath was hot on my face as he worked to control it.

"God damn, Edward…" he whispered at last. He started to move away and then stopped. I grinned when I felt his thighs quivering against my side.

_That's fucking _right_._

My mental strutting continued as he paused to gather his strength, and I finally opened my eyes to look at him when he chuckled. He shook his head, muttering something under his breath. I caught "arrogant ass" and snickered, closing my eyes again.

"Not arrogance if it's true," I retorted, smiling lazily. I could practically feel him rolling his eyes, but he didn't argue.

When his hips began to lift at last, I reached between us, holding the base of the condom as he pulled away. I felt a strange sense of loss as soon as his weight left me, and I frowned, opening my eyes to find him. He was sitting up in bed, running his fingers through his hair, and that was entirely too fucking far away from me.

Sliding closer, I curled my body around his and wrapped my arms around his waist. He laughed softly, reaching down and a little behind him to run his fingers through my hair. "And you call _me _ 'Cuddles'…" he scoffed.

I didn't give a shit. He was warm, and I loved him, and I was holding him, and he could tease me all he wanted. He didn't, though. He tried to shift, but I tightened my arms around him, and I heard his quiet chuckle again.

"Hey, Princess," he murmured, scratching my scalp lightly. "At least let me stretch out…"

I smiled, my face buried in his hip, and then I finally let go, straightening out on the bed once more. He moved to lie beside me, relaxing on his side so that he was facing me. We watched each other for a few minutes, smiling stupidly, each with an arm draped over the other's waist. He began idly scratching my back, and I nearly purred, shifting and stretching to help him hit all the good spots.

His smile was fond as his hand stilled and his eyes drifted closed. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and I loved the way his face relaxed completely. That serene expression was rare on his face.

He seemed to be drifting off to sleep, but I was waking up, nudged toward alertness by my desire to memorize the way he looked just then. As I lay there, my mind began to clear, thoughts and questions that had been pushed away by virtue of raw lust returning.

"Hey, Jazz?"

"Mmm…"

"Baby?" My fingers rubbed his back, trying to urge him toward coherency.

"Mmhmm," he hummed noncommittally.

I sighed, rolling onto my back as I ran my fingers through my hair. I decided I should let him sleep, so I took a deep breath, puffing my cheeks out as I exhaled. I carefully pulled the condom off and leaned over the edge of the bed, dropping it into the trashcan I'd seen him use earlier.

Jasper apparently didn't like the distance between us, and he pushed himself up onto his elbow, frowning at me. "Where'd you go?" he mumbled.

Smiling, I shifted so that I was propped on my elbow as well. One of my feet slipped between his calves, and I leaned over, kissing him. "Sorry, baby…I was going to let you sleep."

"I'm 'wake now." He yawned, blinking a few times afterward. "What's the matter?" His eyes seemed guarded as he spoke, as if he were afraid of my answer.

"Nothing's the matter, Jazz…promise. I just…" I frowned, trailing off as I tried to put words to my curiosity. "I just…I guess I was sort of…surprised…that you wanted me to top?" I hadn't meant it to be a question, but the way my voice rose toward the end made it into one.

He understood, though, nodding with a smirk before I'd even finished. "Well…usually, you'd be right." He shrugged and flopped back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke. "It's not because I don't _like_ it, though…it's because most guys don't know what the fuck they're doing, and it just pisses me off. You know?" He turned his face to me then, and I laughed.

"Yeah…guess you're right." I raised an eyebrow at him, assuming a cocky attitude that I didn't quite feel. "Guess it's a good thing you don't have to worry about that shit anymore, huh?"

He rolled his eyes at me and then looked at me appraisingly. "Well…I guess you'll do."

At my indignant expression, Jasper laughed. He licked his lips and rolled toward me, his hand on my ass pulling me closer as he kissed me. "You're fucking amazing. And you know it. So stop this 'am I any good?' bullshit."

I smiled against his lips before I kissed them. When we parted, I slipped my hand up to cup his cheek, my thumb tracing his cheekbone. I saw some sort of indecision in his eyes, so I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from questioning him further.

At last, he swallowed, and his voice was low and quiet when he spoke again. "My ex…Paul…" Pain flickered in his eyes as he said the name, and I knew at once that it was _his_ name. I didn't know what had happened between them, but whoever this Paul motherfucker was, he was the reason Jasper was so skittish, so hesitant. "He liked to be in control. Of everything." He grimaced, and his nostrils flared before he continued again. "Anyway, it used to be weird for me to top, and now I guess it's usually the other way around."

He shrugged, and I felt torn. Now that he was talking – _really_ talking – I wanted to know more. I wanted to know it all. But…somehow I felt like the best way to shut him up would be to bombard him with questions, ask him more than he was willing to tell.

He shifted to lie flat on his back, tucking both his hands under his head as he cleared his throat. I thought maybe he wasn't going to say anything more, and I had no idea what _to _say, so the air was filled with an expectant silence. His hushed, raw voice was so quiet that it was difficult to hear, even with no other sound in the room. "I don't like to talk about Paul. He was a fucking prick, and I was stupid." I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

When I didn't answer, he turned his face to me, and I was taken aback by the look in his eyes. They were dull, lifeless, the fire I'd seen in them so often masked by some ancient pain that he struggled to hide.

_Jesus, what the fuck did that jackass do? _

Combined with the warning Angela had given me earlier – and the cryptic one Billy had delivered after our first date – that expression filled me with a sense of dread. A fierce protectiveness also rose up in my chest, and I felt the urge to just…maul. Maim whoever this fucker was that had hurt the man I loved.

His eyes widened as he took in my expression, and then they hardened.

_Fuck._

I breathed evenly, getting my temper under control, and gave Jasper a soft smile. I moved toward him, rolling so that I was half-lying on him as I placed small kisses along his jaw. When I reached his ear, I murmured, "You don't have to talk about him, baby…not now…"

From the corner of my eye, I saw his fist clench, and he swallowed again before he exhaled loudly. He put his hand on my hip, turning his face to capture my lips with his. When we parted, he didn't speak, and I continue my attentions, tracing his earlobe with my tongue as my thumb rubbed gently along his hipbone. "Thank you…" I kissed just beneath his ear. "For last night…" I smiled as my lips brushed against the join of his shoulder and neck. "For this morning…" I sucked lightly at his Adam's apple, my grin broadening when his teeth bit into his bottom lip. "For fucking me…and letting me fuck you…" His arms slipped around my waist then, and he pulled, settling me on top of him. I licked the hollow of his throat, moaning at the salty sweat glistening there.

I continued lavishing him with affection and whispered words, thanking him for talking to me and trusting me, for letting me into his life. I sprinkled the dirtier thank you's throughout and got a much more obvious response to those. He interrupted from time to time, chuckling when I whispered my gratitude for his tongue on my cock and grabbing my ass as he thrust his hips against mine when I thanked him for letting me suck his.

When I finally finished, I raised my head, and I was so fucking grateful to see that playful fire back in his eyes. I could feel us both against my abdomen, semi-hard and already goddamn interested…again. But fuck if we didn't need a little bit of a break, so I raised a cocky eyebrow and lifted myself to lie beside him.

He turned to face me, saying simply, "Thanks."

I nodded. "Any time…just the truth." With a grin, I lowered my head onto his shoulder, my hand tracing idle patterns on his chest. We lay in silence for a long time, just relaxing, and I thought maybe he was falling asleep. Since he wasn't showing me to the door first, I was perfectly okay with that idea.

Just as I yawned, he said, "I'm fucking starving…how about you?"

I laughed, the movement of his chest shaking my head as he did the same. "I am." We sat up, Jasper stretching his arms over his head, and he stood first. I popped his ass, snickering at the startled expression on his face. "What are you making me for breakfast, Mr. Whitlock?"

He shook his head, amusement dancing in his eyes as he said, "You really are a goddamn princess, you know that?"

"Yup." I shrugged. "And you love it."

He rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath as he went to his dresser. He pulled out two pairs of flannel pants and put one over his shoulder. The other, he folded carefully over his arm before walking to me. He bowed with a flourish, proffering the pants with a dry, "The royal attire, Your Highness."

I plucked them off his arm, holding back a laugh as I said, "You know, you do that quite well. I believe I might keep you around, Jeeves." His head snapped up, his eyes narrowing at me, but I saw the way his lips twitched.

I reached over, patting his behind as I murmured, "Might want to watch bending over like that, though. Never know when the princess will decide to take advantage."

He laughed finally, shouldering into me as I tried to pull my pants on. I staggered into the bed with a grunt, and he snickered at me.

_So much for dignity. _

We both finished putting our pants on, and then he offered me his hand with a smile. When I took it, he pulled me to my feet, yanking a little too hard so that I bumped into him. "A little clumsy, Dr. Masen?" he murmured, wrapped his arms low around my waist as he kissed me. "Maybe you're light-headed from all the exertion…" He tugged on my hand, leading me out of the room as he threw back over his shoulder, "I know how delicate the royal constitution is."

"Ass." I kicked out, nudging the back of his knee, and I chuckled when he missed a step.

We acted like idiots the rest of the way into his kitchen, but as soon as we walked in, he turned around, kissing me once. "Take a seat," he said, patting the counter. As I hopped up on it, he stepped between my knees, resting his hands on my thighs. "Sorry, sweetheart…you're just too damn fun to tease." I could feel the goofy grin on my face as I leaned down to kiss him again. He hummed and then pulled away with a smile. "Bacon and eggs okay?"

"Perfect."

I put my hands behind me, supporting my weight on the countertop as I watched the man move around his kitchen. There was a comfort here, a level of familiarity and intimacy that gave him more confidence as he worked.

_God damn, he's fucking beautiful…_

Jasper brushed back the curls from his forehead as he stirred the eggs in the pan, and my eyes followed the motion from his fingertips, tracing the shape of his forearm and the bulge of his biceps. I let them drift further, enjoying the sight of his bare chest with the inky phoenix spread over his heart.

When he turned to pull shredded cheese from the refrigerator, his fractal tattoo brought back memories of the night we met. I thought I'd suppressed my groan, but it must have escaped because Jasper cut his blue eyes to me as he sprinkled cheese over the eggs, before picking up his wooden spoon and stirring them again. He taunted me, licking his lips ever-so-slightly as his eyes roamed my body suggestively.

Before I could do anything in response, he chuckled and turned back to his work. I shifted my hips, pulling at my pants as I adjusted myself. To take my mind off the seductive man who seemed intent on tormenting me, I glanced around his kitchen instead.

It wasn't state-of-the-art or anything, but it was pretty well decked out, and Jasper seemed to have everything he needed. It was definitely a lot smaller than mine, the narrow floor space sandwiched between the massive stainless steel wall unit with the refrigerator, oven, and microwave on one side and the countertop where I sat on the other. I turned my head, my thumbs tapping my thighs as I looked through the frosted glass doors of the cabinets to see the pots, pans, and dishes piled within.

"Pretty nice place ya got here," I observed.

Jasper glanced over his shoulder, grinning at me as he took up the last of the bacon and spread it over paper towels folded on a plate. He shrugged. "Yeah, it's not bad. Especially for a guy living alone."

"Nice kitchen, too. Looks pretty well-stocked."

I knew my voice was antagonizing, and I couldn't decide if I would take it back if I had the opportunity. He opened one of the cabinets, pulling down two plates. As he was splitting the eggs between the two, he suddenly slowed, his movements becoming more deliberate. He separated the bacon, putting pieces on each of our plates, and then he carried them both over to where I sat. He stood between my knees again, picking up a piece of bacon and slipping it between my lips.

I raised an eyebrow questioningly at him as I chewed.

His fingertips hovered near my mouth as he said, "I don't have a wok, Edward." I blinked, a little surprised that he'd picked up on my hints, though I supposed I shouldn't have been. He smirked. "But…I know I…" He trailed off, his teeth worrying his lower lip before he continued, "I know I wasn't being…very…welcoming…"

He traced my lips with his index finger, and I caught his wrist, taking his finger between my lips to the first knuckle. I teased the tip with my tongue, and desire flashed in his eyes. I pulled his hand away, lacing my fingers through his as I murmured, "I'm sorry, baby. I should've just asked…"

He gave a small smile. "And I should've just said." He shrugged again. "We good?"

With a nod, I said, "Yeah, we're good…"

"Good." He smiled at me, his eyes mischievous. He reached into a drawer to my right and grabbed two forks, handing one to me before he leaned against the counter and picked up his plate. "Now, eat up, Buttercup…"

When I glanced at him, he met my gaze with an impish grin. "You're gonna need your strength. I haven't even bent you over my couch yet."

----------

_**A/N: **__So...yeah...hope you enjoyed that :)_

_Anyway, there are several things we'd like to mention. First, our __**Support Stacie**__ stories are coming along very well. The first two are complete and should be posting sometime soon! Keep a lookout on the __**Whitlock-Masen**__ and __**naelany**__ profiles if you don't have us on alert and would like to read them._

_Next, __**Marked**__ has been nominated for __**Best Slash**__ at the __**Golden Lemon Awards**__! We are stunned and excited, and we appreciate everyone who nominated...now go vote, if you will :) You can http://www(dot)goldenlemonawards(dot)com/ to vote for all of your lemon-related favorites before __**February 13th**__._

_There's also a new awards show in town - __**The Slash Awards**__ are now accepting nominations. This is (as far as we are aware) the first awards page devoted entirely to slash. Please visit http://theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ to make your nominations by __**February 28th**__._

_Finally, there two contests we'd like to mention -_

_If you received an FML prompt, remember to have your story complete and turned in by __**February 15th**__. For those of you looking for all sorts of stories from hilarious to heart-breaking, visit the __**FML Contest**__ C2 at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ - The first round of voting begins __**February 18th**__!_

_**TwiSlash Unveiled**__ is hosting its __**Slash Contest**__ right now. Submissions are accepted until __**February 28th**__ for this anonymous contest. Please check out the contest page at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1945699/TwiSlash_Unveiled for more details._


	13. When You Say Nothing at All

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42 **__for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

_---------- __**  
**_**  
JPOV**

I pulled at my tie, loosening the knot a little less carefully than usual. It was one of the ties Emily had given me - an Escher, to be exact - but I was feeling anxious and couldn't make myself care like I normally did. The tie was actually the reason I was in my car.

On my way to Edward's house.

He didn't know I was coming over. I'd never gone to his house unannounced - and he, of course, had never stopped by my apartment unexpectedly. So I was somewhat nervous that...I don't know what, really. Maybe that I wouldn't be welcome.

I didn't think that would be the case, though. It had been just over a week since we'd had sex for the first time, and work had been crazy busy for me. I couldn't get enough of him - but I quite literally couldn't get enough time to see him very often. As I'd sat at my desk this afternoon on a followup call with the manager Mike had visited in Denver, I'd idly played with my tie. The more I looked at the red silk tie, the harder it was to concentrate on what was being said on the other end of the phone.

The damn tie had Escher's lizards crawling all over it.

I hadn't looked at it that morning when I picked it out. I'd just pulled a red one down from my tie rack because I felt like something a little brighter.

I'd been fine all day, but around lunch, I'd noticed the tie's decoration and chuckled out loud, causing Eric to tilt his head and look at me curiously. I'd shaken my head and gone about my business, but once I'd seen what was on it, it had seemed to draw my eyes. The manager had called raving about the program we'd written him and how efficient Mike was - which made me roll my eyes a bit - and the longer I'd sat there, looking at Escher's lizards and thinking of the sexiest one I'd ever seen, the more I couldn't wait to see Edward. By the time I'd hung up the phone, there wasn't even a decision to be made. I'd shut down my computer, grabbed my suit jacket, and was on my way out the door.

The drive seemed to take longer than usual. My mind had way too much time to drift, and it kept going straight to all the naughtiest places. As I sat at a stoplight, I groaned, lifting my hips as I had to adjust myself because I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened just after breakfast when Edward stayed over.

_As soon as we finished eating, Edward took my plate from me and walked to the sink. I watched as he washed the dishes by hand, and as I saw the muscles in his shoulders flex and move, I felt a growing need to touch him._

_I walked up behind him slowly, slipping my arms around his waist, and I kissed his neck, letting my lips caress his skin while my tongue tasted the salt from our exertion. His soft hum was a low rumble against my chest, and his hand - damp from the dishwater - patted mine before I let him go._

_He turned around, that damn crooked grin on his lips, and he arched an eyebrow at me. "Something on your mind, Jazz?"_

_I grinned in return. "I'm sure you can figure out what..."_

_"Mmm..." He reached out, pulling me close and settling me between his outstretched legs as he leaned against the counter just in front of the sink. We kissed, our lips parting, moving slowly together, and I lost track of time until his fingers began playing with the tie of my pants._

_I shifted away slightly, biting my lip with what must've been a mischievous look in my eyes as I said, "Now just what's on _your_ mind?"_

_"Not a thing," he said lightly, the impish grin on his face giving the lie away._

_"Right..." I rolled my eyes and then took his hand. "Come on..."_

_I took him back to the couch, where we stretched out together and spent well over an hour just...making out. There was no other way to describe it. We kissed and petted, keeping all the action above our clothes, and we talked in between - nothing serious, just little things, though I could tell there was something Edward wasn't saying._

_I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it, so I didn't ask._

_Eventually, Edward shifted, and I bit back a moan when I felt his hard length pressing against mine. I hadn't realized quite how aroused I'd become, but as one, our kisses became more urgent, and his hand slipped under my shirt, resting low on my back as his fingertips dipped into the waistband of my pants._

_I wasted no time, lifting the hem of his shirt, and he pushed up on one elbow to help me take it off. Mine was discarded as well, and when the bare flesh of our chests met, he groaned, ducking his head to take my nipple between his fucking beautiful lips. My fingers tangled in my hair as my head fell back, and I just lay there, letting him do whatever the fuck he wanted while I enjoyed the hell out of it._

_He pulled at the barbell, flicking it with his tongue, and my hips bucked against his, my fingers moving to tug at his hair. I hissed when he pulled harder, but what I really wanted to do was beg him not to stop._

_And he didn't._

_His hand moved from my back, trailing tantalizingly over my side before his sure fingers began untying my pants. He never faltered or stalled, never asked what I wanted, and it was a fucking turn on to see him so confident, so sure that I wanted him. He was right, of course._

_He kissed my jaw, his teeth rough against my stubble, and he tugged on my pants with a frustrated grunt. I lifted my hips, and in no time, he had pushed the fabric down my legs, using his foot to kick them off the rest of the way._

_"Much fucking better..." he mumbled, his lips returning to my skin as they roamed all over my upper body._

_I was breathing shallowly, enjoying the way his long fingers wrapped around my dick and the way he stroked me smoothly. He was squeezing and twisting just the way I liked it, and the little smirk I caught when he lifted his head to toss his hair out of his face told me he knew it._

_"Take your pants off, baby," I whispered, capturing his lips with mine. He moaned, making me smile, and he was instantly in motion, shifting away so that he could rip his pants off and throw them aside._

_He rolled back, his body flush with mine, and we were a blur of hands and lips and tongues as we rubbed and caressed each other. Somehow, I ended up on my back with Edward hovering over me, his knees pressing into the couch on either side of my hips. He was rocking and grinding, nibbling on my bottom lip between kisses._

Fucking tease.

_He knew what I wanted, and he was trying to make me beg for it. Little did he know I had no intention of doing that._

_"My turn," I murmured into his ear, biting hard enough to make him squirm. When he whimpered, I smiled, and when he didn't move at first, I smacked his ass lightly._

_He raised his head, his eyes wide._

_"Get moving, Princess..."_

_He grinned then, a slow curving of his lips that gave away his excitement. He whispered, "Just what is it you want, Jazz?"_

_"You," I said, nipping at his jaw. "Bent over my couch, ready for me." A shiver ran down his spine, making me smirk. "Now."_

_I would've laughed at how quickly he moved then if I hadn't been trying to stifle a moan at the thought of what I was about to do. It had been hard to let go of my first fantasy of Edward, and it had become a favorite of mine._

_And now it would be reality._

_I stood up a little more slowly, and by the time I made it around behind the couch, he was already there, half-resting on the back. His hungry eyes watched me as I walked toward him, and I saw the way they flitted over my body, his jaw clenching when he caught sight of my arousal._

_"I'll be right back," I said quietly, giving him a chaste kiss before walking away. I felt his eyes on me all the way down the hall until I turned into my room. After I'd grabbed another condom and the bottle of lube - which we'd made a complete mess of - I took my time walking back to him, just because I could._

_I could tell he wanted me to hurry, and I liked that he bit his tongue, letting me do this my way. When I reached him at last, I rewarded his patience, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close as I kissed him passionately._

_Now that I was so close to what I'd wanted for so long, though, I found that my patience was even thinner than his, and without warning, I spun him around. He made a little noise of surprise that turned into a sigh of longing when I jerked his hips back against me._

_"Fuck, Jazz." He groaned, pressing his ass harder against my dick._

_I licked my bottom lip, my palm caressing his ass as I tilted my head, memorizing the way he looked. The blue ink on his shoulder blade drew my eye, the contrast with his skin giving more definition to his muscled back. I leaned down, finding myself unable to resist biting it, but I soothed away the sting with a soft kiss. I knew it stood for his father, but I couldn't resist the way my body responded to Edward's ink._

_He reached back, both hands rubbing my thighs as he lowered his head. I peppered his shoulders with kisses, my hands roaming his sides, moving over his hips to his ass and back. I popped the top on the lube and poured a bit into my palm, reaching around to stroke him teasingly. His hips rocked into my hands insistently as quiet, broken whimpers reached my ears._

_And then he murmured, "Fuck me, Jasper...please..."_

_How could I deny him?_

_With a smile curving my lips, I reached between his legs, my fingers gently stretching him as I made sure he was ready. I felt a tightness in my thighs as I let my anticipation build. Picking up the condom from the back of the couch, I ripped open the package and rolled it on, coating it with lube before I capped the bottle and dropped it to the floor._

_"You ready, baby?" I whispered. I was aware of the differences between this moment and my fantasy, but I didn't care. I hadn't known him then...and I hadn't expected to feel this strongly about him. I wanted him to enjoy this, too._

_"Please, Jazz..." was his only answer, and I wasted no time, thrusting smoothly into him. "Oh, fuck..." His voice broke off into a growling groan, and he lifted onto his toes as his upper body pressed into the top of the couch. I held onto his hips, helping him stay on his feet, and I heard him panting shallowly for a moment before he bucked his hips against mine._

_It was all the encouragement I needed, and I gave myself over completely to fulfilling my fantasy - and hopefully making him feel damn good as well. Our bodies were rocking, muscular thighs slapping together, and he was so tight around me, squeezing, massaging, driving me to the brink._

_Edward straightened finally, his legs more steady as he pushed himself up to his elbows. He began murmuring, whispering about how good it felt and what he wanted me to do, and both my hands went to his shoulders so I could pound into him harder - like he asked._

I was brought harshly out of my memories by the sound of a horn honking, and my face flamed when I realized I'd been sitting motionless at the stoplight for...I didn't know how long.

_Fuck!_

I ran my fingers through my hair, taking a shaky breath as I hit the accelerator and quickly got out of the way. I kept my eyes forward, not looking in any of my mirrors until I saw the car behind me turn down a side street.

Still, I couldn't stop the small smile on my face that formed at the memory, even through my embarrassment. I kept my mind on the road, though, partially to make sure I didn't space out again...and partially because my dick was already painfully trapped in my pants.

When I finally got to his house, I barely remembered to grab my suit jacket and put it on, patting my pockets to make sure I had my phone and wallet. I locked the car as I walked up to the doorstep, and I had just rung the door bell when it occurred to me that he might not even be home. _What if he had plans tonight? What if -_

My musings were cut short by the shadow of Edward appearing through the frosted glass, and I could hear his voice. _Is someone there with him?_ I shifted my weight from foot to foot, feeling anxious, aroused, and impatient all at once.

I heard him say, "Hang on one second; someone's at the door," right as it swung open.  
Edward's eyes widened slightly with surprise, and I wondered if that was good or bad until I saw him smile brightly. He lifted the phone back to his ear and said with a grin, "Hey, Carlisle? I gotta go. Tell Esme I'll call her tomorrow?" There was a slight pause as he ushered me through the door. "Yeah, thanks for thinking of me...take care. Bye."

He ended the call, holding the phone in his hand as he watched me - his eyes were practically dancing, and his smile just made me want to kiss him even more than I already did.

"Jasper, what are you do-"

I grabbed his face - closing the distance between us as I did - and kissed him hungrily, cutting him off. He moaned into my mouth, his free hand going to the nape of my neck and the one with his phone pressing hard into my back as he returned the kiss with equal hunger.

We stood like that for several minutes until, finally, I had to pull away to catch my breath. I rested my forehead against his, our noses barely touching. Edward's eyes were closed as he smiled softly. I ran my thumbs over his cheekbones, simply needing to touch him.

"Sorry for just showing up, sweetheart. I just...had to..."

He pulled away far enough to look me in the eyes. "Don't fucking apologize for wanting to see me, you dope. I'm glad you're here." He paused, taking a shallow breath. "I missed you, too."

I smiled at his confession but couldn't find the words to respond, so I kissed him instead. This kiss was less urgent, but no less passionate. He pulled me closer as he tilted his head, that stupid phone digging into my back, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I wrapped my arms around his waist, my hands trailing up and down his back.

I started to walk us toward the stairs - guiding Edward, since he was moving backwards - without breaking our kiss. He had been driving me crazy all afternoon, even if he didn't know it, and now that I had him in my arms, I just had to have more - needed more of him. We'd only gone a couple of paces when he pulled away just enough to chuckle and murmur against my lips, "Just what did you have in mind, Mr Whitlock? My ass the only reason you're here tonight?"

Grabbing his ass with both hands and pulling him hard to me, I gave a low growl. "Fuck no...but you've been on my mind all fuckin' day, and right now I need to feel you."

I was hard, aching, and I made sure he could feel just what he was doing to me as I pushed my hips into his. He let out a breathless "Fuck" before crashing his lips to mine again. His hand went between our bodies as he slipped his fingers along my waistband, teasing his fingers against my skin. When he brushed the tip of my cock, I whimpered.

_Forget going upstairs...I need him _now_. _

Changing directions slightly, I pushed Edward against the wall and began unbuckling my belt to give him better access. He didn't miss a beat, slipping his hand down my pants and wrapping his fingers around my erection. I moaned into his mouth as he pumped me slowly. My lips soon found their way to his neck where I kissed, licked, and nipped every inch I could reach - his moans and quiet pleas for more egging me on.

I was undoing his belt, intending to give as good as I was getting, when the doorbell rang. Both of us muttered a quiet "Fuck!" as we heard voices outside, though I couldn't tell what they were saying as the sound was too muffled - something that gave me hope that no one had heard us, either.

We stayed quiet for a moment - though Edward never stopped stroking me, only slowing down his movements. Both of us were hoping that whoever it was would just leave - at least, I know I was. When the doorbell rang again, Edward whispered, "Ignore them," and captured my lips with his.

His continued teasing had me whimpering softly into his mouth, but when the knocking started, I began to wonder if maybe he did have other plans tonight. I pulled away to ask as much when his phone started ringing. Edward muttered something under his breath and shook his head before his lips were on mine again.

I frowned at him and pulled away, feeling a little uneasy. I started to tuck everything back in place as I asked, "Aren't you going to answer that?" When he said no and tried to kiss me again, I turned my head, not sure what to make of it. His hands were undoing my attempts to cover back up when his cell phone started ringing. With an exasperated sigh, he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. I just saw the name _Seth _before he hit the button to send it to voicemail.

_Who the fuck is Seth? What's going on?_

The thought crossed my mind that maybe he was seeing Seth, that he didn't want me to know. God knows I'd been in that situation before, and I felt sick as I remembered so many mysterious phone calls between Paul and his so-called friend. I took a step back from Edward, my fingers tugging at my hair as I tried not to think about Paul right then - tried, and failed.

_Too fucking familiar...knew this was too good... _

Edward watched me, a look of confusion and hurt and...something else on his face. As much as I had wanted to be here before, all I could think of at that point was to get the hell out. If this was anything like with Paul, I wanted no part of it. I couldn't stand the idea of him having another guy - or worse, of me _being _the "other man."

Whoever was at the door appeared to be insistent, as they kept knocking - Edward's phone also rang again. I cleared my throat, frowning as he once again sent it to voicemail, though his eyes went straight back to mine.

"I...I'm just gonna go..." I roughly ran my fingers through my hair, feeling uncomfortable. Glancing at the door, I clenched my jaw before continuing, "It seems you have..._guests_."

My eyes cut to his again, and I was a little shocked when I saw him going from surprised to irritated to downright pissed.

"What the fuck, Jasper? What the hell is going on? You come here, unannounced, get us both all hot and bothered, and now you want to _leave_? Just like that? Why?"

I looked at the door again, at the silhouettes I could just discern from where I was standing. "I shouldn't have come..."

Edward grunted as he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it in irritation before throwing his hands in the air and hissing out, "Why?! Why shouldn't you have come? What the fuck changed for you, Jasper? Can you tell me that? It's like a fucking switch just flipped, and I don't know _why_!"

_Is he serious?_ I pointed first to the door, then to his phone - which chose that moment to ring _again, _and he again sent it straight to voicemail, this time with growing agitation as he slammed his phone shut. "Why? Why are you not answering your door? Or your phone? What are you trying to hide? Or should I ask _who _you're trying to hide?"

The look on his face instantly changed from anger to stunned disbelief as he gaped at me. He didn't say anything for a full minute, and I wondered what was going through his mind. Was he trying to think up some excuse, as Paul had done time and again? When he finally spoke, his voice was hushed, and I thought it sounded...pained?

"Are you kidding me? You're upset...because I would rather spend time with..." He paused, as if he was going to say something else and then changed his mind. "...with you, than with my friends?"

My eyes flickered between his, trying to look for any deceit, anything at all to counter what he was trying to tell me. I didn't know what to believe anymore, what to trust. I took a few steps back so I could lean against the wall, suddenly so very tired and just...drained. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, letting out a low groan as I tried to think.

My voice sounded strange to my ears when I spoke again, almost hollow. "Why not just answer the phone? Go to the door and make an excuse? Hell, invite them in for that matter? Why hide it...me...them?"

He snorted, and when I raised my eyes to his again, he quirked a brow. "I thought _that _was rather obvious...we were kind of in the middle of something, Jazz. Something I was quite enjoying and looking forward to finishing, I might add."

I didn't know what to say to that, and before I could come up with a response, he crossed the hallway and stood in front of me. He cradled my head in his hands - his thumbs brushing my cheeks gently - his eyes looking directly into mine as he said in a low voice, "But if you want to spend time with Seth and Embry..."

I frowned. "Embry?"

He gave me a half-smile as he nodded. "Yeah, my friend Seth's long-term boyfriend. They live together."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I nodded. I felt like a complete idiot. _Will I ever meet any of his friends under less humiliating circumstances? _

I wanted to believe Edward. He had been nothing but patient and caring - a small voice in the back of my head reminded me that Paul had been just that, too...in the beginning, at least. I frowned at the thought.

_He. Isn't. Paul!_

Taking another deep breath, I said, "I'm sorry. I...I just..."

My voice was barely above a whisper, and I couldn't finish my sentence. When I opened my eyes, it was to find Edward watching me closely. He just nodded and then kissed me briefly. When he let go, I felt the loss of his touch, and I had to swallow hard to rid myself of the lump that had formed in my throat.

For a moment, he looked as if he were going to say something, but when his phone rang for the final time, he gave a low growl and muttered, "Oh, for fuck's sake..." He brushed his lips against mine and then went to open the door, raising his voice so they could hear. "I'm coming already! Christ!"

He opened the door with a gruff, "Jesus, Seth, you sure are a persistent fucker, aren't you? Well, come on in."

"I have to be! You could sleep through the atomic b-" The joking voice cut off as a slender guy just a little shorter than me walked through the door and caught sight of me. He had jet black hair that reached just past his chin, and something about his smile made me think it rarely left his face. "Well, hello there..." he greeted me, cutting his eyes to Edward. "You've been holding out on us, Masen."

Edward cleared his throat. "Jasper, this is Seth..." He grumbled under his breath and punched his friend's shoulder as Seth stepped aside, and a taller, slightly bigger guy walked in behind him. His hair was black as well, but cropped short, and his smile was more reserved. Both men were darker skinned and very good-looking, and I wondered a little if Edward had ever been attracted to either of them. "And Embry."

Embry gave me a smile and nod just as Edward said, "Seth, Embry, this is Jasper."

Before I could open my mouth and say, "It's nice to meet you," Seth turned to me with a grin, his eyes flickering to Edward as he said, "Ah, so _this _is Jasper! I was beginning to wonder if you were ashamed of him since you've been hiding him away."

At his words, that feeling of unease settled in my chest again. Had I been right after all? _Was _he hiding me? I ran my fingers through my hair as I looked anywhere but at the three men in front of me. I thought I heard Edward groan softly, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. It wasn't until Seth spoke again - his tone slightly different - that I looked up.

"Nah, definitely not ashamed...or else you wouldn't have been drinking yourself stupid on Labor Day because your boy J wasn't there to-"

"Oh my God! Em, can't you control him anymore? For the love of all that is holy!"

I looked up at Edward with widened eyes at his outburst. The irony that we had both drunk ourselves into a stupor on the same day, and for similar reasons, wasn't lost on me, and I had to bite back a chuckle. This wasn't the time to come out with that revelation - at least, I didn't think it was.

I glanced at Seth, who was watching us both with an innocent grin on his face, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. I was a little bit thrown off by him. His comments sounded calculated, designed to provoke a reaction, but whenever I looked at him, there didn't seem to be any sort of mischief in his eyes.

My eyes moved to Embry, who appeared both amused and maybe a little embarrassed at what was going on - the look in his eyes said clearly that he knew they were interrupting something, even though Seth seemed oblivious.

Edward cleared his throat as he ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes on Seth as he said, "So to what do we owe the dubious honor of your presence, Seth?"

Seth crossed his arms over his chest, his grin still firmly in place as he looked at Edward. "Fuck you, Edward. There was a time where you were all too happy to see me, but I see how it goes..."

At his words, I felt a twinge of jealousy. _Had _they been involved before? Just how well _did _they know each other? I glanced at Embry to gauge his reaction, but he was just smiling fondly as he watched his boyfriend. I vaguely heard Seth mention something about having been in the area and deciding to drop by to watch the Sox game that was on, and about not having seen Edward since Labor Day. I didn't pay too much attention, though, as my mind was still trying to make sense of what he had said before.

I must have zoned out, because the next thing I knew was Edward standing in front of me, his fingers running through my hair as he looked at me. I couldn't quite tell what was going through his mind, but he looked concerned. I shook my head slightly in an attempt to clear it, mumbling, "I'm sorry...what?"

Edward gave me a small smile as he asked if I minded if Seth and Embry stayed to watch the game.

"Yeah...sure..."

I knew I sounded off - out of it - but I couldn't quite seem to shake it. Edward nodded, telling Seth and Embry to go ahead and put the game on and we would be right there.

"Come help me get drinks for everyone?"

He sounded hesitant, as if he wasn't sure what was going on. I took a deep breath and nodded before following him to the kitchen. Once there, he stopped by the bar and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me as he whispered, "Are you alright? We don't have to do this tonight, you know...I can ask them to leave."

I shook my head again. "You don't have to do that..."

He grinned slightly, his voice becoming a little huskier as he said, "What if I want to?" He bucked his hips into mine as he trailed open mouthed kisses down my neck, nipping playfully every so often.

I groaned softly, tilting my head to the side automatically to give him more space. As much as my body was reacting to what he was doing, his actions made me more determined to spend time with these friends of his. I didn't quite understand it myself - I had never bothered too much with that aspect of things; I had never really gotten this close to anyone before - but it felt important.

"Edward..."

He hummed against my skin without pausing what he was doing. When he began to suck lightly on my pulse point, I pulled away with a soft groan and took his face in my hands. I gazed into his eyes for a few seconds before kissing him soundly on the lips. He responded immediately, giving a disgruntled noise when I cut the kiss short.

"Your friends are waiting for you, Princess. We should get back to them." When he neither moved nor responded in any way other than looking into my eyes as he tightened his grip on my hips, I added, "Please, Edward?"

He sighed, resting his forehead against mine. "Okay." He pulled back, giving me a small smile. "Have you had anything to eat yet, baby?"

I cleared my throat and shook my head. "Err, no. Food wasn't at the top of my list earlier. Why?"

He muttered under his breath, and I thought I heard him say, "You're killing me here..." but I wasn't sure. He told me to go ahead and order take out, giving me the choice as he handed me a stack of menus. When I asked about Seth and Embry, he just grinned and said that they could just deal with whatever was offered, and that they ate anything anyway.

Figuring pizza would be the safest bet, I ordered a few different ones so at least there would be some variety. Even though he had said that Seth and Embry would eat whatever, I didn't feel right just saddling them with limited options. Edward stood by me while I ordered, leaning against the bar with his arms and legs crossed, a tender smile on his face. Right as I was taking my wallet out of my jacket, he grabbed the phone from me and rattled off his card number while he watched me with a raised brow, as if daring me to object.

I rolled my eyes at him as I crossed my arms, waiting for him to finish up the call so we could head into the den. After he hung up, he went to the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers, handing them to me before grabbing a couple more and heading toward the den. As soon as we rounded the corner, though, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Make yourself at home, why don't you?"

I wondered what was going on, but since I was behind Edward, I couldn't see what had caught his attention. He walked over to his side of the couch, and I followed. I chuckled as Edward nudged Seth's foot and muttered, "Fucker," under his breath. Embry was sitting on the other end of the couch while Seth had stretched out, resting his head on Embry's lap.

Seth just grinned and winked at us. "Don't mind if I do."

I glanced at Embry, who was running his fingers through Seth's hair, looking apologetic as he gave me a small smile. I grinned at him and handed him a beer as I passed him on my way to the loveseat. He gave a soft, "Thanks," and I nodded.

Edward made a show of being annoyed as he handed Seth his beer. When he sat down next to me, I could hear him chuckle softly, so I nudged his side as I rolled my eyes at him. He grinned and whispered, "What?"

I leaned in so my lips were barely brushing his ear. "You really are an ass sometimes..."

I placed a kiss just below his ear, and he grumbled playfully, "Maybe...but I thought that was one of the things you l-...liked about me."

His eyes cut to mine - a slightly panicked look in them - as he took a quick pull from his beer. Right as I was about to ask what was going on, Seth jumped out and started shouting at the screen, and before too long, my question was forgotten as we all got absorbed in the game. It turned out to be fun, spending time with Seth and Embry. They both knew a lot about baseball, and during the quiet moments, I found out that they used to play together with the rest of their friends - though they hadn't done so in a while.

I also found out that they sometimes played ice hockey together, and that Edward supposedly was very good at it. I had never been skating in my life, but the thought of seeing Edward on ice had me squirming in my seat.

As soon as the game was over, Embry said they had better get going. When Seth started to say something, Embry shot him a pointed look and nudged his side. Edward and I walked them out, and as they were leaving, they each shook my hand, saying they hoped to see me again.

When Edward finally closed the door behind them, he leaned against it. He looked sad, almost, as he watched me. I stepped up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He snaked his arms around mine with a soft sigh, resting his head on my shoulder. I turned my face, kissing his temple as I rubbed his back. I kept my lips against his skin and, needing to let him know what I had realized earlier on, murmured, "I got drunk on Labor Day, too."

He raised his head, giving me a puzzled look. It took him a few moments before I could practically see the penny drop for him - his eyes widened slightly, and his mouth formed a perfect 'O' before turning into a lopsided grin.

I gave him a small smile of my own before kissing him lightly. I rested my forehead against his and sighed. "I'm sorry-"

He cut me off by planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Jazz, I know...and I don't need to hear you say it. But like I told you once before, please just talk to me about this shit...whatever it is. I'm not a mind-reader, Jasper. You're going to have to tell me when something's bothering you."

I closed my eyes as I nodded once, a frown forming as I said, "I'll try, darlin'. It's just..." I couldn't even put into words what I was thinking. Hell, I couldn't even form a coherent thought at that point. All I knew was that I hated doubting myself all the time, and that I didn't like knowing I was hurting him doing it - and yet I couldn't seem to stop it from happening.

He brushed the back of his fingers against my cheek as he whispered, "That's all I ask, baby."

We stood in the hallway and just kissed until it was time for me to head home. Part of me wanted to stay - not _just _to finish what I had started when I'd first arrived on his doorstep that night, either - but I just...couldn't. At least not yet - not on a weekday. Or so I kept telling myself.

We said our goodbyes before I got into my car. As soon as I got home, I sent him a text to let him know and went straight to bed, trying not to think about what had happened.

The next day I swung by the coffeeshop again to pick up our weekly order, and when I got to the office, most everyone was already in the breakroom waiting. Eric and Mike were talking about the game that was on last night, and after I had handed out all the drinks, I went to sit with them, hoping to jump into their conversation.

I'd barely sat my ass down, though, before Mike was on me, bitching about trying to get ahold of me the night before. "Eric and I both tried calling you, but you never answered or called back. I figured you were probably too busy with your new boy-toy."

I frowned, trying not to make anything of the way he talked about Edward, but it needled me none the less. Instead of saying anything, though, I checked my phone. "You didn't call my cell, so it can't have been too important."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, since you weren't home to answer your phone, we thought you'd be at his place...and we didn't want to intrude."

I opened my mouth to say something, because the tone in Mike's voice didn't sit well with me. He'd teased me before when I'd been with a guy, but this time...it just felt different. And I didn't like it one damn bit. Before I could say anything, though, Ben walked up behind me and put a box of donuts in the middle of the table as he said, "Give him a break, Mike. Edward seems like a nice guy, so...lay off, okay?"

Ben put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it once before sitting down next to me and taking a careful sip of his Caramel Macchiato. I shot him a grateful look, and he nodded at me. When I turned to look at Mike, it was to find him gaping at Ben and me. I frowned at him. "What?"

He looked at me. "Ben gets to meet your new guy, and I have yet to do so? What the fuck, man? How did that happen?"

I cleared my throat as I lowered my eyes to the cup in my hands; I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. Ben came to my rescue again, and I cut my eyes to his as he spoke up.

"He happened to be at Jasper's when Ang and I picked up Bella on Sunday."

Thankfully he didn't mention just how _early _they had picked Bella up, or that Edward had stayed the night. I chanced a glance at Mike, who seemed satisfied with the explanation, and I gave a soft sigh of relief. If Mike had suspected there was more to it, I was sure I'd never hear the end of it, and I wasn't ready to deal with all of that yet - if ever.

The conversation shifted back to sports for a bit, circling around to why Mike and Eric had tried to reach me. Eric let slip that he had gone to Mike's, claiming they had plans to watch the game - it seemed all was not well between him and Senna, and rather than going out with her, he had fled to Mike's. They thought it would be fun to just hang out together, so they had tried to call me.

Eric suddenly looked sharply at Ben, saying, "Hey man, when are you going to come out with us again? We never see you anymore! The last time we all hung out together was before Bella was born!"

I couldn't hear what Ben said in reply. I was frozen in my seat as Eric's words kept ringing in my ears. The last time we had all hung out together _had _been before Bella was born, and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't gone out with any of them since then - not counting Labor Day, of course, or the night Mike and I had gone out to the bar.

I was doing it again - allowing someone else to completely take over my time, my life. My heart felt like it was going a mile a minute and my palms started to sweat. I couldn't - _wouldn't _- fall into that pattern again.

"Let's go out Friday." My voice sounded off, and I couldn't quite get myself to meet anyone's eyes, certain that they would feel like it was about time. I was kicking myself for having let things get to this point, and I felt sick to my stomach.

When no one answered, I finally looked up to see them all watching me. Mike said, "You sure, J?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Eric's right. It's been forever since we hung out. We should go to the club, like we used to. Have some fun..."

I wished I could get my voice to sound right, but it felt as if something was stuck in my throat, and the air I needed to speak had trouble forcing its way past it. I wasn't interested in our usual coffee time anymore; I just wanted to get back to work and not have to think about this feeling that was twisting my gut right then.

"Alright...I'm sure Ang'd be okay with me hanging out with you guys for a couple of hours. Friday it is."

I looked up at Ben, intending to thank him quietly, but the look on his face stopped me dead. I couldn't figure it out, but it wasn't relief or hope or anything like that that I saw in his eyes. It was caution and worry. When Mike and Eric both agreed, I got up and dumped the rest of my coffee. My stomach was rebelling against it, and I just wanted to get to my office and bunker down.

There was plenty of work for me to do to keep my mind off of things, and I told Felix to hold all calls and not to disturb me. I was certain Mike, or Ben even, would come knocking at my door to talk, and I wasn't willing to do so. Not today. I needed to try and sort things out in my own head first.

I felt cold all day, as if ice had been poured into my veins at the realization that I had fallen into my old patterns again. I couldn't believe that I had done so, when I had worked so hard to not let it happen again. I didn't understand how Edward had managed to invade so much of my life - how I had allowed him in so far.

Every moment I wasn't working, I spent trying to analyze everything - and I was getting nowhere. The pad I was currently using for my sketching was rapidly filling up - mostly just drawings of Edward's eyes, but there were a few of a pair of eyes I hadn't wanted to see in many years.

Paul's.

I had at one point actually drawn them side by side, almost as if to compare the two, and I snorted when I realized that I had been doing just that. I sat back in my chair as I looked at the two sets of eyes looking up at me from the page - my hands were in my hair, tugging at the ends in frustration.

Though both men were certainly very different in some aspects, they were also similar - at least up until this point. Paul had - at first - been very attentive, very sweet; he had made me feel safe and loved. At least, that's what I had thought, then. Edward had so far been much the same. He was very sweet, he had a quick wit, and the tenderness and care he was showing me made me feel loved and, apparently, safe enough to let my guard down with him.

Felix beeped in, letting me know Emily was on the line and asking if I wanted him to put her through or take a message, since I had said to hold all calls. He knew to at least ask, though, if my family called. I took the call, literally shaking my head to try and clear it of any thoughts about Edward and Paul.

That didn't exactly last very long after Emily told me that James had yet again been called into work when we were supposed to be meeting for lunch. I leaned forward, putting my elbow on my desk and resting my forehead on my upturned hand.

"Emily...I don't know..."

_"He's just busy, Jasper. I'm sure you'll get to meet him soon."_

Her voice was pleading, and the sick feeling I had been dealing with all day intensified at the sound of it. I wasn't sure whether it was due to what I had been thinking about, or James, or that Lee's situation left me with a feeling of déjà vu - in some ways, she was just too much like me.

This time, I was the one to bow out of meeting her for lunch even after James canceled. I didn't think I'd be able to handle it with my mind in too much turmoil to deal with anything else. We talked for a few more minutes, and Emily changed the subject to our upcoming date-day.

_"Hey, Spurs, don't forget about Saturday. I've got plans for us."_

I groaned softly. "Do I dare ask?"

She chuckled. _"Don't be like that, Jasper. You'll have fun, I'm sure. I've gotten us into a pottery class. It'll be an all day thing, and it starts early, so no late night on Friday! Or, at the very least, put your alarm on this time - I'll kick your butt if you oversleep again."_

Her threat was harmless enough; I knew she wouldn't try anything, but it made me chuckle. "Alright, Lee-Lee, I'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, you have my word."

_"Hey, why don't you ask Edward if wants to come? Would be fun!"_

I bit my lip to keep from groaning for real this time. "I don't know, Lee..."

_"Awww, come on, Spurs. I like him. He's fun to hang out with, and I'd like to get to know him a little better since you're spending so much time with him."_

I cringed. Even _she _had noticed that Edward was dominating my time. _Damn it._ I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I don't know, Lee. I'd kind of like to spend time with my little sister."

She pleaded with me to ask him, and after promising her I'd consider it, we said our "goodbye"s and "I love you"s, and hung up. I asked Felix to order some take out from the Chinese restaurant down the road, since I didn't have time - or the inclination, for that matter - for anything else.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and I actually managed to get some work done. The guys left me alone, and with considerable effort, I put all thoughts of Edward and Paul aside. By the time I got home, though, I was mentally exhausted - all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. Forget eating, or watching TV, or anything else. Just sleep.

I went straight to my room and stripped, not even bothering to put anything away. I turned off my phone and set my alarm before slipping under the covers. I was asleep faster than I would have thought possible, considering everything that was on my mind.

When I awoke the next morning, my whole body felt heavy. I had a hard time really waking up, even though I had slept a hell of a long time - or maybe it was because of it. After a nice, hot shower, I started to finally wake up a little, my body relaxing as the unease from the day before went by way of the shower drain.

I did a quick cleanup of my room - considering I had just left everything where it happened to fall - before heading out the door, and it wasn't until I was stepping into the office that I remembered I had turned my phone off. I was logging on to my computer when the familiar 'ding' alerted me that I had a voicemail.

My stomach twisted into knots again when I heard Edward's voice, asking me to call him back...last night, which I obviously didn't do. A second voicemail followed - again from Edward - this time asking if I was alright, and letting me know he was headed to bed and to please call back when I got his message.

There were no other messages. I sat back in my chair, holding the phone in my hands as I rested them in my lap, pondering my options. I decided to wait until lunch time to call him back, figuring it was still too early and I didn't want to risk waking him up - or getting his voicemail in return.

Work seemed to drag as I anticipated my call to Edward. When the clock finally read noon, I dialed his number - he answered on the second ring.

_"Jasper! Finally...is everything okay?"_

I picked up a pencil and started sketching without really thinking about it, my mind on the decision I had made and how to tell him. I could feel a frown form on my forehead even as I said everything was fine.

"I was just really tired yesterday, and I turned my phone off so I could sleep. I was already in the office by the time I remembered to turn it back on. Sorry...I didn't mean to worry you or anything."

I heard him sigh, and I could imagine him running his fingers through his hair as he slouched back into his couch._ "It's okay...it's just...after the other day and all..."  
_  
I cleared my throat, my frown deepening a little as I continued to sketch. "Yeah...anyway, what was it you called about? Your message didn't say."

A small part of me recognized that I was distancing myself - I had a good idea as to why he had called, but I didn't want to admit to it. I didn't want to be the one to bring up the weekend; I didn't want to mention any plans, or ask about his. So I put the ball in his court.

I could hear the confusion as well as the hope in his voice as he said,_ "I just wanted to see if you wanted to get together after work on Friday?"_

I cleared my throat as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I've got plans already. The guys and I are going out after work."

_"Oh...Okay."_

I bit the inside of my cheek as I heard the disappointment in his voice. It was his turn to clear his throat before he continued, _"What about Saturday?"  
_  
I remembered Emily's request and, for just one moment, thought about actually asking him - I had to literally bite my tongue to stop the words from coming out. It was supposed to be a time for the two of us to hang out, and I needed to try and reclaim my life again.

"Emily and I have another date-day."

There was no mistaking the dejection in his voice. _"Oh...I see... Well...call me, I guess?" _

It sounded as if he wanted to add something more, but when he didn't, I sucked in a breath. "Yeah, sure...listen, I'm sorry, Edward. My lunch is almost up, and I have to get back to work. I'll...talk to you later?"

He gave a timid, _"Yeah...have fun, Jasper,"_ before hanging up.

I glanced down at my sketch and muttered a low, "Fuck," under my breath. Edward's eyes were looking up at me - even with just his eyes visible, the sadness and hurt were plain to see.

I gritted my teeth as I resolutely flipped the page over and pushed the pad aside so I could get some work done. His eyes kept haunting me throughout the day, and it was all I could do not to call him again and tell him I had changed my mind. I couldn't -_ wouldn't_ - do that. I _had _to take control back over my life.

I kept repeating this to myself whenever the urge to call him became too much. At one point, I even had the phone in my hand and my finger poised to call, but I stopped myself before following through. Just the fact that I felt the need to call him the way I did made me even more sure of my decision - as well as my conclusion that I had indeed given up too much of my control to Edward.

I stopped by the grocery store on my way out and grabbed a salad from the deli. I wasn't very hungry, but I knew I had to eat, and I figured a salad would be the best way to go. When I got home, I went through my usual routine before plopping down in front of the TV with my salad and aimlessly flipping through the channels while I ate. I ended up putting on ESPN just to have some background noise, but I couldn't tell you what was going on or even what sport they were broadcasting. I wasn't paying any attention, my mind too preoccupied. I went to bed early again, exhausted.

When I woke up, I felt a little disoriented - I vaguely remembered dreaming about Edward being here with me, and I automatically looked over to where he had been that first time. I could almost sense him there - it was eerie. I shivered and hurriedly got ready for the day.

Since it was Friday, and I was going to go out with the guys after work, I opted to actually do 'Casual Friday' I put on a pair of nice jeans, an eggplant-colored button-down, and grabbed my "Warped Time" tie. I was running later than I liked, so I rolled up the tie carefully, put it in my jacket pocket, and pulled on my Docs boots. _There, that ought to be good enough._

I made it to work just on time and was putting on my tie when Mike stopped by my office to discuss an account. We talked for a couple of hours, going over all the details, and ended up putting in a conference call to the client. The day went by quickly enough, and though part of me was looking forward to hanging out with my friends again, another part of me really missed Edward.

When five o'clock rolled around, Ben knocked on my door and asked if I was ready. After making sure everything was taken care of and closed down, we all headed to Aro's and were welcomed with open arms, so to speak. Aro got us a nice table that allowed us to talk, and he even sat with us for a little while, asking about Angela. Ben proudly showed him pictures of Bella, promising he would bring the girls by soon so he could meet her in person.

Gianna stopped by for a while after our food had arrived, and Ben showed the pictures to her as well. I watched her as she flipped through them with a wistful look in her eyes. I knew that look, and I idly wondered if she had anyone in her life. I had a feeling she would end up making a great mother - and I knew that Aro would be one very proud and doting grandfather.

As always, the food was the best, the service better, and we had a great time. We hung around for a little while, and Aro insisted on giving us a huge plate of cannoli to "share in celebration of Bella's arrival."

Even though it was nice to hang out with the guys again, I felt slightly off all through dinner. I tried to shake the feeling and just be in the moment, and for the most part, it worked. I caught the ocassional stare from Ben, but he never said anything.

Eric suggested we hit the Cask 'n Flagon for a few drinks before going down to Oliver's to dance. Ben and I both groaned at the thought - I was not in any particular mood for dancing. Not without...

The thought of going dancing with Edward had me shifting in my seat, and I ducked my chin, hoping to hide the sudden feeling of longing and discomfort. I couldn't get the image of dancing with Edward out of my head, and I wished that he was there - I wanted to find out if he was as graceful on the dance floor as he was in the bedroom.

Ben nudged me in the side and gave me a strange look. I was startled to find that Eric and Mike were already walking to the front of the restaurant as they talked to Aro. Ben didn't say anything, though, and I hurried to catch up with the others.

A short while later, we were all sitting around a table at the Cask 'n Flagon, enjoying the first round of beers, courtesy of Eric. We chatted about life in general, and I was starting to relax a little more. After a while, Eric sighed and looked down at his glass, his fingers curved around it. He cleared his throat and looked at us, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment as he quietly told us that he and Senna had broken up the day before.

When Mike asked him if he was going to be okay, he just shrugged.

"Yeah, man, I'll be fine. Just one of those things, you know?" He smiled at Mike. "Thanks."

Mike nodded, his eyes cutting briefly to mine, making me wonder what was going through his mind. "No problem, bro. So I take it that means you're officially on the market again?"

Mike grinned at Eric as he took a drink of his beer, wiggling his eyebrows at him. Eric laughed and said, "Yeah, I suppose it does. Why?"

"Oh, no reason. Just wanted to know if I had a good excuse to ogle the pretty ladies for a while again...you know, to see if there are any prospects for you out there."

Mike looked ever-so-serious as he spoke, and when he was done, we were all silent for about two seconds before we burst out laughing. I smacked Mike's upper arm, rolling my eyes at him.

"Hey man, better watch that shit, or Jess is gonna have your hide."

Mike feigned shock as he looked at me all wide-eyed. "Dude, it's all for a good cause...gotta get Eric somethin' fine now, don't we?"

Ben just about choked on his beer, laughing. When he finally got himself under control enough, he muttered, "God, I so don't miss those days...I'm glad I don't have to worry about all of that shit anymore." Then, raising his voice enough so Mike could hear him, too, he said, "Especially considering some of the girls you thought were so 'fine'."

Ben shook his head as Mike threw his head back and laughed. "You are never going to let me forget about what's-her-name, are you?"

Ben cocked an eyebrow at Mike. "You mean Chelsea? Hell, no!"

I tried to hide my grin by taking a drink, but when Mike continued to laugh and Ben joined him, I couldn't help myself. Eric was valiantly trying to hold back as well, but I could see his shoulders shaking, and when our eyes met, he let loose, too.

Chelsea had been...well, she had been a case apart. I could acknowledge that she had been pretty enough - tall, statuesque, with long, dark blond hair - but the memory of her voice was, to this day, able to send shivers down my spine, and not in a good way. It was high-pitched and nasal, and if that wasn't bad enough, she didn't know how to shut up - especially not after putting a few drinks in her. We talked a little while about the disaster that was Chelsea, which led to us talking about the various exes we had between us - though the subject of Paul was left well enough alone.

"Okay, enough talking...let's go to Oliver's! See if we can still bust a groove." Eric clapped his hands together and grinned at all of us. We got up and headed over to Oliver's and found a place to sit. Mike bought us another round of beers, and we continued talking for a while longer.

My thoughts kept circling back to Edward, and while I made a show of laughing and joking around with Mike and the others...I wasn't really into it. I kept wondering what he was doing, wishing I was with him, or he here, with me.

Mike started pointing out girls to Eric, but Eric would just shake his head and point out what he didn't like about them. After a few attempts, Mike turned to me and said, "Help me out here, J. See if you have better luck."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, taking a swig of my beer. "Alright..."

I let my eyes roam the bar and pointed out a few guys to Eric while Mike continued to do the same with the girls. Ben just sat quietly by and watched us, drinking his beer with an amused look on his face. Eric, meanwhile, was bemoaning our supposed lack in taste.

We spent the next however long doing this, and Eric was starting to give Mike and I more shit about our picks. Ben even made a comment or two and pointed out a couple of possibilities - surprisingly, both men and women - even more surprising was the fact that the men he pointed out were actually pretty hot. I knew Ben was as straight as I was gay, so it was amusing to see him actually try and find someone to suit Eric's tastes.

My focus was on a group of guys standing by the bar when Eric slapped me in the chest with the back of his hand and said, "Now _that's_ a damn good looking couple..."

I looked over at Eric, just in time to see his hand move back from apparently having slapped Mike as well, before following his gaze to the dance floor. I was about to take a drink of my beer when Eric caught my attention. When I saw who he was talking about, though, I put it down and got up without saying a word, only vaguely aware of Ben sputtering next to me.

My attention was on one thing and one thing only: the man in the middle of the dance floor, moving fluidly to the beat. He was facing away from me, so when I reached him I tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned his head.

As soon as he saw me, his eyes widened, and a brilliant smile lit his face. "Jasper!"

He turned around fully, his arms immediately slipping around my waist as he kissed me enthusiastically. The moment he had me in his arms and his lips were on mine, that off-feeling I had been having all night fell away, and I kissed him back.

I pulled away with a satisfied hum, smiling. My eyes were on his as I said in a low voice, "Hey..."

Edward chuckled softly. "Hey, yourself."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Kate and I decided to go out tonight..."

He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't need to - I saw the flicker of hurt in his eyes before he pushed it away again and smiled. It took a few seconds to register that he had mentioned Kate. I glanced to my left and saw her standing there, watching us closely - cautiously.

_Oh boy..._

I let go of Edward and stepped up to Kate to give her a brief hug. "Hey, Kate, good to see you again."

I did mean it, though I wished that - once again - it had been under better circumstances. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get it right when it came to his friends. She hugged me back, though, saying she was surprised to see me here.

As soon as I had stepped back from Kate, Edward was by my side again, his hand resting on my lower back as he smiled at me. I gave him a small grin.

"Yeah, my friends decided they wanted to go dancing...though, admittedly, we've yet to do much of that."

I looked at Edward, my head tilted slightly to the right as my teeth worried my bottom lip. Was I ready for him to meet everyone? Then again, was I ready to let go of him and go back to my friends, knowing he was here...and happy to see me - and truthfully, I him? Now that he was so close to me, the things I had been stressing about didn't seem to be so important, though they were still there in the back of my mind. It was as if just his presence had pushed those monstrous thoughts and feelings into the small recesses of my mind, whereas before, they had been allowed to roam free. I didn't know what it was that caused that, but I did know that - for right now, at least - I couldn't let it go.

He cocked an eyebrow at me in silent question as I continued to stare during my musings. I blinked, shaking my head slightly to rid myself of my thoughts, and smiled at him as I grabbed his hand.

"Come, join us? I...I'd like you to meet the guys."

If I thought his smile at seeing me had been brilliant, it was nothing compared to the one beaming at me now as he nodded. I kissed him briefly, needing to have the contact to steel myself. I glanced over at Kate. "You, too."

She nodded and smiled, though I noticed that it didn't quite reach her eyes. I sighed and walked back to our table with Edward in hand and Kate following after us. When the guys came into view, they were all staring at us - staring at _me_. I raised an eyebrow in challenge, and Ben seemed to snap out of it before the other two did.

Just as we got to the table, Ben got up and fetched a couple of stools. I pulled Edward into my side, grinning at him.

"Edward, I'd like you to meet Mike and Eric. You've already met Ben."

I pointed out each man, giving Eric a pointed look as I introduced each of them to Edward and Kate. After everyone had shaken hands and the usual greetings were out of the way, we all took a seat. Edward stayed close to me, some part of our bodies in constant contact - and it felt good. It was both comforting and comfortable, and it surprised me a little at just how natural it felt to have him here.

Mike kept shooting furtive glances our way, but whenever I tried to find out what was going on with him, he'd just shake his head and take a drink of his beer before diverting his attention to the conversations around us.

We sat and talked for a while, and the guys were giving Edward a few highlights of some of the things we had been up to over the years - or, more to the point, they dished some of the dirt they had on me. I needed to remember to 'thank' them for that later. For the time being, though, we had fun, and the longer we sat together, the more relaxed I felt.

Eric started telling Edward about the time we had been playing baseball and I accidentally hit Mike in the head with the ball because I had been too distracted by one of the guys on the other team. He made sure to clarify my "distraction," and then he gave him an appraising look and said, "I'm glad to see Jasper's taste in men has improved since then, though. The other guy wasn't nearly as attractive."

And then he winked at him. Edward threw his head back, laughing as he said, "Thanks, I guess?"

He leaned in and kissed me as he squeezed my hand. I sighed and rolled my eyes as I muttered against his lips, "Don't mind Eric; he's just jealous."

Edward chuckled but didn't say anything, instead turning his attention to Mike and answering a question about his book. I had missed what Mike asked, but I listened to Edward as he explained what it was about - even though I already knew.

After a while, Eric was fidgeting, and I could tell he was itching to get on the dance floor. Finally, he asked Kate for a dance, and they went off together. We watched them for a little bit before resuming our conversation. Edward asked Ben how Bella was doing, saying that he had enjoyed spending time with her, which earned me a kick in the shin from Mike as well as his signature "what the fuck" look.

Before I could respond, though, Kate and Eric returned to the table. Kate took her seat again, but Eric asked Edward if he'd like to dance. I glared at Eric, who ignored me, grinning as Edward stood up with a "Sure."

Edward kissed me tenderly, saying, "I'll be right back, baby."

I tried to say something, but I got cut off by Kate as she asked me about the drawing I had made of Edward and Bella. This, in turn, caused Ben to ask about it, as I had forgotten to mention it to him. I tried to answer, to focus on them, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of Edward. When Eric started dancing a little too closely to him for my liking, I growled, got up, and stalked over to them.

Edward was once again dancing with his back to me, but this time I put my hands on his hips, pulling him close to mine. I glowered at Eric as I kissed Edward's neck and said, "Mind if I cut in?"

Eric - smug bastard that he is - grinned, took Edward's hand, and brought it to his lips with a wink. "Thanks for the dance, Edward. I'll leave you two to it."

Another low growl rumbled in my chest at the gesture, and if it had been anyone other than Eric, I would have likely decked him. As it was, I knew he was doing it to give me a hard time, so I tried to shake it off.

Eric was forgotten as soon as Edward pressed into me and began to dance again. All that mattered was moving with him, holding him, touching him. We spent the next several songs on the dance floor until we both needed a break, as well as a drink.

When we got back to the table, Kate and Mike were leaned into each other, talking. I wasn't sure what was up with that, but chose to ignore it. Seeing we were low on drinks, Edward went to order another round for everybody. He told me to just stay put when I tried to go with him, saying he was going to the restroom right after placing the order. That didn't exactly make me want to stay at the table, but I figured it would be better to hang out.

Once Edward was out of earshot, Eric leaned in and said, "Jesus, Jasper...you weren't kidding about him being fucking gorgeous... If you two don't make it, think I can have his number? 'Cause...damn!"

I narrowed my eyes at him, as I hissed out a low, "Eric!" For years it had been a long-standing joke between us that we would give the guy's number to the other if we ever broke up with him. Except, this time, it wasn't funny to me. Eric just gave me a knowing smirk, his eyes cutting to Mike as he sat back in his seat.

Edward sat down next to me shortly after our drinks were brought to our table, completely unaware of what had transpired. We sat and talked for a little while again, just relaxing and hanging out. It was nice to see both Edward and Kate fit in so well with my friends, and every time I looked at Edward, I did so with a smile - I couldn't help myself.

Kate stood up and walked over to me. She grabbed my hand, tugging at it lightly. "Come on, you - dance with me."

To say I was a little surprised by her request - if you could call it that - would be an understatement. I glanced at Edward, who was watching us with an amused look on his face as he nodded. I shook my head with a soft chuckle as I got up.

"Alright, l

et's dance."

She led me to the middle of the dance floor and immediately began moving to the beat. She was very graceful, and - if I had been into women - a sight to behold, something which was attested to by the stares she was getting from the guys around us. As we danced, I tried to just focus on Kate and the music, but my eyes kept being drawn back to Edward.

Eric had taken my seat next to him, and they were talking animatedly about something, and Eric was leaning in close. I frowned at the sight, but Kate's hand slapping me on the upper arm brought me back to what I was doing. She stepped closer to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and my arms automatically went around her waist.

Her eyes were on mine as she said, "You should know by now that he has eyes only for you, Jasper."

I sighed, my eyes closing for a moment as I nodded. She sighed as well. "He really likes you, you know..."

I smiled at her. She seemed to be a lot more relaxed now than when we had first run into each other tonight, which I was glad for. My voice was more soft spoken than I intended when I said, "Yeah, I really like him, too."

She chuckled. "Yeah, I can see that."

We grinned at each other then and continued to dance for another song before returning to the table. Instead of taking a seat - since Eric was still in mine - I went to stand behind Edward, slipping my arms around his waist as I leaned into him and kissed his neck.

His hand reached back, and he tangled his fingers in my hair as he said, "Hey, baby. You two have fun out there?"

I hummed my assent, nuzzling his neck as I gave a contented sigh. As much as I had enjoyed spending time with everyone, right then all I wanted was to just be alone with Edward. I murmured, "Come dance with me again, beautiful?"

The music had changed to something a little slower, and the thought of having him in my arms was too appealing to resist. Edward turned his head and kissed me lightly on the lips before getting up and following me to the dance floor. It was heaven to be there, swaying back and forth as we held each other close, exchanging slow and tender kisses every now and then.  
The song was over much too soon to my liking. We stood there, neither of us willing to move, to leave our embrace, when Kate showed up next to us, her phone held to her chest.

"Hey, Edward, I'm so sorry, but I have to go...Garrett called and he needs me, so..." Her eyes flickered to mine briefly before she looked back at Edward again. "Are you going to be alright?"

He frowned at her, and I wondered what was going on, but when he smiled and nodded, I figured whatever it was couldn't have been too important.

"Sure, Katie-bug, I'll be fine. Tell Garrett I said hi."

He let go of me then and hugged her tight, whispering something in her ear. He seemed to twitch and suddenly Kate gave a short squeal and a giggle. She surprised me by giving me a tight hug, too, and kissing my cheek. She wished us both a good night and disppeared.

I looked at Edward. "What was that all about?"

He shook his head with a fond grin, his eyes lingering on where she'd gone before turning to look at me. "It's nothing...just Kate being Kate."

"Oookay...?"

He put his hands on my hips, pulling me close for a kiss, and murmured, "Don't worry about it,  
baby."

I sighed, kissing him deeply as I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't want to stay here anymore - I wanted to have him to myself.

Edward tilted his head a little, deepening our kiss for a moment before pulling away with a soft hum. I rested my forehead against his as I looked at him.

"It's getting late..."

"Mhmm..." He gave a sad-sounding sigh as he tilted his head to our table, though he kept his eyes on mine. He sounded hesitant as he asked whether I needed to go back to my friends. I looked over my shoulder and saw the guys talking and laughing, paying us absolutely no mind at all. I turned back to him, frowning a little.

"Would it be alright if we went back to your place?" I asked.

His eyes searched mine for a moment, pulling away slightly as he did. I started to worry that he didn't want to spend more time with me, that I'd screwed up. "Please, Edward?"

I had spoken so low that I wasn't sure he had even heard me over the music. A slow smile stretched across his lips when he nodded, and I couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped me.

Since we didn't have any things at the table, we left, only stopping by my car to grab my jacket. I'd had too much to drink to even contemplate driving, so we took a cab to his place after Edward assured me he would pick me up and give me a ride to fetch my car the next day.

We barely made it through Edward's front door before he was on me, kissing me feverishly as he pressed me against it. I fumbled behind me to lock it before slipping my fingers through his belt loops and holding him close, returning his kiss with equal measure. When his lips left mine to move to my jaw, I moaned, my hands tightening into fists on his hips as I whispered, "Take me upstairs...please..."

"Fuck," was his breathless answer.

I chuckled, my head falling back against the door as his mouth moved to the hollow of my throat. "That's the general idea," I murmured.

He growled, bucking his hips against mine as his lips attacked my skin. He kissed and licked my neck hungrily, mumbling, "Taste so fucking good..." before he suddenly pulled away and turned around. He grabbed my hand and started down the hall, taking the left turn onto the stairs.

As quickly as his lips had left mine, they were back again. He shoved me against the door frame, kissing me hard before he was gone again, half-dragging me up the stairs. At my quiet laugh, he glanced over his shoulder and smirked at me. "Sorry...can't help myself..."

He climbed the stairs, my gaze focused entirely on his ass as it moved just in front of me, and I reached out, rubbing him gently before I squeezed. "Know the feeling."

We finally made it to his room, stumbling and kissing along the way, and I could taste beer and tequila on his tongue when his lips parted mine at his bedside. His curtains were open, and I could just see him in the moonlight streaming through the glass doors of his balcony. He was...breathtaking. I felt sort of grandiose and ridiculous even thinking it, but the silvery light brought out the curve of his full lips and the hints of gold in his eyes - eyes that were watching me intently, filled with longing and hunger and that unnameable emotion I kept seeing there.

"You're beautiful," I said softly, and he gave me his crooked smile.

"Not compared to you," he answered in the same hushed tone. "Come here, please."

I took the two steps necessary to reach him, and his hands went to my collar, carefully removing my tie before sliding down to begin unbuttoning my shirt as his head tilted and his lips met mine. I began unfastening his jeans, and he groaned when my fingers brushed against his hard-on. My hands sped as my desire grew - I just wanted those goddamn pants off of him _now_. I needed him naked. I needed him under me. I needed to hear him call out my name when I made him cum.

He pushed my shirt down my arms, and one-by-one our pieces of clothing fell to the floor until, finally, we tumbled into his bed, a mass of tangled limbs on the sheets as we rolled and kissed, pulled and tugged. First he was on top of me, and then my body was pressing his into the mattress before he somehow hovered over me again. Our lips never stilled, our breath panting and needy between us.

He bit my bottom lip hard with a grunt as he thrust his hips against mine. He flipped us once more, his arms tight around my waist as I was pulled with him. My thighs settled between his, and I began thrusting at once - I couldn't help myself. He was so fucking warm and hard and _mine_.

I gave an audible gasp at the last thought, my head popping up as I wondered what the fuck I was thinking. Edward didn't give me a chance to really think anything through, though. His fingers tangled in my hair as he pulled my lips back to his, and every coherent thought I had was chased away when he breathed, "For the love of all that's holy...fuck me now, Jasper..._please_..."

I smiled at the sound of his voice, hoarse and husky already, and I decided not to worry about any of that shit just then. With one more kiss, I shifted away, having to move over a couple of feet to reach his nightstand. He was in the middle of his bed, flat on his back with his legs spread, and when I glanced back at him, I couldn't help but moan when I saw the way he was stroking himself. He was watching me, his eyes roaming all over my body, and I decided to tease him a little.

I leaned down on my elbows with my ass in the air, and I felt the way the mattress jumped faster in response. I bit back my grin as I opened the drawer, letting my knees spread as I lowered myself.

"Holy fuck..." His breathing grew more ragged, and I could hear his hand speed.

_Why the hell are you wasting time?_

The thought was a kick in the ass when I realized that instead of fucking Edward, I was just making him wish I was...which was all well and good, but I needed some goddamn release, too, and from the sounds of his panting and whimpering, he was getting awfully close. I grabbed the lube and then felt around, pulling out a box. I was surprised when it was unopened and ripped it in my haste, cursing when the stupid little packages proved hard to pull out. I finally managed to extricate them and ripped one off with my teeth, letting the rest fall back onto the nightstand.

"Not planning to cum without me, are you?" I whispered as I settled back beside him. He swallowed, shaking his head as his eyes met mine and his hand slowed.

"God, no..." He broke off when his hand on the back of my head crashed my lips to his. His other hand went to my hip as he tried to drag me on top of him. I chuckled against his lips and sat up on my heels, taking a moment to enjoy the sight of him stretched out before me. The moonlight bathed his abdomen, highlighting the rippled muscles by flooding the valleys in shadow. His tip was glistening, drawing my eye to his hard, straight length as his hands kneaded my thighs. I felt his eyes on me, so I lifted my head and met his gaze. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, some sort of communication that I couldn't verbalize - even in my head - but that I felt deep in my soul passing between us.

I licked my lips, keeping my eyes on him as I reached over and picked up the condom. I saw his lips twitch when he heard the package rip, and he sat up, supporting his weight on one arm as his other hand stroked me. We kissed again, his stubble roughing up my lips as I brushed his hands away and rolled on the condom without ever breaking our kiss. His hand left me, and he sat up straighter as he opened the bottle of lube, pouring some into his palm. He coated my length and then pulled back slightly, whispering, "I'm ready for you, baby..."

He lay down, pressing his lubed palm against his cock as he rubbed slowly, his eyes roaming my body. Despite what he said, I wasn't taking any chances, so after pouring lube into my own palm, I reached between his legs, circling his entrance with my middle finger before I slipped it in. I fucking loved the way his eyes closed and he made that little noise when he inhaled. I had grown addicted to it, craving the sounds he made whenever we were in bed.

His knees lifted, his heels pressing into the mattress, and he began to shift his hips back and forth as I stretched him, adding another finger. My left hand was on his knee, my own eyes closing as I focused on the way he tightened around my hand. I let my imagination wander, bringing me images of my cock buried in Edward, my hips thrusting against his, and it was a relief when he whispered again, begging me to take him.

Within moments, I was thrusting deeply into Edward, his body stretching to accept me. His hands roamed my back, reaching up to grasp my shoulders before they drifted down to squeeze my ass. His hips lifted and dropped, rocking with the motion of mine, and our voices whispered quiet words of desire between our kisses.

Being with Edward was a kind of heaven I'd never known before. I was so focused on making him feel good, on being the reason he whimpered and moaned, but he was equally as determined to bring me to bliss. The result was a unique union where we each tried to please the other, bringing us both to heights I'd never attained.

So together, our bodies writhed and sweated, our hips rocking while our lips danced, and when he cried out my name with his release spilling across his chest, a smile was on my face at seeing his abandon. I leaned down, kissing him with all the passion I felt warming my chest. He was breathing heavily, his lips having trouble responding, and I laughed softly, feeling light-hearted and happy despite the fact that I was still craving my own relief.

_What the hell is going on...? _

My eyes were wide in wonder, but I didn't question it, just kissing him as he came down from his high. He smiled against my lips, and it wasn't until his hips began writhing on the mattress that I moved again.

"Let me see you, baby...come on..." he was murmuring under his breath, his lips exploring my face and throat as his hands pressed on the small of my back. His hips met me thrust for thrust, and I sped up, concentrating on how tight he was around me and how goddamn _good_ he felt.

His head ducked lower, his lips closing around my nipple as he tugged at my piercing. The tip of his tongue teased my sensitive skin, and his legs wrapped around my hips, his heels pressing into my thighs. His hands were gripping my back, his fingertips digging into my skin, and I could feel myself, right there on the edge. I held onto that feeling as long as I could, but in the end, my will power was no match for Edward's masterful lips and the way he gave himself to me so completely.

"God...Edward!" His name left my lips as a grunting, breathless moan as my hips rocked, and I soared to those heights that only he had ever been able to show me.

His lips scattered kisses across my chest, moving to my shoulders as he pulled me closer, holding me in his arms. He kissed my neck, and his lips brushed my ear as he whispered, "I know, baby..."

I wanted to ask him what he knew, but I felt too damn good. Free and fluid, like fucking Jell-O as I collapsed on top of him, breathing heavily. His fingers lightly scratched my back as his lips continued to kiss along my neck and jaw. When he reached my chin, I shifted, kissing him soundly until I had to pull away.

When I could move again, I rolled onto my side, but he just rolled with me. We shifted and adjusted, ending up with his head balanced on my arm, which was stretched out in front of me. My hand was on his hip, my thumb rubbing lazy circles as we kissed tenderly. His arm was around my waist, and when he broke our kiss, he settled in, squirming slightly until he was more comfortable before giving a content sigh.

We lay like that for several minutes before my mind began to clear and my skin to cool from the drying mess we'd made. I kissed Edward's forehead, squeezing his hip and then rolling over. I got rid of the condom, dropping it into the trashcan by his bed, and flopped onto my back again. I knew I should get up and go get a wash cloth to clean us up, but I didn't want to move just then. I wanted to stay there, lying beside Edward, and just enjoy our little post-coital bliss.

I reached out, meaning to guide his head to my shoulder, but he lifted up onto his elbow and leaned over me. He grumbled, muttering under his breath as he stretched further, his stomach cold against mine as he reached for something on the floor.

"Motherfucker!" His curse was barely audible, and it made me laugh. I laughed even more when I saw the way it jostled him, and when he straightened back up, he glanced at me with an amused grin. I smiled stupidly back at him.

"You're cute," he said simply, and handed me a baby wipe.

As he rolled onto his back and began cleaning his chest, I blinked before doing the same. "Fucking genius..." I mused.

He laughed as he cleaned himself up while I did the same. When we were finished, I tossed both wipes into the trash and stretched out on my back again, moving his pillow so that it was a little more comfortable. He lay right beside me, resting his head on my shoulder as his hand traced patterns on my chest. My fingers tangled in his hair as I yawned, my eyes watering as the long day - and even longer week - came crashing down on me.

"I missed you." My words were a surprise to me, even though I'd felt that way enough all week. With my fatigue came the realization that staying away from Edward was hard. It wore me out, like trying to swim against a riptide, and now that I was safely back on the shore, so to speak, I felt exhausted and...happy. Grateful, even. I turned my face, kissing his forehead as I felt the moisture and tasted the sweat beaded there. "I was really glad to see you there tonight," I admitted honestly.

"Really?" Edward's doubtful voice made me frown, and I lifted my head to try to get a look at his face. All I could see was the ridge of his brow and the tip of his nose and chin, though, and he didn't look up at me.

I shook him lightly, and finally his gaze met mine. He seemed sad, and I felt hollow as I knew at once that I was the reason.

I couldn't make myself say it, though - couldn't make myself admit that I'd been pulling away this week. I wasn't sure I could explain why. Even though I had very solid reasons that I still felt...it somehow didn't seem the same trying to say them to Edward. How could I tell him I was worried he was going to take over my life...and then abandon me?

I couldn't.

And when I didn't answer, I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. His eyes were searching mine as he said, "I sort of got the feeling you wanted to...be away from me for a while."

He tried so goddamn hard to hide the hurt in his eyes and disguise it in his voice, but it was all I could see, all I could hear. "I'm sorry," I said before I could think of anything else. It was true. I was sorry that I'd upset him - that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

"I love being around you..." I felt a weird little fluttering in my stomach, and my chest was tight, and it seemed like I meant something different than what I was saying. Edward just watched me quietly, but his hand slipped down my chest and came to rest at my waist as he pulled me a little closer. "I just...I needed to spend some time with my friends. I hadn't really seen them since Labor Day, and..." I trailed off, swallowing as I realized I couldn't say anything else. It was too much, too close to all the things I just couldn't get out. Things I wasn't even sure of.

Instead, I kissed him, a gentle pressing of my lips to his. He sighed softly, but his lips parted mine, and the meeting of our tongues helped soothe some of the anxiety I felt. I didn't know what I expected, really, but I was on edge, worried that he would tell me that it just wasn't enough, that he needed more - more than I was ready to give.

He didn't.

When I rolled onto my side to face him, his hand moved up my back to tangle in my hair as our kiss deepened. His knee slipped between mine, and I pulled him closer, our bodies flush as I tried to let him know all the things I couldn't say.

We parted at last, and he seemed more relaxed in my arms. I was so fucking tired, both physically and mentally, and I knew it was getting very late.

_I should leave now, before I fall asleep._

But...I didn't want to. I was comfortable and warm, and the thought of getting dressed and calling a cab was nearly fucking torturous. I didn't want to go across town and ride the elevator to my floor just so I could unlock my apartment and climb into bed all alone.

In truth, it was the "alone" part that bothered me. As much as I really _didn't_ want to crawl out of Edward's bed, the truth was that it wasn't clothes or the cab or the elevator that bothered me. It was the fact that he wouldn't be there.

I cleared my throat. I hadn't even realized that I'd been rubbing Edward's back until my hand - and my whole body - grew still. I could feel my pulse pounding in my ear where it pressed into the pillow, and that nervous fluttering was back. "Hey..." I whispered, waiting until I heard him hum in response. "Umm...do you think...I mean...uhh..." I sighed and rolled my eyes at myself.

_Not that fucking hard, dickhead._

"Is it alright if I stay here tonight?" I said the words in a rush, afraid that if I didn't, I'd stall and stutter like an idiot and maybe even change my mind.

His head lifted, and I watched his brilliant smile as it spread on his lips. His eyes, barely visible in the moonlight, flitted between mine. "Of course you can," was his simple answer.

I could feel happiness radiating off of him, and it was contagious. I smiled back as we stared at each other for a minute, and then his lips were on mine again, and he was climbing on top of me, his weight delicious as it settled on top of me .

"Please stay..." he whispered.

All I could do was nod...and kiss him.

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_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much for your patience during our brief delay! This chapter was intended to go up only on our blog and twilighted, but when we received several PMs asking why __**Marked**__ hadn't updated, we realized that a lot of the __**Marked **__readers hadn't gotten the message. This is the last chapter that will be posted to ffnet unedited. Please check out twilighted and our blog (links are on our profile) for future uncensored chapters of __**Marked **__and all other __**Whitlock-Masen**__ stories._

_The Slash Awards are currently underway! We were stunned and thrilled with how many times Marked and Be Careful What You Wish For were nominated. Thank you so much to those who nominated us! Visit http://theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ to see all the fantastic entries and vote, if you are so inclined._

_Be sure to check out the FML Contest - voting in the final round is going on now!_ _ Visit http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2187120/FML_Contest to read the entries and vote._

_We hope you are enjoying the boys' journey just as much as we are! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!_


	14. We Belong

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42 **__for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

_---------- __**  
**_

**EPOV**

_Feels so warm..._

The smell of Earl Grey seemed to surround me, to fill my senses even in my sleep along with the feeling of Jasper lying against my back, his hips shifting into mine in a slow rhythm while his fingers trailed from my hip to my chest, brushing my nipples ever so lightly. His lips alternated between soft kisses along my neck and whispered words I couldn't quite make out but that left me wanting to find out. It all felt so real but so close to the dream I'd had several times now that, with my half-asleep mind, I was convinced it was just that - a dream. It was one my body was most definitely responding to... but then, it always did. And if this _was_ a dream, I really didn't want to wake up to find he wasn't there. So, I struggled to stay in that pleasant haze of not-quite-asleep-but-not-awake-either.

My dreams had always been very vivid, at times to the point of being difficult to distinguish between them and reality, and this seemed to fall under that category. I could almost feel Jasper hardening as he continued to move against my lower back, could almost hear his breathing change as I caught some of the whispered words of "Wake up, darlin'..." and "...feel so good..." and "...want you, but you need to wake..." all while I could almost feel the teasing, feather-light touches he was bestowing on me wherever he could reach. It felt so good; I didn't want to wake up - didn't want it to end. I wanted for it to be real so much that I clung to it.

And then the warmth was gone. The touches, the kisses, the whispered words all ceased, and I actually moaned at the loss, sure I was beginning to wake up, yet refusing to do so. I burrowed my head into my pillow with a frown as I tried to convince my body and mind to just go back to sleep, to try and catch that dream again. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I vaguely thought I felt the bed move and that I heard some noise I couldn't place, but I brushed it off as wishful thinking - I was sure the noise I thought I'd heard was coming from inside my own head, so I didn't bother to get up and check.

As suddenly as everything had stopped, though, it was back, right as I felt myself start to slip into unconsciousness again. I was glad - maybe I could stay with that dream this time and see it through.

I moaned as the fingertips found my nipples again, rolling them at the same time hips bucked into mine insistently. His lips found the join of my neck and shoulder, lavishing the skin with kisses and whispers to wake up, and I wanted to shake my head and say, "No...dream's too good."

I thought I heard a soft chuckle as the fingers found their way down my abs, teasing me as I felt my morning wood twitch at the imagined contact. I moaned again. _God, I want more...this feels so good..._

The fingers were gone, and the warmth left my back as well. I wanted to tell him to come back, when suddenly he was there again, his body pressed close to mine. Something felt different, but my sleep-addled brain couldn't figure out what it was. His lips returned to my flesh, peppering it with kisses.

The fingers were back, too, though this time they felt warm and slick as they teased my entrance, and I thought I heard him say, "Wake up, Edward...please, wake up - need you, baby."

I was aching now, my body needing a release from the reactions to my dream, but I still didn't want to wake up. It wasn't until I felt Jasper lightly bite the join of my shoulder and neck as his finger slipped inside of me that I woke with a groan. "Fuuuuck...not a dream..."

I felt as well as heard him chuckle as he continued to pump his fingers into me, slipping in a second as he said, "About time you woke up, Sleeping Beauty."

He kissed where he had bitten me as he added a third finger. When he shifted, it clicked what had felt different - he was wearing a condom, and it was already lubed. I moaned at the realization, my hips rocking back into his hand as I whispered for him to please take me - I was so worked up; I just wanted to _feel_, to know this was _real _and he was _here _and that he wanted me.

His fingers slipped out, only to be replaced with the tip of his cock as he pressed against my entrance, holding himself there while he placed his hand on my hip to keep me from moving.

His voice was low and husky as he whispered in my ear, "Are you sure you're awake, Princess?"  
I groaned, trying to shift back and just have him fill me already. "Fuck yes, I'm awake..._please_, Jas-..."

I inhaled sharply as he pushed steadily into me, swallowing the rest of my words as he slowly filled me. His grip on my hip was tight, and I fought to keep still until he was fully sheathed in me. 

_Fuck...feels so good..._

He finally let go of my hip and began to slowly roll his hips into mine while I met him thrust for thrust. He was sweet and gentle at first, as his fingers roamed my body and his lips kept up their earlier attentions of whispered words and lingering kisses against my neck. He never said the words, but every touch, every soft spoken word, and every _un_spoken word were filled with something that touched my very soul.

"Oh God...more...please, Jazz..."

I wasn't even sure exactly what I was asking for more of; all I knew was that I wanted it. More of everything - of the way he filled me, the way he held me, the way he whispered my name...just more of _him_. In every way.

I raised my hand and reached back, tangling my fingers in his hair as I turned my head in search of his lips. He raised himself slightly so he could kiss me, never once ceasing the steady rocking of his hips as he moved in and out of me. It felt so fucking good, and I could feel the coil tighten in my belly as he began to move faster, harder, giving me more, like I had asked. He wrapped his hand around my aching cock and started to pump it in time with every thrust.

His steady whispers of how being with me felt, all the things he wanted to do to me, and all the things he _did _do soon pushed me over the edge, and I came hard, spilling over his hand, onto my stomach, and soiling the sheets - not that I gave a damn. I felt him stiffen and still as he pressed hard into me, his mouth latched onto my neck, muffling his grunt as he came. He was breathing heavily - as was I - and it took me awhile to catch his whispered, "Fucking hell...that..."

He pulled out of me, leaving me feeling empty as he shifted away to get rid of the condom. When he rolled back, he pushed himself up and reached over me, and I hissed at the sudden cold from the baby wipe as he cleaned me with tender care, pausing every now and then to place a kiss on my shoulder.

Once he had taken care of me and thrown away the wipe, he settled back on his side. I rolled to face him, placing my arm over his waist as I pulled him closer to me. We watched each other for a while, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he had a lot on his mind, but I was a little afraid to find out what it was. I worried that whatever it was would negate the feelings that our love-making had left me with. And, to me, that was exactly what it had been: love-making. I just didn't know how to tell him that without sending him running for cover.

He reached his hand up, placing it gently on my cheek as he whispered, "What the fuck is it you're doing to me, Edward?" His eyes searched mine for answers to more than just the question he had asked.

I pulled him closer still, kissing him briefly before whispering against his lips, "I don't know, Jazz...but you do it to me, too."

His thumb brushed my cheekbone lightly as he continued to stare into my eyes, and the urge to say the words, to put it out there, was so strong that I had to bite my lip. He wasn't ready to hear them, and I wouldn't ruin any chance I might have with him by saying the words too soon. I sighed and closed my eyes as I kissed him again, claiming him, tasting him, loving him.

_I love you, Jasper, and I wish I could tell you._

The alarm on his phone went off, and he pulled away with a groan, rolling over to silence it before turning back to me. I frowned when I realized that he had to go and meet Emily for their date-day, and I really didn't fucking want him to. I ducked my head, nuzzling his neck so he wouldn't see my face, knowing that, right then, I wouldn't be able to hide my disappointment or my hurt. With a sigh, I whispered, "I guess I don't have to pick you up to go get your car now, at least, huh?"

I tried to keep my voice light, but I wasn't sure how good of a job I had done. He cleared his throat and said in a soft voice, "No, I guess you don't."

Neither of us spoke for a moment; I wasn't really sure what to say. I couldn't very well ask him to stay and skip his date with his sister. When his alarm went off a second time, he sat up against the headboard and placed his hands in his lap, fidgeting with the sheet as he looked down. I wished I knew what he was thinking, that I had some indication of what to say or do. I caught him a few times as his eyes darted to me before he quickly averted his gaze again, obviously thinking about something and either not willing or unable to say whatever it was that was on his mind.

I sat up, pulled the covers completely off of me, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. When I made to get up, I felt his hand on my arm, and I looked over my shoulder at him as he leaned forward, his eyes serious - almost pleading - as he asked me to come with him.

I turned back to face him, puzzled. "Are you sure? Jazz..."

He still had his hand on my arm, and his grip tightened a little. "Please, Edward? I want you to come."

"Baby, I don't know..." Truth was, I wanted to jump at the chance to spend more time with him - and I wouldn't mind getting to know Emily better. I had taken to her the moment I met her; she was so open, so warm, and so loving...so very much like Jasper, in so many ways. But this was his time to spend with his sister, something just for them - and I had already intruded on that time once. I wasn't sure how I felt about doing so again.

He sat forward eagerly, his face lighting up as he tried to convince me to come along. When he said that he didn't really want to have our time together end, I didn't know what to say. My eyes searched his, but I found no hesitation, only a sense of hope - and something else. Something I couldn't readily identify, though fear came to mind - fear that I would say no. When I still hadn't said anything, he cleared his throat lightly and lowered his eyes.

"Emily asked me to see if you would come along, too, Edward."

I raised my eyebrows in question. "She did?"

He nodded, then looked up with a crooked grin, a playfulness in his eyes now that hadn't been there before. "Mhmm...don't make me call her and have her ask you herself. You already know how convincing she can be when she wants to."

I chuckled, holding my hands up in mock-surrender. "Alright, alright, if you insist."

His grin turned into a full smile, one I couldn't help but return as I leaned in to kiss him tenderly. His hand went to my hair, his fingers tangling, tightening as he anchored me to him and deepened the kiss. I moaned, my eyes closing as thoughts of an encore flitted through my head briefly. Even though we had both just been satisfied, I could feel my body already responding again.

_I don't know how he does it, but fuck if I ever want him to stop!_

I shifted, trying to push him on his back, but he resisted, pulling away with a reluctant smile. "As much as I would like to continue on to where this is headed, we'd better hop in the shower, sweetheart. Unless, of course, you _want_ to go see Emily with sex-hair and have her know _exactly_ what we were up to before meeting up with her?"

He grinned, ruffling my hair for emphasis as I blushed and quickly got out of bed, mumbling under my breath, "Goddamn tease..."

He chuckled. "I'll be right there, Princess."

I walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on right as I heard Jasper say, "Hey Lee-Lee? Just wanted to let you know I'm running a little late, but..."

Tuning out the rest of the conversation, I stepped under the cascading water, attempting to let it soothe my muscles – as well as temper the need I felt for him. I washed my hair quickly and was just rinsing out the suds when Jasper stepped into the shower with me, his arms circling my waist from behind as he kissed my neck with a soft hum.

I leaned back into him briefly, placing my hands over his wrists where they joined. I tilted my head so I could see him. "So, what did she have to say about my coming along? You _did_ tell her, right?"

He grinned, pulling me tighter to him, and I had to stifle a groan when I felt his semi-hard cock press into my thigh. He put his lips right by my ear and said, "What if I told you I hadn't?"

I shivered as I half-turned in his arms, frowning slightly. "Jasper..."

He rolled his eyes. "She was ecstatic - squealed up a storm and told me no funny business and to hurry our asses up. She also said, since we're running late, not to worry about breakfast together so we could make it to the class on time."

I bit my lip, my frown deepening as I realized that they were used to starting their days together at breakfast. "I'm sorry..."

He shook his head, kissing me quickly to stop my words. "Don't worry about it; she doesn't mind. And I sure as hell don't mind what I got in return."

He kissed me again, turning me around completely before deepening the kiss. I groaned softly as I pressed closer to him – feeling him grow harder against my own growing erection.

_Fuck...he is driving me crazy. We have to stop, or we'll never get out of here... _

I pulled away, panting for breath as I rested my forehead against his. "Jesus, Jasper..."

He bucked his hips, biting his lip as he looked at me with mischief in his eyes.

I groaned. "You're killing me here, baby."

He chuckled, his fingers trailing languidly over my back as he murmured, "Sorry, darlin'. I'll behave...or, at least, I'll try to."

He winked, reached past me to grab the shampoo, and began to wash his hair – his eyes never leaving my body the entire time. I decided to make quick work of washing myself, needing to get out of there before we ended up in bed again. It was not that I was opposed to the idea, but I felt bad enough about disrupting their day, and I didn't want him to lose out on his time with his sister completely.

"I'm going to go make breakfast, since we're gonna go straight to...wait, what _are_ we going to be doing today?"

I tilted my head as I looked at him, trying to think if he had mentioned it, and I had just forgotten. He shrugged, smirking slightly as he said, "She got us into an all-day pottery class or something. Sounds like it might be fun."

_God help me... _

Images of Jasper working clay mixed with flashbacks of _Ghost,_ which Tanya had made me watch when we were younger – not that I had objected very much. I mean, come on, it's Patrick Swayze, for crying out loud.

I mumbled, "Pottery class...right..." Clearing my throat, I tried to shake the images from my head, but without much success. "Umm, yeah. Breakfast. Definitely breakfast." He raised an eyebrow in question, and I shot him a grin. "You're going to need your strength today, Mr. Whitlock. I'm not done with you yet."

I stepped out of the shower then, needing to get the hell out or risk pouncing on him then and there. I thought I heard him mutter, "Fuck. Me," but I wasn't sure. As soon as I was dried off and dressed, I realized that Jasper didn't have any clothes to change into. He had the ones he'd worn last night - the ones we'd danced and sweated in and then left in a crumpled pile on the floor - but somehow I didn't think he'd want to go mold clay in them. I thought for a moment, glancing through the open door of the bathroom, but I couldn't see him, of course. I could still hear the shower, though, and every once in a while, I caught a low murmur that I thought was him singing. I resisted the temptation to go in to find out and instead walked into my closet, pulling out a long-sleeved t-shirt, similar to the one I was wearing, and an older pair of jeans. They were slightly smaller, and I thought they might fit him well.

I took the clothes back into my bedroom, grabbed a pair of socks, and laid it all out on my bed, where he'd be sure to see them. After a bit of thought, I went back to the dresser and rifled through the top drawer, pulling out a pair of boxers as well. I wasn't wearing any, but Jasper seemed to wear them far more often, and I wanted him to be comfortable.

I got ready to go downstairs, but as I got to the door, I doubled back to my bed. Reaching into the nightstand drawer, I pulled out a condom and a travel-sized tube of lube, putting them in my pocket with the intent to leave them on the end table by the couch. I knew that there was no way I'd be able to wait once we were home, and I didn't have any supplies downstairs.

_I'm definitely going to need to rectify that situation. _

First things first, though - I had to hurry and make breakfast, so I went downstairs. It didn't take me long to have scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, sausages, and toast going, and I was about ready to plate up when I felt Jasper's arms slide around my waist again. I grinned, tilting my head so I could kiss him. He pressed into me, letting me feel that he was still semi-hard, and I groaned, muttering under my breath, "You are such a fucking tease, Jazz."

He chuckled as he spun me around before kissing me soundly. He pulled away just enough to murmur, "I'd say sorry, but I'd be lying. I just can't seem to help myself around you. Thank you for the clothes, by the way."

His eyes were twinkling, and he looked happy, relaxed, and fucking hot as hell. The shirt I'd given him was a light tan, and it stretched across his chest far too appealingly for my own good. The jeans were well-worn and a little big on him, resting low on his hips with a couple of small, fraying holes in places that made me think naughty thoughts - not that I needed any help with that this morning. Kissing me again, he grabbed my ass and pulled me into him. The moan that escaped my lips just made him more insistent, and I had to push him away with a breathless, "Breakfast...Emily..."

He gave a low growl before stepping away to grab plates, handing them to me one by one as I served up the food. I got a couple of forks, gave him one, and walked to the bar. He walked around to the other side of it – part of me was relieved, the other disappointed that he didn't sit next to me, but it was probably for the best.

Once we were finished eating, we washed the dishes quickly. Just as the last of them had been put away, his alarm went off again, alerting us that it was time to go. He kissed me briefly, his fingers running through my hair as he smiled at me. "You ready, beautiful?" I nodded, and we headed out.

We were almost at Emily's dorm when I realized that I had forgotten to put the condom and lube by the couch, and that they were still in my pocket. I stifled a groan, my hands gripping the steering wheel tighter as I tried to quell any thoughts of taking Jasper.

_We're picking Emily up, for Christ's sake! Get a grip, Masen!_

I felt his eyes on me, but I kept my focus on the road, not wanting him to know what I was thinking, because I had a feeling he would just start his teasing up again – or straight out tell me to pull over somewhere, date be damned. I wasn't about to let that happen - this was important to him... important to _me_.

Emily came running out to the car as soon as I pulled up, barely giving Jasper the chance to get out before throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tight. She whispered something in his ear before pulling away with a huge, mischievous grin on her face as she turned to me.

"Hi Edward! I'm glad you came."

I smiled and got out of the car as she walked around it. Her arms were around me in a tight hug once she reached me, and I wrapped my own arms around her shoulders even as I gave Jasper a surprised grin.

"Hey, Emily," I answered, squeezing her with a fond smile on my face.

_That girl never meets a stranger, does she? _

It wasn't like I knew Emily well, but she always made me feel at home and welcome, like I was part of the family. As I glanced over her head at Jasper, I wished with all my fragile heart that she might _be_ my family some day.

Jasper's grin was amused, but I didn't have time to focus on him because as soon as Emily pulled away, she was chattering. She told us about how she'd walked to the shop because it was so close to her dorm and it was such a nice day out. In the middle of telling us about how she knew about this pottery shop because her roommate worked there and had gotten her a good deal, she turned to Jasper suddenly. "Hey, is that a new shirt?"

I couldn't help but smirk as his cheeks turned a light pink. He looked down at his chest and then over at me. When I shook my head, he smirked in return and said, "Nope, old one…"

I chuckled, and Emily glanced back and forth between the two of us suspiciously.

Jasper cleared his throat and said, "Don't we need to get inside?" as he pulled his phone out of his pocket on the pretense of checking the time.

"Oh!" Emily jumped like she'd been goosed and turned on her heel, calling back over her shoulder, "You coming?"

We fell into step immediately, walking behind her, and Jasper nudged me with his shoulder as he muttered under his breath, "You fucking will be…"

I coughed to try to hide my surprise, but he laughed, and when I glanced at him, he was looking at me innocently. "I see how it's gonna be…" I said, narrowing my eyes at him. "I'm watching you, Mr. Whitlock."

Emily had already disappeared inside when we reached the door. I held it open for him, and his hand trailed along my lower back as he leaned in close to whisper, "You better…don't want to miss anything now, do you?"

"Fucking hell, Jazz…"

I wasn't sure if he heard me or not, because he was already giving Emily a hard time. "Still don't believe in waiting?" He bumped her with his hip, and she giggled. I shook my head, trying to chase away the haze of desire he seemed to leave me in so often.

_Fucking focus, man. Seriously. You're spending the day with his _sister_. _

My admonition worked…for a little while, anyway. We talked to the woman at the counter, who welcomed us with a smile and led us through an archway into a studio. At once, I felt at home, somehow. I had never really worked with clay, and I immediately liked the earthy atmosphere of the lumps of clay and rough wooden shelves.

Jasper and I pushed up our sleeves as we took our seats with Emily between us. We were arranged in a semi-circle facing the center of the room, where the instructor's potter's wheel was stationed. I was grateful for the buffer between us; it helped me focus on the woman who entered the room next. Carmen was older and wore her graying hair pulled back into a bun at the nape of her neck. She had a kind smile that she showed often, and she set about showing us all the different tools we would be using during our session.

There were six students total in the class – the three of us, a married couple, and a young woman who looked to be about Emily's age. We all paid attention as Carmen gave a basic demonstration of what we would be doing. She explained that on the first lesson, she would guide us in making a bowl of whatever sort we wanted so that we could get used to the techniques used.

As she spoke, it became apparent that we were signed up for some sort of introductory series. Jasper realized it at the same time I did, and we both glanced at Emily to find her smiling innocently.

"Here, you'll want to put this on." I jumped a bit as a length of white fabric was held out to me, and I turned around to find Carmen smiling at me. "It can get a bit messy."

"Oh." I reached out, taking the apron she offered. "Yes, ma'am…thank you."

Carmen passed out aprons to the other students, and when I stood to put mine on, I felt Jasper's hands brush mine away as he tied it behind my back. "'Ma'am,' hmm? Who knew you were such a gentleman?" he whispered teasingly for my ears alone.

Before I could respond, though, he'd turned to Emily and kicked lightly at her foot. "Just how many lessons did you sign us up for?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh, six." She spun around quickly, leaving Jasper and I both gaping at her back. "Can you tie this for me, Spurs?"

He was frowning as he stepped over and carefully tied her apron, and I couldn't help but wonder what was on his mind. Was he upset that she assumed he'd want to bring me along five more times? Or was it something else?

I knew I sure as hell was not happy that she'd spent that much money on me – no matter how much it was. I tried to peek around surreptitiously, looking for a sign of some kind, but there was nothing in the studio itself. I'd have to take a look on the way out the door; maybe there was a brochure that would tell me.

I pushed my musings and the threatening melancholy about what Jasper's expression might mean aside as I reached out, tying his apron while he was finishing with hers. He helped soothe my fears, though, when he turned around as soon as I was done and whispered, "Thanks, darlin'." He reached out and squeezed my hand, and I felt a happy smile settle on my lips again.

Within minutes, we were all seated on our stools, and Carmen was distributing lumps of clay. She walked back and forth between all her students, making sure each of us was forming it into a ball correctly. I was focused on what I was doing, my perfectionist nature rearing its head as I shifted the clay from hand to hand, when I heard her say, "Very nice, Jasper," and I glanced over at him.

First mistake.

The sight of his strong hands, kneading and rubbing, his fingers flexing as he manipulated the ball of clay was enough to make my eyes widen as I swallowed hard and shifted on my stool.

_Right. No watching Jasper. _

I was keenly aware of Emily between us, and when I shifted my eyes to her, she wore that expression I'd seen so often on her brother's face – intense concentration, a little furrow between her eyebrows as she pursed her lips.

It was no help at all to look at her, since I'd seen that expression primarily in bed, so I quickly turned back to my own clay, muttering under my breath. I was determined to keep my attention on my work, which ordinarily would have come easily to me. I couldn't stand not doing something right – and that was especially true in this case, where Emily had paid for this lesson and apparently several more to come for me.

But it was no use.

As soon as I knew what sorts of sights I would see if I glanced to my left, my gaze was drawn there. Sweat began to bead along my brow, and it was a combination of concentration on what I was doing and a futile attempt to avoid looking at Jasper. I suppressed a moan as he flattened the ball on the middle of his potter's wheel, but I couldn't help my grunt when he stuck his thumb into the center slowly.

I adjusted on my seat, trying to cover it as a noise of effort while I mimicked his actions, but he caught me. When I glanced at him again, he was looking down at his clay, but I could tell by the mischievous curve of his lips that he knew what he was doing to me.

I was fucked.

From then, he began purposefully making his movements seductive. His fingers caressed the clay just a little longer than necessary. His tongue just so happened to moisten his lips when I was looking. One of his feet was on the ground, and he casually shifted his hips, drawing my eyes to his crotch, concealed though it was behind his apron.

_I see how it's gonna be…_

I started to give as good as I got. The next hour or so passed in a blur of wet clay and sensual teasing. I was always vaguely aware of Emily and the other people in the room, but I couldn't seem to help myself. Watching that flash of desire in Jasper's eyes was thrilling…addictive…and I kept growing bolder just to see how he'd react. Of course, so did he.

Eventually, enough was enough, and I had to concede. I was grateful for my apron and the way it hid my painfully hard erection, but it had passed the point of being a fun little torment and was rapidly approaching a real physical need for relief. I met Jasper's gaze, and he gave me a little smirk before it softened into a smile and he nodded.

_Yeah, yeah…you win._

If he wasn't as tortured as I was, I must have been doing something wrong. Either way, I knew I couldn't take any more, and Jasper showed me mercy. My head began to clear as we stopped playing our little game. It was as if a fog lifted; I looked around the room, realizing that we were behind as everyone else was getting close to the point of being able to cut the tops of their bowls to make them smooth, and we were both still working on thinning the walls. I chuckled as I looked over at him, seeing that he'd come to the same conclusion.

He winked at me and went back to work. I dipped my fingers into the bowl of water beside me, flexing my shoulders as I worked out the kink that was forming from being hunched over for so long. I managed at long last to concentrate on what I was doing, and I found myself fascinated with the way the clay molded and bent around my fingers. It was so simple – just a light touch was all it took to completely change the shape – and within moments, my attention was completely absorbed by the fledgling bowl I was making.

My head was down, my eyes focused on the clay on my wheel as I pressed gently against the side to widen the top when I heard Jasper groan. The sound drew my gaze automatically, and I sat up straighter when I saw him standing beside his stool. He was arching his back with his hands on his hips as he stretched. The edge of his apron had flipped up, letting me clearly see the outline of his still-hard cock against his thigh from the angle where I sat.

_Jesus Christ…_

My hand slipped, and I felt the clay collapsing before I could look. "Mother-!" Thankfully, I caught myself before I said what I really wanted to say, but I kept up a streaming rant in my head.

Carmen appeared at my side, the essence of a soothing presence as she said, "Oh, dear…let's take a look." She turned off my wheel, and together, we examined the damage. She gave me a gentle smile. "Well, honey, I can show you how to repair it if you want, but that side will always be a little weaker. Do you want to do that, or would you rather start over?"

"I'll start over," was my immediate answer. I was never one to half-ass anything, and it was my own lack of attention that had caused the mistake in the first place.

My determination kicked into overdrive, and I didn't even look around for the rest of the class as I worked. I quickly pulled the clay from the wheel and formed a ball again, flattening it back on the wheel as I made a hole with my thumb. When I had a rough bowl shape, I turned the wheel back on and leaned forward, watching the subtle lines formed by my fingers in the clay as it spun.

I blew my hair out of my eyes, annoyed by the tickling on my forehead, and I heard Jasper's voice murmur softly, "Here…" before his fingertips brushed against my skin.

"Thanks." I carefully pulled my hands away from my bowl and straightened, glancing over to find him watching me with a fond smile. He had clay smudged on his cheek and nose, giving me the sudden urge to kiss him senseless.

"Come here," I whispered, not even looking around to see who might be watching. He gave me a crooked grin and leaned down, kissing me softly before he stood up again and held out a cut-off wire.

"Thought you might be ready for that," he said, raising his voice to its normal volume. I glanced around at last to see that we were alone for the moment. I could hear voices from the adjoining room, Emily talking to Carmen, but the other students were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, wow…" I looked around again. "Are we the last ones?"

"Yup." He grinned and stuck his thumbs into his back pockets as he took a step closer and leaned in. His lips brushed my ear as he whispered, "You're fucking sexy when you're all absorbed…did you know that?"

I bit my bottom lip, not answering as I smoothed the top of my bowl. He stepped even closer, moving behind me, and those goddamn hands I'd been distracted by all day began lightly massaging my shoulders as I worked. "Feels good…" I murmured, struggling to keep my focus. I'd worked too damn hard to fuck it up again.

We sat in silence, Jasper's hands kneading my muscles as mine manipulated the clay, and before long, I was trimming the base of my bowl before cutting it from the wheel. I felt a sense of accomplishment as I studied it from every angle, appreciating how balanced I had managed to make it while I tried not to notice the flaws.

Jasper had stepped away from me – I assumed to take a look as well – but when I turned to him at last, his eyes were on me. "What is it?" I asked, only to be cut off when he closed the distance between us and silenced me with a searing kiss. I moaned quietly, my lips parting as I returned his kiss eagerly, relishing that delicious taste I'd longed for ever since we left my bed that morning. His hands went to my hips as he pulled me to him roughly, and he bit my bottom lip with a growl when we heard Emily's voice coming closer.

He stepped away just as Carmen came in the room and said, "Oh, good! You're all set! Did it turn out how you wanted, dear?"

"Yes, ma'am…" I managed to answer, but my attention was slow to shift from Jasper. I could still feel his eyes on me when I looked away, bending down to study the bowl with Carmen and Emily. "So what do we do now?"

Emily grinned at me impishly. "Now Carmen and Eleazar put it away for us, and when we come back next week, we'll trim them and get them ready for firing." From the knowing gleam in her eyes, I could tell that this had already been discussed while my attention was elsewhere, but I couldn't find it in myself to be embarrassed.

_At least I wasn't thinking about undressing your brother that time, sweetheart. _

I smiled at Emily, thankful that she had no idea what I was thinking. Carmen helped as we put my bowl away to dry and began cleaning up my station. She and Emily were chatting like old friends, and I was not surprised when Emily gave her a hug just before we left.

As we stepped through the entryway again, Jasper and I both reached for a brochure from the counter. I pulled back my hand, smiling at him as he picked one up and folded it, slipping it into the back pocket of his jeans without Emily noticing. He stepped ahead of us and opened the door, standing back so that both Emily and I could pass.

The bright sunlight was a shock to my senses after being in the studio. It felt like we'd been there all day, but the sun was high overhead, beaming down in waves of heat. Once Jasper had joined us on the sidewalk, we all three stood looking at each other.

"So, where to, Lee Lee?" Jasper finally asked as he shifted his weight.

"Lunch time," she said with a grin and then looked down at our clothes pointedly. "Somewhere…casual…"

"Have somewhere in mind?" he asked, reaching out to take my hand.

I couldn't help but smile as I laced my fingers through his, giving his hand a small squeeze. It was such a small, simple gesture, but every time he touched me so casually in front of other people – his family, especially – it seemed huge.

Emily smiled as well, her eyes traveling from our joined hands up Jasper's arm to his face. "I was thinking Sweet Tomatoes? If you guys don't mind pizza, that is."

He grinned at her, giving a little wink that made me wonder if he knew just how sexy it was. "I never turn down pizza. You know that. Is that alright with you, baby?"

I felt the broad smile on my face as I told him it sounded perfect. Emily took Jasper's other hand, and the three of us walked to the parking lot with Jasper in the middle. Part of me felt incredibly silly, but it was a light-hearted feeling that reminded me of being a kid, especially when paired with the beautiful fall day. The temperature was in the sixties, and even though the wet pavement let us know it had rained while we were inside, there wasn't a cloud in sight.

We all piled in my car with Jasper in the back – he insisted on letting Emily sit up front. She begged me to put the top down, so we did, and we cruised the few miles to the pizza parlor with the wind in our hair. I could tell mine was standing up all over the place when we got out and put the top back up – I wasn't about to take a chance with rain on my leather seats, not after all the work Rosalie and I had put into them.

When we were all set, we went in and got a table, but as soon as we'd placed our drink orders, I stood up. "I'll be right back."

Jasper nodded. "Oh, hey…do you know what you want?"

"Nah, anything's fine. I trust you, baby." I leaned over and kissed him, grinning when I saw the goofy smile on his face. Emily giggled, and the table rattled when he kicked her shin.

The sound of her "Hey!" made me chuckle as I walked to the restroom. I'd spent the hours at the studio completely absorbed in what I was doing – or in Jasper, as the case may be – so the trip was necessary. When I was finished, I scrubbed my hands, cleaning beneath my fingernails the best I could before I studied my face in the mirror. I had a small smudge of clay on the side of my nose, and I snickered as I cleaned it off. My hair was hopeless, but I tried to tame it the best I could.

When I deemed myself presentable again, I walked back out into the restaurant to find a glass waiting for me. I sat down and took a sip, grimacing as I set it back down.

"Sorry…" Jasper chuckled. "They only have unsweet. Here…" He held out a little basket of artificial sweeteners to me, and I took two, dumping them in as he told me he ordered a Greek salad for me. "Hope that's alright."

"Sounds great." I smiled at him as I stirred my tea. I sipped it again and smiled, sitting back as I tried to let my stiff shoulders relax.

We all made small talk about the pottery class for a few minutes, and then Jasper frowned slightly and turned to Emily. "Now, Lee Lee…I need to know something, and you better be honest. Got it?"

She arched an eyebrow at him, every bit of her expression and body language showing that she was completely not intimidated. I felt a small grin that I tried to hide tugging at my lips. That little swagger must be a Whitlock family trait.

He pulled the brochure from his back pocket and opened it up, reading a short entry about a six-week series of classes. He ticked of the points one by one and then said, "That sounds a hell of a lot like the one you signed us up for…right?"

"Sounds like it," she said with a noncommittal shrug, sipping her tea.

I frowned and reached out to take the brochure. Jasper handed it to me, and my eyes flew wide when I saw the price tag. "Two hundred and twenty-five dollars? Are you fucking insane?"

I didn't mean for it to come out quite the way it did, but I was stunned. Where the hell would she get that kind of money in college? And why would she spend it on _me_?

She just watched us with a smug expression before looking down at her fingernails. "If that's what it says…"

"Hey." Jasper's tone brooked no argument, and Emily finally glanced up. I could see that she was trying to fight a smile, but I couldn't tell if Jasper noticed it. "Seriously, little sis…that's a ton of money. What's up? Some rich relative I don't know about die?"

She rolled her eyes and huffed, muttering, "Can't I just do something nice for my big brother?"

He frowned at her. "You can…but wha-…why..? I mean…"

She chuckled suddenly and said, "Your face is priceless, you know." She was wearing his mischievous grin when she said haughtily, "Relax, Spurs. Carmen is Irina's mom."

"Ooh…" He relaxed immediately, shaking his head with relief. He glanced at me and smiled slightly as he explained, "Irina is Lee's roommate."

"Ahh, okay..."

"Still." He narrowed his eyes at her. "You better have gotten a _damn_ good deal…as in as close to free as you can get."

She stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not telling."

"Emily Claire," he threatened.

She arched an eyebrow at him in challenge but refused to say anything else. I could tell they were getting nowhere, so I reached into my back pocket for my wallet as I said, "Here, let me pay for them. You're already letting me crash your date…I don't want you to have to pay extra to have me tagging along."

They both frowned at me in protest, but Emily was the first to speak. "Fine, fine…all I'm paying for is the clay, and I'm helping out there a few hours a week. Happy now, Spurs?" She wrinkled her nose at him.

"Yeah," I said, "but I'm still interrupting. At least let me pay for the lessons, no matter what they cost."

"Not a chance." She gave me that same serious look she'd given Jasper but then cracked a grin. "Seriously, Edward…I got this. I'm just glad you decided to come with us."

Jasper finally spoke up. "How _did_ you know there would be three of us, Lee? I didn't even know myself until…" He trailed off, and I could feel heat on my cheeks as I filled in the blanks. "Until I asked him this morning," he finished at last.

She gave him a shrewd look for a moment and then shrugged. "I didn't know for sure, but I had a feeling that if you asked, he would never say 'no'."

Her eyes darted to mine as her lips tugged up in a grin she fought to hide. _Seems she's got your number..._ I narrowed my eyes at her, but couldn't mask my grin as I shrugged.

"You're wrong, though. I did say no."

I sat back, folding my arms across my chest with my grin firmly in place. Jasper's eyes kept flickering between us, a mildly amused look on his face. Emily's, however, grew wider as she gaped a little. "But...you're here?"

I nodded. She frowned, her eyes going from mine to Jasper's and back again. Jasper chuckled. "I threatened him with calling you."

Her eyes widened further, and she leaned across, smacking him hard on his upper arm as both of us started laughing. Jasper pulled back, making a show of being in pain as he rubbed his arm, and I could hear Emily mutter, "Brat!"

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the edge of the table as I smiled at Emily. "Seriously, though. Thank you for asking me to come along; I appreciate it a lot." _From both of you._ I glanced at Jasper, only to find him smiling fondly at me - I reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly as I smiled back.

We chatted for a bit longer about the classes we had been signed up for. Though I still wasn't quite sure I approved of Emily paying for me to go, I had to admit that I was very much looking forward to the classes themselves, for many reasons - not the least of which was that it meant more time with Jasper. Of course, it also gave me a chance to get to know Emily better. The more time I spent around them, the more I felt as if this was how it was supposed to be. I really did like Emily a lot, and her easy acceptance and inclusion of me meant the world to me.

After a while, though, Jasper cleared his throat. He frowned as he looked down at his folded hands on the table, glancing over at me with an odd expression before turning to his sister.

"Emily, what's going on with this James guy?"

I had no idea what was going on, or why he would bring up something that appeared to be between them, but his body language and the way he sounded as he asked her had me instantly alert. I sat back, trying to listen and watch, as I had the feeling Jasper wanted me to hear this for some reason. _Why else would he bring this up now?_

Emily scowled a little and sat back, folding her arms defensively across her chest as she looked straight at her brother. "Nothing's 'going on', Jasper. James just started working at a new job, so he's working long hours at the moment. That's all."

Jasper frowned, his eyes once again cutting to mine briefly before he spoke. "I don't know, Lee. It seems like every time I try to meet him, something mysteriously comes up. It doesn't sit right, Emily."

I tried to keep the frown off my face as I listened. The fact that Jasper would want to meet the guy dating his sister didn't surprise me one bit. The way he spoke as if he'd been there before himself, however, did - and I couldn't quite put my finger on just how, either.

Emily huffed indignantly as she rolled her eyes at her brother. "Stop being so damn paranoid, Spurs! James is just trying to be responsible; why is that such a bad thing?"

Jasper's voice raised ever so slightly as he straightened in his seat. "It's a 'bad thing' in that if he truly were being responsible and was serious about you, then he should be willing to meet your family. Especially when every attempt is being made to get introduced."

Emily's eyes narrowed as she began to lean forward, only to have to sit right back again as our food was delivered to our table. She waited for the staff to disappear before hissing out, "Jasper William Whitlock! James is a sweet, responsible guy and a hard worker. I don't mind it, so why should you?! Now can we please _drop this_ and not ruin an otherwise perfectly good day?"

I watched them both closely, wondering what would set Jasper's alarm bells off so strongly. If what Emily said was true, then some leeway had to be given. However, at the same time, what Jasper had said certainly had merit, too. If it had been me, I would have done everything I could to get around work so I could meet my boyfriend's family. If Emily was my sister, I would definitely want to meet any guy that was serious about her, especially knowing that they were so far removed from the rest of their family. It sounded as if they had made several attempts to get the two of them together to meet, and every time this James character had bowed out.

The more I thought about it and watched as Jasper clenched his jaw repeatedly, the more unsettled I became. I decided to try and change the subject, hoping to give Jasper time to calm down. I grabbed a slice of the pesto splash pizza they had ordered and asked Emily how school was going before taking a bite, placing my other hand on Jasper's thigh. He gave me a small smile and nodded, mouthing, "Thank you," as he grabbed a slice as well.

The conversation moved easily after that, as we ate the rest of the pizza as well as the salads - Jasper had ordered us both Greek salads, while Emily had opted for a Caesar. Emily asked me about photography, stating that she had become very interested since our day at the zoo, and I smiled as I said I had enjoyed that day as well.

"The pictures you took came out really well, by the way." I smacked my forehead as I realized I should have brought them with me to show her. "I'm sorry; I should've remembered them. They really did turn out great. You've got a bit of talent there, I think."

She blushed, saying she would love to see them, and asked if I would show her more. I had just finished eating, so I wiped my mouth and hands on a napkin before leaning my elbows on the edge of the table, tilting my head slightly as I gave her an appraising look.

"Tell you what. I'll teach you more about photography as my way of payment for you giving me the classes on pottery. How does that sound?"

Both Jasper and Emily looked at me with widened eyes. Jasper leaned in and whispered, "You don't have to, Edward, really..."

I turned my head, kissing him lightly on the lips, and whispered, "It's okay, Jazz. I don't mind, and it would make me feel a hell of a lot better about what she did, anyway." I turned to Emily, quirking a brow. "What do you say, Lee?"

She flashed me a grin at the use of her nickname. She appeared to think about it for a moment, and then she nodded as she reached her hand over the table. I took it in mine, and we shook on it as she said, "Deal!" and chuckled.

Once we were all done eating and had gotten the bill, Jasper snatched it before I could even look at it. He paid for everything, giving me a look that clearly said to not even try to do anything about it - so I didn't, figuring I could always even it out later. After Jasper had gotten his card back, he turned to Emily. "So, what's next on the agenda, Lee Lee?"

She wrinkled her nose a little and sighed. "Sorry, Spurs, but what's next for me is my nose in my textbooks - I have a test to study for and a paper to write."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, and I couldn't help but wonder whether she was telling the truth, or merely trying to give us time together - something I didn't like at all. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with Jasper; that was not even an issue. What I minded was the feeling of having taken away their time together. "Do you need any help studying? I doubt your brother would mind helping, and I'm sure I don't."

She shook her head, smiling at me. "No, that's okay, thanks. Irina's going to help, since she's taking the same test I am."

She stood up, and Jasper and I followed suit. She hugged him first, then turned to hug me. I leaned down and whispered, "Are you really going to study, Lee, or are you trying to give your brother and me time alone together?"

She tightened her arms around me and kissed my cheek, whispering back, "A bit of both, maybe? But, yes, I really do need to study for a test and write a paper. I like you, Edward, and I think my brother does, too. You're good for him, you know?"

I closed my eyes, smiling as I hugged her tight. "Thanks, Emily, you really are a sweetheart. I like your brother, too."

When she pulled away, I noticed Jasper staring at us with an odd expression on his face - his brow was furrowed slightly, his eyes darker than usual. He also had a curious half-smile on his lips, which was at once relaxed and nervous. I quirked a brow at him as I put my hand on his lower back, murmuring, "Are you alright, baby?"

He shook his head, as if he was trying to clear it, and looked at me. "Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine..."

I watched him carefully, wondering what was on his mind. He smiled, though, putting his hand on the nape of my neck and squeezing it affectionately before leaning in and kissing me briefly. I hummed, rubbing the small of his back as I wished that it could always be this easy. The day had been fun for the most part, in spite of the minor shadow the James subject had cast on it, and I felt...content.

Emily's chuckle snapped me out of the moment, though, and I shot her a sheepish grin. She winked at me and walked outside, still chuckling. I thought I heard her mutter, "Men..." as she shook her head. Jasper and I followed behind, sneaking glances at each other and chuckling as well.

When we got to the car, Emily was already waiting at the passenger side, one hand on her hip and the other chest-high as she pretended to look at a watch she wasn't wearing, tapping her foot all the while. Jasper grumbled and tickled her as soon as he was within reach, making her squeal and run for cover - behind me. The look on Jasper's face made my eyes widen, and I stepped back, forcing Emily to do the same if she wanted to keep her cover. Her hands clasped my shirt at my sides, and she was sneaking glances past me at an advancing Jasper.

_Oh. Shit. This _cannot _go well._

The look Jasper wore was one of determination - and mischief. He was biting his bottom lip, the right side of it completely obscured by his teeth as he half-smirked, holding out his hands as he flexed his fingers. I held up my hands, hoping he would stop his advance. I had nothing against his playfulness, but something told me it was a very bad idea to have Emily there for it - and to have her find out I was ticklish. Jasper, however, didn't seem to care.

_Good thing I know where his weakness lies, at least._

I chanced a glance over my shoulder to Emily, who looked up at me with wide, twinkling eyes as she giggled. I shook my head at her, shooting one quick look to Jasper, who was now grinning widely as he winked at me - his eyes darting to Emily and back. _Oh!_

I muttered a quick, "Sorry, kiddo..." right as Jasper made to lunge at me. His hands were too low to reach my waist, but high enough to reach hers, so I sidestepped, grabbing hold of Emily as I did. At the same time, Jasper's fingers found their mark as he tickled her mercilessly for about ten seconds and then picked her up in a big hug and gave her a raspberry on her cheek, which made her squeal and giggle even louder.

When he finally put her back on her feet, she huffed, wiping her face dramatically as she mock-glared at both Jasper and me. He stepped up to me and put his arm around my waist, kissing my cheek as he muttered, "Thanks, darlin'."

"Damnit, Spurs, I hate when you do that."

He chuckled and shrugged, not an ounce of shame to be found in him. "I know. Serves you right, though."

She turned to me, pointing her finger at Jasper as she said, "He used to do that all the time when I was little, too. Didn't like it then, either, but it never stopped him."

She rolled her eyes at Jasper as he tilted his head back and laughed. He grinned at me and said, "Yeah, she'd always go running to Mama to tell on me, too... not that I ever really got in trouble for it."

I just shook my head at both of them, mumbling under my breath, "Sometimes I think being an only child wasn't such a bad thing..."

He pulled me closer to him as he kissed my temple - his lips lingering for longer than normal - and when I looked at him, his eyes had saddened a little. I put my hand on his cheek and smiled, the idea that he cared warming my heart.

"Err, guys? I hate to ruin the moment, but I really do need to get going."

Jasper rolled his eyes, giving me a quick kiss before letting me go and turning to Emily with a raised eyebrow. Neither of them said anything, though, and once we were all in the car again, I asked Emily when she would like to work on the photography lessons. She said she wasn't sure, since she was loaded up on course work and then helping out at the pottery place. When we stopped in front of her dorm, I asked for her phone so I could give her my number, instructing her to call me any time if she needed to, and once she knew when she had time to get together.

She hugged me tight, thanking me for the offer, and I thanked her again for inviting me to come along. Both Emily and Jasper got out of the car, talking for a short time before hugging and saying their farewells. He watched her walk into the building before climbing into the passenger seat with a sigh, leaning his head against the headrest as he closed his eyes briefly.

I turned in my seat to look at him and ran my fingers tenderly through his hair. "You're worried about her; aren't you?"

He opened his eyes, turning his head to me as he said on an exhale, "Yeah, I am."

I watched him closely, not for the first time - or the last - wondering what he was thinking and just what he had been through. Part of me really wanted to know - needed to know - but I wasn't going to push him. Not now. Still, I had to at least tell him. I cupped his cheek, my thumb brushing his cheekbone as he stared at me - his eyes troubled and murky. I leaned in, kissing him lightly on the lips before speaking softly.

"I'm not like this James guy."

_Or Paul, _I added in my head. I had a feeling, though, that saying his name out loud - in this moment - would have done more harm than good, so I kept quiet. He gave me a half-smile as he nodded.

I bit my lip as he continued to watch me, his eyes darkening in color as his expression changed slowly from troubled to determined. I wanted to tell him I wouldn't hurt him like Paul had or how he worried James would hurt Emily. I wanted to tell him I loved him too much to ever harm him in any way. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to worry or fear anymore.

I didn't, though - partially out of cowardice because this weekend was turning out so much better than I had thought it would and I really didn't want to ruin it, and partially because Jasper grabbed my neck and pulled me in for a searing kiss, effectively chasing all thoughts out of my head.

His fingers tangled in my hair, his grip tight as he ravaged my mouth - my own hand finding its way into his blond curls, scratching his scalp lightly. We both moaned, and when his hand went down my side, ending at my once again raging hard-on, I almost lost it - especially when he began to apply pressure while his lips blazed a trail from my mouth, along my jaw, and down my neck. I groaned, tilting my head to give him more room, muttering a low oath of "Jesus fuck, Jasper!" when he bit down on the join of my neck and shoulder after having moved the collar of my shirt.

My breathing was ragged, and it was with great effort that I pulled away, cupping his face in my hands - the burning desire I saw in his eyes did nothing to help my resolve any. I had to swallow several times before I could say anything, mostly because he didn't relent in his actions as he continued to palm my cock.

My voice was low and husky by the time I was able to speak. "Jazz, God knows I want you - as in right fucking now - but not here, in a car, parked in front of your sister's dorm of all places. In broad daylight, no less."

He gave a low growl before bringing me in for another fierce - albeit brief - kiss. When he pulled away, he did so just far enough to be able to speak. "Take me home, Princess. I believe you said something about not being done with me yet."

With that, he shifted a little so he could whisper in my ear, his breath hot against my skin, "I want you to fuck me senseless, beautiful."

While that had been exactly what I had in mind, hearing him say it sent shivers down my spine - especially since he accentuated his words by licking the shell of my ear before biting down on my lobe. I let out a shuddering breath as I croaked out, "Fucking hell..."

He sat back in his seat with a self-satisfied smirk, his left hand still on my thigh. I shook my head in a futile attempt to clear it as I started the engine; the rumbling vibrations of the seat did nothing to curb my desire. I pulled away from Emily's dorm more quickly than I intended, and Jasper's husky chuckle over the squeal of my tires made me roll my eyes.

"Your fucking fault," I muttered under my breath as I checked the rear-view mirror.

"Damn right it is." His pinky brushed against me, the tip tracing the outline of my cock, and I shifted my hips as I adjusted.

_God _damn_, I wish we were home. _

It was a simple thought, but it was the only one in my mind as I made the short drive back to my house. Jasper kneaded my thigh, squeezing and rubbing, tormenting me with occasional touches and whispers of what he wanted me to do to him. I couldn't concentrate, not even enough to hold onto his words and make sense of them. My only feelings were desire, my only thoughts of him, and as soon as I pulled into my customary spot across the street from my house, I left the engine running and reached across the console, pinning Jasper against his seat as I kissed him hungrily.

He moaned, his lips parting as his tongue met mine, and my hand slipped between his thighs. He parted his knees as my fingers molded around his dick, my fingertips teasing his balls, and then his teeth clamped down on my tongue, holding it in place as he trapped my tongue ring. He jerked his head, pulling it roughly, and then let me go, gritting his teeth as he growled, "For the love of…take me inside and fuck. Me. Now."

For a moment, it was as if I were paralyzed. I was frozen in place, unable to move as my mind and body warred around my overwhelming need to have Jasper _now_ and the many, many reasons why it would be better to take him inside. In the end, it was no sense of decency or propriety that sent me in motion – it was an image of Jasper's bare ass as his elbows dug into the top of my couch and his back arched while I pounded into him.

"Oh, fuck," I managed to mutter. I clenched my jaw and yanked the keys from the ignition, slamming the door before I strode purposefully across the street. I didn't look to see if he was following, but I knew he was. He wanted this – wanted me – just as much as I wanted him.

And I was going to make sure he got everything he was asking for.

As soon as we were through the door, I dropped my keys somewhere and grabbed the waistband of Jasper's jeans, pulling him behind me. His smirk was amused but was far outweighed by the sheer _want_ in his eyes. I turned us around, walking him backward, and when I felt him bump into the back of the couch, my fingers found the buttons of his jeans and began popping them open.

My lips melded with his, our tongues brushing as whimpers and moans added cadence to our panting breath. His hands were working on my jeans just as frantically, and I briefly considered kneeling down to take off his shoes. But as I pushed his jeans down over his hips, my hands met bare flesh where his underwear should have been, and all rational thought fled.

I needed him. Here. Right the fuck now.

Without warning, I spun him around, his jeans hanging around his knees as he gave a low chuckle that turned into a moan when I wrapped my hand around his cock and began stroking him. My other hand fumbled with my pants until I finally managed to work them down my thighs. I reached down and pulled out the condom and lube that had been burning a hole in my pocket all day, thankful as hell that I'd made preparations that morning because I wasn't sure I would've made it upstairs without exploding…and I didn't just want to cum. I wanted to fuck Jasper and make him writhe and squirm and yell out my name.

My hand had never stopped stroking him, and I could hear his little noises, the catches in his breathing, the grunts of longing. His hips were rocking, his ass clenching, and he was a fucking sight to behold. But getting what we both wanted meant letting him go, even if it was for just a moment, so I finally forced my hand away. His hands went to the back of the couch as he braced himself upright, his head hanging down.

When he heard the tearing of the condom wrapper, he glanced over his shoulder and muttered, "Edward? What-?" in a confused voice. He saw me rolling the thin latex down my length and whispered, "Holy fuck. Never mind. Just…"

He didn't finish, stepping back so that his ass was pressed against my hand still holding my cock. The sight of his eagerness strengthened my own, and I messily tore the top off the packet of lube and poured some in my palm, stroking my length to make sure I was well-coated before my hand went straight to Jasper's ass.

My fingers teased his entrance, pressing inside before pulling away again while I held my body close to his. My lips kissed all along his neck and jaw, traveling to his ear, where I whispered, "My goddamn turn…you fucking want this, don't you? You want me to fuck you just like you fucked me. Well, you're about to get it…" I kept up a steady stream of promises, relishing the way his eyes closed and his lips parted as he soaked in my words. He shivered when I told him how hard I wanted to fuck him, and his groan was loud and longing when I told him just how I wanted him to cum.

It was such a turn on – watching the way he responded to my words – and I licked my lips, a half-formed idea springing to mind. "Put your hands on the couch," I murmured, using the same voice I'd used at his shoot – a little commanding, a little caring.

My suspicions were confirmed when he bit his lip, his eyes still closed as he immediately did what I asked.

_Oh hell, fuck yes. _

He liked this, liked me telling him what to do, and my cock hardened even further from the way I liked it, too. "Kiss me," was my next request, and his face turned, his lips finding mine as his tongue flicked at my tongue ring. His ass rubbed up and down my length, making my eyes roll back in my head, but I wanted to see how well he would listen. I pulled away far enough to whisper, "Stay still." He stopped at once.

My elation was quickly overshadowed by the realization that what he had been doing felt damn good, and I smiled crookedly as I whispered, "Okay, do it again." A smile flitted across his lips as he pressed back against me, his hips swaying seductively as his ass rubbed my cock.

"Fuck, you look good, baby." My voice was strained as I lifted his shirt, appreciating the sight and feeling of what he was doing as long as I could. "Bend over."

I pushed the shirt up as he leaned forward, putting his elbows on the back of the couch when I told him to. As soon as he was ready for me with his feet spread on the floor, I stepped between them, pressing into him in one smooth motion. I was buried in him, my world nothing but tightness and heat, fragranced with the scent of Jasper and filled with his hissing moan. My hands were on his hips, gripping his bare flesh, and I watched the way the muscles of his shoulders bunched and moved beneath my shirt as I willed myself not to cum then and there.

I was breathing shallowly, steadying myself, when I saw Jasper's arm begin to flex and move. Even though I couldn't see it, the knowledge that he was stroking himself made my breath catch and my desire flare. It was too much for me to take, and my hips began to thrust of their own accord. Jasper grunted with the first pass, his arm speeding as he pressed up on his toes to give me greater access.

I pulled nearly all the way out and slammed back into him with the sound of flesh slapping. My toes curled as I held myself against him, and then my hips were pounding into him as his rocked back to meet me. He had to brace himself against the couch with both hands, and his head arched back as his face turned toward the ceiling. I could hear his breathless voice whispering encouragement, broken words mixed with his moans and pleas for more – harder, faster, again, more.

My fingers tangled in his hair, and he growled, shoving his hips back against me so hard that I had to take a half-step to stay on my feet. The feral noise excited me, awakening something deep within, and I gave myself completely to my more carnal urges. I was grabbing his shoulders, his hair, anything that gave me more leverage as I took him, claiming him as I leaned forward, biting his shoulder and marking him as _mine_.

I wanted to see him, to watch his eyes roll back in his head and see those goddamn beautiful lips calling out my name, so I pulled away suddenly and turned him around. He pouted at the loss, but I didn't give him a chance to complain as I pressed my body flush against his and kissed him heatedly. I bit his lip before saying, "Take off your boots."

His eyes flashed with confusion, but he did as I commanded, scrambling to bend down. He lifted his pants leg, and his fingers worked quickly, making short work of the laces of first one boot and then the other. He kicked them to the side and stood up, running his fingers through his hair. His lips twitched as he studied mine, a dead giveaway that he wanted to kiss me again, but I made him wait. When it became clear that he wasn't going to act until I told him what to do, I smiled and said, "Take off those goddamn jeans and kiss me like you mean it. Now."

There was excitement in his blue eyes that let me know he was thoroughly enjoying our simple little game. In no time at all, he was nude except for his shirt, and his lips were devouring me, consuming me with his kiss as his hands roamed down my back and cupped my ass, his fingers teasing my entrance as he squeezed and pulled me to him.

_More. _

I guided him to the couch, and he gave a half-smile as he understood. He perched on the corner of it, his legs lifting as they wrapped around my waist.

I pushed back into him, moaning loudly as soon as our bodies were joined once more. One of my hands gripped his thigh while the other wrapped around his lower back. Our lips never ceased, our tongues reveling in the taste of passion and heaven and lust. He reached backward, supporting himself with one hand while his other arm was around my shoulders, holding me close.

His cheek brushed mine as our motion bounced his body, his stubble scraping against my skin as I'm sure mine did his. Again and again, I heard him breathlessly whisper, "Edward…" but it took me a moment to realize I was moaning his name as well. Our bodies were heated, our skin slick with the sweat of our exertion, and I could feel Jasper's hard cock gliding along my belly as I took him on the back of my couch.

The whole scenario had a surreal quality to it, my directions and the location bringing the photo session with Jasper back to mind as I marveled at how close I'd come to having all of my fantasies and dreams with him fulfilled. The thought was fleeting, though, and it wasn't long before my whispered words became cries as I thrust into him harder and harder, quickening as I felt my thighs tighten. I came violently, my cock twitching as I struggled to catch my breath. I slowed and then stopped, my head resting against his shoulder as I felt him press gentle kisses against my temple.

The caring gesture brought a soft smile to my face, especially considering the way I'd taken him had been anything but loving. The feeling of his hard-on still digging into my abdomen brought me back down to earth, and I turned my face, kissing him again as I began to stroke him. He inhaled sharply through his nose and his fingers bit into the skin of my shoulder as he held on tighter.

He broke our kiss, his head falling back with his eyes tightly closed as his feet dropped to the floor. His thighs squeezed my hips as I increased my attention, loving the feeling of his silky skin over his steel shaft. He whimpered and let out a shaky breath when the edge of my thumb brushed the rim of his head, so I did it again. And again. I was squeezing and twisting, pumping him rhythmically, and then it was his dick fucking my hand, and I just held on for all I was worth.

"Oh, fuck!" He called out, his whole body tense and motionless for a moment before with a final thrust, he growled, "Edward!" His release was powerful, coating our shirts and my hand as I stroked him through it.

When he finally opened his eyes, I was smiling, unable to help myself as always when faced with him being so passionate, so uninhibited. He watched me briefly before giving me a half-smile and pulling me close, kissing me senseless. When he finally pulled away, we were both a little unsteady, chuckling at the mess we'd made of ourselves – again.

My jeans were still around my knees, and there were growing wet places spreading across our shirts as Jasper stood, groaning when his legs protested. He looked down and grimaced, then pulled his shirt over his head by the neck, balling it up so that the mess was mostly contained. I did the same, using mine to clean us both up as best I could. "Shower?" I asked when I'd finished.

He cocked his head to the side and gave me an appraising look. "How about a bath?"

My smile was slow and soft as I nodded. "Even better." I winked at him, and he rolled his eyes, but I caught the faint blush on his cheeks. I fucking _loved_ that I could do that to him. He was so masculine, so confident most of the time, and every time his emotions showed that way, it was like I made another tiny crack in the walls around his heart.

As we gathered our clothes and climbed the stairs toward my room, I wondered just how many cracks it would take to bring them crashing down around us.

In my bathroom, I took the dirty clothes and tossed them into the hamper before disposing of the condom and washing my hands. I knew we'd left a bit of a mess downstairs, but I'd worry about it later. For now, all I wanted was to enjoy my time with Jasper and avoid wondering what in the world had changed that let him be so…free. So open.

And hope like hell that it didn't switch back the way I'd seen him do a few times before.

_Don't think that way_.

I kept up the little reminder, nearly giving myself a pep talk as I set about getting our bath ready. Jasper was quiet, but the atmosphere of the room was one of contentment and serenity, so I wasn't worried that he was getting ready to bolt.

I started the water, making sure it was the right temperature before I let the tub fill. When I stood up, I was surprised to find Jasper had taken out the candles and was lighting them before scattering them all around us. I watched him with a smile as he moved so freely around me, like he felt at home - I certainly hoped he did. He looked up at me with a shy smile, which made me chuckle after what we'd just done, and he shrugged, placing the candle he had lit on the shelf above the toilet.

Grabbing a couple of fluffy towels, I left them on the counter so they'd be in easy reach once we were done. When the water had risen sufficiently high, I turned the tap off and motioned for Jasper to get in first. As soon as he was settled, I stepped in, aiming to sit across from him as I had done the last time. His hands shot to my hips, though, and he pulled me down to sit between his legs with my back to him. He slipped his arms around my waist as I burrowed closer to him with a soft hum, hugging his arms to me.

_I could definitely get used to this._

He nuzzled my neck, placing a soft kiss below my ear, and muttered, "Much better." He gave a content sigh, and I couldn't help but smile. We sat like that for what felt like hours, just relaxing, watching the candlelight flicker as we talked about nothing at all, silly things, sweet things, getting-to-know-you things, all the while touching, caressing, feeling - all innocent, but satisfying none the less.

Finally, when the water got too cold and we had already warmed it up again twice, we got out of the tub. Jasper grabbed a towel and began to dry me off with a tenderness that made my throat catch. After he was done, I returned the favor, memorizing this moment so I could keep it in my heart a little longer. I didn't want the night to end, and I worried that it would very soon. I tried to push those thoughts away, though, and focused on the moment.

He pulled me into a warm embrace as soon as I was finished, his lips finding mine, and I felt loved, cherished - even if neither of us had said the words, it was still there. I was sure of it. Several long minutes later, he pulled away with a soft hum and a smile on his lips - his hands caressing my back with long strokes.

"Do you have any plans for dinner, sweetheart?"

I grinned lazily as I realized that he didn't want today to end either, and I wanted to cheer and ask him to stay the night again - but I didn't want to risk upsetting him and ruin things.

"No, no plans. Whatever you want to do is fine with me, baby. You're welcome to hang around awhile longer, if you'd like." _Forever, if you wanted._ I added, "I don't want you to feel like you're stuck here, though..."

I frowned slightly as I remembered he had left his car at the bar the night before. He seemed to think along the same lines as he said, "Want to pick up my car, maybe get some take out before coming back here?"

He looked hopeful, and it took everything in me to not out and out tell him I wanted him here, with me, always. I nodded instead. "Thai okay?"

He chuckled and nodded. Forty-five minutes later, we were back at my place, his car parked behind mine and Thai food in hand as we walked through the door. After we had gotten to his car, I had a fleeting moment of irrational panic as we drove off, thinking that now that he was in his own car, he'd head home instead of coming back with me. He drove behind me, and a quick glance in my rear-view mirror had alleviated any worries I had about whether he wanted to spend more time with me.

After we were done eating, I told him to grab a movie while I took care of the empty cartons and the few dishes we had used. I stood by the fridge, wondering whether he would want wine or beer tonight, when I felt his arms slip around my waist and I smiled.

"Hey, you. Was just about to come ask what you wanted to drink. I've got beer, or I could open a bottle of wine?"

I turned to look at him, and I had to stifle a chuckle when I saw the serious expression on his face, though his eyes had a mischievous twinkle in them. He kissed me lightly on the lips before telling me to go ahead and open a bottle of wine.

I smiled, leaning back into him as I lifted my hand, tangling it in his hair so I could hold him there and kiss him again. I simply could not get enough of him, ever - and I hoped I never would. He hummed softly as I finally pulled away, smiling lazily at me.

He went to grab a couple of wine glasses while I popped the cork on a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. We walked to the den, and I grabbed the remote before sitting down, putting the bottle down to let it breathe for a while. Jasper sat down on the end of the sofa, while I took my usual spot. He gave me an odd look, but I just grinned and tugged at his jeans to indicate I wanted him to put his feet in my lap.

He did so with a surprised look on his face, which soon turned to blissful contentment when I began to massage his feet after hitting play. I chuckled when I saw he had put _Wedding Crashers_ in, and I looked over at him with a quirked brow. He cleared his throat, blushing a little when he admitted that he "may or may not have a bit of a crush on Vince Vaughn." I glanced at the screen - all the while continuing to gently massage his feet - and tilted my head as I watched Vince and Owen Wilson.

My lips twitched as I glanced back at Jasper, who was watching me intently. "I like Owen better...I think it's something about the blond hair." I winked at him and grinned when I saw his blush get deeper.

I patted his leg to get him to move so I could pour us a glass of wine and handed him his glass. He waited until I had my own glass in hand before raising his and saying in a quiet voice, "To us."

His eyes were intent on mine, and I couldn't help but wonder if he meant something with those two simple words. I repeated the toast, taking a sip of the wine as I kept watching him. He was blushing again, and I would have done anything to know what he was thinking at that moment. Anything - except asking him. I was afraid to, worried that by raising the question it would spur the inevitable moment of his leaving - and I really didn't want him to. So instead, I just drank my wine and continued watching the movie with him.

After it was over, I was sure he'd say he had to leave, but he surprised me by asking if I wanted to watch some _Stargate Atlantis_ again. Fuck yes, I wanted to watch more episodes with him - anything that meant he would be with me longer - so I smiled as I put in the next disc. When I got back to the couch, Jasper was sitting upright and asked me to sit with him. Instead of sitting next to him, though, I stretched out on the couch, resting my head in his lap.

He chuckled as he looked down at me, running his fingers tenderly through my hair. "Comfortable?"

I all but purred as he kept running his fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp as he did. "Mhmm, very, thank you."

He shook his head with a grin as he reached for the remote and hit play. We sat through three episodes like that, just enjoying each other's company as we watched Sheppard and McKay kill Wraith, rescue stranded colleagues, and save Atlantis once again. Jasper seemed to be getting as into the show as I was, which made me happy for some reason.

All through the show, he was touching me in some way - either stroking my hair, or caressing my arm, or skimming his fingers lightly over my scruff. It felt comfortable - cozy. And for a moment, I could see this happening every night - just us, being together in this simple way. God, I wanted that - wanted him.

I felt Jasper yawn, and I looked up just in time to see him shake his head as if to clear it. He smiled apologetically at me as he cupped my jaw, his thumb lazily skimming over my lips briefly before resting on my cheek. The look on his face made me certain that he was about to say he was going to have to leave, but I didn't want him to. I bit my lip as I considered asking him, finally thinking, "To hell with it," because the worst he could do was say 'no', and I had already had him here for one night.

I reached up, my fingers tangling in his curls as I pulled him down - forcing him to almost bend in half, but he did it willingly - and kissed him deeply. Our mouths parted just enough for me to whisper against his lips, "Will you stay the night again?"

My eyes searched his, and I held my breath as I waited for him to respond. The smallest of frowns creased his brow as he tilted his head, making him look uncertain. I wanted to retreat, unwilling to hear him say he didn't want to be here with me another night, so I hastily said, "It's okay...I understand," as I tried to sit up and shift to the other end of the couch.

He stopped me dead in my tracks, kissing me with abandon for several long minutes before finally pulling away with a mischievous grin and whispering, "Oh, no...I'm staying. I was just wondering how much sleeping you planned to do..."

My eyes widened at his words and a groan escaped my lips as he reached down and palmed me through my jeans. One final, rational thought ran through my mind.

_He's staying..._

It was the middle of the night, and I couldn't sleep. Jasper had fallen asleep after we'd made love - slowly, sweetly, heavenly - for God only knew how long, but I just...couldn't. My mind was racing and would not leave me in peace. Deciding that there was only one thing to do, I got up as quietly as I could and walked to the chair by the window. There was no moonlight, so I turned on the small lamp on the table, which cast just enough light for me to write by if I angled myself just right, so I picked up my journal and pen and settled in. I wrote down everything that came to mind, just letting the stream of consciousness flow in the hopes of finally being able to get some rest. Every now and then, I glanced up at my bed and smiled as I caught sight of Jasper sprawled across it.

All my hopes, dreams, fears...everything was put down, and it was an hour later before Jasper stirred. He was on his stomach, and he lifted his head, turning this way and that in confusion as he mumbled, "Edward?"

I put my pen and journal down on the little table and turned off the lamp, padding quietly back to bed and sliding under the covers. He turned to me with a slight frown, looking half-asleep as he asked where I had gone.

"I was just writing, baby...go back to sleep."

He hummed, snuggling up to me - he was out within seconds, and after a few minutes, sleep was at last able to claim me.  
_  
_The next morning - in spite of the fact that I hadn't slept much - I was the one to wake up first, and I turned to lie on my side so I could watch Jasper in his sleep. He looked so  
peaceful as he was lying on his back, one arm slung above his head, which was tilted slightly toward me. His other hand lay splayed on his stomach, and the covers were bunched at his hips, one leg bent and sticking out from under them.

I drank him in, not wanting to miss a thing while I had the opportunity to study him openly. His lips were slightly pouty, making me want to lean in and kiss him, but I held back, not ready to wake him up just yet. His eyes were moving behind his eyelids, and every now and then his lips would twitch into a soft smile before jutting out again, leaving me wondering what he was dreaming about - hoping that it had something to do with me.

How long I lay there watching him, I had no idea, but finally I couldn't resist any longer and slid next to him. I snuggled close, molding my body around his as I put my knee between his legs and placed my arm across his waist. My smile widened when he showed signs of life, giving soft grunts as he stretched out and opened his eyes sleepily. His hand went immediately to my hair, and he scratched my scalp as he murmured, "Good morning to you, beautiful. How long have you been awake?"

His drawl was more pronounced, and the sound of his sleep-filled voice was music to my ears. I kissed him lightly. "Good morning, yourself. Hmm...I'm not sure. Didn't look at the clock...no idea what time it is, actually."

His chuckle was slightly throaty and utterly endearing. I marveled at how it felt to wake up to him these past two days. The very first time I'd woken up to him had been followed by a jolt to the system when he knocked me off the couch, but yesterday's wake-up was a jolt of a different sort. The fact that he had woken me the way he had made my skin flush even now, and it was something I wanted to have happen again. But waking up to him this time, when he was the one to rise last from his slumber, and to see him both look and sound so mellow and just damn sexy...

_How much longer can I wait to tell him I love him? That I'm _in_ love with him? That I never want to let him go?_

My melancholy questions must've shown on my face because he traced my lower lip with his thumb, giving me a small frown as he said, "Hey…you okay, baby?"

_Whatever he needs_.

I nodded and smiled softly, threading my fingers in his hair as I pulled him to me and kissed him tenderly. He smiled as well, returning my kiss with the same unhurried care. Our breath was fucking terrible after pesto pizza and Thai food, but waking up with Jasper and having him want to hold me and kiss me and cuddle with me made something so small seem completely unimportant.

"I'm great," I said when we finally parted. I gave him one more small, chaste kiss with a grin as I said, "Fucking starving, though. Someone wore me out last night."

He chuckled, shrugging as he raised an eyebrow unapologetically. "You didn't seem to mind so much."

"Nope, sure didn't…" I bit my bottom lip and pressed my body as close to him as I could, our morning wood brushing together as I whispered huskily, "And I'm hoping you might do it again soon."

Then I rolled away, tossing the covers back onto him as I stood up and stretched. When I looked over my shoulder at him, it was to find him watching my ass with his lips parted. His eyes traveled slowly up my body, making me feel both exposed and goddamn sexy by the time they reached my face.

"Tease," was all he said.

I laughed softly and went to the dresser, pulling out two pairs of flannel pants. "Want a shirt?" I asked.

"That depends."

"On what?" I straightened and looked over to find him lying sprawled on his side in my bed, wearing nothing but a cocky smirk.

_Jesus fucking Christ…_

"On who it's for." He stretched out on his back, his hand roaming down low on his abdomen as he teased me. "For me, yes. You, I kinda like half-naked."

"Shut the fuck up." I laughed, throwing the pants at his head. He caught them and sat up, laughing with me as we both pulled them on. I grabbed t-shirts for us both and walked to the bed, leaning down to whispered, "Better cover up those piercings, Mr. Whitlock, unless you want me to ravage you again when I should be feeding you."

I dropped the shirt in his lap, not waiting for an answer. I turned around and walked out of the room, pulling my t-shirt on as I went.

"You never fucking play fair," he muttered before I heard him following behind me.

I was already at the refrigerator when he walked into the kitchen, yawning as he scratched the back of his head. Something in me ached at the sight. As badly as I wanted this – to wake up to him every morning, to make breakfast together, to make love whenever the mood struck, to _be_ together, always – I couldn't shake the feeling that it wouldn't last. It had been a distant fear, a shadow in the back of my mind all weekend, but it seemed to be stalking me, growing closer and stronger as the minutes passed.

Despite my misgivings, our mood was light as we bantered and cooked together. Jasper fried bacon while I chopped onions and chives before pulling out eggs and milk to mix up some omelettes. Just like before, we worked so smoothly together, seeming to know instinctively when the other needed a fork or a pot holder. He shredded cheddar cheese to top them off, and then he slipped behind me, putting his arms around my waist and kissing my neck as I waited for them to cook with spatula in hand.

It was there, with Jasper's arms around me and everything I wanted seemingly in reach that I realized what the shadow was – it was the strange distance between us. It was the fact that I couldn't ask Jasper a simple question like, _"Hey, so you seem a lot more comfortable now. Why is that?"_

No matter how well I knew him or how great we were together, we just weren't _there_ yet, and that fact was killing me. I folded the omelette, my eyes on the pan as I wondered how, exactly, to go on from here. Instinct told me to just go with it, let him become more comfortable, and we would grow together. But what if we didn't? What if I let it go and it created a gulf that we couldn't cross, and we eventually grew apart?

I watched as the omelette set and then pulled it up. Jasper held out a plate immediately, and I glanced over, smiling at him. The satisfied, content look in his eyes nearly took my breath away, and I forced my sabotaging thoughts out of my mind.

_Don't make trouble where there isn't any_.

The words popped into my mind in Aunt Livy's chiding voice, and my smile became more genuine. We took our food to the bar, where Jasper sat across from me. He hopped up immediately, though, and went to the fridge. "OJ or milk, babe?"

I felt a strange little tickle in my chest at the casual question, making me roll my eyes at myself. "OJ…thanks."

He pulled two glasses out of the cabinet and filled them both with orange juice. He walked over and handed me mine with a wink before he finally said, "No problem," and took a sip of his juice.

_How the hell does he make _everything_ he does so fucking sexy?_

I shifted on my barstool, my playful mood returning just as quickly as it had fled, and I idly wondered if my moods were becoming as mercurial as Jasper's. He took his seat again and lifted his fork, taking his first bite. His eyes flew wide. "Holy fuck! This is fantastic!"

I laughed, shaking my head as I took a bite as well.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…" he muttered. "Don't do anything if you can't do it well, right?" I raised both eyebrows as I shrugged, and he put both hands on the bar, leaning across the counter and tilting his head. My eyes closed, but instead of his lips meeting mine, he stopped and whispered, "I have to say I damn sure haven't found anything you _don't_ do well yet…"

He kissed me chastely and sat back with a grin while I rolled my eyes. Internally, though, I was swelling with pride and fighting the urge to strut because he thought I was good in bed.

I snorted at that, and he laughed like he knew exactly where my thoughts were – and he probably did. We finished breakfast and washed the dishes, and I bit my lip as he dried his hands, sure that he would say at last that he had to go home.

I breathed a sigh of relief when, instead, he said, "Hey, Sox have a doubleheader this afternoon because of the delay yesterday, yeah?"

"Yeah," I answered, struggling not to grin like the idiot I was at the implication that he might stay to watch it.

We spent the day being lazy, just hanging out and talking. I did some laundry and showed Jasper the darkroom, where he did decidedly naughty things to me while insisting I keep working. I knew the pictures I was working on were likely ruined, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was thankful that they were some I'd taken around town, just some shots experimenting with color and light.

Having Jasper in the darkroom with me was exciting. In the utter darkness, I would suddenly feel his hands trailing up my chest, pinching my nipples before dipping lower and rubbing against my semi-hard cock. His lips roamed my neck, his breathing heavy and loud in the silence of the room, and then he'd be gone again. He was such a goddamn tease, and he was loving every minute of taunting me.

Of course, so was I.

When I turned the lights back on, he looked at me with an innocent smile, and I couldn't help but laugh. I slipped my hand into the waistband of his pants, pulling him to me as I murmured, "Right…so no more darkroom for you."

I kissed him as he pouted, swearing to be on his best behavior next time, and I teased him, telling him that he damn sure wouldn't get to come back if he was going to behave. He snickered and smacked my ass while I wiggled my eyebrows before turning to lead him back upstairs.

By the time the Red Sox lost the first game to the Yankees, it was mid-afternoon, and we were hungry again. I'd been growing cautiously optimistic that Jasper would stay for both games, and that feeling was solidified when he said, "So what are you feeding me for dinner, Princess?"

I gave him a hard time, calling him a presumptuous ass, but he just grinned, completely confident that I didn't mean it – and he was right, of course. We had a couple of hours before the second game would start, so we decided to raid my refrigerator to find something to cook rather than ordering in or going out.

Forty-five minutes later, we sat down at the bar again, this time to a meal of ginger chicken and fried rice. Jasper gave me shit about being in love with Asian food, and I just shrugged, taking a bite instead of telling him who I was really in love with. It would have been so easy to say it, so freeing to finally tell him, but I knew deep down that it was a bad idea. Our weekend had been amazing, and the last thing I wanted to do was send him running for the hills.

I got our drinks this time – a couple of bottles of beer – and as I took my seat across from him again, I felt a strong urge to tell him about Alistair. It wasn't even a relationship I'm-scared-and-this-is-why sort of thing. It was more that Alistair had been an extremely important part of my life – a defining part, really – and everyone who was close to me knew about him. They knew what had happened between us, how I felt, how _he_ felt, and they knew the scars our relationship had left me with. It felt wrong that Jasper – who was rapidly becoming the most important person in my world – didn't have a clue. He knew the name and that he was an ex-boyfriend, but that was pretty much it.

I ate mechanically and then idly played with my bottle, turning it on the top of the bar as I struggled with myself, trying to decide whether I should bring it up. With a half-sigh, half-growl, I opened my mouth…

And the fucking phone rang.

_Thank you, Universe, for saving my ass_.

I didn't know what Jasper would have said, how he would have reacted, but with a cosmic interference like that one, I had to figure it wasn't the right time.

_Or, you know, just someone calling you._

Either way, I stood up and walked to the phone on the wall with a sense of relief mixed with frustration. People rarely called the house phone – at least, people who actually knew me – so I assumed it was a telemarketer or someone equally annoying. "Masen residence," I answered, feeling vaguely ridiculous with Jasper sitting right there. I'd always felt silly answering that way being the only one living in the house, but it was one of the few lessons on manners I remembered learning from my mother, so it stuck.

"_We-ell, listen to you, Mr. Rich and Fucking Proper."_

I laughed out loud at the sound of Emmett's snooty voice. I could feel Jasper's eyes on the back of my head, so I turned around and leaned against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest as I mouthed "Emmett" and balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder.

He nodded with a small smile and went back to his food as Emmett kept giving me shit. I finally interrupted, saying, "Yeah, yeah…whatever. What's up?"

"_I haven't talked to your ass in a week. That's what's up. What the hell have you been doing?" _

I took the phone in hand again, my other hand going to the counter as my fingers curved under the lip and rubbed at the rough texture. I knew damn well what I'd been doing most of the week – moping about Jasper, which is how I'd ended up going out with Kate on Friday night – but I couldn't very well tell Emmett that with him sitting right there.

"I've just been busy. I have a life, you know, fucker."

"_Oooh, so you have a life now, too! You're moving up in the world."_

"So did you just call me to be an ass, or did you actually having something to say?"

He laughed, and the taunting tone left his voice as he said he really did just call because we hadn't talked and he was worried about me. He told me a little about his work – he was a construction superintendent, and it sounded like things were just as crazy as always for him. I was mostly listening, but I was distracted when Jasper stood up and took our dishes to the sink. He began running water, and I pulled the phone away, saying, "Just leave those, baby. I'll get them."

He glanced over and smiled at me, telling me it was no problem, and it took me a moment to realize there was dead silence on the other end of the line.

"_'Baby,' huh? When did this happen?"_

I cleared my throat and shifted against the counter. "I don't know." Jasper was busy and the water was running, but I felt cautious, unsure how much I should say.

"_Well…that's cool, man. Good to hear. So are you going to be bringing baby next time you come down?"_

"Fuck off," I muttered. Emmett just laughed. I let him have his fun and then said, "Oh, hey, glad you mentioned that, actually…I went to see Zafrina on Friday, and we decided I need some shots in another city. I brought up Memphis, and she agreed that it would be perfect to get a Southern town in there." I felt the grin on my face as Emmett cheered.

Then he said, _"We both know what it really is. You just want to hit up Beale again. It's like a goddamn meat market for you."_

I glanced to my left, watching Jasper as he washed the dishes with that little furrow between his eyebrows. "Nah, not interested."

"_Damn…you like him that much?"_

Jasper felt my eyes on him and looked up, giving me a smile before he turned back to rinse the plate. "More than that."

Emmett didn't say anything. The silence over the phone stretched before finally, he cleared his throat. _"Well, shit, man…that's awesome. So when do I get to meet him? You bringing him down?"_

"I'm not sure. I'll ask him." In truth, I'd forgotten all about the trip the moment Jasper walked up to me at that club. I'd spent the weekend in sort of a fog, protected from the real world until Emmett's call made it creep in again.

"_Oh."_ Emmett sounded puzzled. _"Oh. You haven't told him yet?"_

"No, not yet."

"_Gotcha. Well, umm…guess I'll let you go, then. Sounds like you have a lot to talk about. So when are you flying in?"_

"I'm not sure. Haven't booked the flight yet – I wanted to talk to you first and see what worked for you." I explained that Zafrina hoped to see the pictures at our next meeting in three weeks, so it would need to be soon. We kicked around a few dates and in the end decided that I would fly to Memphis in about a week.

"_Awesome! Can't wait to see you. I'll try to get a couple of days off that week so we can do some shit._"

"Sounds great, man. I'll probably stay a week."

"_You know Tanya's going to shit a brick. She's dying to see you. You better call her soon."_

I smiled at the mention of Tanya – as close as Emmett and I were, there was a different sort of relationship with Tanya and me. She had always been sort of nurturing and mothering, despite being pretty close to my age, and I felt a stab of guilt that it had been awhile since I talked to her. "I know. I will, promise. Hey, tell Rosie to fuck off, alright?"

He laughed. _"She told me to send you her love, too. She's going to be nearly as excited as Tanya. I swear to God if you weren't gay, I'd worry about the two of you."_

I snorted, and we exchanged a few more words before we ended the call. I hung up the phone and walked to Jasper where he'd sat back down at the bar after finishing the dishes. His back was to me, so I stepped up behind him and wrapped my arms around him as I leaned down to kiss his neck. My hands moved up his chest, and I felt the metal of his piercings against my palms as I bit my bottom lip. "Thanks…you didn't have to do that."

"I know." He turned to look at me, giving me a smile before he kissed me. "I wanted to. So what's up with Emmett?"

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was curious, and I knew what it was likely about, so I briefly explained what Emmett had said about work before I told him about the trip I needed to take. He listened quietly as I told him about the pictures I wanted to take for my book and about how I wanted to see my family again. My fingertips rubbed soothing circles on his chest, and I kissed his temple. I whispered softly, "I was wondering if you might want to go."

He stiffened in my arms and didn't say anything. I placed a kiss on his cheek and squeezed him closer before I let him go and went to sit on the other side of the bar. His eyes followed me, but I resisted the urge to break the uncomfortable silence. I watched countless emotions flicker and war in his eyes before he smiled at last.

"I think I'd like that. But you're going in a week, right?" His voice was quieter than usual, lacking some of the exuberance I'd come to expect, but I relaxed when he didn't sound upset. At my nod, he frowned. "Might be kind of tough with work, but I'll see what I can do."

My beaming smile must have been a little over the top because he laughed and shook his head, rolling his eyes at me. "I take it you like the sound of that?" he teased.

"Fuck yes," I murmured, leaning across the bar to kiss him. His lips parted mine, his tongue brushing against the stud in mine languidly, and when we opened our eyes again, I was happy to see that his were clear and untroubled.

We left it at that, going back into the den to watch the second Red Sox game. When they finally beat the Yankees, both our eyes flickered to the clock over my mantle, and we sighed as one. Jasper chuckled and stood up, stretching before he offered his hand to me. "I guess I better get going, beautiful."

I took his hand and stood, tugging him closer to me to kiss him fully. I hated the thought of him leaving. Everything had felt so natural, so right, all weekend, and I had this irrational fear that if he walked out the door, it might never feel that way again.

Still, I knew he had to work, and he needed some sleep – which, if I were being honest, he was unlikely to get if the two of us were in bed together again. The rational part of my brain knew that he also needed clothes and his own toothbrush, though I'd given him a new one to use here, and to feel settled and ready for work in the morning. The irrational part of my brain wanted to club him over the head and drag him upstairs by the hair, caveman-style.

In the end, I just helped him gather up his things, which had somehow been strewn all over the house, and walked him to the door. His whispered, "Wish I could stay," was a goddamn symphony to my ears, and I smiled broadly as I said I wished he could, too.

He slipped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me close, my arms encircling his waist as we pressed our foreheads together. "I had a great time," he murmured before kissing me. "Sorry I took up your whole weekend."

I couldn't tell if he was serious or not, so I just rolled my eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. It was the best weekend I've had in a very long time."

His smile was soft and sweet, innocent somehow, and I couldn't help but kiss him. We spent a few long moments lost in each other, gentle kisses and caresses saying what our words couldn't as we both seemed to hold onto our weekend as long as we could. At long last, we parted, and with a few more whispered words, he was gone.

I watched him drive away and then went inside, turning off the lights as I climbed the stairs to my empty room. I picked up my phone from the bedside table and saw that I had seven missed calls from Emmett.

_That explains why he called my house…_

Stripping out of my clothes, I fell into bed and waited for my nightly text from Jasper. Even though it was still very early – for me – I didn't want to face my house without him in it, not after the last couple of days. I knew it would seem lifeless, cold, and I wanted to hold onto this feeling of bliss a little longer.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed with me just staring at the darkened ceiling above, but I jumped when my phone beeped in my hand and the screen flashed.

_Made it home. Fucking miss you. And thanks…_

I smiled, rereading the words a few times before I shook my head at the silliness of his thanks. I thought for a moment before slowly typing back my response, scared to say too much – or too little.

_I fucking miss you, too. You're welcome anytime. And thanks…_

I couldn't say all the things I was thankful for, which made me wonder if maybe that's what he was trying to say as well.

All I could do was hope.

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_**A/N:**__ In case you're curious, this chapter is the same as it will be on the blog and twilighted. It's taking us some time to get things edited, so in the meantime, we're still moving along. Hope you enjoyed the boys!_


	15. You Were Meant For Me

_**A/N:**__Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**JPOV**

"Hey J, you got a minute?"

I looked up from what I was doing to see Mike standing in my doorway. "Yeah, man, what's up?"

He closed the door behind him and walked to my desk, taking a seat without being asked to. He watched me for a moment, grabbing the baseball – which had been signed by Manny Ramírez - that was perched on the corner. It had been a gift from Eric a few years back; he'd found it on eBay and thought I might appreciate it. Mike tossed it lightly from hand to hand as I waited for him to come out with whatever was on his mind.

He tilted his head slightly, a small smile playing on his lips as he narrowed his eyes speculatively. "So, how was your weekend?"

I rolled my eyes at him even as I felt the blush creep up my cheeks, causing the fucker to chuckle.

"Yeah, thought so. Thanks for leaving us hanging, by the way. You could've at least said you two were heading out."

I sat back in my chair, my fingers tugging at my hair as I sighed. I didn't feel particularly apologetic, and judging by the smug look on his face, Mike knew it. He placed the baseball back in its spot before leaning on the edge of the desk, his eyes intent on mine. "So...that was Edward, huh? Nice to finally meet him."

My lips twitched, though I wasn't sure whether I wanted to smile or grimace at that point. I hadn't said a word yet, knowing that Mike would have more to say, and I wanted to know where he was going before opening my mouth.

"He seems like he's really into you."

He watched me carefully for a reaction, and I did my best to keep from giving one, even though hearing him say that gave me a funny feeling in my stomach. His eyes narrowed briefly as he sat back in the chair.

"You two look good together."

I raised an eyebrow at him, and I could feel the corner of my lips pull up in a smirk. I couldn't recall ever hearing Mike say something like that to me before. He heaved a sigh, running his fingers through his hair as he frowned at me.

"Jasper...when were you planning on letting us get to know him? You can't hide him away forever, you know. He seems important to you. You're my best friend, J. That means I care about what's going on with you – and that I'd like the chance to get to know someone you care a lot about."

I bit my lip as we sat watching each other for a moment. I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks – he was right, in a way; I had been hiding Edward, and I just got called on it – again. Grabbing my pencil, I began to draw, just to have something to do with my hands. My eyes kept going to Mike, though, who sat quietly, waiting for an answer – one I wasn't sure I had to offer.

"Jasper..."

The tone in Mike's voice caused me to put my pencil down and look up at him. He leaned forward again, clasping his hands in front of him as he rested them on the desk, his eyes intent on mine.

"You know I'm here for you, right?"

I nodded, sitting back in my chair as I ran my fingers through my hair with a slight huff. "Yeah, I know, Mike."

"What happened with Paul...it won't happen again. You're not the same guy you were back then, Jasper. And you've got us now." When I didn't say anything, he continued with a sigh. "What I'm trying to say is...I hope you'll let this guy in, J. Edward...he seems like he's an okay guy, far as I can tell. Don't shut him out."

I groaned, running my hands over my face a few times before looking at Mike again. "I'm..." I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say, how to respond.

He sighed, glancing down at his hands briefly before his eyes found mine again, a look of concern in them as he said, "Jasper, I gotta tell ya, man... This one...he seems different. _You're_ different. I've never seen you act like this before, the way you were Friday. It was...it was good, to see you like that. About time, too."

I frowned at him. "Like what, Mike?"

He gave me a crooked smile. "Happy, Jasper. You looked happy, and you were just...I don't know...different, I guess."

I couldn't help the smile that crept on my lips at his words, even if it also made something twinge in me – but I didn't know what. Never before had Mike said something like this to me, not with any of the guys that had been around prior to Edward. I wasn't sure how it made me feel, though I did know one thing: if Mike was seeing these things, then maybe...just maybe...this _was_ different.

I frowned as I shifted, leaning forward to mimic his posture as I rested my elbows on my desk. Mike had always been there for me over the years, and he was right in that I couldn't hide Edward away forever. And I found myself not wanting to anymore. I wanted him to get to know Edward – I needed to have him see, so I could be sure...

Clearing my throat, I felt my brow crease slightly as I tried to figure out what to do. Finally, I said, "Hey...do you think...maybe...would you and Jess like to go out Friday night?"

Mike raised his eyebrows in surprise, but before he could respond, I added quickly, "With me...and Edward?"

He grinned as he sat back in his chair, leaning to the side a bit so he could rest his arm along the back of it. "J, that sounds like a great idea. I'll check with Jess to make sure she isn't working, but aside from that, you're on."

I mustered up as much of a smile as I could, feeling a little unsettled. I was surprised to realize that I was actually excited - I was looking forward to spending some time with both Edward and Mike. They'd seemed to get along on Friday, so I wasn't too worried about how the evening would go. My smile became more genuine, and I didn't even mind the smirk Mike gave me when he saw it.

He sat in my office for a few more minutes, but he thankfully changed the subject. We talked a little about some projects we had coming up, and he reminded me that the next trip was mine - I owed him after he took the Denver trip.

I groaned and sat back with a sigh, running my fingers through my hair. The mention of the trip reminded me of the one I was possibly taking with Edward. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to decide if I should bring it up - did I even _really _want to go?

"Spill it, J."

At the sound of Mike's voice, I glanced up in surprise. I had started sketching again without being aware of it, and Edward's lips were now in the middle of the page, letting me know I'd spent way too long in silence. My eyes widened as I sat forward, resting my forearm over the picture.

_Jesus fucking Christ, Whitlock..._

Filling pages with his eyes was bad enough, but his _lips_? I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. "Sorry, what?"

Mike frowned at me, tilting his head even as I saw his eyes flicker to my pad. "I said, spill it. Something's on your mind, so out with it."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I decided to do just that. "I was thinking about our schedule for next week?"

He leaned forward again, giving me a curious look, but before he could say anything, I asked whether or not it was possible for me to take off for a week. Mike stared at me for a moment - I hardly ever asked for time off like this, especially not on such short notice. Normally, I planned things well in advance, and he knew it.

"J, is everything okay back home?"

I grimaced, beginning to regret bringing this up. "Yeah, the family's fine, Mike."

Sitting back in his chair, he continued to watch me. "You sure? You know that if there is anything, we'll figure something out, but right now is _not_ a good time to be taking off, J - not with the trip to D.C. coming up."

I ran my hands over my face a few times, leaning back into my chair as well, sighing. "Yeah...forget I said anything, Mike..."

After making sure everything was alright - to the point where I almost wanted to smack him - he finally left my office, and I was able to take a few minutes to myself. I felt both irritated and relieved that I wasn't able to go with Edward, and that was a thought that gave me pause, making me wonder why that was. Why was I even trying to go on a trip with him? He said he was going to visit family as well as to work, so...

A glance at the clock told me that it was almost lunchtime. I decided to grab myself a sandwich, so I told Felix I was taking an early lunch and went down to the corner deli. After ordering a roast beef on rye to go, as well as a cup of coffee, I went back to my office. Part of me had wanted to be outside for a while, but I wanted to call Edward about the trip as well as the weekend, and that wasn't a conversation I felt good about making in public. It wasn't anyone's business, after all.

Polishing off the food quickly, I called Edward. I smiled when he answered on the second ring.

He sounded happy, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice as he greeted me. _"Hey Jazz, what's up?"_

"Not much, darlin'. Umm...was actually calling to let you know I talked to Mike about next week, and...I'm sorry. I have a trip coming up myself in a couple of weeks, and we need to get a lot done before I have to go, so..."

_"Oh...it's okay, baby...I understand." _I could hear the disappointment and sadness in his voice, even as he added, _"Thank you for trying, though. I'll miss you."_

I hated knowing that my not coming along had caused him to feel that. I wanted to do something to lift his spirits again, so I said, "That wasn't the only reason I called, though."

The curiosity was evident in his _"Oh?"_ and I couldn't help but smile. I was certain he'd say yes, and that he would like the idea of a double date.

"Yeah, was wondering...how would you feel about going out on Friday? Dinner? Maybe a movie or something? I thought we could..." I paused, biting my lip as I felt nerves flutter in my stomach. Feeling ridiculous, I continued, "Go on a double date with Mike and Jess? Hang out together?"

Silence.

I was beginning to worry when I heard him give a breathy chuckle. _"A double date? Yeah, sure. What time?"_

I told him I'd pick him up around six, and that he didn't need to dress up, as the restaurant wasn't fancy. I wanted to go to Aro's, though I didn't tell him that because I wanted to keep him guessing. We chatted for a while, and I thanked him again for the weekend and reminded him that Saturday morning was another pottery class with Emily. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to keep taking them, and he sighed. I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, _"Of course I am, Jazz. How could I resist time with Emily...and of course you and that damn clay?"_

I chuckled, shifting in my seat as I imagined seeing him so absorbed in that studio again. After a few more minutes, though, I had to get back to work. He told me he would be holed up in the darkroom most of the week, as Kate had needed help again with a shoot, but he assured me he would be done, ready, and waiting by six on Friday.

I spent the rest of my day working on the project for the D.C. trip. As I was heading out for the day, Mike stopped me to let me know that Jess should be off on Friday night, so we were good to go. I called Aro's as I was walking to my car to make reservations for Friday night - he was happy to hear we'd be stopping by and was curious about who I was bringing along. I didn't tell him, though. In truth, I wasn't sure what to say, or how to classify Edward. Sure, he would be my date, but I was beginning to realize he was much more than just that...a thought that, frankly, unnerved me a little. It was one I didn't quite know what to do with, so I pushed it away for the time being.

The rest of the week consisted of meetings with Ben and Bree, a few conference calls to Sanders & Sons in D.C. as we got everything in order for them, and a lot of coding and organizing.

The only thing of note that happened that week that wasn't work related was Ben coming up to me on Wednesday morning, looking dead on his feet. When I asked him if he was okay, he groaned and said that Bella had been crying most of the night for the past couple of nights. Angela had tried to handle it on her own so he could sleep since he had to work, but she had been in dire need of sleep herself, so he had taken over. They had tried everything and were at their wits' end. Not even singing Bella Beatles songs seemed to be working.

"Strange, wonder why she's not responding to that anymore. It seemed to work fine for Edward. Then again, she settled down very easily for him, anyway..."

Ben asked if he had done anything special, but when I told him I had no idea, he looked almost defeated. I wrote Edward's number down on a piece of paper and handed it to him, taking pity on him as I told him to call and ask Edward himself. I doubted it would do any good, but it was worth a shot. Ben gave me a thankful smile that crumpled into a yawn as he went back to work.

By the time Friday came along, I was more than ready for it to be five o'clock so I could leave and get ready for our date. Mike had confirmed that he and Jess would be at Aro's at six-thirty, and after checking that everything was done for the day, I finally made my way home. Thankfully, I had opted to dress for casual Friday again, so I only needed to freshen up a bit before running out the door. Before leaving for work, I had packed a small bag with all the clothes I had somehow ended up borrowing from Edward over the past few weeks. The bag also held a few of my own clothes, though I hadn't added them until the last minute. I wasn't sure how I felt about the thought of staying over again - or rather, of assuming I was - and I didn't know how to ask him.

Another thing I had made sure to pack was a spare helmet, as well as the cover for my bike. I had checked the weather reports to make sure it would be fine to drive, but there had been a warning for possible rain on Saturday, so I figured I'd better be sure. I wanted to go on my bike, though; the idea of having Edward sitting behind me was too tempting, and I had wondered why I hadn't taken him for a ride before - well, not _this_ kind of ride, anyway.

After securing everything on the motorcycle, I hopped on and made my way over to Edward's place, enjoying the nice weather. I knew that this would likely be one of the last times I'd be able to go for a ride this year, and I wanted to make the most of it. I pulled up to the curb and got off, grinning as I pulled out the extra helmet after taking off my own helmet and hooking it on my arm. My smile faded only slightly as I grabbed the bag of clothes and walked up to the door.

Edward opened the door within seconds of my ringing the bell, causing me to chuckle. His eyes darkened and widened a little as he saw I was wearing my leather jacket and was carrying the helmets. I heard him mutter, "Fuck. Me," as he grabbed my collar and pulled me to him, kissing me hungrily. He pulled away when I awkwardly tried to put my arms around him - easier said than done, considering I had two helmets on one arm, and a bag on the other.

He gave me a puzzled look as he noticed the bag, making me blush a little as I said that I figured I should give him his clothes back at some point. He grinned, shaking his head as he took the bag from me and went inside, putting it on the bench by the door. He turned to look at me and nodded at the helmets with an excited grin. "Is one of those for me?"

Flashing him a crooked grin of my own, I stepped up to him, holding out the spare helmet. "Yup. See which one fits you better. You have a leather jacket, right?"

He took the helmet from me and put it on. "Yeah, I do."

I helped him adjust the straps, making sure it fit right and was secure. He chuckled at my fussing, but I just shrugged and told him to deal with it and grab his jacket. The helmet seemed to fit him, so he didn't see the need to try on the other one. I went back to my bike and started it up while I waited for him to lock the house and put his jacket on. My eyes were on him even as I put my own helmet on, and I moaned softly at the sight of Edward wearing a leather jacket and dark blue jeans. He flashed me a quick grin before taking a seat behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

I placed my hand over his briefly and I felt him tighten his grip a little in response, making me smile. The feeling of his body pressed so close to mine combined with the bike's vibrations as I straddled it excited me. It seemed natural for him to be there, even more so than when Emily rode with me. After giving his hand one more squeeze, I smiled and took off, enjoying the hell out of the all-too-short ride to Aro's. I had half a mind to just keep riding, but I knew that Edward had been looking forward to tonight - and, in truth, so had I.

When we got to Aro's, I was grateful that we'd taken the bike, as parking was scarce for cars, but I was able to find a spot close to the restaurant. Edward climbed off the bike, taking the helmet off and revealing a huge grin, bright green eyes that held excitement, and hair that stood every which way. I laughed and shook my head, taking my own helmet off and putting it in one of the bags on my bike. I took Edward's, putting it in the other bag before straightening up, running my fingers through my hair with a grin. He rolled his eyes at me even as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. Returning it tenderly, I let my fingers run through his hair in an attempt to tame it - a little, at least.

He pulled away with a soft chuckle, shaking his head as he said, "Futile effort there, cowboy; might as well give it up."

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, grinning slightly. "Cowboy, huh?"

He smirked, nodding as he slipped his hands under my jacket and hooked his thumbs through my belt loops. "Yep. My very own Texas cowboy, steel horse 'n all."

I brushed my lips against his, murmuring, "If you say so...doc..."

He kissed me back, his whole face alight with his smile, and I couldn't help but smile in return. His happiness was infectious, and I let myself bask in it for a while as I tried to push away thoughts of him being gone for a week. I threaded my fingers through his, tugging lightly on his hand as I led us into the restaurant.

As soon as we were inside, Aro descended upon us with his usual vigor. He embraced me, letting me know that Mike and Jess were already at our table before focusing his attention on Edward. I grinned as I turned to him. "Edward, this is Aro, he owns this place...best restaurant in Boston."

My eyes cut to Aro, who was watching us appraisingly. "Aro, this is...Edward."

I watched with amusement as Edward held out his hand to Aro in greeting, only to find himself in an embrace of his own as Aro clapped him on the back. He said that any friend of mine would always be welcome at his establishment, and that he was pleased to finally meet him. Edward's eyes were wide and dancing as he gave the man a brief hug in return - I shrugged, not sure what to say; I'd never really brought anyone here on a date before, nor had I told Aro about Edward.

Aro ushered us to our table, telling me that Gianna would be with us with my usual order. He glanced at Edward, who looked lost, so I held up two fingers, indicating that he would have the same. I knew Edward loved Sam Adams, so I felt comfortable enough to make that assumption.

Mike and Jess were chatting as we approached the table, both of them looking up as I said, "Mike, Jess...started without us, I see?" I nodded to their half-finished glasses of beer.

"Hey! There you are, J!" Jessica hopped up and wrapped me in a big hug, patting my back. I could tell from the way her head was angled that she was checking out Edward, and I caught her whispered, "Damn."

I chuckled and squeezed her tight before letting her go with a quiet, "Behave." With a wink, I raised my voice and said, "Edward, you already know Mike...and this beauty is Jessica."

She cut her eyes to me, her cheeks flushing as her eyes brightened happily. I didn't hold her attention for long, though. "So good to _finally_ meet you!" she said, hugging Edward and kissing his cheek. I felt the grin on my face as I watched his eyes widen when she wiped away the lipstick she'd left behind.

He caught my eye and smirked when he'd gotten over the initial shock. As soon as she stepped away, he reached up and surreptitiously wiped his cheek with the back of his hand before reaching out to shake Mike's hand.

_Bet he doesn't have to do that shit too often..._

_Thank God._

As I listened to Jessica launch into full-on chatter mode, I unzipped my jacket. Edward stepped behind me, his hands going to my shoulders as he helped me pull it off, and I felt a faint flush of embarrassment before I decided to go with it. It was just so..._him._ He liked to help me, to show affection that way, and I wasn't going to stop him now simply because Mike and Jessica were there.

Of course, one look at the smirk on Mike's face when I helped Edward with his coat made me wonder if maybe I'd made the wrong choice.

_Nah, fuck him._

It wasn't hard to remember that it was Edward I hoped to be going home with - not Mike - so I relaxed as we took our seats and began talking. Well, more accurately, we were listening as Jessica told us about her latest trips. Edward picked up the menu and began reading, but I already knew what I'd be ordering, so I turned my attention to Jess.

I listened to her with a small smile as my hand went to Edward's thigh, kneading it lightly. Before long, Gianna appeared with our drinks, a huge salad with plates, and a basket of bread sticks. I took her hand, kissing the back as I thanked her. She blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear with a smile. I saw her curious eyes flicker to Edward and cleared my throat. "Darlin', I'd like you to meet Edward, my...date."

I felt a stirring of panic as I tried to figure out exactly what I should call him, but I hoped no one else noticed my little pause.

When I glanced at Edward, he was just smiling happily as he held out his hand to shake Gianna's. I completed the introductions, still feeling off balance until Edward's warm hand was on my knee, his thumb rubbing soothing circles.

She asked if we were ready, and I shot Edward a questioning look - I knew the others would be all set. At his nod, I said, "I think we're ready," and motioned for Jessica to go first.

"I'll have the pumpkin tortellini," she said with a winning smile as she handed her menu - still closed and unused - to Gianna. Mike ordered cheese ravioli, to much teasing from Jess about his being a child.

When Gianna got around to Edward, he said, "I think I'll have the linguine ai frutti di mare con fra diavolo."

My eyes widened a bit at the way his voice wrapped around the words, and I shifted in my seat while I placed my own order for lobster ravioli.

"That sounds pretty damn good," Edward said, squeezing my knee before his hand trailed up my thigh as he leaned closer. "You know you have to share, right?"

I snickered, trying to ignore the heat of his palm on my inner thigh. "That won't be a problem."

"So, Edward..." We both turned our attention to Jessica when she spoke, and I could tell from the wicked gleam in her eyes that I was in trouble. "How'd you two meet?"

_Yup, definitely in trouble._

She knew damn well how we'd met, considering I'd been late to meet the gang at this very restaurant that night. She just wanted to see if Edward had the same story to tell - and to see me squirm.

He took a sip of his beer, and his hand squeezed mine under the table before he turned to her with a smile. "Well, actually, I was at my favorite tattoo parlor talking to my favorite artist when he walked in..." Then, he put both his hands on the tabletop, lacing his fingers together as he leaned forward and lowered his voice conspiratorially, his eyes completely focused on Jess as he licked his lips. I saw the way she leaned in, and I bit back a smile to see him purposefully flirting with her that way. Mike looked almost pained, torn between a smile and a grimace. I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair.

I had to admit...I was pretty damn curious to hear what he'd have to say, too.

"I'd like to say it was love at first sight." He glanced at me and winked, making my eyes widen.

_Love?_

I swallowed, but if he noticed, he didn't let on. He kept his attention on Jess as he went on, "But I'm afraid I can't. My first thought was actually that he looked a little boring..."

I couldn't stop my indignant "Hey!" and he laughed, leaning over to kiss me gently.

"Let me finish..." he murmured against my lips, and I grumbled, sitting back in my chair.

He chuckled. "But then he came a little closer, and I really got a good look at him - his lips, actually - and I was done for." I felt my cheeks heat as I studiously kept from looking at anyone at the table, Edward included. I took a sip of my beer and pretended not to listen, though I didn't miss a syllable. "I was doing research for my book - has Jasper told you about it?" At their nod, I saw Edward flash me a smile out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn't quite meet his gaze. "Anyway, I sort of used it for an excuse to hang around..."

I listened as he recounted our first meeting. I knew now, of course, that he'd been interested from the beginning, but it was still different to hear it like this - firsthand from Edward, but told to a new audience. He explained the mix-up about little Bella, and we all laughed together. I shook my head, thinking about the sleepless nights, all the worrying, wondering if he was into me or not. And in the end, it was pointless - all just a result of a stupid misunderstanding.

"So anyway, after I had all the pictures developed, I called him to see if he wanted to get together...and I might have...tormented him just a little bit." He snickered, and I wondered if he realized his tongue ring - the plain black one, I was both relieved and disappointed to see - was between his lips while he presumably remembered that day.

"Fucking unfair," I muttered under my breath.

He laughed outright then. "Serves you right," he said. "Rub for goddamn luck..."

Jess was watching us curiously, but I wasn't about to explain all of that - especially when I saw the knowing gleam in Mike's eyes. He'd given me the belt buckle, after all, and I could tell he'd figured it out. I squeezed Edward's thigh and murmured, "Truce?"

"Yeah, I think we're even." He cleared his throat and raised his voice. "Anyway, once all the confusion was out of the way, I asked him out." He took my hand under the table, making me smile as he turned the conversation back around. "So what about you two? How'd you meet?"

"Well..." she started, only to be interrupted by Gianna and Aro as they brought our food as well as refills of our drinks - though Aro had switched mine to water, as he knew by now that I never had more than one beer when I was driving. I grinned when I saw Mike eyeing Edward's plate - he caught me looking at him and grinned as he reached over with his fork, spearing a piece of calamari onto it quickly. Edward watched almost in shock as Mike put the calamari in his mouth, giving an appreciative hum. Jess and I both started laughing at Edward's expression. I took one of my ravioli onto my fork and held it out to Edward as I leaned forward, chuckling as I said, "Well, you did say to share, right?"

He shook his head, huffing slightly as he said, "Yeah, with _you_," before accepting the bite of ravioli. Grinning, I quickly snatched a shrimp off his plate and popped it in my mouth. He rolled his eyes at me and began to eat, keeping his eyes on our plates and watching with amusement as we each stole bites from each other. Eventually, Edward seemed to be comfortable enough to steal a few bites from Mike and Jess, too, causing Jess to give me an approving nod as she winked at me.

As we were eating, Edward looked at Jess and said, "So, you started telling me how you and Mike met?"

Jess's eyes lit up as she nodded, wiping her mouth quickly before taking a sip of beer. "Mhmm. Yeah, Mike here swept me off my feet the first time we met - or, should I say, he _knocked_ me off my feet? I was filling in for someone and was running late, and as I'm hurrying through the terminal, someone comes running from one of the side corridors and basically bowls me over. Mike here thought he almost missed his flight, and was running to get to his gate." She leveled her gaze to Mike for a moment and said, "Now you know why they say 'don't run' all the time."

She grinned as he rolled his eyes at her and sat back, his arm resting on the back of her chair as his fingers idly played with her hair. She turned her attention back to Edward as she continued. "Anyway... after helping me to my feet and apologizing profusely, we each went on our way. Turns out, he had misheard the boarding message and was actually on _my_ flight. I was shocked to see him, but he apologized again and turned on the charm. I didn't think much of it; plenty of passengers flirt with us all the time, but a few days later, he was on the flight back to Boston - my flight, again. By the time we landed, he finally managed to get me to give him my number - I still don't know why I did, because I've never done it before." At the narrowing of his eyes, she added, "Or after, for that matter."

Edward and I had both continued eating as she spoke and were done by the time she finished talking. He wiped his mouth and grinned at her. "How long ago did this happen?"

Jess tilted her head as she looked tentatively at Mike for a moment. "Umm, I think it's been about three years now; hasn't it, baby?"

Mike nodded. "Yeah, something like that."

Edward watched them both with an amused smile. "Wow. That's pretty amazing."

Jess chuckled softly and excused herself to go to the restroom. Mike got up to help her out of her seat, and she kissed him briefly, smiling at him as he asked her if she wanted her usual for dessert. As soon as she was out of earshot, I rested my elbows on the table and leaned forward. "Dude, since when are you so whipped?"

He frowned at me as he sat back down. "What the hell, man? I'm not whipped."

I raised an eyebrow at him and grinned. "Oh, really? I've never seen you help Jess with her chair like that before. Did she give you a 'talking to'?"

"Shit... it's just easier." He shrugged, then flashed a grin and took a sip of his beer. "Besides, I'm looking to get some tonight, and it never hurts to put in a little extra effort. Make sure the odds are in my favor, you know?"

I snorted and glanced at Edward, who was just watching us with a small grin on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but Gianna stopped by, asking if we were ready for dessert. We placed our order, and by the time she left the table, Jessica was walking back toward us.

Mike hastily changed the subject, asking what we thought of the Red Sox game that was starting soon, and I gave him a knowing look as I stood up and said, "Here, let me help you with that, darlin'...since Mike's not going to," as I pulled out Jessica's chair.

Her smile was beaming as she thanked me, and I could practically feel the daggers Mike was shooting at me. He had half-stood and sat back down with a huff as Jess smiled at me and sat with a soft, "Thanks." I grinned at Mike as I took my seat again.

My eyes remained on him as I said, "So Jess, do you two have any plans for later tonight?"

Mike kicked my shin hard in response, glaring at me even as Jess said that they were going to go home after dinner, since she had to work the following morning, so she wanted to be sure to get plenty of rest. I rubbed my shin, stifling a chuckle as Mike mouthed, "Fucker," at me. Edward put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly, and when I looked up at him it was to find him holding back his laughter - I could see his shoulder shake slightly, and his eyes danced with mirth. I winked at him, and he cleared his throat before asking Jessica where she'd be flying to this time.

She grinned, saying she was going to be flying to Vegas again, staying there until later that evening and then flying back home - she said she was going to try and get a couple of hours shopping in while she was there. As she was talking, Gianna arrived with a tray of desserts, placing tiramisu in front of Jessica, Edward, and me, while Mike had ordered a small serving of cannoli. Aro followed behind his daughter and poured coffee for everyone.

We thanked them both and assured them that everything was just as good as it always was. I hadn't even noticed that the place had continued to be very busy, and I realized that they even had a waiting list going, though knowing Aro, the people waiting wouldn't wait for very long. Even so, Aro told us to take our time, relax, and enjoy dessert as he left the folders with the checks in the middle of the table. I knew he meant what he said and that he would never rush us; his customers - especially those of us who were here all the time - were like his family. The thought made me smile as I took a bite of my dessert.

I heard Edward hum, causing me to look up at him - I grinned at the look of bliss on his face. He blushed slightly when he caught me staring at him and shrugged. "What? I haven't had tiramisu this good since Italy."

I chuckled. "You should let Aro know; he'll love you forever." Putting my fork down, I quickly wiped my mouth with my napkin and excused myself. Edward's eyes widened, and he hurried to stand, pushing his chair back as he helped me with mine. I shot him an amused glance, but he just smiled.

One look at Mike's face told me he was dying to say something to Edward, but I knew he couldn't - not with Jess sitting there. I stepped away from the table, and Edward pushed my chair in. As I was walking away, I heard him say, "What? I was just taking your advice, Mike."

I repressed a chuckle as I heard Mike cough, likely choking on his coffee. The sound of his reply was lost in the clatter of plates as I passed by a table being bussed, but I made a little reminder to myself to thank Edward for that jab at Mike when we got home.

----------

**EPOV**

I grinned as I took my seat again, watching Jasper's back as he walked across the restaurant. I realized my tongue ring was between my lips and brought it back into my mouth as I turned to Jessica and Mike. I'd had a great time with them all night; it was fun - and enlightening - to see Jasper with his friends.

There had been no tension or weirdness, which I was glad to see. I'd been a little worried when he asked me to go out on a double date - not because _I_ didn't want to, but because, given the way Jasper had acted off and on over the last several weeks, I wasn't sure how he would take it. I'd been pleasantly surprised, though, and I was happy to see that he was his usual teasing self with Mike.

I could see in Mike's eyes that he wanted to give me shit about helping Jasper with his chair, but he couldn't say a damn thing without giving himself away - and my arched eyebrow told him that, oh yes, I would absolutely tell Jessica.

Everything.

He bit his lip, narrowing his eyes at me as I took a bite of his cannoli. He finally just laughed and shook his head, muttering something I couldn't catch under his breath.

We were finishing our dessert, just chatting comfortably, when Jasper returned. I stood, helping him with his chair again. I knew he was perfectly capable of doing it himself - obviously - but I really did feel like helping him...and rubbing it in Mike's face a bit more as well.

He took a sip of his coffee as soon as he sat, but then he reached out, resting his arm on the back of my chair as he idly played with the hair at the nape of my neck. He pushed away from the table slightly, crossing one ankle over the other knee while we talked.

A few minutes later, Jessica said, "Oh, I've been meaning to ask you, J...have any plans for your birthday yet?"

I perked up at the mention of Jasper's birthday. I knew it was coming up in just about a month, and I'd been toying with the idea of asking him out already. I didn't want to risk him having plans with someone else, but I didn't want to look too overzealous either. So I hadn't said anything...yet.

This was just the sort of information I needed, and I silently thanked Jessica for asking her question, even when Jasper wrinkled his nose and took his hand off the back of my chair. He reached for his coffee again, draining the last of it before he said, "No. And thanks for reminding me."

"You don't like your birthday, baby?" I was genuinely surprised. He was such a fun-loving guy, and I absolutely loved birthdays. Kate and I always made a big deal out of each others', planning elaborate celebrations; I'd had something similar in mind for Jasper's.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, and my hand followed automatically, tucking one of his waves behind his ear as I turned to face him. Mike and Jessica faded into the background along with everyone else in the restaurant as I looked at him.

_God, he's beautiful._

Jasper's birth was definitely something to celebrate. I felt my resolve strengthen even as he shrugged and said, "I don't know. I don't dislike it, I guess. Just another day."

_Not a chance, Mr. Whitlock._

I wasn't going to let him get away with ignoring his birthday - not this year, not when I was so thankful to have found him. Jessica cleared her throat, bringing our attention back to them. A smile flirted at her lips, but she didn't say anything about our completely ignoring them.

"Well, you can get over it, Jasper Whitlock. You know we're going to do something, so you might as well get used to it - and tell us what you want, or there's no telling what these idiots will plan." She nudged Mike's shoulder playfully as she spoke.

Jasper laughed and said, "Alright, alright...I'll think about it, okay?"

She nodded. "Good! Better let us know soon, though...otherwise, I'll set them loose."

Giving his little half-grin, Jasper chuckled and nodded, turning the conversation back to Jessica's work. She glanced at her watch and yawned reflexively, covering her mouth with her hand as she said, "Excuse me...I'm so sorry."

Mike smiled at her and put his arm around her shoulders, rubbing her upper arm. "We need to get you home, babe...can't have you passing out on your feet tomorrow."

She sighed but nodded in resignation. Jasper picked up the folder with our check, peeked inside, and pulled cash from his wallet, slipping it into the folder before dropping it back on the table. I bit my tongue to keep from arguing with him - he'd asked me out this time, and if he wanted to treat me, I'd let him. Mike paid for their food as well, and then we all stood and began putting on our jackets. Jasper reached out, straightening my collar as Mike said, "Oh, hey...I nearly forgot. Are you guys busy tomorrow afternoon?"

I glanced at Jasper, and he shrugged before turning back to Mike. "Not really...just hanging out..." His voice was hesitant, like he wasn't quite sure, and I reached over, squeezing his hand to let him know that, yes, I definitely wanted to spend more time with him. He didn't look at me, but I saw the way his lips twitched as he squeezed my hand back. I turned to look at Mike questioningly.

Mike was standing behind Jessica, rubbing her arms gently after having helped her with her jacket. His eyes flickered from Jasper to me as he said, "The guys are going to go play some baseball tomorrow, and we could use another couple of players, if you're interested."

I felt Jasper tense at Mike's words, and I glanced at him, surprised to find that he looked...hurt? I frowned, but wasn't left wondering why for very long as Jasper said, "What? Why didn't I know about this until now?"

Mike shrugged. "We just figured you'd rather spend some time with your guy, J."

Jasper's fingers ran through his hair as he muttered something under his breath that I couldn't catch, a look of distress on his face. I couldn't help but think that the fact his friends had left him out of the loop had upset him - and judging from the look passing between Jasper and Mike, as well as the concern on Jessica's face, his friends really meant a lot to him - and he to them. I squeezed his hand again, rubbing soothing circles on the back of it with my thumb. He seemed to relax a little at the contact, though his eyes still looked a little troubled - almost as if he was unsure of what to do.

Turning to Mike, I smiled. "Sounds like fun. I'm game, if Jazz is."

Both Mike and I looked at Jasper, who was frowning, his eyes cast downward. I tugged lightly at his hand, and he seemed to snap out of whatever was going through his head. "Oh...yeah, sure...usual time and place?" He glanced up at Mike, who nodded.

"Awesome," Mike said, but his voice was a little strained as his eyes searched Jasper's face. We said our goodbyes after that, with Jessica hugging each of us in turn. Mike hugged Jasper and then held his hand out to me.

He gave me a genuine smile as he shook my hand, saying, "We had fun tonight. It was really cool to get to hang out with you some."

From the corner of my eye, I saw that Jasper's quiet smile had returned. "Thanks for going out with us. I'm glad I got to know you both. Maybe we can get together again soon."

"I'd like that," Jessica answered as we all started heading toward the front of the restaurant. We made idle small talk, and soon, we were parting ways on the sidewalk outside. Jasper and I stopped, watching them get into their car and wave as we stood hand-in-hand.

As soon as they'd pulled away, I turned to Jasper and slipped my arms around his waist. "Everything okay, baby?"

His hands went to my hips as he gave me a crooked grin. "Never better, darlin'," he answered, tilting his head to kiss me.

I wasn't quite sure I believed him; I started to pull away, but he pressed his lips against mine more insistently, his tongue slipping into my mouth as he gave a breathy moan. I couldn't resist him – as if I ever could – and he was the one to finally break our kiss as he murmured, "Been waiting all damn night to do that…"

"Oh, yeah?" I waited until he nodded before kissing him hard. "Sounds familiar…" I said, pulling away with a mischievous grin of my own.

"Goddamn tease," he muttered, but there was a playful look in his eyes.

We watched each other for a moment until I couldn't resist. I had to know. "Seriously, are you alright?"

He sighed, stepping to the side, though he took my hand as he began to lead me to his bike. I felt the grin on my face in spite of my worry for him as I thought about riding on it with him again. "Yeah, I'm alright. Just…" We reached his motorcycle as he trailed off, a frown on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair and then shrugged. "I'm not used to them making plans without me. Just made me feel a little out of it."

I nodded and kissed him softly before stepping back to give him space. "I understand if you'd rather go alone." I felt a stab of rejection even saying it, but Jasper was already shaking his head.

"I believe the invitation was for both of us, Princess." He winked and squeezed my hand before reaching into his saddlebags to grab a helmet. "Really, though, I'm fine with it. It just sort of took me by surprise…" He held my helmet out, but instead of handing it to me, he caught my outstretched hand and tugged me closer, wrapping his arms low around my hips with the helmet pressing into my ass. "Besides…I kinda like the idea of watching you get all hot and sweaty out there…"

"You just want me for my body," I grumbled.

His grin brightened. "Not 'just'…but I'd be a damn liar if I said it wasn't somewhere up on my list."

We kissed again as he held me close, and I could feel both of us growing harder. I realized on some level that he was trying to distract me, but the longer our lips moved together, the more trouble I had holding onto that thought…or caring about it.

_I can always ask him later. _

Jasper bit my bottom lip and gave a little grunt as he stepped away, muttering under his breath about needing to leave now. I grinned, finally taking the helmet from him and putting it on. He watched me for a minute, his eyes roaming my body from my feet all the way up to my head before he shook himself. He put his own helmet on and then climbed onto the bike before gripping the handlebars and nodding. "You just gonna stand there and watch me all night?"

I rolled my eyes as I realized I'd just been staring at him the way he had soaked me in. I threw my leg over the back of his bike and climbed on, pressing my body close against his. I couldn't be sure because of the way the helmet muffled sound, but I thought I heard him mumble, "God damn," before he started the motorcycle and pulled away.

The whole drive home, I kept my arms around his waist and my chest pressed against his back. I knew I could sit up straighter, give him some room, but I couldn't seem to make myself. At stoplights, my hands roamed his chest, and I felt my fingers tighten on the leather of his jacket as I imagined what lay beneath.

The combination of the wind against my skin, the vibrations between my legs, and Jasper's warm body so close to mine was arousing, and by the time we arrived on my street, I couldn't wait much longer. I unzipped Jasper's jacket as he pulled to a stop against the curb across from my house, and he chuckled as I slipped my hand inside.

His laughter turned into a moan when I tugged at his nipple ring through his shirt, and his hands reached back, grabbing my thighs as he leaned into me. Our helmets were awkward, in the way, and I sat up at last, pulling mine off as quickly as I could. Jasper did the same, but neither of us stood.

He glanced over his shoulder at me and smirked. Instead of saying anything, though, he just leaned back and kissed me, his tongue parting my lips as I put my arms around him again. I rested my hands on his knees, letting my free hand slide up as my fingertips drifted inward, kneading his inner thighs. He moaned softly and deepened our kiss as best he could.

We kissed unhurriedly for a few minutes, simply enjoying our time together, and then he pulled away with a content sigh. "I don't think I could ever get tired of kissing you," he whispered.

I smiled, placing one more gentle kiss on his lips. "Good…'cause I don't plan to let you stop."

"Mmm…" he sighed and then covered my hand with his. When he didn't move or say anything else, I cleared my throat. I wondered what he was thinking, if he wanted to come inside…if he would rather go home. I swallowed and took a shallow breath, not liking the sound of that last option.

_Just grow a pair and fucking ask him already. _

"Hey, Jazz?"

_Great start._

"Hmm?" He kissed me again, a soft meeting of his lips against mine in the dim light of the streetlamps that gave me the courage I needed.

"Will you stay tonight?" I murmured. I could hear the hope – and the fear – in my voice, and I was sure he probably could as well.

I was surprised when he just gave a sheepish grin. "Your clothes weren't the only ones in that bag…"

He trailed off with a faint blush on his cheeks as his eyes flickered back and forth between mine. I could tell he was trying to read my expression, but he really didn't need to try so hard. At the realization that he'd come over with the intention to spend the night with me, I tightened my arms around him, making him grunt as I pulled him close and kissed him thoroughly. My lips traveled from his, moving down over his jaw, nipping and teasing the skin between his ear and the collar of his jacket. He laced his fingers through mine, arching his back with a moan. His head tilted to the side, giving me more room, and I lavished him with attention until his hand slowly moved mine down his chest, trailing over his abdomen and coming to rest just between his thighs.

I could feel his hard length beneath my palm, making me inhale sharply as my lips rushed back to meet his. He kissed me with abandon and then pulled away, quirking a grin at me as he said, "Mind if we take this inside, Dr. Masen? I don't know that you want to give your neighbors a free show of all the things I plan to do with you."

I gave him a half-grin in return as I leaned in, tracing the shell of his ear with my tongue before I whispered, "Fair enough…but you gotta promise me something."

"What?" I could hear the frown in his voice, making me chuckle.

"Someday soon, you'll take me out for a ride and park this bike where you don't mind me doing all the things I plan to do to _you_ on it."

"Jesus Christ, Edward," was his nearly inaudible response as I chuckled and climbed off his motorcycle.

Even though I could tell he was just as excited as I was about what would happen as soon as we were behind closed doors, he opened one of the saddlebags. I watched with amusement as he spread out the cover for his bike, carefully checking each side to make sure it was well-protected. When he caught me watching him with the helmet balanced under my arm, he shrugged.

"Can't have anything happenin' to my baby."

"I agree." I nodded to my car parked just in front of his bike. He took my helmet from me, and we walked up the path between my rose bushes together. I climbed the steps first, unlocking the door before I held it open for Jasper.

Inside, he hung up our helmets, and we took off our jackets and shoes in silence. As soon as I stood, though, his hands were on my hips, and he leaned close, his lips brushing mine as he whispered, "Can I please take you upstairs?"

"You damn well better…" I teased, pressing my hips against his. He moaned when he felt my arousal, but he took the time to kiss me tenderly before turning around.

His fingers laced through mine as he led me upstairs, and I felt somehow like he was taking care of me. I enjoyed the way he was making himself at home. I followed behind, our arms stretched between us, and he walked us straight to my bedroom, stopping only once he'd reached my bed.

We shared kisses and caresses, undressing each other slowly as our lips followed our hands. The only light was that streaming in from the hallway, and Jasper reached over, turning on my bedside lamp. When my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, it was to find him smiling at me.

"Needed to see you," he said simply.

Instead of answering, I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled him with me. We kissed as we shifted toward the center, our bodies brushing as our lips whispered against each other. I moved to my hands and knees, hovering over Jasper as he settled onto his back. He ran his fingers through my hair as he watched me.

I lowered my head, taking his nipple between my lips as I teased it with my tongue. The click of metal meeting metal made me smile, and I sucked harder, enjoying the way his hips shifted as he hissed. His fingers tightened, tangling my hair further as I reached up and twisted his other nipple, hard enough to make him groan.

He began muttering, whispering those words of encouragement I loved to hear in his voice, and it was to the sound of partial phrases that I kissed my way down his torso, my breath heating his skin.

"Oh, God…"

"…mmm…like that…"

"Holy…" He groaned as I kissed the base of his cock, teasing him with just the tip of my tongue. "…fuck…"

"Christ, Edward, when you-…"

I smiled against his skin, placing open-mouthed kisses from his base to his head. I moved my lips to his abdomen, my kisses alighting now here, now there, so that he was never sure where he would feel them next.

His knees lifted from the mattress and pressed against my sides as I settled between his legs. His hips were rocking, his hard length brushing my jaw as he began pleading.

"Fuck, can you…please just…I need…"

I fucking loved seeing him like that, and I dipped my head lower, my tongue tracing the divide between his balls before I took one into my mouth. I caressed him gently, my lips and tongue exploring every inch of him before I trailed my tongue back to his head. I swirled it around the swollen, purple flesh and was rewarded with the sight of Jasper arching his back as his hands fisted the sheets.

Letting my tongue ring stutter along the rim of his head, I hesitated only a moment more before taking him deeply, feeling him hit the back of my throat at once as I relaxed and tried to suppress my gag reflex. He was panting, his hips dropping down to dig into the mattress again, but I didn't give him the chance to recover.

I followed right along with him, sucking and swallowing as I began to move my head slowly up and down, tasting him, loving him. His hands moved to the back of my head, his fingers threading through my hair at the nape of my neck as he pushed me down insistently. I smiled as best I could with him filling my mouth and just let him take over as he pulled and pushed, his words no longer coherent.

He yanked my head away at once, and I licked my raw lips, raising my eyes to find him watching me, panting. I gave him a crooked grin, and he shook his head, muttering, "So fucking unbelievable…"

He sat up like he was going to kiss me, but in the next second, he grabbed both my wrists and pushed them toward me, forcing me to sit up straighter. He kept moving, his lips finally finding the join of my neck and shoulder as he licked and nipped at my skin. He guided me backward with subtle movements until I found myself lying face down on my bed, my head near the foot with Jasper hovering over me.

"Relax," he murmured, his voice immediately losing the breathy quality my teasing had given it. He lowered his weight onto me, his knees going to either side of mine as he straddled me. His dick was nestled against my ass, and he kissed all along my back. I felt him pay particular attention to the tattoo on my left shoulder blade, and I sighed softly, resting my cheek on the mattress. I reached back with both hands, holding onto his knees while I tried to let him know wordlessly how much the gesture meant to me.

He spent a few moments calming himself as he covered me in gentle kisses and caresses, and I basked in the glow of what I was sure was his love. It _had_ to be. I had never felt this with anyone else, felt the care he put into each touch, and I wondered if he was in love with me, too – and if he knew it, even though he wasn't telling me yet.

I could feel myself tensing at my questions, and I shoved them all away resolutely. I didn't have time for this – for the worry and the dejection. I was leaving in a couple of days, and I wanted to spend the time I had with Jasper making love to him, enjoying him, not obsessing about what we were…or were not.

Jasper's kisses became more urgent as his hips began rocking against mine. He bit my shoulder, his teeth clinging to my skin as my blunt nails dug into his knees, and just that easily, my mind was again focused completely on him and what he was doing to me.

I became increasingly aware of my body, and I felt the heat of Jasper's lips searing my skin as they followed the path from my neck down my spine, where he broke away, scattering kisses all along my ass and upper thighs. He bit me hard enough to make me jump, and then he chuckled as his hands rubbed the sting away. His weight settled back on me as he spread his forearms to either side of mine.

"Do you want me, Princess?" he whispered, his breath hot on my ear.

I shivered. "God, yes…"

"What is it you want, baby?" A series of kisses from my shoulder all the way up my neck, a nipping at my ear. "Do you want me to fuck you?"

I couldn't answer. I bit my lip as I nodded, and he thrust his hips harder against me.

"I'm sorry, darlin'…I missed that. Did you say no?"

"Oh, God." I gasped. "No, no…I mean, yes. I mean…"

_Jesus fucking Christ…is it really that hard?_

I growled, struggling to organize my thoughts before I panted out, "For the love of…fuck me, Jasper. _Please_."

His face was pressed against mine when he smiled, and I felt the scratch of his stubble as his cheek lifted. He reached over, his fingertips finding my chin as he turned my face to his. He kissed me passionately, our tongues brushing before he parted with a breathy, "Mmm…all you had to do was ask."

I couldn't help but smile at the playful look in his eyes, but my cock was painfully hard trapped between the mattress and my body, and I couldn't take his teasing anymore. He must've seen the pleading in my eyes because he chuckled quietly and kissed me once more before his weight disappeared.

My overheated skin felt cold as soon as his body left mine, making me shudder. I listened to the scrape of my nightstand drawer and then the sounds of Jasper searching inside it. He wasted no time, as I heard the rip of the condom package and then the snap of the lube before he shut the drawer.

His cool, slick fingers brushed against my entrance as his other hand ran lightly along my thigh before cupping my ass. His finger slipped inside, and I bit my bottom lip, my toes burying in the sheets. After a few passes, a second finger joined the first, then a third, and soon, I was propped up on my forearms, my head hanging down as my shallow breathing broke the silence of the room.

Jasper's fingers disappeared, and I felt him turn, reaching for something with his other hand. He balanced himself above me, handing me a pillow. I smiled at the thoughtful gesture as I hugged the pillow to my chest, but before I could thank him, his head was pressing against my entrance, and I groaned loudly.

_Fuck yes…please… _

I knew I was gone, past the point of rational thought as I pleaded with Jasper in my mind. He straddled my legs so that his knees were on either side of mine while my thighs were pressed together. I moaned, closing my eyes in anticipation of how it would soon feel. He granted my silent request, sheathing himself within me in one smooth motion.

I stretched. I burned. And I fucking gasped out loud at the exquisite sensation.

He grunted as his body settled against mine. I could feel all of him, his chest pressing against my back, his biceps encasing my ribs, his thighs squeezing mine. His right hand snaked beneath my chest, his hand reaching up to grasp my shoulder, and as he began to move, his left arm wrapped around me, his hand cupping my chin as he turned my face toward his.

His lips were against my ear as he panted and moaned with each thrust, whispering quiet words I couldn't understand. His tongue traced the shell of my ear before he bit the lobe, making my fingers grip the pillow nearly to the point of pain.

He began scattering kisses along my neck and shoulders, his forehead pressing against my head before he'd lift himself again. My world was dominated by Jasper – his weight, his scent, his sounds – and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He pulled away slightly, moving more to his hands and knees, and the change in angle had me squirming, pressing my ass up higher as I moaned and begged for more.

I could feel the tension in my abdomen, the tingling in my thighs that let me know he was hitting that most sensitive place inside of me. He was relentless, his hips rocking against mine as he reached beneath me with one hand, finding my nipple. He rolled and pulled it between his fingertips; I could feel his sweat dripping onto my overheated skin. I just wanted more.

On every level.

I realized my husky voice was grunting and panting, asking for just that – _more_ – and Jasper took heed. He was thrusting faster, harder, and my knees tried to spread to give him more room. His legs on either side held them together, though, and he straightened further, one hand gripping my shoulder while the other went to my ass. He clung to it tightly, holding me close as the pounding of his hips drove me to distraction.

At once, my head was void of coherent thought. All I could do was _feel_: feel my toes curl and my feet cramp as Jasper's hard length drove into me, stretching me and bringing me to new heights. I had very rarely felt this much pleasure when bottoming. I welcomed it, focusing what attention I had left on the physical sensations.

"Oh, God!" I think I cried out as my whole body tensed. My arms hugged the pillow closer as I buried my face in it. My thighs tightened, my ass clenching around Jasper, who kept moving as I rode out my orgasm.

"Did…" he panted. "Did you just..? You did…oh, fuck…" I heard a hiss, and then both his hands were on my hips, lifting them from the bed as his pace doubled. I was aware of him moving, his fingers gripping, our skin slapping…but it was as if it were far away from my blissful little bubble as I slowly relaxed.

Soon, he thrust into me harder than before and then froze, holding on for a moment before he gave three more thrusts in quick succession. His hand rubbed lovingly over my back from ass to shoulder and back again in soothing circles before he pulled away from me. I turned my head to the side, resting my cheek on the pillow even though it was cold and wet from my apparent drooling. I heard rustling as he moved, but I couldn't make myself look to see what he was doing as I just lay there in awe.

He settled to my right, lying on his side so that I could see his face. He was wearing a grin somewhere between smug satisfaction and disbelief. I chuckled, reaching out to cup his cheek.

"Yes, you were fucking amazing," I answered his unspoken question. I laughed outright when his grin grew even wider. "Come here, you," I murmured quietly.

He complied at once, lifting up on his elbow so that he could lean over and kiss me. Our lips moved languidly together while his fingers caressed my cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered when we parted. "I've just never had that happen before…"

I smirked at him. "Well, I can't say it's never happened to me, but it's not often." I smiled at him softly, placing tender kisses on his cheeks and lips when his face fell slightly. I moved to my side and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him to me so I could whisper, "That's the first time with someone, though."

He pulled back, raising an eyebrow. "With some_one_?"

I nodded, grinning mischievously. At his curious expression, I chuckled. "I like toys." I shrugged. "And porn. And I might've played a bit with different stuff…" I was having too much fun, watching his eyes widen. I wasn't sure if it was at the fact that I enjoyed those things or that I was admitting it so freely, but one thing was for damn sure – if Jasper and I were going to be together, that would be something he would learn sooner or later.

And the sooner he knew about it, the sooner we could…play.

He watched me in silence. He was still smiling, but he seemed at a loss as to what to say, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on behind those beautiful eyes.

"Does that bother you, baby?" I said finally.

He blinked and shook his head quickly. "Oh, no. I just…" He trailed off, frowning a bit before he continued, "I just haven't really ever gotten into that."

He caught my frown – I'm sure I must've looked disappointed – and his eyes gleamed wickedly. "Not because I don't want to try it…" He leaned forward, biting my bottom lip before kissing me thoroughly with a needy groan. When we parted, he stayed close, moving his lips to my ear, where he whispered softly, "I've never…really been with anyone long enough to get there."

His arm went around my waist, his hand trailing up my back and coming to rest between my shoulder blades as he pressed close to me. He kissed my neck, nipping at my jaw, and I slipped my knee between his, my arm tightening around his waist. My fingers caressed his skin lovingly as I heard what he wasn't saying.

And then he _did_ say it.

His voice was so low I had to strain to hear it, but the words were unmistakable. "I want to get there with you."

I froze for a moment, stunned that he'd actually said it aloud. I forced my fingers to keep moving. I kissed his jaw and whispered simply, "We will," before bringing my lips to his. I was worried that if I said anything more, I would say _too_ much – tell him everything I felt – and that then my time with him would be cut all too short. It was enough that he'd admitted to wanting more with me than he'd had with the other men he'd been with.

_Shit. Just "enough"?_

I couldn't kid myself. That one simple statement had me soaring, my heart light and my head fucking giddy as I couldn't help the smile that spread on my face. We kissed for long, perfect moments before, at last, I pulled back with a small, content sigh. Jasper's smile was a little sheepish, a little shy, and I fought the urge to wrap him in my arms so tightly I'd probably crack his ribs.

_This man fucking owns me. _

The thought was simple but true, and I flashed a smile at him that he returned. He sighed, reminding me of the pottery class with Emily in the morning, and I smacked his ass lightly as I said we'd better rest up, then. As he rolled off the bed with a groan, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd be lucky enough to have him with me all weekend again.

I was pondering ways to peek into his bag to see just how many clothes he'd brought when I stopped myself with an admonition to be open. "Hey," I said, ridiculously feeling a little nervous, especially considering what we'd just done, "do you think you can stay the weekend?"

He grinned at me. "You're about to leave me for a week, Princess. 'Fraid you're stuck with me for the next couple of days."

And just that easily, I found myself humming and smiling like an idiot as we stripped my bed. The mess I'd made was spreading rapidly, so the comforter had to be tossed into the laundry with my sheets. I grabbed a new set from the linen closet, and we talked comfortably about the next morning's class as we made the bed together, topping it with a spare quilt.

Soon, we were standing beneath the dual showerheads in my bathroom, letting the warm water wash away the stickiness of our activities and relax our muscles. We dried off, and Jasper put both the towels in the hamper before reaching for two Q-tips. I couldn't help chuckling at him again as he cleaned his ears, but he just rolled his eyes with a grin.

When he took my hand before leading me back to my bed, I was overcome with the sense of rightness I felt at having him here with me, and that feeling was only strengthened when he settled in behind me, his body curving around mine as he reached up to set his alarm and click off the lamp. "Good night, Edward," his soft voice rumbled before he kissed my cheek.

"Good night, Jasper," I whispered, covering his hand on my chest with my own as I closed my eyes.

Gray early morning light was filtering through the edges of my curtains when Jasper's alarm sounded. I was flat on my stomach, my head resting on the sheets instead of my pillow, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Jasper sprawled out on his back. His lips moved as he muttered something, and then he sprang up, reaching over and slapping at my nightstand blindly.

When the annoying beeping finally ended, he flopped back down with a huff, throwing one arm over his eyes. I grinned, wide awake, and moved closer so I could rest my head on his shoulder. His arms encased me automatically as he mumbled, "Mmm…morning…" and shifted his hips so that he was lying slightly on his side.

"Oh, no, you don't…" I muttered. As much as I would have loved to stay in bed with Jasper awhile longer, I wasn't about to let him miss breakfast with his sister again. His eyes were still closed, but his lips formed a small pout as he tried to snuggle closer to me. "Not a chance, Mr. Whitlock," I whispered, brushing those full, pouty lips with mine.

Before I could finish what I was going to say, his hand tangled in my hair, and he pulled me closer, his lips parting mine. I gave myself to him for a moment, letting him direct us as he deepened the kiss. He rolled on top of me, straddling my hips, and his blue eyes opened for the first time as he sat up.

I tried my best to ignore the way our bare cocks brushed together – and especially the way it made me want to throw him down on the bed and take him _now_. Instead, I ran my hands up and down his thighs, trying to calm him – hell, calm both of us – as I said, "Morning, Jazz…"

He leaned down without answering, intent on kissing me again, but I put my hands on his shoulders. "As much as I love where your mind is heading, we've got a date with your sister, baby…"

I heard the slight hesitation in my voice, and I knew if he pushed me, I would probably cave. Thankfully, he just gave a cute petulant groan and pouted at me again as he climbed out of bed. I stared unabashedly at the sight of him nude and aroused as he walked straight into my bathroom, grousing along the way.

As he used the restroom, I threw back the covers and stood, stretching my arms toward the ceiling. I heard the water running, and then Jasper was back, looking slightly more awake. His hair was an absolute mess, the result of falling asleep with it wet last night, and it made me a little worried to see what mine might be like. He knelt down in front of my dresser and rifled through his bag, pulling out a leather toiletries case.

When he stood and passed by me again, he paused this time, giving me a crooked grin as he said, "Good morning, by the way…" He winked and reached behind me, squeezing my ass with a chuckle before disappearing into the bathroom again.

"Shoulda let me finish," he called out just before the water started running again. I laughed, shaking my head as I ran my fingers through my hair and followed after him.

_Yeah, shoulda._

I felt somewhat proud of myself for being the responsible one as I went to grab my toothbrush from the shower. I joined Jasper at the sink, and I couldn't help but snort at my reflection. Jasper had wet his hair, making it somewhat manageable, but I knew from experience that there was no hope for mine. We got ready in easy silence, one of us occasionally making a comment or asking the other to pass something, and soon, we were getting dressed.

We were both wearing jeans and t-shirts, knowing now that the studio would likely get messy. I went into my closet and came out wearing a baseball cap that made Jasper grin.

"What is it?" I asked, cutting my eyes over to him as I picked up my phone and wallet.

He was sitting on the edge of my bed, putting on his socks. "Titans, huh?"

"Of course," I answered simply. "Gotta root for the home team."

He snorted. "Home team, my ass…you know Tennessee stole them from Houston, right?"

I grinned. "Didn't have to steal them…everyone knows Tennessee's better than Texas."

The flash of indignation in Jasper's eyes was priceless, and he sputtered, arguing with me all the way downstairs. He was still going when we stopped to put on our shoes; I just couldn't help poking and prodding him, making little comments I knew would get under his skin about the blues and sports. By the time we walked outside, he was too upset to even stand there as I locked my front door. He stalked down the walkway, making me laugh under my breath.

I caught up to him on the way to my car – we were taking it instead of the bike since we'd have Emily – and grabbed his elbow. He narrowed his eyes when he saw my grin, but he didn't fight me when I put my arms around him. "I'm sorry, baby." I chuckled. "You're just too damn fun to mess with. You know, some of my favorite things are from Texas."

He looked at me pointedly, his hands still hanging by his sides as he said, "That so?"

"Mhmm…" I kissed along his jaw, and he gripped my elbows at last. "Cotton…damn good chili…real cowboys…" I nibbled on his ear as his arms wrapped low around my waist. "And you."

He squeezed me tight and sighed quietly before his lips found mine. When he pulled away, he murmured, "You're still an ass."

"I know," I answered with a grin. He rolled his eyes but smiled, kissing me again before taking my hand.

"Let's get going, Dr. Masen…so we can see what Emily thinks of your 'Tennessee is better than Texas' theory."

I laughed as I slid behind the wheel of my car. We teased each other all the way to Emily's dorm, where she was waiting for us on a bench near the curb. She put a bookmark in the novel she was reading and stuffed it into her bag as she hopped up and walked toward us. Jasper got out, scooping her up in a huge hug, and I could help but notice that she seemed more…subdued than the other times I'd seen her.

When she got into the car – insisting on sitting in the backseat – I could tell through her reflection in the rear-view mirror that she was tired. There were dark circles under her eyes that she'd tried to hide with makeup, but she couldn't stifle her yawn.

Jasper asked her what was wrong, and she shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, Spurs…I've just been up all night studying." She grumbled under her breath, and I caught something about big brothers before she raised her voice. "You can't even let me say hi before you start in?"

I glanced at Jasper just as he cut his eyes at me, our playful mood fading. By the time we'd gone two blocks, though, Emily was chattering away like normal.

_Maybe she's just not a morning person…_

Something about the whole situation made me uneasy, but the more Emily talked, the more Jasper seemed to relax, so I took my cue from him. We stopped not far from Emily's dorm at a little bakery where we all had various bagels and coffee. Emily ordered a gigantic banana nut muffin as well and split it among the three of us. I paid for breakfast, making the two of them frown slightly at me, but neither said anything other than "thank you" as we headed out again.

We were all chatting easily, teasing each other a little, when we pulled into a parking spot near the pottery studio. Jasper had brought up the Texas-Tennessee argument and had blown up when Emily said, "Well, Tennessee _is_ better in some ways…"

"Emily Claire!" Jasper sounded scandalized, and I could tell he hadn't caught the mischievous gleam in her eyes. Those gray-green eyes were focused on me in the mirror, and she winked, lifting her index finger to her lips in the universal sign for "Shh…"

He spun in his seat, set to launch into her, and caught her. His eyes narrowed, but she just giggled and crossed her eyes at him. "Serves you right, Spurs. Loosen up!"

She opened her door and hopped out of the car, grabbing her bag and throwing it over her shoulder. Jasper's face swung around to mine, his eyes incredulous.

I chuckled. "Sorry, babe…she's too much like you."

He reached out and pinched my nipple, making me jump. "Too much like me, huh? I think it's you two who are too much alike for my own good." He tried to look at me sternly, but a grin quirked his lips. He rolls his eyes and leaned over, kissing me hard before he disappeared from the car just as quickly as she had.

"Definitely too much alike," I muttered, killing the engine before climbing out and pocketing my keys. I walked behind the two of them, watching them act like kids as Jasper "accidentally" tripped Emily. He had a strong hold on her upper arm and didn't let her fall, but that didn't stop her from turning around and punching the shit out of him. She huffed, brushing her hair back out of her eyes, but I could tell from the way she was holding back a smile that she loved spending time with him.

The sight made me ache, but it was one I wouldn't have missed for anything; I loved seeing him this way. I enjoyed watching siblings interact. I'd always been mildly fascinated by Tanya and Emmett and the relationship they shared. It was much like Jasper and Emily's – mildly antagonistic but built on love.

I didn't have long to ponder their relationship, however, as we were soon back in the pottery studio in our aprons. Our first job was to trim the bowls we'd created last week, now that they were dried to something that felt a lot like stiff leather. I spent longer on mine than anyone else, wanting to make sure the lines and curves were as close to perfect as I could get them. Now that it was drying, I could pick out more flaws, but overall, I was happy with my first attempt.

When I'd finished, Carmen directed me to the clay, and I brought it back to my station, beginning a new bowl. A quick look around showed me that everyone else was focused on their own work, so I threw myself into mine, fully immersed in the soft feel of the clay, the stronger resistance, and the way it molded to my fingers.

I had a much harder time centering my piece this time, and my sides seemed uneven to me. I started over several times, grumbling to myself, and the hours passed so quickly that I was surprised when I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and looked up to see that I was – again – the last one working.

Jasper was sitting a few feet away on a stool, his feet sprawled out in front of him as he leaned back against the counter. His hands and face were clean, and he'd removed his apron, but he seemed completely relaxed and unhurried as he watched me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Where's Emily?" I rubbed my nose as something tickled it, and he smiled softly, standing up and walking a few steps closer.

"Having tea with Carmen." At my questioning look, he reached out, rubbing clay off my nose as he said, "We've been done a little while."

"Oh," I said stupidly. "Sorry…I didn't even realize…"

"Don't apologize," he interrupted. "I enjoy watching you work."

I dipped my hands into the bucket of water, rinsing off some of the bigger clumps of clay and turned to face him, my hands resting palm-up on my knees. He stepped between my legs and put his forearms on my shoulders with his hands linked behind my head. "Do you mean to be so fucking…suggestive?"

I bit my bottom lip, half-smiling up at him as I shook my head.

He groaned. "God damn…"

"What?" I asked quietly.

"I think that just makes it hotter…" he answered before kissing me hard. He pulled away far too quickly for my liking and smiled down at me. "Come on…let's get you cleaned up."

We set to work, putting things away and washing up. By the time we were finished, Emily and Carmen were just returning. Carmen gave each of us a hug and told Jasper and me that we were "good boys." She asked if we would all be there for next Saturday's class, and when I said that I would be out of town, Emily's face fell.

I smiled at her. "Sorry, Lee…I'm flying out Monday and won't be back until the next Monday."

She pouted – looking so damn much like Jasper it was eerie – but I shrugged, telling her there was nothing I could do. She was somewhat mollified when I gave her a hug, and soon she was perfectly fine again, chattering about how she and Jasper would trim my second bowl for me. Jasper stood by silently, his thumbs stuck in his back pockets as he stared at the ground, and I let myself hope that he was thinking about how much he would miss me…because I sure as fuck would miss him.

Carmen walked us to the front door, and as soon as we were back on the sidewalk, Emily turned around. "So where do you guys want to go for lunch?"

"Actually…" I began. "I was thinking I'd drop you two off somewhere. I'll just grab something at home." Emily and Jasper turned to look at me with nearly identical expressions – curious eyebrows raised, small frowns on their lips.

Jasper was the first to speak. "Why?"

"Yeah, why?" Emily pressed, her hands going to her hips.

"Because I've crashed three of your dates now. You need some time together," I said firmly. "Alone."

Jasper's frown deepened, but I could see the light in his eyes – gratitude, I thought, even though it warred with the expression on his face. It strengthened my resolve, and I took each of their hands, walking in the middle as I led them to my car. They grumbled and fussed, protesting, but I wouldn't be budged…not this time.

"Look, I need to do some laundry anyway." I saw Jasper's cheeks redden out of the corner of my eye, and I smirked as I was reminded of the comforter I needed to wash. "And we're supposed to be meeting the guys in a little bit, right?" Jasper nodded. "So I need to get that done, and you two need some time together."

They both gave in finally, and I drove them to a little deli that Emily loved. Along the way, she told us all about the heavy workload she had at school and said she was going to have to call it a day early anyway – she would be holed up in her dorm room for the rest of the weekend, working on several assignments. Jasper glanced over his shoulder at her, and I could see the worried look in his eyes, but he didn't say anything.

When I stopped at the curb outside the restaurant, Emily grabbed the back of my seat and leaned forward, kissing my cheek. "Thanks, Edward! You can join us if you want, you know…"

I smiled at her. "Now, don't go starting that again…you're welcome. You two call me when you're ready to be picked up, alright?"

"We will," she said and gave me an awkward hug around the seat before climbing out of the car. She shut the door, but instead of getting out, Jasper took my hand.

Curious, I looked over at him, and I found him gazing back at me earnestly. "What is it, baby?" I asked quietly, lacing my fingers through his.

"What would you say if I told you I _really_ wanted you to go to lunch with us?"

His question threw me off guard, and I frowned at him. "I'd say of course, sweetheart. You know that, right?"

A war was raging behind his eyes, one I didn't understand in the slightest. I reached up with my other hand, cupping his cheek and tracing his lips with my thumb. "Talk to me, Jazz…"

A smile flickered across his lips before he kissed my thumb. "Thank you," he answered, though I really didn't see how it had anything to do with our conversation. "I just…needed to know."

I nodded slowly, smiling as I leaned across the console and kissed him gently. "Anything you need from me – anywhere you need me to be…I'm there. I promise."

He kissed me again, our tongues brushing as his hand cupped my chin. When we parted, he rested his forehead against mine and said, "Thank you," once more. He sat up straighter, smiling at me as his voice returned to normal. "See you in a little while?"

I nodded. "Whenever you call."

That same smile flirted with his lips as he nodded and got out of the car without another word. I watched the two of them on the sidewalk; Emily tickled him, and he squirmed before putting his arm around her shoulders and walking her into the restaurant. Once they'd vanished behind the glare on the glass door, I checked the rear-view mirror and pulled away from the curb, heading toward home.

I really did have a lot of work to do, and I didn't want to waste the time I had with Jasper doing it, so as soon as I was through the front door, I kicked off my shoes and got to work. I docked my iPod and turned it on, letting some classic rock blast through the speakers so I could hear it throughout the downstairs.

I made sure my phone was set to vibrate and dropped it in my pocket, taking the stairs two at a time as I gathered my laundry. I carried the hamper – overflowing yet again – down to the basement and dumped it on the floor before sorting it and starting the first load.

I wandered into the kitchen and stared into my refrigerator, trying to figure out what I wanted for lunch. I knew we'd be playing baseball in a few hours, so I didn't really want anything too heavy – nothing like puking to impress the guys. I settled for a monster sandwich and a bottle of water, eating it at the bar before I quickly did the dishes.

As I walked by my piano, I considered sitting down for a few minutes and playing, but I decided I might as well make use of the time I had alone, since it seemed like it would – thankfully – be short this weekend. I cleaned my bathroom upstairs and straightened my room before it was time to switch out the laundry. The time passed quickly, and I was just finishing up dusting the living room when my phone vibrated against my thigh.

I smiled at the _Jasper_ flashing on my screen when I flipped it open. "Hey, baby," I said. "You guys all done?"

"Hey there, sugar," Emily's teasing voice answered. "I had no idea I was your baby…I won't tell Jasper if you don't."

My cheeks heated as I laughed and then cleared my throat. "Hey, Lee Lee…sorry about that."

She giggled. "Don't be. It's kinda cute. And yeah, we're done…Jasper just went to the restroom, so I decided to call you – you know, see if I could get you to say anything incriminating."

_Thank God I didn't. _

We talked for a couple of minutes more before Emily said, "Oh, shit…here he comes. See you soon?"

The line disconnected, and I chuckled, closing my phone and slipping it back into my pocket. After putting away my cleaning supplies, I stopped by the downstairs bathroom to wash my hands and make sure I still looked okay. As soon as my shoes were on, I was out the door, realizing halfway to my car that I was whistling with a stupid grin on my face.

_The things that man does to me… _

I drove across town, wondering what, exactly, it was about Jasper that affected me so strongly in _every_ way. There really was no answer – nothing that I could pin down and say, "This is why I love him." I just did. Completely. And he made me feel more alive that I could remember feeling since I was a little kid catching lightning bugs with Emmett and Tanya when I visited them for a week each summer before my dad died.

I spotted Emily and Jasper standing outside the restaurant and parked at the curb again, but before I could even shut off the engine, she turned, said something to him, and took off running. He stood for a split-second as if in shock, and then his long legs were in motion, carrying him straight past her as he reached the passenger door and opened it.

"No fair! I called it!" she complained, but it didn't do any good as he plopped down in the seat and turned to grin up at her. "Brat!" She pushed his head back against the headrest while he chuckled.

He closed the door as she opened the back one and climbed in. I met her gaze in the rear-view mirror and said, "Shotgun?"

She frowned, muttering. "He always cheats."

"Being fast isn't cheating." Jasper's voice had a smug edge to it that made me laugh, and I listened to the two of them bicker as I drove to Emily's dorm.

They were still going at it when I pulled into a parking spot, and I was beginning to wonder if Emily was really upset – right up until she said, "Yeah, yeah…love you, Spurs." She kissed his cheek, and he smiled.

"Love you, too, Lee Lee."

She kissed my cheek then and told me goodbye. When she got out of the car, Jasper followed and wrapped her up in a hug. I heard him murmur, "Take care of yourself. Call me if you need me, 'kay?"

"I will," she answered as she hugged him fiercely. She didn't let go until he grunted, and then she ducked down, waving at me once more. "Have a good trip, Edward!"

Jasper sat down again, the door still open, and he watched her with a silly smile on his face until she disappeared into her dorm. I didn't say anything, just letting him have this moment, and I didn't put the car in gear again until he'd closed the door and buckled his seatbelt.

"So what'd you do without me?" he asked as he put his hand on my thigh.

I shrugged. "Cleaned some…did some laundry. Had to wash a comforter…"

He squeezed my thigh and chuckled. We talked about nothing in particular on the way home, and when we made it there, he followed me downstairs while I switched out more of the laundry and took the first load out of the dryer.

I took the laundry basket to the den, where he insisted on helping me. It was a little strange watching Jasper fold my clothes, but there was something comforting and familiar about it as well. He held up a pair of boxers, raising an eyebrow at me over them. "I didn't know you had a pair like these, too," he teased.

"I don't." I snickered at his expression as I explained, "They're yours."

"Oh." He looked torn between embarrassment and amusement before he tossed them at my face.

I caught and folded them, and Jasper grew uncharacteristically quiet for a few minutes. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "Hey..."

I glanced up as I finished folding a towel. "Yeah?"

He gave me a small smile, but he shifted in his seat nervously. I turned toward him, reaching over to take his hand. He gave mine a small squeeze and said, "I was just wondering...do you need a ride to the airport on Monday?"

The fact that he was nervous was both cute and a little frustrating. I didn't make anything of it, though, just feeling touched that he'd thought of me...and wanted to be there for me. "Sure, that'd be great - do you think you can get the time away from work?"

He nodded, a smug grin on his lips as he said, "Mike'll just have to deal. I'll take a half-day."

"Sounds perfect, then." I smiled and leaned over, kissing him before straightening and picking up another towel.

We worked companionably until it was time to get ready to play baseball with the guys. Since Jasper didn't have his glove with him, I stuffed two into a backpack after he assured me the other guys would bring everything else we needed. We changed out of our jeans – with Jasper chuckling when I _did_ put underwear on this time – and into shorts. I was confused when he handed me my jeans again…until he winked and said, "Let me take you for a ride, Princess."

I grinned as I put them on over my shorts while he walked into my closet to pick out a hat. He borrowed a Red Sox baseball cap from me, sneering at my Titans one again, and soon we were dressed in our leather jackets and helmets and climbing onto Jasper's bike.

I didn't know where the "usual place" was, so I just enjoyed the scenery as Jasper sped down the streets of Boston. My arms were around his waist, and I was struck with the sense that this was just how things should be – Jasper in my arms as we went to meet friends. It felt right. Whole, somehow.

We stopped at a ballpark not far from his apartment, and as soon as I stood and took my helmet off, I recognized a couple of the guys. Mike waved us over, but I followed Jasper's lead, stowing my helmet before kicking off my shoes and getting rid of my jacket and jeans. Catcalls reached my ears along with a joking comment about waiting until we were alone, and my eyes flickered to Jasper's face to see his reaction. His cocky smirk was in place as he called back, "You're just jealous, Eric!"

He draped his jeans over the seat of his motorcycle and put his arms on my hips, pulling me close to kiss me. My eyes widened in surprise before closing of their own accord, and I let myself get lost in the feeling of his lips on mine until I remembered where we were. I took a small step back, smiling at him as I whispered, "I believe we have a game to play, Mr. Whitlock."

His eyes were dark with desire, and I saw his jaw clench as he nodded. "You're mine tonight," was all he said as he took my jeans from me and rolled both pairs together, stuffing them into my backpack after pulling out the gloves and holding them under one arm. We put our shoes back on, I picked up our coats, and he slung the bag over his shoulder, taking my hand as he led me over to his friends.

There were about a dozen guys there, and I didn't catch all their names as I focused on the faces I knew. Eric winked at me – I didn't miss the way Jasper's hand tightened around mine. I couldn't help but grin as I held out my hand to shake Eric's. I shook hands with Mike as well, and as soon as my eyes landed on Ben, I said, "Oh, damn…I have a CD for you at home, but I didn't think about you being here today. I'll give it to Jazz to bring you on Monday, okay?"

He grinned and nodded. "Thanks, man…you're a lifesaver. I nearly skipped out on today just to take a nap."

"Ugh, that sucks. Hopefully this'll work for you." I felt a little strange offering it, but Ben had sounded so desperate when he called me Wednesday afternoon that I felt like I _had_ to do something. I caught Jasper's curious look and leaned a little closer to whisper in his ear, "I recorded some Beatles songs for Bella so Ben could try them."

He looked confused for just a moment. "Wait…recorded…you mean it's _you_ singing?"

I nodded, frowning at his disgruntled look.

"Where the hell is my CD?" he asked by way of explanation. I laughed, putting my arm around his waist as he playfully muttered.

I also made a mental note to make Jasper a CD.

Mike took over the introductions as there were a couple of guys Jasper didn't know. I glanced at Jazz often, trying to gauge his reaction as each person was introduced to get a feel for what he thought of them. When Mike got to a guy in the very back, Jasper's eyes widened as he literally did a double-take – his eyes glanced over the man and then snapped back.

"Demetri," Mike said simply, pointing him out. Demetri gave a little wave as Mike concluded, "And Felix." The biggest guy in the group – about four inches taller than Jasper and a hell of a lot wider – nodded, grinning at me.

My eyes drifted back to Demetri when I noticed Jasper watching him intently.

_Dear God, tell me that's not an ex-boyfriend…_please_…_

Mike announced that he and Jasper would be the leaders of the two teams and made a big production of having Felix toss a coin to see who would choose first. My focus, however, was on Demetri. My heart sank as I studied him; he was young, in amazing shape, and…gorgeous. I couldn't shake the jealousy and self-consciousness I felt in the wake of Jasper's staring at him.

"Hey," Jasper's voice said quietly as he tugged on my hand. I blinked, glancing around to find that everyone was walking off toward the field. He'd put my backpack and our jackets somewhere, and we were the only two standing there as he watched me with a concerned look on his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, feeling bile rise in my throat as I convinced myself that they _had_ been lovers. I couldn't shake the inevitable questions – how did I compare? Did he want Demetri back? Were they...?

I couldn't even finish the last one, couldn't let myself wonder if they were _still_ seeing each other.

_Jasper wouldn't._

"Who's that Demetri guy?" I blurted out.

Jasper frowned at me and stepped closer, his voice dropping to a low murmur. "Eric's ex-boyfriend. They were together for a long time, and I'm just…surprised to see him here. Eric didn't mention them getting back together."

"Oh," I breathed – and in truth, it felt like the first breath I'd taken in long minutes. For the first time, I had a sense of understanding, to a certain extent anyway, about why Jasper freaked out on me with both Garrett and Seth - and I didn't have whatever ghosts haunted Jasper stalking me.

I watched the comprehension dawn in his eyes, and he gave me a small, rueful smile. "Sorry, darlin'…I didn't mean to worry you."

I felt heat climbing my neck, both from embarrassment and irritation. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I mean, I didn't think you…" I trailed off, deciding to quit before I just made it worse. There was a light of understanding in his eyes, anyway, and he nodded.

"Mike snagged you."

"Huh?" I didn't understand what he meant until he nodded toward the field.

"You're on Mike's team. Bastard won the toss and picked you first." Jasper chuckled, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Hope you're worth it."

"I'll do my best." I smirked as I took one of the gloves from him. "You know what I say about doing things right…"

As I walked away to join my team, he smacked my ass and grumbled. I didn't catch what he said, but I flashed a smile at him over my shoulder and caught him staring at me. He shook his head, rolling his eyes, but he was grinning when he started walking toward his own team.

For the first few innings, no one scored. I was playing a combination of second base and shortstop as we were short players, and I kept my attention focused on the job at hand. Every time I was waiting to bat, though, my mind – and my eyes – drifted as I watched Jasper and his friends.

Several times, I saw his head bent close to Eric's as they walked onto the field, talking animatedly. Their discussions seemed awfully heavy for Saturday afternoon baseball, but I guess that was to be expected, given what the topic had to be.

As we played, I got to know my teammates a little better. Mike was pitching while Ben played first. Demetri was on our team as well, playing in the outfield, but in the beginning, I knew virtually nothing about our other players, except that they were named Max, Will, and Randall. That changed as the teams began learning each others' tricks and the innings grew longer. We talked idly, standing in the dugout as we waited for our turn to bat, and we hurled insults at Jasper's team, congratulating each other on particularly good ones.

I was laughing when we took the field again, and Jasper altered his path to pass close by me, grabbing my hand for a second as he asked breathlessly, "Having a good time?"

He was sweaty and breathing hard with his face all red, and it took just one look at him to make me wish the game was over. I tried to keep all of that out of my eyes, though, as I said, "Yeah, this is pretty cool."

We were standing halfway between the pitcher's mound and home plate while everyone around us changed sides, but that didn't stop Jasper's eyes from roaming up and down my body. "Can't _wait_ to get you home," he growled lowly for my ears alone. Then he fucking winked and grinned, calling out to Felix as he walked away.

"Jesus," I muttered, shaking my head as I went to take my place.

The game was a grueling one, with both sides playing harder as it went on. The guys were serious about their baseball – there was no messing around, no cheating. The lead passed back and forth several times, but the game stayed close. By the time all was said and done, Jasper's team had beaten us by one run.

They came off the field after the final out, gloating all the way.

Mike grumbled, "Yeah, yeah…just means drinks are on you."

The guys laughed, everyone in good spirits as we put away equipment. They seemed to have some sort of tradition as people dispersed with calls of "See you there!" and the like. Several of the guys stopped by to say it was nice to meet me, and I realized as I was returning the sentiment that it was true – I'd had a fantastic time hanging out with Jasper's friends, and it wasn't just because he was letting me into his life, although that was definitely part of it. They were just cool guys that reminded me a lot of my friends.

Our clothes were soaked, and we were gross, but Jasper insisted that we put our jeans and jackets on anyway. One look at his face ended my grumbling, although nothing could end the distaste I felt at the thick material sliding up my damp skin. He leaned over, kissing me as he handed me my helmet. He muttered against my lips, "Big baby…I'll make it up to you, promise."

I laughed and put on the helmet, climbing onto the bike behind him. Soon we were racing down the streets again, the brisk wind cooling my skin. Jasper pulled up in front of the Cask 'n Flagon and patted my hands on his waist before I got off. He stood with a groan, arching his back before taking his helmet off. He took mine from me, stuffed them both in the saddlebags, and took my hand to lead me inside.

Apparently, they were regulars here because Jasper waved to the bartender and took me straight to a table off to the side, out of view of the doors. The guys were spread out at a tall, round table and two booths, all close enough for everyone to talk.

We sat in a booth with Mike and Ben, who let us know they'd already ordered buffalo wings and a round of beer for us all. As if the mere mention had summoned her, a waitress stopped by with a huge tray that she set down before handing each of us a bottle of Sam Adams and leaving a platter of wings on each table.

Before she could escape, Jasper took her hand to get her attention. Her head whipped around toward him, and I saw the flash of anger in her eyes…before she caught sight of his face. He was wearing a small, playful smile, and his eyes were dancing as he looked up at her. "I'm sorry, darlin'…I didn't mean to startle you," he said. "I was just hoping we might get the Home Plate, too."

She blushed, brushing her hair out of her eyes as she said, "Oh, sure…no problem. Can I get you anything else…?"

The way her voice trailed off, it was clear she was waiting for something. I had no idea what, but my lover did, apparently. "Jasper," he supplied, winking at her. "And thanks…but I think that'll be enough to keep us satisfied."

She smiled, her cheeks still a light pink, and walked away looking a little dazed. Just in the doorway to the kitchen, she ran into another waitress and said something excitedly, and I saw them both peek over toward us before she continued inside. I shook my head and turned my attention back to our table, where I found both Ben and Mike just staring at Jasper.

"What?" he asked innocently.

I snorted. Ben rolled his eyes, but Mike was the one who said, "Dude, that shit is going to get your ass kicked some day."

Jasper laughed. "Oh, really? And how's that? I'm just brightening up the poor girl's day."

I punched his thigh, making him say, "Hey!" but before he could get too upset, I was rubbing it gently, trying to soothe the sting.

"What was that for?" he asked.

Mike's bottle was just in front of his lips when he muttered, "Damn, J…gonna be your own boyfriend that kicks your ass," and laughed, taking a sip.

Ben's eyes widened as he hurriedly sipped his own beer, and Jasper and I both studiously ignored the comment. I hoped like hell he was going to say _something _about it – even if it was to deny it – but he didn't, and I couldn't take the silence.

"You're way too convincing with that shit…" I said, leaning over to kiss Jasper's cheek. "Makes me wonder if maybe I was right about you that first night."

Jasper laughed as he set down his bottle and licked his lips. He shifted against me, his lips brushing my ear as he whispered, "Sweetheart, your ass is the _only_ one I'm interested in…just never hurts to play the game, you know?" He squeezed my thigh, his pinky brushing my crotch. I sat up straighter, my eyes widening, making the other guys at our table chuckle.

At Jasper's grin, I couldn't help teasing him. "Just make sure you know which game you want to win." He frowned at me in confusion, but I was kept from answering as our waitress delivered the fries Jasper had ordered, seasoned with another blush from her. She looked irritated when he took no notice of her this time, his attention focused on me.

When she walked away to check on the other guys, I murmured, "I could always let you go home with her. I'm sure Eric'd give me a ride home."

Jasper pinched me hard, his eyes narrowing as he leaned in close and growled, "Don't even fucking _think_ about it. I already told you…you're mine."

I heard the edge of pain in his voice and felt a moment of panic. I wondered if I'd gone too far with my teasing – if bringing up Eric was a low blow. I didn't care who was around us, I needed Jasper to know that wouldn't happen – ever – and that was why I could tease him about it.

I reached up, cupping his cheek as I pulled his lips to mine. I was aware of Mike and Ben turning to each other, talking a little too loudly about the game earlier, but I didn't fucking care. I poured everything I felt for him into that kiss, struggling with myself to keep it largely chaste, and it was a relief when I felt his lips moving with mine. When we parted, I whispered quietly, "Jazz, you know you're the only one for me, right?"

_Jesus fucking Christ, Masen…_

I couldn't decide if I'd just made it better…or worse. Jasper's eyes were unreadable as he stared at me, his face only inches from mine, but then a smile spread slowly on his lips. He didn't answer – at least not verbally – but he kissed me deeply, his lips parting mine as he gave a quiet moan.

And then he jumped, pulling away suddenly as he hissed, "Fuck!" and grabbed at his shin. Mike's eyes were turned toward the ceiling, but I could see the smile he was struggling to contain. Jasper kicked him back, and Ben burst out laughing.

"Serves you right," Mike said. "No making out when the rest of us can't."

Jasper looked suggestively between Mike and Ben, and the two of them jumped apart, their whole demeanor echoing the "Hell no"s that came out of their mouths. We all laughed, and the moment - and my questions - were forgotten as we began talking to some of the guys at the other tables.

Midway through my second beer – Jasper had switched to tea after the first – I saw Eric get up and walk over to a small table by himself. I thought it was odd, but I couldn't get Jasper's attention without alerting everyone, so I kept it to myself, watching from the corner of my eye. Demetri stood a minute later and walked to the restroom. When he came back, I hid my smile as he went to sit at the table with Eric.

I barely knew Eric, but I liked him for some reason, and it was clear even to me that he wanted Demetri back. I drained the rest of my beer, nudging Jasper's knee and tilting my head slightly toward the two of them.

He smiled and murmured, "Nice…" before turning his attention back to Felix and Mike. They were arguing about a play in the seventh inning, and Jasper was gesturing animatedly, smacking the table to emphasize his point. I sat back, stretching my arm along the back of the booth so I could play with Jasper's hair and rub his neck. I joined in the conversation, getting to know the guys better as the afternoon went on.

After about two hours, people started drifting away, stopping by our table to say goodbye. Jasper's team members also left cash to help cover the bill. Eric walked over with Demetri standing a couple of feet behind him. I gave him a pointed look before glancing over his shoulder, and his grin widened. "Shut up," he muttered under his breath, but I could see the excitement and hope in his eyes.

Soon, the four of us were the only ones left, and I thought maybe Jasper was possibly proving a point by staying the latest – that he was just as much a part of the group as always. Anyone could see that, though. In so many ways, he was the heart of this particular group of friends; they all seemed to watch and listen to him, to revolve around him in a sense. He had nothing to worry about.

He surprised me, though, when he laced his fingers through mine and said, "Sorry, guys, but we're gonna head out. I want to get Edward home."

"We don't have to, baby," I said automatically, and he gave me his crooked grin.

"Oh, I want to," he answered.

"Aaand that's my cue," Mike said, laughing. We all stood, talking for a few more minutes at the end of the table while Jasper went to pay the bill. Before long, we'd said our final goodbyes with Mike and Ben both giving me the guy-hug. They told me not to be a stranger, and within moments, I was back on Jasper's bike, heading toward my house.

We were sticky with dried sweat and just generally gross, so without even really talking about it, we kicked off our shoes, hung up our jackets and helmets, and headed up the stairs. When we walked into my room, I went to the closet to drop the backpack on the floor and came back out to find a naked Jasper standing in my bathroom, his hand stretched under the water running in the shower.

He gave me a devilish grin and said, "What are you doing still dressed, Dr. Masen?"

I shook my head, amazed that he was still feeling so…energetic…after the busy day we'd had. He must've seen the exhaustion on my face because he chuckled and dried his hands on a towel before heading over to me. He undressed me tenderly, his lips caressing my body despite the sweat and dirt on my skin. "Come on, baby," he whispered, stepping behind me and guiding me toward the shower.

I moaned as soon as the hot flow hit my skin. My head tilted back as I relished the feeling of the cleansing water washing the dirt from my hair. Jasper joined me, closing the shower door, and his hands seemed to be everywhere as they cleaned and massaged my body. The steam brought with it the fragrance of sage and cedar, making my shoulders sink as I inhaled deeply, relaxing.

I frowned when his hands left me and opened my eyes to see him cleaning himself quickly. When I reached out to help him, he swatted my hands away, giving me a playful smile over his shoulder. He washed his hair without pause, but when I went to do the same, he caught my wrist. "Uh uh," he said simply.

I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what he was up to, but my brain seemed to be fuzzy as the hot water worked its magic. My chest was growing cold, so I turned around to face my showerhead, my eyes drifting closed as I let my head fall back. I was swaying slightly, and I felt a moment of utter serenity as I listened to Jasper washing behind me.

Then his hands were there, his fingertips scratching my scalp lightly as he washed my hair. I sighed appreciatively and leaned back against him. He chuckled, wrapping one arm around my waist as he held me steady. I could feel him semi-hard against my thigh, and I bit my bottom lip as I felt my own desire stirring.

"Turn around, sweetheart," he murmured, and I did as he asked. He tilted my head back, rinsing the suds away, and then his hands moved to my hips. I felt a rush of cold air when his showerhead cut off.

I opened my eyes, ready to grumble that I didn't want to get out yet, but what I saw before me was not a Jasper who was leaving the shower. He was on his knees, his full bottom lip between his teeth as he gazed up at me. His blond hair was slicked back, making his blue eyes seem all the bigger.

_Beautiful._

I reached out, brushing his cheek with the back of my fingers as I said, "What are you doing, baby?"

He smirked up at me. "Do you really have to ask?"

Before I could say anything else, he leaned forward, taking my cock between his lips. He hummed and licked at the underside, sucking gently as he coaxed me into growing harder, each passage of his lips nudging me toward alertness.

Soon, my fingers were tangled in his hair, my eyes wide as I watched his masterful mouth at work. He licked and sucked, the tip of his tongue trailing along my length before his head lowered to take one of my balls into his mouth. Whenever his lips left me, his hand filled the void, the warmth of his palm stroking me from base to head.

I was panting and light-headed, and I reached out to brace myself against the wall. "Jesus…fuck, Jasper…" I pulled his hair harder than I intended when his teeth scraped my skin deliciously.

I felt him smiling around me, his left hand moving to grip the back of my thigh as he held me in place. As his mouth worked me over, his skillful tongue bringing me pleasure of the highest order, his right hand encircled my base, pumping me in time, while his left hand began drifting. His fingertips, slick from the water and shampoo, brushed teasingly against my entrance, never probing, simply bringing my attention to the most sensitive places on my body.

It was too much, the feeling of Jasper surrounding me, taking such care with me, and his tongue flicking at the tip of my cock was pure heaven. My knees felt like they would buckle as my fingertips gripped the smooth walls of the shower, trying to find purchase. It was no use – I could no more hold onto the glass than I could hold back the surge of pleasure raging through me.

I stiffened, my thighs and ass clenching as my release spilled down Jasper's throat in long spurts he swallowed with a hungry moan. He wasn't finished, lavishing my dick with kisses and licks as he stroked me, making sure he didn't miss a drop. My hands moved back to his head, where I could see them trembling as I struggled to stay upright. With a self-satisfied smile, Jasper placed a small kiss on each of my thighs and stood, pulling me into his arms.

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, grateful for the support and for simply feeling the man I loved hold me close. My arms were around him, my hands gripping his shoulders, and when I finally felt strong enough, I began kissing along his neck, one hand drifting down to his thigh.

I was intent on returning the favor, but before I could touch him, Jasper pulled my hand away. He waited until I looked up at him before he said, "This was about you."

He must've seen the confusion on my face. I could feel him, hard and thick against my abdomen, but he just smiled and shook his head. "Not everything has to be reciprocal, Edward. I just wanted to…" He shrugged. I still didn't say anything, and he chuckled as he leaned in to whisper, "Sometimes delayed gratification is best, right?"

I could barely hear him over the spray of the shower – which was now cooling rapidly – but I felt the gravity of his words. He meant what he said, and for some reason that I wasn't even close to understanding, it was important to him. He really did want to give me this…with nothing in return.

I felt mildly frustrated that I couldn't offer him the same release, but it didn't seem to be about that for him, and I did my best to push my own feelings and desires aside as we stepped out of the shower and dried off. His eyes were happy and bright as he teased me about being exhausted. His playful mood was catching, and I found myself joking with him.

Neither of us felt like going out again, so we dressed in pajama pants and t-shirts, preparing to be complete bums. I was planning to go downstairs to find something for dinner even though I wasn't really hungry yet, but Jasper led me to the bed and pushed me down by the shoulders. "You need to rest," he said simply.

When I frowned at him, he motioned to his pants – yellow and black plaid – and said, "Does it look like I'm going anywhere?"

I chuckled and shook my head while he pulled back the covers and made me lie down. He leaned over me, whispering, "I'll be downstairs watching some TV when you wake up. Have a good nap, baby." He kissed my forehead and brushed my hair out of my eyes, and I was horrified to feel a lump in my throat at the gesture.

If he noticed, he didn't let on; he just walked out of the room, flipping off the light and closing the door. I was sure I wouldn't be able to sleep with my mind reeling, trying to figure out what was happening, but oblivion overtook me, and it felt like only moments later when I awoke to the smell of something cooking downstairs.

I rolled over so I could see the clock, and my eyes flew wide when I saw that I'd been asleep for over three hours.

_Holy shit…some "nap"…_

It was nearly eleven o'clock. I sat up straight, yawning as I blinked in the darkness of my room before I decided to see what was going on.

I made my way downstairs to find that Jasper had soft music playing in the den, but he wasn't there when I poked my head in. I found him in the kitchen, humming as he leaned down to check something in the oven. Without turning around, he said, "Morning, sunshine," before standing and smiling at me.

"Morning," I mumbled, stifling a yawn with my fist. I blinked again, and his grin widened.

He stepped over to me and put his arms around my waist, whispering, "You're too damn cute for my own good."

I kissed him chastely, mindful of my terrible breath, but he wasn't having any of it as he deepened our kiss before pulling away again. "Pizza alright?" he asked.

My stomach growled at the sound of it, and I nodded with a smile as I went to pull two beers from the fridge. "Sorry about that…" My voice was deep and rough with sleep, but clearing my throat didn't really help. I took a pull from my beer instead and took them both to the bar, where I sat as I tried to wake up.

"Don't be. You were exhausted. And you had a lot more to drink than I did." He grinned at me as he pulled the pizza from the oven. He pulled open a few drawers before finding the pizza cutter and then sliced it before bringing it over to the bar. He put the pan on a trivet, grabbed some paper towels, and we shared our meal right there.

The whole day had felt strangely surreal and absolutely right all at once. I wondered vaguely if I was in some sort of alternate universe – or perhaps a dream – where Jasper's fears had all melted away, and he was truly mine at last. It certainly seemed that way as the rest of the night passed comfortably. We ate and watched a little more _Stargate_, and I was still tired when Jasper began yawning as well.

After cleaning up our mess, we walked upstairs together with Jasper leading the way as his hand held mine. At the side of my bed, he took his t-shirt off and pushed his pants off his hips before crawling under the covers. I grinned and did the same, the sight of him that way making me realize that I did have a bit more energy, after all.

We made love in the darkness of my room, our bodies becoming so entangled that it was hard to tell where we were separated. As I thrust into Jasper again and again, my _I love you_'s were a silent mantra in my mind. The way he clung to me, his lips never leaving mine, made me hope that he felt the same.

At last sated and cleaned, we fell asleep at once. I was the first to wake the next morning, partially because of my nap the night before – and partially because Jasper was snoring like a freight train. I was face down, my arms wrapped around my pillow, and I could see him when I opened my eyes; he was lying flat on his back, his arms thrown over his head, and his mouth was wide open. I chuckled before closing my eyes, trying to find that blissful sleepy place again, but it was no use. The noise was too much.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and sat up, resting my elbows on my knees and scrubbing my face with my hands as I grumbled, "It's a damn good thing I love you so much."

Realizing at once what I'd said, I sat up straight and turned to look over my shoulder at Jasper. His snoring was unbroken, so I knew he was truly asleep. My breath caught in my throat, and I just couldn't stop myself. I turned so that I could reach him, and my hand was on his chest when I whispered, "I love you, Jasper."

It felt so damn good to say the words out loud that I knew I was in trouble. I needed to get out of here – now – to clear my head and let me focus again on why I shouldn't say that…why I couldn't take that step until he was ready. Pushing away from the bed, I did the only thing I knew to do.

I pulled open my nightstand drawer and grabbed my journal, turning to the back and ripping a page out. I scrawled a note to Jasper, letting him know that I was going running but would be back soon, and left it on the nightstand before putting my notebook away. The dresser drawer scraped when I opened it to pull out a pair of track pants, and Jasper made a strange gasping, stuttering snore. He sat up suddenly, saying, "Huh?" just like last time.

I had to laugh. The sight of him, confused and sleepy but in my bed, brought everything back into focus for me. I could do this – I could wait – because _he_ was worth it. "Sorry, baby," I whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."

"Imup," he muttered, suppressing a yawn. "Time's it?"

I crossed the room, kneeling on the edge of the bed as I stretched to kiss him. "Just after seven, sweetheart. You can sleep as long as you want."

He heard something in my voice that he didn't like, something that made the sleep clear from his eyes as he said, "Where are you going?"

I sat down beside him, taking his hand. "Just going for a run…I woke up a little early."

He flopped back on the bed, rubbing both eyes with the heels of his hands. When he spoke again, his voice was much clearer. "Do you have some clothes I can borrow?"

I protested, telling him again that he should sleep, but he wouldn't hear of it. He cajoled me with kisses and whispered words, but in the end, it was something simple that broke down my resistance.

"You're leaving tomorrow, Edward. I just want to spend time with you."

"Okay," I said quietly. "Help yourself…" I nodded to the dresser, and within minutes, we were both dressed and downstairs, putting our tennis shoes on at the door. The sight of Jasper in a tight t-shirt and a pair of track pants was certainly enough to catch my eye, and I wondered how, exactly, I was going to get through the run without ravaging him a few blocks from home.

He winked as if he knew exactly what I was thinking, and then he took off, jogging down the walkway and halfway down the block while I locked the door. "Punk," I muttered, but there was a grin on my face as I went to catch up with him.

Despite a little teasing along the way, it was actually very easy to run with Jasper. We were roughly the same height, so we had similar strides, and he was clearly in shape. I took him on one of my normal routes, and by the time we'd run the two-mile circuit, we were breathing a little harder and once again covered in sweat.

Our shower this time was dampened by a melancholy that seemed to seep into both of us from time to time. We cleaned one another and shared kisses and caresses, but it was mostly about just spending those moments together.

The rest of the day passed in much the same way. Jasper took me out for another ride on his bike, and we drove aimlessly before I gave him directions to Kettle Cove Village. I had no idea if Collin and Brady were around, nor did I plan to stop, but I was enjoying my time on the back of Jasper's motorcycle far too much to be stuck in the stop-and-go traffic of Boston.

We drove the hour out to the beach with the wind whistling in our ears and my arms wrapped firmly around his waist. I had him swing by Collin's house, but it wasn't until he'd driven into Salem that I was able to explain that that was where I'd spent my Labor Day in a drunken stupor. He chuckled as he wheeled the bike to a stop in a parking lot at the end of a street with several restaurants and took off his helmet. He waited until I'd removed mine and kissed me as he murmured, "Let's not be that stupid again, huh?"

"Sounds good to me," I answered with a smile. We climbed off the bike and locked the helmets away, strolling hand-in-hand down the street. We picked a restaurant at random and enjoyed a lunch of seafood while watching the ocean. Jasper's lobster macaroni and cheese was unbelievable, but he ended up eating nearly half of my yellow curry while I gave him a hard time about his growing love for Asian food.

I could tell we were both clinging to the day, stretching out the minutes as much as we could, but before long, we were on our way back to my house. When we arrived, Jasper waited until I'd kicked off my shoes before pressing me against the wall and kissing me hard. His hands roamed my sides and over my hips, moving to cup my ass as he pulled me close. "Can I have you again? Please?" He didn't give me a chance to answer as he crashed his lips to mine again, pulling away only long enough to utter phrases like "Just one more time" and "Don't know if I can wait a week…"

I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him away at last, a smile flirting with my lips as I said, "Take me upstairs already, will you?"

Excitement was building in my belly as we climbed the stairs, and the rest of the afternoon was spent naked in my bed. We brought each other to the brink again and again with lips and hands and teasing before Jasper finally made love to me. As I lay beneath him, staring up at his face, I tried to memorize every detail – the way his pursed lips created that little dimple in his chin, the way his eyelids fluttered just before his eyes rolled back in his head, the way his hips rolled and writhed, staying close to mine.

His eyes flickered across my face, and he leaned down often, kissing my nose, my cheeks, my lips. He buried his face in my neck; I could just hear his voice whispering something, but it was too low for me to hear. I understood, though. I could feel what he couldn't say in the way he treated me, the way he looked at me like I was someone precious.

I stroked my length as I watched him, and he matched his pace to mine. When he heard my intake of breath and saw my hand speed, his thrusts increased. His eyes drifted closed only to open suddenly again as if he didn't want to miss anything, and it was with whispered grunts and moans that we came as one.

Much too soon for my liking, our time came to an end. Our feet were dragging as we got dressed and gathered Jasper's belongings again. He kissed me at the doorstep, our lips parting as his tongue brushed mine hungrily. At once, he stepped away as if forcing himself.

Looking into my eyes, he said, "See you tomorrow, Princess," and smiled, reaching out to caress my cheek.

I nodded, unable to trust my own voice, and watched him climb onto his bike and speed away before going back inside to finish packing.

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_**A/N: Marked**__ had a spectacular week recently with both __**The Fictionators**__ and __**The Perv Pack's Smut Shack**__ recommending the story on the same day! Check out the links on our profile and our blog if you'd like to read the kind words that made us squeal and kick our feet like little girls._

_This chapter was delayed a week because of real life complications and Easter. Next Sunday is a Wishday, so Marked will be back in two weeks, just like normal._

_Voting is open right now in the __**Black Balloon Competition**__, and our very own __**naelany**__ has a story that made it into the top twenty for open voting! The story is heart-wrenching but beautiful, and I truly hope you'll all stop by to read it - and the other contest entries - and then vote for your favorite. Voting runs until __**April 16th**__. http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2247006/Black_Balloon_Contest - Thanks! -SorceressCirce  
_


	16. What I Wanted to Say

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**EPOV**

_Mornin', darlin'. Just making sure you're up and finishing your packing. Will pick you up at eleven thirty, so you'd best get to steppin'. See you in a couple of hours. J._

My thumb traced the side of the screen as I re-read the text Jasper had sent me this morning. I shook my head as I realized I had been staring at it - again - with a stupid smile on my face. Though I wished he could come with me on my trip, and I hated the fact that I wouldn't be seeing him for about a week, the thought that he cared enough about me to want to make sure I was ready...and that he wanted to spend as much time together as possible before I left...

I glanced at the clock on my phone, sighing when it read 11:02 AM - a little less than half an hour before he would be here. For once, I was actually all finished packing - had been for the past hour - and I was left trying to figure out what to do with myself as I waited for Jasper to come pick me up. I had triple-checked everything I needed for my trip, and all my bags were sitting by the door. Even though I was really looking forward to seeing my family again, part of me still felt sad to leave - I didn't want to be away from Jasper for so long. It had sucked bad enough the last time we were forced apart due to first _his_ work and then mine.

The TV was on some soap opera, not that I was paying any attention. My thoughts kept going between Jasper and seeing my family. I would have loved nothing better than to introduce him to them, but I suppose that it was just as well. I _wanted_ to do it, but I wanted to introduce him as my boyfriend, and we just weren't there yet - as much as I yearned for us to be... that, and more.

I snorted softly, shaking my head at getting ahead of myself again.

_I wonder what Tanya will have to say about all of this._

Turning the TV off, I decided to go over things one last time. As I was going through my carry-on, the thought occurred to me that I could still show them who he was, even if I couldn't present the man in person. I knew Tanya, especially, would love to see Jasper. I hurried to my desk and rifled through the bottom drawer, pulling out a small pocket-sized photo album. With a grin, I sat down in my computer chair and picked up the stack of pictures from our day at the zoo - I flipped through them quickly, taking out the ones I wanted to show Tanya. I included a couple of Jasper, both with me as well as with Emily. I paused for a moment and then picked up the more intimate ones - including the one of us kissing - and stuck them behind the last picture in the album. Emmett would never let me live that shit down, but I wanted Tanya to see them...and I wanted to see what she thought of them.

The doorbell rang right as I put the last of the pictures in the small album. I smiled as I made my way to the door, putting the pictures into my carry-on before opening the door to a grinning Jasper.

_Fuck, what that man does to me..._

My eyes drank him in. He stood on my doorstep, wearing a brown suit that fit him so well he looked as if he had been poured into it. He had one hand in his pocket, causing the suit jacket to flip open a little. His other hand was tangled in his hair, giving him a cocky, slightly nervous look - I couldn't make up my mind which, since he was shifting his weight from foot to foot, and his eyes were flickering between mine. I reached out, wrapping my fingers around his tie, and I chuckled when I noticed the print was Da Vinci's _Vitruvian Man_, depicted over and over again in tan and blue. I grinned at him as I pulled him closer, and he willingly followed, our lips meeting tenderly as his hands came to rest on my hips.

He deepened the kiss, moaning as his tongue brushed against mine. The grip he had on my hips tightened as he pressed closer to me, and I began pulling him back inside, wanting to take this further - not caring that I was supposed to be leaving. He followed for a couple of steps before apparently coming to his senses. He chuckled softly as he broke our kiss, gently rubbing the tip of his nose against mine.

"Mmm...Edward, as much as I would love to do what I know you're wanting to...we can't, sweetheart. You have a flight to catch, remember? And I'm supposed to be taking you out to lunch first."

My pout as I ran my fingers over his tie just caused him to chuckle again, his lips brushing against mine all-too-briefly before he sighed. "I'm gonna miss you, Princess."

I let go of his tie, slipping my arms around his waist as I hugged him close, nestling my face in the crook of his neck even as he did the same to me.

"I know...I'm gonna miss you, too, Jazz," I murmured. _So fucking much._

I felt his arms close around me as he held me, and it struck me again how good, how _right_ it felt to be there - I wondered if it was the same for him, though I didn't dare ask him. I thought it might be, given how he seemed to be trying to breathe me in the same way I was him, how he held on tight as we just...were.

He cleared his throat, pulling away so he could look at me. He reached his hand to cup my face, making me smile at the tender gesture. Glancing to his right, he said, "Are those all your bags?"

"Yeah, that's everything."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. The heavy feeling that was starting to settle in my stomach got worse as I watched Jasper's eyes narrow ever-so-slightly. Before I could ask him about it, though, he grabbed my suitcase and carry-on and started walking out the door with a look of determination on his face. Frowning, I gathered my coat and my other bag and locked the house before following him to his car. He had just put the bags in the trunk as I walked up to him and put the rest of my things in it, too.

He closed the trunk with a quiet click. He stood there for a moment before pushing off with a quiet huff, shaking his head. I wondered what was going through his mind, so I took his hand in mine and pulled him to me. "Hey, are you okay, baby?"

He glanced away for a moment, as if to gather his thoughts. When he looked back at me, he nodded, smiling - though it didn't quite reach his eyes the way it normally did. "Yeah, I'm fine, darlin'. This just feels...I don't know...weird..?"

He shrugged, and I chuckled. "Yeah, it kinda does, huh?"

He nodded again, pressing his lips to my forehead, and murmured, "Come on, we'd better get going if we're gonna feed you first."

I sighed dramatically and said, "If we must," causing him to grin. I was happy to see the light back in his eyes, even if he was rolling them at me. I winked at him before turning to get in the car. I hadn't even gone two steps when I felt him smack my backside and grouse, "Get your sweet ass in my car, Dr. Masen."

I laughed, shaking my head as I got in and buckled up. I didn't pay any attention to where we were going, content to just watch Jasper as he drove. When he pulled into a parking spot, he frowned and just sat there for a moment, his hands flexing on the steering wheel.

I put my hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly as I watched him carefully, wondering what was going on. Something told me that whatever was bothering him this time didn't have so much to do with my leaving, but with something else altogether. "Jazz?"

He blinked slowly and turned in his seat to look at me. The frown marring his brow and the worry I saw in his eyes set me slightly on edge. He took my hand in his and let out a long breath, his gaze fixed on mine as he apologized.

"What for, Jasper? Tell me what's going on in that head of yours, please? You're starting to worry me here."

He gave a rueful smile then, squeezing my hand even as he ran his fingers through his hair with the other hand. "Sorry, darlin', I didn't mean to worry you; it's just..." He paused, his eyes flickering to the building he had parked in front of, but I stayed focused on him. "Remember last week when I asked Lee about James?"

I nodded. "Yeah?"

He sighed. "Well...it just didn't sit right with me, how he's gotten out of meeting me every time - and, believe me, I've tried several times now."

I nodded again but stayed quiet, letting him continue.

"I called Lee last night after I got home, except she wasn't there. She'd left her phone to charge in her dorm, so Irina answered it when she saw it was me. I asked Ri where Emily was, since she told us Saturday she would be home all weekend, studying. James apparently stopped by, and they went out together. Ri sounded off, and something just..."

He shrugged and then scrubbed his face with both his hands before continuing, "When I asked about it, Ri said James didn't _ask_ Emily to go out. He just showed up and told her they were going, and she went - even though she wasn't done with her assignment. The one she said was due today?"

I frowned. The way Jasper was talking, the way he _looked_ - as if he were talking about a memory rather than a conversation about someone else - on top of the information he was giving me about his sister made me feel uneasy. Uneasy, and worried.

Running my fingers through his hair, I asked quietly, "That doesn't sound good, baby...I can understand that the situation worries you - it does me, too. But why were you apologizing to me earlier?"

He grimaced. "Because..." He gestured to the building. "I asked Irina a few questions after that, and she happened to know where James was working. He should be on shift right now, as a matter of fact. She gave me his description, too."

I glanced at the building, which I could now see was a restaurant. Raising an eyebrow, I turned to look back at him. "Are you trying to tell me you wanted to have lunch...here? To check him out?"

He nodded, biting his lower lip as he watched me carefully. "I know I should've asked, but...I was kinda hopin' you'd go with me. I figured if you were with me, I wouldn't be as inclined to do something stupid... Lee would kill me for doing this, but I just..."

_As if he'd even need to ask..._

I cupped his cheek and smiled softly. "It's okay, Jazz. I don't mind, and to be honest, I'd probably have done the same thing. So, are we going to sit here, or are we going to get in there and eat? Because I'm hungry, and unfortunately I have a flight to catch in a couple of hours."

He grinned and leaned across the console, kissing me briefly. "Thank you."

Rolling my eyes with a chuckle, I got out and walked around to his side, taking his hand once he had gotten out and locked the car. As soon as we got inside, a hostess came up and ushered us to a table by the window. She told us our waiter would be with us shortly and asked if we'd like some coffee, to which we both said yes. She came back not long after with what looked to be a fresh pot, and after pouring us each a cup, she left us to our devices. I saw Jasper looking around, and I knew he was trying to see if he could pick out James. I leaned over the table, covering his hand with my own, and said in a low voice, "What does this guy look like, baby?"

Jasper started to turn to look back at me when he stiffened in his seat, his eyes narrowing as he looked over my shoulder. His voice was tight when he spoke. "Like that. I think that's him."

He nodded slightly to where he was looking, his eyes never wavering. I turned in my seat to follow his gaze and saw a guy about three tables down from us, talking to a couple of customers. From what I could tell, he looked to be in his early twenties, had long, dirty blond hair that was tied back in a pony tail, and he seemed to have a strong physique. He was shorter than us and a little broader in the shoulders. I couldn't see his face from where I was sitting, though.

I turned back to Jasper, only to find him staring hard at the guy. I reached for his hand again, squeezing it lightly as I murmured, "Hey, you okay?"

He blinked, shaking his head as if to clear it, and looked at me with a sigh. "Yeah...just... I'm sorry..." He gave me a half-hearted grin as he tangled his fingers with mine and continued, "See, this is why I wanted you with me. Thanks, baby."

I smiled, "Anytime, Jasper."

Jasper's eyes flickered to the guy again as we heard someone call out, "James, food's up!" I turned around in time to see James straighten up and head to the back, confirming that he was indeed the right guy. I heard Jasper take a deep breath and felt his fingers tighten around mine. He had a thoughtful look on his face when I sat back to look at him again, and I wondered what he was thinking. Before I could ask, our waiter showed up - thankfully, it wasn't James, as I had a feeling that would not have gone well - and took our orders.

After the waiter left, Jasper put his elbow on the table and rested his forehead on his palm for a moment - he seemed to be collecting himself. I wished I had the heart to ask him what was _really_ going on with him, but every instinct warned me to tread lightly here. Clearing his throat, he sat back up and smiled softly at me, apologizing once again.

"Not exactly how you imagined spending your last couple of hours here, huh?"

I grinned at him, shrugging lightly. "It's okay. Still get to spend them with you, right?" I meant it, too. I was happy that he wanted me with him, that he had _needed_ me with him - that had to mean _something_, right? It did to me, anyway.

He blushed, and I chuckled as I took his hand in mine again, pulling him forward a little so that our hands were resting on the middle of the table. "Seriously, Jasper, it's okay. I don't mind, and like I said before, I'd probably have done the same thing. I'm glad you wanted me with you."

He smiled then, changing subjects by asking what my plans were once I got to Memphis. I told him that Tanya and Emmett were supposed to pick me up from the airport, and that I'd just be hanging around with the rest of the family for the first couple of days.

As we were talking, our food arrived, and we dug in. Jasper occasionally asked a question here and there about my family, while I answered as best I could, wishing he were coming with me instead. I had a feeling he'd get along well with everybody, and I was certain Tanya and Aunt Livy would...well...quite frankly, they'd dote on him. They would both have picked up on the same things I had when it came to Jasper - that he had been hurt in the past and that, in a way, he needed to be taken care of, loved. I felt a little strange thinking along those lines, though, because I had seen firsthand that his friends and sister, at least, did just that.

_But still_...

Jasper kept glancing up during lunch, and I knew each time the instant his eyes had fallen on James - they would tighten, and at times his breath would catch. Whenever it did, I would look to see what had caught his attention. James was either unaware of us or didn't care - regardless, he seemed to be flirting a lot with every skirt around, customers and coworkers alike. I knew that flirting with customers usually resulted in bigger tips - it was something a lot of people in the service industry did - but knowing what I knew, I could see where it wouldn't sit well with Jasper. Hell, it didn't sit well with _me_. But if all he was being was flirtatious, there wasn't anything anyone could do about it - or should, really.

We had both finished eating when we saw James being very friendly with one of the waitresses - but, again, maybe that was just how he was... God knows both Jasper and I were terrible flirts at times, so it wasn't like we had much room to talk on that front.

The waiter cleared our plates away, leaving the folder with our check in it. I picked it up before Jasper could reach for it, raising an eyebrow in challenge at him as I put my card in and left the folder on the side to be picked up. Jasper rolled his eyes, huffing softly - the slight twitch of his mouth told me that he didn't mind as much as he was trying to make me believe. I grinned at him, and he just shook his head as he muttered, "This is going to be a 'thing' for us, isn't it?"

I chuckled, shrugging. "Doesn't bother me, baby."

Just then, there was laughter from behind us, causing us both to look up. James was squatting next to one of his tables, talking fairly intimately with the girls there. I turned to look at Jasper, and I could see his jaw clench, his brow furrowing as he tried to control his reactions. I reached over the table for his hand, and he put it in mine; I rubbed soothing circles over the back of it as he returned his attention to me. I frowned at the anguish and pain I saw reflected in his eyes, wishing once again I could know what had happened to put it there. I knew this wasn't just about Emily anymore, but I was afraid to ask him.

I sighed softly. "Jazz, he could just be a major flirt...it could be nothing."

He huffed, averting his eyes to look out the window. I couldn't blame his reaction. I didn't really believe my words, either. There was just something about that guy that had my alarm bells ringing, too. I could only imagine it was worse for him, and yet...

I squeezed his hand to get his attention. "Jasper? Emily is _your_ sister. What do your instincts say about what's going on?"

His eyes flickered to James, but he didn't speak. I could see several emotions flit across his face, each one making my heart ache more for him. I got the impression that he didn't trust his own instincts, that he had wanted me here to see what I made of it.

_I wonder..._

I tried to keep my expression even, but I wasn't sure if I managed it because the nerves I suddenly felt almost stopped me from asking - and I wasn't sure I really wanted to know the answer. "Jasper...what do your instincts tell you about _me_?"

His eyes widened as they snapped to mine, a look on his face that was somewhere between panic and uncertainty. As he watched me silently, his eyes became guarded, wary. I swallowed as I added, "You don't have to answer that...just...think about it?"

He nodded as he continued to watch me, his eyes flickering to James every now and then. The waiter stopped by our table to pick up the folder, dropping it off again a few minutes later. By the time I had signed the receipt and handed it back to the waiter again, Jasper had still not spoken, and I was starting to regret having asked him about it.

I looked at my watch and sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I said, "We'd better get out of here if we want to make it to the airport on time."

He frowned, biting his lip as he looked intently at me, and for a moment I thought he was going to say something. Instead, he cleared his throat and got up, waiting for me to follow him before walking to the car. He opened my door for me, still with that same intent look on his face, and I could tell he was struggling with something. I could have kicked myself for ever having brought up the subject of how he felt about me, because I realized that was, in essence, what I had done.

_Great job, Masen. So much for not pushing him and letting him come to you on his terms._

Before I could get in the car, though, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me so tight it was almost painful. I welcomed it, especially when he burrowed his face into the crook of my neck and mumbled, "I'm sorry...I don't even know how to answer your question...I wish I did, but I don't..."

I could hear the emotion in his voice, and as much as I hated knowing that I had upset him, I silently thanked the heavens above that he, at least, hadn't told me to go to hell...or taken off running. I held him close to me, wishing we could go home - wishing he would finally just _tell_ me what had him so messed up inside; tell me, so that we could try and work past it.

I almost told him I loved him right then and there, but the words thankfully faded from my lips before I could put them out there. After what had just happened, I knew that it would be unfair to tell him now - now, when he had basically admitted that he was confused and that he wasn't sure of himself, let alone anything else. I realized that it wasn't fair to me, either, but I didn't care. He had shown me in so many small ways that he cared about me that I was sure that what was building between us wasn't one-sided. It couldn't be. Especially not after the other night. And I had figured out a long time ago that Jasper had been hurt in the past, so if it took him more time to work things through, then I would have to give that to him. And telling him I loved him - though it would feel good to _me_ to finally say it - would not be allowing him that time.

Instead, I kissed his cheek and said, "Shh, baby. It's okay."

He tightened his hold on me, shaking his head, and I thought I heard him mumble, "No, it's not," but I wasn't sure. He didn't give me the chance to ask, though, as he pulled away and - grabbing my face in both hands - gave me a hard, but brief, kiss.

His eyes were dark, tight; I could tell he was trying hard to keep a handle on his emotions. His hands still gripped my face, so I lifted mine to cover his, gently prying them lose and twining our fingers with one hand, while the other cupped his face.

_I wish I didn't have to leave. _

My voice was hoarse with emotion as I fought to keep myself under control. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and beg him to please just open up to me. I wanted to help him, but I had no clue how, and I hated the fact I wouldn't be here when it seemed he needed me. "Baby, we really do have to get going...I can't miss my flight."

He sighed and nodded. "I know..." He leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips before ushering me into the car.

In what seemed like no time at all, we were at the airport, saying goodbye. I had finally remembered to give him the CD to give to Ben, and he'd put it in his visor so he wouldn't forget. We had checked my bags in and stuck together for as long as possible before I absolutely _had_ to go through security in order to get to my flight. As we hugged, he nuzzled my neck lightly and let out a soft sigh, muttering, "Thank you for being there today, sweetheart. And...I'm sorry." He tightened his hold on me, his voice lowering as he added, "I'm going to miss you, Princess."

I burrowed my face in the crook of his neck, my eyes tightly shut in an attempt to keep the stupid tears that were threatening to spill over at bay. I wasn't sure why, exactly, either. I just had a bad feeling about leaving, apart from missing him like hell, of course.

"I'm going to miss you, too, Jazz."

With one final, fierce kiss, he let me go, asking me to text him as soon as I had landed so he would know I was safe. I nodded. "I will, promise."

He left before I'd even gone all the way through security. Part of me was stung by that, while another part wondered if maybe this was so hard for him that he simply couldn't stay and watch. I hoped it was the latter, because the thought of him being so indifferent as to just leave...hurt. Badly.

I shook it off, hoisting my bag over my shoulder as I made my way to my terminal. The flight itself was uneventful, and I spent most of it trying not to think about lunch or Jasper...and failing miserably. I felt off - worried - and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was leaving something behind. The only thing I knew for sure was that I didn't like that thought - at all.

By the time the plane had landed, I had half-convinced myself to make my apologies to everyone, take the pictures I knew I needed to take, and head home as soon as I could. When I had finally gotten my luggage together again, I was already trying to plan out how to do just that. It wasn't until I heard a long-missed and familiar voice call my name that my thoughts returned to my family again. Jasper was momentarily forgotten as I spied strawberry-blond curls bouncing through the crowd.

"Tanya!"

She came rushing to me, a wide smile on her lips as she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me for all she was worth. My arms slipped around her waist as I lifted her off the ground, kissing her cheek. She laughed, wiggling as she tried to get back to her feet, muttering, "Put me down, Eddie!"

I grinned, swinging her from side to side for a few moments before slowly lowering her to her feet. She giggled, shaking her head as she made a grab for my carry-on. I twisted out of her reach before she got a hold of it, though. "Not a chance, T. You know I don't trust anyone with my camera."

I winked at her as she rolled her eyes - the small niggle in the back of my mind reminding me that that wasn't quite true anymore as I thought of Emily and subsequently Jasper. Something in my demeanor must have alerted Tanya to what I was feeling because she ruffled my hair tenderly like she used to do when we were younger. "Hey, everything okay, sweetie?"

"Hmm? Oh...yeah, yeah I guess, it's... Argh! Emmett!"

Two strong arms circled my chest, and I felt myself being lifted off the ground this time, even as I felt his chest rumble with contained laughter. I glanced over my shoulder to find my cousin grinning wickedly at me. "Turn about's fair play, Eddie; haven't you learned that yet? Mess with my sister, you mess with me."

This time _I_ was the one rolling my eyes, as Emmett winked at me and put me down. "Yeah, yeah, good to see you too, fucker." I turned around so I could give him a proper hug as Tanya and Rose laughed at us. I grinned as I stepped up to Rosalie and hugged her tight, kissing her cheek as well. "Hello, Rosie, it's good to see you. I didn't know you'd be here, too."

She smiled, hugging me back. "Yeah, well, you know how Emmett can get. Besides, it's been too long, and I figured, why not?" She narrowed her eyes at me, her hands clamping down on my shoulders as she said, "How's my baby? Are you taking good care of her?"

I chuckled, nodding. "Yes ma'am. Regular oil changes, wax jobs, tune-ups, you name it. She's in tip-top shape." _Some things never change._ I smiled at the thought.

She grinned at that, pulling me in for another hug, which I returned gladly. It felt good to be home - well, sort of home. Emmett clapped me on the shoulder and said, "C'mon, Eddie, we're under strict orders to bring you straight home. Mom's been cooking all day, as usual, and Dad said he'd be there by the time we got back, so..."

I grinned, slipping an arm around Tanya's waist as Emmett took my luggage, leaving the cart I had been using behind. "Alright, let's get to it then."

On the drive to Aunt Livy and Uncle Everett's house, Emmett and Rose caught me up on their lives. Tanya kept grabbing my hand, a look of excited anticipation in her eyes whenever I caught her watching me, but she didn't say a word - I knew she had news. Big news, if her behavior was anything to go by - it wasn't like her to hold back. I had a feeling I knew what it might be, but I would let her come to me with it.

Rose had just finished telling us about a couple of students in her class that had gotten in trouble for messing around during shop when we arrived at the house. The place looked the same as always. The garden around the house was in full bloom, and I knew that Aunt Livy's vegetable garden would be sporting pumpkins, some late corn, peppers, and several other staples. The house itself looked exactly as I remembered it, though I noticed as I walked to the door that there was a new porch swing now. For some reason, the fact that the old one had been replaced made me sad - I had spent a lot of time on that swing when I first got here, mostly with Aunt Livy...or alone. It had been where we had a lot of our talks, where a lot of my tears of mourning were shed as she had held me close. It had been where I had come out to Aunt Livy before finding the courage to tell my uncle - somehow it had seemed...harder...to tell him, since he was my mother's brother.

I shook my head to rid myself of thoughts of the past. Rose had walked ahead of me and held the door open for the rest of us, and as Emmett followed behind me - insisting on carrying all my luggage, except my carry-on - he bellowed, "Mom, we're here!"

Aunt Livy's voice carried her smile to us. "In the kitchen! Edward, come say hello to your old aunt."

I chuckled as I walked into the kitchen, the familiar sight of Aunt Livy behind the stove warming my heart. She had been the cornerstone of my time here - she and Tanya both. Stepping behind her, I made sure she wasn't doing anything potentially dangerous as I hugged her, kissing her cheek as I smiled. "Hey, Aunt Livy...it's good to see you again." I took a deep breath and hummed. "Mmm, something smells amazing, as always. What's cooking?"

She smiled, reaching her hand up to pat my cheek lightly as she kept stirring with the other. "I'm glad you're finally here, sweetheart. We've missed you. As for what's cooking...just some of your favorites, dear. As always."

Giving her another big kiss on her cheek, I hummed. "I've missed you, too. It's good to be back."

"I'm glad to hear that." She turned her face and called out for Emmett to set the table. I stepped away to give him a hand, and before too long, everything was done. Emmett had taken my things to my old room, so I quickly went to freshen up before dinner. By the time I got back downstairs, Uncle Everett had arrived and swept me up in a bearhug, much like his son had done.

"Edward, my boy, it's good to have you here again. Don't stay away so long! Your Aunt Livy likes having you here to fuss over and gets cranky when she has to go too long without."

He chuckled at her indignant cry, wrapping his arms around her waist as he nuzzled her neck briefly, whispering something in her ear that caused her to blush and giggle, swatting at his hands playfully. I smirked as I caught Tanya's eye - she shrugged and said, "Some things just never change, do they?"

Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I shook my head, smiling. "Nope...and I'm kinda glad for that."

Aunt Livy ushered us all to the table, where everything was already waiting. She always went out of her way whenever I came to visit, and this time was no different. I gaped at the spread laid out before me: everything from mashed potatoes, gravy, and her homemade chicken fingers, to fried okra, pinto beans, and cornbread. Whereas back in Boston my food preference went to Asian - both when it came to cooking it and ordering it in - there was nothing that could beat my aunt's home-cooked meals. I was glad it wasn't every day fare for me, though - I think I would've gained a few too many pounds if that were the case.

I thanked her for going through all this trouble, but as usual she just waved it off, saying it was her pleasure before telling everyone to eat up. Over the course of dinner, Uncle Everett asked me how my book was going, and I told him that I was getting close to the end and hoped to get the last pictures for it while I was here in Memphis.

Not a moment of dinner passed without conversation punctuated by appreciative hums, and by the time we'd polished off the last of the peach cobbler, I was stuffed and remembering why I didn't eat this way often. Tanya had grown more and more quiet as the meal progressed, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I found out what she had to say.

Sure enough, as soon as we "kids" had finished washing the dishes and putting them away, she slipped her hand into mine and asked if I felt like going for a walk. I dried my hands on the dishtowel hanging from the oven door and gave her a small smile. "Sure thing, Shortcake."

She grinned at my childhood nickname for her. She'd loved all those Strawberry Shortcake dolls, and Emmett and I had given her hell about looking like one. She'd been "Strawberry Shortcake" - or some version thereof - to me ever since. "I'm going to go change," she said before pulling me into a hug. "It's so good to have you home."

Emmett and Rosalie had disappeared, most likely to have coffee with my aunt and uncle in the den, so I took a few minutes to go upstairs and use the restroom, just getting settled in a bit. I thought about Tanya's words, about where my home truly was now, and I realized that more and more - even more so than the last eleven years - my home was in Boston.

_Jasper..._

I sighed softly and picked up my suitcase, putting it on the bed before I opened it. I started to unpack and then realized abruptly that I'd forgotten to text him in the excitement of seeing Emmett and the rest of my family again.

_Shit!_

I pulled out my phone and flipped it open, starting to text him, but I felt a hollow ache. I didn't want to talk to him through impersonal words on a screen. I wanted to hear him, to make sure he could hear me. The sense of foreboding I'd had before leaving welled up again, and I worried that he would take it the wrong way that I didn't send him a message immediately.

My mind made up, I stuck my head out the door and called, "Hey, Tanya? I'm just going to make a call. I'll be out soon."

I heard her "Sure thing," from down the hallway, and then I closed my door, shoving my suitcase to one side of the bed as I kicked my shoes off and stretched out on my back. I stuck one hand behind my head, hitting the number for Jasper's speed dial with the other.

_"Hello?"_ he said almost immediately, putting a smile on my face.

"Hey, baby...it's me. I know I was supposed to text, but I just...wanted to talk to you. Hope that's alright?"

I heard the sound of paper rustling and wondered if he was drawing again. He chuckled. _"Of course it's alright...I was just beginning to get worried about you." _

We talked for several minutes as I filled him in on the flight and dinner with the family. There wasn't a lot to tell, really - not yet, though I thought that I might have more news after my talk with Tanya. Jasper sounded a little down, or possibly tired, as he told me about what he'd done after I left. As I suspected, he'd been drawing a bit, and he said he'd also been working on Bella's quilt. He seemed listless, but when I asked about it, he teased me, saying, _"You're the one that wore my ass out this weekend."_

I snorted, and when he caught on to what I was laughing about, he joined me. _"Yeah, yeah...you know what I mean..."_

I grinned, happy to hear him sounding more like himself. We hung up not long after that; he said he was going to head to bed early, and I promised to call him the next day to let him know what was going on with Tanya. I felt empty, somehow, as I hung up the phone, and I wished intently - not for the first time - that he was there with me.

Sighing quietly, I dropped my phone onto the bedside table and stood up, unpacking quickly. I hung up a few shirts in the closet, but most everything went into the dresser drawers. My camera was resting on top, safely stowed away in its case, and I couldn't resist checking to make sure it was okay. I unzipped it, taking a quick peek inside, and then I sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling off my socks and rolling up the cuffs of my jeans so they wouldn't drag the ground.

Tanya was already downstairs, sitting outside on the porch swing. When I stepped out the front door, she stood in silence and took my hand, smiling at me. We walked across the yard to the pond, our bare feet sinking into the cool grass. Night was descending, and there was very little light that reached this place from the house, but our eyes adjusted quickly to the gloom as we settled against the trunk of one of the weeping willows.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. My chin rested on my knees as we sat quietly for a minute, just staring out over the lake. It felt good to be here again - this had been where Tanya and I had gone to talk. It was _ours_; it always had been, and probably always would be. I couldn't help remembering when we were in high school and she had taken me here to talk about boys - more to the point, to talk about the crush she had on one of the international exchange students. He was named Caius, though he had insisted on being called C, or Cas - I never could say I blamed him for that. She'd talked about him constantly, gushing about his accent, his eyes, the way he had looked at her - or at other girls. I'd mostly just watched in amusement, since I'd never seen Tanya fawn over anyone before - at least, never quite like that.

Tanya's elbow to my ribs brought me out of my reverie as she asked quietly, "What were you thinking about? This new guy you're seeing?"

I chuckled softly, shaking my head. "Actually, I was just thinking about Caius...your little crush from high school? Remember him?"

She blushed and giggled as she playfully shoved at my knees, causing me to almost fall over. I caught myself, though, and sat back against the trunk, stretching my legs out as I crossed one over the other. I watched as Tanya stared out over the lake again with a slightly dreamy look to her face. She muttered, "I wonder what ever happened to _him_?"

I shrugged. "Dunno..."

Silence hung over us again for a while before she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She shifted against the tree so that she was leaning sideways against it, her knees somewhat pulled up and touching my thigh. Her eyes were alight and her bottom lip had disappeared between her teeth even as the corners lifted up in a smile.

I raised an eyebrow at her when she still didn't say anything. "C'mon, Strawberry Shortcake; talk to me?"

She smacked my chest, and I rubbed the spot in mock-pain - she really hadn't hit me all that hard, but it made her smile. "Don't call me that!" she scolded.

Smirking, I wiggled my eyebrows at her, and she laughed, holding up her hands. "Alright, alright! I can't keep this to myself any longer anyway!" She took another deep breath and spoke quickly on the exhale. "I'm pregnant!"

It took me a few seconds to register her words before my eyes widened. "You're...you did it? Already?"

She nodded fervently, her strawberry-blond curls bouncing around her face. She was beaming with joy, and it was catching. I hugged her tightly to me as I whispered in her ear, "Congratulations, T! I'm so proud of you."

She sniffled quietly and muttered, "Thanks, Eddie."

I lifted her a little, shifting us so that she was in my lap. She rested her head on my shoulder as we cuddled up and she told me about visiting the clinic, getting tested, and then finally getting the news. Every once in a while I would tighten my hold on her, but I didn't say anything, just letting her get it all out. I knew she wouldn't have talked to anyone about this yet, and I wanted to give her the chance to share this with someone that she knew would support her in her decision. As much as we both loved our family, we both knew that they would resist the idea of her becoming a single parent - though, in the end, they would be there for her all the same. It just wasn't in their make-up to not be there for someone - especially when it came to family.

After she was done, we sat quietly for a few minutes as we each let the reality of this new situation settle on us. Kissing her lightly on her forehead, I whispered, "So, when are you going to tell the others?"

She sighed, sitting up so she could look at me, and I could see the hesitance in her eyes. "I was hoping to do it while you were here, but I'm just not quite...ready yet. I'm happy I did this, Eddie; I _want_ this baby more than anything; you know that..." I nodded as she paused for a moment. "I'm just worried how they're going to react, Mom and Dad especially."

I cupped her cheek and smiled softly at her. "I know, T. It'll be alright. They love you, and I'll be there for you for anything you need. You know that, right?"

She rolled her eyes with a grin. "Yes, I know. That's why I wanted you here when I told them."

I nodded, and we sat in silence for a few minutes. I rubbed her upper arm and said, "Well, I'm here for a week...do you want to maybe take a few days, and..."

I trailed off as she shook her head. She looked up at me, her wide eyes determined as she said, "I want to wait, I think. At least until I'm past twelve weeks." She took a deep breath, shifting back to sit on the ground and lean against the trunk of the tree as her hand went to her belly. It was still flat, but a small smile graced her lips as she sat that way. "You'll be here at Thanksgiving, right?"

I nodded, a soft smile on my lips as I told her that I would be.

"Thanksgiving, then. That way I'll know that everything's okay with the baby..." The happiness that gleamed in her eyes and danced on her lips was priceless. "Well, as much as I can, of course. And you'll be here..." She nodded as if convincing herself and then turned to me. "It's perfect."

I agreed and after a few more minutes, we decided to go back inside. How Aunt Livy did it, I never had been able to find out - and I doubted that I ever would - but there were two mugs of hot cocoa waiting for us by the time we got into the kitchen, just like when Tanya and I were kids and had gone out for our talks. We grinned at each other as we took our mugs and sat at the kitchen island, just enjoying the quiet as we looked out the window. I reached one hand out to her, and when she slipped hers in mine, I squeezed lightly.

We sat like that for a while, and my thoughts went to what was to come now. I prayed that everything would go alright, that the baby would be healthy, and that Tanya would have a good pregnancy. I wasn't too worried about her not getting any support, but I still hoped that our family would come around quickly. She'd need them, more than she probably realized - and though I had promised I'd be there for her, I also knew that that was easier said than done with my living in Boston. That wouldn't stop me from hopping on the next flight if she ever needed me - though I hoped that if that ever were to happen, it would be with Jasper by my side.

I felt Tanya squeeze my hand and turned to find her looking at me questioningly. I frowned as I looked into my cup before leveling my eyes with her and murmuring, "Would you mind very much...can I tell Jasper?"

Her eyebrows raised slightly at my question. In truth, I wasn't even sure why I had asked - it wasn't as if it really mattered if anyone in Boston knew about the news or not; it wasn't likely to get back to anyone here. I just knew that it mattered...to me. She asked me about him, and we sat and talked for a while as I told her about him - a mixture of sadness and happiness evident in my voice as I spoke. When I told her I had brought pictures with me, she had me run up to get them. When I got back, she flipped through them without a word, but there was a small smile playing on her lips.

I took the small album as she handed it back to me, but instead of setting it to the side, I flipped to the back page. My cheeks heated as I felt her eyes on me, but I pulled out the hidden pictures all the same and mumbled, "Didn't want Emmett giving me shit about them, but...here..."

I passed the few pictures to her and watched as she looked at each one in turn. Her smile alternately brightened and softened, and when she got to the one of us kissing, she paused, running her finger through the air over the image, careful not to touch it. She gave them back to me and looked up, nodding once.

"He's important to you, isn't he?"

I glanced down at the picture of Jasper pressed close to me, his lips on mine, and I felt warmth spread through my chest. I tucked them away with care and closed the album, rubbing the cover lightly as I said, "Yeah, he is..."

She got up and made us each another cup of cocoa before we moved into the living room, where we lounged on the couch. We talked about Jasper and everything else that had been going on in our lives - aside from the pregnancy thing, of course. By the time I finally went to bed, I was exhausted - too tired to do more than strip out of my clothes, pull on my pajama pants, and get into bed. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I woke the next morning to my phone alerting me that I had a text message. Squinting at the clock that stood on the nightstand, I groaned.

_Fucking kidding me? Five in the morning?_

With a grunt, I reached for my phone, flipping it open. Any irritation I felt at being woken up at this ungodly hour was gone as soon as I saw the picture.

_Jasper..._

I smiled at what I recognized was a sketch of me...and the message under it: _I miss you, Princess._

After staring at it for a minute, I finally typed back, telling him I missed him, too, and wishing him a good day. He had mentioned going into work early this week so that he could make up for having taken the half-day in order to drive me to the airport. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was no good; my mind was on Jasper. It had only been a day, and yet I missed him like crazy - which was a little ridiculous, considering we often went for days without seeing each other in Boston. But that was just it - we _co__uld_ see each other whenever we wanted to, whereas now we weren't even in the same state.

Burrowing my face into my pillow, I groaned. My mind began churning with everything that had happened the last few days, but before I could let myself get too hyped up or worried, there was a knock on my door, swiftly followed by Emmett as he walked in.

I raised my head and glared at him. "What the fuck, Emmett? You mean to tell me you _still_ haven't learned to wait for someone to say it's okay to come in?"

He plopped down on the other side of the bed, facing the footrest as he stretched out, grinning. "Nope."

I turned on my side so I could see him as he made himself comfortable. "What the fuck are you doing here this early, anyway?"

"Dude, not my fault you don't hold a proper job. Some of us are up this time of day every day, in order to make a living. Anyway, I took today off, figured I could show you a few places that might be good for your book - make a day of it. What do you say?"

I rolled my eyes and huffed, kicking him lightly in the side from under the covers. "Do I have a choice?"

He shook his head and grinned. I chuckled, shaking my head as well. "Well then, I guess that sounds like a fabulous plan. Now get the fuck out of my room so I can go take a shower and get dressed! I don't need an audience, thank you."

"Like I want to see your pasty ass..." Emmett laughed, and I threw a pillow at his face, telling him to shut up. He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at me as he said, "Bet you wouldn't mind an audience if it were...what's his name again...Jasper?"

I growled, narrowing my eyes at him as I repeated my demand that he get out. It was too damn early to deal with this shit, and I knew he'd want the scoop on Jasper later. He left, calling out, "None of your 'special time' in the shower, fucker. I want to leave here before noon."

I threw my other pillow at him in response, which he ducked easily as he closed the door behind him.

It didn't take me long to get showered and dressed, especially since I didn't bother shaving. I found Emmett in the kitchen - not that that should have surprised me, since it was by far his favorite place in the house. Aunt Livy's cooking might have had something to do with that, though. What did surprise me was finding Emmett behind the stove, cooking up some eggs and hashbrowns.

Stopping by the fridge, I turned to him and asked, "When the hell did you learn to do something with food besides shove it in that freak show you call a face?"

He huffed, muttering, "Fuck off. I've cooked before..."

I snorted. "Dude, Top Ramen does not constitute 'cooking'."

He grabbed the potholder that was hanging by the stove and threw it at me. "Smart ass."

I chuckled and grabbed the juice and a couple of glasses, putting them down on the kitchen island before picking up the potholder and hanging it back in place. Emmett finished making breakfast, and as we ate, he explained what he had in mind for the day. After the dishes were done and put away, I grabbed my camera, and we were on our way.

Emmett showed me around town, and we stopped at a couple of overpasses, playgrounds, warehouses, and other random places that held some graffiti I thought might work. It was cool to hang out with him, but it was strange, too. I had known a lot of the places we went to growing up, but some of them I hardly recognized anymore. So much had changed over the years; it was hard to believe. I actually felt lost a few times, and Emmett said that times had been tough for some of the area. He also showed me around some of our stomping grounds after lunch, and I took pictures just for the hell of it - though, if I was being honest, I did so with half a mind of being able to show them to Jasper. I wanted to share these places with him.

We stopped by our old school - taking a break as we sat on a bench in the park opposite the building - and we sat and reminisced for a while before Emmett finally turned the topic to Jasper. I was surprised he'd held off this long before bringing him up.

"So, Eddie, what's the deal with this guy, huh? Why isn't he here with you?"

I leaned back on the bench with a sigh, staring at my feet as I answered him. "What do you want me to say, Em? He's not here because he couldn't get time off from work. As you so eloquently put it earlier, some of you have to work at a proper job in order to make a living."

He bumped my shoulder lightly, and I looked up at him. "Did you ask him?"

I rolled my eyes at him, giving him a half-smile as I huffed, "Yeah, I asked him - and he tried...I think."

He frowned. "You _think_?"

I shifted in my seat so I could rest my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands in front of me as I sighed again. "I don't know, Emmett. I know he likes me, maybe even as much as I like him. He's just...hard to get a read on sometimes, you know? Like he's holding back. He..." I paused, frowning. "I know he's been hurt in the past, and I can't help but wonder just how badly, and..."  
I couldn't finish - the worry I'd felt before about Jasper came rushing back to me, and I couldn't quite make myself voice my concern. It would make it too...real - as if it would make something bad happen. Groaning softly, I buried my face in my hands and just sat there for a moment. I lifted my head slightly at the feel of Emmett's hand resting on my shoulder and found a look of compassion in his eyes as he said, "That sucks, Ed. I'm sorry."

We sat and talked for a while longer, and I told him more about Jasper - what little I knew, what I'd figured out on my own, and what I had witnessed, as well as how he made me feel. For all the crap Emmett sometimes gave me, he had always supported me and had always been willing to lend an ear. I knew he genuinely cared, and it felt good to get his perspective on things. Kate knew me better than anyone, but Emmett had grown up with me...plus, he was a guy and just...Emmett.

Like Kate, he was able to make me really think about what I wanted - and what I needed. I knew all of it already, of course, but at times we all need reminding, and that's what he did for me.

I had no idea how much time had passed when his phone rang. He glanced at it briefly before answering it with a grin, winking at me. "Hey, good lookin', what can I do you for?"

I rolled my eyes and called out, "Hi Rose!"

While Emmett was on the phone, I pulled my own out to check the time - and to see if I had missed any calls or texts. I was a little disappointed to find none, and I put my phone back in my pocket right as Emmett ended his call with "I love you, babe; see you in a few."

Hearing him say that made my heart ache a little. I wanted what he and Rose had, and I wanted it with Jasper - badly. Seeing my face, I heard Emmett sigh as he reached to place a hand on my shoulder once more. His voice was more tender than he usually let people hear when he said, "It'll be alright, Ed. If he's really the one for you, things'll work out. Will take some work, though...and bro...you two need to talk. Soon. Not talk as in 'Oh, Edward...harder!'" His voice became breathless and an octave higher as he teased me. I snorted, and he grinned before saying normally, "But a heart-to-heart. You both need to know what page you're on before you can see if you can work towards an end together."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know...it's just...scary. What if telling him makes him run off? I don't want to lose him, Em. I can't."

He squeezed my shoulder. "And if you _don't_ tell him, you might risk losing him anyway. Sorry, bro, but you need to suck it up and talk to him; try to get him to open up to you, too. If he loves you half as much as you do him, he'll do it."

I nodded. "You're right." I huffed softly, running my fingers through my hair roughly. "Guess that's something to do when I get home, huh? This isn't shit to take care of over the fucking phone."

He gave my shoulder another squeeze before standing up and stretching his arms over his head, rolling his neck to get the kinks out - I could actually hear popping noises as he did. He grinned, holding his hand out to help me get up. I took it, rolling my eyes even as he pulled me in for a hug. "You know we're here for you, Eddie, right?"

Hugging him back, I couldn't help but smile - Emmett never had given a shit what people thought of him, and he had never shied away from showing his affection for anyone he cared about. "Yeah, I know, Em. Thanks."

He patted me on the back once before telling me we'd better get home or Rose would have his balls. Aunt Livy was expecting us for dinner, and you had better be there when she was ready to serve it, or else...

We made it home in time for dinner, and I was actually a little surprised that we had managed to be gone the entire day, given how early of a start we'd had. Aunt Livy had made dinner for five, saying that Tanya had called earlier to let them know she wouldn't be able to make it, but that she would be there the following night.

Uncle Everett and Aunt Livy were both very interested to hear about our day, asking if we'd seen anyone we knew while we were running around. Uncle Everett kept asking questions about the places we had gone to take pictures, and whether I would end up using them in my book. I told him I wasn't sure which ones would come out best, but that in all likelihood most would be used as there had been some very interesting graffiti on some of the buildings as well as one of the playgrounds we'd visited.

The conversation lasted well past dinner as we all talked about some of the things we remembered from when we were growing up. Rose asked Aunt Livy to spill about any secrets on Emmett, and I piped up every now and then to rat out one of his many - usually not very successful - escapades trying to climb out of his window to sneak off and see a girl. Most times Uncle Everett had caught him by the time he'd made it to the ground, and he'd be grounded for a week. Emmett just laughed right along with us, even copping to a few times where he _had_ managed to sneak out, to much amusement and chagrin from both Uncle Everett and Aunt Livy. At least that had never been a concern for them with me.

It was relatively early still when I bade them goodnight. I was tired from the long day and too few hours of sleep, and I wanted to try and call Jasper before it got too late for him. Emmett would be working tomorrow, so I planned to just hang out with Aunt Livy and help her around the house. Rose had said during dinner that she wanted me on Saturday, hinting about a new toy - which, with her, meant that she had found a classic car in need of a lot of TLC to get it back up and running again, and Rose was just the girl for the job.

I changed into my pajama pants and got under the covers before calling Jasper. I was beginning to worry he wasn't going to answer and that it'd kick to voicemail when he picked up, his voice thick and raspy as he said, _"'Lo?"_

I muttered, "Shit, I'm sorry...it's me, baby; I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." I glanced at the clock, frowning when I realized it wasn't even ten yet in Boston.

He cleared his throat, and I could hear fabric rustling, instantly bringing to mind how he had looked in my bed, all sleep-confused. I bit my lip to stifle my moan. _"No, 's okay...went to bed early." _He yawned._ "Had a long day and didn't sleep much last night, or well, for that matter."_

My fingers plucked idly at the covers as I sighed, wishing I could hold him, feel him lying against me as we fell asleep. "I wouldn't have called if I'd realized you were so tired. I'm sorry..."

He cut me off, clearing his throat again before saying, _"No, 's okay, really. It's good to hear your voice."_

He yawned again, setting off one of my own, and I shook my head to clear it. We talked for a few minutes, but I could tell he was having a hard time staying awake, so I told him to get back to sleep. It wasn't until after he had hung up that I whispered, "I miss you so much...I love you." Closing my phone, I put it on my nightstand before settling on my side, hugging a pillow to my chest as I let sleep claim me.

The next day I didn't wake up until around nine, when Aunt Livy woke me up to let me know breakfast was ready. I made my way downstairs after a quick shower, only to find Aunt Livy already cleaning up everything but what she had left for me. When I asked her why she hadn't woken me earlier, she said that I had looked tired the night before, so she let me sleep in a little. She made us each a cup of coffee before joining me at the breakfast table and asking me what my plans were for the day.

I honestly didn't have any, beyond just hanging out with her, and when I told her as much, I was rewarded with a warm smile as she said, "How about we go pick some apples and make a pie for dessert tonight, like we used to when you were little?"

I grinned, nodding. "Sounds good to me."

As soon as I was done eating, I helped her do the last few dishes before she grabbed her basket and we went out into the garden. As we were picking apples, we talked about how things were going for me in Boston, and she asked me about Jasper once she caught on that I was seeing him. I tried to keep things light, not wanting to dwell on my fears any more - especially not after having resolved that I would try to talk with Jasper about everything once I was back home. Instead, I told her about how he had cooked for me - which resulted in her wanting me to ask him for his recipe for the peanut butter pie he had made me - and how creative he was. In some ways, he reminded me a little of her when it came to the care he took with the things he did, like his drawing or even his sewing.

Aunt Livy grinned at me when I told her he was making his goddaughter a quilt for Christmas. "I think I might like this Jasper. He sounds like a well-rounded young man."

I grabbed the basket, which was now full of enough apples to make several pies, and we walked back to the house as I chuckled. "I'm sure you'd love him, Aunt Livy."

She paused, and when I turned to look at her, she was watching me shrewdly, a slow smile spreading on her lips as she put her hand on my cheek. "If you do, then I'm sure I will, too, Edward."

I blushed, chuckling softly. "Am I being that obvious?"

She nodded, her lips twitching in amusement. "Maybe just a little."

When we got back to the kitchen, she set me to work peeling all the apples, coring them, and dicing them up, while she prepared the crusts. We worked easily together - we always had, which was partly because she had been the one that had taught me how to cook. A few hours and several cups of coffee later, there were five pies cooling on the kitchen island. I had asked her why she had wanted to make so many, and she told me that she intended to freeze one for when it would be just her and Uncle Everett again, two were for dessert tonight, and the other two she was going to take to one of their neighbors who was having some medical issues. She said she was planning on making a few dinners to take to them as well, and I offered to help her.

As we cooked, she talked about what was going on with some of the people I knew from when I had lived here. It was nice to catch up on everything, and before I knew it, we were done with several meals packed and ready to be delivered. Emmett had gotten home right as we put the last lid in place, and he offered to help carry everything over. We didn't hang around, just staying long enough for Aunt Livy to make sure the family didn't need more help. I didn't know them, but we each were hugged in thanks.

Rose and Tanya had both arrived while we were out, and they had set the table. It felt good to just be with family again, everything having its own, familiar rhythm. Uncle Everett came home right as the last dishes were put out, and we spent the evening enjoying each other's company, as well as the food. We played a game of _Monopoly _at Emmett's insistence, which turned out to be fun, if a bit long-lasting. None of us ended up in bed before midnight, so it was too late for me to try and call Jasper. I flipped open my phone and stared at the sketch he had sent me the other day before putting the phone back on my nightstand and letting sleep claim me.

The next day was just me and Aunt Livy again, since everyone else was working. We had breakfast together - or rather, I had breakfast and she had coffee, as she had already eaten with Uncle Everett. She said she had a couple of errands to run and that I was welcome to either go with her or stay at the house. I told her to go ahead without me, wanting to download some of the pictures onto my laptop and do a little work. She left after making sure I had everything I might need, and then I was by myself for the first time since I had left Boston. It felt a little strange, to be honest. This house was so full of memories, and it had always been filled with so much life that to be here when there was no one around was a little eerie.

I went to my room and managed to do some work before finding myself too distracted. It was a combination of missing Jasper, seeing the edges of the background on my laptop - which I had changed before my trip to show rotating pictures of Jasper, either from the shoot or from our trip to the zoo - and memories that pulled me away from my work. With a sigh, I gave up on working and closed down the computer before finding my way downstairs to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of coffee and stopped by the cabinet in the living room that held the family albums, where I pulled out a couple of them and headed outside.

Placing everything down carefully, I took a seat on the new porch swing, taking a moment to get used to the feel of it. It felt weird, unfamiliar, and somehow not as comforting as the old one had been. I shook my head at the silliness of that thought and picked up the top album, balancing it on my knee as I opened it. I had a similar one at home that Aunt Livy had made me - after my dad passed away, she had taken great care in collecting pictures and memorabilia for me and putting them all together in several books so that I would have them when I grew up. I made a mental note to thank her again for everything she and my uncle had done for me. I knew that they could have easily let me become part of the system, and I was grateful to them for taking me in and giving me a sense of family again after my loss.

I sipped my coffee as I flipped through page after page of my young life before switching to a book that was just about Mom and Dad from before they had me. I smiled when I saw their wedding picture, and I couldn't help myself - my finger traced their profiles as I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I wondered, not for the first time, how they would have felt about how I had turned out.

I was startled from my thoughts at the feeling of fingers running through my hair, and I looked up at Aunt Livy as she stood next to me, her eyes on my parents, smiling fondly at them. Her eyes shifted to mine as she murmured, "They would be proud of you, Edward. Just like your uncle and I are."

It never ceased to amaze me how she always seemed to know what I was thinking...and what I most needed to hear. I smiled at her as she took a seat next to me, shifting the album so it was between us as she leaned toward me a little. "I remember that day..."

Her fingers briefly touched the edge of the picture as she told me about their wedding day, how my mom had been unable to sit still. Mom had ended up behind the piano just to try to get some of her nervous energy out. She told me how my grandmother had given Mom her lace shawl - an old, handmade family heirloom that had been handed down from mother to daughter. I had it now, since my parents never had the chance to have more children aside from me - though I knew that they had wanted to. I hoped that one day I'd have the chance to pass it on to my daughter - if I was ever so lucky as to have a family of my own.

Aunt Livy went on to tell me about the rest of their wedding day - how Uncle Everett had been the one to give Mom away because their father had passed away the year before, how he had given Dad a hard time at the reception, and how he had danced the father-daughter dance at their mother's ins

istence. Some of the details she shared I had heard before, but some were new to me - or I had forgotten them. Either way, it was nice to hear her talk about Mom and Dad in this way, and I felt I got to know them a little better.

We spent hours out on the porch swing, reminiscing, until it was time to go and make dinner. I put everything back in its place before going to the kitchen to help Aunt Livy. She had just pulled out a packet of chicken from the fridge, and I took it from her, putting it on the counter. She looked up at me with surprise, and I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her, whispering my thanks for everything she - and Uncle Everett - had ever done for me.

She hugged me back with a soft sigh. "Edward, honey, we would do anything for you, just like your mom and dad would've done for our kids. You're our family, and we love you. You've given us just as much as we have you; there's no need to thank us. That's just what family does."

Kissing her cheek, I smiled. "I love you, too, Aunt Livy."

She patted my back lightly, her eyes twinkling a little as she said, "Now, be a good boy and help your old aunt with dinner. I need these chicken breasts cut up and put to soak in some buttermilk."

I snickered. "Yes, ma'am."

As we were cooking, she shared some more memories with me, which Uncle Everett added to when he got home earlier than expected. Once he realized what we were talking about, he asked if he'd ever told me about the time Liz had brought Ed home to meet the family. When I told him I hadn't heard that story before, he chuckled and sat down at the kitchen island after grabbing a beer.

Aunt Livy and I continued making dinner as he admitted that his first impression of my dad hadn't been a good one. "I thought he was some kind of 'pie-in-the-sky' hippie who had grand ideas but not much substance. I wasn't too sure he'd be good for Lizzie, but she asked me to try and get along with him, so I did. Try, that is. Your grandpa McCarty and I took him out deer hunting with us, and let me tell you, son...it was one of the worst hunting trips of my _life_!"

We all laughed as he continued to explain how Dad had been too loud the entire trip, oftentimes scaring the deer off before they had a chance to shoot them - and when Dad _had_ tried to kill one, his shot had been way off the mark. He said they had called it quits shortly after, admitting defeat and going home empty-handed - a first for my uncle.

I grabbed a beer of my own and sat down opposite him, listening as he told me how he had told Lizzie he was sorry and that he had honestly tried; she had told him it was okay, thanked him, and said she understood. He smiled at me, taking a sip of his beer before continuing, "Not long after I'd left Lizzie in the living room, Ed walked in, and I overheard them talking. He told her everything that had happened, admitted to every mistake, and she was laughing so hard she started hiccuping. _That_ was the moment I knew your dad was the one for her. I had never heard her sound as happy as she did in that moment - and the way Ed apologized to her for screwing up, and then told her he loved her..."

He paused, shaking his head with a tender smile on his lips. I glanced down at my bottle as I let his words sink in; the picture he had painted in my head warmed my heart. I looked up when he said, "Ed was a good man; he made your mom very happy, Edward. And when you came along, she was on cloud nine."

I nodded, unable to say anything for the sudden lump in my throat. I gave a soft smile to Aunt Livy when I felt her rub my back soothingly. I knew they missed them as much as I did, and I was glad that they were able to share their memories with me - it helped to keep them alive in my heart, now that it didn't hurt so much to think about them anymore. There had been a time when it had been too hard to talk about them, for any of us, but I had - for obvious reasons - the most trouble accepting that they were both gone. It had taken years, but eventually they helped me get to a place where I was able to remember them with more fondness than sadness - though the sadness still overshadowed at times.

The others came strolling in during our conversation, though I hadn't registered this until Tanya and Rose both came up to me and hugged me. I couldn't help it - I laughed, which in turn started the rest of them laughing. I hugged both girls tightly, kissing them each on the cheek as I murmured my thanks.

With that, Aunt Livy set us all to the task of setting the table, and before long we were having dinner, talking about everything and nothing. I felt comforted, loved, and above all, happy - the only thing that could have made this any better was if Jasper had been here with me.

After dinner, Uncle Everett decided we should watch some home movies, so we all gathered in the living room and got comfortable while he set everything up. Tanya and I took the love seat, snuggling up together as Aunt Livy came around and handed each of us a glass of red wine. I whispered to Tanya so no one would hear, asking her how she was feeling. Keeping her voice low, she said that she'd been feeling a little off today, but that it wasn't too bad. She cradled the glass of wine, putting it to her lips every now and then, but I noticed she wasn't drinking any of it.

We watched reel after reel of old home movies, mostly consisting of Emmett's and Tanya's early years before I joined their ranks, though there were plenty of our whole family together, including the remaining grandparents. As the night wore on, I switched glasses with Tanya, winking at her. It wasn't normal for her to not drink when everyone else was, and I knew that it would tip the others off that something was up, so I decided to try to cover for her. She gave me a thankful smile as she rested her head on my shoulder. If anyone had noticed the interaction, they didn't mention it. After a couple of hours, Aunt Livy called a stop to it, saying we should all head to bed while it was still Thursday, which was greeted with a mixture of tired chuckles and yawns of agreement. I went to bed, once again bemoaning the fact that it was too late to call Jasper. I made sure to set my alarm before finally falling asleep.

It took me a moment or two to remember why I had set the alarm to go off before the goddamn rooster crowed. I grabbed my phone as I tried to wake up enough to sound at least somewhat coherent when I talked to Jasper. Propping myself up against the headboard, I rubbed my face a couple of times before flipping my phone open and hitting the speed dial. The phone kept ringing, making me wonder if he was upset with me and ignoring my call.

_"Hi, you've reached Jasper Whitlock. You know the drill."_

Frowning, I ran my fingers through my hair as I waited for the beep. _Shit, I hate these things..._

"Err, hey Jazz, it's me. I was hoping to catch you before work...guess I didn't quite make it? Anyway..." I cleared my throat, feeling like an absolute tool. "I...I just wanted to let you know I miss you, and I...well...just that I miss you. Call me?"

I hung up, closing my eyes as I repeatedly banged my head against the headboard. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! Fuck! I should've called him earlier...what if...  
_  
Shaking my head with a sigh, I stopped myself from finishing that thought. It did little good, since I was still in Memphis. I had no way of going to see Jasper, and with him not answering my call, there wasn't any way for me to talk to him, either. I pinched the bridge of my nose; my eyes closed as I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself from worrying about things I couldn't change right in that moment. It didn't help, though, as my mind was barraged with images of Jasper either hurt or pissed off or just pulling away from me again.

I kept hoping he would call back, but when my phone still remained silent after a few minutes, I laid back down, settling on my side and closing my eyes with my fingers curled around my phone. I had dozed off again when my phone began buzzing in my hand before the ringtone kicked in, startling me awake. I didn't even bother looking at the caller-ID. "Jasper?"

My voice sounded a little raspy, so I cleared my throat, scrubbing my face to wake myself up again.

_"Hey, sorry I missed your call earlier...I was in the shower."_

I let out a quiet sigh of relief. "Glad you called back. I've missed you..."

_"Yeah?"_

I frowned. He sounded disbelieving, and that idea kind of stung - though I suppose it was understandable, since I hadn't called the last two days. Then again, _he_ hadn't exactly been calling me, either. _Jesus, can this get any more fucked up than it already is? _

"Every day, baby. Sorry I haven't called the last couple of days...I wanted to, but it was too late, and I didn't want to risk waking you up. You're still going in early, right?"

He made a quiet sound of affirmation, and I thought I could hear him chewing on something. Normally having to listen to someone eat over the phone irritated me, but at this point, I would have been content to sit and listen to him do just that for hours. I rolled my eyes at that ridiculous thought and cleared my throat.

"Anyway...I just needed to hear your voice. It feels like it's been forever."

I heard a soft clink on the other end, and then he swallowed before saying, _"Tell me about it... Sorry, by the way, I'm having to eat breakfast in a hurry here, running kinda later than I intended to."_

I chuckled. "It's alright. I should probably just let you go so you can get on with your day. I..." I bit my lip to stop myself from saying it. _Not over the phone!_ "I'll talk to you later?"

_"You better, sweetheart."_

Nothing could have stopped me from smiling at his words. "Have a good day, Jasper."

_"You too. Gotta run, sorry."_

With a sigh, I hung up and rolled onto my other side, placing my phone back on the nightstand before curling up under the blanket again. My thoughts kept circling back to Jasper, and I fell back asleep again with a smile on my face.

A soft knock on the door woke me a few hours later, and I groaned, not wanting to wake up. I had been dreaming about Jasper being here, and knowing he was back in Boston saddened me. Whoever was at the door knocked again, and I huffed, "Come in..."

Tanya opened the door quietly, peering inside with a tender smile on her face. "Hey, sleepyhead, are you going to get up any time before noon, or...?"

I frowned and lifted my head to look at the clock, amazed to see it was already after ten in the morning. I fell back down on the bed, running my hands over my face as I heard the door close and footsteps approaching me. I smiled at Tanya as she slipped onto the bed and cuddled up next to me, just like she had when we were kids. I wrapped my arm around her as she rested her head on my shoulder.

I frowned when I looked at her. "Why aren't you at work? Everything okay?"

She lifted her head and grinned at me. "Everything's fine...well...morning sickness aside, but it's not too bad, really. No, I took today off so we could have some time together. Don't mind, do you?"

I chuckled, ruffling her hair. "'Course not, silly. You should've told me, though; I wouldn't have slept so long otherwise."

She laughed. "Yes, you would have. I know you. Besides, I only just got here - had a few errands to get out of the way first."

I grinned at her. "So what's the plan, Shortcake?"

She mock-glared at me, which just made my grin widen, earning me a smack on my chest. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Watch it, mister, or I'm going to make you go shopping with me."

I gasped, feigning horror as I put my hand to my chest, my eyes wide and teasing as I said, "Shopping? Oh no, anything but that, _please_!"

She nudged my side, but her lips twitched as she fought to hide a smile. "You brat. Just for that, you _are_ going shopping with me. For _clothes_!"

I wrinkled my nose at her, which just made her giggle and say, "Hey, it's your own fault. I was all set for going to a movie or a museum or something, but noooo, you had to be a wise-ass, so shopping it is."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, fiiine."

She grinned and sat up, patting my leg. "C'mon, up you get, you lazy bum. Oh, and you're buying me lunch, too, while we're at it."

"Yes, ma'am!"

She laughed as she got up and left me to shower and get dressed. As soon as I got downstairs, though, she whisked me out the door, barely giving me enough time to wish Aunt Livy good morning. She drove us to the Oak Court Mall, talking about the kids in her class as we went. I mostly listened, still trying to fully wake up.

She looked so happy, and it was evident that she loved her job - and those kids. She and Rose were both teachers, and they loved what they did, but they'd gone in different directions after getting their degrees. Tanya had always had a soft spot for kids who needed a little more help than others, for whatever reason, so she had become a special needs teacher at the elementary level. Rose had chosen to teach shop in high school - something that was perfect for her.

As Tanya continued talking about a couple of the kids, I couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like if she and Rose hadn't met in college. Rose was a little younger, but Tanya had taken a few years off to travel and do some volunteer work, so they'd ended up in some classes together. They'd hit it off immediately, and I remembered the day she had invited Rose over to spend Thanksgiving with our family, as Rose had no family in the area anymore - her parents had moved to Florida to take care of her grandparents.

Tanya squeezed my thigh to get my attention. "Hey, where did you go?"

I shook my head, giving her a small smile. "Sorry, was just remembering when you first brought Rose home with you."

She laughed, shaking her head as she grinned. "I remember that! Good God, I don't think I've _ever_ seen my dear brother so tongue-tied before in my life! It was as if he'd never seen a girl before...too funny."

I chuckled. "Yes, well...he _hadn't_ ever met anyone like our Rosalie before. None of us had, really. Every girl he'd ever been with before had always fawned over him, but Rose just gave him the what-for when he finally did try to make a pass at her. Do you remember what happened after dinner?" I grinned as I thought of Rosalie walking right up to Emmett. She'd grabbed his face between her thumb and fingers, making his lips pout as he watched her in confusion. She'd said, "I suppose you'll do," and then walked off to help Aunt Livy in the kitchen.

Tanya snickered as she pulled into a parking spot. "Oh my gosh, yes! The look on Em's face - priceless! You should've heard Rose, by the way, when I talked to her after that. She couldn't stop talking about him." She sighed softly, leaning back into her seat as she tilted her head to look at me. "I'm glad they got together. They're both much happier people now than they were before."

I nodded in agreement, my brow furrowing slightly as I watched her. "Do you ever wonder if you'll find someone that could give you that kind of happiness?"

She sighed softly, running her fingers through her long tresses as she thought on her answer. After a moment, she smiled contentedly at me. "No...not really. I never really did see myself with anyone, you know? The only thing I ever truly envisioned in my life was becoming a mom...and now I am. The rest...it doesn't matter to me. I know that sounds strange, but... If I ever do meet someone, then none of it will matter; he'll accept me for who I am and for what I've done. If he can't, then he's not worth my time anyway, you know?"

I nodded. "Still...don't you ever get lonely? You know I want a family as much as you do, T, but I can't fathom not having someone to share that with..." I shot her a grin. "Though I'm sure you'll be parent enough for two. You always did love mothering me around."

She smacked my chest lightly, glaring at me even as she laughed. "Oh, shut it, you. This baby will have plenty of love, I assure you."

I put my hand to her neck, squeezing it gently in assurance. "I know, T. He or she could not ask for a better mom. You're one of the most amazing women I know, Shortcake. I know you _can_ do this, and that you'll be great at it. I just want you to be happy."

She blushed, dipping her chin a little as she whispered, "Thanks, Eddie."

I grinned and winked at her. "You're welcome. Now, let's get to that shopping you were threatening me with earlier."

We spent the next several hours going through every store - at least, that's what it felt like. She made good on her threat of clothes shopping - my least favorite kind, though I didn't mind it nearly as much as I pretended. Tanya always had been a lot of fun to shop with, putting on shows if she went to try on clothes - catwalk and all. I had really missed hanging out with her, and I was happy to have gotten the chance to do so on this trip.

One of the places she insisted on stopping by was Lush, and though we went in to find her a new shampoo, I walked out with several bathbombs and other stuff to pamper myself with - much to Tanya's amusement. In the back of my mind, though, I chose a lot of the items because I thought Jasper might like them for when we took a bath together. Some were for relaxation, while others had names like Sex Bombs, Something Wicked This Way Comes, and Happy Birthday. That name hadn't caught my attention, but the smell had, bringing Jasper instantly to mind. The smell of bergamot now seemed to have a Pavlovian effect on my body, making me very grateful for the bags I was already carrying that allowed me to conceal my reaction. I didn't feel like explaining myself to Tanya or enduring the ribbing that would no doubt ensue.

When it was getting closer to dinner time, I started to whine about getting hungry again and being tired. Tanya knew I wasn't being serious, though - I hardly ever was, since I loved hanging out with her. All the same, we made our way back home, purchases and good humor in tow. We arrived right in time for dinner, and everyone was there again, much to both Aunt Livy's and my delight. Everyone seemed to be talking at the same time, but it didn't feel chaotic or rude or anything - this was normal. This was almost peaceful. It was mostly just family and happiness.

I excused myself not long after dinner, saying I wanted to make a phone call, which earned me a fair amount of teasing from everyone. Rose reminded me that I was to spend the next day with her and that I had better get my ass up bright and early. I knew better than to argue with her, so I just nodded and hugged her good night, since she and Emmett were going to go out and catch a movie.

I made sure to close the door, though I didn't feel the need to lock it. Once I was on my bed, I settled myself against the headboard, spreading my long legs out in front of me as I crossed them at the ankles. Hitting speed dial for the second time that day, I bit my lip as I waited for him to answer. This time, he didn't make me wait long, answering on the third ring.

_"Well__,__ hey there, stranger."_

I snorted softly, rolling my eyes. "Oh, yes, it's been such a long time since I called..." I paused, my voice lower as I added, "Though it does feel like it's been forever, huh?"

He sighed heavily, and I could imagine him running his fingers through his messy curls - mine itched to do the same. _"Yeah, it really does. You're coming home on Monday, right?"_

I confirmed that I was coming home Monday afternoon, and he asked if I wanted him to pick me up. Part of me wanted to just say yes, but I knew that he would end up having to take a half-day again and then spend the rest of the week going to work early like he had been doing this week. I didn't want to put him through that again, so I told him not to worry about it, explaining my reasoning when I heard the disappointment in his voice. He didn't argue with me, which surprised me a little - I had expected him to put up more of a fight than that. Instead, he changed the subject altogether by asking me about my family.

As I was telling him about spending the day with Tanya - and just about to get to some of the things I'd bought for us - I heard a strange sound.

"What was that?"

The creak of a door opening came through the phone, and then I heard the sound more clearly - a baby crying. _"Shh..." _Jasper said. _"Hey, hang on a sec?"_

I said of course and listened, a smile growing on my face as I realized he must be watching Bella. He talked to her softly, and I could hear him walking back and forth. She continued to wail away until I heard some sort of music playing - music that sounded exceptionally familiar. Finally she quieted, and after a minute or two, I heard the door close again and Jasper's soft voice said, _"Sorry about that..."_

"It's fine, sweetheart...you're babysitting?"

_"Yeah, I told Ben I'd watch Bella so he could take Angie out..."_ He padded down the hallway, and I heard the sound of the refrigerator door opening.

"What was that music you played?" I asked, even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

_"You telling me you don't recognize yourself, Princess?"_ he teased. I never thought I'd enjoy hearing that nickname, but damn if it didn't put a smile on my face then.

"You're playing my CD?"

_"Yup. Easiest way to get Bella to calm down. From what I hear, it works on Angie, too..."_ He laughed, and I joined in, feeling a faint heat on my cheeks. I liked the idea of Jasper spending the night in, listening to me sing, but I liked even more that he sounded like himself.

We ended up spending almost two hours on the phone, just talking about the past few days. He kept asking questions - about my family, the house, the area, what I had done. He sounded almost wistful, which in turn made me miss him all the more.

"Hey, you and Lee are still going tomorrow, right?"

_"Yeah, was planning on it. Why?"_

I sighed softly, my fingers idly playing with the covers as we talked. "No reason, really. Just wish I were there to go with you. I miss you, Jazz."

He cleared his throat, his voice sounding a little off in spite of it. _"I miss you, too, Princess." _I thought I heard him mutter, _"Maybe a little too much,"_ but I couldn't be sure since there was some background noise suddenly.

I frowned, wondering if I'd heard him correctly, but couldn't bring myself to ask him. _What else is new there, Masen? _I sighed, rolling my eyes at myself. I would talk to him when I got home; I was determined to get this all figured out once and for all. I needed to know, and, more importantly, I needed _him_ to know.

We were both silent for a moment before he finally cleared his throat again and said that he should probably go, since Ben and Angie were due back soon. I asked him to tell them I said hello, and he said he would. I just barely stopped myself from asking him to give Emily my love - and telling him I loved him in the process. Instead, I told him to tell her I'd be back for next week's class. He joked that he would have her handle my pieces, which had me narrowing my eyes though he couldn't see me. I growled softly, "The only one I want to have handle my 'pieces' is you, Mr. Whitlock."

He chuckled, _"Caught that, huh?" _

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah... Good night, Jasper. You two have fun tomorrow, okay?"

_"Night, sweetheart."_

After making sure my alarm was set for the morning, I changed into my pajama pants and went to bed. I lay awake for a while, wishing once again that Jasper was here with me. That funny feeling I had had when I left Boston was still nagging at me, more so now than it had all week. I whispered softly, "Please let it not be too late..."

It wasn't long after that I fell into an uneasy sleep.

I groaned when my alarm woke me up - I hadn't slept well all night, and part of me wanted nothing more than to curl up and go back to sleep again. Knowing that Rose was waiting for me, though, I got up and was showered, dressed, and having breakfast not half an hour later.

Uncle Everett let me borrow his car so I could get to Emmett and Rosalie's house. When I pulled up and got out, I could hear noise coming from the garage. I smiled, realizing that she had already started. I wondered if Em would be there, but when I walked into the garage, he wasn't there. It was actually more of a shop, since she had nearly everything a mechanic would have. Rosalie, wearing her working jeans and a ratty t-shirt, was bent over with her head under the hood, tinkering away. "Morning, Rose."

She didn't bother to look up, finishing what she was doing as she said, "Morning, you. About time you got here."

I leaned against the door of the garage, crossing my arms over my chest and my legs at the ankles as I watched her with amusement. She finally straightened up and turned to look at me with a grin, her eyes gleaming as she waved her hand toward her latest pet project. "What do you think?"

My eyes drifted over the sleek contours of the Chevy Corvette - the paint was faded, and there were a couple of spots where I could see some rust as well as a few dings on the side. I pushed myself off the door and slowly walked around the car, letting out a low, long whistle as my fingers brushed over the frame with reverence. When I got to the front of the car, I peered under the hood, surprised to see that the engine looked to be in good shape. I looked up at Rose in amazement. "What is this, a sixty-seven?"

She shook her head, grinning widely. "Close - it's a sixty-eight, actually."

"Where did you get this?"

She shrugged, wiping her hands on the rag that was dangling out of her pocket. "Some old biddy had an ad in the paper, wanting to sell it. It was her husband's - they hadn't used it in years, but he never wanted to part with it. He passed away and she had to move, so she put it up for sale. I just was lucky enough to see the ad - got a good deal on it, too."

I grinned. "You would."

She chuckled, her eyes alight with mischief as she winked. "Of course. Shopping, cars, and working with kids. Three things I know how to do well. You should know that by now."

I laughed, shaking my head. "So, where do we start?"

Rose and I set to work, and the next few hours flew by as we cleaned the engine. As it turned out, the man had taken extremely good care of his car, but it had been sitting unused for a while. Other than body work, all it really needed as a good tune-up, so we set to work tearing apart the necessary parts of the engine before we replaced the distributor cap and changed the points and condenser. While we were working, we talked comfortably - mostly about the car, though she mentioned that Emmett was working and wouldn't be home until dinner time, so we had the afternoon to finish as much as we could. It was fun to work on the car with Rose, just like old times. She kept asking about mine, though I had already assured her I was taking good care of it. It was the first car we had fixed up together, so it was special to us both.

During lunch - Rose had fixed us a couple of sandwiches - she watched me carefully for a moment, before finally saying, "You ever give any thought to my offer?"

My brow furrowed slightly as I chewed the last bite, washing it down with some milk before answering her. "Yeah...I have." I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed as my eyes met hers. "I appreciate it, Rose; I really do. It means a lot to me, but...I can't think about it yet. As much as I want to have kids, I want a family more. I want to have someone to share all those milestones with. Going it alone...it's not for me."

She got up and hugged me from behind, kissing my cheek as she said, "Just keep it in mind, okay? My offer stands - I want to do this for you."

I put my hand on her wrists where they crossed, smiling softly. "Thanks, Rose."

The rest of the day we spent working on the car and listening to music, only talking once in a while - both of us content to just be. Her reminder of her offer had my mind going, though, and I couldn't stop the images of mini-versions of Jasper and me running around my house. I prayed with all my heart that we would be able to get to that place, and that he wanted kids as much as I did. From having watched him with Bella, I was fairly certain he did, but it wasn't something that either of us had ever really discussed.

That night after dinner, the four of us kids ended up going to a bar I didn't know. Emmett said it was fairly new, but it had quickly become one of their favorite places to be, and I could see why. The atmosphere was laid back and very much in keeping with the area's history - everywhere you looked, there was memorabilia hanging, and it was almost like stepping back in time. The music also reflected this, ranging from jazz and blues to rockabilly and modern.

We were on our second round of drinks - Tanya having ordered water, since she was quick to offer herself up as designated driver - when I excused myself for a moment. I wanted to try to call Jasper, and I also needed to call Kate to see if she could pick me up on Monday.

I stepped outside so that I could hear better. I sat down on the bench that was in front of the bar and called Jasper first. When his voicemail kicked in, I frowned, checking the time to make sure I hadn't inadvertently let it get too late again, but when I saw that it wasn't even ten-thirty yet in Boston, I wondered what was up. I left a message, asking him to call me once he got it, and then I hung up with a sinking feeling in my gut. I shook it off, dialing Kate's number and taking a few calming breaths as I ran my fingers through my hair.

_I'm sure it's nothing. He's probably hanging out with his friends or something and didn't hear his phone..._

_"Hey, Edward! Long time, no hear. How's Memphis?"_

Kate's voice startled me out of my thoughts, and I smiled in spite of myself. "Hey, Katie-bug. Memphis is good; hanging out with Tanya, Em, and Rose at the moment, so can't talk for too long. Was calling to see if you could pick me up from the airport on Monday? If not, it's okay; I can just take a cab or something."

She huffed, and I could almost hear her rolling her eyes at me. The thought made me chuckle even as she said, "What time are you flying in?"

I rattled off my flight info to her, and she said she would be there to pick me up, and that I was lucky because she had to drop Garrett off for a flight not long before I was to land. I asked her how things were going between them, and I grinned when she giggled and said everything was great. I teased her about having those pictures of him in her bed, asking her if she had told him yet. She told me to shut up - I knew she would be blushing, and I laughed, telling her I loved her and thanking her for being there on Monday. She told me to say hi to the gang, and I hung up, still smiling.

I decided to try Jasper once more before going back inside, but when it kicked to voicemail again, I sighed, ending the call without leaving another message. When I got back inside, Tanya put her hand on my shoulder and leaned in as soon as I was seated, asking if everything was okay. I told her yes, though I hadn't been able to get a hold of Jasper and I just missed him. She nodded, squeezing my shoulder lightly before turning back to the conversation she had been having with Rose. We hung out at the bar for another couple of hours, and I had more to drink than I had intended to.

By the time we got home and I was in bed, Jasper still hadn't called back, and I was beginning to worry again. I tried calling him one more time, but again got his voicemail. I hung up before I could leave an embarrassing message - I knew I was too drunk to trust myself fully, so it was probably a good thing that I didn't have the chance to talk to him. I fell asleep, clutching my phone in my hand.

Sometime during the night, I must have let go of it, because I woke up the following morning without it. It took me a few minutes to find it, and when I did, there was a text message from Jasper.

_Sorry I missed your call. Miss you._

The time stamp on it was almost three in the morning. I glanced up to see that it was just before seven now - too early, really, for me to want to get out of bed, and likely too early to call Jasper if he'd been out that late. I frowned, wondering _why_ he'd been out...who he'd been out with. I couldn't let my mind go in that direction, though - not when I had a good thirty-six hours, at least, before I'd see him again. I bit my bottom lip in indecision, and then finally sent back a quick message of my own.

_I miss you, too. More than you know. Can I see you tomorrow?_

I didn't like having to ask, but something told me I should. I stared at my phone for a few minutes with the futile hope that Jasper would return my text - or possibly call. When I was sure he wouldn't, I rolled onto my side and fell once more into a restless sleep.


	17. What the Hell Have I?

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

_A note on the timeline: this chapter overlaps with Edward's chapter 16, but believe us when we say...this is not a rehashing. There is some very important information here._

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**JPOV**

I was struggling.

It made no sense, really. It was Wednesday, and Edward had been gone only since Monday afternoon. We'd talked on the phone every day, and it wasn't like I saw him all that often during the week under normal circumstances.

So why did it matter that he was in another state?

I didn't know why, but there was no denying that it was driving me insane. And yesterday morning, I'd proven just how pathetically attached I was when I sent Edward a text.

I couldn't seem to get him off my mind, and every time I picked up a pencil, I looked down only moments later to see him staring up at me. In a fit of…I don't even know what…Tuesday morning, I'd just needed him to know that I was thinking of him. I had taken a picture of one of the more complete drawings and texted it to him, along with a message letting him know I missed him.

It had made sense at the time.

But as soon as I'd hit "send," I had wished I could take it back – not because it wasn't true, but because it was way too fucking true. I don't know what I had expected in return, but I'd felt disappointed when all I got was a text saying he missed me, too. The sentiment was nice, but it felt…lacking somehow. I knew rationally that it was really goddamn early in the morning when I sent it, and the sketch had taken me hours, so it wasn't like he could just whip up something equal in return, but it just felt off. Unbalanced.

I didn't like that.

I sighed, turning off the shower and stepping out to grab my towel. I scrubbed it through my hair and then set about drying off my body, trying unsuccessfully to force Edward from my mind.

Last night, I had been determined not to call him after putting myself out there like that – at least, not until he had shown me he was thinking of me as well. I realized it was probably petty and childish, but I couldn't help feeling like I was in this deeper than he was…and that scared the shit out of me.

Unfortunately, that resolution turned out to be harder to keep than I'd expected. I had spent the whole night trying to occupy myself with anything and everything – and nothing worked. So around 9:00, I'd given up and gone to bed, only to have him _finally_ call right around 10:00.

_The sound of my phone startled me awake, and I rolled over, grabbing it from my nightstand. When I saw Edward's name on the screen, I nearly let my voicemail pick it up. I couldn't say why, exactly, but I was pissed…and more than that, I felt hurt._

_I knew he was spending time with his family, but he was just on my mind every fucking minute, and it stung to realize that he wasn't thinking of me as often. _

_And yet…he _was_ calling me. _

_I rubbed my hand over my face, trying to wake up, as I brought the phone to my ear. "'Lo?"_

_I listened as he told me he was sorry, the sound of his voice soothing some of the pain I'd felt. I gave a small smile, settling onto my back with my head on my pillow as I closed my eyes. We spoke for a few minutes about nothing of consequence – mostly just Edward apologizing for calling while I explained that I'd had a long day and hadn't been sleeping well – and as we neared the end of the conversation, I waited to hear him say he missed me._

_He never did. _

_I wanted so badly to tell him I missed him and I wanted him _here_, but I just couldn't be the one to say it first. After a few more minutes, he said, "I really am sorry, baby…why don't you go back to sleep?" _

_I couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to get rid of me, so I answered simply, "'Kay…good night."_

_All he said was "good night" in return. I ended the call and dropped the phone on my bed, putting both hands behind my head as I started up at my darkened ceiling. I wondered – and worried – if maybe I'd been reading him wrong. Maybe I really was way more into him than he was me. _

It had taken me forever to fall back asleep after that, and as a result, the eyes that gazed back at me in the mirror were dull and bloodshot with dark shadows beneath them. I made a face at my reflection and ran my fingers through my hair. I'd shaved – only because I had to – but I still looked like I was hungover.

I shrugged and left the bathroom, heading for my closet, where I chose a gray suit and a muted tie with Monet's "Water Lilies." It was one of the first Emily had given me, and I idly thought of her as I wandered back into the bathroom, tying it along the way. I was not happy about the situation with James. After seeing him, the reservations I had were growing, strengthened by the way he'd flirted with every woman that walked by.

I tried to keep my mind away from Edward's suggestion that he was just a flirt. I knew it was a possibility – after all, Edward and I _both_ were – but that wasn't what was going on with James. I just knew it somehow. But thinking of Edward and James brought to mind the one goddamn question I had been unable to answer for Edward…and that killed me.

_I was staring out the window without really seeing anything – anything that was actually _there_, anyway. All I saw were ghosts, all I heard were Paul's weak reassurances that there was "nothing to worry about" and his accusations that I was being "an irrational, jealous prick." _

_Edward's hand squeezing mine was warm, and I glanced over, thankful to be pulled out of my memories. "Jasper? Emily is _your_ sister. What do your instincts say about what's going on?"_

_I looked at James, frustration and anger rising up again as I saw him bend over, his eyes lingering on one woman's cleavage as he licked his lips. She giggled, and he raised his eyes back to her face, murmuring something. It was so sleazy, so obvious…so fucking familiar. _

_But I couldn't say that to Edward. I didn't know how to explain it, how to make him understand that what I sensed with James wasn't something that I could point to and say, "This is why I don't trust him." The truth was…I wasn't sure if I was right or not. I really didn't want to fuck things up for Emily, and I knew that my doubting James was wearing on her. My entire family was close, but she and I had the closest relationship by far, and I didn't want to jeopardize her trust and friendship by pushing her on this. At the same time, I'd be damned if I'd let that asshole fuck her over like Paul had done to me. The thought of him saying nasty things to Emily, hitting her… _

_I clenched my jaw, forcing the image away before I jumped up out of my seat and beat the hell out of him then and there. I took a few slow breaths, trying my best to calm myself, as I focused on Edward's question. _

_Edward was asking about my instincts – my gut reaction – and that was it. I didn't trust the fucker. Whether or not I was right, that was the way I felt, but I knew that I was jaded. The joke of a relationship I'd had with Paul had colored my perceptions. I knew that – hell, I dealt with it every damn day when it came to Edward and the way I was beginning to feel about him. That was the main reason I'd wanted him here…to see what _he_ thought, to see if maybe I was off base and this James character really was okay. _

_I was just about to tell him so when his next words stopped me in my tracks. "Jasper...what do your instincts tell you about _me_?" _

_My head whipped around, and I gaped at him. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? What did he even _mean_?_

_I watched him, not even blinking, as I tried to understand where the question had come from. Was he warning me somehow without even realizing it? Was this a tell, a giveaway that he was a cheater, too? Why would he put himself in the same category as James? _

_Or was he implying something about me?_

_He seemed to grow nervous as I watched him, shifting in his seat and swallowing. He ran his fingers through his hair, telling me that I didn't have to answer. I felt my jaw clench as his words began to confirm my fears that he was more like Paul than I'd realized, but then he added, "Just…think about it?" and the sincerity and concern in his eyes was so genuine that I took a shallow breath and nodded. _

He's not like Paul_, I reminded myself. The look on his face helped bolster my resolve; there was a sinking feeling in my gut as I recognized the hurt in his eyes that he tried to hide. _I_ had hurt him._

_I'd never hurt Paul – I'd never had the power to. He had kept himself sealed away, locked up tight so that no one could get too close, but Edward just wasn't that way. So often, he let me see what he was feeling, the good and the bad, and I just…I wanted… _

_I sighed. I didn't know what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to see that hurt in his eyes. I didn't want to be the reason for it. But I truly couldn't read my instincts when it came to him. Part of me said to trust him implicitly, completely – just give myself to him and never look back. _

_And then there was the part of me that wanted to keep myself whole. Intact and unbroken, a functioning human being rather than the shattered mess I'd been after Paul. _

_My thoughts had been a hopeless, tangled snarl as I watched Edward go through the motions of paying the bill. We were nearly to my car when I just had to answer. I had to let him know _something_ of how I felt, even if I couldn't really put it into words._

_I grabbed his arm and whipped him around, pressing my body as close to his as I could. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, my arms a vise around his waist as I mumbled something – I don't even know what. I wanted him to know I cared and that I was trying and that I hoped like hell that he wouldn't give up on me. _

_I realized with horror that there was a lump in my throat, and I cut off the stream of unintelligible words. Edward held me close, his hands rubbing soothingly along my arms as he kissed my cheek. "Shh, baby…it's okay," he murmured._

"_No, it's not," I protested, squeezing him so tightly I was sure it had to be painful. I couldn't stop myself, though. I had no words to tell him what he meant to me – I wasn't even sure what he _did_ mean to me. The fact that I was becoming so dependent on him terrified me…but I was even more afraid of losing him. I hated hurting him, and I knew that I was by not answering his question. _

A sharp pain brought me out of my memories. I realized with a start that my right hand had tangled in my hair, and I was tugging it so hard that I'd pulled strands loose. I felt off-center and unsure – two sensations that I never liked. Thinking about Edward was getting me nowhere, so I tried to shut my brain off and just _be_ for a while.

Soon, I was in my car on my way to work. The morning was clear and cool, and I tried to make my thoughts match the cloudless, serene skies. It didn't work, but it did at least help me get to the coffee shop, where I picked up our usual order and headed toward the office.

When I walked in, Ben met me at the door, taking some of the coffee from me as he smiled and thanked me again for bringing him the CD Edward had made. His face was pale, and the dark circles under his eyes made him look nearly as tired as I felt. His smile fell as he got a better look at me, and he lowered his voice, stepping closer as he whispered, "Hey, J…man, you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied, giving him the best smile I could muster. "Just have a headache."

The look on his face said he didn't believe me, but he kept his mouth shut as Mike walked over to grab his coffee. He started in immediately on the D.C. trip, and for once, I was grateful for his annoyingly cheerful morning self. He chattered away, needing only minimal response from me, and soon enough, I was able to focus on the project and push Edward to the back of my mind.

With Mike's questions out of the way, different conversations sprang up around me, and I listened idly as everyone talked. Ben gave a jaw-cracking yawn, his watery eyes blinking as he took another sip of his coffee. "Sorry," he mumbled to Eric, who had just started telling him about asking Demetri out for this weekend.

"It's alright, B…hey, is everything okay?" Eric asked.

Ben's smile was half-hearted as he nodded. He explained that with Angela back to work, they were alternating nights of baby duty so each of them got a good night's sleep at least every other night. He stretched as he stood, tossing his cup into the trashcan. "I was up with her every hour last night until two. I finally just left that CD playing on repeat and caught a few hours' sleep." He grinned and glanced over at me. "'Course I may have lost Angie to Edward. She already thinks he's gorgeous, and now I've got her listening to the man sing through the monitor all night."

I smiled in spite of my weird mood, remembering the times I'd heard Edward sing. He really did have an amazing voice, but watching him was even better. He was so absorbed, and he sang with such abandon…

A fit of melancholy struck me as the loneliness hit me again. How had my life turned so upside down that I couldn't function normally if he wasn't around? I frowned, tracing the rim of my coffee cup with my finger as I vaguely heard the voices around me. It wasn't until I heard Mike's incredulous voice speaking that I looked up again.

"You haven't gotten any since your _anniversary_?"

I glanced over at Ben to find him frowning at Mike, rolling his eyes. "No, genius, that's not what I said. I said we haven't really had any alone time since our anniversary. Angie's my best friend," Ben said simply, shrugging. "I miss talking to her. Well, about something other than how many times Bella pooped, anyway."

Everybody laughed, Ben included, but when it quieted again, I said, "Hey, Ben, why don't you and Angie go out on Friday? I'll watch Bella."

I saw his eyes light up, but his brow furrowed as he said, "Are you sure? When's Edward coming back?"

"His boy toy won't be back 'til Monday," Mike said immediately.

"Mike-" Ben started, but in a fit of irritation, I cut him off.

"Don't fucking call him that, okay?" My voice was harsh, much too severe for a little joke coming from Mike. I sat back, running my fingers through my hair in frustration – at myself, at Mike, at the fact that my control was so thin I was snapping at nothing.

It was silent in the break room for a few seconds before Mike said, "Yeah, no problem…sorry, J. You know I didn't mean…"

"Yeah, I know." I grimaced and took a slow breath. "Sorry for snapping at you…even though you were being a douche." I grinned at him, and after a moment, he grinned in return. The look in his eyes promised a talk later, and my smile fell as I began to try to think of ways around it. He wouldn't say anything right away, though, so I turned to Ben and repeated my offer.

This time, Ben's excitement was plain to see as he said, "That would be awesome, J, seriously. You're sure you don't mind?" When I told him that I didn't, of course, he smiled brightly and said, "I'm gonna go call Angie, see what she wants to do…" He wandered away, mumbling something I couldn't catch under his breath, and my smile returned as I finished the last of my coffee.

It felt good – normal – to be doing something for my friends. I was even able to find some enthusiasm for Eric's news, and we spent a few minutes talking about how nervous he'd been to ask Demetri out again. D had said yes, so the two of them were going out Saturday night to a club they'd always loved. I could tell Eric was trying hard not to hope for what they'd had before, but he was failing miserably. He was beaming and talking so quickly he was hard to follow. Something in me ached as I listened to him, and I found myself wondering how Edward talked to other people about me. Did he look that enthralled?

Before long, we all headed to our respective offices and set to work. My morning was filled with meetings with the development and customer service departments as I tried to gather all the information I would need for the D.C. trip.

Felix brought me a roast beef sandwich on rye for lunch, and as I sat eating it at my desk, I kept glancing at my phone. I'd checked it from time to time all morning, hoping that I'd missed a message from Edward, but there was nothing. My fingers itched to text him, but I resisted. I had to set some boundaries for myself, and I was determined not to contact him until he'd gotten in touch with me again.

Instead, I finished my lunch quickly and picked up the office phone, calling my contact for the project in D.C. to touch base about a few key points in the programs they needed. I kept busy throughout the afternoon, checking in with the coders and stopping by to tell Eric about the changes the manager requested to the payroll part of the program.

I managed to avoid Mike all day, but as I was stopping by the little Greek deli a block from my apartment, I realized that might have been a bad idea. I didn't want to talk about Edward, but now I was faced with a night completely alone. The Sox weren't on, and I could not think of one single thing I wanted to do.

I pulled into the parking lot of my complex and turned off the car. I sat there for a few minutes, gazing up at my window as I contemplated calling Mike. I didn't know if he had any plans for the night, but I wasn't sure if I even _wanted_ to see him anyway. In the end, I climbed out of the car and walked into the building with my dinner in one hand and my keys in the other, my phone untouched in my jacket pocket.

When the elevator doors opened, I was staring at my feet. I stepped forward and saw a pair of tennis shoes just before I bumped into something solid.

"Shit, I'm sorry," I said, "I wasn't watching where I was going."

At the same time, a deep voice said, "Oh, damn, sorry about that. I was looking at my phone…"

I glanced up at the same time he did, and our voices trailed off. We stood watching each other for a second until the little old lady from the fifth floor said, "Excuse me," and brushed past him. He glanced down with a faint blush on his cheeks and mumbled an apology.

When he looked back up, I was met with gorgeous blue-gray eyes in a tanned face. His eyes widened as he looked at me, and then his lips curved into a smile as he held out his hand. "Hey…I'm Jason."

"Jasper," I said, feeling a smile on my lips for the first time all afternoon. I felt an irrational urge to shout out, _I'm seeing someone!_ and fought it, reaching out to shake his hand. It wasn't like I planned to do anything; he was just a good-looking guy who seemed nice.

_A really good-looking guy. Damn._

"Nice to meet you," I said finally, feeling suddenly uncomfortable as he answered in kind. For some reason, my mind conjured Edward's smile, and I smiled in response, loneliness crashing down on me again as I wished he could just be here with me. I would even make that curry he liked so much and not give him too much shit about his hard-on for Asian food.

_Seriously…don't think about Edward and hard-ons._

Jason was just standing there, smiling at me, so I cleared my throat and said, "Well, I guess I'll see you around," as I started to step toward the elevator. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It wasn't like me to be this…awkward around new people, regardless of gender…or age…or beauty.

And he was beautiful. It was a different sort of handsome than Edward – a little more clean-cut, more like me, if I were to be honest. But I found that looking at him just made me miss Edward all the more, and I didn't want that. I tried to escape, but he stopped me with a warm hand on my arm.

I glanced over my shoulder at him, my eyebrows raised questioningly. He smiled again. "Hey, I'm sort of new in town, only been here a couple of months. I was just wondering if you knew of any place cool to hang out?"

As he spoke, I realized he had an interesting accent, just a hint of the old South, and I turned toward him again, smiling. "Yeah? What brings you to Boston?"

We talked for a few minutes, stepping out of the way as people came up to use the elevator. He told me he was from Atlanta and had moved here to attend Harvard Law, but he'd been so busy with his schoolwork that he hadn't had a chance to see much of the city yet. I told him about the Cask 'n Flagon and Aro's, but when he said he hadn't been to Fenway Park yet, I said, "Are you kidding? You didn't get out there for any games this year? That's a crime, man."

He laughed, and I shifted the bag with my food from one hand to the other, drawing his eyes. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry," he said, glancing up at me with a smile. "I'm keeping you from dinner. Hey, it was nice to meet you, Jasper…I'm in 406 if you ever feel like stopping by."

I felt blood rush up my neck, heating my cheeks as his eyes roamed my body briefly. His gaze met mine again, and he smiled broadly, turning away with a "See you around!"

I stood there a moment longer, watching as he walked through the glass doors and paused, pulling earbuds from his pocket and popping them in. I took the opportunity to really look at him at last, realizing that he was dressed to exercise in track pants and a tight gray Under Armour shirt. He took off down the block at a jog, and I turned toward the elevator, pressing the button as I waited for it to arrive again.

As I rode the short distance to my floor, I thought back over our conversation and realized he'd been openly flirting with me. I frowned, not quite sure what to do with that as I walked down the hallway to my door. I shook my head as I put my key in the lock, dismissing him from my mind.

Edward immediately settled in again. As I walked into my darkened apartment, I saw his eyes watching me, smelled that fragrance of sage and sweetgrass and cedar, felt his lips making those slow, torturous journeys along my flesh. I shivered, took a deep breath, and tossed my keys onto the kitchen counter, trying my damndest to find some sort of happy medium, some place where he was there in my thoughts, but I could actually still function like a normal human being.

So far, it wasn't happening.

I went through the apartment, following my normal routine as I changed out of my work clothes and into lounge pants. I pulled on a white tank top and ran my fingers through my hair, padding barefoot back to the kitchen to serve up my dinner before taking it to the living room.

The souvlaki reminded me of that first lunch with Edward, and I kept thinking of how nervous I was as I ate. I smiled as I sat back, putting my feet up on the coffee table and sipping my sweet tea. We'd been such idiots, dancing around the issue, wondering and hoping but never just fucking _asking_. I patted my pocket, looking for my phone to call him, just to talk about all of that.

And then I realized two things.

First, my phone wasn't there – I'd left it in my jacket when I hung it up in the closet – and second, I still wasn't calling him. I was waiting for him to call me.

Just that quickly, my light-hearted mood faded away, and I scowled as I doggedly finished my dinner. The food had lost its taste, but I forced it down and deliberately took my plate into the kitchen, washing it by hand and putting it away before I went to grab my phone.

I opened my closet door and walked inside, searching through my jackets until I found the one I'd worn today. I pulled the phone from the pocket, hating the little fluttering in my chest as I turned it slowly around to see the screen.

No fucking missed calls. No messages. Not a goddamn thing to tell me he was thinking of me at all.

I pulled my arm back, about to throw the damn phone at the wall, but then I lowered it, the infuriating piece of plastic and metal clenched tightly in my fist as I went back to the living room. I threw it onto the coffee table and went into the kitchen again, grabbing a container of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream from the freezer and a spoon from the drawer. I flipped the top onto the counter and peeled the plastic seal off, throwing it away before I took my dessert right back to my place on the couch.

I spent well over an hour there, my feet propped on the coffee table as I methodically ate my way through thirteen hundred calories of peanut butter and chocolate. It reminded me – as every-fucking-thing seemed to – of Edward and the pie I'd made for him. I forced the memory to the back of my mind as I focused instead on the mindless game show on TV. I did my best not to think of anything at all – not how bored and lonely I was, not the million other things I'd rather be doing – but none of it seemed to help. Licking my spoon clean one last time, I dropped it into the empty carton, which I set on the end of the table.

I stretched out on the couch on my side, a sick feeling in my stomach, though I couldn't tell if it was from the ridiculous amount of sugar and milk or from something else. I picked up the remote, flipping through channels aimlessly, but nothing caught my eye. Within minutes – and two full rotations through the channels – I knew I was going to have to do something. The lack of human contact was wearing on me. I could try to call Mike or one of the other guys, but I really didn't want to have to talk – or think – about what was going on with me.

I sighed, picking up my phone. I opened the contacts list and scrolled through, but as each of the names came up, I quickly dismissed it. When I finally saw _Home_, I smiled, a sense of relief washing over me. I hit the call button and stretched out again, this time on my back with my head on the arm of the couch and my ankles crossed.

"_Hello! You've reached the Whitlocks. I'm so sorry, but we can't come to the phone right now…" _

As I listened to my mother's voice from the answering machine, I scrubbed my face with my free hand, sighing as I tried to contain my disappointment. I was all set to just leave a message when I heard a click.

"_Hello?" _she answered breathlessly.

"Hey, Mama." I could hear the smile in my voice as it settled on my lips, and I knew at once that this was what I needed.

"_Jasper! It's so good to hear your voice! You caught me out in the garden picking a head of cabbage…"_

I relaxed as I listened to her rattle on and on about the crops on the ranch. It was primarily a cattle ranch, but Mama had kept a garden and a cornfield for as long as I could remember. She prided herself on her home-grown vegetables, and she rarely made a meal where at least one of them didn't figure prominently.

All too soon, she wound down and said, _"So tell me…how's life in Boston? Have you seen Emily? Is she behaving herself?" _

The stern note in her voice put a grin on my face as I told her about the pottery classes Emily and I were taking. I didn't mention Edward; I wasn't sure why. I didn't want to think about him anymore, and I sure didn't want the first time I really talked to Mama about him to be when I wasn't even sure if there was anything _to_ talk about anymore.

_There is…there has to be… _

I turned my attention back to what Mama was saying, swallowing the lump in my throat as I heard her say, _"Jasper, baby, are you sure you're okay? You don't sound right, honey…"_

I smiled, shaking my head. The woman never missed anything. I cleared my throat, hoping like hell that my voice would come out normal. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired…I've been working a lot lately to get ready for this trip I've got to take to D.C. in a couple of weeks."

There was silence on the other end of the line, and I could tell she didn't believe me. I didn't know what tactic she would take, but I tried to head her off as I said, "So, has Emily told you about this guy she's seeing?"

She paused. _"Yes, she mentioned James the last time she called. He sounds like a nice boy. Have you met him?"_

_Nice boy, my ass._

I rolled my eyes, balancing the heel of my left foot on my right toes as I tried to think of how to answer. "No, I haven't met him yet. He's…" I bit the inside of my cheek before plunging ahead. "I don't like him, Mama. I think there's something wrong with him."

I appreciated the way she took a moment to absorb my words before she said, _"What makes you say that, sweetie?"_

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled loudly and tugged at my hair. "I don't really know," I said honestly. "He just seems…dishonest." _Yeah, that's one way to put it._ "Three times now, we were supposed to meet, but something always comes up. He has to work or whatever…"

Mama said, _"Emily mentioned that he's been working a lot. She said he just started a new job. I'm sure he's just busy."_

My jaw clenched as I tried to think of something to say. In the end, I couldn't, and it was Mama who finally broke the silence. _"Jasper, is there something you're not telling me?"_ Her voice was stern, carrying that I-won't-tolerate-any-foolishness tone that I'd learned so well as a child.

I sighed. "No, Mama. I just…I don't feel right about him." I debated telling her about seeing him the other day at lunch, but I didn't know how I felt about admitting that I'd essentially stalked him. Besides, it would mean bringing up Edward, which I knew I wasn't ready to do.

"_You always were protective of Emily…ever since the day she was born."_ Fondness and love sang in her words, and I bit my tongue as I listened to her tell stories about how I'd been with Emily at the hospital, so careful when I held her for the first time. She reminded me of the time I'd gone off on Emily when she crashed on her bike and gave herself a concussion. She hadn't been wearing her helmet, and I'd made her cry when I'd told her how stupid that was. I couldn't help it – she'd scared the hell out of me. As I listened to her talk, I heard what she wasn't saying…I was being overprotective and irrational, and I was letting my desire to protect Emily color my feelings for James.

It was bullshit.

I wished, yet again, that Edward were here. He, at least, seemed willing to listen to what I had to say about James. I really appreciated the way he tried to give me confidence in my instincts rather than making me doubt them all the more – but maybe he was wrong. Maybe we both were. I didn't know what to believe anymore as I listened to Mama talk about me and Emily and all the things Lee Lee had told her about James.

"_Lee has a good head on her shoulders, baby. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you looking out for her. You know we would never have let her move all the way to Boston if it hadn't been for you…but you have to let her grow up sometime, sweetie."_ I made a small noise of disbelief, my eyes widening. _"I know it's hard – believe me. I still worry every single day about all three of you. Eventually, though, you've just got to let people live life for themselves." _

I spent a few minutes taking in her words, and they were still ringing in my ears when I said, "I love you, Mama…tell Daddy I love him, too."

"_I will…and you give our love to Emily. We love and miss you both. Can't wait until you come home."_

We spoke just a little while longer about Thanksgiving. Typically, Emily and I flew home together, and this year would be no different. I could hear the excitement in Mama's voice, but even though I was looking forward to seeing my family, I couldn't drum up the same enthusiasm. My voice fell flat, and I could tell she knew something was wrong, but she didn't press me on it. When we finally hung up, I was exhausted and out of sorts.

I had thought talking to her would be calming, but it had exactly the opposite effect. I was tense and anxious still, frustrated now that I couldn't make her see what I saw in James.

And I was disappointed that I hadn't been able to tell her about Edward – that I didn't know what _to_ tell her about Edward.

"Fuck this night," I said aloud as I stood up and wandered into my bedroom. I didn't bother cleaning anything up or putting it away. I just stripped out of my clothes and fell into bed, pulling the covers all the way over my head as I waited for oblivion to take me.

It was still early, so I half-hoped that Edward would call and wake me. I wasn't used to going this long without talking to him, and as I rolled over, hugging his pillow to my chest, I didn't like it.

When my alarm woke me in the morning, I was in a foul mood. I'd gone from being lonely and some strange mixture of sad and angry to being downright pissed the fuck off.

_Motherfucker doesn't want to talk to me? Fine. _

He didn't have to. As I showered and dressed, I kept up a steady rant, a list of annoyances and threats and promises that I knew in the back of my mind were utter bullshit. I would answer immediately if he called – and I'd probably be some ball-less pussy who couldn't stop telling him how much I missed him.

When the fuck did this happen?

By the time I was dressed and on my way to work, I calmed down. A little. The drive helped, giving me time to breathe and think and remind myself that he was visiting his family. He was spending one week with them while I'd had him largely to myself for the past couple of months. It was childish and selfish to expect him to call me constantly.

Or so I tried to convince myself.

It partially worked, but when I still hadn't heard from him by noon, I knew I needed to call in reinforcements. I had carefully avoided Mike again, but after I'd finished my lunch, I sucked it up and walked down the hallway to his office. His door was open, and I knocked on the frame before sticking my head inside.

He wheeled around in his chair and froze, putting his hands on his desk to stop himself short. "Hey, J…what's up?" His voice was cautious, making me sigh and roll my eyes as I stepped inside and ran my fingers through my hair.

I sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk with my legs sprawled in front of me before speaking. "Sorry I was being a dick, man. I just…" I grimaced and shrugged. "Just having a bad week."

"It's cool. I had a really hard time the first few times Jessica was out of town, too," he said simply.

The comparison of our relationships struck me, but I didn't say anything about it. I just nodded and said, "So, I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight? Maybe see if Eric and Ben want to come?"

"Sure," he answered with a smile before his eyes narrowed. "What's going on, J?"

I sighed and looked down at my hands in my lap. I watched my fingers as I tried to come up with something to say – some explanation for why I was all over the fucking map this week. The part that pissed me off was that I thought Mike knew…he just wanted to hear me say it.

_Fucker._

"Nothing's going on…" I started, glancing over at Mike when I heard him sigh. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, looking down at my hands again. "I miss Edward," I finally admitted begrudgingly.

"Yeah, I got that much." I raised my head in surprise to find him giving me a wry smile. "But there's something else going on. What is it?"

I frowned in confusion. "It's just…that. What the hell do you mean?"

He licked his lips as his brow furrowed, and he reached out to pick up a pen before tapping it incessantly back and forth. "The last few weeks, I've seen you happier than you've ever been – and I mean that literally. You're smiling and joking and singing and fucking drawing him everywhere. So I expected you to be upset while he's gone…lonely, you know? But you're…" He trailed off, and the pen froze for a moment. "You're pissed, J. Why?"

_Tap tap tap tap tap._

My eyes followed the motion of the pen as the sound irritated me, making the agitation in my chest swell. I reached out, snatching the pen from his hand, and then sat back again, twisting it while I studied it carefully. My throat felt tight as I considered his words. "Because he didn't call yesterday."

_And I'm scared as fuck that I care more about him than he does me._

I couldn't say that last part out loud. I could barely handle thinking it, but I knew it was true. It was the real reason my moods were so mercurial. I didn't know if I could trust Edward – especially if I could trust him not to hurt me.

Mike exhaled loudly. After so many years, I knew what he was about to say and the tone I would hear. I braced myself, already preparing my answer. "He's just busy. He's down there visiting his family, right?" he said reasonably.

I nodded. "I know. You're right."

There was silence in the office for a long moment. "Jasper." I lifted my eyes from the pen and turned them to him without moving my head. "You're really worried, aren't you?"

"Could we not talk about this?" I heard the near-whine in my voice and clenched my jaw.

"No. We need to talk about this because you need to know that I can tell Edward cares about you. I think…" He broke off and studied me, tilting his head as his eyes flickered back and forth between mine. I could tell by the way his eyes darkened that he changed what he was about to say, but I didn't call him on it. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. "I think you two are good together."

I nodded again, but I was having a hard time absorbing his words. They flitted through my mind like water on a hot skillet, bouncing and hissing as they skidded around too quickly for me to catch. Mike must've seen something on my face because he took pity on me, changing the subject. "But yeah, go ask Ben and Eric if they want to do something. Maybe we could hit up Kings? It's been awhile."

I smiled, both in relief and approval. "Now, that's a fucking great idea…" I tossed the pen back onto his desk and put my hands on the armrests, pushing myself up. I stretched my arms over my head, feeling something in me relax at the thought of a night out with the guys.

_Definitely what I fucking need._

As I was on my way out, Mike said, "Oh, shit…better ask Felix, too. He'll be pissed if we go without him."

"Will do, boss," I said over my shoulder on the way out the door. I caught sight of him staring at me thoughtfully, but I didn't give him a chance to say anything else. I made the rounds through the office, and when all was said and done, Eric and Felix had both agreed to go. Ben had plans with Angela and her parents that night, so he had to bow out, but not before he told me how excited Angie had been when he told her about my offer to babysit.

"We're going out for dinner at Aro's and then to see a movie, if that's alright," he said.

"Of course it is." I chuckled. "Hell, make a whole night of it if you want…I've got nowhere to be."

He smiled but shook his head. "We would, but they have some Mommy and Me yoga class Saturday morning that Ang doesn't want to miss." He looked mildly disappointed, but he continued, "And I told her dad I'd help him paint the garage while they're out."

"Guess I'll have to offer earlier next time, eh?"

He grinned at me and told me they were just happy that I'd offered at all – babysitters had been scarcer since Bella started having trouble sleeping. We talked for a few more minutes before I excused myself to finish up with work for the day. I noticed that I had an easier time concentrating, though whether it was from my brief talk with Mike or the plans I had that evening, I wasn't sure.

We all left right around five with plans to meet up at 6:30 at Kings. I'd made dinner reservations for four, as we fully planned to make a guys' night of it, complete with unhealthy food and too much beer.

When I arrived home, I changed quickly into jeans and a red long-sleeved t-shirt with a gray stripe over the chest and down the sleeves. I debated for a moment and then topped it with the Red Sox cap I'd borrowed from Edward over the weekend. It had ended up stuffed in my bag along with my clothes, and I'd intended to return it to him as soon as he got back. I wasn't sure why I was wearing it tonight, other than that it made me feel closer to him somehow.

_You're fucking hopeless, dude. _

I shoved the thought away and pulled my phone out of my pocket, calling for a cab. I wasn't sure how much I'd have to drink, but I figured it was a safe bet that I wouldn't be up for driving later. I grabbed a bottle of water and walked to my window, staring down at the parking lot as I waited for the cab to arrive.

I saw someone come jogging out of the entryway below and leaned forward, recognizing the guy I'd met in the elevator – Jason. At least I thought it was him. I idly wondered why I'd never seen him before, if he'd been living there a couple of months, but I guessed he'd been busy with school.

The arrival of my cab pushed him from my mind, and I stepped out into the hallway, locking my door behind me. I pulled my phone from my pocket out of habit and sighed at the blank screen.

_Just call me. Please. _

I set my phone to vibrate and stuck it back in my pocket, resolving not to think of Edward anymore. If I got a call, I'd check to make sure it wasn't Emily or anything that looked like an emergency, but otherwise, I wouldn't answer. Tonight was about me and my friends and trying to get a little bit of my independence back.

The thought put a strange little smile on my face as I climbed into the cab. Within minutes, I was crawling out again and making my way into Kings. Eric was already there, and he waved me over. As soon as I sat down, the waitress arrived with a round of margaritas, making me raise an eyebrow at Eric.

He just grinned. "I figure if we finish these before the others get here, our next is waiting."

I laughed at his logic and picked up a glass, taking a long pull. I gave a content sigh as I tasted the tequila, and I felt the first stirrings of the restlessness that usually led to me getting completely hammered.

I hoped that the thought of work tomorrow would keep me in check, but I wasn't sure it would – or that I truly wanted it to.

As we drank and waited for the others to arrive, Eric filled me in on what was going on with Demetri. He told me that they'd left the Cask after the baseball game and gone to D's place to talk. He'd ended up spending the night because their conversation had carried on well past midnight, but nothing had happened between the two of them. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but there was hope as well, especially when he said, "Fuck, J, you have no idea how nervous I was, but when I asked him if he wanted to go out next Saturday – I figured he might already have plans this weekend, you know? And I didn't want to know about it, to be completely honest…" He waited until I nodded before he continued, "He asked me what was wrong with this Saturday."

The smile on his face was infectious, and I found myself grinning as I congratulated him again. My smile faded, though, and I blurted out, "Can I ask you something, E?"

"'Course, man." He lifted his margarita to his lips and glanced around, looking for the guys.

"What really happened with you and D?"

His eyes flashed back to my face as he lowered his glass. He frowned at me, and I started to just tell him he didn't have to answer, but for some reason, I _needed_ to know. We all knew in vague terms that they had wanted different things and that it had been Demetri's choice to end their relationship, but I needed to hear the true reason.

I had no fucking idea why.

"Well…" he began, shifting in his seat so that he was turned toward me with his arm draped over the back. "You know D's a lot younger than us…" I nodded, encouraging him to go on. Demetri had just turned twenty when he'd approached Eric at a club while we were all out. He'd been bold, cutting in on us when Eric and I were dancing, and I'd been able to tell right away that Eric was completely into him. That had been over two years ago now.

"He just…" Eric shook his head, his brow furrowing as he stared at the glass in his hands. "Out of the fucking blue a few months ago, he came up to me and told me he needed some space. He graduates this year, and I guess I was smothering him. I'm just ready for it all, you know? And he's not…and, really, I shouldn't expect him to be. I mean, fuck…do you remember me at twenty-two?" Eric snorted and looked up at me at last.

"But you want him to be," I observed quietly.

"More than anything."

I felt a fluttering of panic and familiarity at his words and the look in his eyes. It was a look I'd seen often…on Edward's face. I swallowed thickly, completely at a loss as to what to say. Eric just sat there, drinking his margarita, and finally, I cleared my throat. "So, what…"

"There they are!" he said, lifting his hand to wave. I followed his gaze and saw Felix and Mike heading toward us. I felt a minor flaring of annoyance at having been interrupted when I felt I was on the brink of…something…but mostly I felt relieved.

As soon as they sat down with us, the heavy atmosphere evaporated in a flurry of adolescent jokes and raucous laughter. Time seemed to speed up as we placed our order and the waitress delivered another round of drinks.

By the time I bit into my Angry Burger, I had a nice buzz going and my tension from earlier was fading into the background. We talked about everything and nothing at all as we ate. For the first time in a while, things felt…normal. I didn't forget about Edward by any means, but he wasn't this black hole that sucked in each and every thought and left me a useless mess.

After we finished eating, Mike surprised us by picking up the tab – which was pretty damn hefty, considering the number of drinks we'd had and the full rack of ribs Felix had polished off on top of his half a barbecued chicken.

Eric watched him in awe, his eyes wide, and when Felix finished wiping his hands, Eric said, "Dude, you know you're going to have a heart attack by the time you're thirty, right?"

Felix just laughed and sat back, rubbing his stomach. "Then I'll die a very happy, well-fed man."

I could tell from the look on Eric's face that he was about to launch into one of his fitness rants, so I stood up and said, "So, what do we want to hit up first? Lanes or tables?"

We decided to bowl a few games first since Felix said he owed us some payback from the last time. We spent the next couple of hours just relaxing and talking, giving each other shit over the easy shots we missed thanks to a few too many beers. We all opened up tabs and kept the drinks coming, though I was vaguely aware that I was drinking a little faster than the others.

Around 10:30 – still too early for my tastes – the other guys decided it was time to head home. Eric was laughing as he helped me into the cab we were splitting. He said something to Mike about my being drunk, but I couldn't decide if he was right or not. I was pretty sure I was at least still walking in a straight line…sort of. I could definitely still function, so I couldn't have been that bad off.

The cab ride seemed to take forever, and we spent it in silence. I glanced over to find Eric staring out the window, and I was surprised to see that he looked…sad, I thought. Or maybe he was just thinking hard about something. Either way, I got the impression that he didn't want to talk about anything, which was fine with me.

We got to my apartment first, and as I was climbing out of the cab, I told Eric good night. He said, "Night, J," absentmindedly.

I was doubled over, one hand on the door of the cab and the other on the frame while I stuck my head inside. I watched him for a moment, fighting my hazy mind to figure out what to do. As I stood there, he turned his face my way – probably to figure out what the hell I was doing and why they were still sitting there. He watched me in silence and then snorted when I swayed. "You good to make it upstairs?" he asked.

I frowned and nodded, wondering if I should ask him what was wrong, but he grinned at me and said, "Then get your drunk ass inside. Don't forget we have a staff meeting at 8:30."

I groaned, the real world crashing back down on me as I remembered that it was only Thursday night. I stepped back and closed the door without answering, and I could hear Eric laughing inside the cab. As I walked into the building, I yawned and scratched the back of my head, my lack of quality sleep catching up with me under the weight and warmth of alcohol.

The elevator was deserted, and my eyes drifted closed as it ascended slowly. When the bell dinged and the doors opened, I stumbled out and down the hall before struggling a bit with my keys. Soon, I was inside my dark apartment, where the emptiness seemed to loom oppressively.

At once, I felt as if a physical weight had settled on my shoulders, and all of the light-hearted fun of the night disappeared. I couldn't stand the thought of going to my room – alone – so I kicked off my shoes and stripped down to my boxers. I flopped down on the couch and pulled the throw blanket from the corner over me, kicking it irritably until it finally covered my feet.

Then I passed the fuck out.

I woke up to the sound of my apartment phone ringing, though it took me a minute to figure out that's what it was. "Motherfucking bullshit fucking…" I kept up a muttered stream of curses as I staggered around the living room, trying to get to the damn phone on the kitchen wall.

My eyes were still closed when I picked it up with a "What?"

Mike's annoying chuckle came through the phone. "Morning, Sunshine!"

"What the fuck, Mike?" I winced, putting the heel of my left hand on my forehead to try to stop the throbbing.

"You didn't answer your cell, so I figured you were still sleeping it off. Didn't want you to miss work."

As much as I wanted to be pissed at him, I gave a half-smile at the way he always looked out for me – a very small half-smile, as all I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep until next Wednesday. "Didn't hear my cell…" I frowned then, remembering that I'd set it to vibrate and hadn't bothered checking it all night.

_Fuck._

"Yeah, well, you're welcome. Now get cleaned up and get to work."

"Yeah, yeah, I will…" I paused, scrubbing my hand through my hair. "Hey, Mike? Thanks, man."

"No problem. See ya there."

He hung up, and I stood there yawning for a moment before I hung up the phone and glanced at the clock on the microwave.

_6:08._

_Shit!_

So much for getting there early.

I stepped out of my kitchen and took a look around. My apartment was becoming a goddamn dump with the way I'd just been leaving shit everywhere. I grumbled to myself as I went back to the couch and searched for my pants. I found them stuck half-under the couch and pulled them out, retrieving my phone from the pocket before I just dropped them back where they were. I would definitely have to clean the place soon, but now wasn't the time.

After clearing the one missed call, I stared at the blank screen as it mocked me, not only reminding me of the time but showing me that no one other than Mike had tried to call or message me. Logically, I knew that the majority of the people who _would_ call me had been with me last night, but that didn't stop me from being annoyed with the one very important guy who hadn't been.

I tightened my grip on my phone as if I were punishing it for its silence and stalked down the hall to my room. I dropped it on the unmade bed, which I tried not to look at. How was it that so much of my life had become tangled up in memories of Edward? It was insane. It wasn't like we lived together, so why did I think of my bed as ours?

I gritted my teeth as I stripped and started the shower, taking the few minutes while the water was warming to pick out clothes for the day. I took full advantage of it being Friday, not even bothering with a tie as I grabbed a pair of jeans and a blue button down shirt. I pulled out my last pair of clean boxers and went back into the bathroom, leaving the clothes on the counter as I stepped into the shower.

The water was nearly scalding, and my head seemed to be pounding in time with my pulse. I felt ill, nauseated and weak, almost as if I had the flu rather than a hangover.

_When will you ever fucking learn, Whitlock? _

Apparently it would take one more time, at the very least. I shook my head at myself as I cleaned up, washing my hair and wishing like hell that I could skip the shaving. Since I couldn't, I made short work of it and was soon climbing out of the shower to the brisk air of my apartment. I muttered under my breath as I dried off and dressed, and I was nearly to the kitchen before I had to double back for my phone.

I stopped by the side of my bed, still rolling up my sleeves, and when I picked up the phone, I turned it over to look at the screen out of habit.

_1 missed call  
Edward _

His name stared back at me as I held the phone gingerly. As I watched, the little symbol lit up, letting me know I had a voicemail, and I realized I must have _just_ missed his call. I frowned, making my way back to the kitchen as I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat down to eat. I checked the message first, unsure if I was going to call back or not, but as I listened to his voice and heard his uncertainty and…longing, I thought…something in me cracked.

I hit the number to save the message – I wasn't sure why – and sat the phone down deliberately, picking up my spoon and taking a few bites of my corn flakes as I tried to think things through. I needed to talk to him, that much was certain, but I had no idea what the fuck to say or how to act. His last words kept resounding in my mind, _"I...I just wanted to let you know I miss you, and I...well...just that I miss you. Call me?" _

What had he been about to say?

I let my spoon drop back in my bowl and picked up the phone. I still wasn't sure what I was going to say, but I really didn't have time to waste this morning, and I suddenly felt a driving need to talk to him. I decided as the phone started ringing to just follow his lead. I would _not_ tell him I missed him, not unless he said it first.

I nodded to myself sternly and then jumped like a fucking idiot when his voice said, _"Jasper?"_

I couldn't help but smile at the greeting. He sounded hopeful, and I felt such a strong pull to him just then that it was nearly impossible to stop words from spewing out of my mouth – words begging him to come back to Boston early, to come see me, to fall into bed with me. I swallowed it all down, telling him instead that I'd been in the shower when he called. When he said he missed me, I meant to just tell him I missed him, too, but I couldn't help the pain I know he heard in my voice. I didn't really believe him – or, more accurately, I wanted so badly to believe him that I didn't trust myself to see the truth.

His quiet, sure, _"Every day, baby,"_ was musical, and I nearly missed the rest of what he had to say as it seemed to help something in me relax. He told me that he'd needed to hear my voice and that it felt like it had been forever. When I thought back to how ridiculously long this week had been, I couldn't stand the thought of a few more days without seeing him.

Immediately, my tension was back, especially when I realized that I really needed to hit the road if I was going to make it on time. I heard the question in his voice when he said, _"I'll talk to you later?"_

His need for reassurance was somehow comforting to me as I said, "You better, sweetheart." I couldn't bring myself to say all the things that I wanted to say – all those strange feelings that kept bubbling up inside me – but the last thing I wanted was for him to think I didn't care when nothing could have been further from the truth.

Too soon, his welcome voice was gone, and I was on my way to the office. The day was unremarkable, so much like the rest of the week that I wondered why this monotony had been easier to handle before Edward came into my life. I managed to make it through the workday without dwelling on anything in particular too much, and when five o'clock rolled around, Ben stopped by to thank me again and confirm our plans for the night.

I told him I was just going home to change and grab my sketchpad and that I would be at their place as soon as I was done. The grin on his face was so massive that I would've never stopped teasing Mike if it had been him, but I left Ben alone. He'd always been the most shy and awkward of the four of us, so the fact that he'd gotten married at all – never mind first – was sort of sacred or some shit.

I was in and out of my apartment quickly, dressed in a comfortable t-shirt beneath my leather jacket. After checking the weather, I'd decided to take my motorcycle, so I grabbed my helmet and backpack on the way out the door. As I was getting out of the elevator, I passed by Jason, who was heading in with a couple of grocery sacks. I smiled at him as I said, "Hey," and he stopped for a moment, his eyes roaming from my feet to my head and then back to the helmet in my hand.

He shook himself, and I saw a faint blush climbing his neck as he nodded and said, "Hey there," with a smile.

I said, "Have a good night," and kept walking, heading to the garage, where I kept my baby. Most people paid for the garage space to protect their cars, but my motorcycle was far more valuable to me. It was chilly out, and I knew I should probably take my car, but I just felt like enjoying the freedom my bike afforded.

Soon I was speeding down the streets toward Ben's house, the wind whistling past my ears. My hands were quickly frozen, but that was alright with me. When I pulled up to their place, I parked my bike beside their car in the short driveway and took off my helmet, hanging it over my arm as I walked to the front door.

Before I even had a chance to knock, Ben opened the door and ushered me inside with a wide grin. "Hey, J! Thanks again…we really appreciate it." He was babbling even as I stepped inside, and I chuckled while I took off my backpack and jacket.

"Not a problem, man. I'm glad I could help." And I was. Seeing him so happy was definitely worth it, as was the beaming smile on Angie's face when she stepped out of Bella's bedroom and closed the door quietly.

She was wearing a very pretty, short dress covered in blue flowers that I recognized from before her pregnancy, and I could see the pride in her eyes. "Well, now, don't you look stunning?" I took a few steps toward her, glancing over my shoulder to wink at Ben before I took her hand and kissed it. "It's a good thing you're married, or I might be tempted to change sides."

She laughed, slapping lightly at my shoulder as she hugged me fiercely. "Good thing, indeed…I know a man who would be very disappointed if that happened."

"Damn right I would," Ben said dryly.

Angie rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, hush. I didn't mean you."

She pulled away from me then, going to give Ben a kiss, and I took a much-needed moment to collect myself as I absorbed her words. I struggled to keep my bitter thoughts away, the ones that made me wonder if Edward was thinking of me or cared at all.

_He does. I know he does._

_Doesn't he? _

Thankfully, I didn't have time to watch myself spiral straight back into the depression that had been haunting me all week because Angela started rattling off Bella's schedule. She'd left me a note again – but this time, it was much shorter since I'd be there only a few hours. The notebook was still there, though, and I bit back my grin at how prepared she was.

"Most likely, she'll just sleep the whole time we're gone -" We both caught Ben's incredulous look before he rolled his eyes. Ang pinched his side and kept on going without a pause, "but if she wakes up, just check to see if she needs changing and try to get her to go back to sleep. We're trying to teach her that she doesn't need to eat every time she wakes up. If all else fails, just hit play on the CD player, and you should be golden."

She gave a few more instructions and then stood there biting her lip like she was forgetting something until Ben leaned down and whispered something, kissing her ear and making her giggle. I smiled at them and shooed them both out the door, whispering loudly to Angela, "Just give me a call if you decide to take pity on poor Ben and take him to a hotel."

"Jasper!" She tried to sound scandalized but ended up laughing, and she and Ben were already talking animatedly as they walked out to their car. I shut the door and locked it with a sigh, running my fingers through my hair before leaning down to pick up my backpack and take it to the couch.

Their house was normally full of life and sounds, as there were often several of us here at once playing games or just hanging out. The silence made me feel out of place, as if I were an intruder, and I tried to shrug it off as I pulled out my sketchbook and a pencil. The baby monitor was already turned on, but there was no sound coming through it, so I turned the TV on, making sure the volume was low.

After flipping through channels for a while, I finally left it on some random standup comic on Comedy Central. I wasn't really going to be watching anyway – I just needed the noise to help me get into a relaxed enough state to draw.

I settled in, making myself as comfortable as possible, but my phone kept digging into my hip. I pulled it out and put it on the coffee table after checking to make sure the sound was on. I hadn't heard from Emily, which was unusual since we had a pottery class in the morning, and I didn't want to miss it if she called.

Bella slept soundly for the first hour or so that I was there, and I became completely absorbed in my drawing. On the mantle, I'd found a picture of Ang, Ben, and Bella right after they came home from the hospital, and I'd pulled it down, studying it as I sketched it. When the phone rang, I was fully expecting my sister, so Edward's name on the screen gave me a moment of pause.

A smile curved my lips as I picked it up, answering with a "Well, hey there, stranger."

I heard the indignation – and hurt, I thought – in his voice as he told me it hadn't been that long since he called. It was true; it had only been a few hours since we spoke this morning, but I couldn't agree more when he said it felt like it had been forever.

I dropped my pencil and ran my fingers through my hair, pulling lightly as the force of how much I missed him hit me squarely in the chest. Even though we'd spoken here and there, I didn't feel like we had been _us_ since he left. I really hoped that _we_ would come back when he did.

We spoke for a minute or two about when he was coming home, and I asked, "Do you need me to pick you up from the airport?" with my heart in my throat, hoping like hell he'd say yes. I couldn't tell him that I needed to see him right away – hell, I wasn't even sure I could make it until Monday. He paused for a moment.

"_Nah, don't worry about it."_

Those few words stung, and it was all I could do to say, "Oh, okay."

He jumped in quickly, explaining that he didn't want me to have to work myself to death to make up for the time off, and I blinked as I listened, unable to speak. Going in early was a small price to pay for seeing him the moment it became possible, but I didn't tell him that. I couldn't stand the thought of offering again and having him turn me down, so as soon as he finished explaining his reasoning, I changed the subject. "So are you having fun down there with Emmett and everybody?"

There was silence on the line other than the sound of his breathing before he finally said, _"Yeah, I'm having a good time…"_ He kept going, telling me a little about what he'd done while he was there. He mentioned Tanya waking him up this morning and said that she'd dragged him out shopping. I lost the thread of what he was saying when I heard a grunt through the baby monitor.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and listened for a moment, though I didn't really need to as the next sound was clearer – Bella whimpering.

"Fuck," I mumbled quietly and stood up, tiptoeing down the hallway to her door. I opened it up just as she wailed, and I raised my voice as I stepped toward her, whispering, "Shh…" I realized I would need both hands to pick her up and asked Edward to hold on for a second.

I missed what he said as I put the phone to the side and scooped her up, bouncing her lightly in my arms. Part of my mind was focused on Edward, hoping like hell that he would stay on the line because I didn't think I'd be able to take him hanging up on me. The rest was trained entirely on trying to soothe Bella as I walked with her around the room, whispering to her softly.

She was fussing, twisting and kicking as her face turned red. I took her to the changing table and checked to see if she needed a clean diaper. Once I was sure she was just upset, I put her on my shoulder and paced the room, trying everything I could think of.

"You're just as stubborn as your mommy," I told her with a wry grin as I finally walked over to the dresser, where the CD player was placed. I ignored the fact that I was being just as stubborn in trying to calm her myself instead of having "help" from Edward.

As soon as I pressed play, the sound of Edward's piano faded in, and Bella grew minutely quieter. We started walking again, making the circuit of her small room as I cradled her in my arms and looked down at her. Her cries lessened as she began to still, and then she yawned, arching her back as she settled against my chest. I walked with her until her eyes closed before I carried her to her crib and laid her down.

Edward's soft voice was pouring through the speakers, "Many times I've been alone, and many times I've cried. Anyway, you'll never know the many ways I've tried." I stood motionless for a moment, listening to his plaintive words as something deep within me stirred.

I picked up the phone again and stepped outside, closing her door before I put the phone to my ear. My voice was quiet and subdued when I finally spoke again. "Sorry about that…"

I wanted to tell him all the things I was sorry for – that I couldn't tell him how I felt, that I didn't _know_ how I felt, that I was constantly wondering if I could trust him…but I didn't. Luckily, he let it go, just asking me if I was babysitting. I walked to the kitchen for a bottle of water as I told him why I was watching Bella, and when he asked, _"What was that music you played?"_ I couldn't resist teasing him.

"You telling me you don't recognize yourself, Princess?" I could hear his pride and embarrassment when he asked if I was playing his CD. When I told him about Angela's reaction to the CD, too, he laughed, and the sound released something in me. I settled back on the couch with the phone to my ear, and it was just like those early nights when we'd spent hours on the phone talking about anything and nothing at all as we watched the Sox.

It was a little bit of heaven.

For the first time in nearly a week, I was able to really push all my questions and worries away, and we were just Jasper and Edward. I asked him – with real interest this time – about his family in Tennessee, listening carefully as he told me about scouring the city with Emmett. From the way he talked about his cousin, I knew we'd get along, and I actually found myself looking forward to meeting him, just so I could give him a hard time.

He told me about shopping with Tanya, and I blushed as he mentioned picking up some things for our baths together. I shifted in my seat, pulling at the legs of my jeans to gain more room as my body let me know it liked the sound of that. I realized as I did so that it had been a week since I'd had any sort of action – I hadn't even been in the mood to take matters into my own hands, so to speak – and my desire to see Edward grew exponentially.

His voice lowered a bit as well, likely in response to the huskiness in mine, and I quickly changed the subject. It wasn't that I didn't like where that might be heading, but he was in a house surrounded by his family while I had an infant not twenty feet away whose parents might return at any time. I was instantly intrigued by the idea of phone sex with Edward…the man had a sexy voice to begin with, and I had intimate knowledge of how he might sound, but unfortunately, now was completely the wrong time.

Instead, I asked him if he bought anything else while he was out with Tanya, and he said, _"No…oh!"_ His voice lowered when he continued, _"Remind me to tell you something when I get back."_

"Oookay…that's nice and cryptic," I said, frowning.

He laughed. _"Everything's fine…promise. Just can't talk about it right now." _

The more we talked, the more I missed him, and I rested my head on the arm of the couch as I stared at the ceiling and wondered if it was the same for him. Eventually, he asked me about the class tomorrow morning with Emily, and I glanced at the clock, annoyed and worried when I saw that it was getting late and I still hadn't heard from her.

When he told me that he missed me and wished he was going to be with us, my heart felt tighter, as if it were being squeezed by an iron band. I wished for that as well, more than just about anything at that moment. I told him I missed him, too, and I couldn't stop myself from muttering, "Maybe a little too much," aloud.

I couldn't figure out why I would say a fool thing like that where he could hear it, but at the same time, I didn't take it back or try to cover it up. It was the simple truth…and I was kind of curious as to how he would react, to be honest.

He didn't say anything, so I finally cleared my throat and told him I should probably go, since Ben and Angie would likely be home soon. He sounded as reluctant to go as I felt, which brightened my mood considerably. I teased him, telling him I would have Emily handle his pieces at the studio, and he growled.

"_The only one I want to have handle my 'pieces' is you, Mr. Whitlock."_

_Fuck me. _

I wondered if he had any idea just how desirable he was. If I'd had him there right then, there wasn't a hell of a lot I wouldn't have done to handle every piece of him. Our conversation ended soon after that, with each of us saying goodnight. As I hung up the phone, I felt an odd mixture of contentment and restlessness. It was as if talking to Edward had simultaneously satisfied me and left me ravenous for more.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I stared at my phone for just a minute and debated calling Emily. It was late, but I knew she was probably out with her friends…or James. Before I had to decide, the phone rang again, and I answered immediately when I saw her name on the screen.

"Emily? Are you okay?"

"_Yeah, I'm fine, Spurs…"_ I could hear the confusion in her voice, making me frown. _"Are _you_?"_

"Of course I am. I just…" I trailed off, wondering if my uncertainty about Edward was feeding into my perceptions of Emily's love life at the moment._ Not a goddamn chance._ "You usually call before now. Are you sure everything's alright?"

Her sigh sounded very put out, but she humored me, telling me that she'd been studying and lost track of time. When I asked about James, she said, _"He's working tonight, so I grabbed dinner with Ri. She went to some party afterward, but I have too much shit to do."_ Her voice was laced with fatigue, lending credibility to her claims of studying too much.

So why didn't I believe it?

I had never doubted Emily, mostly because I could _always_ tell when she was lying. But there was something off with the whole situation, something that made my hackles rise and my mind race. I started to ask her about it, but I heard keys jangling in the lock and sighed. "Hey, Lee? Sorry to cut this short, but Ben and Ang just got home…do you want me to call you when I get to my place?"

She laughed._ "Nah, I think I'm just going to head to bed. I'll see you in, like, ten hours. Don't worry so much, okay?" _

Easier said than done. I reluctantly agreed and she said, _"Give Ang and Ben hugs for me, okay?"_

"Yeah, will do. Hey, Lee Lee?"

"_Yeah, Spurs?"_

"Love you."

"_I love you, too, big brother."_ She sounded more like herself, a smile in her tone as she told me good night.

We hung up just as Angela walked into the living room with Ben following behind carrying a plastic sack with their leftover food. When I stood up, Ang came over and gave me a tight hug before tilting her head. She looked up at me and wrinkled her nose. "She woke up, huh?"

I frowned at her. "How did you know?"

She laughed softly and said, "I'd recognize that man singing anywhere…" Her grin broadened when Ben grumbled behind us, and I chuckled, hugging her once more.

We stood in the living room for a few minutes as they told me about the movie they'd seen as well as what Aro'd had to say. He had asked them about Edward and me, and Angie said she'd told him that she was sure we'd be back in to see him soon. The thought brought a smile to my face, and it combined with the long conversation I'd had with him to make me feel like maybe I would make it through the weekend after all - and that we'd still be…whatever we were…when he got back.

Before long, we said good night, and I hopped on my bike to make the short drive back to my building. I felt better than I had all week, more like myself, but as soon as I stepped into my darkened apartment alone, the loneliness descended again. Ever since I got my own place after living with Mike, Eric, and Ben, I had never been bothered by being alone. So why was it suddenly so hard?

I refused to sink back into that same depressed state, but I noticed two things: first, I was avoiding my bedroom, as I ducked in just to change into pajama pants and then settled on the couch; second, when Edward wasn't around, I tended to drink…a lot. I had a few beers as I stretched out and watched some mindless TV before – for the second night in a row – I fell asleep on my couch.

I woke to Emily's phone call the next morning, which was pretty typical. I felt drained, and all I wanted was to sleep for the next sixty or so hours until Edward made it back.

_Pathetic. _

I spent a few minutes cleaning up the pig sty that my apartment had become, and I was soon showered and on my bike, heading toward Emily's dorm. We couldn't talk during the ride, obviously, and we were both subdued as we walked into her favorite deli and placed our order. She yawned as she sipped her coffee, and I wondered where my exuberant sister had gone.

"Don't start, Spurs," she warned when I opened my mouth, and I frowned at her.

I let it go for a few minutes, watching as she ran her fingers through her hair. She asked me about babysitting, and a bit of her old smile came back as we talked about Bella. She absolutely loved kids – babies, especially – and she wanted to know when she would get to see her again.

By the time breakfast arrived, things were feeling pretty normal – or as normal as possible, considering Edward had become sort of a fixture on our dates as well. I berated myself for that, reminding myself that these dates were supposed to be about the two of us – there was a reason neither of us ever invited a guy along.

I wondered if maybe that was part of what was wrong with Emily lately. Had I been ignoring her?

I didn't like that thought, and I spent the rest of breakfast completely focused on her. I gave in to her wishes – for now – and steered clear of James, drawing her out instead on how school was going and what was happening with the rest of her friends. She smiled a lot more as the morning wore on, and the pottery class itself passed by in much the same way. Something felt a little off, but _we_, at least, were okay. It just seemed like each of us had something weighing us down…something that neither of us wanted to talk about.

We cut our bowls – I fought my blush as I trimmed Edward's piece – and threw a new one each. We were supposed to be glazing our original bowls, but Emily insisted on waiting for Edward so we could all do the new step together.

By the time we settled on a casual sushi place for lunch, Emily was chattering like always. She was smiling and happy and excited, babbling so quickly at times that I had trouble following. I should've left it at that and just enjoyed the afternoon with my sister.

But, of course, I didn't.

Right after our sushi was delivered, I cleared my throat and said, "So, Lee Lee…have you tried setting up another time for me to meet James?"

She frowned at me and shook her head. "No…you've both been busy, so I just figured…"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You figured it would just go away?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and said pointedly, "No. I just figured you were both busy. You're bound to meet sometime."

I didn't want to push her, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. I went on the offensive, asking her some of the questions that had been plaguing me, and every time she defended him, I grew a little angrier. Finally, I said, "What gives, Emily? Why do you feel like you need to justify everything he does?"

The way she crossed her arms over her chest and squirmed in her seat, not meeting my eye, sent my alarm bells into overdrive. "Emily Claire Whitlock." I waited until she made eye contact at last, needing to see her initial reaction to my words. "Has that fucker ever hit you?"

Her eyes flew wide as she gaped at me incredulously. Her mouth worked soundlessly for a moment, and then she exploded. "Are you fucking kidding me, Jasper? What the hell kind of person do you think I am? Do you think I'm that stupid that I would stay with some asshole who beat me?"

Every word she said made me wince, sent me retreating back into a defensive hole where I felt my eyes hardening and my tone growing harsher. "Fine, I get it," I snarled, barely noticing the way she stopped at once and stared at me. "You're not stupid. Just drop it."

I picked up my chopsticks and shoved a slice of our caterpillar roll into my mouth, feeling bile rise in my throat. I refused to think about why her words bothered me, why they struck such a chord that I was torn between wanting to scream and smothering a sob. I couldn't completely avoid it, though, and broken memories – long repressed – resurface, each one making me cringe away.

"Jasper? Hey…Spurs?" I didn't look up until I felt her hand cover my own, stopping it in its tracks as I was in the process of eating another piece of sushi. I looked at her at last, and the concern in her eyes broke me, tearing apart a wound I thought long-since-healed. My chopsticks clattered to the tabletop, my appetite evaporating as a sick feeling spread through my gut.

I'm not sure how I made it through the rest of lunch, but somehow, I made my apologies, my excuses. The wariness never completely left her eyes, though I was able to put on a good enough show that she let me be. I drove her back to her dorm, where I sat on my bike, my hands gripping the handlebars while I stared ahead until she tugged on my arm. I turned to look at her, finding worry marring her features again.

"Fuck," I muttered quietly and took a deep breath, steeling myself before I stood up. I shoved away the specter of Paul that had been looming over my shoulder and held my arms open to her. She stepped into my embrace, hugging me fiercely as she buried her face in my chest.

"I'm sorry, Spurs," she whispered. I didn't ask what for – I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"I'm sorry, too, Lee Lee." I kissed the top of her head, holding her just as tightly as she held me. I wondered what secrets she might be hiding…and I prayed that they weren't as devastating for her as the ones I'd kept from the family.

With a sigh, I let her go finally and looked down at her. "Lee, you know I'm here, right? For anything."

Her eyes were as earnest as my voice when she nodded. "I know, Spurs…and you know I'm here, too. Right? No matter…well, no matter what."

I gave her a small smile and nodded, wishing that it were that simple. I'd hidden the truth from my family for so long that I didn't feel like I could just suddenly say, _"Oh, hey, so like eight years ago…" _

Especially not to my little sister. I snorted at the thought, shaking my head as I chased away the impossibility. I forced my grin a little wider as I reached out to tickle her, and she squirmed away with a "Hey!" before retaliating. I caught and held her, tickling her mercilessly until she kicked me in the shin, and I hopped away, cursing.

"S'what you get," she muttered, her eyes brighter as she smiled at me. We laughed together and then hugged once more before I climbed on my bike and watched her walk into her building, swinging her helmet by the strap.

With a heavy sigh, I started the motorcycle and raced through the streets back to my apartment. All afternoon, I kept myself busy. I cleaned the place from top to bottom, washing every scrap of clothing that needed it and dusting long-forgotten corners.

My mind was at war with itself, torn between two conflicting images that it kept trying to reconcile: Paul's vicious, condescending face and Edward's wide, caring eyes. I kept catching myself cataloguing their similarities, the situations and words with Edward that had reminded me eerily of Paul, and then I would be arguing the other side, examining the countless ways they were different.

It was maddening.

No matter what I did, I couldn't settle my mind. I was exhausted and disgusting, covered in clay and dust and sweat, but even a warm shower did nothing to calm my frantic thoughts. Unlike the rest of the week, it never entered my head to call Edward.

I was battling my own personal demons, their once-silent haunting shaken into focus like the knocking and howling of a poltergeist. I couldn't stand it. I had to get out, had to give myself some time to recover, to rebuild some of the barriers I'd put in place to keep the panic and disgust for myself locked away.

So I called Mike, only to find that he was out on a day-trip with Jessica that had turned into an impromptu weekend away.

Ben. He and Angela were at her parents' house, where they would be having dinner soon.

Eric didn't answer his cell. Not surprising, since his date with Demetri was tonight. I wouldn't have called him, but I was getting desperate, needing some sort of distraction.

Felix, Max, Randall…all busy or not answering. I stopped short of calling Emily, knowing that that would get me nowhere if I were trying _not_ to think about all this shit.

In the end, I called a cab and headed out on my own. When we pulled up at the Cask 'n Flagon, I breathed a small sigh of relief. Here, at least, I would find alcohol and noise, two of the best remedies for a head too full of memories and torturous thoughts.

I pushed open the door and made my way through the crowd. It was still fairly early, but people were beginning to show up, their conversations creating a pleasant background buzz. I took a seat at the bar, my eyes turning automatically to one of the big screens as I caught the commentary for tomorrow's football games.

_Ugh, fucking Patriots. _

I shifted my eyes away, catching sight of the bartender as he walked over to me. I opened up a tab and ordered my first Sam Adams, telling him to keep them coming. He smiled and said, "You got it…" before stepping away to grab my beer.

As soon as the frosty glass was in my hand and the cold liquid hit my tongue, I relaxed minutely. Ironically, I felt more in control. This was my decision. I was out, on my own, without needing anyone's approval or permission – in fact, without anyone knowing.

And that suited me just fine.

I took another sip of my beer and licked my lips, my eyes wandering back to the TV. I wasn't really interested in the other people in the bar, other than as a general distraction from my own thoughts. Time passed without my awareness, and I was feeling a nice, soothing buzz when I heard a vaguely familiar voice call my name.

"Jasper?" The question came again, and this time I sought out the source. Glancing to my right, I saw a face I recognized, though it took me a moment to match it to its name.

_Fucking beautiful eyes…_

"Jason?" He nodded, and I smiled. "Hey…what are you doing here?"

He laughed and shrugged. "You're the one that recommended it, remember? Just thought I'd check it out…" He'd been standing with his elbow on the bar, and now he moved to take the stool next to me. I tossed back my beer, draining the last of it, and as soon as the bottle hit the bar, the bartender was back, whisking it away as he left another in front of me.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked Jason, who said he'd have the same.

We sat side by side for a while, idly talking about the sports news playing over the bar. As the night wore on, the questions became more personal, though nothing intimate at all. It was nice to have someone to talk to, something to take my mind off the questions that had been plaguing me all day.

He asked my last name, and I learned that his was Jenks; he was in his first year of law school and was a good bit younger than I was. When he mentioned that he was twenty-two, I chuckled, shaking my head as I took another pull from my beer. I couldn't help but make comparisons between this guy and Demetri, and I wondered how the hell Eric made that work. There was so much Jason hadn't seen yet, so many things he hadn't been through.

He turned the conversation to me, asking about the business I'd started with the guys, and I realized that I was talking way more than normal – babbling, really. I thought it was just to fill the silence, but it was more the way he just kept asking questions, drawing the words out of me.

I'd lost track of how many beers I'd had when Jason pushed away from the bar and headed for the restroom. I watched the scores and highlights scrolling across the bottom of the big screen for a moment before I pulled my phone from my pocket to check the time.

_Ugh, not even nine…_

Way too early to go home, especially knowing that, as awake as I was, I'd sober up before I passed out, and that just wouldn't do.

_No fucking calls._

The phone went back in my pocket, and my hands wrapped around my bottle once more. I tapped randomly on the glass, my fingertips tracing the edge of the label. In just those few moments alone, my anxiety began to creep back in. Emily and Edward returned to the forefront of my mind while the ghost of Paul made my shoulders tense and my skin crawl.

I shrugged my shoulders, tilting my head this way and that as if I were working out a kink in my neck. In truth, I was trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. I could tell it wasn't coming from the bar, but that didn't stop me from glancing around to check.

There was no one looking my way, of course.

I took a breath and puffed out my cheeks as I exhaled. I'd been surprised to see Jason tonight, but now I found myself wishing he'd come back. He wasn't as good a distraction as Mike would've been, but he helped, and I was thankful for that.

I stared at the screen as they showed highlights of the Patriots and Chargers before launching – again – into the predictions for Sunday's game. I rolled my eyes, grumbling under my breath about the goddamn Patriots.

"So what do you have against the Pats? I thought you were a Boston boy." Jason's smile was easy as he settled onto his barstool again. I relaxed almost at once, happy to not have to be alone with my thoughts.

"Hell, no," I said automatically and then realized that in my semi-drunk state, I'd apparently been ranting aloud. I cleared my throat and took a drink before I continued, "Texas, actually. I moved out here for college, too."

_Fucking liar. _

I shifted my shoulders uncomfortably, moving my feet onto the rod along the base of the bar just to have something to do.

"Ahh…" he said, smiling quietly. "That explains the accent."

I didn't hear my accent anymore – and Chuck gave me hell about becoming a Yankee every time I went home – but other people mentioned it from time to time. I nodded and told him a little about my family. "My sister moved out here last year, but the rest of them are still out there on the ranch."

His eyes widened as he took a sip of his beer, shaking his head in mild disbelief. "So, you're _actually_ a cowboy?"

I laughed. "No, I'm a software engineer…well, mostly a salesman now. But yeah, I guess I was at one point. Or was meant to be, anyway."

He muttered a low oath, and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, chuckling at the incredulous look on his face. He shook it off, asking who I cheered for instead, and we talked for a while about the Cowboys. He made a face, cursing under his breath. It turned out that he'd been a Falcons fan all his life and harbored an intense hatred for Dallas.

"Well, I guess football will just be one of those things we don't talk about…" he said with a wide grin. "Unless we _want_ to fight, that is."

I frowned slightly, trying to make sense of his statement. Why the hell would we want to fight? I was beginning to really feel the alcohol, but that didn't slow me down. Before the bartender could bring me my next beer, Jason got up and walked over to him. He beckoned him forward, and the guy leaned over the bar so Jason could say something to him quietly – well, relatively speaking.

His expression was smug as he took his seat again, but when I narrowed my eyes at him, he just laughed. Soon, the bartender came by with two shot glasses full of something foamy, and I raised an eyebrow at the man sitting beside me.

"You'll love it," he said confidently. "Trust me."

I glanced at it skeptically and then shrugged, picking up my shot. Jason put his hand on my wrist and shook his head. "Nope. No hands."

"What the hell do you mean no hands?"

He grinned and leaned forward, wrapping his lips around the small glass before lifting it with his mouth and tossing his head back. I watched, my eyes widening, as he swallowed the drink down greedily and then lowered his head to drop the glass. He looked at me pointedly, wiping a drop of cream from the corner of his lips with the pad of his thumb.

"Fuck." I didn't mean to say it out loud, and I briefly hoped that he had missed my whisper, but the mischievous look in his eyes told me he hadn't. I couldn't think of one damn thing to say, so I followed his lead, downing my shot without using my hands. The bite of alcohol was barely there as I tasted sweet cream and coffee, a blissful combination that carried just a hint of heat. I felt a tiny bit of liquid roll over my lip and wiped it off with the heel of my hand.

I saw the way his eyes followed the movement – and the way they darkened as they lingered on my lips.

My senses were dull, and my hands felt disconnected from my body, moving a little further than I meant for them to. My eyelids were heavy, making my eyes drift closed of their own accord before I'd snap them open again. I felt a silly smile settle on my lips as I said, "That's pretty fucking good, actually. What was it?"

"A blow job." He wore a devilish grin as his eyes flickered over my face. I had a vague sense that he was far more sober than I was, and the way he looked at me helped to erase some of the feelings of doubt and self-loathing I'd been struggling with all day.

I didn't know what to say to him, though, so I focused on the name of the drink. "I thought that was for chicks?"

He laughed and leaned forward, lowering his voice. "I guess that all depends on who you ask. I've never had a blow job with a chick."

I made a noncommittal noise, considering his words. His flirting couldn't have been more obvious if he'd painted it on his forehead, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it. On one hand, I really wasn't into him – not in that way – and there were a million reasons why I should just tell him so…not the least of which was the man that I was still hoping like hell would call and come home and take me to his bed and kiss me and fuck me until I couldn't even remember my own name. On the other, I sensed that if I addressed the flirting and the question he was clearly asking, I would soon be alone. He would go home – or worse, move on from me to some other guy in the bar – and I would be stuck with no distractions, no help in escaping the worry that had been building all week.

And all I wanted to do was escape.

I felt him watching me and realized I was staring down at the bar, not even seeing the wood grain. I raised my head with a start, and he flashed a smile. His face was suddenly close to mine, his breath hot against my cheek as he whispered, "Want another blow job, Jasper?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. He must've seen something in my face because he chuckled and lightened the mood, granting me a much-needed reprieve. He still ordered a second blow job for each of us, but he changed the subject, asking me about restaurants I thought he should check out.

I was completely unaware of how long we sat there talking. After the shots, he mixed our drinks up, ordering different things that he thought I'd like. My mind was in that happy, fuzzy place where I was only somewhat aware of what was happening around me. I swayed on my stool, and he caught me, his fingers wrapping around my biceps.

The night was filled with laughter – mostly his – and conversation – again, mostly of his direction. I sat there, basking in the glow of not having to _think_ for a while, not having to focus on the very real problems and worries in my life. I was feeling pretty good when he said, "Come dance with me."

I frowned, unsure if I should. He reached out, taking my hand as he slipped off his stool. "Come on. I won't let you fall." He gave me a wry grin, and I rolled my eyes, snorting indignantly.

His implication that I was too drunk to stand up straight held my attention, causing my uncertainty to flitter away. I stood up, walking behind him as he led me to the dance floor. He still held my hand, our arms stretched between us, and I grumbled to myself as I watched his back.

_Fucking show him I can do this shit. I'm not _that_ drunk._

But I knew on some level that I was. I felt completely disconnected, the parts of my body a wonder to me as I tried in vain to figure out how they worked together. I was still staring down at my arms when suddenly his were around my waist. He guided my hands to his shoulders, and I linked my fingers behind his neck to keep my hands from slipping off again.

I felt a stirring of…something. I had no idea what. It was too distant, too fleeting, though it left me slightly uneasy.

His hands on my hips guided me, and soon my body was moving to the music. My eyes drifted closed as I focused on the beat, losing myself to the rhythm. I felt him moving closer to me, his warmth covering my torso as his hands slipped from my hips to press against my lower back. His splayed palms were liquid heat, searing my skin even through my shirt, and it was Edward's face that lingered behind my eyelids.

Longing filled me as I pulled the body I held closer, trying desperately to feel the passion that Edward always ignited in me. I'd felt so empty for days that just the echo of _life_ was enough to excite me, making me feel hopeful again. A knee was between mine, hips pressing closer against my groin, and my hands gripped the collar of a shirt.

I sighed at the stubble abrading my cheek, at the panting breath bathing my neck. Warm lips teased my skin, moving along my jaw, and I could nearly hear Edward's moans, the words he so often whispered as he kissed and caressed me. I wanted so badly for it to be him that I let myself pretend for a moment - just a few seconds of fantasy, wish-fulfillment…whatever you wanted to call it.

A nip at my ear made my lips twitch, curving into a small smile as my hands drifted down, holding him close. His soft lips made their way back toward mine, where I felt a gentle pressure just at the corner, hesitant and questioning. I turned my head, capturing his lips with my own, and his strong hands tightened their hold on me, bringing me impossibly closer as his head tilted.

His lips parted mine, our kiss filled with chaste heat, and I gave a soft moan that was swallowed by the driving beat of the music that vibrated through my chest. We kissed for long moments, the gentle brushes becoming more forceful as we moved together. His hands slid up my back, one pressing between my shoulder blades as the other tangled in my hair, holding me to him. My fingers were dangerously low, my thumbs slipping into the waistband of his jeans.

I froze in confusion when his flaccid tongue brushed against mine, supple flesh where the bite of steel should have been.

Panic struck me, sending a sobering jolt through me that started in my fingertips and raced toward my sluggish mind. Something was not right.

_Oh, God. Fuck! _

Gradually, thoughts and memories filtered back through my consciousness, putting together a horrifying picture of what I knew I would see when I opened my eyes. I squeezed them shut, pressing my lips tightly together as I stood motionless. I could feel his questions in the tension in his shoulders and the way his hands had stilled against me.

I prayed for a miracle – that somehow I was wrong, that when I opened my eyes, I would see the darkened emerald that belonged only to Edward.

I wasn't so lucky.

The eyes that watched me were beautiful, but they were blue-gray and filled with confusion. "Jasper?"

I could hear the hurt in his voice, the wondering what he'd done wrong. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even reassure him that it wasn't him – this one was all on me. All I could do was mumble, "I-I can't."

My brain shut down from the overload, unable to begin to process everything that was happening. I had only one focus – Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here.

I had no concept of what I'd done or how much damage I might have caused. I just knew that whatever it was, it was my fucking fault. All mine.

Operating on some sort of instinct bred through years of drinking, I managed to close my bar tab and retrieve my card. I kept expecting to hear Jason's voice – accusing, demanding to know what the hell I was doing – but it never came. I could only imagine what he must think of me, but it was the least of my worries.

As the cab drove me toward my apartment, I could put one name on every single one of the worries that was eating me up inside – Edward.

_What the fuck did I do? _

I was in my apartment without being aware of riding in the elevator or opening the door. I paced in my kitchen, my thoughts a jumbled mess with no direction. I growled in frustration, stopping suddenly as I gripped the back of a chair. I needed to think, needed to be able to figure out what it was, exactly, that had me so upset.

_Coffee._

I went through the motions of grinding coffee beans and starting a pot. I was beginning to feel sick – physically sick, not just disgusted with myself. While I waited for the coffee to finish, I pulled a box of crackers from the cabinet and ate them slowly, fighting my gag reflex to swallow. I knew I would feel better with something on my stomach, and at the moment, I needed all the help I could get.

My stomach began to settle as I poured myself a cup of coffee – black, and as strong as I could make it – and sat down at the table with the steaming mug in my hands. I took a deep breath, holding it before I exhaled slowly.

Then I began arguing with myself. It was rambling and circular and completely unproductive, but several things became clear to me.

I was afraid. I was scared shitless to tell Edward, and I didn't really know why – but then again, I _did_ know why. I would be hurt and jealous if he'd been out with another guy tonight – my stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch at the mere thought. I didn't want Edward to feel that way, and it killed me because I knew he would.

Or would he? Did he really have to know? I hadn't meant for it to happen…and I sure as hell didn't expect it to happen again. Why should I tell him about something that meant nothing?

Because I would want to know. The thought of Edward kissing another man and then keeping it a secret burned me. A feeling of betrayal accompanied the thought – worse than what I'd already done – and I knew I had to tell him.

_What is he going to say?_

My cup was empty, and I stared down into it as if it were filled with tea leaves I could read to predict his response. What if he told me he never wanted to see me again?

_He won't. He can't._

_God, please, tell me he won't… _

I was begging, pleading with some unnamed entity I wasn't sure I believed in that Edward would at least give me a chance. I was willing to work, willing to do whatever it took so long as it meant I could still be with him.

I got up to pour myself another cup, slowly forming my arguments. We weren't exclusive…I hadn't been exclusive with anyone since Paul. In fact, we'd never talked about what we were.

_That's because you never had to. You assumed – just like he did – that he wasn't seeing anyone else_.

I ignored the little voice. It was true, but the truth wouldn't help me here. I needed to make Edward see my side, make him understand that…that…

_That what? That he went out of town and your tongue was in another man's mouth?_

_Oh, god… _

I gave myself to my despair for a moment, wallowing in self-pity and fear and disgust. I tried to convince myself that it really wasn't a big deal. I kept clinging to that one fact – that we'd never said we weren't seeing other people – but even in my inebriated state, I saw that for the semantics argument that it was. The simple truth was that I had betrayed Edward's trust, and I deserved it if he left me.

I don't know how long I'd been sitting at my kitchen table, trying like hell to make sense of it all, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. With a sinking feeling, I pulled it out – and felt like crying when I saw Edward's name on the screen. My first instinct was to answer it, but what could I say? I was resigned to telling him – he had a right to know – but I wanted to do it in person. My way.

_It was just a kiss._

My thumb ran across the screen as if I could caress his face, and I carefully put the phone down. I couldn't tell him now…but I couldn't talk to him without telling him. I knew as soon as I heard his voice, I would be babbling, spilling it all to him without holding back.

I watched as the screen flashed, hoping – though I knew it was in vain – that he wouldn't think it was a big deal. It was just a kiss, after all. Maybe he would just shrug and grin at me and kiss me and take me to his room.

But, to be completely honest, I didn't want that. I wanted this to be a big deal to him. _I_ wanted to be a big deal to him. I wanted him to care enough to get upset, even though I never wanted to hurt him.

The screen went dark for a moment before it flashed once more.

_3 missed calls  
1 new voice mail_

Taking a shaky breath, I picked up the phone and checked the missed calls – all Edward, starting at 10:23. I hit the button to call my voice mail, my eyes squeezing shut as I listened.

"_Hey, baby, it's me. I'm really sorry I missed you. I just wanted to call and say I…I'm thinking about you. Not too much longer now. Call me when you get this, okay? Doesn't matter what time. I-"_ His voice cut off abruptly, and I heard other voices in the background before he said, _"I hope you have a good night. Miss you, Cuddles." _

I had never felt lower than I did as I carefully hit the button to end the call and put the phone on the table. After all the worrying and suspecting and looking over my shoulder, _I_ had been the one to cheat.

I sat in silence, my thoughts quieting as the night wore on. I wanted to say something to Edward to let him know I was thinking of him, too – god, was I thinking of him – but I couldn't trust myself to talk to him. By the time the urge to reach out _somehow_ finally became too much, it was just after 3:30.

I picked up my phone, deciding to be as honest as I could without letting him know yet what was going on. My fingers hovered over the keys before I finally typed,

_Sorry I missed your call. Miss you._

It was true – I was incredibly sorry I missed his call, especially since I had checked the timestamp and knew exactly what I'd been doing when he called the first time. The memory of Jason's lips on mine made my stomach turn, and I stood up, dropping my mug in the sink as I went to take a shower. I really wasn't sure I'd be able to sleep, but I couldn't sit around with another man's scent on me. I could smell him everywhere, feel the sting of his stubble, see the look in his eyes.

I stood beneath the scalding spray for a long time, hoping it would sear away my skin's memory of his touch. When the water finally ran cold, I stepped out and dried off, dressing in pajama pants and a t-shirt. I walked straight by my bed and into the living room, where I sat with my sketchbook in my lap.

I never opened it, never picked up a pencil, and I was watching the sunrise lighten the window through my blinds when I received an answer back from Edward.

_I miss you, too. More than you know. Can I see you tomorrow?_

I swallowed hard, staring at the words on my phone and hoping like hell that they would still be true tomorrow night – that he would still want to see me Tuesday morning. I couldn't think of a response as I sat there, remembering all the times I'd imagined his homecoming this week. In place of the happiness I should have felt, there was only anxiety and fear, and it was way too long before I could think of a response to send him.

In the end, I typed only one word…

_Please._

_

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**_A/N:_**_ Thank you so much to those of you who made it this far. Yes, we want to smack Jasper, too. __Please trust us when we say that we love these boys and are being faithful to their story...and please give us a chance to make amends just like Jasper is hoping Edward will ;)_

___There are two very important benefits we are taking part in that we would like to mention:_

___First, **DefinatelyStaying** has organized an eBook benefit to support those organizations who are dedicated to helping victims of hate and violence such as the **Matthew Shepard Foundation** and **Amnesty International**. Although we are not yet listed on the author list, we have written a piece of original fiction that will be appearing in the eBook. If you'd like to help out with this worthy cause, please visit _http://ebookbenefit(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ _for more information._

_We are also signed up to contribute to the **Fics for Nashville** benefit. This is similar to **TwiFans for Haiti** and the one DS is organizing in that you make a donation to an approved charity, send in your receipt, and receive a compilation of works from a long list of fantastic fanfic authors. This benefit is to help out the victims of flooding in the Tennessee area. If you are interested in this cause, please stop by _http://community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/ficsfornash/1483(dot)html _to find out how to help!_


	18. Honestly OK

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

_

* * *

_

**EPOV**

"Edward!"

I turned my head, trying to find the source of Kate's voice, but there were just too many people around. She called my name again, and this time I saw her, my face breaking out into a grin at the sight of her. She had her camera hanging around her neck, waving frantically at me as I made my way over. Her hair was up in a ponytail, and she was wearing dress-jeans and a burgundy button down – her usual work-attire.

When I finally made my way to her – having to try to navigate around the sea of people that all appeared to be going in the opposite direction I was – she pushed her camera out of the way and gave me a one-armed hug as she asked how my flight was.

"Fine. Smooth ride all the way home." I nodded to the camera and smiled. "Taking candids?"

She grinned. "Yeah, for a project, actually."

I quirked my brow in question, and she filled me in as we walked to her car, telling me about the book cover she had been hired to put together. Apparently she had been given a scenario from the book – which she wasn't allowed to tell me much about – that included an airport scene, so she figured she might as well kill two birds with one stone. Or, in this case, three birds, since she had to drop off Garrett earlier, as well.

The trip home went by quickly – too quickly, in a way. I'd missed Kate, and I was enjoying spending some time with her, but she said she still had to get to her studio and do some work. She helped me carry my luggage inside and gave me a big hug, kissing me on the cheek as she said, "Call me later this week? I want to hear about everyone."

I tugged lightly on her ponytail and grinned. "Sure thing. Thanks for picking me up, Kate; I appreciate it."

"Any time. Alright, gotta run." Pecking me on the cheek again, she ran out the door and called back over her shoulder, "It's good to have you home again, Edward."

I waved at her, watching her drive off as I leaned against the doorway. I stood for a moment as a feeling of unease settled on me. It wasn't cold by any means, though it was around fifteen degrees cooler than Nashville, but I wasn't sure that was the reason for the shiver running down my spine, forcing me in motion. I closed the door and went about the business of getting my laundry done and my clothes put away where they belonged.

I tried not to think about how off things had felt on Sunday. After I had sent Jasper a text asking to see him today, I had fallen asleep again. By the time I woke up hours later, there was a message waiting from him, simply reading, "Please." I had called him but gotten his voicemail – again. He sent a text back a few minutes later, saying he was sorry he missed my call and that he was hungover. Given the time his first text had been sent, it was easy to believe it, especially considering I wasn't feeling totally myself after going out Saturday, either. Still...something just didn't feel quite...right, and I couldn't put my finger on it. I asked him if he was okay, hangover aside, and he assured me he was. In the end, I'd just chalked it up to being homesick for him, soothing myself with the reminder that I'd be back in Boston soon, and I had gone downstairs to try to enjoy my last day with my family.

Now that I was home, though, all I wanted was to see him, to know he was okay – that _we_ were okay. Part of me regretted turning down his offer to pick me up, but I pushed that aside. I really didn't want him to have to add that much pressure on himself just because we wanted to see each other right away. I could be patient a little while longer. He had said he'd stop by as soon as he was done with work today, and a glance at the clock told me that it would be another three hours before he'd be here.

Once my laundry was started and everything else was back where it belonged, I decided to try to do some work to pass the time. It was difficult to concentrate, but I managed to make some headway before the timer I had set went off. I hadn't gone shopping for groceries yet, but I wanted to have food ready for when Jasper arrived – not that I was sure we'd even get around to eating once he was here. I had missed him, missed being with him, so much – and I thought he had missed me, too. At least, I hoped he had.

As I looked through the various take-out menus, trying to decide what to get, I tried to forget about all my worries. He would be here soon enough, and I was certain that once I saw him again, it wouldn't matter anymore. In the end, I ordered a large Meat Lovers pizza – I'd barely been able to contain my smirk and place the order without comment. _Meat lover, indeed._

The pizza arrived before Jasper did, so I put it in the kitchen. I felt restless and considered opening a bottle of wine and having a glass to settle my nerves before tossing the idea aside. Something told me alcohol would not be a good idea tonight. I opened the fridge and stared aimlessly at the scant contents for a minute, as if it held the answers to my questions. The doorbell saved me from going too crazy, and I hurried to answer it.

My stomach felt as if a swarm of butterflies had been released in it, and I scoffed at myself for being so ridiculously nervous. _You'd think we hadn't been fooling around for the past couple of months, and this was our first date again. _I was excited to see him, though – nervous, but excited.

My hand was on the door handle, and I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down before facing him. I saw his silhouette shift from side to side, and it made me smile to think that he was as anxious to see me as I was him. That thought was enough to center me. I opened the door with a smile and breathed out, "Jasper."

Before I could do so much as blink, he had his hands on my face – his hold almost too tight – his eyes dancing between mine with an expression I had no time to figure out, because his mouth was on mine barely a moment later. My hands went to his sides as my eyes closed reflexively, returning his kiss hungrily.

He never released his hold on my face, and it took me a few seconds for that to filter through my thoughts. Normally, his hands were everywhere, roaming my body, claiming me – but he was holding my face in place, anchoring me to him in a way he had never done before.

It took me another couple of seconds to register that this kiss was different than any we had ever shared, too. We'd had our fair share of heated kisses, moments where it was pure hunger for the other driving us – passionate kisses that we needed as much as we needed air to breathe. But this...this kiss was frantic, a hunger of a different kind; it was...desperate. And it filled me with dread, rather than lust.

I lifted my hands to his, trying to pry them from my face, but he just held on tighter, pushing me until my back was against the wall in between the doors and his body was pressed firmly against mine. I frowned, opening my eyes to try to see him, but he was too close. I put my hands on his face and coaxed his head back. The instant our lips lost contact, his hands fell to his sides before he crossed his arms over his chest; Jasper seemed to almost fold in on himself. The fear that had been gnawing at me since last week – that I had managed to push away up until now – came back full force, twisting knots in my stomach as I tried to figure out what the hell had happened to him.

He had closed his eyes when I pulled him from me – I took a few moments to get my breathing under control as I watched him. _His_ breathing was irregular, and from where my fingertips were resting against his pulse point, I could feel his heart racing.

My thumbs brushed his cheeks gently, hoping to soothe him as everything pointed to him being very upset, for whatever reason. I hated seeing him like this – I felt helpless. "Jasper?"

He flinched, but otherwise gave no reaction. I sighed, searching his face for any telltale signs, any marks or bruises to indicate his possibly having been in a fight with James. That was the worst scenario my brain could come up with in that moment, as I was sure that _that_ would not have gone over well with Emily. Seeing none, I frowned and stepped around him so I could close the door. When I turned back to him, I caught his eyes briefly before he turned his face away from me. What shocked me was the look of pain I thought I had seen in them, and I again wondered what the hell had happened while I was gone.

_I knew I shouldn't have left him. If something happened with Emily...I don't know what else would have him this upset... _

When he still didn't say anything, I took his face between my hands. He didn't look up, so I gently turned his face to mine, pressing our lips together softly. As I pulled away, I ran my fingers through the waves at the nape of his neck and whispered, "Jazz, baby...please talk to me. What happened? Whatever it is, let me help you..."

I was surprised to see his face screw up like he was going to cry before he regained control of himself, taking a long, deep breath. He exhaled shakily, and I felt my stomach knot. I was sure - absolutely positive - that I did not want to hear whatever he had to say. Something deep within me suddenly screamed that this wasn't about Emily. I had no idea what it could be, but I knew without a doubt that it was about...us.

_Jazz, don't..._

I swallowed, not even able to finish the thought. I didn't know what I was silently asking him for, but I hoped he heard me.

"Edward, I..." His voice was husky and hoarse, and he trailed off, swallowing thickly as he watched me. His eyes were tormented and flickering all over my face as he licked his lips. He opened his mouth again, but no sound came out.

I turned us, pressing Jasper against the wall now as I kissed him deeply, trying to let him feel what I felt for him. His desperation was seeping into me, making me feel something close to despair as I tried to understand. He returned my kiss with fervor, his arms wrapping tightly around my waist as his lips moved passionately against mine.

Abruptly, his hands moved to my hips, and he pushed me away with a breathless, "Oh, god..." His forehead was pressed against mine before he slowly lifted his head, gradually revealing his blue eyes. "I can't," he whispered.

"You can't what?" My voice sounded hollow to my ears.

He didn't answer. He watched me for a moment longer and then said, "Can we talk?"

"Of course," was all I could say. It didn't escape me that he wasn't calling me by any of the silly names that usually spilled from his lips. I wasn't "baby" or "darlin'" or even the ridiculous "princess." I was just Edward.

He turned around and walked into my den, where he sat on his end of the couch. I was on edge, unsure where this was going, so I headed to the armchair. He didn't look at me as I moved. He stared straight ahead, his eyes focused on the corner of the coffee table.

I endured the silence as long as I could before shifting and clearing my throat. I couldn't take it anymore. Knowing had to be better than this uncertainty. His eyes shifted to my face then, and he blinked several times before tangling his fingers in his hair and tugging. I wanted to reach out, pull his hand away, and hold it. I wanted to reassure him and soothe him.

But I did nothing.

"God, there's no good way to say this..." he muttered under his breath at last, scrubbing his face with his hands. He rested his elbows on his knees and propped his forehead against his palms, speaking to the floor. "Edward, I have to tell you something, and you may fucking hate me, and I...I wouldn't blame you." He broke off, his shoulders shuddering once. He raised his head and turned his face to mine, but his eyes were trained somewhere to the right of me.

When he spoke again, his lips barely moved, and his voice was just above a whisper. He seemed to have to force each word out. "I was a fucking wreck last week. I missed you more than I thought I would...more than..." He shook his head. "Doesn't fucking matter..." He sighed.

Finally, his eyes - swimming with pain and regret - met mine. "Saturday night, I couldn't take it anymore. I went out to the Cask, and...and I ran into this guy I know..."

_No. Just don't...please..._

I pleaded with him wordlessly, not wanting to hear what I feared was coming.

"I was thinking of you...I swear I was. But he kissed me, and I...I kissed him back."

I just stared at him, unwilling and unable to believe what I had just heard. Neither of us said anything for a while, and before long, Jasper's eyes lowered and closed; I could see his lips moving, but no sound came out – or if it did, I wasn't in any state to hear it. My mind felt blank, buzzing with white noise. It wasn't until he met my gaze again that something clicked and I was able to _think_ again – if you could call hearing his last words on a loop thinking. _I kissed him back..._

The knots in my stomach suddenly felt like they solidified and became lead, a pressing weight that sat in my stomach, against my heart.

_How could he... Why? Saturday? Oh God...that's why I couldn't reach him?_

I swallowed thickly, trying to push away the sickening feeling that threatened to overcome me. I remembered the talk with Emmett, my resolve to talk to Jasper about everything, my hope that it wouldn't be too late...and now this?

I opened my mouth, but no words would come – I didn't know what to say, and at the same time there was so much I _wanted_ to say. I wanted to scream at him, ask him if what we had truly meant so little to him that he had to kiss another guy not two days before I was coming home. I wanted to ask him how he _could_ kiss another, while claiming to be thinking of _me_. How could he be so callous? And how _dare_ he come here now and kiss me the way he had as soon as he'd seen me?

But nothing would come out. I swallowed again and turned my face away, staring at the painting of my parents and me without really seeing it. My brow furrowed as I recalled our conversation on Friday, how much it had stung to hear the disbelief in his voice when he'd asked if I really had missed him.

I flinched when I felt Jasper's hands on my thighs – I hadn't noticed him moving. I turned back to face him, finding him kneeling in front of me with a look of regret, pain, and worry in his glistening eyes. His lips were still moving, and slowly his words began to penetrate my thoughts – he was rambling.

"...please, Edward...I'm so sorry. I was drunk...stupid. I know it's no excuse. Please, baby..."

I frowned, my eyes flickering between his as I realized that what I had worried about with Alistair when he was away from me had come to truth...with Jasper. Why had he told me? Why had he done it to begin with? Why did it matter what his reason was?

Jasper continued his pleading, soft spoken whispers asking me to forgive him, to listen, to let him make amends.

_How?_

My mind felt like it was overloading with contradicting thoughts, while my heart just...hurt. I hurt for myself, but also because I could see that _he_ was hurting - and right at that moment, the idea that he was, and that it affected me as much as it did, made me mad. I couldn't deal with this right now; I needed time to get my head straight, to sort through everything. My voice was raspy with emotion, but at the same time it felt flat when I spoke. "Jasper...I think you need to leave... I-I can't deal with this right now. I need...time."

He started shaking his head, uttering more pleas as he rested his forehead on my knee – I ached to run my fingers through his hair, to comfort him...but I couldn't. I couldn't give what I didn't have myself. I couldn't take listening to him anymore.

"Please, just...go."

He looked up at me, and I could see the despair, the fear in his eyes. He swallowed hard several times before finally croaking out, "Emily..?"

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I wanted to scream, ask him _why_ the hell he would do this when we were doing so well. It wasn't just the two of us, either. I was close to his sister now as well, and the thought of disappointing her stung. "I'll call you before Saturday to let you know. I just can't...just...please leave. I need to be alone."

He nodded, slowly getting to his feet. I could hear his breathing, which was still erratic, and he reached his hand out as if to cup my cheek, but I moved back slightly. His hand fluttered briefly for a moment before I heard him whisper again, "I'm so sorry..." and he left.

I stayed in my seat, unmoving, for countless moments, unable to process what had just happened. My mind went back to the conversation Kate and I had had over Labor Day weekend.

_"Is he worth it?"_

_"Worth…what?"_

_"All of it. The questions, the uncertainty…the possible heartbreak. Is he worth it?" _

_"He's worth it." _

_"Good, I'm glad you know he is…now you just have to make sure you remember it."_

_"What do you mean?"_

"_I think he might fuck up. Maybe a few times. You just have to remember that he's worth it." _

With my elbows on my knees, I leaned forward and put my face in my hands, trying to block the images of Jasper kissing some faceless guy that swirled in my head. I tried to hold onto Kate's advice, but it kept slipping away, dissolving every time I thought of Jasper's words.

_How could he say he was thinking of me? How is that even _right_? _

And then I remembered the way he had reacted when he saw me and Garrett, and again when Seth and Embry had stopped by, and all I could feel was angry indignation. He had thought I was going behind his back, had believed me capable of cheating on him...and then _he_ turned around and did exactly that.

I slammed my palm down on armrest and yelled into my empty house, "Goddamnit, Jasper! Why? Why would you do something like that?"

I took a shuddering breath and closed my eyes as I added quietly, "Was I that wrong about you? About us?"

A small part of my brain tried to argue for him, telling me it was just a kiss, that we had never once talked about being exclusive, that we had no real claim on each other... all of which just served to piss me off even more. I didn't _want_ to defend him, didn't _want_ to be rational. It might have been "just" a kiss, but it was so much more than that. It was trust and faith, and his actions had broken both, leaving me feeling like I hadn't been enough – fearing that I might never be.

It hurt.

I got up, needing to do..._something_. Anything to keep my mind from constantly revisiting Alistair and wondering if that had been why he had never wanted more with me – because I hadn't been enough. It had been something that always lurked in the background, more so after we broke up – something I had pushed away because I couldn't believe that was the case. I had loved him too much, and I knew he had cared for me, too.

When Jasper had come into the picture, it didn't seem to be anything I needed to think about anymore. He was always so passionate, so confident – even with all the quirks he had shown, all the other doubts I'd had about him, the question of being enough never really entered my mind because he had always been so eager for me.

But now...

I found myself in the kitchen without having made any conscious choice to go there. Looking around aimlessly, my eyes fell on the pizza I had ordered. With a sigh, I picked it up and put it in the fridge for later – I certainly wasn't hungry anymore. If anything, I felt slightly nauseated.

I stared out of the window as I leaned against the counter, my mind's eye replaying the day of the barbeque. I couldn't wrap my mind around how hurt he had been by the mere thought of me being with another man, only to have him kiss someone else. _How could he do that? How could he possibly think...?_

Shaking my head, I walked to the front door, locking it before wandering aimlessly through my house. Everywhere I looked, I saw Jasper. I had let him in completely – a tiny part of my brain, which sounded eerily like Emmett, reminded me that I hadn't; I hadn't told him exactly how I felt – and now I found I couldn't escape him.

I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging at the ends in a vain attempt to stop the onslaught of images – all of Jasper, of every moment between us - every kiss, every touch we had shared. Part of me wanted to call Kate, but the memory of our conversation stopped me. I couldn't face any _I told you so'_s, whether she uttered the words or not.

"Fuck!"

I wasn't up for going anywhere – I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I couldn't handle seeing the happiness my friends shared right now. I felt more alone at that moment than I had back before Jasper had entered my life, and that realization twisted my stomach into further knots.

In the end, I went to the only place where Jasper hadn't left any ghosts – Kate's room. It was still very early, but I was suddenly tired – exhausted from all the emotions that were stirring through me. I slipped under the covers – still fully clothed – and hugged one of her pillows to my chest. It was the closest I could allow myself to be to her right now – I needed her, needed someone, but it would have to wait. Today, I was simply done, and after staring at the wall for God only knows how long, I finally fell asleep.

I was woken up the next morning by the sound of my phone ringing. I looked around in confusion for a moment before everything crashed down on me. The phone had stopped ringing, and I was grateful. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone, anyway; I wanted to be left alone. Whoever was trying to reach me didn't get that memo, though, as the phone started ringing again. I struggled with the covers for a moment as I fished around for it, since it had slipped out of my pocket during the night.

I glanced at the caller ID and groaned when I saw the screen light up with the number for Jasper's work. I really didn't want to talk to him, to have to listen to his excuses and apologies. Even so, I couldn't help feeling a desperate need to hear his voice, to somehow see if he would tell me this was all a horrible mistake and none of it had been real. Before I could stop myself, I answered the call, my free hand tangled in my hair, my voice tired and wan.

"Jasper, I told you I would call. Please...I really don't want to talk to you right now...Just give me some time..."

I heard a faint rustling of papers in the background, and for a second I wondered if he was sketching. A vaguely familiar voice startled me before I could get angry with myself for even caring – or for answering the phone to begin with. "Edward, it's Mike."

I frowned, trying to think of a reason why he, of all people, would be calling me – from Jasper's phone, no less. At least, I assumed it was his phone.

"Mike? Why..?"

He sighed, and I could hear the creak of his chair as he presumably sat back. "Edward, man, we need to talk...Can I stop by your place after work? I'll bring some pizza or something."

"I don't know what we have to talk about, Mike."

I shifted so I lay on my back, hugging Kate's pillow to my chest again. I heard him clear his throat, and then he said, "Look, I know what happened, E."

"I don't think that's any of your business, Mike."

My tone was flat, even a little hostile. I didn't want to talk about this, least of all with Jasper's best friend. It wasn't anyone's business but our own, and I resented Mike for trying to make excuses for Jasper.

He gave a short huff. "You're right; it probably isn't any of my business. But if I'm right about how you feel about my boy – and judging by the fact that you answered this call, even though you obviously recognized the number, I _am _right about it – then what I have to tell you is most definitely _your_ business."

He paused, letting me absorb his words before he continued, "Listen, Edward. I know you don't know me, really. You met me all of three times, and you have no reason to trust anything I say. But I know Jasper, and I can see how much the two of you care about one another."

I couldn't help it, I snorted. He ignored it, though. "Like I said, E. I know my boy, and I know him well enough to know he probably didn't tell you a damn thing about what happened to him before you came in the picture. Am I right?"

I sat, scooting up until my back hit the headboard, Kate's pillow still clutched to my chest as I made an affirmative sound. Mike sighed. "You need to hear what I have to say, Edward, before you make any decisions one way or the other about what happens next between you two. You'll regret it, if you don't."

Resting my head against the wall, I raised my eyes to the ceiling and sighed. I wasn't sure what to make of any of this, but something told me Mike was right. I _would_ regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't at least hear what he had to say. I cleared my throat lightly and nodded, even though Mike couldn't see it. "Fine...stop by after work. Do you have my address?"

Mike gave a quiet snort of his own, and I could hear a tapping noise. "Yeah, Jasper still had your business card tucked into the side of his desk pad. I know where it is."

Well that explained how Mike had gotten my number, at least. Mike excused himself, saying he needed to get back to work and that he'd see me tonight. After he hung up, I stared at the phone as I cradled it in my lap. I couldn't help but wonder what Mike could possibly say that would make any difference. Jasper had kissed another guy. End of story.

With a huff, I got up and stripped Kate's bed, putting clean sheets on it before grabbing the pile of dirty sheets and taking them down to the basement. I started the laundry and briefly contemplated making myself something to eat. The thought of food sent my stomach roiling, and not in a good way. I made some coffee instead, which probably wasn't my wisest decision, but I was beyond the point of caring at the moment.

Coffee cup in hand, I made my way to my laptop and sat down behind my desk. I grimaced when I saw the background once it was booted up and quickly changed it to some generic landscape that came with the computer. I couldn't look at him right then, and I didn't want to think about any of it. I needed a few moments of peace – relative as that might be – to just focus on something else. I knew that if I let myself dwell on Jasper, I would be too upset to deal with Mike that night, and what he had said about regretting it if I didn't hear what he needed me to hear had me just curious enough to want to be as open as possible.

_Oh, who the fuck do you think you're kidding, Masen? You want to hear what he has to say because you want him to make you believe in Jasper's excuses, whatever they are. _

I groaned, clenching my eyes shut for a moment until I could gather my thoughts and push Jasper into the background. I had to – if I didn't, I would end up calling Mike back and telling him to forget it. And I didn't really want to. So, with a long pull from my still-too-hot coffee, I opened up the programs I needed and began doing some more work on my book, using the pictures I had taken back in Memphis.

I surprised myself by being able to work steadily for the next several hours, only getting up to refill my coffee and to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. By the time lunch rolled around, I was starving and finally not just needing food, but wanting it, so I grabbed a couple of slices of pizza and a bottle of water. I leaned against the counter, standing next to the window as I gazed out at my garden. I didn't feel like sitting down, and I was beginning to feel restless, so as soon as I was done eating, I set about cleaning the house's ground floor – dusting, vacuuming, even washing all the downstairs windows inside and out. They were menial tasks aimed to keep me busy enough to not think too much.

It worked, because I had just put the vacuum cleaner away when the doorbell rang. A glance at the clock told me it would likely be Mike, so with a sigh, I went to let him in. He held out a sack and a six-pack of Sam Adams as he adjusted a messenger bag hanging from his shoulder. "I bring food, beer, and...well...me."

He shrugged, grinning slightly as I waved him in, taking the sack from him. I peered inside as the smell of burgers and fries hit my nose. I glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow, and he chuckled. "I wasn't in the mood for pizza; figured burgers and fries were the next best greasy comfort foods for take out. Besides..." He wrinkled his nose a little. "Jess is on a health kick lately, and I've been dying for a good burger."

I laughed at that; I could well imagine Jessica trying to get him to eat better and giving him a hard time about it – even after having met her only that one time. "Burgers, fries, and beer. Works for me. This way."

I led him out to the kitchen and pointed to the bar, where he sat down as I grabbed napkins and plates. Putting the rest of the beer in the fridge, I took out some condiments and placed them between us as I took my seat across from him. We ate in silence while I tried not to think about why he was here – I was afraid that if I did, my stomach would revolt.

Mike wiped his mouth and hands before taking a long pull from his beer, his eyes on me – as they had been throughout most of our meal. We still hadn't said a word when I went to clear everything away, grabbing another couple of beers and gesturing for him to follow me to the den. I had a feeling that he would be here for a while, and that I would want to be somewhere comfortable. He followed me, took one of the beers and sat down on Jasper's end of the couch. That thought made me flinch a little, but I shook it off, taking my usual seat on the couch – turning to face him as I pulled one leg up under me, my elbow resting against the backrest and my fingers knotted in my hair.

I cleared my throat lightly, starting to feel uncomfortable. "Thanks for the food, Mike."

He nodded, taking a swig of his beer. "You're welcome. Least I could do for invading your home like this." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he sat back against the armrest, largely mimicking my posture as he faced me. "Look, Edward...for what it's worth, I'm really sorry this happened."

I held up my hand, shaking my head. "Don't, please. You said you had something you needed to say...something I needed to hear."

He nodded and shifted in his seat so that he could rest his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. He looked down at them as he said, "Edward...just how much _do_ you know about Jasper?"

He looked up at me, and I could tell that he didn't just mean, _"What did Jasper tell you?"_ – which was precious little – but that he wanted to know what I had figured out for myself. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I told him, in general terms, at least, what Jasper had shared – sparing the details, since I didn't think he would want to know about who did what to whom in bed, or why. I sure as hell wouldn't want to know about him and Jess, anyway. I told him that I had figured out that it was Paul who had hurt him to the point of being skittish, holding back instead of moving forward, but that I didn't know exactly why or how.

As I spoke, I realized I actually knew very little about his past, and that bothered me – then again, I hadn't told him about Alistair, either. When I finished, Mike sat quietly for a moment, his brow furrowed as he seemed to collect his thoughts. He shook his head with a sigh and looked at me. "Well, you're right about the root of this being Paul. Jasper should have told you himself..." He sighed heavily again and continued, "I'm not going to give you all the details...that really is something Jasper needs to do. But you deserve to know, especially considering what happened."

I pulled both my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them even as I held on to my bottle of beer, sipping from it occasionally. A funny feeling was beginning to form in my stomach – one I couldn't put a name to. Yet, anyway.

Mike ran his fingers through his hair again, his eyes on mine as he spoke. "When I first met Jasper, he was very different from the guy he is now – you wouldn't recognize him. He was withdrawn, shy, very quiet. He had just moved to Boston, and we had a couple of the same classes. We ended up in a study group together, but he never mingled. He was always either studying or hurrying home. He barely spoke to anyone on campus – whenever our group met, he was anxious, and everything had to be finished on time. He always left by the time the group was supposed to end. He never stayed late, never hung out with any of us. I tried to get to know him better, like I did with all the guys in our group, but he was the only one I couldn't get through to. Or so I thought."

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and the look in his eyes told me he was remembering it all. "Over the period of a few weeks, I noticed he started looking a little thin – you've seen him; it doesn't take a lot for the man to start looking gaunt."

I nodded, but stayed quiet. He frowned.

"Anyway...there were a few times where I thought I saw marks on him, but when I'd ask him if he was okay, he'd quickly cover up or leave or...something. Always some lame ass excuse. And then one night, out of the blue, I got a phone call. It was Jasper, and I had never heard him as upset, as quiet, as I did that time. It was actually a little scary, to be honest."

He cleared his throat, shaking his head as if to rid himself of an image. "He needed a place to stay and didn't know anyone in Boston. Paul had kicked him to the curb. Literally."

He gave me a sharp look then, and my eyes narrowed as his words sunk in. I could feel anger welling up in me again at the thought of anyone hurting Jasper in the way Mike was hinting at. I felt my jaw clench, but I remained quiet, and after a moment Mike went on.

"Jasper was a mess, Edward. He'll have to tell you everything that went down between them himself; that's not my story to tell, and to be honest, I'm not even sure I know all of it. But I will tell you this: Paul did one hell of a number on our boy. I've never in my life witnessed anyone become so downtrodden that they didn't know how to be a person anymore, but I saw it first hand with Jasper. It took a long time for him to get out of that frame of mind. And I'm beginning to see that maybe he never really did. At least not all the way."

He gave a rueful chuckle as he shook his head. "No, that's not true. I knew he hadn't. I just didn't realize how much was still there." He looked at me. "Edward...I can honestly say that in all the years I have known Jasper, I have _never_ seen him act like he has for these past few months. He's had other guys since Paul; I won't lie. But that's just it. He had them. He wasn't _with_ them. He didn't claim them – like he has you." He quirked a brow then and grinned. "He's never been possessive of anyone, or protective – well, except his friends and family, of course. And I have never seen him as happy as he is when he's with you."

I turned my head, unwilling to believe that he was happy with me. How could he have been? Mike gave a soft sigh, and I thought I heard him mutter, "Alright..."

I glanced at him and saw him reaching inside his bag. He bit his lower lip, his brow furrowed as if weighing his options, and then he handed some sort of notebook to me. I frowned, my eyes flickering between the sketchpad I was now holding and his eyes. He said, "Look," and pointed, so I did.

I opened the first page, seeing numerous doodles – eyes I thought looked like Emily's, a child's hand, a Celtic cross, too many things to take in. Mike urged me to turn a few pages, and then I saw it. Countless eyes covering page upon page after the first three. Every single pair was mine. My mouth fell open as my fingers traced them gingerly. They all looked so real, so alive, and held so much emotion in them – seeming to say so much. I looked up at Mike in amazement and whispered, "Why?"

He smirked lightly, sitting back as he watched me. He tilted his head a little as he told me that these were from before Jasper even knew I was into him – from before our first date. He had me flip another couple of pages, and I could see more eyes – more emotions, and the way Jasper had drawn them actually made me blush a little, as I could well imagine what he had been thinking about as he sketched. Lust was all too apparent in so many of them.

Mike pointed out different pages, relating them all to certain times over the last few months. Suddenly, there was a shift in the sketches – it was abrupt, and I shuddered, unable to explain why. There were two sets of eyes, repeated again and again – mostly side by side as if for comparison. On one side, I could see my own staring back at me – on the other were a pair I didn't know. A pair I didn't _want _to know; they were hard, cold – menacing.

"That would be Paul."

I glanced at him, and he sighed, leaning forward as he tapped his finger on the page. "I'm pretty sure that those were done the week we all bumped into each other and you and Jasper ended up bailing on us."

Frowning, I looked down at the page again. "I don't understand...why?" I thought back to that week, trying to remember what had happened. He had pulled away from me, and I'd been hurt by the sudden change, but I had no idea what might have caused it. At least none that I could think of.

Mike sighed as he sank back into the couch again, running his fingers through his hair as he gave me an apologetic smile. "He pulled away that week; didn't he? From you?"

I nodded, my frown deepening as he continued, "He acted a little weird at work. It's something I've been thinking about a lot today, and...well, to be honest...I think it was because of us. Before you came along, Jasper was always hanging out with us – it took him a long time to learn to trust us - to trust anyone, really. But over the years, we've all become very close – like family. Jasper takes that to heart, and he's never let any guy interfere with how he is with us. Until you. When you two started...dating...something changed for him – something changed _in_ him. He's finally acting like every one of us has when they're..." He swallowed, and there was something in his eyes that disappeared as quickly as it came. "When they're in that first 'getting to know you – hey I like you' stage. Edward, when I say that I've never seen him act the way he does now...I mean that in _every_ way."

He paused, watching me closely. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but after a moment, he spoke again. "Anyway...we were talking about not hanging out anymore, and that's – I think at least – what spurred him on. He suddenly wanted to go out, just us guys, like we used to. Don't get me wrong, Edward; not one of us minded that he left us behind. We were all happy to finally see him with a guy that seemed to be good for him."

Mike took a swig of his beer, putting the empty bottle on the table with a sigh. "You need to understand something, Edward. Jasper didn't hang out with us on campus because Paul didn't _let _him. He monopolized his time, demanded his attention. He was essentially isolated from everything and everybody..."

I looked down at the sketches again, my gaze flickering between my eyes and Paul's as I considered Mike's words. "He felt I was taking him away from his friends...and keeping him away from mine..."

Slowly, things were starting to make a horrible kind of sense, and that feeling in my stomach that had started when Mike and I had first sat down was quickly growing to make me nauseous. Everything Mike was saying pointed to Jasper having been abused by Paul. It explained a lot of his actions and reactions to things that had happened between us.

My mind conjured images of Jasper and everything he might have suffered through – from beatings to being cheated on to verbal abuse...sexual abuse. I had no way of knowing if my fears were right or if my mind was just in overdrive, but I flinched under the barrage, struck with the realization that Jasper had believed – or feared – me capable of doing the same to him...

I felt physically ill to the point where I needed to purge myself of it all. I tossed the pad down on the couch, and with a hurried, "Excuse me," I all but ran to the bathroom, only barely getting there in time to throw up. I knelt in front of the toilet, waiting for my stomach to settle down again – not caring that Mike was in my living room, waiting for me. I felt like I was going crazy. How could Jasper have kept something like that from me? How could he think that I'd _ever_ hurt him like that? How could he not _know_ that I loved him, that I could never, _ever_ be capable of anything like that?

_Have you really given him any reason to believe you're different? _

_What have you done that Paul must have done at some point as well? _

_But _he_ cheated! How could he do that, if he had it done to him? How? _

Slowly, I pulled myself to my feet and washed my face. As I gazed into the mirror, I was shocked to see the haggard look in my eyes. If hearing about what had happened to Jasper affected _me_ this way, then God only knows how it messed him up. My stomach roiled again, and I had to grasp the edge of the counter to stay upright, taking slow, deep breaths to try to steady myself. The idea that he'd had to go through all of that – and more, if Mike's indication of not telling me everything was anything to go by - tore me up inside. How could anyone do that to another human being? To _him_? The Jasper I knew was loving, loyal, kind, giving... Why would anyone try to kill such a good soul?

I had so many thoughts running around my head that it was dizzying. I tried to push it all back; some of it would have to wait until I was alone so I could sort through it, while some I hoped Mike would be able to shed some light on.

_Mike. Shit! How long have I been in here?_

After giving my face another quick wash and rinsing my mouth, I went back to the den and sat down on the couch. Mike looked at me with concern, and I apologized for just walking out like I had.

"Don't worry about it, E. Are you alright?"

I nodded and sighed heavily. "Yeah, I'm okay, I guess..." I frowned and tilted my head to his empty bottle. "Oh, hey...did you want another one?"

He nodded, and I got up to grab the last couple of beers, all the while trying to keep it together and not let my thoughts go spiraling out of control. After I got back, we sat and talked for what felt like hours. I asked him to clarify some of what he had said, and every answer he gave solidified my fears for Jasper.

There was one thing – well, more than one, really – that he hadn't yet mentioned that had been hovering in the back of my mind all night. I sat with my back against the armrest, my legs pulled up again and my arms over my knees – I frowned, my eyes trained on the fabric of my jeans as I rubbed my fingers over it. The sensation was soothing, and I felt like I needed any comfort I could get at that point; I was aching inside.

"Mike...you said you knew what happened... I..." I sighed, closing my eyes. "When? How?"

It had been bothering me as we were talking, had in fact been poking at me all day since his call, but I had tried to push it aside. I couldn't anymore; I needed to know. I needed to hear from him whether he had seen it, if he had been there or not.

Mike cleared his throat, and I could feel him shifting in his seat so he could face me. When he began to speak, I looked up, wanting to see the truth in his eyes. "Jasper told me this morning after I found him sleeping on the couch in his office. I'm not gonna lie, Edward; he was a wreck. I haven't seen him in this state since Paul. He was going on and on about having fucked up, having hurt you, hurt Emily. He looked as if the bottom had gone out from under his world. It took a while to get him calmed down enough to talk to me, but eventually he did, and he told me everything. I sent him home and told him to try to get some rest, to just forget about today as far as work was concerned, and to see how things went tomorrow."

I swallowed hard, nodding – I didn't know what to say to that. All I knew was that it killed me to know that he was this upset, even though it was his own doing and he had hurt me...I just couldn't help it. "Did he know you were coming here?"

He shook his head with a slight grin. "No, he didn't. He'd kill me if he knew, especially since I took his sketchpad and showed it to you. Not that he hides it, but still."

My frown deepened as I tilted my head in confusion. "If you know he's not going to like that you told me about...well...all of that...or that you showed me the sketches... then why...?"

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair before resting his head in his hand, his elbow propped up on the backrest. "Because, Edward, my boy fucked up, and he fucked up good. He knows it, and he thinks he's lost you because of it." He paused, watching me for a moment. "Edward, if anything I've said tonight helps to give him another shot at happiness, then I'll take any bitching I might be in for from Jasper." He narrowed his eyes, then added, "Love is rare enough. Jasper's a good man, Edward. I believe you are, too, or I wouldn't even be here."

I smiled, in spite of myself. "I hope Jasper knows how good of a friend he has in you."

He grinned and winked at me as he said, "If he doesn't, I'll be sure to remind him of it."

I gave a short chuckle and then sighed. I picked at the nail of my thumb, focusing on it rather than on Mike as I spoke. "You've given me a lot to think about, Mike. I-I honestly can't say how I feel about everything right now. I'm going to need time to sort all this out for myself." I looked up at him. "I appreciate what you did, though – what you're trying to do."

He nodded. "Like I said, Edward...you had a right to know. None of it excuses his actions, but maybe it helps to understand them a little."

Giving a soft sound of affirmation, I got up and Mike followed, putting his bag over his shoulder as we walked to the door. He paused, stuffing his left hand in his pocket as he gave me a serious look.

"Edward, I can't tell you what you need to do. This is something you've got to figure out for yourself - if you can forgive him and have a go at it again. But if you do, you're going to have to show him that he has nothing to fear. I know it's not fair to you – you've done nothing wrong, and yet you're being asked to pay for some asshole's actions – but he's going to need to be reassured. In word, as well as deed. If you can do that, then I guarantee you Jasper will do the same. If you do give him another chance, I know he will do whatever he can – whatever it takes – to prove to you that what happened this weekend won't ever happen again."

I cleared my throat, putting both hands into my back pockets as I shifted uneasily on my feet. I muttered, "Thanks, Mike. Like I said...you've given me a lot to think about tonight."

He stepped up to me and gave me a brief hug, which I returned, wishing me luck and thanking me for letting him say his piece. After he was gone, I locked the door and cleaned up before heading to my room. I was exhausted, weighed down by everything Mike had shared with me, and I just wanted to sleep.

I stripped and slid between the covers. I grabbed Jasper's pillow, burying my face in it as I wished he were here – though I knew that I wouldn't have been able to handle things if he were. I wasn't sure that he would be able to, either. It was with thoughts of Jasper swirling around in my brain that I finally drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

When I woke up, it was with a headache and a heaviness that seemed to spread through my entire body. I got up slowly and took some Tylenol, gulping down the water greedily. Once that was done, I briefly contemplated whether to take a shower or a bath – I ended up drawing a bath and using some of the bathbombs for relaxation that I had gotten during my trip to Memphis. It wasn't quite how I'd imagined using them when I bought them, but I needed to try to relax and give myself some time to think about things. I didn't light any candles or do anything I ordinarily would have done to set a mood – I left things simple and quiet, praying it would help.

Once I was settled into the tub, I closed my eyes and rested my arms on the sides of it as I leaned my head back. I went over everything Mike had told me, sifting through all of the information I had. I knew it still wasn't enough, but it would have to do...for now. I thought about everything that had happened between Jasper and me, and I realized that we both had made mistakes. In my attempt to not scare him away, I had not given him a reason to fully trust my feelings for him – though I had no idea at the time that he had needed that. I had tried so hard to not push him, to give him time instead...

I snorted softly, shaking my head as I muttered, "There was no way I could have won that one... If I'd said anything, he would've run away – I know he would have. And by not saying anything, I may have lost him anyway. God, what a fucking mess..."

Jasper was broken, and knowing that was almost enough to bring me to my knees. I didn't know if he would ever be able to get past what had happened to him. I didn't know if I would be able to help him with that, if I would be enough... and what scared me most was that I wasn't sure whether I was able to take that chance.

I knew I had my own demons; though they paled in comparison to his, they were still there – more so now than ever before. With Alistair, it had just been a fear; I'd never known one way or the other. Jasper, however, _had_ done the one thing I didn't know if I could excuse – he had cheated on me. Even though we had never really talked about it, I had tried to tell him I just wanted him – hell, I had said so the weekend before I left for Memphis! He had to have known – and he had still ended up in someone else's arms.

It hurt, a lot. I hated that it made me feel as if I wasn't enough to hold his attention, that I didn't have his heart like I had believed. It made me question myself, as well as him. And I hated it. I wanted to _know_ my heart was safe with him, and that I had _his_ heart – his love.

It also stung to think that Jasper had even remotely believed me capable of doing the things Paul had done to him. I had a hard time understanding how he could. What had I ever done to warrant that fear? I had tried time and again to _show_ him how I felt for him because I had been too scared to tell him with words. How could he have not known?

I was getting nowhere, continuously going back and forth. The only thing that really changed was the ache in my heart, though it was as much for him as it was for me. The water had turned cold when I finally got out of the tub – headache free and at least somewhat relaxed. My body didn't feel as heavy anymore, though my mind was still bogged down.

Walking into my closet, I pulled on a pair of faded blue jeans. After some consideration, I grabbed the blue long-sleeved shirt that I had lent to Jasper the night he cooked for me. I held it to my face, taking a deep breath and smiling at the smell of him that still lingered on it, though it made me ache, too. I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea to wear something that reminded me so strongly of him, but the need to have that connection overruled the hurt I felt, so on it went.

My stomach growled at me, letting me know that whether I wanted to eat or not, I needed sustenance. I made myself a bowl of cereal; I was not in the mood to cook and unsure whether I'd be able to stomach the smell of food anyway.

Mike's words kept playing in my head, slowly driving me crazy as I tried to figure things out. Could I forgive Jasper? Would I be able to trust him again? Part of me said "Yes," to both immediately, almost automatically. I knew why, too - because, in spite of everything, I still loved him. I still wanted him, more than I had wanted anyone in my life. Those things weren't even an issue. The question was...would I be able to handle putting myself out there, knowing what I now knew? Would Jasper ever be able to let me in – really let me in – and trust me enough to not hurt him?

Annoyed at continuously coming back to the same questions and issues over and over again, I growled, burying both my hands in my hair and tugging at the strands. I knew that eventually I'd have to talk to Jasper... I just couldn't do it yet. I needed to have a better grip on my own thoughts, and right then, I didn't. I wanted to talk to Kate, but I was still not ready for any _I told you so_'s or _I warned you_'s, which I knew would hang in the air even though she would never say it. That just wasn't Kate.

I had to get out and _do_ something before I drove myself insane, so I quickly washed my bowl and spoon, putting them away after drying them, and then went in search of my phone. Once I had that, as well as my wallet and keys, I left. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do as I drove through town. Just driving helped to ease my mind a little, as it usually did. It wasn't enough, though. Jasper was still lurking, still poking at my heart and mind.

Without even realizing I was heading there, I parked right in front of Black Ink. I sat in my car, both hands on the steering wheel as I took a couple of deep breaths. This was where it had all started, and it felt right somehow that I was here now. An idea began to form in my head, and I got out of the car and went into the tattoo parlor before I could change my mind. There was something I felt I had to do, and come what may, it would serve as a reminder to me.

I saw the back of Billy's head in one of the stalls, but Austin walked up to me, asking if he could help me. He said Billy was booked throughout the day, but as it turned out, Austin had an opening, as his latest appointment had been canceled. Normally, I would have waited for Billy, but it suited me fine that he wasn't available today. I wanted to get this done, and I didn't feel like talking about the reason behind it.

I told Austin that I wanted a tattoo on my side and asked if he could do an Escher print. When he said yes, we walked to his booth, where we flipped through a few art books before he sketched out what I wanted. He took the original design and worked it into a diamond shape, giving it definition and boundaries so it would look complete. When we were both happy with it, I pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it onto the partition as I sat down.

Austin worked quietly, and I didn't feel like talking, either. As the buzzing of the needle filled my ears, thoughts and memories flitted through my mind. I didn't try to hold onto them, didn't try to make sense of anything. I took the time to just..._feel_.

I felt the physical sting of the needle as it punctured my flesh again and again, welcoming the distraction from the mental torment of the last few days. I let the whole situation - my confusion, my pain - solidify, settling into my body as permanently as the ink. Like the rest of my tattoos, this one would be a palpable reminder of what I'd been through...and other than the torch on my abdomen, it was the only one tied to a man I'd loved.

It had taken years for Alistair to become etched into my skin, but only a few short months for Jasper. As I sat there, I found myself hoping that maybe my tattoo wouldn't mark an ending this time, but a beginning.

I had no idea how much time had passed before Austin was finished and cleaning the tattoo. My arms and back were stiff from sitting in one position for so long, and the familiar sting of fresh ink spread across my ribcage. He looked at me, lifting an eyebrow as he said, "Want to see it before I put the bandage on it?"

I nodded, and he turned around, picking up a hand mirror before swiveling around again and holding it so that I could see. My fingers skimmed the edge of the tattoo, and I sighed, nodding my approval. The Escher print of birds morphing into fish – or vice versa, depending on how you wanted to look at it – was a reminder that you can't force people to change. But at the same time, change happens – for good, or bad.

He put the mirror back and bandaged the tattoo before declaring me done. I caught Billy staring at me with a frown, and I gave him a small wave as I headed to the front desk and settled my bill with Austin. I knew that Billy'd want to know what was going on the next time I saw him, and that was fine – I just didn't want to deal with it today. I had a feeling Billy knew – at least to some extent – what had happened to Jasper, given his warning the last time I was in here, and I didn't want to have to tell him that it had ended up with Jasper hurting me, rather than the other way around. Billy cared about his clients, which was partly the reason I loved coming here. For him, it was always about more than just inking someone, because most of the time there was a story behind every tattoo he did... like this one. It just wasn't one I was ready to tell.

After I left Black Ink, I stopped at a hot dog vendor and sat on a bench as I contemplated what to do next. A couple holding hands walked by, and as I looked up, I noticed the guy carrying a little girl on his arm as she held onto his neck. The image struck me hard, and I knew then who I wanted to talk to – who I _could_ talk to about all of this to try to make sense of it.

Before too long, I was pulling up into Forest Hills Cemetery. After finding a parking spot, I walked to the place where my parents lay buried and sat down Indian-style next to Mom's headstone. I had bought a bouquet of pink begonias, white carnations, bluish-purple forget-me-nots, and stalks of yellow gladiolus that were colorful and bright, just like Mom had been. The meaning behind them wasn't lost on me, either, and had been partly why I had chosen those particular flowers. I was here to think, to remember, and to rely on my mother's strength of character.

As I placed the bouquet on her grave, I started talking. Back when I was little, Dad had always taken me here, listening to me for however long I wanted to talk to Mom. He'd even let me stay here to be with her on my own, so I could tell her about how I was or about anything that was bothering me. He always kept an eye on me, going just far enough that he couldn't hear what I was saying. Some people might have found this odd, but I had always been grateful that he had done that.

When he had passed, too, I wasn't able to visit their graves, since I went to Memphis to live with my aunt and uncle, but once I moved back to Boston, I started visiting them every so often. Most of the time, it was to talk about things I didn't feel I could discuss with anyone else, like now. Stuff that I would have confided in Mom about, had she been alive – that I would have wanted her opinions on. I wished dearly that I could have that now, but this would have to do. I knew that I could call Aunt Livy and talk to her, and she would listen and offer advice – but I just didn't feel right telling anyone about Jasper's past.

I spent a couple of hours at the grave, and I told Mom everything – about my own fears, Jasper's past, how I felt about him, what had happened. Everything came out, and though I got no answers as such, it felt good to simply let it all out. The more I talked, the calmer I felt. After a while, I simply sat, letting the quiet calm of the cemetery soothe me as my hands skimmed the grass around me.

When I started to feel stiff from sitting on the ground for so long, I got up, resting my hand on their headstones briefly as I said goodbye to them, whispering that I loved and missed them both, and that I would try to come back soon.

Pulling into my parking spot, I frowned as I saw the delivery van in front of my house. "Cedar Grove Gardens" was painted on the side, and as I got out of my car and walked toward my house, I saw a young woman standing on my doorstep, holding a bouquet in her arm. She couldn't have been older than eighteen, her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail that was held in place by the cap on her head. She smiled at me as I walked up to her, and she asked if I was Edward Masen, which I confirmed with some confusion. _Who the hell would send me flowers? _

She handed me the bouquet, wished me a nice day, and walked away. I watched in astonishment as she drove off before shaking my head and opening my door. It wasn't until I was in the kitchen that I looked to see what I had gotten.

_Tulips? _

There were eleven white tulips, and in the middle of them was a single red one.

_Odd... _

I put them in a black vase after checking for a card, but there was none. I frowned as I put the vase on the bar and went to look up the meaning behind them, hoping that it would shed some light on who sent them...and, more importantly, why. After a couple of minutes of Googling, I sat back in my chair with a huff, my eyes locked on the words on the screen:

_White tulips: forgiveness_

_Red tulips: declaration of love_

I breathed out, "Jasper?"

I read the words again and again, not sure I trusted myself to believe what it said. Had he meant for that to be the message?

_It _has _to be him, right? Who else would send me something like this? What does it mean? _

Never before had a guy sent me flowers, and the fact that Jasper had sent them – cliché as it was to send someone flowers to apologize – well, it made me smile. I closed down my computer again and went back to the kitchen. When I caught sight of the tulips, a soft sigh escaped me, and I rolled my eyes at myself. I leaned against the bar, my fingertips gently caressing the petals as I thought about what the flowers meant.

Could I forgive him? The answer to that, I realized, would depend on him more than anything. We needed to hash things out; I needed for _him_ to open up and tell me why he did what he did – I couldn't just assume it was because of his past.

As I'd come to understand during my little monologue at my parents' grave, a lot of what had happened between us was due to neither of us communicating our needs to the other – both of us had assumed too much and had been too scared to truly let the other in. _If_ we were going to try again, that would have to change. Whether Jasper would be capable, I didn't know – I only hoped I was.

I leaned in, closing my eyes as I breathed in the scent of the tulips. With a sigh, I pulled my phone from my pocket and sat down on the stool, staring at it as I tried to decide what to do. I felt I had to let Jasper know I had gotten his token, at least, but I wasn't ready to speak with him yet. Deciding a text message would just have to do for now, I quickly typed out,

_Thanks for the flowers. _

After giving it a moment's thought, I added,

_Princess. _

I hoped that by signing it that way, he would know to at least hope. I still wasn't certain about anything except that I wasn't able to out and out tell him to fuck off. Putting the phone back in my pocket, I picked up the vase and took it into the den where I placed it in the middle of the mantle – a prominent spot, in more ways than one. My eyes lingered on the portrait of my parents and me, my hand resting on the edge of the mantle as I sighed. I still felt alone, but somehow now quite as much as I had the day before.

I spent the rest of the night on the couch with the TV on the Sci-Fi channel, but I wasn't paying it much attention – my eyes were continuously drawn to the single red tulip amid the sea of white. Before I went upstairs to go to bed, I walked up to them and breathed in their scent again, my fingertips brushing the soft, satin-like petals. I slept soundly that night.

Still half-asleep, I rolled over and reached out to Jasper's side, having dreamed he was here and everything was okay. When my hand met cold sheets instead of a warm body, it woke me up enough to remember that things _weren't_ okay and that I was alone. I groaned into my pillow, cursing under my breath. Turning my head, I glanced at the clock and sighed before lying on my back and scrubbing my face vigorously with my hands.

As I lay there, the urge to talk to someone about all of this – not just talk to, but get feedback from – became stronger. I still didn't feel ready to deal with Jasper. I grabbed my phone, biting my lip as I held down the speed-dial for Kate. She was not going to be happy that I hadn't called her before now.

I snorted. _Not happy? Try pissed the fuck off. _

"_Well__,__ good morning, sunshine! What has you up this early?"_

I rolled my eyes and grinned in spite of myself. "Morning to you, too, Katie-bug. I've been known to wake up before noon on occasion, I'll have you know."

I tried to keep my voice light but failed miserably. At least, I failed to convince Kate, who knew me better than most anyone. I could almost hear her frown when she spoke. _"Edward, what's wrong?" _

Running my fingers through my hair with a huff, I said, "Nothing. Well...nothing I want to talk about over the phone, anyway. I was calling to see if you could come over tonight? Or maybe meet for lunch or something?"

I heard her rifling through some papers for a minute, and then she said, _"I've got a client coming in about fifteen minutes and I can't cancel him, or I'd come right now. I'm clearing the rest of my day, though, so expect me around 11:3__0, okay?" _

She hung up after confirming the time, and I shook my head with a soft smile on my lips. Kate had always been there whenever I had needed her, and I loved her for it. I was happy that she would be here in a few hours, but at the same time, I found myself dreading the conversation that was to follow.

I got up, took a quick shower and tended to my tattoo, and was dressed and out the door in no time. I was in desperate need of a grocery run, especially with Kate coming over for lunch, and I was tired of take-out. I was hoping that cooking would also help keep my mind occupied enough to not worry about how Kate would react.

I made it home in under an hour. My eyes fell on the tulips as I carried my haul to the kitchen, making me smile. Once everything was put away, I made myself some tea – Earl Grey, because apparently I liked to torture myself – and sat out on the back porch for a while.

I had grabbed Jasper's sketchpad, which Mike had left behind, and began flipping through the pages as I sipped my tea. My fingers traced the ones that held the most emotion – lingering on ones where I looked sad, hurt, very happy, or longing. When I got to the page containing both Paul's eyes and mine, I stopped. I'd placed my cup on my knee in between sips, but I moved it to the table to avoid spilling it because I was shaking so badly.

I was shaking because I was angry. I felt a sudden urge to look for an eraser and wipe out the harsh eyes that glared up at me from the page – a desire to eradicate even the memory of him from Jasper's life. I hated Paul, and I had never even met the man – part of me was glad of it, and part of me wanted to find him. I wasn't sure _what_ would happen if we ever did meet, but I was certain it likely wouldn't go well.

I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. I knew I shouldn't alter Jasper's sketchpad, but I couldn't sit there looking at it anymore. I went back inside, putting the pad on the bar on my way to the office. I booted up my computer, sipping my tea as I waited.

As soon as my internet browser popped up, my fingers were flying over the keys. I spent a couple of hours searching, digging for whatever information I could find about domestic abuse - its signs, its effects. The more I read, the more ill I felt, and then I began looking at the pictures used as evidence. Every bruise tugged at my heart, especially when paired with that haunted, defeated look I'd seen in Jasper's eyes before.

I'd studied domestic abuse in classes, of course, but it had never had any sort of real connection to my life. Everyone I knew was...happy. They had strong families, healthy relationships; I felt completely out of my element as I tried to come to terms with what had happened to Jasper.

Eventually, I had to turn the computer off. My pain was too raw. I was confused enough as it was, and it was too much to add in the conflicting impulses I had to simultaneously protect Jasper and make him feel the hurt I felt.

It was time to start lunch, so I tried to concentrate on cooking as I went to the kitchen and set water to boil for pasta. After I was done, I made a fresh cup of tea and wandered to the den. I leaned against the doorway, sipping my tea as my eyes fell on the tulips – my mind, once again, going to Jasper.

_What are we going to do?_

I sighed.

_What am _I_ going to do?_

I heard the front door open, and I turned around to see Kate come in, looking rushed and worried. She kicked off her shoes before walking over to me and hugging me tight. I wrapped my arms around her, and we stood for a moment. She peered up at me through narrowed eyes, breathing out a soft, "Fuck," before squeezing me once more.

She grabbed my hand, and we walked to the kitchen in silence. The water was boiling already, so I added the ravioli I had in the freezer. It was quick, easy, and the quality was good enough that I could deal with the 'instant' meal.

Kate quietly set the table, pouring us both a glass of sweet tea. I barely managed to not roll my eyes at myself as thoughts of how everything seemed to remind me of Jasper flitted through my head.

The food was done quickly, and after I plated the ravioli, we both sat down, eating quietly. I caught Kate staring at me, and I had a hard time not fidgeting under her scrutiny. Finally, after we'd had a few bites, she said, "So, what did Jasper do?"

I was instantly annoyed, my brow creasing as I glared at my food. I was annoyed because she assumed that I was upset because he had done something... and I was annoyed because she was right. With a sigh, I told her, in general terms, what had happened with Jasper, and she listened quietly - so much so that it was almost like talking to my mom again, except for the sympathetic look in her eyes.

We continued to eat as I talked, and by the time we were done, I had finished telling her everything I was willing to disclose. Kate stood up, cleared our dishes, and walked over to me. She sighed softly as she ran her fingers through my hair before wrapping her arms around me and whispering, "I'm sorry, sweetie."

As I hugged her back, I knew that those wouldn't be the only words spoken about it all. Kate went to refill our glasses and handed me mine before walking to the den. She stopped in the doorway and turned to me with a quirked brow, her thumb pointing over her shoulder to the tulips on the mantle. I cleared my throat lightly and nodded. "Yes, those are from Jasper."

She turned to look at them again, tilting her head slightly as I heard her say softly, "Why is there a red one there?"

I walked over to the couch and took my usual seat, putting down my glass so I could lean back, one arm slung over the back, the other over the side as I half-turned to her. "The white stands for 'forgiveness'; the red means 'a declaration of love'."

I could feel myself blushing slightly at my words. Kate sat down on Jasper's end, pulling one leg up under her so she could face me, but her head was still turned to the tulips. She muttered, "Does it, now..?"

Before I could ask her what she meant, she looked at me and asked what I was going to do, how I felt about all of this – aside from being hurt, of course. I huffed, resting my head in my hand, my fingers tangling in my hair as I glanced at the tulips. It was the million dollar question, and I still wasn't sure I had the answer – so I told her exactly that.

I ran my hand over my face as I said, "I'm scared that no matter what I say or do, it won't matter, Kate. Hell, I don't even know what _to_ do. I'm in love with him; I want him – I want forever with him – but what if it's not enough?"

She looked at me with a thoughtful expression before placing her hand on my knee. "Edward, sweetie, you know I feel for you. I love you, and I hate to see you suffering like this. But I think you should be talking to someone else about this, don't you?"

I grimaced, sighing softly. "I guess...I guess I just got so used to talking to you with Alistair always..." My voice trailed off, as I was unwilling to finish that sentence.

"Gone," Kate said simply. "But that's not a relationship, and as much as I love you, you aren't getting in my pants. So, unless you're thinking about changing your mind..." She grinned.

I laughed, holding up both hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. I'll call Jasper tonight. I promise."

Kate grinned as she said, "Then I think that's my cue."

We both got up, and she hugged me fiercely, kissing my cheek before letting me go. As she was putting on her shoes, she shot me a pointed look, and I rolled my eyes at her. She hadn't said it, but I knew she wasn't happy about my not having told her before now. Once we were standing at the door, I pulled her in for another hug and said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner; I promise I'll let you know what happens. I love you, too, Katie-bug."

She sighed, resting her forehead against my shoulder for a moment, and then she looked up at me. "I know you do. I just worry for you, Edward. You're not an island, okay? I'll always be there when you need me."

Kissing her on the crown of her head, I smiled. "I know, and I appreciate that very much." I pulled away just far enough to be able to look at her and gave her a crooked grin. "That goes both ways, though. Remember that."

She poked me in the side, making me squirm as she said, "I know. Now let me go so I can get out of here and you can call Jasper."

Letting her go with a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair. I wasn't sure what would happen next, but I knew that no matter what, Kate would be there for me.

Once Kate had left, I made my way back to the den and sat down on the couch after pulling my phone out of my pocket. Curling up, I cradled the piece in my hands as I stared at the tulips – as if they held all the answers I was searching for.

Without checking the time, I flipped open my phone and hit the speed-dial for Jasper. I was almost hoping that I'd get his voicemail instead of him. My heart began to beat faster as my nerves made themselves known – my eyes trained on the red tulip, latched on to the hope that I was doing the right thing.

I swallowed hard when I heard his shuddering voice whisper, _"Edward?"_

Taking a slow breath to steady myself, I said, "Yeah, it's me, Jazz."

It was quiet for a moment, neither of us saying anything as we waited for the other to speak. I bit my lip, closing my eyes as I broke the silence. "Jasper, I-I think we need to talk." He cleared his throat lightly but otherwise remained quiet. "I was wondering...can you come over tomorrow? I'll make dinner or something – I just really..."

I couldn't finish my sentence, not even sure what else I wanted to say. Thankfully, Jasper ignored the fact that I'd trailed off, and he said softly, _"Of course. Anything..." _

There was another awkward silence. I wasn't sure what to say or do next - at once wanting to stay on the phone with him and wanting to hang up. My eyes landed on the tulips again, and I sighed. "Okay...I'll see you tomorrow, then..."

He sighed softly, and I was about to hang up when I heard him say timidly, _"Edward?"_

My own voice was quiet as I said, "Yes?"

I heard him take a deep breath before he stammered, _"I just...I mean...I...wanted to say..." _He paused, muttering something under his breath that I couldn't catch. With a sigh he continued, _"Thank you...for calling. Really. I...well, I can't wait to see you tomorrow." _

He had spoken so softly I had to strain to hear him, but I thought he sounded a little forlorn, and that thought made me ache for him. I needed to get off the phone, now, before I caved and asked him to just come tonight. I knew that wasn't a good idea – we needed to talk, and I had a feeling that if we did, it would take us a long time. I didn't want us to have to worry about him having to work the next day. Taking a deep breath, I said, "See you tomorrow, Jasper," and hung up.

I felt restless, unsettled. After a couple of minutes, I got up and did the dishes. Then I grabbed the sketchpad and went upstairs to my room. Tossing the pad onto my bed, I stripped and slipped under the covers. It was crazy early to be going to bed, but I was exhausted from all the turmoil of the last week. Sitting with my back against the headboard, my sheets pulled up over my hips, I picked up the sketchpad and leafed through the pages, purposely skipping the ones that contained images of Paul as I focused instead on the ones of me. Mike had explained that most of these sketches had been done subconsciously by Jasper, as he was talking or waiting on the phone. For some reason, knowing that made me smile. He might not have been willing or able to admit his feelings, but the fact that he had drawn me time and again...it had to mean something.

I don't know how long I sat looking at all the sketches, but eventually I put the pad on my nightstand and took my journal out of the drawer. I sat with my pen poised for several minutes before the words finally began to flow. I didn't try to think; I just let them come as they were, needing to try to empty my head so I could attempt to sleep. By the time I stopped, I was shocked to find that it was almost midnight. After putting my journal back in its place, I lay down on my side, hugging Jasper's pillow to me as I drifted off. I hadn't set an alarm, figuring that the longer I slept, the shorter the time until I would be faced with Jasper again.

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_**A/N:**__ Please don't kill us for ending it there. It was the logical place to split the chapters, because the boys have __**so**__ much to talk about in the next chapter. Edward needs a little bit of time, too. If you're dying to see a bit of what happens next, please check out the teaser for chapter 19 posted on our blog at http://whitlock-masen(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ _

_There are two very important benefits we are taking part in that we would like to mention:_

_First, __**DefinatelyStaying**__ has organized an eBook benefit to support those organizations who are dedicated to helping victims of hate and violence such as the __**Matthew Shepard Foundation**__ and __**Amnesty International**__. Although we are not yet listed on the author list, we have written a piece of original fiction that will be appearing in the eBook. If you'd like to help out with this worthy cause, please visit _http://ebookbenefit(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ _for more information._

_We are also signed up to contribute to the __**Fics for Nashville**__ benefit. This is similar to __**TwiFans for Haiti**__ and the one DS is organizing in that you make a donation to an approved charity, send in your receipt, and receive a compilation of works from a long list of fantastic fanfic authors. This benefit is to help out the victims of flooding in the Tennessee area. If you are interested in this cause, please stop by _http://community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/ficsfornash/1483(dot)html _to find out how to help!_


	19. More Than Words

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

**

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**EPOV**

Of course I woke up early Friday morning. It felt as if my body was vibrating, and my mind was instantly alert. My eyes popped open, and I lifted my head to peer over Jasper's pillow; a quick glance at my alarm clock showed me it was 7:49.

_Fucking great._

I sighed and let my head flop back onto the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut, but it was no use. I knew it was pointless, so after a few moments of trying to calm the thoughts racing through my mind, I sat up and scrubbed my hands over my face.

As I stretched my arms over my head, the stinging twinge along my ribs reminded me of why that was a bad idea, and I climbed out of bed, heading to the bathroom to take a look at my newest ink.

It was my largest piece by far, if not the most intricate, and the plain black ink stained my ribs, reminding me at once of the midnight phoenix on Jasper's chest. For the first time, I wondered what he would think of it...and how I would explain it.

_If he sees it, that is…_

My jaw clenched at the possibility that Jasper and I might never reach the point where he would see my bare chest again. The thought made me ache and left my gut feeling hollow, strengthening my resolve at once that we _had_ to work this out some way.

I just didn't know how.

_Going to drive myself fucking insane this way._

I sighed at my reflection and pushed away from the counter, going to turn on the shower. My chest wasn't the only thing that was aching; my bouncing morning wood was a painful reminder that it had been nearly two weeks since I'd had any sort of release, and I was suddenly unsure if it was a good idea to see Jasper tonight in that state.

_Probably attack the man as soon as he steps in the door._

I groaned at the thought, at the memories that came flooding back to me – his scent, his taste, his noises of desire. I'd been holding thoughts of Jasper at bay, but I was swept away in the deluge as the levy broke, and before I had made a conscious decision, I was standing beneath the warm spray of my shower with my stiff cock in hand. My breath was panting, my thighs clenching, and I gave up the fight, allowing images of Jasper to guide me and spur me on.

My hand was strong and sure along my length – familiar – letting me feel some small manner of control as I worked myself over. Still, my pleasure came from thoughts of Jasper's hard body, and it was his name that spilled from my lips as I exploded, sending my release sputtering against the shower wall to be uselessly washed down the drain.

I tried not to think about what an apt metaphor that might be for our relationship as I caught my breath and straightened. I tried to force my mind blank as I quickly cleaned myself, taking care not to get soap or shampoo on the tattoo. I was as dispassionate as possible, but it just didn't come naturally to me. I had never been able to distance myself and look at things rationally, and that seemed especially true where Jasper was concerned.

So, despite all my attempts to banish him from my mind so I could decide what made the most sense for me logically, he crept back in constantly. I imagined his face as I dried and dressed, seeing him contrite and hurt, his eyes haunting me.

I pushed the image away angrily. He had no right to make me feel sorry for him. _I_ was the innocent one. So why the hell did I want to weep for him, too?

_Fucking ridiculous._

The sound of his broken, hesitant voice on the phone kept me company as I tried to concentrate throughout the day. It was there as I played the piano, as I did some laundry, and as I worked in the darkroom. I would buy a few minutes reprieve before he was back, begging entry with only a silent beseeching of his eyes.

Everything I did to occupy my time was half-hearted and fleeting, even when I went out on my balcony with my guitar in hand. That proved to be the worst idea I'd had all day, as I found my eyes stinging and blurring as memories of both Jasper and Alistair threatened to overwhelm me. I hastily packed the guitar back into its case and shoved it in the closet, determined yet again not to think of him that day.

It didn't last.

As the afternoon wore on, I began to develop a sort of calm focus. I wasn't sure where it came from, exactly, but it seemed to be some sort of automatic self-preservation mechanism. I sat at my computer, searching the internet as I tried to decide what to make us for dinner. I didn't want to order in, though I couldn't really say why. In fairness, I probably should have just ordered a pizza and been done with it, but I wanted something homemade.

Something that would be comforting for Jasper, if I were being honest.

I considered calling Emily for suggestions, but as I turned the phone over in my hands, I rejected the idea. I didn't want to involve anyone else. Kate was right, in a lot of ways. With Alistair, I'd grown too accustomed to talking to everyone else about my fears and our problems. I didn't want that with Jasper.

This needed to be between the two of us.

I took a calming breath and clicked through recipes randomly, looking for anything that seemed….wholesome. A tiny voice in the back of my mind berated me for wanting to take care of him when I wasn't even sure he would be in my life after tonight, but I trudged on doggedly. I didn't want to entertain the possibility of a world without Jasper – which should've been my first clue that my mind was already made up.

After about an hour of searching, I printed out a few recipes and snatched them from the printer. I folded them and stuck them in my jeans pocket before stuffing my feet into my shoes and grabbing my keys.

A quick trip to the grocery store did nothing to settle my mind; a feeling of nervous anticipation was growing in my stomach, churning and expanding uncomfortably. When I returned home, I unloaded my few sacks of groceries in the kitchen and set to work.

I'd barely eaten all day – just a snack here and there – so I felt a little light-headed. I had no appetite, but I took a few minutes to make myself a small sandwich just the same. I choked it down, easing its passage with a beer that I hoped would help soothe my nerves as well. I put my dishes in the sink and then set the alarm on my phone for 5:45, wanting to be sure to give myself enough time to clean up a bit before Jasper got there. I wanted to look good for him, though I tried to pretend it was just so I could look like I was in control.

Five o'clock found me chopping and simmering, wiping sweat from my brow as I watched several dishes at once. The kitchen was filled with the sounds of sauce bubbling and my knife meeting the cutting board. The bustle of activity was enough to finally engage my mind, letting me spend long moments in blissful unawareness.

When the alarm rang, I jumped, wiping my hands on a dish towel before I pulled the phone from my pocket to silence it.

"Oh, fuck."

My heart began to thump frantically, a lump forming in my throat, and I leaned against the counter, staring at the face of my phone without thought. I was breathing shallowly when the little digital numbers told me a full three minutes had passed since my alarm sounded. "Fuck," I breathed again and then pushed away from the counter, shoving the phone back into my pocket before I headed upstairs.

In my bedroom, I went into the closet and searched through my shirts. It was ridiculous – I was looking too hard for a shirt that would make me look casual and as if I'd been in it all day…instead of wearing the one I'd been in all day. I rejected several and then pulled down a simple sage green henley.

_Might as well play up the eyes._

I took a deep breath, exhaling audibly, and went into my bathroom, where I stripped down to the waist and cleaned up as best I could. I'd shaved earlier in the day, but my five o'clock shadow gave me a rugged look. Thankfully, I thought it made me look tougher than I felt, and the tightness around my eyes simply added to the effect. I methodically brushed my teeth and washed my face before getting dressed again and checking my appearance in the mirror.

When I had somewhat tamed my hair and was relatively happy with how I looked, I went back downstairs and into the kitchen. Everything was just finishing up, and I spent the next few minutes transferring our food to serving dishes and moving everything into the dining room. I considered – and rejected – eating at the bar. This was too important, and there were too many memories of happier times with Jasper in my kitchen.

I finished before Jasper arrived, so I had a few minutes to pace my sitting room. I walked back and forth, my fingertips trailing along my piano with each passage, as I worried. Maybe he wasn't coming. Maybe he'd changed his mind. Maybe I missed my chance to tell him…anything. How angry I was. How he'd hurt me.

How I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone and I just wanted everything with him.

_Get yourself under control, man._

Jasper was coming. I knew he was. And I wasn't going to solve anything by throwing myself at him and telling him it didn't matter. It _did_ fucking matter, and I _was_ hurt, and he needed to know that shit. I couldn't pretend everything was fine just because I was scared as hell of losing him.

"Shit!" I jumped when the doorbell rang.

I took a few seconds to just stand there, motionless, as I tried to calm myself down. This was the first time I would see Jasper since he told me what he'd done, and I felt strangely torn between feeling nauseated and excited.

Swallowing, I took a steadying breath and then started making my way to the front door. I tried to remind myself that _I_ was the one who had been wronged. I deserved answers. I deserved apologies. And I damn well better get them.

My jaw was set and my arms tense, when I opened the door. Jasper was standing there, staring at the ground with a bottle of wine clutched in both hands. The moment I saw him, I felt a strange tugging, as if my entire being wanted to close the distance between us and take him in my arms just so I could feel _whole_ again. I resisted, though, and we stood in silence for a protracted moment.

Even as I tried to harden my heart and demand the things I knew I deserved, my eyes drank in his form, trying to quench the thirst I felt for him. He was wearing a deep blue button down shirt with the top button undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I was so caught up in tracing the lines of his forearms with my eyes that it took me a moment to realize he was wearing his _Starry Night _tie – the same one he'd been wearing the first time I met him. It was hanging loosely around his neck, making my fingers itch to wrap around it and yank him to me. I had missed him so much that I physically ached, but still I stood my ground.

Until he looked up.

His hair was messy and hanging in his eyes, which were clouded and dark. The storm raging in the bottomless blue was one of uncertainty and hopelessness, and in that instant, it didn't matter how I hurt or what I deserved because I couldn't take the sight of the man I loved dying inside. He shifted his weight nervously, and his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. He didn't say anything at all, but as I watched, his hands tightened around the bottle and his eyes squeezed shut.

_Oh, Jazz… _

I didn't speak, either. I took the three steps needed to reach him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing my body against his as I pulled him close. He froze for a moment, and then his arms were around my waist, the bottle of wine digging into my lower back. He shuddered, his whole body shaking; it felt as if he were trying to squeeze me in two.

I moved my hand to cup his cheek and lifted his lips to mine, feeling the constriction in my chest relax when he returned my kiss eagerly. He let me lead, but when my lips parted his, he moaned loudly as our tongues brushed. Any doubt I might have had over how he felt about me was erased in his needy reaction.

When I ended our kiss at long last, his lips followed, insistent against mine until, suddenly, he stopped and pulled back. "I'm sorry," he murmured. I wasn't sure if he meant for being overly eager or for everything that had happened – I thought both – but I felt more hope that we would be alright than I had since I returned home.

I swallowed back my automatic_, "It's okay,"_ because there was a hell of a lot we needed to talk about before it would be okay. Instead, I said honestly, "I missed you. Come inside?"

He blinked several times as if unsure how to take my words, and then he gave me a tentative, melancholy smile before he stepped past me. I closed the door carefully, taking a little longer than necessary to lock it before turning around. Jasper was sitting on the bench, studiously removing his shoes with the bottle of wine sitting next to him. His eyes were focused on his work, and I knew he must feel the same tension I did.

_I'm sorry, Jazz…I wish I could magically fix this._

The only way we _would_ be able to fix us was to talk. A lot. I didn't really know how to start, though, so I just picked up the bottle and said, "Thank you…" as I glanced over the label and then gave him a small smile of my own.

He nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. As I cleared my throat and asked him to follow me, I was reminded intensely of the first time he was in my house. Tonight, I felt the same anxious uncertainty, but fuck if I didn't have a hell of a lot more to lose. Looking back, it made my worries that day seem trivial and ridiculous.

Very little was said as Jasper followed me to the kitchen, where I pulled down two glasses and opened the bottle of wine. I picked the glasses up between the fingers of one hand, the bottle of wine in the other, and turned to find Jasper staring at me with a pained expression on his face.

"Jazz?" I could hear the confusion in my voice as I wondered if I'd done something wrong.

He shook his head. "Ba-" He winced, cutting himself off before continuing again, "Edward, you didn't have to do this. I didn't mean for you to…I should…I…" His jaw clenched as he stopped talking with effort.

"I know." I nodded toward the dining room, but when he didn't start moving, I walked past him to lead the way. I paused briefly and brushed my lips against his. "I wanted to."

The edges of his eyes were red, and he looked so goddamn tired, and all I wanted to do was take him upstairs to my bed and make love to him and hold him as he slept.

But I couldn't.

So we went into the dining room, and we ate pork loin and twice-baked potatoes with all the rest of the comfort food I'd made in silence. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever speak during a meal again, as it had been exactly the same with both Mike and Kate. It just seemed like there was too much to say, and it was too weighty for dinner chatter. Jasper must've felt the same way, so our conversation was limited to his compliments and my reassurances that I'd wanted to cook for us.

His usual moans and sighs of approval were audible, and I grew more and more frustrated that we couldn't just be _us_, that one kiss had changed everything so much. I wanted to just say forget it, but the thought of Jasper's lips on another man's twisted my stomach, and I wiped my hands on my napkin, dropping it onto my plate as I put my elbows on the table and rested my forehead against the heels of my palms.

Silence reigned in the room until I heard the scrape of Jasper's chair. His breathing sounded ragged, but I couldn't make myself look up. I felt his movement as he reached out to take my plate, and when his footsteps faded into the kitchen, I lifted my head at last.

_Stop being a fucking pussy. Either go start fixing this or give the fuck up now._

I pushed away from the table and picked up both our wine glasses, carrying them to the kitchen with renewed determination. Jasper was washing the dishes by hand, but I walked over to the sink and murmured, "Don't worry about that right now."

He nodded, not saying a word as he washed his hands and turned off the water. He dried his hands methodically and then turned around, his eyes – shimmering with too much moisture – meeting mine. I could tell he was trying to school his emotions, and I knew the time had come. We couldn't spend all night like this.

I mustered a small smile and said, "What can I get you to drink?"

"Whatever you want is fine," he said, his voice so defeated and small that I nearly growled. I studied him for a moment, taking in the slump of his shoulders and the dullness in his eyes.

That wasn't _my_ Jasper.

Now that I knew a little of what he'd been through, I recognized the signs. He was capitulating, giving in, and I did _not_ fucking want that. Not at all.

I stalked over, pinning him against the counter as I kissed his neck, trying to let him feel the passion and love I still had for him. My hands went to his hips, and I whispered, "This isn't about what I want. We're both in this, baby."

I wasn't talking about just the drink, and he knew it. He inhaled sharply at the term of endearment, his head rolling to the side to give me more room. I gave him what he wanted, my lips caressing his neck before I pulled back, putting some much-needed space between us. Our eyes locked until finally he nodded, a little of the life returning to his eyes as he murmured, "Wine."

I wanted to kiss him when I heard his strong voice without a hint of question in it. Instead, I simply nodded in return and picked up both glasses and the bottle. "Come on…let's go somewhere a little more comfortable?"

When we walked into the den, we both took our seats on the couch. I poured a second glass of wine for each of us and took a sip before turning to him. I had no idea where to start, but I opened my mouth anyway.

And promptly closed it.

I sighed, standing and walking toward the fireplace. The tulips on the mantle caught my eye, and I smiled reflexively, my gaze focusing on the one red blossom.

_He loves me,_ I reminded myself. And it seemed as if he were getting closer to being able to say so.

I leaned down, spending a few moments fiddling with the fireplace before the fire sprang to life. It was October and chilly, if not cold, and – besides – I needed something to do with my hands. When I turned around again, I saw that Jasper's eyes were focused on the tulips on the mantle as well, and he seemed to be blushing faintly.

"Thank you again," I said as I returned to my seat. "For the flowers," I clarified when he didn't say anything.

"You're welcome," he said quietly at long last. He sipped his wine, his eyes darting to mine before they focused on the burgundy liquid in his glass. "I was glad you knew they were from me."

I glanced at him, the corner of my lips lifting. _Who the hell else would they be from?_

He looked up at me and gave a small smile before nodding once and looking down again, licking his lips. "I wanted to send a card," he said huskily, "but I just…I couldn't find the words to…That little piece of paper is just so goddamn small and…" He trailed off, his shrug letting me know he wasn't going to finish that thought.

I picked up my wine glass, swirling the liquid in it as I watched it catch the light. I couldn't look at him as I asked, "So…did you say it with the flowers instead?"

He didn't answer, and the silence stretched for so long that I began to wonder if I'd gone too far…if openly addressing the question was pressing him too hard for something he wasn't ready to give yet. Before I could begin to berate myself, he took a deep breath and said, "God, Edward, I'm so fucking sorry. I can't even begin to…" He swallowed, shaking his head, and I was surprised by the sharp pain stabbing my chest. I'd thought I was over the initial pain, but it came back just as fresh as I listened to him try to explain.

"I don't even know what happened. Not really. I spent all last week just…just goddamn miserable. I felt hollow and lonely, and I haven't felt like that in such a long time. It scared the hell out of me. I didn't know what to do. It's no excuse. I know it's not, and I can only imagine what you must think…how you must feel." He broke off abruptly, his voice choked before he cleared his throat and began again. I sat there, torn between fascination and horror as I listened. I wanted to know this – _needed_ to know it – but I wanted to do anything but hear it.

The first time he mentioned Jason, I knew he was the guy. Jasper stumbled over his name as he told me about meeting him at the elevator in his building, and my jaw clenched at the thought that he lived so close. I half-listened, taking it all in but trying not to dwell on it because whenever I thought too much about it, I felt a strong urge to maul. To get up off this couch and go find this guy and kick his ass, even though I knew – rationally – that none of it was his fault.

But he'd touched _my_ Jasper. And thinking of it that way hurt a hell of a lot less than thinking of my Jasper touching him.

I felt a morbid curiosity mixed with dread as I listened to Jasper describe the rest of his week and how he'd had trouble concentrating. When he told me about deciding to go out that night, I wanted to go back in time and call him before he left his apartment…plead with him…do anything to make what happened next just not happen. But that was, of course, impossible, so instead I sat there and listened helplessly as he described drinking with Jason.

It was all so easy for me to picture, and I found myself wondering if he'd worn his easy smile…that playful one he wore when he flirted – the one I'd thought was for me alone. I felt as if I were going through it with him, feeling those unseen eyes as I shifted uncomfortably. My skin was prickling, and I just knew instinctively that we were getting close to _that_ moment. Jasper didn't seem to be leaving out anything at all, and I was at once grateful and…well…pissed off.

The thought of that fucker buying Jasper blow jobs and making his intentions so transparent needled at me, especially since I knew Jasper went along with it. My eyes closed as he told me about dancing with Jason, and I could hear the sincerity in his voice when he whispered that he imagined it was me…that it was with thoughts of _me_ that he kissed him.

My face was buried in my hands, my elbows propped on my knees, and I willed him to stop, to _please_ let that be all. My throat felt raw, and my chest ached keenly as if something in me had been ripped out and tossed aside like so much trash.

The hurt dulled minutely when he told me about realizing his mistake and running out of the bar. I could hear the panic in his voice even now as he talked about somehow making it home. I wanted to cry when he told me he heard my phone call but couldn't answer. I remembered that call all too clearly, remembered wondering where he was and what he was doing. The knowledge that he'd just returned from making out with some other guy brought everything vividly into focus, and my fists clenched as I lowered them to my sides and sat up, resting my head on the back of the couch as I stared blindly at the ceiling.

Jasper stopped talking at long last, and we sat in silence. I felt overwhelmed. I had known I was in love with Jasper, and I had thought that I was ready for the power that gave him over me, but knowing it was vastly different from feeling this excruciating pain as a result.

Ironically, my mind was blank. He'd just inundated me with more information than I'd really wanted to know, but I couldn't think of any of it. It was just too much.

Gradually, I became aware of small vibrations in the couch. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper's knee bouncing incessantly, and I shifted my attention to him without giving any outward sign. He was breathing rapidly, his whole body tense, and it was then I realized that while I was wallowing in misery, he was dying of anxiety.

I sighed. Then I reached out, putting my hand on his knee to still it as I said gently, "Jasper, baby, calm down…" I rubbed his knee with my thumb, trying to soothe him, and I felt the truth of my words when I added, "It'll be okay. We'll be okay."

I looked at him then, my eyes finding his just as he lifted his face. I thought our expressions must be similar – hurt and fear and confusion mixed with concern – and I decided on the spot that, no matter what else we became, we had to start by being honest. We'd wasted too much time and caused too many problems for ourselves by tiptoeing and hiding.

I squeezed his thigh once and took a deep breath before turning so that I could face him. I shifted toward him, pulling one leg onto the couch so I was sitting half-Indian style with my knee pressed against his thigh. His hand settled tentatively on my calf, and I covered his fingers with my own, letting him know that the contact was welcome.

"Baby, I can't lie. I'm hurt, and I'm pissed off, and I'm really fucking confused." With each statement I made, his eyes tightened, a sign of the way he winced internally at my words, and I watched as he withdrew again, folding in on himself as his shoulders slumped defensively. I reached out automatically, needing to stop him – needing to make him see that I wasn't that fuckhole Paul. My hand cupped his cheek, but when he didn't look up, I slipped my fingers beneath his chin and gently urged him to face me. I leaned in and pressed my lips against his chastely, lingering for just a moment because I needed so badly to feel him.

I forced myself to pull away, letting my hand drop back to cover his as I reminded myself that I couldn't just ignore the problems we had, not if I wanted us to have a chance. My voice was deeper, a little gravelly as I said, "Jazz, as long as you're willing to work on this, I am, too. But before we can try, I have to know if you're really in this – if this…" I wrapped my hand around his and lifted them both, gesturing between the two of us. "Is what you really want…because I can't take not knowing what will happen when we're apart. I can't live with wondering if you're with someone else." My eyes were trained on his when I finished, "Because I won't be."

We both heard the finality – the certainty – in my voice. My chest constricted as I admitted what I'd never had the courage to say to him before – that I was his and his alone. I realized I was still watching my words, still being careful of the overt declarations, but the idea, at least, was out there. Now I just had to see what Jasper would do with it.

He watched me in silence for a moment, and then his eyes squeezed shut, and he shook his head, sending my heart plummeting. But his words gave me hope when his husky voice said, "You have no idea…how…I want to be with you so damn much. I've never…I feel…I-I want…" He clenched his jaw suddenly, and it seemed to take tremendous effort for him to open his eyes, but his gaze was steady when it locked on mine. "I fucked up. I fucked up more than I ever have before, and I've been so goddamn scared. And I…I _am_ fucked up. T-there's something wr-wrong with m-m-me."

I'd never heard Jasper stutter before, and the sound made me want to just press him back against the couch and quiet his lips with mine, but I sat there, frozen, as I listened to him bare himself, letting me in as he never had before.

He ran his fingers through his hair, tangling them there and pulling so hard that I worried he'd hurt himself. He muttered darkly under his breath, and then his fierce blue eyes were back on me, pinning me in place as he said something so close to what I longed to hear from him. "I care about you, Edward. A lot. And I'm scared that maybe I can't even give you everything you're asking. Maybe I'm not even…whole…enough, but I want to try."

His eyes were tortured, his lips twisted with fear, and his struggle was palpable. I hurt _for _him instead of because of him, and I did the only thing I could think of: I shifted to my knee and took his face between my hands, pulling him closer to kiss him with everything I had – my passion, my fear, my love…my hope. I just had to stop the flow of words, stop the way he was blaming and convincing himself that he wasn't good enough for me.

He was everything to me.

This time when we parted, I stayed close, my thumbs running along his cheekbones as I whispered, "Jasper, you have no idea how much I care about you…and that's my fault. I'm so sorry I haven't told you…that I haven't let you know what you mean to me. We're both scared, baby – believe me. But that's something we've got to get past if we're going to work. It doesn't have to be overnight. I'm not asking you to pick out rings with me tomorrow…" _Unless you want to because god knows I want forever with you._ I shoved the errant - and utterly true - thought away, determined to finish. "I just have to know you're trying and that you want this. And the first step to that is talking, I think." I gave him a wry smile, wondering just how much of this shit could've been avoided if we'd talked – or if it could've been at all. "We need to know each other's histories…how we ended up where we are now…all that stuff that we've been too afraid to ask about."

He swallowed slowly, his eyes darting back and forth between mine before he nodded at last. The tension in my shoulders relaxed as I saw that he really was trying.

_We're in for a long fucking night. _

Despite the uncomfortable conversations I knew were coming, I felt…happy. Relieved. I wasn't sure how things would work out between us or how long it might take, but I was hopeful. Finally.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I glanced over at Jasper, giving him a small smile. I reached out and took his hand, rubbing my thumb along his. "Will you stay tonight?"

He didn't even think about it. He just nodded, his eyes still moving frantically over my face before he smiled. It was just a small curve of his lips, but it was enough to make me lean over and kiss him again. I was jittery, keyed up, and needed a minute to myself - just some time to try to get myself under control. I told him I'd be right back and went upstairs, my heart and feet a little lighter than they had been all week.

In my room, I looked around for a reason...for some excuse why I would've needed to come up here. In truth, there was nothing, but a moment of inspiration struck, and I went to the dresser and grabbed two pairs of pajama pants. I changed into mine and stuffed my jeans back on the shelf in my closet before straightening up my room a little. I hadn't expected Jasper to spend the night, and my bedroom had been the one place I'd avoided as I cleaned.

As I was straightening up, my eyes fell on the single item out of place on my nightstand - Jasper's sketchpad. I stood debating for a moment, wondering if I should put it in the drawer out of sight, but in the end, I left it just as it was. Jasper and I had gotten to where we were by not facing the truth, and the truth was that Mike had let me in on a very important piece of Jasper's history as well as given me a glimpse into Jasper when I wasn't around. Hopefully, Mike had told him what he'd done, but if he hadn't, I wasn't going to hide it.

Once it at least looked like I hadn't been wallowing in misery for a week, I threw the extra pair of pants over my shoulder and headed back downstairs. I watched the way Jasper's eyes traced a hungry line from my bare feet up my legs, lingering at my hips before moving to my chest. He licked his lips, his eyes finally meeting mine, and I shifted my weight, holding out the pajama pants to keep myself from acting on the darkened desire I saw on his face.

As much as I wanted him – and god knows I did – I was worried that if we fell into bed right at that moment, we might never address all those things we needed to talk about. I don't know if Jasper sensed that, too, or if he was simply waiting for me to lead, but he took the pants from me and shuffled uncomfortably for a moment before excusing himself. I listened to his footsteps retreat down the hallway and sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I plopped down on the couch again with my legs sprawled in front of me.

_What a fucking train wreck. _

When he came back into the den, I was sitting on the couch with my wine glass in hand. He was wearing the pants and one of the thin, white tank tops he usually wore as an undershirt. He was carrying the rest of his clothes folded into a neat stack, which he dropped on the armchair. He sat down at the other end of the couch and turned, drawing his leg up in front of him so that he was sitting half-Indian style. We stared at each other in silence until he gave a tiny, nervous smile. I smiled in return and said, "Okay…so, umm…I'll start?"

His eyes lit up with curiosity – and a bit of relief – before he nodded slowly. "If you don't mind?"

I shook my head and drained the rest of my wine, setting the empty glass back on the table. My initial impulse was to apologize and babble about how I should've told him sooner, but we both knew that, and I recognized it for the stall tactic that it was. Instead, I steeled myself and said, "So, there's something I guess you need to know about. It's not something I like to talk about, but anyone who knows me well knows…well, fucking everything about it, so you should, too." I paused and looked over to find Jasper watching me with a pensive expression.

I shifted a little closer to him and took his hand. "Jasper, I want you to know me better than anyone…and it's kind of killed me to keep all of this from you. So I'm just going to say it and try to get it all out there, and if you don't understand anything, just…stop me or whatever, okay?"

His lips twitched into a small smile before it faded. He nodded again, rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand. I could feel his tension even through that simple touch, and I wanted so much to just…take it away. Make it better for him.

But I couldn't – at least, not yet. And I was beginning to grow more and more frustrated with all those things I just couldn't do.

It was so hard to start…so hard to know where to even begin with the mess that was my relationship with Alistair…so I started with meeting him in a little coffee shop in downtown Boston. I told him all about how charming Alistair had been, asking me out within five minutes of meeting him, and how I'd felt empowered by his obvious strong attraction.

"We started dating right away, even though I knew he was from England and was going back there. It wasn't like me…long distance has never worked for me because I need contact. I need someone here – someone to hold and talk to and…" I trailed off, realizing I was babbling. With a shake of my head, I got back to the heart of the story. Jasper listened quietly as I told him about Alistair spending that first summer here with me. Everything had seemed perfect, until he'd had to go back home.

"It was really hard to drop him off at the airport that first time, and I had no fucking idea what to do with myself when I got home. He was only going to be gone about three weeks, so it wasn't even that long, but it was just the idea that he was…gone. You know?"

I glanced over at Jasper, who nodded immediately and then frowned. "Well…no, I guess not," he said. He swallowed hard and seemed to struggle before he met my eyes. "Not until last week, anyway."

I filed away that little bit of information with what Mike had told me, beginning to realize that Jasper really was new to relationships. It skewed what I already knew about him, helping me to see him in a different light – and it sure helped make a hell of a lot of sense out of some of his reactions that I hadn't understood. I squeezed his hand but didn't comment, determined to finish my story now that I'd started. "I should've known then that something wasn't right with us. It was just too easy for him to go. We talked every day that first trip. I'd stay up all night to get his phone call, even though we only talked for five minutes sometimes."

I kept going, telling Jasper about how each trip seemed to increase the distance between us. Alistair was always excited to be in Boston, happy to be with me, but then he seemed just as content when we were apart.

"It started wearing on me, started making me wonder if I meant anything to him, but he always said I was being ridiculous. He told me that I meant something to him – of course I did. He loved me." I paused, still feeling the sting of those words despite the possibilities of real love with Jasper. "But I just never…I never felt like he was in it as deeply as I was. That was when I made my first mistake…"

I turned to face Jasper, needing him to hear and understand the gravity of my next words. They applied to us more than I ever wanted them to. "I talked to everyone about it. Everyone…but him. Kate knew I was afraid and that I wondered if I was just a piece of ass he kept in Boston." Jasper flinched, a tightening of his eyes, and I felt at once intrigued and regretful. "The rest of my friends knew I was unhappy. They talked to me about how different I was when he was gone, and I told them about my dissatisfaction. Everyone knew except the one person who needed to know."

I paused, pouring myself another glass of wine and taking a sip before I continued. My mouth was dry, whether from talking or from anxiety, I wasn't sure, but the wine didn't do a lot to help it. When I started speaking again, my thoughts carried me a slightly different direction. "I was so completely in love with him. Or, at least, I thought I was. I realize now that it's impossible to really love someone who won't let you. He had everything I was looking for – he was smart, funny, understanding about nearly everything, fucking sexy…" Jasper shifted uncomfortably, and I cursed myself for being an idiot.

I cleared my throat, apologizing with my eyes, before trying again. "Anyway, he was everything I wanted, but every single time he went away, I started wondering if I was _anything_ he wanted. It was just so goddamn easy for him. I even visited him a few times in England, but it was like he was relieved when he was dropping me off at the airport to come home. It's not really in me to be paranoid, but our relationship made me that way. If he hung up the phone quickly, I wondered who was there. If his eyes wandered while we were at dinner, I wanted to know who he was looking at. I didn't like myself anymore, and I didn't like having a relationship through instant messengers and webcams."

I ran the fingers of my free hand through my hair, exhaling slowly. "It all came to a head one day after…" I swallowed, glancing at Jasper as I wondered just how honest we wanted to be. _Fuck it._ I couldn't look at him as I said it, though. "After we had sex. I asked him to move in with me, point-blank. We'd hinted and talked around things for so long, but I felt sure that if I asked him out right, he would say yes."

My smile was wry, ironic, as I heard Alistair's refusal as clearly as if he had just said it. "We argued. He reminded me that I knew how he felt – I knew he was happy just like we were. And he was right. I _did_ know it. I just didn't understand it…and I damn sure didn't feel the same way. So after a few hours, I ended things. He tried to talk me out of it, telling me that there was no reason…that we were good together. But I couldn't do it anymore."

I slipped my hand out of Jasper's, running both hands through my hair as I rested my head on the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. The weight of my memories seemed oppressive, pressing me back into the cushions as I again fought despair. I forced myself to keep talking, my voice low and bitter. "It sucked that our relationship ended like that, but I moved past it. What I've never really been able to let go of is that worry…what if I'm not enough?"

I intended to say more, but my voice just gave out. I sat there, my unseeing eyes trained on the ceiling. Then, Jasper's weight was suddenly on me as he straddled my lap. His knees were spread to either side of my hips, and he took my face in both his hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Don't say that," he said sternly.

I waited for him to elaborate, but when he didn't, I covered his hands with mine, the warmth of his palms against my cheeks melting some of the anxiety I felt. I watched him as his eyes scanned my face. I don't know what he saw there, but he sighed and brushed the hair back from my forehead before kissing me chastely. His lips were hard against mine, and we were frozen like that for a moment before I couldn't help myself anymore.

I moaned loudly, my lips parting his as my tongue sought the sweet, salty taste of him that I'd been craving. My hands wrapped around his hips, bringing him closer; the needy whimper that escaped him was fuel for my own desire.

Somehow, I found myself lying back on the couch, one of my legs hanging off the edge. Jasper was between my thighs, letting me feel his hardening length as he kissed me hungrily. My hands roamed his back, drifting over his ass and back again as I tried to feel every inch of him. I knew I'd missed him but I hadn't realized quite how my body thirsted for his until I had just this one small drop.

As my senses returned to me, I began trying to slow us down. Guiding with my own kisses and touches, I calmed Jasper's frenzied pace until his mouth became gentle and loving against mine. It took everything in me to do it because my body was screaming, my cock aching for his touch while the rest of me simply wanted to be held by him. I needed him to be whole.

But we had a long way to go before we got there again, and we had a lot of talking that had to happen first.

I turned my head away, letting Jasper kiss along my jaw and my neck before he sat up, holding his hand out to me. The sight of his swollen, parted lips was nearly my undoing, but he smiled softly and whispered, "Sorry. I just couldn't…"

I nodded, smiling at him as I returned to my seat. "You don't have to apologize…but we do have a lot we still need to talk about, baby." Reaching out, I cupped his cheek, running my thumb along his lips.

"Edward, you have to know, right? That you're more than enough? If Alistair was that big a fucking idiot that he couldn't see what he had…" His blue eyes pleaded with me, trying to get me to understand and believe what he was trying to say.

"Thank you…" I murmured. I heard the disbelief in my tone. I needed for Jasper to know that it wasn't because I didn't believe _him_…it was just hard for me to accept those words at face value, especially considering what had just happened while I was away. I added, "Cuddles," and his face brightened, a beaming smile spreading across his lips as his cheeks tinged pink.

_Fucking beautiful. _

"You really are, Princess. I don't…I can't speak for Alistair, but I can tell you that you have so much to…to offer. You're just…you're…" He grew quieter, looking down to study the simple leather of my couch cushion. "Amazing."

I felt my own cheeks heat as the words warmed me, but I couldn't stop the question that bubbled up and out. "Then why?"

His tension was back at once, evidenced by his eyes tightening and his hand immediately tangling in his hair. He pulled at the strands, and I reached up, gently loosening his hold.

His eyes flitted to mine. "I'm so goddamn sorry. I…"

I leaned over to kiss him once, needing to stop the words. I didn't want to listen to it, not again. When I sat back, I whispered, "I know."

He nodded. "God, I guess it's my turn…" He sighed, his shoulders slumping as the air went out of him. His eyes focused on his knees, and his attention was completely turned away from me as he began. "Paul…I…" He stopped abruptly, shaking his head, and when he began again, he seemed to be trying a different approach. "I always knew I liked guys. When I was in about third grade, though, I learned it was 'wrong', and that sort of stuck with me through high school." He made a face and told me about his brother, Chuck, who had given him that particular education when he teased a boy in their neighborhood about being gay for popping a boner when all the boys were all swimming together.

Jasper talked about hiding how he felt, mimicking Chuck about hot girls so he could seem 'normal'. "Even though I could tell which girls were attractive, I was never attracted myself. Not once. So I'm not sure if it was from Chuck's coaching or if I just have an eye for it, but…" He shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek before he swallowed and started again. "By the time I hit high school, I was curious…" His eyes flashed to mine as he gave a mischievous smile. "And horny. I messed around with a few guys. Just casual stuff, nothing serious, but I'd done – and received – everything but actual sex before I headed to college."

I listened, fascinated at this insight into Jasper's history. It was so utterly different from my own, but I didn't want to interrupt to comment. I'd had no contact or experience of any kind until college, and even then, my first encounters came with boyfriends, with relationships. I would've loved to compare notes, so to speak, but I was afraid to get us off track…afraid that he would stop talking when I so desperately wanted him to keep going.

"When I came out to my family, Chuck just…didn't believe it. It was ridiculous. Like I'd make up something like that." Jasper rolled his eyes and huffed. "I moved to campus out…but not exactly proud. I'd thought it would be easy – no one had any preconceived notions about me or anything, so I thought I could just say, 'Hey, I'm gay,' and have that be it. Only…I couldn't. I was too chickenshit to tell my roommate, and without him knowing, I felt sort of trapped."

He paused, licking his lips and shifting in his seat. He opened his mouth as if to speak, and then snapped it closed and glanced at me. "You want a beer?"

I blinked at him, caught off guard by the rapid change in topic. "Umm…sure?"

He nodded and hopped up immediately, disappearing through the door. I could hear him muttering to himself, but I couldn't understand the words. Figuring he needed a minute – maybe he was finally getting to the really important parts – I stood up and went to the restroom. By the time I returned, he was sitting on his end of the couch, the foot closest to me propped on the coffee table as his knee bounced. He was sipping his beer, and I couldn't help but notice the way his posture closed me out.

I took my seat at the opposite end of the couch, trying to give him space, but I kept my body turned toward him, careful to make sure that I seemed as nonthreatening as possible. I picked up my open bottle, murmured my thanks, and he just nodded.

"I met Paul online." His voice was distant and dry. He was staring straight ahead, making me unsure that he was even really talking to me. I felt my breathing catch at the mention of the name as I was hit with the realization that I was finally going to hear what happened with Paul.

_Oh, fuck… _

"It was easy. Exciting. I played in a fantasy football league, and we'd sometimes stay up really late talking about trades and picks and how fucking lucky one of the guys was. Then he started…flirting, I guess. Just little comments here and there that made me wonder. One night he said something about breaking up with his boyfriend, and I stupidly sent back, 'You're gay?' He got kind of pissy and said if I had a problem with it, I could go fuck myself. But I was…god, I was fucking ecstatic. I don't even really remember the rest of that night, but we chatted for hours. I finally went to bed when he decided to pass out, but I barely slept. For the next several weeks, he was my entire world. I went to class, but as soon as I was back, I was online, just waiting to see him. And he was around just as much…it seemed like he was as into me as I was him."

Jasper rolled his eyes and shook his head, taking a long pull from his beer before starting up again. "He asked if he could see me…if it would be alright if he flew out. Of course I said yes. I couldn't _wait_ for him to get there…" He muttered, "God, I was a fucking idiot…" under his breath.

He cleared his throat, glancing at me quickly before averting his gaze. I saw the pink blush along his cheeks and neck, and I ached to just hold him, to tell him that he wasn't an idiot and that I could completely understand his excitement.

"He rented a hotel room so he'd have a place to stay, and we made a lot of plans to go out and do stuff, but once he got to Austin, we just…never left his room. We made up for all those nights we'd spent wishing we were together, and…ahh…by the time he left, I…wasn't a virgin anymore." I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, running his fingers through his hair. His eyes were carefully away from mine when he put his other foot on the coffee table. He held his bottle in his left hand, picking at the knee of his pajama pants with his right.

"Well, sort of." His brow furrowed as he puzzled about something, but he didn't leave me wondering long. "He topped. Every time. It wasn't always that way, but it was that first weekend."

I nodded, though I wasn't sure he saw me. When he continued, his voice was lower, husky with emotion. "We kept that up for months…all the way through spring semester. Near the end, he asked me to move in with him…in Boston." Jasper glanced at me at last, and I nodded my encouragement. He shook his head, a look of disgust and regret on his face. "I did, obviously. And I was so goddamn stupid…telling my family how we were in love, and everything was going to be perfect, and…" He shook his head again, draining the last of his beer in one long pull. He put the empty bottle on the table and began once more.

"It was great at first. Really. He was around all the time, and I had the summer off, so I learned how to cook and kept the house clean and…everything. We…had sex a lot. After a few weeks, I topped for the first time, and we sort of switched off after that, even though it was obvious to me even then that it was whatever _he_ wanted on any given night. And I was okay with that."

I could hear the regret, the self-recrimination in his voice, and I finally couldn't stand just sitting there, letting him think badly of himself. I shifted closer to him, pressing my knee against his thigh as I let my hand linger there. I didn't say anything, but Jasper gave me the tiniest of smiles. He said, "I didn't notice at first when things started to change. It was just really small stuff…he was late for dinner, or he didn't like what I fixed. Just normal stuff, you know?" He didn't pause for me to answer, so I just rubbed my thumb against his outer thigh. "Then he started getting…weird. Controlling, I guess. He wanted to know where I was going and who I was with, but he wouldn't tell me anything about where _he _was going. I wondered if maybe there was someone else, but when I confronted him about it...just...that was a really ugly fight. I should've known…I should've seen…"

He broke off abruptly, his jaw clenching. I reached out, cupping his cheek as I ran my thumb along his cheekbone. He gave no outward sign that he felt my touch, but he began speaking again, his voice so soft and weak that I had to strain to hear him. "The first time he hit me, I was…shocked doesn't even begin to cover it. There was no warning, nothing smaller that happened first. Just…bam." He held up his fist, mimicking a punch, and I winced.

_That's one goddamn dead motherfucker. _

Anger – _rage_ – at Paul boiled inside my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe normally and focus on the man sitting in front of me. No one deserved what Jasper was describing – no one – but fuck if it didn't hit me harder to know it had happened to _him_. I couldn't imagine the Jasper I knew going through that. Hearing the confirmation of what Mike had hinted at made me want to weep, but I struggled to hold it together for him.

"I was fucking pissed. I hit him back, and then he floored me. Literally knocked me down and hit me until he was sure I wouldn't do it again." His voice was flat, dead, when he said, "And I didn't. Not ever again."

_Jasper, baby, please…you don't have to do this. You don't have to go through this again…_

The words I wanted to say died on my lips because as much as _I_ didn't want to hear this, I needed to know. I needed to understand him if I was going to be with him…and there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

"That was a Wednesday…I skipped class for the rest of the week to give the bruises time to heal a little so I didn't look like…well, like I'd had the shit kicked out of me. Mike was a persistent fucker that next Monday, asking me what happened and if I was okay. I made up some story – I don't even know what – and it just…kept going. Same fucking thing over and over. Paul would come to me, apologizing, wanting to make up for it. He loved me. He wanted me. There was never any talk of me leaving. Where the hell would I go? I had no one."

Jasper made a small noise of disbelief before whispering, "And that fucker knew it."

He was quiet for too long this time, his eyes vacant as they remained motionless, centered on some random point in space. It was so silent and still that I flinched when he said, "It went on for so long…too damn long. I'd lost hope that it would stop. I just…I just wanted to make it through every day. Just one at a time. Some days were good, almost like they used to be. But most of the time, I did something wrong or he had a bad day or…" He shrugged. "Whatever. Who knows what set him off? I sure as fuck could never figure it out. And you know, through all that shit, I still loved him? I still tried to make him happy."

I watched as Jasper leaned forward, reaching for his empty bottle on the coffee table. Much like he'd done before, he began spinning it aimlessly with his fingers on the neck, studying the motion as if it held answers he desperately needed.

"It was Halloween. I came home to find all my shit in the driveway. Every single thing I'd brought with me or bought with what little money I had. The asshole actually kept track of what I'd bought and what he had." He stopped, biting his bottom lip, and I wondered just what he was seeing, what memories were haunting him. I realized that I felt…numb. It didn't seem as though what Jasper was telling me was real to me. Not yet.

I was fucking scared of what would happen when it became real.

"I walked past all that shit and went to the door, but my key wouldn't work. It didn't sink in right away what he'd done. I banged on the door, just wanting…I don't know what. Some fucking explanation, maybe? Who knows? But it wasn't Paul that answered. It was his…_friend_…" Jasper grimaced, a twisting of his lips, and I wished like hell that we could just…stop this. Just have it be over and done with and go back to being Cuddles and Princess with the stupid nicknames that showed our happiness together. "Alec. The same one I'd 'irrationally' accused him of being interested in. He just stood there in the doorway. He wouldn't let me come in. He told me that Paul was too busy to see me and that we had nothing left to talk about, that I needed to get my stuff before the trash collectors came. And then he slammed the door in my face."

Jasper blinked several times quickly and took a shuddering breath. I wasn't sure what, exactly, got to him the most – if it was the abuse, or the being kicked out…cheated on…all of it was so goddamn terrible that I couldn't imagine having _one_ of those things happen to me, much less all of them, and at such a young age. I blinked back tears of my own, swallowing the lump in my throat as I worked to be strong enough to listen to the rest.

"I honest to god didn't know what to do. I was so fucking lost. I sat down on the curb with my crap all around me. I stayed there for…I don't know how long. It was getting dark when I finally realized that this was _real_ and that if I didn't want to sleep outside, I needed to figure out…something. So I searched through the numbers in my cell phone – it's kind of sad how few there were – and called the one person in Boston whose number I actually had."

"Mike." The name slipped out without my meaning for it to, but Jasper just nodded as if I hadn't interrupted at all.

"Yeah, Mike. He didn't even know where I fucking lived…I had to give him directions. He came over with Eric, and they helped me get all my stuff loaded in the car. They left me alone…didn't make me talk about anything. It wasn't until I was trying to go to sleep that night on some stranger's couch that I understood that it was really over between Paul and me."

There was a long, heavy pause before Jasper said, "You'd think I'd be happy, right?"

When I didn't answer – because I didn't know what the hell to say to that – he turned to look at me. "I wasn't. I fucking wept like a baby because he was all I goddamn knew."

Jasper snorted, shaking his head slowly before he rested his elbows on his knees, propping his forehead against the heels of his hands. I gave him a few minutes before reaching over, rubbing his back between his shoulder blades. He was still staring at the floor when he spoke.

"The next day, Mike sat me down and made me talk about it. He made me tell him what happened, but I kept so much of it back. He still doesn't know everything, at least not from me. No one does. I know they've put a lot of shit together, but…" He swallowed and then turned his face so he could see me. He looked so goddamn vulnerable, his shoulders hunched and his face still half-buried in his hands. "You're the only one I've ever told like this…all of it, all at once."

His eyes were red-rimmed and haunted, his face full of fear and disgust. I could tell so much of it was internal – he thought he'd done something to be ashamed of. I wanted to kick something. Some_one_. I wanted to scream.

Instead, I scooted closer to him and wrapped both arms around his waist. There was nothing I could say. Jasper froze for a moment and then leaned into me, turning his face to bury it in my neck. I could feel his hot breath panting against my skin through my shirt, and I just felt so helpless.

I had no words. Hell, I had no way to even make sense of my feelings. There was too much there; it was overwhelming. Jasper never cried, though I felt him shudder and felt the stirrings of his eyelashes against my skin as he blinked again and again.

We sat there for a long time, holding tightly to each other. I kissed his head from time to time, and my eyes closed in gratitude when I felt his warm lips press against my neck. There was too much to tell him – how I ached for him, how I was so proud of him…how I loved him more than I'd ever thought possible. But no matter what words I thought of, they seemed paltry and insignificant, so I remained silent.

Eventually, he lifted his head from my shoulder. Just as I was about to suggest we take a little break and do…well, anything else, for a little while, Jasper said, "I run into him every once in a while. It's still…hard. We're sort of in the same business, so we compete for accounts sometimes, and every time I see him, I just…"

He frowned, his forehead wrinkling as he tried to think through what he wanted to say. I gave him time, shifting slightly away so that I could hold his hand and listen.

"I never know what to say. I don't even know whether to acknowledge him or not or to fucking hit him or…" He shrugged helplessly.

"I say knock his piece of shit ass out."

Still looking ahead, he gave a half-smile. "Mike did once."

"No shit?" I could hear the surprise – and envy – in my voice. Jasper smiled at last – a real smile, if a sad one – and nodded.

"Yeah, he…Paul found out where I was staying. I still don't know how. He must've been watching and waiting for me to come home because as soon as I started up the driveway, he just popped up out of nowhere. He was beside me, begging me to take him back, and it was like I was just…frozen. I didn't know what the fuck to do, and the sight of him there…actually looking like he _cared_…" Jasper gave a little shake of his head, giving me time to notice the tightness around his eyes. "Well, I might've been frozen, but Mike wasn't. He was inside and saw us, and he came goddamn stalking down the driveway. He didn't say a word to Paul. He just looked at me and said, 'That's him, right?' I guess I nodded, but the next thing I knew, Paul was just laid out on the ground bleeding, and Eric was pulling on my arm, telling me to get inside. I saw Mike's mouth moving, and I knew he was cussing Paul out, but I couldn't make sense of what he was saying. I could only focus on Paul there…hurt."

Jasper stopped again, this time turning to look at me. His eyes were pleading, though I wasn't sure what it was he wanted until he said, "I know…it's kind of pathetic, huh?"

I shook my head, frowning at him. "Not at all, baby. You loved him, no matter what a fucking prick he was…you didn't want to see him hurt." Jasper nodded slowly, and I couldn't take the distance anymore. I reached over, cupping his chin so that I could turn his face to mine. I kissed him tenderly, trying to let him understand the love I felt for him. I felt drained. Tired. And I knew he had to be feeling much worse. I could only imagine how I would feel once my mind was able to actually absorb everything he told me. Right now, it just seemed like so much white noise, and I felt only pain and sympathy and a fierce desire to make sure he was never hurt again.

We stared at each other in silence. Everything I could think to say seemed either too much or so pitifully not enough that I could voice nothing. Finally, Jasper exhaled noisily and gave a feeble attempt at an impish smile.

"Want to take a break?" I asked him quietly. He nodded, his smile growing both grateful and genuine at once.

"Hey," he said tentatively, reaching out to trace my lips with his thumb. "Would you…I mean…do you feel like taking a bath with me?" I didn't say anything at first, and he babbled on. "Never mind. It's too soon. I just…I thought…"

I gave a small smile and leaned over, kissing him gently. "Hush, baby," I whispered. He smiled against my lips and threaded his hand through the hair at the nape of my neck. The way his fingers tightened felt…possessive, as if he were claiming me somehow, and that was fucking perfect with me. "I'd love to take a bath with you."

I turned off the fireplace and the lights, but it wasn't until we were climbing the stairs and I felt the twinge at my side that I remembered I really couldn't take a bath. My steps slowed, but I kept going, leading Jasper straight to the bathroom. I wasn't sure how to bring up the tattoo – or its meaning.

To buy myself time, I bent down and started the water in the tub. When I turned back around, Jasper was squatting in front of the sink, pulling jarred candles from the cabinet. He was solemn as he placed them around the ledge and then turned back to the drawer to get the lighter. I smiled as I watched him, and as soon as he finished, he walked over to the counter where I was leaning and put his hands on my hips.

His eyes were stormy again, a mixture of determination and hope and what I could only call misery lingering there. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, shaking his head as if in answer to a thought he hadn't voiced. His chin lifted just slightly before he paused, standing there only inches away with his head tilted.

It was telling that he hadn't moved to close the distance between us. He'd made it clear that he wanted to kiss me but left the choice up to me. My entire chest ached as I took in the broken expression on his face. I reached up to cup his cheek and gently urged him forward, pressing my lips against his lightly.

He sighed, his body melting against mine. His weight was comforting and inviting; I wrapped my arms low around his hips as we kissed chastely. Long minutes passed with nothing but the brushing of our lips beginning to heal some of the hurt and betrayal I'd felt – I only hoped it was doing the same for Jasper.

Eventually we parted when I stepped over to stop the flow of water into the tub. Jasper began undressing, and I followed suit slowly. As soon as I pulled the henley over my head, I could feel his eyes on me. I deliberately ignored it, letting my pajama pants fall to the floor. I'd gone commando and barefoot, so I was left standing nude when I finally turned to face him.

Jasper was nude as well, and I clenched my hands into fists to keep myself from crossing the small space between us and pressing him against the counter. I wanted to take him. Mark him. Claim him as mine and mine alone.

But I couldn't. There was still more to be said – so much more – and some of the hurt was still too raw. Too many questions were unanswered, and as much as I wanted to fall into bed with him, I couldn't tie that blindfold of cotton sheets and heady desire over my eyes.

Instead, I stood there, exposed in every way, as his eyes raked over my body. They reached my ribcage and froze, as I knew they would.

"Why?" The word was spoken quietly in Jasper's husky voice. We both knew what he meant.

I took a shallow breath and stepped back to the vanity, opening a drawer. I pulled out one of the bath bombs I'd bought on my shopping trip with Tanya and nodded toward the tub. "Climb in."

He stared at me for a moment longer and then nodded, moving to do as I'd asked. As soon as he'd sat down, I dropped the bath bomb between his knees, and it began to fizz at once. I moved one of the candles and took a seat on the ledge, motioning for Jasper to sit with his back to me. My legs were on either side of him, letting me feel the soothing hot water just cool enough not to burn.

He followed my lead but tilted his head back so that he could see me over his shoulder. His head rested against my knee, and I ran my fingers through his hair as I tried to decide how to word my answer. I was going to be honest – that much I knew – but he'd been hurt so much already that I didn't want to make it worse.

I sighed, leaning forward to wet my fingers and run them lightly up his biceps. When the water was still again, I spoke. "I was hurting. I just…needed an outlet."

Jasper's eyes tightened; he nodded but didn't interrupt, letting me know that he wanted to hear more. With some effort, I forced the words out, and as I began to speak, it started to come to me more easily. I told him about that day – about Billy being busy and how I liked that Austin was silent, about how I went to talk to my mom and returned to find the delivery lady at my door with the tulips, and about how Kate had pointed out to me that Jasper was the one I needed to talk to.

As I spoke, Jasper's hands went to my feet. He kneaded and rubbed, his hands teasing my skin and relaxing my muscles while he listened quietly. I trailed off at last, and Jasper said, "It's an Escher."

I nodded, a half-smile turning up one corner of my lips. "Yeah. It seemed…fitting."

He nodded and then said, "Why that one?"

My hands went to his shoulders as I shifted back slightly. I massaged him gently, my thumbs rubbing out the kinks in the muscles bunching between his shoulder blades. He didn't relax under my touch, though, and I knew his focus was on my answer. "It's a paradox," I said at last. "It reminds me that I can't force change – can't force someone to be something they're not – but that change happens all the time."

For a while after that, the only sounds in the bathroom were of the rippling water as I paid attention to Jasper. I reached for a washcloth from the shelf over the tub and began cleaning him gently, stopping here and there to massage and caress him. I wanted so badly to lean down and kiss him, but I was giving him time to absorb everything I'd said – both there in the bathroom and downstairs.

Instead of responding, Jasper sat in utter silence for some time and then said softly, "I think I'm ready to get out now."

I frowned, my brow furrowing as I assumed his mood. He stood up and stepped out, and I followed behind. I grabbed two towels, but he surprised me by taking them both and putting them back on the shelf. "Jazz…what…?"

He smiled then – albeit a very small smile – and brushed his lips against mine. He walked past me and reached into the shower, turning on both shower heads before he stepped back in front of me. "You shouldn't be taking care of me like this," he murmured. "I'm the one who should…_you_ deserve someone to take care of you. Not me."

I took his face between my hands and studied his eyes. I didn't like the dullness I saw there. It looked too empty, too hopeless. I kissed him and then pulled away to look in his eyes as I said, "Jasper, baby, you just told me something incredibly personal that took a lot of strength and trust." _And love_, a voice added quietly in my mind. "It's not a matter of who 'deserves' to be treated right…we both do."

Life flickered in his eyes then. He gave me a crooked smile and whispered, "Then it's my turn to treat you right, Princess. Will you let me?"

I nodded, his solemn mood seeping into me. Once he deemed the water warm enough, he ushered me inside and followed behind. I was facing him when he stepped in, and his arms immediately went around my waist. I moaned softly at the feeling of his nude body pressing against mine as he tilted his head, kissing me tenderly. His nails scratched lightly up and down my back, soothing and arousing at once, but before things went any further, he broke away, kissing my neck.

He put some space between us by reaching for my soap, and he spent the next several minutes washing me thoroughly. He paid attention to every inch of my skin, rubbing and cleaning and relaxing me. I couldn't help the way my body responded to him, but I truly appreciated the way he kept things innocent – if we could ever be called that.

His touches were calculated to be caring, not seductive, and as my head lolled back against his shoulder while he stood behind me, his arms wrapped around me to wash my chest, I wished I could find the words to tell him just how much it meant to me. I _needed_ this. I needed for Jasper's hands to be attentive and loving. I needed him to show me that he cared about me beyond what we did in the bedroom – what he could get from any random guy at a bar.

We didn't speak as Jasper bathed me, and when he was finished, he again wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I could feel him semi-hard against my thigh, but he simply pressed his forehead against my shoulder and breathed for a moment. Then he shifted, moving his chin to my shoulder as his cheek nuzzled mine. We stood there under the comfortably warm water until he kissed my cheek and said, "Ready to get out?"

I nodded, smiling as my eyes drifted closed. I felt more at ease than I had in nearly two weeks, and part of me really didn't want to give that up. It was inevitable that such moments had to end, however, so I pressed myself harder against Jasper for just a little longer and then patted his hands.

He dropped them from my waist and reached behind us to turn off the shower. We stepped out and began drying off. The hush still hung in the bathroom, but there was a reverence about it now – some sense that we had shared something great together rather than simply two people not knowing what to say.

The rest of the world filtered back in as we dried ourselves, and my mind returned to the problems we faced. I was still tired and now so relaxed that I thought I could sleep at once, but we had so much left to talk about. I didn't think we would be going back downstairs tonight, though, so when I was finally dry, I stood there debating with myself about what to do.

In the end, I picked up our pajama pants and handed Jasper his. He took them with a slightly puzzled look that let me know he'd been thinking about going to bed as well.

"Sorry…just…" I said, shrugging as I trailed off. Typically, I slept in the nude whether Jasper was with me or not, but I just…couldn't. Not yet. I felt too raw and exposed, and from the shower, I damn well knew that my body ached for him. Having a couple of layers of clothes between us seemed a necessary precaution.

"It's okay. I understand…" he answered as he stepped into his pants. I wondered if he really did – I wasn't sure I could fully verbalize my feelings, so how could he understand? But as soon as we were both dressed, he pulled me into an embrace. His face was buried in my neck, which he nuzzled with a soft sigh. I held him just as close, kissing his temple before I rested my head against his.

The morose feeling was beginning to become too much for me. We'd taken some major steps forward – though, granted, we still had a long way to go – and we were acting as though this were the end of something great rather than the beginning. To lighten the mood, I tickled his ribs, and he squirmed. I did it again, and he chuckled, lifting his head.

"Sorry," he murmured before pressing his lips against mine. "I'm just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I've never told anyone…and I was worried that I'd never be _here_ again." A tightening of his arms emphasized the fact that he was talking about more than just being in my house.

I nodded, smiling at him. "I know. Me, too, actually…but we are. And I'm glad."

He was smiling as he pulled away. He took my hand and started to lead me out before he said, "Oh," and stopped to blow out the candles. We spent a couple of minutes cleaning up my bathroom a bit and then walked into my bedroom. Jasper paused halfway across my room and glanced back at me.

"You're staying, right?" I said, raising one eyebrow.

He nodded and gave a sheepish grin. It was damn cute, but it looked wrong on him. I missed my Jasper – the bold one. I was beyond glad to have seen his vulnerable side, but that uncertain look just emphasized that we still had a long way to go.

"Then get your ass in my bed." I forced myself to keep the playful edge in my voice. Jasper raised an eyebrow of his own in response and sauntered to my bed as if he had all the time in the world. I passed him, smacking his ass as I went, and he laughed, tumbling into bed after me.

He landed half on top of me and tickled just inside my hipbone, where he knew it drove me crazy. I laughed until I was struggling to catch my breath when he suddenly stopped. I kept chuckling, unable to stop myself until I heard him say, "Hey…"

I lifted myself onto my elbows, a stupid grin still on my face. He laughed and shook his head in response, but then a serious expression settled on his face again. "What is it, baby?" I asked.

"Well, I was just thinking about our tattoos. I know why you got the newest one…" I was proud of him when he steeled himself with a single breath and kept going. "But what about the others?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, cocking my head to the side as I debated. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Will you tell me about yours?"

He considered my offer and then nodded. "Who goes first?"

"Whichever way." I shrugged. I had theories about Jasper's – just like I was sure he had some about mine – but I wanted to hear the real reasons from him.

He shifted on the bed so that he was sitting up against my headboard. I sat up facing him, pulling one of my pillows into my lap. My eyes went to the phoenix tattooed on his chest, and his fingers followed my gaze, tracing the edge. "I'll go," he said quietly. His voice was calm and sure, which honestly surprised me a little.

When the silence stretched on until it became uncomfortable, I said, "Okay."

Jasper flashed a half-smile and mumbled, "Sorry. Was just trying to figure out where to start." His hand slipped to the left, and he toyed with his nipple ring as he lapsed into quiet reflection again. At last, he flicked at the barbell and glanced over at me. "Well, these came first."

"Really?" My surprise was apparent in the upward inflection of my voice. I don't know why, but I hadn't expected that.

He nodded. "I was…asserting myself, I guess." He gave me a rueful smile. "Before I moved to Boston, I was pretty clean-cut. Innocent, really. He…Paul liked me that way."

I nodded slowly. It made sense from what I'd heard of Paul. The bastard wanted to be able to control, to train and mold. He didn't want a partner. He wanted a slave.

"I got these about six months after I moved in with Mike." I noticed the unusual way he phrased things. Instead of mentioning the end of his mockery of a relationship with Paul, he put it in terms of Mike – it was the same with the move to Boston. My references for time were totally different than his. Typically, I considered eras of my life to be defined by the boyfriend I had at the time. I wanted to explore this new realization, but Jasper was still talking, so I shifted my focus back to him instead.

"Eric went with me. It was the first time we'd really gone out anywhere together alone, and he sort of half-talked me into it. But as soon as I had them done, I really liked them. I liked the feeling, I think, more than anything." He glanced at me with an impish grin. "It didn't hurt that the next guy I was with _really_ liked them."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he chuckled, reaching out to take my hand. "You're cute," he said simply. "The ahh…the phoenix was next. After the piercings, I started thinking about what I'd really like to have done. I wanted to…hell, I don't even know. To end it somehow. On my terms, I guess? Fuck if I know, really. I took my time designing it, though." A faint smile ghosted on his lips as he said, "I went back to Black Ink when I was ready…Billy's the one who did it."

Again, he lifted his free hand to the tattoo, and his fingers traced the edge as if they were intimately familiar with the pattern. I wondered just how many times he'd done that – and where his thoughts went when he did.

I looked up to find his forehead wrinkled. He seemed to be thinking carefully, but I didn't know if he was choosing his words, or if he'd never even really thought about why, exactly, he'd gotten the tattoo – at least not in terms that he could explain to someone else. I squeezed his hand, trying to let him know I understood the difficulties, but I guess he took it as his cue to speak because he shook his head. His voice was far away when he said, "I felt dead after Paul. Literally dead. I don't even know how to describe it. It was like I couldn't hear or see anything anymore. There was just…nothing. And it was the worst fucking feeling in the world. So when I started to come out of it…when I started to realize that there were other people in the world, people who actually cared about me, I guess…I guess I sort of realized what had nearly happened to me. I mean, it _did_ happen, but thank god I got out, you know?"

He turned to face me then. I couldn't do anything but nod as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Whenever he spoke about Paul and the hopelessness he'd felt, I was torn between wanting to hit something and wanting to hold him and weep. He shrugged, smiling weakly. "I know a phoenix is probably obvious, but that's just what I felt like…like I'd been given another chance."

I nodded again. When I couldn't find words to say anything close to what I felt, I leaned forward, shifting to my hands and knees so I could kiss him. He returned my kiss eagerly, his tongue parting my lips, and I felt the renewed vigor in his touch. Just the memory was enough to make him feel that new chance at life again.

I broke our kiss reluctantly and settled back on the bed. He smiled at me and ran his fingers through his hair before clearing his throat. "The others don't really mean much. Well, I guess that's not true…" He paused, chewing the inside of his lip as he thought. "The fractal I got for the guys. We took a hell of a lot of classes together, but we were studying Mandelbrot sets when we started tossing around the idea of opening our own software company after graduation. It was a joke at first, but…well, obviously we did it. The fractal thing stuck in more ways than one."

Jasper must've seen the blank look on my face because he said, "Self-Similar Software?" I nodded, recognizing the name of Jasper's company, but I still wasn't making the connection. He chuckled. "Yeah, it's a little nerdy, I guess. Self-similarity is a term used with fractals…means the repeating parts."

"Oh," I said stupidly. Jasper smiled at me and reached out, cupping my cheek before dropping his hand again. "Yeah, I remember you talking about that now."

_While I was busy trying to stay focused and not molest the man I just met. _

I grinned at Jasper, who raised both eyebrows. He didn't make any further comment, though. He just said, "The knot really didn't have any meaning. I wanted another tattoo, and I like Escher's work…" A pink flush crept up his neck to his cheeks, and he looked down at the sheets before he said, "It means a hell of a lot more now." His voice was barely audible, and I resisted the urge to ask him to say it again louder.

When he looked up, his blush deepened. "You don't know how glad I am that I decided to set up that appointment."

I couldn't take the sight of him so red-faced and adorable, so I moved closer, placing one hand on his neck as I leaned in to kiss him. I pulled away first and said, "You don't know how glad I am that I was still there…I was just leaving."

"And I was running late," Jasper whispered against my lips with a smile.

I answered his smile with one of my own and nodded, sitting back. I knew Jasper's body intimately enough to know that was the last of his tattoos, so I thought for a moment about how best to explain mine. I decided to move through them chronologically and began, "My first tattoo was the lizards." Jasper grinned at that, and I shrugged. "It was quite literally a stupid drunken college decision. Seth was with me." I grinned, surprised to feel heat on my cheeks when I admitted, "The plan was to get it on my shoulder blade. But the tattoo artist was really fucking cute."

Jasper looked confused for a second and then laughed, throwing back his head. "You took off your pants because you thought he was cute?" His eyes were wide with amused disbelief.

"Yup." I shrugged, chuckling. "Not my best idea. Having a cute guy between my thighs for that long when he wasn't actually doing anything I wanted him to do was torture. Seth still gives me shit about it sometimes."

My smile faded as my hand went to my chest. I glanced down, looking at the Hebrew letters etched in brown ink. "After that, I decided that if I was going to permanently mark myself, I wanted it to mean something. I got this one next." I saw Jasper nod out of the corner of my eye but didn't look at him. "I already told you it's my mom's name…I got it in Hebrew because that's the original language, and I…I guess I wanted it to be for me. I didn't want everyone who saw it to know what it was right away."

"No heart with 'Mom' for you?" Jasper's voice was gentle, letting me know he understood. I nodded my agreement and then turned around on the bed so that my back was facing him.

"Dad's was next." I could hear the way my voice was becoming more strained. I always had a hard time talking about the tattoos I'd gotten for my parents. The ink made me feel closer to them, somehow. I'd always felt my loss more keenly when I looked at those tattoos. "It's the Masen family crest with the motto…"

The bed shifted as Jasper leaned forward. His fingers were feather-light on my skin as he traced the tattoo, and I imagined it as he must be seeing it – the blue lion rampant on the yellow kite shield. It wasn't often that I saw it, of course, but I had looked at it in the mirror and in pictures from time to time, and it was burned into my memory.

"_Dum spiro spero…_" Jasper murmured, his fingertips running along the bottom of the design.

I heard the question in his tone and answered it. "'While I have breath, I have hope'…" The hollow ache in my chest was familiar but left my voice breathless. I'd tried so hard over the years to hold onto that motto. "My dad explained it to me right after Mom died. I was so young…but he kept telling me what it meant until it stuck. I…god, it's so ridiculous, really, because…well…" I shook my head at myself and decided to just say it and let Jasper make of it what he would. "It's on both their tombstones. I know it's stupid, but I just…I needed…"

Jasper's hands closed around my biceps as he moved to sit behind me. His legs were out to either side of mine, and he pulled me back into his embrace. "It's not stupid," he said quietly. "It was what you needed."

I nodded, unable to explain even to myself why I would put something so ironic on a grave marker. Jasper wrapped his arms around my chest, holding me back against him, and I welcomed the brief respite. I put my right hand over his crossed arms, relaxing into him as he kissed my temple. "Dad had it put on Mom's…I think it was to remind himself. And then when he died, I…" I shrugged.

"You needed the reminder, too," Jasper finished for me simply.

"Yeah." There seemed to be nothing more to say to that. I was sure I could talk endlessly about my parents – and I was sure that we _would_ talk about them again – but I wanted to stay focused on what was important just then…us. I shifted, moving out of Jasper's embrace as I turned around to face him again. He leaned against the headboard, watching the movement of my hand as it went to the tribal tattoo on my arm. "I got this one when I finished my Ph.D. I wanted something to mark the occasion, so to speak, and Kate's actually the one that suggested a tribal. I gave her a hard time because _everyone_ was getting tribal bands, but she said that's why it was perfect. Cultural phenomenon and all."

I grinned at Jasper, who nodded absently in response. He was studying the design – or, more specifically, the way it molded over my shoulder and around my biceps. When I paused, he glanced up. "She still doesn't quite get what I study, but it was a good enough attempt that I went with it."

"Doesn't hurt that it's fucking hot," Jasper interjected, grinning at me.

I chuckled, unsure what to say to that. Instead, I moved on, pulling up my left pants leg to reveal my most unobtrusive tattoo. Jasper's eyes brightened with interest as he leaned closer. "You know, I've never really looked at that one…" he said.

"Yeah, I know. Most people don't. It's kind of an awkward place for people to stare, and I don't wear shorts a lot."

He nodded and leaned down, trying to follow the band of text around my calf. "I can't tell what it says." He sounded frustrated as he sat back up and looked at me pointedly.

The tattoo was in an old script in the same brown ink as the Hebrew name on my chest. Most of the time, it was hidden, and the way it wrapped all the way around my calf just below my knee made it hard to read. "It says, _ars longa, vita brevis_…more Latin." A faint grin played on Jasper's lips. "Basically 'art is long, life is short'. It really means 'work' more than art itself, but I take it both ways." I talked for a few minutes about the many different meanings for me. I used it to remind myself that life was too short to spend time doing work I hated and that what I created would remain after I passed away – which, in turn, meant I had to create.

When I finished, I pulled down my pants leg and paused before giving a sigh. The only two left were the two that would be most difficult to talk about. Technically, Jasper knew about both of them, but I was aware that I'd left out some important information with the one on my hip. To buy myself some time, I said, "I got the tongue ring before the tribal…I was in grad school, and my boyfriend at the time had one. It was…nice…" I smirked. "So I returned the favor."

Jasper's expression waffled between annoyance and amusement before a lazy grin settled on his lips. "Damn right it's _nice_…" He winked at me and murmured, "Come here, please…"

I was all too happy to comply, so I leaned forward, kissing him deeply as both his hands went to my neck. He held me close, and I could feel in every movement of his lips the way he wanted to just keep going. I wanted it, too – so badly – but I knew that I was avoiding and not being completely honest. I slowed our kiss and then pecked him once just to the right of his lips before lying down on my back. I lifted my hips, pulling my pants down low so that the tattoo inside my left hip was visible.

Jasper stretched out on his stomach, his head near my hips as he studied it anew. His position didn't help my resolve any, but the curiosity on his face did. "I know about this one, right?"

"Sort of." He frowned at me, and I reached down to tangle my fingers in his hair. "I told you about what it stands for, but I think I left out a little about why I got it."

_Fucking liar._

I knew I'd consciously left out the most important parts because I'd been afraid of scaring Jasper away, but it was past that point now. He had to know.

_Fuck it all._

I put my hands behind my head, looking up at the ceiling as I said quietly, "I want that, Jazz. I want to be married someday and have that relationship where you know you can always count on each other. Alistair didn't. I thought he'd come around…I thought he just needed time and that _I_ would be enough to make him change his mind. So I guess I…I guess I got it to remind myself that if I am going to get what I want, I have to be with someone who wants it, too."

Dead silence descended in my room as soon as my voice stopped. I was scared – afraid to look at Jasper because I had no idea what I would see. He was in my peripheral vision, motionless, but I kept my eyes on the ceiling as I gave him some time. I couldn't help feeling like I'd just thrown down the gauntlet, issued a challenge, and I wasn't sure at all that it was one he was ready to accept.

So I lay there quietly, hoping like hell that I hadn't fucked up. I couldn't stand the thought of him leaving, but when it came down to it, I would prefer that to another wasted couple of years with inevitable heartbreak at the end anyway.

_God, _please_ want to try, Jasper… _

I was so caught up in my own fears that I jumped when I felt something lightly brush my ribs. Both my hands flew to my sides, but Jasper calmly moved his hand, returning it to the tattoo he'd been tracing. His eyes followed his fingers as they moved across my newest ink, and he still hadn't looked up when he whispered, "I'm sorry."

My heart plummeted and my gut clenched as I waited for him to say that he didn't want it. I squeezed my eyes shut, unsure what I would do now. I didn't know if I had the strength to start over again, not after finding everything I wanted in him.

"Hey," he whispered, lightly shaking me. "Look at me please?"

I opened my eyes and turned to face him. He reached out, brushing the backs of his fingers along my cheek. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Edward. You deserve so much better than that. I…" He swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. "You have no idea how much I wish I could just say that I want it, too, and can give it to you. But I just…can't. Not right now."

His eyes were panicked, whether it was from the expression on my face or some realization of his own, and his words sped up as he said, "I'm not saying I don't. Please don't think that. When I think about not knowing you or not having you here with me, it…it fucking _burns_. I feel a physical pain here…" He picked up my hand and placed it over his sternum, letting me feel his heart beating beneath my fingertips.

I swallowed, unsure what to say. It wasn't a matter of not wanting to interrupt – it was that my mind was in such turmoil that no coherent thoughts would form. I was still lying on my back, and Jasper must have become frustrated that he couldn't see my face clearly because he moved to straddle my legs. He pulled at my shoulders, urging me to sit up, and I did, propping myself up with my hands behind me. His eyes were earnest, nearly frantic, as he took my face between his hands and said fervently, "I want to try. More than I've ever wanted anything. Please don't leave me just because I can't promise you right now that it will happen. Edward, I…I think I _need_ you, and that scares the hell out of me. Fucking terrifying. But…I'm falling for you. Please just…give me a chance…"

It was a mess of words, a confusing array of contradictory ideas that let me see just how lost he was, but in it all, I picked out the words I needed to hear.

_He needs me._

_He wants to try with me._

_He's falling for me. _

The last put a wide smile on my face, and I did the only thing I could think of to try to calm him down. I mimicked his position, putting both my hands on his cheeks, and leaned forward, kissing him with everything I had. My lips parted his, and he was just a second behind me before he caught up. He moaned as the tip of his tongue met the barbell through mine, and then his hands left my face as he pushed me back onto the mattress.

My head landed half on a pillow, and I grabbed it, throwing it somewhere to the side before I wrapped my arms around Jasper's broad shoulders. His skin felt so good beneath my fingertips, and I just couldn't get enough of it. My hands roamed of their own accord, drifting down his sides, cupping his ass, scratching his back in my frantic need to feel all of him.

His lips left mine to travel along my neck. I felt him bite at my shoulder as my breathing became more labored, and then his mouth was back, his kisses insistent and somehow triumphant and humble at once. Both his hands were tangled in my hair, his hips raised over mine, and as we kissed, he lowered himself onto me, his knees spreading until our groins brushed.

I broke our kiss then, turning my head. "Fuck," I breathed, my eyes rolling back at how _good_ he felt. We were both growing harder, that ever-present desire we had for each other returning in force at the understanding that we were more to each other than just a quick – albeit amazing – fuck. The thought – the knowledge that Jasper wanted more with me – put a smile on my face, and I had to kiss him again.

His hips began rocking against mine, and my hands went to his ass, where I pressed and pulled as my hips rose to meet him. His bare chest against mine was intoxicating; his movements, his weight, his very scent making it impossible for me to think of anything but him.

We spent long moments kissing and caressing, our desire heightening until I thought I would explode, but at long last, I found the resolve to slow our kisses. For reasons I couldn't even explain to myself, I wasn't quite ready to let our physical relationship pick up right where we'd left off. Something held me back, and as I worked to calm Jasper with gentle brushes of my lips, I recognized it at last.

Jasper was so much more comfortable with the physical part of our relationship than the emotional one. This was _easy_ for him – maybe a little too easy. I didn't recognize my fear for what it was at first, but it was exactly that: I was afraid that if I let our physical relationship go on as if nothing had happened, Jasper might close himself off again.

It was probably a groundless fear – and undoubtedly a frustrating one – but once it entered my head, I couldn't let it go. Jasper obviously wasn't on the same page, though, because when I cooled our lips moving together, his simply went to lick and suck at the skin of my neck. My eyes closed as I bit my bottom lip with a groan.

_God, he feels so fucking perfect. _

He knew just what to do to me, and he was doing all of it. I whispered his name, but he didn't slow. His hand moved to my chest, his fingers teasing my nipple as he bit at the join of my shoulder and neck. Finally, I had to push against his chest as I murmured, "Jazz? Baby, stop for a second…"

He heard me then and sat up quickly. His eyes were apologetic at once, and he mumbled, "Sorry." He shifted about a foot back so that he was sitting on my thighs, and it was obvious just exactly how excited both of us were. At the sight of our erections straining the thin fabric of our pajama pants, I nearly gave in – after all, what could a couple of orgasms hurt?

But I didn't. I sat up slowly, steeling myself with calm, even breaths. I put my hands on his thighs and gave him one more chaste kiss. I could tell from his expression that he knew why I was trying to stop us – but what I couldn't tell was if he agreed.

To be honest, it didn't really matter. I wasn't ready, and that, combined with my fears for how Jasper might react, was reason enough to stop.

He smiled at me finally, moving to sit beside me. We both leaned against the headboard as Jasper took my hand. I could see him reining himself in, straightening his shoulders, taking a few deep breaths. When he looked at me again, the excitement was gone from his eyes, and he seemed almost relaxed. "So…I know about Alistair. Is there anyone else I should know about?"

I smiled, silently thanking him for making this attempt. He was trying to get to know me…trying to understand me, and it meant more to me than anything else he could've said or done. I laced our fingers together and said, "He's really the most significant…sort of a defining moment in my life, I guess. My first boyfriend, though, was a guy named Steve. We met when I was a freshman in college."

"College? Really?" There was an incredulous tone in Jasper's voice, and I knew he was thinking of his own early experimentation in high school.

I nodded, deciding to take a little detour in my story. "Yeah, I guess I did things a little backwards from you. You experimented and then came out. I was the total opposite." My smile was wry as I explained to Jasper my realization that I was gay. It was right around the time my father died, and I'd dealt with the guilt for years before saying anything. "I couldn't bring myself to admit it for the longest time. He and I had talked about Mom so often, and he'd always put it in terms of when I met the right woman and when I had a family. Knowing that there would never be the right woman for me was really hard for me to accept at first. When I was sixteen, I developed a _huge_ crush on one of the running backs on our football team. Emmett was a senior and a starter, so I went to every game and practice. It…became obvious to me that there really was no denying it. I was gay."

Jasper squeezed my hand, a silent gesture of acceptance and understanding, and I squeezed his back before going on. "I told Aunt Livy first. I was sitting on the porch swing. I don't know if I'd been crying or not. It's possible. She came out with a cup of hot chocolate for each of us and sat down. She asked what was wrong, and there was just something in the way she said it that made it seem like…she knew. That probably sounds ridiculous, but it was easy to tell her after that."

We'd sat on the porch swing for an hour, talking and swinging. She put her arm around me and pulled my head to her shoulder, no matter that I was already a good six inches taller than her. When she asked me if I wanted her to tell the family, I could have kissed her, but I told her I would do it.

"And then I asked for help telling Uncle Everett." I smiled ruefully. I'd been scared to death of what my bear of an uncle would have to say. He was my mom's brother, and that somehow made his opinion matter even more. "I didn't tell anyone else for days, though. They all assumed I was upset about my parents again – which I was, in a way. Aunt Livy told me, though, that she knew my mom – knew both my parents – and that what they'd want was for me to be happy. They'd want me to find love, no matter what form it took."

I smiled softly to myself. Her words still warmed me, even though I sometimes wondered if they were true. I must've stayed quiet for longer than I realized because Jasper's voice broke through my thoughts when he said, "That's really great to hear, Edward."

I nodded and cleared my throat. "I told Emmett next. It wasn't intentional, really. There was some lame dance coming up at school, and he was going on and on about who he wanted to take and who I should take, and he was just being fucking annoying. So when he mentioned some cheerleader, I muttered something about how I'd rather go with the running back, and he just froze. Swear to god, it was like a cartoon."

Jasper and I both laughed. He sounded slightly in awe when he asked, "What did Emmett say?"

I rolled my eyes. "He stood there for a second and then said, 'You're serious?' I nodded – why the _fuck_ would I open myself up like that without meaning it? And he was totally cool about it. In fact, he was a little _too_ cool. I was sitting on my bed, and he jumped up beside me and said that just meant more girls for him. Then his eyes got really big and he said, 'Oh, hey! I've always wondered…what's it like to suck a dick?'"

Jasper stared at me in disbelief for a second, and then he threw back his head and laughed. "He didn't ask you that."

"Oh, he sure as hell did. That fucker has no filter at all. He never has. I probably should've given him a hard time and asked him why he was wondering about it, but I didn't. I sort of blushed instead, and I told him I'd never done that. He pressed for more, and well…it came out that I hadn't done _anything_ before."

"Really? Nothing?"

I shook my head. "Nothing at all. In fact, I didn't have my first kiss until I was eighteen and living up here. I just…didn't feel right in Tennessee. I was planning to leave after high school, so I…" I shrugged, unsure how to finish. Instead, I told Jasper about telling Tanya and how she'd been much quieter than Emmett. It turned out she'd suspected as much for a while. "I asked her how she knew, and she said that I'd talk with her about guys for hours, but I only ever shrugged when she brought up girls for me."

Jasper grinned. "Yeah, guess that would give it away, huh?"

"Apparently." My grin mirrored his as I pulled my feet up and rested my arms over my knees. "When I came to visit Carlisle and Esme that summer, I told them, too. That was nearly as scary as telling my uncle. He'd turned out to be nearly as okay with it as Emmett, though he thankfully didn't make any comments about sex acts." I laughed, shaking my head. "Carlisle and Esme were both quiet the whole time I was talking, and I was really worried that they were upset at first. But Carlisle smiled when I was done, and Esme hugged me and told me she was proud of me, and that was pretty much it."

I realized I had very little left to say on the whole subject of my coming out, so I switched back to Jasper's original question about boyfriends. "So anyway, there was no action of any kind for me until I met Steve. He was actually my first for…pretty much everything. We were both inexperienced, which was kind of nice now that I look back on it. We just bumbled our way through everything together."

I smiled. My memories of Steve had always been fond. It had been the most equitable breakup I'd ever actually witnessed. We grew apart, and we both knew it. There was no bitterness on either side, even though we'd gotten back together a couple of times before we really admitted it was over. "He had a little more experience than I did, so we went from the first kiss to the first blowjob fairly quickly. But then there was a long time when that was it. We were together for about five months before we had sex. We experimented there, too…both of us topped…we tried different positions." I shrugged. "All of that stuff."

I glanced over at Jasper to see how he was taking all of this. He seemed wistful somehow, but there was also disbelief in his voice when he said, "So you really didn't have sex until then?"

I nodded. "Yeah…I just needed that connection with him, I guess. I've had a couple of one-night stands over the years, but I felt like shit both times. It just…doesn't work for me. So pretty much my entire adult life has been spent the same way." We talked for a while longer while I told Jasper about how I would be in a relationship from anywhere from six months to a couple of years. Eventually, things would end. I'd spend a little time alone and then do it again, sometimes with shorter, almost-relationships in between.

Jasper was nodding thoughtfully while he listened, and when I trailed off, he said, "I guess I've really only had the almost-relationships you were talking about. I never really stay with anyone for more than a few months at a time, and it's sort of…shallow." I could tell by the half-smile on his face that he was a little embarrassed admitting this.

From his behavior and the things he'd said here and there since we'd met, I'd already pieced that much together, though. I didn't want him to think he had to explain himself – hearing about that fuckhole Paul was explanation enough, although I did hope that he was able to break that pattern with me.

I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was after midnight, and realized we needed to get to bed soon if we were going to make it to breakfast with Emily. At that thought, I paused. I wasn't sure if she was expecting me or not. "Hey…what did you tell Emily?" I asked as softly as I could.

Jasper's face turned bright red as his shoulders hunched slightly. "Nothing," he admitted. At my raised eyebrow, he shrugged. "I didn't know if there was any way things would work out, but I was hoping they would." He stared straight ahead for a moment and then shook himself. "God, beyond hoping. I was fucking praying."

With that, he glanced at me, giving me a small, almost shy smile. I reached out and took his hand, pulling him with me as I moved to stand beside the bed. I held him close, kissing him softly, and our lips were still touching when I murmured, "They did, baby…"

He moaned quietly and slid his hands down my arms, twining our fingers together as he tilted his head and deepened our kiss. I felt our connection – our love – in that kiss as his lips moved gently with mine. When we parted, both of us were wearing identical smiles. Without any further talk, I turned off the lights, pulled back the covers, and guided him to lie down with me.

He shifted me onto my back and snuggled up close, resting his arm over my chest and his head on my shoulder. "You'll go with me tomorrow?" he asked in the stillness of my dark room.

"If you'll have me," I answered honestly.

His arm around me tightened as he nuzzled his forehead into my neck. He lifted his head, his lips finding mine once more, and then he whispered, "Thank you."

Those two words weren't the three I really wanted to hear, but there was little else that could've put a smile on my face like the one that was there as I fell asleep with Jasper in my arms.

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_**A/N:**__ We know several of you were disappointed that the boys didn't get to their talk last chapter, but as you can see, they had a hell of a lot to say - thankfully. We hope you enjoyed this step forward._

_Thank you so much to everyone who donated for the eBook benefit and Fics for Nashville!_

_We'd like to remind you that the __**Fandom Gives Back**__ auction for __**Alex's Lemonade Stand**__ is coming up soon. We are offering up two types of auctions - first come, first served drabbles and a standard auction for a one-shot, outtake from one of our stories, or another chapter of a previous one-shot. The auction will run __**June 25**__ through __**July 2**__. Please check out http:/www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com/_

_We'd also like to announce the __**Plot Bunny Contest**__ taking place now through __**July 31st**__. __**SorceressCirce**__ is one of your hosts for the contest while __**naelany**__ is a judge. The contest is a different sort, with submitting plot bunnies which will be given out to other authors to write. Please check out http:/plotbunnycontest(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ for all the information!_


	20. What Do You Want From Me

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**JPOV**

Shifting slightly, I blinked the sleep out of my eyes when the realization hit me.

_I'm at Edward's._

I scrubbed my hands roughly over my face, trying to wake up and gather my thoughts. I still couldn't believe everything that had happened. Turning to my side, I watched Edward as he slept. He was on his back, one arm slung above his head while the other rested on his stomach. His legs were hidden by the comforter, which was draped over his hips, covering the tattoo there.

My hand hovered over his chest, the desire to touch him strong. The fear of my touch being unwelcome by the light of day was stronger, though, so I retracted my hand and watched the gentle rise and fall of Edward's chest as he breathed, sleep still holding him in an embrace that I envied.

Because I couldn't trace his form with my hand, I contented myself with simply watching him before I noticed something familiar from the corner of my eye.

_My sketchbook..._

Instantly, my thoughts went back to Mike and the talk we'd had as soon as I'd gotten into the office on Wednesday, a couple of days after I'd confessed everything to Edward.

"_Felix, no calls today, okay? Unless it's D.C."_

_Felix nodded, and I was relieved to know that at least on that front, there'd be peace so I could focus on my work. My longed-for moment of peace lasted me all of ten seconds because as soon as I walked into my office, I found Mike waiting for me. He was sitting in front of my desk, tossing the signed baseball from one hand to the other. _

_With a sigh, I closed the door behind me. I'd known a talk with Mike had to be coming, but I really didn't feel like dealing with it just then. _

"_Morning, Mike..."_

_He turned his head, eyeing me carefully as he said, "Good morning. We need to talk."_

_I sat down heavily in my chair, leaning back as I rested my head against it. My eyes were on his as I muttered, "Figured you'd want to..."_

_He frowned at me, placing the baseball back on its perch as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the edge of my desk. I was exhausted even though I'd slept for too many hours the day before. It was interrupted sleep, since I kept waking up to nightmares that had been a strange mixture of the events with Paul and Edward. Needless to say, I didn't get much rest. _

"_You look like hell, Jasper."_

_I rolled my eyes at him. "Thanks for stating the obvious, Mike. Can we get to the point, please? I'm really not in the mood..."_

_I knew I was being crabby and taking things out on Mike, but I couldn't help myself. He raised an eyebrow at me, surprisingly letting the comment slip. He steepled his fingers, resting his chin on his thumbs as his index __fingers covered his lips briefly. Finally, he took a deep breath and clasped his hands, shifting them so that his chin was resting on them, rather than his thumbs. He narrowed his eyes and said, "Alright...to the point. I went to see Edward last night."_

"_You did _what?" _I bolted upright in my seat, staring at Mike in utter disbelief - and anger. _

_Mike looked steadily at me as he said, "I said, I went to see Edward last night. He and I had a long talk...about you, which shouldn't be a surprise, considering."_

_Running my fingers through my hair, I gaped at him. "How...why? For God's sake, Mike!"_

_He sat back in his chair, his arms lying lightly on the armrests as he watched me. He tilted his head a little and said, "Why? Because you're miserable, J, and I had a chance to do something. I hate seeing you hurting, Jasper. I had to try." _

_I groaned, leaning forward with my elbows on my desk so I could hide my face behind my hands. When I hadn't said anything after a couple of minutes, Mike cleared his throat. Spreading my fingers so I could see him, I said, "How was he?" My voice was hoarse with pent-up emotion. _

"_Honestly? You hurt him, J; he really cares about you - it's obvious he does."_

_I winced, knowing that what he said was true; I _had_ hurt him. And it killed me to know it. I didn't miss Mike's use of present tense when he spoke about Edward caring, but I couldn't be sure it was enough. Not after what I'd done._

"_J, there's more."_

_I raised my eyebrow inquisitively, though my face was still largely hidden in my hands. He continued as if he had heard the unspoken question. _

"_I gave him your sketchpad..."_

"_What?" _

_I sat upright, frantically shifting the papers that were scattered on my desk from the day before. I was searching for the sketchpad, though obviously it wasn't there. I couldn't believe he had taken it - had shown it to _Edward_ of all people! I sat back in my chair and glared at him. _

"_What the fuck gave you the right to take something of _mine_, and give it to Edward? How _dare_ you go through my things, Mike? I can't..."_

_I stopped as soon as I noticed Mike's face harden. His eyes narrowed, and his jaw clenched as he tried to hold himself in check. He took a calming breath before he said, "Jasper, calm the fuck down. I'm sorry, but I thought it might be necessary to show him, to give him that insight into you. Turns out I was right. He _listened_, J."_

_I shook my head, unable to take his words as truth, even though Mike had never lied to me before - and he had no reason to lie to me now. Mike heaved a heavy sigh as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he looked at me. _

"_Jasper, like I said, the guy cares about you. You had better hope that you can fix the mess you made because, in my opinion, Edward's the best thing that's ever happened to you. Even you should be able to see that much." _

_All I could do was nod hopelessly. He was right. Edward _had_ been the best thing that had ever happened to me - before or after Paul. _

Edward shifted, turning his head from one side to the other, and I watched as a smile played briefly on his lips before it melted and a small sigh escaped them. His eyes moved behind his lids, and I wondered what he was dreaming about. I didn't dare hope that he was dreaming about me - about _us_.

I ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes as I sighed, my thoughts returning to Mike. After my talk with him, which had lasted a good hour at least, I'd needed to do something, anything, to reach out to Edward, but I was too much of a coward to call him after he'd said he needed time. Deciding to try to figure something out over my lunch hour, I focused on the D.C. project instead, hoping it would distract me.

Felix had stopped by before lunch with a roast beef on rye, letting me know Mike had ordered it for me. I had thanked him, and as I ate, I browsed the Internet, hoping for inspiration to strike. Of all things, it was a random ad from FTD that caught my eye. A quick google search found me a local florist instead, and another search gave me the flowers I wanted to send.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I placed the order - at once hoping he would get the meaning, and who sent it...and that he wouldn't. Much like when I had sent Edward the picture of the drawing I had made, the moment I hung up the phone with the florist, I wished I could take it back. I was afraid that it would be too much, that he would refuse them - refuse _me_.

The entire afternoon I kept glancing at my phone, wondering if he would call, or text, or...something. After a couple of hours, it finally chirped, letting me know I'd received a message. I picked it up, holding my breath with trepidation as I opened the new text. The relief that had washed over me when I read my nickname for him was overshadowed by the anxiety of replying. I didn't know that I had the words - at least nothing that would be suitable for a text message. I knew that I had to talk to him, but it needed to be face to face...if he'd want to even see me again.

It wasn't until Edward had called the following day that I allowed myself to even hope that what Mike had told me was true - that there was a chance that he still cared, that he had listened to Mike, and that he would listen to me. Mike had hammered in that I would need to tell Edward everything, every last detail. While I knew he was right, the prospect of it scared the living hell out of me. Since Paul, I'd never let anyone in that far before, always protecting the innermost part of me.

My hope was fitful and fluctuating as I worried about why he wanted to meet the following day and not that night. I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, though; even if he told me he never wanted to see me again, I needed to do this. The thought of him sending me away had left me cold and despondent, and it was all I could do to trudge through work for those two days.

_By the time Friday evening rolled around, I was feeling physically ill from nerves. I almost called him to tell him to forget it, that I couldn't do this. I even had the phone in my hand as I sat behind the wheel, unable to make myself drive anywhere. I couldn't make that call either, though, so I forced myself into motion and drove toward Beacon Hill. I stopped on the way to buy a bottle of wine, somehow feeling wrong to arrive empty-handed after everything that had happened. _

_Standing on his door step, it took me several minutes before I plucked up the nerve to ring the bell. In a weird way, it was a bit of déjà vu from the first time I had been here, only this time it wasn't music holding me hostage, but fear. _

_I clutched the bottle in both hands, holding on for dear life, as if it were the only thing grounding me. I heard him as he came to the door and found myself unable to face him, to see the reproach and hurt I was certain I'd find in his eyes. Lowering my head, I took a shuddering breath as he opened the door. It felt like we stood there for an immeasurable amount of time. I tried to make myself do or say something, but other than lifting my head, I was unable to. _

_I wanted to see him, to hold him, to taste him again as we kissed. All of it seemed an impossibility, and that thought stung; I was certain he wouldn't want any of that anymore. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see his rejection - sure his silence could mean little else. _

_And then his arms were around me. I was so surprised that at first I could do nothing. When I snapped out of the shock, I clung to him, my arms around his waist as I held him to me tightly. I didn't ever want to let him go. My whole body was shaking, but I couldn't stop it. It was as if my body was simultaneously trying to heal and fall apart at the seams. I had missed him _so_ much, needed - craved - his touch more than I'd even realized._

_When he kissed me, I thought for sure I was dreaming - but fuck if I wanted to wake up. It was more than I had dared hope for, and he was giving it to me. I relished the tang of his tongue ring as I brushed against it. Edward pulled away, and I wanted to follow - I _did_ follow, before I abruptly remember__ed why I shouldn't,__ and I apologized. _

With a sigh, I shifted, my eyes focused on Edward's face - on the peaceful look that had settled there, a look so different from the night before. I still couldn't believe he'd gone through the trouble of cooking for me after the way I'd treated him. The fact that he had, that he'd chosen the menu he had, showed me that Mike was right. Edward _did_ care - still.

And after that too quiet dinner, when he had asked what I'd wanted to drink, I hadn't known what to do. I'd been so nervous, so lost that it didn't seem to matter anymore, and I'd fallen back into old habits I'd thought I'd long since put behind me. When Edward had come up to give me physical reassurance - telling me it wasn't about what _he_ wanted, but that this was about _us_ - I'd wanted to weep. He'd been giving me a piece of myself back, and with it settled in place, I'd felt stronger and better able to answer him. How he knew exactly what I'd needed from him was beyond me, but I was grateful that he had known.

The talk in the den had been awkward at best. He had thanked me for the flowers, and I'd known I had to tell him what had happened, _why_ it had happened. I'd been scared out of my fucking mind, but I'd laid it all out there for him to see. I'd watched him, cringing with every show of pain he probably hadn't even been aware of portraying. I'd died a little inside, watching him react to every word I spoke...and every moment he'd sat in silence had driven it home to me.

_The silence seemed to stretch out forever. I was close to hyperventilating in my anxiety to hear his next words, certain that what I had said was too much for him, that he wouldn't be able to __forgive me. My leg was bouncing with nervous energy, stilling only when he put his hand on it and rubbed my knee soothingly._

_"Jasper, baby, calm down… It'll be okay. We'll be okay." _

_My heart skipped at the use of the term of endearment, and I looked up into eyes filled with the same hurt, fear, and confusion that I felt. He squeezed my thigh, shifting to sit half Indian-style so he faced me, and said, "Baby, I can't lie. I'm hurt, and I'm pissed off, and I'm really fucking confused." _

_I winced, wishing I could take it all back, that I could take his pain away - pain that _I_ had caused. I sank further into the couch, turning my face away because I couldn't bear to see the emotions so plain in his eyes. He cupped my cheek, trying to coax me to look at him again, but I refused - and then he put his finger under my chin, guiding my face to his, and gave me a chaste kiss. I instantly wanted more, but he pulled away, which was probably for the best. I didn't deserve more from him. _

_He looked at me and said, "Jazz, as long as you're willing to work on this, I am, too. But before we can try, I have to know if you're really in this – if this is what you really want…because I can't take not knowing what will happen when we're apart. I can't live with wondering if you're with someone else. Because I won't be."_

_His eyes were focused on mine, and in that moment I wouldn't have been able to look away if I'd wanted to. Only one thought kept looping through my mind: _He still wants me - he's going to give me a chance...

_I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head as I tried to keep from blurting out, "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve for you to do this."_

_Instead, after a brief moment I managed to speak, my voice husky with emotion as I stammered, "You have no idea…how…I want to be with you so damn much. I've never…I feel…I-I want…" Clenching my jaw, I tried to find the courage to look him in the eye as I told him, "I fucked up. I fucked up more than I ever have before, and I've been so goddamn scared. And I…I _am_ fucked up. T-there's something wr-wrong with m-m-me."_

_I hadn't stuttered since I was a teenager, barring the time Mike made me tell him what had happened with Paul the day after he and Eric took me in. I was scared, frustrated with myself, and feeling so incredibly out of my depth that I thought I might be drowning. _

_Running my fingers through my hair, I tugged at the strands hard enough to send jolts of pain through me. It was enough to pull my broken thoughts out as I muttered under my breath, "I don't know...what if I hurt him again? So fucked up...Need him..."_

_Finally, I turned to him, the need to say this too strong to hold back. _

_"I care about you, Edward. A lot. And I'm scared that maybe I can't even give you everything you're asking. Maybe I'm not even…whole…enough, but I want to try."_

And then _he_ had comforted _me_, had kissed me, apologized to _me_.

I still didn't quite understand it, how he could forgive me like that. I'd done it for Paul on countless occasions, but it had always been at the price of losing a part of myself. For Edward, that didn't seem to be the case at all. He truly seemed to mean it when he told me he wanted to work this out, that he cared for me, and I couldn't wrap my head around it. Part of me wondered why this was different, why _he_ was able to forgive and have a measure of certainty in himself that I never had. What did that say about me? Was I too defective?

Lifting myself up a little more so I could see him better, I studied his face as if I could find answers there to the myriad questions running around my brain. There were some I didn't even dare admit to having because I feared the answers. I had to restrain myself from touching his cheek, as if by doing so I could take some of his sense of self into me by osmosis. Maybe then I'd be able to figure out why he could, and I couldn't.

_Especially when he feels he's not going to be enough... How is he able to do it, when my actions reinforced his own fears?_

I thought back to the conversation about Edward's relationship with Alistair. I wanted to berate the guy for being an idiot and treating Edward like that, when Edward had clearly had deep feelings for him. He'd wanted more with him, and Alistair had thrown it in his face, leaving Edward to believe he wasn't enough - would never _be_ enough for someone to build a future with him. I knew without a doubt he was absolutely enough. He was amazing. The only question was if _I _would be able to give him everything he needed. After Paul, I'd resigned myself to never having that sort of relationship.

Then Edward had come along, setting my entire world on end. I felt myself wanting to be with someone again, not just to have someone to scratch an itch with, as I'd had in the past, but someone to care about and share a life with. And what had I done? I'd gone and built on Edward's fears by doing the very thing he'd been worried about with Alistair.

When I'd seen his pain as he was telling me about Alistair, about not feeling like he would ever be enough for anyone, I'd wanted to growl. The need to protect him had taken me by surprise, especially since I wasn't sure I could trust myself not to hurt him again. I'd wanted to reassure him, but didn't know what I could say, considering.

_I kissed him instead, and then we ended up making out. I hadn't intended for it to happen, but when he deepened our kiss, it was as if a floodgate opened, and I could not stop. _

_As much as I wanted to keep going, I was grateful that Edward found the sense and strength to slow us down and, eventually, stop altogether. I tried to find the words to tell him that he was more than enough. Hell, he was more than I had ever hoped I would find, even before I'd messed things up. I could tell that he didn't really believe me, though - not that I could blame him. When he asked why, I couldn't help myself - I had to apologize again._

_And then it was my turn. I started off - or tried to, at least - with Paul, but then Mike's words came back to me, reminding me that I needed to tell Edward everything. And that meant I needed to start from the beginning. I was determined, if scared as hell, especially after Edward had already shared and given so much. _

_Edward was silent as he listened to me while I told him about when I figured out I was gay, coming out to my family, experimenting with guys. I was telling him all of that in part because I wanted him to know everything, but also because I was stalling - fearing the moment I'd have to talk about Paul. I glanced at Edward once or twice, but couldn't quite make myself focus on him as I spoke. It was harder than I anticipated, and the closer I got to telling him about Paul, the more nervous I became. _

_When I got to telling him about college, I knew my time was up, yet I couldn't find the words. It felt as if they'd gotten stuck in my throat, lodged there without a means of getting out. In an effort to gain more time, I asked if he wanted a beer. I sure as hell could use one at that point. _

_As I walked to the kitchen, I kept muttering under my breath - a pep-talk of sorts, as I reminded myself I _had_ to do this. Edward deserved to know, and if Mike was right, then this would be the only way to begin to clean up the mess I had made. I leaned against the counter and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm my heart, which felt as if it were about to race straight out of my chest. _

"_You can do this; you _have_ to do this. Don't fuck this up, Jasper..."_

_When I got back to the den, Edward wasn't there - something I was quietly grateful for, as it gave me another minute to try to get myself together. I'd taken my seat again, propping my foot up on the table, though that didn't stop me from bouncing my knee. My nerves were too close to the surface to be able to control that habit. I heard the flush of a toilet and sank further into the couch, my shoulders automatically stiffening - not because it meant Edward would be back, but because it meant I had to talk about Paul. _

_The moment Edward settled into his seat, I started talking. My throat felt dry in spite of the fact that I'd been sipping my beer mere seconds before. I couldn't bring myself to watch him as I talked. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep going, and I needed to be able to get through this - for him. _

_In my mind, it was as if everything that had happened was playing in Hi-Def, not allowing me to miss a single detail of any of it. I could feel the acid churning in my stomach the further along I got. Even after all these years, the revulsion I felt for what I had allowed to happen to me at the hands of someone who had claimed to love me left me feeling sick. _

_Even though I felt almost like I was reliving all the most horrifying memories of my past, the thing that kept me grounded was Edward. He sat there, silently listening as I got it all off my chest. I was aware of his reaction, the way he seemed to be collapsing under the weight of everything I had to tell him. I was terrified that it would be too much, that he would tell me to leave - that he couldn't handle it. I hated to see the way it hurt him, even though I felt a strange sense of joy that he cared enough about me to be hurt._

A soft moan reached my ears at the same time I felt Edward's hand brush against mine. His voice was gravely with sleep as he said, "Mmm, good morning, baby."

My eyes flickered from his face down to my hand, which was now resting on his chest and covered by his hand. I hadn't even realized I had been touching him, and I couldn't help the blush that crept up my cheeks at that. I hadn't intended to do it, and here I'd woken him up. Rationally, I knew it was about time to get up anyway, if we were going to meet up with Emily as was planned. Even so, I worried again whether it was welcome - whether _I_ was welcome, still.

Edward didn't leave me wondering for very long as he put his free hand on the back of my neck and pulled me to him, kissing me tenderly. His murmured, "I'm glad you stayed," was followed by another more passionate kiss, effectively chasing away any worry I had.

He pulled me all the way on top of him as we continued, our hands caressing skin where we could find it, though neither of us went below the belt. It felt a little strange to be in sleeping pants still, but they served as a reminder to keep things chaste. Or as chaste as we were able, anyway.

After a few minutes - albeit much too soon to my liking - we stopped. Edward smiled at me, his hand cupping my cheek as his thumb brushed along my cheekbone. It was a small gesture on his part - and one that he had made often enough in the time that I'd known him - but I couldn't help but draw comfort and reassurance from it.

The alarm on my phone sounded, and we both made a grab for it. Neither of us was able to reach it from where we were lying in bed, so I rolled off of him in order to turn the phone off. Edward was chuckling softly, and when I moved back to face him, it was with a grin in place. My eye fell on my sketchbook, though, and the instant they did, my smile faded and a frown slid in its place.

Edward looked confused for a moment before following my gaze. His body stilled when he saw what I was looking at. He cleared his throat and then turned to face me again, a slight frown of his own marring his brow as his eyes searched mine. I reached over him, grabbed my sketchbook, and situated myself against the headboard, letting the book fall open in my lap. A smile flitted over my lips when it landed on a page of Edward's eyes, all in various stages of his orgasm - I wondered if he knew that was what I had drawn. I blushed at the thought, both hoping he did and didn't realize it.

My fingers traced several of the drawings as Edward sat down next to me. I looked up at him when I noticed him running his hands through his hair. His expression was one of concern, hesitance, and silent apology. I shook my head and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"Mike told me what he did. I'm not mad - well, not anymore, anyway..."

He still looked a little uneasy, so I added, "I know what he told you..." I hesitated for a second before adding, "baby." I watched his eyes closely for a reaction, and when I saw them light up with a smile, I couldn't stop my own from forming. Clearing my throat, I said, "Mike and I had a long talk on Wednesday... Sure, I was mad at him for interfering, for giving you this," I nodded down at the sketchbook, "but now that I've had time to process things, I'm glad that he did it."

Edward gave me a somewhat skeptical look as he said, "You're glad he took something so personal and gave it to someone else?"

I gave him a half-smile. "Not someone..._you_. I realize why he did it." My eyes searched his for a moment. "Was he right? Did it...help?"

He put his palm on my cheek, turning my face more to his as he said, "Yes, it did." He glanced down at the page and grinned as his eyes found mine again. "You're very...talented...Jasper."

For a second, all I could do was look at him, and then we both started laughing at the double entendre. He leaned in, kissing me lightly on the lips, and said, "Seriously though, it did help. Your work is very expressive. It helped to be able to..." he paused, frowning as he seemed to think on how to say something. "To be able to _see_ where your mind was, when you weren't able to tell me. Does that make sense?"

I nodded and sighed as I looked back at the sketchpad. I knew that a few pages behind the one that was open now, I would see the drawings of Paul's and Edward's eyes side by side. My jaw clenched at the thought of having compared them. My rational mind knew that Edward wasn't even close to Paul, as Paul never would have listened to me or tried to make me feel better - worthy - as Edward had done.

Swallowing hard, I lifted my eyes to find Edward watching me with concern. I whispered, "I'm so sorry, Edward..."

He took the sketchpad from me, putting it back on the nightstand before turning to me and wrapping his arms around me as he placed a soft kiss on my temple. "Shh, hush now."

Wrapping my arms around him, I rested my head on his shoulder. We sat like that for several minutes as I let his acceptance, comfort, and tenderness seep into my bones. When my alarm went off a second time, Edward patted my back lightly and said, "C'mon, baby, we'd better get up or we'll be late for meeting Emily."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know." I sat back, searching his eyes as I added, "You sure you want to go?"

Edward cocked a brow. "There's little I'd rather do than spend the day with you today, Cuddles. It'll be good to see Emily again. Believe it or not, I actually missed her...I missed hanging out with both of you last week. Besides, I seem to recall there are bowls waiting to be finished."

I felt something release in my chest at his words and leaned in, kissing him hard as my fingers tangled in his hair. He responded in kind, and I briefly considered forgetting about leaving, but quickly dismissed that thought. I'd never bailed on Emily, and much as I wanted to have Edward to myself, I wasn't going to start doing so now.

I pulled back, resting my forehead against his. "Thank you, Edward." My eyes were fixed on his, and I hoped that he knew that I didn't just mean for coming with me, but for...everything.

He grinned, pecking my lips, and murmured, "You're welcome, Jazz. Shall we?"

We took a shower again, each washing the other quietly, our movements as innocent as we could keep them since we didn't have time for anything more... not that I was certain anything would have happened even if there had been time.

Once we were both washed and dried, Edward lent me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt again. I hadn't brought anything because I hadn't anticipated staying the night, since I hadn't expected for him to forgive me or even listen to me. Being in his clothes made me feel more comfortable than I would've thought.

The drive to pick up Emily was a strange mix of familiar and uncomfortable. I had a lingering sense of doubt and foreboding whenever Edward lapsed into silence, and I nearly panicked when I wondered if it would always be this way. I didn't know how long I could take wondering if he was going to change his mind.

The light we were approaching was yellow, and when Edward slowed to a stop, he put the car in park and leaned over, kissing me hard. His fingers slid up the back of my neck, tangling in my hair, and I could feel want and _need_ in the way he touched me. My tongue brushed his tongue ring, sending a thrill through me. For the first time since I fucked everything up, I let myself just enjoy it - and admit to myself that I wanted him. Badly.

When he pulled away, he gave me a tiny smile and muttered, "Sorry," turning back to face the road. As he put the car in drive and eased us forward, I reached over, squeezing his thigh. I wished I could tell him just how much moments like those meant to me.

I hoped he knew.

I relaxed minutely, sitting back in my seat. I left my hand on his thigh, and he reached down occasionally, rubbing my fingertips.

We were both smiling when we pulled up to Emily's dorm, but my face fell a bit when I saw her. She was sitting on the bench outside her building, reading a book as usual, but there was something about the way her shoulders slumped that I didn't like. She stood up and stuffed her book into her bag, and when she raised her head, she was smiling brightly at us.

I climbed out of the car and gave her a hug, murmuring, "Morning, Lee Lee."

She squeezed me tightly, but before I could ask her if she was alright, she squealed, "Edward!" and let me go, doing a weird little dance in the few feet it took her to get to him.

He laughed, and I smiled when I saw the way his eyes brightened as he hugged her. Something in my chest tightened, forcing me to breathe shallowly as I thought about what I'd nearly lost - not just for me, but for her as well. Edward caught my eye over her head, and the expression in his eyes was somewhere between pain and sympathy.

We locked gazes for a little too long, and when Emily pulled away, she noticed. "Hey? You guys alright?"

My mouth was suddenly dry. All sound hung in my throat, and I wasn't sure how to answer her. Edward saved me by saying, "Yeah, we're fine, Lee. Just a little tired."

I expected one of two reactions. Typically, she would either have pressed the issue and demanded to know what was wrong, or she would've gotten that mischievous gleam in her eye and teased us about why we were tired.

She didn't do either. She just nodded and yawned. "Me, too."

I frowned at her, but she didn't notice. She was already climbing into the backseat. I exchanged a glance with Edward, who shrugged, but I noticed the little crease in his forehead.

I followed their lead and took my seat, but instead of buckling my seat belt, I turned around so I could see her face. "Lee Lee? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Spurs. I'm just tired. I've got two more papers due this week, and my history class is kicking my butt."

I managed a small smile. "You need to get more rest, Lee. I'm worried about you."

She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head. Then she crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue, just like she'd done when we were kids. I chuckled at her, but as she changed the subject, I couldn't shake a strange feeling that was building in my gut.

I didn't know what it was, but she seemed too evasive. I didn't like it.

"Did you have a good time in Tennessee?" she asked Edward. Immediately, my concerns about Emily were shoved into the background as my eyes flew to Edward's face.

His jaw clenched, and he swallowed before he met her gaze in the rear-view mirror. "I did," he finally said with a smile. I saw the tightness around his eyes and bit the inside of my cheek. "It was really good to see my family again. I missed our class, though. I hope you guys had fun without me."

She wrinkled her nose, shooting a teasing look my way. "It was alright. Jasper was all mopey."

I wanted to kick her - that is, up until I saw the smile that spread on Edward's face. "Mopey, huh?"

"Yup," she said simply. "He missed you."

I realized I was holding my breath and let it out slowly. It wasn't like I hadn't told Edward myself that I missed him. Having someone else say it, though, made it more real somehow. Edward seemed to think so, too, as some of the tension disappeared from his jaw, and his smile became more relaxed.

I knew I should've been teasing Emily, giving her a hard time to take the focus off of me, but I was too absorbed in watching the interaction between the two of them. The air was heavy in the car - much more than it should've been for a casual drive across town - and I listened in silence while they talked a little more about last week's class.

Edward eventually noticed my discomfort and reached over. He turned his hand palm up and left it between us. I smiled, feeling a little heat on my cheeks as I slipped my hand into his. I couldn't explain to myself why I liked that so much, but something about the gesture - about letting _me_ make the choice - had me wishing we were alone.

_It's going to be a long day._

Even though I was thrilled to be out with Emily, especially since I'd worried that I'd screwed this up for her, the atmosphere seemed tense because Edward and I were just still so...unsure. I knew it was going to take time - and a hell of a lot of work, especially on my part - and I was anxious to get started.

Our breakfast at the bakery was a little subdued since none of us really seemed to be up for idle chatter. Emily and Edward talked photography a bit, and he promised to take her out soon so that she could practice with his camera again. When he mentioned possibly having her come over to his house to learn about the darkroom, I glanced up, catching his eye. He winked at me with an impish grin, and I covered my own grin with a bite of my rye toast.

By the time we got to the pottery studio, Emily seemed more herself again. I couldn't tell if she was just waking up or if there was something else going on, and that frustrated me to no end.

She led the way, hugging Carmen before showing Edward what we'd worked on last week. When she said, "Jasper cut your bowl," Edward shot me another mischievous smile. I chuckled, realizing that it felt really good to laugh again.

"Thanks," he murmured, and I nodded. I was afraid to answer. I felt tightly strung somehow, and I didn't want to say too much just then.

We spent some time glazing our bowls and getting them ready for the kiln. I was beginning to really enjoy the whole process now that we had bowls in every stage. It kept my hands busy, but my mind wandered.

I found myself watching Edward closely. From time to time, he felt my eyes on him and glanced up, smiling. I couldn't stop my beaming smile in response, even though I'd lower my head and try to concentrate again afterward. Occasionally I'd catch him frowning, and I wondered what he was thinking. I knew he was probably just focused on his work, especially since I knew firsthand how single-minded he could be, but I couldn't help the way my heart fluttered unpleasantly each time.

Everyone else in our class worked quickly and quietly. Now that we had the hang of things, Carmen put on classical music and let it play softly in the background. The whole studio was serene...or it would have been, if my mind wasn't in turmoil.

I worked myself up a few times, convinced that the grimace on Edward's face was because he knew I was watching him. When he stretched and rolled his shoulders with a sigh, I wondered if he was steeling himself for telling me that we were over.

_Stop that_.

I took a few calming breaths, scooping up the mess I'd made of my bowl and putting it to the side. I grabbed a new piece of wedged clay and started over. I tried to focus on the feeling of the clay beneath my fingertips and let everything else go, but it just didn't happen. By the time the others started carrying their bowls to the shelves and washing up, mine was still uneven.

Edward was working hard as well, but then, he always was. When Emily finished, she kissed me on the cheek before going to wash her hands. I saw Carmen glance between me and Edward with a smile on her face that grew when she saw the tip of his tongue peeking out between his lips. "So determined to be perfect..." she murmured fondly.

I thought about how true her words were as she and Emily disappeared for their now-typical cup of tea. Edward tried so hard at everything he did, no matter what it was, and I was just beginning to understand that that meant he tried equally hard at...well, us . Our...relationship, or however you wanted to describe it. I felt an ache in my chest that seemed to be a combination of shame and regret when I thought of how I'd nearly lost it all - lost _him_.

Breathing shallowly, I turned back to my bowl, determined not to wallow - at least not right now. He'd accepted my apology and, for whatever reason, wanted to be with me. All I could do was try not to fuck it up.

I finished and cleaned my station up before taking a seat on my stool and watching him. I could tell he was getting close to the end when his face began to relax into a smile. He ran his thumb near the base for a few more passes and then sat back, tilting his head as he studied his work.

He felt my eyes on him then and glanced up, his smile brightening when he met my gaze. He glanced around the room and colored slightly. "Oh, sorry...hope you haven't been waiting too long."

I grinned, shaking my head. "Nah, only finished a minute or so ago, myself." I got up and walked over to him. "Besides," I ran my fingers through his hair, "I like watching you work."

Edward stood up, carefully placing his arms around my neck without getting clay all over me. His eyes flitted between mine for a moment before he tilted his head just so and kissed me. I sighed softly into his mouth as I returned his kiss, letting him dictate how far he wanted to go, even if all I wanted to do at that point was to go home and show him how much I wanted him, how much he meant to me. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him close, hoping he knew somehow.

He pulled back, humming appreciatively, and smiled, then laughed when my stomach rumbled. Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but chuckle because there was a light in his eyes - it was one that I'd dimmed and was desperate to see shining brightly again. Kissing his lips, I murmured, "Shall we get you cleaned up so we can go to lunch?"

Grinning, he said, "Might be a good idea. Wouldn't want you to waste away, would we?"

He looked as if he were about to say something else, and I felt myself tense when the playfulness faded from his eyes. I knew it was one of those moments when he would typically joke about me needing to keep my strength up. The blank space left where those words should have been were like a punch to the gut, and I gave him a quick kiss before stepping back, turning away so he wouldn't see the hurt and fear in my eyes. I didn't know what I would do if we never got back to that place again.

I thought I heard Edward mutter something under his breath, but when I turned around again, he was walking to the sink to wash his hands. He'd already put his bowl away, so I took care of what was left before going to wash my hands again.

Right as I hung the towel back on its hook, Emily and Carmen returned. Emily walked up to me and hugged me around the waist as she looked from me to Edward and asked, "So, you two just about done? I'm starving."

My eyes flickered to Edward, who watched us both with a small grin. He shook his head slightly and muttered just loud enough for me to hear, "Jesus, you two really are too much alike for my own good..."

What prompted him to say that, I didn't know - nor did I know what it was, exactly, about what he said, but it made me uneasy. It nagged at me as they discussed where to go for lunch. I didn't pay any attention to where we were going because I was too caught up in my thoughts, so I let them lead me to the car. I noticed Edward watching me warily, but he didn't say anything. He did, however, put his hand on my thigh, silently letting me know he was there. Covering his hand with my own, I gave him a small smile.

It wasn't until we got to the pizzeria that I snapped out of it and turned to look at Emily in surprise. Normally, she always had a plan in mind for our dates, and, with the exception of breakfast at her favorite bakery, we hardly ever went back to a place. Stopping by the same pizzeria as last time was highly unusual.

She quirked a brow at me, crossing her arms over her chest. Her voice was challenging as she said, "What? I told you I was tired, Spurs. School's kicking my ass so I haven't had time to find a place for lunch, and I figured we liked this last time. Doesn't matter, right?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to decide how much was truth and how much was...something else I recognized and was afraid to name. With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair, my voice a little flat when I said she was right, it didn't really matter. Edward had stayed quiet throughout, but I saw the way his eyes were flickering between us, his brow furrowed almost imperceptibly.

Emily and Edward got out of the car first, and when I closed the door behind me, it was to find Edward waiting next to me. The look of concern was genuine, and not solely for me. Neither of us spoke. Instead, Edward placed his hand on the small of my back, giving me a kiss before guiding me to the door.

Emily was already sitting at the table, apparently unwilling to wait for us slowpokes, as she called us once we took our seats. After checking the menu, we ordered a couple of baby spinach salads, unsweetened teas, and a buffalo chicken pizza. We talked about class while we waited for our food to arrive, keeping things relatively light. All the while, Edward kept contact with me, silently giving me support and comfort.

Once the food arrived, though, I reminded Emily about my trip to D.C. She narrowed her eyes at me and said, "You'll be back before class on Saturday, right?"

I nodded, swallowing the bite of pizza I'd just taken. "Mhmm, my flight's scheduled to arrive early Saturday morning. Should make it just fine, as long as y'all pick me up?"

My eyes flickered to Edward as I said it, though it had come out more as a question than the statement I had intended it to be. I wasn't entirely sure Edward would be okay with that - I hoped he would be. Edward gave me a crooked smile before turning to Emily.

"Sure. Lee, I can come pick you up first if you want, unless you'd rather we swing by on our way back into town?"

She smiled at him, her eyes twinkling mischievously as she said, "Hmm, I think you'd better pick me up if I want you two to make it to class on time. Lord knows how _distracted_ you'll end up getting otherwise."

She winked at him. Part of me wanted to laugh, because she was right about us getting distracted - at least, she would've been before.

_Knock it off, Whitlock. No sense in going back _there_ constantly. Just focus on _fixing_ this, instead. _

I sighed. I wasn't very hungry anymore, so I ended up pulling the slice of pizza apart while I waited for them to be finished. At least he wanted to come pick me up. That was something. I frowned as I wondered why he hadn't said anything about taking me _to_ the airport, too. Did he not want to? Had he only offered to pick me up because Emily had been there?

_Jesus..._

Edward and Emily continued talking, but I wasn't really paying any attention anymore. I looked up when I heard him say, "...lot like Jasper when you do that."

I looked from one to the other before turning to Edward with an eyebrow in question. He grinned slightly as he brushed hair off of my forehead - the simple gesture made me smile. When neither of them said anything, I asked, "When who does what, sweetheart?" I didn't even think about using the term of endearment, it just came out. For a split second, I wondered if I shouldn't have, but when his grin turned into a full blown smile, I sighed in relief.

He leaned in, brushing his lips lightly over mine before sitting back again. "When she tugs her hair like she just did. You do the same thing."

I frowned, mulling over what he'd said as my eyes turned to Emily, who was studiously looking anywhere but in my direction. I watched her closely for a while, only vaguely aware that our check was brought to the table and that Edward settled the bill. As soon as he had done so, Emily was out of her seat and, after kissing him on the cheek to thank him, she headed out the door. She cast a sidelong glance my way before stepping outside, and I sat in my chair, stunned.

_What the hell is going on with her? _

"Jasper?"

Blinking, I shook my head to clear it and then looked up at Edward, who was watching me with wary eyes. "Yeah, I'm coming..."

He held out his hand, and as soon as I grabbed it, he threaded his fingers through mine, squeezing lightly. I could tell he had questions, and I was certain that we'd talk later about what was going on, but I appreciated that he was holding off for now. Somehow, I doubted that it would go well if I brought up my misapprehensions for my sister right this minute - mostly because I still wasn't completely certain that it wasn't just a matter of my views being so damn colored by what happened with Paul.

When we got to the car, Emily was leaning against it, her arms crossed over her chest and her gaze down at the pavement. The only thing I could see was a slight frown on her brow. I hated seeing her like this, and I hated even more that I couldn't talk to her about what was going on... but most of all, I hated that she didn't _want_ to talk to me about it. We had always been so close, but lately it felt as if there was a rift forming between us, and frankly, it sucked.

I realized I would have to talk to Emily soon about all of this, but it would take more time than I had before having to catch my flight tomorrow. I definitely didn't think it was wise to open that particular can of worms and then leave without some sort of closure. I knew now how much stress that put on me, on anyone, and I couldn't do that to my baby sister. I was the only family she had close by, and I refused to let her feel as if she didn't have anyone to turn to.

Resolving to catch up with her as soon as I got home again, I felt a little better. A very little. Letting go of Edward's hand so he could get into the car, I hugged Emily in silence and kissed the crown of her head. Her arms came around my waist, and she burrowed her face into my chest like she used to do when she was a child and was upset about something. It made me ache inside, even as it gave me some small hope that she still felt safe with me. She'd only ever done that with me and Daddy.

I murmured, "I love you, little sis."

A muffled, "I love you, too, Spurs," brought a small smile to my lips. After another minute, I let her go, and we both got into the car. Edward was patiently waiting for us, and he gave me a soft smile when he caught my eye.

We drove back to Emily's dorm in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. Edward had placed his hand between us again almost as soon as he had pulled out of his parking spot, and we sat hand-in-hand the whole way there. When he pulled up in front of her dorm, I got out to give Emily another hug, and to let her know she could always call on me. She nodded, kissed my cheek, and went to hug Edward.

Edward whispered something in her ear, and she nodded. I caught her, "Thanks, Edward. I'll keep it in mind," and then she was gone. I leaned against the side of the car, resting my hands next to me on the hood, my eyes trained on Emily as she walked into the building. Edward settled in beside me, and I could tell from my peripheral vision that his attention was mostly on me.

His tone was soft, laced with his own concern as he said, "You're really worried about her, aren't you?"

I lowered my gaze to my feet briefly, before looking up at him and nodding. "Yeah, I am. It's just...a little too familiar?"

He slipped his arm around my waist, hooking his thumb through my belt loop as he let his hand rest on my hip. Putting my own arm around his shoulders, I gave him a sideways hug and kissed his temple. I felt my eyes begin to sting, and I had to blink several times before my blurry vision cleared. I didn't know what it was exactly, but something about all of this made me want to cry - not for myself so much as for Emily...and Edward.

I sighed. My voice was low, and I knew Edward would have a hard time hearing me, but I couldn't bring myself to raise it as I said, "You remember James? Seeing him at that restaurant the day...the day I took you to the airport?"

He nodded but didn't speak.

"I'm afraid that..." I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. I _so_ wished that my fears were baseless. I wished there were something I could do to make certain she'd never have to endure anything like I had. Opening my eyes again, I looked right at Edward. "I'm worried that he's her Paul."

He held me tighter, his brow furrowing as his eyes tightened. I swallowed again, having to fight against the sudden lump in my throat. I ran the fingers of my free hand through my hair, even as my thumb traced soothing circles over his shoulder. With a sigh, I said, "I don't know. Maybe...maybe it's nothing. But I just see so much of _me_ in her...and there're all these little cues...tiny things that might mean nothing at all, but could mean everything, you know? And then what you said earlier about her being like me...I just...I..." I finished in a huff, unable to complete my sentence, or even my thought - it was too painful. If I let myself consider it, I would want to go find James and kick his ass like I'd never been able to do to Paul.

We stayed like that for a moment or two, neither of us speaking. Edward finally cleared his throat and said, "Come on; let's go home?"

I just nodded. He stood up, but instead of letting me go and getting in the car, he stood with his legs on either side of mine and wrapped both his arms around my waist. His eyes bored into mine, showing me the sincerity behind his words as he said, "Jazz, I told Lee to call me if she needed anything while you were gone. I'll keep an eye on her, if you want me to. With everything you've told me...everything I've seen... You're right to be worried. I am, too."

My eyes flickered between his as I processed what he had just said. _He_ was worried, too. _He_ had seen the signs, too. It wasn't just my own skewed perception. There was _something_ going on, and the fact that he saw it, too, made me simultaneously feel better and worse. Better, because now I knew that I wasn't crazy and over-protective. Worse, because it meant that I wasn't crazy and there was genuine cause for concern.

And he had offered to look after her for me while I was out of town, to take care of her in my stead. He continued to amaze me - I didn't understand it, but I was humbled by it. I cupped his jaw with my hand, tracing his cheekbone with my thumb and whispered, "I don't deserve you..."

I hadn't meant to actually say the words out loud for him to hear. Nonetheless, it was the truth. There was the briefest flicker of disapproval in his eyes before it gave way to tenderness, and he leaned in to kiss me, stopping just shy of my lips to say, "None of that, Jazz," and then his lips were on mine. My hand moved so my fingers tangled in his hair instead, and I felt some of my tension, my anxiety, ebb away.

He pulled away, cupping my cheek in turn as he smiled softly at me. "Shall we?"

I nodded, pecking him on the lips once more before pushing off from the car and walking around it so I could get in. We drove to his house in silence once more, but it felt less weighted this time. There was still something lingering, but I thought it was because I knew I couldn't stay the weekend. I didn't want to go away, but I had to.

When we got to Edward's house, I noticed he appeared to be nervous. I watched him as he opened the door and let us inside, unsure as to what was going on. I felt on edge as I waited for him to say something, unwilling to be the one to bring down the sword I felt hanging above us. I made no move to take off my shoes like I normally would have, but neither did he. We stood in the hallway, both of us uncertain.

Finally, he sighed and bit his lip as his eyes searched mine. "Jasper, would you...do you want me to take you to the airport tomorrow?"

He looked worried, as if he were unsure his offer was welcome, which was ridiculous. I took his hand in mine, stroking the back of his with my thumb as I said, "Are you sure? You don't have to do that...but I'd love it if you did. I just don't want you to feel like you have to."

His smile was small, but genuine, and I thought I saw relief flicker in his eyes, along with something else I didn't recognize. He slipped his hand from mine, wrapping his arms around my waist, and kissing me lightly before murmuring, "I want to, baby. What time is your flight tomorrow?"

Slipping my arms around him, I told him I had to be at the airport by nine tomorrow night. I felt his arms tighten almost possessively around me, but instead of making me worry - as it would have, once upon a time - it made me feel good. It felt as if he was claiming me again, something I realized I needed him to do. Before I could guide us further along that path, though, he looked at me hopefully and said, "Will you stay? Until you have to leave tomorrow, I mean?"

I frowned; I wanted to tell him yes, not wanting to deny him anything at that point, but I couldn't. His face fell when I shook my head, and I hastened to explain. I couldn't stand to be the cause of more pain for him, and the look on his face was one of rejection and hurt.

"I can't, Princess. I still have to pack for my trip - get everything ready. I'm sorry."

He looked somewhat mollified by my explanation, if still disappointed. Shaking him gently, I smiled softly at him and said, "Hey...you want to come to my place? I...I'm not quite ready to let you go just yet, either."

It was almost as if a light turned on behind his eyes - and his smile. I didn't get to enjoy either for very long, though, because he kissed me hard, and my eyes shut of their own accord as I returned his kiss with equal fervor. I was breathless by the time he pulled away, still smiling widely. Clearing my throat, I raised an eyebrow and grinned. "I take it that means 'yes'?"

He chuckled, pecking my lips again, and said, "Better believe it, Cuddles. Give me a few minutes to pack a bag, and we can go?"

I nodded and went into the den to wait for him while he took care of things. After a few minutes, he was back, bag in hand and jingling his keys. I grinned, shaking my head in amusement at his enthusiasm.

"Hey, do you want to leave your car here, since I'm driving you to the airport and picking you up anyway? I'll keep an eye on it for you while you're gone."

When I got to him, I put my hand on his hip and smiled. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

Before long, we were driving to my apartment. Although we started out feeling as close to normal as possible, the air in his car grew heavy as we made the trip. I could tell Edward was tensing up the closer we got to my place because he was gripping the steering wheel tighter, his jaw flexing. I was certain his anxiety was for largely the same reason as mine - what if we ran into Jason? I didn't know how Edward would take it, or if Jason would do anything, or what I was supposed to do. All I knew was that I couldn't find the words to make this better. Nothing seemed adequate.

We made it to my apartment without any run-ins, though, and I was grateful for the stay in execution. But my relief was short lived as I took a look at the mess that was my apartment at the moment. I hadn't done much in the way of housework this past week, having been too preoccupied and worried to care. I normally never let things get this out of control - dirty dishes were left wherever I'd used them, clothes were spread out, my dining room table was cluttered with my drawings, and there were work papers all over my coffee table. My cheeks burned as I glanced at Edward, whose eyes roamed the place. He'd only been here twice, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking.

"I...shit...I'm sorry..." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration and sighed. "Go ahead and take a seat...make yourself at home while I try to..." I waved my arm around, hoping he understood. I had never been as embarrassed at bringing a guy home as I was right then.

Edward eyed me carefully, then nodded. I didn't wait around to see what he was doing, opting to gather some of the dishes before starting a pot of coffee. As I was puttering around the kitchen, I tried to calm myself down. It did me no good working myself up over the state of my home. All I could do was try to clean up the mess as best I could - just like with Edward himself.

When I walked back into the living room, it was to find Edward standing by the dining room table, looking at the drawings lying there. He was moving them around and, at times, lifting them up to get a better look. I couldn't decipher his mood, as his face was mostly angled down, but I could tell he was frowning. I knew what he was seeing by heart because I'd been obsessing over them for the past week.

They were a mixture of Edward, both happy and in pain; of Paul, pure loathing and darkness; of a mirror, shattered but reflecting parts of someone; of a darkened bar; of two faceless men dancing...They were all rough, done in charcoal, all harsh lines and raw emotion that needed to get out. I didn't move or speak - I couldn't. I was too afraid of his reaction, a fear that intensified when he finally looked up and saw me watching him.

The minute his eyes leveled with mine, and I saw again the jumble of emotions reflected in them, I felt the apologies tumbling from my lips in a desperate attempt to just make it stop. My fingers knotted in my hair, my eyes stinging as I tried to keep my own emotions in check. I couldn't understand how it was possible that hurting _him_ hurt me more than any blow I'd ever received from Paul. I just wanted to stop it from happening again.

I still hadn't moved. It was as if I was rooted to the spot, afraid to get too close. Edward had no such hesitation or worry, and he was in front of me, cupping my face as his eyes met mine. His lips were a scant hair's breadth from mine when he whispered, "Stop, Jazz, you don't need to," and then he closed the distance with a lingering kiss that was nothing but tenderness and caring.

He let go of my face only to pull me closer and hold me in his arms. We simply stood like that for a while, our arms around each other as we kissed. No rush, no hard need, just...connecting, healing. For every minute that passed, I felt a small piece of me slide back into place - some pieces I hadn't known I'd been missing, others I had whacked out of joint with my own stupidity. It didn't seem to matter; Edward was here with me, and in spite of everything, he was a balm to my soul, whether he even knew it or not. Hell, _I_ was only beginning to realize how true that was - especially after these last couple of weeks. And I wasn't at all sure I could voice it.

After a while, he pulled away, his eyes searching mine, a smile forming on his lips as if he was pleased with what he found. I frowned a little, tilting my head in question. "What?"

He grinned, shaking his head. "Nothing, you just look...better. I don't know..." He gave a half-shrug and then pecked my lips. "More...relaxed."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I shrugged and cleared my throat. "I started some coffee; can I get you a cup?"

The grin remained in place even as his eyes tightened a little. "Sure."

He gave me a chaste kiss and let me go, but I couldn't resist touching him again, so I brushed the hair out of his face, which earned me a content smile. Before heading into the kitchen for the coffee, I put all the drawings away. I didn't want the reminder there, not when Edward was here and it looked like I hadn't completely screwed things up for us after all.

I took my time in the kitchen, washing a few things by hand while I waited for the last of the coffee to drip into the pot. As I poured us both a cup, I realized I didn't have any Splenda. I never used it, but I knew Edward took both Splenda and creamer in his coffee.

"Shit..." I muttered under my breath. I usually used milk in my coffee, since I didn't drink it at home often enough to bother with getting creamer. Mom had included some individual packages to try in one of the care packages she still sent me occasionally. I always told her not to bother, that I was perfectly fine to get things on my own, but she enjoyed sending us a little something from time to time to let us know she was thinking of us. If I remembered correctly, there were still a few left and, after rummaging around my cupboards for a bit, I struck gold.

Holding the last two creamers in my hand, I hoped it'd be enough. I made a mental note to buy Splenda and creamer for Edward the next time I was at the store and then placed the creamer on a tray, added milk to my cup, and put the sugar bowl between our cups. I took a deep breath, trying to center myself again before going back into the living room. I still needed to clean up the mess in there, and I didn't like that I'd have to do so in his presence.

"Get a grip, Whitlock," I muttered.

Picking up the tray, I headed back to living room and was once again rooted to the spot as soon as I stepped in. Edward had stacked the paperwork on my coffee table and gathered the clothes that had been scattered about. What he'd done with them, I had no idea because I couldn't see them anywhere.

I couldn't see him, either.

Placing the tray down on the coffee table, I called out, "Edward?"

I'd just straightened back up when I felt his hand on my lower back. "Yes?"

Turning around, I saw a faint blush creep up Edward's cheeks - one that very likely matched my own at the idea of him dealing with my dirty laundry. The irony was not lost to me. My voice was hoarse, and I took his hand in mine in the hope of avoiding any misunderstanding. "Christ, Edward, you really didn't have to do that...you shouldn't have to..."

He silenced me by cupping my jaw and running his thumb over my lips. "I wanted to," he murmured. I honest to God didn't know what I'd done to deserve someone like him, but I knew that I would do whatever it took to prove that I was worthy of him.

He smiled softly and said, "You've helped me with laundry, too. Remember? Let me help, Jazz. I don't mind it; I want to do it. Please?"

I wasn't entirely sure we were still talking about household chores, but I simply nodded and kissed him. I pulled away, clearing my throat as I looked at him sheepishly. "I'm sorry; I don't have any Splenda in the house, sweetheart. Is sugar okay?"

He grinned. "I think I can survive a cup or two with sugar, yes."

I chuckled. "Well, good, because you can have the last two creamers I've got, then. It's milk after that, I'm afraid. I don't generally use the stuff at home."

"Thanks, baby." He put his coffee together, and after taking a couple of sips, he looked at me and said, "So, put me to work. I know you have laundry to do...if you show me where your machines are, I'll start that?"

We spent the next hour or so straightening up my place. It felt kind of weird, since I'd never had any help with that sort of stuff before, but it was nice, too. There was something relaxing about doing chores with Edward, just like when I'd helped him do laundry before his trip to Tennessee. It was oddly comforting, in a way.

By the time everything was done, it was nearing dinner time, and I had no idea what to do. Edward suggested takeout, which was fine with me. We perused the menus from a couple of places and ended up ordering from Quizno's. After calling in the order, I told Edward to pick something to watch. I wasn't in the mood to leave the apartment. I just wanted to relax and be with him, and he seemed to be of the same mind.

He looked through my collection of DVDs while I went to get us both a bottle of water. By the time I came back, he had already put in the DVD and had everything ready to go. I sat on the couch and smiled when he sat right next to me, hitting play before settling into my side with his legs pulled up next to him. I put my arm around his shoulder and kissed his temple, murmuring, "So what did you pick?"

He looked at me with a grin as he said, "See for yourself."

I could hear the familiar sound of a guitar playing in the background, but in that moment I couldn't take my eyes away from Edward. When I heard a guy singing, "Is there anybody going to listen to my story, all about a girl who came to stay..." I quirked a brow and grinned, kissing him before shifting my attention to the screen. I squeezed his shoulder and mumbled, "Should've known you'd pick _Across the Universe_."

He shrugged, tilting his head a little as he looked at me and said, "You can't dislike the movie too much if you own it."

I chuckled, smiling when I felt his warm hand rest on my thigh. "True, I wouldn't have bought it if I didn't like it. Have you seen it yet?"

"Mhmm. Kate and I went to see it the week it came out."

We sat and watched in silence for the most part, though Edward hummed along to the songs. Every time he did, I glanced at him, a grin tugging at my lips as I squeezed his shoulder. He tilted his head and rested it on my shoulder briefly, his thumb brushing along my thigh.

The bell rang right as Jude met his father for the first time, and Edward hit pause while I went to answer the door. I paid the delivery guy, and when I got back to couch, Edward had scooted over a little so we both had room to eat comfortably. He hit play again as soon as I sat down, and we ate in silence.

When we were done eating, we paused the movie again to quickly wash up and grab some more to drink before settling back on the couch. This time, I sat with my back against the side, with my leg stretched out so that Edward could sit between my legs. Once we were comfortable and my arms were wrapped around him, he hit play, and we watched the rest of the movie...sort of.

I couldn't help myself and kept touching him, kissing his neck or his mouth when he turned around. He apparently felt the same way, as his own lips and hands explored me. My fingers slipped under his shirt, needing to feel his skin. It was all innocent enough. Neither of us intended to go much further at that point, but it helped to make me feel like we were becoming us again, the way we used to be.

After the movie ended, Edward half-turned to face me and placed his palm on my cheek. His smile was tender, if small, when he said, "You still have to pack, right? Why don't we get that done now, then maybe go to bed after?"

I glanced at the clock and then turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "A little early, isn't it? Especially for you?"

He gave me a half-grin, tilting his head as he said, "Yeah, I just figured it'd be more comfortable than the couch."

Chuckling softly, I gave him a chaste kiss and murmured, "Whatever you want, sweetheart."

He simultaneously quirked a brow and narrowed his eyes a little at that but didn't say anything. I kissed him again, patting his thigh gently, and said, "C'mon, pack and then bed."

I tried to hide the hope as well as the fear I felt about going to bed with him. The one and only time he'd been in _my_ bed was etched in my mind, and I wanted to be with him like that again. I knew and understood why he was reluctant to get back to that part of us, but the thought of spending a week apart without knowing that we were going to be _us_ again in every sense just about killed me. I wanted him - and that wasn't just my aching cock talking.

He helped me gather the papers and other things I would need for my meetings. I checked my email to make sure I hadn't received anything that pertained to my trip and then packed the laptop away in its case. That done, we went to the bedroom where Edward helped me pack my suitcase and garment bag.

I was amused and touched by the reverence with which he handled my clothing, especially the ties. I couldn't help but smile when I thought back to our first date when he'd so carefully removed my tie and put it out of the way so it wouldn't get dirty or damaged. When he caught me watching him, he straightened up after putting one of my shirts in the suitcase and said, "What?"

Shaking my head with a grin, I said, "Nothing. Was just remembering our first date is all."

I zipped up the garment bag and felt his arms slip around my waist. "What about it?"

Turning around in his arms, I placed my hands on his hips and pecked his lips, murmuring, "It's nothing, really. Watching you just now made me think of how careful you were with my tie that day...that's all."

He raised his hand to my cheek, caressing my cheekbone with his thumb as his eyes held mine. His voice was quiet, sincere, as he said, "I try to take care of the things that matter to me."

His words were meant to soothe and reassure - I knew they were - but the knot that still resided in my stomach tightened at the sound of them. _He_ mattered to _me,_ and I hadn't taken care of him.

He must have seen my reaction on my face, because his lips were on mine in an instant, alternately kissing me hard and whispering, "I'm sorry."

I pulled back enough so I could look at him, a sad smile the only thing I was able to manage right then as I shook my head. With a soft sigh, I rested my forehead against his. "Don't be. I know what you meant; and I know that I didn't. For that, _I'm _sorry."

His expression was pained, which in turn hurt me because I knew I was the reason - _again_. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him to me as I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt his arms shift to hug me back as tightly as I was holding him, and I smiled when his lips pressed against my pulse point. I kissed him right below his ear, wishing I knew how to show him - here and now, not just down the road - how much he meant to me, how sorry I was for hurting him.

Tightening my arms around him, I sighed softly. I wasn't sure where to go from here, what to do, and I needed some familiarity to hold onto. I knew what I wanted, but I also knew that Edward needed to be ready for us to go there again. My eyes fell on the small sketchpad on my nightstand that I used to sketch out dreams if I needed to in order to let them go. Normally I kept it in the drawer, but I'd used it often this past week.

I bit my lip as I thought about it for a moment, and then I pulled back so I could look at Edward. "Princess, I'd like to draw you...may I?"

He looked a bit puzzled, frowning a little as he tried to work out what I meant. I wasn't sure I'd be able to explain myself, but I tried anyway.

"I just need to...capture you. Not from memory, but here...with me, now. I don't know if I'm doing this right, but..." I frowned, sighing as I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. My eyes traveled around my room once before landing on his again, and I continued, "I guess I just need to have this be..._feel_..."

He cupped my cheek, smiling tenderly as he added quietly, "Real?"

Leaning into his touch, I smiled, glad that he seemed to understand. "Yeah, something like that."

He pressed his lips to mine in a sweet kiss before brushing the tip of his nose against mine. "Alright. How do you want me?"

I bit the inside of my cheek but wasn't able to stop myself from grinning. When he quirked his brow with a grin of his own, I said, "Was that a trick question, Dr. Masen?"

He rolled his eyes, kissing me chastely, and murmured, "You wish."

_You have no idea..._

I sighed, and I might have pouted a little, too, because he started laughing and shook his head. Grinning crookedly, I asked him to undress and lie down on my bed while I grabbed my big sketchpad and a couple of pencils. I didn't want to use color, as I preferred the reflectiveness of black and white for what I wanted to achieve. I could've used charcoal instead, but I quickly discarded that idea because I wanted this drawing to feel different from the ones I'd drawn out of despair. The softer look of pencil would work better here.

When I walked back into my room, Edward was lying on my bed - naked. I had to swallow hard a few times, taking steady breaths to keep from simply shedding all my clothes and jumping him. Clutching the pencils and pad tightly in my hands, I walked over and placed them on the other side of the bed before getting undressed myself, leaving my boxers on. I was certain he wouldn't want anything yet, and this way I could at least attempt to remind myself to keep from crossing that line.

I settled myself at the foot of my bed, sitting Indian style so I could balance the sketchpad on my legs. I allowed myself a few moments to take him in. He was lying on his left side, his head propped up on his arm as he watched me watch him, his eyes shimmering with emotions I couldn't quite make out. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, and he kept biting his bottom lip and releasing it only to repeat the movement again. It was cute, and damn sexy...and he knew it.

His right arm was resting over his side, his fingers running over the covers. I recognized this for what it was: a need for tactile stimulation, something I'd both seen and felt him do often. On the surface he looked relaxed, but I could tell that he was nervous from the way his eyes kept flickering over my body and face, as well as the way his fingers kept twitching as if itching to touch something other than the cotton of my bedspread. The only times I'd drawn him before this were from memory, except for the night he'd helped me watch Bella. He'd been largely unaware of what I was doing then. Posing for me was different, and I appreciated the fact that he trusted me that much.

I had to let him know, so I smiled at him and said, "Thank you."

His eyes searched mine briefly before he nodded, a smile of his own touching his lips as he said, "You're welcome."

After another minute of simply watching him, observing the way his muscles played with every breath and shift of his limbs, I began to draw. My focus was now on the paper, then on him, only to return again.

As I drew, we talked. He asked me if I'd ever done this before, and I didn't need to ask him to clarify. I lifted my gaze to meet his so he could see the sincerity of my answer when I told him no. He searched my eyes for a moment and then released a breath I hadn't realized he was holding. I wondered if he'd been aware of doing that but didn't feel the need to ask him. We smiled, and I went back to my work.

As I was starting on the more detailed parts of the drawing, I chuckled when the thought struck me that this wasn't much different than him taking all those pictures of me that first day. When I said as much, he laughed and said, "Yeah, I guess it's kind of turn-about's fair play. Though _you_ still had your clothes on, Mr. Whitlock."

He arched his eyebrow and grinned mischievously at me. I paused what I was doing, laying the pencil down against the corner of the page, and looked at him with a smirk of my own as I said, "Ah, but I seem to recall that very nearly not being the case...and besides, you already had me half-naked to begin with. Not my fault you didn't get any further."

He narrowed his eyes for a moment and then laughed as he said, "Touché, baby."

We lapsed into silence for a while as I continued to draw him. Every time I looked up, it was to find his eyes on me and a content smile on his face. I found myself returning the smile in kind as a sense of peace fell over me, though it wasn't complete by any means. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking and if his mind might possibly be elsewhere.

I was sketching in his tattoos as best I could, finishing up the last one, when I finally couldn't keep myself from saying what had been niggling in the back of my mind. My eyes flickered briefly to his before turning back to the page, and I frowned slightly as I said, "I like it when you smile like that, Edward. I want to keep that smile on your face..." I had to lower my voice, unable to speak out loud for fear of their reception, irrational though that fear might've been. "I want to be the one that makes you happy...if I can."

I couldn't make myself look up and meet his gaze, even though I could feel his eyes on me. I kept on brushing the lead of my pencil on lines that didn't need further detailing, just needing something to do as I felt my heart hammer in my chest.

He gave no response, so I kept my eyes down, fixated on what my hands were doing. When I finally felt the bed shift, I held my breath, unsure of what to expect, though I couldn't keep from hoping. I didn't look up until his hands pried the sketchpad and pencil from mine and put them down on the nightstand.

He cupped my face in both his hands, his eyes boring into mine as he said, "You do, Jasper...and I want to make you happy, too."

I swallowed, my hands rising to cover his before sliding down his arms to his elbows. It felt like we sat like that for a long time, when in truth it couldn't have been more than a minute. He kept his eyes on mine as he closed the distance between us, and I whimpered softly as his lips found mine.

The kiss started off slow, but before too long it was urgent, needy, passionate. I shifted to sit on my knees, our lips never breaking contact as I pulled his body closer, my arms locking around him to keep him in place. The feel of being chest to chest with him again without the barrier of clothes other than my boxers was almost too much.

And yet it was not nearly enough. I needed to feel him - all of him. His hands were roaming my back and ass, slipping under the waistband of my boxers to tease me, only to move up to my shoulders and repeat their journey down. It was maddening to feel his need hard against me, his desire seeping into my very pores through every lingering touch, and not to have him.

If he slowed us down this time, I wasn't sure what I would do - how I would be able to take it, especially knowing I would be gone until next weekend. As it was, I wasn't sure how I was going to last yet another week without being with him. It was something beyond simply being horny or being in lust, or whatever you wanted to call it. I craved his touch, his intimate warmth, the heights that only he had ever been able to show me.

I was slowly beginning to understand that those heights existed only because of him, and I needed to know they were still there. I needed for him to show them to me again, not just on a physical level, but one that was hidden deep inside of me.

Pulling away, I cupped his jaw, resting my thumb by his ear as my eyes searched his, pleading quietly for him to understand even as I whispered, "Please, Edward, I need to be with you. I can't imagine going away and not knowing...please show me..."

I wasn't sure I was making sense, but I thought he understood what I was trying to say. He hesitated, and I felt my heart constrict with the certainty he would tell me no. My voice wavered as I pleaded again, softer this time, "Please, Edward...show me you need me, too."

His eyes flashed with heat, burning away the pain and vulnerability in both of us for the moment. His lips crashed to mine once more, and it was a long time before we separated. When we did, he kissed and nipped along my jaw until he reached my ear and whispered in a raspy voice, "I need you, too, Jazz. You have no idea..."

I whimpered, my blunt nails scratching his back lightly as I tried to find purchase on his skin. "Show me...please. Make me yours again."

My voice almost broke on the last part, and I heard Edward gasp softly in my ear as his hold on me tightened. Next thing I knew, he was peppering my skin with kisses as he worked his way slowly down, his hands preceding their journey, ridding me of my boxers and coaxing me to lie on my back. I complied willingly to every silent command, relief flooding my senses with the knowledge that his need for me was as great as mine for him. In that moment, I was able to let go of some of the fears that had held me back, and I could feel something in me shift - almost as if my heart was a kaleidoscope that was turning to create a new image. The colors and shapes were still forming as Edward showed me with lips, fingers, and whispered words how much his view had changed, too.

Edward took his time preparing us, making sure I was ready for him in every sense, and only when he was satisfied that I was did he enter me. I was on my back, with my legs pulled up and my feet flat on the bed while my hands roamed every inch of his skin they could touch as I held him close to me. It was simple. It was intimate. It was pure heaven.

The steady rhythm he set allowed us both to feel the connection to its fullest, and he made sure to give me every moment of bliss that he could provide with every thrust of his hips. I didn't let him move far enough from me to allow either of us to touch my aching cock trapped between us. The friction was enough to push me to the point of needing release but left me unable to get there.

Whispered words were traded back and forth in between heated kisses until finally he pushed himself up so he could get us both to where we wanted to be. My hand automatically went to wrap around my length, but he batted it away, shifting his weight to one arm so he could be the one to send me flying. I wasn't going to argue. Instead, I simply let myself feel everything he was doing, everything he was giving me, and everything I wanted to give him.

A few sure strokes, a couple of hard thrusts, some pleading words from each of us, and we were both crying out our release. He collapsed on top of me, his breath panting in my ear as he nestled his face in my neck. His lips brushed against my sweat-slickened skin as my arms wrapped tight around him. We were oblivious to the mess we'd made of ourselves yet again. Right then, I didn't care - I just felt whole for the first time in two weeks, possibly even my life.

We stayed like that for long minutes, just soaking in the blissful state that always followed in the wake of release. Edward's fingers ran idly through my hair as I rubbed his lower back, neither of us willing to move apart. After a while, though, it became too uncomfortable, and he slid off of me, disposing of the condom before quietly slipping into the bathroom. He came back almost at once with a wet cloth and cleaned me with soft caresses and tender kisses. When he was done, he went to put the sullied cloth in the bathroom. It was silly, but it made me smile that he didn't put it in the hamper. It was a small gesture, but a touching one, since he knew I wouldn't be doing laundry again until after I got home.

While he was gone the second time, I moved across the bed so I could flip the covers back and settle under them. I held it out for him in invitation as soon as he walked into the room again, and he slid beside me with a smile. He molded himself around me, resting his head on my arm so we could talk a little while longer. He threw a leg across mine and placed his arm over my chest, his fingertips caressing my shoulder. Our conversation didn't last long, and sleep soon pulled both of us under.

Long hours passed, and when I awoke, I knew something was different, though it took my still half-asleep mind a moment to figure out what it was. Edward was here, with me, in my bed, and he wasn't going anywhere. Once I realized that, I felt the smile spread over my lips - lips that were almost immediately covered by his in a tender kiss. I hummed as I threaded my fingers through his hair, opening my eyes when he pulled away and rested his chin on his arm, which was lying on my chest.

"Good morning, beautiful."

I stretched my arms over my head before wrapping them around him. "G'mornin', sweetheart. How long have you been awake?"

My voice was still heavy with sleep, and even I could hear my thickened accent. I chuckled at the grin I saw on his face as he said, "Not sure...about a half hour, maybe?"

Frowning slightly, I said, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

It was the best night's sleep I'd had since before he had left for Tennessee, and I was glad for that. I knew my restful sleep was due to him and because we'd talked...because he'd shown me he still wanted me, cared for me - needed me - in the way only he could.

Even so, part of me wished he'd woken me up. I didn't want to miss any time with him, and I'd be leaving tonight. He lifted himself up slightly and brushed his thumb over my brow, smoothing it as he said, "Because you looked too peaceful. I know you haven't been sleeping well, baby." He grinned. "Besides, you have no idea how cute you look when you're asleep, and I enjoyed being able to watch you to my heart's content."

I narrowed my eyes a little, fighting the grin that wanted to break out. "Cute, huh?"

His grin widened. "Yep. Very."

"I'll give you cute, Masen."

Before he realized what was happening, I had us flipped over so he was on his back while I straddled his thighs. I grabbed his wrists, holding them in one hand over his head, while the other went straight for his most ticklish spots and attacked. He tried to wriggle away, but I was relentless, and soon he was laughing, panting, begging me to stop. "Oh, fuck...Jazz...please..."

He could have freed his hands if he'd really tried - we both knew it, since he was easily my match - but he didn't. When I finally stopped, we were both breathless from laughing. I still held his wrists in my hand as I hovered over him, our eyes locked and burning. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but it was as if we were caught in a web and neither of us wanted to break free.

I could feel both of us harden as our cocks brushed together, and I had to stifle a moan. I knew I wanted to go further, but I needed to wait for his assent. Last night was one thing because the emotions and need behind that act were confirmation and reaffirmation of our relationship. Now, though, it would be want and need and lust...something I didn't feel right starting without him showing me it was okay. I hated feeling unsure because I wanted to just be _us_ again - completely. As I stared into his eyes, I wondered how long it would take to get there again.

Edward's whispered, "Please, Jasper..." brought me out of my thoughts. A whimper escaped me as I kissed him hungrily and lowered myself on top of him so every inch of our skin touched. My hand kept his in place, but my grip was loose now, not even attempting to hold him there; he stayed put anyway. He bucked his hips into mine as we ravaged each other's mouths.

He pulled away just far enough to moan as my lips found their way down his neck, over his Adam's apple, and along his jaw until they returning to his.

"Jasper..."

I reached for my bedside table, grabbed the lube and a condom, and began to prepare him. He stayed as still as possible while I rolled the condom down his length and then made sure I was ready for him. When I met his eyes again, they were burning with desire, but they also held a silent question. It was one I didn't know how to answer, so I leaned over and kissed him deeply before lowering myself onto him. I knew he'd probably expected me to top this time, but I just...couldn't. Not yet. I didn't feel I had earned that right again, and in part I still needed this - needed him to claim me once more.

He said nothing, though, instead giving me what I wanted - what we both did - as we moved together. It was different than the first time we'd come together like this; it was slower, almost like we'd choreographed our movements. It was no less intense, though, and it felt just as good as he hit the innermost parts of me again and again. He brought his arms down at last, his hand wrapping around my cock as he stroked it in time with every thrust.

It didn't take either of us very long before we both came, our breathing labored, our bodies slick with sweat, sticky with cum. He pulled me to him, holding me tight as we kissed. He didn't let me go again until well after we'd both calmed down, but I was far from complaining - there wasn't anywhere else I wanted to be.

We took a shower together, cleaning each other with quiet reverence. I almost wished we could take a long bath, but showering like this was quickly becoming one of my favorite ways to be with him. We still hadn't really spoken by the time we were dressed, but it didn't feel like a heavy, weighted silence. It was, to me at least, quiet born from comfort.

I cleared my throat sheepishly when my stomach grumbled loudly, causing Edward to chuckle. He walked up to me and grabbed my hand, pecking me on the lips before pulling me out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. "C'mon, let's see if we can scrounge up something to eat."

He took stock of my inventory, noting that I had little in the way of food left in the house. I could tell this didn't surprise or upset him in the slightest, knowing I would be gone for a week. I had enough ingredients left to make pancakes, at least, so we set to work on those. I used up the last of my eggs to make scrambled eggs as well, and I toasted the remaining slices of bread. My pantry and fridge would definitely need re-stocking when I got home because by the time we were done, there was only enough milk left to use in a couple of cups of coffee.

I smiled as I watched Edward flip the pancakes with practiced ease. He looked to be completely in his element in the kitchen, and I wondered if there was anywhere he wouldn't be comfortable. So far, I had yet to discover any such place.

We worked well together, too, I noted. This struck me as strange because, aside from the occasional dinner with Emily, I'd never really cooked _with_ anyone before. Paul didn't teach me to cook; he had me learn on my own. And when I lived with the guys, we'd taken turns, some of us almost burning down the house a few times in the process. At home, Mama loved taking care of us too much to allow anyone to help her with anything other than prep, if she even let us do that.

It felt nice, working alongside him like this, and I caught him several times as he glanced at me with a smile. When I mentioned that it was the first time we'd cooked together, he grinned and said, "Yeah, kinda nice, huh? I'd like to do it again, too." He kissed me briefly and added, "Maybe when you get back we can figure something out?"

Brushing the hair from his face, I gave him a crooked smile of my own and said, "I'd like that."

As we cleaned up after our late breakfast, I asked him what he wanted to do for the rest of the day. He put his hand on the nape of my neck, his eyes on mine as he said, "Would you mind if we just stayed in? Maybe watch a movie or something?"

I turned to him, cupping his cheek and watching his eyes slide closed for a moment as he leaned into my touch. I kissed his forehead and murmured, "Not at all. I don't think I'm ready to share you just yet."

We ended up spending the afternoon cuddled up on the couch, watching the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movies. Both of us commented from time to time on Captain Jack Sparrow - and Johnny Depp, of course. It was fun, relaxed...recharging.

When the credits started rolling for _World's End_, I couldn't keep from sighing because it meant that it was time to get ready to leave. I didn't want to. Edward turned around in my arms and placed his hand on my cheek as he gave me a half-smile. He murmured softly, "I know, baby," and kissed me tenderly for a moment before adding, "but we'd better get you ready to go. I want to take you to dinner before you leave."

I frowned a little and bit my lip. "You don't have to, Princess..." He looked like he was about to interrupt, so I placed my fingers over his lips and smiled as I added, "but I'd like that very much."

He pursed his lips, kissed my fingers lightly, and smiled. Moving my hand to cup his cheek, I leaned in and brushed my lips against his with a soft hum. He pulled away and looked at me as he said, "So, where would you like to go?"

I shook my head. "Wherever you want to go is fine, baby."

His eyes narrowed, and he started, "Jazz..."

I placed my thumb over his lips, silencing him. "I'm serious, Edward. I don't really care where we go. As long as I'm there with you, that's all that matters."

His eyes searched mine, and I could tell he was considering something. I bit my lip, waiting for a response from him. I remembered his reaction the few times I'd said something similar, and I knew he had to be worrying that this was like Paul. After all, hadn't I worried the same thing countless times? But I didn't know how to explain to him that this was different. It wasn't that I was afraid to voice my opinion. I actually _was_ voicing it. I realized that I'd never really admitted to him - or myself - that being with him was all that mattered before.

After a minute or so, he finally nodded, a small smile on his lips, and I sighed in relief. He put his palm on my chest and said, "Alright...how does Italian sound?"

I smiled. "Perfect."

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, trying to hold onto this quiet moment for just a little while longer. Eventually, he pulled away and got up, holding his hand out to me. When I grabbed it, he pulled me up with more force than necessary, causing me to stumble into him. He smirked at me as he placed his hands on my hips to steady me before slipping them down to cup my ass. I chuckled as I hugged him, my arms around his shoulders. Everything in me just wanted to stay here, with him - the need to simply be connected with him in some way was almost overwhelming. I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to see or touch him for another week.

He broke the mood, swatting my ass and saying, "Come on, Cuddles. Let's get to it."

I grumbled, kissing his neck before letting him go reluctantly. He went to put together the last-minute things for my suitcase while I set about gathering my papers and laptop, making sure I had everything I'd need for my trip.

When I was done, I went to my room to check on Edward since it was time to go. He was just zipping up my suitcase when I walked in the room. His expression was pensive, I thought, but he gave a sad smile when he heard me. I put my hand on his lower back and said, "I think I'm all set..."

He nodded. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. I knew how he felt; I had so much I wanted to tell him, but the words just wouldn't come. He nodded again, apparently in answer to a silent question, and then smiled. Pecking me quickly on the lips, he murmured, "Alright, we'd better get going," and grabbed both my suitcase and his overnight bag. When I started to protest, he merely raised an eyebrow and said, "You've got more than just this, and you need to lock up. I've got this, baby."

Shaking my head with a sigh, I stepped aside and made a sweeping motion for him to go on ahead. He rolled his eyes, grinned, and walked out of the bedroom. I grabbed the garment bag that was hanging on my door and followed him.

Before long, we found ourselves at Sportello's. I hadn't been there before, but I'd heard great things about it and was looking forward to trying it out. Edward seemed to be familiar with the place, though, and ordered an appetizer of chicken liver mousse to share while we decided what to have for an entree. I pulled a face in disgust after taking a bite of the mousse, which made Edward chuckle. "I take it you don't care for it?"

I shook my head and took several swallows of my water before answering, "Umm, no...not my thing, apparently. Not often I actually try something and don't like it." I shrugged.

He grinned as he reached over and placed his hand over mine. "I'm glad you tried it, at least, though I'm sorry you didn't like it."

"It's okay. I'll be fine with the risotto con frutti di mare, I'm sure."

I tried to pronounce it correctly, but judging by the way Edward's eyes were dancing, I failed miserably. When I stuck my tongue out at him, he started laughing, and I joined in.

The waitress came to take our order then, and Edward graciously ordered for both of us with flawless pronunciation. I narrowed my eyes at him and lightly kicked his foot under the table, trying to hide my grin. He winked at me as the waitress left us alone again.

Edward finished off the mousse as we talked about my trip and waited for our food to arrive. He was genuinely interested in what I was doing, and that difference between him and Paul struck me again. This time, it made me smile instead of question things.

When our food arrived, we stole bites from each other's plates. It was familiar, comfortable, and fun since we kept playfully trying to defend our meals. His braised rabbit was actually really good, as was my seafood risotto. As we ate, we talked more, this time about his book as I asked him how his pictures from Tennessee turned out. I was curious to see them, especially the ones he'd taken of the area where he grew up. He promised to show me when I got back. The words in themselves were innocuous enough, but they warmed me with hope. There _would_ be more time for us.

Edward ordered us a chocolate cherry cake for dessert. It was good, not in the least due to the fact we fed each other bites of it. He took care of the check afterward and looked almost surprised that I didn't make any fuss about it. I was learning more about how this relationship with Edward worked, but I still made a note to myself to treat him to dinner soon after I returned to Boston.

When we were finally on our way to the airport, we both turned quiet - some of the heaviness fell over us again as he drove. Edward kept his hand between us whenever traffic permitted him to let go of the steering wheel, so we held hands most of the way there. I stole glances at him, and I was sure that he had something on his mind as he kept furrowing his brow and pursing his lips before smoothing his features again.

For my part, I was dreading being away for so long. It already felt like we'd been apart for weeks, and now we were faced with another one. I cursed the bad timing of it all for this trip to fall right on the heels of his, but there wasn't anything to be done about it.

We remained quiet until after I was checked in and we'd walked over to security. There wasn't a lot of time before I'd have to step through and board my plane, but now that the moment to say goodbye had arrived, my nerves were back in abundance. Edward appeared to be dealing with something similar as well, which didn't help me any on that point - if anything, it made it worse. I could tell from his expression that he wanted to say something, but the longer he stayed quiet, the more worried and nervous I became.

He ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes searching mine and occasionally flickering down and slightly to my left before meeting my gaze again. I heard him mutter, "Ah, fuck it," before he sighed and said, "Jazz, does your laptop have a webcam?"

I nodded, frowning slightly. I knew he'd done webcam sessions with Alistair, but he'd said he'd hated them, that they had made him feel more alone, so I hadn't wanted to bring it up. I'd never done that sort of stuff before, as I hadn't had a webcam back when Paul and I first started, and it simply hadn't ever come up with anyone else since. I was intrigued, though, especially with the idea of doing that with him, but I didn't want to do anything to make him uncomfortable - or that made him think about Alistair again.

Edward bit his lip, grinning crookedly in spite of the small crease in his brow. He hooked his thumbs in his back pockets, his eyes focused on mine as he said, "I was thinking...I don't want to go all week without seeing you."

He blushed slightly, and I couldn't help the grin that spread over my lips. I quirked a brow and said, "Just how much of me do you want to see, Dr. Masen?"

Edward took a step closer to me, his eyes gleaming as his lips twitched and formed a crooked grin. I could feel the heat that radiated off his body, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from pulling him to me and kissing him senseless then and there. I wanted to hear his answer - needed to, even.

His voice was low and husky as he said, "As much as you're willing to show me, Mr. Whitlock."

I breathed out a soft, "Fuck me," before my lips were on his, my fingers gripping the back of his neck tightly. He slipped his arms around me, bumping his elbow against the laptop bag that was hanging from my shoulder. I put my free arm around his waist, resting my hand on the small of his back as we kissed. We stayed like that until we were jarred to our senses by the announcement that my flight was boarding.

Edward groaned softly as he pulled away, his eyes closed and his breathing heavy. When we'd both regained our composure, he looked at me with a small grin. "Do you have something to write on?"

I opened the front of my bag and rummaged around quickly. I couldn't find anything other than my business cards to write on, so I pulled one out along with a pen. He took them from me and had me turn around so he could press on my back as he wrote. Once he was done, he tucked the card into my jacket pocket, handed the pen back, and then kissed me hard. He cupped my jaw with his hand and whispered, "I'll be on tonight. Have a safe flight, Cuddles."

I swallowed hard, working to remind myself that I _had_ to get on that flight because all I wanted to do in that moment was take him home and to bed. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand on his neck and kissed him, wanting to tell him with it what I didn't have the words to say. When I pulled back, I whispered, "I'll miss you, Princess."

He gave me a rueful smile and said, "I'll miss you, too, Jazz. Now go, or you'll miss your flight."

His voice was hoarse and his eyes were bright with too many emotions, and I felt rooted to the spot. It wasn't until he whispered, "Go on, now..." and brushed my cheek that I snapped out of it, nodded, and with one final kiss went through security. I looked back once and waved, only moving again after I saw him wave back. I had to hurry to my gate as I heard the final call over the loudspeakers, giving me little time to stop and think about leaving Edward behind.

Once I was in my seat and buckled up, it felt as if I took my first breath since walking away from him. My chest was tight and...burning. I fished the business card out of my pocket and flipped it over to see his information written in neat script on the back. The entire flight to D.C., I sat with the card in my hand, my thumb brushing over his writing as I stared out of the window, watching the stars. My thoughts were on Edward, going over the week he'd been gone and how miserable I had been, the week that followed when I thought I'd ruined us and lost him, and on how this week would go. I realized that this week would be different - I had missed Edward before, but this time things had changed between us. I hoped that the changes would make this week more bearable, but I wondered if I would be able to contain my anxiety.

I whispered, "It's going to be a long week..."

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_**A/N: **__We hope that this chapter was worth the wait. Once again, thank you for your patient understanding, and your support. It means the world to us, especially when life seems intent to throw a few wrenches in the wheels. _

_Speaking of thank you, and support! Thank you so much for all the bids (both on ourselves and on The Fandom Gives Back auctions in general), the incredible support and drive you've shown in making this year's FGB another great success. At the moment it appears we've gone over $80k in funds, and it's still growing! __**SorceressCirce**__ and __**naelany**__ are so proud to have played a small part in this. A special thanks to the ladies of __**Team WhitlockMasen**__, for pulling off a whopping __**$525**__. We're looking forward to writing each and every one of the promised offerings (both the indivisually purchased, and the TWM items). _

_On another note, the __**Plot Bunny Contest**__ is taking place now through __**July 31st**__. __**SorceressCirce**__ is one of your hosts for the contest while __**naelany**__ is a judge. The contest is a different sort, with submitting plot bunnies which will be given out to other authors to write. Please check out http:/plotbunnycontest(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ for all the information!_

_There's another contest going on that holds fond memories, since it's round 2 of what started Marked in the first place. That's right! Slash/Backslash 2.0 is in the works! It's running until __**August 15th**__, so please consider joining in on the slashy fun. For more information, go to http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2110516/Slash_Backslash_

_That's it for now. Hope to see you all next week with a new chapter of Wish (life permitting)!_


	21. I Want to Tell You

_**A/N:**__ It's been quite the wait for this chapter - for all of us. We joked over the last couple of months that this chapter was cursed, and truly it seemed to be in some ways. Real life threw a lot at us - surgeries and accidents and pneumonia and lots of more minor things that just added up. We thank you all so much for your patience and hope you find the chapter worth your wait._

_Thank you as always to our wonderful betas and prereaders - __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__. You ladies are wonderful, and we couldn't have done this without your support and encouragement. _

_Longer A/N at the bottom - please check it out :)_

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**EPOV**

I set up my pillows on the bed and opened my laptop, pressing the button to boot it up. Instead of waiting impatiently for it to be ready, I picked up the picture frame I'd brought upstairs with me. I leaned against the headboard and began shuffling through the pictures from the zoo, looking for the one I knew I wanted.

I smiled reflexively down at the image of Jasper and me with our arms around each other, smiling at the camera. My index finger traced his face as a pang of longing hit me hard. It was intensified by the anxiousness I felt as I waited to talk to him.

I'd dropped him off at the airport several hours earlier, and I knew he should be logging on any minute now. I wondered if he'd unpacked yet, if he'd found the items I'd stowed away in his suitcase.

I'd felt a little silly when I'd grabbed them before heading over to his apartment to help him get ready, but some part of me just needed to send some of myself with him – so I had. I'd packed a pair of my pajama pants and one of my t-shirts in his suitcase…as well as the picture of us kissing that Emily had snapped on the zoo trip.

Fire spread along my neck and cheeks as I wondered what he'd think of that. I hoped that he _wanted_ the reminder of me, but some part of me worried that it was too presumptuous.

_What's done is done._

I shoved my worries aside, exhaling quickly as I reached over to type in my password. When I sat back up, I slipped the picture into the frame before putting it on my nightstand. I couldn't seem to stop looking at it – this framed picture of Jasper and me _together_ – and I also couldn't stop the ridiculous smile on my lips whenever I saw it.

Time seemed to drag as I logged into Skype to wait for his call, but finally, thankfully, he was there. I answered with a smile in my voice that turned to a frown when I heard how tired he sounded. Before I could ask him to turn on his video, it was done, and I sighed as soon as I saw his face. It was part relief, part desire, especially when I saw him reclining on the hotel bed.

He was wearing the t-shirt that I'd packed for him – the blue long-sleeved one I'd let him borrow the night he cooked for me. His legs were covered with the sheets, but I imagined he was wearing the pants I'd sent as well. Suddenly, I felt a little self-conscious, unsure what to say now that I knew he'd found the things I'd packed.

Luckily, I didn't have to because as soon as I clicked on my video feed and he saw my face, he smiled. _"Thanks…"_ he said quietly.

I swallowed. "You're welcome, baby. I hope you don't mind…"

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. I was taken by surprise at how the simple gesture shook me. Just a few short hours ago, _my_ fingers were in that hair, and I wanted to feel it again.

But I couldn't, so I took what I could get.

"How was your flight?"

"_It was alright. It seemed like it was over before it started."_ His grin was infectious as I listened to him talk about the airport and making it to his hotel. When he started telling me about unpacking, we both grew quiet.

"_Thanks, Edward…really," _he finally said. _"I don't know how you knew, but I just…I…I really…_" He trailed off, frowning, and I wanted to reach through the computer and smooth the wrinkles I knew were on his forehead, even if the video didn't show them clearly. _"I needed that,"_ he finished simply. _"I'm glad I can see you whenever I want this week."_

My smile widened as I said, "You're welcome, sweetheart," in a choked voice. The fact that he'd welcomed the picture, the reminder of _us_, touched me more than I'd thought it would.

We talked for a few minutes more before Jasper yawned. A glance at the clock showed that it was pretty late for a work night, and I didn't want him spending his first day of the new project dead on his feet. He protested when I told him to get some sleep, but it didn't take much to convince him.

I felt empty as we began saying our goodnights, but as I was about to log off, Jasper whispered, _"Hey."_

I glanced up, feeling strangely like our eyes met through the screen before he gave me a crooked smile and said, _"I miss you. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"_

"Yeah, okay," I answered, caught off-balance. "I miss you, too, Jazz."

"_G'night,"_ he said, and then ended the call before I could respond.

"Good night, baby," I murmured under my breath. I logged out of Skype and stared at my screen blankly, debating what to do. It was still early for me, but I didn't feel like doing anything in particular. I half-considered surfing for porn, just for the release to help me pass out, but I couldn't summon enough interest to try.

Instead, I shut down the computer and climbed out of bed, stripping before I settled beneath the sheets. I lay on my side, staring at the picture of us in the light of the lamp until I decided I'd pined enough. It helped a bit to know that Jasper had a picture of us, too, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was looking at it just then.

Deciding that he was likely asleep – like he should've been – I rolled my eyes at myself and clicked off the lamp. I hadn't realized how exhausted I was until I began to relax my body, trying to calm tense muscles. With a loud yawn, I reached behind me to grab Jasper's pillow. It still smelled faintly of him, and I inhaled deeply as I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around it.

I wasn't aware of drifting off, but I woke the next morning with Jasper's pillow crammed beneath me, my arms asleep from being stuck under me all night. I groaned and flopped over, landing on my back with my arms over my head. I stared at the ceiling in the faint light and wondered what the hell I was going to do with myself all week.

Thankfully, I _did_ have work to do, so as soon as I felt awake enough, I got up and dressed in last night's pajamas. I headed downstairs, where I ate a bowl of cereal and then got to work in the darkroom. I spent the whole day going back and forth between there and my computer, stopping only once.

Around 2:00, I took a break to eat some lunch and decided to call Kate. I wasn't sure why – I just needed to hear her voice, and I realized I hadn't even spoken to her since before Jasper came over Friday night. We talked for a few minutes about how her work was going, and then she said, _"Alright, spill it."_

"What are you talking about?" I stalled.

"_Don't even try it. You're morose. What happened?"_ I heard the slight edge of menace to her voice, and it killed me to know she was worried that Jasper had hurt me again. Still, I couldn't blame her – I would rip Garrett's nuts off if he hurt Kate, and I knew she was just as protective of me.

"Calm down, Katie-bug. It's okay. We're good. I just miss him. A lot."

I listened to her breathing on the other end of the line and knew she was analyzing my tone, seeing if I was telling her the truth. _"Alright. So it went okay then?"_

I thought back to everything that had happened over the weekend, all the long talks Jasper and I had shared, and I smiled. "Yeah, it really did…"

She listened as I told her an abbreviated version of what we'd talked about. I knew she was working, even if she wasn't at a shoot, and I didn't want to keep her. I also didn't really know how much to say over the phone. By the time my watered-down version was drawing to a close, I could hear the way she'd relaxed slightly. She didn't comment much on what I'd said, so I was half-expecting what she said next.

"_Hey, he's not coming back until Saturday, right? How do you feel about a little slumber party Friday night?"_

I grinned, immediately looking forward to it. "That sounds perfect. You're sure Garrett won't mind?"

"_Oh, he'll miss me, I'm sure. Who wouldn't? But he'll be alright. I know the guys have been bugging him to hang out, too."_

We confirmed our plans and talked for a minute or two more before Kate said she needed to get back to work. As soon as we hung up the phone, I felt a heaviness settle back over me. It had lifted somewhat while talking to Kate but returned even stronger without her there as a buffer.

Somehow, I managed to focus on my work, and the afternoon passed in a strange fit of stops and starts where time would drag by only to speed up for a short burst and then drag again. By the time my brain began to feel mushy and like it needed a break, it was close to dinnertime. I reeked of the darkroom, so I went to take a shower before tackling the problem of food.

In the end, I made tomato soup and cheese toast the way Aunt Livy used to make it when I was sick and settled in front of the TV for a couple of hours. I tried to pretend it wasn't the case, but I was clearly just marking time until Jasper called. I wasn't sure when that would be – or which phone he'd call – so by 8:00, I was upstairs once again, laptop in front of me and cell phone beside me.

My cell was the phone that rang. "Hello?" I said, nearly before it reached my ear.

"_Hey, baby_," Jasper answered, sounding tired again. _"I wasn't sure if you'd umm…well, if you'd want to see me tonight or…"_

I grinned at the uncertainty in his voice. "Jazz, I always want to see you. But I'm happy just to talk to you, too. It's completely up to you, baby."

"_I'd like to see you, too,"_ he answered immediately. I chuckled, and we spent another minute talking a little awkwardly before we both hung up. Jasper's call appeared on my laptop just a few seconds later, and something in me relaxed when I saw his soft smile.

"_There you are,"_ he said. _"Been waiting to see your face all day."_

I felt my cheeks heat, which was something that Jasper seemed to make happen quite often. I didn't usually embarrass easily, but sometimes he said something like that, something so disarming that it left me off balance and out of sorts. "It's great to see your face, too," I managed.

Soon, we were talking comfortably, and I listened in quiet fascination as Jasper told me about his meetings and the programs his company was writing. His business world was so different from mine, and he let me in on a level Alistair never had. Al had always claimed that he didn't want to bore me, but I was never quite sure I believed him.

"_Oh, sorry…I'm just rambling away,"_ Jasper said finally, his accent sneaking in with his embarrassment. I told him it was fine, that I enjoyed listening to him, but he changed the subject, asking what I'd done all day. I filled him in, and then there was a strange pause as we just watched each other.

"You okay?" I finally asked, concerned that maybe there was something on his mind that he was keeping from me.

I couldn't see well enough to tell if he was blushing, but the way he ducked his head and looked up at me through his lashes suggested that maybe he was. _"Yeah, I'm fine,"_ he said, clearing his throat. _"I…well, I was just wondering if…ahh…"_ He ran his fingers through his hair, glancing to his right before he muttered, _"Ah, hell."_

His eyes gazed at me through the screen, fixing me in place as he said, _"I was wondering if I might get to see a little more of you tonight, Princess. Had a dream about you last night, and it's been on my mind all damn day…"_

I blinked, and then a smile spread slowly across my lips. "A dream, huh? Care to share, Mr. Whitlock?"

He was definitely blushing as shifted on the bed, a cute little smile on his face. _"I'm sure you can guess." _His smile dissolved into a smirk, but I wasn't about to let him get away with that.

"I have a general idea, yes…why don't you fill in the details?"

He watched me for a moment before giving his head a shake. _"Sure you want to know?"_ he asked huskily. I gave him a flat look. He laughed and tilted his head, thinking. _"Alright, then…how about you take off that shirt, and I'll tell you how it started?"_

I grinned and ripped my shirt over my head, dropping it on the floor. He laughed again, and I could hear fondness in his voice when he said, _"I miss you."_

The statement caught me off guard, and I reached toward my screen. "I miss you, too, baby." When he didn't speak again right away, I lowered my voice and said, "What brought that on?"

He shook his head, shrugging a bit. _"I don't know. I just…I've never done anything like…ahh…like this before."_

I heard what he didn't say – that _we_ were different than anything he'd ever known. I smiled at him, nodding to let him know I understood. Really, I felt the difference, too. There was something natural and open with Jasper that had always been sorely lacking with Alistair and the other men I'd dated. I didn't comment on it. It was enough that we both got it.

"You're still wearing your shirt, Cuddles," I pointed out.

He grinned. _"I know. Funny enough, that's how it started in the dream, too."_ I arched an eyebrow and listened as he went on. _"I walked into your kitchen, and you were there cooking…something."_

"Something?" I teased.

"_I didn't bother to look,"_ he answered wryly.

"Why's that?" I interrupted, feeling my lips curve upward as his playful mood began to seep into me. My eyes widened as Jasper paused for a moment, lifting his laptop so he could flip the covers away. He was wearing my pajama pants, but what I noticed more was the way his hand drifted up his thigh, coming to rest just at the top – so close to what _I_ wanted to touch.

"_Because I couldn't stop staring at you. You were standing there in nothing but that pair of raggedy old jeans you love, and I just wanted to touch you…so I did."_

"Yeah?" My voice was more breathless than I expected, and I was surprised at just how much I was enjoying this little game of Jasper's.

"_Mmhmm…"_ he breathed. I had a hard time believing he was new to this because of the way his thumb trailed along the edge of his crotch. I glanced down at my picture in the corner and realized that all he could see was my face, so I scooted back on the bed until I knew he had a good view of me. He smiled and murmured, _"Thank you."_

"How did you touch me?" I asked in response, letting my hand slip to the waistband of my pajama pants. I was rewarded with the sight of Jasper licking his lips. When he didn't say anything more, I stopped my hand and watched him pointedly until he gave a start.

"_Damn, it's hard not being able to show you."_ Frustration was clear in his tone, but he shook it off with a sigh. He looked almost shy as he bit his lip, but then he seemed to come to some sort of conclusion. His voice was stronger, commanding when he spoke again. _"I walked up behind you and kissed your neck…you were so goddamn warm…I rubbed your chest and let my hands slip down…you didn't argue."_

He grinned, and I barked a short laugh. "Umm, no…I wouldn't…" My hips shifted on the bed, my arousal growing by the second. I wasn't sure where Jasper was going with this, exactly, but I had a feeling that no matter what path he took to get us there, this was going to end with both of us naked with cocks in hand. I decided to help him out a little bit and said, "Like this?" as my hand traced the contours of my abdomen, coming to rest on my hard-on.

He grunted and nodded, his blue eyes drifting closed for a moment before they opened and focused on the screen again. _"Yes, like that…then I unzipped your pants and reached inside…"_

He trailed off tantalizingly, and I picked up right where he left off. "Fuck, that would feel good...I love feeling your hand around my cock."

If my words shocked him, he didn't show it. If anything, it seemed to spur him on, and soon he was telling me what I did in the dream, how I backed up against him. The slight awkwardness I'd felt early on faded away as I listened to him, and by the time he said, _"I pulled your pants down and pushed you against the counter,"_ I was too far gone to care.

Without speaking, I lifted my hips and shoved my pants down, kicking them off before settling against the headboard again. I brushed my hair away from my face and then took myself in hand. Jasper watched me for a moment before I heard him mutter something under his breath. He stood up, disappearing out of the frame, and when he returned, he was nude, his body hard and ready for me.

And I wasn't there.

_Fucking hell._

There was nothing we could do about that, not right then, so I tried my best to ignore it. Instead, I turned my attention to Jasper, to the way he was touching himself, the noises he made, the things he was saying. His hand was moving leisurely, lightly tracing his length as he told me how good I looked, how much he wished he was here with me.

Every word seemed to loosen the knot in my chest, soothing and teasing at once. Soon, he returned to his dream, murmuring about the way he knelt in front of me, and I began to stroke myself in earnest as he said, _"You feel so goddamn good in my mouth. I love to taste you, baby…I love that noise you make when I take you all the way…"_ A half-whimper escaped my lips, and he grinned. _"Yeah, that one…just like that…"_

Minutes were lost to the sound of our moans and pants as our hands glided over our cocks, our eyes trained on each other through the screen. His hand began to slow, and I followed his lead, panting as I tried to calm myself. I watched as he spat into his palm and wrapped his hand back around his cock. I moaned softly and wished like hell that I was there. I couldn't make myself look away even to grab the lube that was in the drawer nearby, so I reached up, spitting into my hand quickly.

My moan grew louder at the heightened sensation, the feel of slick flesh and exquisite pressure. I wasn't going to last much longer, no matter how Jasper tried to slow us down, and he seemed to see it on my face.

With a crooked grin, he murmured, _"Aw, fuck, Edward…let me see you, baby. It's gonna be a long goddamn week…give me something to think about when I'm all alone in my room up here…"_

His words were teasing and playful, but I could see the earnest look on his face. I gave myself to him, trying to show him even through the camera how I would always respond to him, always do what he wanted and needed, so long as it was in my power.

Of course, I had to admit that his request for me to come wasn't exactly a hardship on my part.

My eyes focused on his cock, on the swollen purple head as it vanished and reappeared in his fist. Jasper spread his thighs and reached down with his left hand, grabbing his balls. He pulled them harder than I ever would have, and my eyes widened as I realized that this – _this_ – was how he was when he was alone.

"Fuck me," I whispered, my eyes automatically closing as I clenched my jaw. My nostrils flared as I inhaled sharply, a few more flicks of my wrist causing spots to bloom behind my eyelids. I grunted and slowed my hand, prolonging the feeling of bliss as long as I could, but then I heard the sound of Jasper's panting, and my eyes flew wide. I didn't want to miss this.

"Holy fuck," I managed, my voice raw and rough to my ears. Jasper's fingertips were pressed against his entrance, his balls trapped between his thumb and the rest of his hand as he pumped himself harder and faster. His eyes were tightly shut, his lips parted, and I watched in absolute awe as he fell to pieces.

The thick, white streams reached his chest, marking the inky black tattoo, and my eyes were transfixed on the spot. I was reminded of my fantasy – the one he'd made a reality – and all the conflicting sensations and emotions sent me into overload. For a long time, I just sat there in a stupor, watching him watching me.

He was the one who finally broke the stalemate, chuckling weakly as he leaned over, reaching for the floor. He sat back up with a pair of boxers in hand and wiped at the mess on his chest and abdomen, cleaning himself up as best he could. When he was finished, he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees.

"_Goddamn, Princess…I gotta say, I wasn't sure what to expect, but we may have to have more…ahh…conversations like that."_

I laughed at his playful smirk and ran my fingers through my hair before I leaned over and grabbed my baby wipes. I made short work of cleaning myself up and didn't bother to dress again, smiling when I noticed that Jasper was still sitting there in the buff as well.

We didn't talk for long after that, both of us a little scattered from the experience we'd just shared. We made arrangements for Jasper to call the next night, and as we were getting ready to hang up, he said, _"Oh, Edward?"_

"Hmm?" I mumbled around a yawn.

"_Maybe tomorrow night you can tell me what _you_ dream about." _He gave a wicked little grin and cut the video. I laughed, half in disbelief, but before I could answer, he was gone.

I sighed, missing him more than I ever had. As I shut down my laptop and got settled in on my side, my phone lit up with a text. I frowned until I saw his name on the screen and then quickly checked what he'd sent.

_Miss you, baby._

With a smile, I returned the sentiment, finally feeling a little more settled. Somehow, I drifted off to sleep, wondering all the while if I'd have any dreams worth telling Jasper about – I hoped so.

The rest of the week passed in much the same way, with my days dragging while those conversations with Jasper at night were heated and all-too-brief for my liking. The distance wore on both of us, but I was happy to realize that the panic I felt during my Tennessee trip was nowhere to be found. I wondered if it would've been there if _I_ was the one out of town instead of Jasper, but I tried my best to chalk it up to growth on our part rather than a simple change in roles.

We texted back and forth during the day sometimes, mostly when Jasper was between meetings. He sent me a few pictures of him, looking bored, with captions about managers changing their minds and accountants who didn't know how to use calculators, much less computers.

On Thursday, I played with him, sending back a teasing picture of me standing naked in my bathroom, the image stopping below my hips where Jasper could just barely see the light trail of hair leading from my navel.

His response made me laugh, the incoherent text followed by a picture of him pouting. I traced his lower lip with my thumb and sighed before typing back,

_Better watch that pouting, Mr. Whitlock. I might decide to put those lips of yours to good use._

He answered immediately, taunting me by saying he was pouting because he couldn't do just that right then. I groaned and barely stopped myself from pleading with him to come home already. Instead, I kept the tone light, bantering with him playfully until he finally wrote,

_LOL Okay, stop. Seriously. Have a meeting in ten and can't go in there like this._

I frowned slightly and then laughed when a second text came in. It was nothing but a picture of Jasper's crotch, his suit pants barely containing his erection.

"Jesus… fuck…" I breathed, clearing my throat.

After a moment's thought, I gave the only answer I could.

_Not fair showing me what I can't have._

His response put a smile on my face, even as it made me sigh with longing.

_Never said I played fair. Can I stay at your place Saturday?_

I told him he could, of course – and that I was looking forward to it. Then the phone was silent for a while as I assumed he went to his meeting.

When it rang again a few hours later, I expected it to be him. Instead, the words _Alice Brandon_ flashed on my screen.

"Alice! How are you?"

"_Hey, Edward! It's been a long time…"_

I thought back to the last time I'd seen Alice. It was, ironically, the day I'd met Jasper. "Oh, wow, it really has…"

It wasn't unusual for Alice and me to go months without seeing each other. We were friends, but it was casual at best. We were drawn to each other in many ways, but we ran in such different circles that we'd never really been able to hang out regularly. Still, it seemed like another lifetime ago that I'd seen her, and I was truly happy to hear from her now.

I asked about Becca's trip, and she filled me in on that and how work had been going for her, and then she said, _"So, I talked to Becca…about that shoot, you know? She says she'll do it! She wants to have some new pictures of us. She loved the tattoo, by the way…"_

I listened as Alice chattered away, smiling as I walked into the den and flopped down on the couch. I rested my head on one arm and my feet on the other and relaxed. It was always so easy talking to Alice, mostly because she carried the conversation, even when she was asking about me. Her mind moved a mile a minute, and everything I said reminded her of something else.

We talked about my photography, which led to Kate, which in turn led to Garrett. Finally, Alice said, _"Oh! Right…I nearly forgot why I called…"_

We laughed together as she told me about the Halloween party she and Becca were hosting. She told me to invite Kate and Garrett as well before she said slyly, _"And if you don't have a date, I know just the guy…"_

I interrupted, "Actually, I do have someone I want to bring."

"_Really?"_ she half-squealed. _"What's his-?"_ Her question was cut off by the sound of the doorbell, and she cursed lowly. _"Damn it! That's gotta be Becca. She left her keys here when she went running." _I heard a muffled noise as she stood and called out that she was coming. _"Don't think you're getting out of this. You _will_ bring him, right?"_

I chuckled. "Yes, I promise."

"_Okay, okay…"_ she sighed. _"We'll see you in a few weeks?"_

"Sounds great to me," I answered, but I wasn't even sure she heard me as she said goodbye. I heard Becca murmur something that made Alice giggle, and then the line went dead. Judging from the sound of that throaty laugh, I wasn't entirely sure I would've wanted to hear what was happening on the other end – it would just make me miss Jasper even more.

When he called that night, I was in a quiet, almost depressed mood. I needed this week to be over so that I could hold him again, kiss him, hear my name in that accent of his – in person. He picked up on my mood and seemed to mirror it, even though he tried to cheer me up.

"_Only a couple more days,"_ he murmured, but I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Yeah, not long now," I answered, trying to make my smile genuine. To try to distract us both, I said, "Oh, hey, I was invited to this Halloween party today…I was hoping you'd want to go with me?"

The left corner of his lips lifted into a crooked smile as he said, _"You asking me out on a date?"_

"Something like that." I smirked.

"_Good. Then I'll go. I was actually going to ask you to a Halloween party some friends of mine are having, but…" _He trailed off, and I could sense more than see his blush as he continued, _"Well, you've met most of my friends. I'd kinda like to hang out with some of yours."_

My half-formed protests died on my lips as I realized what a step this was for Jasper – voluntarily giving up a night with his friends to hang out with mine. I bit back the babbling that would've changed our plans. Something told me that this was different. This wasn't him just giving up himself – this was him choosing _us_.

"You sure, baby?" I couldn't help but ask.

"_Please,"_ he answered simply.

"Okay."

Just that easily, the decision was made, and Halloween was quickly forgotten as Jasper said, _"So, Dr. Masen…been dreaming lately?"_

I grinned and bit my lip, raising my eyebrows. "Now that you mention it…"

Jasper leaned forward, listening with obvious interest as I began to tell him about my dream the night before. It had been that first shoot again, but this time, I'd made the move I'd wanted to make. What followed was one of the most vivid, exciting imaginings my mind had ever conjured.

My voice was hoarse and strained by the time we were finished, my limbs fluid and my control over them tenuous. I reminded Jasper as we were about to hang up that Kate would be there Friday night, and he frowned, sighing. When I asked if he was okay, he reassured me, saying that he just already missed me and wasn't looking forward to a night without talking to me.

I told him it didn't have to be that way – we could still talk. He grinned and said, _"Yeah…not exactly the same, though, huh?"_

I laughed and shook my head, lowering my voice as I said, "Well, if you're interested, I could always call after she goes to bed…"

"_We might have to do that…"_ he murmured, his face brightening.

"I don't want you to be too tired, though."

"_Eh, it's alright. It's not like I have to work Saturday. All I have to do is get up and catch a plane to get home to you."_

I inhaled audibly at his words – at the implication, however unintentional – that _I_ was home. I knew that wasn't what he meant, but the words warmed me regardless. To cover my reaction, I joked, "Well, in that case, maybe you should go to bed early after all. You're going to need your strength…"

I watched the slow smile spread on his face and waited until his lips parted to speak before I finished, "You know, for pottery class."

His face fell and his eyes narrowed, but he was chuckling as he muttered, _"Fucking ass."_ I chuckled with him, and the smile was still on my lips when I fell asleep a few minutes later.

I woke the next morning with a lighter heart. Jasper would be home in less than twenty-four hours, and I had a long evening with Kate planned to interrupt the monotony of my work at home.

I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning, making sure the place was ready for both Kate and Jasper. In the kitchen, I ransacked the refrigerator and pantry, muttering to myself as I made a shopping list. I was a little low on groceries, and I wasn't sure what, exactly, Kate and I would get into that night.

When I had taken care of the house and cleaned myself up, I grabbed my list and headed out the door. No matter what we did, I was sure that at least some drinking would be involved, so I made my way to the liquor store. I walked up and down the aisles, looking over some of the newer selections before I finally settled on something a little different. I took inspiration from the bottle of chocolate vodka I picked up and made a couple of additions to the shopping list, deciding on the spot that martinis and daiquiris would be perfect for the night.

I took my time shopping, enjoying being out of the house. I smiled to myself as I noticed a couple of women at the grocery store checking me out – even though I wasn't interested, it was nice to know they were. And even nicer to know that the man I _was_ interested in looked at me the same way they did.

By the time I returned home, I was feeling pretty good despite the lonely week I'd had, and I hummed to myself as I put the groceries away. I closed the cabinet door on the last of them as I heard keys rattling in the front door. It opened just as I realized that I'd accidentally put the liquor away, and I was pulling it out again when I heard Kate's voice.

"Edward?"

Putting the items we'd need on the bar, I smiled and called out, "I'm in the kitchen, Kate!"

I grabbed the strawberries from the fridge and began cleaning them, chuckling when I heard Kate's surprised, "Chocolate vodka?"

I nodded, continuing to work my way through the strawberries. "Yep, thought it might be a nice change."

Kate put a bag on the counter next to me and snatched one of the strawberries. I frowned, "Hey! You want to have daiquiris later or not, missy?" I glanced over at the bag and quirked a brow. "What's in there?"

Instead of answering, Kate began pulling out the makings of her caramel chip brownies. My eyes widened, and I actually started drooling at the prospect of having some later. She'd also brought some vanilla ice cream, which she promptly put in the freezer. She walked up to me and put her finger under my chin, teasingly closing my mouth as if I'd been gaping - which, admittedly, I might have been.

It had been too long since we'd done something like this together, to be honest, and it felt kind of nice to have a night with my best friend again. Snatching another strawberry, she mumbled around it, "Last one, I swear!" holding up her hands in surrender. I just shook my head and grinned, eating one myself as I winked at her. She narrowed her eyes a little and then hugged me sideways.

I finished cleaning the fruit, putting it back in the fridge for now since we weren't going to have the daiquiris until after we'd eaten. The brownies, however, I wanted to get started on, so I turned to Kate with an expectant grin. She rolled her eyes, fished out the bowl from the cupboard and began pouring in the ingredients. All I could really do was watch, as she'd already measured everything out at home. I'd asked her countless times for the recipe, but she refused to share it, saying it was a family secret and only her Nana had a say in who was privy to it.

The baking itself, though, she enjoyed doing with me, which is why she hardly ever made it ahead of time. She said there was just something about it being fresh from the oven and having it smell the place up that made it more special. I had to agree.

Before too long, the pan of brownies was in the oven, the few dishes were done, and we were ready to start our evening. We both went to change into our pajamas and then met up in the living room. I chuckled when I saw her shirt and lounge pants, both of which had Snoopy wearing sunglasses with the text "No Cameras, Please," all over them. She stuck her tongue out at me, folding her arms across her chest as she said, "What? Garrett gave them to me."

I grinned, raising an eyebrow as I watched her look over the DVDs in order to pick one out to watch. "Exchanging nightwear already? My, my, Miss Denali, you do work fast these days."

My tone was teasing, and I had to work hard to keep a straight face when she glanced over her shoulder with a withering look - one that lasted only seconds before she started laughing. "Don't tell me you haven't done that yet. Oh, wait..nevermind, birthday suits are a bit difficult to swap." She made a face at me and then turned her attention to the movies again.

I frowned, her remark hitting closer to home than she'd intended to, but I wasn't going to talk to her about this. I had to do better with Jasper than I had with Alistair, and as much as I wanted to talk to her about things, this shouldn't be one of them. To buy myself some time, I went to the kitchen to get us both a bottle of water and to grab the take out menus so we could figure out what we were going to have for dinner. By the time I came back into the room, Kate was already sitting down and had the DVD player set to go.

Handing her a bottle, I sat down in my corner of the couch and glanced down at the coffee table to check what I was in for tonight. I looked up at Kate to find her grinning at me. She shrugged and said, "I felt like something silly..."

I grinned and shook my head as the opening credits came up and voices started singing.

_I solve my problems and I see the light._

_We got a lovin' thing._

_We gotta feed it right._

"Silly, huh? You sure it isn't all the bad boys in leather?"

She threw a pillow at me and said, "Oh, shut up! I know you love _Grease _as much as I do, and I seem to recall you having a thing for leather-clad bad boys, yourself."

She raised an eyebrow as if daring me to contradict her, which we both knew I couldn't, so I just shrugged and grinned. We sat back and watched as Danny and Sandy said their goodbyes. They had just gotten to their first day of school and were singing "Summer Nights" when my phone rang. I frowned, wondering who it could be. I normally didn't leave my phone on when Kate and I had a night like this, but with Jasper out of town, I'd felt the need to keep it on. It was still too early for him to be calling, though, and I wasn't expecting anyone else.

My frown deepened at the name flashing on my screen, and I quickly flipped it open after a hurried, "Sorry," to Kate. She nodded, pausing the movie even as I said, "Emily?"

Soft sniffles reached my ear, causing me to sit up straight. "Emily? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I heard her take a shuddering breath, and I could almost see her running her fingers through her hair as she said, _"Edward? Yeah...I'm sorry. I didn't want to... I don't mean to interrupt, but...do you think you could come and pick me up? I just..." _She cleared her throat, and I could hear other voices through the line, as if she were in a room full of people. _"I don't want to bother you...I'm sorry. I'd call Jasper, but since he's out of town..."_

Her voice faded, and I sighed, shaking my head. "You're not bothering me, Lee Lee. I told you to call me if you needed anything. Are you sure you're alright?"

"_I'm..."_ She sniffled again, then said, _"I don't know...I just need to get out of here, and I don't want to go home...can't..."_

Kate was watching me carefully, curiosity and concern clear on her face. I ran my fingers through my hair, a sinking feeling in my gut about Emily. Something was definitely wrong, and I didn't like that she wasn't telling me what it was. I frowned, wondering if something had happened with James. "Sweetie, are you alone?"

She snorted quietly, and I barely caught her muttered, _"I am now..."_

I wondered what that meant. I was getting increasingly worried, and Kate mouthed, "Everything okay?"

Shaking my head, I shrugged to let her know I wasn't sure yet. "Emily, where are you? I'll come get you right now."

She had just told me the name of the restaurant she was standing in front of when I heard raised voices on the other end of the line, but before I could ask what was going on, the line disconnected.

"Fuck!"

I was on my feet in an instant and bounded up the stairs to change into my jeans. When I got back downstairs and was tugging on my shoes, I hastily explained to Kate what I thought was going on.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to calm down. "I'm sorry, Kate. I don't mean to run out on you, but..."

Kate frowned, shaking her head before folding her arms across her chest. "Don't worry about it. Do you want me to stick around?"

I bit my lip, then nodded. "If you don't mind? I don't know what all's happened, it may be nothing, but..."

Kate nodded, smiling softly as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "It's alright, Edward. Really. I'll order some pizza so there'll be enough if Emily comes back with you. You just make sure she's okay."

Kissing her cheek, I smiled. "Thanks, Katie-bug. I'll be back as soon as I can."

With that, I hurried out the door, waving behind me as Kate called, "Be safe!"

The whole way over to pick up Emily, I could feel my nerves ratcheting up. I really didn't like the fact that our call had been disconnected that way. It just didn't sit right. None of it did. And Jasper's words before he'd left kept running around my brain. _"I'm worried that he's her Paul."_

When I pulled up in front of the address Emily had given me, I couldn't see her at first. There were people walking in and out of the place, and for a second I wondered if she'd gone back inside. She'd said she would wait for me out front, though, so I kept looking. Finally, I spotted the familiar head of hair.

But what caught my eye next made me see red.

A guy I recognized as James had a firm hold of her upper arm and was pulling her toward the alley next to the restaurant - out of sight.

_Oh, hell no!_

I was out of the car and crossing the short distance faster than I'd have thought myself capable. I couldn't protect Jasper from Paul - that was in the past; it was done and unchangeable.

But I'd be _damned _if I'd let anything happen to his sister.

James had his back to me as he was pushing Emily ahead of him into the alleyway, and I could hear her pleading for him to let her go. I wasn't sure what pissed me off more: the fact this was happening to her or that no one bothered to make sure she was alright. There were plenty of people around. This should not have been able to take place.

Period.

Through the red haze that seemed to cloud my vision, I was vaguely aware of a few people glancing her way, some with concern, but I wasn't about to wait for them to decide if they gave a damn.

I did.

James still hadn't seen or heard me, as he was too busy sneering at Emily that no one cared about her and to just shut up. Using his own momentum, I grabbed the wrist of the hand that he was holding her with and yanked it free, twisting his arm behind his back in one swift motion as I shoved him away from Emily and further into the alley.

I growled out, "Leave her the fuck alone. She said she wanted to go."

My heart was hammering, adrenaline coursing through me as I struggled to stay in control. My first concern had to be Emily, no matter how much I wanted to pound that asshole into the ground. I pushed James against the wall and looked over my shoulder at Emily, who was crying and watching us with wide eyes.

"Lee, are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

She opened her mouth a few times, trying to speak, but when nothing came out, she simply shook her head. I nodded once and tried to ignore the stream of profanity coming from James as I told her to go to my car and wait for me. She didn't react in any way other than to continue to stare at us. I shifted more toward her, my voice laced with concern as I said, "Emily, I need for you to do as I say. Go wait by the car. Please?"

My attention slipped just enough for James to manage to twist out of my grasp. I heard Emily's gasp a split second before I felt James's fist connect with my side. I was able to move just enough to not get the wind knocked out of me, even if it did still hurt like hell. I wasn't much of a fighter - despite Emmett's rough-housing when we were growing up - but this wasn't about me. This was about protecting Emily, and I had no intention of failing that task.

James tried to hit me again, aiming for my face this time, but I was faster, ducking out of the way. I didn't give him another chance, pushing him with his back against the wall as I pinned him down, my left arm pressing against his windpipe and forcing his face up. He tried to grab it, to force me to move, but I didn't let him. I could ignore a little pain if it meant I was able to keep him from breathing.

He swore loudly, telling me to mind my own fucking business. I got right in his face, making sure to keep my voice low enough so Emily couldn't hear me as I told him that keeping Emily safe _was_ my business. My voice was laced with threat as I said, "You are going to walk away, James. Walk away, and never look back. Leave Emily alone. If I hear even the faintest whisper that you've gone anywhere _near_ her, you'll regret it. As a matter of fact, if I hear of _any_ woman going through what you've put that girl through, you'll regret it."

He spat at me, "Fuck you. Who the hell do you think you are?"

I put more of my weight into him, causing his face to turn a bright red as I restricted his air supply. My eyes narrowed as I hissed, "I'm _family_!"

His eyes widened, flickering between me and Emily, who was still rooted to the spot. He looked at me with malice and rasped, "You're not that fag brother of hers..."

Putting slightly more pressure on him, I growled. "No, I'm not. And you're gonna thank your lucky stars for that fact if he ever _does_ get his hands on you, I can promise you that! Now, I'm going to tell you this one last time. Leave. Emily. Alone! Do not contact her. Do not go near her. Get the hell out of Boston if you know what's good for you, because I guarantee you if Jasper hears about this, you won't like the outcome."

He glared at me, trying desperately to get me to let him go. I raised an eyebrow at him and said, "Do we understand each other?"

He narrowed his eyes, hissing, "Yes."

"Good." I slowly let him go, stepping backwards so I could keep my eyes on him this time; I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. I reached for Emily, who had yet to go to my car, and she moved behind me, grasping at the back of my shirt as James stood for a moment, catching his breath. When he'd sufficiently gotten himself together again, I said, "Go. Get the fuck out of here, and don't ever let me see you again."

He slinked past us, giving us as wide a berth as possible. I waited until I was sure he was gone and then turned around, wrapping my arms around Emily. She slipped her arms around my waist, burrowing her face into my chest - much like I'd seen her do with Jasper last week - and she started crying again. I kissed the top of her head, swaying her gently back and forth in an attempt to soothe her. I knew she'd need to get this out of her system before she'd be able to tell me what happened, so all I could do was simply hold her and let her cry.

After a few minutes, she began to settle down enough, only occasionally sniffling. She muttered, "I'm sorry..."

I frowned, pulling back slightly so I could put my finger under her chin to get her to look at me. "You're sorry? For what, Lee?"

She huffed slightly, brushing her hair out of her face in irritation, though whether at me or with herself, I wasn't able to tell. "For getting you involved...and you got hit..."

I shook my head, placing my thumb over her lips to quiet her. "Don't be. I told you to call me if you needed my help. I'm glad you did. God only knows what might have happened to you if you hadn't."

I hugged her to me again, thanking every being I knew that she was safe. If anything had happened to her, I wasn't sure what I'd tell Jasper...or how I'd even be able to face him. I felt myself start to shake a little now that the threat was over, and I held her tighter for a moment. Kissing the crown of her head again, I whispered, "Come on; let's get to the car. I think we both need to sit down."

She nodded against me and took a shuddering breath before stepping out of my arms. I didn't quite want to let her go, though; I needed to make sure she was alright - protected - so I put my arm around her shoulder and tucked her against my side. As we walked, I ignored the stares of the bystanders still shuffling on the sidewalk, resisting the urge to growl and yell at them. When we got to the car, I held the door open for her and waited until she was seated and buckled up to lock and close it.

Now that she was safely in the car, I took a moment and closed my eyes, my hand resting on the roof of my car to steady myself. Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to calm the torrent of emotion that was running through my veins. I felt both scared and relieved. I was anxious to learn what had happened, worried that there was more to all of this...like with Paul. The thought of that made me sick to my stomach.

I muttered under my breath, "Get yourself together, Masen. You need to take care of Emily now..."

Letting the air out of my lungs slowly, I walked over to the driver's side, this time paying attention to the traffic around me and realizing just how lucky I had been not to get hit by a car earlier. This road was busy, and I had taken absolutely no notice of anything other than the need to get to Emily.

Once I was in the car, I locked my door and turned to look at her. She was looking down at her hands, which were wringing together in her lap. I couldn't see her face, though, as her hair was down, forming a curtain she was hiding behind. I sighed softly as I reached out and pushed her hair behind her ear. "Lee? Did he hurt you at all?"

She shook her head again but remained silent. Putting my hand on her shoulder, I traced soothing circles on it with my thumb as I watched her closely. "Will you tell me what happened?"

Emily slowly raised her head and looked at me. I was taken aback by the pain in her eyes - pain that so closely mirrored Jasper's during our talk the week before that I had to fight to keep my composure. _Please, God, don't let it be as bad as that..._

"It's...it was nothing. James has been working two jobs, and I wanted to surprise him after his shift. Only...I was the one that ended up surprised. I guess I shouldn't have been..."

She lowered her head, her hair forming a curtain again as she said, "I saw him with another girl...I didn't think he'd noticed me. As soon as I realized what was going on, I turned around and left. That's when I called you. He...he followed me outside. You saw the rest for yourself, pretty much..."

Her voice had grown softer and softer as she spoke, and I had to strain to hear her. I sighed and leaned over the console, hugging her as best I could as I whispered, "I'm so sorry, Lee. You didn't deserve that. Any of it."

She clung to me in a way that made me wonder again whether something worse had happened and she just wasn't telling me. I pulled back slowly as the awkward angle was starting to hurt a little, and she quickly wiped her eyes before turning to stare out the passenger-side window. I grabbed her hand, squeezed it lightly, and said, "Let's get home, alright? We can talk more, later. You're staying at my place tonight, okay? I'd rather not leave you alone right now, in case James does something stupid."

She nodded quietly. I sighed and turned the ignition. Once the road was clear, I pulled out, and we drove to Beacon Hill in silence. There were a million questions I wanted to ask Emily, but I thought she needed at least some peace to process what had happened tonight, so I stayed my tongue.

When I pulled into my parking spot, I turned to Emily again and said, "I should probably tell you that Kate's here as well." At the mention of Kate's name, Emily turned to me with raised eyebrows. I smiled reassuringly as I said, "Kate's my best friend; we were watching a movie when you called."

Her eyes widened, and she sat up straighter in her seat. "Oh! Oh, God...Edward, I'm so sorry...I ruined your night and..."

I frowned. "Don't, Emily. You haven't ruined anything. Kate'll be happy to have you with us - you can join our sleepover and gang up on me. Trust me; it's nothing new for us." I winked at her and added, "Besides, you're in luck. You get to try Kate's famous Caramel Chip Brownies! Not everyone does, you know."

At that, she chuckled and rolled her eyes.

_There's a little of the Emily I know._

I smiled and patted her knee. "Come on. I don't know about you, but I'm starving, and I'm sure the pizza'll be here by now."

I got out of the car and walked around to her side to open the door. Winking, I held out my hand to help her. She huffed at me, but her eyes lit up in a smile that made me grin. Locking the car, I extended my arm and escorted Emily to the front door, which opened as we walked up the steps, a worried-looking Kate welcoming us home.

I kissed Kate on the cheek before introducing the two women. Emily was more subdued than I'd seen her before, but that was to be expected. Kate, however, was her usual warm self now that she knew we were safe.

Kate put her arm around Emily's shoulder and began walking her to the kitchen as she said, "Pizza got here just a few minutes ago. I hope you like pepperoni or Hawaiian barbecue chicken. I ordered both, since Edward can never make up his mind."

She grinned at me and winked. I just rolled my eyes at her and went to the fridge, grabbing each of us a bottle of water before taking a seat at the bar. I noticed Kate had made room for us to eat there, and I silently thanked her. The dining room felt a little too formal for the occasion, and I wanted to put Emily at ease as much as possible.

Kate handed us each a plate and said, "So, Emily, Edward tells me you want to learn about photography?"

I smiled at Kate as I grabbed a slice of each kind of pizza, earning me a chuckle from both girls even as Emily nodded and said, "Yeah, I do. He let me use his camera when we went to the zoo." Her eyes widened suddenly, and she turned to me with something close to her usual excitement. "Hey, I still haven't seen those pictures!"

I blushed, in part because I realized Emily was right and in part because Kate was staring at me with a knowing grin - one I was glad Emily missed. Wiping my fingers and mouth on a napkin, I smiled at Emily. "Oh, yeah, sorry about that. We can take a look at them later if you want. And if you see any you want a copy of, we can take care of that - probably not tonight, though."

"Sweet! There's a couple I can't _wait_ to see!"

When I glanced over at Kate, she gave me a look that clearly told me that the subject of my allowing someone else to even _touch_ my camera would definitely be brought up at a later date. Thankfully, Kate let it drop for now and turned her attention back to Emily, keeping the conversation light and focused on photography.

As the girls were talking, I allowed myself to observe. Emily's eyes were dancing, and it was a relief to see the life in her again. It made me hopeful that whatever had happened with James wouldn't affect her as deeply as what had happened to Jasper with Paul. I knew I'd have to talk to Emily again later, if for no other reason than to figure out what to tell Jasper. I wasn't going to keep this from him, but I didn't feel right telling him everything, either - that would be Emily's place.

For now, though, I tried my best to relax and join in the conversation as much as possible. When we had all had our fill of pizza, Kate excused herself for a moment after exchanging looks with me. I was grateful that she was giving me the time to talk to Emily alone. Before I got a chance to say anything, though, my phone chirped, letting me know I had a text message. I was certain it would be Jasper, and sure enough, it was. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, my eyes on Emily, who seemed anxious again.

"Lee..."

She shook her head, her eyes shimmering with both pain and determination. Taking her hand in mine, I rubbed the back of it with my thumb. "Emily, I can't keep this from him."

"Edward, please just...don't tell him? Please? He's going to flip, and you know it. I don't want him to know..."

I frowned. "Emily..."

She pulled her hand back, folding both of hers in her lap as she lowered her gaze to them. Her voice was low, pleading, hurting. "Please...it's bad enough that _you_ know...I can't tell him. He wouldn't understand..."

_Oh, how wrong you are, sweetheart. He _does_ understand, more than you know._

I sighed and scrubbed my face. "I can't keep something like this from him, Emily. I _won't_ keep secrets from Jasper - especially not ones pertaining to your safety. You can't ask me to do that."

She sniffled, and I thought I heard her mumble, "I shouldn't have called..."

I cradled her face in my hands, lifting it up so that we were eye to eye. "Emily, you did the right thing. I'm glad you called, and I'm even more glad to know James is gone - hopefully forever. But you need to tell your brother. He loves you, and he deserves to know. He's been so worried about you, sweetheart."

She whispered, "I know he has. That's _why_ I can't tell him..."

Running my thumbs under her eyes, I wiped away the tears that were falling before leaning in and kissing her forehead lightly. "You need to tell him about what happened. Not just tonight, but everything...because I have a feeling there's more to it than what you've let on, isn't there?"

She closed her eyes, nodding almost imperceptibly. Had I not been holding her head in my hands, I might have missed it completely. I sighed, aching inside at the thought of her being hurt.

Standing up, I wrapped my arms around her and felt her do the same. She clung to me much like she had before, her face once again buried in my chest. Rubbing her back soothingly, I murmured, "You're safe now, Lee; you're going to be okay. Jasper needs to know what happened, though..."

She lifted her head to look up at me. "Please don't tell him, Edward. He's going to flip his shit. You _know_ that. Please?"

I sighed, frowning slightly. "I won't tell him, not tonight anyway. He can't do anything from D.C. anyway, so there's no point in upsetting him when he'll be home tomorrow. But you two are going to sit down and talk after class. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

Emily's eyes flashed briefly with defiance - and something I was beginning to recognize as being Whitlock pride. It quickly gave way to defeat, though, as she whispered, "How can I? He's going to hate me for letting James do what he did...for not standing up to him..."

I placed my thumb on her lips, shaking my head as I gave her a sad smile. "I can promise you he won't hate you. He loves you, Lee, and nothing's going to change that."

Her voice was small as she asked, "Will you be there?"

"If you want me to be."

She nodded. "Please?"

"Alright...we can have lunch here, and then you two can talk."

She gave me a watery smile then and said, "Thanks, Edward."

As if on cue, Kate walked in right when I told Emily she was welcome. Kate shot me a glance, silently asking if everything was alright and smiling when I nodded in answer. She grinned, clapping her hands together, and said, "Emily! How about we find you some pajamas to change into so we can get this evening started properly? What do you say?"

Giving Emily one final squeeze, I let her go and she got up, walking over to Kate with her head tilted to the side. "What did you have in mind?"

Kate's grin widened as she placed her arm over Emily's shoulder and mock-whispered, "Edward makes a mean daquiri; I'm sure we can convince him to make you one, too. It's not movie night without one, right, Edward?"

I rolled my eyes at her, crossing my arms as I feigned concern and said, "I don't know, Kate. Jasper'd probably kill me for giving his little sister alcohol."

It was Emily's turn to roll her eyes, and both Kate and I caught her muttered, "Not like he's never done _that_ before."

I tilted my head, laughing, and held up my hands. "Alright, you two ladies get comfortable. I'll make them light...I think after tonight's events, we could all use some, but I won't go per our usual standard, Miss Denali."

When I raised an eyebrow in challenge to Kate, all I got was her sticking her tongue out at me for an answer. Emily chuckled, shaking her head as she watched us. Kate linked her arm through Emily's as she led them to the staircase and presumably up to her room.

My phone chirped again as I was putting the strawberries in the blender. "Shit..." I sighed, picking up my phone but not opening it. I had promised I wouldn't say anything to Jasper...now I just had to make it so he wouldn't wonder what was wrong. I hadn't checked his initial message yet, so I did that first, smiling at his words: _Out of last meeting. Finally! Heading to dinner, then hotel. Miss you._

I checked his second message and bit my lip as I read: _Restaurant you recommended too busy, going to hotel instead. Maybe you can show me the place sometime, Princess? More fun with you than alone, anyway. Skype later?_

Quickly typing out a message, I reminded him that Kate and I were having our sleepover tonight, so I wasn't sure whether Skype was going to happen. I didn't know how to tell him that Emily was here, so I left it for the time being. After I hit send, I poured in the chocolate vodka and turned on the blender. I saw my screen flash with a new message but left it unanswered until I was finished with my task.

I heard the girls coming down the stairs, so I quickly put a strawberry on the rim of each glass and a straw in every drink. I smiled when I saw Emily wearing Kate's pink Tatty Teddy pajamas that I'd gotten her a couple of years ago. Holding out a glass to each of them, I asked if Kate had shown her where to find everything. Emily nodded and said, "Yeah, I don't think I'll have any problems tonight."

She took a sip of her daiquiri, and I chuckled as her eyes widened a little. She quickly swallowed and said, "Wow, wasn't expecting that...good stuff! Thanks, Edward." Her eyes lingered on mine as she added, "For everything," her voice quiet but sincere.

I nodded, hugging her sideways. "You're welcome, Lee. Now why don't you and Kate go to the den and start the movie? We hadn't gotten that far into it."

Emily looked from me to Kate and said, "What were you watching?"

Kate grinned and said, "_Grease_."

"Awesome!" was the only response as she and Kate walked to the den. I flipped open my phone to read Jasper's text while I followed them, drink in hand. I sat down on the loveseat, as Emily and Kate had taken up the couch. Not that I minded - it looked as if the two of them had hit if off nicely, and it seemed as if Kate was able to bring out some of the self-assurance Emily needed to reclaim for herself.

While the movie started, I texted back and forth with Jasper. I missed him, and as much as I knew that the talk that needed to happen between him and Emily was going to be hard for everyone involved, I couldn't wait to have him back home. Especially after tonight, I longed to have him close - to hold him and feel him and know we were going to be okay. That we were _all_ going to be okay.

When we got to the part where we'd left off, I put the phone down and paid attention - almost as much to the movie itself as I did to the two girls who were singing along, eventually even going so far as to act out the scenes.

They were laughing and having fun, and watching them made me smile. I settled further into my seat, turning so that I was leaning into the corner of the couch. I might not have known Emily very well, or for very long, but I had the sense that this was how things should be for her. Happy. Uncomplicated. Carefree.

My coffee table had been pushed aside to make room for Kate and Emily as they danced around and sang along. I was amazed that Emily seemed to know every scene by heart and was able to sing every song without missing a beat.

When the movie got to the last song, they pulled me out of my seat and made me join in. I must admit that it didn't take a lot of convincing. I needed to feel like a part of their happy bubble, though I wished Jasper could have been there with us. This felt as close to a family as I'd had since living with Aunt Livy and Uncle Everett, and it just made me want it _more_.

My phone rang, and for once I didn't hesitate to answer; I _knew_ it was Jasper even before I saw his name flash on my screen. The girls were still singing at the top of their lungs as I said, "Hey, baby."

_Chang chang changitty chang shoobop,_

_we'll always be like one,_

_Wa wa wa waaah._

I walked into the hallway so I could hear better and said, "Sorry about that."

"_That's okay...who all's there? You having a party or something?"_

My stomach flipped at the thought of having to keep something from Jasper, but I had promised Emily I wouldn't mention what had happened tonight. I cleared my throat and prayed he wouldn't ask too many questions because I knew I wouldn't be able to tell an outright lie. Not to him. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I figured since I was picking Emily up tomorrow anyway, she might as well stay the night. Give us both time to sleep a little longer. And I thought that it might be nice for Lee and Kate to meet."

I bit my lip nervously, my eyes constantly flickering to Emily as I stuck my thumb in my jeans pocket.

"_Sounds like they're having fun. Watching _Grease_, huh?"_

I let out a soft sigh of relief. "Yeah, Kate's choice. Lee seems into it, though."

Jasper laughed and said, _"She is! Between Mama and Chuck, it was a staple in our household. Not that I ever minded watching it, of course. But Chuck had a crush on Olivia Newton-John, so it was played...a lot."_

I chuckled and teased, "I see. So does that mean that the next time we watch it, I get treated to a rendition of it by you, too?"

He laughed again and said, _"Maybe...if you get me drunk enough."_

I grinned, turning my back to the living room and lowering my voice a little so I wouldn't be overheard. "While that thought has its appeal, there are other things I'd much rather do, Mr. Whitlock."

I heard a soft _thump_ on the other end of the line, which made me quirk a brow, but before I could ask about it, Jasper said, _"So, slumber party, huh?"_

His voice had gone down, too, and sounded a little strained. I had the feeling he was trying to keep our conversation from getting out of hand, since he knew Emily was here.

"Yeah, the girls are all comfy in their pajamas."

Jasper's, _"And what are you wearing?"_ surprised me, especially since his voice had gotten huskier.

I cleared my throat self consciously, hyper-aware that his sister was mere feet away from me. "I haven't changed out of my jeans yet. Don't worry, not about to risk flashing your sister or anything."

Closing my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was a little uncomfortable with where this was going, knowing who was here with me - and why. The longer I talked to Jasper, the harder it became to keep my mouth shut, not to mention to keep from talking to him like I usually did. Teasing Kate with it was one thing; letting Jasper's kid sister overhear was quite another.

"Baby, I'd better get back to the girls before they eat all the brownies. I'll catch you later on chat?"

I heard Jasper's interest as he said, _"Brownies?"_

Seizing the distraction, I said, "Yeah, Kate made brownies earlier. Best you'll ever have. Caramel and fudge and...pretty much heaven in a pan. I'll see if I can save you one."

"_Damn that sounds good."_ He chuckled and sighed. _ "Alright, baby...text me when you're ready for bed?"_

I smiled. "I will, Cuddles. Talk to you later."

"_Alright. Tell Lee to behave."_

Laughing, I assured him I would pass along the message. After we hung up, I turned to find Emily standing in the doorway. I noticed Kate was taking her time putting the movie away, allowing us a moment. I opened my arms to Emily, and she stepped readily into them, wrapping her own around my waist.

Like before, in the alley, I swayed us gently from side to side as I rubbed her back soothingly. She muttered, "I'm sorry to cause you all this trouble, Edward."

I looked down at her, putting my finger under her chin to get her to meet my eyes, and said, "None of that. You didn't do anything to cause trouble, Lee Lee."

She frowned. I sighed, hugging her close as I rested my chin lightly on her head. "Emily, I care about you, and I know your brother well enough to know that telling him now wouldn't do anyone any good. I don't like keeping it from him, but tomorrow you're going to talk to him, and then it won't matter anymore. It'll be okay, sweetie, I promise."

I silently prayed that I wouldn't be proven wrong - that we _would_ be okay. Kate came up to us and put a hand on Emily's back as she said, "How about some brownies? Everything's better with some chocolate, wouldn't you say?"

She winked at me, and I grinned as I tickled Emily lightly before stepping back. "What do you say, Lee? Ready to try some of Kate's famous caramel chip brownies?"

Emily's smile made a reappearance, though I could tell it took her a little effort to put it there. "Sure, sounds good."

We retreated into the kitchen where we told Emily to take a seat at the bar while Kate cut the brownies and I took care of the ice cream. Kate poured milk for all of us and then made it a point that Emily try a bite first before I could have mine.

My pout was met with laughter from both girls, and I had to fight to keep myself from grinning as I feigned annoyance with my friend. Emily purposely took her time, drawing it out as long as she possibly could, just to tease me. That was fine with me because her getting back to her mischievous self was - in my eyes - a good and welcome sign.

I glanced over at Kate, who was watching Emily intently. For some reason, she was always nervous when someone tried her cooking for the first time - especially her brownies. This time was no different as I caught her releasing the breath she'd been holding at the sound of Emily's soft moan of appreciation. Turning my attention to Emily, I smiled and said, "Good stuff, huh?"

Emily merely nodded, her eyes closing as she savored the flavors, a happy expression on her face. I looked at Kate, giving her my best puppy dog eyes, which earned me a smack on my shoulder as she huffed and gave the okay to start eating.

The three of us sat in silence as we enjoyed our dessert. In an effort to keep Emily's mind off James, I asked if she wanted to see the pictures next. She grinned as she took her last bite, nodding her head and making a noise of affirmation.

I chuckled, and after I was done with my dessert, told the girls to head to the den and put on some music while I cleaned up. They both protested loudly, and in the end, I was ushered out of my own kitchen to go find the pictures while they took care of the dishes. I grumbled under my breath but did as I was told, reminding myself to avoid any future evenings with just the two of them. I needed Jasper here to even out the score a little.

It didn't take me long to find the stack of photos in my office, but when I walked into the den, it was empty. I put the pictures down on the coffee table, pushing it back in its place. Just when I was about to go find the girls, they came walking in. Kate had a tray in her hands, with steaming mugs of hot chocolate on it, and I grinned, quirking a brow at her. Once she sat the tray down on the table, she handed me my mug with a grin of her own, "There you go, m'dear. Cinnamon and whipped cream, just the way you like it."

Kissing her cheek, I thanked her and took a seat on my side of the couch. Kate took hers, and Emily sat between us. Kate leaned back, sipping her cocoa as she watched us. Putting down my mug after taking another drink, I grabbed the stack of pictures and handed them to Emily. She did an excited little wiggle in her seat, which made both Kate and me chuckle.

"I can't _wait_ to see how some of these turned out!" Emily said, her eyes glinting with enthusiasm.

I smiled at her as I said, "You've got a good eye, Lee. You did pretty well with some of them."

She smiled widely, then wormed her way against the back of the couch and started flipping through the pictures, taking her time on every single one. Sometimes she'd point out something to Kate, explaining what we'd been doing. Other times she let out a little squeal of delight - usually when it was a shot of Jasper and me together.

When she reached the picture of Jasper clucking like a chicken, Emily lost it and began to laugh so hard she had tears in her eyes. Kate looked over at me with a raised eyebrow and a grin firmly in place.

Emily managed to pull herself together again, and in between giggles she looked at me and asked, "H-has Jasper s-seen these yet?"

"Mhmm, he did."

Emily snorted softly. "Let me guess...eye roll?"

Smirking, I nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

Finishing her drink, Kate set the empty mug down and leaned closer, prompting Emily to explain the next few pictures to her. When they got to the pictures Emily had captured of Jasper and me almost kissing - and being far too intimate than was really proper for her to have witnessed - I blushed.

Kate shot me a knowing look but took pity on me as she commented on Emily's angle and lighting. Emily, in the meantime, kept shooting me furtive glances, which just made me blush more.

Clearing my throat, I rolled my eyes at myself and said, "Thank you for taking those, Lee. They're honestly some of my favorites from that day."

The proud smile that spread over her face was worth any embarrassment on my part. Emily bit her lip as she flipped quickly through the stack again, pulling out the ones she wanted copies off. When she was done, she frowned at the pile in front of her and huffed, "That's more than half of them..."

I grinned. "That's alright..."

Emily turned to me with wide eyes, gaping. "I can't ask you to do that!"

I quirked a brow at her. "You're not. I offered. Besides, you can consider it part of your training if you're up to learning how to use the darkroom sometime soon."

She bit her lip again, her eyes searching mine as she quietly asked, "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"Yay, thank you!" Her voice dissolved into a yawn. "'Scuse me," she mumbled, blinking slowly. I knew the events of the night - and probably the crash from excess sugar - had finally caught up to her.

Kate patted Emily's knee as she said, "I think it's time for bed. Don't you two need to get up crazy early to pick up Jasper?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah..." She put the pictures on the table before turning to me and hugging me fiercely, muttering, "Thanks, Edward. For everything."

Hugging her back just as tightly, I kissed the top of her hair. "You're welcome, sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Mhmm. Night, Edward." She kissed my cheek and got up, giving Kate a chance to give me a hug as well as she wished me a good night. The two of them disappeared upstairs while I straightened up the den and did the few dishes that were left before going to bed.

I changed into my pajama pants since Emily and Kate were staying over and grabbed my phone, sliding between the covers. My laptop was on my nightstand, but as much as I wanted to see Jasper, I wasn't sure I could without giving myself away. I typed out a quick text to let him know I was in bed and then set my alarm - both the one on my phone and on my nightstand.

My phone chirped as I was getting comfortable, and I smiled as I flipped it open and read his message.

_You up for Skyping?_

I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing softly as I considered it again. Deciding it was better not to, I typed out:

_Sorry, baby. I'm wiped...plus the girls are here. I'll see you soon, though. Can't wait to pick you up in the morning. You should get some sleep, too. I miss you..._

It wasn't a lie. I really _was_ tired, feeling the weight of the night's events catching up with me, too. Jasper's reply came quickly, leaving me feeling both relieved and sad that he agreed, saying he was going to turn in as well. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I stopped myself. I really wanted to say those words to him for the first time in person, not in impersonal text. After a quick text goodnight, I turned the lights off, put my phone on my nightstand, and fell asleep far quicker than I would have thought possible.

My alarm went off way too early for my liking, and my first instinct was to shut it off, turn over, and go back to sleep. By the time my phone alarm went off as well, I remembered the reason for the early wake up and smiled, burrowing my face into my pillow. It was ridiculous how much I was looking forward to having Jasper close by again, especially considering everything that had happened - or maybe it was _because_ of it.

And then the memories of last night came rushing back, and I groaned into my pillow. As much as I wanted to have him here, to hold him again, to kiss and touch him again...the talk that was going to happen later today was not going to be pleasant. I was determined to be there for both Jasper and Emily, though. I had a feeling they'd both need me, and I was more than glad that Emily seemed to _want_ me there.

Stretching myself languidly, I muttered, "But first, breakfast."

Deciding to get that taken care of before taking a shower, I got up, grabbed a t-shirt, and pulled it over my head as I walked out of my room. I could hear the shower in the guestroom going, so I knew at least one of them was up already.

As I started the coffee, I tried to figure out what to make for breakfast. I still had some strawberries left, as well as a couple of bananas. A quick look in my fridge showed sausages and eggs. Making up my mind, I checked my recipe book for what I needed to make Dutch pancakes, which I'd taken a liking to during one of my trips to Europe. Satisfied that I had everything, I set to work.

When the girls came downstairs about half an hour later, I was almost done with the pancakes. Emily sat down at the bar, looking tired but smiling, while Kate grabbed plates and silverware before taking her seat as well.

"Morning, ladies. Did you sleep well?"

Kate grumbled a reply I couldn't catch, but I wasn't worried about her. She was hardly ever "human" until after her first cup of coffee - catch her before that, and you were lucky to keep your head. Emily simply hummed in affirmation.

I pointed them toward the fruit I'd already set up on the bar along with syrup, honey, and Nutella. When I asked if either of them wanted sausage with their pancakes, they both shook their heads, saying they were fine.

Plating the last of the pancakes, I grabbed the carafe of coffee and made my way over to the bar, placing them both down before taking my seat. "Dig in, ladies." I looked at Emily and smiled. "I hope you like them. Ever had Dutch pancakes before?"

She shook her head again as she picked up one and put it on her plate. She looked at the choices in front of her, seemingly having a hard time deciding what to try. I chuckled, telling her she was welcome to have however many she wanted. She grinned, her eyes meeting mine with a mischievous light in them as she said, "Be careful with that, Edward. I'll hold you to it, and you might be surprised at what this girl can wolf down."

Kate and I both started laughing. We chatted idly over breakfast, and Emily complimented me on the pancakes. I asked her if she thought Jasper might like some and what he'd like with them. She immediately jumped on the idea of making a plate for when we picked him up.

"I think he'd prefer savory over sweet, though," she said.

Wiping my hands and mouth with a napkin, I grinned. "That can be arranged. As long as you and Kate can handle frying up a few sausage links, that is. I have to hurry to get showered and stuff. That okay?"

I looked at both of them. Emily seemed all for it, and Kate just smirked and nodded, nursing her cup of coffee in both hands. After putting my dishes in the sink and showing Emily where to find everything she'd need to put together a take-away plate for her brother, I went to take a shower.

By the time I was downstairs again, the girls were just cleaning everything up.

"You ready to go, Lee?"

"Yep!" She grinned, grabbed the insulated bag, and walked over to me. "All set. Even have napkins and utensils if he wants them. And Kate's got a thermos with coffee for him."

As if on cue, Kate handed me the thermos with a smirk and said, "Don't worry, we thought of everything to make your boy happy, Eddie. Well, everything _we_ can provide, anyway."

She winked, chuckling at the blush that spread up my neck as I narrowed my eyes at her. I pulled her in for a one-armed hug and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Katie-bug, you do know that payback's a bitch, right?"

I grinned as I felt her stiffen slightly. She hissed, "You wouldn't!"

Quirking a brow at her, I shrugged. "Just remember you have Garrett now - and I've known you for a looong time."

She smacked the back of her hand against my stomach and grumbled, "Alright, alright, I'll behave..." Then she muttered, "For now, at least," under her breath.

After locking up, Kate walked with us to my car and waited until Emily put the bag of food on the backseat. While I got into the car, the two of them hugged, speaking quietly, and then Kate ducked her head in to say goodbye and to tell me to give her a call later in the week.

The trip to the airport was relatively quiet. I could tell that Emily was worried about something, and I was willing to bet that it had to do with how her brother would take the news of what had happened. I reached over, squeezing her shoulder as I glanced at her quickly before turning my attention back to the road. "It'll be okay, Lee. Jasper won't like what happened, no, but you might be surprised by his reaction."

I knew that Jasper would be pissed off, but I was relatively certain his anger would be directed mostly at James - and, if the talk he and I had had the week before was any indication, he'd be upset with himself, too.

Emily just nodded, her gaze drawn to the thermos in her hands. It wasn't until I'd parked the car that she looked up at me with a frown. Her voice was soft, barely audible as she said, "Edward? I'm...scared he's going to hate me..." I opened my mouth to contradict her, but she shook her head and spoke quickly, "No, really...I should never have let James... Jasper asked me if he'd ever hurt me, and I told him no. I got mad at him and asked if he thought I was stupid...only...I-I..."

I sighed, scrubbing my face roughly several times as a sinking feeling settled into my gut. I turned to face Emily and took her hand in mine. "Only he hit a little too close to home, and you reacted without thinking."

She nodded, sniffling softly. I squeezed her hand to get her to look at me. "Emily, sweetheart, I can't say how he will react to that, but I am _positive _he won't hate you for it. Any of it. I don't think he ever could, honey...you're too important to him, you know. He loves you."

She wiped her eyes quickly, nodding as she said, "I know he does...that's why I'm scared."

Leaning over the console, I gave her an awkward hug, kissing her temple and whispering, "I know, sweetheart. But I'll be there, and we'll figure it all out, okay?"

"Okay..." She took a shuddering breath before pulling away, turning in her seat to put the thermos down next to the bag of food so it would be waiting for Jasper.

When she sat back, I ran my thumbs over her cheekbones, wiping away the rest of her tears as I smiled softly at her. "You ready to go?"

She gave a watery smile and nodded. We got out, and I offered her my arm, which she took gratefully. She asked to stop by the restrooms so she could freshen up and greet her brother without tear streaks on her face. Once she was done with that, we made our way over to the arrivals area to see when his flight was landing.

Thankfully, the screen said it had already landed a few minutes earlier, so we made our way to the right area and waited. Emily tucked herself against my side as I put my arm around her shoulders and gave her a reassuring smile.

I was dreading the coming conversation as much as she was. I could only imagine how sick Jasper was going to feel, how it would remind him of everything he'd gone through with Paul - and how having it happen to his little sister was going to seem like his worst nightmare. Regardless of how Emily thought he was going to react, I knew Jasper would beat himself up over this, and I just hoped that we would be able to make him see reason...and that I could hold him together if he started to fall apart.

All my anxiety made it hard to stay positive, but I tried my best. I focused instead on the fact that I would be seeing him soon after a long week of waiting and wishing. When people finally started coming into the baggage claim area where we were, both Emily and I began searching for Jasper. It was another couple of minutes before his blond curls were visible, and Emily, who had put her arm around my waist, squeezed tight as she said, "There he is!"

I grinned, because in spite of her worries about her brother's reaction, she sounded excited to see him. Jasper looked up, his eyes widening in surprise to find us there, and his gaze flickered between us as if he was trying to figure something out. With a few quick strides, he was in front of us, and Emily extracted herself from me to give her brother a hug. I could tell that she held on tight, and the worried look Jasper shot me told me that he noticed a difference, too. I shook my head and mouthed, "Later; she's okay."

He nodded hesitantly, holding her close for a while until she let go. She smiled up at him and said, "Hey, Spurs, I missed you."

Grinning slightly, he said, "Missed you, too, Lee Lee. Hope you didn't give Edward too hard a time last night?"

Emily shot me an anxious glance, so I said, "Nope, perfect house guest, actually. We had a good time, right, Lee?"

She smiled gratefully, nodding. "Yeah, it was fun hanging out with you and Kate."

Emily stepped aside then, and as soon as she did, the airport seemed to fade away. Jasper moved in front of me, his blue eyes searching mine for something before he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me tight. He nuzzled my neck, taking several breaths before whispering, "God, I missed you, Princess..."

Something eased inside of me as I held him in my arms again; it almost felt as if I was being wrapped in a warm blanket. That thought made me smile as I murmured, "I missed you, too, Cuddles. You have no idea. I'm glad you're home."

He pulled back just far enough to smile at me and kiss me softly. I could tell that he was holding back, that he wanted to do more than this but would wait until we were alone. Neither one of us wanted to ignore Emily, but I had to fight not to give in to the desire to just kiss the breath out of him.

Emily cleared her throat lightly, and we both looked over at her with matching raised eyebrows. She quirked her own and pointed at her watch, saying, "Sorry to cut this short, you two, but Jasper still needs to get his bag, and then we need to head to class?"

Jasper sighed heavily, hugging me briefly again before letting me go with a grumpy, "Alright, alright..."

I grabbed his hand, which made him smile, and we walked over to pick up his luggage. As we walked, I debated driving home instead of to class. It seemed trivial and almost maddening to have to pretend for several more hours before everything was finally out in the open. I didn't think that catching Emily off guard that way would be a good idea, though, so I sighed and kept walking, lacing my fingers through Jasper's in silent apology.

We were almost back to the car when Emily did a little bounce and walked backwards ahead of us, a grin on her face as she told Jasper about the breakfast we'd brought along for him. I opened the car, and Emily ducked inside to grab the bag while I put Jasper's things in the trunk.

Jasper was peering inside the carrier and looked up at me with raised eyebrows. I grinned, shrugging as Emily said, "Hope you're hungry, Spurs, because those things are good. Edward's not a bad cook, from the look of it. Unless, of course, breakfast is the only thing you know how to do?"

She shot me a sly glance, and I narrowed my eyes playfully at her, my grin belying any seriousness behind the gesture. She chuckled, and Jasper said, "Oh, trust me, little sis, Edward knows his way around the kitchen almost as well as Mama does."

He grinned at me and winked as I grumbled, "_Almost_, huh?"

He kissed my cheek as he gave me an awkward, one-armed hug, carefully balancing his food in the other hand. "Thanks, baby. You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't...well, I cooked, but Emily put this together for you. Now come on, both of you get in so we can get out of here."

Jasper said, "Yes, sir," with a wry smile that made Emily giggle, and before too long we were on our way to class. He ate as we were driving, asking questions here and there about how things went last night. I was thankful that he had the food to distract him because I was certain that if he'd had his undivided attention on the conversation, he would've noticed Emily looking nervously at me.

As it was, we made it to pottery class with minutes to spare, and Jasper none the wiser. He went to wash his hands as soon as we got inside the building, while Emily greeted Carmen as usual, though I noticed that she hugged her just a little tighter. She whispered softly to Carmen, who squeezed her, murmuring in response. She nodded as she pulled away from Emily, who gave a small smile before walking to her station. I helped her with her apron, rubbing her arms gently in reassurance. When she looked up at me, she nodded again, a look of determination in her eyes.

Jasper walked up behind me, tying my apron as he whispered, "What the hell's going on?"

Turning around, I pecked his lips and murmured, "After class, Jazz. I promise everything's okay and you'll hear all about it...but later, alright?"

He grumbled but conceded. Class itself went the way it usually did, though it felt as if time both dragged on and flew by all at once. I kept getting distracted, glancing over at Jasper and Emily to make sure they were both doing okay. Jasper, in the meantime, kept shooting us furtive glances, with a look of frustration and confusion on his face. I hated putting him through that, but it was what it was, and we'd sit down to talk about it soon enough.

Finally, it was time to clean up. Emily and Carmen had skipped their customary cup of tea, and for once I wasn't the last one working. My attention was too divided between the bowl I was making and the coming conversation to lose myself the way I normally did. When Jasper asked Emily where we were going for lunch, I said, "My place. I'm making us sandwiches."

The look of surprise on Jasper's face would've been comical if I hadn't felt like shit for keeping secrets from him. He didn't ask questions, which was a relief, though he did give both Emily and me a calculating look. We walked wordlessly to the car, Jasper's hand seeking out mine. I smiled, bringing his hand up to my lips and kissing his knuckles, silently thanking him for just going with it.

The drive home was a little awkward, as Emily withdrew into herself and Jasper kept looking from her to me with a worried expression. When we got home, I let Emily go inside first, but Jasper - instead of following her - turned around, preventing me from going in. His eyes searched mine, his jaw clenching a couple of times, and then he said, "Did something happen with you and Emily? Did you two have an argument or something?"

I sighed, cupping his cheek with my hand. "Baby, please, let's go inside. Yes, something happened. No, your sister and I didn't fight. And yes, you will hear all about it. Just...trust me? And go easy on her?"

His frown deepened. "Go easy on her? What do you mean? What aren't you telling me?"

Taking his hand in mine, I squeezed it lightly. "Sweetheart, please, let's sit down? I won't keep anything from you; neither will Lee. But this may take awhile."

Reluctantly, he walked ahead of me, took off his shoes, and then went into the den where Emily was already waiting. She sat on my armchair with her legs pulled up, her arms wrapped tight around her knees. My heart ached for both of them as Jasper took his seat on the couch, facing her. For a moment, I stood undecided as I tried to figure out where to sit. In the end, I opted to sit on the armrest of the couch, next to Jasper, but still close to Emily in case she needed me.

I could almost feel the tension coming off of Jasper, so I put my hand on the nape of his neck, brushing it gently. We sat in silence for a while, until Emily finally took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly before finding mine. I nodded, and she swallowed hard, turning her attention to Jasper. He sat a little straighter in response, as if sensing that what was coming would not be to his liking.

Emily cleared her throat, her fingers nervously plucking at the sleeve of her shirt as she said, "I broke up with James."

Glancing down at Jasper, I saw the surprise and confusion - as well as relief - on his face. He opened his mouth a couple of times before saying, "That's it? That's what y'all have been so uptight about?" He frowned at Emily. "Out with it, Lee; what aren't you telling me?"

She bit her lip, once again looking to me for reassurance. I mouthed, "Go on," and she nodded.

She closed her eyes, apparently unable to look at her brother as she said, "I was here last night because I called Edward to pick me up. I went to surprise James at work, except I was the one that ended up being surprised..."

Emily told him what had happened the night before, from finding James with his arms around another girl, to calling me, to James trying to pull her into the alleyway, to me stepping in and then taking her home. I could feel Jasper tensing up when he heard that James had tried to hurt her, and his eyes cut to me when Emily described what I'd done, a look of both indignation and gratitude in them.

Jasper's voice was hoarse with emotion as he turned to his sister, asking her if she was okay. She nodded timidly but didn't meet his eyes until he said, "Emily...tell me the truth. Has he hurt you? Ever?"

She hesitated, reluctance clear on her face before she nodded again. I caught Jasper's muttered oath, and so did she. She flinched, blinking tears away rapidly as she whispered, "I'm sorry..."

He was instantly in motion, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around Emily. He cradled her, and I could tell his emotions were running high as I heard him say, "Sorry? Lee Lee, why didn't you tell me before? How long..?" His voice was choked as he broke off, and I saw a shudder pass through his shoulders.

She sniffled, clutching her arms around him as she shifted so her legs weren't in the way. Jasper said, "How long, Lee?"

I moved over to take a seat on the armrest of the chair, rubbing Emily's back in soothing circles as she whispered, "A few weeks...he started acting weird right around the time we started class, actually."

Jasper inhaled sharply, his eyes flashing to mine with hurt and anger both apparent on his face. He managed, "Why didn't you say something when I asked you?"

She shrugged, and her voice was small as she said, "I-I'm sorry...I just...I couldn't...I didn't want you to know...to think less of me for not standing up to him..."

Emily was crying now, and I heard Jasper mutter, "It's my fault...I'm sorry, Lee Lee...I'm so sorry...I should have...I _knew_ something was wrong..."

I placed my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. When he looked up, I said, "Jasper, don't. What's done is done. It's not your fault, okay?"

He sat up straight, almost glaring at me as he protested, "Yes, it is! I should have seen..." His jaw clenched as he muttered, "No. No, I _did_ see. I knew. I should have protected her!"

I sighed, running my fingers through his hair. I could tell this was hurting him, and that it wasn't just about his feeling of not having protected her. "Jasper...I think you need to tell her."

His eyes widened as he shook his head. He scooted away from us and muttered, "No...I can't..."

Sinking down to the floor so I could be level with Jasper, I took his face between my hands, forcing him to look at me. I spoke quietly, just for his ears. "Jasper, baby, I know you don't want to, but you need to. For both your sakes. She needs to know what happened...to understand. Let her in, Jazz. She needs to know she's not alone and that it's not her fault. She needs her big brother."

His eyes were frantic, going back and forth between mine. His voice was so hoarse I could barely hear him. "How can I tell her...now?"

I wrapped my arms around him, murmuring, "Baby, I'm right here. I'll stay if you want me to, but...you need to do this. She needs you. She needs to know you still love her - like she'll still love you once she understands."

It was breaking my heart to see them both like this, but I was convinced I was right. I knew Emily was afraid to lose her brother and that he was afraid he'd lose her love and respect if she knew the truth. The only way I could see for both of them to move forward, to heal, was for them to finally talk openly about what had happened to them.

I sighed in relief when I felt him nod and whisper, "Please don't leave..."

Kissing him briefly, I smiled sadly and said, "I won't, baby. I'll be right here."

He nodded again and moved to sit back on the couch. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously, looking every which way but at Emily. She, on the other hand, was watching us with concern and confusion. She wiped her face, sniffled once, and said tentatively, "Jasper?"

He looked up then, swallowing hard as she asked, "Do you hate me?"

Her face was stoic, but I could tell it took a lot of effort to keep it that way. Jasper's eyes widened in shock, flickering briefly to mine. I quirked a brow, silently telling him, _"See? You need to tell her."_

"No, Em, I don't...I couldn't...but you might hate me..."

Emily looked confused for a moment and started to object when Jasper spoke again. She fell quiet as he told her - finally - about what he had been through with Paul. He couldn't look at either of us. He just sat on the couch with hunched shoulders, his hands folded in his lap with his eyes focused on them. His voice broke several times, and he shuddered when I placed a hand on his shoulder in quiet support.

I watched as Emily's face showed horror, pain for her brother, and comprehension as everything was laid out for her. My heart ached hearing his story again, and this time I couldn't help the few tears from slipping down my cheeks, though I did my best to hide it. When Jasper was done, everything was still for protracted seconds, the silence oppressive and almost deafening.

Jasper still hadn't looked up when Emily moved to sit next to him. He refused to meet her eyes as she leaned in, awkwardly hugging him. "Why didn't you ever tell me? I never knew...I didn't understand why you never called, why you wouldn't come home for Christmas that first year...Oh, Spurs..."

I wrapped my arms around both of them as well as I could reach and kissed the crown of Jasper's head. We sat like that for a while, and I couldn't help my smile when I felt Jasper move to put an arm around Emily, his hand reaching for my shoulder.

Eventually, Emily started talking about what James had done, and I had a hard time keeping my composure, as both Emily and Jasper continued to take the blame for what had happened to them - as well as what had happened to the other. I finally excused myself, stating that I would make those sandwiches I'd promised so they could have a moment alone.

When I got to the kitchen, I automatically pulled everything out I would need for lunch and started preparing roast beef and turkey sandwiches. When I was finished, I simply stood at the counter, leaning heavily on it with my hands, my head bowed low as I fought to keep from crying. I ached for them, and I wanted to help them, to make them both see how none of it was their fault, but I had no idea how to get through to them.

I must have been gone longer than I thought because Jasper was suddenly behind me, and I started when I felt his hand tentatively touch me between my shoulder blades. He rested his hip against the counter next to me, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut to keep my composure as he whispered, "Edward, are you alright?"

Taking a shuddering breath, I nodded. Even with everything that was going on, how much Jasper was hurting himself, and how worried and upset he was about what had happened to Emily, he still made sure I was okay. I turned to face him and wrapped my arms tightly around him, nuzzling his neck as I tried to keep myself in check.

The urge to tell him was stronger now than ever before, and when I felt him trying to soothe _me_, I knew I had to let him know. I couldn't _not_ say it anymore - I had to let him see how I felt about him. He needed to understand that I loved him, even with everything that had happened - that I _wouldn't _leave, or think less of him, or...any of that.

I pulled back to look at him; the mixture of emotions I saw in his eyes strengthened my resolve. This wasn't romantic or the way I'd imagined telling him for the first time, but this felt like the _right_ time. Placing both hands on his cheeks to hold him in place, I took a deep breath. Kissing him chastely, I smiled and whispered, "I'm fine, baby. More than fine. I'm so proud of you...you're so strong. I know how hard it was for you to tell Emily what happened to you."

He watched me in silence, his eyes filled with confusion and pain and affection and something beautiful that I wasn't sure I'd ever really seen there - _hope_. My quiet smile grew softer as I kissed him again and then pulled back to murmur, "I love you, Jasper..."

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off with another kiss before shaking my head. "Don't, please. I just needed you to know, Jazz. You don't have to say those words right now. In fact, I don't want you to. I need you to tell me because you mean it and feel it, too, not because you think you have to. And if you don't, it won't change how I feel for you, baby. I realize you have things to work through...and that you may not be where I'm at yet... That's okay. I can wait."

My thumbs brushed his cheekbones as I calmed myself, cutting off my babbling before I added, "You're worth waiting for, Jasper."

He swallowed several times, his eyes searching mine for what felt like ages before he finally nodded, kissing me hard. After several minutes, he pulled back just far enough to rest his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes, and I thought I saw a smile ghosting his lips as he whispered, "Thank you..."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ We're still working our way through __**Fandom Gives Back**__, fulfilling all our obligations there. Thank you SO much to everyone who donated either individually or as part of __**Team Whitlock-Masen**__. The Civil War fic won by Team WM is nearing completion, and it will likely be posting in chapters because, well, we were wordy - you're shocked, we know. Please check out our profile to see the other FGB fics that have been completed, and keep your eye out for the others coming up._

_We had both sworn that we were not going to do any other benefits until we had completely caught up with the ones we still owe...and then, of course, a cause came along that we just couldn't ignore. We will be taking part in __**Fandom For Preemies**__, a cause that is near and dear to both of us for various reasons. This drive is similar to the Haiti and Tennessee ones in that you make a donation and receive a compilation of stories from all sorts of authors. Please visit http:/fandomforpreemies(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ and take part!_


	22. If I Give My Heart to You

**A/N:** It's been a while since our last update, and we apologize for that. In hopes of getting them done and out to you a little more on schedule, we decided to shorten the chapters. We love our boys, and we know you do, too. Thank you for sticking with us this past year (yes, year! Can't quite believe it, but there you have it.).

As always, we want to thank our lovely ladies for prereading and supporting us **-** _**EchoesofTwilight, kimberlycullen10, theladyingrey42. **_We were late in getting this chapter to them, so any mistakes you see are our own.

We do not own Twilight; we simply enjoy playing with the boys.

**ooOoo**

**JPOV**

I was vaguely aware of Edward leaving, but the sense of loss was obscured, shrouded in questions and conflicting emotions. I felt raw, aching and bleeding from my fears about Emily being confirmed.

I still couldn't believe I'd told her what had happened with Paul. I'd promised myself long ago that my family would never know – that they, at least, would still think of me as Jasper and not as some victim. But looking at Emily, knowing she'd gone through something similar, made my defenses crumble. When Edward told me I had to tell her, there was nothing I could do but agree.

And be afraid.

Thankfully, he'd been right, as was so often the case. Even now, she held my hand with understanding in her eyes and no hint of reproach or disappointment. I hadn't expected telling the truth to be so…freeing. For once, I wasn't simply ashamed. I was relieved.

Suddenly, I became aware that we'd been sitting in silence since Edward walked away. I cleared my throat and shifted my eyes to Emily, concern for her flooding in again. "Hey…" I said quietly. "Are you okay, Lee?"

She nodded, sniffling with red eyes as she gave me a weak, watery smile. "It's been one hell of a weekend," she said in a strangled voice.

We laughed softly together with anything but amusement. When our laughter trailed off, she squeezed my hand and then pulled hers away, brushing the hair out of her eyes before reaching for a tissue. She blew her nose and then gave a heavy sigh. "I just don't know how I let all…that happen. I'm so sorry, Spurs."

"Emily, please," I interrupted. "If you value my sanity, _please_ don't say you're sorry again. You did nothing wrong. _Nothing_. He's a fucking piece of shit that-" I stopped myself, biting back the threats and promises that wanted to spill over. I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging in an attempt to control my temper.

Finally, I let out a slow breath, my eyes widening as I realized that everything I was saying was exactly what Edward had tried to tell me – about Paul. And Mike had said the same thing – and Ben and Angela and…pretty much everyone who knew about the whole situation. It had never made sense to me. I'd never believed that Paul could've been such an abusive prick without my allowing him to, but I just couldn't make myself believe that Emily was at fault here in any way.

So where did that leave me?

Emily noticed my sudden silence and said, "Hey, are you okay?" in a soft echo of my own question.

I nodded – probably a little too quickly – and said, "I'm fine, Lee Lee. I'm just glad you're okay."

Truth be told, I was reeling, drowning in information overload, but I wasn't willing to talk about that quite yet. I didn't know what my realizations would mean for me or if they'd even really make a difference at all.

Somehow, I hoped they would.

I sighed and rubbed my hand across my forehead, my eyes tightening against the headache I could feel coming on. Emily looked just plain miserable, and I couldn't have that. I gave her a withering look, the same one I'd given as a teenager, and said, "Do you _always_ have to copy me?"

Her eyes widened for a second before narrowing. She put her hands on her hips and arched one eyebrow. "I'd rather _die_ than copy you, Jasper Whitlock," she declared dramatically.

She spoiled it by giggling. It faltered a little, but at least the smile stayed. She whispered, "Thanks," again and then pulled more tissue from the box, blowing her nose noisily. I reached out, tickling her ribs, and she squirmed away.

There was something welling up in my chest, something I felt I should say, but I didn't realize what it was until the words spilled over my lips. "If you want to copy me, Lee," I said huskily, "make it a guy like Edward."

I felt heat on my neck and knew it was likely climbing up my cheeks. I meant it, though, and I refused to try to cover it up. Instead of the teasing expression I expected on Emily's face, I saw a soft smile. She nodded. "You're right… I'll keep that in mind."

I gave a half-smile. I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. "Don't you dare say you're lucky to have him."

I frowned at her. "How the hell..?"

"I know you," she answered simply, shrugging and rubbing her nose once more. "But you're wrong."

At my disgruntled expression, she held up both hands. "I'm not saying Edward's not a great guy. Believe me, I know he is. I've sort of had experience with the other type." She grimaced and sighed, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ears. "But you are, too," she finished earnestly.

I made a face as well, reflexively shaking my head as I looked down at my hands in my lap. She didn't know what I'd done. She didn't know any of it – how I couldn't tell him how I felt, how I wasn't even _sure_ how I felt. How I kept fighting an urge to duck and run.

She scooted closer to me, wriggling her way under my arm. Resting her head on my shoulder, she sighed. "I'm serious, Spurs. I've seen the way he treats you and the way you look at him. You two are perfect together. I…" she trailed off, swallowing hard before forcing herself to continue. "I know how you feel. It's like…like you're…dirty. You'll never be good enough, right?"

My heart thudded in my ears, and I fought the urge to weep as I listened to what I thought were my darkest secrets passing her lips. Worse, I knew _she_ felt that way. I blinked quickly, but I still felt moisture gathering at the corners of my eyes. I knew better than to try to speak, so I rested my cheek against the top of her head and nodded, putting my arm around her.

"Trust me." Her voice was gruff, hoarse from crying and sheer emotion. "You're more than good enough. And he knows it. You should, too."

A smile flirted with my lips as I thought about my baby sister offering such sage advice. I shook my head and squeezed her tighter against my side before kissing the top of her head. "Thanks, Lee."

I wasn't sure I believed her, but it felt damn good to hear her say that, especially after finally sharing my history with her. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, each lost in our own thoughts, until she finally patted my knee and straightened. She ran her fingers through her hair and frowned, tilting her head. "I wonder where Edward is…"

I automatically glanced at the clock, but it did me no good since I had no idea when he'd left. "I don't know," I answered honestly. "Do you mind if I go look for him?"

She rolled her eyes at me, her familiar teasing smile back in place, but all she said was, "Of course not."

I stood and ruffled her hair, earning a smack on the back of my leg as I went around the couch. I'd heard Edward mention something about food, so I ventured into the kitchen, only to be shocked by what I found there.

He was standing at the counter, his fingers gripping the edge so tightly that I could see tendons standing out along his wrists. His head was bowed, and his shoulders were bunched, his entire posture oozing tension.

"Edward?" I called. My voice came out far softer than I'd intended, but I couldn't bring myself to raise it. Instead I walked toward him, taking in the rest of the kitchen on the way. He'd finished making sandwiches, but had apparently stopped right afterward. Condiments were still strewn around, which was completely unlike him.

As I got closer, I reached out, resting my hand between his shoulder blades as I shifted around so I could see him. I leaned my hip against the counter and watched his face. His eyes closed as soon as he realized I was there, and I frowned, unsure if I wanted to know where his thoughts were. I forced the words out, my need to understand overtaking my fear. "Edward, are you alright?"

I wasn't sure he was going to answer, but then he nodded and wrapped me up in a tight hug. He turned toward me fully and buried his face in my neck, and I held him just as firmly. He felt so good in my arms, so right, and I was struck again by just how close I'd come to losing all of this.

So much of what I wanted to say died in my throat. I wanted to tell him thank you, tell him that I cared about him more than I'd ever cared about anyone, that I wasn't sure how I would live without him.

But I just didn't have the words.

Instead, I murmured quietly, rubbing his back as I asked if he was okay, if I could do anything. It was all meaningless compared to what I really felt, but it was also the most I could do.

He pulled away slowly, his eyes darting between mine as his warm hands cupped my cheeks. I didn't understand what was happening, but the look in his eyes told me that, whatever it was, it was important. He kissed me softly and murmured, "I'm fine, baby. More than fine. I'm so proud of you...you're so strong. I know how hard it was for you to tell Emily what happened to you."

Something deep inside me relaxed at those words and at the honest expression on his face. If he could know about Paul, about Jason…about _me_ and still be here, holding and kissing me, I knew somehow that it would all be okay. He kissed me again, and I returned it eagerly with a reverence I wasn't sure I'd ever felt before. When he pulled away, my eyes fluttered open slowly, but my content smile froze before it fully formed when he spoke again.

"I love you, Jasper," Edward said.

My lips were still warm from his, the pressure of his kiss lingering so that it took me a moment to really absorb what he said. My eyes widened as panic gripped my chest. I wanted so _badly_ to say those words back to him, but I wasn't sure that's what I felt. What did he expect? I was just getting comfortable with what we were, even if I didn't really have a name for it exactly. Were things going to change so quickly?

I opened my mouth, not even sure what I was going to say. My heart was thudding in my throat so hard I was positive no sound would actually come out.

Edward's lips covered mine again before I could try. He shook his head, whispering to me, telling me not to say those three words right now. I wanted to growl, though I wasn't sure if it was at myself for being so weak or at him for taking the choice away from me.

It wasn't until his thumbs brushed my cheekbones and he whispered, "You're worth waiting for, Jasper," that the knot in my chest began to relax. I looked at him – _really_ looked – and the panic began to fade away.

I wasn't ready to tell him I loved him yet, especially since I wasn't sure I did, but one look at his face reminded me that I needed him. I couldn't let him go, and I felt a surge of gratitude that I didn't have to make _that_ choice right now – that he'd saved me from having to either say I loved him or risk losing him.

He was watching me, and I could see caring and happiness and just that wonderful whatever it was that made him Edward. He didn't look afraid or expectant. He just looked…honest.

_How did I ever get so lucky?_

In a distant corner of my mind, I could sense the way Emily would not approve of the thought, even if it was nothing but pure truth. I nodded, trying to let him know I understood, and then I kissed him with everything I had. My mind was in turmoil, thoughts of Emily and James and Paul and Edward mixing together until I wasn't sure what was happening, but _this_ I knew.

And it was exactly what I needed right then – to feel Edward's arms around me, his lips on mine. To know that he was there and he wasn't leaving me.

I opened my eyes as our kiss ended, but when I saw his face again, I was overwhelmed with gratitude, both for me and for Emily. My forehead pressed against his as my eyes fluttered closed, and I whispered, "Thank you…"

I felt an intense urge to say more, but I didn't know what _to_ say. The combination of my uncertainty and the knowledge that Emily was just in the other room, hurting and confused, left little time for me to dwell on what had just happened between Edward and me.

He seemed to sense where my thoughts were because he pulled me close, wrapping his arms around my waist and squeezing me tight as he kissed me once more. Then he stepped back, putting some distance between us. I caught his whispered, "Thank you…" and glanced up at him, my eyes wide.

"For letting me love you," he clarified when our eyes met. Something in me ached at his words, but all I managed was a small smile that he returned.

He squared his shoulders as he turned around and surveyed the counter before putting away the condiments that were still out. He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked into the refrigerator, and I realized with a start that he was still shaken. I wanted so badly to ask him what he was thinking, but I knew that it was probably something better left alone for now. We could talk about it after Emily went home.

I put my hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him away from the refrigerator. I gave him a small smile when he stepped back, and I took his place, looking inside before pulling out the pitcher of sweet tea. I poured each of us a glass, which seemed to spur Edward into motion again.

He moved away from the counter and opened a cabinet, retrieving a wooden tray. We moved in silence, but working together again was reassuring somehow, grounding me in a way I hadn't felt since this nightmare with Emily began.

Soon, the tray was loaded, and we made our way back to the den. Emily was on the phone, talking in a low voice to someone. My back was up instantly. If she was on the phone with that asshole, I wasn't sure what I would do, but someone would likely die.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I promise." She paused, and then my fears were assuaged when she said, "Thanks, Ri. See you in an hour?" She nodded in response to something Irina said, and I saw a tiny smile form on her lips before she added, "You're the best. Bye."

She hung up and lifted her hips from the couch so she could slip the phone into her pocket. Then she turned to us, brushing her hair away from her face. She looked like hell. Her eyes were tired and puffy from crying, but there was something in the way she carried herself that was more like Emily – the Emily I'd known all my life. I hadn't truly realized how much she'd changed, at least not consciously.

"I called Irina…she's going to pick me up in a little bit."

I frowned at her. "Are you sure, Lee? You can hang out here as long as you want…"

"Yeah, I'm sure," she answered as Edward put the tray on the coffee table. She gave me a little smile and said, "I didn't exactly get a lot of sleep last night. Kate and I stayed up talking way too late."

I leaned over and gave her a hug, and she whispered, "Besides, you need some time alone with Edward, I think."

I started to argue but then realized that she was right in a lot of ways. It had been so long since we were together, and I'd missed him more than I'd realized I would – which was saying a lot. Still, my mind rebelled against the idea of leaving Emily alone, and she rolled her eyes at me as if she heard the thought.

"Carmen invited us to dinner, so we're going to go back to our dorm to work on some school stuff, and then we're going over there," she said with a pointed look at me. I nodded hesitantly, earning me a small smile from Emily and a squeeze on the thigh from Edward.

Emily reached out, taking a sandwich as she said, "Edward showed me the pictures I took at the zoo…you looked funny as hell clucking like a chicken."

I laughed, remembering that day, and picked up a sandwich of my own. We talked randomly as we ate, just light conversation that helped to ease the tension in the air. It felt good to remember that not everything was as serious and life-altering as the events of the last few hours had been.

We finished our lunch, and then Emily disappeared upstairs to grab some things she'd left in Kate's room. As soon as she stepped out of the room, Edward kissed me softly and then stood up. He began gathering our glasses and plates, and I joined him, making short work of our mess.

Instead of carrying the tray to the kitchen, though, he left it on the coffee table and walked over to the end of the couch. He glanced at the stacks of pictures lying on the end table and then smiled, picking up one of them.

"Emily picked these out," he said by way of explanation when he caught my questioning look. "I told her I'd make copies for her, but I think I'll just send them today and make more later."

I nodded, smiling at the thought that she would have something happy to take home with her. I reached out, wrapping my arms around his waist, and his lips had just covered mine when Emily walked back into the room.

"Do you two ever do anything else?" she asked with amusement in her voice. "Never mind; don't answer that," she added hastily when she caught Edward's smirk.

I laughed but didn't comment.

_Oh, if you only knew…_

I must've been grinning because Emily made a face at me, but her grimace turned to a smile when Edward gave her the stack of pictures.

"You're not just trying to get out of teaching me about the darkroom, are you? Because I know where you live."

Edward laughed. "Not at all," he said. "I'm looking forward to teaching you. I tried to teach Jasper, but he's hopeless."

His eyes were dancing with mischief and laughter, making me narrow my eyes in response. "Maybe you're just not that great a teacher," I teased.

"Maybe," he allowed, shooting me a glance that made me remember the afternoon we'd spent in his darkroom – a glance that reminded me of exactly how long we'd been apart. I shifted, turning away as I felt a surge of guilt at having those sorts of thoughts with Emily in the room, especially considering what she'd just been through.

If either of them caught my mood, they didn't show it. Instead, they focused their attention on each other, joking and taunting like…well, like brother and sister.

By the time Irina arrived, I felt a little more normal. Emily hugged Edward tightly, whispering something to him. His murmured, "You're welcome. Call me anytime," left little doubt as to what she'd said.

Then she launched herself at me, hugging me fiercely. She kissed my cheek, and I wrapped my arms around her, swaying with her for a moment before she lifted her head to murmur, "Jasper, I'm going to be okay. I promise. I'll be busy with Irina tonight, so don't you go worrying about me. Okay?"

I nodded, squeezing her before starting to let her go.

She pulled back to look me in the eye. "I mean it," she said. "Promise me."

I hesitated, considering the implication of her words, and then nodded slowly.

She smiled and hugged me once more, whispering, "Good. Now you go spend some time with Edward…he needs it, I think."

"I will…thanks, Lee Lee." I didn't know if she'd understand that I was thanking her for more than just those words. It felt so good to have someone know and understand what I'd been through, even if I wished she _didn't_ understand. Just being able to get it out there and know she still loved me made me feel better than I had in years.

Edward and I walked her to the door, taking a few minutes to talk to Irina. She and Edward had never actually met, so we introduced them and made small talk for a bit. Emily seemed to be stalling, and I had a feeling she really wasn't looking forward to the talk she and Irina would have when they got home.

At least, I _hoped_ they would talk.

I remembered how much I'd resisted talking to Mike, Eric, and Ben about what had happened with Paul, but I also knew from experience that it really did help. Just not feeling so alone and isolated had opened up a whole new world for me.

I bit back all my words of advice that threatened to spill out as I watched Emily walk away. I wanted to tell her to talk to Irina, to call our mother, to get some help…so many things that I wanted for her that I'd never really done for myself.

Something held me back, though, and it wasn't just Edward's hand wrapping around my wrist. I hadn't realized I'd started down the walkway toward Emily until I felt him grab me. I turned around to find a look of concern on his face.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice pitched low for us alone.

I nodded automatically and then stopped myself, clearing my throat. "I will be."

He gave a small smile and nodded in understanding. He pulled me close, wrapping his arm around my waist as he began to guide me back in the house. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but then closed it again, frowning slightly. His fingers caressed my side, though, letting me know he cared.

We stood in the entryway, watching each other for a moment before he reached up, cupping my cheek. "You look beat, baby. How are you holding up?" he asked quietly.

"I'm…okay," I said, frowning. I really wasn't sure how I felt, if I were being honest.

He must've misinterpreted my frown because he sighed and said, "Jazz, sweetheart, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I swear to god, I wasn't trying to lie to you. You were just in D.C., and Emily wanted to tell you herself. Well, really, she didn't want to tell you at all, but I just… I knew you needed to know, but I didn't want to make you worry, and I'm s-"

I listened, half in shock, to his babbling, but when he began to say he was sorry again, I cut him off with a kiss. It struck me finally that maybe he was right – maybe I should've been upset that he'd kept something like this from me – but all I could feel was gratitude. After listening to Emily's story, I could too easily imagine what might have happened to her if Edward hadn't been there, and the possibilities sickened me.

And made me intensely glad he'd been there.

Edward made a strangled noise of surprise, but his passion matched mine as he kissed me back. I felt his hands grasp my hips, his fingers tightening painfully, and I could sense the way he was holding back. I wasn't sure exactly why he was keeping himself in check, but I knew one thing for sure – I didn't want him to.

I guided him back to the wall, pressing against him as I kissed him hungrily. What had started as gratitude was rapidly becoming desire. The lack of contact all week hit me hard, making me relish the feeling of his arms around me again, his lips on mine. My hands slid down, cupping his ass and pulling his hips closer even as his shoulders molded against the wall.

Still, he kept his hands on my hips, so I kissed my way along his cheek, whispering breathily, "Show me."

To anyone else, it might've made little sense, but Edward knew exactly what I needed. He hesitated only a split second before moaning loudly. His right hand dipped down, squeezing my ass, as his left arm wrapped around my shoulders, crushing my chest against his. He nibbled and licked and sucked all along my neck, making me grit my teeth. My nostrils flared as I inhaled deeply, wishing that that mouth would travel all along my body, leaving no inch untouched.

"Bedroom?" he asked breathlessly.

As much as I hated the idea of pausing in what we were doing, the thought of having _all_ of him was too tempting. "Bedroom," I answered, nipping at his chin before I pushed away and grabbed his hand.

I led him upstairs, feeling his eyes on me the entire way. His hands followed soon after, fingertips caressing my back and dipping down to cup and squeeze. No lights were on upstairs, but the daylight filtering in through the windows was plenty once my eyes adjusted.

When we reached Edward's bedroom door, I couldn't wait any longer. I turned, kissing him hard, and his hands went to my waist, his thumb popping the button on my jeans. He guided me backwards toward the bed, where he pushed my pants and boxers over my hips, following them as they hit the floor.

On his knees, he pushed again, and I sat down hard on the edge of the bed. He leaned back on his heels, pulling my pants the rest of the way off, and then settled between my spread legs. Within seconds, my wish came true as that heavenly mouth of his began kissing and licking along my shaft. I felt nothing but warmth and wetness, delicious pressure from his hand and light abrasion from the stubble on his chin. The metal bar through his tongue teased me, stuttering along my skin, heightening every sensation.

"Oh, fuck," I breathed, my fingers threading through his hair as he took my balls in hand, tugging and squeezing while his tongue began a slow journey toward the head of my cock.

As much as I wanted to watch, I couldn't. My eyes were tightly closed as I leaned back, supporting myself with my free hand. My head fell back with a groan, my hips lifting slightly as my body silently begged him for more.

The tip of his tongue reached my head then and began a slow, tantalizing journey around the ridge. He breathed lightly, letting the cool air wash over my skin, and then – without any warning at all – he took me deeply, letting the head of my cock hit the back of his throat. I jerked, unable to control myself when his mouth constricted around me, but instead of gagging at the intrusion, he simply paused and moaned, swallowing before he began to move.

I opened my eyes, lifting my head so that I could see him. The sight of my fingers tangled in his auburn hair, his face in profile with his eyes closed and his lips pursed around me…there was something so powerful about the image that I felt my breath catch in my chest. It was primal and sweet and incredibly fucking sexy all at once. He heard me and lifted his eyes, meeting my gaze. I watched as he moved his head slowly upward, exposing my shaft inch by inch, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Edward gave a cocky grin when I put my hands under his biceps, urging him up. He licked me one last time, and then he was on top of me, pressing me back onto the bed. He was still fully clothed, and I worked hard to get rid of all the material between us. Soon, I was lying on my back with Edward between my knees, my hand slipping between us to alternately cup and stroke him as I tried to focus on getting him undressed.

It was much harder to concentrate than it should've been.

Gradually, our shirts and his pants joined mine on the floor, and when Edward's nude body settled on top of mine, he hissed while I let out a deep, rumbling moan. _This_ was what I'd been missing all week – that fierce, hungry look in his eyes, the feeling of his hard body on mine, the way his lips and fingertips made my skin blaze.

I knew at once what I wanted. As much as I relished the feeling of Edward taking me – and I did – it had been far too long since I'd felt him tightening around me as I stroked him, watching his eyes roll back and his lips part. I needed that. I needed to see him and feel him and taste him fall apart at my hands.

I flipped us over so that Edward was on his back, and as I began to kiss my way down his body, he mumbled, "Fuck yes, Jasper…please…been waiting so long to feel you, baby…" I listened to his whispered words, broken mutterings that grew more incoherent as I tasted the salty liquid gathered at his tip. I could feel in the stiffness of his shaft and the tension in his thighs that he was exactly where I was – so close to the edge that it would take very little to send him reeling.

The long week apart combined with the stress of Emily's situation had done a number on both of us. We were keyed up, excited to the point of incomprehension, but I still took the time to make sure he was ready for me. Licking and sucking, stroking and caressing, I paused from time to time to whisper to him, letting him know how gorgeous he was, how desirable, how absolutely breathtaking.

He rolled toward the side of the bed, and I heard the scrape of the drawer. I didn't even lift my head when I felt the air move against my cheek. I reached up, taking the bottle of lube from his outstretched hand. I took him deeper, my teeth teasing his length as I poured some of the slick liquid into my palm, and his empty fingers immediately tangled in my hair.

I rubbed lightly along his sensitive, puckered flesh, and he inhaled sharply, lifting his knees and spreading his thighs. It was all the encouragement I needed to press my finger gently into him. I groaned at the way he felt, tight and hot around me, and despite my best intentions, I found myself hurrying. A second finger joined the first, and then a third, and soon, Edward's hips were writhing.

I became aware then of his broken, pleading whispers, and it struck me that it was pointless to deny us what we both so obviously wanted right then. Slipping my hand away, I moved to my knees. Edward sat up, his legs spread around me, and kissed me hard. He was breathless and desperate somehow, but his hands were sure when he ripped open the packet he held. He stroked me a few times, squeezing so that my eyes rolled back in my head. Then he rolled the condom down my length, and I took over, stroking myself with my lubed hand.

His hand wrapped around mine as he nibbled at my lower lip. Together, we pumped my cock until Edward's free hand slid up my back, coming to rest between my shoulder blades. Gradually, he lowered us back onto the bed, his hand guiding me to his entrance as he kissed me hungrily.

He allowed me no time to take things slowly. Instead, he lifted his hips, encouraging me, and he cried out blissfully when I entered him in one smooth stroke. It was all I could do to keep from ending things before they'd even fully begun as I watched his face. His brow was furrowed, his lips parted in an expression that could've been pain, but the way his hips rolled against mine belied his pleasure.

Our bodies began moving to the same cadence while our lips found each other. Edward tasted divine – salt and sex and the lingering sweetness of his tea – and I couldn't stop myself from sucking on his tongue. I felt strangely like I could devour him, like no matter how close we were, it would never be close enough.

My hips rocked against his, and I reached between us to take his cock in hand. I knew from the way he was tightening around me that he was close, and the tension in my thighs was all that was keeping me from coming right away. I wouldn't be able to hold out for long – and I wasn't even sure I wanted to.

Our movements were primal, filled with lust and passion and that…_something_ that was special and just us. That something that I was beginning to wonder if Edward had named when he told me he loved me.

I was sure he whispered those sweet, scary words again when I felt him bite down on my shoulder. His body was wracked with tremors, his shoulders and hips rising from the bed as he curled inward. I felt warmth spilling across my chest, which was pressed against his, and the visceral feeling of his orgasm sent me reeling. I willed my body to keep moving, to give myself those few more passes it would take to find my own ecstasy, and it was to the sound of Edward's panting moan that I thrust harder, coming deep inside of him.

I was aware of nothing for long moments – nothing but the ringing in my ears. Eventually, I felt a tingling that began in my toes and fingertips and traveled up my body. As it moved, it seemed to release something within me, and my taut muscles slackened, my weight falling onto Edward as I began to relax. He sighed softly, but instead of being bothered by the heaviness, he seemed to welcome it.

His arms wrapped tightly around me, and his lips moved over my skin, leaving a trail that grew cold as the air hit it. He was whispering, but it took me a moment to catch the words.

"Thank god you're home," was the first thing I understood fully.

I smiled, lowering my head to the crook of his neck. I placed a kiss there, silently giving my own thanks. When I finally moved, I didn't go far, just turning my head to say, "Thank god you're here." My voice was gruff, husky with exertion and emotion. I hoped he knew I didn't _just_ mean for Emily, though that was more important to me than he could've realized. I felt an urge to clarify, but I had to clear my throat before I could speak.

"I wish…I-I mean…" I sighed, closing my eyes before I tried again. "I'm lucky you're here. I know I fucked up…so badly…" My throat constricted as memories of Jason surfaced. I hadn't even been consciously thinking of him and had no idea that that's where my mind was leading, but suddenly, I was babbling, trying to get it all out there. "You didn't have to forgive me. You didn't have to take me back…and I'm so fucking thankful you did. I…I n-need you."

I clenched my jaw, both to keep myself from talking and in frustration. I felt like there was something else I wanted to say. Something else I _needed_ to say, but the words just wouldn't come.

Edward rubbed my back slowly. I had no idea what he was thinking, and it took a moment for me to hear his soft, "Shh…" over my own loud thoughts. When he could tell that I was calmer, he kissed my cheek and whispered, "I need you, too."

We lay there that way for the longest time. I couldn't bring myself to care that we would be sticky and gross, and instead of moving, I felt myself drifting off toward sleep. Finally, Edward gently rolled me off of him, but I didn't even open my eyes. I reached up, finding my pillow, and rested my head on it.

I stretched my arm out to put my hand on his hip, but he was gone. The question of where he'd disappeared to was answered when I felt cold moisture against my chest. I hissed, and his lips found my forehead, kissing me softly as he apologized. He cleaned me up gently; then I felt the bed shake as he presumably did the same for himself.

I felt half as though I should wake up, but sleep weighed so heavily on my eyelids that I wasn't sure I could lift them if I tried. Edward's body pressed against mine then, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me into his chest as his knee slipped between mine. "Sleep now, love," he whispered into my hair.

I knew nothing else. I wasn't sure how much time passed, but I could tell from the stiffness in my shoulders when I woke that I'd spent hours lying in one position.

Darkness filled the room when I opened my eyes so that, at first, I couldn't tell any difference. My chin was still resting against Edward's chest, and he was breathing heavily, snoring a bit. His arms were draped around me loosely, making me feel warm and…safe.

I really wanted to stay right where I was, but before long, my body ached too much. I tried to slide away from Edward without waking him, but he stirred, mumbling something, and then he gave a huge snort and jerked. He lifted his head, his arms tightening around me. "Huh?"

I smiled, rubbing his lower back and kissing his chest before rolling away. He let me go but kept his hand on my chest when I shifted to my back. I tucked one hand behind my head and lay there for a minute, thinking about how nice it felt to wake up to him that way. It still worried me sometimes that I'd grown so attached to him, but the good parts of it – moments like this, knowing that he cared, feeling like I wasn't alone – far outweighed the panic I felt.

"Morning, baby," Edward finally mumbled around a yawn.

I laughed softly, amazed that I felt so…coherent. "Is it?" I teased.

I sensed him moving, felt rather than saw him running his fingers through his hair before scrubbing his face. He flopped onto his back, and I was able to see him at last in the faint light around the edges of his curtains. His face turned away, and I lifted up on my elbow to glance at the clock with him.

_11:42_

Edward glanced at the windows and then back at the clock, chuckling. "Guess it's good night, huh?"

He groaned and sat up. I watched the way the pale, silvery light looked against his back, the way the shadows made the curve of his spine deeper. I reached out, tracing my fingers lightly along his skin.

"Mmm…" he sighed. "That feels nice."

I smiled and kept on, drawing random patterns until he seemed more awake. Then I sat up, and he took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. He glanced over, giving me a crooked grin. "Well, I guess we don't have to decide what to do for the afternoon. You hungry, baby?"

I was surprised to realize that I was starving, though I guess it made sense. We talked for a few minutes, debating going out, but in the end, we decided to stay in and just enjoy each other's company.

We got dressed in pajama pants and wandered downstairs. I sat on the bar while Edward warmed up the food, pizza leftover from the night before. Naturally, that brought up questions and memories of what had happened with Emily. Instead of dwelling on the situation with James, though, I asked Edward about their slumber party.

He grinned, leaning with his elbows on the bar beside me as he talked about how Emily and Kate had danced through most of _Grease_. I laughed, remembering the way Emily always pranced around the room in my black leather jacket when she was a kid. I found myself telling Edward stories about those times, about how Emily would wear a skirt on her head to pretend she had long hair and how Chuck and I rolled up our sleeves like the greasers. He laughed with me, telling me about movies he'd loved as a kid and the silly things he'd done with Emmett and Tanya in return.

Even though there were heavier issues we could've – and maybe should've – talked about, we spent a few hours laughing together. The week had taken a toll on both of us, so before too long, we were both tired again. We headed back to bed, where we soon fell asleep despite the long nap we'd had.

Sunday passed way too quickly, especially since I had to go back to my apartment to wash clothes and get ready for the work week. If I were being honest, I needed a little time, too. I'd been unsettled all weekend, and I couldn't tell if it was because of Emily or because of what Edward had said, or…I didn't know what. Maybe a mixture of both of those and something more. All I knew was that I felt a little scattered and needed to be able to think some things through.

Whether he sensed that or not, Edward didn't protest. He pouted a little but said he knew I needed to get ready for work. He walked me out to my car, grinning knowingly when I tried to surreptitiously give it a once-over.

He pulled me close, his hands resting lightly on my hips. "I told you I would take care of it, you know…"

I shrugged and grinned, maybe a little sheepishly. "Yeah, I know."

"Don't worry. I'd be the same way," he said, laughing. Then he kissed me deeply, pressing his body against me in a way that made it very hard to remember why I had to leave. He was the one who finally had to pull away. He had a content smile on his face, and his hands splayed across my back, half-supporting me. "Let me know you got home okay?" he whispered huskily.

I nodded and sighed. His smile brightened for a moment before he gave me one more kiss and then let me go. Leaning down, he picked up my bag, which I hadn't even noticed him putting down. He took a step toward the car and waited.

As soon as I figured out what he was waiting for, I reached in my pocket and pulled out the keys, feeling my cheeks heat as I hit the button to unlock it.

_How the hell does he do that to me? _

He opened the door, carefully putting my bag on the backseat, and then he walked back to me with a smile. "One more," he whispered as his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Despite being an inch shorter than me, he lifted me from the ground as he kissed me soundly.

I laughed, slightly dizzy when he let me go. His grin was self-satisfied – proud – but I couldn't blame him. "Missed me, did you?" I teased, trying to take the focus off just how ridiculous he made me.

His grin faded into something serious as he whispered simply, "Always."

We watched each other in silence until I answered, "I missed you, too." I swallowed, unsure what more to say, and went to open my door. He beat me to it, holding it open while I slid behind the wheel.

"Talk to you soon, Cuddles," he murmured.

I nodded. "Thanks, Princess… for everything."

It was the closest I could come to bringing up his saying he loved me. I definitely wasn't ready to say it yet, and I was both grateful and kind of sad that he didn't say it again. We stalled for a moment or two longer, and then I was pulling away, watching Edward in my rear-view mirror as I made my way to the end of the street.

Too soon, he was out of sight. My thoughts were loud, competing with the music from my speakers, and the noisy confusion was too much for me. I turned the radio off and drove home in silence, but I couldn't seem to concentrate enough to separate my thoughts. They were just an annoying, incessant buzz in my head, worries about Emily chasing idle fantasies of Edward tangled with the harder question of whether or not I loved him.

_Do I? _

_Can I? _

By the time I pulled into the parking lot at my apartment, my lower lip was sore, raw from the way I kept chewing at it whenever my thoughts grew too complex to handle. I got out of the car with a sigh, pocketing my keys so I could grab my bag.

As I was making my way inside, I caught sight of a figure jogging away. A flash of brown hair and the hint of a disturbingly familiar profile in the corner of my eye made my stomach clench uncomfortably. I swallowed, thankful that Jason seemed to have either missed me or to be avoiding me – much as I was him.

I took the elevator upstairs, off balance and anxious, and I was surprised to feel an intense longing to be with Edward. I was aware that up until this point, my impulses had been to run away. I waited for the panic, the feeling that this was wrong, but it didn't come.

Ironically – or perhaps, expectedly – that just threw me off even more. I unlocked my apartment and walked straight to my bedroom, not bothering to turn on any lights or check my messages. I dropped my suitcase onto the bed and began unpacking automatically.

Going through the motions helped calm me down, giving me time to separate all the events of the past couple of days, even if I couldn't quite think through them just yet. I kicked off my shoes and socks, trading my nicer shirt for an old Red Sox t-shirt before throwing myself into my work. I put everything away, sorted my laundry, and had just started a load when I heard a knock at the door.

I frowned, glancing at the clock. I'd been home about an hour and a half; it was still early afternoon, but I definitely wasn't expecting anyone. I felt a sense of trepidation I couldn't fully explain as I walked back through the apartment, suddenly aware of my bare feet and probably messy appearance. I ran my fingers through my hair before glancing through the peep hole.

"Shit."

I straightened up, my hand flying back to my hair again. _What the hell is _he_ doing here?_ I took a shallow breath and then leaned down, looking out again, but the scene remained unchanged.

Jason was still there.

**ooOoo**  
**  
A/N:** Just a reminder that _**Fandom for Preemies**_ will begin next month. _**SorceressCirce**_ and _**naelany**_ wrote a future-take of **Every Day, Forever** for it. Please consider donating $5 to _**March of Dimes**_ through _**Fandom for Preemies**_ to get your copy (as well as over a 100 other stories).

Thank you again for reading. We're going to do our best to get back on the bi-weekly schedule. We're still working hard on the FGB stories, and are getting closer to completing them. Yes, we keep saying that, but trust us, it's worth it.


	23. Glycerine

_**A/N:**__ Special thanks as always to __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__ for being kickass betas and pre-readers. We love you ladies dearly :)_

_This chapter is a little late in coming, but we have some good news! We have a buffer of a few chapters again, so we should be updating every two weeks again. Also, we have made great progress on our __**Fandom Gives Back **__commitments. The Civil War fic is progressing nicely and will definitely be a chaptered fic. The two drabble arcs are complete, and the first will start posting December 1__st__. We haven't forgotten about AXO either – it'll be next on our list!_

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**JPOV**

_Fuck_.

I stood there for a minute, frozen in place. I wasn't even sure if I was debating answering the door or not. I just couldn't seem to make myself move.

Another knock brought me out of my stupor, and I opened the door without ever deciding to. I don't know what I expected, but Jason didn't really react at all beyond straightening up and taking a step back from the door. His eyes were darker than I remembered and some mix between stormy and confused.

I stood there, just staring at him stupidly, until he cleared his throat. I stepped back, half-tempted to close the door and pretend none of this was happening, but Jason took it as an invitation. He walked into the living room, and my eyes followed him as I stood there with the door still open.

I noticed ridiculous things, like that he seemed like he had just taken a shower. His hair was wet, and there were drops on his shoulders. His pants were low on his hips, and as I realized where my eyes were lingering, I snapped them up to his shoulders again. He turned around then, half-sitting on the back of my couch with his hands by his hips.

"Can we talk?" he asked at last, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

I swallowed, unsure what to do. I knew I owed him some sort of explanation, but I couldn't get the image of Edward's hurt face out of my mind. I imagined the accusation I would see in his eyes if he walked in just then, and bile burned the back of my throat.

I couldn't just send him away without saying anything, though. Finally, I nodded and closed the door, taking a deep breath to steel myself. When I turned back around to face him, he'd crossed his arms over his chest.

"So, ahh…" I began, only to stall immediately.

He watched me for a minute before lowering his arms and gripping the back of the couch. He rubbed the fabric with his thumbs, reminding me forcibly of Edward. "Jasper…" he said gruffly. "Look, _obviously_ you're not interested, and that's…whatever." He glanced to the right, shrugging. "But I just have to ask… what the hell? We were having a good time, and then you just…what the fuck _was_ that?"

I nodded again, more to have something to do than in acknowledgment of anything he said. I'd never before faced a situation like this, and I found myself floundering. I wasn't used to being at a loss. I decided to try once more, clearing my throat before I said, "I just…" The words were harder to get out than I would have expected. I leaned back against the door, both hands on the knob, and found that I was looking at some place just below his chin when I finally finished, "I shouldn't have been out with you. I'm seeing someone and…"

"And what?" he interrupted. I watched as he pushed away from the couch and took a step toward me. "Can I ask you something, Jasper?"

He stopped just in front of me, so close that I was afraid to look up, knowing his eyes would be only inches away.

Worse, his lips would be.

When I didn't answer him, he asked anyway. "If you're seeing some guy…why were you out with me? Have you asked yourself that?"

I rolled my eyes. That was the question that had tormented me endlessly during the whole week before Edward and I talked things out. _Why_ had I done it?

"Can I tell you what I think?" he asked when I said nothing. He stepped closer, his hand moving to my hip, and I tried to shrink back automatically. I had nowhere to go, though, and before I could escape, he said, "I think maybe you're not as into this guy as you want to be. Because, let me tell you, the way you were kissing me…"

Heat flared suddenly in my chest, boiling blood rushing, pounding in my ears as I pushed him away. "You're wrong." The coldness in my voice surprised me, as did the way my fists were suddenly clenched at my sides.

He looked amused, making me want to punch the smirk off his face. "Am I?" He raised one eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

I clenched my jaw and nodded once before I could force out any words. "I am," I said lowly.

"Jasper…" He breathed my name, his voice caressing the two syllables like they were something precious as he stepped toward me again.

Something in me snapped.

It was so like Paul, the way he'd taken every little thing that happened and twisted it, the way he'd _told_ me how I felt and what I thought.

Jason's hand was reaching for me again; I grabbed and twisted it, pulling his wrist back. His lips parted in a pained grimace as his eyes widened. On some level, I realized that I was overreacting. He wasn't Paul and likely wasn't even close to that level of degradation, but I couldn't seem to help myself. "Stop," I growled. "Don't fucking tell me what I feel."

Abruptly realizing that I was assaulting the man, I let his arm go. His hand dropped to his side as he took a step back, and then he lifted both hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, man…I wasn't trying to…" He swallowed, glancing away. When he looked back, I saw vulnerability in his eyes for the first time. "I'm sorry. Seriously. I just…"

He trailed off, shrugging, and we stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment. I couldn't decide whether or not to apologize, but stubborn reluctance held my tongue.

He was the one to break the stalemate, clearing his throat. "I like you Jasper. A lot. I thought you liked me, and I guess I just wanted to…to see if…"

I nodded, still unwilling to answer aloud.

He scrubbed his hand through his hair and started toward the door. I stepped to the side automatically, watching him go. I finally found my voice, saying, "Hey, Jason?"

He glanced at me over his shoulder, hope lurking behind his guarded eyes. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," I said, giving a small, rueful smile. I debated telling him I liked him, too, but I thought he might take it the wrong way. Instead, I added, "I didn't mean to mix you up in…whatever that was. I was having a rough week, and… I'm sorry."

My suspicion that he was still holding out hope was confirmed when his face fell at that. He nodded and opened the door, pausing to say, "If you change your mind, you know where to find me." He shot that winning smile, the one that probably helped him get his way a lot, over his shoulder and then disappeared.

I stood there, shell-shocked, for a moment and then shook my head, muttering wordlessly as I went to close the door. I was in awe of the sheer confidence he had, even if he was completely wrong in this case. He couldn't even begin to fathom the reasons I'd been out with him – and very little of it had to do with Jason himself.

Returning to my room, I tried to put him out of my mind, but something began to nag at me. It started as a feeling of unease but quickly grew until, finally, I recognized it for what it was.

"I need to call Edward," I murmured aloud.

With a sigh, I walked toward my living room, dragging my feet like a petulant child. I knew no one was _making_ me do this – in truth, I could probably not tell him and he'd never know – but I felt like I owed it to him, especially after the trust he'd placed in me. Again.

I plopped down on my couch with my phone in my hand, only to stand up immediately and go to the kitchen. There, I grabbed a beer and popped the top, tossing the cap into the garbage can before I went back to my original place on the couch. I put my feet on the coffee table, my eyes focused on my toes for a second before I exhaled deeply and hit the button to call Edward.

He answered on the second ring, sounding a little breathless. _"Jazz? Is everything okay?"_

As soon as I heard his worried tone, I realized I hadn't let him know I got home. "Hey, baby. I'm sorry I forgot to call earlier. I was unpacking and all that. I'm…I'm okay. I just kind of needed to talk to you."

"_Is everything alright? Did something happen with Emily?"_

I sighed again, completely unhappy with the way the conversation was going. The last thing I wanted was for him to work himself up into thinking something major was wrong – and then decide he was right when I told him about Jason. "Relax, Princess, everything's fine. Sort of."

I rolled my eyes at myself.

_Way to convince him there's nothing to worry about, Whitlock. _

I plowed ahead, not giving him time to say anything else. "So, listen, when I got home this afternoon…" When I first told him about catching sight of Jason, I could tell he wanted to say something, but he held himself in check. As I continued on, though, the silence deepened, taking on a life of its own, and by the time I wound down, all was still on the other end of the phone.

"And I…I told him I was seeing someone, and then he…left." I picked at the worn material stretched across my knee, painfully aware that I was leaving out some important bits of information – like the rage I'd felt and the doubts Jason had managed to conjure – but I couldn't bring myself to say more.

_That's mostly everything_, I amended in my head.

Edward sighed but otherwise stayed quiet. When he spoke, it wasn't what I expected at all, though maybe I should have. _"Are you alright, Jazz?" _

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered immediately. "Are you?"

There was a pause before he said, _"Yeah, I am. I guess."_ He exhaled heavily_. "As much as I'd love to kick his ass, I can't. And it sounds like you handled it anyway, so..."_

We settled into silence again when he trailed off. I didn't know what to say to that, and I was more than a little shocked that he'd taken it so...well. It dawned on me that he was saying that he trusted me, if not in so many words. I smiled a little to myself, the weight lifting from my shoulders, even though I wasn't sure I had earned it. I felt strangely justified, knowing that telling him had been the right thing to do - and it hadn't hurt us.

He broke the silence by changing the subject. _"Hey, know what I realized after you left?"_

"What's that?" I asked, balancing the phone on my shoulder so I could take a drink of my beer.

"_We don't have costumes for this weekend."_

I laughed quietly at the excited tone in his voice. "Like dressing up, do you?"

"_Ehh, not really…but I won't say no to seeing you in some skimpy costume." _

"Skimpy, huh?" I teased. "Just what did you have in mind?"

He laughed and said he really hadn't thought about it much but that he knew it was tradition, so he figured we'd better show up in something.

Internally, I groaned. I thought I'd dodged the costume bullet when I called Alice to cancel my Halloween plans with her and the guys. She'd been more than a little disappointed and tried to coerce me into coming by telling me that Ben and Angie were sending little Bella to her grandparents' place for the night, so it'd be just like old times. When I held firm, though, she surprised me by agreeing pretty quickly with an admonition that she better meet my mystery man soon.

After a few minutes of discussion, Edward and I couldn't think of anything to wear, so we decided to meet the next day after I got off work to go to dinner and visit a costume shop. Not long afterward, we hung up. I spent the rest of the night getting things ready for the work week and fell asleep easily.

When I woke up Monday morning, though, I still felt a little tired. I figured it was no wonder with the business trip and then the weekend I had, but I couldn't shake the slightly disconnected feeling. It stayed with me as I showered and got dressed, lingering despite two cups of coffee during my commute.

Work flew by with little time for thoughts of any sort except those related to code and a presentation I was set to give later in the week. Mike and I worked closely all morning, taking a break for a rushed lunch of take-out tacos.

Sitting across from me, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and spoke with his mouth full. "Hey, what are we doing for your birthday?"

He swallowed and took a long drink of his water. I shrugged and took another bite, making a noncommittal noise. The truth was that I wasn't sure what Edward might have in mind and didn't want to make any plans without him. The thought brought a smile to my face, which Mike picked up on immediately.

"Gotta see what your boy wants to do, huh?" he teased, lifting his eyebrows suggestively. "I bet he has _plans_ for you."

"Shut the fuck up," I muttered, kicking his shin. He cursed, hunching over, and I laughed as I went back to eating. We talked for a few minutes more and then split up.

He went off to check with development while I went back to my office. I had Felix pull some files I knew I would need and spent the afternoon poring over them. From time to time, I found myself sketching, but the pictures I drew definitely didn't match up to the information I was reading. I could see Edward's influence in each one of them, even those where I hadn't specifically drawn him. He was there in spirit, in the lighter subjects I chose and in the complex textures that made up my shadows.

By the time five o'clock rolled around, I was more than ready to get out of there. I slung my jacket over my shoulder and stuck my head into Mike's office to tell him goodbye, but he wasn't there. Deciding not to go looking for him, I headed out the door.

Getting behind the wheel of my car was a relief. I tossed my jacket onto the backseat and loosened my tie before starting the engine. I flipped through radio stations until I found something that fit my mood – oldies, of all things. I sang along as I inched my way through rush-hour traffic, and finally, blessedly, I was pulling to a stop on Beacon Hill.

I made the relatively short walk to Edward's place in no time. Even though I'd unbuttoned the neck of my shirt, I left my tie on, mostly because his reaction to seeing me that way was clear.

I had a cocky grin on my face as I knocked, and I was rewarded when he opened the door. His eyes widened, the corner of his lips curved into a smirk, and he reached out, taking my tie carefully between his thumb and forefinger. He pulled me close and kissed me deeply, the metal stud through his tongue ring clicking against my teeth.

With a soft, hungry moan, I devoured him, savoring the taste and feel of his lips and body against mine. I walked him backward, forcing him inside, and he grinned as he readily complied. I pulled the door closed behind us just before Edward spun us around, pressing me back against the wall.

Only when I was breathless and thoroughly aroused did he finally pull away with a satisfied smile. "Hey there," he murmured.

I laughed. "Hey yourself…" I winked and then kissed him once, taking his hand. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself."

His eyes were bright, mischievous, and it didn't seem like he minded in the least. "Not a problem," he said. I started to lean in to kiss him again, and he stepped back, laughing. "But if you keep that up, we might never get out of here…"

I frowned at him and started to say that was perfectly alright with me, but he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. "Come on… let's get you some dinner," he said softly.

My arguments crumbled, but I couldn't resist smacking his ass on the way out the door. "Don't think you're escaping, Dr. Masen," I threatened. "I fully plan to have my way with you. Soon."

His green eyes were dancing when he smiled at me. I was a little surprised at how…bold…I was being. I wasn't sure what was bringing it on, but Edward seemed to react favorably, so I didn't fight it.

We climbed into his car after he said he knew I must be tired of Boston traffic for the day. I was, so I didn't complain. Besides, he looked damn sexy behind the wheel of his Mustang.

As he maneuvered his way slowly through the congested streets, we talked lightly about how work was going for me. I told him about the account I was making a bid for later in the week, and he mentioned that he should be meeting with his editor again sometime soon to finalize a few things.

"Oh wow, so is it close to being done then?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair. I was suddenly a little apprehensive as I remembered the pictures of _me_ that would be in that book – a book that anybody could walk in and pick up off the shelf to take home.

It was a little intimidating, to say the least.

Edward shook his head, frowning as he ran his thumbs along his steering wheel. I smiled at the patches of leather that were shinier than the rest, evidence that he'd been driving this car a long time. "Nah," he said. "Not yet. I'm just making the final changes to one section. It's getting there, though."

We were still talking comfortably when he pulled to a stop and parked the car. We got out and walked up the hill to the little deli we'd decided to try, where we found a booth without ever breaking conversation. It felt…good. Right.

I'd just asked Edward about Tanya when the waitress returned to ask if we wanted dessert. I started to say no, but one look at the way Edward's eyes brightened made me change my mind. I chuckled as he got up to look at the dessert case and leaned over, peering inside.

One of the waitresses openly appraised him, which he appeared not to notice at first. She walked closer and said something to him – likely offering advice or asking if he needed help – and he straightened. As I watched, he turned to face her, letting me see the charming grin he wore. He said something that made her laugh, and my eyes narrowed when she put her hand on his arm.

I wasn't jealous – not really – mostly because I knew there was no way in hell he was interested. It was still bizarre to watch him clearly flirt with her. Again, she laughed, and Edward leaned a little closer to say something to her over the clatter of the busboy at the table beside ours. I grumbled in frustration at not being able to hear.

Edward's smile was as bright as his eyes when he came back to our table and slid into the booth. He reached across, taking my hand. When I raised an eyebrow, he said, "What?" He shrugged unapologetically. "Better service," he added, grinning. He lifted up out of his seat and leaned across the table, giving me a brief, light kiss. "You can't tell me you object…I've seen you do the same thing."

"Mmm…" I murmured, capturing his lips again. For a moment, I forgot all about where we were, lost in the feel of him – right up until I heard the tell-tale clink of a plate against the table.

Edward and I turned our heads together to find the waitress he'd been flirting with gaping at us. As soon as she realized she'd been caught, her cheeks flared red. Instead of stammering like I thought she was going to, she cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, sticking one hip out. "You don't have to stop on my account," she teased.

We all laughed quietly, and I could feel the same heat I saw on Edward's face creeping up my neck. "Sorry," I murmured. "I guess we forgot where we were."

"We do that a lot," Edward added wryly, bumping my knee with his beneath the table.

"Trust me," she said with a wink, "I don't mind. Can I get you guys anything else?"

We shook our heads, and she walked away, tossing a "Let me know if you change your minds" over her shoulder.

"Why do I get the feeling she wasn't just talking about more sweet tea?" Edward asked under his breath.

I laughed and then finally took a look at what he'd ordered for dessert. It looked like chocolate heaven on a plate, layered with what could only be peanut butter. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he grinned.

"Butterfinger cheesecake," he said. "Reminds me of a pie this guy made for me once…"

I smiled, and he wasted no time, taking a huge bite and licking his fork clean. I chuckled until I took a bite as well – it really _was_ chocolate heaven on a plate. I nodded my approval with a quiet moan, grinning when he shifted in his seat.

We didn't talk as we enjoyed our dessert, and when we were about halfway through, the waitress returned. She put down two glasses of milk before pulling out the check. "Dessert's on the house. Least I could do for the show I got…" She grinned mischievously. "You sure you don't need anything else?"

We assured her we were fine, and she wandered off. I thought her hips were swaying a little more than necessary, and Edward's chuckle said he thought so, too. We finished our cheesecake and downed the milk before Edward reached for the bill. My fingers itched to take it from him, but I just wiped my mouth with my napkin and watched as he counted cash from his wallet – with more than enough to cover dessert plus a generous tip – and stuck it inside.

When we stood, he took my hand, lacing our fingers as we walked back toward his car. We'd never really gotten around to talking about Tanya, and he surprised me by remembering my question and bringing it up again.

"Tanya's doing great," he said without preamble. "She's feeling a little sick, and she's kind of having a hard time hiding it from the family, but she's so excited."

"Why's she still hiding it?"

He shrugged and sighed. "I don't know, really. I mean, I get it, I guess, but I think she's wrong about how they'll react." He frowned slightly, glancing down the street before we crossed it. "I _hope_ she's wrong," he added to himself.

"She really thinks they're going to be mad?" I asked.

He paused after unlocking my door and stopped with it halfway open, thinking about his answer. "Not mad, exactly. She just thinks they won't get it. She's worried that because it doesn't fit into what they think of as 'normal,' they'll be upset."

He opened the door the rest of the way, but before I climbed in, I stopped to kiss Edward softly. "Don't they have a little experience with handling things other than a husband and wife?" I whispered against his lips.

Instead of answering, he kissed me hard. His arm slid around my waist as he pulled my hips toward his. His lips moved hungrily against mine, parting to let me taste chocolate and peanut butter and Edward on my tongue. He pulled away with an impish grin, but he kept his face close. "You'd think so."

He stepped back then to let me get in the car, and as soon as he'd joined me, he said, "I guess it's kind of like that, though. I was scared out of my mind to tell my family…maybe she feels the same way, even though it's not the same thing." He shrugged and started the engine. "Whatever it is, she wants me to be there when she tells them, so I'm going to be."

I nodded thoughtfully, remembering the way I'd felt when I contemplated telling my family I was gay. I didn't think Tanya's news would be as big a shock, but I completely understood that fear of losing your family because of who you were and what you wanted.

The short drive to the costume shop was filled with more talk about Edward's family. It felt good to hear about them, and in so many ways, I felt like I already knew them. Edward was so descriptive when he talked about them, especially Emmett, that I found myself really looking forward to meeting them. Of course, I didn't know when that might be and wasn't sure how to bring it up, so I just let it lie for the time being.

Walking into the store was almost surreal. There were costumes of Big Bird and Barney surrounded by terrible sequined bellbottom jumpsuits. I reached out to touch a Dolly Parton costume complete with…embellishments…and laughed in disbelief.

Edward snickered, coming to stand beside me. "Doesn't look like there's a lot of choice left…" he said, glancing around the store. I followed his gaze and saw what I'd missed before – empty racks with the larger costumes on display in front of them to make it seem fuller.

"Guess we did wait a little late," I agreed.

He grabbed my hand, saying, "Come on," and began dragging me through the store. We rummaged through rack after rack, pushing the costumes to the side to get a better look at them. We alternately grimaced at what the other picked out and laughed as we offered our own suggestions.

I put my foot down when Edward held up a full body costume covered with red fur and big googly eyes. "Hell, no."

He put on his best innocent smile and said, "What? I think you'd be adorable as Elmo! Come on…"

I started to protest again, but then I spotted a Minnie Mouse dress behind him and decided to change my tactics. He was still mock-pouting at me, lip poked out and everything. "Alright," I said abruptly. "I'll wear it, but I get to pick out yours."

Instantly, the innocent act was gone. He narrowed his eyes shrewdly and followed my gaze. He was sputtering when he turned back around to face me, hastily putting the Elmo costume away. "Hell _fuck_ no," he said.

We got a little more serious then, looking for things we might actually wear. Edward picked out a ghost costume – not a sheet, but a white tuxedo with a top hat and cane, meant to be worn with pasty makeup. "It's too bad there's only one of these…"

I tilted my head, checking out the costume hanging next to it. "I'll wear that one," I said, pointing.

He stared at me for a second and then turned around to check that, yes, I meant _that_ one. "A dress?" he said, puzzled. "You won't be Elmo, but you'll wear a dress?"

"Sure," I said with a shrug. His eyes widened, and I took the opportunity to walk closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. I kissed along his neck and whispered, "Big difference between looking like an idiot by myself…" I teased his earlobe with my teeth. "And wearing something to match you."

He moved so quickly that he caught me off guard. He bit my lip with a growl and pressed his hips against mine before releasing me. "God _damn_," he whispered breathlessly. "What the hell are you trying to do to me?"

I laughed, feeling a little bewildered. "Nothing… why?"

He quirked a half-grin and murmured for my ears alone, "Never been into drag, but damn…the thought of you…doing _that_ to show you're with me…" His words faded into unintelligible mutters then, and I half-laughed, half-moaned when I felt him hardening against my hip. I glanced around at the mostly empty shop, wondering semi-seriously if we could find a relatively private place, but there seemed to be no options.

I sighed and stepped back, my hands tightening on his hips as I struggled between pushing him away and pulling him closer. I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. It was either that or jump him. His eyes were smoldering, holding promises of what was to come just as soon as he could get me alone.

The thought of that was enough to make me decide on the spot that those costumes were the ones for us. Edward laughed as he held the dress up to me, checking to see if it would fit. It was a Southern belle sort of number, with ruffles and lace and who knows what else. It would probably be a little snug, but there were laces along the sides to accommodate different size women. It would definitely be shorter than it was supposed to be, but what did I care?

Edward looked bemused as we took the costumes to the counter. The teenage boy working the register glanced between the two of us and then at the costumes we'd chosen. He shrugged and shook his head, then started ringing them up. He gave us the standard speech about rental and return dates, mentioning fees for cleaning and the like – and leaving us no time to talk in the process.

"So what sort of shoes are you going to wear?" Edward asked, his amusement clear in his voice as we started walking back toward the car. "Heels?"

I grinned and glanced at him. "Well, that depends."

"On what?"

"On how you react to a guy in heels…" I winked and smacked his ass, dancing away so he couldn't retaliate, but he didn't even try. He just put both our costumes across the backseat of the Mustang and then slid into the driver's seat with a thoughtful expression.

"You know…it really has never done anything for me. But damn…" He cut his eyes to me, giving a mischievous grin. "Well, if you're gonna do it, might as well go all out, huh?"

"You have a point." I glanced out the window to hide my grin. I'd never expected him to be so intrigued. Of course, I'd never expected to be wearing a dress around him either.

After a brief pause, he said, "Do you _own_ any heels?"

I laughed. "No."

"Could be hard to find them in your size…" he mused.

"It's not too bad, really. They get a little expensive, though."

"You sound awfully knowledgeable about high heels for men," Edward observed. He was trying to sound casual, but I heard the curiosity behind the statement easily enough.

"I've gone in drag a few times over the years." I shrugged. At his quiet "Oh," I chuckled. "Not seriously…it's not really something that appeals to me. But it's fun sometimes, especially to mess with Mike. A few years ago, Ben, Eric, and I all got dressed up and kidnapped Mike on his birthday. Took him to a gay bar. We were planning to change afterward and take him out for the real party." I trailed off, shaking my head. "Fucker had too much fun dancing with the other guys. He got hit on more than I did."

Edward threw back his head, laughing loudly. He was winding his way slowly back toward his house. Traffic had cleared out some, but there was still enough stop and go to be annoying. When he caught me looking at him, he reached over, squeezing my thigh. His fingers trailed up teasingly before he returned his hand to the wheel and his eyes to the road.

"Sorry, baby…you're too cute when you're pouty like that."

"I'm not pouty. I just wanted to know what the hell he had that I didn't."

Edward grinned mischievously. "Trust me… not a damn thing."

His fingers tightened on the steering wheel then, reminding me of the way they felt when they were wrapped around me. I spent the rest of the drive counting the seconds until we got back to his place. He sensed my mood, and the air between us seemed to thicken, the charge from earlier returning. It matured, growing stronger, simmering just beneath the surface.

We grew quiet, but it was a silence of impatience rather than discomfort. I reached over to place my hand on his knee when we were a few streets away from his house, and he licked his lips before they curved into a smile.

"You have bad aim," he whispered huskily.

"Shouldn't you be focused on driving?" I taunted.

In answer, he reached down, shifting my hand a few inches up his thigh. I bit the inside of my cheek in indecision before deciding that a little teasing couldn't hurt. He inhaled sharply as I let my hand drift even further up, my little finger grazing his crotch. He squirmed in his seat, adjusting his hips in a way that let me know he loved the attention he was getting.

Glancing at his face, I saw that his eyes were carefully focused on the road, but my gaze wandered, taking in his knuckles whitening against the steering wheel. Seeing how I affected him was exhilarating, making me a little bolder. I cupped him, feeling him semi-hard against my palm, and leaned over to kiss along his neck.

"Holy hell, Jazz," he whispered, tilting his head just slightly to the left. I smiled and licked the skin he revealed, nibbling his ear as I began to rub his cock with the heel of my hand. He spread his knees a little wider, encouraging me, and I took him up on the offer.

I was so busy tasting the salt of his skin that at first I didn't notice when we began to slow down. I lifted my head, never ceasing my stroking, to find that Edward was turning onto his street. I smiled, glad we were so close to a place where I could have every bit of him, but I wasn't quite done playing with him yet.

I returned my face to his neck, licking and sucking as I popped the top button of his jeans. It gave me just enough room to slip my hand inside, and I inhaled sharply when I felt the velvety soft skin of his cock. I moaned quietly, shifting even closer as I lost focus on my aim – to tease him – and instead felt a nearly uncontrollable desire welling up inside me.

I had been gently tracing his head, but I shoved my hand down further, wrapping my fingers around his shaft. He groaned and let his head fall back against the headrest, and it was only then that I noticed we'd stopped. I couldn't stop myself, though, so I just kept going, stroking him awkwardly as I kissed my way along his jaw.

When my lips reached the corner of his mouth, he turned to me with a needy hiss, kissing me furiously. His tongue ring scraped my lip, and I caught it between my teeth, grinning playfully. He swallowed my moan as he reached over, cupping me through my jeans.

He pulled away just far enough to murmur, "You have about ten seconds to get inside if you don't want the entire neighborhood to see that gorgeous cock of yours."

That was all the encouragement I needed. I jerked my hands out of his pants so fast that he gaped at me, stunned and even a little confused. I winked and said, "Get your ass inside, Dr. Masen."

A smile flitted across his face then, and he yanked the keys from the ignition, sliding out of his seat smoothly. In front of the car, we met again, and everything became a blur of hands and lips and impatience until finally, mercifully, we were standing in Edward's bedroom.

My jeans were already around my knees, my belt buckle clinking as he pushed them further down. He dropped to the floor in front of me and used his hands to spread my knees. I reached back, supporting some of my weight on his dresser, as he took full advantage of the position he had me in. He sucked each of my balls into his mouth in turn, tormenting me with that rod of metal through his tongue as his fingers drifted everywhere.

His mouth left my skin for only a moment, and I watched in fascination while he slipped his first two fingers into his mouth as deeply as they would go. When he released them, it was to let them glide across my entrance with just enough pressure to buckle my knees. My dick replaced his fingers, enveloped by the wet heat of his welcoming mouth.

"F-fuck," I stuttered, my eyes clenched tight as I shifted to rest part of my weight on the dresser. I couldn't stand up anymore, and my shoulders slumped as I gave myself entirely to him.

He sucked eagerly, the stud through his tongue brushing tantalizingly against the ridge of my head before he took me deeply, letting me hit the back of his throat. His fingers against my ass left little doubt as to exactly what he wanted tonight, and I moaned loudly, imagining the way it would feel.

Too soon and not soon enough, he pulled away. I opened my eyes, panting as I gazed down at the floor. I lifted my head when I heard the scrape of his nightstand drawer, but before I could move to join him, he was back. He bit my lip and breathed huskily, "I want you here."

I didn't have to stop and think; I just kissed him hard and then turned around when he put his hands on my hips. He gave an appreciative grunt before trailing his warm lips over my shoulder and down my spine. He bit my ass and squeezed my thighs. As soon as his hands fell away again, I heard the snap of the bottle. I braced myself with the heels of my hands against the edge of his dresser and took a step back, spreading my feet.

He settled between them, and I watched in the mirror as he licked his lips. His eyes were focused on his work when he lifted slick fingers to my entrance. His eyes fluttered and his lips parted when he slipped the first finger inside me, whispering, "God damn… can't fucking wait…"

His murmurs never slowed as he worked to prepare me for him. He took himself in hand, and I watched the movement of his biceps, frustrated that I couldn't see him stroking his cock but excited by the mental image it sparked. I remembered seeing him over Skype – seeing _exactly_ what he did to himself, and I moaned, pressing my ass back insistently.

He laughed softly, meeting my gaze through the mirror, and I flashed a smile that made him lower his hands and reach for the condom. As soon as it was on, he was in me, burying himself fully in one long, hard stroke that curled my toes.

I pressed back against him as he tried to steady himself. I knew he was holding back, trying to make sure he lasted.

"Don't," I grunted.

"Don't what?" he asked, his voice strained and his hips utterly still.

I raised my eyes again to find him watching me. "Don't go easy." His eyes widened when I added, "Fuck me, Edward. Hard. Don't you stop until you're screaming my name."

He watched me for a second longer before smirking – and doing exactly what I demanded. And god _damn_ was it good. His fingers dug into my hips, blunt fingernails stinging as he pulled me back against him again and again, harder and harder. His eyes moved downward, and I became fascinated with watching him watch us.

He licked his lips, utter concentration furrowing his brow, but soon the sensation of exactly what he was doing to me was too overwhelming. I hung my head, panting and trying to catch my breath as I supported myself with my left hand. I wrapped my right around my cock, stroking furiously as I closed my eyes, focusing entirely on just feeling.

It wasn't long at all before I heard my name spilling from Edward's lips – a breathless, grunting whisper rather than the screams I'd ordered, but it didn't matter. I was too far gone to even fully notice. Edward held himself still for a moment though my hand never paused, but soon he was batting it away, replacing it with his own hand.

"Oh god," I groaned, dropping with my elbows on the cool wood of his dresser. I rested my forehead on my fists as he pumped me, every stroke bringing me closer to euphoria. I felt tightening in my groin, quivering in my thighs, and then my world was nothing but darkness and flecks of glittering light blooming behind my eyelids.

The first sound I heard was Edward's gruff voice murmuring softly, even though I couldn't make out the words. He kissed my shoulders, his lips brushing my neck before he grew still against me.

Finally, he pulled away, and I looked up to see him watching me in the mirror with that impish, self-satisfied grin. His left hand was cupped, but I could see the evidence of my orgasm all over his right as well as he said, "Be right back," and disappeared into the bathroom.

I chuckled and stood up straight, arching my back to work out kinks I hadn't been aware of until then. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a minute to look in the mirror. I barely recognized myself – it had been so long since I'd really seen that expression on my face. Bright-eyed, with spots of color on my cheeks and a smile on my lips, I looked years younger. Happy.

My smile grew as Edward walked back into the room with a washcloth in hand. He laughed when I plucked it from his hands and wrapped him into my arms instead, but he didn't protest, kissing me for long minutes until I was finally content. When we parted, he helped me clean up what little mess was left and tossed the cloth onto the bathroom floor before turning to me with eyes that sparkled the same way mine had been.

"Do you need to go?" he whispered as he kissed beneath my ear.

I could hear the half-hearted hope in his voice, but I sighed as I glanced over his shoulder at the alarm clock. "'Fraid so, Princess…" For a moment, I considered just staying, but logistically speaking, it would be a nightmare – and I wasn't quite sure I was ready to start spending the night at Edward's during the week. His shoulders dropped a bit, so I reached up, putting a knuckle beneath his chin to lift his lips to mine. "I don't have any clothes for tomorrow," I added.

He gave a small smile, apparently mollified, and nodded. We talked idly as we dressed, mostly teasing each other about grunting and groaning as we bent to pick up our clothes. Edward was quiet as we walked to the door, but he was still smiling when he kissed me good night. He held me close for a moment, burying his face in my neck, and I felt him place a soft kiss there before he straightened.

"Be careful going home," he said quietly, but his eyes held the three words he didn't say again.

I nodded, understanding both what he said and what he didn't. I hoped he could tell from my expression that I felt something more for him as well. I was too afraid to say it, too afraid that what I felt might not _be_ love – and too afraid of what it might mean if it was.

Edward's eyes held understanding as he nodded at nothing in particular. I pulled him close, kissing him again, and then we were saying our goodbyes. I told him I'd text when I got home, and he stood on his front stoop the way I'd come to expect as he watched me drive off. Just before I passed out of sight, he lifted his hand once and turned to go inside.

I wondered if he knew I was watching in the rear-view mirror.

I arrived home with a strange feeling of happiness and discontent. I didn't like leaving Edward hanging the way I was. I knew he had to be wondering how I felt, and it didn't help that I was still wondering myself. The question - and the nagging doubts - stayed with me as I texted him and then took a quick shower. I got ready for bed, and his simple response - _Sleep well, sweetheart. Miss you._ - stayed with me as I fell asleep with Edward on my mind.

They were still there when I woke the next morning, and they lingered over the next few days. Work was busy with my current projects, but even when my mind was engaged on whatever assignment I had at the time, Edward lurked in the background.

We spoke throughout the week, and every time I heard his voice, the feeling of rightness began to grow. He teased and laughed and was caring and sympathetic, listening to me talk about Emily. He understood why she was so much on my mind, and he was even fine with the fact that she and I had dinner a couple of times. He suggested it, actually, when I confessed to him on Monday that I was having an extremely hard time being away from her. I didn't like not being able to see for myself how she was doing.

It cut into the time I would've normally spent with him, but he didn't mind. He said he missed me, of course, but that it was important for the two of us to be there for each other. It helped more than I'd expected it to, and the knot in my chest that was made up of anxiety for Emily began to loosen as the days passed.

At work on Wednesday, I called her again, just to see how she was doing. I was surprised – and happy – to find that I was more relaxed than I'd been in a long time with her. The fury for James was still there, buried deep, but I was no longer worried that she was going to go back to him.

We talked for a few minutes about my work and her school. I asked if she wanted to get dinner again that night, but she turned me down. I let it slide as she told me about helping out at Carmen's that morning, but as we were about to hang up, I felt like I had to offer again, just in case she needed me.

"You're sure you don't want to have dinner tonight, Lee Lee?" I asked, leaning back in my desk chair as I listened to the silence on the other end of the phone.

"_Yeah, I'm good, Spurs. Thanks, though."_

I smiled at the pause she took before answering. It made me feel like she was really thinking about it, rather than just brushing me off the way she had been for a few weeks.

"_I've been sort of…"_ She paused, clearing her throat, and I imagined her running her fingers through her hair when I heard her sigh. _"Well, to be honest, I'm sort of really behind on my work now. Because…well, you know. I just kind of let things go…" _

"Yeah, I know."

We sat in silent acknowledgment of the unfortunate bond we shared now. I didn't quite know what to say, but it felt good – freeing, somehow – to know that Emily, at least, knew the truth about what had happened with Paul. The family still didn't know either of our stories, and I wasn't sure when or if we were going to tell them.

"Alright, well, catch up on your schoolwork, but let me know if you want me to bring something over, okay?"

"_Okay, I will. Thanks, Spurs…really."_ I could hear her smile, and it made my heart feel lighter as we talked for a few minutes before hanging up the phone. Despite the dinners and phone calls, I'd been trying very hard to give her space and remember that she was an adult. I didn't always succeed, but we were getting there.

Luckily, she didn't seem to mind. If anything, she seemed relieved that she didn't have to hide the truth anymore. Her affection toward Edward had grown into something like hero-worship, and I knew how she felt. Watching Mike punch Paul had been strangely vindicating, even if I'd been conflicted at the time.

I cleared my throat, carefully moving my thoughts in a different direction. I was coming to terms with a lot of the things Paul had put me through, but that was still no reason to dwell on the past, especially since I was hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time. It'd taken a lot of thinking, but I finally felt as if I knew what I was feeling. I thought I had a name for it now, and it wasn't scary, or bad, or wrong. In fact, I had never felt more _right_, and that thought made me smile.

I thought about calling Edward, but Mike poked his head around my door with a knock. "Hey man, you didn't forget about your meeting over at Landers and Reed's, did you?"

I looked up with raised eyebrows, then glanced at the clock. "Oh, fuck! Thanks, Mike. I hadn't realized it had gotten quite that late. I'm heading out now."

Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed. _Probably better to wait until the weekend, anyway. I'd rather not have any interruptions._

"Good luck, J," Mike said, grinning.

"Thanks, Mike. I'll see you when I get back."

He nodded, then headed back out while I grabbed the portfolio and stuffed it into my laptop case. I double checked that I had all the files I'd need on my laptop before shutting it down and putting in the bag as well, and then I was on my way. I was relatively early still, but since the company was downtown, it would take some time to get there. Parking was always a bitch, and I knew there was every chance of it taking longer than it should to find a space.

Thankfully, I was lucky and pulled into a spot right after someone vacated it. I walked the block and a half to the building, and after announcing myself, I was told to wait until Mr. Reed came to collect me.

I was looking over some notes when I heard someone walk up to me. When I looked up, Mr. Reed held his hand out, smiling widely. "Afternoon, Mr. Whitlock, sorry to keep you waiting. Why don't you follow me?"

Grabbing my bag, I followed him as he made small talk. After he ushered me into the meeting room, he introduced me to the other people I'd be making the presentation to and asked if I wanted anything to drink.

"Water'll be fine, thank you."

While someone grabbed a bottle of water from the mini-fridge, I set up everything I needed. Once everyone was settled, I was asked to begin, and the presentation went off without a hitch. They seemed impressed with the plans we had for the program they needed. We'd done a similar program already for another firm, so I was able to show them certain applications that they could expect. All in all, I felt positive about the meeting and really liked the people we'd be working with. They asked good questions and seemed - for once - to know exactly what they wanted. They had done some research of their own and had had two other companies come in to make bids.

I was saying goodbye and thank you to Mr. Reed when I saw him. I knew that there would be a presentation right after mine by another firm bidding for the contract, but I hadn't realized that it would be Paul's company.

Everything seemed to freeze the moment our gazes met. I saw his eyes narrow as he tilted his head slightly before turning to his partner and murmuring something to him. Swallowing hard, I again thanked Mr. Reed for his time and hastened past Paul and the other guy as I hurried to the restroom. I needed to collect myself before driving.

It wasn't often that I ran into Paul, but just like every other time, doing so shook me to the core. I hated that he still held any power over me.

I was standing at the sink, one hand gripping the side of it while I ran the fingers of the other through my hair. My eyes were fixed on my mirror image as I berated myself yet again for letting him get to me. The door opened, and seconds later he was behind me, almost-but-not-quite pressing up against me as he murmured in my ear, "Hello, Jasper. Long time, no see..."

My jaw clenched as my eyes darted away, wanting to look at anything but him even as he seemed to be everywhere. "What do you want, Paul?"

I could feel my body respond to him like it had always done. Even after all these years, even after Edward, I still had an almost Pavlovian response to his presence, his scent, the heat that seemed to roll off his body. I despised it, especially after everything that had happened, yet I couldn't control myself.

I did the only thing I could think of to try to regain some measure of self-control. I turned my thoughts to Edward - how he smelled and felt, his smile, the warmth in his eyes whenever he looked at me. It was so different from Paul's cold gaze that was boring into me through the impersonal glass. I caught a soft smile playing on my lips in my reflection, one that froze as I noticed Paul's face harden.

I knew that look.

I _dreaded_ that look. It always meant something was coming, and it had never been anything good. I thought I heard him mutter under his breath about something being different, and it confused me. I wasn't left waiting long, though.

I shuddered as I saw his hand reach as if to caress my face, but he stopped just short of touching me. The smile that formed on his lips as he noticed every reaction of my body - every breath that became more labored, every shudder, even the goddamn semi I was now sporting - it fueled him in some way. My hands gripped both sides of the sink in an effort to remain upright instead of cowering from him like I wanted to. I couldn't make myself move away, couldn't make myself leave this restroom - or Paul. I never had been able to, and it sickened me that I still couldn't.

_What the fuck is _wrong_ with me?_

I felt his breath fan over my neck and cheek as he spoke again. "You haven't changed; have you, my Jasper?"

I shuddered again. I wasn't _his_. My voice sounded almost strangled as I told him so, which just seemed to amuse him. He hummed then and said, "Hmm, perhaps you have. There's something about you, Jasper. Could it be..?"

I had no idea what he was talking about as his words washed over me, causing my stomach to turn time and again. Why couldn't I just leave?

_What does he _want_ from me?_

As if to answer my question, his attitude changed and his face hardened further. I knew then what was coming, but just like always, I was powerless stop him. He used the same words he had always used, wielding them like a knife, only this time the knife had a new edge: my own guilt. He sliced with great skill, leaving me wounded and bleeding again as he reminded me that I wasn't worthy of anyone's love, that I was foolish to think anyone would or even _could_ love me.

"Love is just a lie," he told me. "Just words spoken to get someone to believe you. Empty words, words to control and deceive. After all, that's what I did," he reminded me with a smirk. He asked me if this new guy was doing the same things he used to do. Did he hold me tight, caress me, show me affection? Did this guy make small gestures like he used to do, try to make me believe him to be a gentleman, to make me believe that he actually _cared_?

He told me that this new man would change soon enough; once he believed me to be under his spell, he would show me his true colors. He said that I'd end up being his bitch, just like I had been Paul's - and that thought, that Edward would turn out to be just like Paul, made bile rise in my throat. Was that why he had forgiven me so readily? Why he'd told me he loved me?

Paul was right. Edward couldn't love me, not really. Not after what I had done. After all, hadn't I done the very thing I had once accused Paul of doing? Edward and I weren't exclusive - we hadn't proclaimed ourselves boyfriends - but in my heart I knew the name for what I had done. I had cheated on Edward. I had hurt him, and even though he said he had forgiven me... it couldn't possibly last. I wasn't worthy of his love. Paul made that abundantly clear the longer he talked. It was as if he knew _exactly_ what had happened. Maybe he did.

Paul's words created two opposing options in my head - Edward leaving me... or Edward controlling and abusing me as Paul had. Both made me sick to my stomach. I could feel sweat bead on my forehead as Paul shifted away with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. I shivered as I felt the ghost of his touch over my shoulder. He left with a sickeningly sweet goodbye.

As soon as he was gone, I rushed into one of the stalls, my stomach roiling. I barely made it to my knees in time to bend over the toilet and throw up. I sat there, heaving for what felt like hours, my face streaked with tears as Paul's words echoed in my head over and over again. When I had finally calmed down enough, I got to my feet, brushing my pants off in disgust as I walked to the sink. I felt as dirty as I now looked, inside and out. I cleaned myself up to the best of my ability and made my way to my car, calling in to work to let them know I wouldn't be coming back in until the morning.

Once I was home, I stripped and got under the shower, letting the water run as hot as I could stand it. Paul's voice would not shut up, and his words formed a backdrop to the memories that plagued my mind. Again and again, I saw every show of affection from both him and Edward, every whisper and caress. In my daze, I thought I heard my phone ring, but I ignored it - I wasn't up to talking to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I stayed under the shower until the water ran cold.

After toweling off, I went to bed, curling up under the blankets and burrowing my face into my pillow as I tried to get my mind to shut down. The assurances that Mike had given me weeks ago drifted into my head, and I cringed. If he was right, if I truly wasn't the same man as I had been back when Paul and I were together, then why did he still affect me so much? I felt exhausted, raw, and vulnerable. It took hours before sleep finally found me.

The next day, I woke up with a headache bad enough that I felt nauseated. I tried not to think about why I felt so bad, but it was pointless. Paul's voice continued to ring in my ears, his implications twisting my stomach further into knots. Forcing myself to get up, I took a couple of Excedrin and downed a bottle of water before even attempting to get ready for the day. I wanted to stay home; I wasn't up for facing Mike or the others, but I had to go in. They had to know how the meeting had gone, but as soon as that was done, I could hole up in my office.

I managed to eat a couple of pieces of buttered toast, along with a cup of coffee, but the idea of eating anything else repulsed me. _Why does he always have to affect me this way?_ It was normal for me to react to Paul this way, though in the past it had never quite been as strong as now. 

_Ah, but in the past, he never had the same ammunition as now, either. Edward wasn't there..._

I cringed, shaking my head slowly, mindful of my headache.

_Enough! _

Putting the few dishes I had used in the sink to be taken care of later, I headed out to the office. I was one of the first ones there, which allowed me to get things ready before the guys got in. I still felt out of it but did my best to just shrug it off.

Somehow, I made it through the debriefing without too much trouble. As soon as I was done, I locked myself in my office after telling Felix I didn't want to be disturbed by anyone or anything, save a natural disaster - and, really, I wasn't even sure about that one. I knew I wasn't being fair to anyone, especially Edward, but it was the only way I'd be able to even make it through the day.

I ignored my new sketchpad after throwing it into a drawer. I knew that if I started doodling, I'd be faced with either Paul or Edward, or both, and I simply couldn't handle that right then. Scrubbing my face, I threw myself into my work instead - something that took every ounce of concentration I had. I even worked through lunch, skipping food entirely because I still didn't feel like I could stomach anything.

My phone went unanswered, my e-mails largely ignored - I only checked to see if clients had gotten back to me. Everything else I simply put aside for later. I left work an hour early and headed home. The first thing I did was turn off my phones without checking for messages. I didn't feel like talking to anyone; I knew that, no matter who called, the question of what was wrong with me would come up, and I wasn't ready or willing to tell anyone about running into Paul.

I changed into pajama pants and an old Red Sox shirt before looking for food. My stomach was still not feeling right, all knotted and tight, but I hoped that a bowl of chicken soup would be okay. Comfort food sounded good right now. It was Campbell's and not Mama's, but it'd do.

I sat at my kitchen table, eating slowly as I tried not to think...about anything. Of course I failed, and I ended up being able to finish only half the bowl before my stomach protested too loudly. I put it in the sink, not even feeling up to doing the dishes, and headed to bed early. After too many hours of staring at the ceiling, I curled up into a ball, my arms around Edward's pillow without conscious thought, and finally fell asleep.

When I woke up on Friday, I still felt like shit, but I attributed it mostly to a lack of food and having woken up several times during the night from nightmares. Both Paul and Edward had starred in them, and that alone sickened me.

Work went much like the day before, with me ensconced in my office and Felix under orders not to let anyone or anything interrupt me. It mostly worked, except for the intrusions of my own making. I could keep the world out, but I couldn't protect myself from the way my mind assaulted me with everything that had happened.

Around noon, my phone vibrated in my pocket and then buzzed with the tone that let me know I had a calendar reminder. I frowned, unsure what it could be as I knew I didn't have any meetings. Pulling the phone out, I stared down at the words.

_8:00 Party at Alice's  
_  
I cursed under my breath, tossing the phone onto my desk. I sat back and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to decide what to do. I obviously hadn't deleted the reminder when I canceled my plans and made new ones with Edward. I didn't know where he and I were supposed to go, but it didn't really matter because I definitely was not up to facing him just yet. In truth, I wasn't up to much of anything, and that just pissed me off further.

_God_damn_ Paul! _

Staring at the ceiling, I tugged at my hair in frustration. "Fuck it. I'll just go to Alice's party," I mumbled to myself. I knew they couldn't corner me in that setting, and hopefully my mood would go unnoticed. Besides, I might actually be able to relax enough to have a little fun and be ready to talk to Edward afterward.

My costume was at Edward's, but I decided that didn't matter. I didn't feel like wearing that dress, anyway. Not without him. I pushed the thought about what I'd go as instead out of my mind and went back to work. When it was time to go, I made my escape without running into anyone, and I praised my luck as I drove home.

Making myself a couple of pieces of buttered toast again, I walked into my room and stood in front of my closet. Putting a piece of toast in my mouth, I began to sort through my clothes, occasionally stopping to actually take a bite, chew, and then swallow carefully, having to force it down. I loathed having such a visceral reaction to _him_ but was at a loss to how to stop it.

I was about to give up on finding anything to wear when, finally, my eyes fell on my riding chaps, and I gave a half-hearted grin. _Cowboy it is, then._ I grabbed my hat, my leather vest, and a white, casual button down, and laid them on the bed. Then I went in search of a bandanna and my favorite boots. I didn't wear them often because they generated far too many comments that grated my nerves. There were only so many times I could stand some random man - or woman - saying, "Ride me, cowboy," before I wanted to clock someone.

As I was drying off after my shower, I shivered and then frowned. _It's not _that_ cold yet..._ I looked at myself in the mirror, my frown deepening as I noticed the bags under my eyes and the pale reflection staring back at me. I looked like absolute shit. I couldn't stand the sight, knowing the reason for it, and turned away, hurrying to get dressed. As soon as I was done, it was time to go. I grabbed my leather jacket, wallet, and keys, opting to leave my phone at home as I was fairly sure Edward would try to call, and I didn't know if I was ready to talk to him yet.

I tried to shake the feeling of guilt at ignoring him, but I didn't have much success. Instead, I worked to distract myself, forcing a chuckle as I drove past Alice and Becca's house because I was unable to find a parking spot close by.

I ended up parked almost three blocks away, and walked back to their house, huddled in my jacket. Just like every holiday, Alice had outdone herself. Scarecrows and ghosts covered their small front lawn, decorating the stoop and covering the door. I smiled faintly and shook my head, welcoming the familiar amusement I felt at just how far Becca would go to make Alice happy.

I shivered and ducked my head as I climbed the few steps, feeling much colder than the weather really afforded, and I wondered idly if I was getting sick. The party was in full swing already by the time I got inside and hung up my coat. I nodded in greeting to the people I knew, straightening my hat and heading for the makeshift bar they had set up. It took me a lot longer than normal to figure out what I wanted because nothing sounded good, which was a sure sign something was off with me.

Since I was driving, I decided to stick with 7 Up, hoping it would settle my stomach enough to be able to have some fun. Wiping my hands on my jeans - what little I could reach, due to the chaps - I looked around the living room. I was beginning to wonder if I'd made a mistake in coming when I spotted Alice. It couldn't be anyone else, given her stature, not to mention the way she seemed to be buzzing with life and energy. I stared a moment, taking in her outfit, and then glanced at the woman beside her. I assumed it had to be Becca, even though I couldn't see her face.

Finally, I started across the room, figuring I needed to at least let her know I'd shown up after all. Alice had dressed up as Harlequin, and as I approached, she was brandishing the scepter and talking enthusiastically about the party.

Becca turned and spotted me first, smiling as she said, "Hey Jasper! Long time no see." She stepped up to me, hugging me briefly as she murmured, "Love the costume...I'm glad you made it after all."

"Thanks. It's good to see you, too." I let Becca go and turned to hug Alice as I added, "Figured I shouldn't miss any party thrown by my godson's godmother." I winked at Alice as I let her go, sure she would see that my heart wasn't in it. She seemed oblivious for once, thanks to the party, and I quickly turned my attention to Becca, tilting my head as I tried to figure out what she was supposed to be. She wore a simple, long, flowing purple gown that hung off of one shoulder, with a cape in a lighter shade of purple. She had blue streaks in her hair, as well as a wreath of vines and flowers perched on top of her head.

She made a small circle, holding out her arms so I could see, and grinned. "You like? I'm Gaia."

I chuckled. "As in Captain Planet's Gaia?"

She laughed, and Alice smacked my arm. "Something like that," Becca said.

Alice rolled her eyes at both of us, grinning. "I told you," she pointed at Becca, "that's what people would think. Didn't I?"

Becca leaned down, kissing Alice lightly on the lips. "Yes, dear."

As always, being around Alice's energy helped lighten my mood. I bit my lip to keep from smiling, and she narrowed her eyes. "Watch it, missy," she told Becca before saying, "Oh!" and turning to me with a Cheshire Cat grin. "Remember the guy I was going to set you up with awhile back? He's supposed to be here tonight. I haven't seen him yet, but he said he'd come, and he's pretty good about keeping his word." She paused for a second, craning her neck as she scanned the room. She wrinkled her nose and turned back to me. "Anyway, he says he's seeing someone, but I still want you to meet him. I think you'd get along great, even if you're just friends."

Rolling my eyes, I tried not to think about being set up, or about Edward, or anything. It was all too uncomfortable right then. Instead, I sighed, and said, "Alice, please? Give it a rest? For one night?"

She studied me thoughtfully, then hugged me briefly around the waist with a sigh of her own. "Alright, J. Just this once. You look like you've had a rough day, so I'll let it slide. For now. Try to have some fun, okay?"

Kissing the top of her head, I promised her I'd do my best, even though I felt like anything but partying. Becca squeezed my arm lightly and smiled. She took Alice's hand and pointed out a few new arrivals, and they went to greet them, leaving me to my own devices. Taking a careful sip of my drink, I let my eyes wander again, sighing with resignation when I realized I was going to have to talk to people. I gave a half-smile when I spotted Peter talking with a guy I didn't know.

Walking up to them, I grinned at Peter, feeling somehow triumphant when it was only partially forced. "Hey, Pete."

Peter blushed slightly, his eyes flickering to the guy he'd been talking to. I glanced at him and saw at once why Peter'd fancy him. He was exactly Pete's type: blue eyes with a long, blond ponytail that was even lighter than his own. His features screamed twink, from the youthful face and pouty lips to the slender body and narrow waist.

The guy eyed me with some interest, and when Peter still hadn't said anything after a minute, I held out my hand to introduce myself with a smile. "I think Pete left his tongue with the Cheshire Cat over there. I'm Jasper."

"Conner." He smirked as he shook my hand, his eyes flickering to Peter, who'd turned scarlet.

I withdrew my hand, fighting the urge to wipe it off after the damn-washcloth-shake Conner had given me. There was little I hated more than a limp handshake, be it from a man or a woman. The distraction helped, letting me feel a little more normal, and I latched onto it, looking over their costumes and grinning. Peter had come dressed up as an infantryman from World War Two, and Conner...Conner looked as if he'd stepped out of _The Princess Bride_ or something, dressed all in black with his mask hanging around his neck.

We talked for a little while, just normal stuff like our jobs at first. They told me they'd been seeing each other for a few weeks, and I tried to be interested in how they met, but I was becoming more and more distracted by a sick feeling in my gut. At first, I thought it was guilt again, that feeling that seemed to grow whenever anything reminded me of Edward and the shitty way I was treating him, but soon I realized I was wrong. It was something very real, very physical, and it seemed to be getting worse.

_Is it getting hot in here?_

I wiped my forehead with the bandanna I had tied around my neck, repressing another shiver as Conner's voice washed over me. I'd downed my bottle of 7 Up and was contemplating getting another when I felt a hand on my upper arm.

"Jasper?"


	24. For The Longest Time

**A****/****N****:** Thanks to our lovely ladies, _**EchoesofTwilight**__**, **__**kimberlycullen**__**10, **_and_**theladyingrey**_ for beta'ing and pre-reading, as always.

As ever, we don't own Twilight; these boys, however, own us - completely.

**ooOoo**

**EPOV**

"Come on...answer already..."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair in both worry and frustration, my knee bouncing nervously as I sat on the edge of the bed. I'd been trying to reach Jasper since Wednesday night and kept getting his voice mail.

_"__Hi__, __you__'__ve__ reached __Jasper __Whitlock__. __You __know__ the__ drill__."_

_Damn__it__!_

I huffed, hitting the end-call button. There was no point in leaving another message, as he hadn't gotten back to me after the last three I'd left. Clenching my jaw, I tried to stamp down the feeling that something was wrong, that this was a repeat of Tennessee. I couldn't - _wouldn__'__t_ - believe he'd do that to me again. Not after everything that had happened.

_But __still__..._

My eyes fell on the garment bags with our costumes hanging on my closet door. I ran my hand over my face roughly and sighed.

_Jasper__, __what__'__s __going__ on__? __Why __aren__'__t __you__ calling__ me__? _

After our talk, the week apart, and then Emily - not to mention our date earlier this week when we went to pick out our costumes - I'd thought things were going okay, that we were getting back to being us...maybe even better. Now, though, that nagging feeling of doubt wouldn't leave me alone. Had I gone too far? Had I made a mistake in telling him I loved him after all?

With a growl, I reached for my wallet and took out the card Mike had left me after our talk. I hated to call Jasper at work. It didn't feel right to disturb him there, but I didn't see how I was going to get a chance to talk to him otherwise. Before I could talk myself out of it, I dialed the number.

"_Self__-__Similar__ Software__, __this __is __Felix__. __How __may__ I __direct __your __call__?"_

I cleared my throat and said, "Hey, Felix. It's Edward. Could you put me through to Jasper, please?"

There was a slight pause, and I thought I heard Felix sigh. "_Hey__, __Edward__. __I__'__m__ sorry__, __but __Jasper__'__s __asked__ not __to __be__ disturbed__. __Can __I __take __a __message__?"_

"Oh... No, that-"

I heard someone talking in the background and stilled my tongue, hoping it might be Jasper. When I heard Mike's voice, I let out the breath of air I'd been holding in.

"_Hey__, __E__, __anything __I __can __do __for __you__?"_

A wan smile touched my lips briefly as I detected the note of concern in Mike's voice. "Hey, Mike. I was trying to get a hold of Jasper. He hasn't been answering his phone..."

This time, I definitely heard the sigh as well as a soft rustling, and I could almost picture Mike turning away from prying ears as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"_Umm__, __yeah__...__I__ don__'__t __know __what __to __tell __ya__, __man__. __He__'__s __been __avoiding__ everyone __here__, __too__, __and __the__ few __times __I__'__ve __seen __him __he__'__s __looked __like__ shit__. __Did __something __happen __that __you __know __of__?"  
_

I frowned, wondering what could have happened to make Jasper isolate himself from his friends. Based on what I'd seen of him, that didn't sound like something he'd do.

"No...he was fine last time I spoke to him..."

It didn't sit quite right to say _nothing_ had happened, but I was almost positive that whatever was going on with Jasper wasn't in reaction to last weekend. And I was quite sure Jasper wouldn't appreciate me telling Mike or anyone else about Emily. That was his business - well, hers, but still.

Mike hummed, and I knew he was worried, too. He cleared his throat and said, "_Sorry__, __E__, __I __really __don__'__t __know__. __If __I__ catch __him__, __I__'__ll __let __him__ know __you __called__. __Just__...__hang __in __there__, __okay__? __I __don__'__t__ think__ this __is__...__well__...__you __know__."_

I nodded, then shook my head, rolling my eyes at myself because Mike obviously couldn't see me. "Thanks, Mike." I sighed. "I'd better let you get back to work. Tell Jess I said hi."

Mike assured me he would, but before I could hang up, he said, _"__Oh__, __hey__...__we__'__re__ still __on __for __Tuesday__, __right__?"_

"Yeah, Emily said she's got everything ready to go for his birthday party. I'll... double check with Jasper..." I bit the inside of my check to keep from sighing. I sure as hell _hoped_ I'd be seeing Jasper sometime soon, but I wasn't quite sure anymore.

Mike answered with a simple, _"__Cool__," _and after exchanging goodbyes, we hung up. I stared blankly at our costumes, wondering what was going on. I tried to go over the past few days to figure out if this had anything to do with me or what had happened to Emily, but I couldn't see anything I hadn't thought of - and dismissed - before.

Tossing my phone on the bed, I let myself drop backward and scrubbed my face. I wanted to believe Mike, to believe Jasper hadn't ended up in another guy's arms again, but I couldn't understand what other reason he might have for suddenly cutting me - and apparently everyone else - off.

I was half-tempted to call Emily to see if she'd heard from Jasper. I knew that he'd talked to her every day since the weekend, and I couldn't imagine him stopping that any time soon. Surely she'd have spoken with him. The question was: would I want to hear whatever answer she might have? Not to mention, if she _hadn__'__t_ heard from him, then what would that imply?

Deciding it was better to simply leave things alone for the time being, I sighed. I'd just have to wait for tomorrow and see if he showed up for class or not. If I didn't hear from him soon, I was going to drive over to his apartment and knock on the damn door until he answered. I was determined to trust him, but he was sure as fuck making it hard.

Trying to think of something - _anything_ - else, I lifted myself onto my elbows and eyed the costumes we'd gotten warily.

_Do__ I __still __want __to __go __to __Alice__'__s __party__ tonight__?_

I thought about that for a moment, grimacing when my first thought was, _"__Hell __no__."_ If I couldn't see Jasper, I really just wanted to stay in, maybe call Kate... see if she could help me figure out what the hell was going on.

_But __you __told __Alice __you__'__d __be __there__..._

I growled at the annoying voice that always picked the worst times to play my conscience. Compared to what I was going through with Jasper, what did it matter if I'd made a promise to Alice?

The silence in my head was laced with guilt. I pushed myself off the bed and stalked to my closet, muttering curses under my breath. Yes, I was going to go. I'd told her I'd be there, and the party would serve as a distraction, if nothing else. Of course, I'd also promised her I'd bring my "mystery man," but there wasn't anything I could do about that if he wouldn't answer his goddamn phone.

After opening the garment bag that held Jasper's costume, my fingers trailed the fabric. There hadn't been much choice left, of course, but the idea of going in complementing costumes had been very appealing. The thought of wearing mine without him at my side didn't sit well. I zipped up the bag again and stepped into my closet with a huff.

_Great__. __So__ that __means __I __have __about __three __hours __to __figure __out __what __the __hell __I__'__m__ going __to __wear__, __and __then __get __ready__._

_To__ go __alone__. _

I groaned and forced myself to focus on the problem at hand. After about half an hour of searching through my closet, I still came up empty. I went downstairs to grab something to drink and paused as I walked by the coat rack, my eyes falling on my leather jacket. For some reason, my thoughts went back to last weekend - to watching _Grease_ with Kate and Emily, and then hearing the stories from Jasper about how Emily used to prance around pretending she was a Greaser.

The memory made me smile while at the same time causing the hollow ache in my chest to pulse. Grabbing my jacket, I held it for a moment, thinking. I wished that Jasper would come with me tonight, but since I apparently couldn't have that, I wanted to have him with me, in a sense. I needed it - needed _him_.

And I hated to think of what it meant that he apparently didn't need me the same way.

I swallowed hard, pushing the doubts and insecurities and hurt away, choosing instead to go with my impulse.

Two hours later, I was ready. I barely looked at my reflection as I rolled up my shirt sleeves the way the Greasers did. I'd managed to tame my hair with copious amounts of hair product, and I actually looked the part. Shrugging into my leather jacket, I finally glanced in the mirror to make sure everything was okay. I could see confusion in my eyes and stared at myself until I managed to chase most of it away. Once I was satisfied, I headed out the door.

I'd intended to take Jasper out to dinner before the party, so I hadn't gone shopping for food. Since that plan had obviously fallen through, I decided to go out on my own. Being the sucker for punishment I apparently was, I ended up going to the same little Greek place I'd invited Jasper to after the shoot - the day that everything had changed for us.

The waitress eyed me appreciatively and grinned as she addressed me as Mr. Zuko with a wink. I managed a chuckle as I ordered the usual pork souvlaki and then spent my time people-watching. Being here again had me aching for when things had seemed so much simpler between Jasper and me.

Though I knew the food was as excellent as always, somehow it didn't taste as good as I remembered it. I was sure that had more to do with the fact that Jasper wasn't with me than anything else. The waitress stopped by my table a few times, and we talked about _Grease_ for a while. I left her a generous tip beside my half-eaten food. It certainly wasn't her fault that I wasn't feeling in the mood to party or that I hadn't enjoyed my meal.

By the time I made it to Alice's street, it was already packed. It took me almost ten minutes to find a spot, and when I got out, I saw a car that looked like Jasper's parked a little further down. I shook it off, knowing that couldn't be the case. Besides, his car was pretty generic, so I put it out of my mind as I walked the short distance.

When I got inside, the party was already in full swing. I spotted Alice and Becca easily and waved at them. They were deep in conversation, so I decided I'd stop by and say hello later. I wasn't planning to stay very long, but I knew I had to at least make an attempt to socialize.

Heading over to the bar, I glanced around to see if I recognized anyone. I didn't really know many of the people Alice hung out with, though. Grabbing a bottle of water, I unscrewed the cap and took a swig. I would have loved something stronger, but I had a feeling if I started, I wouldn't stop. I didn't want a repeat of Labor Day; besides, I was driving.

As my gaze swung around the room, I caught sight of various costumes. A few made me shake my head in disbelief, like the Red and Green M&Ms dancing in the corner. I idly wondered if they'd waited even longer than we had to start their search for costumes or if they actually _wanted_ to dress up as candy.

Taking another drink of my water, I turned to walk around, only to stop in my tracks when my eyes fell on a small group of guys a couple of feet away from me. I didn't recognize two of them, but the third - who was standing with his back to me - struck me as all too familiar.

_Can__'__t __be__..._

I looked closer, taking in the leather chaps, leather vest, the cowboy boots, and the hat that mostly hid what were blond curls. As I got closer, I heard his voice, confirming my suspicion.

_How__ the _hell _did __he __know __where __Alice__'__s __party__ was__? __And__ why__ didn__'__t __he__ tell__ me __he__'__d__ be__ here__?_

My mind was racing, trying to put together too many pieces that didn't match up no matter how they were turned. I felt a strange sense of relief that maybe everything was okay after all - maybe he'd just been busy. But I couldn't make myself believe it, not completely.

He still hadn't noticed me - nor had the other guys, but I didn't care about them. Placing my hand on his upper arm, I said, "Jasper?"

My voice held the uncertainty I felt, the confusion. I simply couldn't hide my hurt tinged with anger, though it made way for concern as Jasper stiffened under my grasp and turned around slowly, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

Mike hadn't been kidding when he said Jasper looked like shit. My eyes roamed his face, taking in the dark rings under his eyes, and the paleness of his skin. I swallowed a couple of times when I realized that Jasper looked utterly shocked to see me. I couldn't figure out what that meant, so I stood mute as I debated what question to ask first and then said, "How did you-?"

I was cut off by Alice's gleeful, "Oh, you met! Great!"

She appeared next to me, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet and grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary as her eyes flitted between Jasper and me. "Edward, this is the guy I've been telling you about. Remember, back at Billy's?"

Before I could answer, she narrowed her eyes and pointed at Jasper. "You know him," she accused.

Jasper nodded, dumbstruck. Alice turned to me with an arched brow. "Jasper? _Jasper__'__s_ the guy you've been seeing?"

"How did you-?"

I glanced from Alice to Jasper, frustrated with my inability to articulate any of the countless questions I had. I wondered if this made any more sense to Jasper than it did to me. By the look on his face, though, he was as lost as I was.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest, the stern look on her face morphing into one of satisfaction as she said, "Ha! I knew you two'd like each other. _And_ that you'd be good together."

Jasper muttered a faint, "Yeah, okay, Alice..."

He looked a little green around the gills, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, and I wondered if he was feeling okay - or, worse, if seeing me was what was making him so sick. Just then, Mike and Jess showed up, both carrying platters of food. Mike grinned and stepped in front of us, taking the place of the two other guys who had walked off without my noticing or caring.

"Edward, good to see ya, man! What are you doing here?"

"Umm, hi Mike...Jess," I nodded to her and smiled faintly before turning to look at Mike again. I could see his tension in the tightness of his eyes, and I wondered if I had somehow wandered into a place where I was completely unwelcome.

_What__ the __hell __are __they __doing __here __anyway__?_

As soon as the question crossed my mind, it slid into place with everything Alice had said, and I had it. Jasper hadn't somehow found the party that _I__'__d_ invited him to; he'd abandoned me to hang out with his friends without even telling me.

Anger clenched my jaw, but before I could react, Jasper made a strangled noise, then bolted. We all stared after him in confusion, though mine was colored with raw pain. Mike was the first to recover. He reached out, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Is everything alright, man?"

I shook my head absently, staring at the place where Jasper had disappeared. I had a feeling that Mike didn't know what Jasper had done, since he'd just arrived at the party, and I didn't feel like explaining. I was half-tempted to just... leave. Just fucking be done with it.

But I couldn't.

I was worried about Jasper, physically and mentally, and I wondered if this illness, whatever it was, was the reason he'd been avoiding me. I didn't want to make excuses for him, but I couldn't help the concern I felt - and I wanted answers from him.

But first, I wanted to find out if he was alright. I excused myself without explaining, ignoring the questioning stares as I followed after Jasper.

It took me a few minutes, but I finally found him in one of the upstairs bathrooms, crouched over a toilet as he emptied his stomach. He looked utterly miserable, and the sight of him like that pushed aside any concerns for myself I had; the need to take care of him was too great for me to ignore. The smell and sound of his throwing up were harder to block out, but I tried.

I knelt down next to him, placed the back of my hand against his forehead, and gasped at the feel of his burning skin under mine. I felt guilty at the relief that passed through me when I realized he really _was_ sick - that there was some physical basis for whatever was going on with him. Those feelings gave way to the impulse to take care of him, and I waited quietly, rubbing his back to let him know I was still there.

When he was finally done retching - at least for the moment - he sat back, his head hanging down as he leaned against the tub. I put my finger under his chin and tilted his face toward me. I frowned, running my fingers through his hair; his cowboy hat lay on the floor beside him.

"Baby, you have a fever...you're sick. We need to get you home..."

The look in his eyes was pained, uncertain, and miserable. He nodded, then quickly turned to the toilet again. I got up, rummaging around the cupboards until I found a washcloth, which I dampened under the cold water tap. Wringing it out, I placed it briefly on his forehead before wiping his neck to cool him down a little.

He croaked a soft, "Thanks," and shivered. I sighed, wiping his mouth without comment.

I cleaned up the mess he'd made, which thankfully wasn't too bad, while he watched me with a vacant stare. When I was done, I gently grabbed him by the elbows and helped him up, guiding him downstairs until we were by the front door. There was a bench there, and I told him to sit down and wait for me, which he did without protest.

It didn't take long to find Mike and explain to him what was going on. He almost looked relieved when I told him Jasper was sick, and I understood the sentiment, even though I knew neither of us was happy about it. As Mike went off to get Jessica, Alice walked up to me to ask if everything was okay. I hugged her tight, apologizing.

"Sorry for bailing, Alice. I need to get Jasper home; he's really sick."

She nodded, hugging me back. "Alright. You go take care of our boy. We'll talk later. I want to know how the hell you two met."

I nodded, forcing a smile as I reminded her that she and Becca were coming over to do photos soon, and we could talk then. That seemed to satisfy her. Mike and Jess walked up to us then, ready to leave. As we headed to the door, Alice called out, "Hey, Zuko! You look hot tonight."

She laughed at my blush, and I rolled my eyes at her. As I helped Jasper to his feet again, I had to support his weight a little. He seemed to have no energy left, and I didn't think he'd be able to walk very far under his own power. When we finally got to my car, I had to help him into the seat, and he sagged back into it as soon as his legs were inside. We hadn't said a word to each other the entire time, so it was kind of weird to hear my voice as I murmured, "Let me have your keys, Jasper. Where'd you park?"

He looked around in confusion, then huffed as he pointed a few cars down - to the very car I'd spotted earlier. I shook my head in amazement, then passed along the keys to Mike, who was going to follow us home in Jasper's car. Jessica was taking their car so that Mike wouldn't have to call a cab - I had no intention of leaving Jasper alone in this state.

I had to stop once on the way to his place so he could throw up again. He barely managed to open the door and lean out first, which made me both grateful and worried.

_Jesus__...__how __sick_ is _he__?_

I glanced at him often as I drove, noticing the way his skin looked waxy and pale. He sat back with his eyes closed and his lips parted, breathing through his mouth.

After we all parked, Mike helped me carry Jasper upstairs and put him on his bed. Jasper seemed too out of it to know or care what was happening. I closed the door behind me and followed Mike out into the living room, where Jess was waiting.

"Thanks, guys. I'm not sure I could've gotten him home on my own."

Mike nodded. "Not a problem. You gonna be okay?"

Jessica stepped up to Mike, and he put his arm around her waist as they both watched me.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm going to stay here tonight, make sure he's alright." I ignored the doubts that surfaced about whether Jasper would appreciate my being here - or tell me to get out as soon as he was well enough.

Jess said, "Call us if you need anything, okay? And let us know about Tuesday?"

I nodded. "I will." I doubted he'd be feeling better for his birthday, which saddened me a little, but I'd hope for the best, and take things as they came. At this point, I wasn't sure what was going to happen with anything regarding Jasper.

Mike nodded in agreement with Jess and asked for my phone. I handed it to him, and he quickly entered their numbers and gave it back to me after calling his own phone. "Call us anytime, E."

I smiled. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. Why don't you two get back to the party? No sense in missing out on all the fun."

Mike grinned, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, because being Alice's slave for the night is so much _fun_," he muttered, earning him a smack on the chest from Jessica.

I gave a half-smile, shaking my head. "Better not let Alice hear you talk like that."

"Yeah, yeah. Alright. Take care of our boy, Ed, and I'll talk to you soon."

They each gave me a quick hug, and then I was left alone. It felt kind of strange being in Jasper's home, when I wasn't sure he was really aware of my being there - or if he wanted me there in the first place.

Trying to concentrate on the moment rather than all the what-ifs and questions I couldn't answer just then, I went to the kitchen to find something for Jasper to throw up in. I didn't particularly relish the idea of having to clean the floor or anything. His kitchen was fairly organized, and I found a mop and bucket without too much trouble.

Grabbing the bucket, I stepped over to the sink to add a little water to it for easier clean up later, then quietly went to his bedroom and placed it next to his bed. I watched him for a moment and sighed. His sleep seemed fitful, and I couldn't imagine he was comfortable, burning up with fever and still dressed like a cowboy.

I grinned in spite of myself - he looked pretty fucking hot, if you looked past the signs of his being sick. Shaking my head at myself, I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. I let out a quiet noise of disgust as I was met with sticky product - I'd forgotten I had put all that shit in my hair earlier. With that rude return to reality, I went to the bathroom, where I washed my hands and opened his medicine cabinet to find some Tylenol.

I took a couple from the bottle and filled a Dixie cup with water before going back into the bedroom. I was loathe to wake Jasper up, especially since he'd turned onto his back and appeared to be sleeping soundly, but his fever had to come down. I shook him, calling his name softly, and he groaned, wrinkling his forehead. After much coercion, I managed to get him to sit up partially to take the medicine.

As soon as he'd swallowed it, he flopped back onto the bed with a huff, out again when his head hit the pillow. I watched him for a moment, truly worried and wondering if he needed any sort of immediate care or if he could wait until regular office hours for a doctor. After taking in his even breathing, I decided to just keep an eye on him, so I set about making him as comfortable as I could.

I pulled his boots off without too much trouble, followed quickly by his socks. His chaps took me awhile to figure out, but eventually I managed to at least undo them at the front as well as the jeans he wore underneath. He moaned, shifting in his sleep. The sound stirred something in me, bringing the cold irony of this situation to the forefront of my mind. So many times I had undressed him with sure fingers and needy hands, but my hesitance now had very little to do with his being sick.

With some effort, I got the chaps untied on both his legs, but when I tried to move him so I could pull them out from under him, he woke up. He looked at me with confusion, his eyes glassy as he mumbled, "What-?"

"Shh, just trying to get you more comfortable, baby. Gonna need a little help, though. I'm sorry I woke you again."

I stroked his thigh soothingly, my eyes on his as he nodded. The apathy in his eyes worried me and made me ache. He shifted his hips, reaching to pull down his pants. Once those were off and both the jeans and chaps discarded, he fell back onto the bed, his eyes closing again. Resting one knee on the bed next to him, I unbuttoned his shirt - a job made more difficult because he kept batting my hands away, annoyed.

"Jazz, please, just a little longer, sweetheart, then you can sleep. Promise."

The terms of endearment kept spilling over my lips, and I tried not to think about whether or not I should be using them anymore. He huffed but sat up - his eyes closed - and jerkily removed the leather vest and button down, almost throwing them across the room. Before he could lie back down, I stopped him, pulling the covers back and prodding him to get under them. Once he was situated, I kissed his burning forehead, whispering, "Sleep now, Jazz."

He mumbled, "'Kay," and was out almost immediately.

I sat down on the bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest for a long time. His features had somewhat smoothed out in his sleep. With a sigh, I got up and walked quietly out of his room. Unsure what to do with myself the rest of the evening, I went to his fridge, hoping to find something to drink - I _really_ could have used something other than water at that point.

After finding a couple of beers, I took one and headed to the living room. I took a seat on the couch and picked up the remote from the cubby under the coffee table. Taking a long pull from my beer, I turned on the TV and flipped between channels without paying any real attention to what was on. I felt at a loss as to what to do now. There was no way I'd leave him alone, with how sick he was, but I couldn't say I was entirely comfortable with staying, either - and I hated that.

I was pissed at him and how he had dismissed me again. I was upset with myself for not making more of an effort to check on him when I couldn't reach him on the phone. I was even pissed off at Mike for letting him get this bad, though I wasn't sure what I thought Mike should've done.

I was angry that I was so hurt. Again. And even more, that I wanted to stay around to get answers from Jasper and try to work this out.

As I stared mindlessly at the screen, my thoughts kept going over the past few weeks, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently. I knew there was, but I just couldn't pinpoint _what_ could've made this better. I wondered what I could do now to get him to talk to me. Of course, talking would have to wait until the man was coherent.

I sighed, my fingers automatically going for my hair again, only to pull away from the sticky mess. I groaned, finished the rest of my beer, and headed to the guest room, hoping he kept the bathroom there stocked. A shower was in order so I could wash out all the shit I'd had to use.

Unfortunately, all I could find were towels, so I snuck into his bathroom to borrow his shampoo and soap. I checked to see if he was okay and was relieved to find that he seemed slightly cooler, so I went back to the guestroom. After a quick, efficient shower, I pulled on my jeans again, wishing I had a change of clothes. I didn't feel right going through Jasper's things and assuming he'd be okay with my borrowing a pair of lounge pants from him, so jeans it was.

I ached inside, not knowing where we stood now. His cold shoulder the last few days had more of an affect on me than I was willing to admit. The fact that I now smelled of him didn't help matters, either. With a sigh, I went to put the soap and shampoo back in his bathroom, then stood and watched over him for a minute.

Scrubbing my face with my hands, I groaned softly.

_Okay__, __stop __that__, __Masen__. __You __aren__'__t__ going __to__ get__ anywhere __wallowing__. __You__ and__ Jasper__ are __going __to__ have__ to __talk__; __just__ be __patient__. _

With that, I went back to the living room, resuming my seat on the couch. I flicked through the channels again until I landed on one that was playing _The__ Mummy_. A few minutes into the movie, I got myself another beer and settled in for the evening, staring mindlessly at the TV. After _The__ Mummy_, they played _The __Mummy__ Returns_, and once that was over, I decided to try to get some sleep.

Before heading to bed, I checked in on Jasper, gingerly touching his forehead, and sighed when his skin was still flushed and burning. I hoped that in the morning, I'd be able to at least find out how long he'd been feeling sick and if he'd called the doctor yet. For the time being, all I could do was wait. I longed to curl up in bed with him, to hold him in my arms, but decided against it.

It felt odd to sleep in his apartment but not in his bed. My thoughts were focused on the man down the hall, but after a while sleep finally claimed me.

The next morning, I woke up much earlier than I was used to. It took me a minute to remember where I was and to realize what had woken me up. And then I heard it: Jasper was throwing up again. With a groan, I got up, scrubbing my face as I went in an effort to wake up fully. I peered into his room before stepping inside.

He was hovering over the side of his bed, taking deep breaths as he tried to compose himself. He started when he heard me walk in and blinked warily at me; his eyes were still glassy and slightly unfocused.

"Edward?" he croaked.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, running my fingers through his hair as I sighed. "Yeah, it's me, baby."

He looked confused at first, as if he were trying to remember something. The look on his face changed, and I shrank back a little at the anger I saw there, instantly worried that he was upset that I was here.

His voice was cracked but hard as he said, "What the hell are you doing here? Where did you sleep?"

"I-" I blinked, took a deep breath, and then told him I hadn't felt right leaving him alone, sick as he was.

"I slept in the guestroom. I'm sorry; I guess I shouldn't have assumed..."

I shifted to move away from him, but his hand grabbed my wrist, stopping me. When I looked at him, his eyes were blazing.

"If you're going to stay here, it'd damn well better be in _my_ bed, Masen."

My eyes searched his for a moment as I sat, stunned. I didn't know what to make of things anymore. There was something haunting behind the anger in his eyes, and I had no clue what it could be.

One look at his pitiful expression was enough to stop the bitter words threatening to spill over my lips, but they still sounded in my head.

_I__ wasn__'__t__ sure __I __was__ welcome__ in __your _apartment_, __much__ less__ your_ bed_._

He closed his eyes then, almost as if he'd heard them anyway, and moaned, slumping back into his pillows. After a minute or so, he swallowed and said in a hoarse voice, "Thanks, Princess. You don't have to stay, though; I don't want you getting sick, too."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. He opened his and looked at me. "I'm serious, Edward. Go home, there's no sense in both of us being miserable."

I moved a little closer and said, "I'll risk it. I've had my flu shot, Jasper, so I should be just fine. Besides, it'd be too late now, anyway."

He sighed, nodding as he closed his eyes again. He looked beyond exhausted, so I just watched him until he apparently drifted off to sleep. I got up, deciding to just let him rest for now, and went to get him a bottle of water for when he woke up again, knowing he'd need to get rehydrated. Putting the bottle on his nightstand, I paused, my eyes on him as I wondered what was going through his mind. He seemed agitated, even in his sleep, mumbling something under his breath.

My stomach growled, letting me know I hadn't eaten in awhile, so I went in search of some food. I made an omelet and had just put a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster when Jasper came shuffling into the kitchen.

"Jazz, what are you doing up? Go back to bed, baby."

He shook his head, frowning as he swallowed hard and eyed my omelet warily. His voice was rough, tired. "Need something to eat...feel like shit."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Jasper, when's the last time you ate anything?"

He took a seat at the bar and slouched. "Umm, yesterday, I guess. I ate some toast. Haven't really been able to eat since Wednesday."

He looked away from me then with a pained expression, and I wondered what that was about. I wanted nothing more than to ask him, to demand the answers I knew I deserved, but he looked so damn miserable. I walked over to him, standing between his legs as I ran my fingers through his hair, which was damp with sweat and clung to his forehead.

"Is that why you haven't called me back? Because you were sick?" I murmured.

He shook his head, still refusing to meet my gaze.

"Jazz...did I do something? Say something I shouldn't have?"

He shook his head again. I sighed, placing my hands on his thighs, and whispered, "Then why..?"

Jasper raised his eyes to the ceiling, muttering something under his breath, and then leveled his gaze with mine as he sighed. "I'm sorry."

Immediately, I tasted bitterness in my throat. Every fear I'd had while he'd been avoiding me rushed to the forefront of my mind, threatening to spill over. If Jasper noticed my expression, he didn't let on. The bread popped up out of the toaster, and he tilted his head that way as he said, "Any chance I can try one of those? See if I can keep it down?"

When I frowned, he added, "I'll tell you, sweetheart, but I know you're hungry, too. Eat first, then talk?"

My frown deepened, but I nodded, the sick feeling growing in my stomach. I knew it had nothing to do with getting ill, but everything to do with foreboding as Jasper's evasions reminded me all too clearly of the situation with Jason. As calmly as I could manage, I popped in another couple of pieces of bread. Just to keep myself busy, I buttered the toast that was ready and took my plate to the bar, setting it down next to Jasper. The seconds until his toast was done were torture, but soon enough, we were both ready for breakfast.

Jasper ate carefully, taking slow, deliberate breaths between each bite, but gave up after half a slice of toast, pushing the plate away from him. He put his elbows on the edge of the counter, resting his forehead against his palms as he moaned quietly.

The food tasted like ashes, but I forced myself to eat. I didn't want to give Jasper another reason to stall, so I ate as quickly as I could and then put the dishes in the sink. I grabbed a couple of bottles of water before going to help Jasper back to bed. He protested, saying he'd promised we'd talk. I felt some of the weight on my shoulders lift at the realization that maybe this was different than the last time, and I became cautiously hopeful.

"Don't argue. To bed with you, Mr. Whitlock. We can talk there."

He huffed but did as he was told. Once he was under the covers, he pulled himself up into a seated position, watching me warily as I sat down next to him - on top of the covers. I was at a loss as to what was going on, so I left my hands in my lap, waiting for him with an expectant silence.

He lowered his head, sighing as he said again, "I'm sorry, Edward."

He glanced up then, so I quirked a brow in question, not trusting my voice. I was trying my damnedest to give him the benefit of the doubt, but there were so many echoes of the last time he'd avoided me. I didn't know what I would do if this were another Jason. It had been bad enough that time, but this time... after my admitting that I wouldn't be with anyone else, it would be a stab to the gut.

And I didn't know if we would survive it.

There was only so much I could take before I would lose myself - and I couldn't do that. I was so busy trying to fight the images my mind was conjuring of Jasper in another man's arms that it took me a moment to realize he'd spoken again. His voice was so low, I had to strain to hear it.

"I ran into Paul on Wednesday..."

Concern for myself vanished as I inhaled audibly. I reached out, taking his hand. He gave a watery smile, squeezing my hand as he muttered, "Thanks."

"What happened?" My voice sounded distant to my ears, but I was reeling from what this might mean for Jasper. I knew, of course, that it had been years since he'd been with Paul, but he still had a lot of emotional issues he hadn't dealt with. For me, the pain and anger were raw, since it had been only a matter of days since I'd learned the truth.

He shook his head, and his voice was thin when he said, "Just the usual shit. It's happened a few times over the years. We're in the same business, so..." He shrugged, and the way he lifted his chin, trying to be strong, made me ache. "It always...rattles me, I guess."

He closed his eyes, just like he'd looked away when he first told me about Paul. He talked in that same low, weak voice, blushing as he admitted the visceral reactions he still had to Paul, even after everything that happened. I was torn between outright rage and hurt, both on his behalf and mine. I pulled him to me, coaxing his head to my shoulder, and he cuddled closer.

The feeling of him pressed against me was a soothing balm. His first instinct had clearly been to pull away, but now that we were here, he was seeking out comfort in my arms. I kissed the crown of his head, rubbing his upper arm as I listened.

He murmured, "The things he said... they made me sick - literally. It was like he knew, Edward. Everything I'm afraid of... every doubt I've ever... he just... twisted everything. I couldn't... didn't... I-"

He turned his head so it was nestled into the crook of my neck, taking several shaky breaths. I closed my eyes, fighting to keep my composure and focus on Jasper. He didn't need my anger; he needed my compassion, so I forced aside the desire to go out and find Paul - even if I had no idea what the man looked like - and beat the shit out of him.

After a minute, Jasper spoke softly. "I'm sorry for not calling... I just... I didn't know if I could handle talking to you - to anyone."

I sighed, pressing my lips in his hair. "I wish you had called. I've been going crazy, thinking I'd done something... pushed you too far. I think I understand." I pulled away a little so I could look at him. "But Jasper, you have to know...I'm _not_ Paul. I could never do what he did. Tell me you know that," I pleaded.

He held my gaze for a long moment, and I added in a whisper, "I would never hurt you, baby..."

Jasper took a deep, wavering breath, and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think I know that," he said so softly, I almost didn't hear him.

There was something in his eyes though, a worried, haunted look that nagged at me. "What is it, Jazz?"

He turned his face away, shaking his head a little. "Nothing," he mumbled.

I frowned, putting my finger under his chin so I could turn his face to mine again. "Jasper, what's wrong? Talk to me, please?"

When he still hadn't said anything after a little while, I brushed his cheek with the back of my fingers, whispering, "Please, Jazz."

He sighed, closing his eyes as if he couldn't bear to look at me as he said, "I-I don't know anymore, Edward. Mike said I wasn't the same guy I was when I was with Paul, but if that's true, then why... why does he still affect me so much? I don't know if..." He paused for a moment. "How can I trust my judgment again after..?"

My heart ached - for him, to hear the way his voice broke as he said that; for me, to fear again that I wouldn't be enough. I didn't know what to say, but I felt an intense urge to protect _us_. I felt a need to comfort him, to show him that his instincts _were_ good, that he _could_ trust them - trust _me_...

I pushed him away from me, and a look of hurt crossed his face until I shifted so I could look at him. Cupping his face in my hands, I smiled timidly at him. "Jasper, sweetheart...you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I might not have known you back then, but you _have_ changed, baby. You would never have been able to tell your sister about what happened to you if you hadn't."

He gave me a skeptical look. I brushed my thumb along his lips and smiled. "I doubt you'd have been able to tell anyone...to share yourself with anyone, like you have with me, if you hadn't changed, Jasper."

He blushed, trying to turn his face away from me again, but I held onto him, forcing him to look at me. "Jazz, if your instincts were off, you wouldn't have seen the signs of what was going on with Emily. But you did."

He started to interrupt me then, but I shook my head. "No, Jazz. You _did_ see, and you tried to do something about it. I know you tried talking to her a few times, but she wasn't ready to hear it. What happened to your sister is _not_ your fault - or hers. But my point is that your instincts told you James was no good."

Jasper nodded slowly, his eyes still wary as he watched me. I swallowed.

"Jazz...I've asked you this once before, and now I'm asking again. What do your instincts tell you about me?"

His eyes held a look of panic in them as they darted between mine, but I kept still. I _needed_ this answer. If he couldn't say that he instinctively knew I was a good man, then I would have to face the realization that there was no future for us.

The silence seemed to drag on as I waited for him to say something. His breathing became shallower by the minute, and the anxiety that poured from him was almost palpable. I sagged slightly, my hands slipping from his face and falling down to his sides. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as the fear of having gone too far settled in me.

There was nothing more I could do to prove to him that he could trust me. Objectively, I knew that I'd given him everything I could. I had nothing left, nothing new to show him. I couldn't keep the hurt from my face I realized that might not be enough.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I closed my eyes and began to shift away. As soon as I moved, his hands flew to my face, forcing me to look at him when my eyes popped open in surprise.

He swallowed a few times, his gaze intent on mine, burning with fever and conviction.

"I need you," he rasped.

I frowned at him. That wasn't an answer to my question, and it stung that he appeared to be skirting around it. He shook his head, more to himself, it seemed, than to me.

He sighed, whispering softly, "They say you're a good man, Edward."

My eyes searched his, unsure what to say at that moment. He gave me a tired, apologetic smile, and said, "I want to believe in that - so much..." Jasper sighed again, speaking so softly now, I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear it. "Maybe I'm too fucked up for this..."

I shook my head. "Jasper, don't..."

He spoke over me, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I keep hurting you, Princess. I can see it, and it kills me." His voice lowered, as he added, "You don't have to stay here, Edward. I'll be fine..."

The haunted look in his eyes was worse as he said those words. I tried to understand what he was saying, but I couldn't. It was as if my mind refused to process it.

He whispered, "Why would you want to..?"

Heat flashed through me as his words sank in.

_He__ can__'__t __be__ serious__, __can __he__?_

The anger was immediately followed by something else: pain. Not mine, but his. I could see it in his eyes, almost feel it on his skin, even. My throat constricted as I fought off my emotions enough to be able to speak.

"Because I meant what I said last week, Jasper Whitlock. I love you. And you _are_ worth waiting for. Now please stop trying to push me away because I'm not going anywhere. I'm right where I want to be - where I _need_ to be."

I took his face in both hands, lowering my head so I could look him square in the eye. "I. Love. You. You are kind, loving, giving, compassionate, passionate...all that, and so much more. I _want_ to be with you, to get to know more about you - for you to get to really know _me_."

I added in a whisper, "Please let me?"

He stayed silent for too many seconds, his eyes locked on mine. I wanted to make him answer me - _any_ of the questions I'd asked - but I knew that would be counterproductive, and I could see him thinking about what I'd said. He wasn't just dismissing it - or me, for that matter.

Finally, he nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure what I would have done if he had refused. I let my hands fall away as I sat back, relaxing minutely.

"Edward?" he asked timidly.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"I..." he began, only to break off as he swallowed hard. He was looking down at his comforter when he whispered, "I'm thinking about going into... into therapy." He licked his lips nervously and then bit the bottom one, his fingers toying with the fabric over his lap.

I reached out, taking one of his hands in both of mine. "I think that's a good idea," I said honestly. My voice was as soft as I could make it, but I wanted to cheer at this proof that he truly wanted to get better. I'd debated bringing up counseling before, but I'd shied away, worried that he'd think I was suggesting there _was_ something wrong with him.

He raised his eyes slowly. "Really?"

I could see questions and concerns written all over his face. All I could do, though, was nod and give him a small smile as I squeezed his hand. "I think I might go, too."

"You?" His voice was incredulous.

"Yeah...I..." This time, I was the one who paused, running my fingers through my hair. "I have some shit to work through, too."

He nodded thoughtfully, and I wondered if he realized I meant both my feelings of inadequacy with Alistair - and with him. I couldn't bring that up quite yet, though. As we sat there quietly, the leaden feeling in my chest began to lighten, and I realized at last that this was it: we were truly moving forward. I had no illusions that it was going to be easy, but I felt like - maybe for the first time - we were on the same page.

I smiled, moving closer to him. He did the same, wrapping his arms around my waist as he gave me a quiet smile. I rested my forehead against his briefly and flinched away automatically as soon as the burning of his skin registered with me.

_Shit__. __Good __job__, __Masen__. __You__ shouldn__'__t __be__ having__ this__ discussion __now__, __while __he__'__s__ sick__._

Jasper yawned, mumbling an apology even as his eyes fluttered closed again. I chuckled softly, shaking my head. "Get some sleep, baby. We can talk some more later."

"M'kay."

I slid off of the bed and helped him settle back under the covers. He was out before I'd even finished tucking him in. I rinsed out the bucket, placing it by his bed again before closing his door behind me.

His phone rang, and I hurried to answer it, hoping it wouldn't wake him. It didn't take me long to find it, and I smiled reflexively when I saw Emily's name on the display.

"Good morning, Emily."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then, "_Edward? What are you doing at Jasper's? Never mind, I don't think I wanna know."_

She giggled. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I sat down on the couch. "Mind out of the gutter there, Lee Lee. I'm staying here a few days while he's sick."

"_Uh__ oh__...__what__'__s __wrong__ with __him__? __Is__ he__ okay__?"_

My eyes flickered toward his bedroom, and I sighed. "I don't know, sweetheart. It's probably just the flu or something."

There was a beat of silence before she said, "_Guess__ that __means__ you__'__re__ both__ skipping __class __today__ then__, __huh__?"_

I smiled sadly. "Yeah, sorry, Emily. He's in no shape to go, and I don't feel right leaving him alone for that long."

"_That__'__s__ alright__. __I__'__ll__ miss __you__, __but __I __understand__. __Just__ be__ careful__ you__ don__'__t __get __sick__ yourself__, __though__."_

I laughed. "I'll be fine; don't worry." I paused briefly, then added, "Hey, Lee? Did your mom make anything in particular for Jasper when he was sick?"

She hummed, and I could vividly picture her running her fingers through her hair as she thought about my question. "_We__ didn__'__t__ get__ sick __very__ often__, __and __I__ don__'__t __remember__ if__ she__ ever __made __anything__ special __for__ Jasper__...__but __whenever__ I__ was __sick__, __she __always __made__ her__ chicken__ and __dumplings__. __Then __when __I __started __feeling __a __little__ better__, __she__'__d__ make__ creamy__ tomato__ soup__ and__ grilled__ cheese __sandwiches__. __Why__?"_

I smiled, already mentally running over the things I wanted to pick up at the store so I could make those for Jasper. "Just wanted to make him some comfort food, since he's thrown up a few times. Thanks, Lee."

"_Ugh__, __poor__ guy__... __no__ problem__. __You __let __me __know __if__ you __need__ anything__, __okay__?"_

"I will, thanks. Have fun in class today, and tell Carmen we said 'hi' and we're sorry to miss out."

"_Will__ do__. __Take__ care__, __Edward__."_

Putting the phone on the coffee table, I went to get dressed in last night's clothes. I checked on Jasper, who was still out for the count, and then went in search of a pad and pen. I went through his kitchen, making a shopping list, as well as a list of everything I needed to pick up from my place since I was going to stay here until he was better.

When all that was done, I wrote Jasper a short note to let him know where I was. I didn't want to wake him up just to tell him I was going out and to go back to sleep. He was snoring lightly when I went back into his room to put the note and a couple of Tylenol on his nightstand.

I sighed and muttered under my breath, "Alright, get this over with quick. The sooner I leave, the sooner I'm back."

Borrowing his keys, I locked up behind me and hurried home. I changed clothes and packed a bag, including the presents I'd gotten for Jasper's birthday. After transferring a few files from my desktop, I packed my laptop and then headed to the kitchen to grab a couple of recipes. Almost as an afterthought, I grabbed my journal, too, putting it in the overnight bag. I had a feeling I'd need the outlet this week.

Stopping by my favorite grocers on the way back to Jasper's house, I did the shopping I needed in record time, though I ended up with much more than I'd anticipated. I was struggling with the bags of food, trying not to drop anything while opening the door to the building, when one of the bags ripped and its contents spilled onto the ground.

"Fuck!"

I sighed, about to put everything else down in order to gather the oranges that were now rolling away, when I heard someone say, "Here, I got this."

"Thanks," I muttered, watching the young guy picking up the runaway groceries. His arm was full of them as he maneuvered to open the door for me. He grinned and said, "After you."

I smiled, happy to meet someone so friendly, and went through the door. He chuckled as we stepped into the elevator, and he glanced at me with a cocky smile. "Looks like you're about to cook for an army."

I cleared my throat, blushing slightly as I said, "Ahh... I may have gotten a little carried away, but no, not quite an army. Just didn't want to have to go shopping for a while."

He nodded. His blue-gray eyes held a hint of mischief, and I thought something else, too - appraisal? He was pretty cute, and he reminded me a bit of Jasper, which made me smile reflexively. His smile widened in turn, his eyes drifting down before flickering back to my face. Just then the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, revealing Jasper's floor.

"Hey, can I help you carry this stuff in?" he asked.

I hesitated for a second, and he winked. "Don't worry," he teased. "I'm harmless."

I narrowed my eyes but couldn't help laughing as I said, "Yeah, sure…that'd be great."

I stepped out first, leading the way to the apartment. He followed me, and I had the feeling he was checking me out. It was kind of flattering, but I didn't think too much of it. I wasn't at all interested, and my focus was on the sick man down the hall.

When I got to Jasper's place, I had to juggle the bags a little to reach for the keys, and after a bit of fiddling, I finally managed to open the door. I quickly deposited the bags inside, then turned to reach for the items he held. He had an odd look on his face, but when he saw me watching him, he cleared his throat and shook his head, muttering to himself.

Realizing that I'd been largely ignoring him, I gave a small, apologetic smile. "Sorry, man. I'm a little preoccupied, I guess. Thanks for the help. I'm Edward, by the way."

I shifted the items he'd been holding to my left arm and reached out with my right hand. He ran his fingers through his hair, shuffling his weight from foot to foot for a moment. I thought for a second that he was going to leave without saying anything else, but he shook my hand at last and said simply, "Jason."

With that one word, my mind raced, putting together minuscule pieces to form one complete picture that I didn't like at all. My jaw clenched, and I knew he saw the recognition in my eyes. His lips twisted in something between a rueful smile and a smirk, but his eyes were haughty when he gave me a once-over and said, "See you around."

He turned then, walking off without giving me a chance to react. I stood frozen in place, watching his back. I was half-tempted to charge after him and demand some answers, but my anger deflated as I realized I had no idea what questions I would ask.

What could he tell me, really?

Nothing more than Jasper had…and the last thing I wanted was to hear _that _particular story from the other guy. With a frustrated growl, I stalked back into the apartment and slammed the door, jumping at the loud bang.

"Fuck!" I muttered under my breath, listening for any sound from Jasper's room. Mercifully, none came, and I took a moment to collect myself, trying to force away the images that flooded my mind – images that had become far too vivid now that I knew what Jason looked like.

I sighed, running both hands through my hair before I let them drop. I carried the groceries into the kitchen and put them away mechanically. Going through the motions helped calm me again, and I decided to check on Jasper before bringing in the rest of the things in from the car.

Quietly opening Jasper's door, I smiled when I heard a soft snoring sound. Walking up to the bed, I saw that he'd been sick again, which meant he'd been awake while I was gone. I glanced a the nightstand, finding the note unfolded and the Tylenol gone.

I cleaned the bucket again and returned it before putting the back of my hand lightly against his forehead. He still had a fever, but that didn't mean much, since I didn't know when he'd taken the medicine. I needed to ask him if he had a thermometer the next time he was awake, so we could see how bad it was, but it didn't feel _too_ terrible. Still, I intended to keep a close eye on it.

Jasper stirred at my touch, his eyes opening slowly as he murmured, "You came back..."

I smiled, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Of course. How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

He moved to curl himself around me and grumbled, "Like shit. I hate being sick."

Chuckling, I brushed his hair from his face. "I think most people feel that way... hey, do you have a thermometer somewhere? I want to see how high of a temp you've got."

He frowned, thinking, then nodded. "Yeah, think so...check the top drawer on the right," he said, pointing to the bathroom.

By the time I'd found it, Jasper was dozing again. I was going to put the thermometer on his nightstand, but he woke when he heard me, a lazy smile spreading across his face. "Hey," he rasped.

Sitting down again, I handed him the device, and he murmured, "Thanks, Princess," before putting it dutifully in his mouth. I sat with him, my fingers alternately brushing through his hair or along his face, which seemed to soothe Jasper. The beep from the thermometer startled us both, and I chuckled - apparently it hadn't just been Jasper that had been soothed by the action.

I checked his temperature, and frowned.

_100.9__F_

I sighed. It wasn't too worrying, by any means, but it was higher than I'd like to see. When I turned my eyes to Jasper, he was staring at me, and I smiled softly.

"Think you'll be up for a shower in a little bit? I just need to get my stuff from the car first."

His grin was mischievous, but the groan that escaped him wasn't one of longing, and he cringed. I took his hand in mine, and said, "Maybe later. Get some more rest, baby."

His voice was softer, pleading, as he said, "Lie down with me?"

His eyes searched mine, and I could see that haunted look lingering there. I leaned down, pressing my lips to his forehead, and murmured, "I'll come take a nap with you later, okay? Just have a few things to take care of first."

Jasper pouted, which made me chuckle. "Promise, sweetheart. Now get some sleep; you need it."

He sighed, closing his eyes even as he mumbled, "Okay, okay...can't argue with that, I guess."

It wasn't long before he was out again. He seemed a little more peaceful now, which was good to see. I quietly made my way out of his room, closing the door so I wouldn't disturb him as I went about things.

First, I went to get my bags from the car, like I had told Jasper I was going to do. The entire time I was gone, I kept half an eye out for Jason, both hoping that I would and wouldn't run into him a second time. I was by no means sure of how I'd react if I were faced with him again. I tried to push thoughts of Jason out of my mind and sort of succeeded.

When I got back inside Jasper's apartment, I dropped my things by the door, not bothering to put anything away yet. I figured I'd better start cooking if I wanted to serve Jasper the chicken and dumplings when he woke up again. The silent apartment was lonely, though, and I hated the way the feeling that I was intruding kept creeping up on me. Trying to chase it away, I checked Jasper's stereo, flipping through CD cases until I found Strauss. Putting that on to play softly, I set about gathering all the ingredients I'd need and then got started.

It was easy to lose myself in the rhythm of preparing food, and I felt oddly peaceful as I worked. I wondered if Jasper had felt the same when he'd worked in _my_ kitchen that time. With the music playing, it felt good to be here, cooking food for him in his place.

Once the soup was simmering, I decided to make good on my promise, leaving the rest of the cooking I had planned for later. It wasn't like I wouldn't have time for it. I grabbed my overnight bag and took it with me to Jasper's room, quietly putting it down by his closet. He was still sleeping, so I stripped down to my boxers and crawled under the covers with him.

Jasper didn't wake fully, but he curled himself around me again as he gave a contented sigh. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him for a while. Being here with him felt so right to me, even if he was sick - or maybe even because of it. I _wanted_ to take care of him, to be able to hold him whenever, to fall asleep with him and wake up with him.

All of it.

None of that had changed for me, in spite of everything that had happened and everything I had learned about Jasper. If anything, it made that desire even stronger. It was with that thought in my mind that I fell asleep.

I woke up suddenly when Jasper wrenched himself from my arms and lurched over the side of the bed. The sound of his retching told me all I needed to know to wake up fully. I rubbed his back gently as he continued to heave.

He took several calming breaths before slumping back onto the bed, groaning softly. "Fuck, why do I _always_ have to do that when I get sick?" he muttered.

Placing my hand on his chest, I leaned over him. "Emily said you were never sick often as a kid. At least, not that she remembered."

"Shit, Emily...class!"

He made as if to get up, but I pushed him back down. "Relax. She called earlier. I hope you don't mind, but I answered your phone when I saw her name. I told her you were sick and we wouldn't be able to make it. She understands and just wants you to get better. She said she'd miss us, though."

Jasper scrubbed his face with both hands, and groaned again. Hoping to distract him from worrying about Emily, I said, "So you always get this way?"

He nodded, putting his hand over mine on his chest. "Yeah, unfortunately. I'm just glad I don't get sick very often, but when I do, it's usually a doozy."

I glanced at the clock and smiled. "Well, if you're up for it, I made you some chicken and dumplings. Should be done by now, I think."

His eyes widened almost comically as he looked at me, his mouth slightly agape in surprise.

Answering his unspoken question, I said, "Emily."

He whispered, "You really didn't have to..."

Putting a finger on his lips to silence him, I shook my head. "None of that. I wanted to, baby. What do you say - you feel up to trying to eat?"

He nodded. "Yeah, just give me a moment. I'll meet you in the kitchen."

I got up and opened my bag, pulling my lounge pants out. I wasn't planning on leaving the house, and I figured I might as well be comfortable. The soft moan from behind me as I bent over to step into them made me turn around, and I chuckled when I took in Jasper's darkened eyes as he stared at me.

Shaking my head - and my ass a little - I grinned. "Goddamn one-track mind," I muttered.

There was no way anything was going to happen until he was feeling better, so I pulled the pants the rest of the way up. I quirked an eyebrow, and he blushed slightly at being caught. He murmured something under his breath and beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom - well, he shuffled as quickly as he was able to in his state, anyway.

I went to serve us both some soup, giving Jasper only half a bowl - he could always get more if he wanted. I'd just put the bowls down on the dining room table when Jasper walked out of his room. He stopped, taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, he smiled, walking up to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he kissed my neck and murmured, "Thanks, Princess. That smells pretty good...smells like home."

Squeezing him tight, I smiled. "I hope you like it. It's Aunt Livy's recipe - she used to make it all the time for us kids when we were sick, too."

We sat down to eat, and Jasper took a couple of bites, carefully waging whether he was going to get sick or not before deciding he was safe enough. The look on his face warmed me - he seemed to enjoy the soup well enough, but it was the way his eyes closed and his brow smoothed out that got me.

When he was done, he sat back and looked at me. "That was really good. Different from Mama's, but good. Thank you."

Finishing off the rest of my soup, I smiled and patted his hand, which was lying on the table next to his bowl. "My pleasure. I'm glad you liked it. There's plenty more, so whenever you feel hungry, you can help yourself, okay?"

He nodded, then turned his face to stifle a yawn. "Sorry," he mumbled, shaking his head.

I got to my feet and planted a soft kiss on the top of his head. "Don't worry about it. Now, shower, or sleep?"

He grinned lazily up at me. "Either, as long as you do it with me."

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled. "I'll take a shower with you, if you want, but I think I'm good for naps for now."

He pouted, his eyes pleading with me. I huffed, feigning annoyance as I agreed to work from the bedroom. I hadn't planned on doing that, but if he wanted me to, I wasn't going to tell him no. The truth was that I hated the idea of not being close to him as much as he seemed to.

Jasper turned in his seat, wrapping his arms around me as he rested his head against my stomach. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered.

That put a smile on my face, and I murmured, "I'm happy to be here."

I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying this moment of peace - a moment that was broken by another yawn from Jasper.

"Damn it," he muttered.

Rubbing between his shoulder blades, I grinned. "Come on; let's get you to bed, Sleeping Beauty."

He looked up at me with narrowed eyes. "Watch it, _Princess_."

I laughed, cocking an eyebrow at him. "What? You're the one doing all the sleeping."

He growled softly, muttering something under his breath. I ducked my head, kissing him lightly on the forehead, and grinned. "Get a move on, Mr. Whitlock."

Jasper grumbled as he let me go and got to his feet, "Yeah, yeah..."

After putting the dishes away, I grabbed my laptop bag. I followed him back to his room, rolling my eyes a little as he continued to gripe under his breath. If I were honest, I thought he was being kind of cute. Once Jasper was settled under the covers and I was sitting next to him on top of them, I pulled out my laptop, but I couldn't find a free outlet to plug into.

"Umm, Jazz?"

"Hmm?"

He'd all but fallen asleep again already but lifted his head to look at me. I held out the plug, raising an eyebrow in question. Instead of answering me, he crawled over me and removed one of the plugs in the outlet, replacing it with mine. He only halfway crawled off of me again, wrapping his arms around my waist as he snuggled closer.

I chuckled, my fingers combing through his hair as I shook my head. "Thanks, Cuddles, but you're making it a little difficult to get any work done if you stay there."

His voice was muffled, but I thought I heard him say, "Don't care...comfy."

I rolled my eyes, a fond smile on my lips as I played with the hair at the nape of his neck for a minute. When soft snores reached my ears, I knew he was out, and I just couldn't bring myself to make him move, so instead, I shifted the laptop awkwardly so I could see the screen and reach the keyboard and touchpad, and then I set about going through some edits.

I sat like that for about half an hour before he finally shifted far enough away that I could sit a little more comfortably to do my work. Part of me missed the contact, but my aching back was grateful for the respite.

The next time Jasper woke up, we took a shower. He tried to get things started, but I wouldn't let him, knowing he wasn't in any shape to follow through. He had to relent when his legs started shaking to the point that I had to support his weight while we finished cleaning up.

_Poor __guy__'__s __totally __wiped__..._

I dried us both off as quickly as I could and then ushered him back to bed. He was out again almost before his head hit the pillow. Instead of joining him straight away, I took the opportunity to scour his bookshelves, grinning as I remembered the first time I'd seen them - and Jasper's response. That time, I hadn't gone into his room with the intent to read, but this time I figured I might as well.

It seemed that Jasper had a very eclectic taste in books. Tolkien, Grisham, and Wilde were mixed with history books on the Civil War and World War II along with several books revolving around the LGBT community. I smiled when I saw he had everything by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but then my eyes widened a little when I spotted a few books that looked to be gay erotica.

I grabbed one of them off the shelf and read the back of it. This one happened to be about shapeshifters or something. I was tempted to read it but figured I'd better not do that just then. I didn't want to start something I wouldn't be able to finish - and I didn't mean the book.

Deciding that a mystery novel would probably be my best bet for safe entertainment, I grabbed Dan Brown's _Da __Vinci __Code_. I'd seen the movie but hadn't read the book yet. I went back to the bed, settling in for a good read. As soon as I was back beside him, Jasper gravitated toward me again without ever waking up.

I'd gotten about a third of the way through by the time Jasper was conscious again - and wanting food. I made him take his temperature before getting him another bowl of soup. This time, I had him stay in bed, opting to serve it to him there. The look of gratitude he gave me made me smile.

As he ate, we talked for a little while about the book, which I had to admit I was liking better than the movie. I told him I'd enjoyed Tom Hanks' portrayal of Robert Langdon, and he nodded, stifling a yawn. He gave me an apologetic look as he put his bowl to the side.

"Don't worry about it, Jazz. You're sick... you need rest."

He made a face but settled onto his side and was soon asleep again. I took his bowl to the kitchen, where I made myself a sandwich and then took care of the dishes. I spent the rest of my evening reading until I got tired and figured I might as well get some rest myself. Jasper woke up just enough to murmur, "Hey, baby..." and snuggle up to me again, and then he was out like a light. It didn't take me long to follow.

The next day was pretty much the same. I spent most of it in bed with Jasper, either working on my laptop or reading, and when I wasn't doing that, I was in the kitchen. I made a couple of my favorite dishes - as well as a few I knew Jasper enjoyed - and put them in the freezer. I also made a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice for Jasper.

Jasper spent most of the day asleep again, only waking up for brief periods of time to either use the bathroom, throw up, or eat. He said he was aching all over, and I could tell he was just plain miserable.

Mike called around eight in the evening, asking about Jasper, who happened to be awake. They talked for a while, and I pretended to have something to do in the kitchen in order to give Jasper a little privacy. When I came back, he gave a wan smile and told me Mike had told him to stay home until he was fully back on his feet.

He ran his fingers through his hair and said in a hoarse voice, "I hate leaving them hanging like this. There's so much to do right now..."

I sat down on the edge of the bed, placing my hand on his thigh. "Sweetheart, Mike knows you're sick. It wouldn't do you or anyone else any good to go in to work the way you are right now. You'd only end up making everyone else sick, too. Just try to relax and focus on getting better, okay?"

He nodded, reaching for my hand and threading our fingers together. I squeezed his hand and said, "You should call the doctor first thing tomorrow if your fever hasn't gone down."

"I will."

His eyes - still glassy and feverish - searched mine for a moment. "You'll come with me?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Of course. Why?"

He blushed a little and looked down at our hands as he mumbled, "I hate doctors..."

I laughed, and he glared. I held up my free hand in surrender, but I couldn't wipe the grin off my face as I said, "Don't tell me you're afraid of needles." I couldn't resist teasing him a little, so I reached out, tugging the barbell through his nipple beneath his shirt.

He narrowed his eyes at me, and huffed, not answering. I leaned forward until my lips were a mere inch from his and whispered, "You're too cute," before kissing him lightly.

Just then, the phone rang again, saving me from Jasper's retaliation. When I heard him say, "Hi Lee Lee," I told him to tell her I said 'hello' and went to the living room.

When I heard the toilet flush, I figured it was safe to come back into the bedroom. Jasper was just climbing back into bed when I walked through the door, and he turned to look over his shoulder at me. "You don't have to do that, you know."

Slipping under the covers with him, I asked, "Do what?"

He turned to his side, resting his head on his arm as he looked at me, his other hand trailing lazily over my skin. He yawned and then said, "Leave the room when I'm on the phone. I don't mind."

That surprised me a little, since he'd always left the room to answer his phone when he was at my place. I'd just figured he preferred having his privacy, so I'd left, seeing how he wasn't feeling well.

He must have read the surprise on my face, because he gave a small smile and a shrug. "Old habits..."

Somehow I had the feeling that this was yet another thing that stemmed from Paul. I pulled him to me then, kissing the top of his head as I wrapped my arms around him. He put his head on my shoulder and sighed, his hand resting on my chest.

I lay awake for a few minutes, thinking about everything we'd already been through together. His invitations for me - both to stay here and to stay in the room when he was on the phone - felt like yet another step in the right direction. When I finally drifted off to sleep, there was a small smile on my lips.

**ooOoo**

**A****/****N****:** We hope you enjoyed the chapter and that it gave you a bit of insight into our boys.

A bit of housekeeping: would the members of Team Whitlock-Masen please contact us? We're not quite done with the big stuff yet, but as you know, one arc is already posting from the FGB and another one is waiting in the wings. Please PM us with your e-mail addresses, so we can try to get the stories to you for pre-reading as they become available.

(that said, yes, everything will end up getting posted on ff (dot) net and our blog)

Thanks to everyone, as always, for all the love and support you give us. See you tomorrow for another dose of Beyond the Gaze of a Boy ;-)


	25. Hanging by a Moment

_**A/N:**__ Thank you as always to our betas and prereaders - __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__. We love you ladies!_

_If you missed it, we started a new drabble story called __**Eye Candy**__. It will post a drabble a day for this entire year, and it's part of the incentive we offered for the __**Eclipse Fandom Gives Back**__. Thank you again to everyone who bid and especially those who took part in __**Team Whitlock-Masen**__!_

_Recently, __**A Darker Twilight**__ ran a series of nominations/voting to determine the 100 best Twilight fanfics, and we're excited to announce that __**Marked**__ came in at #17! Thank you so much to all who participated! If you'd like to see the full list and learn more about the process of choosing the winners, visit http:/adarkertwilight(dot)blogspot(dot)com/_

_And without further ado... here's what our boys have to say this week..._

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**EPOV**

I woke up the following morning to Jasper shivering. I put the back of my hand against his forehead, frowning at the heat coming off of him. Rolling over, I reached for the thermometer and turned to give it to Jasper. He was a little groggy, but I wasn't sure if that was from still being half-asleep or from the fever.

When it beeped, he frowned, handing it to me with a sigh as he let his head fall back on his pillow.

_102.1°F_

_Damn it..._

"Jazz..." I glanced at him.

He groaned, muttering, "I'm fine..."

I lifted one eyebrow, holding the thermometer out to him again. "This says otherwise. You need to call, baby."

He looked at me with pleading eyes. His voice was still hoarse and a little whiny as he said, "But I'm feeling better..."

"Oh, really?" My voice was a lot sterner than I'd intended it to be, enhanced by the gruffness of early morning. "No more aches and pains? No headaches, no nausea, no more feeling weak?"

He huffed at me as he curled up in a ball, burrowing his face into his pillow. I sat up and ran my fingers through his hair with a sigh. "Come on, Cuddles. Call the doc? I'm worried about you. You're burning up, baby."

A muffled, "No...don't want to. I'll be fine," just barely reached my ears.

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh - or curse. I couldn't quite believe how much of a baby Jasper was being about seeing the doctor. I had to admit that the extra cuddliness of a sick Jasper was kind of nice, but I really was worried about him.

I sat back for a moment, perplexed as I tried to figure out how to get him to go. There seemed to be one thing that always motivated him - hell, me too - so I decided to try it. Shifting, I crawled over him, keeping my body inches from his as I ducked my head to whisper in his ear, allowing my breath to fan over his skin. "Please, Jazz, for me?"

Moving to rest most of my weight on my left arm, I let my right hand skim along his back a few times as I murmured, "The sooner you're better, the sooner we can have some fun again." I lowered my head, teasing his neck with my lips, trailing my tongue along his salty skin.

It might not have been the nicest thing to do, but he wasn't being cooperative and I wasn't above coercing him to get him to do what he needed to do. He groaned, shivering, though I couldn't be sure whether that was due to his fever or in response to me.

Jasper turned his face just far enough to glare at me as he grumbled, "You don't play fair, Doc."

I grinned. "Never said I did."

He huffed, then reached for the phone. "Fine, fine...I'll call."

"Thanks, baby."

I pecked him on the lips and then went to use the bathroom. Just as I walked through the door, I heard him say, "Mornin', Jackie, how are you, darlin'? It's Jasper Whitlock."

The name sounded familiar, but I shook it off. There were plenty of people with that name. I chuckled at hearing him flirt - so typically Jasper. By the time I came back, Jasper was already done and was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. I walked around the bed to sit on his side and placed my hand on his hip.

"What time?"

"Hmm? Oh, got lucky...someone canceled, so they had an opening at nine. Was trying to get myself motivated to move."

I glanced at the clock and frowned. "Where's your office?"

He tilted his head a little and gave me a half-grin. "Commonwealth Avenue, actually."

_No way..._

I frowned. "What's your doctor's name?"

He shrugged. "Gerandy, why?"

My eyebrows flew up in surprise. "You're shitting me."

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head, laughing shakily in disbelief. "How long have you been going there?"

It was his turn to frown. He propped himself up against the headboard, his eyes searching mine. "Pretty much since I moved to Boston. Why? What's going on?"

I muttered, "Unbelievable..."

His tone was slightly annoyed as he said, "Edward? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Dr. Gerandy's been my family's doctor since I was little is all." I shook my head again, still amazed at finding yet another thread that joined our lives.

Jasper's eyes widened as he gaped at me. He stared at me for several seconds, and then he was shaking his head, too. He mumbled, "I wonder if we've ever run into each other without realizing..."

I shrugged. "Probably not. I don't get sick a lot, either. Usually go in for annual and flu shots, and that's about it." I paused, giving him an appraising look and a grin. "Besides... I think I would've remembered you."

He chuckled, trying his best at a seductive look before he wet his parched lips and frowned. He tilted his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "Speaking of coincidences...just how do you know Alice?"

I chuckled and quirked an eyebrow as I pointed to my tribal tattoo. "I met her when I got this. She was there to deliver something to Billy, and we got to talking. Hit it off pretty good and stayed in touch over the years. It's sort of casual, but I hang out with her and Becca sometimes..." Glancing at the clock, I frowned. "You'd better get moving, baby, or we won't get there on time."

He nodded and grudgingly got up. As he got ready, he told me about meeting Alice in one of his study groups. "That's how I found out about Billy's place, actually - through Alice when I was looking to get a tattoo." We got into the car, and he kept talking as I drove, grinning as he explained how Alice got Angela and Ben together.

"She'd been trying to set Ben up with Angela for a while, but one of them always bowed out for whatever reason. Then one night, a group of us were going clubbing, and she finally convinced Angela to come along. They hit it off, obviously. Alice has been playing matchmaker pretty much since."

He told me about a few other of Alice's escapades, most of which seemed to end up reasonably well for the people involved. I was still chuckling as we pulled up to the doctor's office, completely able to envision Alice trying to work her particular brand of magic. I'd overheard Becca and Billy talk about her often enough to know that Alice rarely failed when she set her mind to something. Hell, I'd seen the woman in action, too, though I'd always resisted her attempts for me.

Now, I wondered what would have happened if I'd let her do as she'd wanted.

_Would Jasper and I have met sooner? Would it have made a difference?_

I wasn't sure about that, so I decided to just let it be and not worry about it. After all, our experiences made us the men we were, right? Made Jasper the guy I'd fallen in love with.

Still the thought of possibly having him sooner... of losing all that time with him...

Jasper put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly as he murmured, "Hey, where did you go?"

I blinked, startled to realize we'd been sitting in the car for the past couple of minutes, and I'd spaced out. He frowned, tilting his head. "Are you okay, Princess?"

A small smile formed on my lips as I nodded, placing my hand over his. "Yeah, I'm fine, sweetheart. Just thinking is all. Come on, it's almost nine; we'd better get you inside."

It didn't take us long to go through the motions of checking in. Jasper flirted with Jackie, who eyed us both speculatively as she greeted me cheerfully. "Well, hey there, handsome. You didn't have an appointment, too; did you?"

Jackie had called me "handsome" for as long as I could remember. She'd been with Dr. Gerandy since he opened up his clinic a few years before I was born.

I grinned, shaking my head. "Nope, I'm just here for Jasper."

Jasper blushed a little, ducking his head as Jackie grinned from ear to ear and clapped her hands together. "Oh, Jasper, dear, you're a very lucky man, indeed. He's a prize, this one."

Her comments had heat rising on my cheeks, too. Thankfully, Jasper was called in before she could get too caught up in her delight. Jasper gave me a soulful, pouty look as he disappeared through the doors to the back of the doctor's office. I shook my head with a fond chuckle and settled in to bide my time until he was finished.

There wasn't really much to do, so I leafed through a few of the magazines. None of them really held my interest, as they were mostly those family or women-oriented ones, but some of the pictures were pretty good. I was studying the composition of a landscape when Jasper came shuffling back.

He looked dead on his feet and utterly miserable.

I sighed, immediately dropping the magazine onto a table and walking to his side. I slipped my arm around his waist, and he did the same. We said goodbye to Jackie - well, I said goodbye, and Jasper sort of mumbled. Then I half-supported him back to the car, where he put his head against the headrest and closed his eyes.

"You okay, Jazz?" I asked as I started the car.

"Mmm...flu," he mumbled. I thought he wasn't going to say anything else, but then he opened one eye and peered over at me. "Fucking shot in the ass."

I couldn't help laughing even as I reached over to squeeze his knee. "I'm sorry, baby... it'll help you feel better, though."

He grumbled and exhaled heavily, closing his eyes again. He didn't say anything else as I drove through town to drop off his prescriptions. His breathing was a little labored, and I could tell from the slump of his shoulders that he was exhausted.

As soon as we got back to his apartment, Jasper went straight back to bed. I made myself something to eat and cleaned up a little before going to pick up his medicine.

When I got back, I sat down on the couch, staring at my phone. The next day would be his birthday, and we'd intended on celebrating it by having a small party for him, but that was obviously out of the question now.

_Wishing won't change anything, Masen._

With a sigh, I sent texts to the people who'd need to know. I set my phone on silent, so it wouldn't disturb Jasper, and went to bed. Like before, he didn't wake up but gravitated to me almost immediately after I'd gotten settled. I grabbed my journal, needing to write down the things that were plaguing the edges of my mind.

I watched Jasper for a while and then let my thoughts stream onto the pages. My worries for him - about his past, how things were for him now, about his future. What I'd witnessed and learned these past few weeks. It was strange, in a way. It _had_ been only a few weeks, yet it felt like a lifetime ago.

Every once in a while, I'd pause in my writing, running my fingers through Jasper's hair or caressing whatever skin I could reach without jostling him. My phone lit up a few times with new messages. I read and replied to each one, thanking them for their concern, promising to pass along their well-wishes once Jasper was awake. Mike again told me to call if I needed anything, which I appreciated.

When my caller-ID flashed _Emily_, I extricated myself from Jasper's hold, leaving my journal on my pillow with my pen keeping my place. I quietly went into the living room to answer, keeping my voice low as I said, "Hey Emily."

"_Edward, hey. Got your text. How's he doing?"_

I pulled one leg up as I sat back on the couch, wrapping my arm around it. I sighed softly. "He's doing alright, I guess. He's been really sick, poor guy. Made him go to the doctor's earlier, though; his temperature was too high."

I paused when she giggled. With a chuckle of my own, I added, "Never woulda guessed your brother would be such a baby about going to the doctor."

Emily laughed at that. "_Yeah, he always was. Mama used to have a really hard time gettin' him to to go. Daddy always ended up having to step in. You're lucky he caved as quick as he did."_

I bit my lip, grinning as I thought that probably had more to do with the carrot I dangled in front of him than anything else. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, probably. Anyway, the doc says he's got the flu alright, so he's home for at least a few days yet."

A soft voice in the background reached my ear, and then Emily said, "_Sorry, Edward, I gotta go. Time for class. Tell my big brother to be good and get better soon. I'll call tomorrow to wish him happy birthday."_

"Will do. You say hi to Ri - and have a good day, okay?"

"_Sure. And Edward? Thank you for taking care of him. It means a lot."_

I smiled. "My pleasure, sweetie."

"_Alright, gotta go. Give my love to Spurs for me."_

I nodded automatically. "Of course. Talk to you soon, Lee."

"_Hey, Ed? Love you, too. Bye!"_

She hung up before I had a chance to respond. I stared at my phone for a while, both my face and my heart warmed by her words.

_Not the Whitlock I _really_ wanted to hear those words from, but I'll definitely take it. _

My eyes flickered to Jasper's bedroom, and I sighed. Would he ever be able to say those words? To anyone? Well, anyone other than family, since I'd heard him tell Emily he loved her a few times now. I rested my chin on my knee and just sat there for a while, thinking. Eventually I went back to the bedroom, smiling when I saw Jasper curled up in a ball, his back to me.

Watching him for a moment, I tried to push away the question of whether I'd ever hear those words for him, deciding to focus on how far we'd come instead. I walked over to the bed, climbing in as carefully as I could in hopes of not waking him. I noticed that my pen had slipped from the pages of my journal, and the journal itself had shifted halfway off the pillow as well, but I brushed it off. Jasper had clearly been tossing and turning, so I was sure he'd jostled it when he moved.

Satisfied that he seemed to still be asleep, I wrote for awhile longer. After about half an hour, Jasper woke with a soft grunt. Putting my journal aside, I shifted so I was lying on my side, facing him. He turned around, smiling when he saw me. I reached out, caressing his cheek with the back of my hand.

"How are you feeling?"

He still felt very warm to the touch, but his eyes seemed a little clearer to me, and he hadn't thrown up all day. He hummed softly, closing his eyes as he leaned into my touch. "Alright. Gettin' hungry..."

I smiled. "That's a good sign. Want to eat here or in the dining room?"

"At the table, please..." He bit his lip, his eyes searching mine. "Think we can watch a movie or something after? I'm getting sick of being in bed all the time."

I laughed softly. "Alright. Why don't I get your food warmed up while you find something to watch? I forgot to bring _Atlantis_, but I can pick that up tomorrow, if you want."

He shrugged. "I'm sure we can figure something out."

I kissed him briefly, and he smiled against my lips, his fingers tangling in my hair to hold me close a moment longer. When we parted, I got up to warm some soup for him and make something else for myself. By the time I was done, Jasper was on the couch, curled up under the patchwork quilt his mom had made. He had dozed off again, so I allowed myself a moment to observe him. I remembered what he'd told me about his mom and how she'd instilled in him the value of homemade items.

She sounded like a special lady, and I quietly hoped I'd have the chance to meet her. Part of me wondered, as it so often did with many things, how my mother would have reacted to everything. To learning I was gay. To meeting Jasper. Whether she would have done something similar to Jasper's when it came to gifts from the heart.

I shook the thought off, not wanting to linger on things that would inevitably make me sad. Instead, I walked over to Jasper and ran my fingers through his hair. "Hey, sleepyhead, dinner's ready."

Jasper stretched and groaned, giving me a small smile as he got up and followed me to the table. We ate in comfortable silence, and I was pleased to see Jasper put away an entire bowl of the soup I'd made. Not wanting to offend his senses, I'd settled for making myself a sandwich.

After I'd done what few dishes there were, I joined him on the couch, stretching out behind him under his quilt. _Air Force One _had just started, and we watched that for a while, talking quietly commenting on the movie now and then. After a while, I felt his breathing even out, and I finished watching the movie as he slept.

I couldn't reach the remote, nor did I want to wake him, so I stayed where I was, watching some late night show until I felt my eyelids droop. Before I fell asleep as well, I figured I'd better get us to bed, so I nudged Jasper, whispering in his ear that it was time to go to bed and get some sleep. He muttered something I couldn't catch, his only other reaction being to snuggle further into me. I nuzzled his neck, placing a soft kiss below his ear.

"C'mon, baby..."

He grumbled but got up, stumbling slightly as he tried to keep his footing. He waited for me. I slipped my arm around his waist as we walked to his room. He crawled into bed, cuddling up close to me the moment I'd followed suit. I fell asleep holding him in my arms.

The next morning, we were woken by the phone. Jasper was conscious before I was and answered without even opening his eyes, his voice still gruff and coarse from sleep and being sick. "Whitlock residence."

When I heard him say, "Mornin', Mama," I decided to give him some privacy, despite what he'd told me about not minding if I was there when he was on the phone.

I went to the bathroom in part to give myself some time. It felt...odd...to know he was on the phone with his mother. I was fairly sure he hadn't told anyone back home about me, a suspicion that was verified when I overheard him saying he wasn't doing anything, just staying home because he was sick. He made no mention of me being here with him at all.

It stung, because it again left me wondering where we were. _What_ we were. Whether he'd ever let me far enough into his life - and his heart - to introduce me to his family, like I wanted to have him know mine.

I took my time taking care of business, stalling as long as I could manage before going back into the bedroom. I went to my overnight bag to grab the gifts I'd gotten for his birthday and crawled onto the bed again. I placed them on my pillow right as he said goodbye to his mom. He lay with his eyes closed for a moment, just breathing steadily as if gathering his thoughts. I was too afraid to ask what he was thinking, so I used the time instead to school my features.

_His time, Masen. He's not ready yet..._

By the time he opened his eyes and turned to look at me, I was smiling. My smile widened when I noticed the glassy look in his eyes was gone, and I instinctively held the back of my hand against his forehead to gauge his temperature. "Your fever broke...you feeling any better?"

He nodded. I cupped his cheek, and he closed his eyes briefly as he leaned into my touch. My thumb brushing his cheekbone made him look at me again, and there was something in his eyes I couldn't identify. I wondered if it had to do with the call from his mother just now and debated asking.

I bit my lip, letting out a slow breath, and decided to just go for it. "Everything okay?"

He gave me a half-smile and nodded. "Yeah, just miss 'em, I guess. Always do."

Well, I certainly understood that feeling. I sighed, leaned in, and kissed him tenderly as I ran my fingers through his hair. "It was nice of them to call... happy birthday, baby."

He muttered a soft, "Thanks," and sighed.

Shifting to sit against the headboard, I handed him his presents. I hadn't been sure what to get him. I wanted it to be special, but with how things were between us, I wasn't sure how he'd take it if I gave him anything too personal. And in truth, though I felt I knew him well enough already, I didn't know nearly as much as I'd need to in order to feel comfortable doing something that would be too...couple-y.

Because of all of that, it'd taken me forever to figure out what to get him. In the end, I'd settled on a set of water color pencils, a new sketchpad, and a backpack portfolio. I watched him carefully as he opened each one, hoping I'd done the right thing. The one I was least certain of was the portfolio. I'd seen some of the drawings he'd made of where he grew up and even a few from around Boston, but I was by no means sure if he'd drawn them while he was out and about, or simply from pictures or memory.

The look of awe and delight that crossed his face as he opened each gift had me breathing easier. He took his time examining the backpack, opening it and checking all the pockets, holding it this way and that. When he was done, he carefully put everything on the floor - well out of the way - before moving to straddle my thighs.

He looked intently into my eyes for a moment, cupping my cheeks in his hands, and then he leaned in, kissing me deeply. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. Despite morning breath and clammy skin, it was heaven to be with him that way again. After several minutes, he pulled away just far enough to whisper, "Thank you. That was the most thoughtful gift you could've given me."

I smiled, kissed him again, and said, "I'm glad you like them. I didn't know if you had a portfolio yet, but I figured...with a backpack, it'd be easier to take with you, especially on your bike."

He grinned slightly, then said, "It's been a while since I've gone anywhere to sketch... will be nice to be able to again. Thanks, Princess."

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

He licked his lips and tilted his head, effectively stopping our conversation. We sat like that for a few minutes more, kissing languidly. It made me happy to know that he appreciated the gifts I'd given. He knew I wasn't normally one to buy gifts in advance or anything; I left things to the last minute most of the time. But this time, I'd done a lot of looking around for something just right, and I thought he knew that.

Eventually, the growling of our stomachs persuaded us to get up. After we each pulled on lounge pants, Jasper followed me into the kitchen, where I set about making scrambled eggs and toast at his request. I hoped he'd be able to handle it well enough.

He managed to eat a few bites of his eggs and both pieces of toast before he couldn't eat anymore. Once I was done as well, he helped with the dishes, which thankfully weren't too much. It was nice to be working with him again, and I felt like he really was on the mend finally.

When we finished, he leaned against the counter and pulled me to him so I stood between his legs. Wrapping my arms around him, I kissed him tenderly, and murmured, "Well, birthday boy, anything you want to do today?"

Jasper's eyes glinted mischievously, and he smiled a crooked grin as he said, "I can think of something I want to do...right...now."

He shifted his hips against mine suggestively, and I had to bite back a moan. "Jasper..."

He gave me a look of feigned innocence as he said, "What?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, but the effect was negated somewhat when he pressed me closer to him, and I moaned. "Jazz, baby, I don't think you're up for anything yet. You're just starting to feel better, sweetheart..."

He reached behind him, took my hand, and moved it to cup his growing erection. His eyes held mischief and heat in them as he said huskily, "Oh, I'm always _up_ for you, darlin'..."

I snorted, but my voice was husky when I said, "What are you, twelve?"

He wasn't put off in the least bit as he rubbed our hands over his length, lowering his voice and nipping my lip. "Does this feel like I'm twelve?"

I rested my forehead against his, muttering, "Christ, Jazz..." I did nothing to stop him, even though I knew I should. I caressed his cock with my fingertips, trying like hell to push away my own desire.

He ducked his head, kissing along my neck as he whispered, "Please, Princess? I need you..."

I tilted my head to the side, reveling in the feel of him. "Shouldn't..." I rasped.

When he squeezed our hands around his cock, we both whimpered. Pulling away, I looked into his eyes, trying to steady my breathing - and my resolve. The longing I saw on his face did nothing to strengthen it. Cupping his cheek, I kissed him tenderly and whispered, "I'll take care of you, baby."

I wasn't just talking about his immediate needs, either, and I hoped he realized that. I never got the chance to elaborate, though, because he crashed his lips to mine in a hungry kiss, and he didn't let go until we were both starving for air.

My voice was gruff as I said, "Shower."

He quirked a brow, his eyes searching mine. I grinned, giving him a pointed look as I said, "You've been sick. Shower first..."

He groaned but nodded his assent and began pushing me backward toward his room. I turned around, grabbed his hand, and led the way to the bathroom. Once there, I started the shower, and by the time I turned around, Jasper had already kicked off his lounge pants and was palming himself.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, my eyes fixated on the swollen head of his cock disappearing into his hand only to reappear almost immediately.

He grinned, then released himself to slip his fingers under the waistband of my pants. He pulled them down and trailed his hands up my legs again as he rose, brushing lightly against my hard-on. Inhaling sharply, I grabbed his wrist and shook my head. "Uh-uh, Jazz, I said I'd take care of you, and I will. Now get under that shower."

I watched his pupils dilate as he heard the tone of my voice, the same one I'd used during the shoot, and I had to fight back a grin. Once we were in the shower, I washed his hair, massaging his scalp as I did so. I could feel Jasper relax against me in spite of himself, and I could just see him closing his eyes, a smile playing on his lips.

Grabbing a wash cloth, I lathered it up and began to wash him from head to toe, not leaving an inch of him untouched. I cleaned his groin quickly and thoroughly, despite the way I wanted to linger. Instead, I paid plenty of attention to other places I knew he was sensitive. His moans and whimpers let me know he was enjoying the attention.

"Edward, please...", he pleaded, his voice strained.

I turned him so the spray of water hit our backs and adjusted the nozzle slightly so it wouldn't interfere with what I was about to do. Leaning in, my own voice was husky as I said, "Hands on the wall, Cuddles, and don't move."

He nodded, his breathing accelerating as he complied. Grinning, I kissed him right below his ear, nipping the skin lightly before lowering myself to my knees. Massaging his ass, I let my eyes roam over his body - taking in the way the muscles of his back rippled with every breath, every involuntary twitch of his body. I studied his broad shoulders and tapered waist... his muscular thighs and the way his calves flexed when he shifted his weight. My eyes traced the fractal tattoo along his shoulder blades, and I swallowed, breathing shallowly as I remembered the first time I'd ever seen it.

Jasper was beautiful - and even more so when he let go completely... something I aimed to make happen.

He whimpered impatiently. I grinned, then left open-mouthed kisses from hip to hip, before slowly making my way to where I wanted to be. He gave a low groan when my tongue pressed flat against his puckered flesh. Hissing softly, he shifted his weight from foot to foot, spreading his legs and silently begging for more.

I began to lick and tease, nip and probe, tantalize and stroke him, eliciting a string of curses, moans, and pleas from Jasper. When he tried to reach for his cock, I swatted his ass, reminding him to stay still and to keep his hands on the wall. He whimpered again.

Seeing the way he responded, tasting him and feeling him shiver spurred me on, and I increased my efforts until his legs began to tremble. I wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to keep himself upright, so I placed my hands on his hips and pulled away with soft kisses on either cheek as I said, "Turn around, Jazz."

Guiding him to the small ledge in his shower, I grinned up at him. His expression was almost wild as he looked at me with burning eyes. As soon as he was situated, he grabbed my face in both his hands and ducked down, planting a searing kiss on my lips that had us both moaning loudly.

When he pulled back, my voice was thick as I told him to put his hands by his hips. His eyes were hooded but fixed on me as he did as he was told. I reached my hand up, cupping his cheek briefly before placing it back on his thigh.

I ran my nose along his shaft, alternately kissing and licking it at every pass. His scent was so strong, so enticing, that I moaned softly as I slid his tip between my lips. I felt him jerk a little at the sensation, causing him to slip further into my waiting mouth.

My eyes closed as his fingers tangled in my hair, but I couldn't bring myself to reprimand him for moving. I allowed him to set the pace as I bobbed my head, teasing him with my tongue ring the way I knew he loved.

He was muttering again. "Fuck, Edward, feels so good..."

His eyes closed, and I took the opportunity to lather up my hand, barely pausing as I sucked him. The moment my finger pressed against his entrance, his eyes popped open again and his fingers pulled painfully in my hair. I didn't let it stop me, and I knew I'd found what I was looking for when his hips jerked, forcing his cock down my throat. I swallowed around him and was rewarded with a string of curses that would've made a sailor blush.

Repeating this several times, I felt him start to shake again. He was panting, pleading for more - to please make him come, to fill him up, _anything_. I moaned around him, quickening my pace, and that sent him over the edge, his whole body convulsing with the intensity of his orgasm. His fingers tightened in my hair until my eyes watered. I winced but kept moving, slowing as I coaxed him down from his high. I had to pry his hands loose before I could release him from my mouth.

He offered a shaky apology as he met my gaze and then said, "God _damn_, baby...come here."

I got to my feet, my knees red and aching, and he pulled me to him at once, searching out the taste of himself as his lips locked with mine. I put my arms around his shoulders, starting to shiver a little as the cooling water hit my back.

Reluctantly, it seemed, he pulled away so I could turn off the shower. He was unable to move from his spot, though, so I ended up drying us both off and helping him to bed.

His eyes were heavy with exhaustion, as was his voice, as he said, "C'mere..."

He tried to pull me down to lie next to him but lacked the strength. I laid down beside him on top of the covers, and his hand immediately went to my hip before drifting down to my still-hard cock. I shifted his hand away, biting my lip to keep from moaning because I knew he wasn't up for anything else. Kissing him tenderly, I murmured, "Get some sleep, Jazz."

He frowned, his eyes already closed even as he protested, "But what about you?"

I ran my fingers through his hair, a fond smile on my lips as I said, "Don't worry about me; I'm fine. You get some sleep now."

Pressing my lips to his forehead, I whispered, "I'm going to run a quick errand. I shouldn't be long. I love you."

Soft snores were the only answer I got. I wasn't sure if he'd heard me, so I left him a note before heading out. Getting dressed was mildly uncomfortable, but I didn't want to take the time to do anything about my hard-on. I figured a little bit of discomfort would be worth the way it would feel when Jasper _did_ feel like doing something about it again. Besides, I needed to get going if I hoped to be back before he woke up.

I could have cooked for him, but I'd come to understand that Jasper and his friends usually celebrated birthdays and special occasions at Aro's. Emily and I had made reservations for us there tonight, which I'd ended up cancelling once it became clear Jasper wouldn't be able to go. I didn't want him to miss out on the tradition completely, though, especially since it seemed he was feeling a lot better and could hold down food again.

It was with that in mind that I drove down to Aro's. As soon as I walked into the restaurant, I was greeted by the man himself, as he was playing host and showing people to their tables. He asked me to wait for him, and when he got back, he hugged me. "Ah, Edward, is good to see you again! How is Jasper?"

I grinned. "Doing a little better. Actually, that's why I'm here. He's still not really well enough to come out, but I was hoping to bring him some food. I don't know what he usually gets, though. Anything special?"

Aro clapped his hands together and said jovially, "Ahh! Wonderful! You are taking good care of the boy! Good, good. I know just what to do. You go sit at the bar. I take care of everything."

Gianna, who was tending the bar, insisted on giving me a drink. Since I was driving, she made me a Boston Cooler. They were fairly busy for a Tuesday, but whenever she had a chance, she stopped by to talk to me. I spent the rest of my time sipping the drink and glancing around the restaurant. There was something pleasant about it - homey - and I could see why Jasper liked it so much.

By the time I was downing the last of my drink, Aro returned with a large bag. Putting it on the bar next to me, he waved me off when I tried to take out my wallet to pay, saying, "No, no. Famiglia...on the house."

"But..."

He shook his head. "Go, make him happy - that's payment enough."

Aro hugged me again as I thanked him - and Gianna - promising that we'd be by soon, once Jasper was feeling well again.

When I got back to Jasper's place, I set the table and plated the food. I was surprised to find that Aro hadn't just given me food for Jasper, but for me as well - and dessert to boot. Jasper walked out of his room right as I was about to go check on him.

He smiled when he saw me. "Hey, what have you been up to?" His eyes flickered around the table before closing as he inhaled deeply. "Something smells good."

I grinned as I walked over to him, took his hand, and guided him to the table. Kissing him briefly, I murmured against his lips, "Just wanted to make sure you didn't miss out on anything. Aro and Gianna both wish you happy birthday, by the way."

Jasper's eyes widened as they took in the bowls of minestrone and plates piled with spaghetti with meatball marinara. He grabbed a breadstick as he sat down, his eyes drifting slyly to the cannoli in the center of the table. He took a small bite of bread and reached out with his free hand to squeeze mine lightly. "Thanks, darlin'. You didn't have to do this..."

We both started in on our bowls of soup, and Jasper stole a few bites of the spaghetti, moaning softly. I grinned and shook my head, unsure whether it was wise for him to be eating anything so heavy. I let it slide, deciding to let him just enjoy his birthday now that he was feeling a little better.

We talked idly throughout the meal, mostly with Jasper asking questions about what Mike and Emily said when I talked to them. When we finished, he braved one cannoli, insisting it was tradition. It was quickly obvious that he probably shouldn't have eaten it, since he started to look queasy again. I didn't comment, though, finishing off my own cannoli before I smiled and asked him what he wanted to do for the rest of the day.

"Nothing... just cuddle up on the couch with you, watch a movie or something?" he said.

"You sure?"

He nodded. "I mean..." He cleared his throat and glanced down at the floor before peering up at me through his lashes. "If you're staying again, I mean..."

I sighed softly as I stepped toward him. I put my hands on his hips, pulling him close enough so I could kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear, "Jasper, there's nowhere else I want to be. I'm here until you order me away... okay?"

He blushed faintly, and he reached up, his hands tightening around my waist. He nuzzled his cheek against mine, urging me to tilt my head. He captured my lips in a soft kiss that grew stronger as he gave a quiet moan. He kept things chaste, though, and when he pulled back, his eyes were brighter, some of the uncertainty gone. "Okay. That's not happening, though..."

We stood there for long, silent moments, looking into each other's eyes as I heard what he wasn't saying, at least not in words. My lips curved into a smile before I kissed him again and then stepped back, trying to make my voice normal. "Good. Okay, go pick out whatever you want... I'm gonna clean up, and then I'll meet you in there?"

Aro had given me way too much food, so I carefully packed the leftovers away. I heard the phone ring while I was still in the kitchen, and I smiled when I heard Jasper say, "Hey, Mike... what's up?"

It was at least the fourth time Mike had called while Jasper had been sick. I was glad to know that Jasper had such good people in his life, so many friends who cared about him.

After grabbing us a bottle of water each, I made my way into the living room. Jasper sat on the corner of the couch, his quilt spread over his legs, which were curled up underneath him. He was laughing at something Mike was telling him, and he blushed a little when he caught my eye, grinning shyly.

_Somehow, I don't think I really want to know what _that_ is about. _

_Who am I kidding? Of course I do..._

I kept the question to myself, though, and Jasper patted the space next to him, indicating I should sit down. I motioned to the TV, but he held up the remote in his other hand, waving it at me. I realized he'd already set everything up, which meant he just needed to get off the phone.

I sat down next to Jasper, and he immediately shifted to snuggle against my side, making me smile. Wrapping my arm around his shoulders, I kissed his temple, earning me a warm grin. I didn't pay any attention to the conversation he was having with Mike, instead choosing to simply enjoy being here with him.

I didn't tune into the conversation until Jasper said, "Yeah, man, thanks for calling. Tell the guys I said 'hi'?"

He laughed at something Mike said, his eyes flickering to mine as he blushed again. He cleared his throat. "Uhh, yeah... will do. Bye."

I raised an eyebrow in question. "You'll do, what? Or should I be afraid to ask?"

He bit his lip, his eyes alight with mischief as he said, "Depends on how you look at it, I guess. But Mike said for me to let you take care of me."

I narrowed my eyes a little. "Why do I get the feeling there was more to it than that?"

He grinned. "Because maybe there was, but that's for me to know..." He trailed off, adding under his breath, "And for Mike to stay out of."

"And me?" My tone was playful, but my heart skipped a beat all the same. I could tell there was more to their conversation, and I wasn't sure how to feel about Jasper keeping something from me.

He shifted again so that we were at eye level. His voice was more serious, even as it became a little hoarse with some emotion I couldn't place. He spoke softly, "It's for you to figure out..."

He crawled onto my lap then, his hands on either side of my face as he gazed into my eyes. It was as if he were trying to read into my soul. Before I could ask what he was looking for, he ducked his head, kissing me languidly. His fingers caressed my neck and my cheek and ran through my hair, making me forget everything for a while. He pressed closer, deepening our kiss and holding me tightly, leaving me breathless.

When he pulled back, he smiled lazily, pecked my lips once more, and said, "Thanks, Princess."

I wasn't sure what he was thanking me for, but something told me to accept it and not ask questions. I nodded. "You're welcome, Cuddles." My voice, like his, was heavier with emotion than the words seemed to warrant. His eyes were a strange mixture of guarded and open, and I felt a surge of frustration that we were still keeping secrets. I took a steadying breath, though, reminding myself that he was sick. There would be more time to talk when he was well. The realization that we really were okay and that there _would_ be a later for us made my smile more genuine as I said, "Now, what movie did you pick out?"

He grinned. "Movies, you mean?" I quirked a brow, and he added, "Figured we could watch _Star Wars_? Since you're here for a while."

He sounded almost pleading, his lips pouting a little as he looked at me. I chuckled, rolled my eyes, and said, "If that's what you want, baby, that's fine by me. Haven't seen them in a while."

With one more peck on the lips, he crawled off of me so we could sit more comfortably. I stretched out with my back to the armrest, and Jasper snuggled up to me, his back to my chest. He started _The Phantom Menace_ and asked me who my favorite Jedi was.

"Hmm...that's a tough one. There's a few, really, but if I had to choose..." My brow furrowed as I thought a moment, then grinned and indicated the screen where Obi Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn were being escorted to a room by a protocol droid. "Him. Qui-Gon."

"You mean Liam Neeson?" Jasper teased.

I grinned. "No, you asked about Jedi. If _that's _the question, definitely Ewan McGregor."

He laughed, and when I asked him about his favorite Jedi, he said, "Yoda. Hands down."

"You like little, green, shapeless men you can fit in your backpack... awesome. Looks like I can stop working out."

Jasper hit my thigh, and we laughed together before we finally started paying attention to the movie. From time to time, we talked, discussing why we liked certain characters and giving each other a hard time in general. It felt good because the flush on Jasper's cheek was there from passion - and occasional embarrassment - instead of fever.

The knowledge that he was getting better was bittersweet, in a way. I hated seeing him sick or hurting, but at the same time, I'd loved every minute of being here with him - well, _almost_ every minute. The puking I could've done without, but such was life.

Going to sleep and waking up with him every day for the past few days had felt right - and it had made me hopeful for the future. He appeared to be okay with my being around twenty-four-seven, and he even seemed to enjoy having me around as much as I liked being around him. Even if he wasn't able to say the words that continued to burn on my tongue, what he had happened between us just after Mike's phone call made me think that there was a chance he might get there soon.

I hoped he would. I yearned to hear him say he loved me.

Kissing the crown of his head, I settled back into the movie. It wasn't long before the phone rang again, the way it continued to for the rest of the afternoon and on into the evening. Each time it did, Jasper would pause the movie and snuggle up against me. We'd sit like that - with my arms around him and me nuzzling his neck or kissing his cheek or temple - until the calls were done. It made me smile to hear him talk to Angela, Alice, and a few of the guys. When his sister-in-law called, I held on a little tighter, burrowing my face into his neck so he wouldn't see the hurt I felt when he again made no mention of me being here - or being in his life at all.

I had no idea what to think of the fact that he'd skated over 'us'. He got quiet again after he hung up with Mack, shifting slightly in my arms so he could rest his head against my chest, his arm thrown over my lap. He seemed saddened by something, and I wondered whether he was bothered by the same thing I was. And _that_ thought had me floundering. I didn't know what to do - how to ask him about it - and before I could, the phone rang again.

Jasper's face lit up instantly at the sight of Emily's name on the caller ID, and I reminded myself that she, at least, knew about me. About _us_. And so did all his friends. I hugged him to me, kissing his forehead as he answered the phone.

"Hey, Lee Lee!"

He paused, grinning, and I couldn't help my own from forming when I heard Emily singing "Happy Birthday" rather loudly on the other end. Jasper met my gaze and rolled his eyes, then said, "Thanks, sis."

They talked for a while. For the most part, he was upbeat, but every now and then he'd glance at me with a strange look in his eyes. Whenever he did, he'd reach for me, apparently without thought, as if he simply needed to touch me.

He had entwined our fingers as they were winding down their conversation, with Jasper admonishing Emily to take care of herself and promising to call her soon. I whispered, "Tell her I said 'hi'."

He nodded, turned his face to peck my lips, and shifted back again. "Edward says hi, by the way." There was a pause, and then, "I will, Lee."

Jasper squeezed my hand, holding tightly for a little too long as he caught my eye and said gruffly, "Love you, too. Talk to you soon."

He ended the call, his eyes on mine for a long beat before he sighed, resting his head back on my shoulder and closing his eyes. My heart felt as if it skipped several beats before restarting again.

_It was a coincidence. Nothing more. Those words weren't for you, but for his _sister_. You've heard him tell her that plenty of times before. _

I had to close my eyes and take a slow, deep breath to steady myself. Did I _want_ to hear him say those words so much that I was putting more behind the surely subconscious gesture? I tried to compose myself, reminding myself that he was still sick, even if he was getting better - and that things would happen if and when they were supposed to. He had issues to work out for himself before he'd be able to really love again.

I knew I had to be patient. It just felt as if we were _so _close. So very close to being what I wanted to be - what I was sure we _could_ be.

Pressing my lips to his temple, I breathed in his scent to remind myself that we were here, together; I just had to be thankful for that. I glanced down at his face and noticed he was looking a little pale and tired again. His eyes were still closed, and his brow was slightly furrowed, as if he was working over something in his mind.

"You look tired, baby. Why don't we call it a night? _Star Wars_ will be there in the morning," I whispered.

He nodded, then opened his eyes and turned to kiss me briefly. He stopped the movie, turned off the TV, and got up, stretching his arms over his head while he waited for me to do the same. As soon as I stood beside him, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me to him. Slipping my own around his waist, we stood like that for several minutes before he murmured, "Thank you, Edward."

Pulling back slightly, I looked at him questioningly. "For what, sweetheart?"

His lips twitched into a smile that vanished just as quickly as it came. He cupped my cheek as he gazed into my eyes. "For being here... making my birthday feel special. For being you."

His thumb brushed my cheekbone several times before he pressed his lips tenderly to mine. I thought for a second there was more he'd wanted to say, but when he let go, he smiled and headed to the bedroom. I followed behind with my own quiet smile on my face.


	26. Head Over Feet

_**A/N:**__ Thank you as always to our betas and prereaders - __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__. We love you ladies!_

_As ever, we don't own Twilight; these boys, however, own us - completely._

**ooOoo**

**JPOV**

I stared up at the ceiling, my hands under my head as I gazed without seeing. I was tired, having been unable to fall asleep last night. A glance at the clock told me there was no point in even _trying_ to get any sleep now - my alarm was set to go off in about half an hour, at which point I'd have to get up and get ready to pick up Emily before heading to the airport.

With a sigh, I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, wishing I could get my mind to shut up - or at least settle down. The last three weeks had been...a roller coaster, to say the least. So much had happened that I still hadn't sorted out: running into Paul, trying to figure out what was going on with me - and then with Edward. Getting sick and having Edward take care of me. The way he'd made my birthday feel like something worthwhile again. Waking up and glimpsing my name in his journal...

Oh, God...his journal. I had been unable to resist reading what he had said about me. With all my heart, I wished I hadn't done it - and I knew I _shouldn't_ have - but at the same time, I was glad I had. I hadn't dared tell him; I'd simply turned over and fallen back asleep again.

But it hadn't been easy to keep it from him.

Reading how he felt about me, how worried he was for me - _for me_ - how much he wished he knew how to help me... how he wanted to tear into Paul for hurting me. I knew Edward loved me. He'd told me, and I believed him - especially after reading that part of his journal and seeing the way he took care of me.

But despite the fact that I'd wanted to tell him my own feelings, I'd been too afraid. I'd also been far too selfish to make him leave, so I hadn't said anything either way. It felt so good, so right, to have him take care of me. I couldn't deny myself that. It'd been so, so long...

I curled onto my side, facing where Edward had slept while he was here, and my hand automatically sought him out, though I was alone. If I closed my eyes, I could imagine him here with me. He'd stayed with me the whole week, only going home again after he was sure I was better and ready to get back to work. It had been so nice to have him all to myself for so long, with little to no interruptions from the outside world.

I still had my fears and doubts - not about him or how _he_ felt, but about me and whether I _could_ truly love him the way he wanted... the way he deserved. Despite those reservations, I'd soaked it in, allowed him to wrap me up with his care and tenderness.

I'd tried to tell him. I'd even said the words...but I'd been chickenshit when it came to saying them to his face. Instead, I'd used the fact that Emily was on the phone on my birthday to say, "I love you." I'd closed my eyes as soon as the words were out, waiting for his reaction...for _something_. I was scared - I hadn't told a guy I loved him since Paul, and my heart was beating like crazy.

Really, I knew there was no way he could know that I meant the words for him, but I still hoped he'd say something. I thought maybe it would open up a way for me to tell him without being scared out of my mind. He never said anything, though - he'd just suggested we go to bed, claiming I looked tired. Admittedly, I was just that, but I was also frustrated. Like so many times before, I felt conflicted - torn between relief and disappointment that he didn't push further.

I'd battled with myself all the rest of that week and even the next one, when I was on my own again. That one was a little easier in some ways because things went back to "normal" with work. Edward spent his time helping out Kate with another shoot while I worked overtime to make up for having had the week off. I also called around to different psychologists and eventually found one that I thought could help me. There wasn't really time to start before my trip, so I'd set up an appointment for just after it. The result of both Edward and me being overwhelmed with work and things to do before our trips meant that we didn't see a whole lot of each other that week, buying me a little time so I didn't have to talk about how I felt. And once again, part of me was disappointed while the rest was relieved.

Why couldn't I just figure this out? I liked Edward. A lot. The thought of not having him in my life scared the hell out of me. I _needed _him. On a very deep, base level, I needed to be with him. I'd never felt anything like that in my life, and I sure as hell didn't understand it.

So why couldn't I just be normal? Tell him how I felt? Hell, why couldn't I even be sure of what, exactly, I felt in the first place?

It had taken Mike coming into my office yesterday for me to figure it out. Sort of.

"_Hey, J? You got a minute?" Mike said._

_I looked up from my computer, "Sure, come on in. Let me just finish this email, and then I'm all yours."_

_Mike sat down in front of my desk, picking up the baseball and tossing it from hand to hand while he waited for me. When I turned to face him after hitting send, he grinned nervously and placed the ball back in its place. He watched me for a moment, then said, "How are you doing, Jasper?"_

_I quirked an eyebrow in surprise. "I'm fine. Why?"_

_He raised an eyebrow in response. "Thanksgiving's next week. You're going to be back in Texas."_

_It had been a statement, but one filled with implications. I squirmed in my seat and stared down at my hands, which were absently sketching on the pad in front of me. "Yeah, you okayed my vacation time months ago, Mike. What's your point?"_

_I had a feeling I knew what his point was, but I wasn't about to admit it. He sighed and said in a gentle voice, "How are things going with you and Edward?"_

_Frowning, I looked up at him, my hands stilling their movement. "I don't see..."_

_Mike held a hand up to stop me. "J, I'm not stupid, so please don't insult my intelligence. I know something was up between you two before your birthday. Hell, the way he looked when we got you home on Halloween..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I haven't said anything before now because I wanted to give you space, but I get the feeling you need a swift kick in the ass, and I'm more than willing to do the honors here."_

_My eyes widened, and I felt the traitorous blush creep up my cheeks. _

_He sighed again. "J, you know I love you, man. But what the hell are you doing?"_

_I looked down at my hands again, fiddling with my pencil. I hadn't told Mike or any of the guys about my run-in with Paul yet. I hadn't told Mike _anything _about what had been going on lately. It was really strange that Mike had let things be for this long, since normally he would have said something sooner. _

_With a soft groan, I sat back in my chair, my eyes focused on a point over his shoulder as I told him about Emily... and about finally coming clean with my sister about what had happened all those years ago. _

_I told him about running into Paul, and my reaction after seeing him again._

_I told him about what Edward had said and done, that he had told me he loved me, and that it scared me and made me soar at the same time. _

_Throughout, Mike simply sat and listened, his hands folded in his lap. When I was done, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the edge of my desk, and said, "Do you love him?"_

_I blinked, my mouth opening and closing, but no words would come out. _

"_Don't think. Just react. Do. You. Love. Edward?" he said._

_I nodded, my voice so soft even _I_ could barely hear it. "Yes."_

_Mike looked me in the eye and said, "Don't just tell me. Tell _him_." _

_I frowned, whispering, "I don't know if I can, Mike..."_

_I hated admitting that to him... hated that I _felt_ this way, that I was so damn unsure if I was even capable of that kind of love anymore. _

"_Bull shit." Mike got up and walked around my desk, standing behind me. He rested his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them gently as he said in a softer voice than he'd just used, "You are more than capable of it, Jasper. I see it in you every time you two are together. Every time you talk to him, or even when you just think about him. I've seen it for weeks, but I know what happened to you, so I just gave you some space. But it's about time you realized it for yourself. You have a lot to offer someone. Edward is lucky to have you, but he deserves to know how you feel, too. Trust me."_

_He patted my shoulder as I frowned up at him, and he narrowed his eyes playfully at me as he added, "And if you tell _anyone _I said anything as sappy as that, I will deny it..."_

_He left the rest of the "threat" hanging in the air, and I couldn't help myself. I laughed._

Mike had left my office not long after that. He'd asked me to really think about things, to remember how I'd felt when Edward had been down in Tennessee and when I had been out of town myself.

And that's exactly what I'd ended up doing all fucking night. I thought about everything that had happened since Edward had come into my life, about the times we'd spent together, and those we'd been forced to spend apart. The implication of how I'd fucked up with Jason and nearly lost everything was there - and I didn't like it. I didn't like any of the feelings that those memories brought up.

At all.

But how the hell was I supposed to tell him how I felt when he was out on that damn shoot all day and well into the night, and I was about to leave for Austin for a week? I couldn't stand the idea of letting this lie even longer than I knew it already had. I was aware that it hurt Edward - I might have been in denial, but I wasn't a complete fool.

This wasn't something I wanted to tell him over the phone, or by text, or even Skype. I needed to tell him, this first time - this first _real_ time - in person. Face-to-face. I could not let him have any doubt about it.

I looked at the alarm clock again.

_4:05 a.m._

_Fuck it_.

I knew he wouldn't have slept for very long, since he had said he wouldn't be done until around midnight, but I just couldn't wait any longer. Now that I'd made up my mind, it was like a fire had been lit inside of me. I jumped out of bed and within half an hour, I had showered, shaved, and dressed. My bags had already been packed and were waiting by the door.

There wasn't a lot of time, since I still had to pick up Emily for our very early flight, but if I was quick, I could just make it to Edward's in time. The entire way over, I debated how to tell him, _what_ to tell him... and worried over his reaction.

When I finally pulled to a stop in front of his house, I sat in the car for several long minutes, trying to will my feet to move. A text from Emily brought me out of the stupor I'd found myself in: _You awake yet, Spurs?_

I sent her a quick text back, assuring her I was up and about, and got out of the car. I really didn't have time to waste, and God only knew how long it'd take before I was able to wake Edward up. Standing on his doorstep, I took one final, centering breath, and knocked rapidly on the door before ringing the bell. I knew it was obnoxious, but at that point I really didn't care. I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to tell him before I left.

Muttering under my breath for him to please wake up, I continued my barrage on the door, alternately ringing the bell, knocking, and rubbing my hands together - it was fucking _cold_. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I saw the lights go on, and then I heard Edward grumbling as he opened the door, "Where the hell is the fi-" He paused, dumbstruck as he took in my appearance, and then finished, "-re... Jasper?"

Edward stood in the doorway, wearing only his lounge pants and an open robe. He blinked a few times, as if trying to make sure it was really me, and then stood aside, saying, "Come in...everything okay?"

I shook my head, shifting my weight from foot to foot nervously. I felt so on edge that I was about ready to burst out of my skin. "I-I can't...I have to pick up Emily and then go to the airport."

"Okay..." Edward frowned and stifled a yawn, mumbling, "Sorry..." He shook his head as if to clear it and then said, "What's wrong? I wasn't expecting to see you until after Thanksgiving."

He sounded a little hesitant and a lot concerned - something that made my gut twist even further into knots. I stepped up to him, my eyes flickering between his as I took his face in my hands. I tried to find my voice, but it took me several tries before I managed to get the words out. My voice was still so quiet that I knew he had a hard time hearing it. "Edward...I couldn't leave. Not...not without telling you. I _had_ to tell you..."

His hands came to my elbows as he watched me carefully, a frown marring his brow as he whispered, "It's okay, Jazz...whatever it is, it'll be okay..."

I let out a breathy chuckle, fixed my eyes on his, and took a deep breath before saying softly, "I love you, Edward Masen."

Edward's eyes widened, and he gave a quiet gasp. His fingers tightened their hold on my arms. "Jasper..?" he croaked.

Something inside of me had released the moment I'd said those words out loud to him. I couldn't keep from grinning, as I said in a much stronger voice, "I love you."

He pulled me roughly to him, his lips claiming mine in a fierce, heated kiss - one I only too willingly returned. When we were both breathless, he rested his forehead against mine, and whispered hoarsely, "God, Jazz...I didn't think...I-I love you, too. So much, baby..."

He kissed me again, his fingers hooking through my belt loops as he began tugging me over the threshold into the house. Placing my hands on his hips, I stopped him. "I'm sorry, I wish I could. _God_, I wish I could, but I really can't come in. If I do, we both know what'll happen, and I _don't_ have time...Lee'd kill me..."

He groaned, closing his eyes as he rested his head on my shoulder. I thought I heard him mumble, "Fucking unfair," but I wasn't sure.

With a sigh, he stood up straight again, his eyes searching mine. He brushed my hair from my face and said softly, "What changed?"

I blushed bright red, and Edward's eyebrows rose with concern and curiosity. Clearing my throat, I lowered my eyes to somewhere along his collarbone and muttered, "Just...everything... You being there that week, even after...and what you wrote...and Mike..."

As I mumbled my answer, my voice got quieter and quieter as Edward's eyes grew wider and wider. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, scared out of my mind that my indirect admission would cost me his love now that I was finally ready to be with him - ready to love him.

"You..." he started.

I nodded, raising my eyes to him pleadingly as I cut across him, babbling, "I woke up, and you were gone...and your journal was open on your pillow...I saw my name, and I-I couldn't help myself...I-I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have, and I'm so sorry. Please, please, Edward, please forgive m-"

He silenced me with a hard kiss, his hands gripping my face tightly. When he pulled away, it was just far enough to whisper, "Jasper, please...shut up."

His eyes bore down on mine as he took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. "You're right; you shouldn't have read it. But I should have known better than to leave it open like that."

"But-"

He shook his head, then said, "Give me a minute," and disappeared inside before I could respond. I stood there, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot as I wondered what he was doing.

When he came back, he had his journal with him. He took my hand and pressed the notebook into it. His eyes were intent on mine as he said, "Here, I want you to read it. No more secrets, Jasper."

I opened my mouth a few times, my gaze flickering from the journal to him. I shook my head, "I-I can't, Edward...that's your private-"

He curled my fingers around the book. "I know. I want you to have it. Read it. All of it."

"But...you've never...I know you've never shared your writing..."

I recoiled from the idea of delving into something that was so personal to him. He'd seen my drawings, and I knew how much those meant to me. I couldn't imagine this being any different. I'd betrayed an unspoken trust just by reading the short passage I had.

Edward shivered, reminding me that he was barely dressed and that it was freezing. Squeezing my hand, he said, "You're right; I haven't. But I think you need to read this."

I shook my head, handing it back to him. "I don't, Princess. I can't take this."

He sighed, cupping my cheek. "Jazz...I meant what I said. I don't want there to be any more secrets between us. No more holding back."

My phone's text alert interrupted any further arguing. I knew it would be from Emily. I glanced at my watch and muttered, "Shit...sorry..."

I checked the message, sent a quick reply that I was on my way, and then focused on Edward again. "Baby, I gotta go..."

He nodded, grabbed the back of my neck, and kissed me passionately. The way he pulled me to him, his fingers knotting in my hair, his hips flush with mine... it almost made me forget there was a reason to stop, and I started to push him inside. My phone alerting me to yet another text stopped me short, and I pulled away with a soft, "Fuck..."

Edward's eyes burned as he kissed me hard once more, and his voice was gruff with emotion and desire as he said, "I'm going to miss you, Cuddles. Have a safe flight. Let me know when you get there?"

I nodded. "I will, Princess. I love you."

His eyes lit up when I said it, as did his smile. That expression warmed something in me, and I knew instantly that I wanted to see it again. "I love you, too, Jasper."

"You'd better get inside, baby. I'm sorry for waking you so early, by the way."

He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Sweetheart, I promise, I don't mind in the least. That was worth being woken up for." He brushed my cheek with his fingertips and smiled. "Have a good holiday, Jazz."

I nodded, and with one final kiss, I went to my car. I'd just started the engine when I heard, "Jasper, wait!" and looked up to find Edward running toward me, his bare feet stuffed in sneakers and his robe flapping behind him.

Rolling down my window, I looked up at him quizzically. "Babe, what-?"

He grabbed my hand again, pushing his journal into it once more. "Please...take it."

I frowned. I didn't have time to argue with him about this, so I relented, placing the journal on the passenger seat for now. Glancing at him again, I said softly, "I have to go...I'm sorry."

He leaned in, kissing me briefly before telling me once more that he loved me and to tell Emily he said 'hi'. He was shivering and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Get inside, Edward, before you catch your death," I admonished, sounding more like my mother than I ever had.

He simply shrugged. I shook my head, put the car in gear, and had to force myself to drive away. When I looked in my rear-view mirror, it was to see him standing in the same spot, waving at me.

How I got to Emily's, I wasn't sure; my mind seemed to be stuck on replay as I went over and over the past hour. Emily was waiting outside with her bags on the ground and two cups of coffee in her hands. I took a moment to tuck Edward's journal into my carry-on before I got out of the car.

She took a few steps toward me, looking a little grumpy as she said, "You're late, Spurs."

I blushed, ducking my head as I went to put her luggage in the car. "Sorry, sis," I mumbled.

When I looked up, she handed me my coffee while giving me a shrewd look. She didn't say anything, though; she simply got in the car and buckled up. All the way to the airport, she kept glancing at me but remained quiet - just sipping her coffee. I wondered if I could be so lucky as to escape the third degree, or if she was just biding her time until she was more awake.

After parking the car in long-term parking, we made our way over to the check-in counter. It didn't take us very long, thankfully - despite having cut things very close, thanks to my impromptu stop at Edward's - and before I knew it, we were boarding our plane.

We were seated in business class, allowing us a little more room - and privacy. Emily sat next to the window, but for once didn't pay any attention to what was going on around her. She was too busy watching me. "You look like you haven't slept at all."

"I haven't." I shrugged.

She frowned. "Don't tell me you and Edward..." she trailed off, waving her hand as if to say, _"You know what I mean."_

Chuckling, I shook my head. "No. He was working until late last night, helping out Kate." I blushed and said quietly, "I did stop by his place this morning, though. I had to..."

She put her hand over mine and said, "Had to see him one more time before you left. I get it."

I gave her a small smile. "Yeah, something like that." She grinned, patting my hand. I yawned, blinking my eyes rapidly as I muttered, "Sorry, Lee."

Emily rolled her eyes. "You should try to get some sleep while you can. You know once we get home, you won't get a chance."

I nodded and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Lee Lee."

She squeezed my hand, and that was the last I knew before she woke me a few hours later to let me know we were landing. I felt a little groggy but went through the motions of leaving the plane, getting our luggage, and making our way to the usual meeting point.

"Uncle J! Uncle J! Auntie Em!"

A chorus of small voices greeted us as Finn and Conall came running up to us. I had just enough time to put my bags down and kneel with my arms stretched out to catch Finn as he jumped me. Hugging him tightly to me, I blew a raspberry on his cheek, sending him into peals of giggles.

Conall had found his way to Emily's arms, and she was carrying him on her hip as she ruffled his hair, whispering to him.

I stood up, carrying Finn and glancing around for my sister-in-law even as I said, "Hey, slugger! What are you doing here?"

Makenna saw me before I saw her. She laughed as she stepped up to us and kissed me on the cheek. "The boys insisted on coming along to pick up their favorite aunt and uncle."

She greeted Emily in kind and reached for Emily's bag while I picked up mine. Finn's arms were tight around my neck, even as I leaned in to kiss his brother on the cheek. I said, "Hey, Conall. I can't believe how much you two have _grown_ since I saw you last!"

They both giggled, and Finn said, "I'm a big boy now, Uncle J! I go to school!"

I looked at him with widened eyes, feigning shock, and said, "I know! You need to stop growing so fast. I won't be able to carry you soon."

He shrieked as I tickled him awkwardly. We made our way to Mack's car, and after she'd secured the boys in their seats and I'd put our luggage in the back, she gave us both warm hugs. "It's good to see ya again, you two. It's been too long."

Something about hearing her familiar brogue soothed me, and I smiled. "I missed you, too, Mack. Sorry it's been so long. You look good."

"Ah, thanks, Jasper. So do you...tired, but good," she said, narrowing her eyes as if to take a proper look.

We got in the car, and I let the sounds of the boys' excited babbling and Emily and Mack's conversation wash over me as we drove to the ranch. I was almost, but not quite, able to fall asleep again. As soon as we pulled up to the house, Conall yelled, "Gamma, Gamma!"

I looked up to see Mama walk out of the house, wiping her hands on her apron as she approached the car. Her hair was the same color as mine, but aside from that, it was as if an older version of Emily was walking up to us. The thought that their similarities seemed to increase as my sister got older struck me, making me smile.

Emily was out of the car first and launched herself into our mother's arms with a squeal. I got out slowly, watching their reunion with a smile. When Mama let her go, she stepped up to me and folded me into her arms. I wrapped mine around her, hugging her tight as I closed my eyes and breathed her in, overcome by the sense of being home.

"Hi Mama...I've missed you." I whispered into her hair.

"I've missed you, too, Son. You must be tired from your flight. Come inside; I made you your favorite."

Pulling away, I grinned. "I love you, Mama."

She laughed, swatting my arm playfully as she said, "I love you, too. Now come on. Inside, all of you. Wash your hands before you sit down," she admonished us.

I chuckled and went inside, leaving our luggage for later. Once we were all freshened up and seated, Mama served the adults some coffee, while she gave Conall and Finn some milk. A big tray of sandwiches appeared on the table, as Mama said, "Y'all missed the boys by a couple of minutes, but I saved you some. Figured you might be hungry..."

I chuckled as I noticed her wrinkle her nose; Mama detested the foods served on flights, believing it to be unfit for any man to eat. She was standing right next to me, so I placed my arm around her waist and gave her a sideways hug, even as I reached for a roast beef sandwich with my other hand. "Thanks, Mama. You're right; I'm starving. Haven't had anything to eat yet today."

She patted my shoulder affectionately and went to take a seat at the head of the table. While the rest of us ate, she filled us in on the goings on at the ranch and with the neighbors. When she was satisfied we had all had our fill of sandwiches, she put the rest away.

Mack got up to get everyone more coffee, and as she was pouring it out, Mama served up her peach cobbler, adding a scoop of vanilla ice cream to each bowl. I blushed, remembering that night at Edward's when he'd cooked for me. Mama gave me a speculative look but didn't say anything other than, "Enjoy, sweetheart."

Emily and Mack were talking quietly, both of them making sure the boys behaved themselves. Mama asked how things were going at work, how Mike and the other guys were doing, and we chatted for a bit after we finished dessert.

When the boys started to get fussy, Mack got to her feet and said, "Okay, I'm gonna head home with these two. It's naptime."

She gave them both a pointed look as they started to pout and whine. "No arguin', you lot. Come on."

While she wrestled the boys into compliance, Emily and I went to get our luggage out of Mack's car. After giving each of the boys a kiss on the forehead and Mack another hug, I went to stand by Mama. Mack promised they'd be back for dinner, and Emily fussed over Conall some more before she was satisfied and gave each boy a kiss.

As soon as Mack had driven out of sight, Mama patted my arm and said, "Why don't you and Emily get yourselves settled into your rooms and relax for a while? I'll call when dinner's ready."

"Mama," Emily started to protest, but Mama just shook her head, holding up her hand.

I rolled my eyes, kissed her on the top of her head, and said, "Alright. C'mon, Lee."

There was no point arguing with the woman. It was always the same whenever we'd come home - neither of us would be allowed to do anything useful on our first day here. Mama always insisted that we'd had a long day already, though in truth, she did more in any given day than we ever did.

Once I was in my room, the first thing I did was call Edward. I settled onto my childhood bed, my legs stretched out in front of me as I waited for him to answer. After the fifth ring, he picked up with a mumbled, "_Masen_."

I bit my lip and smiled, even though I felt bad for obviously waking him up _again_. "Hey, baby..."

I heard the rustling of sheets and imagined him turning onto his back. "_Hey, yourself."_ He cleared his throat and added, "_Did you and Emily have a good flight?"_

We talked for a while, and he laughed when I told him about Mama's peach cobbler. He asked me questions about Finn and Conall, and then he asked if I'd had a chance to see everyone yet. "Nah, Daddy and Chuck were already back at work by the time we got here. I'll see them tonight, though. Mack's coming back with the boys so we can have a family dinner and stuff."

"_Sounds like fun. Hey, you remembered your laptop, right?"_

I grinned, running my fingers through my hair as my eyes flickered to my carry-on. "Yeah, I did, Princess. I'll try to get online tonight; I can't promise anything, though. Kinda didn't get any sleep last night...got a nap on the flight here, but..." Edward made a disgruntled noise, which made me chuckle. "Sorry, sweetheart. I'll try, though."

"_Good...I miss you."_

I rested my head back against the wall and sighed. "Yeah, I miss you, too."

We exchanged _I love you_'s and hung up not long after. Being away from him was different this time. In some ways, knowing where we stood helped a lot, but it also made me feel off, somehow. I didn't like being away from him; it felt almost as if a part of me was missing.

It also didn't help that I wanted to _show_ him just how much I meant those words, and I hadn't had a chance yet. I was left feeling anxious and incomplete, but at least I knew he was thinking of me just as I was him.

I spent the rest of the time before dinner unpacking my things for the week and going through some of my old stuff. It'd been a long time since I was home last, and I didn't usually spend much time in my room when I did visit. Typically, I never paid any attention to the things that represented my life here. Now, though, I was compelled to walk down memory lane.

My eyes roamed over the various pictures and prizes that I'd accumulated back in high school. The posters had me rolling my eyes at myself - well, the ones that depicted fast cars and bikini-clad girls did, at least. They had been my attempt at mimicking Chuck, at playing straight. He'd had similar ones in his room, so I had them, too. Funnily enough, all of them had been given to me by him at one point or another.

I felt my lips twitch with a smile as I scanned the trophies I'd earned for rodeo events. Chuck and I both had some for tie-down calf roping; we'd had plenty of practice helping out on the ranch. He'd been better at bull riding than I was, but he couldn't compare to me on a cutting horse. I wondered idly if I'd still be able to do it, but I knew better than to ask my brother about it. _He_ still went to rodeos, not to mention working on the ranch.

Shaking my head, I let my eyes wander until they fell on my yearbook. Taking it off the shelf, I went to sit back on my bed. After I settled up against the headboard, I began leafing through the book, lingering on familiar faces. I hadn't looked at these pictures in years - truthfully, not since before Paul.

I traced the smiling faces of the three guys that stood out most for me: Fred, Diego, and Santiago. They'd been the ones I'd done most of my experimenting with back in school, when I'd been trying to figure out who I was and who - or what - I liked. I hadn't loved any of them, nor had they been in love with me. We'd simply been there and made the most of the opportunities that had arisen at the time.

It was a little strange to look back at that time now, especially after having heard Edward's story. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about the way I'd handled things back then. I sat back, my hands resting on the pages as I stared into space, thinking... wondering how different my life would have been if I had waited like Edward had.

I allowed my thoughts to linger on that for a while before shaking my head with a huff and mumbling, "No point in wondering 'what if,' Whitlock."

_Nothing you can do about the past. Worry about your future._

I closed my yearbook with a snap and put it back. I stretched out on the bed, yawning. I intended to relax for a few minutes, but a soft knock on the door woke me up. I blinked in confusion and looked around. As soon as I realized where I was, I sat up and smiled. "Come in, Lee," I called.

She opened the door and grinned at me. "Hey, Spurs, Mama says dinner's almost done and to get freshened up. Better not keep her waiting. Daddy and Chuck are washing up now, and Mack'll be here with the boys any minute."

"Okay, thanks, sis."

She nodded, then closed the door behind her as she presumably went to try to help Mama. After I washed my face and hands, I felt a little more myself again, and I went downstairs to find Emily playing with Finn and Conall while Mack set the table.

I heard someone walk up behind me and just as I started to turn, I felt a hand clasp my shoulder. Then Daddy's familiar, gruff voice said, "Welcome home, Son."

He pulled me in for a hug then, and I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in the old, familiar scents that made up Daddy - tobacco, saddle oil, and cattle. "Thanks, Daddy," I murmured. "It's good to be home."

Daddy patted my back several times before he let go with a grin. "You look good, Jasper. Mama said you'd been sick."

I blushed and nodded. "Just the flu."

He gave me a scrutinizing look but said nothing. Mama told us all to have a seat, and it wasn't until Mack had gotten both boys into their seats that Chuck finally showed up at the table.

_Typical_.

I shook my head with a sigh. As much as I loved my brother, I couldn't help but wonder why he always seemed to duck out or mysteriously not show up until after the fact when it came to certain things, like getting his sons settled in for mealtimes. Mack had long since given up on trying to change it, claiming he made up for it by handling other tasks she was adverse to. I never learned what those were, though.

Chuck grinned, bumping a fist against my shoulder in greeting as he sat down. "'Bout time you showed your face here again, little brother."

"Thanks," I said wryly. "Good to see your ugly face again, too."

"Boys..." Mama said sternly, her eyes flickering between Chuck and me.

I held up my hands in a gesture of surrender, trying - and failing - to keep from grinning. It felt all too familiar.

After Daddy said grace, we all sat and talked while we ate, catching up on each others' lives. Everything went fine, and I was relaxed right up until the moment I heard Emily say to Mama, "...and Edward said he'd teach me more about photography and developing film and all that stuff. I'm really looking forward to it."

I looked up in surprise, my fork hovering halfway between my plate and my mouth as I noticed my mother's questioning eyes go from Emily to me and back again. Emily, who didn't appear to think anything of it, turned to me and went on in the same breath, "Actually, I'm surprised Edward didn't come along. I would've thought with how things are going between you two..."

Her voice died out as she registered the look on my face, which was burning with embarrassed trepidation. I hadn't told anyone besides her about him, and from the way Mama was looking at Emily, she'd clearly caught on immediately. And I had no idea how to deal with it.

Emily bit her lip, looking anxious suddenly. She mouthed, "I'm sorry." All I could do was nod at her numbly. Everyone's attention appeared to be focused on me, making me wish a hole would open up and swallow me, just so I wouldn't have to deal with anything right then.

Slowly, I placed my fork on my plate, suddenly not at all hungry anymore. Mama was watching me closely, concern and what I thought was hope clear in her eyes. When it became clear that neither Emily nor I was going to say anything straight away, she raised an expectant eyebrow and said, "Who's Edward?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times in an attempt to speak, but no words would come out. It wasn't as if I didn't _want_ to tell them about Edward...I just didn't know how - or even _what_ to tell them.

_What is he? I know I love him, and he me, but..._

My heart started beating faster in time with the anxiety I felt creeping up. I had no label for what we were. We never had the chance to talk about it after I'd finally admitted my feelings for him, and it didn't feel right to call him my boyfriend yet, not without talking to him first, anyway.

As I was struggling to figure out what to tell them, Chuck spoke up in between shoving forkfuls of potato in his mouth. "Why would Spurs wanna bring home a piece of tail, anyway? Thanksgiving is family time."

Where all eyes had been on me seconds before, now everyone gaped at Chuck in shock, me included, though I also felt the stirrings of anger.

Anger that increased as Chuck glanced around at our faces, shrugged, and said, "What? Y'all know as well as I do the boy's only ever interested in one thing, and white picket fences, it ain't."

"Charles!" Mama said, looking utterly aghast.

Mack rounded on her husband, smacking him upside the head as she hissed, "Charles Emerson Whitlock, I'm ashamed of you!"

I was hurt by his words - for myself, of course, but oddly enough, more for Edward's sake. I was also seething, partially because he'd hit too close to the mark, at least with regards to any relationships I might have had in the past since Paul.

But I just could not stand to hear him dismiss Edward in that manner, even if Chuck had no idea how things were.

And it was worse because it was _my_ fault they didn't understand.

My hands were clenched into fists as I shoved my chair back from the table, and it took everything I had not to lunge at my brother in that moment - I refused to do that to Mama. Instead, I stood up, my fists resting on the table as I glared at him and ground out through my teeth, "Don't you _dare _refer to Edward as 'a piece of tail,' Chuck. Edward's a good man - and right now I think he's a damn sight better'n you. He's been there for me in ways you can't even comprehend."

I wanted to say more, but found that I didn't have the words. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I closed my eyes, trying to get my temper under control. I was shaking when I said, "Mama, may I please be excused?"

She whispered, "Of course, Son."

I opened my eyes to look at her and nodded. "Thanks for dinner, Mama." I turned to look at Mack, giving her a small smile. "Mack, thanks...I'm sure I'll see you in the next day or so."

Makenna nodded. Her eyes were still hard for her husband as she glared at him briefly before focusing on me with an apologetic smile. I shook my head at her, hoping she understood that she had nothing to apologize for. She couldn't help that my brother could be an insensitive prick at times.

Or that I was more hurt because he had a reason to say what he had.

I caught Emily's eye as I stepped away from the table, and I patted her shoulder as I walked by her on my way to my room. I knew she felt bad for what had happened, but I honestly wasn't upset with her.

Once I was in the sanctuary of my room with the door closed behind me, I retrieved my carry-on and took it to my bed. I pulled out my laptop, intending to boot it up, but Edward's journal fell out instead.

All the anger I'd felt faded as I picked up the innocuous notebook and settled against the headboard. Almost reverently, my fingertips traced the pattern of the fabric cover - a very simple zigzag weave. I had no intention of ever reading more than the few passages I already had, but holding it made me feel connected to him somehow.

I rolled my eyes at myself, even as I wished he were here with me. Opening the journal to the very first page - one that I knew would hold only a _This book belongs to_ segment - I couldn't help but smile. Edward's neat script had not only stated the diary was his, but had also penned in a couple of quotes.

_Sometimes it takes years to really grasp what has happened to your life. -_ Wilma Rudolph.

I stared at that for a minute, realizing just how true that was for me in this time of my life. I was only beginning to understand everything that had happened and what it all meant for me.

The next quote was by Soren Kierkegaard:_ Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards._

The meaning of that one was much the same as the previous, but it held one important distinction that felt very much like something Edward would live by. You had to keep going on, move forward, no matter what.

I sat and stared out my window, frowning. Had I truly been moving forward with my life after Paul? Up until meeting Edward, anyway. In some ways, it felt as if I hadn't really started living again until he'd come into my life. Hadn't he awakened feelings in me that I hadn't dared give the light of day for years now?

How long I sat staring blankly out my window, I had no idea, but the need to see Edward became too much. What I really wanted was to hold him - be held by him - as I tried to figure this out, but that wasn't possible. Even if we had been in the same city at that moment, I knew full well that it would take me awhile to come to terms with things. There were no quick and easy answers to be had, no matter how much I might wish them to be.

When I couldn't deny my need to at least see him any longer, I powered up my laptop and prayed he was on. Before my Skype had even finished loading, Edward had pinged me. The smile that broke out on my lips was wide as I accepted the call.

"Hey, baby..."

**ooOoo**

_**A/N:**__ A couple of things we wanted to bring to your attention. First off, both __**SorceressCirce**__ and __**naelany**__ are contributing to the Round Robin story that began posting last Friday. It's called __**The Big Gay Story**__, and you can find it here: http: / www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net /s /6612778 /16/_

_Second, __**naelany**__ and __**OnTheTurningAway**__ are hosting __**The Twilight No Stress Love Fest**__. This isn't a contest; there will be no judges, no prizes - it's just for doing something fun and different and, most importantly, stress-free. There are 45 prompts to choose from, all revolving around either love or Valentine's Day, and you can either write a story (minimum 500 words) or make some artwork using one or any combination of the prompts. Submissions must be received by February 10th, and everything will go up on the 14th._

_All entries are anonymous so that by the end you can guess who wrote/created what. _

_Come on; join the fun!_


	27. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

_**A/N:**__ Thank you as always to our betas and prereaders - __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__. We love you ladies!_

_As ever, we don't own Twilight; these boys, however, own us - completely._

**ooOoo**

**EPOV**

At first I couldn't place the noise invading my dreams as my cell phone ringing – and then I couldn't find the damn thing. Finally extricating myself from the sheets, I fumbled around until I found it on my nightstand. I hit the answer button as I brought it to my ear and cleared my throat.

"Masen," I mumbled, unable to get much more out.

As soon as I heard Jasper's quiet voice say, _"Hey, baby…"_ I was awake. I smiled reflexively, falling back onto my pillow and stretching as I asked him if he'd had a good flight. I felt more whole somehow, just talking to him on the phone, and I asked questions to keep him talking. It seemed like he'd been gone days rather than just hours – especially considering I'd spent most of those few hours asleep.

A glance at the clock showed me it was technically still morning, though not by much, and my smile broadened when I realized Jasper must've called not long after he got in. I was honestly a little overwhelmed by everything that had happened already today. I could hear the change in Jasper's voice, the way he was more relaxed, more confident.

"_So, Mama made peach cobbler…"_

I chuckled with Jasper, feeling heat climbing up my chest and neck to my cheeks. "Oh yeah? As good as mine?"

"_Well, now, it's not really fair to compare… you have certain, ahh… advantages." _

I laughed outright. "Just different, then, huh?"

I could hear his grin as he said, _"Yeah, something like that."_ I took mercy on him – well, both of us, really – and changed the subject by asking about his nephews. Jasper talked animatedly about them for a while, making me wish I could be there to meet them. I was filled with an intense longing to hold him. Since I couldn't, I wanted to at least see his face, so I asked if he'd brought his laptop.

As soon as he said he couldn't make any promises about logging on, I grumbled. I could hear how tired he was, and I knew rationally that he'd probably spent quite a long time thinking the night before, but it was hard to remember that. He chuckled and said, _"Sorry, sweetheart. I'll try, though."_

For once, I felt the freedom of being absolutely honest with him, and I answered, "Good...I miss you."

Jasper said he missed me, too, but it was what came through the phone next in his quiet voice that made my breath catch. _"I love you, Princess." _

I swallowed, my smile stretching across my face as I said, "I love you, too." After we said our goodbyes, I dropped the phone on the bed beside me and stared at the ceiling with my hands folded on my chest. I shook my head, a disbelieving smile on my face, as I relived that morning when he'd shown up before the crack of dawn.

_I didn't know how the hell I'd managed to pull on my pajama pants and stumble downstairs, but I was glad I'd grabbed my robe the second I opened the door. A frigid breeze blew in, chilling me to the bone, but it was the sight of Jasper standing there that had me instantly more alert. I tried to shake the last of the cobwebs from my brain, and the first thing I really heard him say was, "Not without telling you. I _had _to tell you." _

_I shivered again. This time, the icy feeling had very little to do with the weather. I felt numb and aching at once, and the words that passed through my lips were quite possibly the first blatant lie I'd ever told him. "It's okay, Jazz…whatever it is, it'll be okay…"_

_But it wouldn't. It _couldn't_, not if he told me he'd been with another man. I could feel my body vibrating, like a guitar string pulled too tight. I was poised on the edge, ready to shatter, so I didn't quite understand at first that the noise he made was laughter… that he was _smiling_. _

"_I love you, Edward Masen," he whispered. _

_There was no mistaking it – those beautiful words were meant for _me_. I inhaled sharply and felt my hands squeezing his elbows. I hadn't even known I was touching him. It didn't make sense, not with what I'd prepared myself to hear._

_And I just had to hear it one more time. _

"_Jasper?" I asked stupidly, silently begging that he'd say it again – that I hadn't deluded myself into hearing what I wanted to hear._

"_I love you," he said strongly, deliberately. _

_I couldn't even say anything. I just pulled him close, kissing him with everything I had, nearly crushing him. His lips parted for me, his tongue darting out to taste mine, and I just wanted more. I wanted to bite and lick and suck and make him _mine_._

_Because he was now. _

_Just as I'd always been his. _

I chuckled, sighing fondly as I scrubbed my hands across my face. God, I wanted him. I'd tried so hard to get him to come inside with me – fuck planes and waiting sisters. I just needed _him_.

But he'd had to go, and I knew it was the right thing to do. I hadn't exactly been thinking clearly at the time, so it was a good thing he had a more level head. The rest of the short visit had been just as emotional, though that was certainly the best part.

I'd been torn when I learned he read my journal, but there was something so freeing in hearing him say he loved me... something that made me suddenly want to just be honest. Completely honest.

So I didn't stop to think that there might be things in my journal that would be hurtful or worrying. I just wanted him to know me – know all of me – so I gave it to him. It was only after he left that I worried what he might think of the comparisons I'd drawn between him and Alistair or my ranting diatribes about how I was not Paul and wished Jasper could see that.

Still, I thought it was for the best that it was all out in the open. I hoped I was right.

The slight anxiety I felt when I pictured Jasper reading my journal made me antsy enough to get up. Kate was supposed to be coming over sometime after noon so we could work on the pictures we'd taken over the last week. They were for a major marketing campaign for an up-and-coming company, so there was a lot riding on the shots for both the company and Kate herself.

As usual, she'd nearly worried herself sick, and I'd spent pretty much the entire week helping on location and then doing reshoots. We'd worked until late last night, so I hadn't been asleep for very long at all when Jasper had shown up – not that you'd ever hear me complain about that. My only complaint was that he hadn't been able to stay, but neither of us could do anything to change that.

Running my fingers through my hair, I got out of bed and went to my closet, grabbing the first long-sleeved t-shirt I found. I picked up my jeans from the night before and took them both to my bathroom, where I turned on the shower and went to look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes were still bright, and there was a half-smile lingering on my face that I hadn't really seen in a long time. While I waited for the water to warm, I checked out my tattoos in the mirror, trying to decide where I'd get my next one. I didn't know what it would be yet, but I knew it was inevitable that there would be another. My relationship with Jasper was too life-altering for me to let it pass by without some sort of acknowledgment – and I didn't want it to be just the Escher inked along my ribs.

Pushing those thoughts away, I stepped into the steaming water and sighed softly, relaxing my shoulders. After Jasper had left, I'd been unable to resist taking care of myself, but apparently I hadn't done a great job cleaning up afterward. I rinsed off the dried mess and then took my time with the rest of my shower, bathing and shaving my face with more care than I usually did when I was alone. It felt good to pamper myself a little, even though it did leave me wishing Jasper was there with me.

When I was finished and dressed, I went back into my closet and pulled down my suitcase to start packing. For once, I'd done my laundry early, but since I was going to be in Tennessee for two weeks, I was going to be carrying a lot. I spent the next hour or so packing my clothes, and I was just grabbing the stacks of pictures I'd accumulated with Jasper when I heard my front door open.

"Hello?" Kate called, and I heard her keys hit the bench before the door closed again.

"In here," I called as I started making my way from my office to the hallway. I met Kate just outside the kitchen, where she took one look at me and arched an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked as I took the sack she was carrying from the crook of her elbow. "What's this?"

I peered inside, answering my own question even as she said, "Bagels. And coffee." She held out one of the paper cups as I set down the sack. I took it from her, and she leaned against the counter, sipping quietly before saying, "And what's this?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, but I could hear the strange excitement in my own voice.

She rolled her eyes and snorted, taking another drink from her cup. "Well…" She glanced toward the microwave and set her cup down on the counter by her hip. She held up one hand, ticking off her points. "You were up before I got here. You're showered. You were even downstairs. And you're grinning like you've lost your damn mind. What's up?"

I shrugged and grabbed a platter from the cabinet before opening the bag and dumping the bagels out. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She snorted and then laughed out loud. "Riiight… you're not as smooth as you think you are, Masen. Out with it."

My smile grew even broader, my chest lighter, at the secret I carried this time. Throughout the past few months, so many of the things I'd had to tell her about Jasper had ripped my heart out. This time, I felt like my heart had finally started beating again, and I kept that feeling to myself just a little longer before I turned around to face her.

I leaned against the bar, both hands beside my hips, and I was beaming like an idiot when I said, "You know how I was bummed yesterday because Jasper was leaving today, and I wasn't going to see him?"

She nodded, reaching out to get the bread knife. She motioned for me to continue as she began slicing bagels for both of us.

"He showed up this morning."

When I paused again, she frowned and looked up, tilting her head. "Seriously, Edward… you're killing me here. I would guess that this is something good, but…" She trailed off, gripping the knife tighter.

"Jesus, Denali… remind me not to piss you off." My eyes were wide as we both laughed. Kate shrugged and went back to her work, muttering something I was probably just as glad not to catch. "You're right, though. It's good. Very good."

She put the knife down and brushed back her hair, giving me her full attention as if she sensed that what I had to say was incredibly important to me.

"He told me he loved me." My voice was softer than I expected, but it was nearly drowned out by Kate's squeal as she launched herself at me. She was squeezing my neck so hard I could barely breathe, and it took a minute for her words to make sense.

"…was _hoping_ that's what you were going to say!" She babbled, swaying back and forth with me. "I'm so happy for you! What did you do?"

She pushed me away then, her hands moving to my shoulders as she peered up at me.

"I told him I loved him, too." I grinned. I'd already told Kate that I'd admitted my feelings to Jasper, so that part wasn't news. Her smile was beaming, and she laughed when I said, "And then I kissed him."

She made a face that clearly showed her disbelief as she mimicked me. "'And then I kissed him.' Yeah, I bet that's _all_ you did. I know how you are…"

I couldn't help laughing as I went to get the cream cheese from the refrigerator. "No, seriously… that was it." I put the container on the counter and opened it while Kate grabbed plates for both of us. We fixed our food as we talked, working together as smoothly as always. "I mean, don't get me wrong. You know what I wanted to do."

She chuckled, nodding once and muttering, "Horny bastard," under her breath.

"Hey now… don't give me any of that. You forget that I already know how you pounced the night Garrett said he loved you."

She blushed and shrugged, ducking her head as she giggled.

"That's what I thought." I reached out, tickling her ribs before I took my plate and coffee to the bar. I settled onto a stool with Kate sitting across from me, and we ate in silence for a moment before I said, "He had to leave, though. It was hard…" I rolled my eyes at Kate's snicker. "But he had to catch his flight, and…"

When I shrugged, she made a face and sighed. She reached out to pat my hand and murmured, "I'm sorry, Ed. That sucks."

"Yeah, it does, but…hell, Kate, I just can't believe he finally said it." She met my gaze, smiling with me, and we talked idly for a few minutes, just reminiscing about hearing the men we loved say they loved us in return.

I polished off one bagel and went for a second, and as I was sitting down again, I said, "So, umm… I gave him my journal, too."

Kate arched an eyebrow and sat up a little straighter. "Really?"

I nodded and picked at the edge of my bagel, suddenly not sure I was hungry anymore. "Yeah. Kind of a long story, I guess…"

It really wasn't, but Kate listened in impenetrable silence as I explained what happened – from Jasper reading it while he was sick to me just needing to get everything out in the open. Her face was carefully blank, so I couldn't tell what she was thinking. It didn't give me a very good feeling, though, and my anxiety grew until I finished with, "So I guess I'm just… a little worried."

"Hmm." The little noise she made was kind of high-pitched, making me feel like maybe I was right to be worried.

I frowned at her. "What the hell does that mean?"

She wiped her hands on her napkin before crumpling it up and dropping it in the center of her plate. "I don't know, Edward…" she sighed. "It's just… well, it can be really hard to read that sort of thing about yourself. You know, someone else's thoughts, totally unedited. There's a reason people usually keep journals to themselves."

I swallowed, glancing down as I nodded.

"What if it's too much for him? I mean, Jasper's not exactly been… steady in all this."

"Fuck, Kate… way to make me feel better."

I heard the scrape of her barstool, and then her warm hand was on my knee while the other went to my shoulder. "Hey… I don't do that whole tell-you-what-you-want-to-hear thing. You know that."

I nodded, not meeting her eye. I knew exactly how Kate was – and it was the major reason she'd been my best friend pretty much since the moment we met.

The hand on my shoulder moved to beneath my chin as she forced me to lift my eyes to hers. "So you'll know I'm telling you the truth when I say this."

I managed a weak half-smile and nodded, trying to look away again. She wasn't having any of it, though.

"What you did is scary as fuck. I have no idea if Jasper is strong enough to read whatever you wrote – especially since I don't know what you wrote. But, Edward, you're the best judge of character I've ever met."

My thoughts immediately turned to Alistair, to the mistakes I'd made with him. I couldn't bring myself to say it, but I didn't have to.

Kate shook my shoulders lightly. "Hey," she murmured, drawing my eyes again. "Yes, I know you fucked up with Alistair. But guess what? You're not perfect. You make mistakes, too. There's a big difference, though… you were deluding yourself with him. He was a charmer, and there was always some excuse, some reason why what he did made sense, logically. But it never added up emotionally. That's not what's going on with Jasper."

"How do you know?" I whispered, barely able to get the words out. Like so many times before, Kate seemed to see into my heart, bringing my darkest fears to light. I so desperately needed to hear what she thought while at the same time I felt an uncontrollable urge to run.

"I just do." She smiled at me, slipping her arms around my waist to hug me. I shifted so that she was standing between my legs, and I held her close, resting my forehead on her shoulder. "For one thing," she continued, pausing to kiss my temple, "you never bothered to stop and look at what was going on with Alistair. You didn't question what he did or how you felt. You just… believed him. You're not that guy anymore, Edward. For better or worse, you're more cynical now, and that's making you go into this with your eyes open."

My hands fisted the fabric of her hoodie as I swallowed hard, unwilling to ask my next question. "Would you tell me if you thought I was making a mistake with Jasper?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation.

I raised my head, needing to see the truth in her eyes when I said, "Am I?"

She smiled. "Nope. As much as I've wanted to strangle him sometimes, you're not. I've never seen you light up like you do around him… and you know what? He lights up for you, too. Kinda sickening, actually," she teased.

"Really?"

She pushed my shoulder playfully. "Yes, really. Since when do you question everything I tell you?"

I smiled, pulling her back for another long hug. "Sorry. I just… god, Kate, I really think he's it. I can't imagine anyone else for me, and I just want us to work. More than I've ever wanted anything." I felt raw admitting the depth of my feelings so openly. Exposed, somehow.

But Kate just kissed my neck and patted my back before stepping away and saying simply, "You will."

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask – again – how she knew. She must've seen it on my face because she laughed, shaking her head and ruffling my hair. "You're hopeless. I suppose that must be part of your charm."

"I suppose." I grinned, standing up and picking up both our plates. As I passed by her, I paused, leaning down to kiss the top of her head and murmur, "Thanks, Katie-bug."

"Anytime," she said. "Now get your ass in gear because we have a hell of a lot to do before you leave." The smile she gave me was full of wide-eyed innocence. "Please."

Laughing, I took our dishes to the sink, where we made quick work of them. Kate grabbed her bag from the bench where she'd left it, and we headed down to the darkroom to get to work. For the next several hours, most of our talk centered on the shots Kate wanted to make sure came out well, though Jasper and Garrett crept in from time to time.

At one point, she asked about Tanya and the rest of my family. She knew that this week was going to be _the_ week for Tanya – the one where she finally told everyone she was pregnant – and she was nervous for her.

"Yeah, I am, too. A little. That's why I'm staying a little longer."

"I know." Kate pouted as she flipped the light on. "Leaving me all alone until _December_."

"You are such a drama queen," I muttered, pulling her ponytail. She huffed, straightening it again before her smile returned.

"Nah, I'm glad you're going to be there for her. I still say they just need to move up here."

"You know they say the same thing about me moving down there…"

"Oh, hell no. They can't have you."

I laughed. "Your goodwill only goes so far, huh?"

"When it comes to taking you away? Yes. I'm selfish."

We paused then, heading back upstairs to order Chinese food. The meal and the rest of the evening were passed in the same comfortable way Kate and I always worked together. It was nearly nine o'clock when I walked her to the door.

She wrapped me in a vise-like hug as she said, "You be careful, okay?"

"'Course," I answered.

"I mean it…" she threatened before her eyes brightened mischievously. "I'm not the only one who'll be anxiously awaiting your return this time."

I knew she was teasing me, but I couldn't stop the goofy smile on my face at the thought of Jasper. That just made it worse, of course, and Kate was still laughing when we said our goodbyes and she headed out to her car. I stood in the doorway, watching as she got into her car, and once she was on her way down the street, I finally went back inside.

My flight wasn't until noon the next day, so I decided to put off packing a little longer. I grabbed my laptop and climbed the stairs, where I changed into pajama pants and crawled into bed. It was early for sleep, of course, but I was hoping that Jasper would change his mind and decide he had the energy to talk for a while.

I was more than a little disgruntled at not being able to _show_ him just what his words had meant to me, and from the way he'd kissed me, I thought he might be a little frustrated, too. I put my cell phone on the nightstand and then stretched out, logging into Skype. One way or another, I was sure I'd here from Jasper before he went to bed – though I would definitely prefer to see him.

I don't know what I expected, but I half-hoped that Jasper would ping me right away. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and the longer I sat there waiting, the more unsettled I became. I picked up my phone several times to call, worried that he'd read the journal and was freaking out, but each time, I put it back down. I forced myself to breathe, to calm down, but as soon as I saw him appear on Skype, I couldn't wait any longer.

He answered my call immediately, and the smile on his face made me breathe easier. _"Hey, baby…"_

"Hey, Cuddles. It's damn good to see you."

I couldn't quite tell, but I thought he blushed. His grin widened, though, and he ducked his head as he said, _"It's good to see you, too. I miss you. Did you and Kate get finished?" _

"Yeah, just a little while ago. Did you finally get to see everyone?"

He nodded but didn't answer right away. _"Yeah, at dinner a couple of hours ago. It's kinda weird being back home…" _

As I listened to him talk, I slowly realized there was something he wasn't saying. His jaw clenched every now and then, and he seemed to be steering clear of… something. I just had no idea what. Finally, I said, "So what's wrong, baby? You seem upset."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked down at his lap and then back up at me with a small smile. _"You know, it's scary how well you know me."_

"Scary?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light.

He flashed a smile. _"Yup. But really nice, too."_ He cleared his throat and shifted, leaning back against his headboard. The picture shook for a moment as he adjusted, and then he was in focus again, closer than before. _"I just got pissed off at Chuck. Nothing new, really… he's always been able to push my buttons." _

He shrugged, and I hated the sadness I saw on his face. I half-reached out to smooth away his frown before I realized that was impossible and dropped my hand again. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. What did he say?"

He huffed, shaking his head. _"Doesn't matter. He's a fucking idiot."_ He muttered something under his breath that sounded like, _"Dead wrong, too."_

I frowned, unsure what to say. I didn't want to get in the middle of Jasper's family business, but I hated seeing him upset, too. "Do you want to talk about it?"

His smile spread slowly across his face before he shook his head again. His eyes darted across the screen, making me feel like he was taking in every feature of my face. _"No. I don't really want to think about him right now." _

"Oh?" I asked, surprised by how quickly my playful mood returned.

_Maybe Kate's right. I _am_ a horny bastard… _

I chuckled, and Jasper's grin turned crooked. _"What's so funny?"_

"Just something Kate was teasing me about earlier…"

Jasper raised an eyebrow curiously. _"You know you can't leave it at that."_

"I'm sure you can guess."

"_Oh, really? Let's see…well, knowing you and your one-track mind…" _

He trailed off suggestively, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, now that you mention it… it might've been something like that."

His smile was melancholy, and he reached out toward his computer screen. Strangely, it was almost like I could feel his caress, his fingers brushing my cheek. I sighed softly, and Jasper murmured, _"Yeah, I've thought about you a lot today, too. Wish we could." _

I didn't like how sad he seemed, especially now, knowing we had two weeks to be apart. "I know, baby. Don't you worry… I'll be taking damn good care of you just as soon as I get back from Tennessee."

"_Good care of _me_?" _he said. _"Seems to me like it should be the other way around, darlin'… I haven't really had a chance to repay you yet." _

His eyes were bright and mischievous again, and I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees as I lowered my voice and murmured, "Nothing to repay. But I wouldn't mind having a little fun right now… if you're up for it."

I saw him glance to the right, presumably toward the door, and he sighed as he looked back at me. He was wearing a small pout when he said, _"Better not… not exactly a lot of privacy here…" _

If he thought I was going to let a little thing like that stop me, he was dead wrong. I dropped my voice as low as I could, since he still had to be able to hear me. "Jazz, do you have any headphones there with you?"

He furrowed his brow. _"Yes… in my computer bag…"_

A smile flitted across my face. "Good. That's good. Tell me… is there a lock on the door?"

He half-smiled, his tongue wetting his lips. _"Yes… what do you have in mind?"_

"Can you be very, very quiet, Jasper?" The last was said in the authoritative tone I'd used with him during the shoot. I couldn't see him clearly enough, but I could imagine the way his eyes darkened, and my suspicions were confirmed when he answered in a husky voice.

"_Good __god__, Edward… what are you trying to do to me?"_

"Can you?" I persisted.

"_Yes."_

That one definitive word was all the encouragement I needed. I smiled. "Perfect. Now, first things first… go lock the door and come back here wearing your headphones."

He hopped up off the bed, but before he disappeared, I said, "Jasper?"

"_Yeah, baby?"_ He stopped in his tracks, leaning over to look at me.

I smirked. "_Only_ your headphones."

"_Fuck," _he breathed, and then vanished from sight.

I stood up quickly, leaving my pants in a puddle on the floor. I took a minute to shift things around, propping up my laptop on pillows until I was satisfied that Jasper would have a good view. I had just settled back against my headboard when he reappeared.

"Jesus," I whispered at the sight of him in nothing but a bulky headset. He was already semi-hard, letting me know he was enjoying this as much as I was.

He apparently heard me; he grinned and paused where he was, stroking himself slowly. He didn't say anything, but he bit his lip to help keep silent. I watched him, my eyes widening as he hardened. Finally he grew still, and I shook my head, trying to gain control of myself.

"Are those things wireless?" I asked in amusement.

"_Yup,"_ Jasper answered with a grin. _"Seriously doubt this is what Mike had in mind when he got them for all of us, though." _

We both laughed as Jasper climbed into bed, but one look at his firm ass was enough to make me forget whatever comment I was going to make about Mike. "Fuck, Jazz…"

He froze, half in the bed, and wiggled his ass teasingly. I couldn't help moaning, and my hand inched its way toward my cock as I watched him. "I want you to lie down on your stomach…" I murmured. He glanced at me over his shoulder.

"You heard me." He chuckled and looked around for a second before turning to face me. I was just about to get onto him for not listening when the camera was jostled, and I realized what he was doing – moving the laptop so I could see him. All of him.

"Nice…" I whispered. He glanced at me again, smiling. It was strange in a lot of ways, being the only one talking, but it was empowering, too. I had the sense that Jasper would do whatever I told him to do… and that was hot as fuck.

He moved to his hands and knees, and I inhaled sharply when his ass came into focus. I saw him reach for his cock, and clucked my tongue. "Uh uh… not yet, baby…"

He threw a pout my way, but I just smiled. "Don't worry. You'll get what you need… we both will. But we're going to play a little first…"

He watched me for a moment and then smiled, lowering himself to the mattress when I reminded him of where he was supposed to be. He spread his legs for me, letting me see every curve, every plane, every inch of where I wanted to be just then. I'd never seen anything more arousing than my Jasper, so ready for me, and I wished like hell that I could be there to give us both what we wanted.

Since I couldn't, I made the best of it. "Fuck, you're beautiful, baby. Did you know that? What I wouldn't give to be buried in you right now…"

He moaned quietly, making me smile even as I said, "Shh… quiet now." He shifted his hips, and I gripped my cock, squeezing lightly. "Oh, hell yes… do that again… yeah, that's it. Thrust your hips like that…"

I had to fight to keep my eyes open and focused on him. I didn't want to miss a second, but every time my hand sped in response to the unparalleled stimulation on my screen, my eyes drifted closed. I had to slow myself down, taking deep, even breaths, or I would be finished before Jasper even came close.

I watched in fascination as he rolled his hips into his sheets time and again. The way his muscles flexed and relaxed was unlike anything I'd ever been able to see with him before, and I was enthralled. When his hips picked up speed and I saw his hands fisting the sheets, I snapped out of the stupor the hypnotizing sight had lured me into.

"Turn over, Jazz," I whispered gruffly. He tensed for a moment as if struggling with himself, and then he flopped onto his back.

His face was flushed, his lips parted, and he was breathing heavily. _"Fuck… so fucking close, baby…"_ he half-whined.

I smiled and murmured, "I know, love. I'm sorry… just had to see you."

He smiled fleetingly before his eyes closed as he bit his lip. His hands clenched into fists, and he shifted his hips again. My eyes were drawn to the movement, and I said quietly, "Stroke yourself, sweetheart – the way you like it…"

I barely heard his whispered, _"You, too. Let me see you…"_

Our eyes were locked on our screens as we both began stroking our cocks. It was nothing we hadn't done together before, of course, but it all felt so new. I was aching and swollen, and I knew it wouldn't take much to send me over the edge.

Shifting my cock to my left hand, I reached out with my right, feeling blindly for the bottle of lube in my nightstand. As soon as I had it, I poured a few drops into my palm, giving a needy hiss at the cool, slick feeling as I stroked myself faster.

Jasper moaned softly and spat into his hand, his eyes focused on my dick as he worked himself over. I was breathing heavily through my parted lips, so absorbed by the sight of his reddened flesh disappearing and reappearing that I almost missed it when he whimpered, _"God, Edward… come for me, please. Have to… need…"_ He broke off with a grunt, his eyes closing briefly before snapping back open.

His plea was too much, and I quickened my pace, pumping myself harder and faster than before. I felt my toes curl, felt the tingling in my hips as they began thrusting up from the mattress. I tried like hell to watch him, but it was with my back arched and my eyes clamped shut that I called out as I felt sticky warmth spraying across my chest and hand.

I panted, my strokes slowing as I took a quavering breath and worked my way down from blissful heights. When I opened my eyes, Jasper's head was thrown back, his mouth open and his stomach glistening pearly white. I shook my head, amazed that he'd managed to stay absolutely silent when I knew I hadn't even tried.

I chuckled as I collapsed onto the mattress, and Jasper lifted his head, opening his eyes with a crooked grin. _"You sound…"_ He shook his head, changing what he was about to say. His voice was gruff when he murmured, _"I'm going to need to hear that in person real soon." _

We laughed quietly, and then Jasper said he'd be right back. I stood up with a grunt as he moved off camera. The next few minutes were spent in relative silence as we each cleaned up. When I finished in the bathroom, I slipped between my sheets without bothering to get dressed again, but Jasper had on his pajama pants when he came back into view.

"_Thanks, Princess,"_ he said with a soft smile.

"Thank you, Cuddles," I answered. He gave me that crooked grin that I loved before yawning and stretching his arms over his head.

"_Guess I better get to bed…"_ he said. I could hear the regret in his voice as plainly as I could see it on his face. _"Morning comes early on the ranch."_

I shook my head, laughing quietly in disbelief. "You know, someday I'm going to have to see you in action on this ranch of yours."

For some reason, his smile grew more melancholy, and he reached toward the screen again. His hand fell just short, coming to rest on his keyboard. _"Yeah, I hope you do." _

I bit back my frustration as I realized that he didn't seem to want to talk about it just then. I knew it probably had to do with his family, so I could understand his hesitation, but that didn't help me relax any. What did, though, was his quiet, _"I love you, Edward,"_ just before he told me good night.

"I love you too, Jasper," I answered, wanting to say so much more. "Take care of yourself, okay, sweetheart? You're still recovering."

He nodded, giving me a brief smile. _"I will. Thanks… you, too. Call me when you get there tomorrow?"_

I told him I would, and we spent a few more minutes stalling and exchanging goodbyes. At long last, we broke the connection, and I sat, staring but unseeing, for several minutes before I finally shut my laptop down. I wasn't nearly as relaxed as I'd been just after our mutual orgasms, but I felt drained and ready to sleep. I shifted the laptop to the floor and made sure my alarm was set before curling up on Jasper's pillow. It still smelled faintly of him, making me smile as I drifted off at last.

The blaring of the clock was the next thing I heard, letting me know I must've slept soundly through the night. I didn't have time to fuck around, so my feet hit the floor even as I was turning it off. I sat on the edge of the bed, scrubbing the sleep from my eyes before I finally pushed myself up and got to work.

The morning was a blur of checking lists as I finished packing, making sure I had everything I'd need for the two weeks I'd be there. As I was leaving for the airport, I sent Jasper a text letting him know I was leaving, but I didn't hear back from him. I assumed he was out somewhere doing… something. Whatever people actually did on working ranches.

I made a mental note to ask him as I waited in line for security. I checked my phone a few times, but there was still nothing by the time I boarded and had to turn the phone off. The flight was short and uneventful, so I tried my best to get some work done. There was nothing pressing that I really _had_ to do, though, which meant I spent a lot of the time in the air just staring out the window, thinking about Jasper.

I was remembering his impromptu visit when we touched down, and the silly smile was still on my lips when I finally got to walk to baggage claim what seemed like hours later. As I waited for my bags, I glanced around for Tanya. Lifting up on my toes, I peered over some taller guy's head, but before I could see much, I felt a weight crash into my back. Arms wrapped around me tightly, and I could feel a face burrowing into my spine.

I laughed, patting her hand as I dropped back down to my heels. She let me go long enough for me to turn around, and then she threw her arms around my neck, squeezing the air from me. "I am _so_ glad you're here!" she squealed.

I couldn't help laughing again as I swung her back and forth. "With a welcome like that, I'm glad I'm here, too."

She let go then, stepping back to look at me. Her smile was sheepish, but her eyes were bright. "Sorry. It's just been incredibly hard dealing with all this alone…" Her hand drifted down to her belly, and when she cradled the small bulge there, my eyes widened.

"Oh my god! I wasn't expecting…" I stepped forward, replacing her hand with mine, and she laughed.

"You can't feel anything yet. Sometimes I think I can…"

We began talking over each other excitedly, asking and answering questions so quickly that I'm sure no one else could've followed the conversation. I was only half paying attention when the bags began coming out of the chute, but Tanya motioned to my suitcase smoothly, never pausing as she told me about how it was getting harder to hide her condition.

I gathered my bags as I listened, frowning slightly when she said, "The morning sickness is killing me. Emmett thinks I've had the flu for about a month, but I… I think Mom suspects it's..."

She trailed off, her hand fluttering nervously at her waist before she ran her fingers through her hair and flashed me a fleeting smile. "Something else," she finished.

"I'm sorry you're still sick, Tanya… that's got to be miserable. Can you take anything?" I knew her plan was already in place for telling the family, so there was no sense in trying to talk her into anything else. She refused to tell them before Thanksgiving, just in case they took it badly. My heart had broken for her when she said she wanted one more good Thanksgiving memory, no matter what happened.

She shook her head as we began walking toward the exit. "Not really," she said. "I mean, it's not _that_ bad. I just feel sick a lot… gingersnaps seem to help."

"What a hardship," I chuckled, bumping her shoulder. "Having to eat your favorite cookies all the time…"

She shrugged, all wide-eyed innocence, but her lips curved up in an impish smirk. "I'm parked this way," was her only answer as she began leading me across the parking lot. She was picking me up alone today under the guise of being out to run errands anyway, but we'd really just wanted some guaranteed time alone to talk.

When we reached her car, I put the bags in the trunk, and she slammed the lid before turning to lean against the back bumper. "Enough about me, though. You look…" She tilted her head, studying me carefully. "Happy. Really happy. What happened?"

I grinned, glancing at the ground as the memory of Jasper standing on my doorstep came back to me. I rubbed the back of my neck and glanced up at Tanya. "Jasper told me he loves me," I said simply.

Like Kate, I'd talked to Tanya about my fears and the way I'd been hurting, if not to the same extent. She reacted in true Tanya-fashion: she threw her arms around me and squealed, "Oh my god! When? How? Why didn't you tell me?" The last was a demand spoken when she pushed me away, holding me at arms' length and frowning at me.

Laughing, I ruffled her hair. "Because it just happened yesterday, Shortcake. I decided to tell you in person."

She humphed. "Yeah, right. You just forgot all about me the second he said it. It's okay to admit it."

Shrugging, I grinned and pulled her close. "Maybe… but not the way you make it sound. There was just a hell of a lot going on yesterday."

"Well, you can make it up to me on the way home. Want to stop for ice cream? And you can tell me _all_ about it."

There was nothing for it but to smile and agree – and, in truth, I didn't mind talking about it at all anyway. We chatted the whole way to our favorite ice cream shop, though she insisted on waiting for _the_ story, as she referred to it, until we had our caramel sundaes in front of us.

"Alright, now start from the beginning…" she said with a grin. "And don't leave anything out."

"Yes, ma'am," I muttered, hiding my smile. I started at the beginning, with being woken up by the incessant knocking and the doorbell ringing. As I spoke, I watched her expression change from an annoyed frown to an astonished smile. She stopped me often, asking questions and wanting to know exactly how Jasper had looked and what he'd said – and how he'd said it. I felt an echo of the amusement I used to feel back in high school when Tanya babbled about the guys she was interested in.

In fact, watching her animated excitement over my news brought a familiar question to my lips – one I'd sworn I wouldn't ask again. I couldn't help myself, though, and it just bubbled out. "Tanya? Are you _sure_ you don't want someone to share your life with?"

She frowned at me, taking a bite of her melting ice cream before answering. "I never said that. I just… I've never met anyone that I wanted to be with all the time."

"But you've never really looked, have you?"

She wrinkled her nose, making a face at me. "Not you, too…" she muttered under her breath.

Something about her attitude made me more stubborn, so I forged ahead. "I'm serious, T. I want you to be happy. You always seem so excited for us, so ready to hear about the people we love. I'm just trying to understand, sweetheart. _Why_ don't you want the same for yourself?"

She raised her head, studying my face for a long moment before she said, "_Why_ do you like other men?"

I frowned, shifting back in my seat. "What does that have to do with anything? I'm just attracted to men. You know that."

With a faint smile, she nodded. "I do. And I need you to know that I've just… never met anyone who did that for me. Not really. I'm happy with my life how it is, Edward. Can you accept that?"

I watched her in silence, a sickening feeling growing in my gut as I understood what she was saying. Without realizing it, I'd been judging her, forcing my own beliefs, my own desires onto her, just like so many people had done to me. I slid my chair around beside her and put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. I kissed the crown of her head and whispered, "Of course I can, Tanya. I love you – all of you. You know that, right?"

Her arm slipped around my waist as she nodded. "I do. That's why I want you there when I tell them."

We sat that way in silence for a moment, her head on my shoulder and my head resting on hers. Then I pulled away and said, "You know they're going to be fine with this, right?"

"Sometimes." She gave a weak chuckle. "And then sometimes I worry Daddy'll throw me out and…"

"No way. It won't happen." I took her hand, squeezing it as I looked down at her. "Seriously, T. You're their _daughter_. They accepted me," I reminded her.

"Yeah, but…" She trailed off, biting her lip before she sighed and looked up at me. "But I'm their daughter. And this is a choice I'm making, not…"

Again, she stopped, leaving the words hanging in the air. I knew what she was getting at – that it was a little easier to accept _me_ because I wasn't their son. It stung, but I could understand her fears, even though I still thought she was wrong. I wasn't sure how to respond in words, though, so I pulled her close and kissed her temple again before letting her go. We both finished our ice cream in silence.

When we stood up, she hugged me tightly and said, "You know they love you, Edward. Right? We all do."

I smiled, smoothing her hair back as I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "Yeah, I do. And you know they're going to be happy for you, right?"

Tanya took a deep breath and then nodded, stepping back to smile up at me. "Come on," she said. "Enough emo… let's go home. Mom's making apple pie."

Our laughter was a little subdued, but it was still there. Tanya linked her arm through mine and guided me back out to the car. Our conversation switched to lighter topics as she told me what Emmett and Rosalie and the rest of the family had been up to.

It seemed Rose had just sold the car we'd worked on the last time I was down. I was a little surprised, since it had only been a little over a month, but when Rosalie set her mind to something, she was unstoppable. Tanya let slip that Rose was hoping I'd help her pick out a new car to work on, so I knew how at least part of my trip would be spent.

Soon enough, we arrived at the house where I'd spent part of my childhood. We climbed out, and I walked to the trunk, where I took a moment to let my eyes wander. I smiled at the familiar front porch, the pond where Tanya and I always talked, all the little quirks of the landscape that no one else would notice but that said "home" to me.

One of my homes, anyway.

My thoughts, naturally, drifted to Jasper. It was clear to me that he was becoming my home. I never felt more complete than I did when we were together. I tried to contain my smile as I reached in to grab my bags, but it was beaming by the time we walked up the porch steps.

Aunt Livy was waiting with a warm hug and an appraising eye. She missed nothing, but all she said was, "You look good, dear." After hearing that neither Tanya nor I needed anything to drink or snack on, she shooed us both out of the kitchen.

Tanya chuckled, shaking her head as she murmured, "Some things never change, huh?"

She tried to help me carry my bags, but I was having none of it. Instead, she followed me up the stairs and down the hall to my room, where she sat on the bed while I started unpacking. When I pulled out my phone to check the time, she hopped up with a grin.

"I'll get out of your way for a bit…" She kissed my cheek as she breezed by, stopping at the doorway. "Tell him I said hi," she said with a wink before shutting the door.

I didn't have long before dinner time, but Tanya was right – I did want to call Jasper. I hit the number to call him and settled on the bed, hoping like hell that we'd get a chance to talk. When his phone went straight to voicemail, I sighed.

I ran my fingers through my hair, realizing a few words in that he'd changed his message. I was grumbling to myself, unhappy about having to leave a message and wait even longer to talk to him, but then I heard _why_ he'd changed the message.

I swallowed hard, smiling to myself as I heard him say, _"If this is Edward, I'll call you as soon as I can. I miss you." _

I blinked, smiling like a fucking fool at the slight Texas drawl in his voice. It was heavier than usual, likely from being back in that element, but it was his words that left me speechless. The phone beeped, and I scrambled to gather my wits, leaving a message that I missed him, too, and looked forward to talking to him. Just before I was about to hang up, I said, "Oh! Almost forgot… Tanya said hi. I love you, baby."

I stared at my phone for a moment before standing up and pocketing it. I usually turned it off before dinner at Aunt Livy's table, but I'd be damned if I was going to miss a call from Jasper after a message like that.

Once I'd washed up and made sure I was presentable, I went downstairs to see how I could help. Tanya was already there, setting the table, so I joined her. Just a few minutes later, Uncle Everett arrived, and everything seemed to happen quickly after that.

He still had me wrapped up in a hug when Emmett and Rose breezed in, arguing good-naturedly about the upcoming football games. When I heard Emmett say, "I bet you…" I clapped Uncle Everett on the back and stepped away with a grin. No doubt this would end with Emmett doing something embarrassing, and I couldn't wait to hear what it was.

Rosalie interrupted my fun, though, by rolling her eyes and ignoring him as she hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Hey, Slacker!" she said. "Glad you could fit us into your busy schedule."

She patted my cheek with a wink as she walked away, not giving me time to answer. Emmett swooped in immediately, lifting me off the ground and trying to crush my ribs. "Fuck, Emmett!" I muttered, hitting him on the back.

"Language!" Aunt Livy called from the kitchen.

Emmett gave a shit-eating grin as he put me down. "Yes, Edward. Language!" he said in his most annoying feminine voice.

"Emmett McCarty, don't think I don't know why he said it!" I laughed as Emmett's face fell, and then we both went into the kitchen as she called for us to come help. He punched me on the shoulder as we walked and then grabbed me in a headlock, rubbing his knuckles in my hair.

I heard the sound of Aunt Livy's wooden spoon smack his arm even as I punched him in the ribs, and he let me go. It was stupid and childish, but it was one of the many things that always felt like home.

When I straightened, Emmett winked at me, grinning, and I rolled my eyes in return. We helped carry food to the table, and then we all settled in for dinner. We talked and laughed, passing mashed potatoes and refilling drinks until we were all stuffed.

It was amazing to me how it always seemed as if I'd never left, no matter how much time passed between my visits. We grew up, of course, and our situations changed, but the sense of home was still there.

After dinner, we went our separate ways. I was tired from the trip, and everyone else besides Aunt Livy had to work the next day. When I got back into my room after telling everyone good night, the first thing I did was check my phone, even though I knew he hadn't called. I debated calling him again, but I smiled when I realized that, for once, there was no sense of dread. He was just busy; I trusted that.

So I went to my old bookshelf, running my fingers along the spines of the books before pulling out _The Eye of the World_. I tossed it onto the bed and then changed into my pajama pants, deciding to pass the time reading. Settling against the headboard, I spread my quilt over my legs, smiling at how much it felt like old times.

I had just finished the second chapter when my phone rang. Marking my place with my thumb, I balanced the phone on my shoulder. "Hello?"

"_Hey there, Princess… how's it going?"_

I grinned, turning down the corner of the page and putting the book on my nightstand. "Hey yourself. I'm doing fine. Got here okay and all that… how are you?"

We talked for a few minutes about how both our families were doing. Jasper filled me in on the work he'd done on the ranch that day, which seemed to involve a whole lot of manual labor. His voice held an excitement that was different from the way he talked about… well, most anything else.

"You really like it, huh? Do you miss it?"

He paused before he answered. I took the time to slip beneath the sheets, lying on my back as I stared at the ceiling. I could just feel him pressed against my side, and I closed my eyes, running my fingers through my hair.

"_Sometimes, I guess. It's just different, you know? I spend most of my time behind a computer now, so it's kinda nice to be out on a galloping horse every once in awhile."_

The image that statement conjured made me groan, and I turned onto my side. "Christ, Jazz… you should know better than to tease me like that."

He laughed. _"Hey, you asked the question. I can't help it if your mind's in the gutter."_

"Yours is, too; don't even pretend. If _I_ was the one talking about being out there on a horse…"

He growled playfully. _"I'd be pulling you off that horse and having my way with you."_

I grinned. "Oh, would you now? Maybe I need to find a horse farm back in Boston."

"_Maybe."_ He chuckled. _"Speaking of… you do know that I'll be back in Boston before you are. You better expect some payback, Dr. Masen. Did you bring _your_ headphones?" _

"Yes." I paused and then couldn't help laughing. "I packed them after… ahh… well, you know."

When he laughed this time, I joined in. We talked for a few minutes more, just catching up on each others' plans for the rest of the week. I told him that Tanya had decided Friday was the big day, and he told me to give her his best. I smiled quietly as I thanked him, and then he changed the subject, asking, _"So are you heading to bed, or are you going to do something else tonight?"_

"I'm probably just going to read a little and then go to sleep… knowing Emmett, he'll decide I need to go to work with him tomorrow or some shit."

"_Oh, really? What are you reading?"_ When I told him, he hummed and said, _"I don't think I know that one."_

"Seriously? It's one of my favorite fantasy series. You've never heard of it?"

"_Nope,"_ he answered, prompting me to describe it – probably in too much detail. He laughed at the excitement in my voice, and when I was finally winding down, he murmured, _"You're cute. You know that, right?" _

I grumbled a little, smiling as Jasper told me he'd have to check it out. Before much longer, we were saying good night. I was overcome with a sense of relief and rightness when I realized that, unlike our previous trips, I wasn't worried. I didn't feel like there were things I couldn't say or questions I couldn't ask – and I wasn't worried about what Jasper was doing when we weren't talking.

When we hung up, Jasper's assurance that he loved me warmed my chest, making me sleepy and content. I muttered under my breath as I had to get up to turn off the light, but I was asleep nearly as soon as my head hit the pillow again.

The first part of the week passed in much the same way – hanging out with various members of my family during the day, chatting with Jasper at night. We had a few Skype conversations, but they were all clean… for the most part. Both of us had people around, and we didn't want to risk being overheard, but I could tell from Jasper's expression that he was just as frustrated at the distance as I was.

To occupy myself during the day, I took long walks on the family property or drives around the countryside. I took my camera along, snapping pictures whenever the mood struck, but they were mostly for my own enjoyment rather than for work. It didn't take long for me to realize that I needed a new journal, since many of the sights prompted a response from me that I would've loved to write down. I bought a cheap new one at the grocery store downtown, and then that went along on my little journeys, too.

Thanksgiving morning found me up bright and early, just like always. It was one of the few days I ever voluntarily got up before dawn, and that was all thanks to how much I enjoyed helping Aunt Livy in the kitchen. It was times like that – when it was just the two of us working together – that let me feel the most connected to her. I knew on some level my craving for those moments stemmed from losing my mother so early. I was sure she did, too, but we never talked about it. She just made sure to give me a few extra hugs… and put me to work.

Within minutes of my appearance, she'd kissed my cheek and had me chopping onions and peeling potatoes. With the oven going and something cooking on every burner, I was sweating in no time, but I just rolled up my sleeves and kept going. Throughout the morning, the rest of the family joined in here and there, but they mostly went about their own business.

I smiled as I checked the turkey, content somehow to know that Rosalie and Uncle Everett would be out in the garage while Emmett was in the attic pulling out the Christmas decorations he always insisted on putting up on Thanksgiving. Piano music drifted in from the living room, placing Tanya for me, and I paused for a minute, listening to the tone of her song. I didn't recognize the composition, but I relaxed a little when I heard the light, playful notes, knowing that she was happy.

The day passed so quickly that I barely had time to think. I felt a little melancholy from time to time, and it didn't take me long to realize that I just missed Jasper. I wanted to know his traditions and habits as well as I knew the rest of my family's. Not knowing his usual routine, though, I didn't want to bother him, so I decided to wait until that night to call.

Around noon, I took a small break to eat. I was just taking a bite of the grilled cheese sandwich Aunt Livy made me when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, flipping it open to find a picture message. Jasper and Emily grinned up at me, their arms around each other, with the message, _"We miss you!"_

I laughed at the ridiculous expressions on their faces, and then I snapped a quick picture of myself before I sent it back to them with a similar message. I went back to eating, and then a few minutes later, I got a second text from Jasper.

_Really, I miss you. Sure you can't come home early?_

It was so tempting to just write back, "Hell yes!" but I knew Tanya was counting on me. Regardless of how the family took the news, there was so much to be done, and I didn't want her to have to face it alone.

_Afraid not. Tanya's telling them tomorrow. But you better damn well believe I'm planning to lock you in my house as soon as I get back. I might let you out after a few days. _

He sent back a pouting, joking message about how disappointed he was. I knew it was true, and that put a smile on my face just like his acceptance did. He asked if there was anything he could do to persuade me, and I told him he could always try. I was just finishing my sandwich when his last message came in.

_Damn it, have to go help Chuck. Don't think this is over yet, Dr. Masen. I can be very persuasive._

When I laughed outright, Aunt Livy hummed under her breath, smiling even though she studiously ignored me. She took a pie out of the oven even as I shot back a message to Jasper.

_Can't wait to see you try. _

Slipping my phone in my pocket, I walked over and kissed Aunt Livy's temple, murmuring, "Sorry. Guess I got distracted."

"That's quite alright, dear. I remember when a certain young man caught my eye…" The knowing twinkle in her eye made me smile, but what she said next made me laugh. "Of course, you see how that turned out now. Just you be careful."

I hugged her close, chuckling with her. She and Uncle Everett were one of the best-matched couples I'd ever met, but she rarely passed up an opportunity to tease him – which was, naturally, part of their chemistry.

It seemed like no time at all before it was time to get cleaned up for dinner. I went to take a quick shower while everyone began moving food to the table. By the time I returned, everything was ready, and we set to the serious work of dishing up food. There was a mixture of joking and occasional sentimental statements, and I gorged myself on both food and good times with the family.

We were all grunting and moaning about eating too much when Aunt Livy asked us if we were ready for dessert. Rosalie actually looked a little sick at the thought, and Emmett rescued her by saying, "Come on! Time for more football!" as he pulled her from the room by the hand.

I followed them and was just settling on the loveseat when my phone rang. Jasper's name was flashing on the screen, so I stood up again, stepping into the hallway even as I said, "Hey, baby."

"_Hey, sweetheart,"_ he answered, and I could hear the smile in his voice. He asked about my Thanksgiving and told me he was sorry he couldn't be there with me.

"Yeah, I know. This being apart thing sucks."

I listened automatically for that pause – the one that had always hinted that Alistair was more than okay with his time alone. I could've kicked myself for the moment of doubt, but it was reflexive. I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't hear it.

Instead, Jasper said immediately, _"Yeah, that's why I was asking if you could come home early."_

His voice was playful, but before I could comment, I heard a muffled rustling as if he'd covered his receiver. I frowned slightly, trying to figure out what was going on. Then he said, _"So… there's someone here that wants to say hi. Is that okay?" _

I chuckled, sure it was Emily. She was likely giving him a hard time, and it made me happy to know she wanted to talk to me, too. "Sure," I said, "that's fine."

"_Alright…"_ he murmured, and then his voice lowered as he said something I couldn't hear. I waited for a moment, but the next voice I heard wasn't the one I was expecting at all.

My teasing greeting to Emily faded on my lips when I heard an older woman say, _"Happy Thanksgiving, Edward. This is Jasper's mother, Claire. I hope you don't mind, but I just wanted to say hello to the man who's put this smile on my son's face." _

My cheeks flamed at her words, both with the shock of being caught off guard and with self-consciousness. I heard his low rumble in the background, and I wondered if his expression matched my own just then. I recovered just in time to say, "Oh, Mrs. Whitlock! Happy Thanksgiving! I'm sorry; I was expecting Emily…"

I realized as the words left my mouth that I was babbling – and stupidly so. Needing a little more privacy, I headed for the stairs even as I listened.

"_Now, none of that. Call me Claire, honey. Jasper tells me you're a photographer?"_

The warmth and question in her voice drew out my answer, and I settled on the edge of my bed as we talked. She was easy to talk to, though I guess that shouldn't have been a surprise since Jasper was the same way. She somehow kept my words flowing with questions and comments that provoked more explanation, and before I knew it, we were laughing together as I told her about my trip to the zoo with Jasper and Emily.

"_Emily showed me some of the pictures from that trip. You have quite an eye, Edward."_

"Thank you, ma'am," I murmured, finally at a loss for words.

"_I'll give you back to Jasper now,"_ she answered easily. _"I hope you have fun on your trip – and don't be a strange__r,__ now. I'm sure Jasper will give you our number." _That was said with an air that let me know she was pinning Jasper with a look that ensured that he would do exactly as she wanted. With a few more warm words, she said goodbye.

"_You there?"_ Jasper said.

"Yeah, I'm here." I laughed. "I wasn't expecting that."

He chuckled, and I could hear the mischievous quality in his voice when he murmured, _"Yeah, we were talking about you, and apparently I couldn't answer fast enough for her. She asked if we could call you. I didn't see why not…" _

Warmth bloomed in my chest at the thought that not only had Jasper been talking about me, but apparently his family – his mother, at least – was accepting of me. I settled back against my headboard, running my fingers through my hair. "Thanks, baby," I said quietly. "That was perfect."

"_You sure? I hoped you wouldn't mind."_

I laughed, shaking my head. "Seriously. I couldn't have asked for more today. Well, I could've, but you know… you're all the way over there."

"_I know. Sucks, doesn't it?"_ I hummed my agreement, and he muttered something I couldn't quite hear. When he spoke up again, he sounded a little distracted. _"We're about to play some games, so I gotta go. But we just wanted you to know we were thinking of you." _

"I've been thinking of you, too, baby. Thank you for calling."

"_Of course. I'll call you later, okay?"_

"Sounds good. Go have some fun. I love you."

His hurried manner was instantly gone as he said, _"Love you, too, Edward. I'll talk to you soon." _

We said goodbye, and I stared in amazement at my phone for a moment. Then I shook my head and stood up, slipping it into my pocket before I left my room, taking the stairs two at a time.

Everyone was focused on the game, so I was able to slip in largely unnoticed, except by Tanya, who grinned at me. She didn't comment, though, and we spent the rest of the night absorbed in football, pausing only for dessert at halftime.

When the last game went off, Emmett insisted on a video game tournament, which ended up being just me and him. The girls begged off, heading to bed early. I wanted to do the same, especially since I knew what was coming the next day, but Emmett wouldn't hear of it. I didn't really mind, to be honest, and it wasn't often that we got to have nights like that now that we were both adults and out of the house, so I caved.

Which is why I was still sitting on the floor, my ass asleep and my thumbs developing calluses again when Jasper called around one in the morning. The first thing he did was apologize for calling so late, and I told him I didn't mind at all.

When he found out why, he laughed and teased me about being a kid. I just shrugged, the phone balanced between my cheek and my shoulder. "Yeah, probably. But you don't seem to mind." He said he didn't, of course, and I was struck by a sudden thought.

"Hey," I said, sitting up straighter. "Did you want to say hi to Emmett?"

"_Emmett? Yeah, sure," _he said with a hint of amusement.

My eyes were focused on my cousin, whose smile brightened as he dropped the controller and turned to face me. I realized that this conversation could turn into a personal hell for me, but Jasper was bound to meet Emmett sometime. It might even be easier to get the first meeting over with on the phone, though I somehow doubted that.

I gave Emmett a warning look as I handed the phone to him. Just before he took it, I muttered, "Don't be a dickhead."

Emmett's innocent look did nothing to reassure me, but I still had a hard time biting back my grin when he said, "Jasper! Hey… good to talk to you, man."

I moved to sit on the couch, groaning when the movement sent needles shooting through my legs. I stretched them out in front of me, grunting again when I shifted, and Emmett laughed.

"Damn, J, you're good."

I frowned as I glanced over at him, but apparently Jasper didn't know what he was talking about either because Emmett explained, "You're not even _here_, and you've got Edward all moaning and panting."

Rolling my eyes, I threw a pillow at his head. He dodged it, grinning at me, and I could hear Jasper laughing through the phone. Whatever he said had Emmett rolling while I just shook my head.

"Seriously?" Emmett cut his eyes to me. "I didn't know that… I'll have to keep that in mind."

"What?" I asked, but he ignored me. I heard Jasper's protests through the phone and figured Emmett was just fucking with me.

He confirmed it when he said, "Oh, he likes that, huh? Nasty, man. I don't even want to know how you found that out. I hear he likes it when you pull on his-"

Emmett's words cut off when I tackled him, knocking him to the ground. I tried to wrestle the phone from his hand, and I could hear Jasper laughing on the other end. I punched Emmett in the ribs and then picked it up off the carpet where it had landed. He didn't try to get up, just lay there laughing as I stood back up.

"Sorry about that," I said. "That would be Emmett."

"_So I noticed."_ I could hear Jasper's grin. _"Sounds like a pretty funny guy, actually."_

"He definitely thinks so."

Said funny guy was back on his feet smiling at me with his hand out. I shook my head, and he hit my chest with the back of his hand before taking the phone from me.

I raised an eyebrow but let him have it. He winked and flopped down on the couch. "Hey, man. Sorry. I can't resist giving Edward shit."

I sat beside him, my tension fading as he and Jasper settled into actual conversation. He asked about Jasper's programming and told him a little about his job as a construction superintendent. Their conversation evolved, morphing into excited chatter about football. Both the Titans and the Cowboys had won, and they got into a heated debate about which team was better. Once I was sure the danger had passed – for the moment – I went into the kitchen to grab something to drink.

I opened the refrigerator, only to be faced with leftover turkey that reminded me how long it had been since dinner. I made a couple of sandwiches, grumbling under my breath, "That fucker _better_ be behaving…" If he wasn't, I'd eat the damn sandwich in front of him.

After I'd fixed them both just the way we liked them, I pulled a couple of beers from the bottom shelf and headed back into the living room. Emmett's eyes brightened when he saw what I was carrying, and he said, "Speak of the devil… he just walked back in." He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I sighed, wondering what he'd been saying. His smile was actually reassuring for once as he shook his head, though, and he told Jasper goodbye before saying, "Here's Edward again."

He handed me the phone and picked up one of the plates I'd put down. Before he took a bite, he flipped the channel on the TV, tuning in to a detailed analysis of the upcoming playoff picture that absorbed his attention nearly as much as the food did.

"Hey, baby," I said as I settled back into my own seat on the couch. "Hope that wasn't too bad."

Jasper laughed. _"Nah, it's fine. He's pretty much exactly how you described him." _

I snorted and rolled my eyes as I agreed. Jasper yawned, and I could hear his groan as he stretched, making me miss him just that much more as I imagined falling asleep beside him. I told him he should get some rest, and he agreed, but just before he hung up, he said, _"Hey, call me tomorrow and let me know what happens, okay?" _

My eyes cut to Emmett, who was wiping mustard from his chin, his eyes focused on the screen. "Yeah," I answered, "I will. I think everything'll be fine."

"_I'm sure it will… just a little nerve-wracking." _

I made a small noise of agreement before saying, "Alright, we both need to get to sleep, I think. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, Jazz."

Emmett grinned although he otherwise pretended he hadn't heard me. Jasper murmured, _"I love you, too, Princess. Talk to you soon," _and then he was gone.

I dropped the phone onto the coffee table and picked up my sandwich, sitting back to eat it as Emmett smoothly moved into a conversation about the analysis taking place on the TV. We spent another half hour or so that way before we both headed upstairs to bed.

I fell asleep in no time and was awakened early the next morning by a weight settling on the end of my bed. When I opened my eyes, it was to find the room barely lightened by the gray dawn outside. There was just enough light for me to make out Tanya's silhouette, her hand stretched out to pat my calf.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I know it's ridiculously early. I couldn't sleep."

"'S okay," I mumbled as I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. I blinked a few times, trying unsuccessfully to stifle my yawn. Throwing back the covers, I put my feet on the floor and shook my head, feeling slightly more awake. I reached over to take Tanya's hand and then thought for a moment. "Come on… let's go make everyone breakfast."

I caught her grateful smile in the dim light, and she squeezed my hand before slipping silently from my room. I rummaged through the drawers to find a shirt and then headed downstairs behind her.

I found her in the kitchen, which seemed too goddamn bright that early in the morning. She was just starting a pot of coffee when I walked in, and she turned around, leaning against the counter with her hands tucked behind her. She looked for all the world like a kid who knew she was going to be in trouble.

I smiled wryly at her. "You know it's going to be okay, right?"

She sighed and nodded tightly. "I know."

Chuckling, I shook my head and then walked over to hug her. I kissed the top of her head and murmured, "You're an adult, Tanya. They love you. It's going to be fine."

I stopped just short of saying, _"I promise,"_ because there was this tiny voice in the back of my mind that worried about Uncle Everett's reaction. I truly believed what I was telling her, but that didn't stop the annoying little, _"What if?" _

She squeezed me tight and then let me go, tilting her head up to give me a nervous smile. I ruffled her hair. "Come on, Shortcake. You start the grits, and I'll get the eggs."

We were working in companionable silence when Aunt Livy walked in, tying her robe. "What's all this?" she asked, her voice between appreciation and accusation.

Tanya turned, managing a smooth smile as she kissed her mother on the cheek. "We just thought we'd fix breakfast for everyone."

"How nice!" Suspicion lingered in Aunt Livy's eyes, but she didn't comment further as she fell into helping us get everything ready. Biscuits went into the oven, bacon on the stove, and before long, Tanya was washing her hands in the sink.

She looked a little pale as she dried them on the dish towel before carefully hanging it back on the stove handle. "I guess I'll go wake everyone…" she mumbled.

She disappeared before either of us could answer, and I watched her go, wishing I could make this easier on her somehow. I didn't look at Aunt Livy as I went to the refrigerator for the orange juice. I poured us all glasses and took them to the table, busying myself with moving the food as well. I could feel her eyes following me, but this wasn't my news to share – and I hadn't kept the secret this long just to give it up now.

Before much longer, everyone was gathered around the table with bleary eyes. I noticed Rose watching Tanya speculatively as she settled her napkin on her lap, and I wondered just how much she'd guessed. She, at least, seemed to realize that this early morning was courtesy of my cousin.

We ate in relative quiet, occasionally commenting on our plans for the day, most of which consisted of football and leftovers. Rosalie was adamantly refusing to go out on Black Friday with Emmett, who wanted some new video game, when Tanya put her fork down and cleared her throat.

A hush fell over the room almost instantly, and I realized that Rosalie wasn't the only one who had noticed the undercurrent in the room. When every eye turned toward Tanya, she smiled a little nervously, her hands dropping into her lap. One hand went to her abdomen even as she said, "So… I'm sorry to wake everyone so early. I just…" She paused, taking a deep breath, and then her smile became sweeter. "I wanted to tell you all at once."

I wondered if anyone else noticed her eyes flicker to me. I schooled my face the best I could, but she muttered under her breath, "Mostly."

Raising her voice, she shifted her eyes to her parents as she said, "I'm expecting a baby in April."

Her cheeks were flushed, but her eyes were happy, and I thought she'd never looked more beautiful. As the silence stretched, she bit her lip, and I reached across the table. She met me halfway, slipping her hand into mine. I squeezed it, and then suddenly everyone was in motion.

"Congratulations!" Rose exclaimed, hopping up to hug her. Tears spilled from the corners of Tanya's eyes as she held her sister-in-law close.

"Thanks," she whispered, and Rose hugged her once more before letting her go. Emmett was there next, offering congratulations of his own. His eyes were strained with worry, and it wasn't hard for me to figure out where his thoughts were.

His concerns were reflected on Uncle Everett's face, and it was then that I noticed no one had asked about the father. At least Tanya was going to be spared the explanation – they all clearly understood that she'd gone through with her idea from the summer. The chatter between Rose, Emmett, and Tanya stopped as Uncle Everett stood. He walked around the table, and Tanya stood to meet him.

He hugged her, kissing the top of her head, and rumbled, "You let us know how we can help, sweetheart." His voice was gruff, and his lack of a congratulations wasn't unnoticed, but Tanya swallowed and nodded, smiling as she hugged him fiercely.

I missed Aunt Livy standing, but she was there beside them, reaching out to stroke Tanya's hair. "Congratulations, dear," she murmured. "This calls for a celebration."

Tanya's worried eyes followed her mother out of the room, and I didn't need her pleading look to follow. I could tell as well as she could that something was off; I just hoped Aunt Livy would talk to me about it – and that she would come around, because I had a feeling Tanya was going to need a lot of support in the months to come.

I gathered some of our plates, stacking them so I could free one of my hands. When I walked by Tanya, I patted her shoulder and glanced down, winking at her. She smiled, a hint of excitement showing through her much more obvious nerves. Her eyes flitted to the kitchen, and I nodded.

When I stepped through the doorway, Aunt Livy was busy at the sink. Her back was to me, her shoulders shaking from the effort of scrubbing a pan vigorously. I walked silently to the sink and put the dishes I'd brought down on the counter before stepping to the other side. She finished her work and handed me the pan, which I rinsed without comment.

In truth, I didn't know what the hell to say. I had no idea what she was thinking, but I had a feeling that the wrinkles on her forehead weren't all from age or concentration. I was still debating how to begin when she broke the silence.

"I know what you're thinking," she sighed.

Her confident statement brought an amused smile to my lips because I, for one, had no fucking clue what I was thinking. I covered my reaction by moving to put the pan in the drainer, giving her time to continue now that she'd started.

"You're thinking she's an adult, and I have to let her grow up. I should be happy for her." She turned around suddenly, drying her hands on a dish towel before swinging it up on her shoulder. "Well, let me tell you something."

My eyes widened at her defensive tone. I half-expected her to shake her finger at me, but she just put her fists on her hips and peered up at me defiantly.

"I _am_ happy. In just a few months, I'm going to have my first grandchild to cuddle and spoil rotten." Her voice sounded anything but happy as her tears threatened to spill over. "I'm just worried. She has no idea what she's getting into, how hard it is. I had your Uncle Everett, and even so, there were days when…" She trailed off, shaking her head, and then she poked my chest with her finger. "That's _my_ baby in there. I want her to have _everything_."

She opened her mouth again but then closed it, turning away abruptly. Shaking her head, she cleared her throat and went back to the dishes without any further comment. I stood there for a moment, unsure how to react, and then I reached out, putting my hand on her shoulder.

"I won't say I understand," I began finally. She made a small noise somewhere between a snort and a sniffle. "I don't have kids, so…"

She nodded, reaching up to pat my hand. She clucked her tongue when she realized she'd gotten me wet. After drying off her hands, she gave me the towel. I slowly dried my own hands before trying again to make her understand.

"Tanya just… she doesn't need the same relationships we do. Everyone needs different things… _wants_ different things…" I trailed off, floundering as that strange fear surged again – that maybe they were only okay with me because I wasn't their child.

When I didn't speak for a time, she turned to face me. I couldn't meet her gaze, so I stared at the floor, crossing my arms over my chest. She sighed and stepped toward me, nudging my chin up so I was forced to look at her.

"I know," she whispered, giving me a watery smile. She patted my cheek and murmured, "Maybe she'll find a nice young woman to spend her life with."

I laughed, the tightness in my chest lightening at her not-so-subtle reassurance. I pulled her close, resting my chin on her head as I hugged her. "I don't think that's really what Tanya has in mind."

She squeezed me once and then patted my back, kissing my cheek before letting me go. "I know, sweetheart… I know."

As she stepped away again, she smoothed her hair. Her smile was stronger, her eyes a little brighter and filled with the same sparkle I'd always associated with her happiness. "It'll be alright," she said. Just that quickly, our roles had reversed, and she was reassuring _me_ like she had so many times throughout my life. "We just all need a little time. Don't you worry none, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," I murmured with a smile.

She nodded once. "Now you go on back in there. I'll be out just as soon as I get a chocolate chip coffee cake in the oven. I think we need a little something to celebrate with."

At the mention of Tanya's favorite snack, I felt tension and worry melting away. I moved to do as she asked, and when I entered the dining room again, it was to find Rosalie chatting away to Tanya, whose eyes shifted to me immediately. They both grew quiet until I smiled at them reassuringly and said, "Aunt Livy will be out in a minute…just as soon as she whips up her chocolate chip coffee cake."

The smile that spread on Tanya's face was dazzling, and I could see her relax. She nodded to me, her expression morphing into a delighted grin as she patted the chair beside her.

"Think I'm going to head upstairs for a few minutes, actually…" I grinned and winked. "Take a shower since someone didn't give me a chance this morning."

She laughed. "Yeah… thanks, Edward."

"Anytime, Shortcake." Before I'd turned away, she and Rosalie were discussing plans for turning Tanya's spare bedroom into a nursery. As I walked up the stairs, I pulled my phone from my pocket, checking the time. It was still before 7:00 in Texas, but I had a feeling Jasper wouldn't mind an early call.

Hell, he was probably awake anyway.

The phone was already ringing when I walked into my room, and I stretched out on the bed as his voice, husky from sleep, came through the line.

"_Hey there, gorgeous." _

**ooOoo**

_**A/N: **__Just a reminder that there's still time to join in on the __**Twilight No Stress Love Fest**__. Grab a prompt (or two) and  
write a little something - or get creative and draw, or make a banner. You have until February 10th to get your entries in. So go on, spread a little love!  
http:/ community (dot) livejournal (dot) com / twi_love_fest/_

_All entries are anonymous so that by the end you can guess who wrote/created what. _

_Also, just a reminder that both __**SorceressCirce**__ and __**naelany**__ are contributing to the Round Robin story, called __**The Big Gay Story**__, and you can find it here: _

_http: / www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net /s /6612778 /16/_

_**naelany**__ will be up this Friday! _


	28. I Wanna Be Loved By You

_**A/N:**__ As always, we'd like to thank our wonderful betas and pre-readers, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__. You all keep us sane and help make our words prettier - we love you!_

_This chapter has been awhile in the making, mostly because we wanted to have a small backlog to hopefully avoid further interruptions in the future. That said, barring any catastrophes, chapter 29 will be posted in two weeks. The boys will be reunited, and we should be back on schedule. Thank you for your patience - we hope you enjoy this!_

_We don't own Twilight, but these boys own us._

_If you get a chance, check out __**The Amber of the Moment**__, the title of the "story" where we'll be publishing all our future birthday fics and the like. Today, we've written a little something special for __**magan bagan**__ - happy birthday!_

**JPOV**

Draining the last of my coffee, I forced myself to slow down. I was unwilling to let on how unsettled I was and how eager I was to get outside - away from everyone's inquisitive eyes.

Breakfast had been a quiet, uncomfortable affair, so unlike what I was used to when I was home. Things hadn't been this awkward since right after I'd come out.

Grabbing my dirty dishes, I made to go wash them as usual when Mama said, "Jasper, honey, would you be a dear and help your mama fix the washing lines? I've been trying to get your daddy to fix them, but he hasn't had time, and it can't wait any longer."

I raised my head to glance at her, only to be met with a look that said quite plainly that she wanted to talk to me, whether I was a willing participant in the conversation or not. Sighing softly, I nodded. "Of course."

Like there was any choice in the matter. Part of me felt I should be nervous, worried even, but somehow I was actually grateful for the chance to speak to her alone. I washed my dishes, then went to the laundry room to check, even though I was sure there wasn't any need. I was somewhat surprised to find that I was wrong and the washing lines actually _were_ in need of fixing.

Deciding to get this out of the way, I set about taking down the broken lines, replacing them with the new ones Mama had sitting on the washing machine. I was almost done by the time she came to the laundry room. From the corner of my eye, I could see an appreciative smile on her lips. She stepped up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder as she said, "Thank you, sweetheart."

I just nodded, knowing this wasn't what she had been after. Not really, anyway. She smiled, patted my arm, and said, "Come to the kitchen when you're done. We'll have a cup of tea, and then we'll talk."

My fingers fumbled at her words, and I grasped the line I'd been trying to secure before it fell to the floor. Swallowing hard, I nodded again, murmuring, "Yes, ma'am."

Everyone would be out doing their chores until lunch was ready, so it would be just Mama and me. Even Emily would be out helping in the stables, like she always did. Mama went back to the kitchen, and a few minutes later, when I was finished, I followed.

I smiled in spite of the nerves that threatened to rise at the sight of Mama putting her tea set out on the kitchen table. I always knew she was serious when she pulled her tea set out and made Earl Grey tea. "_The only proper way to have a good conversation,"_ she always said.

It was something she had done for as long as I could remember, and most of my best memories revolved around those talks with Mama. Even if, at first, the reason for such talks was because I'd gotten in trouble or something serious had happened, Mama knew how to make it all better - and that remedy always included a cup of tea.

She gave me a gentle smile as I sat down at the corner of the table, placing a small plate of shortbread in front of me with a wink. "I figured we could do with a little something extra today. No need to tell the others," she said conspiratorially.

I grinned, watching Mama go through her ritual of pouring each of us a cup of tea and adding sugar and milk to both cups before passing mine to me. She took a seat, and we sat in silence for a few seconds as we stirred our tea and took our first sips. I closed my eyes and smiled, murmuring, "Thank you, Mama."

She reached over and patted my arm, then set her cup down in front of her with a soft sigh. "Talk to me, Jasper," she said quietly.

Carefully setting my cup down, I folded my hands, placing them in front of me. "I'm sorry I-" I sighed, shrugging, unsure where to even start. Well, that wasn't quite true. I knew I _should_ start with Paul, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her about _that_. Emily might have understood, but then she'd just gone through something similar. The very thought of telling Mama _now_ had me shivering. No, I couldn't tell her. Not yet, anyway.

Maybe some day.

Maybe.

Staring down into my teacup as if it held all the answers I was looking for, I sighed. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked up at her with an apologetic smile. "It's just... all of this... Edward and me... it's kinda... new, I guess. I mean..."

I frowned in frustration with myself. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say. In fact, I wasn't sure what the hell I was thinking or feeling right that minute - well, other than missing the hell out of Edward, that is.

"I don't know, Mama. It's been so long since I felt anything like this... I wasn't sure what was going on, and to be honest, I was a little scared to tell you."

Mama's eyebrow raised at that, though she said nothing. She didn't need to. The way she was looking at me spoke volumes - loving concern, tinged with questioning disbelief in that way only a mother could look.

"Okay, more than a little scared to tell you," I amended with a sigh. I took my cup between my fingers, twisting it this way and that on its saucer as I said, "It took me a while to figure things out for myself. I-I only told him I loved him the day I left for home."

The last was spoken in a whisper, and I felt a twinge of shame at having taken so long. I regretted that I'd hurt Edward by my own insecurities. Swallowing hard, I tried not to let my thoughts spiral downward. It was done, over with, and there was nowhere to go now but forward.

We sat in silence for a while, drinking our tea, and it wasn't until Mama had poured us more that she spoke again. "Sweetheart, are you happy?"

I glanced at her and smiled, nodding. She placed her hand over mine, and said, "Jasper, honey, you don't know how long I've been hoping that you would find someone special. I know there's more to all of this," she gave me a pointed look that told me quite plainly that I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all her, then continued, "and I hope that some day, you'll tell me what's really going on. I can't say it doesn't hurt to know that you felt as if you couldn't tell me about Edward; you have to know that we love you, sweetheart. We want you to be happy - fulfilled."

I reached out, taking her hand between both of mine. "I know, Mama. I'm sorry. It's… I don't know. If I'd told you about him… I was worried you would ask if he was…"

When I trailed off this time, Mama filled the silence. "If he was… what, Jasper? Your boyfriend?"

I didn't answer, fully aware of how ridiculous it was that I was a twenty-eight-year-old man having this conversation with my mother. But, no matter how silly it felt, the reality of my life was that I had never had a boyfriend before Paul… and none since, until Edward.

"Is he?" she asked, interrupting my musing.

I took a sip of my tea to buy myself some time, but there was really only one answer. A jittery feeling settled in my chest as a smile spread over my lips. "Yeah, he is."

_Now, I just have to talk to him about that…_

I couldn't contain my chuckle, and Mama looked at me with amused curiosity. She didn't comment further, though, simply giving me a moment before she said, "Well, then… I'll be expecting to meet him sometime. For now, though, tell me about this young man of yours."

With a grin, I grabbed a shortbread cookie and took a bite, chewing carefully to give myself a little more time to think. Now that Edward was an open subject - and now that our feelings were out there - it felt as if there wasn't anything I _didn't_ want to share with her. With regards to Edward, at least.

Finally, after a gentle rebuke from Mama about making her wait even longer, I started telling her about him. I told her about how we met, how at first Edward had believed me to be straight and off-limits. I told her about the photoshoot... to an extent, anyway.

She wanted to hear everything, and I was just telling her about our first real date when Emily walked in, startling both of us. Mama actually blushed at having forgotten the time - something she never did - and then hurried to start making sandwiches for everybody. Emily and I both helped, and before too long, we were done.

Mama refrained from asking questions over lunch, and after everyone was done eating, it was time to help with the chores. I washed my dishes quickly and then walked over to Mama who was putting milk back in the fridge. When she straightened up, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, kissing her cheek. "Thanks, Mama," I whispered.

She patted me lightly on the back, and with a grin told me that I wasn't out of the woods yet. Winking, she cupped my cheeks with her hands to lower my face so she could kiss my forehead. "I love you, Son. Never forget that."

I nodded and, with another pat on my shoulder, she sent me off to help in the stables. It felt good to be able to get my hands dirty and to saddle up again. It'd been too long since I'd been on the back of a horse. Mine had passed away a few years earlier while I'd been in my senior year of college, and I'd never really gone to the trouble of finding a stable up in Boston. Much as I liked my motorcycle, it just wasn't the same as the connection I felt while on horseback.

The rest of the week leading up to Thanksgiving was spent in much the same way: doing chores during the day, taking out one of the horses, and answering Mama's many questions about Edward. She seemed insatiable in her thirst to hear about him - what we did, how we got along. More often than not, mealtimes were spent talking about us, and Thanksgiving dinner was no different. Even Emily didn't escape, since she alone had had the chance to meet and interact with Edward. It was both fun and kind of odd to hear her views on him - mostly though, it made me miss him.

Papa and Mack both asked questions, too, and of course the boys did as well, though they had little idea why or even who they were asking about. To them, it was mostly a game.

"Uncle Jay? Does Edward like to ride, too?" Finn asked. The question was innocent enough, but the thoughts it provoked colored my cheeks.

Clearing my throat, I said, "I don't know that he's ever been on a horse, Sport, but he likes to ride on my bike. Why?"

He grinned up at me with excitement, practically bouncing in his seat as he said, "He can borrow Daisy, Uncle Jay! Then we can teach him!" He turned to Mack and said, "I can teach him, right, Mom?"

Mack winked at me, then schooled her expression as best she could. "We'll see, baby. Maybe Edward won't want to learn to ride a horse."

Finn's expression grew dour as he thought on that. He was silent for a few minutes as he ate, and conversation had moved on when he suddenly spoke up again. "I don't think I like him then..."

I blinked in confusion, putting my cutlery down. All eyes were on Finn as Mack asked, "Why's that, sweetheart?"

Finn took a deep breath, straightening in his seat. He frowned and said, "Anyone who doesn't like horses can't be good people."

Silence fell over the table at his words. My eyes flickered from my nephew, to Mack, to Mama, to Emily, only to go back to Finn again. Clearing my throat, I leaned forward a little. "Finn, Edward's good people, trust me. And I'm pretty sure he loves horses. I just don't know if he's ever been on one before." Bending closer to him, I stage-whispered, "Edward's from the _city_, Sport."

His eyes widened almost comically as I said that, and he nodded solemnly as if that explained everything to him. After that, conversation went on to lighter topics - mostly revolving around the upcoming Christmas season.

Once we were done eating and had helped clear the table of food and dishes, Emily came up to me with puppy-dog eyes and a grin she was fighting to keep off her lips. I rolled my eyes at her, leaning against the kitchen counter as I crossed my arms. My voice was amused as I said, "What do you want, Lee?"

I could feel Mama's eyes on us, but she kept herself busy cleaning the kitchen, giving us some space. Emily pouted slightly and huffed. "You know, it's really not fair."

I frowned, confused. "What's not fair, Lee?"

She sidled up next to me, leaning against my side as she looked up at me. "That he couldn't be here," she said softly.

Putting my arm around her, I hugged her to me as I kissed the top of her head, murmuring, "I know... it sucks."

She tilted her head up again, this time with a small grin. "Can we text him or something? I haven't talked to him at all, but you have. I just want him to know I miss him, too."

I chuckled, thinking about it for a moment before pulling my phone out of my pocket and holding it in front of us. "Picture says a thousand words, right?"

She nodded, grinning. I ignored the stares we were getting from the family and turned my phone just so, in order to take the picture properly. "Ready?"

"Yep!"

I didn't look at her, I just thought about how much I missed him and wanted to be with him. When the _click _of the camera went off, I knew I was looking very pouty, but I wasn't quite prepared to see the same look mirrored on Emily's face. I laughed, kissing her on the crown again before typing a quick "We miss you!" and hitting send.

Emily hugged me and said, "Thanks, Spurs."

Wrapping my arms around her again, I smiled, murmuring, "Thanks, Lee."

She gave me a questioning look, and I added, "For loving him, too. It... it means a lot to me to know that."

"He's a great guy, Spurs. I'm just happy you found him."

"Thanks."

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, indicating I'd gotten a message. I opened it with a grin, showing it to Emily, who giggled at the sight of an equally pouty Edward. She kissed my cheek and wandered off to do God only knew what, while I texted back and forth with Edward for a bit. I knew there were things I had to do, as always, but the need to have these few moments with him was too great.

It wasn't until Chuck's annoyed grumble pulled me out of my bubble that I sent one last text, telling him I had to go. Pocketing my phone again, I sighed, my eyes darting around the kitchen to find several heads turning away quickly - knowing smiles on all of them.

Except Chuck, of course. I couldn't quite make out the look on his face when he muttered something about getting my ass in gear to help get the Christmas stuff down from the attic. It took us a good half-hour to get everything down the narrow stairs to the landing. The entire time Chuck kept giving me side-long glances, muttering under his breath about something. What, I wasn't sure, but I was positive I was better off not knowing.

By the time we'd hauled everything down into the living room, everyone was assembled and ready to decorate. Mama had secured a corner of the room and had a bowl of cranberries and one of popcorn ready for the boys to make garlands. Emily and Mack had already begun unpacking the ornaments, and Papa and Chuck went out to get the tree they had picked out the day before.

My job, as it had been ever since I was old enough to do it, was to set up the nativity set by the fireplace. We were all doing our bit, talking about Christmases past, as well as commenting on the great job Finn and Conall were doing. It was fun, familiar. It made me wish I could share this with Edward.

I put down the garland I was helping Conall with and sighed. Mama glanced at me and smiled. She patted Finn, telling him he was doing such a good job before moving to sit next to me.

She placed her hand on my knee and said, "Thinking about Edward?"

I nodded and reached for the bowl of popcorn, trying to distract her by looking busy. She wasn't having it, though, and settled deeper into the couch beside me, making it clear she was staying put. "What do you think he's doing right now?"

The question threw me off, and my hands slowed as I threaded popcorn onto the garland. "I don't know," I answered at last and then added with a grin, "He's probably hanging out with Emmett."

"His cousin, right?"

I nodded, and my smile spread as I found myself talking about Edward's family. I could envision him somehow, surrounded by the people I'd seen only in pictures. No matter how quickly I talked or how much I said, she had more questions.

Finally, she patted my knee and said, "Well, I think it's about time I talked to this young man of yours. Why don't you call him?"

Raising an eyebrow, I said, "Now? But..."

She nodded. "Yes, why not? I'm sure he misses you just as much as you do him. Certainly no one here will mind if you call your beau." I groaned quietly at that, blushing, but she smiled and lowered her voice as she added, "Besides, it's clear you love him. It's high time I met him."

"Mama," I spluttered, my eyes widening.

Jesus, Edward and I hadn't even talked about the _boyfriend _thing yet, let alone gotten to the whole "meet the parents" stage.

Mama's eyes narrowed slightly, her voice taking on that tone that brooked no argument. "I would like to hear for myself what kind of man he is, Jasper, since it isn't likely that we'll be meeting him any time soon, what with you living up in Boston. How is a mother supposed to get the answers she needs, if not directly from the source?"

That last was added in a teasing manner, which left me pulling a face and huffing. She gave my knee a smart tap and warned, "No sassing me, young man. Now call him and wish him a proper Happy Thanksgiving."

Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed and shook my head, my tone somewhat defeated - though, in truth, I didn't mind calling Edward one bit. "Yes, Mama."

Fishing my phone from my pocket, I dialed Edward's number. It rang only once before I heard, _"Hey, baby."_

I smiled automatically, settling back into the couch as I said, "Hey, sweetheart."

We talked a bit about how our days were going, and I told him I was sorry I couldn't be there with him.

_"Yeah, I know. This being apart thing sucks."_

I tried to keep the disappointment about being apart out of my voice because I could tell from his tone that he was having as hard a time as I was. "Yeah, that's why I was asking if you could come home early."

Mama cleared her throat softly, reminding me she was there - that _everyone_ was there, really - but for once I couldn't find it in me to care.

_Let them see._

My eyes roamed the room, and I realized that every adult was paying at least partial attention to my conversation. I ignored them the best I could as I placed my hand over my phone and turned to Mama, mouthing, "You sure?"

A roll of her eyes told me all I needed to know, so I took a deep breath before lowering my hand again. I had no idea how Edward would feel about this, and I wasn't sure how I felt about putting him on the spot. Still, part of me was anxious for him to like her, and for Mama to approve of Edward.

"So… there's someone here that wants to say hi. Is that okay?"

Edward chuckled and said, _"Sure, that's fine."_

I murmured, "Alright…" before handing the phone over to Mama, who took it from me with a smile, patting my knee in reassurance.

My eyes were fixed on Mama as she said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Edward. This is Jasper's mother, Claire. I hope you don't mind, but I just wanted to say hello to the man who's put this smile on my son's face."

I could feel my cheeks heat at her words, and I heard Emily's chuckle. In that moment, I felt like a teenager again, and I couldn't stifle the groan that left my lips. I buried my face in my hands, suddenly doubting the wisdom of this phone call.

The more Mama and Edward talked, though, the clearer it became that she approved of him - and even seemed to like him, which made me wish even more that Edward could've come here. The shock of that realization had me glancing around the room at my family. It was surprising to realize that I didn't just want him here for selfish, carnal reasons. I wanted him to be a part of _all_ of this.

_Am I really thinking about them all meeting Edward?_

As Mama talked about the trip to the zoo and the pictures she'd seen from Emily, I felt something loosen in me, and I smiled. I wanted Edward to meet my family - maybe not right here and now, but soon. As soon as we could manage it, anyway.

I was brought back to Earth when Mama said, "I'll give you back to Jasper now. I hope you have fun on your trip – and don't be a stranger, now. I'm sure Jasper will give you our number."

I stared at her with wide eyes, but the look she gave me had me nodding my assent. It said quite plainly that I would not leave the state without giving her his number and making sure that Edward had theirs. Emily chuckled again as she walked past me, ruffling my hair teasingly before heading out into the hallway.

Mama handed me my phone and stood up. She squeezed my shoulder affectionately before going to inspect the tree, leaving me to finish my call. "You there?"

Edward laughed and said, _"Yeah, I'm here. I wasn't expecting that."_

I chuckled. "Yeah, we were talking about you, and apparently I couldn't answer fast enough for her. She asked if we could call you. I didn't see why not…"

We talked for a little while longer until the boys both came up to me, tugging at my pants and shirt and pointing to the games that were set up on the table. I whispered that I'd be right there, shooing them off so I could say goodbye to Edward.

I could feel the smile on my face as I told him I loved him and that I'd talk to him soon; I had every intention of calling him later, _without_ an audience there. After we'd finally hung up, I made my way over to the rest of the family and took my seat next to Emily. We played _Uno _for a while, bending the rules a little so that Finn and Conall could play as well. It was fun.

After a while, though, I excused myself so I could get something to drink and stretch my legs. I was just pouring myself a glass of sweet tea when I heard someone enter the kitchen. Glancing up, I was surprised to see a frowning Chuck standing a few feet from me. He seemed a little uncertain, like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how.

"Did you want some?" I offered, holding up the pitcher of tea.

Chuck nodded, taking the glass I poured for him. I put the pitcher back in the fridge and leaned against the counter, watching my brother as I took a sip. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "Mind coming out on the porch with me for a minute?"

Apprehensive, I nodded and followed him out there. It was a little chilly, so I hoped that whatever he had to say wouldn't take too long. I was too curious to find out why he had been acting so strangely to decline his request, though.

We sat opposite each other, silence heavy between us as Chuck watched me intently. Just as I was about to give up and go inside, he cleared his throat again and said, "You seem... different." I frowned, wondering what he meant, and he added, "I guess I just... don't quite understand."

Sighing, I wrapped my hands around my glass, my eyes focused on them rather than on Charles. Swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat, I said quietly, "No, you don't. You never really tried to..."

The hurt I felt as the words left my mouth took me by surprise. Chuck hadn't ever made any attempts to understand me. Instead, he had always been dismissive of the fact that I was gay - something I, in turn, had never understood.

He mumbled, "No... don't s'pose I did, at that."

Something in his tone made me raise my eyes to his, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. All my life, I'd looked up to him and had wanted so badly to earn his approval, his love. I'd tried so hard to be just like my big brother - the guy who had everything going for him back when we were growing up. He'd been my idol back then, which is why it had hurt all the more when he had waved off my announcement of being gay as nonsense.

He took a couple of sips of tea, his gaze wandering out over the yard for a moment before settling back on me. "The other night..." His eyes flickered away briefly, and I was surprised to see a faint blush on his cheeks. "I'm sorry for calling... Edward?"

I nodded.

"Anyway, for calling him a piece of tail. I was out of line. It's obvious that he's a lot more than that to you. Been watching you all week, and I..." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair in much the same way I did when frustrated. "Like I said, Spurs; you're different."

I nodded again, a little taken aback at the fact that Charles was talking to me about this. We'd never really discussed my being gay - not together. He ignored it, and I ignored him because of it. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of his bringing it up, but I was grateful for the chance to get things straightened out with him, so to speak.

We ended up sitting out on the porch talking for nearly an hour. Charles asked questions ranging from back when I first came out to how I met Edward. I skirted around the Paul issue, something he either didn't notice or chose to ignore. It was the most intimate conversation I'd ever had with my brother in my life, and when Mama finally came out to call us back inside to get warm, I felt a lot closer to Chuck than I had since we were little kids having lightsaber battles in our Underoos.

I knew that, in a strange way, I had Edward to thank for that. Before Charles and I stepped back into the house, he came up and hugged me, his voice gruff as he said, "I love you, little brother. I know I don't always show it, but I do... and I'm glad you found someone to make you happy."

Even after our talk, his words still shocked me, and I tightened my arms around him as I choked out, "I love you, too, Chuck. Thanks..."

As soon as we walked into the kitchen, Mama handed each of us a cup of hot cocoa, giving us each a gentle pat on the cheek in turn as we headed back to the living room. I curled up in my favorite chair by the fire, sipping my drink slowly as I observed my family. I was so lost in thought after my talk with Chuck that I didn't really pay much attention to any conversations, content to simply watch.

At some point, Emily came to sit with me, half on my lap, half on the armrest, with her head resting on my shoulder and her arms around my neck. As nice as it was - and comforting, in a way - it made me miss Edward all the more, so I was glad when Mack decided it was time to go home. Both boys had long since fallen asleep on the couch, so when she and Chuck began carrying them to the car, it gave me the excuse I needed to call it a night. I still had a call to make, and I couldn't wait to talk to Edward. I wanted to let him know about what had happened today.

After saying goodnight to everyone and closing the door to my room, I let out a slow breath and closed my eyes. It had been a long day, and while I wanted to go to bed and get some sleep, I was aching to hear Edward's voice.

One glance at the alarm by my bed had me cursing - it was a little after midnight, which meant it'd be an hour later for Edward.

_Damn it! Didn't mean to be this late... hopefully he's still awake._

I changed quickly into my pajama pants and settled myself between the blankets before calling him. He picked up again after the first ring, which made me smile. _"Hey, baby."_

"Hey, yourself. Sorry for calling so late, sweetheart, though you sound like you're still wide awake."

I could hear his grin as he said, _"That's okay. I don't mind; you should know that."_

"So what has you up this late?"

"_Beating Emmett's ass at Mario."_

I tried to imagine Edward playing video games and wondered if he looked as intense doing that as he did while doing most everything else. I couldn't help myself and laughed, shaking my head even as I accused him of still being a kid.

_"Yeah, probably. But you don't seem to mind," _was his response.

It was true, of course. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath as my thoughts went back to earlier that afternoon, and I had just opened my mouth to say something to Edward when he said, _"Hey, did you want to say hi to Emmett?"_

I blinked in surprise, all thoughts of my conversation with Charles were chased out of my mind at the prospect of being introduced to Emmett. I grinned, wondering what I could expect, given everything Edward had ever told me about his cousin. "Emmett? Yeah, sure."

Emmett turned out to be exactly as Edward had described him, and the more I talked with him, the more I was looking forward to someday meeting him in person. He was definitely a piece of work, though, and someone who'd keep you on your toes.

By the time that Edward came back on the line, I was so tired, I was barely thinking straight anymore, and it wasn't long before we hung up. My last thoughts were of him and how things would go for Tanya in the morning, though I was sure everything'd turn out fine.

I must've slept soundly because I was aware of nothing more until an annoying sound reached my ears. It took me awhile to figure out it was morning and that my phone was ringing. As soon as I did, I fumbled on my nightstand, smiling when I saw Edward's name flashing on the display.

"Hey there, gorgeous." My voice was a little gruff, so I cleared my throat and rubbed my eyes in an attempt to chase away the haze of sleep. "She tell 'em already? How'd it go?"

I could almost hear Edward's relief and his smile as he said, _"Hey, baby. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."_ He sighed, and I imagined him running his fingers through his hair as he said, _"I think everything went okay, all things considered. Bit of a shock, especially that early in the morning,"_ he chuckled. _"Think everyone'll be fine, given time. Aunt Livy's having a tough time, but that's to be expected, I guess. It's her little girl, ya know?"_

I hummed in agreement, certainly able to sympathize with her. "And how about you? How are you doing?"

The sound of fabric rustling was all I heard for a while, making me wonder what was going on. I ached to hold him, to comfort him. We'd talked extensively about his own worries about his aunt and uncle - that maybe they would have been less accepting of his sexuality if he were their son. I didn't fully understand because I'd, thankfully, never been through the pain of losing my parents. I couldn't imagine what that must've done to his self image. Since I couldn't really empathize, I'd just done my best to offer a sympathetic ear and let him know _I_ loved him.

I knew he understood what I was asking about, given the conversations we'd had about the subject over the last few days. While I waited for him to speak, I sat up to lean against my headboard. "Edward?"

A small huff met my ears, followed by a chuckle. _"I really miss you, you know that?"_ I frowned, opening my mouth to ask again, but he continued. _"I'm alright, sweetheart. I... the whole thing was stupid, really."_

We talked for about half an hour about everything that had happened that morning, and as much as I hated that I wasn't able to be there for him, I felt like I was... in a way. The more Edward told me about his family, the closer I felt to him, and I realized that I _liked_ knowing we had that connection. It made me wonder if this was how it was supposed to be - if it was like this for everyone.

That thought had me both aching and warming inside. Aching because of what I'd essentially been robbed of so many years ago, thanks to Paul, and warming because of Edward showing me this new path.

A glance at the clock told me I had to get moving, since I still had quite a bit to do today, though I was reluctant to get off the phone with Edward. I had to remind myself it would only be another week before we'd both be in Boston again, and I'd be able to see him - and touch him. With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair and said, "Hey, baby, I hate to say it, but I gotta go. I still have to pack, and..."

"_Oh shit, I forgot you guys were flying home today. Alright, Jazz, I won't keep you. Just let me know you got home okay?"_

I smiled. "Of course, darlin'. I love you."

"_Love you, too. Have a safe flight, sweetheart."_

Just as I put my phone back on my nightstand, there was a soft knock on my door. Rolling my eyes, I grinned. "Come on in, Lee."

Emily poked her head around the door, a sad smile on her face as she wished me good morning. Scooting over to the side of my bed, I patted the free space, and she crawled in next to me. I put my arm around her shoulders, giving her a sideways hug, and kissed her temple. "I know," I murmured. "I'm gonna miss them, too."

Emily always hated leaving the ranch, even though she loved living in Boston. It was much the same for me. It was a double-edged sword, really. We both loved our family and life here, but we loved life in Boston just as much. Whenever we were in one place, we missed the other. For me it was even worse, now that I had Edward.

She sighed and nodded. Jostling her, I said, "Hey, you still have me, Sis."

Emily grinned at that. "True... " She gave me a speculating look and said, "When's Edward coming back again?"

Leaning my head back against the wall, I peered down at her, unable to keep a pout off my lips. "Not 'til Thursday."

She poked my side and said, "Hey, at least you still have me."

Ruffing her hair, I chuckled. "True. You all packed yet?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah, just got done. Mama said breakfast would be waiting for us."

"Alright. I still need to pack, but I'll do that after we get some food. Go on ahead. I'll be right down, okay?"

She nodded and gave me another hug before disappearing downstairs. I pulled a shirt over my head and followed her. Papa and Chuck had gone already, and Mama was pouring coffee for us. Just like we weren't allowed to help out on days we arrived, we weren't allowed to do so on the days we left, either. That had been the only reason why I'd still been asleep when Edward called.

Mama joined Emily and me as we had breakfast. We talked about our plans for the next few weeks, and I'd just finished the stack of pancakes Mama had put in front of me earlier when she cleared her throat. She was holding her cup in both hands, seemingly focused on them as she said, "So, Jasper... Your father and I were talking last night, and we were wondering if we needed to make some adjustments to the usual plans for Christmas? Should we book another ticket?"

I blinked, gaping at her. Mama and Papa always bought tickets for Emily and me to come home for Christmas as part of our Christmas presents. They'd done that every year since I moved to Boston and continued it when Emily joined me there. Of course, the first couple of years I'd declined them, claiming my schedule was too busy, thanks to the whole Paul fiasco.

"I... I don't know, Mama. I... we... we haven't talked about that yet. I have no idea if he's got plans already or not. But I'll ask him?"

Why that last part had come out as a question, I wasn't sure. All I really knew was that it felt as if butterflies had been set loose in my stomach, and I wasn't hungry anymore.

"See that you do," she answered with complete assurance that she'd be obeyed.

She stood up and began clearing the table, and I joined her automatically. When I carried my plate to the sink, she took it from me and promptly turned me around, telling me to relax.

In a daze, I went back to my room, where I sat and stared for a little while. Before long, Emily was knocking on the door again, bringing me back to the present. She ended up having to help me pack my things, as I'd been too distracted after Mama's question, but it wasn't long before we were done and I grabbed my bags. I took one last look around before flipping off the light and following her out. Neither of us spoke until we got downstairs, where Mama was waiting for us.

We began saying our goodbyes, though we were quickly interrupted by Mack arriving to take us to the airport. The boys' energy was infectious, chasing away my worries about Christmas and drying Mama's tears. They darted around us, "helping" with the bags and hugging our legs.

After we were finally packed in the car, the drive to the airport passed quickly. Mack and I chatted idly against the backdrop of Emily, Conall, and Finn singing songs. When we were only a few minutes away from our destination, Mack reached over and patted my knee.

"I'm happy for you," she murmured, casting a glance in the rear-view mirror. She grimaced and sighed softly, looking away as she made a left-hand turn. "And I'm sorry about Chuck."

"It's alright," I answered, smiling as I realized that it really was. He'd been a dick, yes, but out of it, he and I had grown closer than we'd been in years - maybe ever.

Mack gave a small smile and nodded in understanding, but all she said was, "Alright, we're here." She glanced in the rear-view mirror again, and her face tightened. "Finlay Charles Whitlock, you let go of your brother this instant!"

I chuckled as I climbed out of the car and helped wrangle the boys into submission. We all said our final goodbyes at the car so that Mack wouldn't have to drag two young boys through the busy airport. As we were turning to walk away, Conall began to cry, and I knelt down, holding him close.

"Shh, it's okay, Connie-boy. We'll be back soon," I murmured, rubbing his back. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't hearing anything I said over his wails.

Makenna peeled him away, winking at me as she picked him up. He put his head on her shoulder, sniffling, and Finn seemed to pick up the mood. He watched us silently, slipping his hand into his mother's. Emily ruffled his hair, and we waved as we turned away at last.

Leaving the boys that way affected both Emily and me, and we were quiet as we walked through the airport, our eyes scanning the arrival and departure boards. We made it through security and were sitting at our terminal before Emily finally broke the silence.

We talked about the week, catching up by sharing observations about nothing of consequence. She told me a little about her conversations with her roommate Ri, and I shared what little news I'd had from Mike and the gang. I could tell from the circles under her eyes that she was tired, and I felt exactly the same way. Visiting our family was always fantastic but exhausting.

We were both yawning by the time they called us for boarding, and we'd barely gotten settled into our seats before we were dozing. We woke up from time to time, shifting in the uncomfortable seats and dealing with the flight attendants, but the flight was uneventful. By the time we landed, we were both just ready to get home.

We didn't speak much on the way to Emily's dorm, and she was still yawning when I dropped her off outside her building. I got out to help her with her bags, but she waved me off. Instead, we hugged, I ruffled her hair, and then she was on her way inside.

"Call me in a few days, and we'll go to dinner, 'kay?" she called over her shoulder.

I smiled. "Sounds good."

The thought of having something to break up the monotony I knew I faced without Edward was welcome, and Emily and I hadn't really had a good chance to talk about how she was doing in the wake of James since before we left for Thanksgiving.

As I climbed back in the car, I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders and recognized it for what it was. I missed Edward and felt listless without him. I felt a stirring of fear, but I pushed it down, unwilling to let myself lose control again like I'd done the last time he'd been gone.

"Just a few days," I muttered under my breath, starting the engine before pulling away from the curb.

I drove home in silence without even the radio to keep me company. The first thing I did when I walked in the door was kick off my shoes and head to the refrigerator, where I grabbed a beer. I knew it was likely that I would pass out soon after drinking it, despite the nap I'd had on the plane, so I took it to the couch. I pulled out my phone and sat down, hitting the button to call Edward.

He answered on the second ring, grunting as he said, _"Hello?"_

I raised an eyebrow, lifting my bottle to take a sip of my beer. "Hello, yourself..." I said with amusement. "What's got you breathing hard?"

I was sure he could hear the slight edge to my voice, but even I wasn't sure if it was from anxiety or frustration at being apart from him for so long. He laughed before he explained that he was out with Rosalie, helping her pick out a new car. He'd been lifting the hood when I called and caught him off guard.

I didn't want to bother him when he was busy, so after talking for just a few moments, I said, "I think I'm going to take a nap... give me a call later?"

"_Yeah, of course. You're sure you don't want to just sleep?"_

"Yup, I'm sure. I'll be wide awake in a little while..." I grinned as I shifted on the couch, lowering my voice. "Besides... I have plans for you tonight, Dr. Masen."

All I could hear was his breathing before he muttered, _"Plans, huh? What did you have in mind?"_

"You'll find out," I taunted, refusing to tell him anything more, even though he protested and tried to coerce me. There wasn't much he could say with Rosalie standing there, though, so he contented himself with grumbling and muttering darkly. I laughed and teased him a little more before I said, "Go have some fun with your family, baby. Tell Rosalie I said hi."

"_I will,"_ he answered, sounding genuinely happy before his voice trailed off, becoming muffled. _"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!"_ I couldn't catch what he said next, but then his voice was back, clearer than before as he said, _"Yeah, I guess I need to go. Rose is being a bitch. Ow!"_

I laughed again, taking a pull from my beer before we exchanged our goodbyes. My head was fuzzy as I hung up the phone, and I was sorely tempted to just stretch out on the couch. The lure of my own bed was too strong, though, so I drained the last of my drink and stood, stretching my arms over my head.

Lowering them with a grunt, I went into the kitchen to toss my bottle and then made my way to my room, unbuckling my pants as I walked. I let them fall to the floor and fell into bed just as I was, in my t-shirt and boxers.

I awoke hours later to a darkened room and no idea what time it might be. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I raised my head, searching in the wrong place for my alarm clock after being at my parents' house for a week. Finally, I found it and determined that it was just after ten o'clock. I'd slept for way longer than I intended, which was good and bad; it meant that I'd be wide awake to talk to Edward when he called, but I definitely wouldn't be sleeping for a while unless the travel fatigue hit again.

I rolled out of bed and headed straight for my shower, where I washed away the grime of travel while I debated what to eat. It was a little late for delivery, but I decided to call my favorite Chinese place rather than going out. I sure as hell didn't have anything left in the house to eat.

When I stepped out of the shower, I dried quickly and wrapped my towel around my waist before going back into my bedroom to grab my phone. I called and placed my order and then thought for a moment. I hadn't been kidding when I told Edward I had plans for him. It had been a very long, very frustrating week for me, and I fully intended to make payback the best kind of hell.

I bounced my phone against my palm and then grinned, shrugging to myself. Wandering back into the bathroom, I finger-combed my hair, making it messy just the way he liked it. I checked to make sure the towel was just low enough on my hips to drive him crazy, and then I snapped a picture of myself in the mirror.

I felt a little ridiculous, but I knew there was no better way to get him to call me right away. With a chuckle, I labeled the text, "NSF...anyone," and added a message letting him know I missed him. I hit send and then went to get dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt.

My phone buzzed almost immediately with a message from Edward.

_Fucking hell, Jazz. Are you trying to kill me? In the middle of Scrabble - Tanya won't let me drop. Call you as soon as I can._

Before I could respond, a second message came in.

_Don't bother to get dressed._

I laughed out loud and sent back a text that I was looking forward to his call. Then I settled in on the couch, watching some mindless TV as I waited for my food to arrive.

When it did, I paid the delivery guy and ate out of the carton, too hungry - and lazy - to bother with plates. I finished up and took the leftovers to the kitchen, sticking them in the refrigerator and grabbing a beer to enjoy while I waited for Edward to call.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before he did, but when I saw his name on my phone, I answered with a grin. "Hey, baby. I was beginning to think you changed your mind."

"_Not a chance,"_ he answered with a smile in his voice.

We spent a few minutes talking about how my trip had gone and what he'd been up to, but it didn't take long before he said, _"So, just what did you have in mind for tonight?"_

I laughed. "Eager, are you?"

"_It's been a long time..."_ He chuckled, and I agreed.

"Well, you said you brought your headphones, right?" I waited until he confirmed that he had, and then I said, "Did you happen to bring, ahh... anything else?"

There was a moment of dead silence on the phone. _"Umm... what do you mean?"_

I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was stalling - and that he knew exactly what I was talking about. "Toys, Edward." I lowered my voice teasingly. "You know, those things you love?"

"_Maybe,"_ he answered. _"Why's that?"_

With a grin on my face, I turned off the TV and headed toward my bedroom. "What did you bring?"

When he hesitated again, I sighed. "Tell you what... why don't you go get... them?" He made a small noise, letting me know I'd guessed right. "And meet me online in, say, five minutes?"

"_Okay,"_ he agreed immediately.

"Hey, Edward?" I interrupted before he could hang up. "Be dressed and lock the door."

His second, _"Okay..."_ was confused, and I bit back a laugh.

As soon as we hung up the phone, I darted to my room and stripped down to my boxers. I took a second to make sure I had lube handy - I'd regretted not taking any to Texas - and then straightened my bed before pulling out my laptop. It seemed to take longer than ever to boot up, but soon enough, I was looking at Edward's smiling face.

"_Hey, Cuddles,"_ he murmured, and I answered as I took in his long-sleeved t-shirt and well-worn jeans.

"You listened," I said, pleased.

"_Yup. Gotta admit that I figured you'd want it the other way, though..."_

I let my lips curl into a half-smile as I arched an eyebrow. "Why don't you put on those headphones, and I'll tell you why?"

He narrowed his eyes at me but then shrugged and did as I asked. It took him a moment as I listened to the sound of a zipper and a drawer opening and closing. When he stepped back into view, he was wearing headphones and carrying a small wooden case and what looked like a huge flashlight.

He set them both on the edge of his bed and looked at me expectantly. _"Now what did you have in mind?"_

"Can you put your laptop on a table or something so I can see you when you stand?"

We spent a few minutes playing with the computers so they were perfectly arranged, and then I used my best imitation of Edward's voice the day of my photo shoot. "Stand up," I said quietly. He grinned but did as I asked, growing more amused when I asked him to turn around. "What? I like your ass..."

He glanced over his shoulder at his computer screen, smiling broadly. When I told him to take off his shirt, he teased me, slipping off his headphones and exposing a scant inch of skin at a time before covering it again. I couldn't say anything with his headphones on the floor, and the taunting smirk he threw at the camera told me he knew it.

At long last, he was shirtless and wearing his headphones once more, and I had to admit that his little striptease was enticing - and exactly what I'd been going for. My eyes traced his form hungrily, taking in the tattoos on his back and chest, lingering on the Escher along his ribs. That one made me ache in unfamiliar ways. I hated that I'd hurt him, but seeing it was also reassuring somehow because it was absolute proof that I meant something to him.

I pushed away the strange melancholy and focused on the moment, but my voice was husky when I said, "Let's lose those pants, Dr. Masen."

Edward paused, and I could see his eyes roaming over his computer screen. _"How about we see a little of you?"_ he whispered.

"How much more do you want to see?" I laughed, gesturing to my boxers, which were the only thing I had on.

"_All of it."_

I thought for a moment, contemplating just how much I wanted to push my being in charge. In the end, I decided it didn't matter; we were both going to have some fun tonight. Without answer, I slipped out of my boxers and tossed them to the floor, my hand automatically stroking my shaft. Edward froze, watching me with his lips slightly parted, and I grinned as I murmured, "You want to suck my cock, don't you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded, his hand drifting down to cup his own erection. _"Hell, yes..."_

"I thought I told you to take those off?"

Shaking his head slightly as if just waking up, he quickly undid the buttons on his pants and let them fall off his hips. I groaned loudly when he was suddenly exposed, without even the barrier of underwear. My hand quickened, and Edward picked that moment to put his hands on his hips and tilt his head. _"What did you want me to do now?"_

"Such an ass," I muttered, and he flashed a cheeky grin. Still, I knew what I wanted, so I gladly accepted the invitation. Raising my voice, I said, "I want you to crawl into bed and show me your toys..."

His smile widened, and I watched appreciatively as he crawled slowly onto the bed, making sure his ass was on prominent display. I couldn't help moaning, remembering the way he felt when I took him just like that. "God, you have to come home soon..."

"_Not much longer,"_ he murmured as he turned around, but he added under his breath, _"Still too damn long."_

Not wanting to give in to the sadness I felt at being apart, I changed the subject. "So, why don't you show me what's in the box?"

Edward raised both eyebrows, licking his lips. _"Sure you want to see?"_

"Absolutely."

Without answering, he flipped up the catch and opened the lid. Then he pulled out... something. It was some sort of arch made out of what looked like steel with a sphere at either end. It was a little longer than his hand, and I felt my eyes widening as I watched. "What is _that_ for?"

He chuckled and shrugged. _"Oh, I think you know. Remember when you asked if I ever... umm..."_ He glanced toward the door and lowered his voice even further._ "Came that way before? This would be how."_

His grin was completely unabashed, and I found myself intrigued. "You have to show me how."

"_Of course, baby. And when I get home, I'll let you feel...if you want."_

I thought about it for a moment, but really there was no question. "Yes."

"_Excellent,"_ he whispered. Before I could ask, he was shifting back on his bed, leaning the pillows against the headboard before settling in. He grabbed a bottle of lube, and I took the opportunity to do the same. I rubbed my fingers against my palm to warm it, and as he was spreading the slick liquid on the metal toy, I did the same to my cock.

"_Mmm..."_ he hummed, his eyes focused on his screen as he took himself in hand, stroking slowly while he watched me. Just like the other times we'd done this, there was something so exciting about watching him watch me. It was as if I were the only person in the world; I'd never seen someone look quite so intense, so predatory.

"Come on, gorgeous... let me see..."

His eyes flickered up to find mine, and I could tell he was watching my face as he reached down, teasing himself with one of the steel balls. He rubbed it slowly down the length of his cock and along the seam between his balls, moving it back and forth tantalizingly. I bit my lip, swallowing as I watched his every move.

At long last, he spread his knees further, giving me an amazing view of his ass before he pressed the smaller of the two spheres against his entrance. Watching the resistance, the way his puckered flesh gradually loosened to accept the intrusion, I groaned loudly. It was all I could do not to close my eyes, imagining vividly the way he felt when he was wrapped so tightly around me.

He inhaled sharply as he eased it in, his hips lifting from the bed as his heels dug in. My eyes were constantly in motion, torn between watching the visceral sight between Edward's thighs and the enraptured expression on his face. His eyes were half-closed, his lips parted, as his hand began to pump slowly, rhythmically. He took the steel arch a little deeper each time until, finally, the ball on the other end was reaching his skin on every pass.

I realized I'd been watching him in silence and whispered, "You look amazing, baby... I can't wait until you can tell me how it feels..." His eyes opened then, meeting mine, and the lusty green made me shiver. "Fuck, until you can _show_ me..."

He smiled then, spreading his knees to put on a show for me. His other hand reached for his cock, and my breathing sped as I watched him work himself over with both hands. His head fell back against the headboard as the stimulation became too much. His swollen, purple cock disappeared in his closed fist again and again as the metal slipped between his thighs.

I wasn't sure how long he would last at that rate, and I wasn't quite ready for our time to be over. "Edward," I said, the commanding voice returning. He ignored me, his right hand quickening as he closed his eyes. "Stop, Edward."

The sound that escaped him couldn't be described as anything but a whine. His toes curled, and his knees turned inward before he pulled both his hands away, panting as he opened his eyes and looked at me. His expression was pleading, and I smiled in understanding. "Sorry, sweetheart... but you haven't showed me your other toy yet."

His eyes flickered toward the flashlight-looking contraption, and then he licked his lips as he looked back at me. _"I don't know if I can last..."_ he admitted huskily.

"You can," I reassured him, "and you will."

He took a few shallow breaths, visibly calming himself, and then he nodded. _"Okay,"_ he breathed, running his fingers through his hair. The lube made it stand up at crazy angles, and I couldn't help but laugh. He rolled his eyes at me, but his grin told me he wasn't annoyed.

My amusement faded when Edward reached for the second toy. He popped the top off of it and winked as he flashed it toward me. I raised an eyebrow, but he didn't wait for me to tell him what to do. With a little more lube, he slipped the end of the tube over the head of his cock and hissed in pleasure as his eyes closed again. I recognized that sound - _I_ was usually the reason he made it.

I grumbled teasingly, and Edward chuckled, opening his eyes, _"Don't worry, Mr. Whitlock... it doesn't feel nearly as good as you do."_

"You sure about that?" I muttered.

"_You have no idea..."_ he answered lowly. He swallowed, his hand growing still. _"I wish I could tell you..."_ His eyes shot to the door again, and I nodded.

"I know. Not too long now, though..."

He made a face before his playful expression returned. _"You're not taking care of yourself very well there. Come on now... don't leave me all alone."_

I nodded, understanding what he didn't say, too. I readjusted on the bed, shifting my pillows so that I was as comfortable as possible while giving Edward a good view. With his eyes on me, I decided to give him a little show as well. I pressed my palm flat against my cock, sliding it all the way down to cup my balls. My eyes drifted closed as my fingertips teased my ass, and Edward's groan just made it that much better.

Before long, I felt that growing need for release, and I opened my eyes again, searching for him as my hand wrapped around my shaft. He was watching me intently, his hand squeezing plastic as the toy glided over his cock. His left hand was reaching between his legs, working the steel arch with the same rhythm.

Something about the sight - Edward's flushed face and parted lips, his brow furrowing as he pushed himself to the brink - nearly did me in. I squeezed just a little tighter, turning my hand at a slightly different angle, and suddenly I was soaring. Reaching down, I pulled at my balls, relishing the sting and the way every nerve in my body seemed to be focused on this one act.

I could hear Edward's panting, moaning breaths, but my eyes had closed again. There, in the darkness behind my eyelids, my hips began to rock on the mattress, thrusting into my hand again and again. When I heard the catch of his breath that meant he was close, I forced my eyes open again. Sticky heat spread over my chest as my cock throbbed, and only seconds later, Edward's body curled in on itself before he called out, _"Fuck!"_

The rhythm of his hand faltered, moving in fits and starts, until finally he lay there, utterly still. His eyes were closed, his head thrown back against the headboard. I lay in the same blissful fog until Edward chuckled - a low, throaty sound.

"_So much for being quiet..."_ he muttered. He chewed on his bottom lip as his head turned toward the doorway. _"Hopefully they didn't hear that."_

I laughed quietly as I sat up, arching my back to try to loosen my taut muscles. "Well, at least Emmett's not there, right?"

"_No, thank god. He'd probably come asking questions about how it feels..."_

With lighter hearts, we joked as we cleaned up. I felt foggy and more tired than I would've thought, but I was reluctant to say good night. Once we were dressed in pajama pants again, Edward shifted to lie on his stomach, his face only a few inches from the camera as he wrapped his arms around the pillow beneath his chest.

The sight made loneliness surge in me again, and I wished more than anything that he was just here already. It was a complete change from the confusion I'd felt the first time he was out of town, which filled me with a strange sense of pride.

We talked quietly for a few minutes until it became obvious that we were only holding on because neither of us wanted to let go. The conversation was making no sense, and it was mostly made up of yawns and apologies by the time Edward finally said, _"I miss you, sweetheart."_

"I miss you, too," I answered with a lump in my throat. "You look like you need some sleep, though. You're helping Tanya pick out furniture tomorrow, right?"

He nodded, another yawn making his jaw creak. He blinked away the residual tears and said, _"Yeah, guess you're right. Call me tomorrow, though?"_

"Of course." I smiled when I realized that I meant exactly what I'd said - there was no question about whether or not I'd talk to him. After stalling for another minute or two, we finally said good night, and I barely managed to shut down my laptop before I fell asleep with Edward's sleepy, _"I love you,"_ ringing in my ears.

The next few days were busy as I settled back into my routine. I'd managed to create a huge pile of laundry during the trip, so most of my time at home was spent sorting through that as I worked on Christmas presents. I knew from experience that work would pick up between now and then, so I spent every spare minute working on my drawings and the quilt.

Rummaging through some fabric left over from other projects, I ran across some that reminded me of Monet - which, naturally, made me think of Edward. It was at that moment that inspiration finally hit for his gift. I'd been struggling because I wanted to do something different for him, but I'd had no _clue_ what.

Staring at the fabric and remembering our first date and the way he'd always paid attention to my ties, I realized I wanted to tie his gift into art somehow. The Escher inked along his ribs was the final piece of the puzzle, and I grabbed my keys as I headed toward the door.

It didn't take me long to find what I was looking for. I'd done all the research when I painted Emily's helmet for her, so I knew what I needed and found it easily in the motorcycle shop. It wouldn't really be warm enough to ride again until late spring... and I wanted to be able to take him out then.

I wondered if he'd understand - that it meant that I saw us together months down the road, that it was sort of my way of welcoming him into my life.

Buying the helmet made me a little jittery, so when I got home, I put it away. I couldn't explain why, exactly, but the nervous, fluttery feeling wouldn't go away. I couldn't settle down enough to work on anything, so I turned on some TV instead and watched until Edward called.

He was so cheerful and relaxed and just himself that by the time we hung up the phone, the nerves had faded away. Standing slowly, I slipped the phone into my pocket and smiled as I rolled up my sleeves, picked up the helmet, and set about preparing it to paint.

Those content moments kept me going, helping me get through our time apart and the mess that was waiting for me each day at work.

Projects had piled up while I was gone, and all of them seemed to have something vastly important that needed my particular attention. The project I'd won away from Paul's company filled me with both pride and dread, making me hate the way he tainted everything he touched. I tried to ignore it, though, focusing on the details to make the time pass.

I talked to Edward a couple of times a day, and I went out to dinner with Emily one night after we'd both settled in. She seemed to be doing better and feeling more like herself, which I was sure had something to do with the distance - both physical and emotional - she'd put between herself and James as well as with the comfort of spending the week around our family.

I felt much better after talking with her and seeing that she really didn't seem to be slipping into the pattern I had. Strangely, I also felt a little... ashamed. I guess it was like she was stronger than I was, and that thought made me both proud of her and disappointed in myself.

My weird melancholy mood must've been showing at work on Wednesday because Mike kept watching me strangely. He asked me a few times if I was okay, and then he stopped by at lunch to invite me out to dinner with the guys.

When I glanced around at the piles of paperwork on my desk and sighed, he jumped in before I could turn him down. "Oh, come on, J... you know you're not going to stay and work overtime tonight. Your boy's coming home tomorrow, right?"

I couldn't have fought the smile on my face if I'd wanted to. "Yeah, about noon."

Mike chuckled but refrained from commenting - for once. "So come out with us tonight. Angie said she'll watch Bella so Ben can go... Come on, man. How often do we get to do this anymore?"

It didn't take much to convince me after that, which is how I found myself at Aro's, eating freshly made pasta and drinking too much wine. Aro and Gianna stopped by to ask if I was feeling better and to tell me all about when Edward dropped by to pick up food for us on my birthday. My cheeks heated as I listened to Gianna tell me what a good match we were and that we made a "fine, handsome couple."

When she started talking about being jealous but willing to share with Edward, I choked on my wine, to the great amusement of the guys. Even Ben was laughing as he slapped my back, and Eric spread his hands, looking at Gianna seriously as he said, "It's completely unfair, isn't it?"

They commiserated on their bad luck as I buried my gaze in my pasta, my cheeks flaming as red as the sauce. They took some pity on me finally, and Ben changed the subject by asking Mike when Jessica was going to have her next night off.

We spent a couple of hours there, laughing and having a good time, and by the time I climbed into bed, I was extremely glad I'd gone. Edward's phone call woke me up about half an hour after I fell asleep, so we talked just long enough for him to finalize our plans for the next night. I felt a surge of excitement when I thought of seeing him in less than twenty-four hours, but the alcohol weighed heavily on my eyelids, and I was out again in no time.

Work the next day was torture. Every minute seemed interminable, and I watched the clock more than I ever had in high school. Still, I was determined to get some things done since I had to be there anyway. I was still catching up from the week off, and it was just going to get worse with Christmas coming up.

I was buried beneath some charts and tables, grumbling to myself about how to work in a customer's latest request without completely rewriting everything we'd already done, when Mike walked into my office.

"What are you doing here?" he asked with surprise clear in his voice.

Annoyed and distracted, I muttered, "It's my office. I fucking work here."

My eyes were still on the papers in front of me, so I didn't see the pen before it hit me in the head. "What the fuck, man?"

He was standing there, frowning at me. "It's almost noon. Why are you here?"

"I'm working through lunch so I can leave a little early." I looked back down, shuffling a stack of papers to find the one I needed. Just as I pulled it out, he snatched it from my hand. "Mike. Stop fucking around. I need to get this shit done."

"Jesus, you're dense. Isn't Edward flying in... right now?"

"Yeah." I ran my fingers through my hair, my annoyance growing.

"So... what the hell are you doing here, J? Go. I got this... you go be with your boy." I blinked at him, uncomprehending. He snorted, shaking his head. "Look, if Jess had been out of town for a couple of _weeks_, and I wasn't there to pick her up... well, let's just say, I wouldn't be sitting for a while - and not from overexertion." He smirked at me.

When I still didn't move, he made a shoo'ing motion with his hand. "Seriously. Get out of here. You're in my way."

A smile spread slowly on my lips before I strode around my desk. I grabbed Mike's face between my hands and planted a kiss on his lips that made his eyes fly wide. "Thanks, Mike!"

I grabbed my jacket from my chair and was about to pick up my messenger bag when he said bemusedly, "Anytime. You better get your ass in gear, though. It's lunch hour, and you've got to get across town."

"Shit, you're right!" I fumbled with the bag for a second, trying to get the clasp to latch before finally, I muttered, "Fucking piece of shit," and dropped it and my coat back on the floor. "See ya!" I called over my shoulder, racing out of my office to the sound of Mike's laughter.


	29. All The Things You Are

_**A/N:**__ As always, we'd like to thank our wonderful betas and pre-readers, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__. You all keep us sane and help make our words prettier - we love you!_

_Our apologies for the wait, we hope you'll find it worth it._

_We don't own Twilight, but these boys own us._

**ooOoo**

The jolt of the landing gear on the tarmac was more welcome than I could remember it being in a long time. I knew it was still several hours before I would see Jasper, but being back in Boston brought a sense of peace. I smiled as I pulled out my phone, turning it back on and looking at the latest picture of Jasper as I waited for us to be ready to get off the plane.

And waited.

And waited.

The flight attendants finally let us know that there was some sort of problem on the runway and that it might be some time before we were allowed to leave. I sighed, letting my head drop back against the chair as I ran my finger along the screen of my phone.

Finally, I sent a text to Jasper, letting him know I'd landed at least and that I was looking forward to seeing him. He didn't answer, and as the minutes stretched on, I found myself frowning at the phone more and more.

When it buzzed at last, a smile flitted across my face until I saw that the text wasn't from Jasper – it was from Mike.

_You owe me big time. Tell J his ass better stay home sick tomorrow – or else._

"What the hell?" I muttered under my breath. I sent a message back, asking what he was talking about, but all I got was a cryptic:

_You'll see._

Clearly, I wasn't getting anything else out of him, so I just grumbled to myself as I sent a text to my family members instead, letting them know I'd gotten home okay. They were all at work, so I didn't expect a response, and I was left with nothing to do but think.

My thoughts, naturally, drifted between Jasper and the past two weeks. The rest of my trip had been fun. It was great to spend some time with my family, and I was really happy to be able to help Tanya. We'd finished her nursery, and I'd surprised her with a set of stuffed animals for the shelf we'd installed. Seeing her there, surrounded by all those things for the baby, finally made it real for me. She'd cried, and I'd gotten a little emotional myself. Something about this trip had made me understand at last what she'd been trying to say all along.

In between bouts of working with her, I'd spent time with Aunt Livy, helping her sort through some things in the attic. The trip down memory lane was both fun and painful, making me thankful that it was broken up by visits from Emmett and Rosalie. Rose and I had bought the new car for her to work on, and I'd helped her with the initial overhaul. It needed a lot more work than the last one, so I was hopeful that it would keep her busy for a while.

Several of my friends had called throughout the week as well, and I had an invitation to a Christmas party that I had yet to discuss with Jasper. After the Halloween party disaster, I wanted to be able to see his face when I asked him. I knew it was kind of ridiculous – after all, our relationship had changed drastically since then – but I wasn't taking any chances.

Jasper himself dominated most of my thoughts, though, both sitting on the plane and throughout the entire trip. I'd been relieved beyond belief that we talked every day. He seemed much more comfortable with expressing his thoughts and feelings than he ever had been with me before, and I couldn't wait to be able to see and hold him and hear him say he loved me again.

It was so strange, leaving right after he'd said those three words for the first time. He'd only said them that one time in person, and we hadn't even had a chance to do _anything_ afterward. Between that frustration and the two weeks apart… well, I definitely had some plans for Mr. Whitlock. It was a good thing Mike was making him take tomorrow off.

With him on my mind, I glanced down at my phone, only to find that he still hadn't answered my text. I sighed, fighting off the slight pang I felt that he was still working – and hard, apparently. When he'd offered to pick me up, it had made more sense at the time to tell him no. I knew it would mean working overtime for him on the days leading up to my arrival, and I thought the few hours alone would give me time to get ready for him.

It was just a few hours anyway… right?

That was before I'd gotten here. It was frustrating to be so close yet unable to see him – about as frustrating as being stuck on that damn plane. Just as I was about to demand to know when the hell we were going to be able to get off, the flight attendants began giving their final instructions.

This time, my sigh was of relief as I stood and stretched as much as I could in the tiny cabin. I waited until the initial rush had passed before gathering my carry on, so I was one of the last off the plane. I wasn't in any particular hurry, and I hated the push of bodies from those people who were.

When I got to baggage claim, I was left cooling my heels with everyone else because our bags weren't ready. I pulled out my phone out of habit, but Jasper still hadn't answered. I was just about to send Mike a text instead to ask if Jasper was okay, when I heard someone call, "Edward!"

I turned around, searching blindly until I saw familiar blond hair just over the top of a woman's head. I smiled as I watched Jasper edge his way through, and suddenly he was just… there – striding toward me with a huge grin on his face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stunned.

He didn't answer. He swept me up, crushing me against his chest as he placed a searing kiss on my lips. I didn't pay attention to where we were or who was around us – I just put everything I had into kissing him in return. His lips parted, his tongue brushed mine, and we were both breathing heavily when we finally separated with a soft hum.

"I missed you," he said softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

"God, I missed you," I answered simply, reaching up to brush blond waves from his forehead.

His smile broadened as he kissed me once more, softly and sweetly, and then he leaned over to murmur, "Come on… let's grab your bags. I think we need to get you home, Dr. Masen."

"Yes, sir," I answered playfully. He slipped his hand into mine, and suddenly I was aware of our audience. Most people wore slightly amused smiles, though one or two looked at us with disgust. I fought the urge to address them and instead focused on the man beside me.

He was beaming and beautiful, and I couldn't believe he was there. His thumb was rubbing the back of my hand as we watched the suitcases begin appearing. He kept glancing at me, catching my eye, and my excitement grew as I watched the hunger on his face. We didn't really speak; there was too much to say to talk about trivial things in the middle of the airport.

The minutes seemed interminable, but finally my bags appeared. When I reached toward them, Jasper grabbed one and barely gave me time to get the other before he was pulling me away.

As we were making our way outside, I finally found my voice. "What are you doing here?"

He glanced at me over his shoulder with a grin. "Mike kicked me out of my office."

"Really?"

He nodded, and I chuckled. "I guess that explains his text…"

"What text?" he asked, peering around as we stepped outside. Deciding which direction we needed to go, he led the way while we talked.

"He told me we owed him."

Jasper laughed and shook his head, pausing to kiss me. I hummed quietly and drew him closer, needing to taste him once more. He responded enthusiastically until he pulled away at last.

"We should go home," he murmured. His eyes were smoldering, and I could feel his excitement in the way his fingers squeezed my hip. It mirrored my own, making me curse the distance we still had to travel.

As we started toward his car once more, I cleared my throat. "Oh, he also said you better stay home tomorrow."

Jasper frowned at me. "He said what?"

I shrugged but couldn't stop my grin as I pulled my phone from my pocket and scrolled through to find Mike's message. "He said, 'Tell J his ass better stay home sick tomorrow – or else.'"

When I raised my eyebrows at him, he grinned wickedly. "He did, huh? Looks like I'm going to owe Mike for more than just today…"

As he trailed off, he smacked my ass lightly, making me jump. We didn't talk much more as we finished our trek to his car. He took my bags and put them in his trunk, arranging them carefully even though I could sense his impatience – or maybe I was just projecting my own onto him.

When we slid into the seats, he took a moment to watch me in silence, and then he leaned across the console. He threaded his fingers into my hair and stroked my cheekbone with his thumb before saying gently, "I love you."

It was all I could do not to attack him then and there, location be damned. He looked so vulnerable, and his words were so clearly heartfelt that I swallowed hard. "I love you, too, Jasper," I whispered, smiling when his smile grew.

He wet his bottom lip as his eyes roamed my face, and then he pulled me to him. His lips captured mine in a soft kiss that grew in intensity, becoming more insistent as the moments passed. I didn't want it to end – ever. I wanted to stay there, kissing him and hearing those sweet words from him, but he eventually pulled away.

His grin was impish as he said, "Come on. I have other plans for you."

Just that quickly, I was ready to go as well. I shifted in my seat, pulling uncomfortably at my jeans as Jasper started the car, chuckling lowly. The next few minutes were spent trying to make our way through the airport traffic until we finally found ourselves on the road, moving a little more smoothly.

He reached over then, resting his hand on my thigh, which he squeezed and rubbed as if convincing himself that I was really there. After two weeks apart, I knew the feeling. I couldn't stop watching him and touching him, running my fingers along his hand and up his arm. When he let his hand drift up, brushing my crotch teasingly, I inhaled sharply.

"Better watch that," I muttered. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and I added, "It's been way too long since you touched me… unless you want this to be over before it starts, you might want to go easy."

With a cheeky grin, he said, "I know you too well, Princess. Even if it's over soon, you'll be ready to go again in a little while."

We laughed together, teasing each other as he drove. When he pulled to a stop in front of my house, I felt a strange, almost nervous fluttering that I couldn't explain. I knew it was probably from being gone for so long, and I had a feeling Jasper felt it, too.

He stared at my house before killing the engine, and then he turned to look at me. After studying my face for just a moment, though, he growled softly and said, "Get your sweet ass inside."

I grinned, loving the way his playful side was emerging. It was so unlike the Jasper I'd returned to find last time that my heart soared, feeling lighter than it had in a very long time. Unfortunately, we had to deal with the mundane things like getting my luggage inside, but as soon as it had been dropped in my empty foyer, Jasper hung his keys on a hook and turned to me.

He didn't say a word as his hands went to my hips, his fingers hooking into my belt loops as he pulled me to him roughly. He ravaged my mouth, all lips and teeth and tongues until I was breathless and having to pull away.

I put just enough space between us so I could kick off my shoes, and he did the same while his hands went to work on my pants. His hand slipped down, palming my cock through my jeans, and I groaned loudly as I pressed forward, encouraging him.

I reached up to loosen his tie but then thought better of it, holding onto it as I walked backwards toward the stairs. Jasper had no choice but to follow, but if he minded, it didn't show in his panting breath and needy moans.

We stumbled up the stairs, our hands roaming and our lips meeting skin again and again. By the time we reached my bedroom door, Jasper had my pants unfastened and hanging around my thighs. His hand wrapped around my cock, and we both moaned. His kisses became frenzied as he pushed me toward my bed while I tried to unbuckle his belt.

We stopped when my calves hit the mattress, and we hurried to finish undressing each other. Jasper's tie was tossed to the floor as he ripped it over his head, and his pants followed soon after. I pushed them over his hips and followed them down, kissing and licking along his abs. I'd nearly forgotten how delicious his salty skin tasted, and I moaned as I pulled him closer, biting him hard enough to make him hiss.

He cursed, his fingers tightening roughly in my hair. "God, please…" he mumbled, and I smiled, licking my lips in anticipation.

I trailed my tongue up his cock, my tongue ring stuttering along the way. He moaned, "Fuck!" and thrust his hips, his hand moving to cup the back of my head. When I swirled my tongue around his head, his nails scratched my scalp.

My hands slipped up his legs to grip his thighs, my fingertips caressing his ass as I took him deeply. I relished the way he filled my mouth and his bitter flavor at the back of my throat. Swallowing, I sucked lightly, and he moaned so loudly I felt the vibrations. Smiling to myself, I began to move, building from a slow rhythm to the quicker cadence I knew he loved. His hands fell away, his knees trembled, and the satisfaction of doing that to him just spurred me on.

Before long, he was tugging at my hair, begging me to stop between curses and gasps. With one last, long lick, I pulled away and grinned up at him, my hand moving to stroke him soothingly. His blue eyes gazed down at me, smoky and burning as he urged me to my feet.

Once I stood, he wrapped his arms low around my waist, pulling me to him roughly. His lips met mine in a passionate kiss, and before I even registered what was happening, my back was hitting the sheets as Jasper settled over me.

He rocked his hips, his rigid cock wetting my stomach as it brushed against mine. My knees spread, my feet moving to wrap behind his thighs as I tried everything I could to bring him closer.

So many times, I'd thought about my homecoming, imagined having a few hours to clean up, light some candles, maybe even fix a little fruit and wine. Then, once I'd pampered Jasper and teased him, _then_ I would bring him to bed.

This was so much better.

There was something so real, so visceral in his intensity, something that was just him and the way he loved. He quickened my own desire, making me feel a feral passion that had been sorely lacking with Alistair.

He pressed himself up, panting as he scattered kisses and nibbles along my jaw. I rolled my hips into his, my hands slipping down his back to grab his ass. I wanted to pout when his hips moved away from mine, but then I realized that he was only making room for his hand to slide between our bodies, wrapping around both our cocks.

He stroked us fluidly, our silky skin moving together as his fingers teased our heads before sliding all the way to the bases and back again. His rhythm faltered as he reached out with his other hand, fumbling for the drawer until I brushed his hand away. Then, he focused his attention on me, lowering his head to kiss my neck, licking at the sweat beading there as his hand squeezed and glided along our lengths.

I pulled condoms from the drawer and muttered as they tried to be difficult. Nudging Jasper so he would lift his head, I tore one off with my teeth, and he grinned before leaning down to take it from me.

He sat up that way, condom between his lips as he reclined on his heels. My eyes were trained on him as he stroked himself before tearing the wrapper open and rolling the condom down his length. I reached out blindly, feeling for the lube.

And then cursed when I realized it was still in my suitcase.

"Mother fucker!" I muttered, sitting up to peer into the drawer.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked breathlessly, but I was too busy shuffling things around to answer. I knew I had to have more in there somewhere.

Jasper chuckled as he reached past me and plucked out a tiny, travel-sized pouch of lube.

"Thank god," I breathed, and he laughed outright.

He tore the top off the packet and poured it into his hand, lubing himself before slipping his hand between my thighs. He lowered his body over mine, groaning as his fingertips met my sensitive flesh. "Thank god indeed," he growled, biting my earlobe.

I gasped, loving the hell out of the exquisite sting I felt as his fingers entered me. It just wasn't the same alone, no matter what the situation. Jasper murmured, keeping up a steady stream of cursing and encouragement, and in very little time at all, his head was stretching me to perfection.

He entered me halfway and then shifted, his palms pressing into the mattress as he looked down at me from only a few inches away. He kissed me softly, and then his eyes rolled back as he inched his way in fully. My thighs quivered as I struggled to keep still, and Jasper's kisses became deeper, more insistent, telling me he felt everything I did.

For long minutes, I knew nothing but him. My world was the salty sweet taste of Jasper's lips and his musky fragrance. It was his hard body rocking with mine in the darkness behind my closed eyelids. I panted and moaned and called out without a thought as to what I was saying or how loudly I was saying it. It wasn't until Jasper murmured, "God, I love you, too," that I opened my eyes, trying desperately to see him.

He met my gaze and then rested his forehead against mine, his breathing growing more erratic with his rhythm. I focused then on the feeling, on the exquisite places he was hitting deep inside of me, and I reached between us to grasp my cock. My hand stroked with his beat, following the motion of our abdomens, and it took only a few strokes before I felt that tingling in my hips that made me dig my heels into the mattress. My hand sped along my length as I prayed for that final little push that would send me over the edge, and then I heard Jasper call out, his voice raspy and hoarse and delicious.

I felt him spasm, his entire body shuddering, and that was all it took for me. Warmth spread over my chest, stickiness coating both of us, and I just pulled him closer. My arms wrapped around him, my palms pressing against his shoulder blades as I kissed him deeply. He was laughing and panting and kissing me all at once, and when we finally parted, it was with smiles on both our faces.

He slipped away, making me mutter at the feeling of loss, but he quickly disposed of the condom in my bedside trashcan and then wrapped me in his arms. He held onto me so tightly, leaving me warm and content as he kissed me languidly.

Which is why I was utterly confused at the first words he spoke.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled between kisses.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I whispered, barely pausing.

"I didn't mean to… ahh… well, basically force you to give me a blow job…"

"What?" I asked, confusion finally breaking through my blissful fog. When I shifted back slightly to look at him, he was watching me with a quiet, sheepish smile. "I think I'm the one that started that."

He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. "Yeah, but I meant for this to be about you."

"Jazz? Is everything okay?" I felt a surge of fear as thoughts of my last trip resurfaced. Memories of his frantic kisses and what they had hidden threatened to overwhelm my happiness, but I forced them back. My eyes searched his face for any sign of the same despair he'd worn then, but I couldn't find any.

"Everything's fine, Princess. I swear," he reassured me, peppering my face with kisses. "I just wanted to treat you right."

"You did, Jasper," I said softly, earnestly. "This wasn't about me or you, baby. This was about _us_." I emphasized my words by taking his hand, lacing my fingers through his between us.

He smiled at me then and swallowed, his eyes darting between mine before studying the lines of my face. "I like the sound of 'us,'" he mumbled.

There was something nervous in his manner – just a slight quickening in his words, a tension around his eyes. My chest tightened, but before I could ask him what he meant, he cleared his throat.

"Edward, I know this is stupid… but after… well, everything… I just want to _know_. For sure."

_What the fuck is going on..?_

"You want to know what?" I asked quietly, proud of the way my voice held steady.

"You're my boyfriend, right?" he answered shyly, his cheeks flaming red the instant he realized the words were out of his mouth.

I knew I shouldn't laugh, but he looked so goddamn adorable and unsure that a chuckle escaped me. "Hell, yes, I'm your boyfriend. What brought that on?"

He shook his head. "I'll explain everything later. I just… fuck, I just… I fucked up so badly before." He glanced over my shoulder and sighed before looking back into my eyes. "I argued semantics, even with myself. I don't want to be able to do that anymore. I don't want _you_ to be able to do that… not that you would."

I put my finger over his lips. "You're babbling, beautiful."

He smiled and kissed my finger before taking a deep breath. "Edward, I want to be with you. Only you. And I want you to be with just me."

"That's all I want, too," I managed to say, even though my heart was suddenly beating so rapidly that I worried for my health.

His smile spread slowly and completely on his lips, lighting up his whole face. He rolled me onto my back, straddling my waist as he kissed me thoroughly. His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer as he bit my bottom lip with a grin. "You're _mine_," he growled.

"Oh, hell, yes," I answered, my hands splaying on his back as I held him tightly.

Long minutes were lost in kissing him, connecting again after being apart for so long. Eventually, he kissed me softly, lifting up slightly to look at me. "Welcome home," he murmured.

Riding the high of being with him again and having him feel so much more confident, I took a chance. "Home's where you are, baby."

I watched his eyes closely, but there was no fear that I could find. He bit his bottom lip and smiled shyly. "You're too good to me, you know."

"Not a chance," I argued, sitting up to hug him. He shifted so he was sitting in my lap, his legs wrapped around my waist and his arms around my shoulders.

We sat that way for a while, talking about everything and nothing at all, until my legs began to fall asleep. Laughing, he slid away, and needles of pain immediately shot up and down my legs.

"Fuck!" I cursed, shifting to let my legs dangle over the side of my bed.

Grimacing, I forced myself to stand, while Jasper watched and chuckled. When I shot him a dirty look, he grinned wryly. "You're cute when that cool reserve cracks."

I couldn't help but smile. "You know this is your fault, right?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, but then he stood and slipped his arm around my waist, helping me walk around the room until the feeling was back in my toes. "Thanks," I muttered.

"Any time," he said, kissing my cheek. "Now, what did you want to do today?"

I glanced at the clock to find it was still relatively early in the afternoon. "Food, maybe? You hungry?"

"Starving," he answered promptly. "Come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bathroom, where he reached in the shower and started the water. Watching him move so freely and confidently around my house made me smile, and I hoped that this was the start of something permanent – that he wouldn't be scared away again.

Sated for the time being, we took our time in the shower to just enjoy each other. Jasper washed my back, scratching his nails lightly along skin that hadn't been touched in too long. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind to clean me thoroughly, his lips teasing the skin of my neck. The steam surrounded us, enclosing us in warmth that made the whole experience almost surreal.

When I washed his hair, he nearly purred in appreciation, his lips parting to emit a loud groan. He tilted his head back, and I helped him wash away the suds before sliding my hands down his back. They came to rest on his hips, and I pulled him closer, kissing him softly. He responded with a smile and nibbled my bottom lip, his hands moving to grasp my ass.

As if in mutual understanding, we parted with a few caresses before we finished cleaning up and stepped out of the shower. I reached for the towels and handed him one before drying myself off. The entire time we'd been beneath the spray, we hadn't spoken, and there was an air of reverence in the bathroom that I was hesitant to break.

Jasper apparently felt the same way, because it wasn't until we dropped the towels into my hamper and walked into the bedroom that he spoke again. "You feel like Indian?" he asked.

Just that quickly, we were back to normal - to just an afternoon hanging out together. I told him that sounded good, and then we walked into my closet to pick out clothes for both of us, since Jasper hadn't brought anything. We decided that we'd stop by his place while we were out, and I smiled as he told me he knew the perfect place for us to eat.

We dressed relatively casually, in jeans and button downs with the sleeves rolled up. Jasper looked damn good in my charcoal gray shirt, and I made a mental note to pick him up something similar for Christmas. I wasn't sure what else to get him, but I'd been on the lookout.

As we walked downstairs, he asked me about my family, and I told him about the things we'd done all week. He asked questions here and there, and I was happy to learn that there were several similarities between our trips. We'd talked while we were apart, of course - a lot, actually - but it was different with him here, where I could see him and really be open without fear of anyone else listening in.

It was with that in mind that I told him about Tanya, about how I just finally got it. As foreign as it was for me, she really did want a child more than a husband. "I guess I just had a hard time because, for me, it's always been the opposite, you know?"

He made a noncommittal noise, glancing out the window of my Mustang at the cityscape passing by. I frowned slightly, wondering what the hell that might mean, but I didn't have to ask. "What do you mean?" he murmured.

I wasn't sure at first that he was talking to me - though, who else could it have been? It just seemed like his attention was elsewhere, but I half-wondered if that was some sort of defense mechanism. I knew this was a touchy subject for him. Hell, only an hour or so ago, he'd actually declared he had a boyfriend for the first time in his adult life. So I didn't make any comment, keeping my voice light as I answered his question.

"Well, for me... it's always been the companionship. Someone I can talk to, someone who listens... someone I can make love to."

He flashed a smile at that, his hand reaching over to rest on my thigh, even though he still didn't look at me. I reached down, taking his hand and moving them both to the seat between us.

"Kids are great, and it's definitely something I've thought about, but it's not what what I'm necessarily looking for. I just need a man who gets me. You know?"

I squeezed his hand and glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was nodding thoughtfully, chewing the inside of his cheek as his attention was still entirely focused on the the scene outside his window. The silence stretched on indefinitely, and I thought maybe our conversation was at an end as I wound through the streets of downtown Boston.

We were getting close to the restaurant, which was near his apartment, when he said, "I guess I just never thought I needed anybody."

I didn't know what to say to that. I took his tactic, sitting in silence as I rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb. Silence descended again, lasting until I had to drop his hand to turn into the restaurant's parking lot.

It wasn't until I'd put the car in park and was unbuckling my seat belt that Jasper shifted. He turned toward me and reached for my hand. I turned to face him, trying to mask the confusion I felt. When I met his gaze, he smiled softly. "I was wrong," he said simply.

I knew what those words cost him. At least, I knew as well as anyone who hadn't lived his past was able to understand. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat, but it was no use. I couldn't speak, so I smiled the best I could and then pulled him close, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His slipped around my waist, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. We sat that way for a time, simply holding each other, until I placed a kiss on his neck and lifted my head.

"Thank you," I whispered.

He shook his head. "Thank you."

We watched each other, mutual understanding passing between us, and then I smiled again, more steadily this time. "Come on," I said, nodding my head toward the restaurant.

He grinned, nodding. We climbed out of the car, and as we walked toward the front door, Jasper said, "You're gonna love this place."

The outside wasn't very promising, but I'd been with Jasper long enough to know he typically had great taste. He didn't disappoint this time either. As soon as we stepped inside, I couldn't believe it was the same building. The place looked like a palace, all rich wood and carvings and statues, and the smell was heavenly.

My mouth began to water as they led us to a table secluded by a screen. Jasper winked as he sat down across from me. "Told you."

Chuckling, I opened my menu and began debating, talking through options with Jasper. We settled on our choices and were ready when the waitress returned with our water. She took our order and left us alone, where we fell into easy conversation again.

It wasn't long before we worked around to Jasper's trip. I thought I knew most of it, but he started fiddling with his napkin, folding and unfolding it, playing with the corner. I frowned at him, unsure if I should ask or not. In the end, I decided to test our new boundaries and see if he really was as confident - as changed - as he seemed. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" I asked.

A smile flitted across his lips before he shook his head. "Nothing. I just... I was remembering a conversation I had with Chuck."

He was interrupted when our food arrived. The waitress dished up fragrant rice with tandoori chicken for us both and left plates of onion bhaji, saag aloo, and korma. A platter of naan completed the spread, and I had to chuckle as I surveyed our meal.

"Think our eyes were bigger than our stomachs," Jasper teased.

I nodded in agreement, but my eyes drifted shut as I inhaled deeply, savoring the spicy scents. When I opened my eyes again, Jasper was watching me with a quiet smile. There was something almost… proud in that look, and I returned his smile before picking up my fork. "So, what were you saying?"

"Oh," he said, frowning slightly as he glanced down at his plate. He picked up his fork and took a bite of rice, chewing slowly before sighing. "You remember that first night? When I told you I was pissed off at Chuck?"

I swallowed my chicken and took a sip of water before nodding.

"I was upset because… well, because he said something about you," he said cryptically.

I frowned. "Something about me?" I didn't even know the man. What the hell could he have said?

"Yeah. He..." Jasper coughed and took a sip of his water before grimacing. "Well, Emily sort of asked why you weren't there." I felt a smile flit across my lips at the thought that she'd been thinking of me, but it faded as I focused on what Jasper was clearly struggling to say. "And Chuck asked why you would be there - why I'd want to bring home a 'piece of tail' because Thanksgiving is for family."

The way he said it left me hanging, wondering what he'd said in return. It was such a contrast to the way my family knew everything about Jasper that it drove home again that he'd been hiding me from his family.

Jasper met my gaze then, and one corner of his mouth lifted into a crooked smile. "I lost it, I guess. I kind of went off on him at the dinner table, and..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "Well, I didn't say everything I wanted to say because Mama would've killed me, but he got the point."

I nodded slowly, eating without really tasting anything as I waited to hear the rest of Jasper's story. I reminded myself that these were all steps in the right direction - that he'd told his family about me, that he was telling me about Chuck. There was a time not long ago when that wouldn't have been the case.

"Anyway, he came up to me a few days later and asked me if we could talk. We went out on the porch, and it was..." Jasper shook his head, staring down at his plate with a slightly amazed smile. "I don't think we've ever really talked. Not like that. Not since we were little anyway. Even when I came out, he just didn't believe it. I guess he's been living in denial this whole time, and he finally just... listened."

I smiled and reached across the table to squeeze Jasper's hand. "I'm really glad to hear that." I didn't say it, but I couldn't imagine if Emmett had just dismissed me that way. It made me ache to know that Jasper had been living for so long without any support from some of the most important people in his life.

"He asked a lot of questions and apologized for calling you that. He wanted to know everything." Jasper paused then, looking across the restaurant with a pensive frown. "I didn't tell him about Paul," he muttered.

I sat there with him in silence until I'd counted ten breaths, and then I said, "It's okay, Jazz. It sounds like that was a lot for him to take in anyway. I know you'll get there someday."

He gave me a grateful smile and nodded again, mostly to himself. "He told me he loved me. I think it's the first time..." He glanced up, his brow furrowing. "Shit, maybe ever."

I hurt for him to know that Chuck was so distant. It was obvious from the look on Jasper's face and the tone of his voice that his brother meant the world to him. I couldn't imagine never knowing where I stood with someone I looked up to like that. It made me even more thankful that Emmett had always been open with his feelings - sometimes to a fault.

We resumed eating as the conversation turned to lighter topics, now that what sounded like the roughest part of Jasper's trip was out in the open. He told me he'd also talked to his mother - several times, apparently. She seemed to be as quietly stubborn as Jasper could be, and I chuckled at the thought of her going head-to-head with him, or Emily, for that matter.

He was telling me that she'd meant it when she said that Jasper was going to leave her my number. My eyes widened slightly at that, and he said, "Oh, yeah. You better be expecting a call, Princess. Part of the family now."

It was a casual, offhand comment, but my chest felt tighter and I knew my smile had to look utterly ridiculous. Jasper looked a little startled in turn, but he didn't say anything. His jaw worked for a second before he took a bite of korma, and a hush fell over the table.

He was the one to break the silence at last, clearing his throat before he said, "Hey... you're supposed to go back for Christmas. Right?"

I nodded, sighing at the thought of being apart from him again so soon. "Yeah, not as long, though. Just going down for a few days. Tanya's going to have her ultrasound. She wants me with her when she finds out what she's having."

"Oh." The disappointment in his voice was plain, and I looked up to study his face.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head, taking another bite and swallowing before he finally answered. "Nothing. Mom just asked…" He bit the inside of his cheek and studied me for a moment, pink climbing up his neck to his cheeks. "She and Dad always buy tickets for Emily and me to come home for Christmas. It's part of our present. She asked if she should buy another one this year."

My eyes widened. "Oh wow… I had no idea…"

Jasper shook his head again, reaching across to squeeze my hand. "No, Princess, it's fine. I told her I'd have to talk to you, and I knew you were planning to go home, too."

When he didn't say anything else, I frowned, studying his face. In truth, I wanted to say, _"Fuck it," _and tell him I'd absolutely go. I was incredibly touched that he'd even _want _me there, plus I was very curious about Jasper's family, especially Chuck. The only thing holding me back was my promise to Tanya, and it was a very tenuous hold at best.

"Let me talk to Tanya, and-"

"No, baby. It's okay. Really. It'll only be for a few days…"

I stared down at my plate, my mind suddenly in turmoil as I wondered if maybe he really didn't want me there at all. Did he seem relieved that I couldn't go? Was this just some sort of ploy so he could have time alone and still look good?

I felt sick as soon as the treacherous thoughts entered my head. The last thing I felt like doing was eating, but I couldn't look at him just then, so I stuffed a bite of chicken into my mouth and chewed slowly.

"Hey…" he murmured, nudging my leg with his. I looked up without really deciding to, and he was watching me closely with a worried expression. When I tried to look back down, he reached across the table and caught my chin. "Listen to me, Edward," he said sternly, taking some of the sting out of his words by brushing his thumb along my cheekbone. "I want you there. I want you to meet them and have them love you just like I do."

I couldn't help but smile at that, and he smiled softly in return.

"But this is just a few days, and I don't want you to miss out on _your _family. Tanya especially needs you. Besides, Christmas is always crazy, and you wouldn't get much time with them."

I made a noncommittal noise, unconvinced. His words were pretty, and I wanted desperately to believe them – which is exactly why I didn't. Kate was right. I _had_ grown skeptical.

The silence stretched between us as his hand fell away. He smiled timidly and nearly whispered, "I was kind of hoping… that is… I mean…" Grumbling under his breath, he inhaled deeply and then said, "Maybe we could plan a trip and take her up on the offer then?"

I absorbed his words, weighing his expression before I answered. His eyes were earnest - and even a little nervous - and it was that fear that made my decision. "That would be great, baby," I said, reaching across the table.

He slipped his hand into mine and squeezed my fingers with a smile. "Perfect," he said simply.

We went back to our meal then, talking more about Christmas plans and gifts. I was asking his advice on Emily when, suddenly, it hit me. "Hey, why don't we see if we can sign all of us up for more pottery classes or something?"

He was in the middle of chewing, and he paused thoughtfully, furrowing his brow. I wondered if maybe it was a stupid idea, but he took a drink of water and nodded, grinning broadly. "She would love that."

I couldn't help asking, "What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you mind that? Taking more classes with both of us, I mean?"

He looked at me strangely. "Are you really asking if I mind spending more time with you and my sister?"

"Well... yeah," I answered, feeling a little stupid. I couldn't shake the residual fear from early in our relationship, though - the one that warned me that Jasper might bolt if I crowded him.

The rueful expression on his face told me he understood at last. He shook his head, wiped his fingers on his napkin, and said, "No, I think it'll be a lot of fun."

He didn't directly answer my implied question, but I could tell that he'd understood and answered it in his own way. I let it go at that, trying to enjoy the assurances he'd given me without reading too much into everything.

We finished our lunch not long after, and Jasper grabbed the check before I could. I let my hand drop back on the table and simply said, "Thanks, baby."

"Of course," he answered. Then he winked and leaned across the table to brush a soft kiss against my lips. "That's what boyfriends do, right?" he breathed.

I had never felt more like a fourteen-year-old girl than I did just then, grinning like a fool at that phrase rolling off Jasper's tongue. "It is," I agreed.

After Jasper had settled the bill, we walked across the parking lot hand-in-hand. At my car, he stopped, pulling me close and wrapping his arms around my waist. We kissed leisurely, enjoying the afternoon sun despite the chill in the air. Every moment that we'd spent together since my plane landed had made it more and more apparent that I didn't feel whole without him there. In the relatively short time that we'd been together, my life had changed completely.

I hoped it was the same for him.

We stepped apart at last and climbed into the car to make our way to Jasper's apartment. We didn't spend much time there, just long enough for Jasper to throw some clothes into his duffel bag. Soon, we were back at my house, where we decided to settle in for a long, lazy afternoon in front of the fireplace.

He wanted to see my pictures, so I went into my office to start them downloading while he opened a bottle of wine in the kitchen. By the time I made it to the den, Jasper was sprawled on the floor, propped on one elbow with a glass of wine in his hand. His feet were bare, his hair in disarray, and he looked absolutely... perfect.

The rest of the day was spent talking, kissing, and caressing. We polished off the bottle of wine and dropped off the glasses in the kitchen on the way to the office to look at the pictures.

Jasper took Kate's desk chair while I sat in my own, and we gathered around the screen so I could show him pictures from this trip. He'd seen a lot of the area before, of course, so he was most interested in the pictures of my family. He smiled at the shots I'd taken of Tanya in the nursery, and he reached over to put his hand on my knee.

"You really need to go for Christmas," he said softly.

I glanced at him, and he gave a half-sheepish, half-mischievous grin. "I might've been arguing with myself," he added.

"You know if you want me there, I'll be there," I answered.

"I know," he said with a quiet smile. "And that's why it's okay if you aren't."

I watched him for a moment, working to understand what he wasn't saying. At last, I nodded and reached over, putting my hand on the back of his neck. I slid him closer, shifting so our legs were tangled, and I kissed him tenderly. I hoped he understood how much it meant to me that he wanted me there – and how much I wished like hell I hadn't promised Tanya I'd be with her.

When we finished going through the countless pictures I'd taken again, we debated what we wanted to do for the night. We tossed around the idea of going out dancing, but as much as I loved the way Jasper looked and felt when he danced, I was tired and selfish and really just wanted to _be_ with him. I told him so, and he said, "Well, that sounds just about perfect to me…"

He took my hand and led me to the den, where he sat me on the couch and went over to my entertainment center. I watched in amusement as he rifled through my DVD collection, picked out the _Stargate Atlantis _disc we were on, and popped it into the player.

He wandered back to the couch and stretched out, resting his head in my lap. I chuckled as I ran my fingers through his hair. "You really don't mind staying in?"

"Nope," he answered, turning his head to peek up at me. "Been waiting all week to hang out with you. Besides… you just give me a little bit longer, and we might be trying out that little toy of yours."

I laughed and leaned down to kiss him. He turned to face me more fully, reaching up to tangle his fingers in my hair as his lips parted mine. He moaned softly, but before I could take things any further, my phone rang in my pocket. I was all set to ignore it, but Jasper pulled away. "Said to give me a little bit," he teased. "Might as well answer that."

I pouted at him, but he just laughed, so I sighed and pulled the phone out. It rang again as I stared at the name on the display.

_Alistair._

My first instinct was to send it to voicemail and put the phone to the side, but I wondered what Jasper would make of that. He'd been so confident since I got back… would it last if he thought I was hiding something from him?

I licked my lips. "It's Alistair."

"Oh?" Jasper sat up, sliding to his end of the couch. He didn't look upset, exactly, but there was a slight hunch to his shoulders that I didn't like. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

I bit back a sigh.

_Damned if I do… damned if I don't._

What decided it for me was that I knew Alistair would just call again if I didn't answer. I didn't want him to ruin our night, so I slid down to Jasper's end of the couch and rested my hand on his knee as I answered. "Hello?"

"_Edward, love! How are you?"_

"Hey, Alistair… I'm doing great. How are you?"

I was intensely aware of the way Jasper was tensed beside me. His eyes were trained on the TV, but everything about him spoke of his discomfort. I wished I could find out what, exactly, was on his mind. So often before, he'd surprised me with what he was thinking. Unfortunately, I couldn't really find out until I was finished with this phone call.

I only half-listened as Alistair mentioned his recent tour of Italy, going on about the places he'd visited. His words conjured memories of the time the two of us had spent there, which was certainly something I didn't want to think about just then. It had been a happier time for us, but it was long since past.

It wasn't until he said, _"So I was hoping I could see you. Maybe next Friday?"_ that I tuned in again.

"I'm sorry?" I said, sitting up straighter. "You cut out there for a minute…"

I squeezed Jasper's knee when he shifted, and he finally acknowledged me, reaching down to take my hand. I chanced a glance at him, and he gave a half-hearted smile.

"_I said they're sending me to Boston next week. I was really hoping to see you."_

Alistair's annoyance that my attention wasn't fully focused on him was apparent. "Oh," I said dumbly, glancing at Jasper again. "Well, we can probably do that. Let me talk to Jasper, and I'll call you back?"

"_Jasper? That the bloke you were dating?"_

I felt heat rising: anger, at both him and myself. I'd told him about Jasper many times, but he just never seemed to get it. At the same time, we'd been through so much together that I'd never really been able to just cut Alistair out of my life. Not completely. It was something I didn't fully understand myself. Kate, on the other hand, had made her opinion clear.

"Yes," I said simply, unwilling to get into an argument with him while Jasper was sitting right beside me – especially an argument that would make it sound as though I'd been hiding Jasper.

Then Alistair proved me wrong. He _had_ been listening – he just didn't like what he'd heard. _"Are you two doing better, then?"_

"Yes," I said once more, leaning over to kiss the top of Jasper's head. He settled against me, resting his head on my shoulder with his arm thrown across my lap. I smiled at the feeling even as I listened to the silence on the other end of the line.

"_I'm happy to hear that,"_ he said at last, sounding anything but. _"You deserve to be happy."_ That last sounded more sincere, but I knew him well enough to hear the disappointment and hurt in his voice.

It was that vulnerability, so rarely shown, that had always gotten me. "Thank you," I said at last. "Let me talk to him, and I'll call you back?"

"_Yeah, okay,"_ he answered, slightly confused. I could understand – I'd never brought someone else to lunch. This was a first in a lot of ways, and I knew it wasn't at all what Alistair had had in mind when he'd called to ask. If anything, he was hoping for dinner, dancing, and fucking, even though I'd told him there was no way in hell I was going to be his friend with benefits – and I'd stuck to that.

It didn't stop him from trying, though.

Still, he'd called and extended the invitation, and I intended to use it to show him that we were over. Completely. Whatever feelings I'd had for him had long since changed, and even the loneliness and yearning that had left him with a fighting chance were gone.

We exchanged goodbyes and hung up the phone. I tossed it onto the coffee table and then turned to face Jasper. "You okay, baby?"

He nodded but didn't look at me, so I reached out and turned his face to mine. He sighed and then leaned in, kissing me softly.

I wasn't going to let him get away with not answering, so I kissed him back but then gently pulled away. "Talk to me."

_Don't let something build up until you explode again_.

He swallowed and then took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry. I know it's stupid…"

"I get it, Jasper. Al and I dated for a long time… it's normal to be a little upset."

"Yeah?" he asked with an endearing innocence.

"Yeah." I smiled. "There's no reason to be, though. I promise. So, I don't know how much you heard, but he's coming into town next week. He wanted to get together for lunch." Jasper frowned, and it took me a moment to figure out why. "I want you to go," I added quickly.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do." I reached up to cup his cheek, wanting to make sure he was looking at me when I said, "I want to introduce him to my boyfriend."

Jasper's cheeks blushed a light pink, and he glanced down, but when he looked up again, he was smiling. "Okay," he said, "I think I can do that. When?"

"Alistair mentioned next Friday... could you maybe do lunch or something?"

He glanced up and to the right, apparently going over his mental calendar. "Yeah, that should work. I don't have any meetings scheduled then." He hesitated, and I squeezed his hand, silently encouraging him to speak up. "Would you go if I couldn't?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because... I don't know, Jazz. I know I wouldn't be happy if you went out with a guy you used to date, especially someone you dated as long as Alistair and I did. It's just... probably not a good idea." I shrugged. "Nothing would happen either way, but I wouldn't want you to worry that it would. Does that make sense?"

He nodded slowly, frowning down at his hands on his knees. I knew where his mind had gone - back to Jason, to the worries and doubts that I carried. Unfortunately, it was a very real part of our history. I never wanted Jasper to have to feel that way, not with me.

Apparently, Jasper's mind wasn't exactly where mine was, though, because his next statement caught me off guard.

"I used to sit at home and worry," Jasper said cryptically. He still wouldn't look up, but something told me to leave him alone this time. "About Paul, I mean. He'd go out with his... friends... and I always wondered if there was something else going on." Finally, he raised his eyes to mine. "There was. With a few of them."

I swallowed against the angry lump in my throat. "You won't have to worry about that with me. Ever. I promise you that."

A smile flitted across his lips as he nodded, letting me know he understood. He didn't make mention of it again, though. He just said, "Call him back and let him know that's okay?" When I reached toward the table to pick up my phone, he added mischievously, "And tell him I said hi."

I chuckled, but all I said was, "You got it, baby." I hit the button to call Alistair back, and it rang several times before he answered. He still sounded a little down, but I was surprised - and happy - to realize that the happiness of the man beside me was more important. The problem with a lot of the guys I'd tried to date since Alistair was that they... weren't. He'd always trumped them, but now he'd been completely eclipsed by Jasper.

The thought put a smile on my face as I told him that we'd be there next Friday. He said, _"No chance I can see just you? I miss you, Ed."_

I paused for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to answer that. Finally, I said, "I want you to meet Jasper. I think you'll like him... it's important to me."

He made the little exasperated, indulgent sigh I'd heard too often while we were together. _"Very well. I'll see you and this Jasper on the twelfth. Call me if you change your mind?"_

I rolled my eyes, frustrated by his complete refusal to hear what I was saying. "Yeah, okay. Have a safe trip."

I knew I was being a little short with him, but I couldn't make myself care enough to apologize. I was more than a little pissed off with the way he seemed to refuse to understand that I'd moved on.

Just like so often before, Alistair caught my mood and hurried to change it. I used to think he did it out of caring, but I'd learned - with Kate's help - that there was more than a little manipulation in it. He told me he was looking forward to meeting Jasper and asked if there was anything he should bring. I told him no, that we would meet him at the restaurant, and he gave me his travel plans, which included a stay at his favorite hotel in town.

As the conversation was winding down, he said, _"If you get a chance, I'd love to take you to the Museum of Fine Arts while I'm in town. The Japanese ink paintings so remind me of you and your tattoos. I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts."_

I bit the inside of my cheek, both annoyed and distantly impressed that he'd taken the time to look up the exhibits in Boston. The one he mentioned was one I wanted to take Jasper to see because it was definitely something I thought we'd both enjoy. To Alistair, though, I said, "We can talk about it over lunch, okay?"

He sighed, and I could sense he was devising his next argument, so I took the opportunity to say, "Jasper says hi, by the way."

At last, he seemed to admit defeat and said a little stuffily, _"Tell him I said hello. Take care of yourself, Edward. I'll see you soon."_

I hung up the phone and threw it onto the coffee table a little harder than I meant to. Jasper put his hand on my knee as I sat back.

"You okay over there, Princess?" he asked gruffly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. Sometimes he really knows how to piss me off."

"What'd he do?"

I sighed and tried to think of how to explain, but everything I came up with sounded stupid. "Nothing, really," I said at last. "I remembered something, though."

I turned to Jasper, forcing a smile that became more genuine as I looked at him. "Some friends of mine are having a Christmas party next Saturday. Will you go with me?"

He thought about it for a moment before he nodded. "Should be fun."

I couldn't tell if he was nervous or not, so I said, "You already know some of them. Seth and Embry will be there, and so will Garrett and Kate."

From Jasper's thoughtful pause, I could tell he was thinking. I gave him some time, and finally he said, "Does she hate me?"

"Kate?" I asked, surprised. "No, not at all."

Jasper raised one eyebrow skeptically.

"She was pissed..." I admitted slowly. "For a while. But she knows I love you and you love me."

His smile seemed a little sad, and I reached over to turn his face more toward mine. "I think showing up before dawn in the freezing cold went a long way with her."

He grinned at last, blushing slightly as he looked down and nodded. I shifted to my knees, pressing my fists into the couch as I kissed him. It was soft at first, sweet, but as our lips met, he moaned quietly and reached up, fisting the collar of my shirt. I laughed as I sat back, loving the silly grin on his face.

"We still have an episode to finish," I reminded him playfully, nodding to the screen.

He made a face at me but turned and hit the play button. As the scene jumped into action again, he settled half into my lap, reclining against my chest. He idly stroked my thigh as we watched, talking occasionally about what was on the screen. It felt great to be with him that way again, and I grew relaxed and a little tired from the long day.

When it ended, he turned the TV off instead of starting the next episode. He turned in my arms to kiss me gently. "You hungry?"

I shook my head immediately, still full from the earlier ridiculous meal. "You?"

He said, "Nah... I'm a little tired, though. How about you? You look kinda beat."

He ran his fingers through my hair, and something about the concerned look on his face got to me. I smiled broadly and leaned down, kissing him thoroughly. When I pulled away, I whispered, "How about a shower, Cuddles? Or a bath?"

"Mmm... shower..." he murmured. "Got plans for you, and a bath'll just put me to sleep."

That was all I needed to hear. I stood up, pulling him to his feet, and he was laughing as he followed behind me up the stairs. We turned off lights on the way; I fully intended to spend the rest of the night in my bedroom, even if it was still a little early.

We walked into the bathroom with both of us knowing where this was heading. I turned on the water and then leaned against the counter, pulling Jasper to stand between my legs. We kissed languidly, our hands slowly removing clothing as palms skimmed bare flesh. He felt so goddamn good, even better than I remembered, and I just wanted more.

Always more.

My shirt hit the floor as Jasper's hands slid down, forcing me to stand as he cupped my ass. His kisses grew harder, more forceful, and I hissed as he caught my tongue ring between his teeth. He grinned, keeping me pinned as he finished undressing me. He let me go at last, only to shed his clothes and take my hand, leading me to the shower.

As soon as we stepped beneath the warm spray, his hands were on me again. They caressed my ass, my back, slipping down my arms. His fingers tangled with mine only to let go again and tease their way up my thighs. The whole time, his lips were tasting me, peppering my skin with delicious bursts of heat heightened by the sting of his teeth.

Reaching behind him, he blindly grabbed my soap and lathered his hands. My eyes rolled back when the slippery warmth of his hands closed around my hardening cock. I leaned back against the cold shower wall and straightened quickly again.

"Fuck," I whispered, laughing softly as I worked to relax again. Jasper gave me no time to recover, slipping his hand beneath my balls. No inch of my skin was left untouched, and he massaged my aching muscles as he cleaned me thoroughly. I couldn't help laughing again when he cleaned between my toes, tickling me inadvertently. He smiled up at me, and the sight of him on his knees made my breath catch.

He licked his lips, his hand drifting up to stroke my cock. I couldn't stifle my groan when he murmured, "Not yet."

He just laughed at my pout and stood up, kissing along my jaw. "Oh, I'll be taking very good care of you. I swear it." His hands traced my ribs before coming to rest on my hips. "For now, though... turn around."

He ignored my questioning look, turning me forcefully when I didn't move fast enough. He kissed along my shoulders, biting as he raised my hands and put them flat against the shower wall. I felt a slight breeze as he knelt again, and then his slick fingers were slipping down my ass, pressing against my entrance.

Every brush of his tongue told me he was focused entirely on me. There was something sensual and commanding and submissive all at once in the attention he paid to me. His hands reached around my hips, touching every sensitive place on my body as he urged me on.

When my hips began rocking and I was breathlessly begging for some sort of release, Jasper shifted away instead, making me want to cry in frustration. He bit my ass hard enough to make me jump and then stood up, turning me around quickly. He pressed me against the wall, kissing me passionately, and I couldn't get enough of the feeling of his hard body against mine.

I could tell he had to be just as frustrated, just as close, as I was, so I reached out blindly, shutting off the water and opening the door. We didn't break our kiss as we stepped out, and we dried off hastily before stumbling toward my bed. When we got there, Jasper stopped me suddenly and whispered, "Can you do something for me?"

"Anything you want, baby." My voice was breathless and gruff as I pulled back to look at him.

He grinned impishly. "Show me that little toy of yours?"

My eyes widened, and I took a small step back. "Which one?"

He chuckled lowly, his eyes smoldering. "You know which one."

I did. Without answering, I went to my suitcase and unzipped it, pulling out the wooden case and bringing it back to him. Jasper took it from me and opened it slowly, his eyes widening at the weight when he lifted the stainless steel arch. "Show me," he whispered.

"I love you," I answered. If he thought it was odd, he didn't comment. He just kissed me with a smile and then stepped back, sliding onto the bed and resting on my pillow. He'd told me he'd never done anything like this before, and a strange reverence lingered in the air. This was another step for him, albeit a much more erotic one.

Just as he had with me in the shower, I took my time with him. Once the toy was slicked with lube, I moved to kneel between his knees, kissing my way up his calves to his thighs. He reached down, threading his fingers in my hair, and I could feel a slight tension in his touch.

"It's okay, baby," I whispered softly. "I would never hurt you."

"I know," he said simply.

His trust touched me and made me more determined to make this amazing for him. I lowered myself, moving to all fours as I rested on my elbows. I pressed the cool metal ball against his beautiful ass, tempting him with it and letting him know what was coming. I took his cock in one hand, humming in appreciation at how stiff he was already.

As I stroked him, I pressed against his entrance, penetrating him ever-so-slowly. He inhaled sharply, pressing his heels into the mattress as his hips lifted slightly. I murmured wordlessly, making soothing sounds as I flatted my hand against his abdomen. He relaxed at my touch, and I leaned down to reward him with a kiss on the head of his cock.

He moaned then, his grip on my hair tightening, and I smiled at the silent encouragement. I eased the toy further before pulling it out, only to return again. He whispered, "Holy fuck, that feels good..."

I glanced up at him, enjoying the blissful surprise on his face. His eyes were open, focused on me, and I held his gaze as I began to pump the steel arch into him rhythmically. His lips parted as he adjusted to the unusual intrusion, and then he nodded. "More..."

"Whatever you want, babe," I answered softly, lowering my mouth to his cock as I sheathed the toy fully. I heard his head fall back on the pillow, and his hands fell away from my hair. My lips hit the base of his shaft as I flatted my tongue and swallowed around his head.

His moan was loud and low. "It's so fucking _hard_."

"Mmhmm," I hummed, teasing him with my teeth. I knew what he was feeling - the strange smoothness, the absolutely unrelenting hardness. It was beyond anything natural, and while it wasn't necessarily better, the difference made it unbelievable. Especially the first time.

He began panting, calling out my name amid curses and moans. His excitement was palpable, a force that infused the room with something close to euphoria. I wanted to taste it, to push him over the edge and feel him fall apart at my hands - and lips.

With that desire in mind, I intensified my attentions, quickening my rhythm and teasing the head of his cock with my tongue ring. He whimpered as the sensation of smooth steel against so many places sent him into overload, and I decided to add one more. I reached up with my left hand, pulling the barbell through his nipple as my right hand rocked the steel arch into him again and again.

My mouth never slowed, licking and sucking and praying wordlessly that I could bring him to those heights before he stopped me. As much as I loved making love to Jasper, I wanted _this_ right now.

His mumblings became incoherent. His hips thrust quickly, erratically, tiny movements that forced the steel ball deeper, hitting him just so. I found myself chanting in time with his whimpers, wordlessly begging him to let go.

When he began panting, "Oh god, oh god, oh god," I wrapped my hand back around the base of his cock, pumping him quickly as I let his head batter my lips. I felt his ass clench, his knees tightening around my chest, and then he called out, nearly screaming, "Fuck!"

His entire body was tensed before he suddenly collapsed, falling back on the mattress. I hummed as I swallowed everything he offered, relishing the salty taste of his release. It had been too long.

He was breathing heavily, his arms and legs splayed around me as I stroked him down gently. He looked utterly spent, and he groaned pitifully when I slipped the toy away from him. I couldn't help grinning with pride as I looked down at him, sated and beautiful.

As I watched, the fingers of his right hand twitched feebly and then again more forcefully. I realized he was beckoning to me, even with his eyes closed. I chuckled lowly and moved to lie beside him, resting my hand on his chest as I kissed a line along his jaw. He stirred then, turning to face me. He kissed me softly with lips dry from panting before he licked them and opened his eyes.

"No words," he mumbled, smiling stupidly when I grinned at him.

"Good," I answered. He heard the satisfaction in my voice and laughed softly. He wrapped his arms around me a little awkwardly and ran his hand up and down my side, caressing me sweetly.

I could tell it wouldn't be long before he was out completely, so I sat up and did a quick job of clearing away the remnants of our activity. I slipped back beside him and tossed the covers over us, trying to will away my own erection. I was too happy to see him so completely relaxed and spent at my hands to want to disturb him.

I planned to just fall asleep beside him, but I'd no sooner settled in than he rolled away, tossing back the covers as he fumbled around on the floor. I couldn't figure out what he was doing, but then he stumbled to the bathroom, presumably to take a leak. I heard the water running and the sound of the toilet flushing, so I lay there with my eyes closed, working on relaxing.

I heard him come back in the room, but when he didn't crawl back into bed, I opened my eyes. I found him standing beside the bed, naked, with his tie in one hand and the sex toy in the other. "What's the matter, Jazz?"

"You don't really think you're going to sleep right now, do you?" he asked.

I frowned up at him. "What are you doing with your tie?"

He grinned at me then, mischievous and sexy as hell. "Doing something about those goddamn wicked, tempting hands of yours..."

"What are you talking about?"

He didn't answer. He just tossed the covers off of me and then climbed onto the bed, straddling my thighs as he reached for my hands. He moved them up over my head as he kissed me passionately, moaning at the taste of himself on my lips. He teased my barbell with the tip of his tongue, reigniting every feeling I'd tried to suppress. I lifted my shoulders, craning my neck to deepen our kiss, and he chuckled as he pulled away.

I felt him begin wrapping his tie around my wrists and moaned in anticipation. "Oh hell, Jazz..."

He tied my wrists together, but when I slid my arms around his shoulders and kissed him, he clucked his tongue and teased, "I said we had to do something about those hands."

Before I could ask, he leaned over, searching on the floor for something. I heard the clink of his belt buckle, and then he sat up with a triumphant smirk on his face. He stretched over me, looping the belt around my joined wrists before securing it to the headboard. I tugged against my bonds experimentally, feeling a surge of excitement when I realized I truly was stuck.

And at his mercy.

"Now," he said, and I saw him reach to his right to pick up the steel arch. "Let's see if I can use this thing as well as you can, hmm?" I raised both eyebrows, and he leaned down, biting my bottom lip. "Don't worry, Princess. I'm a quick study."

The cool metal brushed against my wrist, and I felt droplets of water as he shifted to move down my body. I remembered the sound of the water running in the bathroom, and it all came together for me. "You planned this," I accused.

"Actually, I'd planned to ask you to fuck me... but you and that sexy mouth and fucking amazing hands... well, you make it too damn hard to think straight. Not this time, though. This time, you're all mine."

I bit back a smile, enjoying this confident, commanding side of his personality. I gave in and let him develop our roles as he kissed all over my body, ordering me to stay still, to turn this way, to bend my legs. His teeth stung my nipple, making me hiss in the best way. When his hand drifted over my ribs, he sat back, staring down at me as his fingertips traced the Escher inked into my skin. I watched as he lowered his body to reverently brush his lips along the tattoo.

He never spoke, but I heard his thoughts all the same.

The regret and love were perfectly clear on his face. Without thinking, I tried to reach out to cup his cheek, and my arms jerked against my bonds. The movement drew his eye, and his smile became deliciously wicked. Just that quickly, he was back in the mood, and he set about much the same way I had, teasing me with the lubed toy. He played with me a little more, heightening the anticipation by slipping the arch between my cock and my abdomen and slipping it up and down, brushing me from head to base with the cool metal.

I made a small noise of discontent, nearly pouting as I shifted my hips and whispered, "Please, Jasper."

His eyes flickered to mine, and one corner of his mouth lifted. "You want this?" he asked, letting the steel ball slide between my ass cheeks, just brushing the place I wanted it most. When I nodded, he leaned down and kissed the crease between my thigh and balls. "You sure?"

"Fuck, Jazz, please," I begged, making his smile widen.

He relented, penetrating me at the same time he bit my thigh. I groaned loudly, pleading and encouraging as he worked his way deeper, inch by inch. I knew the feeling intimately, of course, but it was different not being the one in control. I found I really liked it - never knowing which way it would move or when that movement would come. Jasper played with me, setting a stuttering rhythm that left me guessing... and panting.

At first, he didn't touch my cock. Instead, his free hand brushed my thighs and played along my abdomen, tracing muscle and finding creases. It wasn't until I began rocking my hips, finding my own rhythm, that he took me deeply in his mouth without warning.

"Oh holy fuck," I breathed, my head falling back on the pillow with my mouth gaping as my eyes closed. I couldn't think. Not at all, not anymore. Instead, I just felt: heat and pressure and perfection. There was the abrasion of teeth and the silk of tongue and lips, the rigidity of metal and the suppleness of skin.

Jasper knew how to touch me like no one else ever had. He paid attention to every sound I made, adjusting when he heard the hiss bordering on pain or the moan nearing ecstasy. In a matter of moments, I felt myself spiraling out of control, and a part of me wanted to slow down, just to enjoy the feeling for a while longer.

Forever, if I could.

But there was no stopping it, no slowing down the growing tide of sensations. My arms strained against my bonds, the fabric tightening against my wrists as I tried desperately to touch Jasper. Since I couldn't feel him that way, I spread my legs wider, bending my knees so my feet were resting on his ass as he was sprawled on the bed between my legs.

His mouth was working furiously, licking my balls, sucking my shaft, teasing my head. I couldn't even give a warning before I felt my hot release spilling into his mouth, my cock pulsing and my thighs quivering. He swallowed around me, making me jerk and call out wordlessly at the unexpected feeling on my sensitive skin.

When he pulled away, he licked every last drop and sat back on his heels, his hands massaging my thighs. I hadn't even noticed when he slipped the toy away, so lost was I in the moment.

Finally, I opened my eyes, lifting my head as I tried to find him. He laughed breathlessly and shifted forward, straddling my waist as he untied me. When my arms were free again, I grabbed him by the hips and flipped him onto his back, lying between his legs as I kissed him senseless.

He hummed as we parted, and I whispered gruffly, "You're amazing."

He smiled up at me, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist, "So are you."

**ooOoo**

**A/N:** Due to Real Life playing interference, we decided to take a break and have a tentative posting date for July 3rd. Barring any further crisis, we hope to be back on track then. If anything changes, we will be sure to post to the blog and on twitter, so be sure to follow both.

In the mean time, **The Twilight No Stress Love Fest** is happening again. Check out the prompts and dive in. Think _Summer_; think _Love_.

http:/ twi-love-fest (dot) livejournal (dot) com/ 12432 (dot) html

You have until June 30th to submit your fics or artwork. Have fun!


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